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The Battle for Vince's Soul


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Okay, enough of that stupidity. On to 3 Live Crew! (What?)

This handles their transition from the first appearance on RAW (where they aren't now, but that's another story) to their long good-bye from TNA. This chapter is somewhat important in that it shows that it's the first time we see Angels from other missions -- my lame attempt to prove a plot point that this was not unique.

Also in this is 3LK's WWE debut against a reformulated RTC. This kicked off a mini-feud, running through Survivor Series, and really exemplifies how scattershot my booking was. (Survivor Series 2003 was not that good.) In addition, we get a ringside seat to Booker T vs Randy Orton: the Rematch, as I put the title on Orton at Unforgiven (three months before the WWE did) and proceeded to yank it back off of him (waaaaaaaaaaaaay before the WWE did). What does this say? It say I didn't think Randy Orton would be a star. We'll let the decision of who's right rest on the viewers.

I wrote a conversation with Dusty Rhodes, primarily because I've always wanted to have a conversation with Dusty Rhodes. I've always wanted to just sit down with him and pick his brain about memories of being on the road for as long as he has. He sounds like one of the few genuine good guys -- hey, he even regrets the decision of business over family, something you just don't hear that often.

Also in here, we see perhaps the most heavy-handed treatment I've given any moral issue. Drugs are bad, m'kay? Not one of my finer moments. Of course, this message continued on throughout the week, so just be forewarned. In his review of this diary, Conniption called this part "completely over-the-top" and likened it to Reefer Madness. Can't argue.

*****

Chapter 34

Never Letting Go

Monday, October 13, 2003, 03:14 PM

Pittsburgh, PA

"Here you go, boys! Let's make it work!" Eric Bischoff was particularly happy as he walked through the locker room door and posted the daily schedule. While Konnan went to check for us, I stayed in the back and listened to some Bob Marley that Ron had given to me. I needed to clear my thoughts.

Lindsay was right. Today I'm someone new, with new emotions and feelings, highs and lows. Already I wish I could be Stacy again. When Andrew proposed... wow... I felt like I was flying on air. But now it's all in the past. I'm not supposed to remember any of it.

Konnan came over to me and got my attention. "Hey, dog, we got a big 6-man coming up tonight. Us against dem RTC guys. You ready to put em down and fire up dat crowd?"

"I sure am, K! Let's do it right! Say... you seen Ron? I wanna tell him."

"Oh, don worry bout him, man. He's off prepping in his own way. We'll catch him soon enough."

"All right, that's fair." As we spoke, Bischoff returned.

"Guys, I just want to remind you... this is a big night. All you people in the main event, you gotta do your best. In fact, I don't want to see anyone slacking off, top to bottom. I want the people out there to forget there's a Pay-Per-View this weekend, you got that? So, make sure to talk to your opponent about every match. Everything is a high priority. No freebies, you got it?"

Everyone cheered.

"All right! Now let's get crackin'!"

As Bischoff left, I turned to Konnan. "You talk to Steven for a while... I'm gonna go find Ron and return the music." In reality, I just wanted to clear my head for a while. I hadn't seen Lindsay all day, and I had no idea who she was. Furthermore, I had a feeling I knew where Ron really was, and I had no personal desire to go talk to him. I just needed a friend. I needed a reality check. I ran into Shawn Michaels.

"Hey, Dog, what's goin' on?"

"Oh, hi Shawn. I just needed some time to get my thoughts. You seen my partner anywhere? I've been looking all day, and we haven't met up yet. I'm getting kinda nervous."

I was hoping that to anyone else, it would seem like I was asking about Ron's whereabouts. Shawn, however, new better. He understood who I was really wondering about. "Follow me," he said. We went to a back room. He produced his card and let me into the conference room.

"Andy, there's no easy way to say this... I don't trust you right now."

"Why? What did I do? Am I all right?"

"No, no, it's not you... it's Brian. You see, he's not always in control, and I want to make sure you're in the right condition when we interact. I was worried that before the show you'd be out with Ron doing what he's doing."

"You mean... he's just out to have a smoke, isn't he? What's so... oh, that kind of smoke."

"Exactly. And in those conditions, I didn't want you to see her. I'm telling you right now, that stuff clouds the mind. There's no telling what you could do. I've experienced it first-hand. Some of the worst mistakes I made were when I was partaking in those activities. I just feel I gotta warn you."

"Thanks... I think. I... dammit. I'm so confused. I feel like something's missing in my life."

Shawn smiled. "You're in love, aren't you?"

"I am. I don't know if she is. She doesn't want to say it."

"That's not important. Look, I know how you feel. I have to spend so much time away from my family. It hurts. But... relax. These feelings you got... they'll slow down. The intensity will go away. You'll get used to being around her in a professional setting. At least, for your sake I hope you do."

Yeah, I know. "So what do I do now?"

"Just go plan your match. Everything will be fine."

*****

09:42 PM

The sirens and alarms went off in the arena as Steven Richards, Sean Morley, and Mark Henry headed to the ring to a swarm of boos. Mark had a burlap sack over his shoulder that wiggled a little as he carried it. They got into the ring and put their hands up to the crowd. Steven took the mic.

"As you can see, we are a serious organization. Last week, we told Scott Steiner to face his troubles and repent of his ways. When he did not, we had no other choice but to make sure he wasn't in the building tonight. However, he is just the small prize in our quest to clean up the WWE. Right here, we have a person who we are in the process of re-educating. She is not fit to show any of you. She is not healthy enough to be a part of this company right now. But soon, all of her decadence and misguided thoughts will be taken away from her, and there isn't anything that any of you can do about it. When we are done, she will thank us, because it will have been for her own good."

Backstage, Eric handed a CD to the soundman. I saw the label read "Ashes to Dust". I looked at Konnan. "Ashes to Dust? What does that mean?"

"Oh, it's a little somethin' I did back in WCW, man. Don worry bout it."

The rap song played as Sean Morley was about to speak. The crowd didn't react at first, but soon they saw us heading out of the back, dressed in our typical baggy attire, ready to set things straight. I heard a good welcome back cheer as I emerged, chopping it DX style on the way to the ring. Konnan got a mic from the timekeeper and began.

"Yo yo yo, let me speak on dis -- ODELAY!"

The crowd echoed him.

"ARRIBA LA RAZA!"

Again, the crowd replied, but this time, Steven cut him off. "Just wait a minute here! Who do you people think you are to interrupt us?"

I took Konnan's mic and stared him down. "Don't you remember, Steven? It's your old pal Road Dogg! And I gotta say, you could use an update to your wardrobe. Seriously, the shirt and tie? Didn't that go out of style three years ago?" For the sake of argument, we'll ignore that my shtick is even older. "As for who these guys are, allow me to introduce them to you. Now, first, to my left, we have a man who is the future of this business. He's a guy I brought in way back when, but since then he's gone on to heights you can only dream of. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and children of all ages, I present to you, THE TRUTH, Ron Killings! And over here, well... you in the crowd know who he is. He's the lucha superstar, the Wolfpack leader, the Filthiest of Animals. But Steven, you can simply call him Konnan."

Steven smiled as I introduced him. "Konnan, is that right? Well, it seems very fitting, because looking at your way of dress and your method of speech, you certainly are a barbarian."

Konnan took my mic. "Hey, we ain't da ones dat kidnapped anybody, chico!" The crowd cheered. "But you put da challenge out last week to see if we could get her back. So how bout it? Tree of us and tree of you, can you hang with 3 Live Kru?"

The RTC called a huddle. As they did so, I went over to the bag and tried to untie the strings. Mark saw me and pounded my back as a referee came in. The bell rang, and the match was on.

We all brawled around to start, with Mark sending me down with a gorilla press slam. He then took the burlap sack and tossed it roughly over the top rope to the floor, earning him some serious booing. I charged him from behind and began to slug him to the ground. He was reeling as I hit him with rights and lefts from the mount position. Morley grabbed me and tossed me into the corner, but Henry's follow-up missed. I left the ring in a hurry as Steven and Konnan began the match proper.

Konnan charged Steven in the corner and gave him a lariat, then the facejammer. He played to the crowd for a while, but only long enough for Morley to deliver a spinebuster powerbomb type maneuver to turn the tide. Steven rolled out as Morley continued the punishment.

My eyes floated to the bag. Something over there had caught my attention, but I couldn't figure out what. Then, I saw it. There was a second bag under the ring apron, a string poking out just far enough for me to see it. I had no idea how they did it, but they must have swapped bags. The person in the original was a stunt double.

Back in the ring, I saw Henry put Konnan in a bearhug to wear him down. He began to punch his way out of it, only to have Steven trip him up on the outside. However, during the distraction, Ron jumped in and dropkicked Henry's knee, causing the hold to be broken. Konnan ran the ropes and hit a rolling clothesline to even things up. Both men were down, but Konnan tagged in Killings before Morley could stop him.

Killings ran through anything that wore a shirt and tie and dared to get in the ring. A huge German suplex on Morley got two before Richards saved. Soon enough, we were all in the ring again. I tossed Richards out of the ring right next to the bag, as he had requested earlier. He saw the bag start to open and tried to grab it shut, but a long, beautiful arm emerged and scratched at his eyes.

Stacy stood up out of the bag, still dressed in her usual garb. Richards was staggered back into the ring as Stacy got on the apron. He began to yell at her, causing her to lean over and plant one on his mouth. Richards hyperdramatically acted spitting the taste out as the referee tried to clear Konnan and Henry out of the ring. Stacy climbed in and low blowed Richards, who hopped around in pain. As she left, I rolled up Richards from behind. The referee turned around and counted three.

Stacy re-entered the ring as our music played. She gave each of us a thank you hug for setting her free. As she did, though, I saw the RTC on the outside, regrouping. I grabbed Stacy and helped her through the ropes and to the back. Meanwhile, Konnan, Ron, and I formed a human shield between her and the RTC, to make sure that there wouldn't be an instant replay.

*****

10:15 PM

"Oh, hey guys, been looking for you," said Eric as he approached us. "That was a fun little show you put on. I'm thinking Stacy should be your full-time manager. She can add to your little theatrics as you go along. But first, I want you guys to be part of the main event. You know, on the outside."

I turned to Konnan. "What does he mean?"

"Oh, don worry, dog, is a lumberjack match."

"OH! Then, sure, no problem, Eric. We'll be there."

"Okay, good."

*****

10:52 PM

I scanned around the ring. On one side were Nowniski, Rodney, La Resistance, and Lance Storm. Next to them were the RTC, Christian, and Big Show. With me were Konnan, Killings, and the Dudley Boyz. Over on the side by the entrance were Goldust, Hurricane, Maven, Conway, and Benoit. All 20 of us were given the duty of keeping the match in the ring.

Evolution's theme hit as Randy Orton emerged, alone. Ric Flair had been sent to the back for the match, so as to keep the numbers even. He wore the Intercontinental Title around his waist as he headed to the ring. He pointed at Benoit's World Title, as if to indicate he would be the next target. In the ring, he posed for the boos of the crowd.

Booker T came out to his music next. He went through his routine, with the pyro, on the way to the ring. He stopped by Goldust and talked with him. I read Dust's lips; they said, "Good luck, Bro. I'm here for you." Booker then climbed into the ring and wasted no time starting the match.

Three minutes in, Orton was tossed over to our side. D-Von and I picked him up and threw him back in. Orton stopped to yell at us, which allowed Booker to charge him and roll him up for two. Orton then bailed near La Resistance, who gave him time to rest. Booker baseball slid all three of them, but that put him on the outside, where Nowinski got in some shots before tossing him back into the ring.

The tone had been set. Over the next five minutes, the face lumberjacks would do their job, while the heel ones would be less straightforward about it. Finally, Orton tossed Booker to the outside and distracted the referee. Christian hit the Unprettier on Booker on the floor, then tossed him back in. While Bubba Ray and Konnan argued, Orton got two. Booker kneed Orton in the back to send him to Goldust. While trying to throw him back in, the "seizures" acted up, and instead Orton hit the apron, the post, and the railing. La Resistance objected. The referee went to separate them, allowing Big Show to come in and get his mitt around Booker. I jumped into the ring and broke it, then tried to punch Show down. Instead, he grabbed me and tossed me to the RTC. They began to attack, drawing over the rest of the Kru to save. But that brought Christian into it, and before anyone knew what was happening, all 20 lumberjacks were brawling by the Spanish announcer's table. Amazingly, no one went through it yet.

During the chaos, I heard the crowd cheer. I got a glimpse of the ring and saw Booker warming up the spinaroonie as a man darted through the crowd, security surrounding him. I continued punching away at Storm as the match ended in the ring. Booker T's music brought everything to a bit of a standstill. He had won the belt.

Booker celebrated in the ring. Benoit got in and congratulated him. Christian followed, banging their heads together. Big Show came in as well. The four of them brawled, ending with Booker sending Christian flying into all of us. 18 bodies, weighing close to 5000 pounds, crashed backwards. The Spanish Announcer's Table clearly met its match.

*****

11:49 PM

I waited in the conference room. I was told Lindsay would be arriving shortly. I nervously looked at the time, forgetting that time had no meaning in the room. Where was she? And why was Shawn so nervous?

Terri walked in. She seemed somewhat more approachable in her street clothes than she did in a golden swimsuit she usually wore. I stood up and smiled. "Hello."

"Hi, Andy," she replied. "Sorry I couldn't tell you sooner who I was. I've been really busy. I don't know how much interaction we can have this week."

"That's fine, but... why the secrecy? Why doesn't anyone trust me?"

"Andy, it's not that. It's that I can't be seen with you this week. Don't you get it? I'm not available."

"I don't understand."

"Look at who I am! I'm married! I have a daughter! I can't be seen with another man in any sort of setting. I had to sneak away just to get to talk to you. I'm sorry. I just hope I can trust you to be co-operative."

"I'll do what I can, Lindsay, but... don't you trust me?"

She sighed. "I trust you. I don't trust Brian. If you let him take time to be himself, he might get you in trouble. You saw the stuff he had. I'm worried about what it'll do to you."

"Is it wrong?"

"No. Not in and of itself. But you won't be the same guy I know. You gotta be careful, Andy. Just please be careful."

"Okay... I will." We kissed briefly before she headed to the door. As she stepped outside, I waited a couple minutes, even though it wouldn't matter. I felt like I needed to give her space. She was going back to her job, being in love with someone who wasn't me.

*****

Wednesday, October 15, 2003, 07:57 PM

Nashville, TN

The boys decided to pay a surprise visit to the Asylum to say their goodbyes to the boys who helped revive their careers in NWA:TNA. Konnan and I were walking around backstage, speaking to some of the old-timers who still called Tennessee their home. Ron was off with the young guns of the X Division, who seemed to view him as a bit of a hero.

I looked around at my former home. The county fairgrounds locker room was no bigger than the lockers at my high school. The lighting was poor, and the atmosphere smelled of mold and the occasional emission. But there was something comfortable and familiar about it. It was BG James's home for over a year.

Furthermore, the people who were here were generally in great spirits. They were exchanging stories of life on the road, great matches they had, and sick stuff they did to make a living. Christopher Daniels was enthralling a group of 20-year-old rookies with stories of life in Japan. Sandman talked about the old days of ECW and about how he put his body on the line.

"Well, well, look who's come back for a final goodbye."

I turned around. Before me was a giant of a man -- in every sense of the word. An old veteran, his face bore the scars of many wars in the ring and many razor blades. His eyes still sparkled, and I could see joy when he talked and smiled. His obese frame hid beneath an outstretched NWA shirt, but it seemed more of a reassurance than the comic farce of a characteristic it had been when I saw him in the ring.

"Yeah, we thought it would be good business to say goodbye formally. The call came so fast that -- well, we only talked to Jerry over the phone. I'm kind of hoping we don't seem treasonous."

"Brothuh..." said the old man, "it's never a treason to go for the dough. We know we're just a group with a dream. But lemme tell ya -- a lotta people wouldn't make the decision you and your boys did."

"I know, Dust, but..." I had to think of the best way to say it. "The thing is, for me it was a matter of going home. These guys -- a lot of them don't view the WWE as anything more than a dream, and you've always been willing to support the dream. For me, it's my blood. It's who I was. It's really where I belong."

"I know, my man, I know," he said sympathetically. "Bro, I've seen the wars come and go. I've seen the NWA rise, fall, and come back from the grave. This is mah home, and this is mah life. But I don't begrudge mah boy one bit for making his own name up north. Ya gotta be yer own man, you dig me?"

"Of course. I'm glad you understand. But I just wonder about other people. I mean, Jerry seemed sort of resigned to the fact, even though I personally called him and told him about the offer. It wasn't much of a vote of confidence."

"Brian, man, you gotta understand that the Jarretts -- they think this is a war all ova agin. They don't have the perspective that comes from bein' in the trenches for 30 years like your ol' pal Dusty here."

"And what's your perspective, ol' man?"

"That this rasslin thing -- it's all about the people, my bro. We're making our waves, and we're our numba two because we have the product the people want. It's not about tellin' the people what they want, it's about listenin'. It don't mattah if you's in front of twenty thousand or just twenty -- you gotta give the people what they want, and you gotta love doin' it."

"But what about the money?" As soon as I said it, I covered my mouth. Why am I of all people concerned about money? I'm dead! Dusty, though, smiled and laughed. He knew what I meant.

"It's all right, man. I mean, love don't put no food on the table, and some boys here gots fam'lies to worry about. Look, the NWA at its core is a group of small-timers who wanna pool resources. This is their major league, and when they get their man on our show, it's their dream. We're doin' what we can to ennertain and to provide a livin' for the boys here. I just hope this little ol' rasslin' company doesn't die from an agenda, you know what I'm sayin'?"

"I think so. It's all about the NWA name. It's all about providing the wrestling. Sure. That's fine. But it's also how you wind up #2 and stuck there, isn't it?"

Dusty stared at me. "It's not about how the comp'ny does. It's about how you do. Did you go out there and give a hunnert percent ev'ry night? If so, you ain't got nuttin' to apologize for. If you skimped, well, you bettah sit yo'self down and think about why you doin' this for a livin'. We chose this bidness. It don't choose us."

I looked Dusty square in the eye. "Why do you keep choosin' this business? It's going to kill you. Heck, you're a prime candidate for bad health right now! One too many matches, and your ticker could go."

Dusty smiled. "Thanks for worryin' bout me, boy, but you see, I can't leave the bidness. It's in mah blood. It's in mah family. I'm at home in that there ring. It's what I love to do. You don't stop doin' what you love just because it might send you to the good Lord a li'l sooner, do ya?"

"Well, I cut back. You have to make considerations."

"I know, brothah, I know, and that's why I ain't gittin' in the ring. But this... is my life. The NWA made me, and I wanna return the favah. That's why I'm here. We all here for diffunt reasons, but we gotta work togetha. That's life, ain't it, boy?"

Our conversation was interrupted by a commotion in the back. Jeff Jarrett had walked in and was in a shoving match with Konnan. Chris Daniels and AJ Styles were trying to separate the two so that they wouldn't kill each other. Jeff had a murderous look in his eyes. I ducked around the corner as Dusty went to break it up and put on my glasses.

I couldn't find Jeff. What's more, where Daniels stood was someone else. The new person was a slender individual, 30 years old, with short black hair. His muscle definition seemed non-existent compared to the wrestlers around him. Styles, too, was different. In his place stood a Hispanic woman, thirtyish, with raven hair. The two seemed incapable of holding Jarrett and Konnan apart, even though they were.

After the fracas died down, I went into the locker room to talk to others. I slowly made my way over to AJ and Christopher. "Guys," I said to them. "Can we talk? In private?" They shrugged and agreed, then followed me.

As we were alone, I pulled my glasses out. Their eyes went wide. "Wait, wait... who are you?" Christopher asked. He pulled his glasses out and looked at me. "I've never seen you before. Are you new here?"

"Ben, c'mon," said AJ. "You know Brian doesn't work here anymore."

"Oh, good point. So who are you, anyway, and what brings you here?"

"My name's Andy," I said, "and I drew Road Dogg this week. Konnan, Ron, and I wanted to return to the Asylum to say a proper good-bye. We didn't mean to cause trouble."

"It's all right. Why are you Road Dogg? Who are you working for?" Christopher's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"I'm working to help Vince McMahon. I've been on the job for about three months. If you're asking who I report to, you know as well as I do I can't share that information."

"True enough," said AJ. "I'm sorry we were suspicious. My name's Stefani. Ben and I got called to this assignment back when TNA began. See, Jeff here is lost in his anger. He truly believes that he needs to destroy Vince McMahon any way possible. We have to convince him that there's more to life than professional glory."

"Tough sell, I'm guessing?"

"Well, we've tried everything. We've been just about every person who comes through here. Russo's the big problem. He's lost, too. And he's fuelling Jarrett's fire. If only we could keep those two apart."

"I wish you guys luck, man," I said. "The wrestling world's really gone to Hell, hasn't it?"

"You have no idea," Ben said, raising his eyebrows. "It's all about hurting people. I can remember a time not 10 years ago when the best people at telling a story in a match could rule the roost. Now we have bloodthirsty, mysogynistic crowds who just want their male fixations satisfied. I mean, look at me!"

I did. "What about you, Ben?"

"No, not me -- who I am!"

"You're... Christopher Daniels."

"I'm a Satanic preacher who prescribes to evil ways under the cloth. I'm a guy who spreads evil and comes close to blaspheming the name of the Church. I wanted to be off the show this week because I'm not comfortable with my message. The only thing I have in common with his character is a nickname!"

I was wondering when he'd mention that.

"Ben, come on," Stefani -- er, AJ -- said. "This is your time. You can lead by counterexample, can't you? Show what NOT to be doing in the guise of leading people?"

"Stef, that doesn't fly anymore. The bad guys are the good guys. Peer pressure works backwards nowadays. No one listens to anyone who's not telling them what they want to hear, and right now what people want to hear is not what to do, but to keep doing what they already do!"

"Guys, guys!" I was beginning to see trouble here. "Thanks for the update, really, but you people seem to be missing something. Aren't we supposed to work on fixing individuals? Most of the people out there are good people, right?"

Ben pursed his lips. Stefani spoke instead. "I think they are. I know it would be good if they were. I see souls out there. But... well, life is a funny thing. People forget to judge others by all their acts and not their worst act. That's really where we come in. We have to try to re-educate people. I know it sounds bad, but if we were a world where we viewed people as strengths against weaknesses rather than the other way around, don't you see how much better the world would become?"

I thought for almost a full minute. What was it Dusty said? "If you give 100%, you ain't got nothin' to apologize for." If we do the right thing but can't reach others, have we succeeded or failed? Or, by doing the right thing, do we reach others by default? "I know what you're saying. But there's gotta be more to life than just doing good for others and avoiding sins. We have a job to do, and unlike wrestling, this job did choose us. We're called to something higher. Right?"

"Yeah. Yeah we are," said Ben, slowly shaking his head. "We gotta do more than be ourselves. We gotta change the world. It's only impossible. We've been banging our heads against a stone wall here in Nashville for months. I feel sorry for you, man. Vince can't be cracked."

"We'll see. We can try. If you give 100%, you've done all you can, and no one can ask for more than that."

Stefani laughed. "You just talked to Dusty, didn't you?"

"Yeah -- he's a cool guy, isn't he?"

"Very. He--"

Jeff came by around this time, his eyes wide open and glaring at me. "What the hell are you doin' here, you sellout? Get outta my company before I throw you out!"

"All right, Jeff, I'm going," I said as I looked him over. "I just thought we could be here as old friends."

"Dammit, any man who goes up north ain't no friend of mine. Now scram!"

As I caught up with Ron and Konnan outside and we headed to our hotel room, Ron shook his head. "I pity Jeff. He won't have a friend in the world if that's how he judges them."

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Shill time! Check out No Mercy 2003, and compare to No Mercy 2004. See what a difference a year REALLY makes.

Included in this (besides the now-necessary filler that was the trip to SmackDown!) is perhaps the best comedy match I've written out. Comedy matches are a hard breed, since they must be short to be effective and tend not to be high on the star rating. Even Angle/Show, which is remembered by many as a great comedy match, was a squash lasting 3 minutes. For those wondering, Ford, Heath, and Bucci are indeed Crowbar, Gangrel, and Nova, in that order. Which can only lead to good times.

Included here is also perhaps the worst toke ever taken. (I can say that on EWB, right?) I mean, Konnan must've had some REAL good shit for Andy to react as absent-mindedly as he did. The "Reefer Madness" parallels are absolutely astounding, and it should be clear to anyone reading that I have never personally seen or been a stoner. This may well have been the low point of the diary -- well, from a creative standpoint, anyway.

However, I try to rebound fast with a genuine discussion of what love is -- even though in my universe it's not the easiest thing to imagine. Can you be attracted to another person who only kind of exists? Does love transcend physical interaction? Who can say? (Well, I can, but I guessed.)

Actually, the idea of love in the afterlife recently re-entered my life when my sister was cast for a minor speaking role in the play "Heaven Can Wait" at the community theater. If you're familiar with the plot, you understand. If you're not -- or if you blocked out Chris Rock's version from your memory -- the idea is all about making the real you shine through when you're no longer who you once were. Or, for that matter, who you'll ever be again. Really strong stuff.

*****

Chapter 35

Sex, Drugs, and Wrestling

Thursday, October 16, 2003, 08:00 PM

Ft. Worth, TX

I was at Dusty's house for the time being on special invitation. Goldust, Terri, and Dakota had also come over to spend time with him before we headed up to New England the next day for the house shows. Dakota seemed happy to meet "Grampa" again, while Dustin and Terri acted like they'd never been through marital hell.

I just tried to focus on the television.

*****

The SmarKdown Rant for Oct. 16, 03 / Taped Oct. 14.

- Taped from Cincinnati, OH.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

- Opening match: Charlie Haas vs. Ron Simmons. I almost feel sorry for Simmons. Sure, the guy has the tag belts, but unless backstage politics has done a 180, any and all jobs will be his to take for the team. Just watch. Haas blitzes him to start, hitting suplexes from every angle. Simmons comes back with power stuff, none of it really holding my interest. Sorry, but I'm not looking forward to this show, seeing as it's the last one before No Mercy, so I think I'm entitled to a Hyatte-esque half-assing every once in a while. Simmons blows the comeback as Haas hits the rolling Germans. Simmons goes low to stop the tide, then hits a powerslam and spinebuster before Shelton Benjamin superkicks him for the Haas pin at 6:44. WGTT tie him up and beat him after the match. Expect Bradshaw to go over Shelton later tonight. **

- John Cena raps about No Mercy, saying he's the next Prime Time player in the WWE. He's ready to prove his point, and tells both Brock and Kurt to "keep the title warm." Now, that's a promo we like -- nothing fancy, and it focuses on the big event. The title should be the biggest prize.

- Bra and Panties Match: Nidia (w/Jamie Noble) vs. Torrie Wilson (w/Rey Misterio). Plus ten for good booking, minus several million for the match. It basically involves the two women rolling around and pretending to do the moves of the people they second before Billy Gunn mercifully runs in. And when you're cheering a Billy Gunn appearance, something's wrong. He dives at both women, but the Dumbasser hits Torrie (the announcers claim Nidia pulled her in the way, but she blew it, of course) and Nidia wins at 4:22. Guess how much I liked this match. -**1/2 Matt Hardy comes out (Matt Fact: Matt is healthier than Ken Griffey -- ouch) and challenges Billy Kidman to a US Title match, "for Jeff." Matt should be ashamed for doing this, assuming he had a choice.

- Undertaker vs. Chavo Guerrero. Well, this'll give us an indication, I think, of how No Mercy should go. Taker slugs Chavo down to start, and a sideslam gets two. Chavo breaks the chokeslam and goes low to take over, then works the leg. That goes on a while as Uncle Eddie taunts on the outside. Chavo hits a suplex (called a "brainbuster" by Cole, but that's likely wishful thinking) for two. Tornado DDT gets two. Frog splash hits the knees, which is good because if he killed BOTH Guerrero's finishers on free TV I think I would've cried. Chavo hits a figure-four as we take a break. Coming back, Taker powers it over to reverse, so Chavo hits the ropes and bails. Taker follows him out, so Eddie gets a free lick in and is ejected from ringside. Back in, Chavo goes for a second Tornado DDT and a Gory Special, but Taker blocks the latter and hits a swinging neckbreaker instead. ROPEWALK OF DOOM gets two. Chavo chop blocks him, but Taker reverses a rana into the Last Ride for the pin at 13:27. Not bad, but not a good sign either. **1/4 Eddie returns and bashes Taker in with a chair, then cuts a SPECTACULAR rudo promo on him describing how he'll use the cage to basically kill the Undertaker. I love the buildup to this, but I doubt they can deliver. Their SummerSlam brawl is looking more and more like the best they can do.

- Bradshaw vs. Shelton Benjamin. Who called it? And indeed, this is a quick match, as Bradshaw runs Shelton over (with Shelton bumping like a pinball) until a dropkick turns the tide. That doesn't last long, as Bradshaw makes a quick comeback and hits the Clothesline from Heck at 3:59. I'm shocked, I really am. *3/4

- Rhyno and A-Train place bets as to who will have more success this Sunday. Total hype for No Mercy, and neither guy's strength is talking, really.

- Kurt Angle vs. Test. Angle goes ballistic, suplexing Test every which way but loose. Test bails out and tries to trick Kurt into falling into the steps, but Kurt will have none of it. Sable distracts the referee, allowing Test to hit the boot for two. Pumphandle is reversed to the Ankle Lock for the tapout at a brisk 3:24. Brock Lesnar tries to attack from behind, but Kurt fends him off too. Crowd is going ballistic for Kurt here. **

- Rundown of No Mercy:

* World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

* US Title: Billy Kidman vs. Matt Hardy

* Cruiserweight Title: Rey Misterio vs. Jamie Noble

* Tag Team Titles: APA vs. WGTT

* Cage Match: Undertaker vs. Eddie Guerrero

* Hulk Hogan vs. A-Train

* Test (w/Sable) vs. John Cena

* Rhyno vs. Rob Van Dam

- It's a small thing, but they covered all the title matches first, to put them fresh in everyone's mind. They then showed still pictures going back in reverse order at the finish, so that they ended with Brock and Angle. I think the buyrate will hinge on whether the cage match and World Title match have any sort of interest.

- Main event, non-title: Brock Lesnar vs. Billy Kidman. Torrie cuts a promo on Matt Hardy that isn't really bad, but shows why she's generally seen and not heard. Brock goes medieval on Kidman, destroying him with suplexes all over the place. He even busts out the triple powerbomb for old time's sake, as the announcers note that not everyone can powerbomb Kidman. Kidman reverses the F-5 to a crucifix to try to take over, but his offense has almost no effect. Unprettier gets a desperation two. Missile dropkick gets two. Brock swats away a crossbody, then hits a belly-to-belly superplex. Kidman ducks a Brock spear and sends him flying outside, but his backflip is caught and he's F-5'd into and through the announce table. Back in the ring, Brock hits a second F-5 for the pin at 8:44. He continues the punishment post-match, including a vicious chair shot, all the while screaming about Angle. I hope Kidman can recover, both physically and heatwise, before he drags the US Title back to the midcard. ***

The Bottom Line:

Well, another hype show here, as every match built to something at the Pay-Per-View. That said, No Mercy looks solid on paper, and there are no McMahons in sight, which is probably something I should enjoy while it lasts.

Excuse me while I go put a hit out on Stephanie during her honeymoon.

*****

Saturday, October 18, 2003, 07:45 PM

Providence, RI

"Ladies and gentlemen, the following six-man tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, in the ring, at a total combined weight of 743 pounds, the team of Chris Ford, David Heath, and Michael Bucci!"

The opposition raised their arms in the ring to a moderate reaction. Backstage, all of us did a double-take at the names announced. Why did everyone go by their real names?

"Wait a sec," said Konnan, "ain't that Crowbar out there?"

"Yeah," I added, "and that's Gangrel, too!"

"And the other guy's Nova from ECW," added Ron. "These ain't nobodies we're going against here."

"You thought they were?" asked Stacy, who was ready to come out with us.

"Well, I'd never heard of the names."

"Guys," announced Bischoff, startling the four of us, "you're on."

Indeed, "Ashes to Dust" had played over the PA system. The three of us emerged from the back as Lillian Garcia continued her ring introduction. "And their opponents, making their way to the ring and accompanied by Stacy Keibler, at a total combined weight of 729 pounds, Konnan, Road Dogg, and Ron Killings, Three Live Crew!"

We all danced, chopped, and shouted various comments with the fans on our way to the ring. When we got to it, I climbed one turnbuckle and gave the X sign with my forearms crossed, while Ron did the same thing on the turnbuckle next to me. Stacy posed between the two of us as Konnan reached for a mic.

"Yo yo yo, let me speak on dis -- ODELAY! ARRIBA LA RAZA! Yeah everyone talking bout how dey gon be the big thing in this bidness, but you lookin at da tru next big thing right now. But more dan dat, Providence, Rhode Island, Tree Live Kru and Sweet Stacy be BOWDY BOWDY and--"

The crowd replied as necessary.

I took the mic and decided to do some freestyling on my opponents. "Hey, guys, look at this freakshow they got us going against. Yo, what did you say your name was, David? Dave... the sun's still up. What are you doing out of your coffin?" I used my fingers to imitate fangs. "And Chris, man... why are you with these guys? And where's your crowbar anyway? Man, they really cut the knees out from all of you."

Ron took the mic from my hand. "The knees? Damn, man, I'd say they did worse than that. I see six things missing from these guys."

"Oh, yeah?" I asked, looking out to the crowd and smiling. I saw Konnan signal with his hand while we smiled. "What?"

"Their--"

All three of them attacked us as the Stacy left the ring and the match began. Heath worked me over in the corner, then stood up for a few punches. He lowered his head to me and placed his mouth near my forehead. I flailed around wildly and fell to the ground, half-dead. I twitched a few times as I lay there. Heath stared at me for a few seconds, then went to cover. As he did, I sat up, Taker-style, staring straight ahead. The crowd laughed, getting the joke.

I slowly got up to my feet, no-selling Heath's punches. The four other competitors continued brawling on the outside, oblivious to our act. Eventually, I saw Ron look into the ring and see what was going on. I did my best vampire scowl as even Heath was close to losing it. I punched him down in the corner, then bit him back. As I did, I brought my hand close to the bite and poured a baggie's contents into my mouth.

"What are you doing?" Heath asked.

"You'll see."

I pulled back and smiled, letting the "blood" run out of my mouth. Heath slumped in the corner, having realized what I just "did". Killings jumped into the ring and landed a Bronco Buster on Heath for good measure. As Ron then urged me out of the ring, Bucci entered and morphed into Super Nova right before our eyes, hitting "spider splats" on both of us as we went flying. Konnan snuck in and hit the facejammer on him, then struck a Hurricane pose to complete the silliness. Ford ran in with a foam rubber crowbar-type object that he originally was going to use, but Konnan caught him and knocked it away. I picked it up and stared at it, then pretended to "strongman" it into a knot. Bucci came off the top rope with a crossbody, but I merely stepped aside and let him crash land. Finally, I put Konnan's Tequila Sunrise on Heath and Konnan and Killings hit stereo Stunner/Cutter moves and got the victory.

We celebrated as Stacy returned to the ring. She began to dance in the center as Konnan and Killings played Roxbury Boys around her, causing her to lose her smile and feel very uncomfortable. Meanwhile, I slowly rose from the submission hold and stared at her, then did the vampire look again. Killings ran over and waved a second baggie under my nose. I mellowed out, and all four of us headed to the back, the audience in stitches.

*****

08:39 PM

We were in a back corridor, away from the rest of the action. We had been talking about how great our first week back (or there) had been, and how much of a jerk Jarrett was. Suddenly, Killings got an idea.

"Hey Dogg, you got the stuff?"

"Me? No, I thought it was your turn to bring it."

"No way, man. I got it last week!"

"Relax, guys," Konnan said. "I got ya covered."

He reached into his pocket and produced a baggie filled to the top with some brown grass-like substance. I wasn't a rocket scientist -- well, neither was Brian -- but I knew what he had.

"Sweet! I owe you guys one," I said. "Wait, I think I got the other half."

I felt around in my pockets, remembering something I had noticed beforehand. I pulled out about a dozen pieces of paper, each one of the same consistency as the outside of a cigarette. Killings smiled and nodded his head. "Aw yeah," he said, "that's what I'm talkin' bout!"

As we prepared for our first post-house show match ritual, we heard a voice. "Brian? Can I speak to you?" I turned around. Terri was at the intersection, looking for me with her glasses on. Aw, man, great timing.

"In a few minutes. I'll be right there. We gotta work out some... travelling details, that's all."

"Brian, it's urgent."

"Can it wait?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, all right."

I turned back. Killings had produced a lighter. "What was that all about, man?"

I thought fast. "Don't worry about it, man. I can't stay for long, though... just one. That okay, guys?"

"Oh, yeah, that's cool," said Ron.

"More for us," added Konnan.

I prepared the first roll. I had never done this alive or dead before. Konnan passed the light. I drew on Brian's experience -- then I drew on the cigarette in my hand.

*****

My eyes slowly opened. I felt sick and weak. My vision was blurry. I couldn't move again. That was some really potent stuff there. As my vision cleared, I began to see I wasn't alone. Lindsay's head was on my chest.

"Holy sh--"

"Stop. I just wanted to make sure I had your attention when you got up." Her body walked over and picked her head up off of me, holding it under her arm. "Andy, do you know what happened?"

I began to try to process the information in front of me. My memory systems were failing short-term. Either that, or I was blocking something. "No," I finally replied.

"Okay. Do you know where you are?"

"I... I'm..." I looked around. Everything was dark green again. "I'm in Recovery, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are. So am I. I came here to talk to you. It's very serious."

"Why? What did I do?" I began to sense I didn't want to hear this.

"Andy... you hurt me."

"Look, I just wanted a few extra minutes with the guys. I didn't think that was such a big deal."

"It wasn't that," she said, as I saw tears roll down here eyes and into her hand. "It's what happened after that. You know how long you kept me waiting?"

"A few minutes?" I was trying to be optimistic.

"Over an hour. I wanted to give you time alone so that we could be ourselves. Andy, you stood me up for over an hour!"

"I... I didn't know..."

"I know you didn't. When you did show up in the room, you were completely lost. Your eyes -- I could see the fire beneath the veins. You looked so... weird."

"Fire? What type?"

"Orange."

"Orange?" Red is anger, blue is lust, green is envy... come on, think... "Gluttony?"

"Yeah. You put Brian's desire for a high ahead of your duty. You made a big mistake, Andy. I'm sorry. I had to do this."

"What do you--" suddenly it hit me. I held up my arms. I was still there, but something seemed off. I could look through my hands and still see Lindsay's body. I felt a tear in my eye. "Oh, no. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Andy, it happens to all of us. The point is, you're out. You're okay. Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry? What's Brian going to do now?"

"He'll do what he has to. Look, I know all about mistakes. I've made enough of them. Even the best of us are here about once a month. That's why five of us are required for this task. It's not easy, but you're allowed to make a few errors along the way."

"No I'm not. I've thought about it. We have no bodies. We screw up, we're finished."

"Andy, it's not that hard. You feel sorry. I can sense it's genuine. I feel the warmth of your heart thawing you out." She sat down next to me. "What you did -- I can forgive you. Terri will forgive Brian."

"Terri? Oh no... what did I...?"

"No, no! It's not as bad as you think. I kept it from being too much. You... you didn't take no for an answer a few times. Things went farther than I wanted."

"Oh my God." I could see it all. She was going to give the big lecture about trust now, and about how I had ruined it. She was going to say that I had to go, and that she wasn't sure she could work with me. I could sense my "dream job" disappearing. "I'm so sorry. I'll leave. I'll find something else to..."

"Wait." She came over to me and picked me up. I could sense an incredible glow from her heart. "I never said I didn't like it. I just said it was more than I wanted. Andy, I... thank you."

"Me?" I tried to pull myself up. "Why me?"

"Because you've taught me that I have to get out of the past. I've been holding back because I've been afraid. I was afraid I would destroy you. But today... well... I was able to control myself. I was able to say no, and mean it, and not think it was a bad thing. I did something I couldn't do as Tammy."

"Wait, now I'm confused. I harassed you, and you're thanking me?"

"Yes! Because I was in a position that I put Terry in. And after you got in here, I began to feel sorry, because I realized I... I didn't want to hurt you. And when I said 'no,' I found myself thinking 'later' instead of 'never.' Andy... I guess I do love you."

I was both elated and depressed. I'm in love. We're in love. But so what? We're dead. We can never have anything come of it. We're stuck in limbo. Both of us have decades left to live, and when this is over, we'll just move on and never see each other again! "Wonderful. Fat lot of good it does."

"No... no, Andy, stop thinking like that. We need each other. We all love each other to some degree. But what I feel for you... it makes me happy to be working with you. Greg was telling me the other day how much he could see you care for me. And I can see it. It's a good feeling. Don't ever deny it."

"But Lindsay... it's like a high school crush. Sure, we'll act in love, and feel in love, but soon we'll move to other people and forget each other... or at least, never see each other."

"Is that bad? Is it so wrong to feel an emotional attachment? If we all held back like this, the human race would self-destruct! Some of the greatest people came from unions that weren't destined, like Owen's. Feelings on earth are God's greatest gift. Never shove it aside."

I leaned back and closed my eyes. That was the most beautiful thing I've heard.

"Get some rest, Andy. We'll have time together tomorrow."

I bolted upright. "Tomorrow? Oh, no! No Mercy is--"

"Relax! I told Shawn to make a tape of it. Find him Monday morning and we'll watch it together. There's more to life than a Pay-Per-View anyway."

"I... I guess so. Thank you."

"No, thank you." She moved her head closer to mine. She kissed me as I drifted to sleep, leaving my mind in the mood to heal.

*****

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Recovery

Something bothered me. It wasn't that I was here; by now, I had accepted that I had done something wrong. What bothered me was that I wasn't alone. In fact, I realized something; I'd never been alone.

Every time I'm here, someone else shows up. Whether it's before I arrive or after, I'm not alone. First I went there when Lindsay was already there; then Greg and Kathleen were gone when I arrived; then Kathleen didn't last much longer than I did; now Lindsay's here. It makes no sense.

Well, the first two -- I guess those make sense. That's just timing. But what about the other two times? You'd think that at some point I'd be forced to spend time isolated. Why doesn't this make sense? Why am I surrounded by other people all along?

Wait a second... it's just this time! I mean, Kathleen had to get out -- she nearly lost it all. So why now? Could Lindsay have made a mistake too? No, not really; she was walking around perfectly healthy when I woke up yesterday. So why is she here? I thought I was in the wrong...

No, I KNOW I was in the wrong. Whatever I did was a mistake. Lindsay said so. Besides, I could see I had done something wrong. I wasn't all there. So what was it, and why was she here? I'm so confused.

"What's on your mind?"

I turned around. Lindsay was behind me. Now was the time for honesty.

"Why are you here?"

"Me? Because I felt guilty. I was afraid I drove you to this. As soon as you got in here, I told Shawn I wanted out. I wanted to make sure my actions didn't hurt you."

"Lindsay, that's great and all, but... you were fine."

"I know I was... but life's not always fair like that. Sometimes the people who didn't do anything wrong are guiltier than the people who committed the act."

"Isn't that all in the mind?"

"Usually. And yeah, I'll admit, I was scared for you. But I... what we did... that was a mistake, and soon after it happened, I began to think of Terry and of Bret. And I freaked out."

I hated the vagary. "Lindsay... what did I do?"

"You mean, exactly?"

"Well... how am I to live and learn and do better if I can't learn? You haven't told me how I went too far. What didn't you want to happen?"

I looked at her head, which she was trying to balance on her shoulders. She blushed and smiled. "Well, I was being a bit of a prude, I guess... you wanna sit down? I really don't like holding up like this."

We sat down. "There, that's better," she continued. "Andy, I just wanted to spend time hugging and kissing. I didn't think you were more than some crush. I knew I had feelings for you, but I didn't understand their intensity until... well, until I let you do what you did. And I felt this wonderful feeling that I hadn't felt since Terry was around. So I didn't resist more than offering a no -- which I only used to cover myself."

"Resist what? Did I... do you?"

"No, you didn't. You wouldn't be here if you did. That I know. But you..."

"Just say it, Lindsay. Please."

"Okay. You stripped me."

Whoa. "I... did... that? Wow. I'm sorry... I... that's..."

She laughed. "No, no. I let you. You don't think I couldn't have stopped you? At first, when you went for my shirt, I was slapping your hands away. But as time went on, I found myself saying no and thinking yes. I felt like I wanted to do this, like I wanted to give something to you -- and I realized I loved you."

I smirked. "Kind of a funny way to recognize your love for someone, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I know... but sometimes, when you're afraid and you're holding back, it takes someone forcing you to confront your fear to make it go away. And in this case, I was afraid of loving and losing again. I didn't trust myself. By not wanting to hurt you, I hurt you. That was my mistake."

"I don't think it was just yours."

"What?"

"Sorry." Where did that come from? What is it I want to tell her?

"No, no -- what do you mean?"

"Oh... I..." That's it! "Remember when we first kissed? Remember the circumstances?"

She shifted her body into my lap, turning her head to face me as she did so. "Yeah," she replied. "It was awesome."

"No," I said. "Well, maybe. But I think we did something bad."

"Why?"

"The next morning, after we left... they were still together in the hotel room. And they... well, Lita said they had sex."

"Oh. Wow. But that's not our problem."

"Sure it is. If we hadn't trusted each other -- if we had remembered we wouldn't be there the next day -- we would've gotten separate rooms, and those two wouldn't have had the opportunity."

"Andy, it's not about opportunity. It's about motive, if you will. It's all about control. I'm sure Amy's been in the room with Matt several times and never gone for him. I'm sure Gregory has been in a situation and said no. I don't know whose fault it is, but -- well, it's both their faults. It takes two. We didn't set them up. They did this on their own."

"That's awfully nonchalant of you."

"But it's true, Andy. We're not responsible for other people's actions. We can set off a chain of events, but only so far as we're concerned. Andy, other people are not dominoes. They don't fall when we push them. Everyone has free will. That's the beauty of life."

"Not everyone."

"What?"

"When we're out there -- someone doesn't have free will."

"I don't understand."

"Oh, come on, you have to have thought of this. We become someone for a week at a time. During that time, they do what we say. They act how we make them. They say our words. It's our will and not theirs."

"But that's just it. We become them. They don't get any responsibility either. If we screw up, they're fine. If we sin, we suffer. They don't. They're not themselves, and they're not responsible."

"So they're crazy?"

"No. They're safe. Brian didn't do anything to Terri -- you did that to me. Eddie didn't lose his temper way back when -- I did. Bret didn't commit adultery -- Terry did. Don't you see? Even the best souls need to rest. Even God needed to rest, remember?"

She's right. Even God took a day off once in a while.

"Andy, don't worry. What we do is our problem -- we have no control over what anyone does after we leave them. Amy and Gregory made a decision. Whether they would have had that decision to make if we weren't around doesn't matter. What matter is, they made it, and it was wrong. I'm certain it was in the heat of the moment?"

"Why?"

"Because they were still kinda there the next day. Remember how I said Terry was gone, and I was nearly invisible?"

"I do."

"Well, they were still very visible, weren't they?"

"Yes, they were."

"So it wasn't to the same degree. They didn't premeditate this. It happened." She shrugged. "Besides, I talked to Matt about it down at the beach. He's forgiven her."

"Wasn't she saving herself, though?"

"Yeah, that upsets Amy. But Matt... well... he understands. I think Jeff's death helped him put perspective on things. It helped him realize that mistakes happen, and that really it's not worth holding a grudge. It's funny, isn't it -- how even through tragedy, God can work a good deed?"

I smiled. "You know, it really is." I held her body closer to me.

"Hey, now -- what are you thinking of?"

"I dunno... what can I do?"

"Not much, I assure you. I'm in no condition while I'm in here -- for obvious reasons," she said smiling as she picked her head up and held it to me. I took it and began to kiss her. As I did, I felt her hands and arms wrap around me and caress me.

"Now, what are you thinking of?"

"Must you always be so ironic?"

We laughed. I set her head to the side as her body crawled onto me. I held her in my embrace and let the warmth flood me. "This is going to be hard to adjust to when October's over."

"What is?"

"The feeling of love."

She smiled. "We'll see." She held me closer to her. "Does this bother you?"

"What? That your head's over here and your body's over there?"

"Yeah."

"Should it?"

"It bothered Terry."

"Well, I'm not Terry," I said. I smiled and hugged her tighter, moving my hands around her back.

"Andy, wait," she said, pulling away. "I'm sorry, but... we get out tomorrow. Maybe if this were Wednesday or Thursday, I would, but... I need to be ready to start a new week. I'm sorry."

"No," I said. "I understand."

And the weird part was, I did understand.

*****

Monday, October 20, 2003, 07:39 AM

Scranton, PA

I bolted upright. I didn't remember dreaming, but something in my system told me it was time to wake up. I looked around. It was another hotel room. I fumbled in the dark for the glasses. As I did, I looked over to the other side of the bed. Gregory Helms was asleep, facing me.

I found the glasses and put them on, looking right at him. Much like Lita, he was showing signs of recovering. This seemed much more normal than her, though. He was a consistent translucency, whereas Lita had been shady in some areas and complete in others. I looked in the mirror, my eyes adjusted to the level of light. I was back. That was what mattered.

Although, to be fair, I guess it does matter who I am...

I removed the glasses to view who I really was. I was Lance Storm.

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I read this a while back and just couldn't get into it, but after reading the tie-in, I came back last night and just devoured it. Spent most of this morning copying parts into textfiles (overloaded the site several times, too).

Dukes, if you're feeling REALLY nice when it comes time to post parts 7 and 8, could you also post them as just basic textfiles? I'm probably not the only one whose comp has issues with Acrobat.

I laughed, I cried, I enjoyed. (and this would make an awesome published series)

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So, for the first time in a while, I really had nothing to say. This week really struck me as... boring. About as boring as Lance Storm. But in a different way. You see, the next two weeks I had huge developments building up, then after that was Survivor Series, and I'd already decided to blow off a story arc in spectacular fashion... so what did I have? A lot of nothing. Truth be told, if Stu Hart didn't die as I was writing this week, this would be one of my most forgettable experiences.

But first, No Mercy. This was probably one of the more forgettable "good" cards I did. Seriously, I was in such a groove at this point that the matches just flowed, but while there were a bunch of "good" matches, nothing stood out. SummerSlam had the tag ladder match, and Unforgiven had the Benoit title reign, but what -- really -- did this have? Maybe the cage match, but I found that to be a little disappointing.

I gave Andy the week off from RAW because I didn't want to write a match with Storm. I have trouble even now figuring out what the best situation is for him -- but I'll give him the old college try, again. The no-nonsense types are usually a little more difficult, because half of their skill doesn't carry over well to the diary format. I can't show you Storm's intensity in a match. I can't show you his fortitude or facial expressions. So it's all a little... flat. But there you go.

Actually, while off-screen I was bored, on-screen I took a major, MAJOR gamble: I put a woman in the main event of a Pay-Per-View. At the time, there should have been no way anyone would have bought that as feasible. However, one year later and I'm certain not too many people would blink if I did it again. And by the way, if the RAW main event doesn't indicate to you that I saw Survivor Series as a throwaway show, I don't know what will. Yet another mis-step on-screen in my quest to entertain.

You'll also notice that in this chapter I admit who DM is. Everyone knew it already. You probably do too. But as to what the notes mean? Oh... that you'll have to wait to find out.

*****

Chapter 36

Little Miss Can't Be Wrong

Monday, October 20, 2003, 08:15 AM

Scranton, PA

"Okay, guys," said Shawn as he hooked the television and VCR up, "after this is done, I'm gonna let you guys stay here for a while so you can catch up on your sleep if you need to. I'm sorry you got dragged out of bed so soon, but this really was the only time we could schedule this. Thanks for playing along."

I sat down in the closer chair and leaned back. Lindsay -- now Booker T -- was behind me, wearing prescription lenses to view the screen. Shawn put in the tape and pushed PLAY.

"Oh, one more thing," he added. "If the matches seem to be in a weird order, it's because Owen used who he was to influence things. I had to double-check with Paul, but apparently at least one person insisted on their spot in the rotation, and Owen may have had something to do with it."

"Who was he?" Lindsay asked.

Shawn merely smiled. "You'll know."

*****

- The SmarK Rant for No Mercy, Oct. 19 / 03.

- Live from Baltimore, MD.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

- Just to show how awesome Asai is getting given the chance, Ultimo Dragon and Chavo Guerrero went out and had a ****1/4 match on No Mercy Velocity just to show up everyone on the PPV card. Dragon won with the Dragon Sleeper at 12:44. Rumor has it Vinnie Mac wants to capitalize on the new cult following Ultimo's getting, but is a little lax to do it due to Asai's thick accent when he speaks. Figures, doesn't it? A guy can wrestle for all he's worth, but if he can't talk, he's not getting over. That's WWE for ya.

- Opening match: Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. A-Train. I really don't know HOW they talked Hogan into the opening slot, but this is probably the best place for him and we all know it. Hogan punches Train around to start, including the ten punch count along and bite at the end. Outside, Train sends Hogan into the steps, allowing Hulk to do his usual wiggling around in lieu of selling. Back in, Train suplexes Hogan a few times, getting two. Hulk tries the BACKRAKES OF DOOM, but through that dense growth of hair I don't think a lawn mower would have much effect. A slam fails (I'm as shocked as you), but Train misses a falling headbutt. Elbowdrops get two. Train reverses a cross-corner whip and gets an avalanche, into a body vice. That lasts a while. Train Wreck finally ends the torture (for me) and gets two. Hogan goes low (ah, like the good old days of fair play and sportsmanship), but a clothesline misses, and Hulk walks into the Derailer. Cue ending sequence, legdrop finishes at 7:14. As a way to fire up the crowd it worked, but as a match it was the usual red and yellow crapfest. 1/4*

- Test vs. John Cena. Test has Sable with him, which one would think would produce a giant black hole of suck on the heel side, but sadly none is evident. Test gains the edge at first, and a slam gets two. Cena bails and uses the steps to get even. Back in, Cena punches down Test for two. Cena hits the Protoplex for two. Test comes back with a tilt-a-whirl for two. Sable jumps on the apron and distracts the ref with her, ahem, feminine wiles, allowing Test to nail Cena with the chain for two. Big Boot is ducked, and Cena hits a fallaway slam for two. German suplex (with bridge) gets two. Test blocks a second one, then gets a sort-of Stunner for two. Pumphandle slam gets two. Test goes up top, but the elbow is ducked, and Cena hits the F-U. Sable stops the count and slaps the ref, but Test is so out of it that Cena hits a flying legdrop and a second F-U for the three at 8:21. That's different, certainly. ** Sable tries to low blow Cena, but he stops her and F-Us her too. I don't think anyone is upset by that development, do you?

- United States title: Billy Kidman vs. Matt Hardy. Matt Fact: Matt is 1-0 against Kidman on PPVs. Lovely. Hardy points to the sky to draw face heat. Lockup and clean break to establish this as a fair fight. Chain wrestling follows, with neither man getting the advantage. Matt armdrags Kidman around, then follows with a pescado when Kidman bails. Outside, Matt with a railrunner, hit 100x better than his brother. Back in, Matt works the arm some. Cross armlock is converted by Kidman into a few near-falls, as the crowd applauds when he breaks. Off the ropes, and Matt with a dropkick and yodelling legdrop for two. Kidman reverses a hiptoss to one of his own, then hits three straight ranas, sending Matt out. Matt talks to Shannon Moore, allowing Kidman to backflip onto both of them and do HIS version of the railrunner (somewhere between the brothers') to a MONSTER pop. Inside the ring, Matt hits a pair of German suplexes for two. Northern Lights gets two. Kidman flips over on a backdrop suplex and bulldogs Matt for two. Matt spears Kidman down, but Kidman goes with it and we go to a pinfall reversal sequence. Kidman ends it by trying to rana Matt, but Matt catches him and tries for a powerbomb, but YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN, but Matt is ready and allows Kidman to crash-land on his face. Twist of Fate is blocked into a Northern Lights by Kidman (!) for two. The guy's been working with Asai again. Matt bridges out of the pin and goes for a backslide, but Kidman flips over on that into the Unprettier for two. Matt gets the Twist of Fate, but decides to go up for the Swanton. Shannon, of course, climbs up on the apron to celebrate, and in doing so dislodges Matt on the top rope. Kidman knocks Shannon backwards, then hits Rey's hop-up rana for the pin at 15:19 to deflate the crowd. Kidman's not good enough to go 15, and the booking makes NO sense whatsoever. Okay, so Shannon's in the doghouse, WE GET IT ALREADY. Good match, but not the spectacular one the announcers seemed to think it was. *** Matt bitches out Shannon afterward.

- Cruiserweight title: Rey Misterio vs. Jamie Noble. But first, a replay of the Bra and Panties match "highlights", which becomes important later. Noble suplexes Rey around to start, with Rey bailing to the outside. Out there, Nidia slaps Rey, but the distraction fails and Rey takes over. Back in, Rey snaps off the rana and a guillotine legdrop for two. Noble clotheslines Rey down and gets a half-nelson suplex for two. Rey gets hit with an Uncle Slam for two. Noble tries a powerbomb, but Rey flips over top with a sunset flip for two. Noble tries a clothesline, only to get hit with a crucifix rollup for two. Noble misses a blind charge, allowing Rey to climb the ropes and get a 450 rana for two. Noble bails, so Rey gets a somersault hilo to wow the crowd. Back in, Noble ducks a flying whatever off the top and covers for two. Noble celebrates, but Torrie drops him onto the middle rope. As the ref admonishes her, Rey hits the 6-1-9, but Billy Gunn runs in and turns on him, getting the One and Only. Noble hits a powerbomb for the pin and the title at 10:39. Billy Gunn getting ANOTHER push? ARGH! ***

- Tag Team Title: APA vs. WGTT. Haas and Simmons start, and Haas gets bumped around by spinebusters and powerslams. Shelton tries his luck, same result. Bradshaw adds some power stuff, including the STIFFEST powerbomb I've ever seen on Shelton that could've killed him. APA get two with a front/back clothesline. Simmons is escorted out, however, and Bradshaw gets clipped by Haas to play cowboy-in-peril. Shelton with a superkick for two. Haas gets the rolling Germans, the third one with Shelton's help in the form of a lariat, but Simmons breaks it up as the ref's back in turned, and Bradshaw gets two. WGTT hit the leapfrog choke for two. Haas takes Bradshaw down with a superplex for two. Shelton hits an electric chair drop for two. Doomsday Device gets two for the heels. Haas with the Haas of Pain, but Simmons breaks rather viciously. Heel miscommunication leads to a double clothesline, hot tag Simmons. Shelton gets tossed to the outside, but Haas clips Simmons and hits a flying elbow for two. Bradshaw gets a piledriver try, but Haas backdrops him into a Shelton backbreaker for two. Ouch. APA do a variant of the Hart Attack for two on Haas. Shelton superkicks Simmons into Bradshaw, and Haas dives off the top onto both for two. Bradshaw up first, and he KILLS Haas with the Clothesline from Hell, but he's not the legal man (Bradshaw). So the ref sends him out, allowing WGTT to hit their finishing sequence for the titles at 14:59. Whew. When the APA are in your best match of the PPV, something's different. ***3/4

- Rhyno vs. Rob Van Dam. Crowd gets an up-close look a minute in, as both men fly over the railing. A few fans try to punch Rhyno, who simply glares them down. RVD takes a suplex on the concrete stairs and tumbles the whole way. Back in the ring, Rhyno continues the mugging with a Davey Boy powerslam for two. Rhyno misses a clothesline, and RVD kicks away. Rhyno rolls out of bounds, so RVD hits a somersault plancha to thrill everyone... and Rhyno just DROPS him on the outside. Yeeouch. Back in, Rhyno with a frog splash (sort of) for two. Death Valley Driver gets two. RVD catches a boot and gets the stepover enzuigiri for two. Flying kick gets two. RVD goes up top, but Rhyno follows him and superplexes him for two. To the outside, where Rhyno chucks RVD headlong into the barrier, opening a HUGE gash. Rhyno visits all four posts in turn, and when the ref tells him to return to the ring, Rhyno growls, "MAKE me!" Brilliant. Finally in the ring, and Rhyno mocks RVD, then steps on his throat (with RVD selling like a champ). Van Dam slowly gets up and punches away at Rhyno, but when he tries to do his shoulder thrusts, Rhyno catches him on the rebound with a GORE GORE GORE, then pulls him up at two. A second GORE GORE GORE finishes at 10:11. Wow, who'd Van Dam piss off? ***1/2

- World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle. Long amateur wrestling sequence to start, but Brock ends that by lariating Kurt down. Three overhead suplexes follow, and Kurt bails. Outside, they visit the various announcing tables, as Brock preps the poor Spanish team. Kurt tosses him back in and hits the rolling Germans for two. Brock clotheslines Kurt out of his boots (almost literally), then hits the HOGAN-KILLING BEARHUG OF DEATH. Kurt reverses it by tripping Brock and falling on top for two. Kurt gets a monkey flip (!) out of the corner, then goes up top for a flying DDT for two. Kurt tries an F-5 of his own, but Brock slips out the back door and tosses Kurt over the top rope to the railing. Brock baseball slides out, then heads to the Spanish table. The referee tries to break, so Brock F-5s the poor ref through the table instead. Silly ref. And now Brock gets the ring bell and clocks Kurt with it ten or so times. With everyone down, Brock climbs the turnbuckle as Cole reminds us of his botched SSP attempt at Mania. Kurt's ready, though, and he hits the Pop-Up Superplex onto the ringbell. Kurt clocks Brock with the bell, then slaps on the Ankle Lock. Brock manages to get to the ropes as the referee fades in and out of consciousness on the floor, then nails Kurt with an enzuigiri. Rolling Greco-Roman beals follow for Brock (something I know he does in SDSYM, but never saw before in real life), and the ref returns to give him... two. Brock is irate and argues with the ref, allowing Kurt to roll him up for two. Brock sets Kurt up for the F-5, but Kurt reverses to a Tornado DDT! Up top, but the Moonsault misses (duh) and Brock gets rolling Germans of his own for two. Another F-5 try, but Kurt slides down the back into a sunset flip for two, reversed by Brock for two, reversed by Kurt for two, reversed by Brock for what seems like three, but the ref sees his feet on the ropes and the match continues. Kurt hits a flying jalapeno, then tries the anklelock again. Brock makes the ropes. Kurt readies the Angle Slam, but Brock lands on his feet and goes for a clothesline. Kurt ducks, then delivers a 3/4 nelson rollup for the pin and the title at 32:13. Not as great as I expected from these two, but this night's been weird on many levels anyway. **3/4 Not the least of which is that we set up the cage now for the main event.

- Normally I would ignore interviews, but here's an exception, as Eddie Guerrero talks about how Undertaker has his credibility, but tonight Guerrero gains it on his own. He says it's not about taking a spot from him, but rather at his expense. An awesome video package reminds us that this all started with a mystery partner gig a couple weeks after Vengeance. Wow, how time has changed.

- Main event, cage match: Undertaker vs. Eddie Guerrero. Taker slugs Eddie down to start, and backs him into the corner. Eddie kicks out of it, then climbs the ropes and ranas Taker down into the corner. First attempt is made by Eddie, through the door, but Taker grabs him. Eddie eats cage a few times, and Taker climbs. Eddie stops him and tosses him down back-first, so Eddie moonsaults off the ropes onto him. Both men up, and Eddie rakes the eyes and vaults off Taker to the cage. Taker follows him up and bashes his head into the cage, drawing blood. Taker goes OLD SCHOOL using the cage for balance, but Eddie heaves him halfway across the ring. Eddie climbs now, and Taker drags him back into the ring. Taker climbs, so Eddie ranas him off the top rope. Both men charge each other, and both men go down. Eddie up first, and he crawls to the door, but Taker blocks and goes for an anklelock! Eddie kicks him off and lunges for the door, but Taker grabs the mullet and drags him back in. Eddie goes flying into the corner, but Taker's charge misses and Eddie grinds Taker into the fencing for more blood. Eddie gives him a German on the way out, but Taker trips him up going for the cage and hits an STF. Eddie can't break, and tapping is pointless, so he edges his way to the door while in the hold. Eddie's almost got his hand to the floor when Taker pulls him in and tries a chokeslam. Eddie flips over top and gets a neckbreaker, and both are down. Eddie up first, but Taker crawls to the door as Eddie climbs, so Eddie dives onto Taker from above. Eddie then ties Taker into the corner and climbs up the opposite way, only to have Taker flip him off. That sets Eddie off, so he hits a VAN TERMINATOR FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE, DIAGONALLY ACROSS THE RING! I know gravity-wise it isn't as impressive as RVD's version -- he had more height to jump from -- but it's still a markout moment. Both men are down, and the crowd is RABID. Eddie up and climbing, but the kick freed Taker, so he crawls after Eddie. At the top, Taker grabs Eddie from behind with a dragon sleeper, but Eddie falls back and both men crash to the ring below. Now Taker's up first, and he gets the chokeslam, then climbs. Eddie meets him at the top and superplexes him back in. How Taker is capable of this is beyond me. Eddie climbs again, but Taker follows and choke slams him off the top rope. Last Ride is set up, but Eddie grabs the cage and kicks away, then climbs it. However, the cage he climbs is right next to the door, so Taker reaches out the door and pulls Eddie back in after Eddie goes over the top! Eddie grabs the ropes in desperation, so Taker grabs the mullet instead (poor mullet) and pulls Eddie up for the Tombstone. Eddie kicks out of it, then tries a figure-four, but Taker tosses Eddie into the cage and both are down again. Eddie is up first, and he climbs with Taker in pursuit. At the top, both men slug it out, and Taker knocks Eddie down, but then has to grab his arm and try to pull him back up. Eddie slithers free and lands on the ground (taking one last bump) to win at 23:44. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much resting for my liking, but the match is a suitable welcome for Eddie into the main event scene. **1/2

The Bottom Line:

Well, nothing actively sucked on this card, as even the opener did its job. Four straight matches over the three-star barrier is certainly nothing to sneeze at, so consider this PPV a success. The stories attached to it will be forgotten in time, but the matches -- especially Eddie/Taker II -- will stand on their own.

Thumbs up.

*****

03:24 PM

Wilkes-Barre, PA

"Here you go, boys," said Eric Bischoff as he walked in. "We got a few matches to build up to, so everyone be ready to rock!" I checked the booking sheet. Nothing. I had the night off. It figured, actually -- I was a midcarder who just had his program exhausted, so what was the point of putting me on the air? I noticed that other people fit this description as well, like Kevin Nash and Mark Henry. I walked over to the bench and sat down. Booker found me.

"What's wrong, sucka?"

"Nothin. Just not goin' tonight, that's all."

"Well, you knew you were gonna have days off, right? Tell ya what -- do what I did when I was free. Head back to the hotel and enjoy yo'self. Watch the show, or don't. Take a swim. Hit the weights. Just be thankful you ain't part of the grind."

"You sure that's okay?"

"Course I'm sure. Relax, buddy. I know what it is I'm talkin' bout."

"All right." I got up and grabbed my things. I winked at Booker and smiled as I did so. I knew that was mainly for show, but what I couldn't figure out is why he would send me back to the hotel.

"Hey, Lance."

"Yeah, Book?"

"Check the lay of the land, will ya? I think I got a clue."

"Right..." I sat back down and whispered. "What sort of clue?"

"Well, it's like dis, sucka. I think ol' Molly needs some time off too, but she gots a match comin' up. What I want you to do is see if you can get in her head. Check if she gets a note, and if so, ask her to be witchoo at the same time. See what happens."

"But Book," I stammered, "How... how will I find out about the note if I... if I can't get in the locker room?"

"Relax, foo. I gots some insider stuff goin' down. See, someone remembers us talkin' about it earlier, and she's concerned too. So she'll come to you, and you'll get the note and get the ball rollin'. Now, it's very important that you don't show her the note, dig? We gotta act like dis is all on de up'n'up."

"Wait... we're going to steal the note? Couldn't that get her in more trouble?"

"I don't think so. Not if we do dis right. B'sides, ol' DM might tip his hand."

"I see. Well, should I stay or should I go back?"

"Go on back, dog. Stacy knows your number -- she'll find you."

"Okay. Thanks."

I grabbed my things and left the locker room. As I did, I bumped into Stacy coming around the corner. Nervously, I looked up into her eyes and whispered, "Is the plan on?"

"Plan?"

"Booker didn't tell you?"

"Ohhh, that. Yeah, it's good."

"All right. I'm in 525. Find me after 11:30. Got it?"

"Of course."

"Good. And thank you."

She went on into the Diva locker room while I walked out into the night.

*****

08:57 PM

I returned to the hotel after a long dinner to cool my jets and watch RAW. I kept thinking about Molly in the back of my mind. Lindsay believes that whatever's bothering her is connected to that note. But I read the note: it was a bunch of gibberish apart from a time. Maybe this whole scheme will give us another clue, but I doubt there's much we can learn. Molly hasn't exactly been forthcoming to me no matter who I've been. Maybe she doesn't want help.

Maybe. But she needs help.

*****

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Oct. 20 / 03

- Live from S-W-B, P-A.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross, Jonathan Coachman, and Jerry Lawler.

- RNN is up first, as Randy Orton complains about the interference that cost him the Intercontinental Title. Footage shown on the "OrTron 900" reveals it to be Shane-O-Mac who dove in and cost him the match. I wonder how Booker T feels knowing his big win is now a McMahon win. Anyway, Orton invites out Stone Cold Steve Austin, who says the referee's decision is WHAT? I mean, it's final. Orton protests, but makes sure not to touch Austin. Austin then says he has a bigger announcement: Elimination Chamber II for Survivor Series. He's going to greenlight Chris Benoit and Kane for status in the Chamber, and says that the others will be decided later. Orton says he should be in it, and Austin allows him the chance... if he beats Benoit tonight in the main event. Interesting.

- Handicap match: Molly Holly vs. Gail Kim and Jazz. The schizophrenic push for Molly continues, as they seem determined not to get her over TOO much. Gail starts, and Molly handles her easily, carrying her through a wrestling sequence. Jazz comes in and kicks her ass. Double chickenwing into a bridge gets two. DDT gets two. Gail comes off the top with a crossbody for two. Molly ducks a clothesline from Jazz and gets a neckbreaker. Gail hits a rana for two, reversed by Molly for two. Jazz hits a fisherman's DDT for two. A second try is reversed to a small package for two. Gail goes up top but gets slammed off onto Jazz, and Molly covers both for two. Can you guess who the weakest link in this match is? Jazz tosses Molly to the outside, and Gail throws her back in to get Jazz two. Molly throws the heels into each other and hits the Molly Go Round on Gail for the upset win at 7:07. Molly really should be more over than she is. **

- And now, the return of one of my favorite time-wasters, WEEKEND UPDATE WITH 3 LIVE KRU! Konnan runs the news desk and reveals that reports of a bomb in Baghdad have been confirmed: "Gigli" opened in the Middle East. Road Dogg does the sports report and gets attacked by a Don Zimmer look-alike, while Ron Killings reports a warm front around Stacy Keibler's ass. Konnan then offers his service in taking out Kane for later that night, and the camera cuts to Road Dogg and Killings holding a candlelight vigil. Stupid but fun. Clearly they can't get away with stoner humor without the PTC noticing again, so they're going this route, which will make for an interesting assignment.

- Intercontinental Title: Booker T vs. Sean Morley. Speaking of censors, we have these guys. Booker goes to town to start, and Morley bails, allowing Booker to unleash a plancha on all three RTC members. Big mistake, as Steven Richards distracts the ref and Mark Henry works him over. Note to the WWE: he's fat, and he's not over. Just letting you know. Morley runs the ropes with Booker, and a Blue Thunder bomb gets two. Spinning elbow gets two. Booker ducks a clothesline and gets an axe kick for two. Spinebuster and kneedrop follow, but Richards runs interference and Henry powerslams Booker. Morley gets two. Morley goes up top, but Booker superplexes him off and gets two. Scissors kick, spinaroonie, and leg lariat finish the deal at 5:14. Walk in the park for Booker. *3/4 Christian attacks after the bell as a program that didn't work the first time is started up again.

- Meanwhile, La Resistance take their frustration about being out of the tag team title match out on Rob Conway.

- Elimination match, Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Chris Nowinski and Rodney Mack vs. Goldust and Hurricane vs. Christian and Big Show. Bubba Ray and Christian start, and that goes poorly for Christian. Rodney Mack gets a clothesline and some punches for two. Hurricane in, and he and Goldust do a SUPERHERO BODYSLAM OF DEATH on Big Show. D-Von attacks from behind as tag rules pretty much are thrown out the window here. Nowinski talks Christian into attacking both Dudleyz by himself, then laughs until Goldust elbows him down. Hurricane flies over the top onto all four heels, while the Dudleyz give Goldust the Wazzup Drop. Tables are fetched, but their use leads to a DQ of the Dudleyz at 5:48, meaning they will lose the titles. LAAAAAAAAAME. All four heels then pass Hurricane off in rapid succession. I mean, no one's in there longer than one or two moves. Mack hits the Blackout, but Goldust saves as a tag match starts to gain order. Nowinski uses the FACIAL APPLIANCE OF DOOM for two. A second try, but Show gets it. A very angry Show headbutts and chokeslams Nowinski, and he's easy pickings for the Shining Wizard at 9:24. Christian keeps up the pressure with Move #285 (ARM-bar). Show drops the leg for two. Christian hits the Unprettier for two. Show in, but Hurricane kicks the legs out, hot tag Goldust. Flip Flop and Fly on Show, Shattered Dreams for Christian, but Show gets AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHTHE CHOKESLAM for the pin and the titles at 14:11. I've seen worse, but these guys don't need the titles. **1/4

- But then the purpose is revealed, as Eric Bischoff announces that, as co-GM of RAW, he'll fill the chamber with all the champions. So Booker T is in, Christian and Big Show join the Chamber, and (Bischoff evil grin here) Molly Holly will be forced in there. Jimbo starts making her funeral arrangements. Um, Molly? He's kidding, right? Well, we'll see where this goes, though realistically not much good can come out of Show or Molly being in there longer than a few minutes.

- Kane vs. Konnan. I don't see any good coming out of this. Konnan is attacked during his pre-match spiel as Ron Killings joins commentary. Kane kicks his ass all over the ringside, sending him to the STEEL steps. Konnan makes a brief comeback using groinal abuse, but the rolling clothesline is caught into an armbar. Konnan makes the ropes. Kane tosses Konnan by the arm across the ring. Kane gets the CLOTHESLINES OF DOOM for two. Chokeslam finishes the brutality at 4:15. *1/4 The rest of 3 Live Kru runs in and gets dealt with.

- Shane McMahon returns to speak about RAW. He says that RAW has been in the tank, and it's due to Eric Bischoff's mismanagement. He says not even Steve Austin can keep Bischoff in line, so he'll do it himself. No comment. Bischoff interrupts and says he knew Shane would be trouble, so he found himself some enforcers. Evolution (minus Ric Flair, but with Batista) emerges and kicks Shane's ass. SITOUT POWERBOMB OF DEATH, KICK WHAM PEDIGREE, and RKO add to the brutality. Bischoff tells Shane he's unwelcome here. Pot, kettle, black.

- Main event, World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton. Benoit attacks from the crowd, but runs into Evolution before they can be ejected from ringside. We take a break as Benoit gets sent over the top by HHH. We come back with Orton holding a legbar while Benoit tries to sit up and chop away. Orton releases and tries a dragon screw, but Benoit spins out of it and chops Orton down. Benoit tries the Crossface, but Orton blocks. Benoit works the arm in several nasty ways, but Orton kicks out of it. RKO attempt, but Orton can't grip Benoit due to the arm damage. Benoit does a judo throw as the announcers note Al Snow at ringside taking notes. Orton slams Benoit down, and the Play of the Day gets two. Flatliner gets two. Orton goes up top, but the crossbody is caught and turned into the Crossface in midair for the tapout at 10:23. Orton is emminently carryable, which makes him appear a lot better than he is. *** Kane lays everyone out and stares at Benoit as the show ends.

The Bottom Line:

The buildup to Survivor Series gets off to a flying start, as RAW delivers the goods on the way to its half of the card. Molly in the Elimination Chamber is definitely an interesting choice, but realistically in a six-way match, it's next to impossible to establish six contenders. Still, no problems with the Chamber announcements, and Shane getting beat up is always a plus.

Until next time, BUY THE BOOK!

*****

11:37 PM

"I got it."

"Good." I took the note from Stacy's hands and stuffed it in my pocket. "Did anyone notice you?"

"I don't think so," she said. "I didn't see who dropped it off, though, but I got there before Molly could find it."

"Excellent. You've done well."

"Thanks."

As she left, I unfurled the note. It read: "NG important Tue 1930 yours DM". Just as cryptic as last time. This time, though, I was ready. I called up Booker T and told him the information he would need. Operation Little Miss Can't Be Wrong was underway.

*****

Tuesday, October 21, 2003, 10:37 PM

Scranton, PA

We returned to the hotel. I could sense the nervousness in Molly's behavior. It had been her first night out in weeks, she said, but something else was a problem. I couldn't quite determine what it was.

We got off the elevator on her floor, and I walked her back to her place. She stopped at the door and smiled. "Thank you," she said. "This was wonderful."

"Anything to help a friend," I replied.

"You have no idea how much I needed this." She looked around, as if something was missing. "I... uh... you wanna come in?"

I thought for a second. This isn't Jessi. I can trust her. "Sure, no harm in that. Is your roommate here? I don't want people talking."

"Gail? Yeah, she's here."

I entered her room and looked around. Everything was in order on the surface. Bags of tea and packets of sugar were available on the counter. Molly plopped down on the bed and lay back. Gail noticed me and smiled.

"Hi, Lance. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just returning Nora from a night on the town. Lemme tell you, she really needed it."

"Yeah," Molly concurred. "It's nice not to have the same routine all the time."

Gail seemed hesitant. "Would you like to be alone?"

I turned to Molly. She rolled her eyes and nodded. Gail skipped up and left the room. Molly then faced me. "So what are you going to do?"

"Do? Me? What do you mean?"

"Oh... I thought you were... never mind. I just wanted to know if I needed to repay you."

"Why would that be?"

"Well, you know how guys are." She laughed nervously. "I shouldn't be talking about this."

"About what?"

"Lance, why do you think Gail left the room? Don't you know what she thinks we want?"

After a few seconds, it dawned on me. "Oh! No, no, no, Nora. I'm married. I wouldn't dare."

"Well, at least someone has principles."

I looked at her pillow and saw the Women's Title lying there, almost as if it were a teddy bear a five year old takes to bed. Molly followed my line of eyesight, then gulped noticeably. "Um... if there's something you wanna know..."

"Well, actually, yeah. You see, I asked you for the night out because Stacy handed me a note that got me worried. It..."

"A note? What did it say?" Her breath seemed shorter than usual.

"Well, it was about tonight... I think... I couldn't make much out of it."

"Tonight? Oh no! He's gonna kill me."

"Who is? What?"

"Nothing. It's not important. I was just supposed to meet with... with someone. About the Chamber. I... ugh. I'm sorry."

"Well, you wanna go talk to them now?"

"I'd better call them and see if... I'm sorry, Lance... I had a lot of fun... but I gotta..."

"I know." I turned around and exited. Well, that settles it... someone's doing something to her. There are times when I wish I didn't have to know about her trauma. I know it's my job to help people, but it's a rotten job sometimes. As I headed back, Booker T intercepted me. "We gotta talk, Andy."

I lowered my voice. "What is it?"

"DM. Darren Matthews. Regal. He was here at 7:30. I managed to keep him at bay for over half an hour before he checked in on her. He was furious when she wasn't there. I think he's the problem."

"Well, what do we do about it?"

"Next week, we're off, right? Well, when we next get the chance, I wanna make this our priority. Got it?"

"Of course. I'll do everything I can... can't we spy on her during our time off?"

"Yeah. But I don't know what we'll get... I just hope my hunches are wrong, bro. I mean, I got chills talkin' to the guy. He's bad news. I don't know what we can do."

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Noooo! My man Regal is the evil old bastard corrupting Molly it seems... I can't wait to see where this goes. So many twists and turns, its phenomenal Dukes. Seriously I cannot wait for the next update. Keep up the great work!

Chris Hardcore

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  • 3 weeks later...

Well, might as well do some work over here while I stall for time.

This chapter is one that was presented as Just Another Chapter, but turned into perhaps one of the most important.

For starters, we meet Sting and drop a hint that he'll be coming into the WWE as a one-shot deal at WrestleMania. Long-time Readers know by now that he's still there, having worked a HUGE program with Randy Orton, but at this time, I had no intention of continuing the diary past WrestleMania. The idea of Sting -- a born-again -- coming to the side of the Angels was pretty cool. It also helped me vent in a small way about Vince's treatment of WCWers.

The TV show itself set up a huge ten-man elimination match for SmackDown! that, admittedly, seems a little lopsided on paper. I mean, Eddie is good and all, and Rhyno is the Main Eventer I Still Don't Have a Clue How to Book, but against Hogan, Taker, Angle, Cena, AND RVD? It would take a superteam to win that, and that's not what the heel side was. Little did I know that, in a couple of weeks, Eddie would become a superteam all his own.

On the undercard, I felt I needed to get the belts off of WGTT if they were to be certified main eventers. Ultimo Dragon had been impressing me, so I said to myself, "What Would Vince Do?" Answer: he'd pair him with another Japanese wrestler and see if they clicked. I had Heyman be their mouthpiece, since neither man could speak English. But I didn't expect sheer magic in the form of a 97 MQ right off the bat. Team JAPAN was born, and they went for a full year before Ultimo spread his solo wings.

Finally, another dream visit. "Cave Ides Martem". I think I confessed to screwing up my Latin endings, but literally, no one noticed. Cave Ides Martem is supposed to mean "Beware the Ides of March", as our Romanophone Andy realizes at the end of the chapter. The Ides of March are on March 15 -- the day on which, in 44 BC, Julius Caesar was murdered by Roman senators (it was a group effort). So something big was gonna go down on March 15. WrestleMania, of course, was March 14. This was the first time I put a definitive ending date on my story.

*****

Chapter 37

The Old, Familiar Sting

Thursday, October 23, 2003, 03:44 PM

Venice Beach, CA

Shawn was driving us through a community area. We were trying to count streets and follow signs. None of us had been here before, but we were here through invitation. Shawn had brought us along to make things easier.

"Are you sure you have to do this, Shawn? I mean, he's retired, right?"

"Well, I gotta start here. Besides, I have never met the guy. I wanna know if he's the nice fella you say he is."

"Well, trust me," Booker chimed in. "He's as good a man as you'll meet. But if ya really wanna go through wit dis, you gotta lot of convincin' to do, sucka."

"I know I do... and you can cut the act, Lindsay; it's just us. The point is, this is something I think Vince would go for, and I think he'd go for."

I sat back and thought. "There's more to it, isn't there?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Because if there weren't, you could go through Vince and he'd arrange everything. Why aren't you asking Vince first?"

Shawn remained silent for over a minute. "Well... I guess... it's because I think he can help us."

Booker's eyes went wide. "But he's not supposed to know about..."

"He won't! He doesn't have to! He and I... we can work together too. Look, when Vince got possessed, I realized we needed backup. This guy's been handled before. He's like me -- saved. I don't know why, but I trust him to do the right thing."

"What does it matter if he's saved or if he always believed?"

"Lance -- Andy -- it's -- it's just me, but I think that if you choose your life, you stick to it. I hate to say it, but there's a lot you probably took for granted. There's a lot of things you assume Vince believes. I don't. He won't. We've seen and heard it all, and we know exactly the answer to anything that demon comes up with."

"Why should you know and not us?"

"Because we've asked the same things you have. Look, the devil's a sicko. He tricks you with double-logic. You can't just blanket it with platitudes; you gotta twist it right back in his face. It takes someone who's heard the answers, and short of a minister, priest, or rabbi -- which we don't have, you notice -- the people who've heard it all are the ones who asked it all."

"Isn't that kind of an arrogant attitude?"

"Andy, please!" Booker turned around. "Look, Shawn's always gonna be Shawn. It's best if he talks to Vince that way. None of this other crap is that big a deal. The most we can do is try to fight as whoever we are. But never -- NEVER -- forget who you are. Never forget your mortality."

I waited. Shawn continued, "He's right, in a way. If you guys get too close to the demon, he can... well, I dunno, but I don't like your odds. He knows who you are, and he knows you're weak. Me? He can't touch me. Not the same way. Besides, you both know I have Vince's ear from way back when."

"But what about--"

"He's my backup. If Vince brings him in, he'll be of a help. I don't even know if this guy's interested, you know. I just want to find out. Look, the fact is, Vince needs all the help he can get, right? Well, this guy is help! I trust him -- even though we haven't met -- and I know him to be a man of his word. So let's just see what happens. Here we are."

We pulled up outside the estate. As I got out, I took a note of my surroundings. The house was nothing overt, but certainly better than your average two-level house. In the garage were two sports cars, one all gold, another white with black streaks in a very familiar fashion. We walked up the path to his front door. Shawn knocked. We waited.

A man about Booker T's size answered the door. He had kept himself in great shape through all the years. His black hair was still in place from how we remembered, while his shades helped make him more and not less recognizable. He was dressed in old Wolfpack colors, and had the smell of someone who preferred the gym life and took pride in his body.

"Shawn," he said with a smile as he shook his hand, "it's good to meet you, finally. I see you brought friends! Lance, Booker, my old pals! Wonderful to get together again. C'mon in! Help yourself to whatever I got around here. It's good to see old buddies one more time."

It sure is, Stinger.

For the next 45 minutes, we talked about the old times in WCW and about the Wars. Sting's face lit up as he described in detail the feeling of winning the World Title for the first time. Booker and Shawn smiled and seemed drawn into their own memories. I, of course, wasn't so lucky, but Sting captivated me in his own way. In fact, as he described the last time around with Ric Flair, we all were captivated by it -- even though all of us saw it live.

"So why did you stop there?"

"Excuse me?"

"You've only wrestled a few times on US soil since. What happened, Sting? We could've used you for the InVasion."

Sting sighed and sat back. "Yeah, I know, Book -- that thing was a piece of crap, wasn't it? I thought about buying myself out and joining in on the fun, but... a lot of things happened in the meantime. First they had Torrie demean herself for Vince... yeah, that put them on my Do Not Call list pretty fast. Then the whole thing with DDP -- I just knew I wouldn't want to throw away what I was if that's the way it would be treated."

"But that was Page. Look at Hogan or Flair. Or Goldberg, even. They got instant cred!"

"Goldberg? Where is he now? Out of work and sitting at home, because the WWE guys wouldn't let him win. Flair? Ha! Flair's been turned into a two-bit manager. I heard he quit, anyway. And Hogan... Hogan's not WCW. Hogan never was WCW. He ruined WCW -- no wonder he's welcome in Titan-land!"

I had to step in. "But you're not any of those guys. You're a legend of your own! Think of the run Flair had at the beginning! If he could have walked away... if he could have stepped out and picked his spots... the guy beat Chris Jericho! He beat the living hell out of Vince McMahon! He beat Eddie Guerrero -- and by the way, look where Eddie is now! He's a WCW guy, isn't he?"

"He wasn't when it mattered, Lance. Besides, why are you asking me to share your fate? Look at how you are in the ring. You're a buffoon. You're a charicature. You could be the best technical wrestler on RAW, and they have you performing skits in some lair. And you, Booker! Look how they've buried you at every turn! How can you take pride in the Intercontinental Title as anything more than a pacifier?"

"Listen, Sting!" Shawn snapped him to attention. "That's not important. What happens to them -- that's not important. Something else is more important. We need you. We need your help. Vince needs your help."

"Well, if Vince wants me, he knows where to find me. But given what he puts on TV, I don't know if I want a part of it."

"Stinger, I understand. But... it's not about TV. It's about the man. A fever -- a cancer -- a... demon or something... it's taken over him. He's not in control of his own faculties anymore. We have to save him. All of us. And I want your help."

Sting was listening now. Shawn continued.

"I've heard you. I've heard what others say about you. You're... your way with words is incredible. I know you can have the same effect on Vince. I know you can give it a try. It's all we got, is an idea, but it's a good one. The more people he hears it from, the better."

Sting arched an eyebrow and turned to Booker and myself. "You two -- you in on this?"

I looked to Booker. Lindsay picked up the cue and answered. "We are. We'll do what we can, when we can. But HBK here -- he's the one with the connections. And we think you can get them connections too."

"If he hires you," I added, "he will treat you with personal and professional respect so that he can keep you -- and that's how you get to him."

Sting turned back to Shawn. "Why would he treat me better? I'm just a washed-up old wrestler anyway."

"No," he said. "Not to Vince. You're the crown jewel in his empire. You're the one guy who never came over. If he could get you, you'd be the ultimate prize. You could make him feel he truly, truly conquered wrestling. And then he'd want to hear from you. So, are you in?"

Sting removed his sunglasses for the first time. A face I didn't recognize -- a human face, a weathered face, Steve Borden's face -- looked directly at Shawn. "I'll do it. But just for you. Give me until... say, the Rumble. I'll train again. I'll get in wrestling shape again. And at WrestleMania, I'll fight one more time. That's the plan. Is that fair?"

"You got it. Let me work it out with Vince, now."

"Wait... he doesn't know?"

"No. I'm asking you first. I wanted to know your terms before I went to him."

"Very well. You have my terms. I'll expect Vince to call me about it."

"Good. Thank you."

Shawn and Sting shook hands. The tension in the room settled down completely. Sting smiled. "Now," he said, "how about we watch some TV? I hear there's a show coming on soon."

*****

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Oct. 23 / 03, taped Oct. 21.

- Taped from Albany, NY

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz

- Opening match, WWE Title: Kurt Angle vs. Matt Hardy. Matt Fact: Matt bet on the Cubs to win the World Series. Angle controls with matwork to start, but Hardy goes low and takes control. Outside, a rather subdued Shannon distracts the ref, allowing Matt to use the ring bell to full effect. Back in, yodelling legdrop gets two. DDT gets two. Angle blocks a German and gets his rolling Germans instead. Angle Slam is flipped out of, but Matt's Twist of Fate is blocked to a Northern Lights for two. Shannon gets on the apron, but Angle tosses Matt into him and finishes with the Ankle Lock at 7:44. Good start, although the sanity of putting Angle in the opening match is not mine. **1/2

- Stephanie's back. Now I can sleep at night. She calls out Sable, and I have hope for HLA, but no such luck. Stephanie calls Sable a failure who brings nothing to the table in her job. I love shoot comments that aren't meant to be shoot comments. She says that at Survivor Series, she will have one last chance to stay on: if she can make a team that can beat Stephanie's team. Sable agrees, then a catfight breaks out and Sable gets stripped. Eh, seen it already.

- Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Rob Van Dam vs. Los Guerreros. Odd placement of matches tonight, eh? Hogan opens with Chavo, and that goes as well as you'd expect. Eddie comes in and gets beaten up some. NOGGIN KNOCKER puts both men down, and RVD dives out onto them. Back in, Hogan with the punches and bite on Chavo, but Eddie shoves him down. Chavo with a Tornado DDT for two. Hogan boots Chavo to the corner, and RVD and Eddie come in. RVD kicks Eddie down, but misses a blind charge and gets levelled. Chavo cheats for no reason, and RVD is stoner in peril. Eddie with the slingshot senton for two. Eddie is selling the cage match beautifully, btw. Chavo works the neck area and gets Gory Special 2000 for two. Brainbuster gets two. Double-team spinebuster gets two. Chavo goes up top, flying elbow gets two. Eddie hits La Majistral for two. RVD gets a stepover enzuigiri, hot tag Hogan. Punching abounds. Eddie floors Hogan and gets the frog splash for... two. Hulk up, but as Hogan runs the ropes for the legdrop, Chavo uses the HOOD ORNAMENT OF DEATH to get Eddie the win (CHEAT TO WIN~!) at 11:54. Great for a Hogan match. **1/4 Eddie then volunteers to be the captain of Sable's team, declaring that he will make an impact one way or the other. After pinning Hogan, who am I to argue?

- And from that, to...

- WWE Tag Team Titles: World's Greatest Tag Team vs. Ultimo Dragon and Tajiri. Heels charge in to start, and all four men rumble. Haas is kicked out of the ring by Tajiri, setting off the trainwreck as Tajiri dives onto him. Shelton follows with a dive of his own, then Dragon fakes the dive to complete the sequence. Everyone back in, and Shelton sneak attacks Dragon from behind. Holds and counter-holds I can't even begin to describe take up the next three minutes, as these guys totally adapt to the Japanese style. And the crowd CHEERS it. Tajiri in off a blind tag, and Shelton gets smoked with a roundhouse kick for two. Haas jumps in and overhead suplexes Tajiri into the corner, allowing Shelton to baseball slide in and take over. WGTT get the leapfrog choke on Tajiri, getting Haas two. Haas goes for a figure-four, but Tajiri cradles for two, reversed for two. Haas does amateur wrestling, with Shelton superkicking Tajiri over into a pinning predicament for two. Tajiri trades some SERIOUSLY STIFF kicks with Shelton, but Shelton blocks the handspring elbow and lands the IRON CLAW~! Dragon pulls him off with a Dragon sleeper, but that leaves him wide open for a Haas dropkick to the face. Ouch. We take a break as the ring is cleared, then return with Haas holding the Haas of Pain on Tajiri, who manages to wiggle out. Shelton applies a camel clutch, but Tajiri rolls through to break. Whip is reversed, and Tajiri tries a rana, but Shelton powerbombs him down for two. Abdominal stretch, and of COURSE he gets assistance before Tajiri breaks. Spike piledriver gets two for WGTT as Dragon is BEGGING for the tag. Ah, he CAN be taught! Tajiri lands the Tarantula on Haas, so Shelton punches the back of his head to get a break. FINALLY, Shelton airballs on the Doomsday Device, hot Hot HOT tag to Dragon. Dragon chops down both Haas and Shelton, then hits the Asai moonsault on both men who are halfway down the aisle. Okay, maybe not, but SERIOUS hangtime there. Chaos in the ring as Paul Heyman makes his triumphant return. Haas and Shelton both yell at him as Tajiri is escorted out, so Heyman hits the GREEN MIST OF DOOM to subdue Shelton. A confused Haas is left spotting Dragon on the top rope too late, as a SUPER FLIPPING REVERSE DDT ends the match for the titles at 19:34. Holy. Living. Crap. ****3/4 One of the best straight-up tag matches the WWE has ever done. Easily the best match in SmackDown! history. Heyman raises the hands of Asai and Tajiri to cement the alliance.

- BROCK IS ANGRY~! Not quite the same as the Almighty Luke, but it'll do. He demands someone come out so he can prove himself worthy of the title again. And here comes the victim...

- Brock Lesnar vs. Nick Dinsmore. And indeed, the pain is on, as Lesnar smokes Dinsmore all over the ring. F-5 looks to finish, but he picks Dinsmore up at two. The slaughter continues, including the TRIPLE POWERBOMB OF DOOM, but again Lesnar gets arrogant and goes for a one-fingered cover, only to get pulled into a cradle for the upset win at 5:24. I'm feeling generous, and Dinsmore sold for 20. *** Brock beats him senseless after the match, too.

- Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio vs. Jamie Noble and Billy Gunn. I think we all know what the result will be, and we will all regret it. Rey and Noble start, and Rey takes him down with several ranas in a row. Gunn in, and Rey tries with him but gets slammed down. Gunn gets a gorilla press slam for two. His variant of the Jackhammer gets two. Noble in with a cradle for two, followed by a facebuster for two. Cross armlock, but Rey slides out and rolls him up for two. Gunn back in, and a belly-to-belly throw gets two. Baseball slide gets two. Rey squirms out of a piledriver, hot tag Kidman. Gunn and Noble go flying, and Kidman backflips onto them on the outside. Back in, Unprettier on Noble, but Gunn flies in with the Dumbasser for the pin at 7:02. Well, I only hate one guy in the match, so I'll be nice. *** Anyone who didn't see Billy Gunn getting his five thousandth push doesn't know the WWE that well, though.

- Kurt Angle volunteers to be a part of Stephanie's team, but Steph says he's already on it. In fact, she says, the team's been decided. Interesting...

- Main event: Rhyno vs. Undertaker. No match, as Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin storm the ring and a 3-on-1 beatdown ensues. Hogan and RVD "run" in to even the odds, but Los Guerreros follow. Kurt Angle blitzes the heels to a huge pop, but the numbers don't last long as the Guerreros double-team him mercilessly while Rhyno beats Hogan down with a lead pipe. Sable appears and introduces her team, but that brings out an angry John Cena, who gives Sable her second F-U of the week (there's a joke in there) and evens the odds. Hogan hulks up, and he and Taker double powerbomb WGTT. The faces clear the ring as Cole assumes this is Stephanie's side. And indeed, Kurt Angle confirms it and says that at Survivor Series, Sable will be humiliated, defeated, and fired. That's always nice.

The Bottom Line:

Well, the tag match pretty much makes this an automatic thumbs-up for me, and any time Hogan breaks two stars you know you have a good night. The constant pushing of Billy Gunn will actually have me rooting for Kidman to have a LONGER US title reign, which is a scary concept. Hopefully that title won't change hands at Survivor Series.

Of course, given that the entire main event is in one match, something has to happen, right?

*****

I was dreaming.

I felt a chill all around me in the tunnel. I heard the voice from earlier repeat: "Cave ides Martem!" I tried to identify the source, but couldn't. Everything went colder and colder.

I saw Owen next to me. He could sense it too. He and I stared at each other. Without saying a word, we both knew we had to follow the source of the cold, and that the answer would be there. We followed.

At the end was a figure clad in a dark toga. His back was to us, but his aura gave him away. Trying to stay mobile in the arctic air, I approached him. As I got within a few feet of him, he turned around. His face was that of a Roman legion, complete with laurel and short beard. His eyes, though, were two black discs.

While staring at him, I felt my blood run cold. My body seemed to freeze in place. He smiled and sneered, then repeated his warning. I turned to run, but felt like I couldn't. Owen grabbed me and tossed me down the hallway. I looked at my feet. They were heavy and gray, as if two concrete shoes had been attached.

I crawled to the nearest exit, trying to get out of this world. As I did, I felt the warmth return. I could sense feeling in my legs again. I looked down and saw my feet return to normal. I crawled to the exit as the spirit's presence approached me. I screamed.

As I did, I felt a sudden burst of warmth come from me. Upon further thought, I discovered it wasn't warmth, but rather the absence of cold I felt. I looked up. The spirit was gone. Owen stood back from where it was, holding the heart of Martha in his hand. I looked at him. "What... happened?"

"It's gone. The spirit is gone. I don't know how, but... Martha saved you. I don't think he was going to destroy you anyway. But be careful. This is the kind of thing that almost happened to me Halloweens ago."

I slowly crawled back to my world, my arms and legs shaking as I did so. I took one final look over my shoulder. Owen was walking back, his head on a swivel to see if any spirits returned. At any rate, I knew what the message meant.

Cave ides Martem. Beware the ides of March.

Edited by Dukes
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  • 4 weeks later...

Okay, it's back. Why not?

I dedicated this chapter to Stu Hart's memory, as he died the night before I wrote it. That's all the buildup I need for this one.

*****

Chapter 38

Father Figure

Saturday, October 25 - Sunday, October 26

I walked forward into what I now called the Dream Tunnel. As I crossed the bridge, I had my head on a swivel. No sign of any demons this week. I continued over to the SmackDown! side and looked around. I expected to find someone in particular this week. Instead, I found three people.

Kathleen was sitting on the ground, crying. Owen was staring ahead, without his usual smile or sign of life. Greg had his arms around Kathleen and was silent the whole time. They didn't have to say a word. I heard. I knew.

I walked over and sat down next to Owen. He turned his head to see who it was, then smiled sheepishly. He reached over and hugged me, and as he did, something seemed to brighten within him. "Thank you," he said.

"Hey, what are friends for?" I felt tears coming to my eyes for a man I never knew, never met, and had only known as a progenitor. I didn't know why the tears were there for me -- for Lance earlier today, sure, but why me? Was I having residual effects?

"Owen, I... I don't wanna be a prick or anything, but... I don't feel like crying much, you know?"

"I know," he said. "Do what you want. I... I didn't think I'd be this way either."

"What do you mean, 'this way?' Are you shocked, sad, numb... what?"

"No, that's just it. I'm nothing. If anything I'm really happy. I shouldn't be. This is just... weird and all, but... I don't feel the sadness others do. Maybe I've just been dead long enough to know, but... whatever."

"To know? Owen, he... what's there to know? I know if my dad..."

"Right, right -- if you were still alive. But trust me -- you'll feel more joy than sorrow when it comes because you'll know more. I've seen people go all the time. At first it was... well, it was a bit of a shock. I'd be upset. I'd take it personally. But you know, then I saw things another way. If someone's time has come, why would you wish them to remain on earth?"

Words came out of my mouth faster than my brain could slam on the brakes. "Because death sucks. We know; we've done it. It's not fun to be ripped away from everything and everyone you know and thrust into a brand new situation where you have to start from scratch and try to rebuild everything. Dammit, don't you realize that our life isn't ours anymore? We're subject to the rules and regulations that change us at a whim! How can you keep a smile on that face after four and a half years of being stuck in some time warp knowing your dad's about to do the same thing?"

"He's not!" Owen's fierce comment snapped me out of my rant and caused Kathleen and Greg to look up. "Andy, he's not going to be one of us. He doesn't have to be. My dad lived his life. His sentence is served. I know you don't get it -- I didn't get it. I had to see it. I'm sorry, but... he's gonna be fine. You have to trust me."

Greg spoke up. "He's right, man. I've seen it all the time with my old buddies from the war. Their parents are up there, and they think, 'well, that sucks. My mom, my dad -- they died.' Truth is, Heaven beats Earth by an infinity. You'll see this. You'll understand this. I hope, anyway. Trust me, man -- grieving is for the living. The dead don't feel sorry for themselves."

"Yeah they do." We all turned and looked at Kathleen, peering up through tear-soaked eyes. "I didn't wanna die. I don't wanna do this. I wanted to be a mom, be a leader, be someone. This isn't fun at all."

Owen turned to her and smiled. "I know it's hard. But don't you think everything is under control? Look, Andy was right in one way." I was? "Our life isn't ours right now. But it never really was. There's always a time when you hate your lot, when you hate death, and yeah, it's tough. I'm sure Dad will need time to clear himself of who he was. But you know what -- when he sees his reward, no way he's gonna want to go back."

"Some reward," she choked out. "This isn't what they promised me. This isn't Heaven. And if it is, show me Hell."

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around. Lindsay had arrived, biting her lip. "Oh, hi," I said. "I'm sorry I was--"

"No, no... today you should've been. Tomorrow... do something proud. Do something right. But you were fine, really." She turned to Owen. "Congratulations."

Kathleen stopped crying and stared at Lindsay. "Congratulations? Are you NUTS? How can you say that right now? This isn't a time to celebrate! This is just -- this is sad! This is tragic! And you have the... the nerve to say congratulations? You pathetic little b--"

Greg covered her mouth and shushed her. Owen and Lindsay simply watched the events. I was astounded. For the first time in my life, I didn't know who to believe. I always thought of Lindsay as a good person and Kathleen as the impulsive one. But Kathleen has to be right -- death isn't something to congratulate a man over! Is it?

"Kath, honey, listen," Greg said to her in a fatherly tone. "Listen to me. What they told you about death -- the sadness, the mourning, the loss -- it's all wrong. Death is the best thing that happens to a healthy soul, because it is ready for Heaven. Isn't that why we're here -- to get people to Heaven? Someone, somewhere, succeeded, whether it's Mr. Hart himself or whether it's people around him. So yes, congratulate Owen. He's going to see his dad someday."

Kathleen was lost. She struggled in Greg's grip, trying to figure out how to rebut him. I shook my head and turned to Lindsay. "We're not really dead. We may sugarcoat it by saying that we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and yeah, physically we're not ourselves anymore, but... we're still human, on Earth, and in danger of failure. If that's not living, what is?"

Lindsay looked into my eyes. I could feel the sincerity as I heard her every word. "You're right. We're alive. But we're more than alive. We are special. Everything we do has a greater impact now, and every activity has greater weight. We are God's police. We are here to reform and to reward. What we've done already, comforting Matt, calming Eddie... that's all in our work. If you keep this up, and you don't ruin yourself -- your reward will be great. You'll see."

"When? How? My reward is Heaven -- and personally, I thought I'd be there by now."

She gave me a quick kiss to silence me. "You will see. Just wait. You're gonna learn a lot of things next week."

She walked back toward our side of the Tunnel and motioned for me to follow. "Come on. This will all make sense in the future. We have work to do."

*****

Sunday, October 26, 2003, 12:44 PM

stormwrestling.com

Hello everyone.

I'm sure by now all of you got the news about Stu Hart's death at age 88. When I heard last night while swinging through the Maritimes for some make-up house shows, I was at a loss for words. I'm hoping that 24 hours will help clear the brain so I can give you my personal thoughts on him.

Stu got me started in wrestling. I don't necessarily mean as an actual wrestler, mind you; it was his Stampede television shows that got me hooked on the sport. I can still remember hearing Ed Whalen's calls as he described the action of the Hart boys going against the evil Stomper and Bad News Allen. Heck, I even got a kick out of pretending to bow down before the Almighty Luke. (For those who never saw it, be thankful.) Simply put, I got the bug.

I couldn't do anything with it until I met up with another struggling Canadian. He was about my age, and had grown up in a bad family, with his father constantly on the road with the Rangers. Somehow, we formed a bond that has yet to be broken. Through our trips over to Japan, through the Smokies with Jim Cornette, and into the Bingo Hall for Paul Heyman, we constantly kept in touch. But it was Stampede that made him a fan and brought us together.

But more than that, really, is the fact that he made stars in that tiny basement of his. Those stars went on to do big things in Stampede and in the majors. In addition, I met them, and I got to be their friends. To this day, I still talk to the people I met that Stu Hart touched personally:

- The kid with the hockey dad, who became known as Y2J Chris Jericho -- get well soon, buddy;

- His own children, Bret, Ross, Bruce, Keith, Wayne, and of course dear, sweet Owen;

- Their buddy Chris Benoit, who really allowed the renaissance of my style to become acceptable;

- Keichi Yamada, a Japanese friend whom Stu let into the country on a work visa so he could learn English -- and a guy you know as Jyushin Lyger;

- Tom Billington, the legendary Dynamite Kid, whom we all idolized and who showed size didn't matter;

- and most importantly, Stu himself, who was always there to teach me that looks are deceiving and that even the oldest lion can still control the pride.

I'm sorry. I wanted to talk about the great week I had, and about a field trip a few of the WWE guys took out to California to meet our old WCW friend Sting. But this had to come first. I promise I'll talk next week about that.

In the meantime, I'd love to hear your stories and remembrances of Stampede, of the Harts, and of Stu himself. If you have any personal stories, feel free to share them. Maybe we can keep the memory alive.

Thank you, Mr. Hart. You've been the best.

*****

Monday, October 27, 2003, 06:44 AM

Fayetteville, NC

I slowly came to my senses. I couldn't quite place where I was -- other than on the floor. I tried to stand up and look around, but as I did, I hit my head on something above. I looked up and saw a low clearance, then backed out from underneath where I was.

Able to stand up, I surveyed the situation. Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash were asleep in adjacent beds in a hotel room. Okay, I'm clearly the third wheel, right? I scanned the room, only to find that something seemed out of place. I looked down, only to find myself on top of what appeared to be a huge cliff. I backed up and banged into a metallic object. Turning around, I saw the Recovery lamp.

Okay, what IS this?

As I began to try to collect my bearings I looked to the mouth of the lamp. Lindsay's head emerged from within it, followed closely by her body. She landed on the "ground" and dusted herself off, then reached back in and pulled out a roll of tape. Calmly, she carried her head and the tape and walked over to me.

"Can you help me with this?"

I couldn't answer.

"Andy? Hello?"

"Wh... what the h... where..."

She giggled. "Andy, don't worry. Everything's under control. It's Monday morning -- you're not Lance anymore."

"Well, yeah, but... who... who am I?"

"Look at your shirt, Andy."

I did. There was the same white shirt I remembered from months ago, with the motor oil and blood stains. I lifted my hand to my forehead to feel if the hole was there. It was. Everything fit.

"I'm... I'm me!"

"Yes, of course you are. We're on vacation, remember?"

"Of course! Vacation! We're free! Well... sort of. It's a long way down."

She laughed. "I'll explain more later. Now, help me tape my head onto my shoulders -- carrying it around all week isn't gonna be fun."

As I did, I prepared myself for the experience of being accountable to no one but myself. For the first time since I died, I was myself. Vacation had begun.

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I've read every single part you've put up on your site. I've gotta say that I think this is probably the most pivotal point in the story. Yes, that's right. Nora, vacation...everything here just kicks ass, and yet is kind of freaky at the same time. Eh, it's fun.

Keep posting these, I have yet to see parts 7 and 8.

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What is a soul? How would a soul behave if it did not have physical limitations? What could you do in an out-of-body experience? What would it be like to exist and have no one even know you're there?

Would you see what your friends said about you behind your back? Would you visit someone across the globe or the country? Would you fly through the air and explore the heavens?

Or would you just hide in the women's shower room and look at everyone like a perv?

Yeah, I thought so.

Well, in this next bit I was dealing with the stuff of pure religioscientific fantasy -- if that's even a word. I was imagining what it would be like to be an angel as we envision them -- these beings who fly around us, undetectable, changing the world and occasionally dancing on the head of a pin in physics class. (Don't ask.) It meant a new set of rules of behavior -- not to mention capabilities.

Flight made sense. Except it wasn't really flight -- it seemed more like swimming in air. See, if you have no mass, you have no weight. And by having no weight, gravity has no effect. So really, you are free to move in any direction, so long as you have air to push off of -- much like swimming, except you can breathe and stuff. See?

The idea of being miniature? Well, I've always wondered what it would be like to be small. And really, it was the only way to explain getting into and out of the lamp in times of crisis, such as Halloween.

Thinking to a location? I'll admit that that, along with a few other ideas, was stolen. I stole it from one of Mark Twain's short stories, where he explains that in Heaven, you must travel by thought. "Heaven is too big to traverse even at the speed of light. Only by thought can you get where you're going." Twain was a fascinating man and a very interesting philosopher in addition to being a great author. Maybe someday I'll produce something even 1/100th as good as he did.

You may notice not much detail went into the shows. This was on purpose. I had zero confidence in my booking skills, so the less I showed of what was on TV, the better off I felt I was. Rest assured, though, there was still EWR in this, and there is to this day, which enables me to keep this right where it belongs -- in the Dome. Dome Sweet Dome. Yeah.

I also do more exploration of Kathleen -- who by this time was becoming dangerously unstable. Her "Show me Hell" line turned out to be somewhat prescient. All along, I portrayed her as a loner, untrusting, manipulable, and confused. I didn't want to make this an indictment of teenage life, but there were similarities. This week, I decided to push it into overdrive -- which led to the conclusion that things would blow up in my face by the end of the week.

So I let them. :) But that's another chapter.

*****

Chapter 39

The Lives No One Sees

Monday, October 27, 2003, 06:55 AM

Fayetteville, NC

"Lindsay, I'm confused. I mean, I get that we're not on duty right now, and I know why, but... what do we do?"

"Do? We relax. We observe. We take time to be ourselves. Sure, on Halloween, we go into hiding, but that's one day. The rest of the time, it's all up to us."

I looked down again. It sure looked like a hotel room. And that was definitely Shawn over there. But something seemed odd. I looked in the direction of a mirror, but none was readily available. I thought of using the Recovery lamp's reflective surface, but it didn't seem to be much help. All I could do was see the carpeted floor, looking like it was hundreds of feet away.

"Lindsay, not to put too fine a point on it, but... we're kinda stuck, aren't we?"

Lindsay laughed. "Oh, right -- you don't know."

"Don't know what?"

"Andy, do you think the laws of physics apply to you?"

"Of course. Why shouldn't they?"

"Let me try another way. In your opinion, are we made of matter?"

"Um... is this a trick question?"

"Not really. See, we're just souls right now, right? We don't occupy much in the way of space or time. We can do things that humans can't."

"Why?"

"Because we're not of this earth anymore. Think about it. Do you remember what the Bible said about faith?"

"You mean about moving mountains?"

"Yeah! Well, we can't do that, but when it comes to ourselves, it's pretty astounding what we can do."

I crossed my arms. "Prove it."

"If you insist." She ran to the edge and jumped off. I hurried after her, trying to find her against the background of the floor. I saw her falling down until near the very end, when she suddenly reversed direction and swooped up, gliding back to my level.

"You can... you can fly?"

"Sure, why not? Not like I weigh anything."

"Let me try." I got a running start, extended my arms, and lifted my legs. I could feel the wind currents thrusting me upward and allowing me to float carefully over to Shawn's bed. Of course, when I got closer, I realized that the bed seemed a lot bigger than I thought it would be. For that matter, so did Shawn.

Lindsay landed next to me on the bed. She saw my face grow pale and laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Oh, that. We kinda have to be able to fit into Recovery for Halloween, so we're going to have to make a few adjustments. You'll get used to it. Besides, we don't need to travel spatially if we don't want to. We can go as fast as--"

"Lemme guess... the speed of light."

"No. Faster."

"Nothing's faster than light."

"Nothing physical. But I know of something faster. The speed of thought. Just think about it and you're there. Watch."

*****

12:53 PM

Paris, France

"Wow, Lindsay. That did work."

"Told you."

*****

06:54 AM

Fayetteville, NC

"What the--?"

"We're back. Andy, relax. That was just a demonstration. Most of the time, we'll be travelling through space anyway. We can fly pretty fast, but sometimes it's not enough."

"Yeah, but -- what's the point? I mean, we have to stay close to Shawn, don't we?"

"Sure, when Halloween rolls around we do. But that gives us time during the day to have fun. We can explore, observe, even meet old friends. I know of a few people whose whereabouts I'm curious to find."

"Really?"

"Yeah -- you know, some of my co-workers over at the Murrah. But that's for another time. What should we start with?"

"I don't even know. This is crazy. So much to do, so little time. I feel free."

*****

03:29 PM

I've never had more fun in my life. From being a fly on the wall during the RAW booking meeting, to watching and listening to the gang eat lunch, and flying back home to see how my family's doing -- wow. This has been awesome.

"There you are, Andy."

I turned around. Lindsay was behind me, lying down and resting. She seemed like she'd had as long a day as I did. I sat down on the ground and kissed her.

"Enjoy your day off?"

"Of course. But there's something I want to do."

"What's that?"

"This." We kissed again. She began to move her hands around my waist, then up. I felt her lifting my shirt. I panicked.

"Whoa, wait -- is this -- can we?"

"Andy, I'm not going to sleep with you. I just wanna have a little fun."

"Yeah, but... something isn't right here."

"What?"

"Well, what if Shawn comes by? I mean, we can't just duck into the lamp without missing out on the entire week, can we?"

"Andy, come on. He can't see us unless he's looking for us. I assure you, though, he's not looking."

"So he can't see us? But he could set a bag or a book on us, and..."

"No, no..." At this point, Lindsay was smiling broadly and chuckling, as if my naivete was amusing. "We're not of this earth, remember? If he's headed for us, we'll just think ourselves out of the way. But right now, I know what I'm thinking of."

She kissed me again. I kept connected to her lips as she leaned back. I ran my hands down the side of her face, past her neck, over the tape, and to her back. She slipped her hands under my shirt again. She began to remove it.

I held my arms up and let it slide off, then returned to holding her close as she caressed my bare back. "You know," I said, "I was hoping you'd think this." I moved my hands up and around her torso as we continued to pass the time.

*****

07:25 PM

The bell was ringing in the arena. The first few dark matches were underway. I flew over to the booking sheet and checked out the notes made. I had no interest in watching the show -- I was going to have too much fun being myself. The sheet read:

open

RNN Bischoff -> Bisch+Ev vs Shane/3*?

Orton/Batista att Shane - Hurr save

Gail/Jazz d Trish/Lita (Gail p Lita)

RTC att Trish/Lita

3 Live Kru

Booker d Show (DQ Christian)

2-on-1

Nowinski/Mack/Long att Maven/Conway

Dudleys/Molly d Kane/La Res (Molly p Dupree)

Kane att Molly EMT

Benoit d Christian

Show/Christian vs Benoit/Booker fight

Snow int add to Team Shane

HHH d Goldust (sledge)

Evolution/Tm Shane brawl

close

As I read, Lindsay came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. "Oh, it's you again. Why do you keep doing that?"

"Because you always react to it." She's got a point. "So, what are your plans for tonight?"

"I don't know -- I'm probably going to be somewhere around here. I mean, I wanna make sure everything's ok." I was lying and I knew it. But I had to lie -- if she knew what my real plans were, she'd probably slap me.

"Where around here?"

"Well, I was gonna see what sort of note William left."

"In the Divas' locker room?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Well... uh... I wouldn't stay.... I mean I... well I..."

"Suit yourself. I'm checking out the men anyway. What's the point of being invisible if you can't have a little fun?"

"You're going to... but I... we..."

"Andy, are you jealous?"

"No, it's not that. It's that I have a hard time believing women like the view. I thought men were supposed to be the hormonally driven creatures."

Lindsay shrugged. "We just know how to be subtle." She smiled and winked, then floated off to the shower area to set up camp. Well, if I have her permission, why not?

I flew out the door -- even though I probably could've gone through the wall if I wanted to -- and past 3 Live Kru, who were setting up for their sketch. I noticed Road Dogg had a Cubs jersey on and a rubber marlin in his hand. He put the fish in his mouth and practiced needing the Heimlich maneuver. As I think Scott Keith would say, "Oh, TAG."

*****

09:18 PM

There he is. Regal had just entered the room after a sharp knock. No one was around, as four of the women were getting ready for a tag match anyway. Almost as if by instinct, Regal walked over to Molly's bags. He slipped a note between her coat and open tote, then left the room by the same door.

I flew over to the bag. This flying thing is going to be weird for the next few days. I landed on Molly's coat, then tried to figure out the rest from there. This isn't good. I want to be in a place where I can read the note! Almost as soon as I thought it, I was beneath the coat and right on top of the paper. That'll do.

I tried to pick up as much light as possible. The note's sharp black lettering stood out against the white paper, but was hard to read with the coat obscuring the view. Nonetheless, I was able to find the words. "NG keepup Fri 1530 yours DM" -- Friday. Now I can find out what's going on.

Wait a second. Friday's the 31st. Halloween. Damn.

I didn't have much time to think, though, because I heard the door open and three female voices chatting. I quickly flew through the coat sleeve and back out into the open. Trish, Lita, and Gail had entered the locker room and were getting ready to shower off. Lita was looking right at me, but never flinched or noticed a thing. I really am invisible! Sweet!

I flew over to the ceiling of the shower area, thankful for open showers. From where I stood, I could see the whole room, and therefore, could follow their actions. I wasn't disappointed.

*****

11:53 PM

We returned to Shawn's hotel room. Lindsay and I flew over to the nightstand where Shawn kept the lamp. We paused, then turned around to face each other.

"Now what?" I asked. "Do we sleep outside, or in there?"

"Outside," she said. "although, if you want, we don't have to be here."

"Where do we go?"

"Somewhere more private."

*****

I looked around. The room looked different, and not just because it was empty. None of Shawn's or Kevin's stuff could be found. The lamp wasn't in sight either. Further, I noticed that we were regular size again compared to everything else.

"Where are we?"

"Oh, I found this one time while on the road. It's a scale model of a mansion. We're in the master bedroom of the place right now. I thought you might like it."

"But shouldn't we be near Shawn?"

"Not yet. We're safe here. I doubt anyone's seen this thing in ages."

I smiled. "When did you find time for this?"

"Terry showed me."

Thank you, Terry.

"So, Andy," she said as she draped herself on my shoulders, "should we take advantage of it?"

"We're not going to go all the way, are we? I mean, wouldn't that be a sin?"

"It would... and no, we're not. But there's a lot of in between."

I smiled and kissed her passionately. She got my answer.

*****

Tuesday, October 28, 2003, 08:13 AM

I slowly woke up, looking around for the light that wasn't there. We were still in the scale model mansion, having curled up and fallen asleep together. Never before -- not even in life -- had I actually been in bed with a female for the night. As I viewed her, still asleep and smiling, I smiled too. It was the best feeling I could've imagined.

Wow. This is what it's like to be in love. It's so weird. Around her I feel safe. I feel like nothing could go wrong. Maybe it's not love -- just a strong attraction -- I don't know. But I know I like her and I like liking her. That's gotta mean something.

I wish I had an experience like this in life. All the times I dated someone, and it got to the relationship phase, it was... just... weird. Like it would reach a point where the passion wasn't enough, and there was nothing to hold it together. And one of us wouldn't see it, and that was it. I hope this isn't like that.

Wait -- I know it isn't. Something isn't the same. There's no real attraction on a physical level because there IS no physical. Wait, yes there is. Didn't we kiss and touch and so on last night? What's that?

Are we a physical entity if we aren't physical? How can I touch her, kiss her, feel her, enjoy her -- if there's nothing there? I don't get it. What was going on? Is she there?

Of course she's there, you fool! You can see her, you can make contact with her! She doesn't have to be in a body to exist! She exists every bit as much as you do!

How much is that? If a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound? If I exist and no one acknowledges me, do I exist? Do I need other people to validate me?

Well, no, I shouldn't. I thought that for a long time when I was alive. It's why I was depressed all the time. I thought other people's views on me were more important than my own. But they're not. I'm here. I'm an entity. I may not live, but I exist. And as long as I exist, I have to matter.

But to whom? My family thinks I'm dead. Chances are they've gotten used to it, and they are ready for life without me. They certainly seemed well-adjusted yesterday. All my old friends are right now back in the flow of everyday life. Odds are most of them moved on a long, long time ago. They probably shrugged, said, "That's a shame," and moved on. If they even remembered me.

I know Mom and Dad will always have a hole in their lives. I can't imagine what they're feeling. They say the worst feeling in the world is to bury a child. I can believe it. In a way, I was glad I moved on before all of it happened. I'm dead. That's the way it is. My family isn't really mine anymore.

Then who is? Do I have a family? Of course I do! Lindsay here -- she's a part of my family now, right? Well, she cares for me, she listens to me, she doesn't judge me, we talk about what's important to us, and I trust her -- if that's not family, what is?

I guess she is my family. So is Shawn. For that matter, so are Owen and Greg and Kathleen. And Paul too. We are all a family -- whether anyone else knows it or not. We laugh together, and cry together, and pray together, and hope together. We are together. Family isn't genetics anymore -- it's who you enjoy.

"Andy? Are you awake?"

"Yeah I am. Good morning."

"Good morning. I'm glad you're still here."

"Where would I go? This is the best place to be right now."

"Awwww, thanks."

She rolled over to kiss me, and we embraced again. I felt a glow inside me warmer than I had ever experienced. I could've stayed with her forever.

*****

04:53 PM

Atlanta, GA

We decided to think our way over to join our friends on the SmackDown! side. When we arrived, however, the arena was full of bustle in the back from the living and not the dead. Everyone was talking about their plans for their matches, and they were all excited about blowing RAW out of the water at Survivor Series. I guess the roster split works for them. Still, we couldn't find our fellow Angels anywhere.

"Where do you think they are?" I asked. I couldn't think of where they were headed, unless they looked for us and we crossed paths, but that I doubted.

"They're probably visiting friends and family. I wouldn't worry about it."

"Yeah, but I'd expect at least one of them to remain around here."

"Why? We didn't."

"Okay, true. Still, if only there was some indication as to where they were. Especially Kathleen. I just don't know if Owen and Greg prepared her for this."

Behind me, I heard a squeal. We both turned around. Kathleen was there, grinning ear-to-what-was-her-ear. She ran towards us and hugged Lindsay. "You came over! I'm so glad to see you!"

"Well, hi, Kathleen! Where's everyone else?"

"They're out. I didn't feel right going to see anyone. I just hung out here and thought of stuff I wanted to do. But it's no fun! You can't interact with anyone!"

"What do you mean?"

"I wanted to tie someone's shoes together or something. But they're so big. And I can't grab their stuff! I might as well not be here."

I interceded. "But isn't that the best part?"

She just stuck out her tongue at me. "So?"

"Well, you gotta admit, it's fun to hear and see what no one else hears and sees."

"Not really."

"Why?"

"I tried to watch the guys put the show together, but the air conditioner was on really high. I almost froze in there! I mean, I felt like I couldn't move my legs for a while. I had to get out of the room before I got feeling back."

"Oh, my."

"What's wrong, Andy?"

"Kath... Lindsay... I had a dream like that. As in, me. I saw this guy who kept saying stuff in Latin, and I felt arctic near him. And my legs were all numb and gray. Owen was there; he could tell you more."

Lindsay just turned pale and hugged me. "You're safe now. That's important."

Kathleen placed her hands, palms out, on her hips. "What's the big deal? What does it mean?"

"Yeah, Lindsay," I added, "what happened?"

"The same thing that will happen if we're not careful on Halloween. So Friday, make sure you get into Recovery as fast as you can and stay there the whole day."

"Don't we have to?"

"Not this week, we don't. In fact, if I remember, over the weekend, we can tour the afterlife. Wouldn't that be fun?"

"Is it required?"

"No, Kathleen, but you won't be disappointed. Ever wanted to meet famous people?"

"Well... Lincoln always interested me. And Newton. And Martin Luther -- I wonder what it must've been like to be right and no one believes you?"

Lindsay laughed. "They're all in Heaven now. I believe, anyway. I know Luther is. The point is, you can talk to these people. Won't it be fun?"

Kathleen's smile brightened. "Yeah... it would! That'll be awesome!"

"Is it just Heaven?" I asked.

"No, no... we also go through other places. That's why we gotta stick together when we go. Alone we'd never make it."

"We're not going to Hell, are we?"

"Oh, no, Andy, no. But we'll visit a place demons go regularly. So I just think we should be careful."

"All right. I'll remember that."

"What sort of places?"

"You'll see, Kath."

"Is there a Purgatory?"

"Yeah, but it's boring. Just a big ol' waiting room. You wouldn't like it."

"Then what's left?"

"Well... I don't wanna spoil it. But there's somewhere else."

"Oh." She seemed a little confused. "So what do we do now?"

"Well, where are Owen and Greg?"

"Oh, they're about. Owen said he wanted to see how his brothers were holding out. Greg -- I dunno -- he was just checking out the whole arena. I think he likes being a free spirit."

Lindsay and I smiled at each other. I don't blame him.

"What's with you two? You seem like you're... ewwwww!"

We both laughed. "Oh, come on," Lindsay said. "Is it that big a deal?"

"Well, no, but... you two are like my friends. It's just creepy."

Lindsay laughed. "I suppose for you it would be. Anyway, I'm gonna go find Greg. Catch you for the show?"

"Sure!"

"Okay... bye!"

Lindsay walked off. I watched her into the distance, then turned around. Kathleen did not approve. "You two didn't do anything funny, did you?"

"Us? No! We're not married or anything."

"Oh, right."

"Besides, weren't you Stephanie a couple weeks ago?"

She blushed. "Yeah."

"And wasn't Greg Triple H?"

"He was."

"So where do you get off asking us about funny business?"

"But we were a husband and wife that week! We were ok!"

"I know you were." Wait a second... I did not want to think of this... "What did you two do together?"

She merely smiled and winked. "What do you think?"

"Yeah, but... anything ELSE?"

She blinked at me. "There's more to do on a honeymoon? Isn't that the whole point? Oh, there's Greg. Hi Greg!"

She ran off to meet him. I stopped dead in my tracks. After what seemed like hours, Owen rounded the corner. I noticed he had a neck brace to go with his Blue Blazer outfit.

"Hey, Andy... Andy? What's wrong? You look like you just got told something disgusting."

I snapped out of it. "Oh, hi Owen. Well, I kinda did."

"What is it?"

"Oh... Kathleen confirmed to me that she and Greg got their wish."

"You mean with the honeymoon? Come on, what did you expect they'd do?"

"Something more than just the honeymoon part."

Owen laughed. "Oh, is that all? Man, you've never been married. That's the reason for the honeymoon, man! To be with her! Yeah, you can see the sights too, but that's not for everyone. Some people just want to be together! Don't hold that against them."

"Owen, you don't understand. I don't think they left the hotel room."

"Yeah, I do. It's okay. Let them live a little. Besides, it'll do Kathleen a little good to learn how the body works, you know? She never got a chance in life. She kept telling me she wanted to be married, and she got her chance. Let her enjoy it!"

"All right."

"What's wrong, man? You seem bummed out."

"Yeah, I know. I guess it's because... well... Owen, everyone I know seems to be able to sleep around and I don't!"

"Is that all?" Owen seemed surprised. "Man, don't worry! You'll get a chance to be a married person soon enough. You'll experience sex, and you know what? Soon it won't even be that big a deal. That's the way it is."

"Easy for you to say -- you had a wife and kids."

"Okay, good point."

I took another look at Owen. Something was different. "Owen... I don't remember you wearing a neck brace in the dreams."

"Yeah, and you don't have a hole in the head."

"Okay, fine, but... why the neck brace? What's wrong?"

"Obviously, you never saw me fall." He removed the neck brace, causing his head to flop down, as if he were staring at his shoes.

"Owen? I'm over here."

"I know. But I have to look down." He grabbed his own hair and pulled his head back up, then let go. His head flopped again on his shoulder, then rolled to the front. "See, on the way down, I hit the turnbuckles. My neck broke. Don't let them fool you -- I never felt my body hit the mat. Now, could you help me here?"

I grabbed his head and positioned it upright. He restored the neck brace as I held the head steady. "Thanks. I needed that. It's hard to handle being without that thing. Recovery sucks more for me, you know? Hard to breathe."

"Breathe?"

"Okay, fine, I don't breathe, I know. We don't need air. Or food, for that matter. You noticed you're not hungry even though you didn't eat yesterday or today?"

Well, now that you mention it... "You're right. And I'm not even hungry."

"Of course you're not. You don't have a body."

"But still... shouldn't I want to eat."

"Andy, does man live on bread alone?"

"Okay, good point. Now, c'mon. We can watch SmackDown! together."

"Yeah, good idea."

We walked on to find the others. "Wait a second," I said. "Can't we fly?"

"Sure we could... but what's the rush?"

*****

Wednesday, October 29, 2003, 10:35 AM

Rajahwwf.com

Hey! I was at the SmackDown tapings last night here in Atlanta. I wanna tell you what went on.

First thing is, the arena was about half full. I'd say about 10000 in attendance, which is a great number for a Tuesday night in Atlanta. Tony Chimel came on for SmackDown and told us all the usual rules. Cole and Tazz were introduced to a HUGE pop. I knew Tazz was over, but Cole -- wow. I guess the referee thing worked.

Anyway, first match was Spanky against Chavo Guerrero. Awesome match, I wish they had PPV time -- maybe someday. Chavo won with a brainbuster and beat Spanky down afterwards. Undertaker ran in to save, so Eddie came out to attack him. Rhyno then pulled Taker to the post and abused his balls. Poor Sara LOL.

Kidman and Rey were against Matt and Shannon next. Matt Fact was that Matt has been Tag Champ with 2 different people. Neat match, with Matt looking awesome as always. Kidman is more over than Rey I think -- though it's kinda close. Crowd popped HUGE for the SSP, and booed when it got 2. Kidman was beat on for some time before the tag to Rey. Just when it got good, Gunn blasted Kidman with the US title belt and Matt got the pin. It was a four-on-two on the Animals for a while.

Nick Dinsmore vs Paul London should've been next, but Brock Lesnar's music hit. He F-5ed both men a few times, then challenged Dinsmore to a rematch at Survivor Series. Dinsmore accepted and tried to attack, but Brock powerbombed him down a few times.

The next match was RVD/Eddie. MATCH OF THE NIGHT! These guys got 15-20 minutes through a commercial break. Probably ****1/4 for the whole thing. Tons of near falls. Van Dam tried his frog splash, even imitating Eddie's mannerism! He missed, and Eddie rolled him up with the tights for the pin. Eddie rules. They gotta turn him face soon.

Next was Ultimo Dragon and Tajiri against Billy Gunn and Jamie Noble. Heyman had mic time before this, which was as always good. Tajiri is really being helped by this. I don't think the crowd was into Ultimo between spots, but Heyman held it together on the outside. Tajiri got beat on for a loooooooong time. Gunn wasn't half bad here. Dragon did all his stuff, like the fakeout and the Asai moonsault. Kidman ran in and returned the favor to Gunn, allowing Tajiri to score with the kick and win.

They showed Torrie Wilson entering the APA office. She was talking about how Kidman needed help, and offered a bribe. Bradshaw had the line of the night, saying he'd do it for free if he could wet down Torrie's T-shirt. HAHAHA! Simmons said he'd think about it. Torrie played some cards with them.

Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Rhyno were next. Hogan is INSANELY over. I mean, I couldn't hear anything in my section for most of the match. Okay match, Rhyno's probably the best to get something out of Hogan one-on-one. Hulk up and all that, but Rhyno gored him down again. UT ran in for the DQ to stop it and brawled with Rhyno some. Kinda lame, but they're building to the ten-man, so it's ok.

Angle did an AWESOME promo in the back. He talked about how Stephanie trusted him, and how he was an honest man who never lies (integrity), cheats (intelligence), or steals (intensity). He said that he was on the team to take Eddie out, and that's what he'd do. Awesome stuff.

Kurt Angle and John Cena against World's Greatest Tag Team. This was the main event. Cena's rap was awesome, putting over Chipper Jones. Haas and Benjamin were their usual good stuff. Red hot match, the crowd was into it. Cena got the hot tag and went to town. The Guerreros interfered again in this match, hitting Cena with his chain and getting Haas the pin. They began a 4-on-2, but this time, Hogan and Taker rode in on twin Harleys! That was wild. The whole thing fell apart as the cameras stopped.

After they stopped, the brawl continued until RVD hit the ring. They cleared the heels from the ring, so Eddie knocked over the bikes on the way to the back. Taker and Hogan stormed after him and grabbed him. Angle Slam, Last Ride, F-U, Five Star, Legdrop, and the crowd loves it. Hogan and RVD pose some after the match and everyone leaves. Tony thanks us for coming and says to stay tuned for next time.

Awesome show. The crowd loved every minute of it -- only 10k and it felt like a Georgia Dome Nitro. I loved it. It's hard to tell how good something is on TV -- you gotta see it live.

BIGGEST POPS

1. Hogan

2. The finish

3. RVD

4. Cole and Tazz (!)

5. Eddie

BIGGEST HEAT

1. Chavo

2. Rhyno

3. Brock

4. Eddie again

5. The girl in the front row who wouldn't take her shirt off

Thanks for all the work Rajah

--JP

*****

Friday, October 31, 2003, 11:59 AM

Halifax, NS

"Oh, no, look at the time! Andy, quick! We gotta hide!"

"Why?"

"It's almost noon -- they're gonna be here any minute!"

"Who is?"

"The demons. The party's from noon to midnight!"

"Oh, crap -- where's the lamp?"

"Follow me -- hurry!"

I flew after Lindsay with all the speed I had. We sped around the halls of the hotel room into Shawn's room. I slid under the door and began to shiver. I panicked.

"Where is it?"

"I don't know! It should be here!"

I began to fly in circles looking for it. As I did, I saw a horned creature at the window. "Hurry, Lindsay! We've been spotted!"

"Just stay away from him!"

It got colder and colder. I began to lose feeling again in my legs. I flew away from the window. Lindsay flew up to meet me.

"It's under this bed -- I got the door open! Hurry! You don't have much time!"

I felt myself sinking in the cold. I dove for under the bed and landed by the base. I tried to lift myself up, but something was stuck. I tried to run over, but I couldn't move. I felt numb from my waist down. "Help! Help!"

"Oh, no -- hang on!" Lindsay dove in to get me and lifted me up to the hole in front. I crawled in, pulling my legs behind me. I then spun around and crawled to the entrance again, grabbing Lindsay's hand. I pulled her in, and we tumbled to the ground.

"Whew! I didn't think he'd see us so soon!"

"What happened to me? Why couldn't I--" I looked down. My legs were gray again, but not my shoes or shorts. It was weird, like my body was the only thing affected. I tried to bend my knees, but couldn't even find them. I watched as color returned. "Were we traumatized?"

"Worse. Much worse," Lindsay said as she began to pound on her thighs, trying to restore feeling. "Remember your dream? Remember what happened to you then and now?"

"Yeah... what was it?"

"Those demons are trying to catch stragglers. We're their enemy of war. The best ones have this breath that can... can paralyze you. I saw him behind us as we entered. He's not like that, but his touch begins to... to..."

"What was it? My legs were... it was like they were concrete or..."

"Brimstone. You were turning into a statue. It's how they capture us. We lost someone like that a few years ago. Owen was up to his neck before we got him in here. Thankfully, once you're inside, this damage is easily fixed, as long as he doesn't come in here."

"Who, the demon? OH NO! We left the door open!" We dashed to the crawlspace again as I heard the pounding on the outside. I reached the top and saw a hand begin to try to snatch at me. The door, which swung inward, was stuck open. I grabbed the door and began to slam it.

I heard a howl of pain as the arm disappeared. I quickly closed the door and kept it shut. I looked around, but couldn't find a lock. "Lindsay, what can I do? I can't hold this shut forever!"

"I'll help." She leaned on the door with me as we waited. The noise outside continued, with the occasional banging on the entranceway. "So how long do we have to hold out?"

"Twelve hours -- until midnight."

"We'll never make it."

"Sure we can. We don't get tired, we don't get sleepy, we don't get hungry -- we're here for protection, not healing. Just this once, we'll be safe."

"Yeah, but -- crap, there goes the weekend."

"Not really. We'll be in Heaven tomorrow. It's their holiday then."

"It is?"

"Sure! You know why it's called Halloween?"

"Why?"

"It's short for All Hallows' Eve. Tomorrow is All Hallowed Day -- All Saints Day. Up in Heaven, the Fallen Angels get to look around and join those who have permanent status. The Saints, you see. It's a great time."

"What's there to... do?" I asked as I adjusted my stance by the door.

"Everything -- games, sports, meet and greet. It's wonderful. And Heaven's huge, you know. Billions of people there, and room for everyone who will ever live. Trust me, you'll want to go by thought up there. Flying does you no good."

"Well, let's hope we see St. Pete tomorrow -- and in a good way. I don't wanna be dead... again."

"No you don't. Especially since they'll destroy you once they capture you."

"How do you know?"

"Okay, I don't. But no one's ever come back who's been fully brimstoned and taken away. Well, no one I know of. Like I said, we lost someone to them a few years ago."

"Damn... I wish these guys would leave us alone. Don't they know they can't get us?"

"Most of them. The others will figure it out soon enough."

After an hour, the banging and pounding ceased. All was quiet again. Lindsay and I crawled down to the main area of Recovery. We caught our breath and stared at each other.

"Andy," she finally said, "are you okay?"

"I am now."

"Great... I thought I would lose you."

"I was afraid I'd be lost."

"I'm glad you're ok..."

We had nothing more to say. After one last kiss, we fell into sleep in each other's arms.

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Hey Dukes, I found this diary yesterday after it had been in my "Things to read but never get around to" pile along side GBW for a long time. I'm about half way through it now, after having spent the last two days reading it.

I've just finished the Hurricane Week, with Jeffs death and suicide. As one of my friends was recently raped, and came very close to killing herself over it, It was hard to read. I've found my self in the position of having to be there for her, while constantly worrying if she was going to take her own life.

I'd just like to say thanks for creating such a moving and wonderfull Diary, one that I can identify with, and has been a high point in a period in my life that has been other wise full of worry.

Thanks alot, this is brilliant.

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Well, folks, this is Heaven to me. A place where everyone lives, and no one suffers. A place where everyone is friendly and everything works out just fine. A place without time, space, or meaning. I tried to make it like the ultimate world's fair -- which is probably even selling it short.

The idea of a Heaven Wrestling card always intrigued a lot of people. So I threw something together. My knowledge of corpses isn't the best -- I had to ask a friend to "name me a dead women's wrestler" when I couldn't think of a challenger for the Monster Ripper -- but all in all, I hope I did okay.

Again we see Kathleen's thorough dissatisfaction with life. To be honest, right about now I was sick of her too -- she was moody, flighty, picky, and this was before one reader began whining about what a loser she was. After it, when I realized how true the complaint had been, I went about emphasizing this when I could. Her behavior in asking for a honeymoon was, in my view, the final straw -- she didn't care about her work anymore. Selfishness like that had to be exploited. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

(By the way, I apologize in advance for the Ted Williams joke, and EWeiss is Erich Weiss, a Wisconsin illusionist better known by his stage name of Harry Houdini. Everyone else you should know.)

*****

Chapter 40

Eternal Life

Saturday, November 1, 2003, 04:55 AM

Recovery

I got to my feet after quickly coming to. I had no idea how long I'd been safe and unconscious within this sanctuary. I tried to look around for an indication of time, but none was apparent. I crawled up to the door and listened. Nothing. The demons must be gone.

"Dammit!"

I heard that. I pressed my ear again against the door to pick up the rest of what was said. I heard the voice, oddly familiar, repeat itself. "Dammit! I'm gonna miss the trip to Toronto! Crap! Shawn -- we gotta get going!"

Whew. It's only Kev.

I headed back to the center and sat down next to Lindsay. I saw her beautiful form lying sweetly on the ground. Even her outfit seemed to have been a gift from Heaven, rather than a cheap replication of her business attire eight years ago. Only one thing seemed out of place -- the tape.

Slowly, I grabbed the end of the tape that was sticking up. I had no idea how I would remove it without waking her, but if I could, I wanted to. For whatever reason, she seemed more natural with her head detached. I readied my hand to get the tape off quickly. One... two... three! RIP!

"OW! Andy, warn me when you're going to do that!" She jumped up, startled by what I had done. She grabbed her neck and began to rub it gingerly. I took a closer look at where she was rubbing. Everything was in place.

"Wait a second... your neck... it's... attached to your shoulders? Wow -- we've been in here longer than I thought."

"No, no... it's not that. Don't you remember what day it is? All Saints' Day. Andy, we're off to Heaven today, and we can't go with imperfections. It just isn't done. So today, we're restored. Look at you!"

I checked my body. Everything seemed as I remembered. I looked down at my shirt. It was clean! It was like I had never been shot! Wait... if that's normal, then... I reached up to my head. No hole, no wrinkle, no patch even. It was all as I had been back then.

"This is wonderful! I haven't been like this in ages!"

"Oh, come on, it's only been a few months."

"Okay, fine." We both laughed. "How about you, though? Aren't you used to being decapitated by now?"

"I may be used to it, but that doesn't mean I like it. Trust me, it feels good to do this." She began to whip her head around, back and forth, and in circles. Her hair flew all over the place as she spun and tilted back. Finally, she came to a stop, nearly toppling over as she did so. "Well, it kinda feels good."

I laughed. "So when do we leave? Shouldn't we meet up with the others?"

"Oh, we will. But we have to wait for our guide first."

"Guide? Don't you know the way by now?"

"It's not that. We can't get in without someone letting us in. Each task force needs a guide to get through the gates."

"Okay, that's fine. Who is he?"

She shrugged. "It changes every year. Usually it's someone who just died in the past year. It's kind of a reward for their good behavior and all, you know?"

"Interesting."

"What does that mean?" She eyed me with a semi-suspicious glance.

"Nothing -- just interesting. I don't know any of this stuff, you know? Anyway, I suppose I should wait outside to see if the guide's here."

"I wouldn't do that right now."

"Why not?"

"Well, the guide is going to be looking for us in here. Besides, we may be on the move."

Oh yeah -- to Toronto. "Good point. I guess we'll stay here, then. But... how long? This is gonna be boring..."

"Oh, come on. You think I'm boring?" She headed over to me and placed her arms around me.

"You make a good point." I kissed her and began to rub her back.

"Wait! Not now."

"What?"

"Andy, please... I want us to be more than heavy petters, you know?"

I stopped. What? Was I...? Does it matter? I guess it doesn't. Can I spend time just talking with her? "I'm sorry. I thought you..."

"Yeah, I do. And I like it. But not all the time. I want to know that we have depth. That we really care and we're not just after each other's skins. Is that okay?"

"Sure it is. I -- I didn't mean to make things uncomfortable. It's just that... what do we talk about? I can't ask how you've been, because I've been there with you. I guess... well... wait..." For once, I'm glad I'm dead. "What were you like when you were alive?"

She beamed. "I was hoping you'd ask."

We spent hour after hour talking about our lives way back when. I learned all about Oklahoma, while she learned about Washington DC. As we continued to laugh and share stories (as well as random comments), a knock was heard on the wall -- loud and clear. Lindsay stopped.

"It's time."

*****

02:34 PM GMT

Heaven

Our guide -- who wore a hood to keep himself from being seen and asked only to be addressed as Mike -- brought us to the Gates. I looked around. Millions of people, more than I could ever hope to count, were behind that fence, hugging each other and catching up on (presumably) earthly details. I looked again at the people on our side. Some were like us -- dressed in earthware, rather than covered in the white robe that the saints wore. Some were in a long line that extended to the tribunal I saw earlier. And some, even some on this side, wore the robes, but waited to enter.

One particular woman caught my eye. I don't know why, but I was drawn to speak with her. "Excuse me, ma'am," I said. "Why are you here?"

"You mean, and not in Heaven? That's simple. I'm incomplete. I need to wait for my husband to show up."

"You can't get in without him? That doesn't seem fair."

She shook her head. "No, it's perfectly fair. He has a part of me, and I a part of him. I cannot enter unless I am perfect. And certainly, you don't think that a person who is incomplete can be perfect, do you?"

"Wow... you're right. But when will he get here?"

"Oh... he's due to arrive soon. I saw him in line about a week ago. I'm guessing he'll be cleared to enter in a couple days."

As we spoke, a young man arrived behind us. He appeared to be about 30, the same age as the woman. He had a new white robe on, brighter than any garment on earth. He approached the woman and reached up his sleeve, producing a heart-shaped box much like the one Owen had worn when I saw him.

"Pardon me, little lady... is this yours?"

She smiled and produced a similar box for him. The two hugged and held hands as they completed each other. I looked around to see if anyone else had seen it. Lindsay, Greg, and Kathleen had already gone inside. Owen, meanwhile, seemed to be searching.

"Wait, you two... I wanna show this to a friend of mine." I ran over to Owen and got his attention. "Owen... I just saw the coolest thing... this woman was waiting for her mate to show up, and as we were talking, he arrived... and they're reunited and... I want you to meet them, c'mon!"

Owen shrugged. "Well, I'm kinda waiting for someone..."

"Oh, don't worry. They're not going in without you. Look, it'll be quick, I promise."

"Okay... if you say so."

I led a reluctant Owen back to where the man and woman had been. They were still there, talking of old times. As I got closer, I kept turning back to tell Owen, "you're gonna love this." Owen seemed less than convinced until he looked up.

Something brightened. His eyes went wide. His smile, always bright, was brighter than ever. He seemed near tears of joy. He ran faster than I could keep, all the way shouting ahead like a schoolboy.

"Mom! Dad! You're here!"

*****

06:44 PM

TONIGHT ONLY

ALL SAINTS SPECIAL

LEGENDS OF THE RING

"Hey, this looks like fun! Wanna go see it, Owen?"

"Sure, why not? I haven't seen Dad do his thing in years. It'll be great to see him as he was when I was a kid."

"He's on the card?"

"He should be. I don't see a reason why he wouldn't. I mean, I was told he'd be here at this event."

"Who else you think we'll see?"

"I have no idea. There's so many to choose from -- it could be anyone."

Kathleen already had a balloon and a padlock with her as souvenirs from P.T. Barnum's Circus of the Saints. "I wanna see if Andre's here!"

"You think he will be, Owen?"

"He could. I see no reason why not."

I noticed her souvenirs. "Hey, where'd you get the padlock from?"

"Oh, this thing? The magician threw it out to the crowd. Said it was from his greatest illusion. Guy was pretty cool, too -- got him to autograph it."

"Can she keep that?" I asked Owen.

Owen laughed. "Sure she can. I usually juggle three baseballs I've caught from all the All-Star Games held up here. Caught a home run hit by Ted Williams. A real line drive too. I guess you could say it--"

"I know, I know... a frozen rope." I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, can I see it, Kath?"

"Sure." She handed it over. On the back it read: "To Kathleen, peace and freedom, EWeiss." Wow, everyone's around here. "So, Owen, what do you think-- Owen? Where are you going?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you guys? We have a Fallen Angels match every November 1. I'm part of it this year. I gotta prepare!"

Kathleen and I looked at each other and grinned. "Cool!"

*****

PROGRAM FOR

LEGENDS OF THE RING

CARD -- 11/1/2003, 1900 GMT

KINGDOME, EXIT WA-US

MAIN EVENT

2 OUT OF 3 FALLS

RING LEGENDS CHAMPIONSHIP

Lou Thesz -vs.- Davey Boy Smith

Freddie Blassie -vs.- Stu Hart

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP

Jumbo Tsuruta and Giant Baba -vs.- Curt Hennig and Rick Rude

Andre the Giant -vs.- Iron Mike DiBiase

60-MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH

Edouard Charpentier -vs.- Stanislaus Zbyszko

WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP

Rhonda Singh -vs.- Plum Mariko

Road Warrior Hawk -vs.- Gorilla Monsoon

FALLEN ANGELS SPECIAL MATCH

Owen Hart -vs.- Dino Bravo

REFEREES: Joey Morella, Brian Hildebrand, Pee Wee Anderson

ANNOUNCERS: Gordon Solie and Ed Whalen

Doors open at 1800 GMT

Admission is free as always

*****

11:45 PM

"Wow! That was awesome! I didn't know you were that good, Owen!"

Kathleen was absolutely babbling over the time she had. She couldn't believe how good the night was, and how loud the crowd was. Neither could I, in fact. I never heard a reaction from our section (they reserved an entire section for the Fallen Angels) than I did when Andre lumbered out. I had so much fun booing all the old chestnuts -- Rude's arrogant promo, Blassie's pencil-neck geek line, even Dino Bravo's flag-waving antics got a USA chant. Of course, given Owen was his opponent, maybe that wasn't the brightest idea...

"You never saw me?"

"No... I started watching around the time WCW got bought. You were just a name."

"Kathleen, if you thought he was good then, you should've seen him when he was alive. I mean, the stuff he could do with his brother -- unreal."

"Well, thanks, guys. But you know, it takes two to wrestle well, and... Dino was on tonight."

"Yeah -- I didn't think he was that agile. He certainly seemed more like a power wrestler when I saw him the first time around."

Owen shrugged. "He's had eight years to improve, you know. Yeah, I've faced him a few times before as part of this -- he's much better. Of course, it helps that he hasn't been shooting up. He's a more natural size now."

Kathleen turned to me. "Shooting up? Heroin?"

"Steroids."

"What's so bad about that?"

"You seen Scott Steiner lately?"

She comprehended. "Ohhhhhhhh... so that's what happens."

"Basically."

"You know, I thought he was kinda funny. Always going around talking about how his muscles were so big and how he was the biggest man in the WWE... it was kinda funny."

Owen and I merely stared at each other and nodded. She doesn't need to know what he really meant by biggest, does she?

"You know, Andy, I was just wondering," Owen began. "What was the first Pay-Per-View event you saw live? I mean, on TV or in person."

I smiled. "You wouldn't like my answer."

"Try me, man. I'm not a judge."

"All right. The first one I saw was in 1990. It was WrestleMania, and we got it because it had the big names going at the time. You know, Hogan and Warrior was as good as it got back then. I know you and your brother had a run, and you guys were trying to change the face of wrestling and blah blah blah, but... those two were magic. I remember owning the trilogy of Hogan, Warrior, Savage matches -- 5-7 -- you know, it's almost never been more dramatic than that."

"Yeah, those were awesome. I'm not gonna argue with you, man. Hogan was where it was at. Everyone wanted to be in a program with him, cuz you drew tons of money, you got rich, you were the main attraction, and if he beat you -- pfft! Who cared? He beat everyone! Bret kept talking about how he wished he'd have had one run with the guy before his career gave out. I don't blame him. Maybe someday when everyone's reunited up here."

"Yeah, I was gonna ask -- is this the best you could do? I mean, the names were big and all, but... I expected a little more, I guess."

"Andy, there were shows all over the place. There's enough guys up here to handle 50 or 60 shows. I just took you guys to the one I was in. Besides, you got to see all the champs -- then again, it was the special for you guys."

"Okay, that's cool." I turned to Kathleen. "Hey, how about you? What was the first show you saw?"

Kathleen smiled. "X-7. The one in Houston. I'll never forget it. I know most people wanted to see Austin and Rocky go at it, but me? I wanted to see the TLC match. Matt and Jeff were so awesome. I always had a crush on them. I hated Lita -- I wanted her to fall off a cliff. And Jeff... well..." I saw a tear in her eye. Sorry I asked.

"But Jeff's gone. He did something really stupid, and we'll never see him again. You'll go on. You'll find other people. Heck, maybe you and Greg will have a relationship."

She shook her head. "No... it's not like that. I don't think he really cares for me. He just wanted to do me. It's not like you guys."

"Us? Lindsay and me? Kath, we haven't done nearly as much as you did with Greg."

"It's not that! You love her, and she loves you! And... and no one cares about me! I went to see my old friends, and they're carrying on with life. They don't even remember me. All the ones I saw were happy about Homecoming or preparing for finals... I wasn't even a memory!"

She ran off, crying and looking for sympathy. I started to go after her when Owen stopped me. "Let her cry," he said. "She's a wreck. I'm not sure she's cut out for this."

"Well, she's gotta learn soon. She's only got the rest of her life to get used to it."

"I'm sure she will. For her sake, she will. But I worry about what'll happen tomorrow."

"Yeah... Gory Guerrero was telling me he was looking forward to tomorrow -- Dio de los Muertos. The Day of the Dead."

"I know -- that's when people in Heaven visit Earth... but for us, it's something else. We're going to visit... well..."

"Hell? We'd never survive."

"No, not quite Hell. We're gonna see people who will never enter Heaven though. It'll be kinda... difficult, even for the best of us."

I thought about what type of people they'd be, but nothing came to mind. "Who can't get into Heaven or Hell?"

"Well, for one, people like us who were captured. I heard how close you and Lindsay came yesterday. Gotta be more careful."

"Oh, please, it was only up to our waist."

"Close enough. Well... maybe. I mean, I was actually up to here before," he said, motioning to his chest. "And I had to watch as one guy couldn't get in fast enough. I haven't seen him since."

"But you said we were gonna see people who were captured."

"So we do. But he wasn't among them. I guess they destroyed him right away."

"D-d-destroyed?" I got a chill. I had no idea what I was almost in. "How?"

"You'll see. We can see into Hell from where we're going. Trust me... it isn't pretty."

I began to sweat as we walked out of the Gates. I met up with Lindsay and squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry... I didn't know how close I came yesterday to killing you."

"It wasn't you," she said. "You're forgiven."

We walked back, hand in hand, as our guide Mike led us away.

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