Schlitzbrille

ROMAN REIGNS!
THE GUY WITH THE BIGGEST PECS!

75 days without a name change. I FEEL LIKE A PLEBE.

ALL GLORY TO KELLEN MOORE.

Word on the streets is that The Handsome Luchadore should watch Daredevil.

Note to self: Lava bridge in the Nether, not a great idea.

If my sig isn't obvious enough, I am a Babymetal fan.

I'm being held hostage by an Enderman.

This message board looks wonderful, I tell you what.

Hello EWB. Has ESPN told you all how fantastic I am and the greatest quarterback in NFL history? I totally don't have issues with insecurity or anything.

Someone decided that cranberry mustard had to exist. Probably the same mindset also makes mango coconut water acceptable.

I AM THE BOX GHOST! I have power over all things cardboard and SQUARE! This Sunday, I am going to CONTAIN the hopes and dreams of all 29 other competitors as I toss them out, one by one...........BEWARE!

Food sensitivity? Since when is food allergy an offensive term?

I heard that Joe Flacco was on here earlier and called me unphotogenic.

That moment when I figured out that there's enough Gatorade at work to make a one-man fort.

I will not do it over here/I will not do it over there/I will not do it in the sky/I will not do it while making a pie/I will not, I will not accept your invite to play Facebook games, Sam I Am.

How do I talk in the second person?

Watched the fourth Harry Potter movie earlier, and DEAR GOD MOANING MYRTLE WANTED TO DO THINGS WITH HARRY.

Watching the 1999 Royal Rumble, and DEAR LORD THIS MATCH IS ANNOYING THE PISS OUT OF ME.

While looking for stuff on my laptop's hard drive to delete, I came across a short story I abandoned long ago. It was about a socialist coconut.

I found the solution to America's woes. Where's my Nobel Prize?

I feel rather old today.

Oddest place you've ever accessed EWB from is....?

That feel when you realize that your favorite TV shows consist primarily of shows intended for pre-schoolers.

If elected Pope, I promise to banish Rob Dyrdek to the lowest rung of the firey pits of hell where his kind belong.

Roses are red, so is the state. Let us be comrades, because I think you're great.