Soft Justice Wrestling

[Xero Gravity]

Part One - Hell Freezes Over.

Tenay: Christian's in the ring, and he's got the guitar! Why is he looking at Sting?

West: No! Don't do it Christian!

WHAM!

Tenay: YES! Take that Jeff Jarret!

West: PIN HIM STING! PIN HIM!

1...2.......3!

Tenay: Finally the wait is over! We have a NEW NWA world champion, and his name is STING!

West: The fans have longed for this moment since Slammiversary, and finally it's here thanks to Christian Cage and Jarret's own guitar!

Tenay: What a way to end Hard Justice! Jeff Jarrett is still unconscious, and Sting is your new NWA World champion folks! God bless, and good night!

[ROZAY]

Pretty good start. I feel that the beginning of the story could have been written a bit better (mainly the dialogue and perhaps more detail), but it's a decent enough start. I liked the idea when C-Mil presented it, and was going to try it myself if I didn't have a diary going, so hopefully you do "justice" (... oh, I'm not even going to try and make a play on the name here) with this idea.

Just remember to make it funny, but somewhat serious at the same time. That's probably some of the best advice someone can give you for a diary like that.

(Y)

[Xero Gravity]

Part Two - I Fucking Hate Kids.

Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me...

It had to be kids...didn't it. Annoying, hormone ridden, foul mouthed kids. Two hundred hours...might as well be two hundred years.

God, if you're there...shoot me now.

I wait with eyes closed...it doesn't come.

You heartless bastard.

There's no point putting off the inevitable. I can hear them already, there's no way this can get any worse.

...you must be Adam?

But then again, it could get a whole lot better...turning around to meet the voice confirms it.

Uhhh...I...yeah...

Smooth, real smooth.

Hi...I'm Sophie...

Stop staring at her tits, and shake her hand you fucking idiot!

...nice to meet you.

That was close.

Shall we go inside? I'll introduce you to the children.

Sure, why not?

I purposely held back for a few seconds, so she walked ahead of me.

...damn...

Did you say something?

Huh? Oh, no I didn't...

I'm such a fucking pervert...

~~~~~~~~~~

Hey kids! I want to introduce you all to someone.

Did I mention I hate kids? They all gather around, staring at me...judging me, just like my neighbourhood did the first time they met me.

This is mister...what's your surname?

Just call me Adam...

This is Adam, and he'll be joining us here for a little while. So be nice to him, and show him around, okay?

Treating me like an idiot...if she wasn't so gorgeous I'd have probably hit her by now...

I try to smile at the gropu of faces looking at me, I don't even realise Sophie's walked off until one of them starts talking to me.

So...what did you get caught doing?

Huh?

Don't play dumb with us. We've seen plent of you come nad go through here, and none of them were because they liked kids.

Fucking smartass...

If you must know, I got caught stealing pennies out of a fountain and verbally assaulted a cop.

Oooohhh...aren't you the hardened criminal

...and people wonder why I hate kids...

Look, aren't you all supposed to be doing something...anything?

No, that's your job. Give us something to do.

God, this kid is heading for a punch in the mouth. If it'll get them off my backs, I guess I should play along for now...

Okay...here...

Ah, perfect...

Go play dodgeball...

The cocky little prick doesn't even flinch as I pretend to throw the ball at him. So I just toss the ball into the far end of the room...score one for me.

...little asshole...

There's a nice quiet spot in the shade where I sit and watch. Nothing like watching a bunch of kids pelting stuff at each other to pass the time. It's only when the sofa moves slightly, and the cup of coffee appears under my nose that I realise Sophie has shown up again.

They're a nice bunch once you get to know them.

Yeah, I'm sure they are...

Look, I know about what happened to you...maybe you should try to see this as a chance to set yourself straight?

Who does she think I am...Ted fuckin' Bundy?

Whoa, all I did was steal a few pennies and insult someone. It's not like I'm brimming with evil, just a victim of a series of unfortunate events.

Hey, I'm not judging you. But if you had something to occupy your time, you wouldn't resort to gambling?

How the hell does she know that?

One of the court reps told me about you yesterday.

Let me guess, you see me as some pathetic loser for getting myself into such a mess?

Of course not. But I'm sure I can help you. By the end of your community service, I promise you'll be a new man.

...and how do you intend to do that? Are you gonna let me fu...lfill my potential by bonding with a bunch of kids and bettering myself?

Yep, call it my pet project.

Oh man...how can someone so perfect be sitting inches away from me, and I have to fight every second so I don't make myself look like a complete twat?

OWW! That one hurt!

Perfect timing if I do say so myself. I knew making them play dodgeball would be a good idea. Not only do I get a slight reprieve, but I get to see a fight too.

...what the...?

Did that kid just...

The waist lock may have been cool, but the follwing german suplex was even better.

...holy shit.

For kids, they were pretty damn good...each one like a wrestling idiot savant.

Hmmm...I need sixteen grand, and these kids like to beat each other up. Myabe I will get to like this place after all.

...I have no morals whatsoever...

[Xero Gravity]

Part Three - The Impossible Pitch.

Who am I kidding? They'll never go for it.

Hey!

I really am a piece of shit for going through with this. Even as they flock towards me, I have no second thoughts about what I'm going to say.

I saw your little fight earlier, nice german suplex if I do say so myself.

The suplexer just happened to the cocky little prick from before.

Heh...a loser like you actually watches wrestling?

Wrestling is what got me stuck here in the first place. But do me a favour and shut your mouth for a minute, okay?

I was kinda surprised that he listened to me, but I wasn't going to waste the moment.

Look, I saw what you were doing and somehow you're all surprisingly good. So I figured, why don't I set something up so you can do it more often?

Like what?

I don't know, buy a ring and set it up in here I guess? There's plenty of room, so that's not a problem. Hell, we could even put some seats in here and get people to watch?

You're kidding...

Well, you can always go back to playing dodgeball I guess...

Whoa!

I knew that'd work. The group huddle together, whispering about their options as I casually whistle while I wait.

Okay, you've got a deal...only there's one problem.

...and that is?

I guess I knew already.

...her.

Sophie's footsteps echoed slightly around the room as the kids dispersed, leaving me with the task of holding a conversation without fucking up somehow.

Hey, what you up to?

Uhhh, just talkin' to the kids about something.

Oh...am I allowed to know what?

Sure I guess, sit down and I'll tell you.

Here goes nothing...

So you told me I should try and turn this into a positive thing right? Well I had an idea. The kids seem to like wrestling, so why not get them a ring?

...wrestling? That's kinda dangerous, don't you think?

Not at all, wrestling is fake you know...

Yeah...but the pain isn't.

Plus, we could turn this into a good thing for the rec center. Use the ring to put on shows, and we could fix this place up a bit.

Well, it could do with a new lick of paint I guess. But what do you know about wrestling?

I've watched it for fifteen years, surely I must have picked up a few things during that time. Plus, I was thinking...you could help out?

Me? But how could I be of any use?

...dammit, don't say anything stupid now.

You said that I was your pet project, what better way than to be my assistant and watch over me?

Well I don't know...the kids would have to get their parents permission. Not to mention we'd need to take out a loan to buy the ring. Are you sure people would watch a show full of inexperienced kids?

Ah, well you underestimate the independent wrestling scene. There are bound to be a few guys willing to wrestle in this place. They can be the focus, while the kids fill the rest.

So far so good, I hadn't said anything stupid yet and she seemed to be close to agreeing.

So, what do you say?

Well I guess all things considered, it could be a good thing for the center.

Great! I'll let the kids know the good news.

I said good news, but something didn't feel right. The lack of consience I'd had at the beginning was starting to disappear. Looking at her trusting smile, I couldn't help but feel a little shitty about lying.

Jesus, I've only known her for a few hours...

[Xero Gravity]

Part Four - The Statistical Shit.

The kids had all left, excitedly talking to each other about what they were going to do. Sophie was busy seeing them off, leaving me behind to mull over the finer details. The scrap of paper in front of me was blank, but I'd intended to write down all the details before going through with it.

Promotion Info

Name: ?????? (???)

Size: Small (25%)

Risk Level: 80%

Production: 20%

Merchandise: 20%

Advertising: 20%

Sponsors:

?????? ($??????/? Months)

?????? ($??????/? Months)

?????? ($??????/? Months)

?????? ($??????/? Months)

[Draevyn]

You know, between thw two of us, we've given the "Adam" character so many different personality changes, it's kind of funny. Probably only to me though. Always enjoyed your writing, no mater what you do, but then again you already knew that. The humor, while you think is stupid, works so well. Not to mention I love how you lent the thory of your missing last name, which I realize I knew before I even started that story. Second Chance Wrestling would have been a good name too, but if it allows you to bang Sofie then I'd go with Soft Justice too.

Solid start, I know it's going to get better. Just continue it, or I kill you. Yup. Death by Tsunami of verbal bashing.

[Xero Gravity]

Part Five - When The Cat's Away

I wasn't in a good mood as I dragged myself in the rec center. I returned home the previous evening to see that the lure of an open house had been too tempting for the neighbourhood thieves. Not only did they steal my TV and DVD collection, but the fuckers also stole my front door. Why they took it I have no idea, but thanks to that I had to stay up the entire night in case my collector friends decided to pay another visit.

Are you ok?

I'd have thought the whole "looking like warmed up shit" would have given a clear indication of my current state.

Not really...

I couldn't muster much else, as a shuffled past her and crashed out on one of the worn out sofas. I must have passed out for a moment or two, as the next thing I know there's a cup of coffee in my face...funny how that keeps happening to me.

You look like you could use this.

So she thinks I look like shit too...great.

Thanks.

She sat down beside me, it was only then that I caught sight of the pile of papers in her hand.

What's that?

Huh? Oh, I didn't know how much of this you wanted to do yourself...but I had some free time earlier and thought I'd try and help.

I wasn't really in a concentrating mood, but I dragged myself up anyway.

I shopped around for a few sponsors, and came back with the four you needed. The Hardee's just down the street were a little apprehensive at first, but I eventually got a deal out of them. I actually got approached by someone from Rally's who made us an offer so they didn't lose any business to Hardee's.

Yeah, like we're really going to boost sales...

They're paying us, so let them think what they want. I did a little research on the net, and tried to contact some guy called Dave Meltzer...

...from the Observer?

Yeah, I haven't got a reply yet but I'm remaining optimistic.

The last one?

Kazaa...

Ugh, that piece of shit?

Like I said, they're paying us to plug them so you're just going to have to live with it.

My impending tirade against Kazaa would have to wait, as the doors at the other end of the center swung open bringing the annoying buzzing of kids. Sophie immediately headed for the group, no doubt I'd be forced to talk to them sooner rather than later. As the grinning faces loomed ever closer, I couldn't help noticing that they'd multiplied over night.

Hey Douchebag!

Not to self...kill that little fucker.

Uhhh...hi?

So me and the other kids were talkin' about this wrestling idea of yours, and we decided that I should be the star of the show.

Clearly he was talking shit, as everyone slowly looked at him with a "what the fuck?" look on their faces.

Oh really? Exactly how old are you...

...Joey, and I'm fifteen. I'm the oldest, and therefore the best.

Gotta love the logic, even if he's continuing to piss off the rest of the kids. But come to think of it, he does have a talent for being a mouthy little prick...maybe he should be the star.

Whatever, but nothing's for sure yet. We still have to sort out the ring, and see if we can get a few...you know, real wrestlers?

What the hell do you think we are?

...a bunch of annoying little bastards...

What was that?

...I said a bunch of kids, who despite being pretty good have no actual training whatsoever.

Who needs training?

Oh please don't tempt me...

You, if you want to live to see sixteen that is.

Hey, what're you talking about?

...uhhh...we...

Oh shit...he knows.

The smile on his face, he's contemplating saying something...

We were just talking about how talented Joey is.

Ugh, at the mercy of a fifteen year old. Could my life get any worse?

~~~~~At That Exact Moment, Across Town~~~~~

Hey boss...there's someone here to see you.

The weasly man shuffles into the room, clearly not wanting to be there.

That Adam fella' you're after? I saw him hangin' around the recreation center with a bunch of kids, and some chick...

A smile beams back at him from across the desk, amdist a cloud of cigar smoke

Excellent...

So...uhhh...does that mean I'm clean now? I told you where the guy is, that's got to be worth enough...right?

He leans forward, his smile suddenly disappears.

I never said anything about that now, did I?

But I...

A heavy hand rests on his shoulder, he gulps knowing full well what will follow as he's escorted from the room.

Send someone to pay Adam a visit, would you?

[Xero Gravity]

Part Six - On With The Show

Somwhere in between community service and fearing for my life, I'd managed to get a new door fitted on my house. Sure I had to take some of the cash from the loan Sophie had taken out, but at least I was able to get some sleep. Fresh faced and alert, I strolled into the rec center with everything I'd worked on at home. It was a nice surprise to see Sophie overseeing several guys putting the finishing touches on the ring.

...maybe if I didn't make a habit of waking up at one in the afternoon, I could be around more to help.

The loan had gone a long way to getting a fairly decent looking ring, it'd at least survive for a while which was good. What wasn't good however, was the butt ugly Kazaa logos splashed around the ring apron. I despised being associated with Kazaa, especially after their piece of shit program managed to infect my computer with more shit than a two dollar hooker.

...crippled my massive porn collection.

But the ring wasn't all bad, a look at the mat itself confirmed that the Observer had agreed to help us out. How anyone sitting down to watch the shows coulds actually see the logo, was beyond my sphere of comprehension. The turnbuckles didn't look bad either, with alternating Hardee's/Rally's logos on them. Whether the two companies would agree to something like that...I didn't much care for really. A short, sharp tap in my back sent a shiver down my spine.

Could they have found me already?

I spun round to face...nobody. A full foot below my line of sight however, stood the source of the tap.

Uhhh...hi?

She just stood there, staring at me with a blank expression. No more than nine years old, she looked as though she'd fit right with the Children of the Corn.

Did you, want something?

Apparently not, as she trotted off a second later...weird kid. Totally thrown off my train of thought, I stared around the room for a second until I remembered I had a sheet of paper in my hand. It was then that I saw Sophie and our "roster" and decided to get this over with. I couldn't help shaking my head as I walked. The whole idea still seemed like a bizarre backstory someone would come up with on the internet...

......yeah.

Hey, can I have your attention for a moment?

Naturally, being kids they ingnored me completely.

Hello? Anyone listening to me?

Obviously not, you moron...

Kids, you should listen to what Adam has to say.

Oh, NOW they decide to take notice of me. This is doomed to fail...

Thanks...now assuming Sophie knows your parents gave you permission to do this, there are a few things we need to go over. At the moment there are ten of you participating, but ideally we need around fifteen. Not only that, you all have no training whatsoever which needs to be rectified. With that in mind, I'm going to bring in a few people willing to come in and train you as well as perform in the ring. Also seeing as most, if not all of you are familiar with wrestling we'll need to come up with gimmicks and names for all of you. I'm open to anny suggestions you might have..

...that's a stupid idea...

I wanna be a princess!

I wanna be a spaceman!

...see?

...okay, how about you all go and put some thought into it while I talk to Sophie alone?

All of them quickly ran off fully of juvenile ideas of fantastical gimmicks that would no doubt kill even the slightest amount of credibility we would have. Of course, Joey held back for a moment or two giving me that same cocky smile he did before.

...I'm going to have to sort him out...

So how are you going to bring in people, an do you think that's such a good idea?

I've already done it actually, and it'll be fine...trust me. The only thing missing is a figurehead, someone to act as the one running the show. I need someone with presence and charisma, but everyone I tried refuses to get involved with us.

Well...I could ask my sister?

Oh man...she has a sister?

Do you think she'd fit the bill?

Yeah...she's got a lot of presence, that's for sure.

Dammit, she's a fatty isn't she? I'm really going to regret this....

When can I meet her?

Now if you want, I'm sure I can find something to occupy the kids for about fifteen minutes.

Please god, don't let this be a waste of my time...

~~~~A Few Minutes Later~~~~

Holy...shit...

On the one hand, you have Sophie. I've only known her for a few days, and I've gone from wanting to jump her to genuinely liking her. On the other, you have her sister Vanessa...

YEAH! Shake it baby!

...who just happens to work in a stip club.

That's...you sister?

For someone who was so nice and down to earth, Sophie didn't seem too bothered by her current surroundings.

What's wrong, don't think we're related?

No, it's just...

You don't think I can be related to someone that attractive?

Actually, I think you're more attractive...

What?

Oh shit...did I just say that out loud?

What was that? I couldn't hear you.

Ah, god bless annoying music. I hadn't noticed it starting up just as I spoke.

Ah, it was nothing. I think you're right though, Vanessa could be perfect...if anything, she'll keep the adult men happy?

God knows what the parents would think about their kids hanging around with a stripper...

~~~~Back At The Rec Center, An Hour Later~~~~

We'd been back for well over an hour. Amongst the noise of the kids fighting over playing in the ring, I'd managed to work out who was getting what gimmick. I'd finally come to terms with the idea that this wasn't going to be a serious promotion for quite a while, so I gave up trying to fight it.

With that in mind, this is what I came up with...

Al. A Kazam (11 over) - The resident magician of the group. I don't care if he has no experience doing tricks, as that will only add to the gimmick. Fairly decent by our standards, one of the few "all rounders" we've got

Baxter Basics (13 over) - Dastardly old school heel. Baxter takes Foley's "boring, basic offense" schtick and applies it to everything. It's either going to catch on, or bomb horribly...I suspect the latter. Very basic (no pun intended) talent wise, with about as much charisma as an old shoe.

Cap'n Bloodbeard (12 over) - Thanks to Pirates of the Carribean, it's cool to be a pirate again. Whether or not the kid can pull it off, if anyone's guess. Surprisingly, one of the few kids who show some charismatic energy, and has a bit of natural skill to back it up.

Deacon Night (10 over) - Everyone hates emo fags, so I fully expect this kid to be shit on. Average at best compared to the rest of the group, so he's dependent on his gimmick to survive...so basically, he wont.

"Not So Nice" Guy Angelo (16 over) - I love gangster films, I was practically raised on them as a kid. That's why I was determined to have a mafia character on the roster. Sadly this is going to be less "Godfather" and more "Bugsy Malone" but without custard pies and shitty singing.

GVTFO Ranger (15 over) - Short for "Great Valiant Task Force Omen Ranger". Why? Because it sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud. We deck the kid in a modified power rangers costume, have him say nothing, and we've got a sure fire hit...right?

Joey Sinclair (14 over) - I have no desire to have my infatuation with Sophie broadcast to the public. Thanks to that, Joey is the only one on the roster without a goofy gimmick. He plays the sane kid amongst the sea of madness. Cocky to the core (no trouble acting there then) he believes he's the star of the show...which he will be as I hope to keep him quiet.

Sir Eric, The White Knight (13 over) - Continuing the trend of dressing the kids in stupid costumes, meet Sir Eric. Decked in cardboard armour, Eric is the chivalrous member of the roster. Bound by the knights code, he swears to uphold honour and protect innocent damsels...shame we don't have any then.

T Jizzle (13 over) - Another kid who lives the gimmick, TJ is your average fourteen year old wigger. His parents have bent to his every whim, buying him enough bling to finance a small country. Probably has more talent than John Cena, and is just as annoying too.

Teh Mad HaXX0r (10 over) - This is what happens when you want a geek gimmick, and an Alice in Wonderland gimmick on your roster. Fusing the two together gave birth to Teh Mad HaXX0r. He'll talk gibberish and give your computer a virus, then invite your round to tea and celebrate your bithday all in the same breath.

[Xero Gravity]

Part Seven - No Turning Back Now

It had been a long month, but as time went on it proved to be less of an annoyance than I'd imagined. As things started to take shape there was a small feeling brewing inside me that this may actually suceed.

It was either that, or gas...

I finally started to wake up before midday, and somehow looked forward to getting there early. The kids spent weeks practising their gimmicks, Vaness began to hang around more after agreeing to help, and there wasn't a shady character in sight. I know it'd have been stupid to assume they'd completely forget about a sixteen grand debt, but so far I'd got of lightly. Our three legitimate wrestlers dropped by from time to time, and worked with the kids a bit. I was kinda surprised they'd all said yes, but I wasn't going to dwell on it for too long. I'd spent the previous night trying to work up a good opening card. Being the first show it was just a case of throwing names together and seeing what works. As I walked over to the coffee machine, I noticed something sitting on the table next to it. Up until that point I hadn't even thought of a show name, but it appears that someone already had. The little picture looked like it had been knocked up on a computer, and printed off. I picked it up, and held it up against the makeshift card I'd written up. No guesses for who came up with the name...

Eh...what the hell?

Triple Threat Match For The SJW Heavyweight Title

"The Insane Dragon" Izzy Vs. "The Wasted Youth" Deranged Vs. "Hurricane" John Walters

"The Chosen One" Joey Sinclair Vs. GVTFO Ranger

Al A. Kazam Vs Teh Mad Haxx0r

"Not So Nice" Guy Angelo Vs. Sir Eric, The White Knight

Tag Team Match

Cap'n Bloodbeard and Deacon Night Vs T Jizzle and Baxter Basics

OOC: Okay...I've never actually done predictions before, because most of the time I've only got one reader (or one that's actually vocal). But hey, if it gets people interested I guess it's worth a shot right? The winner will get to create a new kid for me to debut on a future show. In addition to that, the runner up will get to name next month's show.

Edited August 30, 2006 by Xero Gravity

[JonDude]

Triple Threat Match For The SJW Heavyweight Title

"The Insane Dragon" Izzy Vs. "The Wasted Youth" Deranged Vs. "Hurricane" John Walters

-I have a feeling you're going to bring in another technical guy.

"The Chosen One" Joey Sinclair Vs. GVTFO Ranger

-Based on the way you're percieving Joey, he's not gonna job to Ranger.

Al A. Kazam Vs Teh Mad Haxx0r

-A magician without the magic sounds like a neat gimmick.

"Not So Nice" Guy Angelo Vs. Sir Eric, The White Knight

-Adam likes gangsters.

Tag Team Match

Cap'n Bloodbeard and Deacon Night Vs T Jizzle and Baxter Basics

-Everyone hates emo fags.

Good work so far. Excellent use of characters. (Y)

[Draevyn]

You know, my last comment was based around your character, and the funny thing is, as much as your character has changed, mine has remained the same throughout all these diaries and attempts. Still that arrogant prick who thinks he's better than everyone else, and will do anything he can to prove it. Yeah, quite true to life actually. As far as predictions go.

"The Wasted Youth" Deranged- Just seems to focus on the youth part of things, and that seems to be what you're going for here. I like Walters, or did in his ROH appearances, but Deranged is also pretty good.

"The Chosen One" Joey Sinclair-For the love of god, don't paint me like Jeff Jarrett in this diary...lol. I may be cocky, but damn it, I'm better than Jarrett

Sir Eric; The White Knight-Got a feeling the gangsta's gonna get DQed.

Cap'n Bloodbeard and Deacon Knight=They may hate emo fags, but they love to boo them. I see them picking up the win with a bit of cheating.

[Guest Chris Choas]

Triple Threat Match For The SJW Heavyweight Title

"The Insane Dragon" Izzy Vs. "The Wasted Youth" Deranged Vs. "Hurricane" John Walters

"The Chosen One" Joey Sinclair Vs. GVTFO Ranger

Al A. Kazam Vs Teh Mad Haxx0r

"Not So Nice" Guy Angelo Vs. Sir Eric, The White Knight

Tag Team Match

Cap'n Bloodbeard and Deacon Night Vs T Jizzle and Baxter Basics

[StevenRichardsRules]

Triple Threat Match For The SJW Heavyweight Title

"The Insane Dragon" Izzy Vs. "The Wasted Youth" Deranged Vs. "Hurricane" John Walters

Shot in the dark.

"The Chosen One" Joey Sinclair Vs. GVTFO Ranger

Joey's gonna get a push, seeing as he's got dirt on your character.

Al A. Kazam Vs Teh Mad Haxx0r

As much as I want Teh Mad Haxx0r to win, I don't think he will.

"Not So Nice" Guy Angelo Vs. Sir Eric, The White Knight

Complete guess.

Tag Team Match

Cap'n Bloodbeard and Deacon Night Vs T Jizzle and Baxter Basics

Ummm...?

[Gareth7]

Really enjoying the diary, I always like diaries more when they have a story behind them rather than just wrestling shows.

Triple Threat Match For The SJW Heavyweight Title

"The Insane Dragon" Izzy Vs. "The Wasted Youth" Deranged Vs. "Hurricane" John Walters

"The Chosen One" Joey Sinclair Vs. GVTFO Ranger

Al A. Kazam Vs Teh Mad Haxx0r

"Not So Nice" Guy Angelo Vs. Sir Eric, The White Knight

Tag Team Match

Cap'n Bloodbeard and Deacon Night Vs T Jizzle and Baxter Basics

[Xero Gravity]

The commissioner comes out to introduce the show

Vanessa: Hello everyone, and welcome to SJW's inaugral event...Roffle Our Waffles!

The name gets a few cheap laughs from some of the 44 people in attendance.

Vanessa: We have a great card lined up for you tonight, featuring a triple threat match to determine the first ever SJW Heavyweight champion! Not only that, but you will witness the in ring debuts of the stars of tomorrow. Such talents as Joey Sinclair, Baxter Basics, Sir Guy, and Teh Mad Haxx0r. So sit back, relax, and enjoy Roffle Our Waffles!

It may not have sounded like the best hard sell in the world, but it's amazing how easily a set of curves can captivate an audience of men.

Overall Rating: 66%

Vanessa gained overness from this segment.

Cap'n Bloodbeard and Deacon Night Vs T Jizzle and Baxter Basics

Night has the unfortunate pleasure of being the first thing the crowd sees after Vanessa. Not surprsing that his full emo get up is mocked to high heaven by the crowd, even if he is only a fourteen year old kid. Bloodbeard is luckier, as despite being decked in a cheap pirate costume he has a better gimmick to play up. T Jizzle and Baxter Basics follow, Jizzle pretty much being his own wigger self and Basics doing a whole lot of nothing. The contrast between the two is startling, as Jizzle is decked from head to toe in desiger gear and gold, while Baxter is is a plain black singlet. The match itself is less about the wrestling, and more about playing up the gimmicks. Baxter starts things off with Bloodbeard, playing his character to the hilt with nothing but bog standard moves that wouldn't hurt a newborn baby. Jizzle tags in, and doesn't fare much better relying on punches and kicks more than anything else. As the two heels try to gang up on Bloodbeard, he unsheaths his sword. Despite being plastic, it chases them out of the ring allowing Night to be tagged in. Instead of trying anything, he sits in the corner crying about how "nobody understands him". The ref it too busy being distracted by his emo whining to see Bloodbeard crack the charging Jizzle and Basics with hard sword shots. Baxter rolls out of the ring, leaving Jizzle to feel the wrath of the Capn's Tarred and Feathered for the 1, 2, 3!

Basics storms off muttering about Jizzle, as Bloodbeard celebrates. Night crawls out of the corner, only to retireve the sword and tries to slit his wrists with it. The crowd seems to enjoy the stupidity a little, even if the wrestling left a lot to be desired.

Cap'n Bloodbeard and Deacon Night def. T Jizzle and Baxter Basics

Overall Rating: 32%

Crowd Reaction: 15%

Match Quality: 50%

"Not So Nice" Guy Angelo Vs Sir Eric, The White Knight

Things don't get a whole lot better in the next match in a mismatched battle between a knight and a gangster. Sir Eric trots out in front of the crowd first, in his new armour. He didn't like the idea of wearing cardboard, so we got him some plastic armour and painted it white. He bows a lot, shaking the mens hands and kissing the ladies'. Angelo comes out next carrying a toy Tommy Gunn, dressed in a pinstripe suit. One smartass shouts "Hey, it's Bugsy Malone!" which gets a few laughs. Unlike the previous match, this one does have some wrestling. But not before Eric tries to shake Angelo's hand. He gets completely blanked, which doesn't make the chivalrous member of the roster very happy. They start off with a fairly long feeling out process, trading basic transition holds with a bit of fluidity to them. It's not perfect by any means, but the crowd seems to appreciate the kids are actually trying. Naturally the match changes direction after Angelo thumbs the knight in the eye. He follows it up with a few suplexes, and a body slam, before becoming the first kid to try and incorporate the top rope. Climbing up, he signals for the Concrete Shoes, but Sir Eric rolls to safety. Not to be denied, Angelo drops off the turnbuckle and charges towards Eric. He reacts quickly, catching him in a Knight's Code attempt. However the mafioso reverses it and drops Eric to the ground before locking in the Sicilian Necktie. After a few seconds in the hold, Eric is forced to tap out giving Angelo the victory!

Angelo rises triumphantly, or at least as triumphantly as a fifteen year old can. Sir Eric, still in pain staggers to his feet and the two lock eyes. Not surprisingly, Eric extends his hand, showing respect to the winner. Angelo steps forward, and accepts it which gets a few cheers from the crowd.

WHAM!

Eric hits the deck as Angelo drills him with a clothesline! The cheers quickly turn to boos as Eric is powerslammed hard onto the canvas. Angelo scales the turnbuckles again, this time hitting the Concrete Shoes square into the knight's chest!

Guy Angelo def. Sir Eric, The White Knight

Overall Rating: 36%

Crowd Reaction: 20%

Match Quality: 53%

Al A. Kazam comes out, preparing to perform a trick

Kazam: Okay, can I have a volunteer from the audience?

No one raises their hands.

Kazam: Come on, anyone at all?

Again, he gets no response at all.

Kazam: Okay, you sir...

The guy in the front row looks around, realising that he's the unlucky one. Kazam hops out of the ring and whips out a deck of cards.

Kazam: Pick a card, any card.

Reluctantly, the guy does as he's told.

Kazam: Okay, memorise the card, and place it back into the deck.

Cutting them open, Kazam makes no attempt to hide how the trick is done, staring at the bottom card of the top half. With the subject card placed in, he waves his hand over and begins rummaging through the deck. With a smile, he pulls out one card.

Kazam: Was it this, the nine of clubs?

Stone faced, the guy replies.

Volunteer: ...no.

A groan goes up through the crowd. Kazam frantically pulling cards out of the deck.

Kazam: Six of diamonds? Ace of spades? Ten of hearts?

?????: W! T! F!

Everyone, including Kazam looks over to the entrance where Teh Mad Haxx0r is standing.

Haxx0r: I repeat...W! T! F!

Kazam doesn't look too pleased to be interrupted.

Kazam: Do you mind? I'm trying to entertain the crowd.

Haxx0r: Entertain? Don't make me lol till I puke! I could pwn you in a secnd with that magic crap! But instead, I'm gonna pwn your ass in the ring! You'll be the Internet Explorer to my Mozilla Firefox when I hit you with the 1337 p0w3r80m8! Drop the cards, get in the ring, so I can r0x0rz j00r b0x0rz!

Doubfounded by what he just said, Kazam gets into the ring looking ready to fight.

Overall Rating: 36%

Teh Mad HaXX0r gained overness from this segment. Al A. Kazam gained overness from this segment.

Al A. Kazam Vs. Teh Mad Haxx0r

This becomes the first match to show any real physical anger, as Kazam attack Haxx0r from the start for ruining his performance. It quickly degenerates into the kind of fight you'd see in a playground, and the fans don't know whether what they're seeing is real or not. Kazam punches, kicks, and claws at Haxx0r who is forced to cover up until he finds an opening. A wayward kicks presents the chance, as Haxx0r catches it and executes a dragon whip. Not a perfect dragon whip, but good enough to flip Kazam onto his back. Instead of capitalising, Haxx0r starts laughing or more accurately shouting "LOL!" and "LMAO!" at the top of his lungs. This gives Kazam enough time to get to his feet and plant him with a big...or medium sized back body drop for a two count. The two trade offense a little more, as Haxx0r takes control with a sly low blow. Shouting "1" 3! 3! 7!" he hooks Kazam into position for a 1337 p0w3r80m8. It takes a few attempts for them to get the move going, and eventually Kazam is able to roll out of it. Haxx0r spins around right into an Equivoque for the 1, 2, 3!

Kazam stumbles to his feet in victory, raising his hands to a morderate applause from the crowd. It clearly makes the kids day, as he sports a cheshire cat smile as he leaves the ring.

Al A. Kazam def. Teh Mad Haxx0r

Overall Rating: 31%

Crowd Reaction: 17%

Match Quality: 45%

Joey Sinclair Vs. Great Valiant Task Force Omen Ranger

The fans are surprised by Joey, who saunters out to the ring completely free of any tacky gimmicks whatsoever. The cocky persona has clearly gone to his head, as he pulls every play possible out of the arrogant prick handbook. To his credit, the oldest kid on the roster does a damn good job of pissing pretty much everyone off with his antics. Sadly it's all for nothing as his opponent bounds out to the ring. Jumping around in his silly costume, GVTFO Ranger throws out laughable punches and kicks as he "defeats" the forces of evil. Stopping suddenly, he throws a thumbs up to the dumbfounded crowd before rolling in under the bottom rope...and right into a waiting fist. Joey wastes no time beating his colourful opponent from pillar to post with punches, kicks, body slams, and even a half botched piledriver. Whether or not he's legitimately hurt his younger opponent, Joey drags him to his feet and hits a Whole Damn Show for an easy 1, 2, 3!

Joey Sinclair def. GVTFO Ranger

Overall Rating: 33%

Crowd Reaction: 12%

Match Quality: 54%

Joey's not done yet, as he starts mouthing off to the fans

Joey: You see this piece of crap right here? This is just the first of many people who are gonna get a taste of the Whole Damn Show! I may not be in the title match next, but everyone with half a brain cell knows that I'm the real star of this show. At least those that count know who the star is...

He pauses, chuckling to himself even if he's the only one at ringside that would get the "shootiness" of his comment. With his message sent loud and clear, he kicks Ranger a few more times beforew leaving the ring.

Overall Rating: 45%

Joey Sinclair gained overness from this segment.

Triple Threat Match For The SJW Heavyweight Title

"The Insane Dragon" Izzy Vs. "The Wasted Youth" Deranged Vs. "Hurricane" John Walters

The crowd had been waiting the entire show for the final match to take place. All three guy have gained a fair bit of exposure thanks to their work in ROH and other bigger indy feds. Despite that they haven't been as active recently, so only a small number of the 44 know who they are. Things kick off as expected with Izzy and Deranged bringing the spot monkey aspect, while Walters interjects every so often with his mat wrestling. This proves to be effective for him, as he exerts a lot less energy and spends more time in control of the match.

Eventually Izzy and Deranged pool their efforts to slow Walters down, reminding everyone about their experience as a tag team. They work over Walters with a surprisingly long combination move, stringing together several shorter moves focusing on his cheast and back. The final shot is the kicker however, as they plant Walters dangerously hard onto the canvas with an STO/German Suplex combo! This proves to be the end of their alliance as they fight over who gets the pinfall, and degenerate into a fist fight.

Slowly they transition into a bout of "can you top this" as Walters tries to recover in the corner. It was always going to end badly as Izzy and Deranged constantly tried to top one another's offense. It started off slowly on the mat, but the ropes soon came into play. Deranged got dumped on the outside, allowing Izzy to his a springboard Shooting Star Press to get a shock pop out of the crowd! As they struggled to find their footing on the outside, Walters got to his feet. Not known for his aerial prowess, he showed the audience a thing or two by vaulting over the top rope and taking both his opponents down with body press!

Everntually, after some brawling around the ring the match trickles back into the confines of the ropes. Deranged catches Walters with a spinning heel kick, knocking him out of the equation for the time being. He then drops Izzy with a step up Enziguiri, laying him out in the middle of the ring. Taking several seconds too long, he heads up to the top and attempts to hit The sky iz BluE but Izzy rolls out of the way! Before Deranged has a chance t recover, Izzy pulls him up and hits a Sliced Bread #2! The count rings through the arena 1, 2,

No!

Walters breaks it up just in time! He forcibly drags Izzy to his feet, wraps his arms tightly and hits a Straightjacket Lungblower! Izzy's neck cracks off Walters' knees as he slumps onto the canvas. With Deranged still feeling the effects of the Sliced Bread #2, Walters covers Izzy for the 1, 2, 3!

Getting to his feet, John Walters is handed the SJW Heavyweight title and raises it high above his head! The fans show their appreciation for all three men, capping off an odd show with a great main event. With the title around his waist, Walters rolls out of the ring and shakes hands with the fans. Izzy and Deranged both slowly come to, and after a little interaction with the crowd disappear into the back. The show ends with Walters patting the belt proudly as the fans give him another round of applause.

John Walters def. Izzy and Deranged to win the SJW Heavyweight Title

Overall Rating: 56%

Crowd Reaction: 36%

Match Quality: 76%

Show Overall Rating: 43%

Match of the Night: Triple Threat Title Match

Worst Match of the Night: Kazam Vs Haxx0r

Roffle Our Waffles was attended by 44 people!

We made $880 from ticket sales.

OOC: Ok, the results of the predictions are...

JonDude - 4/5

The Enforcer - 2/4 (missed one of the matches )

Chris Chaos - 1/5

SRR - 3/5

Gareth7 - 4/5

So Gareth7 and JonDude are joint winners. Each of you can PM me a character that will debut in the diary at some point. SRR was the runner up, so he gets to name the next event. There should be another contest next month, so stay tuned (Y)

Edited September 1, 2006 by Xero Gravity

[Notorious P.O.T]

WOW! WHAT A FUCKING AWESOME BACKSTORY! And lmao at the fact that he got arrested for stealing pennies and insulting an officer.

Also I loved the show Segment of the Night would have to be Kazam/Haxx0r. Oh and the 1337 p0w3r80m8 is obviously the best finisher known to man kind.

[Jack Krauser III]

Oh man, what can I say about this? Xero, this diary has hands down the best backsory I've read since LAW's way back. I love Adam's character, as he has a lot of personality and your writing makes it even better.

I absolutely LOVE the roster. You did a nice job using a variety of different gimmicks that fit together, as a whole. nicely. One that note, GVTFO Ranger had better get the Heavyweight Title somewhere down the line. You can't expect me to sit here quietly while you have such an awesome character in the palm of your hands. Push him and push him well.

Keep up the good work, I can't wait to see where you'll go with this.

P.S. One little error I thought I'd point you to:

"Not So Nice" Guy Angelo Vs T Jizzle and Baxter Basics

Should be Sir Eric, The White Knight. (Y)

[Xero Gravity]

Oh man, what can I say about this? Xero, this diary has hands down the best backsory I've read since LAW's way back. I love Adam's character, as he has a lot of personality and your writing makes it even better.

I absolutely LOVE the roster. You did a nice job using a variety of different gimmicks that fit together, as a whole. nicely. One that note, GVTFO Ranger had better get the Heavyweight Title somewhere down the line. You can't expect me to sit here quietly while you have such an awesome character in the palm of your hands. Push him and push him well.

Keep up the good work, I can't wait to see where you'll go with this.

P.S. One little error I thought I'd point you to:

"Not So Nice" Guy Angelo Vs T Jizzle and Baxter Basics

Should be Sir Eric, The White Knight. (Y)

[Gareth7]

Great to see the story progressing well this diary is one of the first things I check when I come online and it's great to see more often than not you have an update up, great stuff and I hope you keep the story flowing well along with the wrestling, as it's fantastic

[Xero Gravity]

...I hate hospitals...

It took a while for my eyes to focus on the sterile white surroundings, but the smell was unmistakable. Moving my head was a pretty stupid idea, which I was reminded of thanks to the baseball sized lump protruding from it. That was the least of my worries however, as I would soon find out.

...Adam?

I didn't even notice she was there at first, until the voice piped up from a shoddy armchair beside me. She must have been by my side all night. Here I am lying in considerable pain, and the only thing I can think of is how she chose to stay by my side.

How are you feeling?

Well, let's just say I've had better days than this.

She forced a smile, it was the least I could do after putting her through that scene outside the rec center.

...Well?

I considered trying to play dumb, but I was in too much pain to be anything but totally honest. Sighing, I let her know everything.

The guy that attacked me, he works for a local bookie. Not the nicest guy you'd want to cross paths with by any means. I placed a bet...a sure thing...only it didn't come through.

A sure thing, it doesn't exist.

I know that now. The problem was, I bet with money I didn't have. I was so confident that the bet was foolproof, I never thought about the consequences. They came to collect, and I ran away like a coward. Being so desperate, I tried everything I could to scrape together the sixteen grand I owe him...even fishing pennies out of a fountain.

...the reason you were arrested?

Yeah, it could have been worse though. I got off lightly with the community service. After all, I would never have met you...

Shit! Say something else you idiot!

...and the kids.

Well, as long as you're...

Wait, I'm not finished yet.

Is this the right thing to do? My heart's screaming yes, but my head is pleading no. Can I possibly keep lying now?

I...

I have to tell her.

The whole idea of the kids, and the wrestling...it was all a sham.

She sits there, silent. Silence is bad...

At least at first it was. I needed the money badly, and I saw the wrestling as a way of making it quickly.

Still nothing...

But after the first show...I couldn't do it. Seeing how happy it made them, I'd take a thousand beatings like the one I did just to see them that happy again. You were right, this has changed me...before yesterday I'd never have thought about anyone but myself. But now I do...

The she rises out of the chair. Saying nothing, she simply walks...

...and doesn't come back.