Most Bizarre Sports Entertainment League

[RPS]

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF DALLAS DARKE

PART #1 : RISE TO FAME

The MBSEL, the creation of DALLAS DARKE, the company he rose to success. But not soon after he found success, he did find TRAGEDY. At the first ever MBSEL PPV, DALLAS DARKE found himself overrun by three forces of evil... JOHN KERRY, THE DUCK and CALEB DARKE. They formed a rival promotion named the DUCK WRESTLING ALLIANCE, or D.W.A. They signed every worker the MBSEL had to offer and had a television deal.

But as soon as the promotion was in the hands of the three, it seemed it was on the brink of a dictatorship. In one hell of a match, GEORGE BUSH defeated JOHN KERRY to win one third of the D.W.A. The next night on D.W.A. DUCK YOU, CALEB DARKE was bought out of his portion of the company and GEORGE BUSH was killed by THE DUCK, the sole owner of the comapny.

DALLAS DARKE wouldn't give up hope. No way in hell would he. He came back striking, with the MBSEL rejuvenated and ready to fight. The redebut of MBSEL WEDNESDAY NIGHT WANK-FEST started a feud between the two companies. CALEB DARKE bought a country, but soon found the Americans were after him. CALEB made a plea with his nemesis and brother DALLAS DARKE to start-up a federation they owned called CANADIAN-DARKE WRESTLING ALLIANCE or CDWA. DALLAS DARKE rejected the plea.

THE DUCK made a power move and aligned himself with some of the biggest corporations around the world including NIKE, COKE-COLA, PEPSI and MCDONALDS. THE DUCK COMMONWEALTH OF CORPORATIONS was established and NANCY CATALOGUE, a transsexual became GENERAL MANAGER of the D.W.A.

CALEB DARKE traveled to IRAQ where he found outcasted American THE MANGO KID and a few other wrestlers. A new promotion forged from the depths of a nation torn apart by WAR... ILLEGAL WRESTLING ALLEGIANCE! But they have a business relationship with AL QUEADA, opposition of the Americans.

The final stage of PART #1: THE MBSEL RISE TO FAME was the D.W.A. Pay-Per-View entitled 'YOUR MOM HAS A LOOSE VAGINA', in which it seems many storyline prominent in D.W.A were progressed. Cliff-hangers were established for the fans as we wouldn't return to the face of D.W.A, MBSEL or IWA for a while.

PART #2 : CHRIS FLARE DRINKS POISON

DALLAS DARKE hails CHRIS FLARE of the savior of wrestling to TNA management... and they believe it. They hire him on the spot and give him full, absolute control over the company and it's direction. Little do they know, CHRIS FLARE is oblivious to the wrestling business and has a cocaine addiction. Mix that with his motive for taking over TNA, to completely destroy it, and you have some damn good entertainment.

Will CHRIS FLARE kill TNA? Or will his attempt's be for absolutely nothing? Read away and watch as he depushes AJ STYLES and gives LEX LUGER about 3 runs with the title. Seriously.

Through all of this, the readers learn of DARKE'S pass demons, including molesting and murdering a young boy. With the help of FLARE and some others, DALLAS DARKE hides the crime and keeps it hidden deep underneath his core. Or does he...?

And the loyal readers of the PUNKROCKPETE UNIVERSE will learn about the fate of the WWE. What ever happened to the number one promotion in AMERICA?

Well, PUNKROCKPETE killed the WWE folks. Shortly after CHRIS FLARE drove NWA-TIT into the bankrupt, it was learnt that WWE had been interfering in Federal Affairs... namely the war on IRAQ. With the revelation, PUNKROCKPETE was awarded a huge sum of money. With this money, DALLAS DARKE fooled the biggest names in the wrestling business to join a fake wrestling company, forcing them to be locked into the contracts for twenty years.

And DARKE created MOST BIZARRE SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE. And the rest... well, it is either history or to be explained.

PART #3 : DANGER, DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE

Danger, Danger High Voltage is the story of the three largest promotions in the year 2004, IWA, DWA and MBSEL. After seeing how we came to this platform, we see the struggle between the three groups. But a return of epic proporition forces a promotion to it's knees...

And to be DESTROYED!

PART #4 : THE ROOTS OF RADICALS

DALLAS DARKE AND THE COLLECTIVE find themselves on the independent wrestling scene within CANADA.

PART #5 : THE APPARENTLY FINAL FRONTIER

The apparent END to the saga... but not really.

PART #6 : THE EARLY DARKE

PART #7 : ILLEGAL HAS-BEEN

PART #8 : THE FINAL FRONTIER

Edited April 8, 2005 by PunkRockPete

[writeeagle]

This sounds so stupid I might actually read it.

I say, you should push Moe the Midget to the World Title!

EDIT: I meant stupid in a good way ;-)

Edited September 19, 2004 by jfazoli000

[tristy]

You have to push AIDSMon. Seriously. It's fucking money in the bank, dude.

[Nick Adams]

Hmm...crazy enough to work, though I'm taking a wild guess that this is TEW, with one of the real-world updates, utilizing all created characters.

[Hellfire]

NAME :  The Black Guy

GIMMICK : Token black character.

IMPORTANT FACTS : Watch out, he'll steal your stereo!

[Huss Delgado]

Push Ant-Man!

[RPS]

Most Bizarre Sports Entertainment League

or MBSEL

OWNER: Dallas Darke

ROSTER

HEELS

Robbie California

Sidney Liar

Matty Matterson

Flint

Tyone Jackson

Fabulous

Magnificent

Hien

Himler

Ray Morris

Jimmy Rebel

FACES

Mr. Inadequate

The Black Guy

Coral Fang

Wesley "Glass-Eating" Glass

Adam Goldberg

Jewish Rapper

Laura Lowblow

Jordan Benjamin

Miranda Darke

Reggie Phillis

TWEENERS

Dallas Darke

Chris Flare

Doc Morrison

STABLES

Darke Days [Dallas Darke, Chris Flare, Robbie California, Tyrone Jackson]

TAG TEAMS

Hairdressers [Fabulous and Magnificent]

Lesbian's With Attitude [Miranda Darke and Jordan Benjamin]

Protest Squad [Jimmy Rebel and Johnny Renegade]

Team Germany [Hien and Himler]

The Jewish Street Team [Jewish Rapper and Adam Goldberg]

ACTIVE TITLE HISTORY

MBSEL KILL-A-BABY TAG-TEAM TITLE

CURRENT CHAMPIONS :VACATED {week #10}

Team Generic {beat Sodomy and the Bible, week #5}

Sodomy and the Bible {won in a 4 Way Dance, week #2}

MBSEL DALLAS DARKE APPRECIATION TITLE

CURRENT CHAMPION: Mr. Inadequate {won 3 way dance, week #21}

Dallas Darke {beat Michael Jackson, week #8}

Michael Jackson {beat Dallas Darke, week #5}

Dallas Darke {won in a Battle Royale, week #4}

MBSEL PERSEVERANCE IN EXCELLENT TAG-TEAM WRESTLING TITLE TITLE

CURRENT CHAMPIONS: Vacated {week #10}

Lobster & Hand Solo {beat Mehitler and Colorado, week #5}

Mehitler and Colorado {awarded to them, week #5}

MBSEL ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG TITLE

CURRENT CHAMPION: : VACATED {week #10}

Moe {beat Johnny Colorado, week #9}

RETIRED or NONACTIVE TITLE HISTORY

MBSEL JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE

CURRENT CHAMPION : INACTIVE {last champion, The Mango Kid}

The Mango Kid {beat Johnny Colorado, week #7}

Johnny Colorado {won in a 4 Way Dance, week #5}

Julian Snakes {beat Suicidal Patrick, week #4)

Suicidal Patrick {won in a 4 Way Dance, week #4}

101010101010 {beat Johnny Colorado, week #4)

Johnny Colorado {beat Antman, week #3}

Antman {beat Johnny Colorado, week #2)

Johnny Colorado {beat Lobster, week #2)

Lobster {won a Battle Royale, week #1)

DUCK WRESTLING ALLIANCE

or D.W.A

OWNERS: Duck Commonwealth of Corporations

ROSTER

HEELS

The Duck

Nancy Catalogue

Julian Snakes

The Pineapple Kid

Johnny Colorado

The Magical Drunk Truck Driver Also Known As Moop

Ronald Feature

Rene Feature

Rodney Feature

Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band

Carlos Catholic

Salvadore Seizures

Wendell Mehitler

Eleinfant Killer

Tigelder Murderer

Owen Hart

FACES

Eminem

Michael Jackson

Lobster

Chyna

X-Pac

Ron Jeremy

Frank Reynolds

Colby Colorado

Dave The Weather Man

Herald Agnes

Triple L {2401}

The Man

Medium Chaos

Big Chaos

Little Chaos

Ted the Zombie

Patrick the Zombie

Maria The Update Woman

Moe

TWEENERS

Mike Smith

Gene Smith

Cal Smith

Earl Smith

Hank Smith

STABLES

Allies of Virtue [Ronald "Triple Champ" Feature, Gene Smith, Earl Smith, Rodney Feature, Rene Feature, Mary Smith]

Axies of Misery [Mike Smith, Eleinfant Killer, Cal Smith, Hank Smith, Tigelder Murderer]

Chaos Club [big Chaos, Little Chaos, Medium Chaos]

The Forces of Evil [ The Duck, Julian Snakes, Nancy Catalogue, Wendell Mehitler]

TAG-TEAM

Christian Rock Group {Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band and Carlos Catholic}

Chaos Bros [big and Little Chaos]

The Zombies [Ted and Patrick the Zombies]

Better Off Dead [Cancerous Carl and Salvador Seizure]

ACTIVE TITLES

D.W.A I-POD TITLE

CURRENT CHAMPIONS : Ronald Feature {beat Little Chaos, week #11}

D.W.A FEMALE TITLE

CURRENT CHAMPIONS : Sally The Quarter Whore {beat Maria The Update Woman, week #11}

D.W.A PEANUT BUTTER AND JAM SANDWICH TAG-TEAM TITLE

CURRENT CHAMPIONS : Ronald Feature & Gene Smith {displaced Mike Smith, week #13}

Team Generic {won 4 way dance, week #11}

D.W.A SATANISM TITLE

CURRENT CHAMPIONS : Ronald Feature {won Battle Royale, week #21}

Triple H {beat Mike Smith, week #21}

Mike Smith {beat Cal Smith, week #21}

Cal Smith {beat Mike Smith, week #21}

Mike Smith {beat Ronald Feature, week #21}

Ronald Feature {beat Chyna, week #21}

Chyna {beat X-Pac, week #21}

X-Pac {won Sudden Death, week #21}

Wendell Mehitler {beat Harold Agnes, week #21}

Harold Agnes {beat Little Chaos, week #17}

Little Chaos {beat Ronald Feature, week #15}

Ronald Feature {won 3 way dance, week #12}

D.W.A CELL-PHONES ARE FOR PRICKS TAG-TEAM TITLE

CURRENT CHAMPIONS : The Superheroes {beat Better Off Dead, week #12}

D.W.A THE ACE TITLE

CURRENT CHAMPION : Chyna {beat Johnny Colorado, week #17}

NONACTIVE OR RETIRED TITLES

NONE

Illegal Wrestling Allegiance

Or IWA

OWNERS: Caleb Darke, the Mango Kid, Al Quaeda

ROSTER

HEELS

Caleb Darke

The Mango Kid

Jahaad

Dan Spitz

Vicious

Anthrax

FACES

The Heart Attack Kid

TWEENERS

None

STABLES

None

TAG-TEAMS

None

ACTIVE TITLES

None

IN-ACTIVE TITLES

None

MBSEL Wednesday Night Wank-Fest!

Live from the backyard of Dallas Darke

“These Boots Are Made For Walking” by the legendary singer Nancy Sinatra plays as a video proceeds to play. A camera rides along the ground following a pair of black, leather stripping boots. The camera stops and the stripper boots keep walking revealing a very sexy woman walking. She is wearing a thong and it appears that she isn’t wearing a bra. The woman turns around and it is exactly to be a man. The man is rubbing his crotch with his hands and he begins to laugh hysterically. The camera fades to black as he begins to pull down his thong to ‘Wank’.

The words : “MBSEL Wednesday Night Wank-Fest” rush across the screen in a very amateur fashion. It is feasible that they made the graphic in MSN Paint! In the background, old videos are run through. One is of a woman in a very nice dress walking down the street in the middle of the winter, tripping on ice and falling over. The words, “New Title Created Tonight” rush along as a trumpet section belt out a tune or two. The next is of a monkey hanging on a tree eating a banana when the words, “Moe and Joe in action tonight!” And finally, we head straight to the ring even before the show has officially started.

In the ring, a band has appeared to set up their instruments. The guitarist strums the same three chords very softly. Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band slides in the ring and picks up a microphone and begins to scream while the rest of the band is drowned out. Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band eventually goes to do a back flip but lands on the back of his head and the fans laugh at him. Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band struggles to his feet and manages to finish the song to the best of his ability. After the bands set, Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band goes to the outside and begins to sign autographs for reluctant fans.

The Mango Kid vs. Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band

The Mango Kid has appeared behind Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band as he signs autographs for the fans. Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band tries to sign a woman’s shirt, but she refuses to. Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band verbally threatens her and the Mango Kid has seen enough! The Mango Kid grabs Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band by his long, black hair and tosses him into the steps. The Mango Kid grabs the hand of the woman and kisses it. The Mango Kid winks at the woman and than turns his attention back to the match. Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band gets up to his feet and he begs for the Mango Kid to lay off the attack. Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band ducks a clothesline by the Mango Kid and flees into the ring.

Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band starts up a chase that involves both men running around the ring, than Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band jumping into the audience. A few of the audience members grab Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band and stop him from running. The Mango Kid high fives the fans and than attacks Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band. The Mango Kid grabs Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band and throws him into a row of chairs! The Mango Kid walks over to a girl and proceeds to kiss her on the lips! Ooooh, the fans loved that. The Mango Kid grabs Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band and drags him back into the ring. Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band tries to struggle, but The Mango Kid grabs his “member” and squeezes it tight to which Mango calls, “Crushed Mangos!”

Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band is thrown into the rind and he begs The Mango Kid to lay off the attack once again. The Mango Kid slaps Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band and than throws him off the ropes and back body drops him. Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band gets on his knees and begs for forgiveness one last time, but the Mango Kid refuses. The Mango Kid picks Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band up to his feet and sets up for the tomb stone pile driver. The Mango Kid holds the position for a good few seconds for some good old homoeroticism. The Mango Kid drops him with the tomb stone pile driver and covers for the easy one, two, three. Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band is knocked out cold and the suave and flamboyant Mango Kid picks up his first victory in MBSEL.

But this ain’t over, because we see that Harold Agnes the History teacher has snuck right up behind The Mango Kid with … a rocking chair! This ain’t a pussy fold up chair, this is the real shit! As Mango Kid turns around, Harold Agnes takes a weak swing, and Mango Kid dodges the rocking chair shot at the last second. The Mango Kid slides out of the ring as the old senile Harold Agnes starts shouting about Louis Riel and John A MacDonald. The Mango Kid just heads to the back while Harold Agnes rants and raves.

WINNER : THE MANGO KID by TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER

Moe, the midget and Joe, the twelve old boy make their ways straight into the ring where they get a reasonable applause from the fans.

Moe : “There has been some misleading facts displayed in advertisement for the show. Me and Joe are not wrestling, because only Joe is wrestling! But of course, it was hyped that me and Joe would be in action tonight. I am fully aware that Dallas Darke, the man who pays the bills and gives the ladies the thrills wants to keep this show PG-13. But I’ve got one huge ass erection and I need to make love to the nicest white woman the world has to offer, so I will be in action tonight!”

Joe grabs the microphone from his good friend and tag team partner and speaks up.

Joe: “Ewww… girls have cuties!”

Moe grabs the microphone back and yells at Joe,

Moe : “You’d better like girls because ain’t no tag-team getting famous if it got some butt fucker and some midget. That is two strikes against us!”

AIDSMon comes out on the ramp and Moe inaudibly yells at AIDSMon about how he isn’t wrestling tonight, the match is Joe versus Salvador Seizure. Moe tells AIDSMon to go home to Africa, but it appears Moe and Joe have been duped!

Salvador Seizure vs. Joe

The seizure machine himself, Salvador as he appears from behind Moe and Joe! Salvador yells at Joe, who turns around and gets a boot to the face. Joe falls to the mat and Salvador Seizure grabs Moe by the head and throws him to the outside of the ring. Salvador Seizure blows kisses to the fans and plays up his role of being the heel. Joe, the twelve-year-old, crawls towards Salvador Seizure, grabs his leg and bites him! The twelve-year-old, much like Barqs Root Beer, has bite!

Salvador Seizure manages to kick the twelve-year-old straight in the head to a chorus of asshole chants. Salvador Seizure eats up the chants and even encourages them with Hogan-esque hand gestures. Salvador Seizure picks Joe up to his feet and than body slams the poor kid. Salvador Seizure bounces off the ropes and goes for a leg drop… but Joe rolls out of the way at the last second. Joe gets to his feet and as Salvador Seizure struggles to his feet, jumps on his back and applies a sleeper hold!

Salvador Seizure tries to shake the twelve-year-old off his back, but to no avail! Salvador Seizure seems to be falling under … his eyes are closing, his body going limp. The referee asks Salvador if he wants to tap to no reply. The referee raises the hand once… and it hits the mat. The referee raises the hand twice… and it hits the mat. The third time, Salvador Seizure begins to have a seizure, his arms flailing and his body gyrating! Joe is terrified and leaps off the shaking man.

As the referee tends to Salvador Seizure, AIDSmon enters the ring with a chair and knocks the twelve-year-old senseless with a chair shot! The thud loudens up the audience with an “asshole” chant. AIDSmon slides out of the ring and doesn’t realize that Moe is chasing him… because he can’t see him. Moe tackles AIDSmon onto the padded floor. Salvador Seizure has snapped out of the Seizure, conveniently and walks over to the fallen Joe. Salvador Seizure kicks his lifeless limbs, and than places a foot on the young boys chest. The referee administers the three count and the heelish ways of Salvador Seizure has earnt him a victory.

Moe gets tossed in the ring by AIDSmon and the duo known as Better Off Dead double team the midget. The duo hit a double back body drop [not that they couldn’t do it themselves]. AIDSMon climbs to the top and Salvador Seizure picks Moe up for a power bomb and at the same time AIDSMon hits a fantastic elbow drop in a sight that had to be seen. Better Off Dead play up their roles as the heels and let the fans boo them before they head to the back. Moe and Joe lay on their backs for a good minute or two, before they help each other and to the back.

WINNER : SALVADOR SEIZURE by ONE HELL OF A CHAIR SHOT

Johnny Colorado and California Robbie arrives at the building inside a limousine. They both step out and they are wearing suits. Johnny Colorado adjusts the suit to make him look nice and hot. Johnny Colorado is the first to speak as they walk and talk by a black man.

Johnny Colorado: “Did you see the tits on that one chick? Man, I thought I had seen the biggest tits in the world when I was at Hooters two years ago. But man! That girl had the biggest knockers in the world. Oh… excuse me. Sir?”

The Black Guy: “Yeah, sup dawg?”

Robbie California: “Are bags are in the trunk. Can you bring them in for us?”

The Black Guy has a confused look on his face. Robbie California gives The Black Guy a very demeaning look of disgust and than slaps him across the face.

Robbie California: “You didn’t come across the ocean to just stand there, did’ya? You got a job and it is carrying in bags.”

The Black Guy: “Actually, I came across the ocean to kick ass. Ya’see, I am a wrestler here in MBSEL, the name is The Black Guy. The one and only here in MBSEL, so I take pride in that fact. I don’t carry luggage, I don’t do slave work. See, I kick ass and than I take names. So I got a little proposal for you; I’ll kick your ass and than take your name.”

Robbie California: “You’ll kick my ass? Okay, okay, we’ll meet up in the ring in a few minutes. But lets wager a bit on this match. See, you think you’re so tough, your so confident you are going to beat me. Well, why not put your respect and dignity on the line. Let’s have a “Luggage Match” where the loser is forced to bring in the winners luggage for the rest of the month.”

The Black Guy: “Well than, you should bring in your luggage because you might need to get used to doing it, because you’ll be doing it for a month.”

The Black Guy walks away from Robbie California and Johnny Colorado who can’t believe what they just saw occur. They both kind of take in what has just happened and than proceed to yell out, “I need someone to bring my luggage in!”

The camera fades to black, and than the picture comes back a few seconds later. Lobster is in the gym working out and trying real hard to build up those muscles of his. In walk two elderly looking people who observe Lobster. The camera pans far away from Lobster, where his aunt and uncle stand talking.

Uncle Lobster: “Lobster is such a good boy! I can’t believe about his…”

Aunt Lobster: “Bill, I thought we said we’d never mention that around him.”

Lobster yells at his uncle and aunt from a distance.

Lobster: “Hi uncle Lobster, hi aunt Lobster!”

Uncle Lobster: “Sometimes I feel like we are being so dishonest to the young Lobster…”

Aunt Lobster: “We are being dishonest! We haven’t told him the truth about… well, you know!”

Lobster: “Look, I found this water bottle just sitting here. I figured since the last water bottle we had broke, that we should keep this one around for safe keeping! I mean, you don’t find water bottles like this just lying around!”

Uncle Lobster: “Sure you can have it Lobster! Now wash-up for dinner, we’re having Steak’ums!”

LUGGAGE MATCH

Robbie California versus The Black Guy

Robbie California is escorted to the ring by Johnny Colorado who looks silent from the get-go. The Black Guy doesn’t even come down the aisle, he appears from the crowd and attacks Robbie California. The Black Guy hits a perfect looking upper cut which sends Robbie California into the ropes. The Black Guy throws a succession of punches that look like they sting. Robbie California is knocked over the top and to the floor by a gut-wrenching clothes line.

Robbie California slides back into the ring, only to allow The Black Guy to jump on the attack and drop a few kicks to the back. The Black Guy helps him up to his feet and than sends him off the ropes. The Black Guy connects with a hip toss! The Black Guy hits a body slam on Robbie California and does some break dancing to celebrate! Robbie California takes the opportunity to drop kick The Black Guy! The Black Guy falls to the floor and Robbie California distracts the referee.

Johnny Colorado picks up The Black Guy and than smashes him into the ring apron. Johnny Colorado throws The Black Guy with high velocity straight into the steel post! An audience member shrieks at the sound of the steel post meeting the skull of The Black Guy. Blood begins to pour from the head of The Black Guy. Johnny Colorado tosses him back in the ring and Robbie California covers for a two count. Robbie California shoves the referee and slams his hand 3. The referee disagrees and says two. Robbie California grabs the referee by the throat and threatens him.

The Black Guy swings Robbie California around and slaps him! The Black Guy ducks a slap by Robbie and gives a stunning kick to the groin. The referee seems to have something lodged in his eye during the low blow, as he missed the attack. The Black Guy picks up Robbie California and drops him with a picture perfect looking Rock Bottom, which The Black Guys calls Token. The Black Guy covers and gets a two and a half count, because Johnny Colorado has pulled the referee out of the ring. The Black Guy manages to base ball slide Johnny Colorado straight into the railing. The Black Guy hits another Token on Robbie California and this time the referee makes it a speedy three count.

Johnny Colorado and California Robbie attempt to double team The Black Guy, but not for long as Triple L {2401} rushes down to the ring and attacks Johnny Colorado. The exclamation… Triple L {2401} doesn’t need one with a cool name like that! Triple L {2401} and The Black Guy manage to clear the ring of challengers and the two have make shift hand shake that ends with them raising their hands in victory. California Robbie is in complete awe that he has to deliver the luggage of The Black Guy for a month and he proceeds to have a tantrum!

WINNER: THE BLACK GUY

The Duck and Nancy Catalogue are walking through the backstage area. Nancy Catalogue has a work-out bag by her side and the Duck seems to be looking like he has been hitting the Gym to buff up. The Duck is the first to speak up.

The Duck: “Quack, quack, quack… quack!”

Nancy Catalogue: “Oh, yes! You definitely look like you have been buffing up. I just want to get your sweet ass in bed.”

The Duck: “Quack!”

Nancy Catalogue: “Yeah, I am kind of thirsty. Let me find the water bottle.”

Nancy Catalogue persists to rummage through the work out bag. She does so for a good ten to twenty seconds. She pulls out items like a ham sandwich, the Sisqo CD and an embarrassing picture of The Duck drunk at a Christmas party. Nancy Catalogue gives up with a look of anger on her face.

Nancy Catalogue: “Aghh! I can’t find the water bottle. I think I left it at the gym. In fact, I think I saw… Lobster! He was there! Perhaps he took the water bottle?”

The Duck: “QUACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Nancy Catalogue: “Oh yes… we shall! Revenge is a dish best served cold! We shall extract our revenge. But how?!?”

The Duck: “Quack, quack, quack, quack.”

After The Duck is finished quacking, the two proceed to laugh in a very evil way. The two laugh with each other for a good twenty seconds before the two get awkward and proceed to walk away from the camera. All we can wonder is… what the heck do these two have in store for Lobster?

Dallas Darke, the owner of MBSEL stands in the ring with a microphone in hand, and a concealed table standing in the middle. Above the ring is some sort of contraption that looks very cool. Dallas Darke cracks a smile and than speaks.

Dallas Darke: “I’d first like to send my best wishes out to the Ramones. This week, we lost a legend in Johnny Ramone. He played the guitar for the Ramones and boy did he play three chords. I mean, it was like there was no one else in the entire world who could play three chords. I was so overwhelmed with sadness over the news, I decided to incorporate it into the first title here in MBSEL. Tonight we shall name the first, “Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Champion”. We here at MBSEL have designed a title dedicated to the rocker and have also found a way to immortalize him. Above me is the rotting corpse of Johnny Ramone. We will have a 20 man battle royale and with each elimination, the corpse will move closer and closer to the ring. When we are done to the two last people, the winner will be decided in who can pentrate the asshole of Johnny Ramone first! Whoever does so is the Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Champion, the most illustrious title in MBSEL history! I hope you are as excited as me, because the match is taking place right here tonight!”

20 MAN NECROPHILLIA BATTLE ROYALE

JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE MATCH

Johnny Colorado, Ted the Zombie, Herald Agnes, Suicidal Patrick, AIDSMon, Salvador Seizure, Fly-On-The-Wall, Triple L {2401}, Little Chaos, Medium Chaos, Big Chaos, Moe, Joe, Lobster, 1010101010101, Julian Snakes, Carlos Catholic, The Duck, Nancy Catalogue and Antman

The cast of wrestlers involved is amazing. From the get go, the hatred is already established. Moe and Joe attack AIDSMon and Salvador Seizure are at each others throats and never give up. Lobster and The Duck immediately attack each other. The Duck eventually body slams Lobster and goes for a leg drop but misses. Antman tries to show his super human powers, but really he has none.

Suicidal Patrick yells at Big Chaos to break his neck. Big Chaos is confused as to what is going on. Suicidal Patrick slaps Big Chaos and tells him to break his neck. Big Chaos grabs Suicidal Patrick and choke slams him over the top. Suicidal Patrick easily recovers from the fall, but throws a histy fit. He keeps yelling, “Someone kill me!” Suicidal people… can’t live with them, can’t live without them! AIDSMon takes a vicious punch to the head and he is busted open! Everyone steps away from AIDSMon, fully aware they could get AIDS!

Fly-On-The-Wall proceeds to climb to the top and goes for a high risk move, but Herald Agnes the elderly History teacher bounces off the ropes and eliminates Fly-On-The-Wall! Lobster and The Duck are really at each others throats. Eventually Nancy Catalogue tries to interfere, but gets attacked by Moe and Joe! Joe kicks the shins of Nancy Catalogue! Ted the Zombie grabs the head of Joe and tries to eat his brains! Joe jumps over the top and eliminates himself, avoiding a brain feast. AIDSMon tries to spread his AIDs to a few wrestlers in the ring, but a mutiny breaks out and they toss AIDSMon over the top rope. I guess Johnny Ramone won’t get AIDS after all!

Julian Snakes tries to partake in some risky behavior, like spanking Moe The Midget, but Carlos the Catholic tugs on the chain keeping them together. The two have a little spat that ends with them both getting tossed over the top by The Duck and Lobster respectively. 1010101010101, Nancy Catalogue and Duck all triple team Lobster and try to toss him over the top, but fail hopelessly. In fact, Nancy Catalogue is tossed over accidentally by 1010101010101 who had a short circuit! The motionless 1010101010101 is an easy elimination for Lobster!

Harold Agnes is the next to be eliminated by The Mango Kid who made his presence felt by distracting Harold Agnes while Moe gave him a wedgie and tossed him over the top. Big Chaos tries to hit his sixth choke slam on Ted The Zombie, but Johnny Colorado manages to throw him over the top! Little Chaos tries to stick up for his older brother by rushing Johnny Colorado, but he just gets tossed over the top rope. And Medium Chaos doesn’t get to feel left out as the Duck delivers a huge power bomb, that sends Medium Chaos to the floor.

The wrestlers remaining are Johnny Colorado, Ted the Zombie, Salvador Seizure, Triple L{2401}, Moe, Lobster, The Duck and Antman! Antman tries to “Ant” himself up, but this doesn’t work as he is easy pickings for Ted The Zombie! When Antman hits the floor, he yells about the unjust within the world like cancer and poverty. Stop bitching, baby! The corpse is very low to the ground, so low you can almost touch it!

Salvador Seizure is up top and he signals for a drop kick, but he has a Seizure! Oh, no, he has fallen to the floor and been eliminated from the match. All chances of physically disabled champion in MBSEL aren’t out just yet, we still got Moe! Triple L {2401} gets caught up in how awesome his name is and he sees his chances dashed when Moe gorilla press slams him to the floor below [damn that Midget is strong]. And in another strange twist of fates, The Duck tosses over Moe with a breath taking drop kick, and now all chances of a physically disabled champion… DASHED!

Ted the Zombie and Johnny Colorado have apparently decided to double team Lobster while Duck sits off to the side and idly watches. Ted The Zombie is the next to be tossed over when Lobster manages to hit a hurricrana that sends him to the outside! Johnny Colorado and The Duck make a make shift team, but Johnny Colorado goes for the drop kick on Lobster, but hits The Duck and that eliminates him from the match. Oh, The Duck got served!

Johnny Colorado and Lobster are the two remaining super stars and Johnny Ramones rotting corpse lie just inches away. Johnny Colorado goes for a clothes line, but Lobster ducks it and hits a perfect swinging neck breaker. Lobster climbs all the way to the top rope and hits the Shooting Star Press! Lobster proceeds to insert his Lobster penis into Johnny Ramone! And you’d better believe it… Lobster has penetrated the rock star and has won himself the Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title!

Post-match, the new JRN Champion waves to the fans and celebrates. The Duck simply walks up the ramp giving him a look of disgust and it appears as though he know has more to avenge than just a lost water bottle!

ORDER OF ELIMINATIONS : Suicidal Patrick, Fly-On-The-Wall, Joe, AIDSMon. Carlos Catholic, Julian Snakes, Nancy Catalogue, 1010101010101, Harold Agnes, Big Chaos, Little Chaos, Medium Chaos, Antman, Salvador Seizure. Triple L {2401}, Moe, Ted The Zombie, The Duck,

WINNER : Lobster

Tune in next Wednesday for the greatest wrestling product in the entire world!

Edited March 8, 2005 by PunkRockPete

[Besmirched Tea]

unfrickenbelievable.

that was simultaneously the best and worst thing i have ever read!

i totally marked out for lobster's shooting star press and hurricanrana.

[Hellfire]

oh my god. That was fucking insane. I loved every second of it too. Hopefully you can continue this, as its funny as hell. :thumbsup:

[RPS]

MBSEL Wednesday Night Wank-Fest!

Live from a bar just blocks away from the Quinte Mall

September 8th 2004

“Sink Venice” by Ikara Colt is the theme music for this Wednesday Night Wank-Fest! The opening video is a boy sitting in his room all alone. In walks a clown with a puppet on his hand. The clown blows up a balloon animal and it is in the shape of a penis. The boy looks up at the clown and with a twinkle in his eye says, “Lets go to Wednesday Night Wank-Fest!”

We are given a piece by piece history of what happened last week, for all of those who missed it. The Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band found himself in trouble when harassing a female audience member, leading to a match with the Mango Kid. The Mango Kid successfully defended himself from The Lead Singer and managed to capture a clean victory. But that wasn’t the end of it; Harold Agnes the infamous history teacher made his presence felt trying to attack Mango Kid with a rocking chair. This week, we shall see both men in action; The Mango Kid and Fly-On-The-Wall will be taking on Harold Agnes and Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band in a match not to be forgotten. Salvador Seizure managed to bend the rules to beat young twelve year old, Joe. In a flip side of last week, Moe midget will take on AIDSmon in a match to end all matches. Robbie California tried to strut his stuff, but ended up with his first loss and an unfortunate turn of events; he must carry in the luggage of The Black Guy till the end of the month! Lobster found a water bottle that we soon learnt was really The Ducks, and revenge had been calculated, but not delivered in the 20 man battle royale main event. Lobster, also found a calling in the ring as he was able to capture the Johnny Ramone Necrophillia in a hard fought battle Royale. This week he will defend against Johnny Colorado, last weeks runner up and friend of The Duck!

THE MANGO KID & FLY-ON-THE-WALL versus HAROLD AGNES AND LEAD SINGER OF A SCREAMCORE BAND

The cameras aren’t even rolling and the two tag-teams appear to be ready to fight. Harold Agnes makes his way down the aisle, but he doesn’t make it into the ring just yet as Fly-On-The-Wall takes to the air with a basic splash that connects with quite the thud. Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band doesn’t even wait for his theme music, as he rushes out to the ring to help his tag-team partner for this week. Lead Singer attacks Fly with a shoulder block that sends him to the floor. Lead Singer slides in the ring and right away he and the Mango Kid exchange punches back and forth!

On the outside though, it is a different story. Harold Agnes tries to get up on the apron and into the ring, but Fly-On-The-Wall pulls him down and Harold Agnes eats the mat! Harold Agnes glasses that dangled on the edge of his nose have fallen to the floor! Fly-On-The-Wall teases breaking the glasses and eventually does so to the fans approval. Harold Agnes has duped Fly though, as he low blows him. Harold Agnes grabs the young high flyer and sends him into the steel ring post.

In the ring now, Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band has gained control of the match. He picks The Mango Kid up and with great force tosses him straight into the corner! The Mango Kid hits and he falls to the mat and begins to breath heavily. Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band begins to brag and taunt the audience. Lead Singer signals for a top rope move and he seems to be getting cocky. Lead Singer hits a picture perfect looking elbow drop and covers. 1-2-Fly-On-The-Wall manages to break up the count at the very last second to the fans relief.

Fly-On-The-Wall, it seems, was able to stun Harold Agnes when the camera was turned away. Harold Agnes is bent over the ring steps and trying to gain his composure. The old man really shouldn’t be wrestling in the first place, but he is tougher than plastic nails. Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band tries to fight off both The Mango Kid and Fly-On-The-Wall, but seems to be failing. Eventually The Mango Kid and Fly-On-The-Wall gain the upper hand and drop Lead Singer with a double suplex. The Mango Kid congratulates his partner with a keen slap on the rear.

Fly-On-The-Wall decides to go for a riskful move, and he tries to balance on the top rope to springboard splash Harold Agnes. Little to The Mango Kid’s knowledge, he bounces off the ropes and knocks Fly-On-The-Wall into the steel railing! The Mango Kid proceeds to drop Lead Singer with a hell of an elbow drop! The Mango Kid stumbles to his feet and Harold Agnes is rushing at him, going for a clothesline! Oh, no, CRUSHED MANGOES! Oh, Harold Agnes 65 year old prostate has had better days. The Mango Kid watches out of the corner of his eye as Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band climbs to the top and goes for an axe handle smash…

But, The Mango Kid reverses it into the Crushed Mangoes! Double Crushed Mangoes, as the testicles of the History Teacher and pseudo rock star are getting squeezed. Fly-On-The-Wall slides in the ring and as Lead Singer falls down to his knee, Fly-On-The-Wall hits a perfect shining wizard! Fly-On-The-Wall makes the quick cover and the referee makes the count, 1-2-3! The Mango Kid releases the death grip on the balls and hugs his tag-team partner Fly-On-The-Wall! The Mango Kid gets so overwhelmed with joy, he accidentally kisses Fly-On-The-Wall! Fly feels awkward about the kiss, but continues to celebrate.

Post-match, Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band is infuriated with the match. He grabs a chair near ring side and begins to throw it around. Lead Singer screams out in a very rock and roll manner,“restart the god-damn match!” The fans boo as Lead Singer grabs the ring announcer by the throat and threatens him. Fly-On-The-Wall and the Mango Kid decide to intervene and chase Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band to the back. Harold Agnes is still recovering from his Crushed Mangoes and eventually makes his way to the back.

WINNER : THE MANGO KID & FLY-ON-THE-WALL

MOE vs. AIDSMON

It doesn’t take very long for this match to start, as AIDSMon walks down the aisle Moe blind sides him with a head butt to the groin! AIDSMon falls to the mat and holds his groin in agony! Moe kicks him a few times while he is down and than heads to the ring. Moe grabs a microphone and asks, “did you get AIDS from fucking a monkey?”

AIDSMon gets to his feet and is infuriated! AIDSMon rushes to the ring and slides in the ring. Moe does the opposite as he gets out of the ring. AIDSMon tries to grab him, but Moe slides right in between his legs. Before AIDSMon can turn around, Moe delivers one hell of a low blow! AIDSMon falls to the mat once again and he is screaming in pain. The referee warns Moe about the low blows, to which Moe gives the referee the middle finger!

Moe climbs to the second rope and goes for a flying leg drop… but AIDSMon moves right out of the way and Moe hits nothing but mat. AIDSMon grabs Moe by the head and flips him over onto his chest. AIDSMon tries to go for a camel clutch, but fails because Moe is too small. AIDSMon picks Moe up and slaps him so hard it echoes through the arena! Moe falls down to one knee and than AIDSMon delivers a stiff knee right to the face. AIDSMon brags to the crowd a little, but turns his attention back to the match.

AIDSMon picks Moe up to his feet and tosses him straight into the referee by ‘accident’. The referee takes a bump to the outside and AIDSMon pulls a razor blade from his pocket. AIDSMon proceeds to cut his forehead and we see there is blood dripping down his head now. AIDSMon has his attention turned to the cut on his face, so Moe manages to hit a perfect kick to the groin. Ouch! AIDSMon bends over and than falls to his knees in pain.

Moe goes to the outside and grabs a chair from the bell ringer. Moe slides back in the ring and he awaits for AIDSMon to slowly get up to his feet. AIDSMon tries to gash Moe with the razor blade, but he ducks it. Moe swings the chair and connects with the groin of AIDSMon! Moe should have this won, but the referee was awake to see the chair shot and he rings for the bell. Moe has lost the match by disqualification!

AIDSMon tries to gash open Moe with the razor blade once again, but he misses. Moe slides to the outside and avoids a beating by AIDSMon. Moe is pissed that he lost, but once again doesn’t get too caught up in the loss.

WINNER : AIDSMON by DISQUALIFICATION

The camera zooms into a locker room where Carlos Catholic is looking into the mirror and fixing up some nice and proper church clothes. Carlos Catholic picks up the bible and pats it with his hand. He puts it down and begins to recite a passage from the bible. The camera moves to a doorway, where Julian Snakes chained to Carlos Catholic walks in with a smile on his face.

JULIAN SNAKES : “You know, sometimes it feels so good to be alive. I just … oh, right. How is it going Carlos?”

A man comes out of the same door way that Julian Snakes came through. His hair is messed up, his pants zipper aren’t done up and his shirt is ruffled. He proceeds to quietly walk past the two and leave.

CARLOS CATHOLIC : “He looked like a delightful little fellow! What were you two doing in that room? Practicing your prayers? Reciting passages from the bible? You know, God is always watching you.”

JULIAN SNAKES : “Well, God is going to be mad at me. I was just getting a rim job. Oops… I meant, I was …”

CARLOS CATHOLIC : “A rim job? I have never heard of that job before. What is your job description?”

JULIAN SNAKES : “Oh, well… never mind. Lets just say it is harder than it looks.”

CARLOS CATHOLIC : ”Are you ready for our match tonight? It is us two versus The Two Chaos Brothers versus 1010101010101 & The Duck versus The Black Guy & Robbie California! It will be one helluva match! Oh my gosh, I accidentally said hell! I am sorry God.”

JULIAN SNAKES : “I was born ready, Carlos. In fact, tonight I am banking on us walking out the MBSEL Kill-A-Baby Tag-Team Champions. In fact, I’d put money on it if you could bet…”

CARLOS CATHOLIC : “Gambling is the way of the devil!”

JULIAN SNAKES : “Just get ready for the match and calm down there. We’ll worry about everything else after the match.”

The camera pans to the outside where a man arrives in an SUV. The camera moves back and we see that Robbie California is wearing a suit and a bow tie. The Black Guy opens the door to his SUV and he has a smile on his face. The Black Guy looks at Robbie California and than his smile gets even bigger.

THE BLACK GUY : “Damn boy. You look whack in that there uniform. Any ways, my bags are in the back seat. Try to be careful with them, I got some fragiles in there.”

ROBBIE CALIFORNIA : “Yes… sir.”

Robbie California shudders when he says the words sir. Robbie California opens the back door and grabs the bag that The Black Guy has. The Black Guy stops him.

THE BLACK GUY : “Hold up there, Robbie. See, when I have people be my maids, or my chefs, or things like that, I take them on as part of my family…”

ROBBIE CALIFORNIA : “Gee thanks! You didn’t really have to!”

THE BLACK GUY : “Cut the sarcasm there Skippy. Since you are part of my family, that means I got to take a picture with you.”

The Black Guy pulls a camera out from his pocket and takes a picture of an unsuspecting Robbie California. Robbie California is in total shock about what happened.

THE BLACK GUY : “I hope you don’t mind, but I’ll just hold onto this picture for a while. Maybe put on my fridge. Heck, maybe I’ll show it to those girls you tried to pick up at the bar last night. Or maybe I’ll go and give a copy to every bar in the city, so all of the girls you try to pick up realize that even though you told them you were a wrestler, really you bring in the baggage’s for the wrestlers.”

ROBBIE CALIFORNIA : “But, I do wrestle!”

THE BLACK GUY : “The ladies don’t know that. Hurry up, we got a tag-team match tonight.”

The Black Guy hurries Robbie California along as they leave the parking lot and head towards the locker of The Black Guy to prepare for their match tonight. The camera switches to 101010101010 and Nancy Catalogue lounging in the backstage area. 101010101010 stands very still and attentive, while Nancy Catalogue is reclining in a folded chair. He has a cigarette dangling from the very end of his mouth and he puffs it.

101010101010 : “Nancy, where is The Duck? Our match is up next.”

NANCY CATALOGUE : “The Duck is taking care of unfinished business.”

101010101010 and Nancy Catalogue proceed to deal out a deck of cards. The Duck enters from the left and he has a demonic look on his face.

THE DUCK : “Quack, quack, quack!”

101010101010 : “Yes sir, I’m ready to capture the titles. Where were you?”

THE DUCK : “QUACK, QUACK, QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!.”

NANCY CATALOGUE : “You paid an arsonist to burn down the Lobster mansion? Why? Because of the evil plans that were hidden in the water bottle??!!?”

THE DUCK : “Quack!”

Nancy Catalogue herself gasps as the demonic behavior of The Duck.

101010101010 : “Sir, my evil meter has broken over this revelation!”

THE DUCK : “Quack, quack, quack, quack!”

NANCY CATALOGUE : “Duck, don’t you think you’ve gone over the edge… kidnapping Dick Cheneys lesbian daughter? Ducky-pooh, somewhere you must stop! You can’t kidnap and kill people!”

THE DUCK : “Quack, quack, quack!”

NANCY CATALOGUE : “You are right, Duck, I shouldn’t say anything. Okay, lets go and fight the match and than deal with all of this other stuff after.”

MBSEL KILL-A-BABY TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH

THE DUCK & 101010101010 vs. SODOMY AND THE BIBLE vs. THE CHAOS BROTHERS vs. ROBBIE CALIFORNIA & THE BLACK GUY

The premise of the match is the first team to scale the a ladder and grab the baby dangling from the ceiling. The first team to than shake that baby causing the baby a death, wins the match. A lot is on the line here tonight, with tag-team titles and a foot hold in the tag-team division. The first team out, The Duck and 101010101010 immediately grab a ladder and start to climb. Carlos and Julian rush out to the ring and shove the ladder over, knocking the Duck and his partner 101010101010 to the floor. The two others teams make their way to the ring to begin the match.

Within seconds, the match has broken apart. The Duck and 1010101010 fight briefly with Sodomy and the Bible, and this leaves the Chaos Brothers and California/Black Guy to have a little fight in the ring. Robbie California bounces off the ropes, only to get picked up and dropped with a choke slam from Big Chaos! The Black Guy suffers the same fate and it appears as though the Chaos Brothers are just a climb away from the titles.

The Duck has slid in the ring now and hit a spear on Little Chaos! The Duck rushes at Big Chaos only to get dropped with the choke slam! This brings the choke slam count up to three tonight, as Big Chaos really doesn’t know any other moves beside that one. 101010101010 struggles into the ring and he gets choke slammed. 101010101010 shrugs off the attacks and gets up to his feet. Big Chaos hits another choke slam and decides it is time to use the ladder as a weapon.

Big Chaos picks up the ladder and is about to use it as a weapon, but Julian Snakes has a different idea as he drop kicks the ladder straight into the face of Big Chaos. Big Chaos falls to the outside of the ring and he appears to have been knocked out cold! Little Chaos rushes at Carlos Catholic and goes to a hurricrana, but this turns into a power bomb to the outside and through a table! Carlos and Julian high five each other over knocking the Chaos Brothers out cold.

101010101010 hits a European upper cut on Julian Snakes and it sends Julian Snakes into the corner. The Duck goes for a top rope super plex, but Julian Snakes reverses it and shoves the Duck off the top rope. Julian Snakes goes for a missile drop kick on 101010101010, but Robbie California shoves him off the top rope and onto the railing! Ouch!

Robbie California and the Black Guy decide to double team Carlos Catholic until the double team back fires, and Carlos Catholic hits a double clothes line. Carlos Catholic sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring and he makes sure it is sturdy. Big Chaos gets in the ring and he climbs the ladder alongside Carlos Catholic. Big Chaos could reach for the belt, but instead grabs Carlos Catholic and choke slams him off the rope of the ladder! Carlos Catholic hits nothing but mat and is definitely not going to get up for a while. Big Chaos makes a grab for the belt, but the Duck knocks over the ladder with the tap of his beak! Big Chaos takes a huge bump to the outside and he is out of the match once again.

The Duck and 101010101010 attempt a double hip toss on The Black Guy, but the Black Guy lands on his feet and than hits a drop kick on 101010101010. The Duck tries to go for a clothes line, but the Black Guy jumps over top of him and than slaps the Duck across the face! 101010101010 climbs to his feet and than scales to the second rope. The Black Guy gets leveled with a perfect looking clothes line!

Robbie California sets up a ladder and so does the Duck. The two men begin to climb to the top, nearing the baby they have to shake! Robbie California makes a grab for the baby, but he misses. The Duck hits a nice wing-chop to the fans approval. The Duck shoves Robbie California off the top of the ladder and to the floor. Julian Snakes, on the mat, grabs the Duck from the top of the ladder and power bombs him off! Julian Snakes proceeds to climb all of the way to the top and grabs the baby! Julian Snakes proceeds to shake the baby!

Julian Snakes and Carlos Catholic have walked out victorious and have been awarded the illustrious title of MBSEL Kill-A-Baby Tag-Team Titles! In the ring, The Chaos Brothers are pissed that they weren’t given the proper opportunity to win the titles. Big Chaos grabs The Black Guy and choke slams him, while Little Chaos goes ballistic with the chair and knocks out Robbie California. Sodomy and the Bible lay down a challenge for next week… Sodomy and the Bible versus The Chaos Brothers in a Hardcore match. There is a catch though.

There shall be dozens of fetuses scattered throughout the match, in a match that Little Chaos likes to call a “Fun Fetus Free-For-All”. Carlos Catholic refuses to fight in the match, but Julian Snakes takes up the challenge and says that it could be interesting. Carlos says that the match goes against his religion but Julian Snakes will have none of it.

WINNER : SODOMY AND THE BIBLE by SHAKING THAT BABY

A man simply called Ned makes his way down the aisle and he grabs a microphone. Ned waits for the silence to kind of clear up and lets the awkwardness sink in with the fans. Ned cracks a smile and begins to talk.

NED : “Some people tell me, Ned, you’ve been in the wrestling business along time. I’ve been putting together these here rings for 40 years. I’ve met them all. Doink The Clown… Funaki… heck, I even once got to meet a wrestler who once wrestled with Randy Savage ten years ago. There is one thing I have learnt in the wrestling business. Dead wrestlers suck. Ray Traylor, who died last week, was a fucking asshole. The guy used to piss in a cup and when I was having a shower he’d dump it on me. And sometimes, he’d fucking rape me in the shower. I’ve got a pink sock because of the man for Christ sakes. If I had my way, I would have taken Ray Traylor out to the middle of the no where and beat him senseless with an aluminum baseball bat. Than, as he screamed for help I’d pee in a cup and toss it on him, just like he did for me! ”

The fans start up an asshole chant and than the camera pans to a few children in the audience who are crying over the revelation that not everybody who dies is a good person. A few angry parents take their kids away from the show.

NED : “I’ll be the first to admit it. Your favorite dead wrestler was an asshole. And I’ll tell you why each week and than I’ll kick somebody’s ass for apparently no reason. Heck, that is how the real world works. So just remember : if he is dead and you used to like him, than he is a fucking asshole!”

Ned proceeds to walk to the back, flipping off the fans and the camera read

MBSEL JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE MATCH

LOBSTER versus JOHNNY COLORADO

Johnny Colorado awaits his opponent; Lobster. But it is announced that Lobster will not be in attendance due to “family matters”. Johnny Colorado chuckles and demands that the belt be handed over to Johnny Colorado due to the circumstances.

The referee rings the bell and hands the MBSEL Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title to Johnny Colorado to which he smiles and gloats to the fans. This doesn’t last for long as the defender of everything good, Antman, rushes out to the ring and starts an ambush on Johnny Colorado! The referee decides to make this into a makeshift title defense!

WINNER : JOHNNY COLORADO via LOBSTER NO-SHOW

MBSEL JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE MATCH

JOHNNY COLORADO versus ANTMAN

Antman takes up the fight immediately, showing that he has super human strength to “Ant” it up! Antman rushes off the ring lines and tackles Johnny Colorado with a Spear! Antman waits for Johnny Colorado to get up to his feet and he begins to bite his forehead. Johnny Colorado shoves Antman off of him and Antman bounces off the ropes and than hits an Avalanche Splash!

Antman climbs to the second rope and he goes for a blockbuster, but Johnny Colorado moves out of the way at the last second. Johnny Colorado proceeds to pick up Antman and hit a running power slam. Johnny Colorado signals that he is going to end it all, right here and now. Johnny Colorado scales the top rope and connects with one hell of an elbow drop. Colorado covers and gets a two count, but he gets off and decides to let the match continue.

Johnny Colorado decides to whip another move out of his arsenal and use it. Johnny Colorado proceeds to hit a Screwdriver, which is a Suplex turned into a Pile driver in a sickening site. Antman, even though he has super powers, should be dead due to the move. Johnny Colorado covers and should get the three count, but lets go of the pin after two.

Johnny Colorado signals for a super kick finish. Johnny Colorado taps his foot until Antman makes it up to his feet. Johnny Colorado goes for a very flamboyant super kick, Antman side steps it and hits a roll-up. Antman puts his feet on the rope at the same time as pulling the tights and gets the 1-2-3! Antman struggles to his feet and raises his hand in victory. Antman has managed to win the prestigious MBSEL Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title! Antman grabs the title and kisses it and than raises it in victory. Johnny Colorado attacks Antman and sends him into the turnbuckle. Johnny Colorado waits till Antman struggles to his feet and he drops him with one stiff Super kick. Johnny Colorado says that he shall win back his title next week on Wednesday Night Wank-Off even if Jesus himself shows up to stop him.

Johnny Colorado is about to pummel Antman a bit more, but an unexpected twist happens when Triple L {2401} rushes out to the ring and hits Johnny Colorado with a perfect looking Hurricrana! Triple L {2401} signals Colorado to get to his feet and he hits a perfect spinning heel kick. Johnny Colorado rolls out of the ring and heads to the back, while Triple L {2401} simply gives him the index finger and helps Antman to the back. Triple L {2401}, the guy with the coolest name, has helped out an… ally?!?… once again for apparently no reason, other than his very awesome name.

WINNER : ANTMAN via ROLL-UP

Edited September 27, 2004 by PunkRockPete

[RPS]

MBSEL Wednesday Night Wank-Fest!

Live from the underground…

This week’s theme song is Lovers Rock by the Clash. The camera flips to a Hitler like man sitting in a desk. In front of him are two men wearing soldiers uniforms with a Swatiska like symbol on their shoulders. The two men speak to Hitler in German, and Hitler doesn’t look to pleased. Hitler screams and yells at them, pointing towards the door. The two men raise their arms in salute and utter the words, “Heil Hitler!” The two men leave and close the door. Hitler unzips his pants and is about to Wank it when the camera pans to a flashback from last week.

In some captivating television, the oddity team of the Mango Kid and Fly-On-The-Wall beat the aging Harold Agnes and the bold Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band. Moe the midget was disqualified after using a chair to low blow AIDSMon. It was than revealed in a huge twist of events from last week that The Duck torched down the house of Lobster and kidnapped Dick Cheneys lesbian daughter… all because of some sort of evil plot! In a shake-a-baby tag-team match, we saw Sodomy and the Bible succeed in a hell of a match. But it didn’t end there, as a Fun Fetus Free-For-All between The Chaos Brothers and Sodomy and The Bible was signed for tonight, with the Shake-A-Baby Tag-Team Titles on the line! Ned debuted, making sure to drill into our heads that our favorite dead wrestler was an asshole! And in the main event, Lobster was stripped of his Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title and Johnny Colorado succeeded in winning it. But it wasn’t over there, as Antman overcame the odds and managed to win the Johnny Ramone Necrophillia, to make Johnny Colorados title victory worthless. Colorado tried to attack him, but not before Triple L {2401} made the save and was the hero of the day.

We are given a brief hi light of all the matches scheduled for tonight; Johnny Colorado, Antman and Triple L {2401} are going to fight off in the main event, in a three way dance for the Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title! The Fun Fetus Free-For-All between the Chaos Brothers and Sodomy and the Bible is setting up to be a great bout. Word on the street is that Ned will make his debut in a must-see match. And in two separate matches we will see Harold Agnes square off against Fly-On-The-Wall and in a hell of a bout, The Mango Kid with Moe and Joe versus Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band will be with Better Off Dead in a heck of a match! We head straight to the ring so Wank-Fest can begin!

HAROLD AGNES versus FLY-ON-THE-WALL

Harold Agnes is waiting in the ring with a microphone. Harold Agnes clears his throat and than says, “in the 1600 hundreds, we saw the foundations of Canada… we saw settlers come to this land and settle it…” Fly-On-The-Wall’s music cuts off Harold Agnes. Fly-On-The-Wall high fives the audience as he makes his way down into the ring. Harold Agnes shoves Fly-On-The-Wall, to which Fly does the same. Harold Agnes slaps Fly, to which Fly slaps him back. Harold Agnes winds up to punch him, but than fakes Fly out and kicks him in the groin.

Harold Agnes tosses Fly-on-The-Wall towards the ropes, but Fly-On-The-Wall slides under the ropes and onto the apron. Harold slowly runs at Fly, but Fly spring board’s over top of Harold. Harold swings around and Fly hits a perfect hurricrana! Fly-On-The-Wall is up to his feet and Harold Agnes slowly follows. Fly hits a few stiff forearms to the face, and than sends Harold Agnes into the corner. Fly-On-The-Wall goes to the opposing corner and calls to the crowd! They respond with a cheer and than Fly-On-The-Wall rushes towards Harold. Harold manages to move out of the way at the last second and Fly-On-The-Wall manages to detour his way up to the top rope. Harold Agnes turns around and Fly-On-The-Wall hits a moonsault on top of him!

Fly-On-The-Wall seems to be in control of the match thus far and he signals to the crowd he is going to the top rope. Harold Agnes stops him mid way to the top, as he pulls his hair hits a ‘History Class’ which is essentially a very bad Diamond cutter. Harold Agnes covers and gets the two count. Harold Agnes decides to apply a front chin lock to which the crowd groans. Harold Agnes locks in the hold and Fly grabs for the ropes but is too far away. Fly’s eyes are closing as Harold clinches the hold on! The referee asks Fly if he wants to give up, but there is no response.

The referee raises the hand of Fly once… and it hits the mat! The referee raises the hand of Fly twice… and it hits the mat. The fans chant, “Fly-On-Da-Wall” as the referee raises the third hand in the air… and he manages to dig deep and find the strength! Fly mounts a come back and he manages to get to his feet while Harold still has the front chin lock applied. Fly upper cuts Harold Agnes and the impact sends Harold Agnes straight to the mat! Fly points to the top rope and he is apparently going to fly!

Fly-On-The-Wall is up top and he is going for the 450 Splash, but Harold Agnes pulls the referee in the way. Fly refuses to jump and gets off the top rope. Harold Agnes shoves the referee into Fly-On-The-Wall and in all of the commotion, Harold Agnes rolls up Fly-On-The-Wall for the three count. Harold Agnes has picked up his first win here in MBSEL and he is celebrating! Fly-On-The-Wall is livid, yelling about how Harold Agnes touched the referee and should be DQ’d!

Fly-On-The-Wall shove Harold Agnes, the old man who lifts his hands in innocence. Fly-On-The-Wall grabs Harold Agnes by the collar and than picks him in the air a few inches. Fly-On-The-Wall throws Harold Agnes to the mat and Harold is probably going to be in a world of hurt. In the ring though, a man dressed in very old clothing, wearing an odd hat is in the ring. Fly-On-The-Wall turns around and this man this a running Spear and knocks Fly-On-The-Wall to the ground!

The blast from the past picks Fly-On-The-Wall up to his feet and than hits another Spear which looks very brutal. Harold Agnes hits his devastating “History Class” to the fans disgust! Harold Agnes and this mystery blast from the past head to the back with a smug look on their face.

WINNER: HAROLD AGNES by ROLL-UP

NED versus THE BLACK GUY

Ned enters the arena wearing a shirt that has the words, “Dead Wrestlers = Shit”. Ned heads to the ring wearing street clothes and he appears ready to fight. The Black Guy enters the house to a giant pop, and it appears as though The Black Guy is without his bag boy, Robbie California, this evening. The Black Guy steps in the ring and Ned sizes him up and than laughs. Ned gets on the apron and proceeds to flip off The Black Guy and proceeds to leave to a sizable boo.

The Black Guy rolls out of the ring and follows Ned all the way up, right to the curtains. Ned turns around and he sees The Black Guy has followed him right to the curtain and Ned tries to run away, but The Black Guy grabs his tights and than throws him into the set! Ned bounces off and than hits the pavement floor. The Black Guy kicks Ned a few times while he is down and than picks him up once again. The Black Guy throws Ned straight into the set and he bounces off in a sick manner once again.

The Black Guy decides to up the ante a little further. The Black Guy drags Ned a little further away from the set and than The Black Guy gives the crowd a thumbs up. The Black Guy proceeds to catapult Ned straight into the set and he hits it for the last time tonight! Ned has a little gash just above his eye brow with a trickle of blood pouring out. The Black Guy waits till Ned to get up and than he Irish whips him straight into a steel rail. Ned hits in such a manner that he lands on it with his hip and than flips over the railing.

Ned is walking through the bleachers now and a few of the fan members throw a punch at him! Ned proceeds to shove a few and than walk to a safer part of the arena. The Black Guy goes in pursuit and the same fans slap him on the back and encourage him. The Black Guy grabs a chair and from about 5 meters away throws it directly at the face of Ned! Ned takes the full impact straight in the mouth and he falls to the pavement floor below and spits out a wad of blood!

Ned barely gets up to his feet and he tries to hide in the bleachers from The Black Guy, but a few fans kick and throw him back to The Black Guy! Ned has had enough as he tackles a fan in the audience and throws a few punches. Security guards break up the makeshift and very real fight. The Black Guy grabs Ned by the hair on his head and than drags him towards the ring. Ned tries to climb over the railing, but he gets stopped halfway over. The Black Guy jumps to the other side and demands an audience member pull the other leg.

The Black Guy and a very fat man proceed to pull the leg of Ned, crushing his member in a very uncomfortable looking move. The Black Guy drags Ned into the ring and it seems as though Ned has finally had it. He begs that The Black Guy just forfeit the match. The Black Guy shakes his head in agreement. Ned finally has a sigh of relief and than turns to the audience and gives them the finger.

The Black Guy swings around and hits his rip off of the Rock Bottom called Token! The Black Guy says that isn’t enough, as he picks Ned up, sends him off the ropes and hits another Token. The Black Guy could defintely finish this match off, but he decides to take Ned all the way to the top rope. The Black Guy hits a fantastic Token off the top rope and it appears as though Ned isn’t going to get up. The Black Guy makes the cover, 1-----2-----3! The Black Guy gets up to his feet and he brags a little to the fans about his accomplishment.

Robbie California appears from the crowd with a suitcase in his hands. The Black Guy doesn’t have enough time to block Robbie California as he decks him with the heavy suit case! The Black Guy is down and out in the middle of the ring as Robbie California lays the boots to him. Robbie California vows that tonight will be the last time we see Robbie California holding a suit case, because Robbie California has signed a match for next week… as The Black Guy and Robbie California will be in that very ring next week!

WINNER: THE BLACK GUY by TOKEN OFF THE TOP ROPE

The camera pans to the backstage area. Lobster has arrived! The crowd is in shock, they believed that Lobster was killed in the fire last-week, but apparently he has escaped death. Lobster looks depressed as he walks into the arena. Lobster is going to head straight into the arena, when he is stopped by a mysterious figure wearing a cloak.

OWK LOBSTER: Hello young Lobster. I can see the force … er… the Clamp is strong with you.

LOBSTER: Pardon? The Clamp?…

OWK LOBSTER: Yes, the Clamp. An ancient tool used … well, you aren’t quite ready for that knowledge quite yet. All I know is that you are being chased by the infamous The Duck. He is set out for revenge and will kill you if he finds you.

LOBSTER: Let him, he killed the people I loved most. He killed the two people who meant more to me than …

OWK LOBSTER: What about your real father? He believed in the Clamp… I believed in the Clamp. All great… Lobdi have used the Clamp…

LOBSTER: My father was a Lobdi?… My uncle said he was…

OWK LOBSTER: Your uncle told you a lot of things that maybe weren’t true. If you come this way, I will explain what is happening. If you are killed by the Duck, all hope for humanity is… gone forever.

LOBSTER: … I MUST follow you. Where are we hiding?

OWK LOBSTER: I know a good get-a-way driver, quickly this way!

Lobster and OWK Lobster quickly rush off the scene of the crime. The camera can’t follow them as it stops suddenly. The camera refuses to go anywhere and the scene fades to a different portion of the arena… Sodomy and the Bible are sitting in their locker room, with their 10 meter chains still in tact. Julian Snakes lifts his hand and it seems to hurt the wrist of Carlos Catholic. Carlos Catholic raises his hand and it hurts Julian Snakes hand as well. The two men are about to go and start a war that would potentially injure them both, but they stop.

CARLOS CATHOLIC: Julian, this Fun Fetus Free-For-All… I just can’t compete in it. Everything I believe in … it will be shattered in this disgusting and heinous match. How can you force me to wrestle? You can’t! It is immoral.

JULIAN SNAKES: You know, sometimes people need to think about things less in a individual sense. You are always saying to me, “God says I can’t do this… God says I can’t do that…” newsflash… SUCK IT UP. God would probably agree that sometimes you need to stop worrying about God and your own personal beliefs and do things because you need to succeed.

CARLOS CATHOLIC: But God, I love him! I can never let God leave my heart.

JULIAN SNAKES: I can’t shit right and here you are bitching about having to comprise your beliefs. You should feel lucky it is something this small.

CARLOS CATHOLIC: You know, you should really try to respect me more.

JULIAN SNAKES: I respect you, I just don’t understand how someone who claims to be someone so dumb…

CARLOS CATHOLIC: Someday you’ll learn that your words hurt people…

FUN FETUS FREE-FOR-ALL for the KILL-A-BABY TAG TEAM TITLE

SODOMY AND THE BIBLE versus THE CHAOS BROTHERS

The tag-team champions are out to the ring first, waving to the audience and getting a good reaction. The Chaos Brothers, Little and Big Chaos, come down the aisle alongside their brother who is doing managerial services tonight. We see scattered all along the ring is Fetus just lying there ready to be wielded as a weapon. Julian Snakes puts out his hand for a shake, but Little Chaos slaps the taste right out of his mouth. This sets the match to start. Julian Snakes grabs Little Chaos and throws him over the top. Meanwhile Carlos Catholic rushes at Big Chaos who delivers one hell of a choke slam. Julian Snakes suffers the same fate.

Little Chaos is on the outside now and he grabs a fetus by his little cord and he slides the fetus in the ring. Little Chaos waits for Julian Snakes to get to his feet and he swings the fetus with all of his might. Luckily, Julian Snakes ducks the shot and than elbows Little Chaos in the nose. Little Chaos swings again and this time Julian Snake tackles him when he ducks the shot. Big Chaos is on the top rope and Carlos Catholic shoves him off the rope and to the floor below. Little Chaos staggers to his feet and Julian Snakes hits a back body drop and Little Chaos hits the mat Carlos Catholic applies an STF!

Big Chaos is trying to get to his feet on the outside when Julian Snakes hits a perfect looking baseball slide. Julian Snakes gets on the apron and he waits for Big Chaos to get up. Julian Snakes signals for a springboard asai moonsault, and Big Chaos gets up with his back turned to Julian Snakes. Once he turns around, Julian takes to the air. Big Chaos saw this coming as he drills Julian Snakes in the face with a Fetus! Dear lord, the impact is tremendous as a limb from the fetus flies into the crowd!

Back in the ring, Little Chaos has broken the STF and he bounces off the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Carlos Catholic doesn’t acknowledge the attack. Little Chaos grabs the fetus that he once used and he swings it at Carlos Catholic. Carlos Catholic begs for him to stop. Little Chaos asks the fans if he should stop and the fans say ‘no’. Carlos Catholic takes the opportunity to flee the ring and Little Chaos is left all alone in the ring. Carlos Catholic proceeds to wave to the audience as he heads to the back stage area.

Julian Snakes struggles to his feet and Big Chaos grabs him by the throat and drops him with a harsh looking choke slam. Julian Snakes definitely is going to feel that tomorrow. Julian Snakes struggles to his feet and Big Chaos goes for another choke slam, but Julian Snakes ducks under the arm of Big Chaos and hits a low blow. Big Chaos grabs his groin area and is in pain. Julian Snakes grabs a fetus and rams it straight into the crotch of Big Chaos. In the air though, Little Chaos lands on Julian Snakes with a cross body block to the outside.

Little Chaos helps Big Chaos up to his feet and he makes sure he is fine. Little Chaos yells at Big Chaos to throw Julian Snakes in the ring and he does so. Medium Chaos grabs a fetus and he slides in the ring. Big Chaos and Little Chaos do the same thing and the fans smell a beat down. Medium Chaos swings with the fetus and knocks Julian Snakes down to the mat! The fans boo at the tremendous shot and it appears as though Little Chaos is going to hit him with a fetus shot, which connects with a thud! Big Chaos throws his fetus to the ground and he signals that the match is over. Big Chaos picks Julian Snakes up and he sets up for the choke slam onto the Fetus.

Carlos Catholic has had enough of this debacle as he enters the ring through the crowd. Carlos Catholic yells at the three men who turn their attention now to Carlos Catholic. The three have a look of destruction in their eyes and they look ready to rip Carlos a new one. But no, it appears they won’t because Carlos Catholic slides to the outside and wants them to chase him. They do so for a good twenty seconds and than corner him in the ring.

Carlos Catholic pulls a bible from his pocket and begins to preach. Big Chaos looks confused and so does Medium Chaos. Little Chaos demands that the two men attack Carlos, but they refuse. Meanwhile, Julian Snakes has the fetus in his hand now and he swings Big Chaos right around and knocks him out cold with one hell of a fetus shot. At the same time, Carlos Catholic pulls some powder from his tights and he tosses it into the eyes of Medium Chaos. Carlos Catholic throws Medium Catholic to the floor and this leaves Little Chaos standing. Carlos Catholic grabs Little Chaos and Sodomy and the Bible hit a double power bomb and Carlos Catholic gets the 1-2-3! Sodomy and the Bible retain their titles for yet another week here.

The Chaos Brothers try to extract revenge, but Sodomy and the Bible head off to the back. Big Chaos is furious over the contents of the match and is screaming about unjusts within the world. Big Chaos grabs Little Chaos by the throat and choke slam! Medium Chaos gets the same fate and Big Chaos yells into a microphone that he is sick and tired of being pushed around by little pieces of shit like his brothers. Big Chaos denounces his affiliations to The Chaos Brothers and says he shall begin a travel for the Johnny Ramone Necrophilla Title.

WINNER: SODOMY AND THE BIBLE

Suicidal Patrick is shown in his locker room, sitting up against the lockers. Patrick bangs his head off the lockers every couple of seconds in sync. Eventually he stops, checks his watch, and than continues. The camera pans upwards to Ted the Zombie who staggers into the locker room. Suicidal Patrick notices Ted The Zombie and than speaks up.

SUICIDAL PATRICK: “Hey Ted. How are you doing?”

TED THE ZOMBIE: “B-bbbbrai-n-n-n-nssss!”

SUICIDAL PATRICK: “You ever wonder what the purpose of life is?”

TED THE ZOMBIE: “Dddestttroy hummman raccceee?”

SUICIDAL PATRICK: “Sometimes I feel so alone. I wish I could meet the perfect girl.”

TED THE ZOMBIE: “Sad. Pppatrick issss sadddd. Brainnns.”

Suicidal Patrick stands up from where he was sitting and decides to leave. This leaves Ted the Zombie standing alone, to which the cameraman frantically flees from the brain eating zombie. We head to the ring where your favorite owner and mine too, Dallas Darke, makes his way through the curtains. Darke raises his hands in celebration as he does some pelvic thrusts and than blows a kiss to a girl in the audience. Darke struts his stuff straight down to ringside. Dallas Darke slides into the ring and he has a microphone in his left hand. Dallas Darke calms the fans by acknowledging their jeers. Darke begins to speak,

DALLAS DARKE: “You know, when I first got into the rasslin’ business, my parents told me not to. They told me it was dangerous. They told me it was risky. They told me that I’d end up crippled and in a hospital bed by the age of thirty two.”

Dallas Darke begins to pace the ring and he does so for a good twenty seconds. Dallas Darke stops and than raises his finger. Dallas Darke speaks up once again.

DALLAS DARKE: “Next week is something so special. It just so happens that next week, live on Wednesday Night Wank Fest, I will be turning the age of thirty two. You see, my parents told me these lies and they told me I’d never make it. Well, I did. So I decided to create a title that needed to be created. For some reason, it just occurred to me that I am perhaps the greatest wrestler of all time. I have worked various promotions, I have accomplished so many things. World champion, tag-team champion, owner, writer, booker, super visor, heck I even worked the front desk of a couple of wrestling promotions.”

Dallas Darke cracks a smile and all of the sudden a few girls walk out from the curtain. There are five to be precise and they come down in a box, with one girl standing in the middle. This girl holds a title above her head and Dallas Darke gives a round of applause to the woman walking. They stand on the outside while Darke makes a block buster announcement.

DALLAS DARKE: “Next week on my birthday, I shall award this here “Dallas Darke Appreciation Title” to one lucky MBSEL super star. I know what you are pondering; who will it be? Johnny Colorado? Robbie California? Heck, maybe even Suicidal Patrick if he decides to show up. It doesn’t matter who it is, it doesn’t matter what for. But next week, this title is going to be awarded to one super star! So sit back, relax and enjoy the rest of the show.”

THE MANGO KID, MOE and JOE versus LEAD SINGER OF A SCREAMCORE BAND and BETTER OFF DEAD

The announcers explain the significance of this match, that all 6 men will be looking to make a good impression upon their boss before he hands a wrestler the Dallas Darke Appreciation Title. Moe and Joe come out to a big pop, but the Mango Kid gets an explosive introduction from the fans. The Mango Kid gets in the ring and plays to the crowd a little. Lead Singer of A Screamcore Band and Better Off Dead appear to be missing from the ring. Better Off Dead’s Music plays, but nothing happens. From the audience, they strike!

AIDSmon and Salvador Seizure double clothesline Joe and than Salvador picks up Moe and power slams him. The Mango Kid slaps Salvador across the face and than forearms AIDSmon. The Mango Kid swings right around and connects with another forearn to the face of AIDSmon who falls onto the apron. The Mango Kid sets up for a final forearm, but Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band grabs him by the arm and spins him around into a kick to the groin. Lead Singer hits perfect looking DDT! Lead Singer gets up to his feet and he flips off the fans.

Lead Singer is too busy worrying about the fans to see that Joe has mounted the top turn buckle. Joe hits a tremendous missile drop kick and Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band falls to the mat. Joe is up to his feet and he ducks a clothesline by AIDSMon. AIDSMon bounces off the ropes though and hits a running drop kick on Joe! Joe falls to the mat this time. The Mango Kid slaps AIDSMon on the butt and when he turns around hits a spinning heel kick. The Mango Kid climbs to the top and signals for a moonsault! Moe accidentally bounces off the ropes and The Mango Kid lands right on the scared Mangoes! Moe meanwhile is tossed in the air by Salvador Seizure with a back body drop.

The referee is trying to gain order by sending people onto the apron, but it doesn’t work. Joe simply crawls under his feet and than knees AIDSMon in the groin! The Mango Kid is up to his feet and goes for a 5 star frog splash on Lead Singer, who moves out of the way at the last second. Salvador Seizure has Moe in a sleeper hold and the referee raises the hand of Moe once! Moe is done for sure! The referee raises the hand of Moe twice! Moe has no chance in hell of surviving. Before the referee can raise the hand once again, Salvador has a seizure and releases the hold!

AIDSMon is very concerned with the status of his partner. AIDSMon has given the Mango Kid all of the time he needs to as he gets up to his feet. The Mango Kid grabs the Mangoes of AIDSMon and applies… THE CRUSHED MANGOES. The fans are in amazement over this breathtaking move. Lead Singer rushes at The Mango Kid and he grabs his Mangoes with the other hand and he has applied the dual version of … THE CRUSHED MANGOES.

This isn’t over yet as Salvador Seizure lays motionless. The Mango Kid gets down on his knees with the dual Crushed Mangoes applies and he opens his mouth and… TRIPLE CRUSHED MANGOES!!! The teeth sink in and the fans can’t get enough of that homoerotic Mango crushing. The Mango Kid releases the hold on both Lead Singer and the motionless Salvador Seizure and Moe add insult to injury as he head butts Lead Singer in the groin and that sends him to the outside!

The Mango Kid signals the match is over with a cut of the throat! The Mango Kid picks AIDSMon up and puts him in a tombstone pile driver position. The Mango Kid cracks a smile and than drops AIDSMon straight on his head. Joe is on the top rope and he hits an elbow drop for the win! Joe, Moe and the Mango Kid have a celebration in the ring while Better Off Dead and Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band simply hold their testicles and head to the back. The Mango Kid is perhaps the greatest wrestler in MBSEL with a perfect 3 wins, 0 losses record.

WINNER: MOE, JOE AND THE MANGO KID

MBSEL JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE

JOHNNY COLORADO versus ANTMAN versus TRIPLE L {2401}

This title has been worn by the best in the game, a super hero, a man fighting for his family and a Lobster! The bout starts quickly, with Antman not even showing up. Johnny Colorado and Triple L waste no time as they lock up. Johnny Colorado manages to send Triple L off into the ropes and hits a brutal looking clothesline. Colorado mat wrestles Triple L, but Triple L is too much of a high flyer. Triple L manages to get to his feet and hit an Asai Moonsault.

The fans boo in anger when Mix Master Doug, the heelish alter ego of Antman rushes out to the ring. Mix Master Doug tackles Triple L and spits on him. Mix Master Doug extends his hand for a shake with Colorado, who accepts. The minute Mix Master Doug turns his back, Johnny Colorado grabs him by the throat and hits one heck of a choke slam. Johnny Colorado picks up Mix Master Doug and throws him to the outside once again!

Johnny Colorado takes control of Triple L and Johnny Colorado has little care for the body of Triple L, hitting a perfect looking shoulder breaker. Triple L cries for help, but Johnny Colorado plants a perfect looking elbow drop onto his back. Johnny Colorado applies a shoulder lock and Triple L looks ready to tap. Triple L screams for help but his calls go unanswered…

But wait, Antman emerges from the underneath the ring, tearing the mat. Johnny Colorado looks scared about Antman! Antman points at Colorado and he gets into the ring. Johnny Colorado rushes at Antman and he gets choke slammed. Triple L gets back body dropped over the top rope. Antman says he is going to finish Colorado off! He rolls him up and points his feet on the rope. 1-2-… no the referee sees the foot on the ropes and he stops the count.

Antman argues with the referee in a very un-Superhero manner. Triple L is in the ring now and Johnny Colorado hits a perfect looking spine buster. Colorado sneaks up on Antman and rips his mask off! Oh, no! Antman covers his face and slides to the outside. Colorado covers Triple L {2401} and gets the three count. Evil has prevailed in this contest as Johnny Colorado comes out the winner. Johnny Colorado is the two time Johnny Necrophillia Champion! Colorado runs to the back as Antman tries to extract revenge, to no avail. Antman vows revenge in some sort of fashion to which Colorado flips him off. Don't forget... next week we will see the crowning of a new champion, plus Johnny Colorado, Lobster and the Duck will be in action!

WINNER: JOHNNY COLORADO

Edited October 11, 2004 by PunkRockPete

[RPS]

MBSEL Wednesday Night Wank-Fest

Coming live straight from your moms dirty…

The scene is an unknown apartment room. We see a young boy sitting at a table, drawing with markers and the such. He has a smile on his face and we the audience are led to believe he is having fun. He finishes a picture, walks over to the fridge and sticks it there. The boy begins to clap and hop up and down. The camera moves to the right to show a man wearing a Michael Jackson mask and moving straight towards the boy… the words, “Wednesday Night Wank-Fest” display across the screen.

Last week’s show is recapped for those who didn’t tune in. Fly-On-The-Wall high flying antics weren’t enough for Harold Agnes who called in a blast from the past, a mystery man dressed as an early settler interferfered. Perhaps a historic alliance is being forged? Ned and his hating of your favorite dead wrestler was brought to the breaking point but The Black Guy who whipped his ass all over the arena and than some. OWK Lobster, an oddity, appeared and let Lobster know a little bit about his past and about his destiny, only to run away due to menacing foe, The Duck, nearing close to them. Sodomy and the Bible seemed on the brink of losing their Kill-A-Baby Tag-Team Titles, but Carlos Catholic pulled through and helped the team win back the titles. Suicidal Patrick was depressed and confided in apparent friend Ted the Zombie. Dallas Darke unveiled a new title up for grabs… the “Dallas Darke Appreciation Title” and tonight we shall crown that very champion. Moe, Joe, and the Mango Kid came through in beating Better Off Dead and Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band. And in our main event, Antman at first no showed and it was alter ego Mix Master Doug versus Johnny Colorado versus Triple L {2401}. Colorado dominated until Antman appeared from beneath the ring to even the score. Johnny Colorado unmasked Antman, forcing him out of the ring and allowing for Colorado to steal the victory and to steal back his Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title!

This week some big matches are promised. Ned will be squaring off against Fly-On-The-Wall in a match where no one knows what will happen. For the Kill-A-Baby Tag-Team titles, we will see the new up and coming tag-team of Suicidal Patrick and Ted the Zombie against Sodomy and the Bible, the undefeated tag-team. Johnny Colorado will defend his Johnny Necrophillia Title against none other than 1010101010101, ally in the Colorado Collective. The Mango Kid and The Black Guy, the only two undefeated and active wrestlers in MBSEL will square off in one hell of a bout. And we already promised that Dallas Darke will be naming the ‘Dallas Darke Appreciation Champion’!

JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE MATCH

JOHNNY COLORADO versus 10101010101010

This match kicks off the show with a bang… Johnny Colorado demands that 101010101010 lay down and get pinned. 101010101010 does so and it appears that Colorado has the easy victory. But wait… Triple L {2401} has made his presence felt as he blind sides the referee! Colorado gets up to his feet and he takes Triple L down with a clothesline. Colorado tries to help the referee up, but Triple L kicks him down to his feet.

Triple L goes to the outside and grabs a steel chair. Triple L {2401} waits for Johnny Colorado to get up to his feet and BAM! He knocks him senseless with the steel chair shot! Triple L {2401} grabs 101010101010 and places him on top of the unconscious Johnny Colorado! The referee slowly gets up to his feet and gives the 1---------2-----------3! 101010101010 has won the title in a highly dramatic affair!

WINNER: 101010101010 and NEW JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA CHAMPION

JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE MATCH

10101010101010 versus TRIPLE L {2401} versus LEAD SINGER OF A SCREAMCORE BAND versus SUICIDAL PATRICK

Triple L starts this match up and he grabs a bucket of water and tosses it onto 101010101010. Triple L should get the victory, but Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band rushes out to the ring with a drum stick! Triple L turns around and BOOM! Lead Singer knocks him senseless with the drum stick. He covers and gets the 1-2------------kick out! Lead Singer cannot believe this and he shoves the referee. The referee shoves him back and he is rolled up… 1—2---, no Suicidal Patrick breaks up the count!

Suicidal Patrick grabs a razor blade and proceeds to threaten slit his wrists! Oh dear lord, the referee is begging and pleading with him not to. Suicidal Patrick demands that the bout be awarded to him… and the referee says no. Suicidal Patrick proceeds to make a tiny incision and some blood leaks out. The referee calls for the bell and awards the title and the bout to Suicidal Patrick, who grabs the Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title and heads to the back a champion.

WINNER: SUICIDAL PATRICK and NEW JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE

LOBSTER /w LOWK versus CALIFORNIA ROBBIE

The night of action isn’t slowing down any time soon as Lobster makes his way down the aisle and into the ring alongside ally LOWK. California Robbie, also known as the luggage carrier of The Black Guy, makes his way down the aisle and into the ring. California Robbie refuses to acknowledge the fans as he steps into the ring. Lobster taunts him and than plays to the audience, to the fans delight. California Robbie and Lobster lock-up, and than immediately break the hold.

California Robbie extends his hand for a shake… Lobster looks at the fans and they boo, telling him not to shake. Lobster looks at LOWK who shakes his head… no! Lobster looks at California Robbie and than… chops off his limb with his clamp! Blood has been shed twice tonight and it isn’t pretty. California Robbie has lost a limb and he grabs for it on the mat, but Lobster kicks him in the groin and hits a DDT.

Lobster covers and gets a 2 count. Robbie California decides to fight the bout without his hand and indeed, it shall be a fight. Lobster climbs to the second and hits a perfect looking drop kick. The wind has been knocked out of Robbie California as he struggles to his feet. Lobster applies a sleeper hold, threatening to cut off the head of California Robbie with his clamp. California Robbie slides out of the ring and refuses to fight the match.

The referee is preoccupied with California Robbie on the outside when Nancy Catalogue slides in the ring with a chair! Nancy Catalogue has a chair and heshe is going to hit Lobster which will probably cause him to lose. LOWK doesn’t like the looks of what is happening, so LOWK slides in the ring and tackles Nancy Catalogue. Lobster doesn’t even notice the brawl that proceeds inside of the ring. LOWK and Nancy Catalogue both end up on the floor.

Robbie California is in the ring now and Lobster hits a running neck breaker. Lobster climbs to the top and hits the Shooting Star Press and covers. 1------------2----------3! Lobster has retained a victory and the fans are on their feet clapping over the victory. Lobster isn’t done yet though…

WINNER: LOBSTER

Lobster has Robbie California ready to die, with the clamps in the air and Lobster has a microphone near his mouth to taunt him before he dies.

LOBSTER: “Any last words before you suffer just like my parents did… slime!”

ROBBIE CALIFONRIA: “This wasn’t my doing… I wasn’t in on the scheme. No, no, it was all Dallas Darke, Nancy Catalogue, The Duck… Johnny Colorado… it was all them. I simply bring in The Black Guy’s baggage now. I have never done an evil deed!”

LOBSTER: “Enough! My parents suffered and SO SHALL YOU.”

ROBBIE CALIFORNIA: “I can help in your plight Lobster! Reconsider!”

Before Lobster brings the guillotine down on the head of Robbie California, he stops. Lobster looks interested in this new proposal. Lobster stops in mid cut and than looks deep in the eyes of Robbie California.

LOBSTER: “You will help me … hand solo?” [OOC: if you can’t see the parallels between Star Wars and this storyline, I just had to make it that more obvious…]

ROBBIE CALIFORNIA: “I can … I can drive faster than anyone alive. I’ve got an old car, but it damn well drives faster than any piece of shit in the entire world. And I have this big furry friend who is called Eiwehc. He doesn’t know how to wrestle, but he sure can beat the shit out of anyone.”

LOBSTER: “I shall spare your life… but remember never to cross the path of Lobster. LOWK, Hand Solo, we shall depart from the arena, we aren’t safe.”

The Forces of Good minus the newest member Eiwehc head to the back. The fans are mildly disappointed that no one lost their head, but alas, MBSEL can’t please every person in the audience, but heck, some guy lost his fucking hand. Mad props to that one.

LOSER GETS EXECUTED MATCH

NED versus FLY-ON-THE-WALL

Ned comes out and starts to run down our favorite dead wrestlers… but Fly-On-The-Wall interrupts the already old and tasteless routine. This is a loser gets executed match, apparently, where the losers are going to be slaughtered for the audience.

Ned tries to apply a head lock to Fly-On-The-Wall, but Fly back body drops him. Ned, with zero wrestling skills, was back body dropped by a guy with zero muscle mass. This match has potential to be a 5 star. Fly struggles to his feet and Ned does so to. Fly hits a drop toe hold and Ned hits the ropes with his neck. Brutal landing and Ned gasps for air.

Fly-On-The-Wall climbs to the second rope and goes for a moon sault, but Ned grabs his ass hair and pulls him down. Fly hits the mat with a thud and the fans are pretty much bored. Ned goes for a elbow drop and misses by about a mile. Fly struggles to his feet and goes for a roll-up, but Ned just falls on him ruining all chances of exciting the crowd. Fly decides to go to the air to hit a twisting 450 moonsault plancha… but Ned just grabs him down once again.

Ned and Fly-On-The-Wall decide to go shot for shot! Back and forth they go with some really bad punches. Ned ducks one and hits an upper cut that doesn’t phase Fly. Oh… dear … lord… from the audience a seven foot giant slides in the ring. Both men are taken down with a clothesline. This giant grabs both men and power bombs both men at the same time.

Dallas Darke rushes down to help in on the beat down. Dallas Darke waits for Ned to get to his feet and hits a Twist of Fate. Dallas Darke climbs to the top and Swanton Bomb. Dallas Darke hits another twist of fate on Fly-On-The-Wall and another Swanton Bomb. Dallas Darke says he heard Robbie California left for The Forces of Good. Well, Dallas Darke isn’t surprised, in fact, happy. Because Dallas Darke would like to introduce the world to the biggest killing force in the entire world… Wendell Mehitler. Dallas Darke would also like to say that although no one technically lost this match… they are both losers. And therefore, will be murdered.

Wendell Mehitler pulls a gun from his pocket and he fires it straight into the head of Fly-On-The-Wall! Blood-shed everywhere! Fly-On-The-Wall is missing a head and Wendell Mehitler screams, “Hail Mehitler!” Oh, this should be so offensive, but it isn’t. Ned ducks a gun shot and he rushes to the back avoiding all of the bullets. Dallas Darke says that is interesting… Ned managed to escape. Dallas Darke says that two big things have happened this match… Wendell Mehitler debuted and Fly-On-The-Wall is dead. Dallas Darke is starting the first MBSEL contest … Ned Hunt! Whomever brings the corpse of Ned to the arena gets to wrestle in their very first of many MBSEL matches. Fuck Tough Enough, if you manage to kill Ned than by golly… you get a contract with MBSEL.

The address of Ned, his email, his phone number, his fax, his place of work and his relatives are listed on the screen. A logo of the face of Ned is displayed and than the words, “this year we won’t just hunt deer… we will hunt Ned!”

WINNER: WELL, FLY-ON-THE-WALL GOT EXECUTED… SO NED WINS BY DEFAULT

MBSEL JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE MATCH

JULIAN SNAKES versus SUICIDAL PATRICK

This is announced as a tag-team contest earlier on, but it seems as though the match is going to be a one on one contest. Suicidal Patrick attacks Julian Snakes as he comes through the curtain. Suicidal Patrick tackles him lays in a few good shots. Julian Snakes manages to shrug him off and than get up to his feet. Suicidal Patrick throws himself over the rail and into the crowd in a bizarre sight. Suicidal Patrick struggles to his feet and punches himself in the face. Suicidal Patrick grabs a chair and nails himself straight in the temple with it!

Julian Snakes manages to drag Suicidal Patrick into the ring and he goes for a running power slam. Suicidal Patrick slips off the shoulder of Julian Snakes and hits a low blow. Suicidal Patrick sends Julian Snakes off the ring lines and locks in a sleeper hold! Julian Snakes should just tap, but he will not! Julian Snakes starts to feel the affects of the standing sleeper hold, but he manages to back body drop Suicidal Patrick to the mat. Julian Snakes covers and gets a 1-2-3… no, only a two count! Julian Snakes is angered over the count, but decides to move onward.

Julian Snakes digs the knee into the spine of Suicidal Patrick and pulls back on the chin. Julian Snakes has Suicidal Patrick in a painful looking maneuver. Ted the Zombie, waltzes down the aisle and into the ring. Ted the Zombie throws in the towel for Suicidal Patrick a few seconds into the hold and the match is officially over. Julian Snakes is the new Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Champion! Suicidal Patrick is angered over the decision, he grabs the referee and knocks him out with a punch!

Patrick shoves Ted The Zombie and demands to know the reason for the give up. Suicidal Patrick slowly explains, “youuuuu… my friend… hurrrrttt… I help!” The fans are genuinely in agreement that Ted The Zombie was simply being a good friend. Suicidal Patrick winds up and punches him in the face. Suicidal Patrick says that they stole his title away from him. So next week, for all of the MBSEL fans, Suicidal Patrick will officially end his life!

Ted The Zombie chases Suicidal Patrick to the back, trying to convince him otherwise. Suicidal Patrick will not listen to the pleas of his “best friend” as he simply walks to the back without acknowledging the pleas.

WINNER: JULIAN SNAKES TO WIN THE JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE

Before we head to the next segment, the announcers decide to give us the history of the Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title. The first champion was Lobster, winning the title in a hectic battle royale that concluded in the Lobster raping the corpse of the Punk-Rock legend! The next champion was Johnny Colorado, who was crowned champion after MBSEL presumed Lobster dead from a fire started by arch nemesis The Duck. This didn’t last long, as Antman proceeded to defend good against Johnny Colorado and win the title with a hell of a roll-up. Johnny Colorado was angered, and when Triple L {2401} reared his ugly head in the direction of Johnny Colorado, a three way dance was set up. Mix Master Doug, alter ego of Antman, showed up. Antman was soon called back to the scene of the crime, but was distracted when Colorado unmasked him. This allowed for Colorado to steal the victory and his second run as Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Champion. Tonight, Colorado lost the title to 101010101010 in a quick contest, with the help of Triple L {2401}. This soon turned into a four way dance, between 101010101010, Triple L {2401}, Suicidal Patrick and Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band. Suicidal Patrick threatened to murder himself, and the referee awarded him the title. Julian Snakes managed to win the title for his first time ever just seconds ago… but how long will he hold the title?

THE MANGO KID versus THE BLACK GUY

The only two undefeated super stars in the prolonged history of MBSEL are squaring off in what is promising to be one hell of a match. Black Guy extends his hand for a shake, but the Mango Kid simply blows him off. The Mango Kid locks up with The Black Guy and gains the early advantage with the a wrist lock. The Black Guy elbows him in the face a few times and The Mango Kid finds himself against the ropes. The Black Guy opens fire with a few hard punches. The Black Guy sends The Mango Kid across the ring lines and hits a back body drop.

The Black Guy waits for the Mango Kid to struggle to his feet and the Black Guy hits a running clothes line. The Mango Kid struggles to his feet twice more and receives the same fate. The Mango Kid slides to the outside to catch his breath and The Black Guy brags to the fans a little. The Mango Kid takes this opportunity and uses it. The Mango Kid jumps in the ring and spears Black Guy. The Mango Kid goes for the legs of the Black Guy and locks in an standing ankle lock.

The Black Guy is in the hold for a good thirty seconds before he reaches the ropes. But the damage has been done. The Black Guy slowly gets to his feet and the Mango Kid taunts him. The Mango Kid body slams The Black Guy and leaves him lying in the middle of the ring. The Mango Kid mounts the chest of the Black Guy, putting the Black Guy’s face right in the crotch of The Mango Kid. Mango Kid throws a few vicious rights and lefts at Black Guy.

After about 9, Black Guy breaks the hold and gets to his feet. Mango Kid goes for a spinning heel kick, but Black Guy side steps it. Black Guy goes for a drop kick, but Mango Kid dodges it! Mango Kid goes for a power bomb, but Black Guy reverses it mid move and both men are on there feet. Both men hit a clothes line at the same time, knocking both men senseless.

The Mango Kid makes it to his feet first and he signals to the fans… CRUSHED MANGOES. Black Guy has the move studied, as he sneaks up to his feet and hits the Mango Kid with… TOKEN! Black Guy covers and gets a 1-2---3---no… kick out! The Black Guy was so close to victory here and lost it. The Black Guy out of frustration covers again and gets a two count once again.

The Black Guy decides that he is going to hit another Token… but Mango Kid has the move scoped out as he grabs the testicles of the Black Guy and squeezes with all of his might. The Black Guy is in complete pain from the move and he tries to break the hold, but cannot. The Mango Kid releases the hold and picks The Black Guy up for the Tomb stone Pile driver! The Black Guy turns the tide though, and reverses it into a Tomb stone pile driver of his own. The Black Guy covers and gets a two count!

The Black Guy is pissed off with the referee’s counting methods and he tells him. The referee says that he is merely doing his job. The Black Guy asks the referee to speed up the counts. The Mango Kid low blows The Black Guy and the referee was blind to it. The Mango Kid hits the TOKEN, a page straight from the book of The Black Guy. The Mango Kid covers and gets a one—two—three! The Mango Kid has narrowly avoided defeat at the hands of the Black Guy and won his fourth consecutive bout.

The Black Guy gets up to his feet and is discouraged about the loss. The Mango Kid extends his hand for a shake and the Black Guy shakes his hand, completing his return to the baby-face realm of MBSEL. But neither man can be saved from the heinous attack from Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band, who enters the ring with a chair in hand! Lead Singer completely hammers The Mango Kid with a chair shot and leaves him bloody and in the middle of the ring. The Black Guy tries to block his chair shot with his hand, but no deal! The Black Guy and the Mango Kid, who just mended their friendship, find themselves unconscious and lying beside each other! Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band raises the chair in an egotistical fashion and that tells the world his band will be playing next week, live on Wednesday Night Wank-Fest! Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band also lays an open challenge to any MBSEL super-star who thinks he can enter the ring with the winless super star!

WINNER: THE MANGO KID with a TOKEN

None other than your and my favorite General Manager, Owner, Wrestler, and now, basis of a MBSEL title belt, Dallas Darke makes his way down the aisle and into the ring. Dallas Darke takes a cocky moment to smile for any pictures and than demands that anyone who take a picture shell out 20$, since Dallas Darke is a celebrity. Dallas Darke starts out in fashion.

DALLAS DARKE: “You losers may be asking yourself; I don’t deserve this. Dallas Darke! A legend in professional wrestling. A legend in the music business, the lead singer of a punk band for nearly a decade. Heck, I was once in a movie! Not a very big movie, and my role consisted of me fucking this girls pussy for nearly an hour, but I must admit, it was the best role I ever landed!”

Dallas Darke stops to breath and out comes one of the girls who held the title belt last week… the Dallas Darke Appreciation Title! Dallas Darke grabs the belt and hoists in the air.

DALLAS DARKE: “All you losers out in the audience should strive to have this belt. Because not many of you will ever be on the same level as me… as my Darke Collective… heck, even that loser The Black Guy. I’m telling you inbred hicks, that no one deserves this title more than myself and my stable. So I said to myself, why not prove it? So instead of the original plan, placing this commemorative title on some regular schmoe, I’d make these wrestlers work for it. I am going to place 5 of the best wrestlers from the Darke Collective and 5 of the top talents from the MBSEL roster. So it’ll be… listen up you freak shows! It’ll be Triple L {2401}, The Mango Kid, The Black Guy, Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band and Harold Agnes… squaring off against the most destructive force in MBSEL history. Johnny Colorado, Wendell Mehitler, The Duck, Nancy Catalogue… and… well… me! Lets get this thing started!”

BATTLE ROYALE for the MBSEL DALLAS DARKE APPRECIATION TITLE

TRIPLE L {2401}, THE MANGO KID, THE BLACK GUY, LEAD SINGER OF A SCREAMCORE BAND, HAROLD AGNES, JOHNNY COLORADO, WENDELL MEHITLER, THE DUCK, NANCY CATALOGUE AND DALLAS DARKE

The Mango Kid immediately begins to brawl with Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band, and Harold Agnes goes after the Black Guy. These two pairs don’t even notice that Johnny Colorado, Wendell Mehitler, The Duck and Nancy Catalogue all conspire against them. The Mango Kid is the first victim, the man who was recently busted open is tossed over the top by The Duck and Nancy Catalogue! The Mango Kid hits the floor and in anger, grabs Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band and eliminates him! Lead Singer and The Mango Kid brawl up the ramp and to the back.

Harold Agnes and the Black Guy brawl awfully close to the ropes, when all of the sudden Wendell Mehitler delivers a devastating double clothesline to them both and eliminates them from the match. This leaves, Triple L {2401} to face the Dark Collective. Triple L {2401} throws lefts and rights galore at The Duck, Nancy Catalogue and Johnny Colorado and he manages to actually stage a good come back. Dallas Darke orders Wendell Mehitler to destroy him!

Wendell Mehitler takes off with great force and knocks Triple L’s teeth out with the biggest boot in the world. Triple L {2401} is picked up to his feet and Wendell Mehitler power bombs him over the top. The Duck and Nancy Catalogue eliminate themselves with little delay. Johnny Colorado is reluctant to climb over the top; but Dallas Darke orders a topless woman to come down the aisle with a sack of money. Johnny Colorado refuses to go. Dallas Darke yells at a woman to come down the aisle.

This is interesting; as a woman comes down the aisle with not one… but TWO title belts. Dallas Darke says that Johnny Colorado is Dallas Darke Appreciation Title worthy… but that belt holds a place in the heart of Dallas Darke. Instead, Dallas Darke will create two new titles for Johnny Colorado next week if he gets out of the ring at this time and moment. Johnny Colorado agrees to the terms of the match and he eliminates himself.

Wendell Mehitler eliminates himself, making Dallas Darke the victor of his own Appreciation title! Dallas Darke gets down on his knees, with the title in his hands and kisses it {ala Shawn Michaels post-Iron Man Match}. Dallas Darke sheds a tear as fireworks go off and confetti fills the ring. Dallas Darke says that this title means the world to him and it will forever stick around the waist of Dallas Darke. And next week we shall introduce two new titles, both of which will belong to Johnny Colorado. Dallas Darke says both will be held very high in the Wrestling world, whether Vince Dickman likes it or not! The early beginning of this Darke collective power trip has begun!

WINNER: DALLAS DARKE to WIN HIS OWN APPRECIATION TITLE

The show appears to be over. The fans start to leave the building when … the lights dim and on the massive ten inch titan tron an explosion occurs. The fans all turn in anticipation. The words “next week… prepared to be Thrilled!” Dallas Darke looks thrown off by the words on the screen and actually looks a bit scared over the message. Dallas Darke brushes the scare off his shoulder and heads to the back with his Darke Collective by his side.

[Gongsun Zan]

What. The. Fuck.

Seriously, this has got to be the most fucked up, offensive diary I've ever read.

I want more.

[Besmirched Tea]

when does my hero, lobster, get a shot at the title that was wrongfully stripped from him? lobster was the only winner of the necrophelia title to actually win it via necrophilia! i think that everytime someone famous dies, he/she should be used in a necro match for the belt.

[ChuBalso]

This is brilliant.

Very, very, original & innovative, great imagination.

If you take a month for an update, like I saw you did earlier, I'll unpin it, quicker than planned, though.

[Ron]

"If loving this is wrong, I don't wanna be right." Seriously, this is very offensive, but hilarious. I want more. I want to see the Star Wars storyline carry out (Only I hope the Duck wins it..... and The Lobster better not be a Duck....)

[kaplanir]

This is just the sickest, weirdest diary I've ever read. It just screams "My writer need medication"...

I LOVE IT!

Edited October 17, 2004 by kaplanir

[RPS]

MBSEL Wednesay Night Wank-Fest

Coming live from the pinned portion of the Diary Dome

This week’s theme music is My Sharona by the Knacks. The camera zooms in on a man typing vigorously at his office. The boss, it appears, walks up to the man typing vigorously and they chat inaudibly about something. The boss high fives the man at the desk and than walks away. The camera slowly zooms in on the scene…. The man is looking at some pornography involving deer!

What can we expect this week? Last week, we saw Dallas Darke win his own Appreciation title, in a highly controversial fashion creating two new titles to appease opponent Johnny Colorado. Dallas Darke says the titles will be rewarded tonight. As well, in an eerie fashion, Dallas Darke was warned that someone was out to get them and that they’d be here live in person. Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band laid out a challenge to any wrestler to fight him, and currently we have no word on who has stepped up to the challenge. “Ned Hunt” has begun with a MBSEL contract up for grabs. As well, word on the street is that Sodomy and the Bible will be defending their Kill-A-Baby Tag-Team Titles, tonight! Harold Agnes will square off against former Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Champion, Antman! This, plus more booking on the fly!

Johnny Colorado kicks off the night coming out to the ring with a prostitute clinging off his arm. Johnny Colorado waves to the audience and he has a smile the size of Texas on his face. Johnny Colorado slides in the ring and he rips the microphone away from the ring announcer. The fans chant “sell-out” over his decision to hop out of the ring last week with the incentive of two titles!

JOHNNY COLORADO: “Hey, I am a sell-out. God-dammit, sometimes in life you need to whore yourself to everyone and everything. That is why I enjoy the great taste of Coke Cola! But that is beside the point, I have a family to feed. My wife is at home right know tending to my seven year old daughter. I can’t pussy out and stand up for what I believe in. You know what that gets people? No-where! I ain’t a nobody. I am a somebody. In fact, I am the champion of two titles. Excuse me… [talking to the prostitute hanging off his arm] could you please get my titles?”

The woman nods her head and she heads off to the back, her low skirt showing the audience what they truly came to see…

JOHNNY COLORADO: “Okay, okay, so Dallas Darke gave me the honor of naming these here two titles. I said to myself; what the hell does Johnny Colorado need with two titles? I’ll tell you what I did. I phoned up Dallas Darke, and I said, ‘Dallas, I really don’t need two titles… but being a tag-team champion sounds like something I could succeed in. So I decided to make go out and find myself a tag-team partner and I named the titles ‘Perseverance in Excellent Tag-Team Wrestling Titles’. And I said, who should stand beside me in my plight for tag-team success. Wendell Mehitler!”

The prostitute makes her way out to the ring with Wendell Mehitler by her side. The prostitute carries one of the Perseverance in Excellent Tag-Team Wrestling titles, while Wendell Mehitler carries the other. Johnny Colorado rips the title off her shoulder the minute she steps in the ring. Johnny Colorado blows a kiss to the audience and he over-exaggerates the celebration. Johnny Colorado is about to talk, but his microphone has been cut off and the first match of the night begins…

PERSEVERANCE IN EXCELLENT TAG-TEAM WRESTLING TITLE MATCH

ROBBIE ‘HAND SOLO’ CALIFORNIA and LOBSTER versus JOHNNY COLORADO and WENDELL MEHITLER

Robbie California, former friend of Johnny Colorado, makes his way down the aisle with Lobster! The expression on Johnny Colorado’s face is priceless, as he looks scared of the duel force. Robbie California opens fire with his right hand on Colorado, because his left hand was amputated last week. Lobster is in the ring and Wendell Mehitler tries to tackle him, but Lobster dodges it. Wendell Mehitler is angered over the miss and he hits the mat in anger. Wendell Mehitler goes for another, but he misses one again.

Lobster rushes at Wendell Mehitler this time and connects with a breath-taking swinging neck breaker. Lobster gets to his feet and he lays a few boots in the back of Wendell Mehitler. Wendell Mehitler throws a tantrum and Lobster slides out of the ring to avoid the big massive beast. Wendell Mehitler grabs the referee and he hits a massive choke slam. Wendell Mehitler kicks Robbie California right in the face and the big boot should end the match, but unfortunately the referee is down and out.

Wendell Mehitler slides to the outside and echoes a Native war-cry at Lobster. Lobster runs away from Wendell Mehitler, and a chase begins. Lobster does a lap around the ring, and Wendell follows him. Lobster crawls underneath the ring and Wendell is confused as to which side Lobster is going to come out. Lobster comes out the side nearest the entrance and Lobster makes a run for the entrance. Wendell chases after him with great force and the camera follows.

Meanwhile, back in the ring, Johnny Colorado grabs the inside of the leg of Robbie California and drops his knee onto it. Robbie California screams in pain and he tries to punch Johnny Colorado, but he forgot his hand was amputated and totally misses. Johnny Colorado jumps in the air and drops his knee square onto the knee of Robbie California. California lets out a yelp of pain and Johnny Colorado spits in his face. Johnny Colorado locks in the sharpshooter! The match should be over, as this move is deadly when applied correctly.

In the back, Wendell Mehitler is searching for Lobster! Wendell picks up a garbage can, looks inside and throws it. Lobster, we see, is hiding behind a milk crate! Wendell Mehitler walks right by the crate and slams his fist into a Dumpster! Lobster comes out from his hiding spot and pinches the butt of Wendell Mehitler! Wendel Mehitler jumps up, and swings around and the chase is on again! Lobster rushes through the halls of the arena and Wendell Mehitler chases after him. Lobster seems to be slowing down and Wendell is closing in. Lobster jumps aboard a mini-motorized scooter and Lobster begins to ride through the halls. Wendell Mehitler sees a motorcycle nearby and he climbs aboard and chases after him.

Robbie California is on his knees now, trying to get to his feet and Johnny Colorado slaps the taste out of his mouth! Johnny Colorado hits a shining wizard and he covers, but the referee is still being attended to by EMT’s. And since MBSEL is cheap… we can only afford ONE REFEREE. Johnny Colorado climbs to the second rope and he signals for an elbow drop… which he botches, California rolls out of the way at the perfect time! Robbie California waits for Johnny Colorado to get up to his feet and he drop kicks him to the floor.

Lobster comes to the ring in the scooter. He crashes it into the steel steps and Lobster is tossed into the audience. Luckily a fan catches Lobster, and he isn’t seriously injured. Lobster gets in the ring now and awaits Wendell Mehitler. Wendell comes through the curtains, and he doesn’t know how to ride a motorcycle so it constantly stalls. Wendell gets off the motorcycle and stamps straight into the ring. Wendell cuts his throat in a sign that Lobster is done.

A man wearing an obvious fake moustache and wig, jumps the barrier and slides in the ring with a baseball bat. The man yells at Wendell Mehitler and hits him in the stomach with the baseball bat. Wendell falls to his knee and the man winds up and cracks the bat into two with a vicious baseball bat shot. Wendell Mehitler is out cold, the man hits an obvious home-run! The man rips off the wig and the moustache and it is… NED! Ned has comes back to extract revenge from Wendell for trying to kill him last week. Ned rushes to the back as a few fans jump over the barrier and try to win the contract.

The referee staggers to his feet and Lobster has the cover on Wendell. The referee makes the slow one count! Makes the slow two count! Makes the slow three count! We have new Perseverance in Excellent Tag-Team Wrestling Champions in Lobster and Robbie California! Johnny Colorado’s awful streak of being a champion has been proven once again.

WINNER: LOBSTER and ROBBIE CALIFORNIA to become the new PERSEVERANCE IN EXCELLENT TAG-TEAM WRESTLING CHAMPIONS

HAROLD AGNES versus ANTMAN

Harold Agnes locks up with Antman off the back and tries to do a Hulk Hogan-like shove off the lock-up, but fails as Antman just stays put. Harold Agnes is embarrassed over the failure and slaps Antman across the face. Antman ducks the second slap and shoves Harold Agnes to the mat. Harold Agnes lets a gasp of pain as apparently he hurt his back.

Antman looks generally concerned with what has happened. Harold Agnes screams that he think he broke his back and the referee desperately calls for EMT’s to rush out to the ring. The whole entire arena gets very solemn as it appears as though the joke is over; an old man got really hurt when attempting to wrestle with no experience.

Antman has his hands on his mask in anger over his stupid behavior. From the crowd, a man dressed as though he is a settler of the new world back in the 1700’s jumps over the barrier. Antman has his back turned as the Settler locks in a full nelson, and than hits a full nelson slam! Antman is down and out after the move, and the Settler slides out of the ring. Harold Agnes crawls over to Antman, drapes his arm over him and gets the 1-2-3!

Harold Agnes is victorious here with the help of a settler from the 1700’s. Harold Agnes and the Settler leave up the ramp as an irate Antman gets up to his feet and vows revenge on the duo!

WINNER: HAROLD AGNES

KILL-A-BABY TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH

SODOMY AND THE BIBLE versus TEAM GENERIC

Team Weregonnalose is compiled of John Adams and Gene Adams; they wear generic tights and really have nothing out of the ordinary about them. They could basically be described as straight off of a WCW B-Show during its … less than prime period. Julian Snakes, is also the Johnny Ramone Necrophilla Champion which is a title that has a lot of history. Julian Snakes starts off the bout and he locks up against Gene Adams. Gene Adams gets tossed to the mat and Julian Snakes capitalizes on it immediately.

Julian locks in a front face lock and Gene Adams is in a lot of pain despite the move not really being renowned for its tortuous affects on your opponent. Gene Adams makes it to the ropes and he demands the hold be broken. Julian Snakes releases the hold and Gene Adams slaps him across the face! Gene Adams tells the crowd that they have a small chance at winning! Julian Snakes hits a european upper cut and than in the same breath, drops Gene Adams with a neck breaker.

Julian tags to Carlos Catholic, the man with the G-O-D in his corner. Carlos Catholic drives his knee into the shoulder of Gene Adams. Carlos Catholic picks him up to his feet and goes for a shoulder breaker. Carlos Catholic drives the shoulder of Gene Adams into his knee and the fans could hear the crushing blow. Gene Adams lets out a yelp of pain and he tags to his brother.

John Adams rushes at Carlos Catholic and gets clothes lined. John Adams goes for another rush, and Carlos clothes lines him once again. Carlos Catholic grabs the hair of John Adams and whips him back into the mat with little care. John Adams goes for a clothes line, but Carlos blocks it and hits a double leg take down. Carlos locks in a figure four leg lock and John Adams barely escapes the hold!

Carlos tags in Julian Snakes who goes for a missile drop kick, but misses John Adams. John Adams makes the tag to Gene Adams who covers Julian Snakes after the botched drop kick. 1-2-3! What in the blue hell happened? Gene Adams just covered Julian Snakes and got the three count, meaning this generic duo of two brothers managed to unjob their ways to titles.

Carlos Catholic is angered over the pinfall victory. Carlos claims to the referee it was a fast count, but the referee denies it. Gene and John Adams, Team Generic, grab the Kill-A-Baby tag team titles. In honor of winning the titles, Team Generic grab a baby from an audience member and shake it viciously. They hand the limp and motionless baby back to the new mother and than head to the back. Carlos Catholic attacks the referee and sends him to the outside.

Julian Snakes tells Carlos Catholic to chill out, it was just one match. Carlos Catholic slaps Julian Snakes and says he let the team down! Carlos Catholic says he carried this team since day number one, and now, Carlos Catholic is TIRED of carrying. Julian Snakes challenge Carlos Catholic to a show down for the Johnny Ramone Necrophilla Title… Julian Snakes tells the referee to start the match.

WINNER: TEAM GENERIC via PINFALL

MBSEL JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE MATCH

JULIAN SNAKES versus CARLOS CATHOLIC versus JOHNNY COLORADO versus SUICIDAL PATRICK

Even before Julian and Carlos can grab for each others throat, Johnny Colorado rushes to the ring and Suicidal Patrick does so as well! Johnny Colorado jumps Carlos Catholic and drops him with a clothes line. Johnny Colorado picks up Carlos Catholic and throws him to the outside. Julian Snakes connects with a slap to the face of Johnny Colorado and eventually a DDT. Suicidal Patrick rolls-up Julian Snakes and grabs the ropes for leverage. 1-2-… no, the referee sees the use of the ropes and breaks up the pin-fall.

Suicidal Patrick grabs a chair and he slides in the ring. The referee demands Suicidal Patrick get rid of the chair. Suicidal Patrick swings the chair and knocks the referee out cold. Suicidal Patrick waits for Julian Snakes to get to his feet and he knocks him out with a chair shot! Patrick isn’t done quite yet as he waits for Johnny Colorado to struggle to his feet and he lays him out with a chair shot! The fans think the ambush is over, but it ain’t, as Carlos Catholic receives the third chair shot. Suicidal Patrick rolls to the outside and leave site of the camera.

The match doesn’t really pick up until Johnny Colorado and Julian Snakes get up to their feet. Johnny Colorado ducks a clothesline and hits a release German suplex. Johnny Colorado ducks another clothesline from Carlos Catholic and this time hits a back body slam. Johnny Colorado covers, but only a two count this time.

Johnny Colorado decides to go for a daring move and he climbs to the top rope. Johnny Colorado could very well have the match won here, as he signals for a high-risk move. Johnny Colorado goes for the 450 Splash, in what is breath taking feat of agility! Johnny Colorado hits nothing but mat, as Carlos Catholic slides out of the way and manages to dodge what would be a hell of a crush.

The camera focuses in on Suicidal Patrick who is climbing the twenty-foot set with the chair in hand. Suicidal Patrick is swearing at a few of the stage members and he has an irate look in his eyes. Perhaps Suicidal Patrick is finally going to do the deed here tonight!

Back in the ring, Carlos Catholic and Julian Snakes are going shot for shot, back and forth with the punches. Carlos Catholic is getting the upper hand, he hits a precise boot to the chest of Julian Snakes and he signals for the running cradle pile driver, also commonly referred to as the Bible Thump! But wait, the camera switches to the top of the set where Suicidal Patrick has a microphone in hand, “I’ve been struggling for to long to make it in the business, to find a wife and to start a family. I am going to end it all here and now, good-bye!”

Suicidal Patrick tosses the microphone down to the pavement floor and it breaks open. Suicidal Patrick blows a kiss to the fans and he is going to jump… wait, a voice booms over the PA system… “Suicidal Patrick… do not end your life…” The camera pans to Carlos Catholic, “the good Lord looks down upon practices of self-mutilation and pain infliction! Do not do this, the good Lord loves you!”

Suicidal Patrick and the audience have their attention set on what is happening on the stage, but the camera captures the more important “wrestling” events, as Johnny Colorado sneaks up behind Julian Snakes and rolls him up. The referee makes the three count and Johnny Colorado has retained his Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title. Johnny Colorado slides to the outside and raises the title high above his head! Johnny Colorado leaves through the crowd to avoid the entire debacle occurring on the set.

“Two years was too long to pretend… I hate my life and so does everyone living… good-bye!”

Suicidal Patrick slams the chair into his forehead, he drops the chair and it lands on the set. At the same time, Suicidal Patrick free-falls behind the curtain to the pavement floor below. . A loud thud is heard so sickening, that it can only be compared to a car crash. The fans gasp in complete shock over the events. Carlos Catholic rushes to the back, with the referee and Julian Snakes! This is live pay-per-view and a man just committed suicide! Never mind the title change, we’ve got something more important.

The camera isn’t aloud to go behind the curtain, as it shoved away by concerned members of the staff. It’d be fundamentally wrong to capture the death of a man on live PPV… but heck, there has been more offensive things to happen in the world. The capture focuses in on the limp body of Suicidal Patrick as the EMT’s try to desperately revive him. An ambulance arrives eventually he is loaded in. They eventually get out the paddles and shock Suicidal Patrick, but it appears to be too late… only time will tell the fate of Suicidal Patrick.

WINNER: JOHNNY COLORADO to WIN THE JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE

In a classy segment, a prostitute comes to the ring wearing nothing but a halter top and a mini skirt. The prostitute has a tear running down her face. She picks up the microphone lying in the middle of the ring and has the unfortunate of breaking the news to all of the fans.

PROSTITUTE: “Suicidal Patrick… is dead. He died of an apparent suicide. Investigation into this matter still continues. Enjoy the rest of the show.”

Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band breaks the silence as his band is playing on the same stage where Suicidal Patrick just killed himself. Lead Singer sends a little message to all of the fans in the building, when he says, “Suicide isn’t the only solution in life. Getting someone to kill you works just as well!”

The tasteless comment leaves a dirty taste in the mouths of the fans and most importantly, The Mango Kid, who appears behind Lead Singer with a chair, the same chair Suicidal Patrick killed himself with. The Mango Kid starts up a match between himself and Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band!

THE MANGO KID versus LEAD SINGER OF A SCREAMCORE BAND

Lead Singer begs for forgiveness, but The Mango Kid refuses. He throws a mean right and than another. Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band tries to crawl to the ring, but the Mango Kid grabs his ass and pulls him closer. The Mango Kid throws Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band behind the curtain and Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band tries to runaway.

The Mango Kid chases after him and they are now brawling in the region where Suicidal Patrick landed, as his blood is still splattered on the ground. In fact, the janitor is cleaning it up with a mop. The Mango Kid grabs the testicles of the Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band and than hoists him up and drops him with a tomb stone pile driver.

The Mango Kid covers and gets the 1-2-3! The Mango Kid slaps the ass of the unconscious Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band, looks at the camera and dedicates the win to the memory of Suicidal Patrick!

WINNER: THE MANGO KID

Dallas Darke, the jack of all trades, comes to the ring and immediately he grabs a microphone. Dallas Darke gets a few jeers, but mostly the fans are still taking in the events that have occurred.

DALLAS DARKE: “Last week, I was told that I was in some sort of trouble. In fact, I was told that next week I’d be getting mine. Well, I’ve been here an hour and nothing happened to me yet. In fact, my main man Johnny Colorado just won back his title. So I am going to say with 5 minutes remaining in the show, ain’t nothing bad gonna happen to me…”

A loud crash over the PA system. Almost like lightening. A howl.

DALLAS DARKE: “Cut the music, stop scaring me guys…”

A key board cuts in… another howl a few moments later. It builds up and it a loud boom in the music. A drum-beat starts up. A voice comes across the PA … “It’s close to midnight, and something evil is a lurking in the dark…”

DALLAS DARKE: “Is this some sort of joke…?”

The voice hits a peak… “THRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLER!”

Michael Jackson, the king of pop, makes his way onto the stage dangling his baby from his arms. Michael Jackson points at Dallas Darke, and he looks afraid! Michael Jackson, the king of pop has arrived and he is going to kick Dallas Darke ass! “Thrilllllllllllllllllllllllllller!”

Michael Jackson does a moon-walk down the audience and hands his baby to a random fan in the audience. Michael Jackson gets in the ring and apparently we are going to see a match here!

DALLAS DARKE APPRECIATION TITLE MATCH

MICHAEL JACKSON versus DALLAS DARKE

Michael Jackson steps in the ring and it looks like for the first time. Dallas Darke clothes lines him and Dallas Darke lays in a few vicious boots. Michael Jackson rocks with every kick to his spine. Dallas Darke lays a few elbow drops into the spine of Michael Jackson and Jackson is really taking a toll within the first ten seconds.

Michael Jackson gets to his feet and he gets dropped with a body slam! Dallas Darke applies a chin lock and Michael Jackson is on the brink of submission. The referee asks Michael Jackson if he’d like to give up, but Michael refuses. His eyes start to close and slowly, it seems as though Dallas Darke has the match in the bag. Michael Jackson grabs for the ropes, but Dallas Darke has him to close to the ropes.

The referee raises the arm of Michael Jackson once and it hits the mat. Twice, and it hits the mat. Three times…. And THERE IS LIFE. Michael Jackson eyes beam with life~! Michael Jackson gets up to his feet, Dallas Darke still has the hold applied. Michael Jackson throws a few elbows into the gut of Dallas Darke. Dallas Darke throws a punch, and Michael Jackson hulks up! Another, and more Hulkage! Dallas Darke gets body slammed by Michael Jackson!

Michael Jackson taunts the crowd and Dallas Darke gets up to his feet with anger in his eyes. He rushes at Michael Jackson and Michael Jackson hits a big boot. Michael Jackson bounces off the ropes, hits a funky moonwalk type move and hits the leg drop. Michael Jackson covers and gets the

ONE….

TWO….

THREEEEEEE!!!!

Michael Jackson gets up to his feet and he has won the match. Michael Jackson grabs the Dallas Darke Appreciation Title and he raises it in the air. All of the face wrestlers rush out to the ring and they wave to the audience! They hoist Michael Jackson up on his shoulders. Michael Jackson slaps all of the wrestlers hand. Michael Jackson sees Joe, the twelve year old boy, and the two walk to the back looking at the title belt.

Dallas Darke steps to his feet and he is pissed. He demands a rematch of sorts, he demands something. The Black Guy remains behind and Dallas Darke berates him for helping the celebration. Dallas Darke goes for a clothes line, but The Black Guy ducks it and hits the Token. The Black Guy heads to the back as Dallas Darke was embarrassed to the maximum tonight!

WINNER: MICHAEL JACKSON by MOONWALK LEG-DROP to win THE DALLAS DARKE APPRECIATION TITLE

[RPS]

WEDNESDAY NIGHT WANK-FEST

Coming live from New York City, its Wednesday Night Wank-Fest!

A picture of Suicidal Patrick appears, with his birth-date and death-date being displayed. A ten bell toll is taken as we pan away from the arena and back to the opening video.

We don’t have an entrance video this week, instead we head straight into a recap from last week. Perseverance in Excellent Tag Team Wrestling titles were created by Johnny Colorado and his partner Wendell Mehitler… but all it took was Lobster and Robbie Hand Solo California. Ned showed his face and laid Wendell out with one hell of a chair shot. Elsewhere, we saw Harold Agnes emerge victorious over opponent Antman, with the help of what appeared to be a 1700’s settler! In tag-team action, new up and coming tag-team, Team Generic with Mike and Gene Smith managed to win the Kill-A-Baby Tag-Team Titles! After, Julian Snakes defended his gold against challengers Carlos Catholic, Johnny Colorado and Suicidal Patrick. Suicidal Patrick had enough with his life, scaled the Titan Tron and gathered the attention of Carlos Catholic. This allowed for Johnny Colorado to gain a victory over Julian Snakes to and to win back his Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title. Suicidal Patrick killed himself in his final act of defiance, a scene which led to our next match… Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band getting his ass handed to him by The Mango Kid in a scene of revenge. Dallas Darke demanded to know who the mystery man who was threatening his safety. Michael Jackson, the king of pop, debuted and managed to defeat Dallas Darke in what was a breath-taking scene, winning the Dallas Darke Appreciation Title! This leaves one question for us to ask : WHAT IS NEXT FOR MBSEL?

Johnny Colorado kicks off Wednesday Night Wank-Fest, much like he did last week. He has the Johnny Ramone Necrophilla Title strapped around his waist, a smile on his face and a hooker by his side. A young boy extends his hand for a slap, but Colorado pushes the kid back into a row of chairs, knocking them all down. Johnny Colorado slides in the ring and he grabs a microphone from the ring announcer.

JOHNNY COLORADO: “Sit down and shut up. I see you there tubby, in the front row. Yeah, I hit your kid. He looked like an idiot and he deserved it. Shut up! Security, escort the man out of the arena, please and thank you. Back to business here folks, I am the Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Champion. I know what you are thinking to yourself: finally a reliable champion. For the past month, we’ve seen the title change hands numerous times in one night. Well those days have ended. I am going to put an end to sudden title changes when it comes to this here title. That doesn’t mean I won’t defend the title; in fact, I would be enthused to defend the title right here tonight. I’ve hand picked my opponent as well. Lets give a round of applause for Little Chaos!”

JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE MATCH

LITTLE CHAOS versus JOHNNY COLORADO /w THE HOOKER

Little Chaos comes to an abysmal reaction, not having seen him in about three weeks. Johnny Colorado urges the young competitor to get in the ring to get his ass kicked. Little Chaos refuses, and eventually the Hooker jumps on his back and tries to strangle him. Little Chaos avoids the wrath of the hooker by sliding in the ring. Little Chaos gets picked up in the air and dropped straight on his face in a painful looking move. As Little Chaos struggles to his feet, Johnny Colorado kicks him square in the teeth.

Johnny Colorado prods Little Chaos with his foot in an act of insult. Little Chaos swats it away, but Johnny Colorado puts it back in his face. Little Chaos instead goes for an Ankle Lock, but Johnny Colorado kicks him off! Johnny Colorado waits for Little Chaos to get to his feet before he lays him out with a stiff bicycle kick. Johnny Colorado drops a knee into the leg of Little Chaos and signals he will work on the leg.

Little Chaos is screaming in pain as Johnny Colorado applies force. Little Chaos tries to gouge the eyes but, fails. Johnny Colorado applies a front face lock and refuses to let Little Chaos move from the middle of the ring. Johnny Colorado lets one hand free and drills Little Chaos in the kidney with some stiff punches. Little Chaos screams in pain as the shots get stiffer and stiffer. Eventually Colorado is told to release the hold by the referee and Johnny Colorado does so.

Johnny Colorado encourages Little Chaos to get up to his feet and Little Chaos does so. Johnny Colorado grabs him by the neck and drops him with a vicious neck-breaker, with great authority. Johnny Colorado covers and gets a 1-2---no, Colorado relieves the pin fall. Johnny Colorado tells the referee that Little Chaos kicked out, but no-one believes him. Johnny Colorado’s own mother wouldn’t believe him.

Johnny Colorado scoops Little Chaos up to his feet and he drives an elbow straight into the back of the neck of Little Chaos. The referee warns Colorado to watch the elbow shots and to be careful in the ring. Colorado flips off the referee and drops Little Chaos with a forearm to the face. Little Chaos gets on his knees and begs for Colorado to end the match, so Colorado grabs Little Chaos by the head and he picks him up for a pile driver. Colorado drops him with a pile driver and he covers. 1-2-… no, Colorado release the pin.

Johnny Colorado picks up Little Chaos and he picks him up. Johnny Colorado hits a jumping pile driver and it should be over as Little Chaos is down and out for the count. Johnny Colorado doesn’t go for the pinfall this time, he drags the motionless Little Chaos over to the corner and he drags Little Chaos to his feet. Colorado scales the turnbuckle and sets Little Chaos up for a pile driver off the second rope. The referee demands that Colorado reconsider, but Johnny Colorado is hell-bent on destroying Little Chaos. With the pile-driver off the top, the referee calls for the bell and awards the match to Johnny Colorado to end the suffering.

Johnny Colorado spits in the face of the referee and drops him with a right hand. Johnny Colorado tells the world he ain’t done yet, he wants to kill Little Chaos in front of all of the fans here. Colorado says that Little Chaos is going to pull a Suicidal Patrick right here tonight!

Medium Chaos, older brother to Little Chaos hits the ring! Medium Chaos rushes at Colorado only to get back body dropped. Johnny Colorado points to his head, signaling his wits. Colorado goes to the outside and grabs a chair. Colorado picks up a microphone and speaks, “last week Suicidal Patrick killed himself with a chair like this. And tonight I end the career of two men with a similar chair.”

Colorado places Medium Chaos leg in the chair and than he climbs to the second rope. Colorado points to someone in the audience and than stamps down on the chair. Medium Chaos screams in pain as his Ankle is probably broken. Johnny Colorado grabs the ankle of Medium Chaos and applies an Ankle lock for a good minute before EMT’s hit the ring and demand Johnny Colorado head to the back. Our Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Champion cracks a smile and heads to the back.

WINNER: JOHNNY COLORADO by PILE-DRIVER OFF THE SECOND ROPE

Carlos Catholic is sitting in a corner with a towel on his head. Carlos Catholic is confessing his sins to the emptiness of the arena in a soliloquy. The camera pans to Julian Snakes who stands a good few meters away, in anger over his friend, they are still tethered together and cannot disband.

CARLOS CATHOLIC: “Forgive me father… for I have sinne… no… I cannot carry this lie much longer. I haven’t committed a sin. I haven’t done a wrong. I haven’t… I haven’t… I am a good person. I couldn’t have stopped Suicidal Patrick from fulfilling his own destiny. I am not you… God… I cannot alter the destiny of those around me. Why … why?…”

Carlos Catholic takes the towel off his head and throws it. Carlos Catholic begins to walk away from the camera, walking past Julian Snakes and than heading towards the ring. Julian Snakes must come with him.

CARLOS CATHOLIC /w JULIAN SNAKES versus AIDSMON /w SALVADOR SEIZURE

Carlos Catholic comes through the curtain and he runs down the aisle and so does Julian Snakes. Carlos Catholic slides in the ring and AIDSMon isn’t quite ready for the ambush. Catholic Carlos grabs AIDSMon and throws him into the ropes. Catholic connects with a drop kick and Catholic goes for the cover and gets a two count. Catholic demands the count be faster, but the referee refuses. Catholic applies a choke hold and the referee demands that Catholic break the choke. Catholic does so.

Carlos Catholic works on the knee of AIDSMon with a few carefully placed knees. Carlos Catholic eventually applies a Single Leg Crab, which is really putting a lot of pressure on the injured knee of AIDSMon and his back. Carlos Catholic nears the ropes and he uses the ropes for leverage. Julian Snakes is upset over this as he tells his friend and partner to let go of the ropes. Carlos Catholic releases the hold and steps on the floor.

Carlos Catholic gets in the face of his partner, Julian, and shoves him. Julian tells him to watch what he is doing or else he might end up on the wrong side of an ass kicking. Carlos Catholic spits in the face of his friend and than punches him with a stiff shot. Carlos Catholic slides back in the ring and AIDSMon grabs a hold of the tights of Carlos Catholic and goes for a roll-up, but Catholic kicks out. This anger Carlos as he grabs hold of AIDSMon knee and attacks it with vicious behavior.

Carlos Catholic goes to the outside and he grabs a chair. Salvador Seizure tries to stop Carlos Catholic from getting in the ring, but Catholic knocks him out with a vicious chair shot. Carlos Catholic gets in the ring, and this time the referee gets in the way. Carlos Catholic swings away and knocks the wits out of the referee. The bell is rung and AIDSMon is awarded the match by DQ.

Carlos Catholic decides to go nuts with the chair, he hits the knee of AIDSMon numerous times until it seems as though the leg should be broken in half. Carlos Catholic grabs AIDSMon and pulls him to his feet. Carlos Catholic Irish whips AIDSMon, and his knee gives out after three steps. The pain is lighting up in the face of AIDSMon. Carlos Catholic attempts the heelish move once again and the knee gives out.

Carlos Catholic is getting some major heel heat as his friend, Julian Snakes, gets in the ring and Carlos Catholic knocks him senseless with a chair shot. The Mango Kid has had enough here folks, as the undefeated wrestler rushes down the aisle and into the ring. The Mango Kid ducks a chair shot and applies… the CRUSHED MANGOES! Oh dear lord, this submission hold is almost inescapable! The Mango Kid puts a lot of pressure on the Mangoes of Carlos Catholic and eventually throws him to the outside. The Mango Kid helps his “friend” Julian Snakes up to his feet and they have a very awkward hug…

WINNER: AIDSMON by DQ

In the back, we see Hand Solo with Eiwehc lounging in some chairs. Eiwehc barks a little, and Hand Solo simply nods. Hand Solo doesn’t seem to understand what is going on, but he just simply nods and smiles. In walks Lobster with his pal, LOWK [okay, just to let you in on this storyline some more, OWK = Obi Wan Knobi~!… swerve!]

LOWK : “Hand Solo, we have some unfortunate news… some very unfortunate news… it turns out that The Duck’s menancing plans for world domination do not end here. In fact, it could possibly go on for quite a time…”

HAND SOLO: “Hey, hey, hey! I am here for one reason; support. I ain’t here to stop the forces of evil, I am basically here because I wanted to live and this was the only way to live. I’ve got some unpaid debts, that need tending to and than I jet.”

LOBSTER: “Do you know who… Dick Cheneys daughter is?”

HAND SOLO: “Man is she a fucking fox. I saw her on FOX Television and to say that I made stainds on the wall is an understatement.”

LOBSTER: “Well, she is a lesbian…”

LOWK: “And she is captured by the Darke Collective. They are holding her hostage for some… unknown reason. I am not quite sure yet… perhaps to extract some information from her…”

HAND SOLO: “How does this all relate to me? I mean, seriously… I don’t care…”

LOWK: “You will care when Duck manages to take over the entire world… and we all become slaves to the Republic of Duck! Could you imagine being forced to learn the language of Duck?”

HAND SOLO: “That is a language? God-dammit, I just thought he was quacking and Nancy Catalogue was crazy. In that case… lets free her.”

LOWK: “Alright, I would lay out the plan, but the camera is here. I know in some other promotions they like to spill the beans on their huge plans… but there is a line between Lita’s pregnancy and The Duck conquering the entire world!”

The camera shuts off… we head straight to the ring.

THE DUCK /w DICK CHENEY’S LESBIAN DAUGHTER versus FLY-ON-THE-WALL

The Duck enters and behind him DICK CHENEY’S LESBIAN DAUGHTER is in shackles. Oh, the controversy, oh, the evil! Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter cries for help, but no-one responds. The Duck before the match, picks up a microphone and states the most evil statement in the world, “QUACK! Quack quack! QUACK! Quack quack, quack!” Oh, he has a Diabolic scheme!

Fly-On-The-Wall comes down to the ring and he waves to the fans. Fly-On-The-Wall gets in the ring and he bounces off the ropes, testing everything out. The camera pans to The Duck who has a rocket launcher in his hands. He presses the trigger and KABOOM! That is right…. The Duck just killed Fly-On-The-Wall. Pieces of Fly’s arm hit the camera and apparently he is a goner. A goner indeed.

The Duck walks over to Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter and he pets her with his wing. The Duck cackles in such a manner that even I, the great Punk Rock Pete, am scared. The Duck pulls her to the back and we are pretty much led to believe that Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter is next. That she will suffer the same fate as the face … Fly-On-The-Wall. Three deaths in three weeks, what a sad state of affairs. Perhaps we should just hire a police officer…

WINNER: THE DUCK by ROCKET LAUNCHER

Dallas Darke enters the arena with an angry look on his face. Dallas Darke is accompanied by Wendel Mehitler, and he doesn’t seem to be happy. Dallas Darke slaps the ring announcer and than drops him with a right hand. Dallas Darke yells, “you ARE FIRED!”

DALLAS DARKE: “Michael Jackson, you child molesting piece of shit. I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough! You cannot walk into my ring and win my goddamn title. That is a rule that I am making. And Lobster and Hand Solo, how dare you win the tag-titles I awarded to Johnny Colorado and Wendell here? This is blashemphy! I am Jesus mother fucking Christ and I kick ass for a living… tell them Wendell.

Dallas hands the microphone to the big tall man, whose hand makes the microphone look small. Wendell puts the microphone to his mouth in a growling voice says.

WENDELL MEHITLER: “The toilet paper was EMPTY!”

DALLAS DARKE: “Precisely! I cannot stand this shit anymore. I should just fire everyone except for the Darke collective and have the Dallas Darke hour each and every week. We’d get triple digit ratings and people would never complain. You internet shit-heads couldn’t complain about unfair booking, because I’d fuck all your mothers. That is right, I gave all your mothers the ol’ DIRTY SANCHEZ! Take it!”

The Black Guy and a former black guy, Michael Jackson, head to the ring with microphones in their hands. The Black Guy has a smile on his face that is as wide as Rosie O’Donnel’s vagina.

THE BLACK GUY: “Shut the hell up. I am sick and tired of you coming out here and running the show…”

DALLAS DARKE: “But I do run the show!”

THE BLACK GUY: “Shit. Can we do a reshoot?”

DALLAS DARKE: “This is live television, you moron. I’ve had enough… I’ve had enough, I cannot deal with this pedophile and this Black man who breaks the stereotypes. I am sick and tired of it…”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “Dallas, how can you call me a pedophile. Do you not remember when you were a child…”

DALLAS DARKE: “Michael Jackson… do not say a thing… do not say anything! I am sick and tired of this. I’ll make you a deal right here and now. Michael Jackson, you are wearing my title around your waist and the Black Guy, you are stepping in my ring. So you are both going to have to fight for that right. If me and Wendell, Michael Jackson must vacate the title and the Black Guy will be fired. And if we lose… well… I will let you guys book the show next week. Any match you want… any outcome. I mean, … wrestling is real… so you wouldn’t have to chose the outcome.”

THE BLACK GUY: “Bling! Lets get it on and lets get crunked!”

LOSE, YOUR FIRED; WIN, YOU GET THE BOOK MATCH

MICHAEL JACKSON & THE BLACK GUY versus DALLAS DARKE & WENDELL MEHITLER

Dallas Darke tries to entertain the crowd with a little B-Boy Stance, but The Black Guy does an even more convincing B-Boy Stance. Dallas Darke blows off The Black Guy by turning his back on him. The Black Guy taps his shoulder and swings him around. The Black Guy throws a hard left and than a hard right and Dallas Darke looks groggy from the shot. The Black Guy hits a spinning clothes line and knocks Dallas to the mat.

Wendell enters the ring without a tag and knocks The Black Guy down with a shoulder tackle. Wendell grabs his legs and proceeds to swing him around. Wendell releases the swing and we watch as the Black Guy flies across the ring and lands on the back of his head. Wendell grabs The Black Guy up with a choke and than tosses him into the corner.

Michael Jackson has seen enough as he gets in the ring. Michael Jackson slaps the back of Wendell with little force, but Wendell sells like a champion. Michael Jackson hits a horrid upper cut and Wendell takes a dive! Michael Jackson hits a sheltered elbow drop and heads to the second rope. Michael Jackson proceeds to jump off the second, land on his feet, and than hit an elbow drop. Michael Jackson gets on the apron again and the fans are in absolute chaos over his big moves.

The Black Guy and Dallas Darke lock-up, and the Black Guy gains the upper hand and he applies a headlock. Dallas Darke reverses it and back body drops him. The Black Guy gets to his feet and Dallas Darke drop kicks him! Dallas tags to Wendell who enters the ring and obilerates The Black Guy with a running STO. Wendell picks him up and than jack knife power bombs him. Wendell covers and gets a two count, as The Black Guy puts his foot on the ropes and the referee breaks the count. Wendell proceeds to hit another and The Black Guy manages to get his foot on the rope once again.

Wendell Mehitler throws The Black Guy into the corner and The Black Guy collides with the referee. Wendell Mehitler grabs Michael Jackson and throws him to the outside. Dallas Darke sneaks up behind Michael Jackson and throws him into the steel steps. Dallas Darke stalks Michael Jackson as he struggles to his feet and just throws him back down to the floor. Dallas Darke laughs and kicks Michael Jackson.

Back in the ring, Wendell Mehitler goes for a choke slam, but the Black Guy breaks the hold and he sends Wendell into the ropes, hits a DDT. The Black Guy gets up to his feet and he goes for a clothes line, but Wendell proceeds to hip toss him. A man wearing nothing but a clown mask and a thong slides in the ring with a chair. Wendell swings around and the clown thonged man slays him with a chair shot! Wendell manages to stay on his feet, but not for long as The Black Guy drops him with a Token. The referee gets up and makes the one-two-three, and the clown thong man is Ned!

Ned rushes off to the back and Dallas Darke chases him. Michael Jackson and the Black Guy managed to be victorious here tonight and Michael Jackson is 2-0 in his first wrestling matches. The Black Guy says that next week will be the liberation of MBSEL from the control of The Darke Collective. Next week, each member of the Darke Collective will be in action in special matches!

WINNER: MICHAEL JACKSON & THE BLACK GUY

The last scene we get to see is an empty cemetery. The camera runs along each of the tombstones, showing each of the dead people in the cemetery. The camera pans to the tombstone of Suicidal Patrick, his full name being Patrick Suecydal. There is a dead rose lying in front of his tomb stone and there is a loud crash of Thunder in the back ground. A hand sticks out from the soil grabbing the roses…! The camera fades to black as a cackling laughter fills the arena.

Edited October 21, 2004 by PunkRockPete

[Benji]

I'm crying with laughter. One of the best and most detailed comedy diaries I have ever read :thumbsup: