Golden Alliance Main Event Wrestling

[Matt]

August 1st 2003 - 9:20 A.M.

Why? Why Today? Today of all fucking days. What on earth did I do to deserve this? Why is it always me? Why? I should have set more than one bastard alarm, just to be safe. But I didn't. And now I'm fucking screwed. Well and truly screwed. I can just imagine it now, I'm going to be stuck with the worst option of all. No-one else will have been late today. Fucking hell, most of them will have been there early. And then there is me. I've been on time to every fucking class this year. Except this one.

Today is the day that my 'Business Enterprises' university class is assigned a company, and which company you get is on a first-come, first-serve basis. Flying down that corridor, I realise it is already too late, class started 20 minutes ago, and people will have been there ages before that. I could only imagine what terrible company I was going to be left with, 'Gay Strip Club' or 'Car Wash Centre' most likely. I know for a fact that Dan will have managed to get something extremely good, probably even got first pick knowing him, and will use it to torment me for the next... Well forever.

Ever since my early childhood years I had known that I was a bright boy with a bright future, but I always had one problem. Organisation. I was never organised. Not when it happened. It's almost as if Lady Luck follows me around, but wanders off whenever I need her. The fucking whore. It was for this reason, organisation, that I was racing towards my class at lightning speed. I was always a boy of average height and below-average weight, though quite built nonetheless. And that had remained true, even to this day. I have long dark brown hair, that was being tossed around as I sprinted down the seemingly endless corridor, it had for a long time been the only thing to mock about me. But over the last 2 or 3 years it has started to look far more stylish, and the abuse had stopped, though a few fists had also helped the cause.

Finally, I arrive at the classroom door, and through the panels of glass I see only 3 or 4 people still stood up, everyone else is sat down and smirking at me as the door slips open and I step inside. My tutor looks towards me, smirks, and then speaks. The words go through my brain, but they don't register. I just stand there, blank-faced and tired out. She repeats the words, and this time I hear them.

Sophie: "I said... Nice of you to join us Matthew."

Matt: "I'm sorry I'm late Sophie"

Sophie: "Firstly, it's not Sophie. It's Mrs. Shaw."

Matt: "Oh come on, I'm not a little kid, every other teacher in this place lets you call them by their first name."

Sophie: "Well I'm not every other teacher in this school, and I would prefer for you to refer to me as Mrs. Shaw, and I will respect you far more if you did so."

Matt: "Well I'd prefer if you called me 'Matt' but you don't."

Sophie: "That, Mr. Sentel, would be because 'Matt' wasn't the name your mother gave you, you are named Matthew, and that is what you shall be addressed as in my classes. Is that understood"

Matt: "Yes."

Sophie: "Good. Now, where was I? Oh yes. And secondly, you haven't missed much, everyone else has already picked an assignment, there is only you left to pick."

Matt: "What's the choices that are left?"

Sophie: "Take a look."

Sophie directs me towards a desk set out at the front of the class. On the desk there is one envelope. I look around the class, and everyone else has an envelope on their desks, with the contents out on the table. Big choice I get here. I pick up the envelope, don't even look at it and take up my seat on the 3rd to back row. I throw my bags down and Sophie begins to speak at the front of the class, just as I catch a glance of what my envelope says.

Wrestling Company.

Is this a joke? I know nothing about wrestling whatsoever. I watched it when I was about 12, for about a month. Come on. This is insane. I know nothing about wrestling at all. It's a joke. It can't be true. But it is. Bastard alarm clock. A 12 month project about a wrestling company. A mother-fucking wrestling company.

Sophie: "...your details are in your envelopes, and I'd like to ask everyone who wants advice on how to run the company they've chosen to come to my office any day between 12 and 1 or 3 and 4. I can advise you on the staff you need to hire, how much you can afford to pay in certain costs and possibly a few more things, but the vast majority of this project is your own. It is a twelve month project, and over those 12 months, you need to make a profit. I have a list of companies who are willing to become sponsors and affiliates of your company, if you would like a copy, they will be on my desk on the way out. Please be aware though, students, that although they have expressed an interest in the project, they may not have an interest in your particular company, so bare that in mind. Do we have any questions, or can we move onto the subject of today's lesson?"

Someone raises their hand, but my mind once more goes blank and I forget about everything that goes on around me. 'Wrestling Company' the words stick out at me in black felt tip pen. I don't want to believe it. I refuse to believe it. But deep down, I do believe it. It's true. For the next year of my life, I'm running... A wrestling company. And I have no idea where to start.

*************

August 1st 2003 - 10:43 P.M.

Sat in the cafeteria, eating a hot-dog and drinking a bottle of Pepsi-Max, I begin to contemplate the wrestling promotion that I was going to have to create. The envelope is lying in front of me. I need to open it. And I need to open it sooner rather than later. I still can't believe it. A wrestling promotion. How in God's name am I going to set up a wrestling promotion and make money out of it? The sponsor sheet I have looks all right, and I've got four I am going to attempt to approach and one in reserve. Each company can only have 4 sponsors, and I'm going to need every last one, so I need 4 of the 5 companies to accept me, what are the odds? Long, knowing my luck. I open the envelope and it's contents fall out on the table in front of me.

One sheet of paper catches my eye, mainly because it's the only one I can read. It's titled Business Specifications.

Company Name: ______________

Public Image: 0%

P.I. Level: Backyard

Sponsors: Main - ______________, Minor 1 - ______________, Minor 2 - ______________, Minor 3 - ______________

Owner Name: ______________

Budget: $0

Production Values: ______________

Advertising Level: ______________

Merchandising Level: ______________

Arena/Venue: Blackforest Park, New York City

I guess the blanks are for me to fill in, but I have no idea what to put for anything other than Owner name. Blackforest Park... The name sounds familiar, but all the same I cannot for the life of me think where it is. Perhaps I know it as something else... Of course. The Creepers! A wrestling show on the creepers? That's fucking insane. But it does have shelter. I suppose it's plausible, but all the same, no-one would come. Why would anyone come to a bleeding wrestling show that they have never heard of at Blackforest Park, of all fucking places? This is the biggest nonsense I've ever heard. And I'm stuck with it for the next year. All because my cunt of an alarm didn't go the fuck off. I take a look at another sheet of paper and this is more informational, and of more use to me. It is headlined, "To the Entrepreneur"

Congratulations on acquiring the 'Wrestling Promotion' enterprise, and I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun throughout the next year taking control of a new wrestling company. I, Mrs. Shaw, have left most of the details for you to choose, however I went to the expense of reserving Blackforest Park for the next 12 months on the dates you will find on another sheet. You have been given a budget of $0, but fear not, as your sponsorship payments (when you agree to them with the companies) should be able to cover any costs you make. You require to make a minimum of a $10,000 profit over the next 12 months to pass this assignment, with the more money you make meaning a better grade. Any profit made will be split 50/50 between the entrepreneur and the university, this is also applicable to any losses made. I wish you lots of luck in this endeavour.

Sophie Shaw.

I don't think she realises that I don't want this endeavour. No-one did. That's why it was the only one left over. I'm going to have to go see her and get advice. A lot of advice. I don't have a clue what to do on a wrestling project. I don't have a fucking clue at all. Maybe I'm overreacting. I suppose it could be fun. An experience. Something new. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm fucked.

*************

August 1st 2003 - 12:34 P.M.

Sophie: "Next."

A young girl that I recognise from my Business Enterprises class walks out from the office of Mrs. Shaw, she looks rather happy. Her name is Danielle, I hardly know her, I worked with her on a joint assignment one week, but other than that I know nothing of her. I stand up from the chair outside Sophie's office and step through the door, hoping that somehow I'll be able to persuade her to allow me to do something else. Anything else.

Sophie: "Hello Matthew"

Matt: "Hi Mrs. Shaw"

Sophie: "I see that someone learnt their lesson from earlier."

Matt: "Indeed, but that's not why I'm here."

Sophie: "Obviously"

Matt: "I'll cut to the chase, I want a different assignment."

Sophie: "Not happening."

Matt: "Why?"

Sophie: "Look Matthew, it's nothing against you, it's just how it works. I've already made reservations for all these things, the Wrestling Company included. So 1) there is no other companies available and 2) it would cost the university extra money, and they are not prepared to do that. If you hadn't have been late, you wouldn't be in this position."

Matt: "Come on, do you honestly think I'd purposefully be late. I've been on time to every class this year, why would I be late for the most important?"

Sophie: "I'm by no means blaming you, Matthew, but what I am saying is you were late, it's not my fault."

Matt: "Well can you help me then?"

Sophie: "No-one can help you."

I've grown used to her sarcastic jokes, which just aren't funny in anyway at all.

Matt: "Seriously."

Sophie: "What do you need help with?"

Matt: "Everything, I have no idea what to do with a wrestling company."

Sophie: "Well my advice is that you start off by hiring 6-7 workers, and no more."

Matt: "Where would I be able to track these workers down?"

Sophie grabs her laptop, clicks around for a little bit and then turns the screen around to show me. It appears to be some kind of website.

Sophie: "This is all you'll ever need to track down anyone and everyone that has anything to do with wrestling, on-screen or off-screen. I'll give you the URL later."

Matt: "That's fair enough, but look at all this "Booker" "Technical" "Selling" "Overness" these words mean very little to me, and nothing in terms of wrestling. How am I going to be able to run a wrestling federation when I don't know any terminology."

Sophie: "Hire someone who does then."

Matt: "Like an assistant?"

Sophie: "No, no, no... A road agent. They'll look after the workers and deal with all the technical side of things. Obviously, you'll be kept informed, but it will save you a lot of work. Now obviously you aren't going to get the Ricky Steamboats of this world for your road agents..."

Matt: "Ricky who?"

Sophie: "Doesn't matter. The point is a road agent could be of value to you."

Matt: "How much would they cost?"

Sophie: "It depends, if you hire someone with a name in the wrestling world, then you're talking about quite a bit of cash. But if you'll be happy with Billy Nobody who plays wrestling simulators in his spare time, then you could probably get them for free, as you'd be doing them a favour by putting their name out there."

Matt: "What about other staff?"

Sophie: "Well, you need a medic, 2 writers, a production worker, a referee and 2 announcers."

Matt: "And all those would be free?"

Sophie: "No, most of them would cost, some may be free though, if you can get them as favours."

In which case I had it planned. Medic... Calling 911 will suffice. Jack next door thinks he can write storylines, I guess that'll work for pro-wrestling too. My Aunt once wrote a poem that got in some women's magazine or another, and of course, she'd do anything for her favourite, and only, nephew. Referee, eh, my old friend, well I call him a friend but really he just went to the same school as me, Robert, was working as a dustbin cleaner last time I heard, he was always into wrestling, he'll do. Production worker can go to hell, I can set up a ring and play music over a speaker myself. Announcers, eh, the crowd can work out what the fuck is happening for themselves.

Matt: "All right, I think I can get those covered. But if I hire someone to do all of that, what do I do?"

Sophie: "Oh, you'd be booking the promotion, controlling everything that goes on, ranging from the ticket price to who the world champion is. How good you do, will determine how well your company does."

Matt: "Sounds so easy"

Sophie: "There's no need for sarcasm. Now, anything else?"

Matt: "Yeah, what'd be a good name for a wrestling promotion?"

Sophie: "Well for a promotion of this stature, I'd suggest that the acronym for the federation was some kind of word, for instance TALK or DRAW. As for the name itself, well you're on your own there, I'm not all that creative."

I should imagine not either, married for 15 years and still no kids.

Matt: "OK, thank you Mrs. Shaw, you've helped me a lot."

Sophie: "Not a problem, it's what I'm here for."

Well, it seems I'm stuck with this business enterprise, I don't like it, but there's nothing I can do about it, I'm just going to have to make it work. Write it in your diary, Saturday 30th August Golden Alliance Main Event [GAME] Wrestling makes it's not-so-long-awaited debut... But God knows who's going to show up.

[TGC]

Not too shabby. An original BS of sorts and we're off to the races. I look forward to seeing your cynical character meet with disastrous results. Much luck to you.

[Matt]

August 5th 2003 - 3:23 P.M.

Well, 4 days after finding out that I'd be wasting the next year of my life running a wrestling promotion, I managed to find some people willing to work for me behind the scenes for free. Some of them are doing it as a favour, others are doing it to get pushed into the limelight, nonetheless 4 backstage workers for free, isn't bad whatsoever.

Firstly, 3 Count Bob, otherwise known as my old friend Robert Jackson, will be performing as a referee. He can count to 3, just, so he should be a decent enough referee for now, and he was into wrestling so he knows more rules than I do, then again, I hardly know any.

Next, I managed to secure me two writers, firstly, my Aunt Josie who once wrote a poem for some woman's magazine or another, she's more experienced in writing than anyone else I know, and she's doing it for free, so who am I to complain? Secondly, I got Jack From Next Door, who will hereby be referred to as Jack From Next Door, I should probably find out his real name, but it doesn't matter. He's convinced that one day he'll be writing TV shows for USA and NBC, until then he can write for GAME.

And at the recommendation of Sophie, um... I mean Mrs. Shaw, I secured myself a Road Agent. Wasn't that hard really, I went onto the website Sophie gave me, searched for a Road Agent in New York working for $1,000 or less, and Smarky Mark was the first one who came up. He doesn't work for a wage, he just wants his own page on our website where he can write up about what is happening, he feels that this will help boost his career, more fool him I say.

And if Sophie asks, I do also have a medic, it's just that it doesn't come in the normal, human, form, actually my medic is a mobile phone set to call for the ambulance whenever it is needed. As for production, well I'll be handling that myself, it's not ideal, but I don't know anyone who works in production, and though a few people volunteered, I wouldn't trust my cousin Eddie with a dollar. But not only have I managed to secure staff, I also managed to earn myself a set of sponsors, earning me a combined total of $39,000 per event. The sponsors I secured are as follows...

24 Carat Productions, the video company set up in respect of Goldust have signed to be my major sponsor for the next 9 months, so I'll have to go sponsor-shopping for the last 3 months, for $10,000 per show. New Zealand based company J.Southgate PLC have also signed a deal to become one of my sponsors, and they have offered an 10 month deal worth, again, $10,000 per show. Door company, Mark Craven Ltd, have agreed to a 12 month contract worth, once more, $10,000. Also signing for an 9 month period is Paul Byrne Inc, who are paying out $9,000 for every show that GAME display.

In addition to the sponsors and the staff, I also managed to secure myself the workers I would be needing for the upcoming show on the 30th. Using the website Sophie provided me with, I managed to track down a few of the 'lower-tier' workers in North America, though, coincidentally, half of my roster is actually British by birth. I think I might have paid slightly more than I needed to have done, but given that the website is limited in terms of backyard and small workers, it will suffice. Nonetheless, I signed 6 workers who will be making their debuts on the debut show on August 30th.

Firstly, I hired Kassius, an Arabic, charismatic brawler born and raised in Britain. He will be sporting a comical gimmick, basically an 'Asian Carpenter', going by the name of Ahmed Ashed. The comical face is currently on wages of $6,000 per appearance and is the joint top-paid worker.

My second acquisition, who is the only member of my roster to not have his name changed, is a charismatic, brawler named Blade. Blade will be teaming with my third acquisition, Razor, in a team called 'Cutting Edge'. Razor, formerly Konrad, is the most valued person of the roster, with high charisma to go with good brawl and technical attributes. Razor and Blade will both be performing baby-face 'Ice Man' gimmicks, which will see them promote themselves as the most ruthless men in the business, and who in GAME would dare doubt them?

GAME's fourth worker is going by the name of Convict Bartlett, otherwise known as Anthony Bartlett Jr. The technically sound Bartlett oozes charisma and has been given the gimmick of an 'escaped convict', hence the name. Earning $5k per appearance, Bartlett is almost sure to be worth the money as he has reasonably good statistics all around and at just 19 years old, he can only get better.

The roster's veteran worker is worker #5 and he'll be sporting the name of King John, though he may be more commonly known as British born John Ritchie. King John is going to be playing the heel role of 'foreign royalty' in GAME and will also be a father-figure in the locker-room, seeing as how, at 38, he is double the age of some workers on the payroll.

The final wrestler is the man formerly known Mr. Intelligence, now sporting the name of Sparky Smarts. The 24 year old Brit is a solid all-rounder and sure to be an integral part of GAME in the months to come as he sports his evil 'genius' gimmick.

So with 6 workers, 4 staff and a debut show all lined up it seems GAME is well and truly up and running. And to be honest, despite the fact I have no idea how to run a wrestling promotion, I'm finding the experience incredibly interesting, even if half of the people I talk to are deadbeat losers who only want to talk about wrestling. I'm sure my lack of wrestling knowledge is going to cost me sooner, rather than later, but for now, I'm sticking to my guns and making sure I get this fucking company to make profit.

The phone then rings, and I answer, it's Sophie... How the fuck did she get my number? What the fuck does she want? Oh god. She wants to see me at quarter past 5 in her office. What have I done wrong?

*************

August 5th 2003 - 5:14 P.M.

Sophie: "Matthew, how nice to see you here."

Matt: "What are you talking about? You told me to come."

Sophie: "Of course, how could I forget? I hope you enjoyed class this morning, it could certainly be of use to you."

Matt: "Yeah, it was extremely useful actually, I had never quite appreciated just how important advertising is when it comes to selling a product."

Sophie: "Indeed it is, very important in actual fact. Particularly for a wrestling promotion. Now, I'm to take it that you've so far followed all my guidelines. Am I right?"

I have to lie. I hadn't done a few of the things she'd told me to, and I wasn't planning to either. Profit is more important than useless extras in my mind.

Matt: "All that I haven't done yet, I'm working on, Mrs. Shaw."

Sophie: "That's good. Have you thought of a name for your company yet?"

Matt: "Indeed I have, GAME, Golden Alliance Main Event Wrestling."

Sophie: "Sounds marketable, particularly for a backyard federation. Am I to take it you've warmed more to the idea of a professional wrestling company?"

Matt: "No, not really, but I don't have much choice, do I?"

Sophie: "No, you don't. You know, there's nothing to stop you continuing with your product after the 12 month project."

Matt: "I won't be doing that, thank you Mrs. Shaw."

Sophie: "You know, there was a reason that I invited you here today."

I had gathered as much, she's not the kind to simply invite a student in for a friendly chat. She's not the kind that has a friendly chat!

Matt: "And what is that?"

Sophie: "Well you see... My nephew, God Bless him, wants to become a professional wrestler. The only thing is, no company will take him, he shows up the rest of the roster and makes them look average, if you know what I mean."

I know exactly what she means, what she means is he's a pile of shit and my left bollock would be a better wrestler than him.

Sophie: "And he is the reason that I added the Wrestling Company as part of this project. The boy needs a chance to shine, and prove that he is better than any other wrestler in the world. But whilst companies like the WWE are too concerned about every other wrestler on their roster, he's never going to get that chance. That's why I want you to put him in GAME and make him the star of the show."

Whooooo.... As if this can't get any better. I've got the worst wrestler in history as my star. Time to lie, again.

Matt: "That shouldn't be too much of a problem."

Sophie: "Good. His name is Martin Greatness and he'll be playing a 'Cool' baby-face character, and he'll be on your debut show. I'm sure, in time, you'll realise just how talented my Martin is."

Matt: "I'm sure I will. Is that all? Or is there something more?"

Sophie: "No, that should be all. Goodbye Matthew."

Matt: "Goodbye Mrs. Shaw."

FUCK... CUNT... SHIT... AND MOTHER-FUCKING BOLLOCKS!

*************

Saturday August 30th 2003...

Live From Blackforest Park...

Golden Alliance Main Event Wrestling Presents....

GAME ON

Featuring The First Annual 'True Ironman' Tournament

Current Card

TIM Match A: Ahmed Ashed vs. Razor

TIM Match B: Blade vs. Convict Bartlett

Martin Greatness vs. King John vs. Sparky Smarts

TIM Final - 30 Minute Ironman Match: Winner Match A vs. Winner Match B

Tickets Only $5

*************

Smarky Mark assured me that an Ironman tournament seemed like a good idea, not sure why, not even particularly sure what an Ironman Match is, I understand it's a time limited contest with the amount of falls being counted, and the winner is whoever has the most. I should really get to know a little more about wrestling, because I have no clue what on God's green earth I'm supposed to be doing really. And what with this nephew of Sophie's that I have to treat as if he's the second-coming of Jesus Christ, I'm beginning to wonder if a degree in Business Enterprises is worth it. In conclusion, I knew I should have replaced those fucking batteries in my alarm clock.

Edited October 27, 2006 by - Matt -

[Gareth7]

Iv'e been a fan of most of your stuff particuarly the other backyard diary you started but never really got off the ground and this is no different. You have got an origional backstory which I like, I especially like the idea of him hating having to run the company when we all know as time goes on he will become more and more attachted to it and he will keep it on after the first twelve months. Looking forward to the first show, good luck.

TIM Match A: Ahmed Ashed vs. Razor

TIM Match B: Blade vs. Convict Bartlett

Martin Greatness vs. King John vs. Sparky Smarts

TIM Final - 30 Minute Ironman Match: Convict Bartlett vs. Ahmed Ashed

[stonecoldfan12345]

Good looking backstory. Can't wait to see this get off the ground, and I'm loving the backstage segments, man. They're hilarious!

TIM Match A: Ahmed Ashed vs. Razor

TIM Match B: Blade vs. Convict Bartlett

Martin Greatness vs. King John vs. Sparky Smarts

TIM Final - 30 Minute Ironman Match: Ahmed Ashed vs. Blade

[The Saint]

TIM Match A: Ahmed Ashed vs. Razor

TIM Match B: Blade vs. Convict Bartlett

Martin Greatness vs. King John vs. Sparky Smarts

TIM Final - 30 Minute Ironman Match: Ahmed Ashed vs. Convict Bartlett

Really good diary, Looking forward to the first show

Edited September 24, 2006 by The Saint

[Mx. Canadian Destroyer]

Good start Matt. An original backstory unlike the usual backyard diaries that pop up. I love the idea of Sophie being a teacher as it's something we've never seen before. I have a feeling she'll throw in some kind of twist that involves Martin later in the diary. I like your writing and always have. Now, my predictions along with reasons!

TIM Match A: Ahmed Ashed vs. Razor

I was going to go with Ahmed on this one but because Razor (a.k.a. Konrad) is best wrestler on the roster as well as being fairly over. I know I always take him in backyard games and I could see Razor going to the finals but falling short.

TIM Match B: Blade vs. Convict Bartlett

I'd rather see a heel move onto the finals rather than a face especially since Razor and Blade are tag team partners. It'd be smart to save that match for as long as you can. Obviously when you decide to break them up you have to have them fight but for now as partners, I'd like to see a match between partners saved. I don't know if that made sense or not, but.

Martin Greatness vs. King John vs. Sparky Smarts

The only way I can see him losing is so that Mrs. Shaw will punish Matt for not letting Martin win. I could see that happening but I'll be mad at myself if I don't choose Martin and then he wins.

TIM Final - 30 Minute Ironman Match: Razor vs. Convict Bartlett

I don't think the tag partner should take the win. I could see Smarky Smarts interfere to help Bartlett and next month it's Smarts & Bartlett vs The Cutting Edge.

[TGC]

Yes yes yes, I am really digging this just based on the BS alone. Absolutely loving it despite the cliches, or maybe it's because of the cliches. Sophie as your teacher who also has an agenda is good as well.

Oh, and yes, always leave reasons for why you pick who you pick or else TGC gets mad and warns you for breaking the rules.

[bolleje]

Please don't let this diary die...

ever since the FUSE screwjob I'm searching for a good new funny backyard diary... maybe this is the one!

Great backstory, great gimmicks also, although I'm eager to see them in a show...

[Avenged Probably]

I really liked the backstory, read it awhile ago and was going to wait for a show to comment, but since its on hiatus, I'll do it now.

It seems to realistic, and the character of 'Matt' seems great, typical teenager. I don't play backyard games, so I don't know if the wrestlers are real, or actually in EWR, but there seems to be a pretty good range of characters so far. This has potential to be a good backyard diary, and the first I've read (despite how acclaimed they may be, I never wanted to read BPW or FUSE).

So lets get ending this hiatus as soon as (Y)

[Number of the Breast]

I'm looking forward to seeing this getting started for real. The backstory is solid (apart from the oh so cliched Sophie!) and there is a real wealth of good characterisation going on.

I'm not gonna predict any winners, obviously don't know the wrestlers, but I am looking forward to seeing where the first show goes.

[Matt]

Sorry for the delay... This is the third time I've written this show, due to my other computer being a pile of trash, and it's taken me the best part of a week to get all the files onto this computer. Thanks for all the feedback, and enjoy

Live from Blackforst Park, New York.

Around the park the crowd - of 5 - begin to settle in and I have a smile on my face as I see that people have actually decided to show up for this event. $25 is safely going to be tucked in my pocket by Monday morning, and I know that the crowd won't be disappointed with the show I have in store for them. I mean, sure, I don't have Bret Hart, Hulk Hogan and the Undertaker, but I do know that these guys are going to put on an amazing - and entertaining - display tonight.

I take my place at ringside, set slightly back from where the crowd have gathered, as the man next to me - who I'm presuming is my road agent, Smarky Mark - begins to speak to me.

Mark: "Hey, you're Mr. Sentel, right?"

Matt: "Ugh... Yeah... And are you my road agent, Mark?"

Mark: "Smarky Mark, that's my name and analysing the action is my game."

This is going to be a long afternoon.

Matt: "So... Ugh... You been in the business long?"

Mark: "No, this is my first job, I live locally and want to get into the business. When you approached me with the offer of being your road agent, it was an offer I couldn't refuse, and I've been looking forward to this day, ever since."

Matt: "Oh. Forgive me, but what purpose does a road agent serve? I understand they're essential, but I don't know why."

Mark: "OK, well as I'm sure you know, I keep the morale of the backstage guys up, but that's needless to say, you wouldn't be running a wrestling company if you didn't know that much.

Matt: "Ha. Ha."

Mark: "I presume you mean what do I do on show-day. Well it's simple really, I give you feedback on what I thought of the particular segment, and for matches I even break it down into match quality and crowd reaction. I also give you information on how the fans are responding to certain workers and how their overness is doing."

Sounds so simple.

Matt: "Hey, look the show's ready to start."

Mark: "Ooh, this is exciting!"

A Welcome to GAME Wrestling

My referee - 3 Count Bob - takes a microphone as he stands in the centre of the ring and addresses the crowd, introducing them to the first show of GAME Wrestling.

Bob: "Ladies and Gen...."

The referee pauses for a moment, mid-sentence, and observes the crowd. He notices that there are 4 men and one teenage boy, not a single woman in sight. He quickly alters his opening line before speaking again.

Bob: "Gentlemen, welcome to Golden Alliance Main Event Wrestling. Tonight is a very, very, special night here in GAME, because not only is it our opening night, but tonight we will crown our very first champion. Tonight we will give birth to the True Ironman of GAME Wrestling and he will collect this very prestigious trophy."

Fan: "Dude! That's just one of them ornaments you can buy in the shops, except you painted it gold."

Bob: "Hey, shut up, we're doing our best to run this damn company, if you have a better trophy, please, donate it."

That shut the guy up, though I think we can safely say he won't be returning next month.

Bob: "Now, folks, if you hadn't already guessed, I am the referee for tonight's show, as well as the ring announcer, and it is because of my duties as a ring announcer, that I now introduce to you... Hailing from Bradford, England, weighing in at 235 pounds... Ahhhhhh-med Aaaaaa-SHED!"

Building Bridges

'What if I want more' by Stiff Little Fingers plays over the sound system that I spent my entire Friday afternoon setting up around the park. The sound system also includes 3 Count Bob's microphone, though I'm sure he doesn't need it. There is an old deserted building set about 50 metres away from the ring, and that is being used as the locker-room/backstage area for the shows. An Asian man slowly makes his way to the ring, raising his left arm in the air and trying to get a crowd reaction as he comes out in overalls with a toolbox in his right hand. He climbs into the ring and takes the microphone from 3 Count Bob.

Ahmed: "Tank-you, mista tree count Bob. It is very much, how you say, appreciated. Naw, I do not know-o if you already know thees, but I will tell you anyway. My name is Ahmed Ashed. I am what you call carpenter, or builder, yes? You know not what I mean now? Is it not? Yes? But please, no, no, please. Do not, ugh, mock, yes, yes, mock, me for my name. You see when I was ugh... Born, yes, born. I lived in a country called Pakistan, yes, Pakistan, have you heard? Yes, yes. Yoo see, people, they, how you say, taunt me, when they hear my name and job, you know-o? It is not nice, it is not fault that my name has what you call... Err.... Ee-rony, yes yes, ee-rony, that is it. I do not juust build sheds, no-o, that would be stupid. No, no, I actually build lots of other tings aswell, you know? Like how you say ugh... Kitchen, yes? Kitchen. I build kitchen for my grandmother. She like very much, but she old and smell like old person, so I do not know.

The crowd chuckle, whether it is at his terrible humour or at his poor English - although that's just a work, he's actually lived in England all his life and speaks in a very fluent manner - I'm not exactly sure.

Ahmed: "Well anyway, too-night, I will be taking o-on, a man that I have managed to know these past few weeks. He name is Razor, and he is good, ugh, how you say? Wrestl-ar. Yes, yes, that is it. Wrestl-ar. But tonight, I do ugh... What you Amer-ee-cans call ugh... Kick ass! Yes, yes? You know. So mista tree-count Bob, would you please allow my opponent to come out here and get his, how you say, backside kicked by me... Ahmed Ashed! Yes, yes!"

3 Count Bob then takes the microphone away from Ahmed as Ashed goes to the turnbuckle to pose for the crowd who enjoyed his promo. Meanwhile, 'Razorblade Kiss' by HIM plays over the sound system as Razor makes his way out to the ring to a small pop from the crowd, who are basically cheering for the sake of it.

Bob: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall and is a first round match of the True Ironman tournament, introducing first, already in the ring, Ahmed Ashed. And his opponent, making his way to the ring, from the streets of New York City, weighing in at 264 pounds, he is Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-zor!"

Mark: "I loved it, and so did the crowd, that was a tremendous promo to open the show with, and Ahmed Ashed's overness soared up with the popularity of his gimmick, which not surprisingly was given a positive response. The interview itself scored a 34% rating from my perspective."

Matt: "Sorry, didn't catch that about Ahmed."

Mark: "His overness has skyrocketed."

Matt: "Yeah, well, if you say so."

Ahmed Ashed vs. Razor

The match is a decent technical match which lasts in the region of 10 minutes, with both men putting on an impressive display of skills. Ashed took the victory in this match after hitting his Sit-Out Powerbomb move - being dubbed the Wood and Nails - and picking up the 3 count over Razor to the delight of the fans. The men shook hands afterwards as Ahmed Ashed celebrated his win and his pass into the next round.

Bob: "The winner of this match, and advancing to the second round of the True Ironman tournament, by result of a pinfall, AHMEEEEEED.... A-SHEEEED!"

Mark: "Decent match, overall, I'd say that was a 51% match quality with a 24% crowd reaction, which means an overall of 38%, which isn't too bad for your opening match, but I'm sure over the next few years you'll be saying a rating like that is bad. Nonetheless Razor's overness increased here as his gimmick was well-received by the fans, which is always a good thing."

Matt: "Sure is."

Mark: "..."

Matt: "What?"

Mark: "Nothing, I just expected you to say more."

Matt: "Oh."

Enter Prisoner #0897482

Over the sound speakers the tune of 'Bat Country' by Avenged Sevenfold begins to play and the crowd look towards the locker-room area and wait to see who emerges from the curtain which had been draped over the entrance. A scary-looking man appears in scruff, rough street clothing. The man has a scar running down the left side of his face and intimidates the fans on appearance alone. As he walks out from the locker-room he turns to the building and punches the wall with his right fist, and then his left, before hitting the two together and making a roaring noise.

Bob: "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Convict Bartlett."

The man, Convict Bartlett, makes his way to the ring as he shows the fans his bloody knuckles before sliding under the ropes and charging towards 3 Count Bob, who wisely flees from the ring - making the wise choice to drop the microphone first - with his tail between his legs, not wanting any part of Convict Bartlett.

Bartlett: "My name is Bartlett. Convict Bartlett. The last 2 years of my life were spent in a maximum security prison. I was involved in every kind of crime you could imagine. Assault. Theft. Drug Smuggling. Fraud. Murder. You name it I did it and did the time for it. Well most of the time for it. The police, they're still in search of me. They don't know where I am. They suspect I'm in Virginia. But I'm not. I'm here. In GAME. And I'm ready to destroy each and every piece of filth that walks around in the locker-room. I'm prepared to murder - in cold blood - every good-for-nothing ass kissing son of a bitch that dares step into the ring with me. And that starts tonight. Tonight I face some dick from The Big Apple, just another one of you city slickers who know jack shit about the real world and think you're the greatest thing with 2 legs. Well you're not, I am. So Blade, get the fuck out here so I can kick your ass."

Bartlett tosses the microphone to the outside where it almost hits 3 Count Bob as the music of 'Razorblade Kiss' by HIM hits once more and this time Blade - the partner of Razor - comes out to a decent pop from the crowd. He makes his way to the ring, preparing for his match, as 3 Count Bob introduces him to the crowd.

Bob: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following True Ironman first round contest is scheduled for one fall, introducing first, already in the ring from a Category A prison, he weighs in at 215 pounds, Convict Bartlett. And his opponent, from the streets of New York City, he weighed in this morning at 230 pounds, B......laaaaade."

Mark: "Solid promo, wasn't very long, but quite meaningful and passionate, he's a good microphone worker, that Bartlett, I wouldn't let him go for a long time. I'd give that a 57% interview rating, not bad work and just so you know, the crowd dig the gimmick, it's getting him over big-time."

Matt: "57%, that good?"

Mark: "For a backyard federation, yes, of course."

Matt: "And the gimmick getting over, that's good, right?"

Mark: "Ha. Ha. Ha. Of course it is. God, you crack me up. The way you go on, you'd think you didn't know anything about wrestling. Ha. Ha. Ha!"

Matt: "..."

Mark: "You DON'T know anything about wrestling, do you?"

Matt: "Nope."

Mark "..."

Matt: "..."

Mark: "Um... Am I going to be fired?"

Convict Bartlett vs. Blade

The brawl begins almost instantly with Blade launching himself at Convict Bartlett, only to be knocked down by a series of right hands and that pace continued throughout the match. The match was back and forth with both men being bloody by the end of the match due to violent punches from both men. The victory came for Convict Bartlett when he hit a Superkick - named the Convict Kick - on Blade and picked up the 3 count victory to allow him to advance.

Bob: "Ladies and gentleman, the winner of this match, and advancing to the final round of the tournament... CONVIIIIIIIIICT BAAAAR-TLETT!"

Mark: "A match quality of 52% and a crowd reaction of 35% gives a rating of 43% overall as far as I am concerned, as solid brawl right there."

Matt: "..."

Mark: "Oh. Sorry. Um... Good match with lots of fighting there, not a pure wrestling match as such, but a good fight nonetheless."

Matt: "And you couldn't say that because?"

Mark: "I'm a road agent, you pay me to talk shit."

Matt: "I don't pay you."

Mark: "..."

But It's Not Over Yet

After the match, Convict Bartlett proceeds to apply a figure four leg-lock to the already damaged Blade. Blade begins to smash his hands violently against the ring canvas, pleading for mercy and begging for Bartlett to break the hold. However, Bartlett refuses and the hold remains firmly applied despite 3 Count Bob's pleads to Bartlett. Blood pours from the forehead of Blade as he begins to lose consciousness, meanwhile Bartlett has a smirk on his face, and is enjoying the pain he is putting his opponent through.

Within a matter of seconds, from the back, out comes Razor - the one who lost earlier in the night to Ahmed Ashed. He flies down to the ring with a steel chair firmly gripped in his hands, barely recognising the fans applause as he slides under the bottom rope and approaches Bartlett before ramming the chair through his skull. Bartlett, out of human instinct releases the hold as he is rendered unconscious. Razor then approaches his tag team partner and drags him to his feet, trying to stabilise him as he does so. Razor takes the microphone from 3 Count Bob and stands with his partners arm around his shoulder, making sure Blade doesn't collapse in the centre in the ring.

Razor: "BARTLETT! Convict Bartlett! Tonight, you disrespected my friend, and my tag team partner. Next month, it won't work like that. No. Next month it's going to be me and you, one on one, mono et mono. Next month, you will not leave this victorious, you will leave this ring on a stretcher and you will be on a one way trip to the pits of hell. No-one, and I mean, no-one disrespects me or Blade, is that understood?"

Bartlett: "Uuuggggghhhhh."

Razor: "I hope that's dick talk for "yes sir". Now get the fuck out of this ring."

Giving Bartlett no chance to escape, as if he could given his state of mind, Razor leaves his partner struggling for balance and walks over to Bartlett. Lifting the convict above his head, Razor launches Bartlett out of the ring with a Gorilla press slam, possibly breaking the ribs of the victim in the process. Razor then proceeds to pick up the microphone once more.

Razor: "Now, for those who don't know, my name is Razor... And this is my best friend and tag team partner, Blade. Now tonight, we got off on the wrong foot, but that'll be changing, that'll be changing straight away. Me and Blade, or as we like to call ourselves, The Cutting Edge, have a mission in GAME. And that mission is one simple task, and one very simple task at that. We are planning to rid this company of sin. We're planning to get rid of the cancer that is holding this company down. And we're starting next week with Convict Bartlett... Aint that right Blade?"

Blade: "You fucking what? I wasn't paying attention."

Razor: "Just say yes man."

Blade: "Oh yes."

Razor: "..."

Blade: "What?"

Razor: "Dude, how many times did I rehearse this with you?"

Blade: "Oh right... Yeah."

Razor: "..."

Blade: "..."

Razor: "..."

Blade: "Are you going to say it then?"

Razor: "I already did."

Blade: "Yeah, but I wasn't listening before, my head's killing me with all this blood loss."

Razor sighs as he turns his head slightly away from his friend, whilst rolling his eyes into his head. Shaking his head, Razor continues the conversation.

Razor: "Pain leads to aggression. Aggression leads to violence. Violence leads to victory. Victory means a scum-free world. Pain is essential to our success. Thrive from your pain, and victory shall be ours, Blade!"

Blade: "To hell with that! I need painkillers."

Razor: "And you won't get any. Now, where was I?"

Blade: "Hell knows, I don't much care, I feel like I've been fucking shot."

Razor: "Will you shut the hell up?"

Blade: "..."

Razor: "Now, back to where I was. We're going to rid this company of the cancers it contains, beginning with Bartlett, aint that right Blade?"

Blade: "..."

Razor: "Ugh... Blade?"

Blade: "..."

Razor turns around and begins to scream at Blade through the microphone.

Razor: "BLAAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Blade: "You told me to shut up."

Razor: "I mean, ugh, forget it. You can talk. Now, aint that right Blade?"

Blade: "Yes."

Razor: "No, we've been through this before..."

Blade: "Oh yeah. Sorry."

Razor: "Aint that right Blade?"

Blade: "HELL YEAH!"

Razor: "Next month, Convict Bartlett, prepare for the beating of your life."

Blade: "HELL YEAH!"

Razor: "Because next week, you will PAY IN PAIN!"

Blade: "And that's the truth."

Razor: "HELL YEAH!"

Mark: "Wow. That was quite impressive, but Blade's slightly weaker skills convinced me this was slightly, and only slightly, weaker than the Convict Bartlett's earlier promo. So overall I'd give this a what... 55% narrowly behind Bartlett's promo for segment of the night."

Matt: "And I'm presuming that's good."

Mark: "Of course."

Matt: "What about overness and such?"

Mark: "Oh, well the fans certainly took to the gimmicks and such, I'll submit a more detailed end-of-month report for you with all the worker's overness levels, to give you a better idea."

Matt: "Ugh... Thanks, I think."

As the two workers leave for the locker-room area, some music hits the sound system and 3 Count Bob once again takes his microphone as he is set to introduce the man coming out to the tune of 'My Perfect Cousin' by the Undertones.

Bob: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall and will be a triple threat match. Introducing first, from Liverpool, England, weighing in at 170 pounds, Sparkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.... Smarts."

As Sparky - who is extremely skinny and nerd-looking - heads into the ring he taps the side of his head in Jarrett-esque fashion, showing he is an intelligent man, whilst pulling a mucky look towards the crowd. His music then fades away as a chorus of "God Save The King" sung by a choir kicks in around the park before breaking into 'Remedy' by Seether.

Bob: "And opponent number two... From Buckingham Palace, England, he weighed in at a weight of 235 pounds, he is 'His Royal Highness'... King... JOOOOHN!"

A man sporting a robe and other 'royal' clothing, makes his way to the ring as he waves at all his 'subjects' who simply boo him as he smirks and spreads his arms apart, expecting an ovation he doesn't get. He slides into the ring and undresses his robe, placing it carefully on the outside and then proceeds to practise his punching on thin air before turning to Sparky and, apparently, making some game-plans. 'Remedy' dies away, but it is immediately replaced by 'Halo' by the Foo Fighters as a scrawny kid, who despite being billed as a heavyweight is certainly not, with scruffy hair and a generally repulsive appearance, makes his way to the ring.

Bob: "And their opponent, weighing in at 245 pounds, he hails from 'The Big Apple' New York City... He is 'Greatness Himself' MAAAARTIIIIIN.... GREEEEAT-NESS!"

Martin Greatness vs. Sparky Smarts vs. King John

As expected, the cocky heels - King John and Sparky Smarts - teamed up in the early stages in an attempt to wear down Martin Greatness. Martin, as was presumed, was a terrible wrestler and sold horrendously. It was a relief when the heels turned on each other and began to attack each other, because Martin was killing the match. The end comes with Martin hitting his Sweet Dreams DDT manoeuvre on Sparky Smarts whilst King John sold a leg injury on the outside of the ring.

Bob: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match.... MARTIN.... GREATNESS!"

Mark: "Crowd reaction 8%... None of that was for Martin. Match rating was 35%, would have been way higher, had it not been for Martin. Overall 21%, no thanks to Martin."

Matt: "Something wrong with Martin?"

Mark: "I'll spare you the time. Nothing's right with Martin, unless he's good on the microphone. He needs cutting, unless he is some kind of God on the stick."

Talking with Greatness

Following near 5 minutes of over-the-top celebrations from Martin Greatness, 'Greatness Himself' takes a microphone and begins to address the crowd - who needless to say are booing him.

Martin: "Thank you, thank you very much! Your support means everything to me!"

Fan: "We're booing you asshole!"

Martin: "Yeah, that's right, you hear that King Leon? You're being booed by the fans."

Number one, he got King John's name wrong. Number two, no you ass-clown, they meant you.

Martin: "Anyway, that was the main event for tonight, it was really good, and I hope you'll all come back next week just to see me. Bye!"

Martin's music played and all the fans began to boo as they walked off. Martin posed in the ring a while longer before making his way to the back, with 'Halo' by the Foo Fighters continuing to play. Despite it not actually being the end of the show, all the fans were beginning to leave.

Mark: "5% and I'm being overly generous! That guy is shit. No offence. But he seriously needs canning. STAT."

Matt: "He's on an unsackable."

Mark: "Oh dear. You're fucked. Pray he breaks a leg or something."

Matt: "Bit harsh, isn't it?"

Mark: "Not if you want this company to survive more than 12 months."

I didn't. But I didn't want to tell him that.

Mark: "Dude, your crowd has gone, he sent them home. There's still another match!"

Matt: "Yeah, but to shut him up, I had to tell him he was in the main event. I didn't expect him to send the fuckers home."

Mark: "Tell the main-event to get out there, you might just salvage a couple of the fans back."

Without another words I ushered for 3 Count Bob to begin the introductions as 'What if I want more?' by Stiff Little Fingers begins to play. Almost immediately Ahmed Ashed comes down to the ring, but the fans have already left, leaving his comedy acts unseen by anyone other than those on the payroll of GAME.

Bob: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is your main event of the evening and is for the honour of becoming the True Ironman of Golden Alliance Main Event Wrestling. Introducing first, he weighed in earlier at a weight of 235 pounds... He hails from Bradford, England.... He is AAAHHHH-MED... AAAAHHHH-SHED!"

As Ahmed Ashed stands in the ring getting psyched up for his match, the music of 'Bat Country' by Avenged Sevenfold begins to play and Convict Bartlett makes his way to the ring. Wasting no time getting to the ring, Bartlett has barely had his name read out before he is stood in the ring, toe to toe with Ahmed Ashed.

Bob: "And his opponent, weighing in at 215 pounds, from a High Security Prison... CONVIIICT.... BAAART-LETT!"

True Ironman Final - 30 Minute Ironman Match - Convict Bartlett vs. Ahmed Ashed

The bell rings and immediately Bartlett goes to work, hammering away at Ahmed Ashed. Ashed tries to battle back but is outdone by the aggression of Convict Bartlett and has no choice but to take the beating until the 6th minute where he is the victim of a Convict Kick, leading to a 3 count victory. Bartlett goes one up over Ashed, but immediately takes his foot off the gas and from there on in, Ahmed begins to gain an advantage over the Convict as he applies a number of rest-holds, wearing down Bartlett. Using his Sit-Out Powerbomb manoeuvre, dubbed the Wood and Nails, Ahmed Ashed ties the scores up at 1 all with 16 minutes down on the clock.

Within 3 minutes of the last, Ahmed has picked up a second fall, this time with a roll up following a missed clothesline attempt from Bartlett. With 19 minutes on the clock, Ahmed Ashed had taken a 2 to 1 lead over Convict Bartlett and that remained the case until there was just 4 minutes remaining. On 26:05, Convict Bartlett applied a Reverse Figure-Four and within seconds the blood - which had recently begun to pour out of Ahmed Ashed's forehead - became too much for the Brit to bare. With the scores tied at 2 all, it all appeared to be ending for sudden death, and with just thirty seconds on the clock, Convict Bartlett became desperate for the victory as was evident by the number of punches and kicks he was connecting with.

The referee is spun around as he is knocked into - accidentally - by Convict Bartlett, which allows Bartlett the opportunity to get in a sneaky low-blow unbeknown to the referee. Unfortunately for Bartlett it's too late as the 30:00 ticks over, and the bell sounds as referee 3 Count Bob grabs his microphone to declare the match going into overtime.

Bob: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match and the NEW True Ironman of GAME Wrestling, by 3 falls to 2, AHMED.... AHHHHSHED!"

If there had been a crowd there, they'd have gone wild, Ahmed Ashed secures the victory and begins to celebrate as 3 Count Bob states to Bartlett that the last fall came by result of a disqualification.

Mark: "Great swerve there, even I thought we were heading for sudden death. Great thinking there."

Matt: "Thanks, but you should probably thank my writers, they came up with the idea."

Mark: "Oh, well congratulate them for me. Oh and by the way, the breakdown is as follows. 21% overall rating, with a 41% match quality and just a 1% crowd reaction."

Matt: "1%? There was no crowd."

Mark: "I was marking like a bitch for the ending, so I think that deserves at least 1 percentage."

I had no idea what he just said, but I smiled and accepted it as he continued to talk.

Mark: "I'll fax in a comprehensive roundup of all the specific details regarding this show by the first of next month, however I'll tell you that your show just scored a 32% overall. Congratulations."

Was that good? I couldn't say. After the crowd leaving, would I draw an attendance again next month? Again, I couldn't say. But what I can say is thank God this is over. One month down... Only eleven left to go. Thank sweet fucking Jesus.

Edited October 10, 2006 by - Matt -

[Avenged Probably]

Wow good opening show, I'll be writing as I read.

- The fan shouting was funny, and would probaly happen.

- Ahmed's character is great, he's funny... not because he means to be, but because of his accent. He seems pretty 'dumb' too. Glad he has advanced.

- I totally marked for 'Bat Country' as my username may imply, Im an A7X fan. The convict character seems pretty cool, more realistic than the usual 'criminal' types. He wins too.. is it me or do the guys who have promos keep winning?

- Setting up a future match, clever. If people enjoy the show, they'l lwant to come back especially if they know whats going to be on the card.

- Cutting Edge promo was cool, the way it could be funny, or actaully that bad.. but it entertained either way.

- I liked the Sparky and King John characters, good gimmicks.... especially Sparky's. I like the way you have drama behind the scenes, such as reasons for that sucky guy sending everyone home. Adds more to a show where we don't know anyone.

-Ahmed wins the final, YES. Hes my favourite already, but since he won the main event, then I guess thats the whole point. So well done with that. I haven't actually said anything negative, despite trying tofind something. Lets see if you can continue with the quality shows/backstage segments.

[Mx. Canadian Destroyer]

First off, I'm dissapointed in myself for not getting Ahmen Ashed's name until his promo.

This show was very good and I enjoyed it but much like FUSE I could see myself enjoying the backstage stuff much more than the actual shows. Ahmed's promo was excellent and you seem to have his accent down pat. Good stuff. Despite my prediction, I'm glad you gave Ahmed the win. He seems to be the type of character that's going to get over with the majority of the people who read this diary and he's currently my favorite character.

The one thing I love about convict characters in diaries is how they're so unrealistic. Mainly because they come out and say the cops are looking for them, yet there out in the public stating that they're criminals. I dunno, I just find it funny. I'm glad Bartlett took the win but I definetly didn't see him getting the win in the finals.

My first reaction to the Cutting Edge was that they were going to be strictly guys who loved to wrestle, wouldn't talk much and would be great wrestlers. Then I was hoping they wouldn't be because that could get extremly boring very fast. But after reading the promo I saw that they'll be more than Chris Benoit type wrestlers and that Blade is actually very entertaining. Bravo on making them actually have personalities! Hooray!

Adam Slamm > Martin Greatness, just to clear things up.

Loved the ending to the Iron Man match. Entertaining stuff. Not much more to say than that. Overall, I really liked the show and the characters are definetly great so far. I give the show a B. Keep up the good work.

Oh, and you're fucked. Refs need to count to 10.

[DMN in the House]

Interesting, original backstory, although the 'I don't really want to own a wrestling fed' has been done, you did it in an entertaining and creative way.

The workers, to me, seem to lack a bit of the tongue in cheek sarcasm of the great backyard diaries. Not that they're bad, they just seem a little too serious. Ahmed Ashed could be good though.

The show was about what you'd expect from a backyard fed, with the highlights obviously being Bartlett's and The Cutting Edge's promos. TCE come off as a poor man's Lost Souls (from FUSE), no that its a terrible thing.

All in all, a nice debut, and I look forward to seeing where it goes.

[YI]

Okay, I pointed out the whole "It's very rare for a new business to make a profit" thing in the Essa Thread, but then again I understand the limitations of the game, so you'd have to do it. It also gives you a goal to get to.

Very original backstory. Makes a change from the whole, "I'm going to start a backyard fed and take over the world". Matt seems like a very realistic base character, which is something that you need in a World where there's going to be plenty of goofiness, maybe not as much as in other backyard diaries, but with the likes of an Asian Carpenter and an evil genius running around, there's going to be some comedy shenanigans. Speaking of Sparky Smarts, he better get a push. And he better be a campy-evil-genius, totally OTT. Because there's some good shit you could do with that.

One thing that narked me was how talented most of the guys seem to be. Backyard diaries shouldn't be getting segments in and over 50% on the first show. I don't know if you created them, or merely hired and repackaged them. If you hired them I guess I'll let you off. It really does exaggerate just how bad Martin Greatness is.

Martin Greatness, he's your typical backyard character. He has creative control, but is absolutely shite. So I wasn't expecting much from him, besides the usual stuff. But him sending the fans home was a really nice touch, great stuff. The road agents notes and conversation I'm not too sure on. Granted it's something that 'has' to be done, as it helps give Matt a 'character' and incorporates your road agent in some shape and form, but in that show it just reaked of FUSE. I don't like how the show is from your perspective, yet when you do your talks with the road agent, you refer to yourself as "Matt". You should put "Me"...IMO, it just niggled me.

Also, you used the oldest/done to death, gag in backyard diary history, with the referee that can just about count to 3...dear God, next time I read that I might just kill someone.

Ahmed has great promise. However, only if you handle him right. Personally I'd put him in a Borat like situation, where 'he has no idea' of the American culture, so basically puts himself and others into cringeworthy situations. Also, he HAS to make his own tables...seriously. If at one point or another he makes his own tables (Which don't break..."Arabic Craftsmanship BITCH") then you're awesome.

This diaries got great promise. You've got a lot of backstage stuff at your disposal. Basically the stuff with Martin Greatness. Some talks with Sophie (Which every backyard diary MUST include) and the 'inevitable' transition that you go through to continuing the promotion......whether it be through emotional blackmail, or unleashing the 13 year old, female Hardy Boyz fan inside yourself and wanting to run wrestling. Keep it up, it's got promise. Some solid writing, with a great backstory.

[Xero Gravity]

I'm glad this was bumped, as for the life of me I couldn't find it...

DMN mentioned it first, but I think the first thing that jumped out at likeable was the backstory. With these kind of story driven diaries, it's essential to make sure you have an idea that doesn't suck. The idea of not wanting to run a promotion definitely falls into that category.

The group of characters you've assembled are an interesting bunch, and Ahmed Ashed (which has been said several times already) is clearly the most enjoyable of the bunch. If you do take YI's advice and have him making his own tables, it could be one of the greatest things to happen...ever. Convict Bartlett is a close second though, as I've always liked criminal characters.

The one big (but not so big) thing that I find as a negative, would be how you set out the show. The format was one of the things I hated the most about FUSE, and again I don't really care for it here. There's just something about not spacing between the dialogue lines that irks me. It makes the shows seem squashed and cluttered, especially as you progress to the longer exchanges between characters. Still, it's not gonna turn me off if you choose to ignore it and carry on.

Over all, it's been a good start after the first show. I didn't really mind who came out of the show with the belt, but Ahmed is clearly the way to go into the upcoming shows.

[Number of the Breast]

Right, the shows are very well written. Easy to read but with lots of detail. Like it al lot. The Road Agent notes are really good and you've got some good characters.

Ahmed Ashed is gold. He could be one of the best backyard characters around if written properly. I love him already. The Cutting Edge promo was very solid as well. There's a lot of good stuff here.

It's too early to talk about the overall booking of this, but I like the way it's going. Looking forward to the next show.

[Matt]

The following is the Postbag taken directly from Matt's email account, everything written as a reply to feedback is written in the character of Matt. Just a few notes out of character first regarding feedback;

• I am going to make use of the 'can only just count to 3' gag.
• I did take a lot of my format from FUSE, including Road Agent notes and the "..."
• There will be more twists added to the Martin Greatness character, off-screen that is.
• I will use some of the ideas presented by those of you who have left feedback.
• To whoever asked, yes, these are real characters with the exception of Martin Greatness.
• Pleased my characters are getting over, and next months show will hopefully help establish some more characters a little better.
• Remember, this is based in 2003, I am aware of who Borat is and I do know who The Lost Souls and FUSE are.

Anyway, onto the mailbag.

The Postbag

TheCanadianDestroyer@hotmail.com

First off, I'm dissapointed in myself for not getting Ahmed Ashed's name until his promo.

And when else were you planning on getting the name? You didn’t even know who he was before the promo. Stupid, stupid, stupid people. But hey, at least this wasn’t my fault.

This show was very good and I enjoyed it but much like FUSE I could see myself enjoying the backstage stuff much more than the actual shows. Ahmed's promo was excellent and you seem to have his accent down pat. Good stuff. Despite my prediction, I'm glad you gave Ahmed the win. He seems to be the type of character that's going to get over with the majority of the people who read this diary and he's currently my favorite character.

How exactly do you want to find out about the backstage shenanigans? Are you after a job or something? Because you can have one, if you want, just as long as you don’t want paying. I would like to know what a FUSE is though. Come to think of it, almost everything you just wrote makes no sense. Eh, it’s probably because I don’t know anything about wrestling. Either that or I’m just stupid. I pray it’s the former.

The one thing I love about convict characters in diaries is how they're so unrealistic. Mainly because they come out and say the cops are looking for them, yet there out in the public stating that they're criminals. I dunno, I just find it funny. I'm glad Bartlett took the win but I definetly didn't see him getting the win in the finals.

Hey, hey, fuck you. I don’t come to your job and tell you you’re not serving putting the burgers in the bread the right way around now, do I? You wanted to see him win? He’s a fucking bad-guy, you’re meant to hate him. Boo him. BOO!

My first reaction to the Cutting Edge was that they were going to be strictly guys who loved to wrestle, wouldn't talk much and would be great wrestlers. Then I was hoping they wouldn't be because that could get extremly boring very fast. But after reading the promo I saw that they'll be more than Chris Benoit type wrestlers and that Blade is actually very entertaining. Bravo on making them actually have personalities! Hooray!

I did something right? Wow. I’m amazed.

Adam Slamm > Martin Greatness, just to clear things up.

Who the fuck is Adam Slamm? Didn’t he do the javelin for Australia a few years back? You cleared nothing up, only caused more confusion.

Loved the ending to the Iron Man match. Entertaining stuff. Not much more to say than that. Overall, I really liked the show and the characters are definetly great so far. I give the show a B. Keep up the good work.

Ummm…. Thanks, but how the fuck did you see the main event? Everyone left. But ugh thanks for the rating, I think.

Oh, and you're fucked. Refs need to count to 10.

Umm… why? I guess I’ll have to ask my road agent, but surely, they only need to count to 3. Please god say they only have to count to 3.

DMN@gmail.com

Interesting, original backstory, although the 'I don't really want to own a wrestling fed' has been done, you did it in an entertaining and creative way.

Ummmm you’re just confusing me. I don’t know what a backstory is? Is that some kind of wrestling jargon? Eh, I don’t know. But how on earth did you find out about me not wanting to run a wrestling promotion. Is someone reading my thoughts?

The workers, to me, seem to lack a bit of the tongue in cheek sarcasm of the great backyard diaries. Not that they're bad, they just seem a little too serious. Ahmed Ashed could be good though.

Diaries? Why do people keep mentioning diaries? Is that some kind of slang for promotion? Too serious, I’ll take note, more light-hearted, gotcha.

The show was about what you'd expect from a backyard fed, with the highlights obviously being Bartlett's and The Cutting Edge's promos. TCE come off as a poor man's Lost Souls (from FUSE), no that its a terrible thing.

Lost Souls? Who are they? Are they worth signing? Again with the FUSE what the fuck is that? I’ll have to ask my road agent what one is, it’s really beginning to bug me. Not sure if Bartlett’s promo being a highlight is a good thing what with him being one of those ankle things. Is it ankle? No. Heel. That’s it. I’m learning, I’m learning.

All in all, a nice debut, and I look forward to seeing where it goes.

Hey, this show is getting some good rep,

Avenged@yahoo.co.uk

Wow good opening show, I'll be writing as I read.

Read? Read what?

- The fan shouting was funny, and would probaly happen.

It DID happen.

- Ahmed's character is great, he's funny... not because he means to be, but because of his accent. He seems pretty 'dumb' too. Glad he has advanced.

He is meant to be funny. He is meant to be dumb. And his accent is meant to be exaggerated. Is it that hard to work out? Seriously.

- I totally marked for 'Bat Country' as my username may imply, Im an A7X fan. The convict character seems pretty cool, more realistic than the usual 'criminal' types. He wins too.. is it me or do the guys who have promos keep winning?

Yes they do, congratulations, 2 promos and 2 wins, not exactly shocking, is it?

- Setting up a future match, clever. If people enjoy the show, they'l lwant to come back especially if they know whats going to be on the card.

Well I know fuck all about wrestling, but even I know that promoting the next card is a good tactic, you don’t need to be Einstein to work that one out.

- Cutting Edge promo was cool, the way it could be funny, or actaully that bad.. but it entertained either way.

Umm…. I think that’s good.

- I liked the Sparky and King John characters, good gimmicks.... especially Sparky's. I like the way you have drama behind the scenes, such as reasons for that sucky guy sending everyone home. Adds more to a show where we don't know anyone.

Nice to know the characters are working but I’m kind of worried about how all these people are finding out about the backstage shenanigans.

-Ahmed wins the final, YES. Hes my favourite already, but since he won the main event, then I guess thats the whole point. So well done with that. I haven't actually said anything negative, despite trying tofind something. Lets see if you can continue with the quality shows/backstage segments.

Good to hear that Ahmed is getting popular, I too like the character, hence why he is being pushed

SteveMandela@hotmail.co.uk

Okay, I pointed out the whole "It's very rare for a new business to make a profit" thing in the Essa Thread, but then again I understand the limitations of the game, so you'd have to do it. It also gives you a goal to get to.

It’s rare? I’ve already made a profit, so I guess that means I’m doing well. Please, capitalise GAME from now on, it look more professional.

Very original backstory. Makes a change from the whole, "I'm going to start a backyard fed and take over the world". Matt seems like a very realistic base character, which is something that you need in a World where there's going to be plenty of goofiness, maybe not as much as in other backyard diaries, but with the likes of an Asian Carpenter and an evil genius running around, there's going to be some comedy shenanigans. Speaking of Sparky Smarts, he better get a push. And he better be a campy-evil-genius, totally OTT. Because there's some good shit you could do with that.

Again with backstory, what is it supposed to mean, exactly? Umm… I think me being realistic is a good thing, I mean, I’d hate for me to be unrealistic, what with me being real, and all. And for the record, Sparky Smarts being a campy-evil-genius is happening.

One thing that narked me was how talented most of the guys seem to be. Backyard diaries shouldn't be getting segments in and over 50% on the first show. I don't know if you created them, or merely hired and repackaged them. If you hired them I guess I'll let you off. It really does exaggerate just how bad Martin Greatness is.

Yes, I did hire them. How the fuck am I meant to create people? And I agree, Martin sucks, and I know nothing about wrestling.

Martin Greatness, he's your typical backyard character. He has creative control, but is absolutely shite. So I wasn't expecting much from him, besides the usual stuff. But him sending the fans home was a really nice touch, great stuff. The road agents notes and conversation I'm not too sure on. Granted it's something that 'has' to be done, as it helps give Matt a 'character' and incorporates your road agent in some shape and form, but in that show it just reaked of FUSE. I don't like how the show is from your perspective, yet when you do your talks with the road agent, you refer to yourself as "Matt". You should put "Me"...IMO, it just niggled me.

Great stuff? Him sending the fans home is a tragedy. Are you insane? ARGH! What is a FUSE? It’s really beginning to annoy me. And the last bit just shot over my head. It makes no sense at all. Come to think of it, three quarters of all the feedback I’ve received this far has been nonsensical.

Also, you used the oldest/done to death, gag in backyard diary history, with the referee that can just about count to 3...dear God, next time I read that I might just kill someone.

Gag? What gag? He really can only count to 3.

Ahmed has great promise. However, only if you handle him right. Personally I'd put him in a Borat like situation, where 'he has no idea' of the American culture, so basically puts himself and others into cringeworthy situations. Also, he HAS to make his own tables...seriously. If at one point or another he makes his own tables (Which don't break..."Arabic Craftsmanship BITCH") then you're awesome.

Borat? What’s one of those? Making his own tables. It’s an interesting concept. I’ll note that down for the future.

This diaries got great promise. You've got a lot of backstage stuff at your disposal. Basically the stuff with Martin Greatness. Some talks with Sophie (Which every backyard diary MUST include) and the 'inevitable' transition that you go through to continuing the promotion......whether it be through emotional blackmail, or unleashing the 13 year old, female Hardy Boyz fan inside yourself and wanting to run wrestling. Keep it up, it's got promise. Some solid writing, with a great backstory.

Umm… Again, not sure what is meant by diary, but there is no way I’ll continue

XeroGravity@aol.com

I'm glad this was bumped, as for the life of me I couldn't find it...

What?

DMN mentioned it first, but I think the first thing that jumped out at likeable was the backstory. With these kind of story driven diaries, it's essential to make sure you have an idea that doesn't suck. The idea of not wanting to run a promotion definitely falls into that category.

How do you know what DMN emailed? Are you reading my emails? Who are you? And an idea that doesn’t suck sounds good, so ugh… I think that means I’m doing well.

The group of characters you've assembled are an interesting bunch, and Ahmed Ashed (which has been said several times already) is clearly the most enjoyable of the bunch. If you do take YI's advice and have him making his own tables, it could be one of the greatest things to happen...ever. Convict Bartlett is a close second though, as I've always liked criminal characters.

Again, with the knowing what other people have said. I’m considering getting you reported to the police. But you are giving my promotion a positive review so I’ll let it slide. Look out for more of Bartlett next month.

The one big (but not so big) thing that I find as a negative, would be how you set out the show. The format was one of the things I hated the most about FUSE, and again I don't really care for it here. There's just something about not spacing between the dialogue lines that irks me. It makes the shows seem squashed and cluttered, especially as you progress to the longer exchanges between characters. Still, it's not gonna turn me off if you choose to ignore it and carry on.

Dialogue lines? What on earth are you yapping on about? Again with FUSE, I seriously have to find out what one of those is, because I have no clue.

Over all, it's been a good start after the first show. I didn't really mind who came out of the show with the belt, but Ahmed is clearly the way to go into the upcoming shows.

Belt? There is no belt? It was just a tournament. But I’m pleased to hear it was a good show.

AaronMaiden@tiscali.co.uk

Right, the shows are very well written. Easy to read but with lots of detail. Like it al lot. The Road Agent notes are really good and you've got some good characters.

Well written, I guess that goes to my writers. Easy to read? What are you talking about? Did someone write an online report? I’d be amazed if they did. Please someone send me the hyperlink to the report, I’d love to know who wrote about my show. No sure what you meant about the road agent notes, is that something that Mark has written?

Ahmed Ashed is gold. He could be one of the best backyard characters around if written properly. I love him already. The Cutting Edge promo was very solid as well. There's a lot of good stuff here.

Good to know that TCE and Ahmed Ashed are working and the thought of Ashed being one of the best backyard characters intrigues me. I’m not sure how much of an achievement that is, but it doesn’t sound too bad.

It's too early to talk about the overall booking of this, but I like the way it's going. Looking forward to the next show.

That’s good to hear, hope you show up again. Wait, hold on a minute. 6 people have sent me feedback, only 5 attended the show. That’s odd. Oh well, I’m not complaining.

[Matt]

Sat down in my flat, I began to count through the huge wad of money I’d found on my desk. My maths was far from perfect, but as far as I could tell, I’d generated a huge amount of income from the opening month. In fact, there was in excess of 7 grand in my hands. This is wonderful. I now only have to make $3,000 over the next 11 months and that’s it. Just like that, I’ll have my pass. Come to think of it, if I do the same as I did last month, I could very easily make the rest of the money needed to pass this month and then jack in this stupid business. Yeah, there’s a thought. Fuck that. There’s a thought and a half.

*** Ring *** Ring ***

I picked up the telephone and on the other side of the line was a voice I knew all too well.

Matt: “Hello”

Sophie: “Hello, Matthew, this is Mrs. Shaw.”

This is bad news. I can sense it. With more than $7,000 in the palm of my hand, it would be too good for Sophie to give me some good news as well.

Matt: “Oh.”

Sophie: “You don’t sound happy to hear from me.”

Matt: “Well, lets put it this way, I have 7 grand in the palm of my hand, and I have a feeling you’re about to take that away from me.”

Sophie: “WHAT!? SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS?”

Matt: “Yeah.”

Sophie: “Well, that certainly explains some things.”

Matt: “Oh yeah, like the hell what?”

Sophie: “Hey, don’t use that kind of language with me, especially whilst you’re fucking over my nephew.”

Matt: “What in the holy shit are you talking about?”

Sophie: “I am talking about the fact that Martin is the least popular wrestler in North America, BAR NONE!”

Matt: “And I’d care because…”

As soon as the words left my tongue I willed her to have not heard me, but she had. And I was in for it.

Sophie: “You’d care because he is meant to be the most popular wrestler in North America, 4,148 places higher than he currently is.”

Matt: “…”

Sophie: “And do you know WHY?”

Matt: “No.”

Sophie: “Because he is in the worst promotion in North America, and even there the promoter is holding him down.”

Matt: “Holding him down? He beat 2 people.”

Sophie: “Your worst 2 people, according to my statistics.”

Matt: “Only because of your nephew sucks so much that he damaged the reputation of the other workers. They weren’t my worst 2 people before that good-for-nothing piece of crap got hold of them.”

Sophie: “Do NOT speak about my nephew like that, ever AGAIN. I’ll have you know he’s a very well-behaved young boy with all the skill in the world, he’s simply held back by people like you.”

I felt a long rant coming on here.

Sophie: “Now, I you want me to HELP you succeed in this project, I suggest you stop speaking to me like crap, because I could quite easily not give you any tips, you would lose all your money and then what? You won’t pass. You won’t get a degree and the last few years of your life will have been a total waste of time. So now, Matthew, you’re going to listen to me…”

Matt: “No, just shut up a moment. Your nephew has been NOTHING but a pain in the neck these past few weeks. Do you want to know why? Well, firstly, he was supposed to go to a press conference to announce the companies debut, like you requested, and he didn’t show the hell up.”

Sophie: “Oh, he explained that to me, he got lost.”

Matt: “Lost? How the fuck can he get lost, I specifically told him the directions.”

Sophie: “Look, it was one lame press conference, what does it matter?”

Matt: “And then there was the instance where he took a piss in Anthony Bartlett’s tea.”

Sophie: “Oh honestly, it’s just childish fun and games.”

Matt: “He was throwing up for the next 3 days. And then there was…”

Sophie: “OK, I get the idea. I’ll put a stop to it.”

Thank the Lord for that.

Sophie: “I’ll tell the roster to stop picking on my Martin just because he is the youngest. Honestly, spreading such viscous rumours about the boy is just completely unfair. He doesn’t deserve people blaming him for things that he didn’t do, it’s just not acceptable.”

Matt: “WHAT!?!?!?”

Sophie: “Anyway, where was I. Oh, yes, I remember. Now, Matthew, your promotion, you’re treating it as if it were a backyard federation.”

Matt: “I was under the impression that is what it was.”

Sophie: “It is. And it will remain so, should you continue to treat it as one.”

Matt: “I don’t catch you.”

Sophie: “Hire an extra worker, make you look more professional, if you look more professional, that will help Martin’s image. Up your production values to 5%, you’re poor design turns away the audiences, turning away the audiences means less people will see Martin, less people seeing Martin won’t make him more popular.”

I beg to differ. Everyone who sees him hates him, making him unpopular, thus if no-one sees him he will have no-one who likes him, but on the plus side, no-one hates him either. And he has one hell of a lot more haters than fans.

Matt: “Umm… OK. Anything else?”

Sophie: “Just a few more notes.”

Matt: “…”

Sophie: “Just a couple of notices really, Ahmed Ashed and Blade both had birthdays this past month, Blade turned 20, whilst Ahmed Ashed reached a quarter of a century.”

Matt: “…”

Sophie: “And the regional promotion, NWA Wildside, have you heard of them?”

Matt: “Sort of.”

I lied. I hadn’t the slightest clue. I’ve only heard of 2 promotions, the WWE, who apparently used to be the WWF, and Golden Alliance Main Event Wrestling.

Sophie: “Well, they have risen to ‘Cult’ status, whilst Xtreme Pro Wrestling have secured themselves a television deal. With any luck, your wrestling promotion should be having similar success in 3 or 4 years time.”

Matt: “Hah. Do you honestly expect me to continue this promotion for any longer than the project length?”

Sophie: “I would be disappointed if you didn’t, because as you know, Martin doesn’t get on very well with other promoters, he would have nowhere else to go, because they refuse to sign him, because he is so good, he makes everyone else look bad.”

Matt: “Let me tell you something, Sophie, I didn’t want this fucking promotion in the first place, and there is no way in hell that I’m continuing it after the first 12 months. If you don’t like it, that’s just fucking tough. After these 12 months, you have no control over me. After these 12 months, this company is mine, and I can choose to shut up shop whenever I want, and that will be immediately.”

There was silence for a moment, until the monotonic voice of my tutor broke through it and began to speak.

Sophie: “Well I’m not here to argue, I just have one more thing to say.”

Matt: “And what is that?”

Sophie: “Martin will go into a feud with your most over worker, Razor. And that will start on this month’s show, got it?”

Matt: “Not happening.”

Sophie: “What are you saying?”

Matt: “Razor is going to be feuding with Convict Bartlett for a while.”

Sophie: “Are you disobeying me? If you are, I can quite easily put you down as a ‘fail’ right now, Matthew.”

Matt: “That’s blackmail, and you know it.”

Sophie: “And what are you going to do about it? Little boy.”

And with that she clicked off. What a villainous bitch she is. I knew she wasn’t kidding. She was being totally serious. She would fail me if I didn’t meet her demands. If I didn’t set her nephew on his way to becoming the world’s biggest wrestling personality, I would get a fail, no matter how successful the business was. I was going to have to find some way to work Martin into this feud with Razor.

Later that day I made a phone call to Ahmed, in hopes he knew someone that I could hire, and it turned out that in fact he did.

Ahmed: “Yeah sure I do, man, he’s a good mate o’ mine. Goes by the name of Joey Maxx, there’s two X’s in Maxx by the way. He’s normally about 6 or 7 thousand per show, but ugh, you tell him I put you in touch with him, you should be able to knock him up for a measly 5k per appearance.”

Matt: “Thanks man, anything I can do for you?”

Ahmed: “Yeah actually mate, there is. Could I get a 10% pay rise please?”

Matt: “Normally, I’d say no, but we got cash coming in from all cylinders, sure what the heck.”

Ahmed: “Cheers bud.”

Matt: “Not a problem.

Ahmed: “That all?”

Matt: “Well, actually, I was just wondering, this Joey guy, does he mind gimmicks?”

Ahmed: “Not at all, he loves ‘em, why you ask? Hey, he ain’t going to be no carpenter is he? That’s my gimmick.”

Matt: “Na, nothing like that, no-one could pull it off as well as you, anyway.”

Ahmed: “Ha, thanks man. Oh shit, the wife’s calling, I’ll catch you later boss.”

Matt: “Later Kassius.”

And that wouldn’t be the last phone call I’d be making today either, and that also wasn’t the last money I’d be forking out, either.

Razor: “The hell do you mean my programme with Bartlett’s been dropped? That was going to be gold. You fucked up big time here man.”

Matt: “Hey, just hold the fuck up a second will you. Your programme can recommence at a later date, but I have orders from higher up to put you in a different feud for now.”

Razor: “Higher up? What the hell are you talking about? There is no higher up than the promoter, don’t pull shit over my eyes.”

Matt: “I have an advisor for the first 12 months, alright; she thinks it’s good for the long term strategy.”

Razor: “She? This is a chick? Man you’re fucking up, this company’s going to hit rock bottom. Well it’s not too far off as it is.”

Matt: “Look, you’re going into a programme with Martin Greatness, OK?”

Razor: “That fucking loser who tried to rape Blade’s girlfriend the other week?”

Matt: “Yes. Look, I can’t go into detail about the situation, it’s private. But please man, without you, this company aint squat.”

Razor: “He’s not in my league, you know that?”

Matt: “I’m aware. He’s not in anyone’s league. I have no wrestling experience, and I could do better than him, I know, but please.”

Razor: “Oh fucking hell, fine. But I want another £500 per week on my deal.”

I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t let Ahmed have an extra 10% now, but I don’t have much choice here, he’s my most talented worker, I need him to stay.

Matt: “Alright, done.”

Razor: “Anything else?”

Matt: “I don’t think so. Just remember to show up for Bloodshed on September 27th.”

Razor: “What kind’a moron do you take me for?”

Matt: “Ha, ha, later Konrad.”

Razor: “Back at ya’ buddy.”

*************

Saturday September 27th 2003...

Live From Blackforest Park...

Golden Alliance Main Event Wrestling Presents....

Current Card

Sparky Smarts vs. Martin Greatness

Ahmed Ashed vs. King John

Razor vs. Convict Bartlett

More matches to be added

Tickets Only $5

*************