WWE 2007 - The Challenge

[Chris the Human]

"So, Candice," the obnoxious DJ spoke after the final strains of 'Cupid's Chokehold' by Gym Class Heroes faded, "We've got to ask. What's it like working in this new regime we keep hearing about? Is the WWE finally turning a corner?"

I leaned back in my chair, took a puff on one of Vince's expensive Cuban cigars, and idly listened to Candice Michelle's interview on some local radio station.

"It's good," she confesses, "But there are some things that confuse me. Kelly Kelly is a talentless bitch, yet for some reason they decide to put the gold on her. Does she have a Playboy shoot coming up that I'm not aware of? And don't even get me started on this new Mickie James push. I don't know where the hell that came from, but why on earth are they putting her in a match against a guy? The whole thing reeks of backstage politics".

I'll admit, I gagged a little at that.

"Alright, Candy," the DJ moves on, "You're in the company, so what inside information can you give us as we head to Wrestlemania? Who is the masked man? Who attacked Rob Van Dam a few weeks ago? What big mystery signings does the WWE have in store for us?"

Don't you dare I send her a telepathic warning. In a radio station sixteen miles away, she giggles.

"I can't reveal stuff like that, silly," she teases the DJ and the audience at home, "But I guess I can let you in on one little, tiny secret".

Please let it be about her new hair-style or about Burchill getting a push or about a Money in the Bank participant or omething.

"What have you got for us?'

"We're going to bring back Goldberg".

That bitch.

----------------------------------------------

ECW on Sci-Fi

-- A Main Event --

I spit in the face of people who don't want to be cool

As it so often does under the new regime, ECW on Sci-Fi kicks off with Carlito strutting down to the ring with an apple in hand and a scowl on his face.

Carlito: Last week, Carlito was robbed of his rightful place in the ECW Title match at No Way Out. I had Rob Van Dam beaten 1-2-3 when Hardcore Holly stuck his nose in and interfered. Sparky Plugg costing me a one on one shot with Lashley? That's not cool. Hardcore Holly is a...

Holly's music hits and the no frills superstar appears at the head of the ramp with a mike in hand.

Holly: Waa, waa, waa. Poor Carlito. Poor Carlito got 'robbed'. Well, what about me!? What about Hardcore Holly? Since I came to this two-bit promotion I've been kicking ass and taking names and what has it gotten me? Nothing. Well I got sick and tired of waiting for my moment, so I decided to do something about it. If you've got a problem with that, maybe I need to come down there and give you another Alabama Slamma.

Holly races down to the ring where he and Carlito begin to brawl in earnest, but Lashley's music hits and the ECW Champion's appearance at the head of the ramp breaks things up. He's accompanied by Rob Van Dam.

RVD: Whoa! What are you boys doing? Didn't you get the memo? You guys are tag team partners tonight against Lashley and I! Maybe you should, I don't know, not beat each other up. Lashley and I wouldn't want things too easy tonight.

Lashley nods. It seems he's better seen than heard.

RATING: 70%

Rob Van Dam lost overness

-- Big Stevie Cool vs. The New Age Punisher --

The Punisher's strong post debut push continues in this relatively one sided match, with the ECW newcomer made to look very good by the ECW original in a fast paced squash match. Stevie gets off a little offence and even manages to attempt a superkick for the win, but the Punisher ducks underneath it and puts Cool down with the One Hitter Quitter. The 1-2-3 follows soon after for a pinfall victory after 5:27. But Punisher's planned post match beating doesn't go ahead - as The Sandman hits the ring and the fans go crazy. The old drunk lays into Punisher with a Singapore cane and the newcomer is forced to bail out. We go to commercial with Sandman standing tall and swilling beer as only he can.

RATING: 65/53/77

Big Stevie Cool lost overness. The New Age Punisher gained overness

-- Brotherly Love --

We're in the dressing room of Rene and Maryse Dupree and again, Maryse doesn't look happy with her big brother.

Maryse: (Sulking) But you won! Didn't I do well?

Rene: And it nearly got you hurt, Maryse. If I had not been there, Little Guido would have...

Maryse: But he did not! You worry too much, Rene. I am a big girl and I can take care of myself. Please, let me accompany you to the ring tonight.

Rene: No way, Maryse. Stay here where you're out of harms way, alright?

He has no reason to believe her after she's disobeyed him for the past two weeks, but he leaves all the same. She remains on the seat looking sullen.

RATING: 60%

Maryse gained overness

-- Rene Dupree vs. John Walters --

We've got an ECW debut here for John Walters, who gets his own entrance video and pyros to indicate he's a full time roster participant. The early going here shows that it's all about Dupree, who seems to be venting a few weeks worth of frustration on the plucky newcomer. Dupree's dominance and Walters' own refusal to go down gets the newcomer some babyface pops, especially when he's able to counter a sleeper hold applied by Dupree into a piggyback stunner that gets the crowd pumped. Beyond that, though, Dupree gets right back in control of the technical wrestler.

As Dupree is readying Walters for the Dupree Driver, however, the big screen flicks on to show Maryse in her dressing room. She is flirting with Elijah Burke. Dupree, with Walters still on his shoulder, turns to watch and looks enraged. An opportunistic Walters slides off Dupree's back, shove him into the ropes, and hit the Hurricane DDT (gutwrench into implant DDT) for a shock 1-2-3. Dupree is furious as Walters makes a hasty exit. Meanwhile, on the big screen, Burke turns to the cameras as if to make eye contact with Dupree and says 'Oops'.

RATING: 60/53/67

John Walters gained overness

-- Royalty in the House --

The crowd begin to boo as King Booker and Queen Sharmell appear on screen, having joined Rebecca DiPietro for an interview.

Rebecca: King Booker, first of all I'd like to welcome you to ECW...

Booker: Welcome me? Welcome me!? This is how you greet royalty in ECW? Where is my red carpet? Where are the bald eagles eggs I requested in my dressing room?

Rebecca: I'm sorry, I don't...

Booker: Do not fret, peasant, I know that you're not important enough to know the answers to these questions. Don't worry your pretty little head, alright?

Rebecca: Uh, ok...

Booker: Why do I lower myself to these levels? Why do I stain my name by appearing in dingy arenas filled with overweight, ungrateful peons?

Sharmell leans forward to whisper something in his ear.

Booker: Oh! Oh, right. CM Punk. How could I forget. Punk, the day fast approaches where you will be made to bend your knee and kiss the ring of your King. Tonight, however, I have deigned to give you a taste of what is to come. Tonight, your King teams up with his giant, The Big Show, to take on CM Punk and Tommy Dreamer. I have beaten both of you before and I shall do it again tonight. For I am King Boo-kah!

RATING: 85%

-- A Murder of Crows (Cassidy Riley/Kevin Thorn/Minion) vs. The FBI (Little Guido, Big Guido, and Chuck Palumbo) --

A night of so far uninspiring matches continues here with a slow paced six man tag match between ECW's two factions. Big Guido's presence seems entirely to make up numbers, and his involvement in the match is limited to a failed attempt at chokeslamming Minion that sees him clipped from behind by both Thorn and Riley for a two count. Little Guido's clash with Riley is perhaps the only highlight of a dull match, the two turning on some decent chain wrestling before Thorn is tagged in to slow things back down. The end comes with Palumbo hitting an Italian Drop (fallaway slam into a Samoan drop) on Minion. As he moves to make the cover, a mysterious newcomer in a black cowled robe hits the ring. While Ariel distracts the referee with her 'assets', the newcomer gets behind Palumbo and bounces him off the ropes with a slingshot suplex remeniscent of early Stone Cold (the Stun Gun suplex). Minion tags out to Riley, who scrambles across for the cover and the 1-2-3. The Murder of Crows picks up the win, but they've got the aid of a newcomer to thank for it.

RATING: 58/50/67

Murder's Hammer debuted his new gimmick (Mysterious), it got a positive response

-- James Gibson vs. Genki Horiguchi --

Two of ECW's newer workers square off here as the unbeaten Gibson faces off against the Japanese superstar a week after his debut in a four way match that was ultimately one by Daivari. This is a good, fast paced match - easily the MOTN thanks to the chemistry the two workers enjoy. The distinctively Japanese style of the match is also a hit with the fans. Horiguchi is made to look good without ever really excelling against a man the company seems intent on pushing - getting some offence in and failing to hit a flying crossbody before Gibson forces him to tap out to the Dragon Sleeper.

RATING: 69/57/81

-- Frustration --

CM Punk is the first out for his upcoming tag match against King Booker and The Big Show, and he takes the opportunity to get on the microphone and make his thoughts heard.

Punk: So it's come to this. CM Punk against the false King and his giant. If I didn't know better, I'd assume I'd somehow stumbled out of ECW and into a fairy-tale. The Brothers Grimm couldn't have written a more fantastical clash. Me? I don't need cheap gimmicks. I don't need a robe and a scepter, and I sure as hell don't need to be seven feet tall to make a name for myself. CM Punk is all about competition and that's all I need to find success. At No Way Out, King Booker can bring all of the gimmicks he wants. He can come out in a carriage and have rose petals fall from the sky for all I care. At the end of the day, it won't be about making an entrance or looking good in a robe - it'll be about the fact King Booker is going to tap out to the Anaconda Vice just like everybody else does. That's no story. That's no fantasy. That's cold - hard - fact.

RATING: 84%

-- King Booker & The Big Show vs. CM Punk & Tommy Dreamer --

Believe it or not, the fans are more into this one than they are for the eventual main event. While The Big Show has again announced his retirement, that doesn't give the fans any reason not to boo his alignment with King Booker - the man whose presence draws the most heat of the night. The match itself is also quite good, with Dreamer starting things off against The Big Show and immediately finding himself fighting against the odds. Show is at his no-selling best, the big man shrugging off Dreamer's offence before laying him out with a string of head-butts. He then tags out to Booker, who continues to control things against Dreamer. For a good six minutes this is what the fans get, an interplay of tags between the heels as Dreamer is worn down and kept away from CM Punk.

It's all building towards the hot tag, of course, and when it is made - Booker is a hilarious version of terrified as Punk comes after him. He tags out to Big Show, drawing plenty of heat for depriving fans of the 1 on 1 contest with Punk. Undettered, the straight edge superstar goes after The Big Show and enjoys a good deal more success than his partner. He focusses on the big man's leg and, after bringing him down to his level, near knocks his head off with a brutal sitout dropkick. The tag is again made to Dreamer, and with Show already down, Dreamer is able to get into his element. He goes right outside for a Singapore cane and goes to town on Show, the referee allowing it in the spirit of ECW. He's outside looking for a chair when King Booker intervenes, a high kick near knocking Dreamer's head off. This brings CM Punk into the fray, Punk springboard splashing over the top rope to send Booker to the mat where the two brawl to the cheers of the crowd.

Dreamer stumbles back into the ring where Big Show grabs his throat and signals for the chokeslam. Low blow from Dreamer! Dreamer DDT! He's laid out The Big Show. Cover! The crowd counts it: 1-2-3.

But the referee doesn't. He's at the ropes yelling at CM Punk and King Booker to break it up. A frustrated Dreamer goes to get the referee's attention, but the second cover only gets two. The tag is made to a returning CM Punk, who tries in vain to keep The Big Show down. But he's building momentum, and absolutely crushes Punk with a big boot followed by a running elbow drop. He's coming off the ropes for a second when King Booker makes the blind tag. Punk has gotten to his feet but hasn't seen the tag, He catches Big Show and plants him with an Inertia DDT! Cover, but Booker is the legal man and the ref knows it. Punk gets to his feet to object and cops a kick to the gut. Scissor Kick! 1-2-3! Booker steals a victory!

RATING: 77/79/73

-- The Alpha Male's Chance --

We're backstage with The Alpha Male Marquis Cor Van, and he has a mike in hand.

Cor Van: What is this I see before me? I see the No Way Out ECW main event and I see four names. Bobby Lashley, Rob Van Dam, Hardcore Holly, and Carlito. Who are these interlopers to steal The Alpha Male's rightful place in the ECW main event? The Alpha Male can beat every last man in that match, yet ECW management choose to keep him away from the main event. Why? Because they know that once the Alpha Male gets the gold, it will never change hands again. In nature, the Alpha Male takes what he wants and anybody foolish enough to confront him gets killed. Well, in ECW it will be the same thing. I will get the ECW Title and I will kill anybody who tries to take it off me. Every last person in ECW is going to feel the POOOOOOOOOOUNCE. Period.

RATING: 75%

-- Bobby Lashley & Rob Van Dam vs. Carlito & Hardcore Holly --

Despite the star power in the ring, the crowd is noticeabley quieter for this clash than it was for the Punk/Booker confrontation. Things start off with RVD and Carlito reprising their rivallry and picking up where they left off in last week's no contest main event. The two have obvious chemistry, and the fans are right behind RVD as he controls things early with his dizzying array of kicks and chops. Carlito's eye rake gets his team in control, and a tag to Holly allows him to chop RVD down and lay him out with his trademark kick to the gut on an opponent slung over the ropes. The tag brings Carlito back in and he gets cocky, attempting a springboard moonsault to find nobody home. RVD tags out to the ECW champion who immediately begins to go to town on both Holly and Carlito.

A pair of limp clotheslines take Carlito out before Hardcore Holly falls prey to a considerably more convincing Spear. He's got Holly up for the Dominator when Carlito dives in to take out his legs. Holly, who has regained some of his senses, comes off the second rope to drop a knee into Lashley - while Carlito tosses RVD to the outside. Lashley's to his feet, so Carlito comes off the ropes, but a body avalanche absolutely crushes him. Lashley has him up for the Dominator. HE HITS IT! Carlito is out! Lashley tags out to RVD, standing in the corner so his partner can stand on his shoulders to hit the FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! Cover. 1-2-NO! Holly bashes RVD across the back with a chair. Lashley is treated to more of the same, sending him off the apron. Holly lays out RVD with the Alabama Slam and drags Carlito across to make the cover. 1-2-NO! Now RVD kicks out! A frustrated Carlito tags out to Holly, who manages to scramble across in time to drag RVD away from Lashley's corner. Carlito comes across and knocks Lashley off the apron with a back elbow and this gets the champion angry. He draws the referee's attention in attempting to enter the ring. Meanwhile, RVD has slingshotted over Holly and tosses him the discarded chair. VAN DAMNINATOR! He's laid Holly out! BACK CRACKER! Now Carlito's having his say. Lashley finally enters the ring in time to Spear Carlito, but the wily former Intercontinental Champion holds onto Lashley and the two go crashing out between the ropes. Holly covers. 1-2-3! Holly and Carlito steal a victory! Having accounted for Carlito, Lashley re-enters the ring and spins Holly around. DOMINATOR! Lashley stands tall over all three challengers to his ECW Title!

RATING: 75/73/78

OVERALL: 70%

BEST SEGMENT: King Booker Promo

WORST SEGMENT: A Murder of Crows vs. The FBI

MOTN: James Gibson vs. Genki Horiguchi

BIGGEST POP: CM Punk

MOST HEAT: King Booker

Edited February 26, 2007 by Misanthrope

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

Rules that Misanthrope succeeded in:

-Van Hammer must be assigned to ECW. He must join A Murder of Crows and reprise his Raven's Flock gimmick. (I know, I didn't want that one either, but it was a random choice between his three gimmicks...)

Rules that Candice Michelle leaked:

-Mickie James must be moved into the men's division...

-Misanthrope is allowed to rehire Goldberg...BUT there are restrictions he has been given for this hiring.

[Chris the Human]

Smackdown Preview

Last week Batista shocked the world when he took a turn for the worse in his feud with The Undertaker over the World Heavyweight Championship. How will the Dead Man respond this week?

He'll certainly get his chance for revenge in a collosal eight man main event. The Undertaker teams up with Shawn Michaels, CM Punk, and Kane against Gregory Helms, Sylvan, King Booker, and Batista. Which men will go into No Way Out with the upper hand?

We'll also see Brian Kendrick take on the unstoppable monster, Matt Morgan - whilst the pairing of Gangrel & The Boogeyman look to continue their positive run with a clash against Scotty 2 Hotty and Funaki. In a four way tag match to decide a #1 contender to Shannon Moore's Cruiserweight Title - Joey Mercury will take on 'The Warrior' Matt Striker, Flash Funk, and Jimmy Wang Yang.

All this and more as we head on to No Way Out this Sunday!

Current No Way Out Card

Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title

Shannon Moore © vs. Winner of Smackdown four way for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

London & Kendrick © vs. Morgan & Jindrak for the WWE Tag Titles

Kane vs. Sylvan

CM Punk vs. King Booker in an Extreme Rules Match

Bobby Lashley © vs. Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly for the ECW World Heavyweight Title

Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels for the Wrestlemania Main Event spot

Batista © vs. The Undertaker in Hell in a Cell for the World Heavyweight Championship

[Chris the Human]

Smackdown

We're just two nights away from No Way Out and there's a packed house to see what craziness occurs on this week's episode of Smackdown! With Batista set to take on The Undertaker in Hell in a Cell, Gregory Helms to defend his Wrestlemania main event spot against HBK, and a four way clash to decide the winner of the ECW Title - tonight will doubtless play a huge part in the eventual outcomes of these huge matches!

-- The Dead Man Speaks --

The Undertaker comes out to the roars of the packed house, the Dead Man is scheduled to take on Batista at No Way Out and things certainly got interested after Batista attacked Undertaker like a coward after last week's contract signing.

Undertaker: Last week, Batista decided to turn this from a professional rivallry into a personal one. Batista crossed a line that many have crossed before, and like all of those poor fools, he's going to learn first hand what happens when a stray dog wanders into my yard. I am the big dog, and at No Way Out I am going to teach Batista a harsh lesson. For too long he's rested on his laurels and played to the fans. Now, I will teach him a lesson in brutality. Now, I will make him bleed. At No Way Out, I will take Batista to Hell in a Cell, and only one of us will walk out. Batista will Rest in Peace.

RATING: 85%

-- Matt Morgan vs. Brian Kendrick --

The feud between these two teams has certainly heated up in the past few weeks, with Paul London's victory over Mark Jindrak last week the first victory that the champions have scored since Morgan and Jindrak appeared on the scene. Given the contrasting styles involved in this clash, it's never really a technical feast. It is, however, another excellent example of Morgan's dominance since returning to the WWE. Kendrick's offence is almost entirely token, and Morgan eventually picks up the win after a shade over six minutes with a brutal F-5.

RATING: 57/60/69

Brian Kendrick lost overness. Matt Morgan gained overness

-- Mr. United States Champion --

MIIIIIIIISTER KENNEDY...

KENNEDY

The crowd boos as Mr. Kennedy struts out to the ring. Michael Cole and JBL comment on Kennedy's brutal attack on Chris Benoit after his team's loss to All Hallow's Eve last week and while JBL applauds Kennedy taking the initiative, Cole calls it a dirty, low act. God, I hate Cole.

Kennedy: Last week, in this very ring in another unremarkable city, Mr. Kennedy decided to take his destiny into his own hands. At Royal Rumble I was defeated by Batista, but I was not broken. He won the match, but he only delayed the inevitable. I am the single brightest star in sports entertainment and my time will come. Maybe I reached too high too early. Maybe I was like Icarus and I got burned because of it. But you gotta admit, I beat Batista's ass good!

The fans don't agree.

Kennedy: So, No Way Out rolls around and here's Mr. Kennedy without a match. The Dead Man's in the main event. Might I remind you that I beat him already? Whatever. He's having his time in the sun and I can appreciate that. But where's Mr. Kennedy? Not wrestling for Helms' #1 contendership. Not wrestling for the ECW title. Not even throwing down against that prissy schoolboy, CM Punk with Smackdown pride on the line. The it hits me - gold. Mr. Kennedy is in this business to win gold, and there's currently one piece of gold that's right here on Smackdown that nobody cares about anymore! I'm talking about Chris Benoit's US Title.

The fans cheer Benoit's name, but Kennedy cuts them off.

Kennedy: I think we can all agree that Chris Benoit's US Title reign has been even less entertaining than his World Title run. Since he's one the gold of God knows who, he's proceeded to become some kind of travelling salesman - dispensing sleep to the insomniacs and blissful release for those with no will to go on. Tuning in to one of Benoit's title defences is somewhere between a bullet to the head and hanging on the 'painful ways to kill yourself' scale. I'm serious. Look it up. That's why, at No Way Out, the new United States Champion will be....

MIIIIIIIIIISTER KENNEDY

(pause}

KENNEDY!

RATING: 93%

Mr. Kennedy gained overness

-- The Miz vs. Jimmy Jacobs --

The Miz is the first out and, aside from the crowd repeating his cry of 'Hoo-rah', gets next to no reaction. Jimmy Jacobs enters alongside a masked wrestler introduced as Scorpio Sky and a woman introduced as Lacey. Jacobs himself is shirtless, wearing long pants, and sporting a bizarrely furry pair of boots. He seems to be muttering to them or his partners as he makes his way to the ring. Despite his diminutive stature, Jacobs enters the ring as if he's Kevin Nash or Big Show, attempting to step over the ropes and racking himself up. This allows Miz to knock him to the floor with a dropkick to get the clash started, much to the bemusement of Lacey and Sky at ringside.

The match itself is a decent enough high flying affair, with Jacobs' indy style somewhat making up for the Miz's manufactured, somewhat bland repetoire. Still, Miz does get in some decent offence and even hits the Mizard of Oz at one point to get a near fall. Only the intervention of Lacey at ringside prevents the pinfall. It's at this point that Jacobs begins to cry 'HUSS' at the top of his lungs and stamp his boot in the corner, almost as if he's tuning up the band. When Miz turns around after verbally abusing Lacey, he eats a not so big boot! BERZERKER DROP! Jacobs punishes Miz with a inverted double underhook facebuster. 1-2-3! Jacobs picks up his first win since joining Smackdown!

RATING: 52/45/72

-- The Warrior --

Krystal is backstage with Matt 'The Warrior' Striker in all of his painted glory. He paces restlessly behind her as she speaks.

Krystal: Matt, tonight...

Matt Striker stops her by snatching the microphone away and eye-balling the camera.

Warrior: Do not call me by that name. That was my name before the spirit of the Warrior entered my body and I saw the light. You see, before the giant of muscle and heroism you see before you now, there was another man who was not as the man you see today. But the strings of fate danced in Hades' winds and they stripped away the old person like waves wash over the distant shores of Jupiter. You do not speak to Matt Striker - you speak to The Warrior. I am the embodiment of universal masculinity and tonight I will cast the dice and see what future has been assigned to me. Joey Mercury, the violin is playing for you. Can you hear it? Flash Funk, the trombone plays for you. Do you heed its call? Jimmy Wang Yang, the xylphone beats for you. It beats out the tune of your doom. Are you man enough to dance to it? The Warrior is. The Warrior will dance on your graves and ride the waves in to the glistening shores of tomorrow.

The Warrior does not dance away. He walks. Krystal is bemused.

RATING: 69%

-- Matt 'The Warrior' Striker vs. Joey Mercury vs. Flash Funk vs. Jimmy Wang Yang for Cruiserweight Contendership --

Amazingly, it's Striker who gets the babyface pop here, leaving Flash Funk and Wang Yang to make low key entries as we head into this match to decide who will face Shannon Moore at No Way Out. This one is a straight four way - meaning only one pinfall is needed to decide a winner.

Mercury and Striker pair off immediately, the Warrior going after the cocky former tag champion with some old school punches including one precluded by a comical wind-up more suited to a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Funk and Yang put on a more traditional cruiserweight clash in the ring - the two exchanging whips and takedowns to get the crowd pumping. Yang almost gets a pinfall after a sunset flip, but Funk gets a shoulder up at two. The in ring focus remains on these two, while outside Mercury hits a drop toe hold that sends Striker face first into the steps!

Back in the ring, Flash Funk has just flown high with a moonsault that covers Yang – but Mercury comes across with a boot to break the fall. He follows this up with a hard DDT to Funk, covering, but Yang dives across to break the fall. A frustrated Mercury tosses Yang over the top rope, but the Asian/Texan superstar lands on the apron. Mercury catches a missile dropkick in the back! Yang is spun around by Striker. Gorilla Press! Now Funk comes across and whips Striker into the ropes – Striker rebounds with a very un-Warrior-like hurricanrana! He gets up and begins to shake the ropes, but turns around into a clothesline from Mercury! Striker goes to the outside, but now Yang is up. YANG TIME! Yang’s got this one won, but who’s that entering the ring! It’s Goldust! He embraces Yang! Jimmy Wang Yang looks confused, and is doubly so when Flash Funk takes Goldust down with a reverse DDT. Yang recovers quickly with a dropsault, but Mercury’s on the top rope! Yang’s still on the ground when Mercury flies with a frog splash. 1-2-3! Joey Mercury qualifies to face Shannon Moore at No Way Out, but why the hell was Goldust out there?

RATING: 60/62/73

-- The Freaks Speak --

After the break the crowd boo as Gangrel and The Boogeyman makes their way out to the ring, smoke billowing from the entrance as one spits blood and the other eats worms. They enter the ring before Gangrel grabs a microphone.

Gangrel: The freaks have risen!

If he expected this to draw a pop, he is mistaken. It only draws further boos.

Gangrel: You boo us because you do not understand us. You boo us because we’re strange and we’re new and you can’t handle that. You boo us because we’re doing what each and every one of you losers don’t have the guts to do. All wrestling fans are freaks, but none of you have the guts to admit it. None of you have the balls to do what Boogeyman and I, Gangrel have done. We’ve embraced our freekdom and we’re better for it. Last week Chris Benoit and Finlay found out that being ‘different’ doesn’t make us weak. It makes us strong. So bring out these other ‘normal people’ and we’ll again prove that the freaks have risen.

The Boogeyman snatches the microphone.

Boogeyman: We’re the Freaks – and we’re coming to getcha!

RATING: 70%

-- All Hallow’s Eve vs. Scotty 2 Hotty & Funaki --

This is, of course, an extended squash match. Gangrel starts things off with some surprisingly good work between himself and both members of the opposing team, tagging Boogeyman in late so that he doesn’t come across as terribly unfit. Boogeyman’s repertoire is considerably less impressive – finishing the match up with a pump handle slam on Funaki for the 1-2-3.

RATING: 60/62/72

-- Finlay vs. Mr. Kennedy --

Finlay is the first out, the sometime ally of Chris Benoit getting a moderate face pop as he makes his way down to face the rising #1 heel of Smackdown. Kennedy is in the process of making his pre match announcement when Finlay gets a jump on the match with a clubbing blow to the back followed by a German suplex. Having gained the upper hand, Finlay holds it well for much of the opening minutes of the match – a series of holds and submissions being countered by Kennedy – who never manages to gain the ascendancy in this early portion of the clash.

The momentum does sway eventually, Kennedy capitalizing on a ref bump to kick Finlay in the balls and put him across the ropes with snakes eyes into a brutal clothesline. He then does what he does best, isolating a part of his opponent’s body (the right leg, in this case) and beating on it relentlessly. While Finlay does come back with some offence, it seems like Kennedy is destined for a win when Chris Benoit hits the ring. TRIPLE GERMANS! The ref’s called for the bell to give Kennedy the DQ victory, but Benoit doesn’t care. He locks in the Crippler Crossface! It takes several members of security to drag the Rabid Wolverine off the now unconscious Kennedy.

RATING: 74/77/90

-- Dissent? --

King Booker appears on the big screen alongside Queen Sharmell, and the fans immediately begin to boo.

Sharmell: All hail King Booker!

Booker: Thank you, my Queen. But I am not out here to bask in the adoration of my public. You see, such things are a King’s right, but a King also has a responsibility to his people. Sometimes the King has to saddle up and ride to war. This Sunday at No Way Out – I go into battle with that despicable ‘extremist’, CM Punk.

The crowd pops for Punk, causing King Booker to scowl.

Booker: Throughout history there have been popular upstarts who sought to bring down their rightful rulers. Robin Hood, Guy Fawkes… the public think that these criminal thugs represent their interests but what they don’t know is that these people are anarchists and troublemakers. They cheer for CM Punk now, but if he were King, what would he do? I am King Booker and I know what my people want. I know what my people need. This Sunday, I will…

Gregory Helms and Sylvan step into frame, distracting Booker and jostling Queen Sharmell.

Sylvan: Excuse me, ‘your highness’, but the most important person on Smackdown wishes to use this camera. Please move and take your Queen with you.

Booker: (To Sharmell) Tell me he didn’t just say that!

Helms: You heard him, Booker, move it or lose it. I’ve got things to say.

Booker: You cannot speak to a King that way! I am King Booker and I…

Helms: …will have to answer to Sylvan if you don’t move along. We’ve got a match coming up. Go get ready or something.

Booker: You have not heard the last of this!

Booker and Queen Sharmell grudgingly leave. Sylvan smiles smugly as Helms gets on the mike.

Helms: I’ll make this short and I’ll make it sweet. I am guaranteeing victory at No Way Out this Sunday. Shawn Michaels can chop his crotch and plug his DX merchandise all he wants – that doesn’t change the fact that I am smarter than him. I outsmarted him at the Royal Rumble, and I’ll do it again this Sunday at No Way Out. Your time is over, old man, and this Sunday I’m going to give you clear proof of that.

Helms thrusts the microphone into Sylvan’s hand and stalks off.

Sylvan: Yeah!

RATING: 89%

-- The Undertaker, CM Punk, Kane, and Shawn Michaels vs. Gregory Helms, Sylvan, King Booker, and Batista --

What a colossal main event! Sylvan’s arrival kicks us off with a low key booing for the Frenchman, but Kane’s arrival and accompanying pyrotechnics gets the crowd really going. Next out is King Booker and his opponent, CM Punk. Then come Helms and HBK, followed by Batista’s arrival, and finally the Undertaker’s – drawing a night high pop from the capacity crowd.

We start things off with Sylvan in the ring against ECW’s CM Punk, and the bigger man gets in control early with his strength advantage – clubbing Punk to the ground to break an attempted hip-lock before laying him out with a brutal lariat. The tag is made to Gregory Helms, the 2007 Royal Rumble winner going after the still dazed Punk with a headlock accompanied by punches. He then steps things up, whipping Punk and attempting a dropkick – but the extremist holds onto the ropes and Helms crashes and burns! Punk dives for his corner, and the Big Red Machine is in! The fans go crazy! Kane puts Helms down with a hard uppercut, and treats his No Way Out opponent to one of his own as he enters. King Booker walks into a sidewalk slam, but Batista’s arrival turns the tables – the World Heavyweight Champion putting Kane to the match with a brutal spinebuster before talking trash to Undertaker. The referee’s preoccupied with keeping Kane’s team-mates out of the ring – and that allows King Booker to come off the ropes for the Scissor Kick!

No! Kane gets up. CHOKESLAM! Kane buries King Booker with the chokeslam! Batista’s already back on the apron as Sylvan attempts a clumsy clothesline. Kane grabs him by the throat, but a kick to the crotch from Helms breaks it! Helms comes off the ropes with a running elbow to the back of Kane’s head. Kane staggers forward into a spinebuster from Sylvan. Helms covers!

1

2

KICKOUT!

Kane gets a shoulder up and Helms can’t believe it. He goes to his corner and tags in Batista! The Animal goes right after Kane with brutal lefts and rights. Spinebuster! He’s fired up! He puts the thumbs up and then they go down. He’s going to Batista Bomb Kane! He gets him ready, but Shawn Michaels is in the ring. SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Batista flies back into the ropes and to the outside! The crowd chant HBK’s name as he chops his crotch in Helms’ direction before exiting the ring. Kane promptly tags The Undertaker into the match, and the crowd goes crazy! We’ll see Undertaker and Batista go one on one here!

No! Batista re-enters the ring and promptly tags out to King Booker, who doesn’t look at all pleased about stepping into the ring with the Dead Man. The two circle one another before tying up, and Undertaker goes right on the offence with a knee to the midsection and a few European uppercuts. A hard whip to the corner is followed by a body splash, and as Booker staggers out, the big boot follows! Booker stumbles to his feet and Undertaker’s going to the top rope for some Old School. Batista thumps the rope, though, and Undertaker’s racked up! Booker’s avoided old school, and he sends Undertaker to the floor below with a heel kick! Sharmell cheers her support as the King gets down and does a spinarooni as Undertaker picks himself up, sends a baleful glare Batista’s way, and gingerly re-enters the ring. Booker lands some boots on his back before dragging him to the hostile corner, tagging in Batista. The Animal doesn’t seem afraid of confronting the Undertaker when he’s already been beaten down!

Batista chops on Undertaker in the corner and talks trash in his face, but The Undertaker was playing possum! He explodes out of the corner with some hard rights before laying Batista out with a big boot! He’s coming off the ropes when Kane makes the blind tag! There’s some sibling rivalry here! Undertaker doesn’t look at all happy as Kane enters the ring and goes after Batista immediately with hard boots and a falling elbow. He’s dragging the champion to his feet when all hell breaks lose – Sylvan getting in the ring and taking Kane down with a clothesline. This triggers an all in brawl as The Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, and CM Punk all hit the ring. King Booker and Gregory Helms join in to make it a huge eight man brawl! Sylvan’s gone to the outside! A clothesline from Kane sent him out, and the Big Red Machine’s not done! He follows and the two brawl to the security rail – where Sylvan back body drops Kane to the crowd section! Not done, the two brawl their way up through the crowd and out of sight.

Meanwhile, in the ring, Batista and Undertaker have brawled to the outside as well. Batista splits Undertaker open with a brutal chair shot! The blood flowing down his face doesn’t seem to phase The Undertaker, though, and he grins a sadistic grin that seems to strike fear in Batista’s heart. He swings the chair again, but Undertaker ducks underneath it! CHOKESLAM! Undertaker puts down the man he’ll face in two days for the World Heavyweight Championship. Now they’re going into the crowd too! Undertaker tosses Batista over the barrier and the two men battle through the crowd.

The referee’s managed to restore some kind of order in the ring, and Gregory Helms and CM Punk are apparently the legal men. The two could produce some kind of a dream match in other circumstances, but here the two men are exhausted and the match is into its seventeenth minute. A series of rest holds from Helms seem to have sapped the life out of Punk, but he finds a second wind and battles out of a sleeper hold before whipping Helms to the corner and hitting his trademark high knee. He tags in HBK! The fans go crazy! HBK gets a chance to square off against the man who has tormented him since Royal Rumble! Helms’ eyes are wide with fear and he dives for his corner.

Booker moves away! The King refuses to be tagged in. He shouts something at Helms before he and Queen Sharmell leave ringside. He told Helms he’d get back at him, and he has! The fans cheer as Helms realises his dilemma and turns around right into SWEET CHIN MUSIC! CM Punk’s in the ring now. WELCOME TO CHICAGO! HBK covers. 1-2-3! HBK and CM Punk saw it through and get the win, but all hell has broken loose here! What will happen at No Way Out!?

RATING: 73/84/78

OVERALL: 69%

BEST SEGMENT: Helms/Booker Promo

WORST SEGMENT: Jimmy Jacobs vs. The Miz

MOTN: Mr. Kennedy vs. Finlay

BIGGEST POP: The Undertaker

MOST HEAT: Gregory Helms

No Way Out Prediction Competition

To make things interesting, and in the spirit of making my job as difficult as possible, I'm going to reward the winner of the tipping competition with a hire of their choice. Whoever tips the best score will get to choose one person for me to hire and push. Reflecto can't enter, as he already knows the No Way Out outcomes.

London & Kendrick © vs. Morgan & Jindrak for the WWE Tag Titles

Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title

Shannon Moore © vs. Joey Mercury for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

Kane vs. Sylvan

CM Punk vs. King Booker in an Extreme Rules match

Bobby Lashley © vs. Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly for the ECW World Title

Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels for the Wrestlemania Main Event spot

Batista © vs. Undertaker in Hell in a Cell

Bonus Questions

1. Which match will open the card?

2. Which match will receive the best match rating?

Remember that board rules require you at least post some justification for your predictions, so don't get a warning like those poor postwhores! I'll leave this open a while, as the PPV will take a while to write up.

[Kyle_]

London & Kendrick © vs. Morgan & Jindrak for the WWE Tag Titles

I don't think Morgan and Jindrak are quite ready for the titles yet. I see L&K winning with something of teh likes of a roll-up.

Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title

Kennedy could use it more than Benoit, and it could get Benoit in the MITB match.

Shannon Moore © vs. Joey Mercury for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

Shannon Moore isn't really anything IMO. I think the only reason he was champion was because it was part of the rules.

Kane vs. Sylvan

To get Sylvan over, likely with cheating.

CM Punk vs. King Booker in an Extreme Rules match

A win for Punk would push him to the upper midcard, and Booker wouldn't be too hurt from the loss seeing as it's an Extreme Rules match.

Bobby Lashley © vs. Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly for the ECW World Title

RVD wins back what should be his.

Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels for the Wrestlemania Main Event spot

I can't see you giving up the WM spot after building up Helms like you did.

Batista © vs. Undertaker in Hell in a Cell

Taker wins, and a possible Taker/Helms WM match.

Bonus Questions

1. Which match will open the card? Cruiserweight

2. Which match will receive the best match rating? Benoit vs Kennedy

Edited March 24, 2007 by sqeak

[Meacon Keaton]

London & Kendrick © vs. Morgan & Jindrak for the WWE Tag Titles

-I'm gonna say Morgan and Jinkdrak, change things up I reckon

Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title

- Benoit retains, because I think Kennedy will get in the MITB match at 'Mania

Shannon Moore © vs. Joey Mercury for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

- Joey Mercury, because I too am not impressed with Moore and I think much more can be done with Mercury holding the strap

Kane vs. Sylvan

- Kane, because I just like the guy

CM Punk vs. King Booker in an Extreme Rules match

- CM Punk, because it's a sad day in my eyes if King Booker wins any kind of Extreme type match

Bobby Lashley © vs. Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly for the ECW World Title

- Lashley, because I don't like the idea of Holly as ECW Champ. RVD in my opinion is too good for the strap, and I'm hoping Carlito goes back to Smackdown or RAW sometime after Wrestlemania

Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels for the Wrestlemania Main Event spot

- Helms keeps his Wrestlemania Main Even spot, because I don't like the idea of him winning the Rumble, but not getting that title shot

Batista © vs. Undertaker in Hell in a Cell

- 'Taker, because I can't stand Batista and I don't like the idea of him beating Taker in a HIAC

Bonus Questions

1. Which match will open the card? Kane and Sylvan

2. Which match will receive the best match rating? I think Benoit/Kennedy but to be different, I'm gonna say Moore and Mercury

Edited March 24, 2007 by meacon99

[Sam_Van_619]

London & Kendrick © vs. Morgan & Jindrak for the WWE Tag Titles

-- They'll do it, somehow. I think it's gonna take more than these two guys to end Londrick's nine-month reign.

Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title

-- Mr. Kennedy could get more use out of the title than Benoit can, I think.

Shannon Moore © vs. Joey Mercury for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

-- Shannon needs a longer reign than just a few weeks.

Kane vs. Sylvan

-- As a surprise I guess, you seem to be pushing him so a win here might be on the cards.

CM Punk vs. King Booker in an Extreme Rules match

-- I want King Booker to win, don't see it happening though.

Bobby Lashley © vs. Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly for the ECW World Title

-- If you switch the ECW title it's not going to be on the No Way Out undercard.

Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels for the Wrestlemania Main Event spot

-- It would be terrible if you took the title shot away from Helms now.

Batista © vs. Undertaker in Hell in a Cell

-- I think he's going to go into WrestleMania with the championship.

Bonus Questions

1. Which match will open the card? London & Kendrick vs. Morgan & Jindrak

2. Which match will receive the best match rating? Helms vs. Michaels

[NobBe Nobbs]

London & Kendrick © vs. Morgan & Jindrak for the WWE Tag Titles

Much as I hate the thought of Matt Morgan dethroning my boys Londrick, it can't shake the feeling it's going to happen

Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title

I can actually stomach Kennedy as a champion, even if I don't like seeing Benoit lost

Shannon Moore © vs. Joey Mercury for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

At least one person has to keep their title and Moore looks pathetic enough to get a pity win.

Kane vs. Sylvan

Although he should have no earthly business beating Kane, he probably will. Fucking Sylvan

CM Punk vs. King Booker in an Extreme Rules match

PUNK PUNK PUNK PUNK PUNK PUNK etc.

Bobby Lashley © vs. Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly for the ECW World Title

Please?

Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels for the Wrestlemania Main Event spot

Michaels has had enough time in the sun, dammit.

Batista © vs. Undertaker in Hell in a Cell

Erg. I know the Cell is Taker's match but I just don't see him winning.

Bonus Questions

1. Which match will open the card? Kane vs. Sylvan

2. Which match will receive the best match rating? Helms vs. Michaels

[MGW]

London & Kendrick © vs. Morgan & Jindrak for the WWE Tag Titles

Have been on a roll, and Kondon & Kendrick need to drop the belts and go single

Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title

Benoit to retain, Kennedy is ready to move on up, and the US title should stay on Benoit, who I can't see moving up anymore

Shannon Moore © vs. Joey Mercury for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

Kinda meh about this match, Shannon hasn't had the belt long, can't see him dropiing

Kane vs. Sylvan

Kane needs to become a serious contender once again, no way he should loose to Sylvan

CM Punk vs. King Booker in an Extreme Rules match

Punk has been built up excalently, keep it going with a big win here

Bobby Lashley © vs. Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly for the ECW World Title

I expect Lashley to defend against Carlito at Mania so he'll defend here

Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels for the Wrestlemania Main Event spot

Helms IS going to 'mania so he'll loose here, mabie some interferance?

Batista © vs. Undertaker in Hell in a Cell

I can't see the title changing hands here

Bonus Questions

1. Which match will open the card?

2. Which match will receive the best match rating?

[james_ewing88]

London & Kendrick © vs. Morgan & Jindrak for the WWE Tag Titles

I like Londrick, but I can't see them defeating Morgan & Jindrak

Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title

Love Kennedy...Kennedy, but Benoit is just too strong for Kennedy

Shannon Moore © vs. Joey Mercury for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

I believe it is time for Mercury to start his time at the top of the Cruiserweight Division

Kane vs. Sylvan

Sylvan defeat Kane?...now, that's funny

CM Punk vs. King Booker in an Extreme Rules match

Would love to see CM Punk win this, but King Booker is more experienced

Bobby Lashley © vs. Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly for the ECW World Title

Can't see anyone other than Lashley or RVD leaving with the title

Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels for the Wrestlemania Main Event spot

It's time to push Helms to the stars...no way better than to have him defeat HBK

Batista © vs. Undertaker in Hell in a Cell

Undertaker is almost unstoppable in Hell In A Cell matches...Batista is in a world of hurt

Bonus Questions

1. Which match will open the card? Chris Benoit vs. Mr. Kennedy

2. Which match will receive the best match rating? Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels

[nufan]

not sure if this diary is dead but i like it and will post my predictions

London & Kendrick © vs. Morgan & Jindrak for the WWE Tag Titles

Be a fluke win with Morgan & Jindrak destroying them after the match

Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title

I think Kennedy could use this more and free Benoit for something else

Shannon Moore © vs. Joey Mercury for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

More to retain, hasnt had it long enough and i think Joey Mercury could drift into a similar gimmick as Christians tantrum throwing one from back in the day.. hmm now all we need is DDP lol

Kane vs. Sylvan

Kane is a monster, sylvan will get his spots but i hate it when people use Kane to get others over

CM Punk vs. King Booker in an Extreme Rules match

Extreme Rules gotta go with Punk, botched interference maybe?

Bobby Lashley © vs. Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly for the ECW World Title

Lashley to win umm yeah thats all i got for that one

Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels for the Wrestlemania Main Event spot

Clean victory give him a bit of momentum and maybe make people think he can win the title

Batista © vs. Undertaker in Hell in a Cell

CANNOT STAND BATISTA! and Taker is a legend lol

Bonus Questions

1. Which match will open the card? Shannon Moore vs Joey Mercury

2. Which match will receive the best match rating? Benoit vs Kennedy

PS: i hope to see the ultimate warrior on this he is classic lol

[legendonline]

London & Kendrick © vs. Morgan & Jindrak for the WWE Tag Titles

Squash Fest 2007 Morgan and Jindrak end the best Tag run sence WGTT back in 03[?]

Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title

Kennedy..... KENNEDY!!!! Nuff said

Shannon Moore © vs. Joey Mercury for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

Don't see Moore losing this but this a CWB production so I'll go with Mercury

Kane vs. Sylvan

Putting Sylvan over hurts us all...

CM Punk vs. King Booker in an Extreme Rules match

I can alreday see the chants on SD to Booker... 'You Tapped Out! You Tapped Out!'... Punk by a landslide.

Bobby Lashley © vs. Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly for the ECW World Title

Carlito deserves a strap if not now then bring back the ECW TV Title...

Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels for the Wrestlemania Main Event spot

If Michaels wins... WE RIOT!

Batista © vs. Undertaker in Hell in a Cell

'Taker wins at 'Maina not NWO...

Bonus Questions

1. Which match will open the card? - Moore vs Mercury can't see the Tag opening... gotta open with a hit rather than a squash.

2. Which match will receive the best match rating? Helms vs HBK... Seems to be the best possible choice

Great writing so far... going to see if any new BSW shows came up sence the 1st.

Edited April 19, 2007 by legendonline

[Spacey]

London & Kendrick © vs. Morgan & Jindrak for the WWE Tag Titles

Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title

Shannon Moore © vs. Joey Mercury for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

Kane vs. Sylvan

CM Punk vs. King Booker in an Extreme Rules match

Bobby Lashley © vs. Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly for the ECW World Title

Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels for the Wrestlemania Main Event spot

Batista © vs. Undertaker in Hell in a Cell

Bonus Questions

1. Which match will open the card? Moore v Mercury

2. Which match will receive the best match rating? US Title

[ADF]

London & Kendrick © vs. Morgan & Jindrak for the WWE Tag Titles

Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title

Shannon Moore © vs. Joey Mercury for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

Kane vs. Sylvan

CM Punk vs. King Booker in an Extreme Rules match

Bobby Lashley © vs. Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly for the ECW World Title

Gregory Helms vs. Shawn Michaels for the Wrestlemania Main Event spot

Batista © vs. Undertaker in Hell in a Cell

Bonus Questions

1. Which match will open the card? Lane vs Sylvan

2. Which match will receive the best match rating? Hell in a Cell

[Chris the Human]

The pyros go off and the fans go crazy as WWE Smackdown presents No Way Out!

-- That Boyhood Dream --

Michael Cole and JBL welcome us to the broadcast as we immediately cut backstage where Krystal Marshall is standing beside The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels.

Krystal: Shawn, tonight you face Gregory Helms in what could be a career defining match for both of you. A Wrestlemania main event spot is on the line. What makes you think you’re deserving of that spot?

HBK: What makes me think I’m deserving? I’m the show-stopper, Krystal! I’ve been to the top of the mountain. I’ve headlined the big shows and I’ve held the big titles. My boyhood dream was to hold the WWE gold and did I do it? You’re damn straight I did! But does that mean I’ve somehow lost the dream? Oh hell no! Every win makes me thirstier and every defeat makes me stronger. At the Royal Rumble I let my guard down and it cost me my spot at Wrestlemania, but tonight I have a chance to reclaim it. After tonight there can be no excuses – I’ll either have won the match and be on my way to Wrestlemania or I’ll …. Strike that! After tonight, I will be in the Wrestlemania main event against John Cena, Batista, or The Undertaker. And you know what? I don’t care which one it is! I am the Heartbreak Kid, the showstopper, and the icon – and tonight, I’m going to show Gregory Helms that all of his so called ‘intelligence’ can’t stand up to a little Sweet Chin Music.

The crowds cheers turn to boos as Gregory Helms enters the frame.

Helms: Is that so?

HBK: That’s so.

Helms: You’re going to beat me tonight and take my Wrestlemania spot?

HBK: I’m going to beat the crap out of you tonight and take my Wrestlemania spot back.

Helms: (Laughing) You know the only thing sadder than a washed up old hack trying to recapture his glory days?

HBK doesn’t answer.

Krystal: What? What is?

Helms: One who believes he actually has a chance in hell of doing it. You’re finished, HBK, and tonight I’ll be the one to put the nail in the coffin.

They get right in each other’s faces and there’s a moment of intense tension, then Helms backs away with a cocky grin.

Helms: See you in the ring, gramps.

RATING: 91%

-- Chris Benoit © vs. Mr. Kennedy for the United States Title --

The rabid wolverine’s music hits to kick us off officially as the Canadian Crippler, Chris Benoit makes his way down to the ring to defend his title against Mr. Kennedy. Michael Cole and JBL comment on Benoit’s recent alliance with Finlay and the clashes the pair have had with Gangrel & The Boogeyman – but they’re cut off as Mr. Kennedy’s music hits and a limousine makes its way slowly down the ramp.

A pair of burly, unnamed guards step out of the limousine and open the door for Mr. Kennedy, who waves to the crowd as if he were a celebrity or a presidential candidate. Benoit isn’t impressed by the glitz and glamour, though, and makes a beeline for the challenger who laid him out two weeks ago on Smackdown. The two guards prove ineffective, both being shoved aside so that Benoit can bounce Kennedy’s face off the hood of the limo. Kennedy blocks a second attempt and elbows Benoit in the face before treating him to a taste of the stretch limo of his own.

“Get him in the ring” he yells to his two guards, who ‘escort’ Benoit to the ring via a detour that involves bouncing his face off the security rails and whipping him into the steps before rolling him into the ring for the bell to sound. Kennedy scrambles across to make the cover, and is not at all pleased when Benoit’s able to kick out just shy of three. Kennedy doesn’t relinquish his advantage, though, going to work on the knee that bore the brunt of the collision with the steps with a leg lock that has Benoit roaring in agony before he’s able to use a few well placed forearms to break the hold. He whips Kennedy to the corner and charges after him, but a raised boot from the challenger is followed by an exploding clothesline out of the corner that near turns the champion inside out.

Kennedy moves to the second rope and comes off with a flying elbow to Benoit’s chest, covering but again being thwarted when the champion is able to kick out on two. Kennedy gets in the referee’s face to question the integrity of the count, and the crowd’s voice rises as Benoit gets to his feet. Gripping Kennedy’s shoulder he spins him around and draws a cry from the challenger with a stiff chop to the chest. Another. Another. Kennedy’s whipped to the ropes and taken down with a hard back elbow. Benoit’s starting to gain some momentum as he drags Kennedy to his feet and hooks him up for a stalling vertical suplex. With Kennedy down, Benoit gets up and runs a thumb across his throat. Surely he’s not going to attempt the Suicide Headbutt already? He is! Benoit goes to the top rope and steadies himself, and Kennedy nimbly jumps to his feet and leaps onto the second rope – elbowing Benoit in the stomach and placing him over his shoulders for the Green Bay Plunge. He yells to the roof and prepares to hit his finisher, but Benoit’s gripping the ropes! Swinging DDT! Benoit plants the challenger with the swinging DDT! Cover. 1-2-kickout! Kennedy gets a shoulder up at the last second.

Benoit’s not discouraged, though, and after dragging Kennedy to his feet they tie up and Benoit locks in a side headlock. Kennedy shoves Benoit into the ropes and attempts to roll him up as he rebounds, but Benoit rolls through it and attempts to lock in the Crippler Crossface! Kennedy smartly scurries to the ropes to break the hold before it can be cinched in, but Benoit’s determined to lock it in. The referee is trying to pull Benoit off when Kennedy manages to extricate himself from the champion’s grip – sending both champion and official crashing to the mat! Kennedy’s stumbling to his feet when Benoit gets behind him. GERMAN SUPLEX! A second! A third! Benoit runs his thumb across his throat again as he goes to the top rope for the Suicide Headbutt. Cover, but the referee’s still down! The crowd counts to six before Benoit realises that the count isn’t coming. He gets to his feet to check on the referee as Kennedy’s two lackeys make another appearance – the two large men sliding into the ring. Benoit cuts off the first with some boots to the back, but the second hits him with a clothesline. No! He doesn’t! Benoit grabs the arm and rides his attacker to the ground to lock in the Crippler Crossface! The man’s tapping out in no time! But now Kennedy has recovered and he plants a boot in the back of Benoit’s head to break the submission maneuver. All three men are now laying into the champion with boots.

The crowd cheers as a replacement referee rushes down the ramp, forcing Kennedy’s offsiders to bail out of the ring in short order. Kennedy hauls Benoit to his feet and gets behind him, attempting to hit a German suplex to mock his opponent. Benoit blocks it with a boot around the ankle and then breaks Kennedy’s grip with some hard elbows to the ear. He comes off the ropes with a clothesline that floors Kennedy, and as Kennedy staggers back to his feet, treats him to another. Kennedy is whipped hard and Benoit flips him over with a running knee lift. Kennedy looks to have had enough, rolling to the outside and waving a hand at Benoit as if to say the match isn’t worth his time. He’s retreating up the ramp when Benoit knocks him to the steel floor with an elbow to the back of the head! Kennedy’s allies are careful not to get involved under the referee’s eye – meaning they have to watch on as Benoit buckles the challenger up with a German suplex on the ramp! With the count up to eight, Benoit rolls Kennedy back into the ring. Kennedy quickly grabs the referee’s shirt and pulls him down to the mat, as if begging for help.

With the referee thus distracted, it’s again time for Kennedy’s bodyguards to get involved in the match. They drag Benoit out of the ring where one whips him towards the other, who puts him on the mat with a back body drop. The man who whipped Benoit goes to where the time-keeper sits and shoves him off his seat, folding it up and returning to where his fellow crony is choking Benoit blatantly. In the ring, Kennedy is now to his feet and arguing with the referee in a loud voice – sure to keep the referee’s attention from drifting to the action outside. That action sees one man holding Benoit in a half nelson as the other prepares to knock his head off with the chair. Predictably, Benoit wrenches free of the hold at the last minute – meaning the chair instead hits the face of one of Kennedy’s allies. Not done, Benoit quickly moves around behind the chair wielding man and puts him down with a German Suplex! He slides back into the ring, brushes the referee aside, and gets a thumb in the eye from the ever wily Kennedy. He retaliates with a hard chop to the chest and in attempting another, has his arm trapped underneath Kennedy’s. The challenger quickly traps Benoit’s other arm underneath his and laughs in his face – only to have Benoit hit him with a brutal Headbutt! He’s split Kennedy open! Kennedy releases his grip and Benoit hooks him up with the three Amigos. Scattered ‘Eddie’ chants start as Benoit hits the final vertical suplex and again goes to the top rope. Will it be third time’s a charm for the Canadian Crippler. Who’s that? It’s The Boogeyman! The referee quickly goes across to intercept him, allowing Gangrel to get up on the apron. He spits blood into Benoit’s face! Benoit’s been blinded!

Seeing this, Kennedy displays his opportunist streak by moving up to the second rope and hefting the champion onto his shoulders. GREEN BAY PLUNGE! Kennedy plants Benoit with the Green Bay Plunge! Cover. 1-2-3! Mr. Kennedy has pinned Chris Benoit to become United States Champion!

Kennedy bails out of the ring and joins his two thus far nameless offsiders, the belt clutched to his chest as he backs up the ramp. Benoit wipes the blood from his eyes as The Boogeyman and Gangrel descend on him with their boots flying. Boogeyman kicks Benoit in the gut and puts Benoit down with the pump-handle slam! But Finlay’s on the way out! Benoit’s sometime tag team partner slides into the ring with his shillelagh swinging! He clobbers Boogeyman before kicking Gangrel in the gut. Celtic Cross! Finlay takes both members of All Hallow’s Eve down and helps Benoit to his feet – lifting his arm as if he’d been the victory. But Kennedy’s got the gold and Benoit has unfinished business with those freaks!

RATING: 87/82/92

-- Last Minute Preparations --

In the wake of Kennedy and Benoit’s colossal clash, we cut backstage to where Brian Kendrick and Paul London are preparing for their match. Ashley is there to provide visual motivation to her hooligans as they get ready to face off with the intimidating pairing of Matt Morgan and Mark Jindrak.

Ashley: You can do this, guys. They’re not unbeatable.

London: You don’t need to tell me. I beat Jindrak 1-2-3 two weeks ago on Smackdown.

He looks pointedly at Kendrick, who suffered a loss to Matt Morgan on Smackdown this past week. Seeing this, Kendrick stands and doesn’t look at all happy with his partner.

Kendrick: Hey! You got the easy one! Why did I have to face Morgan, anyway? The guy’s a monster!

London: You beat the guy you get paired off with, Brian. If you can’t get the job done, don’t blame it on me.

Kendrick: What are you saying?

London: Nothing. I’m just saying that they’re not unbeatable. I beat Jindrak and we can beat them both tonight.

Kendrick doesn’t seem 100% convinced, but he nods and extends his hand. London shakes it and Ashley looks on approvingly.

-- Paul London & Brian Kendrick © vs. Matt Morgan & Mark Jindrak --

The monstrous pairing of Morgan and Jindrak is first out to the ring, Cole and JBL commenting on the team’s impressive form since debuting earlier in the month. Between them they’ve had just one loss – Jindrak’s singles loss to London. The two discuss tactics, although it’s hard to imagine Morgan needs much more than ‘beat them up’ to win a match.

The arrival of the champions gets a solid pop from the big crowd, the pair sprinting down to the ring and unmasking as Ashley makes a more reserved entrance. The diva watches on nervously as her charges prepare to take on the very intimidating pairing. Kendrick will start things off against Jindrak here, and the fans immediately begin to chant his name as the two dance around one another and make a few ginger attempts at tying up. Jindrak eventually getting to grips with his smaller opponent. Rather than some technical finesse, however, Jindrak simply swings Kendrick by his shoulders and tosses him into the corner – much like a diva grabbing her opponent by the hair. He takes time out to mock the booing crowd before moving over and hauling Kendrick to his feet only to put him back down with a scoop slam. He covers, but Kendrick’s tougher than that and kicks out on two. Jindrak isn’t discouraged, however, whipping Kendrick hard into the corner. Kendrick rebounds painfully out of the corner and face first onto the mat – where Jindrak drops a few elbows onto him before tagging out to Morgan. The much bigger man goes right after Kendrick, hauling him to his shoulders and preparing to put the nail in the coffin with the F-5.

Kendrick manages to grasp the top rope, though, so Morgan dumps him to the floor below and roars at the crowd. He rushes over and knocks London off the apron with an elbow while Jindrak goes to work on Kendrick on the outside – whipping him into the steps. Ashley screams but makes no move to assist as the artist formerly known as Spanky is rolled back into the ring. Morgan comes across to cover, but Kendrick is able to lift a foot onto the bottom rope. As Kendrick tries to get to his feet, Morgan kicks him in the gut and spins him up to his shoulders to deliver a Powerbomb. There’s a moment when they’re at the apex that Kendrick lays some feeble rights into Morgan’s head before he crashes and burns in a sit-out Powerbomb! The count gets to two before London’s despairing dive breaks the fall. Jindrak comes across and lays London out with a clothesline, however, before the two pair up to whip Kendrick and deliver a double flapjack to the diminutive champion. The referee manages to usher Jindrak out of the ring while Morgan drags the near unconscious Kendrick to the corner and tag his smaller partner back in.

Jindrak locks Kendrick into a side headlock and punches him in the top of the head, but Spanky manages to shove Jindrak into the ring post! As Jindrak turns around he’s treated to Kendrick’s first offence off the match – a dropkick that staggers him back into the corner! Kendrick makes a bee line for London, but Morgan cuts him off – an exploder suplex crushing the resistance out of Kendrick. The champions have been demolished here and it looks to continue as London struggles to get into the ring. The referee isn’t allowing it, however, and so Morgan is able to heft Kendrick up for a stalling vertical suplex that sees Kendrick’s back cracked over the knee of Jindrak! What a brutal maneuver!

Morgan moves out of the ring as Jindrak covers, but this time London’s able to make it across and plant a boot in the back of his head. He’s ushered back out of the ring as Jindrak whips Kendrick to the ropes. Spanky ducks the attempted clothesline, leap-frogs Jindrak on the second bounce, and puts him down on the third with a dropsault! Finally, some resistance! Both men are down and crawling towards their respective corners as the crowd get behind the champions with Ashley leading the cheer. Kendrick leaps! London’s in! London’s in! He dropkicks Jindrak in the back, and the challenger stumbles and falls inches from tagging Morgan in! He’s too his feet, though, only to have London lay him out with another dropsault! A whip is reversed, but London ducks underneath another clumsy clothesline attempt and a deep arm-drag sends Jindrak skidding to the outside! It’s time for Kendrick to get some revenge! Jindrak’s too his feet as Kendrick comes off the apron for a hurricanrana on the outside!

Back in the ring, however, London is turned inside out and back the right way again by a brutal lariat from Morgan! He urges London to get up, preparing to deliver an F-5 to put this match beyond doubt. London’s up and Morgan hauls him to his shoulders for the F-5…

Tornado DDT! How the hell did London manage to get out of that situation? Morgan can hardly believe it, but the referee’s sending him out of the ring. London waves cockily but he’d better pay attention to Jindrak, who’s just slid back into the ring and sends London to the mat with a forearm to the back of the head. He finally manages to make the tag, and now Morgan’s free to do anything he wants to the champions! His first order of business is to kick London in the gut and again haul him up to attempt a crucifix Powerbomb. This time, however, London slides gracefully down his back and smartly rolls him up schoolboy style! 1-2-no! Morgan kicks out at the last second and he looks madder than ever as he whips London into the corner and follows to crush him with a body avalanche. This time he’s going to finish it. F-5! He hits the F-5! But he makes a rookie mistake, tagging in Jindrak rather than making the cover. Jindrak goes to the top rope and flies – but we’ll never know what his plan was, caught in the jaw with a dropkick from Kendrick as soon as he hits the ground! Kendrick gets the side headlock and it looks like he’s going to try for Sliced Bread #2! He runs at the turnbuckle, comes off, and comes down on Morgan’s shoulders! Morgan’s got him. POWERBOMB! Morgan makes the save and absolutely buries Kendrick with the Powerbomb!

London’s up! Somehow, London is up. He looks in pain but he finds the strength to dropkick Morgan in the back. Morgan goes over the top rope! Jindrak’s coming – superkick! London knocks the spit out of him with a brutal kick to the jaw. He feels it and the crowd do. He goes to the top rope. LONDON CALLING! Morgan’s trying to get back into the ring, but he won’t make it. 1-2-3! London and Kendrick retain! The champions retain!

London is quick to grab his fallen partner’s arm and slide out of the ring, taking his friend to safety and being joined by Ashley as the trio beat a hasty retreat. Matt Morgan is not happy and he shows the referee in the only way he knows – a brutal F-5!

London & Kendrick have held onto the title against all the odds!

RATING: 72/64/81

-- Hail to the Champ --

Todd Grisham is backstage with CM Punk, the ECW extremist getting a surprisingly big pop as he appears on screen.

Grisham: I’m back here with CM Punk – the man who eliminated King Booker from the 2007 Royal Rumble and who will take him on later tonight in the brutal environment of an Extreme Rules match. CM Punk, surely you’re confident going into this one?

CM Punk: You’re damn straight I’m confident. And it’s not just because I’m an ECW extremist and I’m used to this atmosphere. And it’s not just because I’m a better man than King Booker. The fact is, I thrive on all forms of competition. I don’t fear chairs. I don’t fear tables. I don’t fear anything. Tonight King Booker is going to find…

Mr. Kennedy walks into frame with his newly won United States title over his shoulder. He cheers loudly in Punk’s face.

Kennedy: Un-freakin’-believable. I almost don’t believe it myself. It was so easy! Chris Benoit – the Canadian Crippler – and I pinned him 1-2-3. It’s official. I’m unbeatable!

Punk: Is that so?

Kennedy: Oh, I’m sorry, did I interrupt the ‘Straight Edge’ superstar’s promo opportunity? Let me guess – it went something like “I thrive on competition. I’m going to beat King Booker”? Newsflash – CM Funk: nobody gives a damn! I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve all turned off after reaching the dizzying, orgasmic heights of seeing me beat Chris Benoit. Face it, kid, you’re not ready to mix it with the big guys yet. But, hey, good luck in your match tonight.

He pats Punk patronizingly on the shoulder before leaving Punk to eye him with dislike.

Grisham: I hate that guy so much.

Punk: I don’t. He’s cocky. He’s talented. I can’t wait to beat him.

He punches one fist into his open palm and stalks off.

-- Shannon Moore © vs. Joey Mercury --

There’s a modest ovation for the cruiserweight champion as he comes out to the ring for his title defence against the increasingly cocky Joey Mercury. Mercury’s own arrival draws a more impressive reaction, albeit negative. The former MNM member has made quite a name for himself in recent weeks and he’s vowed to defeat Moore tonight to become champion.

The two cruiserweights dance around one another after the bell rings, the fans not as into this one as they were for either of the previous matches. Mercury shows his arrogance when he slaps Moore to begin the match – Moore responding in kind before being doubled over with a knee to the midsection from the challenger. Mercury comes off the ropes but Moore leap-frogs him before catching him with a deep arm drag as he comes back. He doesn’t release on the arm drag either, holding Mercury’s wrist and wrenching his arm. Mercury ducks forward to reverse the pressure, but Moore flips forward and regains his footing before flipping Mercury onto his back. He covers, but Mercury gets his arm up just after two. Moore continues to control things for the opening, the fans gradually warming to the match as the champion ups the ante with each passing moment, going from dropkicks to hurricanranas and eventually going to the top rope and coming off with a twisting senton. Mercury was playing possum! Moore hits the mat and Mercury pounces with a small package. One – two – thr! Moore kicks out!

Now it’s Mercury’s turn to have things go his way, the challenger working on Moore’s right arm with wrenching holds and regular returns to the injured arm with knee drops, elbows, and even a brutal whip that sends the champion shoulder first into the corner. From here he tries for a schoolboy pin, but Moore rolls through it! 1-2-kickout! Mercury gets a shoulder up but now Moore’s coming home with a wet sail. Mercury charges in to attempt a clothesline, but Moore ducks underneath it and catches Mercury in the back with a dropkick that sends him stumbling into the second rope. If Rey were here, it’d be a 619 – but Moore contents himself with a modified bronco buster. Mercury hits the mat and Moore goes up top. MOOREGASM! Cover! 1-2-3! Shannon Moore retains the Cruiserweight Title!

RATING: 79/66/92

-- ECW Title Buildup --

We’re again backstage and it’s Hardcore Holly standing with Kristal Marshall. Holly’s one of three challengers in tonight’s big four way clash for Bobby Lashley’s ECW Title.

Kristal: Hardcore Holly, tonight you’ll be facing Carlito, Rob Van Dam, and Bobby Lashley to decide who will go into Wrestlemania as ECW Champion – how do you rate your chances?

Holly: Give me the mike, sugar tits. I’m going to make this real simple – my victory tonight is a foregone conclusion. Carlito and Lashley don’t have half of my experience between them, and RVD’s stuck back in the days where ECW was broadcast out of a bingo hall. Newsflash, RVD, this is 2007 and this is the WWE. That title? It’s going around my waist tonight. And that’s…

Carlito steps into frame.

Carlito: …not cool. You think you can beat Carlito? Spark Plug thinks he can beat Carlito? Carlito is the fastest rising star on ECW and that’s cool. There’s only one person winning tonight and that’s…

Now it’s RVD shoving his way into frame, pointing to himself and saying…

RVD: …R-V-D.

He laughs at his own brilliance as Carlito and Holly fix him with baleful glares.

RVD: Come on, that was great. You guys need to loosen up.

The crowd’s cheering goes up a notch as the ECW Champion, Bobby Lashley strides into frame with the gold over his shoulder.

Lashley: You think you can beat me? You think this title’s going anywhere but home with me tonight? You’re sadly mistaken.

He leaves the three challengers looking a little discouraged as we cut back to the ring for the next match.

More to come...

[nufan]

first half has been brilliant loved the promo between the ECW challengers, seemed pretty realistic

You have your characters down to a T really carlito as a heel is always better as carlito as a face and RVD back in the 'dude' gimmick is good, i watched real ECW and him trying to be intimidating is pretty funny

cant wait for the next half