The BVS WWE: 2004-05

[DonaldMick]

I should've suspected something when I had eleven reply notifications for this topic today. Where to begin...

Pretty good matches, amazing that Jericho could get *** out of Johnny f'n Jeter. Would that make him the new Flair, or is Jeter actually that good? I've never seen him in a match except for a "You're Fired" match on Raw once.

Edit: Upon further review, I got the wrong guy. Whoops. Was thinking of TE3 Hennigan there for whatever reason.

Saitama next week should be hot, I hope you give the Peepulation something to cheer about (even though I'm pretty sure Benoit's going over).

And Hunter... wow.

Just wow.

If you're gonna fire a sunbitch, might as well go all out with it. But if he actually said that (about Nora) and I was in the crowd, he wouldn't have made it out of the arena alive.

HHHey HHHey, goodbye indeed.

PS: On behalf of the Raw booking team for Survivor Series, I'd like to say if you need us to help ruin any more careers between now and WM21...

Edited March 16, 2005 by Hurricane Donald

[Ace]

Wow. He is FINALLY gone. i think Keith said it best.

The Bottom Line:

Five long f'ing years. All the politics, the backstabbing, the comments against Jericho and Benoit. All the belittling in the ring, underselling, and clean pinning for no reason.

This is for Chris Jericho. This is for Booker T. This is for Rob Van Dam. This is for Kane. This is for Chris Benoit. This is for Kurt Angle, for Hurricane, for Evolution, and for Eric Bischoff. This is for every person whose neck you stepped on when you climbed to the top. And most of all, this is for Stephanie herself, whom you consigned to years of therapy with your actions.

Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, HHHey-HHHey-HHHey, good-bye.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Nora, on the other hand, has full permission to kick your ass.

Buh. Bye.

Edited March 17, 2005 by TheAce

[DonaldMick]

Just one quick Q before we go to Smackdown:

Did Owen get Orton AGAIN?

[K.O.T.W]

*sings*

Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, HHHey-HHHey-HHHey, good-bye.

That, That just rocks.

Trish vs. Molly for KOTR Final!

*dodges rotten fruit*

Edited March 16, 2005 by K.O.T.W

[grind your soul]

The last segment worked in a story perspective, but I think it was stupid for including it on TV like that. Very stupid. Obviously, that's just me, but bringing something that "real life" into the show was just a terrible decision. Granted, most of it worked in storyline form, but.. it just sort of ruins the illusion.

Johnny Jeter rules, by the way, and hopefully the Raw from Japan will rule.

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Feb. 03 / 05, taped Jan. 31.

- Still in San Jose, CA.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jim Cornette, and a VERY distracted crowd.

- Opening match, WWE Cruiserweight Title: Jose Maximo v. Ron Killings. No, no, NO -- not because I'm not looking forward to this, but because they deserve PPV time, not the short stuff they'll get here. Jose dives onto Killings to start, and they fight around the ring before Killings meets the steps. Back in, Jose with a swinging neckbreaker and moonsault sequence for two. Killings dodges a dropkick and gets a clothesline and sunset flip for two. Scissors kick and he goes up, but Jose catches him with a carpetmuncher for two. Killings with a DDT for two. He charges and goes flying out, and as he tries to re-enter, Jose gets the 450 legdrop (guillotine style) for the pin at 4:13. Okay, next time I ask the WWE for five more minutes of two guys, I'm going to have to clarify my stance... *1/2

- Backstage, Team Angle rallies and says that tonight they're going to be pro-active. Whatever that means.

- Edge waits outside Matt's locker room. Matt emerges, and Edge nearly clobbers Matt before pulling back. He tells him that every day from now to WrestleMania, he'll think about what he saw on that tape. You know, one of these days they'll have to make it a formality and show us "that tape", even though there's a good chance we know what's on it. Matt calls Edge a chicken, but before they can come to blows, Roddy Piper emerges. It'll be a six-man at No Way Out, Edge and two guys v. Matt and two guys. This is like the Brock/Benoit/Edge v. Team Angle match from two years ago, so more power to them.

- And Brock Lesnar's out, angry that he and Team Angle were shut out at the Rumble. He decides he's gonna be pro-active, and the challenge is answered.

- WWE United States title: Ron Simmons v. Brock Lesnar. Brock pounds the bejabbers out of Simmons to start as Stephanie McMahon shrieks encouragement on the outside. Steinerline and Simmons tries a somersault sell, but he can't get all the way around and nearly lands on his head in a scary moment. Dude, just accept you're old and get on with it. Brock menaces Stephanie around while Ron recollects himself, and he follows outside and tosses Brock into the STEEL steps. Back in, shoulderblock gets two. Three-point stance, and a spear gets two. Brock catches Ron in an overhead suplex (as this time Ron manages to get around) for two. Simmons ducks a clothesline, Stephanie hangs Brock up, and the powerslam finishes for the upset at 3:54. Brock pounds on Simmons afterwards, just to get his heat back. Whatever. 3/4*

- Kidman from Fresno...

Kidman: "Here I am. Last Sunday, I showed the world that the Undertaker was a vile, despicable human being. And now I wait in Fresno as my wife recovers from injuries and the psychological scars you gave her, Undertaker. You know, some of you may be wondering why my voice is so measured, so calm. It's simple. I have not the words in my vocabulary, the noise from my throat that would do justice to the rage and thirst for vengeance and blood that I feel right now. It's... it's not humanly possible. And Undertaker, when we meet -- not today, but someday -- you will feel every pain I have had. Five months of being separated from the woman I gave my life, my heart, and my soul to leads to a lot of internal pain, doesn't it? And all so you can try to build up some egomaniacal Dark Army... what kind of alleged human being are you? I won't say much more... just know that when our time comes, I will take from you as you took from me. As you stole what is precious to me, I will steal what is precious to you."

- WWE Tag Team Titles: Right to Censor v. 3 Live Kru. Huge-ass brawl kicks us off, and the Kru clear the ring as RTC call a huddle with Steven. Back in, Konnan gets a rolling clothesline and Dogg gets funky, but Bradshaw cheapshots him to make him face-in-peril. Bull gets a rebound lariat for two. Clothesline from Somewhere gets two. Double suplex gets two, and Bradshaw hits the fallaway slam for two. Bull goes for a big boot, but Dogg ducks and gets a neckbreaker. Hot tag Konnan, who does the usual leading to the carpetmuncher on Bradshaw for two. Shenanigans take place, and the challengers collide, allowing Bull to get the top-rope scissor kick on Konnan for the pin at 5:44. Good enough. *1/4 RTC will meet the winner of the main event next week in Saitama, which takes all the drama out of that match, but whatever.

- Undertaker is out, and half the crowd didn't get the memo at the Rumble. He yammers about his Army of Darkness and brings out a new Creature of the Night. He then tells Kidman they will meet at No Way Out, and Taker will take Kidman's soul. With all this reference to the Army of Darkness, would it be too much to ask for a Bruce Campbell cameo?

- Meanwhile, Matt chooses his faithful soldiers Shannon Moore and Evan Karagias for the No Way Out match, then proclaims there's no hope for Edge to win against the power of Mattitude. Then Edge reveals his choices, and Matt might want to think that over...

- Eddie Guerrero and Rey Misterio v. Shannon Moore and Evan Karagias. Faces clean house to start, as Eddie chops away on Evan while Rey and Moore do a battle off of an armbar. Rey whips Moore into Evan, after which Eddie gets a rollup on Moore for two, with Evan saving only to get rana'd by Rey for two. Sensing they may be outgunned, Mattitude retreats to the outside and consults their sensei, allowing Rey to FLING himself at everyone and get beaten down 1-on-3 after everyone recovers. Whoops. Back in, Moore gets a flying back elbow for two. Evan with a suplex for two. Mattitude gets a double flapjack, and Evan hits a legdrop to the back of the head for two. Wacky heel miscommunication leads to a Moore and Evan colliding in midair, hot tag Eddie. Rolling verticals to Moore, and Rey gets the 6-1-9 and West Coast Hop to finish Evan at 5:45. Not bad. **

- BUT WAIT! Kurt Angle takes the example shown earlier by Brock and decides to challenge Matt. Matt tells him to bring it, beeyotch, and a HUGE brawl breaks out. Piper clears the room and takes over for Michael Cole, but we go to break first.

- WWE Heavyweight Title: Matt Hardy v. Kurt Angle. Crowd doesn't know who to cheer here. JIP with Angle going through the rolling Germans and holding the last one for two. To the top, but Matt follows with a back superplex for two. Gutwrench suplex and Ctrl/Alt/Del gets two. Angle with a low blow (as the crowd cheers for Matt) and a cradle for two. Matt gets a facejam and goes up, but Angle gets the Pop-Up Superplex for two. He pulls the straps down, but Matt makes the ropes on the Angle Lock. Cole gets wiped out on a corner charge (yay!) and Angle lands a medal-assisted punch. He sets up for the Angle Slam, but Eric Angle races in and breaks it up and get his own on Kurt. Matt thanks him with with a Bossman slam, then covers Angle (Kurt) for the pin at 7:00 or so. Not a good night to be Team Angle. ** Kurt calls Eric back in the ring and says they'll settle it once and for all at No Way Out in Pittsburgh. If they have at least one promo that degenerates into "Mom loved you best", I'll be a happy camper.

- Main event: Team JAPAN v. World's Greatest Tag Team. There's not enough time for this to be a classic, but hopefully it'll still be good. Ultimo and Haas start, and Ultimo gets an armdrag and headstand kick on Haas. Shelton in, but Tajiri nails a roundhouse and the Japanese team gets a double hiptoss on a charging Haas. Shelton gets a spinkick on Ultimo, however, and he's YOUR mask-in-peril. Had to be, right? Leapfrog choke gets two. Haas with a belly-to-belly for two and he rides him to the mat as we go to break. We come back with Shelton working the legs and getting a dragon screw. Stinger splash, and Haas posts Ultimo for luck before Shelton gets a front chancery into a fisherman's buster for two. Haas with a basement dropkick and he tries a figure-four, but Ultimo kicks him off and nails a flying forearm. Hot tag Tajiri, and kicking abounds. Handspring elbow to Haas and Tarantula to Shelton, but Haas baseball slides Tajiri in the mush. Ultimo returns with a moonsault press onto both men, but he tries an enzuigiri on Shelton and gets turned around into an anklelock. Tajiri nails the Buzzsaw kick to break, and Ultimo reverses to La Majistral for two. Haas tries to toss Tajiri, but he rolls back in and goes for the mist. Haas ducks, Shelton takes it, and after a monkey flip by Tajiri on Haas, Ultimo gets the Asai DDT for the three at 8:44. Sweet. ***

The Bottom Line:

Really a fast-paced build, but considering No Way Out is three weeks away, that's to be expected. The six-man and the Angle throwdown ought to be good, and Kidman/Taker will be a disaster, of course, because Kidman isn't in Taker's league and underselling is expected.

But next week... Team Japan v. RTC... nice.

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Feb. 07 / 05, taped Feb. 04 or so.

- Konnichi wa! From Saitama, Japan.

- Your hosts are JR and DDP.

*****

I'm feeling generous. Have some PBP for all six matches.

*****

King of the Ring, Qualifier: Chris Nowinski vs. Nick Mondo

Mondo tackles Nowinski as he enters the ring. He picks Nowinski up and sets him in the corner, chopping away at Nowinski. Mondo sends Nowinski for the ride and meets him in the corner with a monkey flip. Nowinski gets to his feet and charges, but runs straight into a tilt-a-whirl slam from Mondo. Nowinski rolls outside to think about it, so Mondo runs the ropes and delivers a tope con hilo try that Nowinski avoids, sending Mondo into the railing.

Nowinski rolls him back into the ring and rolls in after him, hitting a front chancery. Mondo stands up, so Nowinski suplexes Mondo and covers. He gets two. Nowinski picks Mondo up over his shoulder and delivers a running powerslam, but the cover again gets two. A frustrated Nowinski backs Mondo into the corner and chops away, but after taking three, Mondo begins to clear the cobwebs. The next two chops just fire him up more, and he reverses Nowinski and chops away on his own. He sends Nowinski into the ropes, meeting him with a big boot that staggers Nowinski into the ropes.

Mondo gets up to the top rope and drops the Sledgehammer Legdrop on Nowinski, who lies flat in the ring. Mondo returns via the top rope and tries a moonsault, but Nowinski rolls aside. Nowinski picks Mondo up and kicks him hard in the gut, following up with a Double Arm DDT. He covers Mondo, and that gets the three-count.

WINNER: Chris Nowinski (5:37)

- Meanwhile, Eric Bischoff tells Evolution he's counting on them to deliver tonight. Batista is worried because he's against HBK, but Eric assures him he just needs a good showing.

King of the Ring, Qualifier: Molly Holly vs. Randy Orton

They lock up, and Orton forces Molly back to the corner. He offers a clean break, then musses up Molly’s hair. They lock up again, and this time Orton shoves Molly down, then grabs the finger of his hand and clearly yells “I broke a nail!”. Molly stands up and shakes her head in scorn before returning to lock up with Orton. Orton tosses Molly into the corner and taps her in the face. Orton makes a pout face as Molly rolls her eyes. They try a fourth lockup, but Molly ducks underneath it and spins Orton around, chopping him in the chest and backing him into the corner. She sends him to the opposite corner, where she flips in with a handspring elbow.

Orton staggers out, so Molly charges him, but Orton makes the catch and slams her down with a spinebuster. Orton picks Molly up and delivers the Play of the Day. He covers for two. Orton laughs at Molly and picks up her leg. He carries her to the ropes and wraps her leg around the middle rope. He holds for a four-count before posing.

Orton grabs Molly’s leg again and kicks the back of the knee. He picks her up in a press slam, dropping her on her knees. As she tries to stand up, Orton gets a running boot to the face. He nonchalantly covers for two. Orton backs Molly into the corner and follows her up, hooking her for a superplex. He connects and rolls over for the cover, but again it’s two. Orton shrugs and covers again, but it’s still two. And it’s two the third time as well.

Now Orton’s confused. He picks Molly up and tosses her to the outside, following. He grabs her in an atomic drop position and tries to run her feet-first into the post, but Molly squirms out and tumbles behind Orton, who flies into the post. Molly rolls back into the ring and greets a returning Orton with a swinging neckbreaker. As Orton stands up, Molly delivers a palm strike, knocking Orton down. She goes to the top, looking for the Molly-Go-Round, but Orton catches her. This time, though, Molly turns it to a rana and hooks the legs for two.

Molly tries to whip Orton, but it’s reversed. Orton puts his head down, though, and Molly gets a DDT for two. Molly bounces off the ropes as Orton stands, trying for a Diamond Cutter, but Orton stands his ground and Molly’s legs give out. Orton smiles and tries for a figure-four, but Molly’s too small to get around. As Orton tries, though, Molly kicks Orton away, but on the rebound, Orton catches a standing Molly with the RKO. He covers, but no leg hook means it’s STILL two.

Orton picks Molly up and press slams her again. This time, he goes to the top rope and tries for a frog splash, but Molly gets the knees up. Of course, since Molly’s knees are shot, it’s a double KO. Orton is up first, and he bounces off the ropes, catching Molly with another RKO as she finally stands up. He covers, remembering to hook the leg, and that gets the three (finally).

WINNER: Randy Orton (11:32)

- Meanwhile, Bischoff gives some advice to Michael Shane as Kane enters the Evolution room. He asks for Benoit, interestingly enough.

King of the Ring, Qualifier, non-title: Lance Storm vs. Michael Shane

They lock up. Storm gets a headlock on Shane. Shane tries to shove him off, but Storm hangs on. Shane tries for a backdrop, but Storm won’t allow it and hangs on to the headlock. Shane slams his forearm into Storm’s back, getting the break. He charges, but Storm gets a pair of armdrags, then re-applies the headlock. This time, Shane shoves Storm into the corner and leaps on his shoulders on the rebound. Shane tries a Victory Roll, but Storm blocks for two. Shane gets up and shakes his head as Storm shakes himself loose.

Suddenly, Shane charges and tries a Thesz Press, only to get alley-ooped into the turnbuckle. Storm turns Shane around and chops him repeatedly as Shane cowers in the corner. Storm sends Shane for the ride, leading to Shane actually Flair Flipping to the apron and springboarding in on a surprised Storm with a tornado DDT for two. Shane bounces off the ropes as Storm gets up and tries a dropkick, but Storm ducks and catches Shane, trying a Sharpshooter. Shane shoves Storm off, and when Storm rebounds, Shane catches him with drop toehold and kips up.

Shane cues up the band, but Storm hears it and rolls to the corner. Shane does the side-step, but Storm meets him. Storm tries to superkick Shane, but Shane ducks and the ref takes it full-on. Storm tries to revive the referee, then turns around and walks into a superkick from Shane. Shane heads outside and grabs the I-C title, then climbs to the top rope. He frames it, then lands the flying elbow on Storm with the belt between his elbow and Storm’s throat. Shane discards the belt and wakes the referee up, then covers and gets the three-count.

WINNER: Michael Shane (6:53)

- Kane smiles as he exits Evolution's locker room. He walks by Molly, congratulating her on her effort, but saying that tonight's going to go downhill from here. Ominous...

King of the Ring, Qualifier: Batista vs. Shawn Michaels

Batista grabs Shawn and drags him through the ropes, clubbing his back. He fires Shawn into the corner and attempts to charge in, but Shawn hits the brakes and nails Sweet Chin Music from nowhere on Batista. He falls on top for three.

WINNER: Shawn Michaels (0:43)

- Eric Bischoff arrives and tells Batista he is FIRED. This is basically an excuse to allow Batista to go to rehab.

- You know, the Undertaker as Dirty Harry doesn't do it for me.

King of the Ring, Qualifier: René Dupree vs. Sting

They lock up, and Dupree pushes Sting backwards into the corner. He chops away at Sting, then picks Sting up and suplexes him. He grabs Sting and picks him up, chopping him into the ropes, then sending him for the ride and nailing a back elbow. He drops an elbow on Sting for two before grabbing a chinlock.

Sting gets to his feet and elbows out, but his charge runs straight into a Dupree clothesline. Dupree drops a knee and covers for two. Dupree picks Sting up and slams him down. He dances at Sting’s head, bounces off the ropes twice, and tries a diving elbow, but Sting rolls away. Sting rallies, chopping away at Dupree and delivering an inverted atomic drop and clothesline. He whips Dupree into the corner, hitting a Stinger Splash to follow. Dupree stumbles out into the Deathdrop, and that allows Sting to cover for the three-count.

WINNER: Sting (3:39)

- Some short matches tonight, apart from the Molly/Orton thing. Saitama seems restless.

- Kane... is... WALKING? But... isn't it Benoit/Christian?

World Heavyweight Title match: Chris Benoit (champion) vs. Christian (challenger)

They lock up, and Benoit backs Christian into the corner. He offers a clean break, and Christian takes it. They circle each other, then lock up a second time. This time, Christian gets a headlock, but Benoit shoves him off. Benoit drops down, but Christian gets a shoulderblock on the rebound. He grabs Benoit’s arm in an armbar, sitting on the arm and dropping his weight on it. Benoit tries to get up, but Christian jumps onto Benoit’s back to keep him down.

Benoit shifts his weight to put Christian in a pinning predicament for one. Christian releases and stands up, chopping the shoulder of Benoit and backing him into the corner. He sends Benoit to the opposite corner and charges in, hitting a running dropkick to Benoit to send him over and out. Benoit shakes his arm and stalls for time, but as he goes to return, Christian baseball slides him back.

On the outside, Christian chops Benoit against the railing, then whips him, only to get reversed and sent into the post. Benoit rolls him back in and follows, shaking his arm the whole time. He picks Christian up and laces up his arm, hitting a hammerlock slam. Benoit goes for a cross armlock, but Christian quickly gets to his feet and leans on Benoit, getting a pinning predicament for two.

Benoit releases the hold and charges for a lariat, but Christian catches the arm and applies the armbar again. Benoit sneers in frustration before crawling to the ropes, making them easily. Christian releases the hold and takes his admonishment from Earl Hebner, but Benoit charges and forearm shivers Christian across the nose. He picks Christian up and hooks him in a belly-to-belly suplex. He covers for two, then slaps the back of Christian’s head and picks him up from behind.

Benoit hits a German suplex. He rolls through it and hits Christian with a second German suplex. He rolls through again, trying for a third German suplex, but Christian karate chops Benoit’s arm to break the hold, then nails a jumping arm breaker on Benoit. Christian gets a double chicken-wing on Benoit from the ground, riding Benoit as he tries to scamper to his feet. Benoit rolls over instead, though, and bridges on Christian to get two. Christian picks Benoit up and sets him on the top rope. He follows him up and nails a Frankensteiner on Benoit. He covers for two.

Christian picks Benoit up and hooks for an inverted DDT, but Benoit hooks the top rope and Christian lands flat on his back without impact. He staggers into the corner, where Benoit awaits and chops away, but all the arm work means the chops do nothing. Christian grabs Benoit by the head and slams him into the turnbuckle before hitting a German suplex and bridging. He can only hold for two. Christian picks Benoit up and tries for the Unprettier, but Benoit spins again and elbows Christian in the face. Benoit picks Christian up and nails him with a powerslam before scaling the top rope.

He dives off and nails Christian with the diving headbutt, but it hurts him as well. When Benoit finally gets up and covers, he gets only two. Benoit picks Christian up and tries for the Crossface, but Christian slips out of his grip and gets a headbutt on Benoit before nailing a lariat. He covers for two. Christian picks Benoit up, but Benoit socks him in the gut and tries for a gutwrench suplex. Christian flips over the top and hooks his arms in a backslide. It only gets two.

Christian and Benoit both try for a spear, but they knock heads and both are down. Earl Hebner begins the count as neither man stirs. At six, Benoit begins to roll over. At seven, he’s up as Christian gets to his knees. Benoit charges, but Christian catches Benoit’s arm and tries to apply the Crippler Crossface. Benoit holds him off as he moves to the ropes, but Christian pulls him back and manages to hook it on. Benoit screams in pain as he tries to make it to the ropes, but just before he seems ready to tap...

KABLAM!!!

Kane emerges from the back, walking his way to the ring. The referee tries to stop him, but Kane grabs the referee by the throat. Before Hebner is choke-slammed, he tosses the match.

NO CONTEST (16:36)

*****

Hi, me again. Now, I probably haven't made this clear, but when people ask, I'll tell them: Kane's Burning Hammer isn't THE Burning Hammer. It's more of an Inverted F-U. Two reasons for this: one, Glen Jacobs isn't talented or confident enough to drop anyone square on their head like that; and two, no one outside of a select few would ever take any bump on their head. Well...

*****

Kane stands over both Benoit and Christian in the ring. He seems ready to take both of them out, but ignores Benoit and boots Christian square in the face. He picks Christian up and slides him into Tombstone position, driving his head in the canvas. Kane looks at Benoit, giving orders and pointing at Christian. Benoit nods and smiles as the two shake hands.

Benoit looks at Christian and smiles. He picks Christian up in a torture rack position and does the full circle, allowing the whole crowd (now screaming in fright) to see. He drops to his seat as he shifts Christian over his right (uninjured) shoulder, where Christian’s head was being held. Christian crashes to the mat, taking the entire fall squarely on his head. The crowd goes silent.

Benoit rolls Christian over and stares at him as the camera gets close enough that we can hear...

Chris Benoit: “Thank Kane for me. This was his idea.”

Benoit walks off as EMTs head to the ring. Molly chases after them, pausing to grab Benoit’s arm. Again, we can hear what they say.

Molly Holly: “You monster! Why couldn’t you just win?”

Chris Benoit: “Ask Kane. I did a job. I’m the Crippler.”

Molly cries as she races to the ring. In the ring, EMTs are putting a neck brace around Christian, who has yet to move on his own. They lift him up and place him on the board, strapping him down. Molly leans over Christian, crying her eyes out the entire time. The EMTs take Christian and place him on the stretcher. Molly follows him as they roll Christian to the back and the show fades.

The Bottom Line:

Decent set of TV matches here, plus two PPV-level matches with Orton/Molly and Benoit/Christian. Shane/Storm was a disappointment, but with rumors of a WrestleMania match, I'll hold my breath. I gotta wonder if Kane is to join Evolution now or if the collaboration was a one-time thing. But the idea of getting to Molly through getting Christian is pretty cruel.

Sayonara for now!

*****

Hey, here's a visual aid...

Enjoy.

[deanitude]

Is that Misawa taking the Burning Hammer? Okay.... ouch.

I'm surprised that Orton took 11 minutes to pin Molly, but he did it cleanly so that appeases me... for now.

Still looking forward to what you have in store for myself and my co-winner The Ace for after No Way Out. Hopefully we won't let you down with whatever you have planned... :thumbsup:

[DonaldMick]

NOOOOOOOOO

CHRISTIAN

Two long matches (Orton/Molly and Benoit/Christian) was probably the best way to handle the Japaneese crowd, but a non-finish in the main event is kinda bleh. Hopefully SD can bring the awesone. TEAM JAPAN ICHIBAN~!

*demands a Scott Hall/Booker T version of Pulp Fiction at some point*

And for my own curiosity's sake, what has Darren been charged with?

[Nick Adams]

For those uncamiliar with the original storyline, "The Battle for Vince's Soul", Darren Matthews, AKA William Regal, is being charged for (and in the storyline, guilty of) raping Nora Greenwold, AKA Molly Holly. Now, while that may sound a bit over the top for something that would normally be just a wrestling diary - go read the story. Dukes explains why he did it damn well.

AND YESH! THE TRIPSTER IS GONE!

Oh, the humanity. You give the Japanese a fantastic Main Event, and then have a non-ending? Well, all things considered...yeah, that's RAW. Never quite understands the fans. Just keeps chugging along. Hence why they did it in the Saitama Arena as opposed to the Tokyo Dome.

Still - good few shows. And yes...we need to see Bruce Campbell, just for laughs. Undertaker talks to him, says crap about how Campbell fought and somehow managed to defeat an Army of Darkness in a movie - but NOBODY will be able to defeat 'Taker's Army of Darkness in the real world. Could be interesting, if a bit freaky.

[Troy Maskell]

The Wrestling Recap by Troy Maskell

What? You were expecting someone else?

Welcome to the Recap, old friends and new. I am your party host Troy Maskell and I figure hey if I can't beat Scott Keith I may as well BE Scott Keith. Scott had an emergency at the last moment and so I got drafted in for a special One Week Only edition of the Recap.

Imagine there's no Hunter.....it's easy if you try. I'm intrested to see this, which is the first time I can say I've been intrested in Raw for a long time.

We are Live from Saitama, Japan. Your hosts as usual Good Ol JR and DDP.

KOTR Qualifier: Nick Mondo V Chris Nowinski

Talk about your styles clash, Mondo tackles Nowinski before the bell and chops away in the corner. Monkey flip and Tilt-a-whirl slam follow before Nowinski heads for higher ground. Mondo tries the Out of Control Tope which Nowinski counters by simply getting out of the damn way, sending Mondo crashing into the railing. Back in a front facelock leads to a suplex for two for Nowinski. Running Powerslam gets another two count. Nowinski chops away in the corner but Mondo no-sells and unleashes the chops faster than an Aussie Barbeque, Big Boot sends Nowinski across the ropes to set up the Sledgehammer legdrop. Mondo goes up again but misses the moonsault and Nowinski gets the Double Arm DDT for three at 5:37. And so life goes on, or something like that. *

Backstage Eric Bischoff is pumping up Evolution. Batista is worried about HBK but Bisch brings him back to the dark side.

KOTR Qualifier: Randy Orton V Molly Holly

Here we go. For those who don't read my recaps elsewhere I don't buy the Molly Holly megapush, I never have. Now before I get the womens lib groups coming in. Yes what happened to Nora Greenwold is a tragedy and I for one hope Darren Matthews burns in hell for what he did to her. But you know, there's a line, kayfabe or no kayfabe that just shouldn't be crossed and Vince McMahon is just as if not more of an asshole than Darren Matthews for basing a whole wrestling storyline on Molly Holly "Fighting through her ordeals" and making Nora Greenwold relive those events night after night after night. And don't give me that "Vince is a changed man" B.S either. Besides firing HHH what has he REALLY done to prove that he's a changed person? Matt Hardy winning the World Title? Pure Publicity. Where does the rainbow end? One Heart Attack does not a changed man make and I for one don't buy it for a second. This is a man remember that even if it was in a staged enviroment abused his own daughter just for the advancement of a storyline. People like Vince McMahon do not change their ways overnight and I don't believe he plans to start anytime soon. I have not done a full recap of a Molly Holly match during her whole push and it's not starting tonight. Orton wins with a RKO at 11:32. Match was about **ish. Case Closed

Back in the Evolution locker room Bischoff gives advice to Michael Shane. Kane comes in and ask for Benoit, strange.

KOTR Qualifer: Lance Storm V Michael Shane

This is non-title in case you wondered. Storm gets a headlock to start and hangs on as Shane tries to shove him off. Backdrop suplex attempt is blocked before Shane gets smart and clubs the back to get Storm to break only to charge into a pair of armdrags and get put right back in the headlock. Shane shoves Storm into the corner and goes for a victory roll but Storm blocks for a two count. Shane tries a Thesz press but Storm counters with an alleyoop into the buckle and unleashes CANADIAN VIOLENCE~! (I Promised Scott I'd put it in for him). Storm sends Shane to the corner to set up a Flair Flip and Springboard Tornado DDT from Shane, that's a move where words can't do it justice but trust me it looked really cool. Shane dropkick is countered into a Sharpshooter attempt but Shane shoves him off and gets a drop toehold and then cues up the band. Storm heads for the corner and tries a superkick of his own bt Shane ducks and the ref gets bumped. Storm turns around into a Shane Superkick, Shane then goes out and gets the IC Belt for a International Object assited Picture Perfect Elbow and that gets the pin as soon as he revives the ref at 6:53. Felt like a 20 minute match booked to go seven and much trainwreckery resulted. *1/2.

Kane leaves the Evolution Locker room with a smile, he bumps into Molly and congratulates her on the effort but warns her tonights only going to go downhill from here.

KOTR Qualifer: Shawn Michaels V Batista

Batista clubs away as Shawn enters and whips him to the buckle but the blind charge meets Sweet Chin Music as Shawn puts on the brakes and he gets the pin at 0:43. That's how I like my Shawn Michaels matches nowadays, 45 seconds long. DUD

Bisch is PISSED. He berates Batista and then tells him he's FIRED. I know the situation with Hunter but is that REALLY a smart idea when you just fired a guy last week. I know Vince and Bischoff are two different people but surely they can tell it looks like a storyline.

Wrestlemania goes Hollywood: There's something about Undertaker playing Dirty Harry that's just.......disturbing.

KOTR Qualifer: Rene Dupree v Sting

Dupree shoves Sting back to start and unleashes the FRENCH-CANADIAN VIOLENCE~! (I am so dead ) and gets a suplex. More FRENCH-CANDIAN VIOLENCE~! leads to a irish whip and a pair of elbows for two before we hit the chinlock. Sting elbows out but charges right into a Dupree clothesline and he drops the knee for two. Dupree with a slam and the French Ticker but misses the diving elbow. Sting loads up the chops and an inverted atomic drop leads to a clothesline. Irish whip and Stinger Splash leads to the Deathdrop and that puts Dupree away at 3:39. Give the old guy one last nostalgia pop. Why not? 1/4*

Kane......Is.......Walking.......I'm......wearing......out.......the gimmick.

World Heavyweight Title: Chris Benoit V Christian

Lock up and a clean break by Benoit as he backs Christian into the corner. On take two Christian gets a headlock and a shoulderblock on the rebound as Benoit shoves him off. Armbar by Christian and he drops his weight on it and jumps on Benoits back as he tries to power out. Benoit counters into a pin for one. Christian then unleashes Canadian Violence and backs him into the corner. Cross corner whip leads to a running dropkick and Benoit heads over and out. Christian follows with a baseball slide and chops away but a whip gets reversed and Christian goes to the post. Benoit throws him back in and gets a hammerlock slam. Cross armbreaker is countered into a pinning predictament for two. Benoit lariat is countered into the armbar again forcing Benoit to head to the ropes and charge with a forearm shot and belly to belly as Christian argues with Hebner, that gets two and Benoit starts slapping the back of Christians head, rolling germans but Christian counters the third with a karate chop and jumping arm breaker. Double chickenwing by Christian (Tip to Steamboat? Nah) but Benoit bridges on him for a long two count. Christian then changes to a top rope hurricanrana for two. Inverted DDT is countered by Benoit hooking the top rope and he goes for CANADIAN VIOLENCE~! but all the work on his arm has rendered it useless for throwing chops. PSYCHOLOGY! Live it! Love it!. Christian slams Benoit into the buckle and gets a Bridge German suplex for two. Unprettier attempt is countered into a Benoit powerslam and Benoit hits the Swandive headbutt for two. Crossface attempt is countered with a headbutt and Christian hits a clothesline for two. Benoit gutwrench suplex is countered with a backslide for two. Both men go for a spear and a double KO ensues. Benoit's up at seven but a blind charge is countered to the Christian Crossface. Benoit goes for the ropes but gets pulled back and sinched in and then Herrrre's Kane who charges into the ring and Chokeslams the ref but not before Hebner tosses the match at 16:36. THAT'S dedication.

Kane does the staredown with both then boots Christian in the face and tombstones him. Kane and Benoit do the evil handshake before Benoit hooks Christian up and delivers the MOTHERF**KING BURNING MOTHERF**KING HAMMER~~~~! (The REAL Burning Hammer where you spike the guy on his head not Kane's stupid reverse DVD drop). Molly comes out and demands an explination leading to Benoit hopefully renewing his Crippler gimmick. Christian does the stretcher job as Molly cries and we fade out

Ok I'll do this good bad and ugly before I give my rating.

The Good: Christian and Benoit went out and tore it up for over 15 minutes with psychology and drama and kept the crowd entralled.

The Bad: Then they had to throw it away with a stupid non finish that helps noone.

The Ugly: It seems like they're sacrificing Christian just to keep this f**king Molly Holly storyline going. Ok so Kane wants Molly? WE GET IT ALREADY! Christian and Molly are dating on screen? WE GET IT ALREADY! Molly's a delicate person on the edge? WE GET IT ALREADY!

All in all it means I can't give the match more that *** in good concsience. IF that match had another five minutes and a finish we're talking MOTY contender.

Overall: Well the first show of the post HHH era..........actually was a huge dissapointment. Besides the Benoit-Christian match everything was either too short or not long enough.

It's not must see or anything. Scott should be back on Thursday but it's been fun. We must do it again sometime.

[The Third Dukes]

I'd like to thank Troy Maskell for doing a rant.

I'd also like to thank Heel Turn for (1) advising me on the best way to annihilate Christian, and (2) providing (as a free bonus!) the Burning Hammer graphic. Now all of you can get sympathy pains.

He also advised me on tonight's main event. Enjoy.

*****

- The SmarKDown! Rant for Feb. 10 / 05, taped Feb. 06 or so.

- Still in Japan.

- Now hosted by Michael Cole and Jim Cornette.

- By the way, thanks to IP for covering for me on Monday. My thoughts are, of course, different from Troy's, but if he knows so much, let him write a best-selling tutorial on wrestling.

- Opening match: Mattitude v. Ron Simmons and Pure Energy. So what happened to RVD and Hurricane? Are they on a coffee break? Come to think of it, we haven't heard from either of them since Simmons sided with Stephanie -- I guess she needs to manage IMPORTANT people now. Sigh. Pier Six to start, as the champs square off and PE get the lackeys. Nova ducks under an Evan clothesline and flings him into Shannon, and Pure Energy sends both men to the outside. Simmons tries a tackle but Matt ducks. Matt with a gutwrench suplex to make Simmons YOUR Seminole-in-peril. Odd choice, but I guess they want to get Matt over. Northern Lights suplex and Ctrl/Alt/Del get two. Side Effect gets two. Bossman Slam gets two. Shannon tags in and immediately screws up, hot tag London. Dropsault on both MFers, and Nova hits the Spin Doctor on Evan for two. It's BONZO GONZO as London gets the Contra Code but has to walk, allowing Brock to run in and F-5 Simmons. Matt gets a Swanton Bomb for old times' sake, and Shannon is plopped on top for the three at 6:44. Basically Matt v. Simmons, and better than last time. *3/4 Matt then gets the mic and declares that he's arranged for each of his face opponents to have a match against someone special.

- Meanwhile, Jose Maximo arrives and talks about how he placed an ad for any local talent of weight to face him for the title (which Cole mentioned earlier). Then Kaientai's music hits and Maximo laughs... until he sees who it is.

- WWE Cruiserweight Title: Jose Maximo v. Minoru Fujita. I was thinking Funaki or TAKA, but he'll do. Jose loses a chopping contest and gets sent into the turnbuckle, where Fujita nails a clothesline and kicks Jose's face in. Jose bails to the outside, so Fujita follows and chops away. Back in, a kick is blocked, so Fujita nails an enzuigiri for two. Jose ducks a blind charge and takes over with a rana and moonsault sequence for two. 450 legdrop misses, and Fujita tries a German suplex, but Jose blocks and kicks off a pinfall reversal sequence, ending with Jose on top holding the tights for the pin at 5:23. Odd booking for... ah, I see, Fujita gets on the mic and (through Cornette as an impromptu interpreter) demands a rematch at No Way Out, which is accepted. That's better. 3/4*

- Eddie enters the ring to few "TIGER" chants. He tells Matt to bring on whoever he got, and the result is...

- Eddie Guerrero v. Kenzo Suzuki. Kenzo takes the mic and cuts a promo in Japanese, and the crowd's booing him so it must have worked. Cornette's "interpretation" is totally non-PC and very funny. Kenzo charges and chops away at Eddie, tossing him into the corner and kicking him down. Eddie ducks a lariat and hits a dropkick and rana before monkey flipping Kenzo and sending him to the outside. Eddie with a tope suicida for good measure. Back in, slingshot senton gets two. He tries the rolling verticals, but Kenzo blocks and does a suplex of his own for two. Shining Wizard variant gets two. Backbreaker gets two. Eddie catches him with the rolling verticals for two. Rana and El Paso Lasso, but Kenzo makes the ropes. Eddie gets another rana and Kenzo falls out of the ring, faking a knee injury. The ref checks on it, allowing Nathan Jones to enter and annihilate Eddie with a K-1 KO. Kenzo returns, perfectly fine, and hits the STO for the pin at 5:04. Good for him -- now I hope he gets squashed in a return match. 3/4*

- Taker. Dirty Harry. Still weird.

- Rey Misterio v. Billy Kidman. Handshake to start, and a long chain wrestling sequence establishes face/face. Rey ends it with a headscissors, but Kidman is up and dropkicks Rey to lead to a hiptoss. Rey blocks a back bodydrop attempt by hitting a facejam and gets a rana to send Kidman to the outside, where he hits a somersault hilo on Kidman as Torrie looks on. Rey says hi to Torrie (she used to manage him, too), then brings Kidman back in and looks for the dragonrana but misses. Kidman with the Kid Krusher, but the SSP airballs. Rey gets the headscissors into the 6-1-9, but the West Coast Hop is caught and Kidman nails a BK Bomb for the pin at 4:54. Too damn short. *3/4 Kidman celebrates until the lights go out and a gong is heard. UT rambles about his Army of Darkness consuming all, and we see Kidman has been given a bloodbath. Yay.

- Piper declares tonight's main event will have a 30-minute time limit instead of a 20-minute time limit. However, he promises both teams that a rematch will take place at No Way Out if this ruling affects the outcome of the match.

- Edge v. Brock Lesnar. Oh, yeah. Brock wins a lockup and clubs away, but a whip results in a spear from Edge. Edge with a DDT and back body drop and Brock bails as Kurt Angle emerges to talk strategy. Back in, Brock outwrestles Edge and gets a gutwrench suplex for two. Edge nails a dropkick and missile dropkick to slow Brock down, then gets a flying forearm for two. Brock again bails, and this time Edge gets a plancha on both Team Angle members. As the ref warns Kurt not to get too close, Brock chairs Edge down and rolls him back in. Overhead suplex gets two. Stretch Muffler, but Edge makes the ropes. Brock with another overhead try, but Edge fights out with slaps and kicks away in the corner. Kurt trips Edge, and Brock gets a release German suplex for two as Kurt gloats. Edge is tossed, so Kurt gets an Angle Slam on the outside, drawing out Eric Angle to even the sides. The brothers duke it out as Edge crawls in, straight into a gutwrench for two. Hotshot gets two. Steinerline gets two. Edge with a desperation crossbody to cue the comeback, and a Sharpshooter gets hooked, but Brock makes the ropes. Edge whips Brock into the corner, but gets caught and dropped on the top turnbuckle. Shoulder thrusts lead to an F-5 for two. Brock tries an overhead suplex, but Edge gets caught in the ropes. Finally, the Angles' fight gets out of control and the referees go to break it up, allowing Ron Simmons to return the favor and plaster Brock with the US Title belt before powerslamming him. Edge slowly gets up, Edgecution, good night at 11:43. Too much extracurricular activity, but Edge and Brock have a good chemistry. ***1/4

- Great segment backstage allowing us to understand the puro way of thinking...

Kevin Kelly: "Paul Heyman, your team has a chance to win the WWE Tag Team Titles tonight, and they can do it on their home turf."

Heyman: "That's right, Kevin. Bradshaw, Buchanan. Everything I said about people like Nathan Jones applies to you. Everything I believe in is that talent wins matches. Tonight, in the home of these two men, talent will again win the match. This isn't about censorship. This isn't personal. This is about those two belts you have, and the two belts we want. You have Tajiri, an ECW mainstay and former ECW Tag and TV champion. You have Ultimo Dragon, a man who held TEN titles at ONE time in Japan -- the most decorated cruiserweight in the world in history. How can you hope to compete against this unbelievable force of talent, athleticism, and..."

Jonathan Bradshaw appears on screen, with Bull Buchanan behind him. Heyman quiets down as Bradshaw stares at him.

Bradshaw: "You talk a big game, little man. But that's the point -- you're a LITTLE man. This is the Land of the Rising Sun, Paul. And I'm about to teach you something the great Stan Hansen taught me. Around here, David never beats Goliath. Around here, the Christians never escape the Lions. And if you look at the tale of the tape, I'd say we got 150 pounds of muscle, strength, and sheer ornery power on you and your two midgets. This will be short, sweet, and brutal. And when we're done with you guys, the belts are staying right here, and you'll be begging for your exit visa to escape your second-rate home. It'll be for Your Own Good."

Bradshaw walks off as Heyman turns to Ultimo. Ultimo nods and mutters something before Heyman continues.

Heyman: "Okay, fine, I get it. We're the underdogs. I can handle that. We've been underdogs before, guys. Remember your first match -- when you were just a couple of people who didn't know each other, weren't familiar with each other... you were two guys who just wanted to test if you could win. I remember what happened -- you faced a team calling themselves the World's Greatest Tag Team and beat them. They're not the greatest anymore. They had to return to being Kurt Angle's lackeys to regain the mojo. So listen to me -- if we go out there and pretend we don't see two bigger guys... if we go out there and take the fight to them... if we go out there and wrestle the way that made you Ultimo, a J-Crown champion, and you Tajiri, the most feared martial artist in the WWE... I assure you, size won't matter."

- Here's the thing: Bradshaw's right. My buddies in the Death Valley Playground assure me that junior heavyweights just plain don't win heavyweight titles in Japan. It's part of the kayfabe they keep, in that a lighter man is an underdog. Think about it this way -- could Sugar Ray Leonard, good as he is, ever have beaten Mike Tyson had they met? No, because Tyson had more muscle mass and stronger punches and would score an easy KO. Sure, in America, the lighter people can get wins using speed and technique, but in Japan, EVERYONE has technique, so there's no "great equalizer". At any rate, it makes the match have some drama.

- Yeah, so how'd it go? Well, RTC gets booed, and Team JAPAN gets the pop of a lifetime. Heyman and Steven stare down in the ring before offering last-second instructions, at which point Tajiri goes to the apron.

WWE Tag Team Title match: Right to Censor (champions) vs. Team JAPAN (challengers)

Ultimo waits for his opponents to choose a starter, but both men charge him. He ducks, then dropkicks the two into the corner. Bradshaw (in front) charges out, but Ultimo catches him with a roundhouse kick while Tajiri enters and puts Bull in the Tarantula. Ultimo sends Bradshaw into the ropes, ducks a clothesline, and hits a rana that sends Bradshaw to the outside. Ultimo then dropkicks Bull (still in the Tarantula) as Tajiri breaks, and the challengers get a double hiptoss and double dropkick to send Bull out with Bradshaw.

The two men try to return, but Tajiri charges and baseball slides both Bradshaw while Ultimo snaps Bull’s neck on the top rope. Steven comes over to check, so Ultimo gets on the apron and Asais the entire pile before returning to the ring. Tajiri is told to exit, so Bull faces Ultimo alone. They lock up, and Bull lifts Ultimo in a choke lock before throwing him into a neutral corner. Bull chokes him with his boot until the ref orders a break. He salutes the crowd, then charges in, timing it perfectly and nailing Ultimo with a clothesline.

Bull drags Ultimo to the RTC corner and tags in Bradshaw. Bull presses Ultimo and drops him on Bradshaw’s outstretched knee, gut-first. Bradshaw grabs Ultimo and hiptosses him across the ring. As Ultimo stands up, Bradshaw runs him over with a shoulder tackle. He slaps Tajiri for good measure, but Heyman holds Tajiri back. Sure enough, as the RTC tries a double-team, the referee tells Bull to return, leaving Bradshaw holding a full nelson for nobody.

Bradshaw drops Ultimo in a seated position, jamming his spine, and towers over him, maintaining the hold. Tim White asks Ultimo, but Ultimo shakes his head. As Ultimo slowly gets to his knees, Bradshaw rams his knee into Ultimo’s back, breaking the hold and stunning him. Bradshaw adds a slam and tags in Bull, who goes to the top rope and drops a leg on Ultimo. He covers for two.

Bull waits for Ultimo to get to his feet and delivers a swinging neckbreaker. He covers for two. Bull picks Ultimo up and tags in Bradshaw again. The two do a double suplex on Ultimo, then Bradshaw sets Ultimo up in the RTC corner. He rams his shoulder into Ultimo’s gut before tagging Bull back in. Bradshaw places Ultimo on his shoulders, and Bull climbs up top, delivering the Doomsday Device. Bull covers for two. Bull whips Ultimo into the corner, but Ultimo dodges the charge. Bull anticipates this and instead jumps to the top rope, hitting his rebound lariat on Ultimo. He grabs a bearhug as we go to break.

***COMMERCIAL***

We come back with Ultimo fading fast in the bearhug. The referee checks the arm once, but Ultimo’s dead. A second time, and still no response from Ultimo. On the third try, though, Ultimo’s arm stays up. Bull quickly adjusts his grip and lifts Ultimo over his shoulder before dropping to his knees in a gutbuster. He covers, but Ultimo’s shoulder is up at two. Bull angrily tags in Bradshaw, then distracts the ref.

Bradshaw towers over Ultimo in the corner and pounds away (closed fist) on Ultimo. Bull leaves as Bradshaw shows an open fist and salutes. Bradshaw grabs Ultimo and puts him in a chinlock while ripping away at his mask. Ultimo instinctively grabs his mask to keep it on, allowing Bradshaw’s forearm to go into a choke position. Ultimo flails away, and White orders a break.

Bradshaw sends Ultimo into the ropes and goes for a big boot, but Ultimo ducks and stops. Bradshaw turns around into a desperation roundhouse kick, followed by a palm strike. Bradshaw is staggered, so Ultimo runs the ropes and nails one final running enzuigiri to knock him over. Bradshaw rolls to Bull with no problem, but Ultimo is too close to his own corner, and Bull can’t cut off the tag to bring Tajiri in.

Tajiri chops Bull until Bull staggers into a neutral corner, which is where Tajiri delivers his karate rush, ending with a roundhouse kick to the throat. Tajiri hits the ropes, handspringing in and out to nail Bull with an elbow. Tajiri poses for the Buzzsaw Kick, but as Bull gets up, Bradshaw re-enters and boots Tajiri down. Ultimo sees this and dives in with a moonsault press on Bradshaw to even the odds.

Ultimo corners Bradshaw as Bull does the same to Tajiri. Bull slaps Tajiri around as Ultimo chops at Bradshaw. Bradshaw and Tajiri get whipped together, where Bradshaw lariats Tajiri into a full flip. Bradshaw and Bull grab Tajiri and set him up for a spike powerbomb, but Tajiri spits the green mist straight into Bradshaw’s eyes and falls on top of him before Bull saves.

Ultimo hits a crossbody on Bull and Bradshaw to knock them both down, then heads to the top rope as Bull gets up. Ultimo dives off the top and hits Bull with the Asai DDT, but Bradshaw grabs him and delivers a powerbomb. He covers, but Tajiri gets the save at two. Bradshaw grabs Tajiri and tosses him over the top rope and grabs Ultimo while Tajiri lands on his feet and races around the outside. Bull gets up and nods, ready for the double-team.

Bull goes to bounce off the ropes, but gets there as Tajiri does. Tajiri pulls the ropes down, sending Bull out of the ring and into Steven. Ultimo mule-kicks free as Tajiri enters the ring. Ultimo then alley-oops Tajiri into a Shining Wizard on Bradshaw, who bounces limply off the ropes behind him to one knee. Ultimo then runs the ropes and hits his own Shining Wizard on Bradshaw, who spins and falls. He crawls as Tajiri poses, and when Bradshaw turns around, he gets hit with the Buzzsaw Kick. Ultimo then wraps Bradshaw up in La Majistral as Tajiri spews red mist at a returning Bull, scoring a three and a title change.

WINNERS and NEW WWE Tag Team champions: Team JAPAN (23:24)

- Nice mix of puro fighting spirit in Ultimo and some old school southern tag formula from the RTC, with lots of wear-down holds sold very well and smooth double-teaming. The David v. Goliath story helped as well, since once Bull left the ring and the size advantage was gone (RTC may outweight Team JAPAN, but Bradshaw doesn't), it still took two money moves and both finishers to do it. RTC earned the rematch on PPV here with their best match ever. ***1/2

The Bottom Line:

Totally a one-match show here, but with No Way Out actually building decently. Two rematches from tonight were added to the card, and if the tag match can deliver again, it'll be beautiful. I mean, I'm sure it won't, because there's no way they'd give 25 minutes, but maybe less will be more.

All in all, a nice diversion. TEAM JAPAN ICHIBAN~!

*****

Question: The in-game rating for the tag title match was only **3/4, but I felt I wrote a ***1/2 match because I just got into a groove. I can understand if it's too restholdish for that height or if it just didn't work for you, but I liked it. My question is: what did you think of it? And was it realistic for these four to go that long with that good a match? Thanks.

[oldskool]

Excellent psychology bit as Heyman keeps Tajiri from entering the ring, causing the ref to turn around and block the double-team on Ultimo. Never seen that before.

Methinks a little too much mist in too short of a timespan...green and then red right after?

Other than that, solid match, and the only time you'll have Bull Buchanan or Bradshaw anywhere near a MOTN.

[The Third Dukes]

- The SmarK RAW Rant for Feb. 14 / 05.

- Live from Cincinnati, OH.

- Your hosts are Jim Ross and Diamond Dallas.

- RNN! Randy Orton asks for a standing ovation for himself and Michael Shane for making the quarterfinals, and he promises that after tonight it'll be all Evolution next week. In one semifinal, anyway. He also notes that unlike members of the Board of Governors, THEY GET IT DONE! Well, except Batista, but he's old news. His guest is the one and only Crippler, Chris Benoit, and we get footage of the BURNING HAMMER OF DEATH~! to back it up. Dear God, Christian is even more manly than ever before for taking that on his head. Of course, he's Canadian, so what do you expect? Benoit says he'll be watching the tournament very closely, and promises that it doesn't matter who wins because he'll remain champion for all time. He relates the story again of how he broke Sabu's neck, and now can add Christian to the list of people who know he's the Crippler. He tells Sting and Shawn Michaels it's the end of the line as far as getting a title shot goes, because tonight Evolution will reign supreme. Bland segment, as this really isn't Benoit's strength.

- Meanwhile, Christian (complete with giant neck brace) gives Molly a Valentine's Day gift before asking her for a night away from the ring together. She accepts, although she seems rather nervous.

- Opening match, King of the Ring Quarterfinal: Trish Stratus v. Kane. You know, this is the Ugly Side Effect of that whole HHH thing -- rather than see Chris Harris or someone with talent in this slot, we get Trish. Not that she isn't talented, but she's clearly no Molly (in ANY sense of the word), meaning that she doesn't have a hope in hell against Big Red. Case in point, this match, as Kane toys with Trish before ending with a chokeslam at 3:04. DUD Kane gets on the mic and tells everyone that Christian's pain is his gain, and that Molly would be wise to listen to Kane before her life goes any further downhill.

- Back at the date -- since they were nice enough to have us tag along -- Christian reveals that he has severe bruising of his spinal column and won't be cleared in time for WrestleMania. Molly is sympathetic.

- King of the Ring Quarterfinal: Chris Jericho v. Chris Nowinski. Nowinski attacks early and fires away, getting a hiptoss and kneedrop before going to a sort of bow-and-arrow. He tries a backbreaker, but Jericho goes to the eyes and hits an enzuigiri for two. Nowinski runs into a series of armdrags, then a dropkick and ten-punch count-along. Nowinski heads to the apron, suckering Jericho in for the springboard dropkick and dropping him neck-first on the ropes. Fistdrop gets two. He tries a running powerslam, but Jericho slides out the back and hits a German suplex for two. Double powerbomb gets two. Nowinski with a shot to the throat and a Flair Pin for two. Running powerslam connects for two. Jericho with a rollup for two. Nowinski bails on an Irish whip, but Jericho won't bite. Nowinski climbs to the apron, and NOW Jericho hits the springboard dropkick. Nice. Jericho follows but eats stairs. Back in, Nowinski's Double Arm DDT try is countered with a ram to the corner. Facejam, Lionsault, goodnight at 7:27. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling. *1/2

- Back at the date, Molly and Christian have a pretty cool discussion of America's perception of Canada and vice-versa, including some laughter at each other's silliness. The point is unstated but obvious: they're hitting it off.

- Meanwhile, Alexis Laree is in the locker room when Lash LeRoux (now being called Johnny for copyright reasons) arrives and gives her flowers. Laree and LeRoux are being portrayed as old friends, perhaps even former dates, which is odd because you wouldn't expect the WWE to even acknowledge an NWATNA storyline, much less continue it. Johnny mentions he's debuting tonight, and that he wants her at ringside to celebrate.

- Johnny LeRoux v. Johnny Jeter. Oh, yay, first two Chrises, then two Johnnys. Just what I need. Anyway, Jackie distracts LeRoux, leading to a Jeter rollup for two. Clothesline is ducked, and LeRoux gets the splits-punch combo before dropkicking Jeter to the outside. There, he goes for more, but Jackie goes low, drawing Laree over. Laree, LeRoux... can't they just marry the two characters and keep me sane? If I slip and call one by the other's name, I apologize. Anyway, Alexis (whew) heads on over to break it up and everything falls apart before the ref orders a mixed tag match. So...

- Johnny LeRoux and Alexis LaRee (oops) v. Johnny Jeter and Jackie Gayda. We come back from break with the heels double-teaming LeRoux in the corner and Jeter getting a Northern Lights Suplex for two. He tries a Lionsault press, but LeRoux catches him, so Jackie enters and throws what can only laughably be described as a dropkick to put Jeter on top for two. Spinkick gets two. To the top, but the corkscrew kick airballs and LeRoux gets a suplex into DDT combo. Hot tag Laree, who beats up Jackie much to my amusement. Everyone returns, and LeRoux hits Jeter with the Whiplash for two. Hangman's Neckbreaker (which DDP decides to call the "LeRouxde Awakening" -- I didn't know he could be witty!) gets the pin at 5:44 total. I've seen better, and the women just dragged it down. Hopefully he'll get a proper debut soon. *1/4

- Christian, being the man that he is, picks up the tab as Molly heads to the ladies' room. The camera follows her, and she's all smiles. So is he.

- The following preview is rated WM-21:

Razor Ramon's familiar Cuban music plays as we see Scott Hall at a table, in full tuxedo, in a very posh restaurant. Unfortunately, Hall's table is a mess, and he appears to be covered with liquid. A waiter gives him a towel as the establishment looks at him. Hall wipes his face off and gets up to leave, but not before staring back and stopping.

Hall: "Hey yo. Whattaya lookin' at, chico? Me? You think this bothers me? You know what -- you're all nothin' to me. Nothin'. Ya know why? Cuz you don't have the guts to be what you wanna be. You couldn't climb a ladder to grab a pair of titles in the biggest arena on earth, could ya? Nah. And ya couldn't stare down Stone Cold Steve Austin in front of 70,000 without goin' into panic. You need people like me to do it. You need people like me so you (he flicks his toothpick to the person he's speaking to) can sit there and point, and you can say, There goes the bad guy. Yeah. So what dat make you? Good? You ain't good, chico. You just know how to hide; how to hold back. Me, I don't have that problem. I always go all-out -- even in moderation. But fine, I leave. (He moves to the exit.) So say goodnight to the bad guy. Come on; the last time you gonna see a bad guy like this, let me tell ya. Come on, make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through; you better get outta his way!"

WRESTLEMANIA GOES HOLLYWOOD! Live on Pay-Per-View April 3 from the Staples Center in Hollywood, California!

We cut to the outside of the restaurant, as Hall leaves, only to get rammed in the face by a ladder whose holder is off-camera. We follow the ladder until we see that Shawn Michaels is holding it. He sets it down, looks at the fallen Hall, and smiles.

Michaels: "Say hello to your little friend!"

- King of the Ring, Quarterfinal: Sting v. Randy Orton. Lockup, and Orton sends Sting into the ropes. Orton clothesline ducked, leapfrog, Sting stop, Sting legsweep vaulted, Orton right cross ducked, Sting slam slid out of, Orton dropkick caught, Scorpion kicked off, Orton toehold leaped over, Sting backslide flipped out of, RKO blocked, Sting cradle for two, and a standing ovation. Counters rule. They lock up again, and Orton goes low and pounds the back. He gets a neckbreaker for two. Camel clutch, and he drops his weight on Sting's back. Backbreaker gets two. Sting fights him off in the corner, but a Stinger Splash misses. RKO try is reversed to an atomic drop (sweet), and Sting gets a clothesline. German suplex gets two. Sting tries a back body drop, but Orton leapfrogs and pounds the back before getting a reverse press slam, dropping Sting on the back. He stomps the back and does a stump puller (now THERE'S a move I haven't seen in a while -- did Daddy Bob teach him?), but Sting fights to his feet. Chop battle is won when Orton goes low and hits the kidneys, but a whip is reversed and THERE'S the Stinger Splash. Scorpion try, but Orton powers just enough for Sting's back to give way, and a Figure Four is too much pain at once as Sting taps at 8:13. JR puts the story over big-time -- these two knew each other extremely well and it took Orton dramatically shifting strategy (focusing on the back) to get a win. This is why Sting rules. **1/4

- The date ends and Molly and Christian return to the arena, but Christian can't get the final goodnight kiss because Molly "isn't ready for it". Some scars take forever to heal, she explains, and she wants to go very slowly before she's ready to continue with this part of her life. Christian understands. But Kane doesn't, and he takes time to ram Christian's head into a wall. You know, that's how my prom night ended, too.

- Main event, King of the Ring Quarterfinal: Shawn Michaels v. Michael Shane. Shane jumps Shawn and gets a hiptoss before kicking the back. Big chop is ducked, and Shawn punches his nephew down and gets a backdrop. Flair Flip in the corner, but Shawn dropkicks Shane out to the floor before anything can happen. He follows with a pescado as we take a break. We return with Shawn slamming down Shane, but missing the big elbow. Shane suplexes Shawn for two. Elbowdrop and he works the neck with a deathlock bridge. Shawn fights out, but Shane gets a dropkick and rana for two. We HIT THE CHINLOCK as Shane drives knees into Shawn's neck. Shawn elbows out, but Shane reverses to a bulldog for two. DDT gets two. Picture Perfect Elbow, but Shawn rolls away as Orton and Benoit approach ringside. Shawn gets a back elbow and kips up on Shane, adding a flying jalapeno for two. Whip is reversed and Shawn does a Flair Flip of his onto the turnbuckle, so Shane gets a back superplex for two. Crossbody is avoided as Shawn collapses for the Double KO. Shawn up first, but Orton grabs his foot to stop the Sweet Chin Music. Shane charges, so Shawn elevates him into Evolution. Benoit distracts, so Shane tries a cradle for two. Shawn with a powerslam out of a crossbody try by Shane for two. Hotshot and clothesline, but Benoit drags the ref out. Orton tries an RKO, but Shawn shoves him into Shane, and Sweet Chin Music on both men means it's over at 10:44. Michaels appears to be the favorite, but we'll see. **1/2

The Bottom Line:

Kane, Jericho, Orton, and HBK is a very respectable Final Four, and putting them on 24 hours after No Way Out gives the weekend it's "Big Finish" the PPV is understandably lacking. Any one of them would make a very good opponent for Benoit, story-wise, although I'm sure Kane will be siphoned off to Molly and/or Christian. All in all, more of the same this week, as the last few weeks have been all about KOTR and building to WrestleMania's main event.

Hey, they still got six shows.

*****

Okay, guys. As you see, I put up a new, 100% original WrestleMania trailer. Only got five more to come up with (maybe six) before the big event. And I'm not using any others that were written, because none of them would make sense. (Although the Pulp Fiction one is tempting; had I not had this prepared, I would've used Donald's idea.)

So... if you have any ideas, let me know. If you have full-formed transcripts, PM them to me. I think I'll use some of them if they're good. And if not... well, I have a few more ideas I can use to stall for time.

Get to thinkin', yall.

[Blehschmidt]

As always great last couple shows Dukes.

Team Japan going over was a nice touch.

KOTR final 4 is sweet...and should lead to some good matches.

Looking forward to Mania!!

[GCCWolverine]

Hm...off the top of my head...

Sting in The Natural (Pick me out a winner, Chris...)

Evolution in The Godfather

Tajiri and Ron Simmons in Rush Hour (Can you understand words out of my mouth? Damn.)

Rhyno in The Waterboy

A screentest for Rocky (Hogan, Ultimo and Kidman seeing who can take more punishment, The Rock, Michael Cole, etc.)

[Guest SteveBoobs]

Paul London and Linda McMahon in The Graduate

The Right to Censor in Dogma (Loki & Bartleby's crusade at that children's show, Richards and Bradshaw would probably work best.)

Billy Kidman & Torrie Wilson in either Casablanca or There's Something About Mary (is that hair gel?)

Team Angle in Goodfellas

Not sure if you still have Nick Mondo, but if you did, I'd suggest putting him and Bischoff in a "Fight Club" parody, the scene where Ed Norton beats the shit out of himself.

[grind your soul]

Christian understands. But Kane doesn't, and he takes time to ram Christian's head into a wall. You know, that's how my prom night ended, too.

[The Third Dukes]

Sting in The Natural (Pick me out a winner, Chris...)

[DonaldMick]

OK, first off, someone REALLY needs to smack SteveBoobs around for that Graduate idea.

Trailer ideas:

~ Ron Simmons and Paul London as Murtagh and Riggs, pick any Lethal Weapon movie. (Simmons: "I'm too old for this..." Voiceover: "Wrestlemania goes HOLLYWOOD!")

~ Imagine if the WWE were a Breakfast Club. Nowinski is the brain, who has to hide Road Dogg's pot. Eric Angle is the athlete, Shannon Ward is the basket case, and the princess is either Stephanie McMahon or Trish Stratus. Vince himself could be the principal.

~ A couple of Star Wars ideas: Edge goes to a swamp to learn the ways of Hulkamania from a midget Hogan, or we re-create the ending of The Empire Strikes Back with a slight role reversal (Randy Orton as Luke, Bob Orton as Vader, and RKO at the end).

~ And of course, Billy and Torrie as Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara or Rose and Jack.

As for nWo... I had a lot of trouble deciding what the main event would be, but here's how I'd do it.

Opener: Fujita/Maximo. Good match to get the crowd into it (as much as a Pittsburgh crowd can get into it). Fujita shows a lot here, but Maximo retains via shenanigans.

2nd: Simmons/Lesnar. Give these guys about 8-10, I suppose you have to have a title change so I'd give the belt to Brock after a Bradshaw run-in and F5. This goes into...

3rd: Team JAPAN/RTC. They're not going to top Saitama, but if you think they can go 25 again, then by all means. A late clusterfuck sequence sees Simmons avenge his earlier loss and allows Ultimo to pin Bradshaw to retain.

4th (and UNADVERTISED BONUS MATCH OF DOOM~) - Pure Energy v. RVD/Hurricane v. WGTT v. any two members of 3LK, four-way dance. Winning team gets a title shot at some unannounced point in the future. 3LK are in there for no readily apparent reason, so they'd be good ones to bounce first. Hurricane/RVD go down next, then London pins Haas to set up one of the hottest pure tag matches in history, Team JAPAN/Pure Energy for WM21.

5th: Mattitude/The Edgeheads. During the show, Mattitude beats down Edge in the back, so Rey and Eddie wrestle this as a handicap until Edge makes his return to get the hot tag. Spears for everyone, Karagias eats a legdrop for the face win.

6th: Undertaker/Kidman. I can't help but think that Kidman/Taker goes all the way to Mania, so we've got to have some sort of inconclusive finish here (sadly). It has to be something that'll keep the crowd into it, so the Army of Darkness is revealed and beats down Kidman (however many)-on-1. This can lead into a cage match at 21 to settle the feud once and for all.

Main event: Kurt/Eric. It's their hometown, they've got to get the main. This is an opportunity to make a new star, and Kurt's pretty much bulletproof, so give Eric the win by tapout and have him take the US title from Brock in LA.