The BVS WWE: 2004-05

[GCCWolverine]

Oh boy, Matt and Hurricane in the same ring? Get security ready to RING THE BELL, RING THE...oops, wrong backstage dislike...

[Guest y2gudge]

Strong Raw Dukes and the build up is getting good for Bad Blood. I enjoyed The Main Event and even Triple H's interference so you must be doing something right! Just make sure you have Kane kill Michaels...

*y2gudge*

[The Third Dukes]

Oh boy, Matt and Hurricane in the same ring? Get security ready to RING THE BELL, RING THE...oops, wrong backstage dislike...

←

Yup, these are my readers.

Actually, hmmm...

*****

WWE SmackDown!

May "27", 2004

"LIVE" from Milwaukee, WI

Footage of the aborted main event from last week plays. We hear of Kurt Angle's announcement of a new alliance with Brock Lesnar. We see the lights go out, the gong sound, and the Undertaker appear in the ring. A new war breaks out, with the champs and their #1 Contenders forming a temporary tandem. Out of all this comes GM Piper, who proclaims the main event for tonight's show.

HUNDREDS OF COWS WERE KILLED SO THAT WE COULD AFFORD TO PUT ON ALL THIS PYRO as we are live from the biggest dairy city in America. Sign in the crowd: "Angle is a Dead Man Walking."

Cole: "On a night when new alliances are put to the test, what team of five will strive to survive? Welcome to SmackDown! I'm Michael Cole, and let me be the first to say Welcome Back to my co-host, James E. Cornette!"

Cornette: "Thank you very much, Cole, and what a way for me to come back, as our main event tonight is a doozy of a ten man tag match, featuring Team Angle -- Kurt, Eric, Charlie Haas, and Shelton Benjamin -- teaming with Brock Lesnar against the WWE Tag Team Champions, Kidman and Misterio, their #1 Contenders, Jose and Joel Maximo, and with them the phenomenal man from the Darkside, the legendary Undertaker!"

Cole: "And if that wasn't enough, Corny, we have a special guest appearance for all our viewers as the soon-to-be Hall of Fame rap trio the Beastie Boys are in the house tonight!"

Cornette: "When any celebrity makes an appearance, you know the guys get psyched up to be a part of a spectacular show, and this ain't gonna be an exception, Michael!"

Intros begin for the first match.

Cole: "And we get ready to kick things off here on SmackDown! with a United States title match as Matt Hardy looks to improve on his performance against Road Dogg last week. Corny, to hear him talk about it, he says he just didn't take Road Dogg seriously!"

Cornette: "Well, it's hard to blame him, Cole, because of the gap in talent between the two, but tonight you're gonna see him going against someone much closer to him in capability, and that's sure to bring out the best in him right here tonight!"

WWE United States Title match: Matt Hardy Version 1.0 (champion) vs. The Hurricane (challenger)

They lock up, and Hurricane backs Matt into the corner, offering a clean break. Hurricane extends his hand for a handshake, but Matt yanks Hurricane into a short clothesline. Matt punches away on Hurricane before sending him into the ropes and hitting an elbowsmash on the way out. Matt stomps Hurricane straight in the groin, then yells at the ref.

Hurricane rolls to the outside, so Matt runs the ropes and dives into Hurricane with a tope. On the outside, Matt slugs away on Hurricane, then picks him up and drops him facefirst on the guardrail. Matt returns to the ring and yells "V-1" as Hurricane staggers to his feet. Matt goes to the top rope and dives at Hurricane, but Hurricane punches Matt in the stomach on the way down. He tosses Matt back in and follows with a springboard body attack to the back of Matt's head.

Hurricane pounds away with taped fists on Matt's head and neck, then rolls him over for two. Hurricane races to the turnbuckle, gets a running start, and connects with the Shining Wizard as Matt is getting to his feet. Hurricane limps over to cover Matt, but it's still two. Hurricane sends Matt into the ropes, but Matt comes out with a spear and more shots to the head.

Matt tosses Hurricane into the corner, but his attempt to follow up is met head-on with a superkick. Matt falls flat on his back, and Hurricane ascends to the top rope. Matt gets up, and Hurricane dives, but Matt catches Hurricane's feet and swings him around and around and around and around and around and out of the ring.

Hurricane regains his bearing on the outside and climbs to the apron, where Matt meets him with a shoulder thrust. Matt tries to pound on Hurricane, but Hurricane runs Matt's head into the turnbuckle, then pulls Matt to the outside. Hurricane dives off the apron and rams his knee straight into Matt's throat. He tosses Matt back in and stands him up on the inside.

Hurricane chops away at Matt's chest, then tries a scissors kick, but Matt is ready and Hurricane crashes onto the mat. Matt goes to the second rope on the inside and yells, but Hurricane follows Matt up and they slug it out on the ropes. Hurricane wins with a headbutt to Matt's nose, then climbs up to the top and superplexes Matt down.

Hurricane rolls over for two. Hurricane gets to his feet as Matt does, and the two exchange right hands. Hurricane has Matt staggered and sends him into the ropes. Hurricane tries a rana on the way out, but Matt catches it and and hooks Hurricane's arms over into a quasi-piledriver setup. Hurricane reverses out of it to a rollup for two.

Matt kicks Hurricane in the groin as both get up and grabs his head. He yells, but Hurricane avoids the Twist of Fate and shoves Matt into the turnbuckle chest-first. Hurricane ducks himself under Matt and hoists Matt on his shoulders, grabbing his wrists. Matt manages to get his hands free and punches away from his perch on Hurricane, flipping forward in a Victory Roll for the pin at 12:15.

WINNER and STILL WWE United States champion: Matt Hardy Version 1.0

Cole: "What a brutal, hellacious match, Corny, and it looks like neither man really is better off for it."

Cornette: "Being in the presence of Hurricane appears to have lit a fire under Matt Hardy, and it's clear he's much better than the man we saw against Road Dogg last week, Cole."

Cole: "Folks, still to come, we'll here from some of the participants in tonight's ten-man tag team main event, as well as some thoughts from the boys in the back."

Cornette: "And don't forget that the Beast Boys are in attendance tonight and..."

Cole: "BeastIE Boys, Corny."

Cornette: "Whatever! I don't listen to rap!"

***COMMERCIAL***

We return with Team Angle backstage. Missing, for the record, is Brock.

Kurt: "Gentlemen, this is our time tonight. Last week, I told all of you that we would make an impact. Well, we made our impact, and last week's show should've been OUR show. But that no good Undertaker decided he wanted to control things. Well, not any more. Tonight, Roddy Piper has given us free reign to decimate the Undertaker all by ourselves. Don't you get it? The Maximos have no Integrity -- they're going to try to win the tag belts, and that means they won't help Billy Kidman OR Rey Misterio. And those two runts are nothing compared to the rest of us. Hell, Brock and I can have a little exhibition of Intensity on the two of them! So that leaves the three of you and one of him. Eric, Charlie, Shelton, don't let me down. I know damn well you can finish off the Undertaker. And when you do, not only will it be our victory, but SmackDown! once again is going to be all about Team Angle. Ready? Bring it in!"

They all put their hands in the center.

Kurt: "Okay, Angle on three. One, two, three!"

All: "ANGLE!"

They head their separate ways. We return to ringside as introductions begin for the next match.

Cole: "Team Angle is certainly fired up today, and it looks like they'll be hard to beat, especially if what Kurt Angle says is true."

Cornette: "Kurt Angle knows how to play the game, and tonight, he's gonna help his cohorts win what would undoubtedly be a huge match, one that would set up all four members of Team Angle for shots at the gold they lack."

Cole: "And speaking of gold, we have here a man who was inches away from winning gold at Judgment Day in Ultimo Dragon, accompanied as always by your favorite person in the world, Paul Heyman."

Cornette: "Forget that, Cole! But you're forgetting that Paul Heyman has seen his fortune suffer drastically since Judgment Day! He's down one man due to Tajiri's injury, and I don't think Ultimo has it in him to carry the group by himself, especially with that fat-assed Heyman at the controls."

Ultimo Dragon (w/Paul Heyman) vs. Billy Gunn (w/Nidia)

They lock up. Gunn grabs a headlock, but Ultimo shoves him off. Ultimo hits Gunn with a dropkick, then an armdrag. Ultimo knees Gunn in the back, picking him up from behind. Ultimo tries a full nelson, but Gunn flips Ultimo over his back. Gunn grabs Ultimo and lifts him over his head in a press slam, and Ultimo lands on his face. Gunn turns him over and covers for two. Gunn sends Ultimo into the ropes and nails him with a clothesline.

Gunn tries for an elbowdrop but misses. Ultimo is up and dropkicks Gunn from a seated position. Gunn rolls outside, so Ultimo runs the ropes and baseball slides him to the guardrail. Nidia helps Gunn regain his senses, so Ultimo gets on the apron and Asais the both of them. Ultimo tosses Gunn back in the ring and heads to the top rope.

He dives off with a flying elbowsmash, connecting on Gunn and covering for two. Ultimo gets a roundhouse kick on Gunn to stagger him, but as he connects with the Asai DDT, Nidia jumps onto the apron. Jamie Noble enters the ring and picks Ultimo up, delivering a Pearl River Plunge to him. Gunn rolls on top of Ultimo, and the referee counts the three at 4:44.

WINNER: Billy Gunn

Cole: "Well, I guess that makes it official, Corny -- Billy Gunn and Jamie Noble are ready to team up once more, and if they can remain on the same page, they're going to be a force to be reckoned with."

Cornette: "Hopefully the little dose of confusion in Noble is out the window, and these can get back to beatin' down on anyone dumb enough to get in their way."

We go backstage, where the Beastie Boys~! are sitting around. Mike D has on a 3LK shirt, available at WWE's ShopZone. Gratuitous product placements RULE!

AdRock: "This is it, yo, we're gonna be on the biggest TV show this channel has! And what better way than to party with the Kru, man?"

Mike D: "Hell yeah, Ad! Let's go out there and strut our stuff, boyee!"

They turn to leave when 3 Live Kru enter the picture.

Konnan: "Hey, dawg, I just wanna say thank you falettinus do dis, man."

MCA: "No prob. Now, you wanna fight--"

Beasties: "--for your right--"

All: "--to PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTAY!"

Dogg: "Let's go!"

Killings: "Yeah!"

They all head to the ring.

Cole: "Beasties and 3 Live Kru, next!"

***COMMERCIAL***

Chimel: "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, accompanied by WWE superstars 3 Live Kru, platinum recording artists and hip-hop legends, the Beastie Boys!"

"Fight for Your Right to Party" plays as the Beastie Boys make their way down the aisle in their usual colorful get-up. 3 Live Kru is with them, playing to the crowd behind their backs. All six men get in the ring, where there is a musical set-up. The Beasties get on their instruments as Konnan takes the mic.

Konnan: "Yo yo yo, let me speak on dis. ODELAY! ARRIBA LA RAZA! Yo I gots da feelin' we in for a off da hook party with da Beasties and da Kru, but more dan anything else, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, you no all of us be BOWDY BOWDY and--"

The crowd finishes.

Mike D: "What's up Milwaukee!"

Cheap pop.

Mike D: "Awwwww yeah... now you know dis be our big single here from our new album, To the 5 Boroughs, it hit stores on June 14th! But tonight, we gonnaficially hand it ovah to these three homeboys right he-ah so they can use it with our blessin! So AdRock, MCA, let's hit it for da Kru! And to the rest of you in the back... CHECK IT OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!"

Ch-Check It Out

by

3 Live Kru w/the Beastie Boys

Konnan:

All you Trekkies and TV addicts!

Don't mean to diss, don't mean to bring static.

All you klingons up in dis house

Grab your backstreet friend and get loud!

Blowin' doors off hinges; I'll grab you with the

Pinchers, and no I didn't retire.

I'll snatch you up with the needle nose pliers.

Killings:

Like Mutual of Omaha,

Got the ill boat you've never seen before.

Gliding in the glades,

And like Lorne Greene you know I get paid.

Like Caprese and with the basil --

Not goofy like Darren or Hazel.

I'm a wrestler's Nick at Night,

With classics rerunning that you know all right.

Now remain calm -- no alarm --

Cause my farm ain't fat so what's up with that?

I've got friends and family that I respect.

When I think I'm too good, they put me in check.

So believe when I say I'm no better than you...

Except when I rap -- so I guess it ain't true!

Like that y'all and you just don't stop:

Guaranteed to make your body rock!

Kru in unison:

Check-ch-check-check-check-ch-check it out

What-wha-what-what-what's it all about

Work-wa-work-work-work-wa-work it out

Let's turn this turn this party out

Konnan:

Said, "Doc, what's the condition?

I'm a man that's on a mission."

Said, "Son, you'd better listen:

Stuck in your (Dogg yelps to cover the word.) is an electrician!"

Like a scientist,

Mmmm when I'm applying this

Method of controlling my mind

Like Einstein and the Rappin' Duke combined.

Hey baby bubba, now, what the deal?

I didn't know you go for that mass appeal.

Some call it salugi, some hot potato --

I stole your mic and you won't see it later!

Cause I work magic like a magician.

I add up like a mathematician.

I'm a bank cashier -- engineer --

I wear cotton but I don't wear sheer!

Dogg:

Shazam and abracadabra!

In the whip -- I'm gonna cruise past ya!

Yo money, don't chump yourself;

Put that weak stuff on the shelf!

Light rays blazin', you're out of phase, and

My crews amazin'.

We're working on the record, yo, so stay patient.

Kru in unison:

Check-ch-check-check-check-ch-check it out

What-wha-what-what-what's it all about

Work-wa-work-work-work-wa-work it out

Let's turn this turn this party out

Killings:

Now, I go by the name of the champion Ron.

I don't wear a cup when I get my game on.

I bring the freak that's beyond bizarre

Like Miss Piggy

Crowd: "Who moi?"

Killings:

I am the one with the clientele.

You say, "Hey Ron, you rock so well!"

I've got class like pink champale.

Yo Dogg, grab the mic before the mic goes stale!

Dogg:

Don't test me, they can't arrest me.

I'll fake right cross-over and shoot lefty.

You look upset, yo, calm down!

You look Cable Guy dunked off of your crown!

I flow like smoke out a chimney...

You never been me!

You wanna rap but what you're making

Ain't hip - hop - b!

Konnan:

Get your clothes right out the dryer!

Put Armor All up on your tire!

Sport that freshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh attire!

Tonight we gonna set the town on fire!

Set the town ablaze, gonna stun and amaze!

Ready to throw a craze...

Make your granny shake her head and say, "Those were the days!"

Kru in unison:

Check-ch-check-check-check-ch-check it out

What-wha-what-what-what's it all about

Work-wa-work-work-work-wa-work it out

Let's turn this turn this party out

(end song)

The crowd goes wild as the Kru and the Beasties celebrate in the ring. Their celebration is cut short, however, by the sounds of sirens and klaxons as the Right to Censor make an appearance.

Steven: "Is that what you consider music? Is that garbage what you think passes for acceptable forms of entertainment? You should be lucky we let you go through with this! Your so-called performance is an example of why this rap thing is corrupting the minds of American youth! And just because you've got people with you who have gotten rich off of this corruption doesn't mean we are going to give you a free pass! As far as we are concerned, all six of you are deserving of our censorship!"

The Beasties hop out of the ring and begin to walk to the stage, where the RTC are standing. The RTC don't back down, and AdRock acts like he's going to attack Steven. The RTC step towards the Beasties, who realize they're slightly outmanned and that they should head back to the ring.

Konnan: "Hey stuff-shirt punks! You wanna git at someone for dis rap we got? Get at da fighters, not da rappahs! Let's go, right now, dog! We'll take all yall on, street style!"

The RTC charge the ring as the Beasties scatter to the ringside area along with Steven. The instruments and everything are still in the ring, and when a referee joins them, he decides that it's a...

Recording Studio Brawl: 3 Live Kru (w/the Beastie Boys) vs. Right to Censor (w/Steven Richards)

Everyone punches away at everyone else as Steven barks orders. Bull smashes Dogg into a pile of speakers, while Henry throws Killings over the top and heads outside. Morley pounds on Konnan, then grabs a cymbal and swings with it. Konnan ducks, then punches the cymbal into Morley's face.

Killings is thrown into the steps by Henry, who returns and helps Bull double-team Dogg. Konnan slams Morley down and climbs onto a pile of speakers, dropping an elbow on Morley. He covers, but Bull saves at two. Konnan gets whipped into the corner, but ducks and sends a charging Bull out of the ring.

Dogg, meanwhile, gets the funky punches on Henry, but instead of the final punch, he slams a snare drum over Henry's head. Morley chokes Dogg with a cymbal stand while Killings returns and quickly dives onto Bull with a plancha as we go to a break.

***COMMERCIAL***

Morley whips Dogg into Henry, who gets a bearhug slam and covers for two before Killings saves. Killings pounds away on Henry, then grabs a nearby guitar. Bull pulls the guitar out of Killings' hand, then boots him when Killings turns around. Konnan rolls up Bull for two.

Bull charges Konnan but gets flapjacked, and Henry trips over Killings, who quickly climbs a speaker column. Morley follows him up, and the two battle on top of the speakers (not much room). Bull sends Dogg flying into the speakers, and Morley and Killings fall off, crotching themselves on the top rope. Steven climbs onto the apron and superkicks Killings back into the ring, which causes the Beasties to pull him down and triple team him with punches like in their videos.

Konnan bounces off the ropes and gets Henry with a rolling lariat, then covers. Bull breaks it up at two and tosses Konnan through the bass drum. Dogg and Bull both grab guitars and swing, but the guitars collide and break each other. Dogg punches away on Bull before sending him into the nearest corner, but Bull vaults to the top rope and clotheslines Dogg on the way down. He grabs the remaining drum and waits for Dogg to get up before smashing it over his head. Dogg falls flat, and Bull covers as the referee counts three at 10:01.

WINNERS (we think): Right to Censor

After Bull surveys the damage, he heads to the outside, where the Beastie Boys continue attacking Steven. Bull pulls Mike D off of Steven, and the three rappers take the hint and run. Bull helps Steven to his feet.

Cole: "Look at the carnage. I'd say the Beastie Boys are out a couple hundred thousand from tonight!"

Cornette: "More important, though, Michael Cole, is that the Right to Censor are up one in the win column, and you can be assured that's all they care about."

We go backstage, where a group of people are gathered in the APA's office. Faarooq is wearing a croupier's visor and is frantically taking notes, while a group of people flash money at Bradshaw.

Basham: "Put me down for 20 on Angle's team!"

Faarooq: "All right, all right, 20 on Angle, got it."

Moore: "Gimme 30 on Angle!"

Bradshaw: "Hell, I'll put 40 on the Taker just to spite ya!"

Faarooq: "One sec here... 30 on Angle... 40 on Taker... anyone else?"

Nidia: "Yeah -- put me down for 50 on Angle... double with Eric involved."

Bradshaw: "You got somethin' for that kid! You got a deal!"

Faarooq: "50, double or nothing Eric..."

A phone rings. Faarooq answers.

Faarooq: "APA... yeah... 75, huh?... Got it."

Bradshaw: "Who's that?"

Faarooq (hanging up): "That's Heyman -- he want 75 on Taker."

Bradshaw: "Can we cover this?"

Faarooq: "You kiddin' me? We got enough from the bets to cover!"

Bubba: "Gimme 100 on Team Angle!"

Faarooq: "All right, all right..."

Haas: "120 on Angle!"

Faarooq: "120 on... hey, you can't bet on ya own match! Git outta here!"

Bradshaw: "Man, we gonna clean up tonight no matter who wins!"

Hennigan: "Who do you have to win?"

Bradshaw: "We don't care, man -- with our rake, we'll have enough beer to last all week!"

Hennigan: "In that case, I'll put some down on Taker's team."

Bradshaw: "How much?"

Hennigan: "Put me for five dollars."

The APA look at him.

Bradshaw: "Five dollars? Hell, we work in thousands round here... take your chump change elsewhere!"

Hennigan sulks off as Bradshaw laughs at him.

Faarooq: "Just five dollar... damn."

***COMMERCIAL***

Cole: "Well, folks, as you saw before the break, a lot of people are interested in seeing how the main event tonight is going to go down, but before we get there, Corny, we got more action, including this upcoming tag match."

Cornette: "That's right, and you mention that the Beastie Boys or whoever they are are in attendance, well, this team right here, their music was inspired by the same group, and they said they were thrilled to see these guys in person!"

Cole: "We didn't see them last week, but at Judgment Day, they teamed with SmackDown!'s General Manager Roddy Piper to put away the Right to Censor, and now you gotta wonder, Corny, how far they can go from here."

Nova and Paul London vs. Doug Basham and James Maritato

Nova and London enter via springboard dropkicks to Basham and Maritato. London pounds away on Maritato, while Nova and Basham go toe-to-toe. Nova tosses Basham into the corner, and London sends Maritato into Basham. As they both stagger out, Nova delivers a double noggin-knocker to them. Basham and Maritato bail to the outside, where London is waiting and dropkicks Maritato and Basham into the ringsteps.

London tosses Maritato back in, and Nova pounds away on him. Nova sends Maritato into the ropes, and Basham gets a blind tag. Nova powerslams Maritato, but the ref won't count and Basham drops an elbow on Nova. Basham picks Nova up and gets a DDT. He covers for two. Basham grabs a headlock, but Nova gets to his feet. He shoves Basham into the ropes, only to get hit by a shoulderblock from Basham.

Maritato tags in and enters via the top rope as Basham wrenches Nova's arm. Maritato drops an axhandle on Nova's arm, then as Nova walks away in pain, Maritato gets a German suplex with a bridge for two. Maritato whips Nova into the ropes, but Nova reverses. Nova tries a clothesline, but Maritato grabs the arm and gets a Fujiwara armbar. Nova quickly grabs the ropes. Basham tags back in, and Maritato suplexes Nova gut-first onto Basham's knee.

Basham covers, but only gets two. Basham picks Nova up and holds him up for a suplex. Basham bounces Nova off the top rope for a slingshot variation, floating over on the cover. It gets two. Maritato re-enters as Basham applies an abdominal stretch. Maritato slugs Nova in the gut, doubling him over. Maritato sets up for a gutwrench suplex, but Nova slides down Maritato's back onto his feet and backslides Maritato for two. Both men charge, and Nova gets a superkick on Maritato to get the Double KO.

Basham and London tag in, and London rocks Basham with right hands, following with a backflip dropkick to knock him down. From his standing position, London elbows Maritato (who was behind him) and gets a suplex on him, landing him on Basham.

London runs the ropes and dives onto both men, getting two. Nova returns to the ring as all four men duke it out. Nova sends Maritato out of the ring, then follows him out with a plancha. Back in the ring, London flips out of a Basham German suplex, and as Basham turns around, grabs his head and runs the turnbuckle for the Contra Code. He covers, and that will get the three-count at 10:14.

WINNERS: Nova and Paul London

Cole: "What a victory for the duo of Paul London and Nova here on SmackDown! It took a lot of effort, but these two got the job done here tonight!"

Cornette: "I can't say as I'm surprised, because Nova and London have worked together as a team for so long, they know each other's strengths and weaknesses and it enables them to function as a more cohesive unit than Doug Basham and James Maritato, and I think that will be to their advantage in any matchup of this nature!"

Cole: "Folks, when we come back, it'll be the return of two men who lost at Judgment Day in their last encounter, as Rob Van Dam battles Nathan Jones! Don't go away!"

But first, we head to a pre-taped vignette in the streets of New York. Standing in a back alley overlooking the Hudson harbor is Tazz.

Tazz: "All my life I wanted nuttin' more than to escape the poverty and the nowhere of this -- my home. This is Red Hook section of Noo Yawk is the most brutal, most cruel section there is. But I survived it. I learned to fight. And I took that fightin' to ECW and made myself a champion. Now I know ya think of me as some commentator 'cuz that's all a lotta you think I am. But lemme tell ya somethin', punks! In a few weeks, you'll see the real Tazz -- the 2-time ECW champion -- the man who made thousands tap out before tappin' out was fashionable! So if ya think I'm still washed up, come and face me and make ya'self Just Anudda Victim. Beat me if you can... Survive... if I let you."

***COMMERCIAL***

Cole: "Well, folks, before we went to break, you saw a little promotional video from Tazz, and may I just say he appears to be in much better shape than I remember."

Cornette: "Yeah, he does, but it's a huge step up from the bingo hall of times past, so he's gotta hope that he can come out of retirement and bring the punishment that he's made his reputation on, and, well... is he big enough to do it, Michael Cole? That's the real question."

Cole: "Well, speaking of big enough, I know someone who isn't worried about being big enough, and he's this monster headed to the ring right now in the form of Nathan Jones -- the Colossus of Boggo Road, as they call him!"

Cornette: "He's a dangerous man, Michael Cole, but he's gotta face an equally dangerous individual in Rob Van Dam tonight, and you know these two are gonna mix like oil and water out there!"

Nathan Jones vs. Rob Van Dam

RVD slides into the ring, but Jones is ready and stomps away. He picks RVD up and punches him backwards into the corner. Jones charges, but RVD gets his knees up. RVD hops to the top rope and connects with the flying roundhouse. RVD bounces off the ropes and connects with the Rolling Thunder to Jones. He covers for two. RVD picks Jones up and sends him into the corner, but on the charge in, Jones sidesteps and RVD hits the turnbuckle.

Jones knocks RVD down with a punch to the face. He stomps away on RVD and picks him up by the throat. With RVD staggered, Jones goes to kick him in the gut, but RVD catches his foot and hits the stepover enzuigiri. RVD goes to the top, but the Split-Legged Moonsault misses. RVD falls back into the corner, and Jones punches away at his gut, hitting a half-dozen body blows before uppercutting RVD.

Jones pulls RVD out of the corner and into the center of the ring, then kicks him in the gut and grabs a headlock, pistoning away on RVD's face in the headlock. RVD tosses Jones off, does the splits as Jones comes back, and monkey flips Jones in the center of the ring. Jones staggers to the outside, so RVD comes in with a somersault plancha, but Jones catches him and hurls him onto the guardrail.

Back in the ring, Jones stands over RVD and waits for him to get to his feet, where Jones kicks RVD hard in the leg. Jones goes for the cover, but RVD anticipates it and rolls him up for two. Jones gets wide-eyed and screams, charging RVD into the corner and choking him against the ropes. The ref reaches 5 at 6:33.

WINNER by disqualification: Rob Van Dam

Jones doesn't stop choking RVD, so the ref tries to pry him off. Jones flails his arm, sending the ref halfway across the ring. RVD is being held up by the turnbuckle, so Jones begins unloading with haymakers, punching away on RVD with a series of rapid-fire crosses and hook shots. RVD is out on his feet as a host of referees enter the ring and try to pull Jones aside. Jones keeps firing away.

Cole: "Look out! Nathan Jones has snapped! He could kill Van Dam with those shots! We need someone out here to stop this!"

Cornette: "RVD can't even defend himself, and Jones is tossing referees aside left and right! Is this about Shannon? Is this about what happened to his girl?"

Cole: "Folks, I have no idea. We'll be right back."

We're in the empty arena. In the ring... Eddie Guerrero.

Eddie: "Comencé mi vida en los tugurios del El Paso, Tejas."

Subtitle: "I began my life in the slums of El Paso, Texas."

Shots of El Paso's inner cities, featuring a group of youngsters in a makeshift ring in a backyard.

Eddie: "Mientras que me levanté en estatura dentro de una gran familia, tuve que hacer mi nombre alrededor del mundo antes de que mi propio país me aceptara."

Subtitle: "As I rose in stature within a great family, I had to make my name around the world before my own country would accept me."

Clips of Eddie with Chavo Sr. and Hector in Mexico, then of Eddie in New Japan against Chris Benoit before appearing in a WCW ring.

Tenay (on tape): "He is the youngest son of the lucha legend Gory Guerrero, and he is more than capable of following in his footsteps."

Eddie: "Luché detrás de una pierna quebrada cuando los doctores eran inciertos yo podrían caminar."

Subtitle: "I fought back from a broken leg when the doctors were uncertain I could walk."

Shots of Eddie in a cast, then Eddie in a brace, then Eddie making his triumphant return on Nitro.

Schiavone (on tape): "We've waited a long time to say this -- welcome back, Eddie Guerrero."

Eddie: "Pasé tiempo en cárcel, y luché un apego que me mató casi."

Subtitle: "I spent time in jail, and I fought an addiction that nearly killed me."

Eddie's mug shot, and Eddie headed to rehab.

JR (on tape): "And it's not known how long Eddie Guerrero will be out of action, or if he'll ever return."

Eddie: "Pero ahora estoy parado encima del mundo porque todo que casi me mató realmente me hizo más fuerte."

Subtitle: "But now I stand atop the world because everything that almost killed me actually made me stronger."

Eddie in the center of the ring as Kurt Angle taps out, then with the belt around his waist, holding the Mexican flag up high as fireworks go off behind him.

Cole (on tape): "We have a new WWE Champion! Eddie Guerrero, your time IS NOW!"

Eddie: "Mi nombre es Eddie Guerrero. Vaya -- dígame que sea falsa."

Subtitle: "My name is Eddie Guerrero. Go ahead -- tell me I'm fake."

WWE: Real People, Real Lives

***COMMERCIAL***

"Medal" plays over the PA system as all four members of Team Angle emerge from the back to the chants of "You Suck". Haas, Shelton, and Eric go forward, while Kurt remains and points skyward, setting off his pyro. All four men step into the ring. Haas and Shelton climb turnbuckles and remove their tracksuits as Kurt and Eric twirl in unison. Eric removes his tracksuit and sets it in the pile with Haas' and Shelton's. A ringside official takes them away, but Kurt calls him back and hands him his own tracksuit and gold medals. He then dismisses the official.

"Here Comes the Pain" blares over the PA system as Brock Lesnar makes his entrance. He jogs in place on the stage before walking slowly, with a purpose, to the ring. He leaps from the floor to the apron, setting off his pyro as he does so (which scares an off-guard Eric). Brock enters through the ropes and jogs in place a few more times before heading to the Team Angle corner as we get a split screen of the APA keeping track of the bets on the blackboard.

The silhouette of the mask appears on the TitanTron. As the music plays, Rey Misterio pops out from underneath the stage, tag title belt around his waist. He begins to head to the ring, but waits in the aisle as Brock and Eric make motions like they will charge him. Billy Kidman emerges behind Rey, carrying the belt over his shoulder. He looks into the ring at Kurt, then heads up the steps in his corner, Rey close behind.

Latin rock music plays. Jose and Joel Maximo emerge from the back, sprinting to the ring. They slide under the ropes, almost being attacked by Haas and Shelton, but Kidman and Rey rush to their defense and the referee gets separation. The Maximos climb opposite turnbuckles and play to the crowd, then exchange nervous glances with Kidman and Rey.

The gong is heard and the lights go out. A lightning bolt strikes the stage, sending up a wall of fire. As the fire dies down, Undertaker and Torrie Wilson, in all black, are seen on the stage. They walk slowly, almost zombie-like, to the ring as spotlights shine on them. Torrie enters the ring holding the urn high over her head as Undertaker climbs the steps and raises his arms, restoring the lights to the building. Taker enters and stands by the cruisers with Torrie. He takes his hat off and gives it to Torrie, who emotionlessly places it and the urn in the corner. Torrie stands on the apron as Taker removes his trenchcoat, while Kidman stands in front of her, waving his hand and snapping his fingers. Torrie takes Taker's coat and slowly walks down the steps to ringside, regaining the urn just as Team Angle attacks.

Team Angle and Brock Lesnar vs. Rey Misterio, Billy Kidman, Los Maximos, and the Undertaker

Kurt attacks Kidman, Eric pounds on Rey, Haas beats Jose, and Shelton dukes it out with Joel. Brock charges Taker, but his shots have little or no effect. Meanwhile, Rey and Kidman get the Angles to collide and double dropkick them out of the ring. Kidman and Joel double clothesline out Haas, while Rey and Jose get a double hiptoss on Shelton, who also bails.

All four cruisers bounce off the ropes and dive onto Team Angle with planchas. Back in the ring, Taker grabs Brock's fist and squeezes his arm as Torrie lifts the urn. Taker climbs to the top rope and walks it, but Eric and Kurt return and shake the top rope as Brock pulls Taker into the ring. Taker sits right back up, so Brock hastily tags in Haas. Brock and Haas send Taker into the ropes, hitting him with a double clothesline.

Taker pops right back up, so Brock turns to the ref and distracts him. Shelton enters the ring and slams both belts into Taker's head before leaving. This knocks Taker down long enough for Haas to get two. Haas tosses Taker into the cruiser corner, and Rey tags in blindly. Haas charges, but gets caught by the throat by Taker. Taker chokeslams Haas as Rey goes up top. Taker is told to leave as Rey flies off, Dropping the Dime.

Rey covers, but Kurt pulls him off and Angle Slams him as the ref is getting Taker to leave. Kurt drags Haas over and tags himself in, covering Rey for two. Kurt gets a leglock as we see Kidman peeking under Torrie's veil. Rey wiggles his way to the ropes, so Kurt brings in Brock. Brock sends Rey into the ropes and connects with an overhead suplex on the way out, tossing Rey all the way to the outside.

Brock distracts the ref as Haas and Shelton get their atomic drop / superkick combo on the outside. Back in, Brock picks Rey up in a gutwrench suplex. He covers for two as we take a break.

***COMMERCIAL***

Rey fights out of a bearhug, only to have Eric clothesline him down. Rey gets back up slowly, so Brock Steinerlines him. Eric tags in and picks Rey up in a belly-to-belly suplex. He covers for two. Shelton tags in and enters via the top rope. The 450 misses, however, and Shelton is gasping for breath. Rey crawls over to tag in Jose, but he and Joel drop off the apron and start to walk away as Shelton pulls Rey back.

Kidman (who had been checking Torrie for a pulse) chases after the Maximos, begging with them to stay but to no avail. Back in the ring, Haas and Shelton deliver the leapfrog choke to Rey. Shelton covers for two. Brock tags back in and picks Rey up in a fireman's carry. Rey slides down Brock's back, and when Brock turns around, Rey gets a drop toehold, sending Brock into the ropes. Rey bounces off the opposite ropes and connects with the 6-1-9, knocking Brock over, but he's stuck on the apron and crawls back in.

Both men are headed to the opposite corners, and Eric and Taker tag in. Taker pounds on Eric, backing him into the ropes. He sends Eric for the ride and connects with a flying clothesline on the way out. Haas and Shelton both charge in, and both are met in turn with boots. They roll to the outside, while Kidman climbs to the top rope near them and backflips onto both WGTT members.

Taker picks Eric up and grabs the goozle, but Kurt hits him with a low blow and Eric gets a DDT. Kidman returns to the ring and punches away on Kurt, sending him into the ropes and getting a rana on the way out. He stands up, but runs into a Brock lariat. However, Rey jumps off the ropes with the West Coast Pop on Brock. Brock rolls to the outside while Taker tosses Kurt into Eric. Taker charges in on both, but the brothers get a double clothesline.

Kurt goes to the top, but Kidman vaults Rey up there, and Rey ranas Kurt down. Kurt rolls outside near Brock, so Kidman and Rey get stereo slingshot planchas on Kurt and Brock, and those four brawl to the back. Meanwhile, Shelton tries for a superkick on Taker, but Taker blocks it and spins Shelton straight into the goozle. Taker chokeslams Shelton as Haas thinks better of it and stays on the outside. Eric dives off the top with a crossbody onto Taker, who simply catches him. Taker adjusts his grip, throws Eric over his shoulder, slides him down, and drills him with the Tombstone. Taker crosses the arms, covers, rolls the eyes back, and gets the win at 18:42.

WINNERS: Los Maximos, Billy Kidman, Rey Misterio, and the Undertaker

Cole: "It was a 5-on-3 for some time, but the Phenom pulled his team through to victory! Eric Angle felt the Tombstone piledriver, and it was all over after that!"

Cornette: "Just an amazing, dominating performance from the Undertaker, who clearly has tapped into some unholy reserve and become stronger than even I remember him!"

Cole: "Folks, we're out of time here on SmackDown!, but we leave you with the Deadman showing thanks! For Jim Cornette, this is Michael Cole saying, so long everyone!"

<<<FIN>>>

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarKDown! Rant for May 27 / 04, taped May 25.

- From Milwaukee, WI.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and James E. Cornette. Whew.

- Opening match, WWE United States title: Matt Hardy Version 1.0 v. Hurricane. Matt Facts: Matt never forgets, and Matt hates cheaters. Uh-oh, something tells me not everything's smoothed over here. Hurricane offers a handshake (clearly he read the Matt Facts), but Matt clotheslines him down. An elbowsmash out of the ropes leads to Matt stomping square on Hurricane's hurricanes as Nick Patrick (the biggest guy in the match) tries to keep Matt on track. Matt with a tope as Hurricane rolls outside, and into the guardrail Hurricane goes. Matt tries again with the dive, but Japan Rule #1 kicks in and Hurricane nails Matt in the ribs. Ouch. Hurricane returns with a knee to the back of the head, then some UFC-worthy ground pounding. Shining Wizard (connecting so hard Hurricane feels it) gets two. Matt spears down Hurricane and strikes away at him. This is UWFi level stiff here, folks. Blind charge is blocked by the Sugar Smack, which is apt because Matt goes SMACK onto the mat. To the top, but Matt grabs Hurricane and drags him in a giant swing like a Mob boss dragging a debtor before tossing him outside. This is almost uncomfortable, and Cornette is trying to help Cole through commentary because Cole clearly doesn't understand what the hell's going on. Hurricane returns tothe apron, slamming Matt into the turnbuckle and tossing him outside, where he gets a kneedrop to Matt's THROAT. Dear lord. Hurricane misses a Fame-Asser, but no-sells when Matt tries the yodelling legdrop. They slug it out up top, and Hurricane nearly breaks Matt's beak with a headbutt before getting a superplex for two. Slugfest is won by Hurricane, but a Hurricane-rana attempt is caught by Matt, who threatens to use the STYLES CLASH before Hurricane rolls him up for two to save his life. These guys are trying to think of ways to kill each other within the context of a match. Twist of Fate is blocked as Hurricane SQUASHES Matt against the turnbuckle, but the VERTEBREAKER is reversed to a Victory Roll for the pin for Matt at 12:15. Both guys are off each other's Christmas card list, but they just made mine. ***1/4

- Backstage, Kurt Angle psyches up the troops.

- Ultimo Dragon v. Billy Gunn. Ultimo gets a dropkick and armdrag to start, but Gunn tosses Ultimo during a full nelson attempt. Press slam gets two. Gunn misses the elbowdrop -- looking more like Lex Luger every minute -- and Ultimo gets a seated dropkick to bail Gunn. Baseball slide and Asai follow. Back in, flying elbowsmash gets two. Roundhouse and Asai DDT, but Nidia has the ref distracted. Noble runs in, Tiger Bomb, goodnight at 4:44. About as good as you'll get out of Monty. ** Gunn and Noble reunite.

- The Beastie Boys are backstage, talking it up with 3 Live Kru.

- 3 Live Kru raps, which is always a way to get me to warm up the hot pokers, while the Beasties perform in the background. Hey, if it spikes ratings, more power to them, and certainly a hip-hop group is the right demographic. RTC interrupts and declares rap a corrupting force to America's youth. 3LK dare them to fight, and we begin right now!

- Rock Concert Brawl: 3 Live Kru v. Right to Censor. That's right; the Beasties' musical equipment is still in the ring, indicating that they were probably faking it. It's semi-permanent BONZO GONZO as Bull tosses Dogg into the amps while Henry and Killings take it outside. Morley tries to use a cymbal as a trash can lid but it backfires. Dogg gets double-teamed, but Konnan takes down Morley and drops an elbow off the speakers for two. Bull charges and gets dumped, while Dogg smashes a drum over Henry's head. Morley chokes Dogg with the cymbal stand as we go to break. We return with Henry slamming Dogg down for two. Killings tries to use a guitar, but Bull swipes it and boots Killings. Konnan sneaks up behind Bull and gets a rollup for two, then a flapjack. There's just no flow to this match, and the crowd is quickly getting confused. Not good. Killings and Morley climb on top of a speaker column. Dogg crashes into it, and both men on top get crotched. Steven superkicks Killings, so the Beasties triple-team Steven. Well, at least the celebs have numbers. Rolling lariat on Henry gets to for Konnan. Bull sends Konnan through the big drum, then grabs a guitar and duels with Dogg. Sadly, it's not a jam session. Springboard lariat by Bull, and the SNARE DRUM OF DEATH finishes Dogg at 10:00 or so. Entertaining crap. *

- The APA are taking bets backstage on the main event. John Hennigan doesn't have the money to place bets. Faarooq in a Vegas bookie's visor is a cute visual.

- Nova and Paul London v. Doug Basham and James Maritato. Where are the Beasties when you need them? They've done Nova's music since he debuted, right? Faces dropkick to start, and it's a donnybrook. The heels collide in the corner, and Nova delivers a DOUBLE NOGGIN-KNOCKER OF DOOM to them. On the outside, London sends both to the ringsteps at once. Heels get a blind tag, and Basham elbowdrops and DDTs Nova for two to make YOUR inventor-in-peril. Basham tries a headlock, but Nova shoves him off... and runs into a shoulderblock. Maritato drops an axhandle on Nova's arm from the top, and a German suplex gets two. Clothesline attempt by Nova is reversed to a Fujiwara armbar. Maritato suplexes Nova onto Basham's outstretched knee for two. Slingshot suplex by Basham gets two. Abdominal stretch by Basham as Maritato enters and smacks around Nova. Nova turns a gutwrench into a backslide for two, and a superkick allows the hot tag to London. Dropsault to Basham, and London suplexes Maritato onto Basham and splashes them both for two. It's BONZO GONZO as Nova hits a plancha on Maritato and London gets the Contra Code on Basham for the pin at 10:14. Very basic offense, but the formula was beautifully executed and Maritato/Basham had some nice double-teams. This is how you do a squash while still getting the victims over. **1/2

- Tazz will be back wrestling soon. Good.

- Nathan Jones v. Rob Van Dam. Bad. Jones stomps away as RVD slides in, and punches him into the corner. Blind charge hits the knees, and RVD gets the flying kick and Rolling Thunder for two. Blind charge by RVD gets nothing, and Jones takes over with his thrilling array of punches and kicks. Stepover enzuigiri by RVD, but the split-legged moonsault misses. Jones boxes his ears as punishment. Jones with a headlock (hey, a wrestling move!) and rapid-fire right hands, but RVD tosses him off and monkey flips him. Jones bails, so RVD dives after him, only to get caught and chucked into the guardrail. Jones kicks RVD's leg out of his leg, but stalls before the cover and RVD roll shim up for two. Jones snaps, screams, and chokes the bejeebers out of RVD for the DQ at 6:33. I was actually getting into it before the DQ, as Jonesy has a singularly unique character -- he's a true street fighter and as such just throws, punches, and kicks. Of course, that's all he CAN do, but we'll overlook that. *1/2 Jones goes all K-1 on RVD, landing a huge flurry of punches (about two dozen, by my count) as RVD is out on his feet.

- Eddie Guerrero "Tell Me I'm Fake" ad.

- Main event: Team Angle and Brock Lesnar v. Filthy Animals, Los Maximos, and Undertaker. Cute bits abound in the entrances, as Kurt calls the ring guy back to take his jacket, Eric gets startled by Brock's pyro, and Kidman checks Torrie for signs of life. Everybody pairs off to start, as Taker no-sells some Brock shots. Angles collide and the faces clear the ring, allowing the Animals and Maximos to get FOUR CORNERS OF DOOM stereo dives. Taker goes OLD SCHOOL back in the ring, but the Angles help Brock toss him. Taker sits up, so Brock and Haas clothesline him down. Taker sits up AGAIN, so Brock goes to plan B: distract the ref by leaving slowly while Shelton nails Taker with both belts. This gets two for Haas. Rey tags himself in, and Taker/Rey get a chokeslam/buttdrop combo. Kurt interjects himself and Angle Slams Rey, then brings himself in to keep Rey as YOUR midget-in-peril. Kurt puts on a leglock as Kidman keeps checking what happened to his wife. Dude, she traded up, deal with it. Brock with an overhead suplex, tossing Rey to the floor, and WGTT hit the Star-Spangled Blaster on the outside. Gutwrench by Brock as we take a break. We return with the BEARHUG OF DOOM by Brock, but Rey gets out, only to have Eric and Brock lariat him back down. Eric with a belly-to-belly for two. Shelton's 450 misses, and Rey almost gets the hot tag, but the Maximos walk off. Kidman (still trying to make Torrie break character -- work, shoot, whatever) pleads with them to stay to no avail. Leapfrog choke to Rey gets two. Rey escapes the F-5 and trips Brock up, into the 6-1-9 (I'm a short order cook again...). Hot tag Taker, and the no-selling begins. WGTT get booted to the outside, where Kidman (who has apparently remembered there's a match going on) gets the SSP on them. Chokeslam is blocked by a low blow, and it's BONZO GONZO as Kidman, Rey, Brock, and Kurt enter. Brock heads outside as the Angles are rammed into each other. They recover and clothesline down Taker, though. Kurt to the top, but the FAs hit the Hop-up rana. Kurt bails as well, so Kidman and Rey go all Rockers on them and they brawl to the back. Chokeslam to Shelton back in the ring, and WGTT leave Eric for Taker. Tombstone ends it at 18:42. Could've been so much more, but the 20-minute time limit is rather constraining on SmackDown! matches. Ten-man tags to one fall might as well not happen -- the Maximos did nothing, and the heels were basically playing Cliff's Notes. This could've gone an hour at least, and probably would've been a **** classic if it did. **

The Bottom Line:

Another transitional show here as SD is trying to set up issues for Vengeance despite it being a long way away. Matt/Hurricane might be a show-stealer if they can get their act together, while the Beasties were used as they should've been -- to get the wrestlers over. Taker dragged the main event down, but Kidman's ringside antics bring it up a bit.

I just wonder if the WWE knows where they're going right now.

*****

May 31, 2004

WWE.com

Bonjour! The WWE invades its most notorious hangout of Montreal for a LIVE edition of WWE RAW!

The announcement was made last week that Bad Blood will be headlined by a triple-threat match! Chris Jericho and Triple H will both get to challenge a crippling machine in Rhyno, and the World Title is on the line! To build to that, tonight's show will be headlined by a huge tag main event, as Jericho and HHH face off against Rhyno and Kane! Can Y2J and the Game survive? Can anyone trust anybody in this match?

One group sure to feel at home in Montreal is La Résistance! The Francophones in attendance are sure to give Sylvan Grenier and Lucille LaChienne a warm reception as they enter the Molson Centre, and it may be enough for a new champion, as LaChienne challenges Jazz for the women's title! Will it happen in Montreal? Tune in to find out!

We all remember what Randy Orton said about the Montreal Screwjob. Now, he must face the music in Montreal. Orton is undaunted, and says that his RNN will make more headlines and open more eyes than ever! How? What will he do? And how will Montreal treat him after his comments?

All this and more -- including more matches announced for Bad Blood -- tonight at 9 / 8 Central on the First Network for Men! It's all LIVE, so don't be late!

*****

FLASHBACK

(OOC: Here's what the WWE.com preview means when it says "what Randy Orton said about the Montreal Screwjob". This was on April 19, just after Backlash, in Calgary, Alberta -- Bret Hart's hometown. I consider this to be one of the best interview segments I've ever written, and it is with no reservations that I present it again.)

We go straight to the ring, because the RNN set is ready and Randy Orton stands in the ring, mic in hand. The OrTron now is labelled 4850. The crowd is giving Orton a very mixed reaction.

Orton: "Welcome, everyone, to the absolute greatest moment of your week, the RNN NewsDesk! And as you can see, this desk is still decorated quite beautifully with the gold that comes from being the World Tag Team Champion. For you see, last night, at Backlash, we kept the titles due to the stupidity of our opponents, as their efforts to win the match meant they lost a shot at the gold. If only all wrestlers were as idiotic as the people we have had here."

JR: "What a pathetic statement. They fed their friend to the wolves."

Orton: "However, to prove that I am gracious and generous, even in defeat, I present to you my guest at this time. He's a very close friend of yours, and a man held by many in high esteem -- although I don't happen to be one of them. You know him as a man who has been at the center of your wrestling heart for so long. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your hero, Shawn Michaels!"

No music starts. Shawn simply walks out from the back, quietly and reserved. The crowd boos him fiercely, even starting an Asshole chant. Shawn quietly walks up the steps and enters the ring, almost businesslike.

JR: "Certainly Shawn is not in a very happy mood right now."

DDP: "I think it's more that he's no fool, Jim. He's well aware what the fans think of him."

Orton: "Shawn... I'd tell you how I feel about you, but they beat me to it. There's a lot of people here that just wish you'd curl up into a ball and die -- and given your humiliating failure last night at just about everything you tried, maybe you should try it."

Shawn starts to speak, but Randy continues.

Orton: "Face it, Shawn... last night was your last real opportunity to continue the sham of a career you've had so far. But you blew it, because you were in the ring with REAL competition, against REAL superstars, and the REAL future of this industry..."

The crowd is actively chanting Randy's name at this point.

Orton: "...a future in which legends like Bret Hart are remembered for the overrated has-beens they are."

The crowd turns on a dime, booing the statement.

Orton: "That's right... I know about you and Bret, and I know the real score with you guys. You and Bret conspired that November night in Montreal. You decided that the two of you needed to be immortalized, because your second-rate skills weren't going to do it, and you concocted this "screwjob" idea as a way to do it!"

JR: "That's not true. I was there."

Orton: "Oh, yeah, you've been playing your part -- you've taken the fall for it. You've acted like an innocent for years on end. Why did it take so long for you to admit to your part in Montreal? Was it to make sure there was no way people would implicate Bret? But I can connect the dots, Shawn! If Vince knew about it, and Shawn knew about it, and the referee knew about it... well, there's no way in hell that the most important person involved could be kept in the dark, is there?"

The crowd is booing vociferously. Shawn tries to protest, but Randy won't even pretend to hand him the mic.

Orton: "And it worked, didn't it? Cuz right now, these idiotic, mentally deficient, stuck-in-the-past Canadian "rasslin" fans have turned Bret Hart into a patron saint! They can't see him for what he really was! He was a selfish man who wanted to try to keep his legacy intact, and who couldn't see beyond the nose of his face! So you decided on this so-called "screwjob" idea in the hopes that you could pacify that egomaniac!"

Now the crowd chants "asshole" again.

DDP: "I don't think that's for Shawn this time."

Orton: "I grew up in this business. This business is in my blood! And what you and Bret Hart did on that night -- it makes me sick! You couldn't uphold the basic rules of conduct and sportsmanship! You couldn't allow wrestling to go as it had gone for decades before you! Oh no! You had to make a mockery of my family way of life! And to this day, people like you and Bret Hart are people I have to talk about in shame because of the infamy they have brought on the way of life I know and love!"

Shawn stands there, shaking his head, as the crowd chants "We Want Bret!"

Orton (to the crowd): "Of course you do! You think he's a Canadian god! Well, guess what? You can have Bret Hart! Right now, he's lying in his bed, unable to move his entire side! I could hit your so-called hero with my little finger and kill him! That's your symbol of Canada? That's what you take pride in -- a cripple? You people are as deluded and self-centered as any that I have--"

FINALLY, Shawn rips the mic out of Orton's hand.

HBK: "Sit down, kid, and shut the hell up!"

Shawn stares at him as the crowd gives a mixed reaction -- some booing Shawn on general principle, some cheering him for ending the diatribe against Bret. Orton stares in mild surprise at Shawn, who does his best thousand-yard stare.

HBK: "You don't know Bret Hart. You never met the man. Bret Hart was an honest, good, wholesome, loving individual -- and at the time, I was the scum of the earth he thought me to be."

The crowd goes eerily quiet.

HBK (in an apologetic tone): "What I did -- it was almost seven years ago, but I can't forget it. I can't stop thinking about the pain and agony I put Bret, his family, his friends, and all of you people through. I owed him a warning. I should have put my foot down. I needed to do the right thing -- not for business, not for the WWE as it was, but for my fellow man. I made a mistake."

JR: "This is heavy stuff, Page."

HBK: "It's a mistake that you should thank God you'll never be in a place to make. It's a mistake that I hope no man ever makes in his lifetime. Because with that one decision -- that one awful act of omission -- I put him on the road to where he is today. If I could go back in time, Randy, to November 9, 1997, and I could undo what I did, I would. I would never have put that Sharpshooter on Bret and put him in a position to get screwed. And so... all you fans out there deserve this... I'm sorry. Bret, I'm very, very sorry, and nothing in the world do I desire more than for a chance to say it to your face, to shake your hand, and to ask for your forgiveness."

There are about a dozen different reactions. Some fans applaud politely. Some boo. Some cheer. Some are quiet. Several chants try to start before finally settling on "We Want Bret". Shawn quietly, peacefully, hands the microphone back to Randy Orton. A crowd shot shows a fan holding up the Calgary Sun, which carries "I'm Sorry Bret" as its headline.

JR: "As you can see, in the local paper today, Shawn Michaels wrote an apology... it was very sincere, very heartfelt..."

DDP: "It's been too long, Jim. This reconciliation has to happen."

Orton: "That was truly beautiful, Shawn. How long did you have to practice it so that you wouldn't crack up while saying it?"

JR: "What?"

Orton: "Just another series of lies from the old guard. I don't trust you, Shawn, and while these Calgary half-wits may fall for your pathetic, half-hearted ramblings and welcome you back, I don't! In fact, you have nothing to apologize for -- you did Bret a favor! You took some nobody from a backwards, middle-of-nowhere city in a hick farm province and you made him an icon, and he's never even taken the time of day to thank you! BRET owes YOU the handshake! HE owes YOU the respect! Bret Hart would be NOTHING without you! He would be just another guy! But you middle-aged losers just have to stick up for each other! Well, you deserve Bret! Both of you can rot in Hell for the shame you've caused! In fact, tonight I'd be more than happy to send you to Hell!"

Shawn instantly slaps Orton in the face.

HBK: "I'd love nothing more tonight than to kick your ass, and do it for the best damn wrestling family any nation could hope to produce!"

The crowd cheers.

DDP: "This is surreal!"

HBK: "But seeing as how I already beat you last night... how about we do it again tonight? Two against two, no stips, no free partners, no handicaps -- just a couple of stars putting some loudmouth big shot like you in his place? You like that, Randy?"

Orton rubs his cheek.

Orton: "You want that? I got no problem at all with it. And if you're gonna do this for the Hart family, I'll be glad to make you just like the Hart family -- a loser! Now get the hell out of my show!"

Shawn steps back, making a move to the ropes, then stops. He turns to the crowd and smiles. He takes his shuffle step forward and blasts Orton with Sweet Chin Music as the crowd lets out a huge cheer. As Shawn poses over Orton, Batista runs to the ring and clubs on Shawn's back. However, Sting isn't far behind, as he races out with his ubiquitous bat, swinging wildly and causing Batista and Orton to roll outside. As a final exclamation point, Sting shatters the OrTron's screen with a home run swing. Sting's music then plays.

JR: "Good gawd almighty! Evolution is gonna put the titles back on the line tonight! They gotta beat 'em fair and square! And this crowd wants to see it happen, and it's gonna happen, TONIGHT!"

(OOC: Everyone who saw it at first knows that, much like the WWE, I edited it. There was an egregious and over-the-top comment that had no place in the promo. I apologized for it and fined Randy Orton for saying it. The rest, though, is IMO pure gold.)

[Guest Future Shock]

You took out the good part! Ass!

[The Third Dukes]

I wanna apologize. Our second show-killing bug in four main shows (they never occur on the off-camera Heat, for some reason) means that I'll be doing just Virch on this. You'll get over it.

*****

- The SmarK RAW Rant for May 31 / 04.

- Live from Montreal, PQ.

- Your hosts are Jimbo and Page, which sounds like a wacky morning DJ group on a country music station. "Hey yall, this is Jimbo and Page, an' yer lissenin' to the best country music there is on FM 103! *wacky sound effect*"

- RNN: He basically apologizes that such a momentous event as Bret Hart's "fixed" match occurred in such a backwards city. Now there's irony: the one match in wrestling where someone involved didn't know the outcome is the one they call fixed. His guest is Chris Benoit, who gets a huge ovation here in Canada. Orton welcomes Benoit and asks why he hasn't been around recently. Benoit claims he just does what he's told, so Orton tells him to get interesting or leave. Benoit calls "pot, kettle, black" on that one, and Orton says Benoit's lucky he can wrestle, because he's got nothing else going for him. Benoit: "Is that a challenge?" Orton: <whacks with microphone>. Guess so.

- Impromptu opening match: Randy Orton v. Chris Benoit. Orton continues the assault as the RNN set is quickly being dumped out of the ring and taken to the back. Orton scores a dropkick and suplex on Benoit before taking him outside. Orton drops Benoit on the guardrail and heads back in. Dropkick to the knee sets up a lariat for two. Blind charge misses and Benoit gets a clothesline and elbowdrop. Benoit tries the Germans, but Orton blocks the second one and backs Benoit into the turnbuckle. Flatliner gets two for Orton. Play of the Day gets two. Orton with a leaping DDT for two. Benoit with the chest-first shoulder bump, and Orton gets a Flair Pin for two. Orton mockingly slaps on the Sharpshooter, but Benoit reverses as we take a break. Orton makes the ropes as we come back, so Benoit gets a German suplex with bridge for two. Oh, wait, it's Montreal; for TWO. Benoit goes up top but Batista appears and tosses him to the floor in a sick bump. Back in, it gets TWO for Orton. Orton powerslams Benoit for TWO. Benoit ducks the RKO and rolls Orton up for TWO. Benoit gets the rolling Germans for TWO. To the top, but Benoit dives into the RKO... and the ref. Orton gets nothing on the pin and tries to revive the ref, but Sting evens the score with a Death Drop. Benoit crawls over for TWO. Orton sends Benoit into the corner, but a clothesline is reversed to the Crossface for the tapout at 17:43. Orton is eminently carryable, but you knew that; Benoit is your god and mine... but you knew THAT, too. ***1/2 Oh, and the fans basically refused to get involved, only yelling on TWO. I don't like that pattern.

- Christian and Chynna sneak-attack Molly backstage. Christian ties an apron around her waist and tells her to get used to it. He forces himself on Chynna, and I don't know who came out worse in the bargain.

- Sting declares that Orton's days of disrespecting his elders will end at Bad Blood. He still is, you know. Sting, that is. Oh, and he promises Orton will learn what he's capable of when it's showtime. Lots of Sting-isms.

- Women's title: Jazz v. Lucille LaChienne. Big pop for the former FLI star. Jazz jumps the gun and beats on LaChienne as Theodore Long complains to whoever will listen about a lack of black people in Canada. Jazz with the double chickenwing, but LaChienne escapes and takes down Jazz for TWO. German suplex gets TWO. Jazz with a powerslam and standing frog splash for TWO. Fisherman's buster attempt, but LaChienne blocks and gets a swinging neckbreaker. Long tosses the cane in, but while the ref sets it aside, Tracy runs in with Pie in the Sky and LaChienne covers for the pin and the title at 3:58 to a HUGE pop. * LaChienne even does an acceptance speech in French. Classy.

- And now THE highlight of an otherwise bland show with a dead crowd. Chris Jericho runs into HHH and Rhyno arguing backstage and stops both of them (and the show) COLD with this. Thanks to a loyal reader for the transcription.

"Hey, guys! You sure you're not overlooking something important? Look at me for a second! Both of you think you've got this match made, huh? Both of you are counting me out because I'm the guy who's been all vulnerable, right? Well, guess what! (more calmly) I am vulnerable. I know it. I might as well not hide it. (serious) Rhyno, what you tried to do to me last week scared me. I thought that when you were done, I wouldn't be able to walk again. I thought of all the things I've been through in my career -- all the rehab I went through -- and then I thought of you, HHH, when I heard your music and saw you coming in. You see, guys, I thought about what I had done. Hunter, two years ago when you came back from injury, I tried to end your career again, and it was all about that title right there. It seems stupid now -- assaulting a man with a sledgehammer just because you're afraid of him? Yeah, that's right, Rhyno, I was afraid. And I'm even more afraid now. You go out there and you tell people to fear you. Well, I already fear you. I feared you from the moment I faced Randy Orton, believe it or not. You see, every time I go out there, I risk so much. And when I felt that chair around my leg, and when I saw that sledge in your hands... I feared not being able to walk. Can you imagine that, Rhyno? Not being able to walk? Of course you can; you felt that fear too. I've seen the doctor's report. Your neck is all fused together. You're one bad gore away from being a cripple. So maybe it's you who should fear me, because I know your weakness. Or maybe, Hunter, you should fear us. I know all about your injury. Hell, I helped cause it. Is your muscle still hanging by a single wire? Or maybe it's a little stronger now, like it was when I ripped it off the bone. You see, guys, we're all human beings. We're all flawed. We're all imperfect. And we're all fragile. But we all know it. So if you think, Rhyno, that you have some psychological advantage due to being big and strong and grunting like some Neanderthal, it sure as hell ain't on me! (Returns to Y2J mode) And Triple H, if you wanna try to get your own, your precccccccccciouussssssssssssss title back like you're some Gollum wannabe -- well, bring it on, dammit! Because when I'm done with the two of you, I'll be the man who stands on top of the mountain, and both of you will never, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever look at me like a cripple, a loser, or a wannabe agayne! I will be THE WORLD CHAMPION! And in two weeks, it will be BAD BLOOD - IS - JERICHO!"

- And THAT, my friends, is how you do the hard sell. This may be the single best promo I've heard in the WWE since Eddie Guerrero's in November. Jericho hit all his catchphrases and all the high notes, still found time to add a new dimension to the match (everyone's vulnerability), highlighted his own humanity, AND sounded like the best man out of the three. This single promo may have made their match better, and that's hard to do.

- Whew. Where were we?

- World Tag Team titles: Nick Mondo and Tommy Dreamer v. Batista and Michael Shane. Huge brawl to start, of course, and the faces clean house, then Mondo dives onto Batista with a plancha. Dreamer pounds Shane in the corner and gets a baaaaaaaaaack body drop, but Batista runs in with a huge lariat to make him cripple-in-peril. Shane superkicks Dreamer for TWO. Batista gets the MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER on Dreamer for TWO. Demolition Decapitation (an awesome double-team move) gets TWO for Shane. Picture Perfect Elbow misses, allegedly hot tag to Mondo. The crowd is just not caring. Mondo with the Assault Driver on Shane for TWO before Batista saves. It's BONZO GONZO as Dreamer gets a DDT on Shane for TWO. Mondo fakes a throw of tacks at Batista and rolls him up for TWO. That's a cute spot. Batista with the Demon Bomb for TWO. Shane superkicks Dreamer for TWO, and Mondo for TWO. The heels hit the Rocket Launcher on Mondo, but Stacy distracts the ref and Chris Benoit snaps Batista's neck on the ropes as he falls backward into a Dreamer rollup for the pin at 9:44. Got fun near the end. *3/4

- Jackie Gayda is waiting backstage to mock Stacy, and the two get into an argument that leads to Mondo/Dreamer v. Jeter/Matthews at Bad Blood. Man, all four of these guys are gonna get exposed in that one. As could Jackie, come to think of it.

- Christian and Chynna Doll v. Molly Holly and Scott Hall. Geez, the damn French (Canadians) don't even care about MOLLY. What is with them? Molly slowly rolls in before Hall, which is a huge mistake because that makes her legal when the bell rings. She gets beaten on. Chynna powerbombs her for TWO. Christian with a clothesline and kneedrop for TWO. Rear Naked Stretch gets TWO. Chynna comes in and gorilla presses her for TWO. Christian messes her hair up, just to be a real dick, then pops her one in the face. He doesn't cover, though, instead screaming about breaking a nail. They'd better lay off the comedy here, because the last thing they need is for the crowd to cheer Christian. Anyway, Molly pulls herself up and hits a clothesline on Christian. Both are up, and Christian blocks, but Molly crawls between his legs for the tag to Hall. Everyone gets slugged a few times, and Chynna gets hit with the fallaway slam for TWO. The men and women pair off, and Hall goes flying out on an Edge attempt, as per his contract. Molly stomps Chynna down, but Christian makes a blind tag as Molly gets a crossbody. The ref sends Chynna packing, and Christian LEVELS Molly with a frying pan for the pin at 8:44. * Post-match, Christian and Chynna put the apron back on Molly and leave the frying pan in one hand and a spatula in the other. Christian then kisses Molly (is that TONGUE?) before slapping her around to wake her up and mock her. The front rows get a good "Asshole" chant going, but damn this crowd is just apathetic.

- Main event: HHH and Chris Jericho v. Rhyno and Kane. Jericho's entrance wakes them up. HHH tries to match Jericho's promo but can't even come close. Hunter relies too much on his catchphrases, which will always hold him back a little. Double-teaming triggers the HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE as Kane enters and beats on anything that moves. HHH with a facebuster on Rhyno, and the faces double-team Kane out of the ring. Jericho turns around into a GOAR GOAR GOAR to become face-in-peril, though. Rhyno covers for TWO. Kane enters with a press slam for TWO. Rhyno powerslams Jericho for TWO and hits a leglock as we go to break. We come back with Kane lifting Jericho upside-down by his leg and dropping him on his head (that's different). He covers for TWO. Rhyno comes in and kicks the leg, going for a spinning toe hold. HHH runs interference, so the ref misses the tap out. Rhyno releases, thinking he's won, and as such runs into a facejam. Jericho foolishly adds his springboard dropkick to Kane, which hurts his leg, and that allows Rhyno to cut off the tag. He slams down Jericho's leg, and Kane gets the flying lariat for TWO. Kane tries the chokeslam, but Jericho grabs Kane's head and scores a DDT, allowing the hot tag to HHH. Knee usage abounds, but HHH tweaks his leg and staggers into a Kane clothesline. Rhyno charges, but HHH cuts him off with a DDT that Rhyno oversells. Jericho dives onto Kane as it's BONZO GONZO. HHH with KICK WHAM PEDIGREE, and Jericho tries the Lionsault, but HHH blocks it to attack him and both go down. Kane chokeslams both men, and Rhyno crawls on top for the pin at 14:52. I don't like the idea of pushing Kane over all three guys in the main event, but clearly it fits -- Kane is an invincible monster while these three are all vulnerable and know each others' weaknesses. It'll be interesting to see which way this goes on PPV. **

The Bottom Line:

Well, this show is emminently forgettable outside of Jericho's promo. They tried everything to keep the Montreal crowd interested, but they just didn't care. It's like Orton's comments turned the whole crowd off, although I know the WWE will just say it was an off-night all around.

Still, it looks like Benoit is getting on PPV anyway. Good for him.

*****

For the record, Jericho scored 100 and went to Unique. I had to include it. And yes, he got a 100 on a Bad Show. I don't get it either.

*****

June 3, 2004

WWE.com

Get ready to hit the Air Canada Centre as we present to you the WWE's best brand on entertainment -- SmackDown!

The fallout from last week continues, as Kurt Angle is upset at losing the big ten-man tag. This week, he will square off in a HUGE match against the man who scored the fall, The Undertaker! A match like this is usually reserved for our Pay-Per-View audience, but Vengeance can wait! We're doing it right now!

Eddie Guerrero took last week off. Not this week! He's back in action as part of a huge tag team encounter! He and fellow WCW and lucha legend Rey Misterio will team up against a pair of monsters in Brock Lesnar and Bull Buchanan! Can speed outdo power? Can anyone stop the WWE Champ? Something's gotta give!

But what of Kidman, you ask? Kidman's off for the week, but he's not done. He has a special assignment of his own choosing. Last week, we all saw the former US champion attempt to "revive" his wife and Undertaker's manager, Torrie Wilson. This week, he says he has something to say about it. What could it be? Turn on SmackDown! and see what happens when you take apart a happy marriage!

All this and more -- including a challenge from Paul Heyman -- this Thursday on SmackDown! Tune in at 8 / 7 Central on UPN to Smack Your TV!

Edited June 17, 2004 by Dukes

[Kapalua2483]

muahahaha Bad Blood will not be Jericho though. That's too obvious. Rhyno retains But oops I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise hehehe. Good smark rant though Dukes and I like the diary you know that. Wish you weren't so good though. Wouldn't make us Midcard Diary writers look so bad

Good show

The Kap!

[Kane's Mullet Slacker]

Ahhh Blandy Orton does it again. Way to kill the crowd, he's not the Legend Killer he's the Heat Killer.

I don't think Jericho's going to win the Bad Blood ME either but he's insanely over which makes me believe that Rhyno will most likely retain the title with a fall over Triple H, setting up a possible rematch between Jericho and Rhyno for SummerSlam considering Jericho would not have been pinned by the champion.....or Triple H could just get the title back and Jericho could hit that glass ceiling again

[The Third Dukes]

Wish you weren't so good though.  Wouldn't make us Midcard Diary writers look so bad

←

So I'm an egomaniac who's written a few great diaries and apparently makes everyone else look bad. I've become the Shawn Michaels of the Dome. Eep.

*****

WWE SmackDown!

June "3", 2004

"LIVE" from Toronto, ON

We see highlights from last week's appearance of the Beastie Boys, as they confront the Right to Censor and get some shots in on Steven Richards, while in the ring, 3 Live Kru fall to the RTC. Kurt Angle's pep talk is replayed, as are highlights of the ten-man tag. We see Kidman attempting to get Torrie's attention, the Maximos walking off, the tag champs flying after Kurt and Brock, and finally, Undertaker destroying sacrificial lamb Eric for the pin.

IT'S TORONTO AND THAT CAN ONLY MEAN THAT WE NEED TO FIND SOME CANADIAN PYRO EH as we begin another show North of the Border. Sign in the crowd: "_W_e _W_ant _E_dge!"

Cole: "Canada has always been home to some of the greatest fans, and now we're givin' it back with some of the greatest entertainment we can provide in our last stop in Toronto before SummerSlam! Welcome to SmackDown! I'm Michael Cole along with James E. Cornette, and Corny, we have a huge double main event for our fans tonight, starting with a blockbuster one-on-one showdown!"

Cornette: "Ya gotta believe this is the big announcement of the evening here, Michael Cole, as the Undertaker takes on Kurt Angle tonight in a huge matchup involving two of the WWE premiere players!"

Cole: "And in addition, we have a huge tag team match, as Brock Lesnar teams with the Right to Censor's Bull Buchanan to go up against the WWE Heavyweight champion Eddie Guerrero and one-half of the tag champs, Rey Misterio! Will size beat speed? We have to find out!"

Intros begin for the first match.

Cole: "And speaking of size and speed, Cornette, we're going to see it on a lesser scale right here, as the Maximos, current #1 Contenders for the WWE Tag Team Titles, get ready to do battle with Faarooq and Bradshaw, the APA!"

Cornette: "These are two nasty hombres out there, Michael Cole, but they're going up against perhaps the top tag team in the WWE! It's gonna be interesting to see if they're up to the task of defeating a team that took it to them at Judgment Day!"

Los Maximos vs. APA

The APA pound on the Maximos to begin, but Faarooq's attempt at a spinebuster is stopped by a Thesz press from Joel as Jose throws himself at Bradshaw. Bradshaw catches Jose and gives him a fallaway slam. Bradshaw is escorted out as Joel gets a dropkick and armdrag on Faarooq. Joel tags in Jose, and the duo get a double hiptoss on Faarooq to put him down near the corner.

Jose, Joel, and Jose hit moonsaults on Faarooq (in that order), with Jose staying on to cover for two. Jose bounces off the ropes as Faarooq stands up, but Faarooq catches Jose in a powerslam. Bradshaw and Joel enter, and Bradshaw runs over both Maximos a few times. He grabs Joel from behind and delivers a back suplex. Bradshaw covers for two.

Faarooq returns, but Jose dropkicks him out of the ring immediately. The Maximos corner Bradshaw, tossing him into the opposite turnbuckle. Joel whips Jose in, but Bradshaw moves and hits the ropes. Bradshaw connects with the Clothesline from Hell on Jose, but Joel (the legal man) surprises Bradshaw from behind with a running enzuigiri. Joel covers, dragging Jose on top as well, and the referee counts the three at 4:50.

WINNERS: Los Maximos

Cornette: "What a win! They made it look easy!"

Cole: "You can certainly see here why Jose and Joel have made themselves the #1 Contenders with performances like that. You gotta know Kidman and Misterio are watching, and they have to be wondering how they're going to--"

Jose (in ring): "Stop the music!"

Cole: "What's this?"

Cornette: "They speak English?"

Jose: "My brother and I... we are tired of waiting for our shot! We demand it! You've put it off long enough, Piper -- we are through with playing games! Give us the title shot we earned! Bring them out here right now -- we'll finish them off right here!"

Cornette: "Whoa! Wouldn't that be something?"

Cole: "I don't think it's gonna happen. Billy Kidman -- as far as we know -- is not in the building tonight."

The pipe and drum corps music begins. The fans are on their feet as General Manager Rowdy Roddy Piper makes an appearance on stage, in his traditional motorcycle jacket and tartan kilt ensemble. No one can make a skirt look more manly than Roddy Piper, people.

Piper: "Eh... excuse me, boys. My old ears ain't what they useta be. Did you fellas say you wanted a title shot? Did you say ya EARNED it?"

Jose: "Yeah -- we earned it! At Judgment Day... don't you remember, or you got old-timers' disease, too?"

Piper: "Don't tempt me to show you what I can do, punk. But ya see -- some o' your behavior hasn't exactly made me wanna grant yer shot recently. I put ya in a huge tag match cuz I knew ya wanted to get even with Team Angle... but whaddya do? Ya walk! What was the point of that?"

Jose: "You want us to help the guys who have the belts WE want?"

Piper: "I expect you two to be professionals! Now, I'll admit, ol' Roddy's older and more experienced than the both of ya put together, but I remember a time when people sucked it up and fought alongside their enemies if they had to! I don't see that in you! So, I'm half-tempted ta say ya don't get yer shot, and I say ya got ten seconds ta tell me otherwise!"

Cole: "Whoa! How about that?"

Jose: "Y-y-you can't do that to us! We earned it! We just won a match in 5 minutes! We'll do whatever it takes to get the shot, really! Please!"

Piper: "Time."

Both Maximos panic.

Piper: "Well, it was fun seein' the two of ya beg and plead an old man fer a favor, and lemme say Uncle Roddy got a real kick out of it, boys an' girls! But my decision -- my final decision -- is like this, bub. Next week, it'll be the Maximos In That Very Ring getting their title shot against Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio..."

The Maximos smile and mouth "thank you".

Piper: "Don't thank me yet, kids. Cuz ya see, I just got me an idea while the two of ya were talkin' yer disrespect about me. I decided that, well, ya guys wanna go twice, yer gonna go twice. Next week -- you guys split off, and them guys split off. Each of ya does a one-on-one match, and if ya happen to beat 'em 2-0, well, the belts are yours. And if they beat ya 2-0..."

He smiles.

Piper: "If they beat ya 2-0, then your reign as #1 Contenders to the tag titles is gonna last about as long as a Jennifer Lopez honeymoon! It'll be ADIOS, babee!"

Cornette: "He can't DO that!"

Cole: "Why not?"

Piper: "BUT -- if it's all square, one apiece, then your tag title shot will come That Very Night. And it won't be in any ol' match... oh no. It'll be in a special referee's match, and I know just the man to pick! So, boys, when we hit Long Island next week, you better be ready, cuz I'm gonna make you a star in a New York minute!"

Cole: "A best-of-three showdown between the champs and the Maximos next week, Corny! It's gonna be a war! Which team will survive with the WWE Tag Team Titles?"

***COMMERCIAL***

As intros play for the next match, Cole and Cornette begin to talk.

Cole: "Welcome back, folks, and we just had a bombshell dropped by General Manager Roddy Piper with regards to the tag title situation!"

Cornette: "You said it, Cole, it's gonna be a two-out-of-three-falls series of matches, which is the usual par for the course in the WWE, but in this case, the tag titles are on the line and could change hands -- or NOT change hands -- without a tag match ever being contested! Piper is a maniac!"

Cole: "He certainly is unorthodox in his ways, but he wants to make sure the best action occurs here on SmackDown! Folks, up next, we have a one-on-one contest as the demented Nathan Jones, who last week showed a new mean streak, will be going against Nova."

Cornette: "Nova has had a series of successes since the return of his tag team partner, Paul London, to active competition, but that's in the tag ranks, Michael -- without London, he's got a long way to go."

Cole: "Well, that's true, but if -- and that's a huge if -- he can defeat the Colossus here tonight, he will prove himself among the best in the WWE."

Nathan Jones vs. Nova (w/Paul London)

Nova throws a forearm at Jones, who is caught off-guard and staggers into the ropes. Nova fires more forearms before trying to whip Jones into the ropes, but Jones reverses and piefaces Nova on the rebound. He chokes down Nova in the center of the ring for the four-count before picking Nova up. Jones grabs Nova by the hair and trunks, throwing him over the top rope to the floor.

On the outside, Jones sends Nova into the ringpost headfirst with authority. Back in, Jones covers for two. Jones tosses Nova into the corner and stalks in, but Nova rolls between Jones' legs and dropkicks him from behind. Jones staggers backwards into the Spin Doctor from Nova. Nova covers, but at two, Jones tosses Nova off dramatically.

Nova tosses himself at Jones, and the two tumble down, but when both get back up, Jones hits a right cross that drops Nova. Jones covers for two. Jones picks Nova up, but Nova begins getting off body blows on Jones, slowing down the big man. Nova runs into the ropes and delivers a spinkick to Jones' chin. Nova heads to the top rope and dives off with a big splash, getting two before Jones kicks out.

Nova charges, but runs straight into Jones' big boot. Jones picks Nova up by the waist and launches him headlong into the corner, where Nova lands in a heap. Jones picks Nova up for a second Greco-Roman toss, but Nova begins punching Jones while in the double-handed waistlock. Jones falls backwards and Nova lands on top, getting two.

Nova sets Jones up for the Kryptonite Krunch, but Jones punches Nova between the legs as he dives for the scissors kick. Nova is doubled over, so Jones charges in and Punts him straight in the head. Jones covers, but picks Nova up at two.

He shakes his head as he sets Nova up in the corner, hooking Nova's arms behind the ropes. He begins hitting Nova with a series of lefts and rights to the head, which Nova can't block. After 20 seconds of this (and about two dozen shots), the referee steps in and sends Jones aside. The ref checks Nova's pupils, then orders the bell rung at 8:26.

WINNER by KO: Nathan Jones

Cole: "You gotta hope that... Nova seems to be disoriented there, Corny. He may suffer permanent damage there."

Cornette: "You need a brain to have brain damage, Cole, and anyone who would face that maniac one-on-one is in questionable mental health to begin with!"

Cole: "Either that or a lot of guts, like... look at this!"

Paul London, who was checking on his partner, turns and sees Jones talking into a camera. He charges and nails Jones from behind, then hits his backflip dropkick on him. Jones is staggered, so London whips him in and tries for a back body drop, only to get Punted by Jones. Jones surveys the damage and smiles as his music plays.

Cole: "I hate to say this, Jim, but... you think maybe Shannon Ward may have made him more stable? He's a monster out there right now!"

Cornette: "I know what ya mean, Cole, but I don't think this has anything to do with Shannon. This is just one man who needs to be contained."

Cole: "Well, folks, let's go backstage, where Kevin Kelly is with Paul Heyman and his protege, Ultimo Dragon."

Yup, there he is.

Kelly: "Paul Heyman, tonight Ultimo is scheduled to get revenge on the man who cost him a match last week when he faces Jamie Noble, but it's going to be a tag match, and Ultimo's partner, Tajiri, is still listed on the DL."

Heyman: "That he is, Kevin. But that's not your concern -- it should be Jamie Noble's. Jamie, that little charade you and your group pulled of dissension didn't fool too many people, but it made you a lot of enemies, and I'm one of them. And believe me, with all the contacts and all the resources that I have, the last thing you want is to have me as your enemy. But Jamie Noble, that's exactly what you've done. I never thought of you as a rocket scientist, but this could be the ultimate of stupidity. Tonight, you get your team ready, because Ultimo's found a very worthy replacement, and together, they are going to make you regret ever crossing our path. Be prepared for a night of extreme pain, Noble! C'mon, let's go!"

Motion graphics play.

Cole: "All right, that's later tonight, when Ultimo Dragon and a mystery partner square off against Jamie Noble and Billy Gunn, and that's gonna be interesting, but up next, it's six-man tag team action, as 3 Live Kru faces Matt Hardy Version 1 and the Mattitude Followers! That's next!"

***COMMERCIAL***

And now, the WWE Rewind! From last week, the Beastie Boys and 3 Live Kru perform together.

Cue the intros as we hear the announcers.

Cole: "Welcome back, as we are ready for a 6 man tag match, and what you're hearing is 3 Live Kru's rendition of the hit single, "Check it Out"!

Cornette: "And this needs to be checked out, Cole -- they may have new music, but they're coming in on a bit of a downslide. Killings lost his last match against a cruiserweight -- he's a lame duck champion -- and last week, they were destroyed by the Right to Censor!"

Cole: "That's very true, but I'm sure times will improve as they get ready for the challenge of Matt Hardy, Bubba Rogers, and Shannon Moore."

3 Live Kru vs. Team Mattitude

It's a huge brawl to start as the teams pair off (Konnan/Matt, Dogg/Rogers, Killings/Shannon). Killings gets a dropkick and a spinkick on Shannon, sending him out. Rogers beats down Dogg and sends him into the ropes, but Dogg slams on the brakes and hits the funky punches on Rogers. With Rogers floored and everyone out, Dogg tries the shaky kneedrop, but Rogers avoids it.

Shannon comes in, and Rogers and Shannon connect with Demolition Decapitation. Shannon covers for two. Shannon sends Dogg into the ropes and hits a standing rana on the way out. Dogg rolls for the outside, and as Shannon distracts the ref, Matt and Rogers double-team Dogg. However, Killings vaults off the apron and wipes out all of them with a dive. Dogg is thrown back in, and Shannon is ready with a seated dropkick.

He covers for two. Matt enters, and he gets an atomic drop on Dogg before German suplexing him, bridging for two. Matt tosses Dogg into the ropes and hits an elbowsmash, then climbs to the second rope. He hollers and drops the leg on Dogg. He covers for two. Shannon tags in, and Matt and Shannon hit a double flapjack on Dogg.

Shannon goes to the top rope and moonsaults, hitting Dogg square on the chest. Shannon keeps the cover and hooks the leg for two. Rogers tags in, and he picks Dogg up over his shoulder and drops him in a powerslam. Rogers covers for two. Rogers slaps on a chinlock as Dogg struggles to breathe. Dogg slowly makes it to his feet, elbowing out of the chinlock, but while bouncing off the ropes, Matt trips him.

Dogg argues with Matt, so Rogers tosses him over the top rope. On the outside, Konnan prevents Matt and Shannon from attacking, but that allows Rogers to toss Dogg into the steel steps. Back in, Rogers covers for two. Shannon tags in, and Rogers holds Dogg up in an elevated bearhug. Shannon bounces off the ropes and dropkicks Dogg as Rogers falls forward in a Hart Attack variant and the crowd reminds us that Bossman sucks.

Shannon covers for a very close two. He argues the call, then picks Dogg up and backs him into the corner. He tries for a Frankensteiner, but Dogg holds the ropes. Shannon slowly gets up and is run over by a clothesline. Killings and Matt tag in. Killings wins a slugfest with Matt and backs him into the corner. He begins the ten punch countalong, but Rogers charges. Killings sees him and jumps out of the way, so Rogers and Matt collide. Konnan hits a rolling lariat to Rogers as Killings covers Matt for two before Shannon saves.

Everyone floods the ring at this point. Dogg grabs Shannon for the Dogg Pound, but Rogers clotheslines Dogg out of the ring. Rogers and Shannon double him on the outside, so Killings tags in Konnan, then runs the ropes and gets a senton on the pile. Konnan grabs Matt from behind, but Matt mule kicks him. Matt grabs Konnan's head and hollers, but Konnan shoves him off and gets a powerslam on the rebound. He hooks Matt's arm and leg in the Tequila Sunrise, and Matt has nowhere to go but the tapout at 12:49.

WINNERS: 3 Live Kru

Cole: "Talk about bouncing back in dramatic fashion, Corny! One week after a devastating loss, 3 Live Kru gets the duke, and they do it over the reigning United States champion!"

Cornette: "This has got to be a boost of momentum for the Kru right now, and you have to think about what this might mean in the future for them!"

Cole: "Folks, still to come tonight, we're going to have a tag team clash as Brock Lesnar teams with Bull Buchanan to take on the WWE Champion, Eddie Guerrero, and his partner, Rey Misterio! Don't go anywhere!"

***COMMERCIAL***

We're back in a back alley. The scene is Brooklyn, overlooking the Port Authority. Standing in front of the camera is Tazz.

Tazz: "A lotta people have been asking me when I'm gonna be back. They come up to me and say, hey, Tazz -- we miss the old fireplug that could kick ass and take names. The WWE's gettin' a little soft without ya -- and some punks are tryin' to out-thug ya. Well, guess what -- when I come back, you'll know. And when I come back, I ain't comin' back alone. I've learned my lessons the hard way. You never go into battle without backup. And believe me, I've gotten the best damn backup you can imagine. So just you wait, WWE -- when I'm back, you'll all see what Thug Life is really all about once again. Thug Life born, Thug Life bred, and after I meet ya, you'll be Thug Life Dead."

Back to the folks at ringside as the Rockabilly theme of Noble and Gunn plays.

Cole: "I can't wait, Corny. It'll be great to see my old friend Tazz get back in the ring where a lot of people believe he belongs!"

Cornette: "And look at him! He's in tremendous shape for a guy with such a long layoff, and I almost don't recognize the tuxedo doughboy you had with you all this time."

Cole: "Well, you know, Cornette, he's a dedicated individual, and when he puts his mind to something, he finds a way to get it done, and in a few weeks he will get it done!"

Cornette: "Let's hope so or I'll be out of a job. Of course, I can latch on like this bum here."

Cole: "Who, Jamie Noble?"

Cornette: "No, ya idiot! Heyman! What old fossil did he dig up to get in the ring with Ultimo anyway?"

Well, Jim, that's not the music of a fossil...

Jamie Noble and Billy Gunn vs. Ultimo Dragon and Rob Van Dam

Unfortunately, RVD is cut off before he can get to the ring, so Noble and Gunn enjoy some double-teaming of Ultimo. They send him into the ropes and hit a double bodyslam on him before Noble leaves the ring. Gunn stomps on Ultimo before backing him into the corner. He punches away in the corner, then sends Ultimo across the ring, connecting with a clothesline.

Ultimo stumbles out into a gorilla press by Gunn, who drops him and covers. He gets two. Gunn tags Noble in, and Noble chops away on Ultimo in the corner. Noble gets a suplex on Ultimo, then heads to the top rope. He drops an elbow on Ultimo and covers. It gets two. Gunn returns to the ring, clubbing Ultimo between the shoulder blades.

He grabs a cobra clutch, but Ultimo elbows out before Gunn can drop. Ultimo runs the ropes to get a flying forearm, but Gunn ducks and Ultimo crashes. Gunn drops an elbow and grabs a headlock as we go to commercial.

***COMMERCIAL***

Ultimo gets to his feet, but Gunn punches him as he breaks the hold, then picks Ultimo up and drops him in a Jackhammer. He covers for two. Noble enters via the top rope as Gunn has Ultimo in a sidewalk slam, and Noble drops the leg on the way down. Noble covers, but Ultimo's foot is on the rope at two. Noble picks Ultimo up and hooks the arms for a Tiger Bomb, but Ultimo backdrops Noble out of it. Noble charges straight into a roundhouse kick from Ultimo to knock both men down.

Gunn tags in, but so does RVD. RVD kicks away at Gunn, sending him into the ropes and getting a spinkick and rotation legdrop. He bounces off the ropes and nails Rolling Thunder on Gunn. He covers for two. RVD sends Gunn into a turnbuckle and charges in with a pair of shoulder thrusts before backflipping and nailing another shoulder thrust. RVD hits a monkey flip on Gunn and covers, but Noble breaks up the count at two.

Noble tries to kick RVD, but RVD catches it, only to be caught in the stepover with a German suplex. Ultimo heads to the top rope as Noble taunts RVD, flying off with a bulldog on Noble. Noble rolls to the outside, so Ultimo heads to the apron and Asais Noble down. Meanwhile, back in the ring, RVD is up first, but Gunn soon follows. Gunn charges, but RVD avoids it and Gunn crashes into the buckle. RVD brings him out with a DDT, then vaults to the top rope. He crashes onto Gunn with the Five-Star Frog Splash, and the referee makes the three-count at 11:13.

WINNERS: Ultimo Dragon and Rob Van Dam

Cole: "A great win for Paul Heyman, as he gets his revenge on Jamie Noble!"

Cornette: "He took advantage of the situation! He tried to pull a fast one on him! Believe me, when Noble has complete info, he'll show that lowlife Heyman exactly what he's made of!"

Cole: "We'll have to see about that, but first, folks, we have this to show you from earlier today as Billy Kidman went on a mission."

We are in the middle of a wheat field. Billy Kidman stands there, looking into the camera, his tag title belt over his shoulder.

Kidman: "I don't understand. What happened? It was all... right after Judgment Day, she told me to go ahead. I thought she just wanted to thank Undertaker. I wanted to. But... I don't understand. Every time she gets near him, she changes. She seems to lose focus. She just remains this half-dead... THING you see. But it's only around him. Every day I wish I could just remain here on her farm with her... the two of us living retirement... not having to put up with this hypnosis. What have you done to her, Undertaker? I know, I know, everyone's so glad to see you back. Everyone's rejoicing because the Dead Man is back... I've heard it. But... I'm not. Because the Dead Man stole a part of me. Whatever power you have, I'm begging you, give it up. Taker... I want my wife back. Please."

***COMMERCIAL***

"Medal" plays. Kurt Angle heads to the ring, with his brother Eric behind him. They stop near the top of the ramp as Kurt's pyro goes off behind him. Both men roll into the ring and do their twirl before Kurt takes the microphone. As per diary policy, any * means that the crowd is chanting WHAT, which saves me time.

Kurt: "Last week, * Team Angle * suffered a big setback. * The Undertaker, * your alleged role model, * scored a victory * thanks to a lack of team communication * in my absence. * Now I know that being a "winning team" is a foreign concept to you people, * seeing as how the Maple Leafs can't find the Cup with a road map, * but tonight, * I am going to help my team regain their confidence. * And it starts with you, Eric."

Eric cocks his head, somewhat confused.

Kurt: "You see, tonight, I'm giving you the chance of a lifetime. * Tonight, * In This Very Ring, * I am letting you, Eric, * settle the score with the Undertaker."

Eric's eyes go wide.

Kurt: "Now, don't thank me. * I know you were upset that you lost last week. * So now, * you have a perfect chance * to return the favor * and win one for the team. * This is your shot at glory, big brother. * I have all the faith in you. * I want you to do me proud. * You have the Intensity, * and the Integrity, * and the Intelligence * to beat the Undertaker. * So rather than have me go through a meaningless display of how good I am, * I'll let you show how good you are."

The crowd start's a "Kurt's a chicken" chant.

Kurt: "I am not! I'm doing my brother a favor here! Look how appreciative he is!"

He isn't.

Kurt: "He'll thank me for allowing him this golden opportunity to--"

The gong sounds as the lights go out. Undertaker (and Torrie with the urn) make their way to the ring.

Kurt^H^H^H^HEric Angle vs. Undertaker

Before Taker can remove his coat, Eric attacks. He slugs away in the corner, but Taker just stares at him. Eric begs off as Taker approaches, only to hit Taker with a low blow. It distracts Taker enough for Eric to get a suplex. Eric stays on Taker with stomps as Taker rises. Eric throws a forearm, causing Taker to lean against the ropes, so Eric gets a running start and forearms Taker over the top and out on his feet.

Eric follows out after him and pounds away, desperately keeping the advantage, but his attempt to send Taker into the steps is reversed. Back in the ring, Taker picks Eric up and twists his arm. He climbs to the top rope and walks along it, but Eric pulls his arm away and Taker crashes to the mat. Taker pops back up, but Eric gets the Angle Slam.

He covers for two. Eric stomps away on Taker, then runs the ropes and crashes into him with a shoulderblock to no effect. Eric tries again, but Taker bounces off the ropes and hits a diving clothesline on Eric to knock him down. Taker gives the cut-throat signal as he stands behind Eric. Eric gets up and looks around, hoping to see Taker, but stumbles into him. Taker picks him up and slides him into position for the Tombstone. It connects, and the Darkside pinfall is made at 5:11.

WINNER: The Undertaker

Cole: "So much for making an impact for Eric Angle! The Undertaker stands victorious once again-- wait!"

Kurt Angle has jumped into the ring from behind on Taker. He sends Taker into the ropes and connects with an overhead suplex. He picks Taker up and, as Eric slowly walks to the back, connects with the Angle Slam. He woos to the crowd as his music plays. Torrie, who was on the apron, holds the urn higher in an attempt to revive Taker. Kurt sees this and brings her into the ring, ready to attack her as she sits up and gets to her feet. Taker, however, is back up and grabs Kurt by the throat. Eric returns to the ring and yanks Kurt away, and the two of them "get a case of the limbertail" (copyright 1998 Jim Ross, all rights reserved).

Cole: "It looks like Eric is using discretion as the better part of valor here, and the Undertaker just can't be kept down!"

Cornette: "But he was! Kurt Angle did it! Eric failed and Kurt succeeded! Like you said, so much for the chance he got!"

***COMMERCIAL***

Cole: "Welcome back, folks -- while we were gone, this conversation happened backstage between the members of Team Angle that shows there may be cracks in the armor."

Kurt: "I'm so disappointed, bro.  You went out there and got humiliated.  You took my opportunity and tossed it aside.  What good are you, anyway?"

Eric: "What good am I?  What good are you as a brother?"

Kurt: "I gave you the chance of a lifetime, Eric!"

Eric: "You chickened out!  You set me up for a loss, then you swooped in to be a hero!  And by the way, how about a Thank You for me pulling you at of that chokeslam at the end, which is more than you ever did for me!"

Kurt: "Give me a break.  I gave you a spot with me!  I'm the biggest name on this show!  You should thank me that I convinced the management to bring you onto SmackDown! when you could still be in Louisville -- excuse me, Lousiville -- in front of 50 people making minimum wage!"

Eric: "Bro, if I was brought up here to be your <beep>ch, I'd rather be in Louisville!  I'm your older brother!"

Kurt: "I know that -- I have a calendar!  Now stop being so jealous that the little bro achieved all the success in the world, got the Olympic gold medals, and made the WWE Championship his five times over and get in line!  You're up here because I like you!"

Kurt walks off as, conveniently, World's Greatest Tag Team enter from off-screen.

Haas: "What's wrong?"

Eric (after stammering): "Leave me alone."

He storms off.

Haas: "Did I miss something?"

Shelton: "Ah, he's just frustrated Undertaker kicked his ass."

Intros for the main event begin as the announcers debate.

Cole: "Well, Corny, it really seems that Eric has a few troubles with Kurt. This may be something he has to work out over time."

Cornette: "Eric's frustrated -- Shelton had it right. He lost in decisive fashion, and he doesn't like that Kurt was able to swoop in and get the upper hand on a man that dominated him."

Cole: "You know, it would be one thing if Kurt pulled the Undertaker away, but he sneak attacked him and tried to take Undertaker's glory. He wanted to be the story of that match!"

Cornette: "Someone like Kurt Angle can't help but be the story of the match. It's in his blood!"

Cole: "You're amazing sometimes. Just like this group here -- the Right to Censor out in full force for this tag team main event, as Bull Buchanan has been chosen to team with big, bad Brock Lesnar against WWE Tag Team champion Rey Misterio and WWE Champion Eddie Guerrero!"

Cornette: "Hey, the RTC may be overbearing bullies, but they know the value of strength in numbers, and that's what they got right here!"

Cole: "And of course, Bull Buchanan has been the shining star of the RTC, Corny, having put Edge on the shelf, beaten Hurricane at Judgment Day, and just recently, holding his own against Eddie Guerrero before an inconclusive finish."

Cornette: "Well, maybe that's what he's doing here. He certainly fits in with the big boys up top, no doubt about it, and if you look at him, he certainly has the strength and agility to be a part of the upper echelon of the WWE."

Cole: "I hate to belabor a point here, Corny, since it seems the success of Eddie Guerrero has made the whole thing meaningless, but if you look at the teams here -- well, the team in the ring right now outweighs their opponents by a good 150 to 200 pounds, which is enormous for a two-on-two encounter."

Cornette: "And that's why you gotta consider them the favorites, right here. I'm not saying Eddie has no chance, but it's a huge uphill climb, ya gotta admit."

By this time, Rey has entered the ring and has a mic.

Rey: "Kurt Angle! Let me make something clear... Torrie may not be my manager anymore, but I and my partner -- we still respect her and care for her! It won't be today, and it won't be tomorrow, but someday, you're gonna pay for puttin' your hands on her! I ain't gonna stand by and--"

Oops, that would be Brock and Bull attacking to begin the match.

Bull Buchanan and Brock Lesnar vs. Rey Misterio and Eddie Guerrero (when he gets here)

Bull and Brock stomp away on Rey before Brock picks him up and sends him into the ropes. Bull bounces off the ropes and boots Rey down. Bull heads to the outside to talk to Steven as Brock picks Rey up and delivers a German suplex as Rey bounces to the outside of the ring.

The RTC heads over and surrounds Rey, but as they do, VIVA GUERRERO hits and Eddie races to the ring. He picks off first Morley, then Henry, then Steven with punches, before double-clotheslining Morley and Henry down. Bull makes his way around, so Eddie tackles him down and the two get in a rolling slugfest. Rey, meanwhile, has made his way back to the ring, where Brock grabs him in a stalling suplex, which he turns into a brainbuster.

Brock smiles and goes to tag, but Bull is still fighting Eddie. Brock picks Rey up and tosses him into the corner, following in with a series of shoulder thrusts, certain that Eddie is nowhere to be found. So, when Eddie dispatches of Bull and tags himself in blindly, Brock is still attacking, and Eddie sunset flips in for two. Brock gets up, only to be hit with an Eddie dropkick. Eddie sends Brock into the ropes and fires back out with an armdrag and a bodypress, which in turn sends Brock rolling to the outside for distance.

Steven and Morley consult with him on strategy, but that allows Eddie to dive through the ropes and bowl over everyone on the outside. Back in, Eddie delivers the slingshot senton to Brock. He covers for two. Eddie sends Brock into the corner, but nobody's home when he charges in and Brock catches him on the way out with an overhead suplex. Bull enters, and Brock whips Eddie into the ropes so that Bull can catch him coming out with a spinebuster. Bull stomps on Eddie and picks him up. He puts a bearhug on Eddie, lifting him onto his shoulder as we go to commercial.

***COMMERCIAL***

Eddie writhes around, attempting to break the hold. He tries pulling Bull's shirt, but Bull squeezes harder, and Eddie winces before slowly fading. The referee checks the arm. It falls once. It falls twice. It stays up, though, and Eddie squirms forward and rolls up Bull for two.

Bull charges Eddie, tackling him down. He covers, but it only gets two. Brock enters, and he immediately grabs Eddie in a belly-to-belly overhead toss. With Eddie seemingly out, Brock picks Eddie up for the F-5, but Rey enters to dropkick Brock. Brock topples, and Eddie gets a crucifix out of the F-5 for two. Both men are up, and Brock runs straight into a rana from Eddie. Eddie begins the crawl to Rey as Brock tags in Bull. Bull runs to stop Eddie, but Rey gets the tag.

Rey starts yelling, "Toro, toro!" Bull races in on Rey, who sidesteps and sends Bull crashing to the turnbuckle. Bull turns and charges again, this time the other way, but Rey again dodges and Bull nails Brock. Rey bounces off the ropes and dropkicks Bull, who staggers into the ropes. Bull regains himself and charges, but Rey trips him into the 6-1-9 position. Rey runs and connects, but with Steven (who had jumped on the apron to block).

Rey gets booted off the apron by a resurgent Bull, and Eddie enters to get a satellite headscissors as all four men get involved. Eddie sends Brock out of the ring while Bull holds Rey over his head. Eddie low blows Bull, and Rey lands on his feet, scoring the West Coast Hop on Bull. At two, though, Sean Morley drops an elbow on the referee.

Rey starts to attack Morley, but Brock cuts him off with a Steinerline. Eddie ranas Brock out of the ring, but now Henry is in as well. Henry slams down Eddie, then bounces off the ropes and splashes him. Morley, who is now on the top rope, splashes the pile. Morley exits, taking Rey with him. Henry leaves, and Bull climbs to the top rope. As the ref begins to move, Bull dives off with the flying legdrop, and the referee counts it at 16:59.

WINNERS: Bull Buchanan and Brock Lesnar

Cole: "What a cheap, pathetic win by the Right to Censor! It took three men to pin Eddie Guerrero, but they got it done! Are they happy now?"

Cornette: "I wouldn't be surprised if they were, Cole. They pinned the WWE champ! Bull Buchanan just made a major case to get a shot at the WWE Title!"

Cole: "Well, I hope Roddy Piper's better senses prevail here. Folks, next week, we will have three big matches for the WWE Tag Team Titles! Jose! Joel! Kidman! Misterio! The bodies will be flying! And will it indeed be Bull Buchanan getting a title shot? Find out next week! For James E. Cornette, this is Michael Cole saying, so long!"

<<<FIN>>>

[Guest y2gudge]

Smackdown was enjoyable Dukes but there doesn't seem to be any clear contender for Guerrero's Title - that could be a problem unless you push someone over the next few weeks. I'm loving Jericho on Raw and the build up for the Main Event of Bad Blood - it's a different approach to most build-ups but I like it.

*y2gudge*

[grind your soul]

Well, that SmackDown! seemed like total filler.

I definately would've been let down had I paid to see it [living in Toronto and all]. THAT should've been the crowd killing show.

Right now, I'm thinking RAW is the slightly stronger show, but both seem to be running almost stagnant right now. I'm especially not fond of the Jeter/Matthews vs Mondo/Dreamer storyline right now - none of the four should be anywhere near a high-profile title feud, especially the former. I'm thinking that should be more of a HeAT feud than anything else.

Nathan Jones killing people is money, even though he may suck nuts. I've always tried to find good ways to use him in WWE diaries, and I'm glad I'm not the only one.

I mentioned HeAT a bit up there - I'm wondering, do you book HeAT and Velocity yourself, or do you autobook them? I'm thinking that it could be a great spot for the midcarders and even development guys to gain some overness with the crowd, but I'm not sure if you put that much energy into it.

PS - As always, I'm thoroughly enjoying this diary. The mentions of your lack of booking skill and egotism aside, I believe you have a knack for WWE booking [in 3/4 of the cases], and I see no egotist signs whilst reading through the diary.

I've actually grown tired of trying to re-read the BVS, and instead am completely focused on this ACTUAL EWR diary. I don't really care for the novelist approach to the BVS, and would much rather read a strict EWR diary.

Edited June 19, 2004 by grind your soul

[oldskool]

I continue to enjoy Dukes' work.

And a certain angle on last Monday's RAW definitely had me flashing back to BVS...

Quick! Copyright it and sue!

[TeemuFoundation]

Everyone said that you're and excellent writer, and that your diaries rule. I started to read this and I thought that this would be something ground-breaking and new. But this is just another WWE: New Era-diary. The first thing that comes in my mind os that why can't you first utilise the good talent that WWE already has, insted of hiring all the indy Gods. To WWE. CM Punk in the WWE? Uhm..? And A team like Los Maximos is getting TV-time?

These are just purely my opinions, you are a good writer, but this diary is nothing but a basic WWE diary, where you turn WWE into a cruiserweight-dominated indy promotion. If you want to use the likes of Punk and Mondo, why can't you just start playing with your own indy-promotion? They're always nice to read.

[The Third Dukes]

I definately would've been let down had I paid to see it [living in Toronto and all]. THAT should've been the crowd killing show.

I mentioned HeAT a bit up there - I'm wondering, do you book HeAT and Velocity yourself, or do you autobook them? I'm thinking that it could be a great spot for the midcarders and even development guys to gain some overness with the crowd, but I'm not sure if you put that much energy into it.

←

Well, actually, it was. I just was in a pissy mood because SmackDown has rotten timing (friggin JUDGMENT DAY got the show-killer, which is just wrong), so I wanted to spread the hate around.

As for HeAT -- well, the thing I have has HeAT and not Velocity, so while I do book them, I do so basically to "cheat" a little. I have a lot of matches that help advance PPV storylines so that when the story ends there won't be this massive overness drop to the loser just because the program doesn't like me.

Of course, sometimes that's not a bad thing.

And I'm sorry the show wasn't to your liking. Here, have your $0 back.

*****

- The SmarKDown! Rant for June 03 / 04, taped June 01.

- from Toronto, ONT.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole and James E. Cornette

- Opening match: Los Maximos v. APA. Oh, joy, more APA no-selling. APA pound away to start, but Joel gets somewhere on Faarooq while Jose is Bradshaw's bitch. Faarooq plays beerman in peril as the Maximos double team him left and right. Moonsault sequence gets two. Powerslam on Jose, lukewarm tag Bradshaw. Back suplex on Joel gets two. Faarooq is sent bailing, but Jose misses a blind charge and is hit with the Clothesline from Heck by Bradshaw, who walks into an enzuigiri and is pinned at 4:50. I know Layfield's getting mainstream publicity being on some business channel and all, but does he HAVE to stink up the joint by being uncooperative? 1/4*

- Jose takes the mic (Cornette: "They speak English?") and demands Piper come out and give them their title shot. Piper says that, well, after their stunt last week, he's not sure the Maximos still deserve it. Boo. So they get ten seconds to plead their case. Both Maximos drop to their knees and beg (hilarious) and Piper decides they're funny enough that he'll keep it. Sort of. Next week, it's a three-fall challenge: two singles matches, and if (if?) they're even, a tag match for the belts. And yes, the Maximos can win the gold by sweeping the singles matches. Oh, and the tag match will have a special referee. And we're in Long Island next week. Well, I appreciate the effort to make us care about the cruisers, and you know the Maximos will be on their best behavior going against Rey, but they're basically promising another Instant Classic, and I don't know if they can deliver.

- Nathan Jones v. Nova. Nova attacks early and gets some forearms, but Jones flattens Nova to end the rally. Choking abounds, and Jones javelins Nova to the outside. Into the post for Nova, and that gets two. Nova crawls around on Jones and dropkicks him into the turnbuckle, hitting the Spin Doctor for two. Tank Abbott punch gets two for Jones. Nova slows Jones down with a series of body blows and a spinkick. Superfly splash gets two. Nova eats boot and gets tossed in rather impressive fashion -- Jones grabs him by the waist using only his hands instead of his arm, as he would in a belly-to-belly. He tries a second time, but Nova punches out and falls on top for two. Fame-asser (which is the new Kryptonite Krunch) is blocked by a low blow, and Jones gets the Punt, but picks Nova up at two. He sets Nova up in the corner and blasts him with punches like he did RVD until the ref finally pulls him away and declares Nova KOd at 8:26. Now there's a cool finish you don't see every day -- the KO. *1/2 Paul London checks on his tag partner and is obliterated.

- Paul Heyman plays up how Ultimo was at the center of the set-up last week by Noble and Gunn, and promises revenge in tonight's tag match. When it's pointed out Tajiri's injured, Heyman promises to get an old friend. Hmmm...

- 3 Live Kru v. Mattitude. You know, that Beastie Boys song is gonna get stuck in my head one of these days, and my hatred for Konnan will grow THAT MUCH MORE because of it. MATT FACTS~!: Matt doesn't need his passport, and Matt hates rap. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP IS CRAP! Sorry, flashback. It's a Pier Six to begin as Killings sends Shannon out of the ring. Dogg halts a whip and punches away on Rogers as Konnan and Matt leave. Funky kneedrop misses, and Dogg begins doing what he does best -- get beat up. Demolition Decapitation (legdrop style) gets two. Shannon ranas Dogg to the outside for a double-team, so Killings leaps off the apron to send people scattering. Back in, Shannon with a dropkick for two. Matt with a German suplex for two. Yodelling legdrop gets two. Mattitude Classic get a double flapjack, and Shannon hits the moonsault for two. Rogers in with a powerslam for two and we HIT THE CHINLOCK! Road Dogg needs a rest? Must be those extra biscuits. Dogg fights out, but Matt trips him and Rogers dumps him. Konnan cuts off the cavalry, but Rogers sends Dogg to the steps and gets two back inside. Shannon hits a dropkick Hart Attack with Rogers for two. Dogg blocks a Frankensteiner and runs over Shannon, hot tag Killings. Heel miscommunication gives Killings two before Shannon saves. It's BONZO GONZO as Killings dives onto everyone in Mattitude (so nice it's worth doing twice, says Cole). Matt goes low on Konnan, but the Twist of Fate is stopped. Powerslam and Tequila Sunrise get the tapout at 12:49. The announcers speculate on a Konnan/Matt program. JUST what I need to make myself feel better. *1/4

- Tazz is coming, and he's bringing some friends. I wonder if this means the WWE will finally give a person the "Joey Numbahs" gimmick.

- And I guess that disqualifies Tazz from the Mystery Partner Sweepstakes, but never fear, because we have...

- Jamie Noble and Billy Gunn v. Ultimo Dragon and Rob Van Dam. The crowd approves. Ultimo is double-teamed before RVD can get there as he launches right into Ricky Morton mode. You realize that if Ultimo and Kidman ever teamed, the RnR Xpress 2.0 could be formed? Seriously, the WWE's sitting on a goldmine. Gunn works over Ultimo some as the crowd demands RVD. Press slam gets two. Noble in, and a suplex and flying elbow get two. Back to Gunn, who does some CLUBBERIN, THEY BE CLUBBERIN, TONY! One and Only is blocked, but Ultimo airballs on a flying jalapeno. Gunn grabs the headlock as we go to break. We come back with Gunn getting a Jackhammer for two. Noble and Gunn hit the Sidewinder (Gunn's original tag finisher with Mike Barton) for two. Tiger Bomb is reversed to a backdrop, and Noble charges right into a roundhouse. Hot tag RVD, and more kicking leads to a Rolling Thunder for two. Shoulder thrusts and a monkey flip get two. RVD catches Noble with the spinning... oops, that's a German suplex by Noble. Ultimo returns with a flying bulldog and Asai moonsault. DDT and Five-Star on Rockabilly get RVD the win at 11:13. If Billy Gunn can stay in tag matches, he'll be just fine. **1/2

- Billy Kidman tries to act and fails. The gist of it is that he wants to know what sort of power Taker has over his wife and demands that it end. Dude, just steal the urn like everyone else does.

- Kurt Angle v. Underater. BUT WAIT! Kurt wants to give his brother a chance to redeem himself...

- Eric Angle v. Undertaker. Well, you knew they wouldn't blow Angle/Taker right out of the gate. Eric jumps the gun in desperation, but Taker no-sells. Low blow leads to a suplex, and Eric knocks Taker out of the ring. Eric follows, but gets sent into the STEEL steps. OLD SCHOOL is stopped, and Eric gets the Angle Slam for two. Taker no-sells a shoulderblock, and it's lariat time and Tombstone city to finish at 5:11. Not much doubt here, but okay for a Taker squash. *1/2 Kurt, of course, jumps Taker and Angle Slams him, then turns his attention to Torrie when she enters the ring with the urn. He's ready to attack HER when Taker grabs the chokeslam on Kurt, but Eric saves and the Angles bail. The aftermath appeared to be attached with a nail gun, but it sets up the rest of the show nicely.

- Backstage, Eric claims he was being used. Kurt explains he's trying to help, and says Eric should be thankful he's in the Big Show and not OVW due to Kurt's kindness. Eric would rather be in OVW than be used like this, but Kurt not-too-modestly assures Eric that he knows what he's doing. WGTT just chalk up Eric's subsequent anger to his loss.

- Meanwhile, Rey Misterio tells Kurt he made a big mistake stalking Torrie. She may be a smoking hot Playboy zombie bunny, but dammit, we still like her! This, of course, is the cue to start the attack.

- Main event: Brock Lesnar and Bull Buchanan v. Rey Misterio and Eddie Guerrero. As the match begins, Cole and Corny inform us that the ABC special is going to be the old Lethal Lottery, and will feature unconventional tag teams much like the two here. Well, the WWE has the roster to try to make it work, but here's hoping they give us good "random" matches. Rey is sent to the outside where the RTC menace him before Eddie enters and cleans house on them. Eddie and Bull fight on the outside, while Brock hits a brainbuster on Rey. Brock gets some shoulder thrusts in the wrong corner, so Eddie tags himself in and sunset flips in for two. Nice. Eddie goes nuts on Brock, sending him to the outside. The RTC offer pointers, but apparently they didn't offer the one about standing in a large group outside the ring when a Mexican wrestler is inside it, because here comes Eddie into the crowd. Back in, slingshot senton gets two. Blind charge misses, though, and Brock with an overhead suplex to make Eddie YOUR chico-in-peril. MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER by Bull gets two. Bull slaps on an inverted body vice as we go to break. We return with Eddie nearly out, but the arm stays up on the third try and Eddie gets a rollup for two. Bull spears Eddie for two. Brock with an overhead suplex, but Rey stops the F-5 and Eddie rolls Brock up for two. Eddie recovers enough to get a rana, hot tag Rey. And now the fun part: Rey clearly starts yelling "Toro, Toro" at Bull, who obliges by charging at him. Bull slams first into the turnbuckle (Ole!), then into Brock in his own corner (Ole!), then falls into the 6-1-9 (Ole!). Steven sacrifices himself on the 6-1-9, though, and Bull boots Rey to the floor. Eddie returns as it's BONZO GONZO again. Eddie low blows Bull, and Rey gets the West Coast Hop for two before Morley bumps the ref. Brock destroys Rey with a lariat, but Eddie sends him packing until the nWo... er, RTC runs in. Henry and Morley with the double splash, and Bull gets the flying legdrop for the pin at 16:59. Mark your calendar: Bull Buchanan just pinned Eddie Guerrero. If this means Bull/Eddie redux next week, I'll be shocked, but the WWE has done stupider. Mabel springs to mind. Anyway, this match was a good mismatch tag match, and it gives me hope that the Lethal Lottery won't suck. ***

The Bottom Line:

It's pretty clear this show is just waiting for Bad Blood to be out of the way before building up Vengeance, as a lot of storylines are being thrown around to see what sticks. Konnan and Matt might be worth it considering each side has a posse and they can stretch it out, but the Eddie/RTC thing has to end. Still, Kurt Angle is carrying his end, setting up possible programs with Undertaker, Kidman, Rey, Eric, AND Brock in the span of a few weeks. So there are a few bright spots right now.

But they need to keep the booking team away from Paul's crack.

*****

June 6, 2004

- The WWE has posted a belated apology on their website regarding Jose Maximo's joke about Alzheimer's in light of President Ronald Reagan's death. While the show was taped four days before Reagan died, it did not air in the UK until around the time the news of his death broke. The timing is considered unfortunate.

- As confirmed on SmackDown!, the ABC show (believed to be called the Great American Bash) will be a Lethal Lottery. It is expected that there will be 10 tag matches involving all the workers on the active roster plus a number of OVW callups. The only name so far confirmed from OVW is Travis Bane.

- Jason Jett (EZ Money) is coming near the end of his FLI contract. It is unknown if he will renew it or pursue his options elsewhere. Japan is said to be very high on him and would love to bring him in for a tour, with NOAH in particular hoping he is still available. NOAH announces a new roster on July 1, which would be around the time Jett's contract would expire.

- Although WWE, NWA, and FLI are the undisputed Big Three right now, a three-way regional war is brewing to see who the best independent territory is. Ring of Honor, NWA Wildside, and Xtreme Pro Wrestling all have very competitive rosters and will be looking to make the leap soon. RoH has made great strides under Chavo Guerrero Sr. and is considered the slight favorite.

- All indications are that Mick Foley will be the special referee for the tag title match. Foley lives in Long Island and, although he was last seen on RAW, he is used sparingly enough to be considered immune to the roster split.

*****

June 7, 2004

WWE.com

One more week to go before Bad Blood, and that means one more RAW to go, too! Tune in tonight for another LIVE RAW on SpikeTV from Albany, NY!

The Women's Title isn't up for grabs, but the champ will be a marked woman at RAW! A new type of battle royal has been called, with nine challengers going against the femme fatale of France. If Lucille can win it, she will have Bad Blood off, but if she is eliminated, she must defend her title against whoever is in the ring when she is gone -- even if it's all nine women! Battle Royals are usually every woman for herself, but given the rules here, things could change in a hurry!

Christian has been saying for weeks that the Rock made a mistake giving Molly another Intercontinental Title shot. Now, he's going to prove it! The creepy bastard of RAW has asked for interview time to show that Molly Holly has no chance on Sunday. How is he going to do it?

Randy Orton is ready for his match in six days against the man they call Sting, but he's still upset because he's the only Evolutionary on the show! He is going to have Batista on a special RNN tonight to talk about this injustice, and it seems certain that Batista has an opponent in mind. Will Eric Bischoff grant his request? Probably. Will Batista regret his decision, though? That you'll need to find out!

All this and more -- including a complete rundown of Sunday's card -- tonight on RAW! Tune in to the First Network for Men for all the action!

*****

Random fun fact: ECCW has gone Regional and signed some new names to fill out their roster. Among them -- DARON SMYTHE! Daron, pack your bags, you're off to Canada! Say hi to the owner for me! (The owner, btw, is Jake the Snake Roberts. Have fun.)

[Engage]

Everyone said that you're and excellent writer, and that your diaries rule. I started to read this and I thought that this would be something ground-breaking and new. But this is just another WWE: New Era-diary. The first thing that comes in my mind os that why can't you first utilise the good talent that WWE already has, insted of hiring all the indy Gods. To WWE. CM Punk in the WWE? Uhm..? And A team like Los Maximos is getting TV-time?

These are just purely my opinions, you are a good writer, but this diary is nothing but a basic WWE diary, where you turn WWE into a cruiserweight-dominated indy promotion. If you want to use the likes of Punk and Mondo, why can't you just start playing with your own indy-promotion? They're always nice to read

This continues the Battle For Vince's Soul, but just on the booking side. Everyone who is new had some role in the previous epic that explained their entrance.

[Guest Future Shock]

Where the hell are you finding Punk? He's on a written contract to NWA TNA, it's not that farfetched to see him get a developmental deal.

[The Third Dukes]

WWE RAW!

June 7, 2004

LIVE from Albany, NY

We get highlights of last week, with the big tag match the main focus. We focus on the end, as HHH and Jericho get into a bit of miscommunication that allows Rhyno to get the winning pin. After that, another three-way brawl breaks out. We also see footage of Lucille LaChienne winning the Women's title from Jazz, with the help (unrequested) of Tracy.

THE AUTHOR OF THIS SHOW IS WAY BEHIND SCHEDULE AND CAN'T AFFORD TO WASTE HIS TIME ON... ah, screw it... MORE PYRO as we are live from the Pepsi Arena, not to be confused with the Pepsi Center unless I just confused the two. Sign in the crowd: "This Statement is False."

JR: "With six days until Bad Blood, we are short on time before another spectacular Pay-Per-View event! Welcome to Albany, New York! Welcome to RAW! I'm Jim Ross alongside Diamond Dallas Page, and DDP, tonight we'll find out who and how many challenge for the Women's title at Bad Blood!"

DDP: "That's right, Jim, we're gonna have a very unique battle royal, where there can be a ton of winners or no winners, and the Women's Champ is the marked woman!"

JR: "And on top of that, we're going to hear from Christian, as the Intercontinental Champion will tell us why this Sunday's match is a mistake by the Board of Governors!"

DDP: "Christian is very confident, but he's also an arrogant little being, so I don't expect him to make much sense."

But before all that, we have to go to the RNN NewsDesk. 5300, before you ask.

Orton: "Welcome once again to the reason you tune in at 9PM to SpikeTV, RNN! Ladies and gentlemen, with only six days until a PPV extravaganza known as Bad Blood, it is time to look at what is out there for us. Or, more importantly, what ISN'T out there. That's right, even though your hero, Randy Orton, has a match for Bad Blood, he's the only one in Evolution who does! Well, that, my friends, is about to change. Tonight, I welcome out a man who has a reason to be upset, a reason to be at Bad Blood, and most importantly, a mission. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your friend and mine, Batista!"

Evolution's theme plays as Batista comes out in his street clothes and sunglasses. He and Randy Orton shake hands in the ring and stand side by side addressing the camera.

Orton: "Welcome to RNN, Batista. I don't want to waste your time, so I'll just let you get to the point -- who is it you want to face at Bad Blood? The world out there is DYING to know!"

Batista: "Well, before I tell you, I feel we should see some footage on your magnificent OrTon 5300 as to why I've made my decision."

We are shown footage of the tag title match, as Batista has Tommy Dreamer almost beaten when Chris Benoit intervenes and prevents the title switch.

JR: "Sure, show this, it's all well and good, but how about earlier that night, when Batista tried to cost Benoit a match against Randy Orton? Where was the outrage there?"

DDP: "Oh, c'mon, pretend like you're used to it."

Orton (looking thoughtful): "So if I understand you, you would like a match against the man who cost you the tag titles? Am I correct?"

Batista: "That's exactly what I want, and that's exactly what I plan on getting. So Chris Benoit, understand that it's gonna be you and me at Bad Blood, and I will show you once and for all why I am a member of a group called Evolution. We are the future! Prepare to be run over, Benoit."

Orton: "Well put, my friend, well put! Hey, I have an idea: how about you and I have a little warmup match? I know that Eric Bischoff will allow us to put together whatever match we want, but in the interest of fairness -- and man, have I always wanted to say that -- let's have a little tag match, shall we?"

Batista: "Who'd you have in mind?"

Orton: "Well, you want to get a leg up on Chris Benoit, and I want to get my hands on the Stinger, right? So how about we have ourselves a tag match. No tricks, no handicaps, no nothing -- just two-on-two utter, complete decimation. Admit it -- wouldn't it be fun to demoralize them in front of this third-rate town in some second-rate part of America?"

DDP: "Someone's looking to get a rise out of this crowd."

Batista: "I like your way of thinking. Let's do it!"

Orton: "Great! And all of you people here should take very careful notes. Sunday at Bad Blood, you'll be seeing deja vu all over again, but with more meaning, more viciousness, and more -- so much more -- humiliation. Sting, prepare to become extinct! Always remember, Stinger -- you were and I am!"

Evolution's theme plays as Orton and Batista pose for the crowd.

JR: "What a match that oughta be! Batista going one-on-one with Chris Benoit! Good gawd, I can't wait!"

DDP: "But what about tonight's tag match? That's going to be a rockin' good time, and I gotta think Evolution's bitten off more than they can chew here!"

JR: "Folks, when we come back, we'll see the #1 Contenders to the World Tag Titles in action, as Johnny Jeter and Joey Matthews go up against a team making their first appearance together in ages, the New Blood! Don't go away!"

***COMMERCIAL***

And now, the WWE Slam of the Week, brought to you by Stacker2! From two weeks ago, Jeter and Matthews team with Jackie Gayda to get a victory in a six-person match.

Intros play as the announcers talk.

JR: "Folks, that was the match that helped set up the World Tag Team title situation here on RAW, as the extreme team of Tommy Dreamer and Nick Mondo will square off against these two guys here, Johnny Jeter and Joey Matthews."

DDP: "A lot of people are saying these two don't belong, but after that victory two weeks ago, ya gotta admit they have a lot of talent, and they will do everything in their power to win."

JR: "And I'm sure that doesn't just go for their Bad Blood match, Page. Right now, they're against a team that we haven't seen in a while, in Maven and his partner Rob Conway, the New Blood!"

DDP: "Conway is a great athlete, but he hasn't been able to connect thus far with the crowd like he has when I saw him working the small-time. This may be his biggest chance to date with a guy who definitely has captured fans' imagination in Maven."

JR: "Well, you're right about one thing, Page... Conway is not to be taken lightly, and I think the top contenders might soon find themselves in a precarious situation if they're not careful."

Johnny Jeter and Joey Matthews (w/Jackie Gayda) vs. New Blood

Conway starts with Jeter and gets an armdrag out of the lockup. Jeter charges, and Conway sends him into the turnbuckle, following up with a German suplex and bridge for a quick two. Conway tosses Jeter into the ropes and goes for a discus punch, but Matthews enters and grabs his arm as Jeter clotheslines Conway down. Matthews tags in now and enters via the top rope.

Jeter holds Conway up for a suplex as Matthews hits a missile dropkick on Conway during its completion. Matthews covers for two. Matthews sends Conway into the ropes and hits him with a dropkick on the way out. He races over and clotheslines Maven off the apron, and when Maven predictably enters to protest, Matthews tosses Conway to Jeter for some choking while Matthews pounds away at the breadbasket.

The ref turns around as Matthews hits a spinebuster on Conway. He covers for two. Jeter returns, and he punches away on Conway in the corner. Jeter sends Conway across the ring, but Conway reverses, then follows in with an iron claw attempt. Jeter fades as he gets dragged into the center of the ring, but scores with a Northern Lights suplex and both men are down. As we see the champs watching the match, Matthews and Maven tag in. Maven chops away on Matthews, backing him into the ropes. He sends Matthews into the ropes and nails his dropkick on the way out.

Jeter charges, but Maven sends him into his own corner. Maven tags Conway back in, and Conway gets on Maven's shoulders after putting Jeter on the turnbuckle. Conway and Maven get their stack belly-to-belly on Jeter. However, Matthews (the legal man) comes off the top with a big kneedrop on Conway, and after sending Maven out of the ring, he lifts Conway on his shoulders. Jeter leaps and DDTs Conway down, and the cover follows at 7:24.

WINNERS: Johnny Jeter and Joey Matthews

JR: "And you gotta say, Page, the challengers look pretty good going into Bad Blood in just six days."

DDP: "If this was their final tuneup, they really made it count, Jim. I'm impressed with what they've done here."

JR: "And you gotta think the tag champions in the back are every bit as impressed as we were by this."

With that, we cut to watching Dreamer and Mondo watching the monitor with Stacy Keibler. She addresses them as the camera changes to over the shoulders of the champs.

Stacy: "Okay, boys, I think we all know what we're going up against on Sunday. I want you two to be ready and willing to destroy those upstart punks. You guys have worked too hard for too long to have your legacy ruined on your first Pay-Per-View title defense. But there's more, boys. Win convincingly enough..."

She turns around and unzips her dress, which falls to the floor revealing a one-piece backless bathing suit. She looks over her shoulder, mimicking the famous World War II Betty Grable pose, and winks.

Stacy: "There might be something extra in it for ya."

She walks off in her heels and bathing suit. Mondo and Dreamer look at each other. Mondo smiles broadly.

Mondo: "Now there's something worth fighting for, Tommy!"

Dreamer: "Yeah... they're dead this Sunday."

DDP: "Bang! There's some motivation!"

***COMMERCIAL***

Intros begin as the announcers talk.

JR: "Well, it looks like the World Tag Team champions have a little extra motivation here, Page. Stacy Keibler saying that she might give them something extra after that... I guess it was a preview!"

DDP: "That's certainly what it looked like to me, Jimbo, and I gotta say that it seems a little odd."

JR: "Why is that?"

DDP: "Well, Stacy has every right to dress and act however she feels like, but it's sort of makes me wonder -- is she trying too hard to please? You know, something like that -- it could be a sign of something seriously wrong with you, and I just hope Stacy Keibler knows what she's doing."

JR: "I think you need to take up psychoanalysis instead of wrestling, Page."

DDP: "Never had the patience for it."

JR groans.

JR: "Well, at any rate, we're going to have the 10-woman challenge for a shot at the Women's title at Bad Blood, and I'd say everyone has as good a chance to survive, especially since the champion, Lucille LaChienne, is a marked woman!"

DDP: "That's a big difference from most battle royals, Jimbo, because usually, all the participants are on an equal footing here, but now, you have..."

Long (in ring): "Lemme holla at ya playa."

DDP: "Well, now we have this bozo on the mic."

Long: "Tonight, we got a few sistas hopin' to win our Women's title, belie dat! An' I call it our Women's title 'cuz my lady Jazz here, she never woulda lost it without that white girl Tracy stickin' her nose into our business, belie dat! So Tracy, we gon' come after you in particular tonight, and we gon' make sure you don't ruin our chance to get back what's rightfully ours, belie dat! Oh, and my brother of another color here, Chris Nowinski, has somethin' for all you crackas out there to here, so listen up, playa!"

Nowinski: "Scott Hall, this is for you. This is a statement that we all believe in very strongly. We think you're a cancer -- nay, a POISON in the WWE. I said quite clearly I wanted to show you were worthless, and I feel the time has come. But since Booker T apparently has troubles with my colleagues, I'll let him get in on the action too. Bad Blood, it'll be Scott Hall and Booker T going against Rodney Mack and myself. Prepare, Scott Hall, to be eradicated once and for all, for if you are the poison, I am your perfect antidote."

Long: "Well put, my brutha, belie dat. Now, bring these other foo' women out here and let's get my girl Jazz her Women's title back, playas!"

Long and Nowinski leave as the Women begin entering the ring. We pause during introductions to take a break because, let's face it, there's a lot of people in this.

***COMMERCIAL***

Okay, so let's look in the ring. We got Jazz, Gail Kim, Alexis Laree, Victoria, Natalie Hart, Trish Stratus, Tracy, Ivory, Chynna Doll, and... oh, yes, the decidedly French music of La Résistance signals the entrance of our current Women's champion and the person whose elimination matters more than anyone else's. She waves the French tricolore on the outside before slowly walking up the stairs. She hands the Women's title to the referee, then springboards over the top onto all the waiting women as the bell rings.

Women's Battle Royal to determine the Bad Blood match

Everyone dogpiles to start. Alexis pairs off with Victoria as Jazz and Gail double-team Tracy. Lucille clings to the bottom rope as Trish and Chynna attempt to pull her up. Meanwhile, Ivory grabs Jazz from behind in a diving DDT, which allows Tracy to reverse and send Gail over and out at 1:01.

Natalie charges Chynna, but her punches are no-sold. Chynna casually lifts Natalie over her head and walks to the ropes, dumping her at 1:52.

Victoria and Alexis work off an armbar in the corner while Trish gives up on Lucille and kicks Ivory in the head. Ivory staggers into the ropes, but a charging Trish flies over the top and onto the apron before rolling back in. Everyone turns to Chynna and begins to shove her against the ropes. Trish, Tracy, Victoria, Jazz, and Ivory begin to lift, while Alexis dives at the pile, and scoots over the top and out at 3:27.

Finally, Lucille lets go of the ropes long enough to add the final shove, sending Chynna to the floor at 4:06.

Lucille dashes to the turnbuckle for safety as Jazz pounds on Victoria. Ivory works over Trish, but Tracy comes to her friend's rescue. Trish and Tracy double-dropkick Ivory, who flies out at 4:54.

Victoria tries a slingshot on Jazz, but Jazz leaps to the second turnbuckle and elbows Victoria. Lucille jumps to her feet, grabbing Victoria and bundling her out at 5:35.

Trish and Tracy begin double-teaming Lucille, who tries to fight them off as Jazz rests. Trish grabs Lucille and delivers the Stratusfaction Bulldog as Tracy jumps to the top rope. Jazz charges, but Tracy lands Pie in the Sky on her. Trish grabs Lucille and drags her to the ropes as she and Tracy attempt to eliminate her. Jazz bounces off the opposite ropes and bowls into the pile, but Trish goes over and in, Tracy stops her momentum, and Lucille gets sent to the floor to end the competition at 7:33.

CHALLENGERS: Jazz, Tracy, & Trish Stratus

The fight continues, though, as Jazz stomps away on Tracy while Trish heads outside to take on Lucille. Jazz picks Tracy up and delivers the Jazz Stinger, while Trish slams Lucille into the steps. Trish returns via the top rope and missile dropkicks Jazz before pounding on her. Tracy gets up and joins in with a series of stomps. Trish sets Jazz on the top rope and tries for the handstand rana, but Lucille returns and shoves Tracy into Trish, who falls to the mat. Tracy sends Lucille to the outside with a rana, but now Trish is up. Trish and Tracy get into a shoving match, which allows Jazz to come off the top rope and clothesline both women down. Jazz's music plays.

JR: "Is that a preview of what we're gonna see on Sunday, Page? What a showdown it'll be! It's a fatal fourway with Trish, Tracy, Jazz, and Lucille! Who's gonna walk away the women's champion?"

DDP: "It could be any one of them, Jim! This may be the most unpredictable match there is!"

JR: "Folks, up next, we're going to hear from Christian. He says he has proof that the Rock has made a mistake. What could he have in mind?"

***COMMERCIAL***

"At Last" plays. Christian walks to the ring.

JR: "Oh, gawd, this'll be an educational experience, Page."

DDP: "I don't know what makes this man think he can tell the Board of Governors -- the Rock in particular -- did the wrong thing? They can do whatever the hell they want, and besides, we all saw WrestleMania, Jimbo!"

JR: "That we did, and it was there that Molly came within inches of winning the Intercontinental Title, a title she'll try to win again at Bad Blood."

Christian is in the ring.

Christian: "Thank you all, gentlemen -- and any chicks who showed up."

JR: "Oh gawd."

Christian: "Tonight, I made a promise to the WWE and to myself. I said I would prove that the idea of Molly being the challenger to the Intercontinental Title is a farce, a sham, and a damn shame. Now, I could talk about how she only has the sympathy vote from people who read the newspapers and know who Darren Matthews is. That certainly would be reason enough. Or, heck, I could talk about how there are dozens of more worthy challengers to this belt right here. Just think about people like Chris Benoit, anyone in Evolution, or -- heck, even HHH deserves a shot before that little girrrrrrrrl! But I have a more fundamental reason -- a REAL reason -- why she would wait her turn in line or return her pretty little head to the Women's division -- which is her place around here when she's not at home making dinner for a man!"

DDP: "Who does he think he is?"

Christian: "Over the past few months, I have crossed paths with this Title IX charity case, and every time I have put her ass down -- which, when you look at it, is a hell of a job."

Christian laughs as the crowd chants for Molly.

Christian: "Associate with that loser all you want! I have proof that come Sunday, I will still be here with this belt around my waist. Check the big screen as I show you exactly what I mean!"

Video plays from Survivor Series, where Christian grabs Molly off of Big Show and delivers an immediate Unprettier to her, getting the pin in the Elimination Chamber. From there, we switch to February 9, as Christian reverses a roll-up from Molly and pins her to retain, with the camera angle conveniently ignoring the handful of tights Christian had. Off to March 22 now, as Christian again is on top of Molly and the referee counts three, as Chynna Doll looks on and smiles. We switch to last week, as Christian defeats Molly in a tag match due to unseen cheating. The montage finishes with Christian celebrating with the title on the RAW of May 10, as Molly is crying and staring at her hands.

We return to the ring, as Christian is smiling and playing to the crowd, which is chanting "Creepy Bastard" at him.

Christian: "Face facts, Molly -- I'm a winner, and you're a loser! I succeeded on my own, when everyone wanted me to fail, and you've failed when people want you to succeed! Everything is working for me and against you, girl! And after Sunday, everyone is going to have to look in the mirror and admit, yes, we wanted her to win, we begged for her to win, but she had no chance. She was a novelty act. How could some nothing woman, 5-foot-4 on a good day, stand up to one of the best athletes in the WWE? We pushed her on, and we watched as she let us down. Why did we waste everyone's time?"

JR: "Why are you wasting our time?"

DDP: "Shut up, Jim. He can't hear ya."

Christian: "That's right, Molly, you are a waste of time. You're a waste of space. You got to the top not because you paid your dues or you beat some superstars, but because you got on national television and your story makes good Sunday Night Movie material. Only this time, Molly, I'm going to ruin your storybook ending. Because nothing would degrade and humiliate this title more than for you to hold it. And for my sake, the belt's sake, Bischoff's sake, the fans' sake, women's sake, men's sake, and the sake of Vince himself, I will not let that happen."

Christian is FINALLY interrupted by "She's a Lady" as Molly emerges from the back. She carries a microphone with her and looks at Christian as she enters the ring. She sits on the top turnbuckle and faces him.

JR: "Business is about to pick up, Page."

DDP: "That it is."

Molly: "Christian... what do you think you can tell me that I don't know? What do you think you can tell me that I haven't already heard? Don't you think I'm aware of all the times you've beaten me? Don't you think I know how I got 15 minutes of fame? Do you think you're telling me something by saying I'm smaller and less muscular than even you? These aren't revelations, Christian -- they're staring me in the face.

But they're not the only things that have stared me in the face before. A lot of things that I've seen -- I wouldn't wish on anyone. Not even you. Not even Darren. You think I'm just a girl, don't you? You don't have an appreciation for what that statement entails, do you? So I'll let you think about it. What do you think being Just A Girl entails? Do you have any idea?

No. You don't. And you don't want to know. You just want to walk out here, spout some hate language, and move on with your life. Well, congratulations, Christian. You CAN move on with your life. You're lucky. I'll never be able to move on."

JR: "What?"

DDP: "I thought she had."

Molly: "You see, ever since that arrest -- ever since that bastard got what was coming to him -- how do you think I've been seen? I'm a symbol of empowerment, Christian! I've made all the talk shows, speaking about how I'm going to move on, one day at a time. I've received thousands of cards, emails, flowers -- women all over the world who share my shame. They all say they're rooting for me. They're rooting for one of their own to make it big. Everyone stops to console me, to pick me up, to make me their role model or icon. They like me -- when they can think of me as a victim.

You see, Christian, that's why I'm going through with this. That's why I'm still in this ring right here! It's not because I feel I have to be a status symbol -- no, just the opposite! I want to be Molly again. I want to be the sweet little lady who just happens to be the best damn women's wrestler America has ever produced. I'm no one's charity case. I'm no one's Sunday Night Movie topic. I am certainly not here because people want to see me succeed. I am here because I BELONG HERE! Or do I have to remind you?"

Footage plays on the TitanTron from WrestleMania. Molly leaps off the top rope with the Molly-Go-Round. The ref counts one, two, but will never get to three because Chynna Doll appears and pulls Molly aside, drawing an intentional DQ.

Molly: "Where would you be if she didn't appear? You'd have been on your back for one more second, and that title you claim you've earned would be mine. And that, Christian, would be who I was -- not a women's rights icon, not a woman asserting her sense of self, not a victim, a celebrity, a charity case -- NO! I would be an Intercontinental Champion!

Christian, this has gone beyond who the better wrestler is! Everything you've done to me -- your humiliating comments, your sneering voice, that cheap $5 bill you stuffed in my outfit -- all of makes me realize that you don't care who I am. You see me as a woman, a Diva, a sex object, just like the media sees me as a victim, a wonderful story, a nice person to book on the talk show. But I know -- and all these wonderful people here in Albany know -- that I am a person, flesh and blood, skin and bone, and in six days, this PERSON is going to be known by the new name of Intercontinental Champion, whether you like it or not!"

The crowd is chanting Molly's name now.

Christian: "Blah. Blah. Blah. Molly, I don't care what THEY think -- and if you take comfort in what the WWE fans think of you as a woman, you've lost it. Wake up, Molly. These WWE fans want to see their women stop talking, take their shirts off, and pose on the beach for a magazine -- preferably Playboy. In fact, these are the same fans who chant that they want to see puppies. These are the same fans who cheer Steve Austin when he returns from assaulting his beauty pageant wife for not getting him his beer fast enough! You think THEY think of you as a person? They think of you the same way I do -- as a SLUT!"

Massive booing.

Christian: "In fact, why don't I take you down right now -- Tonight! You find a partner, and I'll find a partner, and we'll have one more tag match In This Very Ring! And you'll see what it's like to be in a Man's world, Molly. Maybe you'll still try to challenge on Sunday, or maybe you'll come to your senses. Either way, tonight AND on Sunday, I'll have you in a place that got you where you are today..."

He gets right in her face.

Christian: "On your back."

Christian spits in Molly's face, then steps back and eggs Molly on, daring her to attack. Molly just sits there, shaking her head. Christian (his back to the entranceway) speaks again, ignoring the "Asshole" chants.

Christian: "C'mon, girl! Be a fighter! Show you're not a charity case! Get mad! Don't cry! What's the matter -- afraid of breaking a nail? C'mon, girl, show me I'm wrong! You can't! You can't do it! You're just gonna sit there and--"

And at this moment, Diamond Dallas Page has made his way from the announcers' table to the ring. He spins Christian around and delivers the Diamond Cutter to him, knocking him loopy. Molly stands up on the top rope as DDP sets Christian up, spaghetti-legged. Molly dives off and connects with the Molly-Go-Round on Christian, rolling off and immediately yelling at Christian as her music plays. DDP has crept back to the announcing table as Molly plays to the crowd.

JR: "OH MAN! MOLLY TOOK IT TO HIM! DDP -- DDP RAN IN AND MADE A STATEMENT! HE SHUT THAT CREEPY BASTARD UP! SIX DAYS! MOLLY! CHRISTIAN! BAD BLOOD! COULD IT BE HISTORY IN THE MAKING HERE?"

***COMMERCIAL***

JR: "Welcome back, folks, and our main event is set for tonight as it'll be Christian and Molly on opposite sides of a Dream Partners tag match, but before we go there, Page... I still can't believe you'd..."

DDP: "Hey, I did what every wrestler in the back oughta be ashamed that they didn't do! I shut him up. He needed to be shut up. You know it, I know it, they know it. So let's get on with the show, ok?"

Randy Orton and Batista vs. Chris Benoit and Sting

As Sting enters the ring, Orton jumps on him and pounds him down. Benoit sprints in after him and gets into a slugfest with Batista, but Batista has something in his hand and slugs Benoit with it. Orton picks up Sting's bat and stands over Sting with it in his hands. He brings it down on Sting's chest as the ref calls for backup.

NO MATCH

Benoit clotheslines Orton out of the ring, but turns around as Batista nails the Demon Bomb on him. Orton returns to the ring with a chair in his hand. Batista grabs the chair and sets up Benoit's arm in it. A host of referees attempt to break it up, but Batista and an emerging Michael Shane stop them all. Orton takes the bat and, after using Sting for a practice swing, drives it down on the chair as Benoit screams in pain.

He continues to strike the chair with the bat as Batista and Shane hold off the officials. Finally, Sting makes his way to his feet and grabs the bat from behind Orton. Orton turns around and flees the ring with his Evolution teammates, the damage already done. Batista is heard by the camera to say "I guess our match is off."

JR: "This is disgusting. This was a setup! This was nothing more than a damn setup! Dammit! What a pathetic -- Someone get Benoit some help!"

***COMMERCIAL***

JR: "Well, folks, we're back down to seven matches for Bad Blood, as Evolution -- this was a damn setup, Page."

DDP: "Yeah, it was, and I gotta tell ya that I don't like it one bit. This was premeditated and pathetic. The people in Evolution should be suspended -- but you know they won't, Jim. Not by Eric Bischoff. They act like they own the place."

JR: "Just a rotten display. But folks, the show goes on, and right now we're going to show you what you can expect this Sunday at Bad Blood, exclusively on Pay-Per-View, as set to the official theme song of Bad Blood, "Breaking a Habit" by Linkin Park."

Okay, the stuff in parentheses next to the lyrics indicates the visual content. Got it? Good.

Memories consume (Rhyno pins HHH at Backlash)

Like opening the wound (Jericho and Rhyno meet backstage)

I'm picking me apart again (HHH interrupts Jericho/Rhyno)

You all assume (Jericho and HHH confront each other)

I'm safe here in my room (Split screen of Rhyno/HHH with sledgehammer)

Unless I try to start again (Jericho on the stage doing his entrance)

I don't want to be the one (Johnny Jeter debuts)

The battles always choose (Jeter and Matthews double-team Mondo)

'Cause inside I realize (Stacy and Jackie catfight)

That I'm the one confused (Mondo flies through a table)

I don't know what's worth fighting for (Molly charges Christian with the belt)

Or why I have to scream (Molly cries near the pole)

I don't know why I instigate (Christian and Chynna hug)

And say what I don't mean (Christian berates Molly)

I don't know how I got this way (Christian smacks Molly with a chair)

I know it's not alright (Chynna Doll pulls Molly off of Christian at WM20)

So I'm breaking the habit (Rock gives Christian a Rock Bottom)

I'm breaking the habit (Molly dives off the top rope)

Tonight (and puts Christian through a table)

Clutching my cure (Randy Orton attacks Sting on RNN)

I tightly lock the door (Sting destroys the OrTron)

I try to catch my breath again (Sting costs Orton the tag belts)

I hurt much more (Evolution attack Sting)

Than anytime before (Sting is left bloody)

I had no options left again (Sting puts the Scorpion on Orton)

I dont want to be the one (Hall smacks Nowinski with his own facemask)

The battles always choose (Nowinski returns the favor)

'Cause inside I realize (Hall and Booker high-five)

That I'm the one confused (Long hands the mic to Nowinski)

I don't know what's worth fighting for (Kane jumps Shawn Michaels)

Or why I have to scream (Kane delivers a Burning Hammer)

I don't know why I instigate (Kane chokeslams Shawn)

And say what I don't mean (Shawn stares at the camera from his home)

I don't know how I got this way (Kane smiles over Michaels' body)

I'll never be alright (Kane chokeslams Hall)

So, I'm breaking the habit (Michaels superkicks someone)

I'm breaking the habit (Kane jumps off the turnbuckle)

Tonight (and Tombstones Michaels from four feet up)

I'll paint it on the walls (Tracy helps Lucille pin Jazz)

'Cause I'm the one at fault (Jazz taunts a kidnapped Tracy)

I'll never fight again (Trish makes her entrance)

And this is how it ends (The battle royal finish from earlier tonight)

The remainder of shots are of motion graphics if a match is given.

I don't know what's worth fighting for (Jazz/Tracy/Trish/Lucille)

Or why I have to scream (Hall & Booker v. Nowinski & Mack)

But now I have some clarity (Dreamer & Mondo v. Jeter & Matthews)

to show you what I mean (Randy Orton v. Sting)

I don't know how I got this way (Shawn Michaels v. Kane)

I'll never be alright (Molly Holly v. Christian)

So, I'm breaking the habit (Chris Jericho)

I'm breaking the habit (Rhyno)

I’m breaking the habit (Triple H)

Tonight (Y2J v. Rhyno v. HHH)

We go backstage, where the Coach is with Kane.

Coach: "Kane, in six days you will face Shawn Michaels at Bad Blood. Are you worried that--"

Kane: "LOOK AT ME! Does this look like the face of a worried man? Does this look like the face of a man who isn't in total control? Shawn, you may be a good person, but you're the kind of person that has tortured me for too long. You're just the first in a long line. I will show you the monster you have created. I will use him to destroy you. Your time is almost up, Heartbreak Kid. You will see that I--"

But now Kane is cut off by Shawn Michaels, who tackles him down and pounds away on him. Officials scramble to keep the two apart, but Shawn just uses the separation he gets to wind up and superkick Kane. He then stands over Kane, yelling about killing the beast, as officials try to pry the two of them apart.

JR: "Good gawd! Shawn Michaels is attacking the Big Red Monster! Shawn Michaels doesn't want to wait for Bad Blood! He wants to get it on right now!"

DDP: "This is shaping up to have a ton of Bad Blood, JR! Just about every match is filled with personal hatred!"

JR: "Folks, it's almost time for our main event. It's Christian and Molly Holly in a Dream Partners match! Who will it be? Who's gonna be the partners? Come back to find out!"

***COMMERCIAL***

"At Last" plays as the crowd boos mercilessly. Christian walks out onto the stage amidst the shower of golden sparks. He holds the I-C title aloft and says into a nearby camera "She ain't never gettin' this!" He then waits by the entrance for his partner. The metallic grunts open up a jungle rock beat as Rhyno emerges from the back, World Title around his waist. The two walk to the ring and prepare for their opponents.

"She's a Lady" plays as the crowd goes nuts. Molly Holly emerges from the back, but remains on the stage, holding up ten fingers to the crowd, then nine, eight, seven, six...

...and the Y2J Countdown picks up at 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0. The place goes dark before the pyro goes off on the stage. We see the familiar silhouette walking to the screen, and at "Break the Walls DOOOOOOOWN" it strikes the Jericho pose. We cut to the entranceway, where Molly is standing and pointing to Jericho, who is in the pose. Jericho turns around, and the two march to the ring. Jericho hops up onto the apron, but as he steps into the ring, Rhyno attacks.

Christian and Rhyno vs. Molly Holly and Chris Jericho

The champs hold the advantage as they work over their respective challengers. Rhyno tosses Jericho into the ropes, but Jericho leapfrogs on the rebound and nails an enzuigiri to Rhyno. At the same time, Molly ducks under Christian's clothesline and delivers an inverted atomic drop. Molly drops a knee to Christian's face and races to the top. Jericho clotheslines Rhyno out of the ring, while Molly dives onto a standing Christian.

Christian bails and begins to talk to Rhyno. As they strategize, Jericho slingshots himself over the top and wipes both of them out. He tosses Christian back in, and Molly twists Christian's arm and spins out on the ground. She repeats this before switching to a cross armlock. Christian slowly gets to his feet, picking Molly up so that she's standing on her head, so Molly flips over and armdrags Christian into the corner.

Molly follows in with a handspring into a dropkick on Christian. She tags in Jericho, who tosses Christian into the ropes and follows in with a flying forearm. Jericho picks Christian up and drops him with a suplex, but as he goes for the Lionsault, Rhyno is waiting and drops him throat-first on the top rope. Christian grabs Jericho from behind in a Rear Naked Stretch, dropping him on the mat. He covers for two.

Rhyno re-enters the ring via the tag, and Christian hiptosses Rhyno onto a prone Jericho. Rhyno covers after this unconventional senton for two. Rhyno picks Jericho up and lifts him over his head, slamming him to the canvas. He stares at Jericho's leg, applying a quasi-anklelock to it. Jericho quickly scampers to the ropes. Rhyno drags Jericho back by the leg and tags in Christian, who stomps the leg.

Jericho rolls to his back, so Christian puts on a figure-four. Jericho cries out in pain as Christian bounces up and down like Flair. Jericho tries to reach for the ropes, but is nowhere near them. Christian yells at Jericho to tap out, but as the referee checks Jericho, Molly races around to the ring to where Christian is and rakes his eyes, causing Christian to break the hold.

Christian slowly gets to his feet and tags in Rhyno. Rhyno picks Jericho up by the leg and slams his knee to the canvas. He sets up in Molly's corner, waiting for Jericho to get to his feet. Jericho does, so Rhyno charges, but Molly has Rhyno by the hair and yanks him to the ground. Rhyno stands up, shaking his head and checking his neck. Jericho waits for Rhyno and delivers a DDT to him. Both men are down. Christian gets the tag, and just before he can pull Jericho back, Molly is tagged in.

Molly throws a series of punches on Christian, backing him into a neutral corner. She gets onto the second rope and drills Christian with ten punches as the crowd counts along. She then grabs Christian by the hair and delivers a facejam to him. She picks Christian up and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. She follows in with a huge clothesline (for her, anyway), and as Christian staggers out, Molly goes to the top. She fakes diving off, as Christian ducks and points to his head.

But when Christian turns around, Molly dives off and spears Christian, adding a flurry of right hands. She covers for two before Rhyno saves. Jericho returns to the ring and tangles with Rhyno as Molly sends Christian into the corner. Molly props Christian's legs up on the middle ropes as Rhyno disposes of Jericho over the top.

Molly takes a few steps back from Christian (in position to receive the Shattered Dreams) when Rhyno emerges from off-screen with a GORE for Molly, absolutely folding her in half. He stays on top for the cover, and the ref -- forgetting that Christian is legal -- counts the three at 15:10.

WINNERS: Rhyno and Christian

JR: "OH MAH GAWD! RHYNO JUST ABSOLUTELY BROKE POOR MOLLY IN HALF! CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT'LL HAPPEN IF HE DOES THAT TO Y2J OR TO THE GAME THIS SUNDAY! IT'LL BE THE MAN BEAST, TRIPLE H, AND CHRIS JERICHO! MOLLY HOLLY BATTLES CHRISTIAN! STING TAKES ON RANDY ORTON! SHAWN MICHAELS AND KANE! BAD BLOOD! LIVE! PAY-PER-VIEW! THIS SUNDAY!!!!"

<<<FIN>>>

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarK RAW Rant for June 07 / 04.

- Live from Albany, NY.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross and Dallas Page.

- RNN. Orton declares it a travesty that he's the only member of Evolution working Bad Blood. He says he knows of a man who should be on the card, then brings out Batista. Batista first reviews footage from last week, then says Bischoff has granted him a match with Chris Benoit. But first, tonight it'll be the requisite tag match, with Orton/Batista against Benoit/Sting. Total nothing segment, as Orton as a weekly bit is getting old.

- Joey Matthews and Johnny Jeter v. New Blood. Yay, Conway's back. Page tries calling the heels the "Blue/Gray Connection", since Jeter's from the Bronx (or not) and Matthews is from Virginia (not really). Conway schools Jeter early on with a German suplex for two. Matthews stops a discus punch and Jeter takes over. Suplex/missile dropkick combo gets two for Matthews. Dropkick by Matthews and he suckers Maven in, allowing choking in the heel corner. MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER gets two. Conway recovers with the CLAWHOLD~! on Jeter, and Jeter breaks with a Northern Lights suplex for the double KO. Nice reversal. Kinda sorta hot tag Maven, and the DROPKICK OF DOOM connects. Stack belly-to-belly on Jeter, but Matthews drops the knee on Conway, and the fireman's carry/DDT combo ends at 7:24. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling, but it belongs on the indy circuit and not national TV. *3/4

- Backstage, Stacy fires up her troops.

- In the ring, Chris Nowinski (the "brotha of anotha color" according to Long, who is clearly senile) Says he will rid the world of Hall eventually. It's Nowinski/Mack v. Hall/Booker at Bad Blood. Whatever.

- Women's Battle Royal Challenge: Okay, so here's the drill -- Women's champ Lucille LaChienne is in there with nine challengers, and as soon as Lucille is gone, everyone left in the ring advances to face her for the Women's title at Bad Blood. If Lucille wins the event, there is no women's title match. Lucille promptly grabs the bottom rope and holds on for dear life. The challengers are Jazz, Gail, Trish, Tracy, Natalie, Alexis, Victoria, Ivory, and Chynna (in the center square). Everyone pairs off while Jazz and Gail double-team Tracy (which is payback for costing Jazz the title). Jazz is cut off, and Tracy dumps Gail at 1:01. Natalie storms Chynna, but that's stupid as she gets pressed out of the ring at 1:52. People randomly pair off before everyone realizes Chynna's the big target and gang tackles her. Alexis tries to add the final push, but her leap overshoots everyone and sends her out at 3:35. Lucille lets go of the rope long enough to get Chynna out at 4:07, and back to random pairing off we go. Trish and Tracy double-team Ivory and send her packing with a double dropkick at 4:54. Victoria runs afowl of Jazz, and Lucille returns soon enough to end her night at 5:35. Trish and Tracy double up on Lucille, but while trying to shove her out, Jazz works on clearing the ring. Inevitably, she adds the final push and sends Lucille to the floor at 7:33, making it Trish, Tracy, Jazz, and Lucille at Bad Blood. Well, the concept is interesting, but the result was lacking. Jazz pounds away on Trish, but Tracy saves. Lucille is sent out again. Trish and Tracy argue and go at it, so Jazz clears the ring. I don't rate battle royals, but this was no better or worse than the millions we've already seen.

- Christian emerges and says hello to the gentlemen and whoever they brought with them. He declares Molly is a freakshow who's riding a sympathy wave and should be in the Women's division instead of challenging for his title. He then backs it up by showing four separate clips of Christian pinning Molly (editing out any interference and/or cheating) and the crowd hates it. He blames the people for Molly's eventual slaughter, and says that common sense dictates there's no way he'd win. Molly interrupts and delivers a bizarre though heartfelt interview about how she's stuck in a timewarp. Everyone sees her as a victim and a celebrity instead of as a human being, she says. Whoa. But never fear, because she knows she can win the gold, and we see WrestleMania for proof. Molly will be recognized as a human, but also as a champion, on Sunday. Christian wants her to shut up and says the fans -- who proclaim their love for her -- don't care and just want to see her naked. This is really getting uncomfortable. Christian offers a Dream Partners tag match and declares Molly will be on her back, "where she's comfortable". Christian spits in Molly's face (edited out by TSN) and dares Molly to fight ("break a nail?"), but DDP runs in from the announce booth and delivers a Diamond Cutter. Molly with the Molly-Go-Round to win the segment. Holy SH*T that was bizarre. Everyone was straddling kayfabe there, and the best part is, a lot of what was said is true. The fans do want their T&A (consider what Stacy did earlier in the show), and Molly is basically become an archetype and losing her identity. But the fans still love Molly because she's the huge underdog making good, and Christian's implications that she had it coming are really nasty -- I wonder if SpikeTV will get any letters about it. Either way, this is where the real heat is.

- Randy Orton and Batista v. Chris Benoit and Sting. No match, as Orton goes nuts with Sting's bat and Evolution destroys Benoit's arm, Pillmanizing it and letting him get it scoped for nerve damage. I figured he'd at least work Bad Blood, but Batista tells us that match is off.

- Bad Blood rundown:

* World Title: Rhyno v. Chris Jericho v. Triple H

* World Tag Titles: Nick Mondo and Tommy Dreamer v. Johnny Jeter and Joey Matthews

* Intercontinental Title: Christian v. Molly Holly

* Randy Orton v. Sting

* Scott Hall and Booker T v. Chris Nowinski and Rodney Mack

* Shawn Michaels v. Kane

* Women's Title: Lucille LaChienne v. Trish Stratus v. Jazz v. Tracy

- Four matches out of seven isn't bad for the split era, and considering that the heat for them ranges from slow-burning (Orton/Sting) to outright nuclear (Molly/Christian), it oughta be fun to watch. The WWE's booked themselves in a corner, though -- some of these matches are quite predictable.

- Kane talks about Shawn Michaels and threatens to kill him, but HBK runs in and beats him down, reminding us he's still alive and ready for the PPV. That's nice.

- Dream Partners Match: Christian and someone v. Molly Holly and someone else. Christian chooses Rhyno, so Molly counters with Jericho. The heels jump the gun and pound everyone to start, but Jericho nails the enzuigiri as Molly atomic drops Christian. Cross body by Molly and the heels bail. Jericho scores a slingshot bodyblock on both them. Back in, Molly gets the whirlybird armbar, then a cross armlock. Christian stands up (with Molly hanging from his arm), so Molly gets a monkey flip armdrag... thing... on Christian. Look, I'm not Meltzer, ok? Handspring dropkick follows, and Jericho gets a flying forearm. Rhyno cuts off the Lionsault, and Christian gets Rear Naked Stretch for two. Christian tosses Rhyno onto Jericho for two. Leg slam by Rhyno, and an anklelock, but Jericho makes the ropes. Christian pounds the leg and gets a figure-four. Molly breaks it by raking the eyes, so Rhyno comes in. Another leg slam, and Rhyno waits for Jericho to stand up... in the wrong corner, as Molly grabs Rhyno's hair and stops him from charging. So that's how you stop a Rhyno from charging. I thought you just took away his credit card. (Rimshot.) Rhyno sells the neck, so Jericho DDTs Rhyno, hot tag Molly. Ten punches on Christian, then a carpetmuncher and corner clothesline. Molly fakes out Christian from the top, and Christian eats a spear and series of right hands for two. It's BONZO GONZO as Jericho gets sent out and Molly sets Christian up for Shattered Nuts (which will go over HUGE if/when it hits), but Rhyno nails the GOAR GOAR GOAR out of nowhere and pins Molly at a rather anticlimactic 15:10. I get the point of doing that -- establish Rhyno as having a killer move and make Molly an even bigger underdog -- but at some point, you're just ruining people's stock. **1/4

The Bottom Line:

Three matches, none of which blew me away, and a lot of angle work must make this a hype show. I don't like them, but I am used to them, even if they assemble matches at the last second because they can't fill a three-hour card with stuff to amuse me. And with no Benoit on the card, and Jericho running into the Human Glass Ceiling, this is going to have to defy logic to get a thumbs up.

Until next time, WATCH OUT FOR THAT GOAR!

*****

PWTorch.com

June 9, 2004

* Tazz will not be at the Great American Bash on ABC. The WWE is planning to hold off on his debut until at least Vengeance.

* Christian is concerned that he is ruining his career with his current woman-hater gimmick. A lot of the things he said are extraordinarily controversial, and he wonders if people will respect his wrestling skill or if he'll wind up with "X-Pac Heat" because of it.

* Colt Cabana has signed a written deal with the WWE, meaning he should be promoted to the main roster soon. It is believed he will be included in the Great American Bash, perhaps under a new name to distance himself from CM Punk.

* Chris Benoit's surgery was successful. He will begin light training in 2 weeks and is probable for SummerSlam.

* Speaking of SummerSlam, the Inter-Promotional Brawl will return for a second year. Management enjoyed the response the previous one got from the back, and with more developed main event characters, there's a chance that the Brawl will include some heavy-hitters.

* Billy Kidman has been taking acting lessons from Roddy Piper and Kurt Angle backstage so that he can hold up his end of the "Dual Torrie" storyline. Kidman's bland segment the previous week was seen as a low point in the show.

* The current WWE plan is to have Randy Orton and Sting continue their feud to SummerSlam, possibly ending in a cage or Cell match. Management loves the evolution (no pun intended) of their feud, which has been a boost for both men's careers.

* Randy Savage confirmed on his website that he has not been in talks with the WWE or NWATNA about being a wrestler there.

* The NWA has opened a development territory in the East Coast, currently being co-financed by the Insane Clown Posse's record label. Alex Shelley is considered the brightest prospect in the development camp.

* Steve Rizzono was scooped up by WWE from his longtime home in XPW. He will work almost exclusively in OVW, but may at the Great American Bash.

* Fortune magazine released an article on the state of pro wrestling with regards to merchandise tie-ins. Worth noting is that AJ Styles, Chris Jericho, and Shawn Michaels were cited as the big names in American merchandise, while John Cena and Masato Tanaka made FLI a brand name in Canada.

* The WrestleMania XX DVD will be available in stores June 15th.

*****

June 10, 2004

WWE.com

We head to Long Island, New York, for the showdown of a lifetime on SmackDown! Tune in tonight at 8 / 7 Central on UPN!

Roddy Piper made it official last week. The tag team champions, Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio, will face Los Maximos in a best-of-three showdown for the WWE Tag Team Championships! The final match -- should it be necessary -- will have a special referee, and Piper has told us it will be very special indeed! What does he have in mind for this showdown? Find out tonight!

Piper promised us Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle last week. He demanded it. But Kurt Angle backed out, offering the spot to his brother. Not this week, though! The Dead Man and the Olympic Hero will do battle, one-on-one, and the winner will face Eddie Guerrero, or whoever the champion is, at Vengeance! Will this be the long-awaited rematch between Eddie and Angle? Or will the Darkside reign supreme?

Eddie himself requested a warmup match for tonight! After being embarrassed by the RTC's Bull Buchanan, he wants a chance to prove who's the better man! Eddie Guerrero has promised to put the title on the line against the enforcer of Steven Richards' army! Is this a smart move? Will the RTC reign over SmackDown!? (We hope not, but you never know!) Or does Eddie have a plan?

All this and more -- including an announcement regarding the ABC production of the Great American Bash -- tonight on SmackDown! Tune in and Smack Your TV tonight at 8 / 7 Central on UPN!

[deanitude]

great diary keep it up lol

that is all

Edited June 25, 2004 by deanitude

[The Third Dukes]

We interrupt this program to bring you a special announcement.

While normally the management sees reader participation as a shameless way to bump a diary, when the time is right, even shameless ways will be used. Right now, the management is -- what's the word? -- shameless.

Therefore, we present the Bad Blood PREDICTION CONTEST AND READER SURVEY~!

The Prediciton Contest consists of 15 questions, for which you will get one point each. High score wins a prize that they will be told about via PM. Multiple winners will each get the same prize. In the event that their prizes cancel each other out, that's their own damn problem.

1. Pick the winner: Rhyno v. Chris Jericho v. HHH

2. Which man will not be involved in the decision?

3. Pick the winner: Molly Holly v. Christian

4. Pick the winner: Randy Orton v. Sting

5. Pick the winner: Shawn Michaels v. Kane

6. Pick the winner: Mondo and Dreamer v. Jeter and Matthews

7. Who will pin whom?

8. Pick the winner: Hall and Booker v. Nowinski and Mack

9. Who will pin whom?

10. Pick the winner: Jazz v. Trish Stratus v. Tracy v. Lucille LaChienne

11. Who will lose the match?

12. Will any matches be added at the last minute to compensate for Benoit's injury?

13. Which match received the highest *overall* EWR rating?

14. Which match's result forced me to use Arsenic on a wrestler's morale?

15. Which match was so well-received that the match following it was a letdown?

So that's the Prediction Contest. And now, the survey. I will give you a series of people in my WWE, and ask you to rate your opinion of them from 0 to 10. Zero means you're absolutely hating it, 10 means it's a total markout moment. Please include a few words of criticism or praise as you see fit telling me how it can be handled better -- which in many cases is independent of your enjoyment of it. Answer as many or as few as you like.

Billy Kidman and Rey Misterio

Chris Jericho

Christian

Cruiserweights

Dallas Page

Eddie Guerrero

Eric Bischoff

Evolution (including Orton in-ring)

Jim Cornette

Jim Ross

Rhyno

Los Maximos

Matt Hardy

Michael Cole

Molly Holly

Nathan Jones

Nick Mondo and Tommy Dreamer

Recent call-ups (Jeter, Matthews, Hennigan, Tracy)

Recent long-term signings (Cabana, Tomko, Rizzono)

Right to Censor

RNN host Randy Orton

Roddy Piper

Shawn Michaels

Sting

Team JAPAN and Paul Heyman

Three Live Kru

Triple H

Undertaker and Torrie Wilson

Women wrestlers (other than Molly)

Thanks for your time. SmackDown! tomorrow.