The "Complete" whacked Out wrestling Memorial...

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

AWA Underground

Welcome to another week of AWA Underground, a.k.a. the indy fed that thinks it's national! Our hosts, as always, are Joey Styles and Jason Knight- bringing you the best that they could afford (i.e. not much...)

Chris Dobbs v. Chance Beckett

Well, one tried and true method to get fans into it: Find two decent jobbers, let them show what they can do. In this form, young Chance Beckett and Chris Dobbs managed to put on a nice opener that got much more heat than it should have. This isn't a bad thing- if AWAMLW can get anyone over, that'll be good for them. Chris Dobbs won this one with a really nice modified Pedigree (that I've heard he calls the Pepto Plunge when he wrestles for wOw, so I'll use that term) to get the win, but really- in matches where jobbers manage a match like this ended up being, both will likely end up winners.

(38, 72, 55)

After that matchup, Jamie Kogyaru came to the ring carrying her National Women's Championship title, and took the mic...

Kogyaru: "So, like, I heard that this chick Sharon Goddard who thinks that, like, she's better than me, or some junk...does she even REALIZE who she's dealing with? I mean, I am, like, the Longest-Running National Women's Champion in, like, 15 years...I've held this belt for, like, the better part of this year, and no little bitch like her could EVER belong in the same ring as me, for sure!"

Just then, Sharon Goddard comes down the ramp and just STIFFS Kogyaru, grabbing the title!

Styles: "CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTT!!!!"

YES! Jamie's been making American women's wrestling work a more josei-style, now Sharon Goddard can give the other part of josei- namely: Big, angry, butch women just fucking beating the hell out of smaller, cuter girls!

(65- both gained)

Hart Foundation 2K3 v. The Ballard Brothers

This should be a good example of the tag team division AWAMLW's managed to come through with. Good tag teams managing to put on a decent show together's always a good thing, and these two teams did just that. Nice moves abounded, as the teams managed to put on a show. The only weakness with the match was the ending, as The Ballard Brothers went over following interference from... The Goon? Hold up...wait a second...THE GOON? This is exactly the problem with AWAMLW: They can get a number of wrestlers people want to see- Nash, Hogan, Savage, Bret, RVD, etc., and yet, despite all that, they get a forgotten piece of Wrestlecrap from nearly 10 years ago! And they wonder why people don't consider them big-time...

(41, 80, 60)

After that match, I had to get ready. Luckily, Joey said I could borrow one of his spare outfits until I could buy something for myself in this one. Now, to just wait on my cue...

After the break, Evan Karagias and Jayce Simmons, alias The Teen Dreams, alias "We're Not Three Count, Please Don't Sue" were in the ring, doing basically the Three Count shtick- but no, they're not a second-rate tag team living on Evan Karagias's last major run, we swear! We're a major federation, we couldn't do that... Suddenly, just when we needed it, "Vindicated" hit as Joey Hamm came down to the ring and took the mic...

Hamm:"Do you jerks really think that these people came to see you sing? No one wants people like you here- people singing your crappy love songs about all the girls who you mistreat, who stay with idiots like you instead of going after the ones who truly love them, using crappy lines with absolutely no emotion to them, and generally wasting everyone's time! People like you make me sick, and it is time for someone who actually has feelings to destroy you!"

Simmons: "Excellent! Nerd boy wants to be a bad ass? Guys like you can NEVER beat people like us, no matter what! You claim we have these problems, but news flash: We're hot! Like, really, REALLY hot! Guys like you can sit around with your little 'cry, cry, Dashboard Confessional, cry some more, cry more', because you know you can NEVER be like us! If you want a chance at us- go ahead, we can use a jobber for tonight!"

Hamm: "Okay, then- but I think I deserve a partner against you two..."

Karagias: "Fine- two little emo pussies are better than one..."

Hamm: "Okay, you asked for it...hit his music!" Just then, Hamm's theme restarted as a familiar face came to the ring...

Knight: "Wait...that's Tom Goddard! I haven't seen him in the ring since the Super 8 final!"

Styles: "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! TOM GODDARD IS BACK IN AWAMLW! HOONANCONRANA! HOONANCONRANA! CAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT FIIIIIIGHT!"

Well, at least the crowd still remembers me...now, to make sure the rust is gone...

(71)

The Teen Dreams v. Joey Hamm and Tom Goddard

During the match, Knight was calling the latter team "EMOtion", so that seems like their team name for now. I didn't catch what Styles said, as he was going on about "HOONANCONRANAS" and "CAAAAAAATTTTTT FIIIIIIGGGGHHHTTTS!" Goddard started the match off against Karagias, and let me just say: The injury did NOT affect his performance at all- he's just as good as ever. Goddard and Hamm also had a large amount of surprisingly good teamwork for a team that just formed (possibly due to the two of them being very good tag team wrestlers already with Steve Evans and Greg Burch, respectively...) Quick tags abounded, as Hamm and Goddard kept Karagias away. Evan Karagias got a hot tag, because it's a major fed and EVERYONE gets a hot tag, allowing Jayce Simmons to get him some. Nice moves occurred again, before Karagias got back in the match- big mistake, as Hamm hit that nice Osaka Street Cutter he calls the Endless Sorrow before loading Goddard up for the My Final Heaven, allowing the newcomers the victory. Afterward, the two started some minor celebrations. Not great, but I'd say there is definite potential for the future from both teams.

(51, 69, 60)

Well, I was happy- the fans had remembered, and I was just as well-liked as always. I wasn't as great as I'd hoped to be, but I'll chalk it off to a little ring rust. Afterwards, Joey and Jayce came over...

Jayce: "Well, Tom- it was as good as I'd hoped it would be..."

Joey: "Did you expect otherwise- I mean, come on, I always knew you had the skills, and Tom...well, come on, man..."

Jayce: "Well, I shouldn't have doubted you in there, I mean, you did teach me everything I know..."

"Well, he must have taught some good stuff, Jayce- you pulled up your end of the match excellently."

Jayce: "Thanks, man..."

Joey: "Hey, the wOw guys are going to go party-You in?"

"Sure!"

Jayce: "Excellent!" While the actions there were mostly uneventful, I was able to get on the Internet for the results...

Mike Sullivan d. Tom Howard (46, 78, 62)

Ekmo d. Danny Doring by interference by Skulu the Savage (60, 69, 64)

The Extreme Horsemen d. The Headhunters to retain the AWA Global Tag Team Titles (48, 76, 62)

Bryan Danielson d. Low-Ki (61, 91, 76)- DAMMIT! That sounds like it was an awesome match! Oog- I shouldn't have left early...

Justin Credible d. Terry Funk in a hardcore match (66, 54, 62)

Christopher Daniels d. Sabu to retain the AWA World Title. After the match, Jerry Lynn came in and attacked Daniels. (70, 71, 70)

(Overall: 64)

When I got back to my hotel, I was able to get a tape of Raw, which I put in as I started to rest up...

Edited September 25, 2004 by Reflecto

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

Well, this is the big one. I've seen RAW since it came on TV, but being one of the roster makes it seem more important...like I truly hit the big time. I headed through the backstage, and saw an old acquaintance, who headed over...

Steve: "Shane Goddard? You mean the rumors are right? They actually picked up an old, broken-down guy like you?"

"You should talk, Blackman- at least my neck still works right..."

Steve: "Talk, no. But I should thank you...your booking of me in wOw is definitely what got me another chance here in WWE. Thanks a lot for that. Congrats on your imminent debut here- it's nice to see the guys who truly deserve it get their chance to shine."

"Thanks, man."

Steve: "No problem- I'm sure if Stamboli and Nova were on Raw, they'd be reiterating my stuff. I'll see you around- hopefully, we'll get to show our stuff out there!"

"You know it." Well, that's always a good thing- if people like the way you treated them while they were on their way down, they'll help you on your way up. If you help them back up, you're in clover for life. I tried to make my way around, following all the standard rules I had heard about in Internet horror stories. Finally, as I was finishing up, I saw a line of people head downwards, beginning to bow down...

"What's all this about?" One of the road agents headed over...

Agent: "Just get down, quick!" Just then, I heard the sounds of Motorhead being played on a boombox carried by a black manservant (I WONDERED why they kept that butler guy on payroll...). That was the first time I had met with Triple H. I saw as he went down the line, until he finally stopped at me...

Triple H: "You're-uh a new face-uh...what's your name-uh?"

"Um...Shane Goddard, Mr. Helmsley- I'm a big fan of yours..."

HHH: "I remember-uh you...I think I fought-uh you a couple of times-uh back around 1992-uh. You finally-uh got signed here-uh?"

"Well, yeah. It's a huge honor to be allowed this opportunity, Mr. Helmsley..."

HHH: "Please-uh, call me Paul-uh."

"Sure thing, Paula...er, Paul. Sorry, sorry...just nervous is all...still a little jittery, I mean, it is the big time, after all..." I got nervous, until he started to laugh...

HHH: "Not bad-uh...well, good luck here-uh..." He left the area as I suddenly felt like I dodged a bullet and the road agent headed over to him. I couldn't really make out what they were saying, due to the Motorhead blasting through my head, but I assume the author can...

<<Agent: "So, what did you think, Mr. Levesque?"

HHH: "He seems harmless-uh...keep him around-uh...">>

As Triple H left, I just stuck around to watch the matches- I knew I wouldn't debut for a few weeks, so it was like having some of the best seats in the house for Raw.

____________________________________________________________________

WWE Raw

We're live from Memphis, TN. JR and The King are your hosts, as always.

Rico v. The Hurricane

This match was much better than it should have been, though not as great. The two surprisingly worked fairly decently together, leading to an awesome matchup. Miss Jackie tried to interfere in a couple spots, but Rosey managed to keep her away from the ring. The referee finally forced both of them back to the dressing room. This allowed Hurricane to retake the advantage from Rico. Just as Hurricane had the match won, a man ran out of the stands and attacked The Hurricane! Rico hit a Roundhouse Kick on The Hurricane into a German Suplex by the man, allowing Rico to pick up a cheap victory! After the match, Rico took the mic...

Rico: "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen! Now, as everyone knows, no one in WWE has more style than I do, and now I am finally teaching my skills to a select number of men who choose to become truly stylish! I present to you my first disciple, if you will, Mr. Nicholas Dinsmore!" Dinsmore posed for the crowd as Raw went to break.

(72,71,71)

After the break, a video started playing...

(INT. An arena. A basketball court is shown.)

Voice: "The revolution will be televised..."

(A somewhat muscular figure comes into the shadows and starts to play.)

Voice: "In all of streetball, no one had more game than he did..."

(Some nice moves [though not nearly as nice as they hyped] are shown.)

Voice: "The NBA didn't want no piece of this guy- he was way too good for that. And-1? Ain't nowhere near his skill. His only option? The WWE."

(The figure keeps playing.)

Voice: "One of the greatest basketball players you never heard of is finally gonna show the world the truth..."

(The figure stops and talks...)

Figure: "NO ONE...got more game than me..."

(A basketball sound effect occurs twice...)

On-screen: ORLANDO JORDAN.

Coming Soon to RAW...

(57)

After the break, a scene showed of that day's Smackdown Your Vote! campaign. JR and The King hyped how they managed to get nearly a thousand new registered voters that day. As the King added: "Remember, America's not a monarchy- well, maybe here in Memphis is my sovereignty...*crowd pops*...No matter who you vote for, just vote!"

After that, the Darkness' Children (Bane and Seven) came out as Bane headed to the ring for his matchup. A metal version of "Hail to the Chief" then hit, as Doc Dean came out to the ring and grabbed a microphone...

"Hello, Memphis! Now, I looked throughout this area, and I noticed way too many problems going around- all the crime, all the problems with taxation, and a generally poor thing! The reason for this? Too many problems made by George W.Bush's horrible policies! I promise all of you, that if you join my supporters, you too will live in a veritable utopia, just like the one found in the great state of Vermont! So come, Memphis- join my supporters and show the world that THE DOC...IS...IN!"

King: "I don't believe this guy! He's totally Un-American!"

JR: "BAH-GAWD, you're right! This guy should just do us all a favor and just Get the F out of this country, and take all his supporters with him! We don't need them; we'll do just fine with TRUE Americans!"

Doc Dean v. Bane

Okay, this match was horrible... To begin with, Doc Dean was only over as a non-wrestling persona (if that), while Bane was not over, period. To add to that, neither wrestler was good enough to get past that, and as a third strike, the two didn't mesh. Put them together, and the match was horrific. Memo to WWE: Send Bane back to OVW or cut him, keep Doc Dean out of the ring. When Bane won with a Powerslam, I cheered, but only because the match ended- more than the live crowd did, as they were DEAD throughout the whole thing. After the match, Doc Dean grabbed the mic...

"You may have beaten me this time, Bane, but you should know- NO ONE will stand in my way! This country needs me, and all my supporters know I will bounce back from this minor setback! THE DOC...IS... IN!"

JR: "Oh, just shut up already! We don't need to hear your whining!"

King: "Go back to Vermont, or Iraq, or wherever you came from!"

(12,57, 34)

After the break...

Lillian Garcia: "And now, it's time to introduce to you, Memphis's favorite wrestler: Jerry 'The King' Garcia...er, Lawler!" The King's music hit as he came to the ring to address the crowd!

Lawler: "Thank you! I love all of you. For years, I've wrestled in front of each and every one of you, and you've always been there for me. No matter what I said to you fans, did out there in the ring, or what- I always knew Memphis was my town! And I would just like to give an appreciation to you, the fans...PUPPIES!" No women came out...although John Heidenreich did! Heidenreich ran into the ring and attacked Lawler, hitting a big Chokeslam on him! Garcia then went over to him...

Garcia: "John Stamboli...er, Heidenreich- WHY did you just do that?"

Heidenreich: "I'll tell you why- I'll tell you all why! Jerry Lawler is a fraud, a cheat, and...and...HE TOUCHED 'LITTLE JOHNNY!'" Heidenreich burst into tears and left the ring after saying this... (Re-Release Notes: Come on, admit it- you all also thought that they were building up 'Little Johnny' as Heidenreich's penis...)

JR: "What did he just say? I am BAH-GAWD shocked that that HOSS would say something like that! That's a huge claim for anyone to say about someone else!

(66)

During the commercial break, it seemed normal, until...

(INT. Outside a movie theater. Scenes from Heat's video occurred...)

Fan #1: "Shane Goddard...looks to be the next great thing in the world of wrestling! (More scenes of Goddard wrestling occur.)

Fan #2: "This will be the big event of Wrestling for 2004, no doubt!" (More action scenes show.)

Fan #3 (Bradley Richter): "I've been waiting 11 years for this day, man- the next superstar to watch in WWE is Shane Goddard, no doubt!"(More scenes occur...)

Fan #4: "Those WWE wrestlers may be good, but they are NOT SUPERSTARS..."

SHANE GODDARD

Coming Next Week to RAW...

(80)

Val Venis v. Test

They thought it so nice they did it twice...or just couldn't think of anything else due to how low the roster's gotten- either way...It worked last night, it didn't do badly tonight. No problems here. Similar ending, as well, as Test gets the win cleanly. Nothing great, but come on- give us something new!

(70, 75, 72)

The Dudley Boyz v. Ric Flair/Batista (World Tag Titles/Tables Match)

Okay, this has been done to death, so let's go to it...Flair gets an advantage because he's a LEGEND, Batista dominates because Vince has a hard-on for big guys, The Dudleyz take advantage, then send Flair through a table for the victory. Boring...next?

(79, 68, 75)

Maven v. Randy Orton (Intercontinental Title)

Okay, this match sucked...Maven proved, if nothing else- no matter how much time he's gotten past Tough Enough, he still can't put on a decent matchup. Orton proved he doesn't deserve his push again, and the Intercontinental Title managed to get pissed on. Someone please get Maven off my TV and the Title off of Orton, post-haste! Orton retained, because, you know- can't have a title change on Raw, can we?

(81, 59, 74)

Matt Hardy v. Shawn Michaels

Okay, THIS is a match that people would want to see. The old guard in WWE versus the heir apparent to the style of him, this would be a perfect feud waiting to happen, with the cocky upstart upending the legend...at least, that'd be the good ending. However, Michaels is tight with HHH, and as a result, Hardy gets forced to do the job. And if the match isn't great, they'll blame Hardy- a perfect one for Michaels!

(86, 75, 82)

Chris Benoit v. Chris Jericho

This is a match people would pay to see as a PPV main-event...so of course, it can't even main-event Raw. No biggie, most fans have gained a Zen-like acceptance that Benoit and Jericho will never be the top man anymore (or ever), so it doesn't matter. The two fight normally, Benoit wins, they steal the show...but who cares, they're all...small...and...not HHH...

(90, 86, 88)

John Cena v. Triple H (World Heavyweight Title)

John Cena comes out first, only not rapping his way to the ring, because, you know, we can't have him get any semblance of heat on Triple H, can we? Triple H does his normal entrance, only to have Cena proceed to get beaten in a quicker time than the entrance took, because, you know, it's Triple H and no one can defeat him, ever, in the history of the universe.Triple H wins with the Pedigree, Raw over, no surprises here...

(90, 68, 83)

Overall: 72

____________________________________________________________________

Well, that was certainly pointless. I decided to go onto the Internet and see if any of my old friends were online, making sure to keep WWE.com up so I could just appear to be going there...

WWE.Com News..

-In big newscasts, reports are that the WWE is nearing completion of a time machine are being confirmed all around. When asked why WWE would need a time machine, insiders claim: "So we can get all the best wrestlers, fighters, etc. from history, then have them job to Triple H..." Reports are that Triple H is most excited to have the following people job to him: Flair from the '80s, Bret Hart from 1995, Ricky Steamboat from the '80s, and Jesus.

-The WWE has reported that they have made a new plan for their own roster. In this one, select lower-carders will be allowed more easily to compete for other federations as well as the WWE. Previously, wrestlers could only compete if they had a day off, but now as long as the federation pays a percentage of money to WWE to rent their services (as well as the certain wrestler's appearance fee), the WWE will release them to work a certain day.

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

August 4, 2004.

When I woke up that morning, I suddenly recieved a message...

Voice: "Hey, Tom, what's up...?"

"Um...who is this?"

Voice: "Oh, sorry- it's Alex Shelley- we work for AWAMLW together..."

"What's going on...?"

Shelley: "Well, I was just wondering- I've heard great things about wOw, and I was wondering if you could get me a job there...?"

"Just out of curiosity: For the first question, why are you asking me now? Why not wait until Saturday?"

Shelley: "Well, I was working for ROH, and they said they don't need me. I thought it best to strike while the iron's hot, and, well- it's no secret you're nailing the wOw owner's daughter..." That's the rumor going around...? I am shocked- me and Jocelyn haven't really even seen each other since...since the Super 8 final...oh, Jocelyn...where are you now...why haven't you contacted me...

Shelley: "Um, dude- I know you're doing an emo gimmick now, but could you wait until after getting me the info to practice doing these weepy inner monologues?"

"That brings me to another question...why are you saying this stuff in my head?"

Shelley: "Oh, sorry- I guess I should have told you about my status as the world's first professional wrestler who also has psychic powers?" (Re-Release Notes: This is why you should not let Reflecto play by himself. The thought process for this was simple: I decided I wanted to push Alex Shelley, but I couldn't push a somewhat legit, No Gimmick Needed-type guy in wOw Memorial, now can I? I ended up watching a lot of Kimagure Orange Road at the time [which could likely explain for more of a culture shift from Volume One's free-form romantic style to Volume Two's much more straight-up style], which led to the idea of giving Shelley psychic powers as well. It's become rather useful for me, and I don't look back...)

"Yes, that would have definitely helped out a bit..."

Shelley: "Sorry about that. Oh, and if it's not too much trouble- my buddy Jimmy Jacobs would also like to see if he can get a job there. Thanks in advance!"

"Okay..." Alex proceeded to get out of my head, allowing me to start my day. Well, it's no biggie...once a pro-wrestler you've barely met uses psychic abilities to ask for a job, you can safely say that your day won't have many other problems. Luckily, I had to head over there anyway, so I made the attempt. When I got there, Robbie was already on the phone...

Richter: "What? You're willing to work for us for that price? Awesome! We'll be happy to have you guys...yeah, it's a real feather in wOw's cap to book you. All right; we'll see you Friday, then. Thanks, bye!" Richter hung up the phone... "Tom! Great news- I just got the Hart Foundation 2k3 to come to terms with us for some appearances here in wOw!"

"Excellent, Mr.Richter!" Suddenly, the voice came into my head again...

Shelley: "Um, Tom...just reminding you..."

"Oh, yeah- I was in contact with Alex Shelley and Jimmy Jacobs- they're interested in working some shows for us..."

Richter: "That's great; my connections over in IWA-MS said they were interested. I'll try to fax over some ideas for the contract..."

"Actually, hold up...I'll put you in touch with one..." ("Dude...contact Robbie Richter...now; he'll hammer out the contract...")

Shelley: "Hi, Mr. Richter- I'm fine with a fairly low-cost one..."

Richter: "Oh, a psychic, eh? I haven't seen too many of those in the business..."

Shelley: "I'd gather- it really creeps out most promoters...I've usually had to keep it on the down-low."

Richter: "No biggie- I book legit anime girls, kegs of beer, guys who get off on having Anal Explosion matches- a psychic won't be a problem for me. I'll just think of a number for payment, and you tell me if it's good, okay?"

Shelley: "Sure- that's perfect! I'll think of Jimmy's e-mail address, you can get back to him for the info there."

Richter: "Okay. We'll see you Friday, then!"

"It's all set?"

Richter: "Yeah- luckily, we got two of the top teams in the Indies in one fell swoop."

"Great. Oh, I was wondering...is Jocelyn around?"

Richter: "Nope, I haven't seen her...I'll tell her you were looking for her..." I knew it. She was probably mad at me. I mean, wOw had its big chance to make the big time, and I was the one who blew it- both taking a shot at those PPVs and losing one of their meal tickets in one fell swoop..."You know, she's been asking about you..." ...she'll probably never speak to me again... "...I heard she really wants to talk to you in private, and really can't give the message to your parents..." ...this totally sucks, why can't I stop thinking about her? I miss her so much... "You might want to find her here, she's working for..." Dammit... I decided to leave, perchance to go find some good wrestling news on the Internet...perchance read a few diaries (I had become this huge fan of this one sort-of-weird, unique one...)

Richter: "Yeah, Jim? Oh, yeah- Alex contacted me...um, must have gotten it from Tom Goddard on Monday...what? You want Tom Goddard to work a few shows for you? Well, I don't know... yeah- he's good, but sometimes, he seems to go out into space..."

Fannin: "I see. Well, if I get the chance, I'll try and have him head over here a bit. I'll talk to you later- bye!" Fannin hung up the phone and waited for his next meeting...

Receptionist: "Mr.Fannin...two people are here to see you..."

Fannin: "Send them in, please." A man and woman came to his office and sat down."So, what'd you think about the proposal?

Woman: "On the one hand, we think you're a good investment..."

Man:"SUPER investment..."

Woman: "But we're a little worried about how hardcore the federation is..."

Man: "WAY too hardcore..."

Woman: "However, we checked with our people, and they're willing to give you the money you asked for..."

Man: "PERFECT score, you got all of it..."

Woman: "...but only if you tone your federation down- make it more family friendly..."

Man: "Allow the kids to come without problem!"

Woman: "We've been asked to come to your shows to see that you do it well..."

Man: "No problems- we'll just make a few calls, get some stuff going- make you a fed to watch...

Woman: "So, don't worry. We've got to go- we've got to do some things..."

Man: "Do some WILD things..." The woman turned to the man and punched him, sending him skyward...

Woman: "We'll get back to you- we'll handle this stuff. Sophie Eckstein, my partner's Josh Anthony. We'll make your federation the next big thing, no problems!"

Fannin: "Okay...you two do what you need to in order to get this to work..." Sophie and Josh left the room as Jim kept working...

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

Friday, August 6.

I headed over to the arena for wOw's show- finally, I'm back in the saddle. It felt good, especially after such a long wait. Robbie came over to me...

Robbie: "Okay, I've got the plan set. Your first vignette to reintroduce you's going to air tonight- I don't think you'll have many problems there, though. My only other question- do you know if your buddies showed up here?"

"What? Alex and Jimmy? I think they did...why?"

Robbie: "I'm probably going to need them to debut tonight...check this e-mail..." He pulled out an e-mail that was printed out:

From: Hy-Zaya

To: Rockin'Richter@hotmail.com

Sorry, but I have to respectfully resign from your federation- I was just offered a sweetheart deal to sign with the WWE. I assume you can understand- I mean, when they call, you accept the charges...

"I see...did he use the bonus with leaving...?"Suddenly, I felt myself shrink into a Super-Deformed version of myself...

Super-Deformed Tom Goddard: For those of you who didn't read Volume One, there's a long-standing myth about whacked Out wrestling where if a worker confesses their feelings to a co-worker on the day they leave the company, the two will live happily ever after! That's common knowledge for whacked Out wrestling Memorial readers...

Richter: "I doubt it- he's one of those IWA- Mid South guys- probably didn't know wOw from that crappy Women's wrestling place. I don't know if he knew about that extra. Anyway, we were going to use him tonight...What are we going to do..."

"We have hundreds of people on roster- we'll be fine. Do not worry..." I headed into the locker room and got ready, only to have my old buddy Steve come up to me...

Steve Evans: "Tom! What's been going on, bro! Finally ready to wrestle again, huh?"

"You know it, bro- made my triumphant return Monday on the AWA show..."

Steve: "Oh...I see. Joining up with them, I take it?"

"Dude- don't worry. It's just AWAMLW; I'm still going to work here full-time too..."

Steve: "Dude, I'm talking about other stuff. I assume you know I'm TNA, right?"

"Yeah- they teamed me and Joey together for that reason."

Steve: "I see- surprising. I could've sworn you two would never mesh. Personally, I'm a bit disappointed- I was hoping that when you got better, you'd sign with TNA and we'd ride again- bring our show to one of the most major feds in the world. I didn't expect you'd go to AWAMLW after...the tournament..."

"What can I say? My hands were tied- if I didn't confirm I'd work with them when I got back from my injury, they said they wouldn't allow anyone else from wOw to work AWAMLW shows. I couldn't let the others lose out on the opportunity to wrestle on a national stage, ya know?"

Steve: "I know. But still- just come to a TNA show with me; see what we do. They're frothing at the mouth to get you there- they believe you can be the next AJ Styles if you join them."

"Okay- I'll come to a show. But in exchange, you have to come to next week's AWAMLW with me- all right? See which of them would work better for both of us?"

Steve: "Sure, man- you got it..." After this, I got ready, found out the plans they had for me, and waited as the show started...

wOw Flagship

Well, I'm back on Flagship duty- and good timing for it, as the buzz keeps growing of big things wOw is planning...

Your hosts are Madison Carter and Gristleizer (well, at least they keep the normal guard in their announce team- seeing people like Joey Styles work for wOw would ruin the fun of it...

Hand Maid Mully v. Tiffany

Well, this match should be good...I've heard Hand Maid Mully compared favorably as a worker to my dream woman, Jamie Kogyaru, so if this is true, I'm in for a treat...or trick, as she comes to the ring in a latex-looking normal clothing and a big wind-up key in her back. How's someone supposed to bump with that, anyway? Her opponent, Tiffany, is a veteran of AAA...where, from the looks of things, she was a suitcase, because Hand Maid Mully had to carry her. Considering it's impossible for her to sell, this was a bad thing. Despite this, Hand Maid Mully managed to hit a somewhat modified Tornado DDT (that the announcers called the Wind-Up) on Tiffany, getting the big win. Thank you...now, hopefully Tiffany will be looking for love soon, because wOw needs to drop her!

(Re-Release Notes: I really need to get more uses out of Hand Maid Mully- my top assistant has been desperately trying to get me to push her more, both here and in the base fed. I'd like to, and to be honest, the concept of a wind-up girl could have some uses for this. Hence, expect to see her show up more often, and if you see her get really pushed, know that "S." won...)

(22, 36, 44)

After the break, a video aired on the wOwTron...

(INT. A hospital room. Tom Goddard is sitting on a hospital bed, his ankles still bandaged up.)

Goddard: "What happens to a dream deferred? Honestly, if anyone should know that in whacked Out wrestling, it should be me...

I mean, the last few years in wOw have really been beyond any of my wildest dreams. How could I have guessed last year at this time that I would have had a run like this one. I trust all my people in wOw still remember me..." I heard the crowd pop at that... ...but if you don't, I trust my record speaks for itself. I brought the 2003 Rookie of the Year Award and the 2003 King of the Indies trophy back to wOw, I was the first wOw homegrown worker to make it into the top 100 wrestlers since 1987, I- I was one-half of the first AWA Tag Team Champions. When you figure I did all of that stuff before being able to drink- come on, you've got to admit: Not too bad for some little whacked Out brat, right?

However, once the injury occurred, it gave me time to realize- during all these things that were far beyond my wildest dreams, I forgot to achieve my biggest wrestling dream- the one boyhood dream that fueled my desire to join my brother and sister in whacked Out wrestling.

What happens to a dream deferred?" Suddenly, Goddard stood up from the bed and walked towards the camera.

"Well, take cover, wOw- this one's ready to come true..."

Tom Goddard Returns to wOw in '3' Weeks

The video ended. I could hear some pops as I continued to watch the show.

Shelley and Jacobs v. Los Barrio Boys

Shelley and Jacobs are debuting tonight, as Carter makes sure to note that the two have been getting a good reputation around the country for their work- a good touch, seeing as this is really their first serious run in New England. Their opponents, Los Barrio Boys, are probably the undiscovered jewels wOw got from AAA, so this should be good- and it is, as these two teams put on a great show. Jacobs and Shelley showed some intense skill to say they might be a team to watch, and Los Barrio Boys put on a good show as always. Billy Boy Barrio got the win for his team following a nice Missile Dropkick, which should hopefully propel them in the Tag Team Division. After the match, the two stayed in the ring, until Alex Shelley started to make some movements that I'd best describe as a Ken Shamrock "snapping" knock-off. Jimmy Jacobs tried to calm him...then literally every window in the arena shattered spontaneously! Now, these two seem like good wrestlers, but if we're going to see effects like that after losses, then make them a jobber team pronto!

(29, 89, 59)

That could be trouble...I had to think fast (pardon the pun)...

"Um, dude...you might want to tone that down, at least in AWAMLW- if they're as unfriendly as you said, that could be grounds for getting canned..."

Shelley: "Don't worry- I only do that schtick when the promoter's friendly- that way, I can claim it's a special effect to the other ones..."

"Okay. Luckily, the fans liked that, otherwise problems could occur..."

Hart Foundation 2k3 v. The Nobodies

This match was a disappointment, to say the least. I had been waiting for a match between these two: The HF2k3 is one of the best teams in the Indies right now, and the Nobodies are arguably the most underrated team in the Indies. However, this match was fairly pedestrian by their standards, and couldn't beat the prior match's action. This left me unhappy. To add to that, the "home-grown" team went over, the result of the Nobodies' nice No Name Face spike brainbuster. I could see why they did it, but come on- if you job out Teddy Hart in his first appearance for you, you're just asking for trouble...

(44, 77, 60)

After all the mess that had went on beforehand, I had forgotten that for what they had planned, I needed to find Jocelyn. Hopefully, this will give me a chance to talk these things through with her. I kept looking around the back for her, until Steve came over...

Steve: "Let me guess, you're looking for her, huh? Well, you might want to check the wOwTron..." Sure enough, when I saw the Tron...

(A video starts.)

"Hi, wOw! This is Jocelyn Richter, and I'm here at the FHM offices for my first big photo shoot!"

(A montage of photos of Richter in various bikinis, lingerie, and the like occurs.)

FHM Head: "We're happy to have this opportunity...as a sponsor of whacked Out wrestling, we felt a natural way to help get the word out was through our magazine, and one of the best ways we felt could do this was to have special 'wOw Diva Profiles' in each of our issues, merging the things that make wOw and FHM popular throughout the world."

(A montage of these continue...)

FHM: "We look forward to this relationship between our readers and the fans of whacked Out wrestling..."

Richter: "Make sure to see all your favorite wOw Divas every month in FHM magazine- well, I'm the cutest of them, so I doubt you'll need those others, but hey; it's for a good cause, right?"

FHM: featuring Jocelyn Richter

On Newsstands in 2 Weeks...

(71)

Darn it...she was supposed to be here- it would have helped on what was planned...I guess she is still mad at me after all...she's...so cute...

Steve: "You know, Tom...she wanted me to tell you something...YIKES!Um...uh...I've got to go...just make sure to come to NWATNA with me Wednesday...MEDICS! WE'VE GOT A BLEEDER!" I saw a few of the medical staff come through and get me...they must have wanted to console me after this...

Medic 1: "Dear god, I've never seen a nosebleed like this before! Get me three pints of leftover 9/11 blood, STAT!"

Medic 2: "But shouldn't we use fresh blood?"

Medic 1: "We're only Cult-level medics; we can't merit that quality of materials." *sigh*

[While Tom is in this predicament, let's continue the show...]

(INT. A hospital room.)

Voice: "Hello, wOw fans...I am Cancer Boy...

On-screen: CANCER BOY'S THOUGHTS ON LIFE.

Cancer Boy: "I learned- from an early age- to celebrate life- not just from my own problems- but from my brother- who was born- as just an ear- and the ear was deaf."

On-screen: CANCER BOY REFLECTS.

Cancer Boy: "One of my life's biggest thrills- was supposed to be- when I was younger- and got a chance-to meet Hulk Hogan, but I asked not to have my Wish made- from the Make-A-Wish foundation, but still- I eventually- got to meet him anyway."

On-screen: CANCER BOY'S NEWEST BATTLE.

Cancer Boy: "I haven't been happy now- because I had managed-to get a dream job for me- with the WWE- but they fired me- because I only had one leg- so now I have to come to wOw- to show everyone- that I am still able to compete-despite only having one leg..."

"CANCER BOY" Zach Gowen

Coming Soon

(61)

(Re-Release Notes: This gimmick seems like a 'Good News/Bad News' situation: Good news because it's gotten a lot more controversy than most of my gimmicks, [and when you're on the verge as I am, any publicity on the Dome's good publicity]- Bad news because every iota of controversy that this gimmick has received came from my assistant. *sniffle* I wanna have some controversy...maybe I should have some lynchings or rapes like the big boys on the Dome do...)

After those two vignettes, a set was ready in the ring, as Kelly Osbourne was sitting at a desk as Kangor stood behind her!

Osbourne: "Hello, all you wOw fans! Welcome to the Kelly Osbourne show! I am your host, Kelly Osbourne, and with me as always is my personal bodyguard, Kangor!"

Kangor: "Growl..FUCK...kill...FUCK...maim..."

Osbourne: "My guest tonight is best known for her popular movie 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding', please welcome, Nia Vardalos!" Vardalos came to the ring and sat down next to Osbourne.

Vardalos: "Thank you for allowing me to be here..."

Osbourne: "Now, Nia- you seem to be in a standstill as far as new movies go. How do you feel that your movie has caused this to occur?"

Vardalos: "Well, I am getting a lot of scripts, and am just choosing the right one..."

Osbourne: "I see...well, what about the continuing success of me and my ventures: TV, Music, and my venture as a manager of my sidekick Kangor!"

Kangor: "Growl 10% is a fair FUCKING price growl..."

Vardalos: "Well, it seems that if you have to do whacked Out wrestling, things can't be all that great..."

Osbourne: "WHAT DID YOU SAY? This is my show, here..."

Vardalos: "Well, it's not too hard to get a manager's license here in wOw- I managed to get one as well..."

Osbourne: "Oh, sure. Well, that just means that now, Kangor here can have some fun...KANGOR- KILL!"

Kangor went for the Kan-GORE, but Vardalos moved out of the way, sending Kangor into the ringpost!

Vardalos: "Come on. You can hang out with more intelligent people than that second-rate Rhino ripoff, now can't you? Look at me. As a great actress, I can manage cooler wrestlers than you...like bad-asses...and technical wizards...and...and Greeks...you know...MEN FROM GREECE?" Just then, the Men From Greece came out and attacked Osbourne, hitting a Big Fat Greek Suplex on her as the show went to break!

(64)

Brandon Downard v. Finale

Okay...now this is the kind of brawl that I like to see. Two borderline psychotic guys going at each other with both insane hardcore ability and actual wrestling. The match ended up being one of those excellent brawls that you hope to get on garbage compilations like "Best of Backyard Wrestling" or XPW DVDs, only never seem to find on them. To add to it, it finished with a Submission hold (in a Hardcore match? Incredible...) as Finale locked the Ordinary Vanity on Brandon Downard for the victory. Awesome stuff- these two should go at it again.

(29,87,58)

After that, despite how good the match was, I was angry- the tape I had of the show stopped up (Re-Release Notes:When you see something like this in wOw Memorial, consider it a code for 'EWR stopped responding'.) There was some good stuff I heard on the rest of it, too! Why does this happen to me and not to one of those lesser recappers?

I still don't remember the promo I said that night- the medic said I had a huge nosebleed for some reason. I don't remember the cause that well, except for some hooting and catcalling by friends that it was because of that video of Jocelyn...the only thing I really remember is right now, waking up in a car driving to Minneapolis for tomorrow's AWAMLW show...

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

When I got to the show, I was instantly asked about what happened...

"Look, I checked it out. It was apparently just a nosebleed- no breaks, nothing like that."

Court H. Bauer: "Phew...I had heard Internet reports that you got injured again..."

"I doubt it- I'm 'The Protagonist', remember? If I got injured, Arsenic would filter it out immediately..."

Bauer: "Thank the maker. Even still, I think we should take it easy tonight...you'll just be in our new interview segment with..." Bauer whispered a name into my ear...

"No way...you signed him?"

Bauer: "His interview segment debuts tonight. You up for it?"

"Come on- even just being interviewed's no biggie- every wrestler my age grew up idolizing that guy..."

Bauer: "Excellent..." I couldn't believe my luck. I tried to look on the Internet a little bit, before feeling a little faint. When I next came to, it was in the middle of the show. Someone recapped the previous matches to me:

Abunai and Puma went to a draw (40)

Sharon Goddard and Finale beat Joey Hamm and Jamie Kogyaru (59)

Randy Savage debuted by attacking Christopher Daniels. After the attack, Daniels challenged him to a match later that night. (84)

Sonjay Dutt defeated Billy Kim to retain the AWA Global Cruiserweight Championship (45)

Steve Corino defeated Dave Menne (67)

"Um...when's my interview? I know I can do that..." Suddenly the Road Agent started talking:

Agent: "It's up next. We had to have Steve and Dave go longer to make sure you'd be all right- you up to it?"

"I don't miss a segment, period- especially with the stuff going on..." I headed over and waited for the cues. Just then, a familiar set of chords occurred, letting me know this was actually occurring...

<<AWA Warning: The views in this segment are not necessarily the views of AWA: Major League Wrestling.>>

Kari-chan: "And now, AWA fans, it's time for our newest segment: The Bret Hart Whines About Montreal Show! And here's your host, one of wrestling's true legends, BRET 'THE HITMAN' HART!" Bret Hart then came out to the ring to huge pops from the crowd.

Bret Hart: "Thank you, AWA: MLW fans. I am pleased to be held in such high regard at the AWA:MLW. It is my pleasure to host this show, where I plan to try and help give a leg up to the new wrestlers making names for themselves, just like I always tried to do during my in-ring career. For my inaugurial guest, I chose a wrestler who many consider the next great superstar in the independent scene today- would you please welcome: Tom Goddard!" Tom Goddard then came out to the ring, looking more pale than usual...

"Thank you, Mr. Hart- may I just say that it's an honor to share the stage with you."

Bret: "You're too kind. Just out of curiosity- you don't look well, Tom; would you care to elaborate?"

"It's nothing big. From what I've been told, I had a huge nosebleed during last night's wOw Flagship show, and needed an emergency blood transfusion. I'll probably be fine for Monday's AWA:MLW Underground, though- so expect me to kick some ass there!"

Bret: "I see...well, now that you've finally hit AWA:MLW, what are your plans while here?"

"My first plan is simple: Win the AWA East Coast Title!"

Bret: "You're going after the East Coast title? But I've seen your stuff in AWA:MLW- you could possibly win the World Title here. Why just the East Coast belt?"

"It's simple. The East Coast title is the wOw World Championship. That title is something I've grown up with- I've seen many of its best world champions: Brad Richter, Michael Darkstar, my own brother- Shane Goddard, and many others fight like hell for that 10 pounds of gold. If an AWAMLW guy comes and takes it- make no mistake, for 10 cents they'd trash it. I will NOT let that happen to that belt!"

Bret: "You know, you sound very dedicated to whacked Out wrestling. You almost sound like me during my career..."

"Thank you- coming from you, that's a huge compliment..."

Bret: "Back then, I would have done anything for the World Wrestling Federation- if they asked me to job, I job. When others wouldn't work with someone, I would. When everyone was leaving for the WCW, I stayed with the WWF out of loyalty. Finally, when they were nearly going under, I sacrificed to help them get out of my contract...all I asked for in return was to not have to job to Shawn Michaels in Canada...I would have happily jobbed it the next night on Raw to someone else, that's all I wanted...but then VINCE MCMAHON SCREWED ME! *cries* "

"Um...I think I'll leave you alone..."

Bret: "Vince screwed me out of everything I held dear! Vince McMahon is the devil incarnate! 13 years I worked for him, and to do that to one of your most dedicated workers is just wrong! Pay fair heed, Tom Goddard- don't put too much trust in wOw's owner; he'll just screw you! Tell your brother to take note and not trust Vince McMahon, or he'll just screw him over like he did me! *sobs*" Tom Goddard then left the ring...only to faint as he started to leave! Medics came out and took him off in an ambulance. All I can say is- either Goddard was really sick or he's the best seller I've ever seen...

(84)

(While our hero is sick, let's see the other matches...)

The Outsiders defeated the Extreme Horsemen after interference by Al Snow (65)

Jerry Lynn defeated Vader (69)

Christopher Daniels defeated Randy Savage to retain the AWA World Title (72)

Overall: 68

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

Announcer: "And the winner of this match, and NEW AWA:MLW Heavyweight Champion of the Universe: Tom Goddard!" The crowd started cheering as I held up the belt...

Court H. Bauer: "Mr.Goddard, in order to fulfill the custom for our first-time World champions, will you please step on this scale so that we may present you with..." I stepped on the scale... "YOUR WEIGHT IN FINE, UNCUT TURKISH HASHISH!" Some road agents grabbed shovels and started to shovel it on. I looked throughout the crowd to see the joyous fans...

Fan: "Tom, you're the greatest!"

Fan 2: "Tom, can I get your autograph?"

Fan 3: "Tom, will you have sex with my girlfriend while I watch and jerk off?"

Fan 4: "Here, Tom- take some of this heroin..." I felt an injection go into my veins as it continued. I looked through the crowd and saw my friends watching this occasion...

Steve Evans: "Yeah! wOw wins the big prize, baby!"

Robbie Richter: "I can't believe I've lived long enough to see one of our wrestlers win a World Title!"

Jocelyn Richter: "Oh, Tom! You're so...AWA:MLW World Champion-y..." (Re-Release Notes: Yes, that IS meant to be a Doug reference...I was honestly surprised it wasn't obvious when it occurred...) I soaked up the cheers, until my brother headed over to me...

Shane Goddard: "Um...what do you think you're doing here? You've got to get to the WWE- you signed with them, didn't you?"

"Dude...wasn't that you?"

Shane: "No, no...get over there..." Suddenly, the scene shifted to a shower stall...

Bradshaw: "How sweet...fresh cruiserweight meat...Faarooq! Get the baby oil!"

Faarooq: "DAMN." I tried to get away, but they were too strong. I saw my brother near the shower room, and cried for help...

"Come on, man- stop them! Help me!"

Shane: "Sorry, Tom- you've got to take it like a...well, I'm not sure exactly how a man would 'take it', but still - consider it just paying your dues..."

"But...but I won the AWA:MLW World Title! I'm a big-ticket newcomer for WWE!"

Shane: "Dude...that was me who won that belt. I'm the WWE's big-ticket newcomer...you lost that title..." I suddenly saw the finish of the Super 8 final come back to me...he's nearly there...apparently, so is Bradshaw...

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Sunday, August 8.

I woke up in a hospital bed somewhere in Minneapolis...

"Whoa...I had the craziest dream...and you were there, Steve, and you, Robbie...and...YAAAAGHH!"

Bradshaw: "Hey, come on! We just got here- what's your problem?"

Faarooq: "DAMN."

Doctor: "Oh, you've finally come to...let me guess- you used Arsenic to take out an injury, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah- but that's been the best quick treatment for a long time. My siblings used it all the time when they had injuries..."

Doctor: "I see...first wrestling injury? You need to know for the future: Arsenic causes massive blood movement to the injured portion of the body to cure it. It works fine, but remember next time: If you don't rest for at least a couple days, you're going to faint a lot. Add that to the...hold up, you took Arsenic for a nosebleed? Son, you're lucky to be alive! Now I know why we needed to have two transfusions in two days..."

"I see...but how? I didn't think we'd have that much here."

Doctor: "Well, you're lucky- you have a blood type just common enough so we could have enough of it, plus there was a donor able to give some here..."

"But who...?" Just then, I got another visitor...

Shane: "So, you messed up with Arsenic, didn't you?"

"Shane, what're you doing here?"

"Tomorrow's show is in Milwaukee, and when I heard the news, I caught a ride with some people who took an indy date in St.Paul- in this case, the APA."

Bradshaw: "Rest up, kid- from what I've heard of your skill, we need you to continue doing well on the Indy scene, so that you can get signed by the WWE like your brother, and eventually job to me on Velocity!"

Faarooq: "DAMN."

Bradshaw: "You said it!" Everyone started laughing and froze up for some unknown reason...

"Um...why did we just do that?"

Shane: "Don't know...here, Heat should be coming on... I'll get it to the channel."

____________________________________________________________________

WWE Heat.

Your hosts, once again, are The Coach and Al Snow.

Seven v. Steven Richards

This match tended to be fairly par for the course for both men. Seven could have benefitted from more training, while Richards was as he is with virtually every opponent: Not great, not horrible, just...there. The match, as a result, was decent filler, but Seven still needs to learn to be the monster that he could probably pull off well enough. Seven got the win following a Sinner Shot. Not spectacular by any means.

(57, 71, 64)

After the break, Test took the mic (oh dear god; say they're not putting him on the stick...)

"Um...I decided that I should fight someone who deserved to get in the ring with me, look angry...oh, sorry, I wasn't supposed to say that part...so, here is the person I chose! Put hand towards TitanTron..." Just then, Victoria came to the ring as the fans booed Test!

Victoria v. Test

This match is one that I could have gone without seeing. Look, I know you're hard up for wrestlers, but this is not the way...Actually, for an inter-gender matchup, this wasn't...too...horrible...by the standards. Luckily, Victoria's actually a decent wrestler, and Test...well, he matches up to females well...Test got the win, of course, and proceeded to try and celebrate his 'hard-fought' win- until Steven Richards came in and attacked him! Test and Richards started brawling to the back as the show went to break..."

(69, 61, 66)

Bubba Ray Dudley v. Val Venis

Okay, this better not start another Bubba Ray Dudley singles push...to be fair again, Venis and Bubba actually matched up fairly well with each other- I suppose being two incredibly stale midcarders who can brawl will do that. Despite the somewhat entertaining brawl, Val Venis chose to win with his Venis Fly Trap submission hold (submission holds? In brawls? Is that legal in WWE?) A pleasant surprise, if nothing else.

(64, 81, 72)

After the break, John Heidenreich was in the ring with The Coach...

Coach: "John Heidenreich, last week on Raw, you said some rather incendiary claims about Jerry 'The King' Lawler...could you roll the footage?"

Garcia: "John Stamboli...er, Heidenreich- WHY did you just do that?"

Heidenreich: "I'll tell you why- I'll tell you all why! Jerry Lawler is a fraud, a cheat, and...and...HE TOUCHED 'LITTLE JOHNNY!' Heidenreich burst into tears and left the ring after saying this...

Coach: "What would possess you to make such a claim about one of Raw's announcers...granted, one who deserves to be taken out, but still..."

Heidenreich: "I'll tell you why, Jonathan Coachman. For too long, Little Johnny was made to feel ashamed about what Jerry Lawler did to him...made to believe it was Little Johnny's fault. Whenever I came out to the ring, I had to see that...that evil human being out there, calling my matches as if what he did to Little Johnny never happened. I wanted the people to see him for what he really is...a...a CHIIIIIILLLLLDDDDD..." Just then, Jerry Lawler's music played over the TitanTron...

Lawler: "A what? You came out there, you had your laughs, but now what? You've caused nothing but trouble for me all this time. I am a respected wrestling legend, and people take their kids away from me now, saying I'm just a pervert! Why would you do this to me?"

Heidenreich: "The question should be, why did you do it to Little Johnny?"

Lawler: "I will not take this! You little punk!" Jerry Lawler ran to the ring as Heidenreich cowered behind The Coach:

Heidenreich: "I need an adult! I need an adult!" Just before Lawler could get through, a woman (who NWATNA fans would recognize as former TNA valet Priscilla) came out of the stands and headed to Heidenreich's aid...

Woman: "Step aside- you will NOT go one step further, or I will have you placed under arrest!"

Lawler: "And just who are you?"

Heidenreich: "Ms.Joni is Little Johnny's lawyer- she said she's gonna stop you from doing this anymore..."

Ms.Joni: "That's right, and you had better not do anything more to him if you know what's good for you!"

Lawler left, before saying: "I'll see you in the ring- tomorrow, you face someone I'll get for you..." (Re-Release Notes: Regarding the "controversy" thing, would SOMEONE please tell me why no one's angry with me running what amounts to a child molestation angle on WWE Raw? Come on, readers- get angry with me, leading to a large amount of controversy-based reads...pwease? I'll be your best fwiend...)

(73)

After that, The Coach headed back to the announcer's table as Al Snow headed to the ring for a matchup!

Two Bad MF'ers (Christian York and Joey Matthews) v. Al Snow and Christopher Nowinski

Well, this was another pleasant surprise. I knew the Two Bad MF'ers had the skills from their ECW days, while Snow and Nowinski had the same amount of chemistry as the Al Snow/Maven team did beforehand. The two teams then proceeded to mesh well enough against each other, which added to the fun of it. The Two Bad MF'ers got the win following some interference by their 'Sexy MF'er' Alexis Laree, but the match was its own reward to the fans. Hopefully, Snow and Nowinski will stick around; Raw is strapped for tag teams and they work well together.

(65, 84, 74)

After the break, a video started up...

"A Day In The Life of La Resistance."

(Outside: A nondescript house. A stereotypical sitcom theme plays. Rene Dupree comes down to the breakfast table...)

Dupree: "Bonjour! Let us see what is in the paper today..."

(A newspaper is seen...)

Headline:

"BREAKING NEWS: Bush to Declare War on France!

'I just plain don't like French people', Bush cites."

Dupree: "SACRE BLEU! This is serious! I must alert the others!"

(Rene Dupree gets his in-ring outfit on...)

Dupree: "Sound the La Resistance alarm!" (Dupree heads to an alarm which proceeds to play the French National Anthem. After a little bit...no one comes.)

Dupree: "MIERDE! I will have to find them myself!" (Dupree heads out of the house. After a short break, Dupree is seen walking down a street, where he comes to an alley.)

Dupree: "Ah- this is the trouble with Americans- they claim to be the policemen of the world, but cannot help keep their people off of the street...wait, I recognize that bum..." Dupree headed over to see a dazed and confused Sylvain Grenier...

Grenier: "Oog...are you sure The Rock got his start this way, Monsieur Patterson...?"

Dupree: "He has been overtaken! In a situation such as this, it is necessary to take out our secret weapon!" Rene Dupree pulled out a nice bottle of French wine... "Drink up, mon ami!"

(Instantly, Sylvain Grenier springs up. A close-up goes to his muscles, which get a big French flag on the bicep a la Popeye.)

Grenier: "Thank you, Monsieur Dupree! I was worried that I was done for for a second! Where is Monsieur Conway?"

Dupree: "I do not know- I have been looking all around for him, but cannot seem to reach him!"

Grenier: "This is serious! We must look!" (Scenes of the two looking all along the area, including at least one 'blue-screen' of them in front of the Eiffel Tower. After a little bit, the two go back to the house...)

Grenier: "It is hopeless...we could not find him..." (Suddenly, Rob Conway comes down the stairs.)

Dupree: "Where have you been all this time, mon ami?"

Conway: "Sorry- I was in the bathroom..."

(The three all laugh and start to do their "We're So Goddamned French" dance. Suddenly, some bombs drop in the background.)

Dupree: "I...think the Americans dropped their bombs."

(The three are silent for a few seconds...then start laughing again as the video ends.)

(67)

The Justice League v. Rico and Nicholas Dinsmore

Styles clash. Serious styles clash. Hurricane and Rosey really don't mesh well together at all, and the same could be said for Dinsmore and Rico. The fact that the latter two were in their first WWE match together could be a reason for it, but the technical style of Dinsmore and the brawling of Rico still didn't click. The two teams tried to work through this, but the style clash was too much for it. Finally, Dinsmore locked Rosey in a Crossface, getting the match to tap. It's a shame Raw needs teams, or I would say to break up these two imminently.

(66, 78, 72)

Matt Hardy v. Lance Storm

Very good matchup. These two put on a great show out there, as I had expected they would. Why it's main-eventing Heat and not a Raw match with IC title implications is a total crime. The two deserve much better than a B-show, and it showed tonight. Storm picked up the win this time, but there will be others...please...say there will be other matches between the two?

(77, 88, 82)

Overall: 70

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

wOw Sin

Your hosts are RD Reynolds and Tony Schiavone.

Travis Corleone v. Truth Martini

GAH. Travis Corleone is one of the newest wOw training camp graduates, and from the looks of things, this year's crop won't be as great as last year's...this match was fairly poor- Corleone is as green as grass, while Truth Martini was not able to make up for his neophyte nature. Surprsingly, Truth Martini got the win here- I was certain they would put Corleone over due to his homegrown nature. I guess even wOw knows he needs more work...

(17, 65, 36)

RD Reynolds: "Now, let's go to Sir Geoffrey Richter backstage, as he has the roster for the wOw World Championship tournament's first bracket!"

Geoffrey Richter: "That's right, RD! 48 of the world's best wrestlers will take place in this tournament, and I've got the first confirmed entrants right here...

Bracket 1, Round 1:

Doink the Clown v. Mystery Opponent 1

B-Boy v. TJ Wilson

Kid Kash v. Mystery Opponent 2

Brandon Downard v. Mr.Pogo

B1, Round 2:

Doink/MO1 winner v. Masato Tanaka

B-Boy/Wilson winner v. Mystery Opponent 3

Kash/MO2 winner v. Mystery Opponent 4

Downard/Pogo winner v. Mystery Opponent 5

Tony Schiavone: "That was the greatest announcement in the history of sports!"

RD: "We'll be coming back to the brackets all night here on wOw Sin!"

(69)

The Stampede Bulldogs v. The Nobodies

Okay, this wasn't as good as I had hoped it would be. The Stampede Bulldogs have quietly become one of the better teams in the world today, and the Nobodies are on the verge of getting to that higher echelon. However, this match was subpar. It looked like the Stampedes were phoning the match in, and the Nobodies didn't look as good as they have been due to this. The Nobodies went over, because, well, this is wOw and that's just what occurs. I would bet that as the reason the Bulldogs didn't do as well as normal- not wanting to job, perhaps?

(52, 72, 55)

Schiavone: "That was the greatest match in the history of matches! Now, let's go to Sidewalk Slam in the Sidewalk Slam for the next Sidewalk Slam in the Sidewalk Slam Sidewalk Slam!"

Sharon Goddard: "Hello, wOw fans. Now, it's time to see the next 12 people who will try to bring honor to the wOw World Title, unlike SOME pretty little overrated bitches, not to mention any names, JAMIE KOGYARU...anyway, the brackets...

Bracket 2, Round 1:

Brutus Beefcake v. Horace Hogan

Magical Girl Essa Rios v.Koko B. Ware

Steve Evans v. Jason Cross

Mikey Henderson v. Headbanger Thrasher

Round 2:

Beefcake/Hogan winner v. Jeff Hardy

Rios/B.Ware winner v. Frankie Kazarian

Evans/Cross winner v. Chris Hamrick

Henderson/Thrasher winner v. Danny Doring

(60)

Danny Doring v. Finale

Funny, I thought ECW guys loved being hardcore...this match was good, but it wasn't as good as it could have been. I would have expected Doring to be willing to take more punishment, and with how much punishment Finale can give, it would have been more awesome. However, Doring didn't take much in the match, leading to a more pedestrian match. However, it did help out feuds, as Chris Hamrick ran in and clocked Doring with the International title, allowing Finale to get a win. Nothing wrong with building feuds and trying to get new faces over...

(55, 79, 60)

RD Reynolds: "Now, for the third bracket of the tournament, here's Lori Angel!"

Angel: "Hi, wOw fans! I'm Lori Angel, finally getting some face time in Volume 2, thank you very much, ya bloody wanker Reflecto...rassafrassinIwasalmostamajorcharacterlastvolume...anyway, here's the third bracket!"

Bracket 3, Round 1

Chris Kanyon v. Duke Droese

Finale v. Butterbean

Spanky v. Mystery Opponent 6

Jared Steele v.Eric Angle

Round 2

Kanyon/Droese winner v. Mystery Opponent 7

Finale/Butterbean winner v. Vic Grimes

Spanky/MO6 v. Tito Ortiz

Steele/Angle winner v. Scoot Andrews

Angel: "That's bracket 3, and I'll be back later for a Special wOw mark Bonus Contest!" (Re-Release Notes: This contest now no longer eligible due to the diary being in reposts now. So if you want to know who these mystery guys were, just wait until they're reposted here.)

(58)

After the break, Kelly Osbourne and Kangor were in the ring. Osbourne took the mic...

"Okay, Vardalos- I heard your little sidekicks were interested in getting the vacant Tag Team Titles, so I went and found one of the craziest wrestlers on the indy scene to team with my bodyguard here...Nate Webb!" Nate Webb's music hit as he came to the ring and joined the two, just as Nia Vardalos came out...

Vardalos: "Come on...Nate Webb? You can do better than that, Kelly...I mean, you're popular. You can get better people to hang out with...like basketball players...and...and Greeks...you know, MEN FROM GREECE?" Just then, "Grease" hit as the Men From Greece rushed to the ring for their shot at the Tag Team Titles!

Men From Greece v. Nate Webb and Kangor

Now, this was a good tag title matchup. The Men From Greece have gotten past a wild gimmick to become arguably the best pure tag team in wOw today, and Kangor and Nate Webb actually managed to mesh fairly well. However, the managers took center stage, as they almost-but-not-quite-wOw-could-never-pay-them-enough-to-catfight on many occasions. In the ring, Kangor got the advantage, and went for a Kan-Gore...until Nia Vardalos grabbed a bottle of Windex and sprayed it into Kangor's eyes! Blinded, the Men From Greece made a quick Greco-Roman takedown and then hit the Stereo HOPA! Elbow, getting the three and the titles!

Winners (NEW wOw Tag Team Champions): The Men From Greece

After the match, Osbourne took the mic...

"Enjoy it now- I'm going to get a team that will totally destroy your boys in the ring..."

(31, 83, 51)

"Now, here's P.T. Midnite here for the final bracket in the tournament..."

Midnite: "Hello, ladies and idiot marks, I'm P.T.Midnite here to give the last 12 entrants in the wOw World Title tournament...

Bracket 4, round 1:

Adam Windsor v.Gillberg

Rocky Romero v.Reno

Teddy Hart v. Mystery Opponent 8

Matrix v. Mystery Opponent 9

Round 2:

Windsor/Gillberg winner v. Devon Storm

Romero/Reno winner v. "Cancer Boy" Zack Gowen

Hart/MO8 v. Alex Wright

Matrix/MO9 v. Samoa Joe

Midnite: "Well, that's the tournament, and I am out of here! From all of us at wOw Sin...WATCH US..."

(59)

Suddenly, the screen got fuzzy as a video started airing. Just then, the face of Tom Goddard was seen on the wOwTron...

Goddard: "They say that no matter what you want or need, you'll always get what you deserve in life. Sometimes, that makes some sense- keeps us from knowing what they want.

However, in this life, do people really have 'needs' anymore? What makes one person innately 'deserve' more than another? In this world, no one knows what they truly need, they know they want large amounts of things, and no one knows what they deserve.

But then, sometimes, what people want could be considered just as much 'deserved' as anything else. Could anyone really begrudge a child their favorite toy, the one thing that they love playing with the most? And if that child were to grow up a little more- would anyone begrudge them if they decided that they'd like to keep it around- to try and hold on to all the cherished memories they had, playing with their closest childhood friend, using that as the tool that led to a myriad of halcyon days in their youth? I sincerely doubt anyone would be unhappy with that." Goddard then went to a nearby TV and placed a video inside.

"Everybody needs their favorite toy from when they were a kid, and if they were told they'd have a chance to regain it, well, they would do anything to get it back..." The video started airing, a somewhat poor-quality shot of a young boy and girl (who could be somewhat recognizable as a younger Tom Goddard and Jocelyn Richter) playing with what was instantly recognizable as the wOw Heavyweight Title.

"...even if it's something like, oh, declaring that they're one of the 9 mystery opponents in the wOw Heavyweight Championship Tournament.

In short- B-Boy...TJ Wilson...you're both very good workers, and I'll be happy no matter which one of you I face in my first matchup. However, don't expect to last beyond me...because I am NOT allowing ANYONE to stand in the way of getting my favorite toy back..."

Overall: 56

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

After I got out of the hospital the next day, I wouldn't have been blamed if I took the next flight to Rhode Island- but that isn't my style, so I was at the arena without a problem. The owner headed up to me once I got there...

Bauer: "You're sure you're all right? We don't need to use you..."

"I can do this- feel free."

Bauer: "Okay...we'll go with it. We had you planned for something, so just check the board..." I headed to the locker room to find most of my friends...

Joey: "So, not dying, Tommy?"

"Not yet- I'll still be around to hold you back from the singles push you deserve for a long time, man..."

Joey: "Great to hear, man! As long as you're all set, that's all that matters..."

Kari-chan: "You're sure you're all right? Kari-chan doesn't want Tommy-kun to get too sick...because...because Tommy-kun is Kari-chan's special..."

"Sorry...I was staring into space...what were you saying?"

Kari-chan: "Nothing..."

Steve: "Let the man get ready for tonight- he needs to show he can get past these things!"

"Exactly. I'll talk to you later..." I headed to the locker room, only to see Kari talk to Steve in the corner of my eye...

Kari-chan: "I know what you're trying to do...you're trying to get Tommy-kun to go to TNA and leave me again...I can't let that happen..."

Steve: "Sorry- you're just being paranoid. Remember- he can wrestle for both..."

Kari-chan: "You might get him to do both...but what about your...plan B? You know what I mean..."

Steve: "Okay...that's not even in the possibility. I'm not trying to take Tom from you...that's his choice to make..."The two left as the show started up...

AWAMLW Underground.

Your hosts are Jason Knight and Joey Styles.

Chessman v. Bobby Quance

This was basically another attempt by AWAMLW to try and heat the crowd up with a nice high-flying matchup...only to fall flat on its face. These two did not really mesh well at all, causing some problems. Luckily, Bobby Quance got the win following a nice Shooting Star Press- not a bad thing, Quance at least shows some potential...

(19, 67, 43)

Sharon Goddard v. Lori Angel

Ever see a WWE divas' match, and just wish Aja Kong would come in and totally stiff the two of them? This match would be up your alley- Angel, one of the AWAMLW dancers, just got TOTALLY stiffed by Sharon Goddard. This wasn't a bad thing- it got her over as this unstoppable force in it. The only question, why didn't Goddard win, as Jamie Kogyaru ran in and clocked her with the National Women's Title, allowing Angel to get the win. I can think of only three reasons that Angel got the win, and all of them are not rated PG-13...well, at the very least, it got this feud more over...

(41, 58, 49)

The Downard Brothers v. The Headhunters

All together now...One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just isn't the same...The Headhunters and Brandon Downard are hardcore gods...and Brett Downard blows choad...wait, that's not how the song goes? Well, I digress...this match was a sign that Brett Downard, as always, was the weak link. However, the Headhunters and Brandon Downard managed to put on a decent show for themselves, with a lot of nice moves. The Downard Brothers got the win (thankfully, Brandon got the pinfall), which could be good- Brandon Downard has star potential written all over him, even if Brett doesn't...

(36,77,56)

After this match, I headed out to the ring. I guess it's time to prove I'm still able to do this...

The SAT v. EMOtion

In a word? AWESOME. In two words? Um...Really Awesome. This is the kind of high-flying affair that I've been waiting for in this. The SAT were exciting as always, and EMOtion managed to gel together fairly quickly- a good sign, as these two show they can blossom. (Granted, both deserve main events, but still...) Not a fairly big match, as Jose Maximo got the win via the Spanish Fly...on Tom Goddard? That was a surprising move for AWAMLW...

(53,87,70)

Fidel Sierra v. Prodigy

This Prodigy is not Tom Marquez or the guy from the west coast, but a guy who uses the same name in wOw. I've heard some decent things about him, so there can be some good stuff here. Apparently, AWAMLW sees something in him, as he destroyed Sierra brutally, toying with the star throughout. To add to it, Prodigy CHEATS TO WIN~!, getting a scattering of boos from the old school fans. After the match, Sierra was willing to forgive and forget...but Prodigy wasn't, as he continued to attack, then put him over to the edge of the ring and came down off the top rope...WHAT THE...? Did he just give Sierra a Curb Job in the ring? That's what the crowd thought, as they totally gave Prodigy some heat for it. Not a good match by any means, but it got the job done...

(37, 60, 48)

After the break...

Kari-chan: "And now, it's time once again for another episode of the 'Bret Hart Whines About Montreal Show', nyo! Here is your host, BRET 'THE HITMAN' HART, nyo!"

The scene cut to Bret Hart sitting in the ring...

Bret: "Thank you, AWA fans! You're the best in the world, honestly! Now, I was told that this show needed some help to get kids more involved with the show, so I've got a special guest for all you kids out there- from Sesame Street, would you give it up for, ELMO!" The Sesame Street theme hit as an apparent guy in an Elmo suit came out to the ring.

Elmo: "Thank you for having me here, Bret..."

Bret: "You're welcome, Elmo...we have a lot in common, you and I...both possibly the glue that held our respective things together in our time period..."

Elmo: "You know it, Bret!"

Bret: "Now, I seem to remember there were some good mixes between our respective groups in the mid-'90s...I know a lot of wrestlers did appearances on Sesame Street..."

Elmo: "I know- Elmo loved seeing the bonecrushing action on Monday nights..."

Bret: "And then, that one time you yourself were on Shotgun Saturday Night, sleeping with Sunny..."

Elmo: "SUNNY GOT SOME BIG-ASS TITTIES!" (Re-Release Notes: I don't know why, but the concept of Elmo gloating about how he 'had sex' with Sunny on Shotgun Saturday Night [in a huge piece of Wrestlecrap] just amuses me. If I could, I'd put something like this in all the time.)

Bret: "I know...unfortunately, too many people claimed stories about me and her...Shawn Michaels, in particular...making up lies to ruin my marriage, then proceeding to hide his own homosexual relationship with Vince McMahon...I know they had some experience, as they proceeded to SCREW ME OVER in Montreal! I was supposed to have a DQ...I would have lost it fairly afterwards...all I wanted was to not have to job to Shawn Michaels...VINCE MCMAHON SCREWED ME!" Bret Hart kept sobbing as Elmo tried to console him as the show went to break...

(75)

Norman Smiley v. Teddy Hart

Fairly decent matchup, which was surprising. I didn't expect these two to mesh well at all, but the two managed to put on a decent show despite their style clash. Teddy Hart got the big win following a Hart Attack- not surprising, as I heard that the AWAMLW is hellbent on getting him over. Because everyone knows: Total dicks=RATINGZ!

(46, 75, 60)

The Outsiders v. The Extreme Horsemen

The Outsiders and their new running buddy Al Snow came out to their "We're not the nWo, please don't sue" music...call it the Soft-Core Porno music, if you will, and proceeded to lay into the Extreme Horsemen. Can you say, 'deal with the devil', people? I knew you could...Surprisingly, Snow managed to work well with the Horsemen, even if the Outsiders were less willing to. The Extreme Horsemen tried to make an attack for themselves. Simon Diamond nearly hit the Simon Series on Al Snow...until Dustin Rhodes ran out to the ring and attacked him! The Outsiders got an easy pin, as the group celebrated adding a member to their crew!

(69,78,73)

Frank Shamrock v. Vanderlei Silva

This match is being billed as an MMA-rules match, which seems fairly hard to do in a pro wrestling federation due to obvious reasons. Despite these possibilities, the two put on a decent MMA showdown, as the two put on a decent matchup. Frank Shamrock managed to get the win, following a nice Guillotine Choke on Silva. Not too bad- I could deal with some more MMA-rules matches on AWAMLW cards.

(60,81,70)

Bryan Danielson v. Jeff Hardy

Wow, just what I was waiting for...on one side, one of the best indy wrestlers in the world...on the other, an overrated spot wrestler who lost the will to wrestle! Actually, to be fair- this was a really good matchup. Hardy looked on for the first time in a long while, and Danielson put on miracle work as usual. However, despite the miracle work, that was no match for Hardy's name value, as Jeff Hardy got the win in short order. Not a bad match, but the finish didn't work...Jeff Hardy would be better served jobbing to other wrestlers.

(64, 85, 74)

Jerry Lynn v. Ken Shamrock

This match is apparently for number one contendership to the AWA World Title...and...wow. Just, WOW. This was a great matchup- apparently, the one we were waiting for Ken Shamrock to have for a long time. These two put on an excellent match, doing their part to make the title look better than it should have. The only weakness was the ending, as Christopher Daniels chose his opponent by clocking Jerry Lynn, causing a DQ victory! Lynn tried to attack...only to have Shamrock and Daniels keep attacking him. Ken Shamrock locked on the Ankle Lock while Daniels dropkicked Lynn in the face as Underground ended.

(55,96,75)

Overall: 64

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

Well, this is officially it. I heard the word- I would make my debut on Raw tonight. Once I walked in the arena, 15 years of blood, sweat, and tears would all be officially worth it. I tried to find a road agent in order to find out what I was supposed to do in my debut, as he directed me over to Stephanie McMahon for the information. The road agent gave me directions to her office, where I found her writing out a few last-minute changes...

Stephanie McMahon: "Ah, there's who I was looking for...so, are you ready to debut?"

"I've been ready my whole life, Ma'am..."

Steph: "Excellent. You're going to make a debut in this segment..." She passed me a list of what the plans were, and the stuff that I needed to hit on in my interview.

"Thanks- I think I'll be able to handle this..."

Steph: "Great. Knock them dead, Andy..." What the...?

"Um...my name's not Andy..."

Steph: "Ah...sure it isn't...my mistake..." Stephanie winked out to a different side, almost behind me as I left and tried to get ready... (Re-Release Notes: I SWEAR that I got approval on that move- Dukes signed off on me using that spot on it. In any instance where I'm using a direct reference to another diary's style on it, I try to get approval for the spot beforehand, then just let it slide.)

Seven v. Rodney Mack

Stop the presses...do you believe in miracles? Rodney Mack has actually had a match worth watching. He and Seven actually managed to put on a decent show, better than what I would have thought the two of them could put on together. As a result, the two put on a halfway decent brawl, considering who was in it. Seven won the match with his Sinner Shot, but in this case, the fans could be considered winners- if these two can put a good match on, tonight is blessed...

(31,83,57)

After that break, Steven Richards headed to the ring and made a challenge for that night. Just then, the TitanTron had a noise come out: "THIS REVOLUTION WILL BE TELEVISED!" Scenes of basketball highlights showed over the Tron as Orlando Jordan came out to the ring to scatterings of applause. Jordan passed a basketball to a lucky female fan in the front row, then came in for an attack.

Orlando Jordan v. Steven Richards

Wow...first Rodney Mack with a good match, and now Orlando Jordan? The world must be coming to an end... Jordan and Richards managed to put on a fairly decent show in the ring, and the fans were more into it than the beginning matchup as well. As you could expect from this "redebut", Jordan won again, this time as the result of a nice X-Factor (that the announcers called the Slam Dunk). Not half bad.

(54, 80, 67)

After the break, John Heidenreich came to the ring accompanied by Ms.Joni, who took the mic...

"Okay, Mr. Lawler...you said you wanted to see my client in that ring- now, are you certain that you'll have no funny business from this?"

Lawler stood up and took the mic...

Lawler: "Oh, no problem...you see, I'm not going to wrestle Heidenreich...yet. I've found a new person who'll help me teach this guy not to make up these...these lies...hit his music!"

Just then, "Michael Jackson" by Wesley Willis started playing as a wrestler (who my sources claim is indy wrestler Hy-Zaya) came out in a Michael Jackson costume and moonwalked into the ring. (Re-Release Notes: Sure, it's unrealistic that the WWE would use a song like "Michael Jackson" as the theme for a worker, but then again, it's not realistic that they would have what amounts to a fan-friendly child molestor, so you have to figure...)

"The King of Pop" v. John Heidenreich

Oh, dear god no. I can live with the fact that we're watching the number-one wrestling company in the world put on a child molestation angle. I can live with the fact that this is getting major screen time. But any company which would put two wrestlers this bad into the ring deserves to die. Heidenreich was well known to be bad, but The King of Pop didn't look great at all. Why they gave this guy a WWE contract is beyond me...but I digress. To add to the pain, The King of Pop won the match, the result of Jerry Lawler interfering on his behalf with a low blow (and the look of anguish on John Heidenreich's face was CLASSIC.) After the match, the two tried to continue the beating, until Ms. Joni proceeded to run in and save Heidenreich from the attack. Ms.Joni tried to console Heidenreich as the show went to break...

(38,58, 48)

Bra and Panties: Molly Holly v. "Sexy MF'er" Alexis Laree

Okay...I assume this is one of the better matches WWE will give us in the women's division... The two began to put on a typical "WWE Women's" match, proving nothing more than that the WWE hasn't seen indy wrestling recently...but I digress. The match wasn't very well-fought, only ending when Matt Hardy came in to try to help Laree out...only to have Molly reverse the attack, causing Laree to get distracted and give Molly a big opening, allowing her to strip the challenger for the win. After the match, Matt Hardy verbally berated Laree before heading to the back.

(N/A: too busy watching the pretty stripped ladies to determine a percentage...)

Maven v. Nicholas Dinsmore

Is tonight "surprisingly good match" night? This time, we see Maven put on a decent matchup in a surpriser, this time against Nicholas Dinsmore. The two managed to put on a very good match (by Maven standards), leading to the question of whether it was Maven improving or Dinsmore being a wizard in the ring.) Dinsmore got the win following some interference by Rico, which didn't really put a damper on this match's quality as much.

(68, 80, 74)

(Okay...this is it...once I walk out there, the whole thing changes...) I headed out to the Gorilla position, ready to make the first steps of the next stage in my career...

After the break, the Highlight Reel started up...

Jericho: "WELCOME to the Highlight Reel. I am your host, Chris Jericho, and tonight I have a huge guest for fans! My assistants have informed me that we've got a major movie star for tonight's edition, so it's only logical to expect our next guest...The Rock!" The Tron went silent as Jericho started waiting...

Jericho: "Um...The Rock?" Still nothing...

Jericho: "What's the freaking' problem here? I was told I would have a guest that would make this a Highlight of the Night, and I was under the assumption my assistants got The Rock! So, whoever is this 'huge' movie star I'm supposed to have, get out here and show yourself!" Just then, the lights went down, and a voice came over the TitanTron...

"Sorry, Jericho...you may be a highlight, but everyone knows that YOU...are NO...SUPERSTAR!" Instantly, a similar Tron video to what had been airing the past few weeks hit as Shane Goddard headed out to the ring to a surprisingly high amount of applause! Goddard headed to the ring and took the mic...

Goddard: "Wow...what a night...!" The crowd started to cheer! "...What a moment in my career...!" The crowd cheered some more... "What a reaction you people gave me!" The crowd cheered even more... "And...WHAT A BUNCH OF SHEEP ALL YOU PEOPLE ARE!" The crowd was dumbstruck.

Jericho: "Wait a minute...what'd you just say?"

Goddard: "You heard me. All these people out there are suddenly cheering like I just handed out twenties, and it's all because I became a big ticket signing! 'Oh, look, WWE signed Shane Goddard! I heard good things about him from some second-rate fatass Internet guy!' Well, after all of this, the one thing to ask is: WHAT TOOK YOU PEOPLE SO LONG? You all think you're so cool because you got into Shane Goddard before I was on WWE TV, but probably all of you never watched a match with a federation I was in before last year, and that's only because you suddenly heard that some idiot smark thought we were FINALLY worth watching! You people may be here now for me, but what about the last 14 years when I was giving my blood, sweat, and tears in front of 50 people or so in some smoky bar or high school gym in Rhode Island until suddenly, without reason, everyone claimed that NOW we were worth watching, now we were a federation to watch!"

Jericho: "Come on now- people need to pay dues...these fans don't need this!"

Goddard: "Why not? I've paid more dues than everybody else, and I've had just about enough! All of a sudden, they think I'm so good because they were told to think I was, and none of them could probably name one match I had before 2002! You're all a bunch of second-raters, and you all make me sick!"

Jericho: "Are you crazy? These are still fans of yours..."

Goddard: "Why should I care? After all...they're just fans, but I...I am a...SUPERSTAR!"

(92?)

(Tag Titles) The Dudley Boyz v. 2 Bad MF'ers

WHOA. Now, this was a surprisingly good match, considering that the Dudleyz are extremely stale now, moreso as tag champs. However, the fact that these two teams had excellent chemistry made for an outstanding tag team exhibition. The Dudleyz took a quick advantage, hitting all their stale moves for a little bit. However, just as things looked to be at their worst, Alexis Laree headed to the apron and distracted the Dudleyz, allowing Christian York to attack D-Von Dudley from behind! One Onion Buster later, and we have new World Tag Team Champions!

Winners (NEW World Tag Team Champions): 2 Bad MF'ers

(78, 100, 89)

Scott Steiner v. The Hurricane

Style clash. Huge style clash. There's actually no better way to say it. Once you do, however, it becomes easy to get past it. The Hurricane tried to do miracle work, almost carrying Steiner to a great match, but it was just barely too much for this superhero. Hurricane got the win, thanks to a good Shining Black Wizard- almost, but not quite, making up for the style clash in this one (Raw NEEDS upper-card faces desperately.)

(78, 78, 77)

(Intercontinental) Randy Orton v. Test

Okay...why is Randy Orton still champion? The guy isn't over, hasn't got any moves to speak of, and is basically a black mark on Raw's title holders. Test isn't much better, but at least he'd be a change. However, that's not likely for today, as Orton keeps attacking with his subpar moves, managing to hit a quick RKO to get the victory and keep his necessary belt to keep his pants up. Afterwards, Orton celebrated...until Lance Storm came in and attacked Orton! Apparently, they're willing to try a feud after all...

(55, 73, 64)

John Cena v. Chris Jericho

Okay...I'm still confused on why they won't allow Cena to rap this close to the main event...oh, wait, Triple H wants nobody to steal his thunder. My mistake...In this instance, two more people get wasted, as the two put on a match just good enough to be watchable but not good enough to make HHH look bad. The two weren't totally as good as possible, but at least the crowd liked it. Jericho got the win- not like it'll matter any; it'll likely be a quick pacifier before he gets squashed by Shane Goddard, only to have Goddard squashed by HHH.

(83, 75, 80)

(WORLD) Triple H v. Shawn Michaels

Because nobody else deserves to main event...ever...no matter what...we bring you this. It's basically the same match these two have put on ad nauseaum all year now, just in a different day. Same story, too- Michaels gets the face attack, Triple H takes control, Michaels uses his MAGICAL JESUS POWER~! to get back in it, Pedigree, HHH wins. Same shit, different week. Nothing new here...

(91,77,86)

Overall: 73

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

After a day to generally rest up and relax, Steve proceeded to grab me and have me fulfill my side of the deal we had made, as we headed over to Nashville and the PPV.

Steve: "I'll just be a little bit...I have to check if I made the card tonight." Steve headed out to the dressing room, while I tried to get a seat...until two men came up to me...

Jerry Jarrett: "Wow, Tom Goddard? I didn't think you'd show up here- here to try to get an XPlosion match?"

"Um, no- just here to visit some friends, watch the show- you know?"

Vince Russo: "Ah, so you're here to swerve everyone and run in from the crowd to make a save in a title match? That'd be RATINGZZZZ!"

"Once again- no..."

Jarrett: "Just think about it a little bit. You know, we've been really interested in having you on our roster for a little while now- we think you'd be a perfect fit for NWATNA's X-Division...you know, I think we hired a wOw guy or two to join the X-Division, come to think of it..."

"Yeah- they're two of my buddies..."

Russo: "Yeah, they work well. They're people the fans can get behind, ya know? Not like those Japanese or Mexican guys- no one likes them..."

"I...See..."

Jarrett: "Come on. See the rest of the stuff- don't stay out here with the regular people..." I headed into the locker room, where I quickly found Greg Burch...

Greg: "Hey, Tom...! I see they got you to come here, huh?" They...?

"Yeah- Steve asked me to come, and I had to say yes, ya know...?"

Greg: "Excellent. It'd be great if you managed to sign on- Sonny Siaki's been cool to us from his time in wOw, but really the other two are the only ones I get to see that often outside here..." I thought only he and Steve made the jump- that's all I heard about...

"Cool, man. Joey sends his regards..."

Greg: "Awesome. Tell him I've got a few ideas for our next match together, and that he'll need to hit me up on e-mail. I'd tell you the basics, but I don't want you and Joey to steal the moves on me..."

"No problem...I'm sure we can think of some cool stuff ourselves..." I headed off to let Greg get ready for his matchup. I decided to do a few more fun items- you know, peek my head far outside the Gorilla position so all those smarks out there could get a "great bulletin", and watch as they prerecorded the night's interviews. I saw Steve get an interview, apparently going after a match with Chris Sabin over the X Title that night... (Are they crazy? Everyone in wOw knows you don't put Steve on a live mic alone...honestly, the guy's a great worker, but he has a charisma level slightly above Test but still well below lime Jello...) I laughed at how obvious Steve was trying to rip my gimmick off, until suddenly I looked to the interviewer for that spot...I knew she looked familiar...until it hit me like a ton of bricks...

"Jocelyn...?"

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

Almost before I could take that sight in, I saw Jocelyn come towards me...

Jocelyn: "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL THIS TIME, Tommy? I've been looking all over for you...just because you get injured doesn't mean you can drop off the face of the Earth, does it?"

"Oh, yes- because it's SO much better to not tell me that you signed with TNA..."

Jocelyn: "I tried to...remember? It happened around April...TNA signed me to an open deal to do interviews for them and do color commentating on XPlosion, and I made sure to call your parents...didn't you get the message?"

"No...they just said that you had to talk to me..."

Jocelyn: "I did! I wanted to let you know I had signed on here...that I had made it."

"Oh, really? Is that all you wanted to tell me?" Suddenly, a large amount of flowers appeared as Jocelyn's eyes got all sparkly like in a shojo manga...

Jocelyn: "Well, actually, Tom...I always wanted to tell you..."

"Yes...?" (This is it...)

Jocelyn: "SUPER-DEFORMED JOCELYN RICHTER MODE! In whacked Out wrestling Memorial, any confessions of love only work IF the worker leaves whacked Out wrestling, NOT if the worker accepts an open deal to work with an additional federation! That's common knowledge for wOw Memorial fans..."

"BLAST!"

Jocelyn: "Don't worry...here, I'll show you around- you know, just in case you feel like this is a good place for you..." I was led around the back. "Don't worry...everybody here's mostly cool..." Jocelyn suddenly shot a look near the women's dressing room... "...Mostly..." Just then, a girl came out of the room...

Girl: "Oh, so you're finally introducing us to that little boyfriend who screwed himself a prime spot in wOw, are you?"

Jocelyn: "Cram it, Lollipop- he is NOT my boyfriend...he's just a really good friend of mine since childhood..."

"Yeah...*sigh*... Just friends, okay?"

Lollipop: "Sure, sure...so you mean to say you don't know where her birthmark is? Strange- every guy in NWATNA knows..."

Jocelyn: "Funny...I could say that about you..."

Lollipop: "Sure, sure...don't slip up next interview..." I was quickly led away from the rage...

Jocelyn: "Honestly, she is such a bitch!"

"What's the problem?"

Jocelyn: "I heard that when TNA decided to make some changes to the XPlosion broadcast team, she wanted to become the interviewer and color commentator for XPlosion. They chose me instead- she's been trying to pull shit on me ever since- going from the small ribs to larger stuff..."

"I see...so...the guys don't have anything to do with you? (Pleasesaynopleasesayno...)"

Jocelyn: "Of course not...Michael Darkstar signed on as a development guy here; told everyone that if they even thought about pulling something on me, he'd destroy them. Rather nice having an old friend looking out for us..."

"Wait...he signed here?"

Jocelyn: "Sure. It seems after he left wOw, he went around the east coast wrestling. Finally managed to get a somewhat major role in NWA-East, and then was one of the NWA-East guys promoted to Wildside when TNA made them their official development territory..."

"But...aren't they separate?"

Jocelyn: "Not everyone jumped to the development- a few guys with work in Japan and personas non grata like New Jack didn't..."

"Okay...anything else...?"

Jocelyn: "Well, assuming you come here, you might want to know the roster... let me get into Super-Deformed Mode to show it..."

Main Eventers:

Jeff Jarrett (H, Chosen One)

Jerry Lynn (F, Old School Face)

Raven (F, Loner)

Jushin Liger (H, Foreign Star)

Sting (F, Mysterious)

Upper Midcard:

BG James (F, Crazy)

Chris Harris (F, Cowboy)

D'Lo Brown (F, Old School Face)

Glenn Gilbertti (H, Arrogant)

James Storm (F, Cowboy)

Konnan (F, Gangsta)

Legend (H, Old School Heel)

??? (???)

Ron Killings (F, Rapper)

Shane Douglas (H, Franchise Player)

The Amazing Red (F, Old School Face)

The Sandman (F, Fun Drunk)

Tom Goddard (H, Glam Rocker)

Midcard:

Abyss (H, Monster)

Alex Wright (H, Foreign Star- Injured)

CM Punk (H, Clean-Cut)

Don Harris (H, Staff Member)

Elix Skipper (H, Gangsta)

Erik Watts (F, Authority Figure)

??? (???)

???(???)

??? (???)

Kid Kash (H, Old School Heel)

Low-Ki (T, Martial Arts)

Sonny Siaki (H, Cocky)

TAKA Michinoku (H, Foreign Star)

??? (???)

Vampiro (H, Vampire)

Nathan Jones (H, Monster)

Lower Midcard:

Adam Windsor (H, Bumbling Englishman)

Altar Boy Luke (H, Evil Preacher)

CarWreck (F, Lackey)

??? (???)

Chris Hero (F, Comic Book Hero)

Chris Sabin (F, Cocky)

Greg Matthews (H, Obnoxious)

Jack Evans (F, Rapper)

Jason Cross (F, Highlight Reel)

John Walters (H, No Gimmick Needed)

Jonah Edelman (H, Obnoxious)

Jonny Storm (F, No Gimmick Needed)

Julio Dinero (H, Arrogant)

Kevin Northcutt (H, Bad Ass)

Kid Psycho (F, Comic Book Hero)

???(???)

Michael Shane (H, Arrogant)

Sam Greco (H, Legitimate Athlete)

Shark Boy (F, Shark Boy)

Slash (H, Occult)

Sonjay Dutt (F, Fun Babyface)

???(???)

Teddy Hart (F, Crazy)

??? (???)

Tough Enough Jake (H, Monster)

???(???)

Openers:

Caprice Coleman (H, Highlight Reel)

??? (???)

??? (???)

Crazy Sexy Mike (H, Sidekick)

David Young (H, Putz)

??? (???)

Jay Matthews (H, Arrogant)

Jayce Simmons (H, Boy Band)

???(???)

John Roche (H, Bad Ass)

???(???)

Kevin Hayes (F, Putz)

???(???)

???(???)

Masahiro Indohara (H, Foreign Star)

Michael Foster (H, Outbacker)

???(???)

Nigel McGuinness (H, Arrogant)

Oscar Sevilla (F, Comedy Character)

Oz (F, Gothic)

Passion (H, Occult)

Pegasso (F, Daredevil)

Petey Williams (H, Old School Heel)

Rave Master (F, Comic Book Hero)

Ray Gordy (H, Old School Heel)

???(???)

Scoria (F, Gothic)

La Gran Luchadora (H, Luchadore)

The Barbaric Berzerker (F, Comic Book Hero)

X-Dream (H, Obnoxious)

La Conquistadora (F, Luchadore)

Jobbers:

Ashley Hudson (H, Outbacker)

Flash Christian (H, Obnoxious)

Hade Vansen (H, Highlight Reel)

Hi69 (H, Foreign Star)

Kevin Steen (H, Old School Heel)

Non-Wrestlers:

Joanie Laurer (F, Equality Fighter)

Managers:

April (F, Dancer)

Desire (H, Cheerleader)

Don Callis (F, Authority Figure)

Goldylocks (H, Bitch)

James Mitchell (H, Occult)

Johnny Fairplay (H, Obnoxious)

Kriss Sprules (H, Conman)

Yours Truly...(F, Girl-Next-Door)

That Heinous Biotch (F, Slut)

Robert Lowenstein (H, Rich Snob)

Taylor Matheny (H, Obnoxious)

Traci (H, Seductress)

Trinity (H, Equality Fighter)

Under Development Deals in various NWA Territories:

Aaron Stride, Aero, Afa Jr., Altar Boy Matthew, Angel Dust, Ashe, Ben Taylor, Benjamin C. Steele, Brandon K, Brian Anthony, Burchill, C.J. Sensation, Cade Sydal, Chris Nilfong, Chris Sydal, Chris Vaughn, Chris Venom, Cloudy, Corrupted Youth, Curve, Daron Smythe, Darrien Karisma, Dash Bennett, David Levy, Delirious, Deranged, Derek Wylde, Dick Trimmons, Diablo Santiago, Dino Bambino, Dunn, Dylan Black, Eric Young, Fast Eddie, Gabriel, Greg Pawluk, Grim Reefer, Hydro, Jardi Frantz, Jason Carter, Jason Jett, Jay Fury, Jerrelle Clark, Josh Besore, Kassius, Ken Anderson, Kenny King, Kenny Omega, Kid Cupid, Krystal Frost, Lazarus, Marc Godeker, Marcos, Marky Starr, Mason Cage, Matt Classic, Matt Murphy, Matt Sydal, Michael Darkstar, Oman Turtoga, Oriental, Pete Tornatore, Quicksilver, Quinn Magnum, Rainman, Richard J. Criado, Rick Santel, Rob Eckos, Ryan Spade, Scorpio Sky, Scott Kougar, Scottie Gash, Scottie Wrenn, Shawn Daivari, Shawn Stylez, Sinn, Slim J, Steve Mack, Superstar Steve, Tony Kozina, Tony Lazaro, Unknown, Virus HFWA, Wagner Brown, Wenzel, Zack Mercury, Z-Barr

Jocelyn: "Well, now that we've finished our tour, let's go over to get you to your seat..." At least, that was the plan, until Jerry Jarrett and Vince Russo came up to me.

Jarrett: "So, you've seen our plans- how'd you like to sign on? Leave AWAMLW behind and come join us, the one with a hope for the future!"

"Well, this would be a big thing- I would have to think about it..."

Russo: "Come on! It'd be a huge SWERVE if you joined us! They got exclusive deals with Sonjay Dutt and Christopher Daniels after they took the titles- if they lost one of their top prospects to us, it'd be a huge move!"

"Well, give me some time to think it over...let me watch the show..."

Jarrett: "Don't worry about it...here's the booking sheet:

Shark Boy d. CarWreck (42, 76, 59)

D'Lo Brown d. Shane Douglas (72, 75, 73)

Chris Sabin d. Michael Shane, Jason Cross, and Steve Evans to retain the NWA X Title (45, 80, 62)

The Gathering d. The Red Shirts, 3 Live Kru, and Insane Clown Posse to win the NWA Tag Team Titles (59, 70, 64)

Kid Kash d. Dusty Rhodes (69, 68, 68)

Jerry Lynn d. The Amazing Red (57, 89, 73)

AJ Styles d. Sting (86, 76, 82)

Raven d. Jeff Jarrett by Disqualification due to CM Punk interference (83, 84, 83)

Jarrett: "Anything else you'd need?"

"Well...I wouldn't say no to a run on your computer...surf your Internet..."

Russo: "You got it! The only fans worth booking to, I always say..." I headed onto the net...

911Wrestling.com Breaking News: WWE Star In Car Accident!

In a shocking bit of news, it has been reported that WWE wrestler Randy Orton was in a car accident while driving around in his hometown.

Reports are that Orton, the sole occupant of his car, recieved a bad knee injury as a result of this accident, and some are wondering if he will be able to wrestle again. Orton had previously dodged bullets with a bad elbow injury and an ankle injury that caused permanent damage, but doctors are saying this could cause problems for his career, and even if he recovers, may never be the same in the ring again.

This should be a problem for the WWE, as Orton was the Intercontinental Champion. It is unknown what the WWE plans to do about this title...

Edited September 3, 2004 by Reflecto

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

The next day, I was totally confused on what to do. My head said to stay with AWAMLW and hopefully give it some more credibility, my heart said to jump ship to NWATNA and be with my best friend and the girl I (love? No, not that...at least, I hope not...), and the leprechaun said to forego wrestling and embark on a new career in burning things...nothing out of the ordinary, really. I knew I had to call someone who would help me make a decision...someone who seemed to always be there when help is needed...

Mr. Feeny: "What now? For the last time, I keep telling you...don't keep channeling my blue ghost! For one thing, I'm not a Jedi, for another, it was just a character, and for the third thing, I'M NOT DEAD!"

"But...you're always there to dispense advice on TV..."

Feeny: "Don't you think you should go to someone who'd know more about this? Like, say, your brother?"

"Oh...all right..."

Feeny: "Fine...now, get me back into my body...OW OW OW that stings..." I decided to call up my brother and see what he said.

Shane: "Hello..." Shane cupped his hand to the phone speaker... "HOLD UP...I have a call on the other line..." Shane took the hand off..."Oh, Tom! Hi..." Shane cupped his hand to the speaker again... " Hey, guys- I've got Tom Goddard on the line; should I keep him as a possible Plan B?"

Vince: "If our main deal falls through, I'll give him a tryout, but I think he'd be a little too anti-climactic for this one right now..." Suddenly, the phone rang. "...hold on, Shane, I think this is it...Hello...so, you managed to get back to us...well, I guess you heard of Randy's accident...yeah. Luckily he survived, that's the most important thing, in my view...anyway, I needed to talk to you. We want to make sure that Evolution can manage to retain their significance, and we feel you're the best man to take Randy's place...what does this mean? Basically- Name your price and it's yours...That's your price? Fine with us... Is a two-year deal good with you?...It is? Perfect...just be at Raw Monday and it'll be all set. We'll fax over a contract now...thanks. Good day, and welcome to the WWE..." Vince hung up the phone. "WE GOT HIM! Evolution is saved..."

I could hear some cheering in the background as Shane picked up.

Shane: "Oh, sorry- something huge just finished up here...so, what's your problem?"

"Well, I'm not sure whether to stay in AWAMLW or jump to NWATNA..."

Shane: "Let me guess...the old 'buddy asked you to come to a rival promotion's PPV only for you to find the girl of your dreams works for TNA,' right?"

"How'd you guess that?"

Shane: "Simple brother's intuition...well, and the fact that I've seen TNA with Steve and Jocelyn on...well, that and the fact that I read the last few posts, but still..."

"Okay..."

Shane: "No problem. So...you're going to sign with our biggest rival, are you?"

"I didn't choose yet..."

Shane: "Come on...we all know you're going to TNA..."

"What makes you so sure? For all you know, I'm happy in AWAMLW..."

Shane: "Well, you are in love with wOw, I'll give you that...if only to keep the 'East Coast' Title pure, I'm sure you'll stick around AWAMLW for that reason...but even with that, I still think back to one thing I remember..."

"Eh...?"

Shane: "Well, I'm sure you remember how Dad and Mr.Richter had been buddies before..."

"Yeah- they served in the military together, right?"

Shane: "Yep- that, their teaming up back in the day, you know... Well, anyways, Dad and Mr.Richter apparently had a falling-out in the late '70s...something about a woman, some argument- I don't know the details. Anyway, Sharon decided she was hell-bent on wrestling, and went into training anyway. Of course, since Dad's so stubborn, it took him about 4 years just to go see one of her matches. Anyway, you met Jocelyn that day- still too young, but apparently- just as Dad was going to pull you away from her, as you left, you said something like "Daddy...was that an angel?" or some other thing like that. Apparently, he knew he couldn't win then- he buried the hatchet by the end of the week..."

"You REALLY expect me to believe that? Dad- admit he was wrong even once?"

Shane: "Hey, don't forget- you were one spoiled little bastard; Dad would do anything you wanted..."

"Still...that doesn't prove anything...I work with them at wOw still...I may just stay in AWAMLW...just you wait...maybe this will be the best thing for me...!"

Shane: "Well, either way, I don't doubt you'll be successful. Hell, TNA might be a good choice... my only request if you do sign with them: don't ink a deal for at least another week- from the looks of things, I think you'll be able to name your price to TNA VERY soon..."

"I don't know...I mean, who's to say AWAMLW might be a better fit for me..."

Meanwhile, in Minneapolis...

Kari-Chan: "Nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo...doing the filing...earning my keep...proving I'm more than just a pretty face..." As Kari-chan walked through, she heard some stuff going on inside the offices:

Court H. Bauer: "So, we're in agreement? These wOw wrestlers are getting way too over for themselves. I tried jobbing Tom Goddard cleanly, and the fans still loved the matches! I mean, I thought wOw was supposed to be enhancement talent for the MLW guys...that's why I allowed them in our rings..."

Christopher Daniels: "I know, I know...I thought I showed that Goddard guy was no match for us in the ring. Why do you keep forcing us to push them?"

DirectTV Executive: "Sorry, but the fact remains- the fans like most of them; they get over. We need you to push people who are over."

Bauer: "Well, we'll put them on TV, but I assure you this- those people are too loyal to wOw, and because of that, they won't get pushed here until they sign with AWA lock, stock, and barrel!"

Daniels: "It's only good business..." Bauer and Daniels shared an evil laugh as Kari-Chan ran shocked...

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

After hearing that news, Kari-Chan was worried...

Kari-Chan: "WAI! What is that all about? I thought the AWA people liked us wOw stars...I need to keep this silent..." Suddenly, two smaller Kari-Chans appeared on her shoulder.

Kari-Chan Angel: "You know you have to tell Tom about this...If you tell him, you'll be likely to see this..." The angel pushed a button as a small projector and screen showed up in front of Kari-Chan:

Tom Goddard: "Oh, you're so great in telling me, Kari-Chan! I love you so much...come run away with me to my magical castle where you'll become the prettiest princess in the world! I loveyouloveyouloveyouloveyouloveyou..."

Kari-Chan Devil: "Are you insane? Everyone knows what would happen if you tell him about this..." The devil took control of the projector as the mini-screen showed up again:

Tom Goddard: "That is totally terrible! The only option I have is to leave AWAMLW forever. I'm sorry, but I must leave you...I'm going to NWATNA so I can marry that meany owner's daughter girl and leave you alone to be ogled by these idiotic Minnesota hicks..."

Kari-Chan: "This seems like a terrible quandary! Whatever shall I do?" Just as Kari-Chan faced this terrible decision...the scene shifted to Rhode Island, where the latest wOw TV show was just about to air...

(First-round match) B-Boy v. TJ Wilson

I'm honestly surprised by the way this turned out. You have B-Boy, quickly becoming one of the more respected wrestlers in the indy scene today, and TJ Wilson, a widely respected Canadian indy star...and the match managed to be average at best. This was definitely not a good show for either one, and definitely not good for the whole of it. Neither one had a match that makes it look like they're as good as advertised, and it seems like that may bode poorly for their wOwfed hopes. TJ Wilson got the win, but with a match like this, there are no winners (especially not the fans.)

(42, 70, 56)

Before the next match, my sister headed up to me...

"Hey, Tom- big match tonight- you gonna cheer for me?"

Sure, why not... <---

Why would I want to do that?

Barbara Vixen v. Sharon Goddard

Awesome power. wOwfed's really set itself up as I've seen it go through, and actually has a good nucleus of good female wrestlers again. Sharon Goddard's seemed to have her career rejuvenated over the last few months, while Barbara Vixen has managed to put on some nice brawls in the area. This match was no exception, as it got the feel of a really good josei matchup (much like most wOw women's matches.) The ending fit well for the whole of it, as Jamie Kogyaru ran in and attacked Goddard, leading to a DQ victory. After the match, Vixen and Kogyaru attacked Goddard as they went to break. Awesome matchup, much better than I expected.

(21, 74, 47)

After the match...

Sharon: "You aren't going to expect me to do the same, right?"

(first-round match) Brandon Downard v. Mr. Pogo

Okay...this was just a brutal hardcore bout. Not brutal like "AWESOME deathmatch", but brutal like "Dear god, why do I have to watch this?" Mr.Pogo made one of his first American appearances...only to prove why I don't like his stuff. Downard tried to pull him to a watchable match, but it ended in the same style as all of Pogo's matches, with his THREE HARDCORE MOVES OF DOOM~! (that being Piledriver, attack opponent with a chain, take a swig of kerosene, and spit fire at opponent.) Unfortunately, Brandon Downard apparently has watched Japanese deathmatches, as he telegraphed it, grabbed the kerosene before Mr.Pogo could take a swig, and spit fire at Mr.Pogo! The referees stopped the match, awarding Brandon Downard the victory!

(51, 65, 58)

Chris Hamrick v. Finale (for the International Title)

Memo to wOwfed: CHANGE CHRIS HAMRICK'S GIMMICK NOW. I'm sorry, but the gimmick that he's a racist Southerner probably plays well in Rhode Island (not really, the crowds were DEAD), but it can't work outside the North. To add to the pain, they take Finale, one of the best homegrown talents wOw has, and put Hamrick over him! Sure, the match was a MOTN candidate thus far, but come on- Finale's a much better wrestler than Hamrick is. Danny Doring then ran in and attacked Hamrick, continuing that feud...and I'm supposed to care- why? Lame...

(31, 81, 56)

After the break, Doink the Clown came in to a scattered amount of cheers, as he waited for his opponent. Robbie Richter then came to the ring to announce the first of the Mystery competitors in the World Title tournament. Suddenly, a WWE logo came up as Shannon Moore's music hit on the wOw loudspeakers! The crowd gave good pops to the WWE superstar Moore as he came to the ring.

(first-round match) Shannon Moore v. Doink the Clown

Okay...you have an underrated talent just waiting for a push in the wOw World Championship division (sorry, still a little confused...), and you put him against DOINK? Open question to Robbie Richter: Can I buy some pot from you? Surprisingly, Moore managed to carry the long past-his-prime Doink to a fairly average match, something I wouldn't have expected. However, it was a pretty obvious Moore squash, as he won with a nice Tumbleweed on the clown. It was what it was...to say the least...

(43, 71, 57)

After that, Shannon Moore stayed out at ringside as Kid Kash came to the ring for his first-round matchup. Moore then announced one of his fellow WWE wrestlers coming to help in the tournament, the second of the mystery competitors. Just then, the WWE logo came up again as Paul London's music hit and he came to the ring for his matchup!

(first-round match) Paul London v. Kid Kash

Okay, this is a match worth sitting through all of the show for. Kid Kash wasn't being as handcuffed as he was when they fought in NWATNA, and London has no handcuffs at all for this match. As a result, you get a great show. The crowd was into both men, and the match was worthy of a major fed. The only problem I had with this match, for the most part, was the ending. More people know of Kid Kash, even without being in WWE. However, Paul London managed the win cleanly, a poor move by wOw if any. The crowd was fairly surprised, and rightfully so. I wonder why it is myself...

(57, 89, 73)

Overall: 60

As the match ended, I sat there and thought to myself...

"Hey, I thought I was the main character, and I was barely in this one! Eh...I'd better go into Super-Deformed Mode..."

SD Tom Goddard: "For those of you keeping Track, the second Round, Region 1 is now:

Masato Tanaka v. Shannon Moore

Yours Truly v. TJ Wilson

Mystery Opponent 3 v. Paul London

Mystery Opponent 4 v. Brandon Downard

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

The next day, I headed to the AWA tapings. When I got there, Kari seemed a little more distant than usual...

"What's going on?"

Kari-chan: "Oh,no- nothing you need to know about yet...your match is more important, nyo...chop, chop!"

"I...see..." Something seemed unrealistic: usually Kari would glomp me the second she saw me head into the dressing room. It seemed like something big was happening- something possibly bad. I had to check what the problem could be...

Joey: "Um...why would I know if Kari was on the rag or not?"

"Well, I can't bloody ask her if she's bloody bloody, now can I?"

Joey: "Point taken, but still...just ride it out, man..." Okay...luckily, I'll just have to get through the matches. Tonight should be the important stuff, not a girl apparently losing her crush on me...

SD-Kari-Chan: "Ow! You wound me, Tom! I would never end the love-love story I have planned for you..."

SD-Tom Goddard: "Okay...that's a little weird..."

Either way, I had to get in touch for my matchup tonight...I tried to get it out of my head and just relax...(Come on...what's the big idea...? It's not like she means anything to me...) Just then...

Alex Shelley: ("Who doesn't mean anything to you, Tom?")

("Dammit, Alex, I was trying to get into wrestling mode...")

Shelley: ("Oh, sorry- maybe I should get ready, too...I'm going into the ring against your sister in a mixed tag...")

("My condolences...") Hopefully, with that out of the way, I can get to work getting that stuff out of my head post haste...

AWA: Major League Wrestling

Your hosts are Mike Johnson and Joey Styles, as always. Tonight is apparently supposed to be a special event, as they're advertising a Live concert by rap star Randy Savage! (What, you couldn't get anyone with- you know- TALENT?)

Patricio del Chulo v. Skulu the Savage

Okay, a match between "Why isn't this guy pushed more" and "Why does this guy still have a job?" del Chulo kept going with the moves that made him one of the more underrated wOw wrestlers, while Skulu countered with...really...really bad brawling. Styles clash resulted, as Skulu does everything possible to make del Chulo look bad while del Chulo does everything possible to make Skulu look passable. Almost as a savior, Jimmy Snuka Jr. ran into the ring...and clocked del Chulo! IT'S A SWERVE~! del Chulo got laid out, as Skulu the Savage picked up the (unworthy) victory. Skulu and Snuka shook hands afterwards, showing their plan to make the WORLD fall victim to their crappy wrestling...or not... Bad match, nonetheless...

(30, 58, 44)

Alex Shelley and Jamie Kogyaru v. Al Katrazz and Sharon Goddard

Ah, what light doth my VCR tape show? It is such grace, and Jamie Kogyaru be my sun...to add to the greatness of this goddess of the ring, I also get to see one of the comeback wrestlers of the year in Sharon Goddard, possibly the next big thing in Alex Shelley, and...well...Al Katrazz takes up space very well...Due in large part to the greatness of those three, this match was actually quite good- each of the wrestlers put on a good show, making for an excellent mixed tag match. Unfortunately, Sharon Goddard CHEATED TO WIN~!, causing my angel to falter once more...don't worry, sweet Jamie...I still love you...

(39, 81, 60)

Meanwhile, after that match...

Shelley: "Darn it...I don't like losing, especially to people who can't hold a candle to either of us..."

Kogyaru: "Well, Sharon's really good, but don't worry about it. You're too good to stay down for long; we'll be sure to get them next time!" Kogyaru started to leave the room...

Shelley: ("Wow...she's actually really cute...I'd like to hit that ass like a home run in the ninth inning...")

Kogyaru: "Um, you do know, us wOw people are REALLY close-knit; Tom already told me about your 'power'..."

Shelley: "Um...I was just thinking about baseball..."

Kogyaru: "Okay..." Jamie left the room that time.

Shelley: ("Phew...")

Sonjay Dutt v. Psicosis

WOW. I had heard Psicosis hadn't impressed AWAMLW brass, and this was his last chance to prove his worth- and man, did he do that. Awesome show between him and the Global Cruiserweight Champion Sonjay Dutt, putting on a cruiserweight match worthy of the PPV status. The crowd wasn't into it, but with a match this good, it doesn't matter what those idiot marks think. Dutt won with a Bombay Splash, but this could be a good thing, especially keeping Psicosis around- if he can put on matches like these, keep him under lock and key!

(35, 90, 62)

Joey Hamm v. Todd Shane

Okay...when an Emo guy and a Dick (No, Todd, we will NEVER Forget...) COLLIDE~! This match seemed pretty straightforward. On one side, you have someone who can only get over in tag team matches, Todd Shane. On the other, someone who's got future superstar written all over him- Joey Hamm. The smart money says give Hamm the win. The fans want Hamm to get the win. The best option would be to give Hamm the win. What does AWAMLW do? Give freaking Todd Shane the win. With a Spinebuster (a transition move if anything else.) Bad move, SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE Cadet...Something's got to be up, but I don't know what (current bet: Todd Shane let someone in AWA's offices on HIS Johnson...)

(54, 65, 59)

After the break, Lori Angel was backstage with Chris Kanyon...

Angel: "Chris Kanyon- tonight you're going to make your AWAMLW debut against one of the hottest wrestlers in the indy scene today, Tom Goddard. Do you have any thoughts as you head out there?"

Kanyon: "Well, you see, Lori- for too long, I've been held back. The WWE never gave me my due. They kept me down, never allowing me to find that true question that eludes us all: WHO BETTA THAN KANYON?" The crowd cheered a bit at that line. "Well, I'm proud to say that I have scoured the world, looked in every place I could, and at long last, I can go into that ring knowing once and for all: Who Betta Than Kanyon? Quick hint, AWA fans: It's NOT Tom Goddard! Tonight, I'm going to go out there, and by the end of the night, everyone will know WHO BETTA THAN KANYON!"

Angel: "Strong words from Chris Kanyon- now, let's get to the ring!"

(74)

Chris Kanyon v. Tom Goddard

This was a disappointing styles clash if there ever was one. You have Chris Kanyon, one of the more underrated wrestlers in the world today, and Tom Goddard, arguably the best in the world today, and yet you have a styles clash between the two. By anyone else's standards, the match would be awesome, but with these two, it's a definite off night. The match kept going in its style clash, until Goddard got control. Just as he went to lock in his nice Queen Angelito Stretch (that the announcers sold as the Final Fantasy), a man in a yellow mask came rushing down the ramp and dropkicked Goddard in the back!

Styles: "OH MY GOD! WHO IS THAT?"

Knight: "YES IT IS!"

The masked man hit an Anvil Flattener on Goddard, allowing Chris Kanyon to get the victory! After the match, Kanyon took the mic:

Kanyon: "I told you all! For too long I kept telling you people, and now all of AWAMLW will know: WHO BETTA THAN KANYON?"

Who: "YES I AM!"

(67, 70, 68)

Jerry Lynn v. Bryan Danielson

Remember when Smackdown used to assure a 4 star match by just putting two of the "Smackdown 6" together for no rhyme or reason? It was great for fans, even if there was no reason. I get that feeling when I watch this match for obvious reasons: No rhyme or reason: Put great worker Bryan Danielson together with great worker Jerry Lynn, let them do what they do, get an awesome matchup. Of course, the end result worked splendidly to that, because, well, they are both that good. The only problem was the end of the match- Danielson going over wasn't bad, but by interference by Christopher Daniels? Sure, it fit the feud, but we don't watch it for feuds...we watch it because it's awesome! I hope someone got fired for that blunder...

(71, 100, 85)

Jeff Hardy v. Christopher Daniels (for the AWA World Heavyweight Title)

...And the hits just keep on coming...I don't know what it is, but Jeff Hardy's managed to put on good shows in the indies recently. I'd be interested in seeing him back in WWE now, that's for sure. This time, Jeff and Christopher Daniels put on an awesome matchup for the AWA World Title. The match went well, until Daniels threw a referee into Hardy. While the ref was out, Jerry Lynn ran in and attacked Daniels. The ref came to...Jeff Hardy held up the AWA title...and we have our Dusty Finish, as another ref comes in, overturns it, crowd boos. Too bad- with matches like that, I could actually see Jeff Hardy as AWA champ...

(74, 95, 84)

After the break...

Kari-Chan: "And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's the American Wrestling Alliance's pleasure to bring you- the greatest rapper in the world, nyo (dear Yevon I feel so dirty)...RANDY SAVAGE!" Savage came out as a beat started, and began to go into his most well-known single...

Savage:

"Hulk Hogan, Hollywood Hulkster, whatever they call you

I'm coming after you coward...

Hot diggity damn Hulk you set it off

Used to be hard, Hulk

Now you done turned soft

Doin' telephone commercials I seen ya

Dancin' in tights as a ballerina

I knew all along you had those tendencies

Cause you been runnin' from Macho like I got a disease

Dude, please, your PPV event was a joke

You're avoiding Randy Savage cause ya know you'll get smoked

Come on, you'll phony fight The Rock ..(hard to understand here)

But when they tell us we'll do a real fight you passed

I called him out, thought the punk was here and to go

It was a charity event but The Hulk didn't show

Hollywood Hulkster, you're at the end of your rope

And I'm gonna kick you in the butt and wash your mouth out with soap

Cause, like Rodney Dangerfield he gets no respect

Come on Hulk, let's wreck, so I can put you in check

Be A Man, Hulk

Come on, don't be scared

You're running from Macho that's what I heard

Be a Man, Hulk

Boy he's a chump,

'Cause Hulk Hogan is a real big punk...

" Just as Savage was continuing, the power cut as Hulk Hogan ran into the ring!

Hogan: "You know something, brotha, the Hulkster's been hearing all along about these things Randy Savage claims, but there's one problem: Instead of BEING A MAN..." The crowd oohed at that... "Randy Savage has been doing other stuff- making rap albums while the Hulkster's been wrestling! You're out of your league, Savage! My only response to these is...any time, any place! You wanted the Hulkster? Well, WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN THE POWER OF HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU?"

The crowd cheered as Hogan left the ring...

(90)

Overall: 74

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

The next day, I got a little downtime, so I decided to check my e-mail. Surprisingly, I got a message from my brother...

E-Mail:

To: "Tom Goddard"- SorceressKnightAS@hotmail.com (Re-Release Notes: As part of the fun of whacked Out wrestling Memorial, this address actually works. As a bonus, send a message to Tom Goddard now and tell him what you like/dislike about the series thus far...he may even write you back! This exclusive is only available from whacked Out wrestling Memorial...)

From: "Shane Goddard" ShowtimeSGwOw@hotmail.com

Hey, bro, what's up? Man, you wouldn't believe today...

Since I started in WWE, I had always expected the unexpected for some reason. That was never more apparent than this Sunday. I had headed over to the next house show, when the entire Raw roster had recieved the shocking news: Spike TV had cancelled Heat. Apparently, the ratings weren't high enough, and the network thought our show was 'too risky' for the 7:00 timeslot, so they decided to cancel us. Of course, I sincerely doubt the network that gives us 'Stripperella' and 'Ren And Stimpy Jump The Shark' can really talk about 'bad for kids', but what are you going to do. At the very least, I heard they gave Raw a 9 month extension, so they can't be too horrific for us.

Truth be told, this was worse for the people who never get onto Raw itself. Sure, I was basically getting through, but this was still a shocker. We expected two shows, and that was what we all wanted. According to the talk in back, Vince was already setting his lawyers up to claim a breach of contract by Spike TV to get Heat back on the air (albeit in a different time slot), but I held no hope for that one. Eh, luckily I'm still put on Raw enough so it won't hurt me. Triple H was over there trying to rally the low-carders (like THAT would really work.) After he tried to make his claim as a "good company man", I decided to head over there...

Triple H: "There-uh...they're sated-uh...job Steven Richards-uh to me ASAP-uh, we'll job-uh the other-uh Heat guys later-uh..."

"Oh, hi- great speech, Paul...I was wondering, do you think we'll be able to get back on Heat?"

HHH: "Of course-uh- Vince-uh's lawy-uhs are awesome-uh...I'll be able-uh to run wild-uh on Raw within the month-uh..."

"Excellent. Just wanted to catch up...hopefully, I'll get some matches against you soon...I'm certain we could steal the show there, so to speak..."

HHH: "I'll keep it in mind-uh. Right now-uh, a friend of mine-uh is on tap-uh for some match-uhs, but I'll have to get through that. I'll talk to you lat-uh...Lamont-uh?" Just then, HHH's manservant hit his theme as HHH left. It was surreal, but hey, you get used to it.

Well, I've got to go...oh, wait- before I leave: I know how much you like to know the house show results, so:

Results:

Doc Dean d. The King of Pop via John Heidenreich interference. Afterwards, Jerry Lawler ran in to save The King of Pop.

(24, 67, 45)

Orlando Jordan d. Rodney Mack (49, 72, 60)

Shane Goddard d. Val Venis following interference by Steve Blackman (70, 83, 76)

Crowbar d. Batista following interference by John Cena (48, 78, 63)

Two Bad MF'ers d. Rico and Nicholas Dinsmore to retain Tag Titles following Shannon Moore interference (71, 89, 80)

Yeah, it sucked, but it's the breaks. Most of the major people were needed to work around the whole "Orton thing", so we were lucky Smackdown agreed to have Shannon jump to us. On the plus side, the fans liked me having Steve Blackman as my bodyguard- always a plus if the fans liked it. Well, got to run- Raw's tomorrow, and I might be in the Intercontinental tournament and could have 1-2 matches. Say hi to the others for me...bye!

Shane

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

Wow...if there ever was a day when the shit hit the fan, it would have to be today:

For starters, it was a Monday- automatically meaning stuff would be going on. How much was something I couldn't guess, but I decided to try and see. Strangely, it started out fairly normally. I headed to the arena for the AWAMLW show. Only problem: Major traffic jam to start. I ended up only getting to the arena a few hours before showtime. Luckily, I already knew my matchup- a tag match with Joey against Kanyon and Jim Neidhart (I am STILL shocked they brought the Who gimmick back...), so I decided to just sit back and watch a copy of the taped Sin they were showing at home. As I sat back, I tried to see the best of wOw's World Title tournament...

(first round match) Mikey Henderson d. Thrasher

...and the first match was something average. Personally, I've never been a fan of Henderson's work, and Thrasher was never my cup of tea. I did notice Joey swarm in to watch this one- for some reason, he's always loved the Headbangers' work (though, to be fair- they were good as a tag team, but not so separately.) Mikey Henderson got the win, as he was one of the people they have more of an interest in succeeding here instead of job bait/ recognized midcarders. Not too great, as a whole. At the very least, it couldn't possibly get any worse...

(40, 73, 56)

(first round match) Brutus Beefcake d. Horace Hogan

...It got worse. Really worse. Why they called Ed Leslie and Horace Hogan's beyond me. Hopefully, these two will job quick, wear out their welcome, put our guys over, and get the F out of wOw. Let me rephrase that: NOW things can't get any worse...

(42, 59, 50)

(first round match) Magical Girl Essa Rios d. Koko B. Ware

Phew. At least this match was somewhat passable. Magical Girl Essa Rios made a decent match out of freaking Koko B. Ware, which is grounds for canonization. Unfortunately, he couldn't even get a good clean finish, as he got the win from Pretty Sammy (easily one of the more passable anime girls we have working for us) for the victory. Not bad as a whole.

(46, 69, 57)

(first round match) Steve Evans d. Jason Cross

Ah- one of the matches of the night. I didn't need to watch this- I know Steve always brings the l33t, and he's told me Jason Cross is good- I didn't need to see too much to know the style of it. Steve told me he got the win from interference by Jocelyn- not a bad thing, this way Cross will still have credibility (a plus- if he's this good against Steve, then me and him should r0xx0rz in the ring, yo!)

(36, 83, 59)

Jared Steele d. Eric Angle

Okay, this seemed surprising. I had known Jared's money in the ring, but I had no idea Eric Angle would at least mesh with him...I heard he wasn't good. Apparently, he could be worth going up against. Of course, Jared went over because we always try to push home-grown talent over- come on; it's the only way. Luckily, that includes me, so I'm good with that area...

(47, 79, 63)

Finale d. Butterbean

Just as I began to watch this, Finale actually pulled me over...

Finale: "Oh no- don't tell me you're watching my match? Avert your eyes- Satan himself spawned that show, and not in a good way, either..."

"Ah...what's going on?"

Finale: "Saving you from having a lower opinion on me- Butterbean was horrific in there. Wouldn't sell a thing, and it's not like he's any good to begin with..."

"Ah. A bad match?"

Finale: "Surprisingly easy, actually...he no-sold everything, but then I hit a Dropkick to his bellybutton, and the guy went down like your mother on me last night..."

"Come on...get off of mothers, man, I just got off of yours..."

Finale: "To suffice, the match sucked. So anyways, what's been going on? Haven't gotten a chance to catch up since you got better..."

"I've been given a number of recruitings by a number of feds- that count?"

Finale: "Same here- I've apparently soared into 'top prospect' mode the last few months. Apparently, tapes of my work in Japan have been really popular. I'm a little excited- my girlfriend's work visa was finally approved; she's stopping here tonight before we go to Rhode Island so she can get on wOw's roster..."

"What the...? You got a girlfriend?"

Finale: "Yeah- like you said, Osaka Pro helped me out...oh, here she is." A young Japanese girl then headed over to us. "Ayumu, this is Tom- Tom, Ayumu Kasuga..."

Kasuga: "Hai...Just out of curiosity...why'd they call it the squared circle? If it's a square, how can it be a circle at the same time?"

"Um...uh...I have no idea...?"

Finale: "I've got to go- got a match tonight; don't want to mess it up..." Finale headed off for his private 'get pumped up' rituals (usually involving Nirvana and breaking stuff), as I tried to watch the matchup.

Kasuga: "By the way, that match was apparently a: (52, 52, 51)" She left to go watch his ritual while I watched the rest of Sin...

Duke Droese d. Chris Kanyon

As I watched this, I tried to scout Kanyon's moves a bit more- see if he used anything else I didn't see in the match. Luckily, Kanyon usually had good stuff, and it looked like me and Joey could do some really cool things this time: Two's always better than one. I was surprised they pushed Droese for this, myself- I thought Kanyon'd be a better choice for a big push myself. Well, they always have a plan in wOw...

(52, 70, 61)

Akio d. Spanky

Yep, the wrestler who was the next mystery man was Akio, which led to some awesome stuff: Jimmy Yang/Spanky's almost a guaranteed money matchup. I noticed some others gathering around just to watch this, as we got a match of the night there. The thing that made me question things was Akio getting the win- Spanky's still a bit more over and well-known, plus his recent WWE status made it a good choice for a run here. Eh- must be some reason for it... (didn't catch the rating...)

Over: 59

After this, I was sitting back and relaxing if at all possible, before Jeff Richter came up to me...

Jeff: "Hey, Tom- I bring good tidings..."

"I see...what we talking?"

Jeff: "Well, first, I got off the phone with my dad..."

"Oh, anything big?"

Jeff: "Damn straight there is- he said he couldn't get your cell phone, due to SOMEBODY's habit of not keeping it on..."

"Hey, I like to keep my battery fresh, okay?"

Jeff: "Anyway, he told me- the videos have been getting over huge, so they're running with it: you're getting your birthright..."

"You mean...?"

Jeff: "Plan's in motion, you're getting the strap at the end of this..."

"AWESOME!"

Jeff: "I knew you'd like that. It's a great day- ickle Tommy's all growed up..."

"Hey...I assume my reign will be better than yours..."

Jeff: "OUCH...oh, Jocelyn said to give you this- one of the copies of her magazine, first one out..."

"I see...I'll have to read it in a place where...the brother of the person who told me that she asked me to ogle her is NOT standing right in front of me ready to kick my ass..."

Jeff: "Oh, like you would try that on her- we all know you're feelings..." How can they, if I'm not even sure on this...? Does he suspect...how I feel? "Yeah- that whole 'little sister' thing, we all know that..." "Ah, great Jeff, the first-class Baka...I should've known he'd never get an idea in his head...

"I see..."

Geoffrey: "Well, got to go- see ya!" He left, allowing me to check out the page for this...

FHM September 2004

wOw Divas' Profile: Jocelyn Richter

In whacked Out wrestling, the great action's only a portion of the stuff to enjoy- with a major one being the wOw Divas! In this, FHM's first profile, we start with the 'top' of them: Jocelyn Richter. This young hellcat's got the pedigree that everyone would like: The youngest daughter of whacked Out wrestling owner Robbie Richter, Jocelyn's brother Brad is a current WWE wrestler. In addition, she herself has been interviewing and doing color work for NWA:Total Nonstop Action for the past few months.

Quotes:

Wrestling: "It's a bit of a cliche, but wrestling gets into your blood really well with this. All my brothers grew up doing it, and most of my oldest and dearest friends came from other people who wrestled for wOw or were family of wOw wrestlers. It's almost like this was my destiny, so to speak..."

Hitting the Big Time: "I can't remember which made me more happy: My work for NWA:TNA or getting the word that my brother Brad was signed to WWE. I love the stuff I do for TNA, but in the end, I still consider myself a wOw girl at heart: In wOw, the entirety of the crew has each other's backs and is willing to do whatever it takes for each other. In NWA:TNA, there are too many jealous people who can't take that they have a specific role, just looking to get one over on people who got through with more stuff."

Future: "Hey, everyone has some goals in wOw: Get good in the ring, find a cool co-worker, fall in love, and live happily ever after. That's the goal if you are a female in wOw, and I'd have to say it's what I'd want as well- though I wouldn't say no to joining my brother in WWE in the future..."

FHM: "And is there any suggested ones for that first goal in mind? Readers would like to know..."

"Um...uh....well, no comment..."

FHM: "Okay..."

Tune in next month for the second of our FHM wOw Diva Profiles...

Just as I finished reading this, I saw a hand push it down, as a voice came over to me...

"So...is she really cuter than me, Tommy-kun?"

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

"What do you mean, Kari-chan?"

Kari-chan: "I've had enough of just waiting...Tommy-kun...I know you're going to go to NWATNA; you're going to leave me..."

"Um...you're still with me in wOwfed...we'll see each other there..."

"I'm finally getting a really big push here in AWAMLW- I really can't leave here, but I don't want to be without you..." I saw her lips moving, but the sound was drowned out by Ironwood's shouting backwards:

Ironwood: "HOLY SHITE! Where's a TV- I heard from one of me' mates something big's going on on Raw right now!"

Road Agent: "I think there's one in the dressing room...why?" Ironwood bolted over, nearly toppling Kari-Chan as he turned on the TV...

<<MEANWHILE, ON RAW...>>

As Raw is wont to start, Evolution were in the ring, sans Randy Orton. Flair had the mic...

Ric Flair: "It's with a heavy heart that we have to be out here tonight...as you people may know, Randy Orton was in a car accident last Wednesday. He made it out alive, but the doctors say he may never wrestle again due to the severity of the knee injury he suffered in it. Due to this, the Intercontinental Title has been declared vacant by the WWE. A 10-man tournament will be held tonight in order to get a new champion. However, all wrestling fans can take heart: even when a person is incapacitated, that does not mean that Evolution will stop going through..." The crowd gave massive heat at this willingness to use a legitimate injury to further their group.

"That is why we've looked far and wide, and we are guaranteeing that the Intercontinental Title will be back in our hands at the end of the night! To do it, I've found the new future of professional wrestling, and the number two seed in this tournament, and we'd like to introduce him to all of you right now- Come on out here!" Just then, Evolution's theme hit as a familiar face came to the ring...

Lawler: "Wait...I think I know who that is!"

Jim Ross: "BAH GAWD! THAT'S AJ BAH-GAWD STYLES! AJ STYLES IS HERE! BBQ SAUCE! BBQ SAUCE! BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP!"

Styles took the mic:

Styles: "Hey, it doesn't matter who's the future of wrestling- what matters is that Evolution is about to pass everyone by yet again..." (Re-Release Notes: I don't usually like to hire indy faves for Raw [the other feds run in wOwM2 are fair game], but in this case, it seemed like the best option. I mainly used the car accident for an example because of three separate things regarding Randy Orton: In the game, he suffered a knee injury [which would take him out for 16 months], his knee injury destroyed his stats, and his contract would have expired in 3 months following this anyway- all things which contributed to trying to find a way to say his career was basically over with Raw on this. Styles was the most logical choice to hire to take Orton's spot, so I went with it. Besides from things like this [where a wrestler is hired to take someone's spot], Raw's hirings tend to be more conservative. Following Smackdown taking a LOT of talented workers, I usually hire based on the following:

1.) If we need someone who'll boost our star power and I feel they can help on the lower stuff, I hire them.

2.) If the worker is a former Smackdown wrestler in-game (Raw/Smackdown are separate companies in this scenario), they will be hired by Raw [and/or stolen when their contract is running out].

3.) At the beginning of every month, I sign at least 5 random workers to development deals, with the following caveats:

i.) If their stats are high enough (overness> or = 60 or stats that say they would be very soon and overness in the 40's), they're put on Raw, and another random worker is signed to development.

ii.) If they're a member of an established enough tag team, the tag team partner is also signed to development [every fed needs tag teams...]

iii.) All main characters in the other feds are NOT included in this.)

(75)

After that...Eric Bischoff was in his office, showing the 10 wrestlers in the Intercontinental Title Tournament:

Tournament seeding:

1) Matt Hardy

2) AJ Styles

3) Mystery Opponent

4) Lance Storm

5) Mark Henry

6) Maven

7) John Heidenreich

8) Shane Goddard

9) Test

10) The Hurricane>>

<<MEANWHILE, AT THE AWAMLW TAPING>>

After that, I saw Ironwood marking out like a bastard...

Ironwood: "WHOA! Styles was signed by WWE? That tournament looks awesome...I wanna stay in here and watch..." Just then, a road agent came over to him...

Road Agent: "Sorry, but you're up- got to go to the ring..."

Ironwood: "Dammit! Well, got ta go...hey, Tommy- I know ye'll be keeping track of it since yer bro's in the tourney- tell me what happened while I tear this stuff up?"

"Sure, man..." Ironwood left as Kari-chan headed over...

Kari-chan: "As I was saying...I can't let that happen, and I need to do EVERYTHING I possibly can to keep you here with me forever and ever, Tommy-kun..." As the commercials ended and the first match came up, I tried to watch it, until Kari-chan jumped me, forced me into a bathroom stall, and proceeded to start doing what she pleased...

...Eh, I assume this will be much better than Raw anyday of the week...

<<THE FOLLOWING SCENE IS PREEMPTED BY THE REDEMPTION CREW. The Redemption Crew would like to remind everyone out there that reading about violent wrestling matches, deathmatches, and other hardcore instances of violence is a perfectly fine, American tradition, but reading about tasteful expressions of love is guaranteed to make your kids decide to shoot up their school. The Redemption Crew: We know what's best for you. Here to replace this is this week's Raw...>> (Gee, what do you think Reflecto's views on censorship are...?)

Qualifying Round Matches:

The Hurricane v. John Heidenreich

Awesome: Hurricane and John Heidenreich: The Battle of Guys Who Drop Other Wrestlers on their Heads (whether intentional or not!) This matchup was a total style clash, but the crowd seemed to enjoy it. It ended up a fairly decent comedy match, as the two managed to put on a match either not nearly as good as they can (see: Hurricane, The) or one of their better performances (see: Johnny, Little.) We got OVERBOOKED~! after a few minutes, after Jerry "the CHIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLDDDDD MOLESTER~!" Lawler came in and went for Heidenreich! The Hurricane tried to stop Lawler from striking Heidenreich (as any good superhero would do), only to have Lawler attack The Hurricane, drawing Hurricane a DQ victory! After the match, Lawler attacked Hurricane, hitting a Piledriver on him, then went for Heidenreich, only to have Ms.Joni come in and stop Lawler from striking him!

(65, 69, 67)

Shane Goddard v. Test

I'm surprised- this was actually a decent matchup. Test's been putting on some rather decent matches as of late, and Shane Goddard proved why he deserves the hype he got on Raw all this time. The match actually ended up as a good power match- though these fans weren't buying it, for some reason: Too much of Test being subpar and Goddard being relatively unknown led to a dead crowd. Shane Goddard got the big victory, allowing him to advance- not a bad thing, as they need to give some wins to him to make him seem more credible to the fans.

(46, 78, 62)

<<MEANWHILE, at the AWAMLW Taping....>>

Finale v. Ironwood

WHOA. You know, everyone knows how good wOw's homegrown high-flyers and women's division is, but the brawlers they're putting out are getting an insanely poor rap; they're easily as good as those two things. In this instance, Ironwood and Finale put on another of their awesome shows for the fans, proving that psychology and light tubes can manage to coexist in the same matches. Finale got the win, but when the match is this good, who really cares?

(28, 96, 62)

(AWA Global Tag) The Extreme Horsemen d. Hart Foundation 2k3

Bestill my heart: Two awesome matches in the same show? It's happened here, as this match was a great tag team encounter. The Extreme Horsemen need to get some props for making the Hart Foundation 2k3 look like a million bucks; AWAMLW needs some good tag teams, and this will help it out immensely. The two put on a good show. The Hart Foundation 2k3 were almost set for a win...until Dawn Marie ran out of the crowd and distracted Jack Evans, allowing Simon Diamond to roll him up for a big win!

(51, 89, 70)

Meanwhile, in the dressing room, Jamie Kogyaru was watching Raw as Ironwood headed in there...

Ironwood: "Did I miss anything?"

Kogyaru: "Shane's in the second round, for one...Still in commercials, though."

Ironwood: "Excellent- I've got to go to the bathroom- tell me when it comes back, okay?"

Kogyaru: "Um, I REALLY don't think you want to go in there right now..." Ironwood didn't hear that, until...

Ironwood: "YIKES! Not good...NOT good...good view, but NOT good...eew,I did Not have to see that..."

Kogyaru: "What'd I tell you?" Just then, a road agent came into the dressing room...

Road Agent: "Where the hell's Tom Goddard? EMOtion/Who: Betta Than Kanyon's up next!"

Ironwood/Kogyaru: "Um...we haven't seen him around..."

Road Agent: "FUCK! We'll have to turn it into a handicap match...have them improvise something. Where the hell did Goddard go off to?"

<<The Redemption Crew just plain feels this is a little too close for comfort, so we're heading back to Raw...>>

First Round Matches:

Lance Storm v. Mark Henry

And the Raw conspiracy of pushing Mark Henry continues, as Lance Storm tries everything possible to push the big fat sack of shit Henry to a watchable match. However, Henry just wasn't willing to be pushed this time, just no-selling everything Storm tried to do up until the end. Luckily, Storm managed to get the win - he'd be a much better choice as IC champ than Mark Henry (who'd be a much better choice for firing ASAP...)

(73, 62, 69)

After the break, Maven headed into the ring waiting for his opponent in the match. Afterwards, a familiar enough theme hit as Rhyno headed into the ring, and I proceed to mark out! I thought Rhyno was fired a few months ago!

Maven v. Rhyno

Surprisingly, this match was actually halfway decent. Maven's made some definite improvements in the last few months, while Rhyno is always good for a nice brawl. Maven took the advantage early, however, and never really lost it. A quick MAVEN DROPKICK OF DOOM~! got the victory, as the kid from Tough Enough got into the semi-finals. Well, he's at least more of a good choice than a returning Rhyno...

(77, 70, 74)

The Hurricane v. AJ Styles

Okay, this match is one that I would have rather seen when Hurricane was on his game, with no matches prior. Styles/Hurricane is usually awesome, and a fresh Hurricane would have made it even better. Styles put on a great show, as he's wont to do- they made a good decision signing him through this. However, Hurricane got the advantage, and just as he set Styles up for a Vertibreaker (What? He'd use that against him?), Ric Flair came in and saved Styles, causing a DQ victory for The Hurricane. After the match, Flair and Styles attacked The Hurricane, leaving him beaten in the ring.

(75, 84, 79)

Matt Hardy v. Shane Goddard

A surprisingly good match, or at least one I didn't expect. I thought these two's styles would clash, but they managed to put on a very good match. The match had a lot of back-and-forth action, and I wasn't sure which of the two would win myself. However, just as Shane Goddard went up for the Godd-Hand (Old School into a Rolling Wheel Kick)...until Shannon Moore ran in and knocked Goddard off the top rope! I thought he was a Smackdown guy...! Matt Hardy got the win, and celebrated with his original MF'er.

(56, 85, 70)

<<MEANWHILE: On AWAMLW TV...>>

Who: Betta Than Kanyon v. EMOtion

Before the match, Joey Hamm took the mic...

"You know, I was backstage, and I realized something...you two don't have half of the heart that I bring into that ring (not like it matters- only looks matter in love...). Because of this, I realized, I don't need Tom Goddard out here tonight- I'll take you both on myself! I will show you all just how much skill I have!

Changed: Who: Betta Than Kanyon v. Joey Hamm

Apparently, the match was a tag-version of the handicap, meaning Who: Betta than Kanyon would have to tag out. Despite this, Joey Hamm was actually able to hold his own in a fairly okay matchup. However, the two of them's differing styles: Kanyon's innovative all-round skill and Who's old-school brawling didn't have problems with Hamm's style. However, the two were better than Hamm by himself, as Chris Kanyon got the win with a quick I'm Betta Than You. Not bad- but I'm not sure why they didn't keep it as a tag matchup...

(56, 70, 63)

Meanwhile, backstage:

Road Agent: "What the hell just happened? Didn't your brother get here on the same flight as you?"

Sharon Goddard: "I'm sorry...I have no idea what could have happened."

Road Agent: "Go find him!" Sharon Goddard went and looked in the dressing room, where Jamie and Ironwood were still watching Raw...

Sharon: "Have you two seen Tom around? He just missed his match!"

Ironwood: "Um...uh...I have no idea where he could be..." Just then, a very audible purring noise was heard from the bathroom...

Sharon: "What the hell was that?"

Ironwood: "Um...the rare Minnesota Giant Kitten? Very rare thing...really dislikes being seen...please leave..."

Sharon: "Um, I need to find my brother..." Just then, Jamie Kogyaru attacked Sharon Goddard!

Jamie: "Sorry, but there's a camera right behind you- can't have the people on TV think there's fraternization between feuders, now can we?"

Sharon: "Understood- make it look good for them. And tell my brother if you see him that I'm going to kick his ass..."

(57)

After that, Sharon Goddard headed through this...

Sharon: "Luckily, the cameras got that...now, I need to head to the bathroom..."

Ironwood: "No! Don't go in there...um...you'll catch the...Dead! Yeah..."

Sharon: "I'll take my chances..." Sharon Goddard walked into the room to get the sight...

Kari-Chan/Tom Goddard: "YAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH!!!!!!" Sharon Goddard was calm...

Sharon: "Okay...Tom...I'm going to allow you two to put your clothes on...then I am going to have Kari leave the room...and then I am going to kick your ass for missing your scheduled match..."

"Crud..."

<<meanwhile, On Raw...>>

Maven v. The Hurricane

Pretty standard semifinal matchup. I can buy The Hurricane being tired- he was in three matches already, and Maven is always pretty static in his matches. The match was just okay rather than spectacular as a result of this. The thing I was most surprised of was Maven getting the victory: When The Hurricane's been in this many matches, he'd be the best choice to run the gauntlet...

(71, 72, 71)

Lance Storm v. Matt Hardy

WOW. Even considering that these two have had a match previously in the night, this was an awesome match to go through. The crowd was into it, the wrestling was a clinic, and the entire thing was surprisingly good, considering they weren't as over as most. The thing I was most surprised on again was Lance Storm getting the win- Matt Hardy could have easily used an IC title reign to further himself on this...

(77, 92, 84)

<<MEANWHILE, In AWAMLW...>>

Sharon started punching me immensely while yelling...

Sharon: "HOW...THE...HELL...COULD...YOU...BE...SO...GODDAMN...STUPID...AS...TO...DO...THAT? I THOUGHT ME AND SHANE TAUGHT YOU BETTER IN THE RING; TO AT LEAST...YOU KNOW, PUT A MATCH BEFORE THAT STUFF..."

"Ow...Sorry...my bad..."

Sharon: "Sorry isn't good enough! This is a firable offense, and if this gets out, I wouldn't blame them!"

"I know...I fucked up..."

Sharon: "Okay...now, give me your wallet...all the stuff in your pockets..."

"What...?"

Sharon: "Just do it...!" I gave her the stuff."Now march!" I headed out of the bathroom, where some road agents were waiting.

Road Agents: "What happened to you?"

Sharon: "Oh, sorry about that- it seems he went outside to get some fresh air before his match, when a bunch of drunken fans jumped him, beat the crap out of him, and robbed him..."

Road Agent: "Well, next time be careful: You missed a matchup tonight..." The road agent left.

"Wow...thanks, sis...you saved my ass there..."

Sharon: " I figure, I had to see it just now, I had best save it- Just make sure to NEVER do something like that again. You're better than these stupid mistakes..."

"I know..." I hugged Sharon, then headed off to watch the rest of the shows...

Jerry Lynn and Randy Savage v. Christopher Daniels and Hulk Hogan

Now, this is a hotshot if I ever saw one. To say nothing about the costs for Hogan and Savage, Daniels and Lynn in the ring added more to that. This match should have been left for PPV, almost certainly. At least the match had everything: Savage and Hogan to pop the crowd, Lynn and Daniels to make the wrestling fans happy. Jerry Lynn CHEATS TO WIN~!, afterwhich Daniels and Hogan attacked...

(86,76, 82)

<<MEANWHILE, ON RAW...>>

Maven v. Lance Storm (Intercontinental Title)

Well, it's official. Either one of the best wrestlers on the planet will be the next IC champion...or the kid from Tough Enough will be. Either way, it was a fairly decent choice: Average match despite the 3 matches for each, Nothing to write home about but decent on the card. Around the midpoint of the match, Evolution headed down the ramp and watched outside the ring. Lance Storm kept fighting back, but Maven Hit the DROPKICK OF DOOM~!, sending Storm to the outside...where Evolution attacked him! Evolution rolled him back into the ring, where Maven hit a moonsault on him, getting a three count to win the Intercontinental Title! After the match, Evolution rushed the ring and headed for Maven...only to shake his hand! Maven and the rest of Evolution proceeded to attack Storm more, finally leaving him in the ring for dead!

(77, 79, 78)

Raw Over: 72

AWAMLW Over: 69

After the show, I tried to get out of there as soon as possible, when Court H. Bauer saw me leaving...

Bauer: "So, missed your match tonight, eh?"

"Yeah...sorry about that..."

Bauer: "I heard the story- got mugged outside the arena, huh?"

"Yep...these Minneapolis gangs- really tough stuff, ya know?"

Bauer: "That they are...oh, one more question, Tom...How was she?"

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

"Why...whatever do you mean, Sir?"

Bauer: "Don't play dumb with me, Goddard- we have surveillance cameras in all portions of the arena, INCLUDING the bathroom...we saw everything..."

"Crud..."

Bauer: "My question is- you're usually such a professional; WHY would you do something like this?"

"Um...uh...the devil made me do it?" Just then, a large hole opened up in the ground as Satan headed over...

Satan: "No, No...fight your own battles- I had nothing to do with that..."

"Um...uh...(Dammit...generic excuse didn't work...second swing...the truth...)She jumped me; I had no time to think...and, well, by the time my match rolled around..."

Bauer: "Okay...so, let me get this straight...you, a wrestler widely considered one of the 10 best in the world today, are telling me, the owner of a company trying to push the best wrestlers he can, that a GIRL OF AVERAGE STRENGTH AND SKILL can overpower you?"

"Um...yeah?"

Bauer: "I'm sorry, but that is total bullshit and you know it...you just couldn't keep it in your pants..."

"Okay..."

Bauer: "Look, I'm not trying to be a hard-ass, but you have to know: That stuff's not tolerable..."

"I understand."

Bauer: "Good. I'm not going to fire you this time; you're WAY too important to our future. However, be warned: You're going to be on the card Saturday. Fair warning: Bring your bumping shoes..."

"Okay...thanks for letting me off that easily..." I left quickly in order to make sure he couldn't change his mind. Getting off with just a major job? Not too much of a problem...I still remembered after that, I should probably call Shane up- give him the info over at wOw, check up. I dialed up his number...

Shane: "Hello...? Who's this?"

"The best wrestler in Rhode Island..."

Shane: "Well, well, well, if it isn't the Pimp of the Nation himself! Did you mean to miss calling earlier, or was your tongue too tired?"

"Let me guess...Sharon?"

Shane: "Called me just after she saved your ass. I need to know one thing, Tom..."

"I've already been chewed out by Sharon and Court..."

Shane: "No, no...I need to know: HOW WAS THAT, man? You know that probably every guy who watches AWAMLW would lose a nut to hit that, right?"

"Um...yeah...but come on- you're a WWE superstar; surely you can get better..."

Shane: "Yeah, but that's 'Ring Rat' quality. You're getting 'Co-Worker' quality, which everyone knows is higher-quality than the average one..."

"Okay..."

Shane: "So, what else is going on?"

"I got the call...they're putting it on me..."

Shane: "I thought you already had it put on you, that's why you had this trouble..."

"No...the title, man! I'm getting the birthright..."

Shane: "AWESOME! I still remember when Robbie told me I was getting the call the first time- I was about your age, actually. I had finally come up with the character that got me this popular, and I started picking up steam- he ran with it, and look where I am today."

"Cool. They say I'll win the tournament, obvious- probably get to go over some of your boys in WWE in the midst of it."

Shane: "Excellent. I've got to go- I'm driving somebody to the next stop..."

"Cool...who?"

Shane: "You'll never guess..."

"Is it Triple H?"

Shane: "How'd you guess?"

"I heard he always has the new guy be his driver...well, that and I've been reading enough of your stuff to get that hint..."

Shane: "Oh...all right. Well, I'll talk to you later...I'll see if I can get released to work the big show, okay?" Shane hung up the phone...

HHH: "Who was that-uh?"

Shane: "Oh, that was my younger brother...you know, Tom Goddard?"

HHH: "Who-uh?"

Shane: "One of the bigger names on the indy circuit today...?"

HHH: "Indy circuit-uh?"

Shane: "Oh...just my little brother."

HHH: "Ah...what's going on-uh with him-uh?"

Shane: "Well, he says he's being given the Strap in his home fed..."

HHH: "Ah...that's cool-uh...which one-uh?"

Shane: "Same as the one I came up in- whacked Out wrestling."

HHH: "Wait-uh...didn't we send wrestl-uhs to them-uh?"

Shane: "I heard 8 WWE guys went there, plus Tito Ortiz and Crowbar have some committments with them before they sign on with us full-time."

HHH: "Oh-uh...you might check up on that-uh..."

Shane: "Why?"

HHH: "I'll level with you-uh. You see, the reason we allowed these wrestl-uhs to wrestle other federations is simple-uh. As part of the deal, they would be guaranteed to not-uh have to job unless it was to anoth-uh WWE superstar-uh. Hence, if they're in a tourn-uhment, they would win the title..."

Shane: "And then...?"

HHH: "They would show up on Raw with it-uh, where they'd get squashed-uh by me. Then, the title would be merged with my World Heavyweight Title-uh. That way-uh, it gains prestige-uh!"

Shane: "Okay..."

HHH: "Now come on-uh...we don't have all day-uh..." Shane headed off to drive Triple H to the next stop. As the endless-loop tape of Motorhead played while he drove, Shane kept having different thoughts run through his head...

Good Shane: "You must tell your brother immediately- something has to be up on this if they're planning this..."

Bad Shane: "Come on, you don't need to: You're WWE, your brother can take care of himself, and they'll probably have a plan set up already for this..."

The Leprechaun: "Aye, ye're in a real bind, laddie! You know what you have to do: Burn the next arena WWE has a show in down! BURN THEM ALL!"

Shane: "(I've got to burn the whole arena down! I mean, tell them immediately something's up!)"

Alex Shelley: "(Good show, Shane! Get your Doing The Right Thing on!)"

Shane: "(Who the hell are you?)"

Shelley: "(Um...just a friend of your brother's...)"

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

When I got to the wOw tapings that Friday, it was a bit of a relief: With this week's hectic nature, it was good to be in a place I could consider a safe ground. Luckily, the first face I ran into was my buddy Jared...

Jared: "So, what's been going on man...oh, wait...maybe I should check on the Internet for the details..."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up...What's going on, buddy?"

Jared: "Just trying to psych myself up:: TV Tapings here tonight, plus one to be taped for Monday's Sin- you'd better get ready, you're on tonight for tapings as well: Then head to Minneapolis for the AWAMLW PPV... at least it's not like next week, then I'll also have IWA-MS's show to deal with."

"GAH...it's times like this when I'm happy I didn't sign on to that garbage fed..."

Jared: "Hey, it's not too garbagey...anymore...it is a bit fly-by-night, but nothing major..."

"Oh, really?"

Jared: "Yeah...in fact, just last week...some strange stuff occurred..." Suddenly, Jared went into flashback mode...

<<Sophie: "Okay, we've got the fed's 'new direction' set...let's try and get a person to 'run' this..."

Josh: "Someone Awesome...someone with ZAZZ..."

Sophie: "No, we need someone to help our goals. Go to the first Internet message board you see and pick some random smark- it doesn't matter...as long as we can make this place a tax write-off, it's all great!"

Josh: "Super-dee-duper!" The two looked on a random board and picked a smark, then sent off the e-mail:

To: Unimportantsmark@hotmail.com

From: IWA-MSbrass@RC.com, er, IWA-MS.com...

We have seen your stuff, and we want you to be our new booker for IWA-Mid South. The first show is a week from Sunday- don't worry about anything, we'll just need you there. Do what you want...okay?"

Sophie: "There, we've brightened some random person's day..."

Josh: "Made it AWESOME..."

Sophie: "Now, let's just hope they can run it into the ground so we can get more money!" The two shared an evil laugh as the flashback ended...

"Sounds sketchy..."

Jared: "A little, yeah, but I think it'll work. I mean, the money's green, and I think I found some papers for a cool new gimmick to try out there..." Jared passed me the slip.

"Well, if you think you can make this work..."

Jared: "Oh, don't worry- some guy I've seen around the indies has already agreed to do the gimmick with me. It'll be awesome."

"Coolness..." I headed through, we both got psyched up, taped our matches for Monday, and proceeded to watch this week's wOw Flagship from the back...

wOw Flagship

Your hosts once again are Madison Carter and Gristleizer.

(first round match) Adam Windsor v. Gillberg

Wow...it's the indy dream match I always wanted to see- a wrestler who manages to continue getting steady work in the indies for no apparent reason...and Gillberg. In this case, Gillberg was up to his usual skills (i.e. mocking Goldberg for no apparent reason.) Poor match- after Gillberg's initial pop, the crowd was dead, and Adam Windsor showed his obvious problems with carrying opponents in this matchup (it's strange- I keep hearing Windsor's good, but he never shows it in wOw rings...) Gillberg hit the Spear on Windsor, and we had an upset victory in round one! Poor matchup- Gillberg's comedy didn't mesh at all with Windsor's attempted serious style.

(31, 63, 51)

(first round match) Rocky Romero v. Reno

Okay, this was a much worse matchup than I had thought it would be. I mean, Romero's a brawler, Reno's a brawler- this should be natural, right? Wrong. Neither one was that good at what they did, so the match was very poor as a result. In addition, the crowd was DEAD: No one remembers Reno from WCW, no one cares about Romero: it didn't work. Reno got the win, the fans took the loss: Please make this man job quickly next round...

(20, 64, 42)

After watching that match, I got a call...

"WASSUP! Who is it?"

Voice: "The one who's working WWE shows while you languish in some high school gym in Rhode Island nailing cute babes, you lucky bastard..."

"Oh, hi, Shane. What's up?"

Shane: "I needed to call to give you some info: I heard rumors the WWE guys are up to no good. According to Paul..."

"Wait...you're already on a first name basis with Triple H? Stop the presses: The Internet got something right, you little kiss-ass!"

Shane: "Come on...this is serious. I heard they have a contract where they won't job to a non-WWE person. One of them- doesn't matter who, will obviously take the title, then they're supposed to job it to Triple H in a squash. He thinks it'll make his belt more prestigious..."

"Yikes...what should I do?"

Shane: "Get this info to Robbie post-haste, man! We can't let wOw's title die..."

"Wow...you care more about our title than you do about your little buddy..."

Shane: "Hey, I'm WWE...I'm not doing it for some cult fed's title..."

"Then why?"

Shane: "I...I'm doing it for all of you..." [BLATANT TOUCHING MOMENT- SEND EXCERPT OF THIS SPOT TO OPRAH SO THAT REFLECTO CAN GET A FAT WRITING CONTRACT... ]

"Excellent. I'll get the news to him when I see him." I got off the phone and continued watching the show...

Frankie Kazarian v. Sugar Man (for the wOw Cruiserweight Title)

Okay, this looks like a job...I keep getting surprised at how wOw mishandles Sugar Man. He is easily the next wrestler wOw can hitch its hopes on: Botches a lot of moves, to be sure, but is spectacular in the ring when he hits one.This looks to be another mishandling of it, as Kazarian takes the advantage quickly, controlling the pace (and keeping a lot of Sugar Man's trademark botch jobs out of the way for it.) The match ended up fairly decent: Nothing that wouldn't look good in an X-Division show was here. Sugar Man took an advantage, and went for the Sugar Buzz (Standing Phoenix Attack)...only to have Frankie Kazarian reverse it and go for the Wave of the Future...only to have Barbara Vixen run out of the crowd and hit a big Superkick on Kazarian, then proceed to put Sugar Man on top, giving him a three and the Cruiserweight Title! COMMENCE MARKING OUT...or not, but it is nice to see wOw finally utilize one of the few "can't miss" prospects they haven't gotten firmly behind yet...

(36, 83, 59)

After the break, Matrix headed into the ring waiting for his opponent. Suddenly, Danny Doring came to the ring and announced he'd found someone to help watch his back, and he was taking the spot in the tournament...Roadkill!

(Just then, without warning: The author appeared out of nowhere in the ring...

SUPER-DEFORMED REFLECTO MOMENT! I know I promised my 10 or so fans that all of the mystery opponents would be wrestlers under WWE contract in wOw Memorial Volume 2, but the original wrestler supposed to take the spot (Matt Morgan) got injured and I needed a quick replacement! That's not-so-common knowledge for whacked Out wrestling Memorial readers...

The author then proceeded to vanish as the match started...)

Matrix v. Roadkill

Not a half-bad brawl for most of the match. The two didn't really mesh, but it worked just well enough for a cult fed. The crowd had a lot of ECW marks, leading to some definite pops for Roadkill's fat-guy offense. However, most of the match wasn't great or bad, it was just...there. Roadkill got the win, which works- wOw could use him more often than they'd need Matrix pushed too far.

(47, 71, 59)

After that match, I saw Robbie backstage. I made sure to tell him the news Shane had informed me.

Robbie: "Oh, I know about that already..."

"You knew that the WWE guys wouldn't job, and you still allowed them in the tournament?"

Robbie: "Don't worry. For one thing, two of the last four mystery guys are fairly good friends of wOw; they've both already agreed to cross lines and do the job for a wOw guy when it comes time to..."

"But what about the others? They won't do the same..."

Robbie: "Well, just watch the next match, Tom- the answer will come to you..." Robbie came over to the Gorilla position with me, and I proceeded to watch the next match...

In the ring, Teddy Hart was waiting for his mystery opponent. Suddenly, a WWE logo hit as Rodney Mack came down to the ring for his matchup!

Teddy Hart v. Rodney Mack

Okay, all the horror stories I've heard about Teddy Hart were true. Hart basically made Rodney Mack look like more of a bitch than he already is. It began slowly- Mack used the punch-kick offense, and Hart countered with his actual, you know, talent. Then, Rodney Mack tried to continue his stuff, and kept an advantage. However, Rodney Mack proceeded to go for the Tiger Bomb on him- you know, the move that WWE pushes as a bad-ass finisher.

So, of course: Teddy Hart sprung right back up, not selling it for one second. A second Tiger Bomb occurred, with the same result. Apparently angered, Mack tried locking on the Blaq Out, only to have Hart quickly and painlessly reverse out of it, then hit a stiff-looking German Suplex on Mack. Hart then put a pin (with feet obviously on the ropes), getting a big three. After the match, Rodney Mack looked legit pissed, as he tried to rush Hart as he headed back to the ring...

(42, 65, 53)

After the match, I watched as Rodney Mack headed up to Robbie...

Mack: "What the fuck was that all about? We had a deal; I was supposed to win!"

Robbie: "Sorry...I'm not the wrestler- take it up with Teddy Hart. He apparently decided to change the match result out there..."

Mack: "Come on; that's bullshit! You're going to allow this?"

Robbie: "Of course not! I will talk to him..."

Mack: "Talk or not, I'm not working here again, that's fo' sho..."

Robbie: "Do not worry. I'll talk with him right now...Teddy, that was uncalled for out there...good show, kid......when I give you a match result, you do it, and do not take things into your own hands...expect a bonus in your paycheck for this show......I know you're a talented worker, but if you ever think of doing something like that again, you can expect to be on the unemployment line don't worry...we don't need you to do something like this again... Do you understand me?"

Teddy Hart: "I'm sorry, Mr.Richter...thanks..."

Robbie: "Now I've got to go...I have some business to take care of...you get the idea, Tom?"

"This was just uncalled for. Oh, my mom and dad say hi....Got it..."

Meanwhile, outside the ring, Lori Angel was in back...

Angel: "Hi, wOw fans. Just in case you weren't aware, here's the final second-round in the wOw World Championship Tournament:

____________________________________________________________________

Masato Tanaka v. Shannon Moore

Tom Goddard v.TJ Wilson

Mystery Opponent "1" v. Paul London

Mystery Opponent "2" v. Brandon Downard

____________________________________________

Mystery Opponent "3" v. Duke Droese

Vic Grimes v. Finale

Tito Ortiz v. Akio

Scoot Andrews v. Jared Steele

____________________________________________

Devon Storm v.Gillberg

Cancer Boy v. Reno

Alex Wright v. Teddy Hart

Samoa Joe v. Roadkill

____________________________________________

Jeff Hardy v. Brutus Beefcake

Frankie Kazarian v. Magical Girl Essa Rios

Detective Chris Hamrick v. Steve Evans

Danny Doring v. Mikey Henderson

Make sure to stay tuned for the rest of this great whacked Out wrestling action!"

(60)

Overall: 54

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

That night, things started to hit the fan. I knew that WWE was making moves, but I didn't expect the far-off reaches of these...

 

-From: www.WrestlingNews.Com

After last night's Raw house show, it was reported that the WWE has sent Doc Dean down to OVW for retooling and trying to work a different gimmick. According to one nameless WWE writer: "Well, I can't have a bloody Howard Dean gimmick in WWE if Dean dropped out of the race, now can I?" It is still uncertain why they would wait until August to do this, especially since they hired him long after Dean had dropped out of the Presidential race. It is rumored they're looking for new people to add to their roster... (Re-Release Notes: This was a disappointing part towards it- I made the Doc Dean character because I honestly thought Dean would pull it off, making it viable in the time period of August 2004 this was set in. When it became official that he dropped out, I had to do damage control and just take the character out. It does seem like a cool extra that this particular part is being reposted on the same day the actual nominee is on tap to officially accept the Democratic nomination. Well, I'll get back to work- until next re-release notes, VOTE KERRY...)

Meanwhile, on a telephone in Minneapolis...

Phone (Vince): "So, we're agreed to the terms of the contract?...excellent. I feel like your tag team will be an excellent addition to Raw...yes, we'll make that roster trade, no problem...you'll be there Monday? Great...welcome to the roster..."

That night, I prepared to take my medicine. According to what I was told, me and Joey would be jobbing to the Extreme Horsemen, with me doing the job (and bumping like a pinball.) I managed to get hold of Teddy Hart before the show, and tried to talk with him about the "info"...

"Hey, I just wanted to say- thanks for no-selling last night. It really helped out, and now I know how I'll handle this stuff for wOw..."

Teddy Hart: "Do not worry. It is my pleasure to no-sell whenever needed..."

"Okay...so...if wOw didn't ask, you would have?"

Hart: "It wouldn't have been anything personal- but it is necessary, for my mission..."

"Okay..."

Hart: "Too long ago, my family was at the top of the world, teaching the top school of professional wrestling anyone could offer. If you wanted to learn what they called the 'true' pro wrestling style, you went to the Dungeon school. Then, a man came and screwed my uncle, the leader of this style to the world. This sent my family into a tailspin. The Dungeon school has never been the same..."

"So...what would that have to do with this?"

Hart: "Quite simply: I want to get revenge for my school, and the only way to do that is to Screw Vince McMahon..."

"You want to screw Vince McMahon?"

Hart: "More than anything. It is the intense goal that one day, I will be able to get revenge for the Dungeon school of professional wrestling, and the only way to do that is to screw Vince McMahon..." (Re-Release Notes: If anyone asks why I made Teddy Hart basically a wrestler/legit ninja, the answer, like all my in/out-of-ring gimmick ideas, is 'The Devil made me do it...' Just then, Satan appeared in the seat next to where Reflecto was reposting...

Satan: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO FIGHT YOUR OWN BATTLES! Now you're going to get it... Just then, Satan opened a hole up underneath Reflecto...

Looks like I'm in a bit of trouble...I'll just get on with this...AAAARGH! NOT THE CHUDS!!!!

"Okay...that sounds noble. Good luck on your mission..." I left Teddy alone. However, I don't know what possessed me to do it, but... "HEY GUYS, TEDDY HART'S NOT ONE OF US! HE SAYS HE WANTS TO SCREW VINCE MCMAHON!" The dressing room burst into laughter. I saw Hart make a face towards me, but paid no mind to it, and began to get ready for the show...

AWA: Major League Wrestling

As the show started, Sharon Goddard was in the ring, and claimed she was better than any female in AWAMLW and most of the men. To prove it, she put out a challenge to any male wrestler in AWAMLW, which Chris Dobbs answered, giving us a match...

Chris Dobbs v. Sharon Goddard

Well, this is a plus to any inter-gender match: It was actually considerably passable in comparison to a men's matchup. This is always a plus for it: Too often, when a wrestling federation pushes a female as "able to go with the men", the female, well, can't go with the men to their level. At least Sharon Goddard's able to back it up in the ring against male fighters, which could be a good thing for the future. However, Chris Dobbs managed to get the advantage back quickly, and signaled for his Pepto Plunge finisher...until Sharon Goddard CHEATED TO WIN~! Goddard managed to continue the attack...until Jamie Kogyaru came down for the save, attacking Goddard viciously to help out that one. Not a bad match, but take note: If a guy needs a girl to come save him from another woman, that does more to establish the guy as a total pussy than anything else...

(44, 72, 58)

After the match, The Predator was in the ring, waiting for his opponent. Just then, "P.I.M.P" hit as Kevin Hayes came to the ring flanked by four women and the Iron Shiek...oh, no...we have a Godfather rip-off here, don't we? Hayes took the mic...

Hayes: "MINNEAPOLIS, It's time once again to get on the HAYES TRAIN! Now, I know everyone here knows that Kevin Hayes is pimping lesbians NATIONWIDE, so I don't want any of you to hide it...take a couple of sips of Budweiser, and shout..."

Iron Shiek: "IRAN- NUMBAIR VUN! RUSSIA- NUMBAIR VUN! PIMPIN...NUMBAIR VUN!"

The Predator v. Kevin Hayes

STYLE CLASH. It's surprising- The Predator is known for being a former excellent collegiate wrestler, and people who've watched Kevin Hayes's work have claimed he's also a very good technical wrestler, yet these two did not click at all. The match was painful to watch, as Hayes did his best to imitate The Godfather while The Predator put on a sub-par performance. The Predator got the win fairly easily, which could be a good thing- I doubt Kevin Hayes has the skill to be more than an opening act...

(40, 62, 51)

Sonjay Dutt v. Jayce Simmons (AWA Global Cruiserweight Title)

Fairly good battle, for the most part. I've heard Simmons can be awesome in the ring, and Dutt always brings the good stuff, so this was one I expected good things from...but this time, I got it, as the two came through for a decent matchup. The crowd was fairly dead, because they wouldn't know talent if it bit them on the ass, but it worked well here. Dutt picked up the victory as the result of a Bombay Splash, which works- Simmons is more of a tag team specialist in AWAMLW, and the Cruiserweight belt needs some more prestige.

(36, 81, 58)

Mike Sullivan v. Tom Howard

What the hell? How the heck did these two manage to put on a match this good? I had only heard sporadically of either of them, and assumed them to be a typical jobber match. However, the two meshed almost perfectly, putting on an awesome showcase of nice brawling and technical skills.Tom Howard got the win, but really: Both of these two made a believer out of me, and I'd like to see them pushed now...so all you netsmarks reading this must love them now. Go! DO IT!

(46, 88, 67)

The Extreme Horsemen v. EMOtion (for the Global Tag Team Titles)

Okay. On one side,you've got the Extreme Horsemen- a team that's basically run AWAMLW's tag scene for most of AWAMLW's existence. On the other, you have EMOtion- an unheralded team...that doesn't use AWAMLW as their home base...which reportedly has one half of the team in present danger of being released.Three guesses who's going to win, kids...true to form, the Extreme Horsemen took the advantage almost from the beginning. Tom Goddard was treated like a total jobber, getting a large amount of apparently stiff actions from the two of them (which sucks, until I hear some of these rumors on why Goddard's in hot water in AWAMLW...if these are true, the lucky bastard deserves to get his ass whooped...but I digress...) As expected, CW Anderson got the win with a nice stiff Spinebuster, retaining the titles. Surprisingly not a bad match- Goddard was selling like a champ, and the Horsemen usually come through with the goods...

(66, 82, 74)

After the match, I went to try to talk with the Extreme Horsemen...

"Thanks for not going too hard on me out there...I appreciate it."

Simon Diamond: "Well, try not to do it again. Everyone screws up once in a while- you just happen to always do it out here, that's all."

"I guess..."

Diamond: "You've got potential, kid...I'll make sure to tell your brother you're going places when I see him..."

"Eh...?"

Diamond: "Oh, you didn't know? I signed with WWE yesterday; this is my last match for AWAMLW. I already told Court I was leaving, and agreed to work today..." Suddenly, I was pissed...I knew I deserved my punishment, but this move basically meant a tag champion would be allowed to jump with a title...this was not good...

WHO: Betta Than Kanyon v. The Stampede Bulldogs

The honeymoon's over for this team: Now, it's the time to realize that Kanyon's good, but Jim Neidhart is past his prime (mask or no mask). The Stampede Bulldogs didn't mesh well with the scatterplot opponents, leading to a poor matchup. However, they were good little boys, selling like champs for Uncle Who. Kanyon got the win, which doesn't make sense: If Who is better than Kanyon, then Who should be getting all the wins? The answer, of course, is "Yes, he should..."

(57, 69, 63)

The Outsiders v. The Shamrock Brothers

I am shocked by this turn of events. The Shamrocks actually managed to carry The Outsiders to a watchable matchup...I think this is in the end times manual. The Outsiders actually held their own, with Hall looking sober and Nash able to walk without pulling something. The Shamrocks were good, as always, and it actually made the Outsiders seem 10 years younger in the ring. Of course, miracle workers or no miracle workers, the Outsiders got the win here, which is expectable- however, push the Shamrocks eventually; they'll be the future of AWAMLW...

(80,80,79)

Justin Credible v. Hulk Hogan

Okay...this is one of the many Justin Credible matches I've seen, and the more I view, the more I come to a realization: Has anyone here seen Justin Credible and a penis in the same place at the same time? (*crawls out of hole* Pant...puff...I...have that same...question...myself...) The truth is out there...This match was actually better than I would have expected, what with a human penis and an orange goblin wrestling. The crowd was really into it, leading to what seemed like a more decent matchup than it was (albeit a good one by Hogan's standards...) Suddenly, just as Hogan went for the LEG DROP OF IMMENSE DISCOMFORT~!, Randy Savage came in and attacked, allowing Justin Credible to roll Hogan up for the pin! Afterwards, Savage and Credible attacked Hogan relentlessly; providing for the biggest Danza Slap Hulk Hogan had received since Ed Leslie left the old WCW...

(82, 60, 75)

Jerry Lynn v. Christopher Daniels (AWA World Title)

This match came about from Lynn's cheating to win against Daniels last Monday, allowing him an automatic shot at the belt tonight. The match was...how do I say it? AWESOME. Daniels/Lynn put on an excellent show, that those idiot marks in the crowd couldn't appreciate due to Hulk Hogan being on the card. It's a shame, because the wrestling was nigh-perfect in this one. Jerry Lynn looked like he could beat Daniels for the title, and I'd now buy him more as a World Champion. However, that was not to be, as Daniels CHEATED TO WIN~!, allowing him to retain his belt. Shades of gray? In current wrestling? How CRASH TV~! of them...

(47, 100, 73)

After the show, a crowd of AWA wrestlers had already heard about Simon Diamond being allowed to jump as half of the Tag Team Champions, and there was an outcry. Finally, Bauer went out of his office...

Bauer: "Come on...I assure you that I didn't mean any harm from this..."

The Predator: "But...but you're allowing someone to jump with the Tag Title! That's going to make us look bad...why'd you want to do this?"

Bauer hemmed and hawed, until finally Christopher Daniels came to his defense:

Daniels: "Well, come on! Maybe we're losing the titles, but what did you want us to do- give the titles to two of those wOw guys? They've already said they'd never sign written deals with us, and most of them are total freaks to boot! All things considered, I'd rather Simon Diamond throw the Global Tag Title in the trash before seeing one of those Rhode Island punks with the belt..." Just then, Daniels and Bauer saw me in the corner of their eye... "Um...how awkward..."

I casually walked up to the two...

"I'll just keep it short and sweet. I'm not going to blow up at this...just make sure Monday, when you make the card, EMOtion's fighting the Cannonball Commission in a tag matchup..."

Bauer: "Um...okay...?" I smiled. Now, I'd have to make some phone calls...

(botch: Over: 68)