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The (WWE) Office: A New Twist


Guest ADDavis

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Guest ADDavis

Episode 8

The Firing Squad

July: 2nd Week

The week started off just wonderfully for the WWE.

Johnny Ace: Ooh, let me explain what’s going on now. Vince has given me, John Laurinaitis, the Head of Talent Relations, what is known as the “
World’s Greatest Job Terminator
” trophy.

(He holds up a plaque with the inscription “World’s Greatest
Grandpa
Job Terminator”)

Johnny Ace:
It’s given to me whenever I get an outstanding rate on firing workers, of course. This week it was three-for-one Sunday!
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Finally get around to leaving feedback on this baby, so hopefully I won't disappoint.

I think that your main problem with the concept being like the Office show is the fact that this is a wrestling show, and cannot completly focus on the aspects of the Office. At times, I felt that your Office-like segments that broke in between the matches and storylines were too much, and that you needed to focus more on the booking side of things. However, I also felt at sometimes (Vengeance being a prime example of what I'm talking about) your booking took too much of the focus, and that there was little-to-no middle ground between the Office aspect of the diary, and the actual WWE aspect of the diary.

You've begun to work on your problem, and it has resulted for the better. While you don't have the mixing of the two down "perfect" yet, the adjustments you have made have took you in the right direction. That's a good start, You still have a way to go, but I have confidence in you and your writing abilities, and from the potential I've seen thus far, you will definetly go long ways with this diary, and as a writer here in the Diary Dome at whole.

One thing I really do have to commend you on (and I'm surprised that no one has mentioned it yet) is your spectacular booking. The way you write your segments and matches doesn't give you a lot of space and room to hit everything on the head. But, you've taken this format and have ran with it, and made it one of the most unique and prolific styles in the Dome. I really have to say that it is a very easy format to read and get into, and you manage to hit all of the important things on the head without too much detail while still focusing on the Office-like segments between.

As for your booking, it's really strong and solid for this type of diary. Usually, the booking in these type of diaries gets lost in the shuffle, but here you have really shown a knack for sensical, realistic booking. Hell, there has been times while reading through the diary that I've become more interested in your booking and how you will progress with things rather then the other things that the diary is suppose to be about. Tremendous job, and I can't wait to see how you handle a diary focused on just booking things. Biggest props for this, as I have to say that you're one of the most solid bookers here in the Dome that I have seen.

Now, back to another complaint before I wrap things up. While I truly enjoy the Office-like segments you have in between things, I think that the jokes have run high. Certain characters or personas that you have to play with are always funny and in many ways realistic (Dusty Rhodes for example). However, some of the cliches and stereotypes that you have brought upon to show us are tiredsome, run down the hole, and im simpler terms: lame. I think that you should try to evolve some more people, and focus on other things that they're often parodied for.

As for the overall grade for this diary, I'll give it a ****. The (WWE) Office is a ***** diary in the making. It's highly original, unique, interesting and entertaining with some of the strongest booking I have seen. It can make me laugh out loud at times, and is definetly one of my favorite diaries on the board. However, the concept you are going for needs some slight tweaking and adjusting to capture its true essence. Nevertheless, you've done a tremendous job with this diary, and I look forward to seeing how you progress. The potential is there - it's just your decision on whether to explore it or not. Goodluck, ADDavis. (Y)

EDIT: Oh, and "dubs" are 20-inch rims, for crying out loud! Get up with your urban slang, will ya?

Edited by The Aztec Warrior
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Guest ADDavis

DVD EXTRA!

Commentary Track #1.

I thought I'd step out of the story for a moment and take a look at a comment or two from Aztec, since he had some good points that I wanted to respond to, so that you, the reader, can see where my mindset is with this diary. Hell, like anything, it's a collaborative process, so as long as there's a response, I'm gonna be adjusting.

(And I'll make a note to do this a little more with other comments, as there had been some earlier that were really helpful, but now that I've found a format that works personally for me, I'll be able to give some more 'accurate' responses. So, feel free to keep me on my toes! I appreciate everything so far.)

I think that your main problem with the concept being like the Office show is the fact that this is a wrestling show, and cannot completely focus on the aspects of the Office. At times, I felt that your Office-like segments that broke in between the matches and storylines were too much, and that you needed to focus more on the booking side of things. However, I also felt at sometimes (Vengeance being a prime example of what I'm talking about) your booking took too much of the focus, and that there was little-to-no middle ground between the Office aspect of the diary, and the actual WWE aspect of the diary.
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Guest ADDavis

Episode 9

The Politic Trains.

July: 3rd Week

(At a recent booking meeting.)

Vince McMahon: … and that’s how I want it to – oh, Andrew, come on in. I’m just here with John and the road agents discussing this week’s shows.

Andrew Davis: Ah, thanks…what did I miss, Vince?

Johnny Ace: That is MR. McMahon to you, newbie. Don’t you ever-

Vince: John, damnit! What did I tell you about talking?

Johnny Ace: ..only when I’m in my office.

(Pause.)

(Pause.)

Johnny Ace:…err, I mean, only when I’m in my office, sir.

Vince: …right-o.

Johnny Ace: …I hate that kid. So much. So, sooooo much.
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Guest ADDavis

Episode 10

All-Business Edition

July: 4th Week

(Andrew Davis’s cubicle, Titan Towers. The lights are low, and his desk is pretty messy.)

Andrew Davis:
Well, it’s about midnight, and I’ve been working all day basically trying to get stuff together for the Great American Bash…the road agents don’t really know that much about writing shows and the creative side of things. So, yeah, I get stuck with it all.

(Pause. Takes a swig of Red Bull.)

Andrew Davis:
… I can’t wait for everybody else to get back from vacation.
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Bwahaha. That last exchange is the best thing I've ever read in the Dome. Love this diary, and I really hope you keep it up. Admittedly, like others, I find myself concentrating less on the actual booking, more on the backstage stuff, but that's because it's gold.

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Guest ADDavis

Episode 11

AMERICA, FUC… … yeah.

July: 4th Week

THE GREAT AMERICAN BASH

Pyro, streamers, balloons, and the WORKS! The biggest WWE pay per view of July… well… yeah, its finally here.

Andrew Davis:
I kinda have seen that there’s a pretty big excitement in the air for the show tonight, I gotta say.

(Pause.)

Andrew Davis:
…I think its because they actually want to put on a Great American Bash that isn’t, uh… bad.
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Guest ADDavis

Episode 12 Part 1

The Standoff!

August: 1st Week

Vince McMahon: It’s a beautiful Monday morning, and we just got finished with the Great American—

(The door opens.)

Stephanie McMahon: DADDY.

Vince: – Wha? What is it, Sugar Dumples? Why are you so ups—

Stephanie: What are they doing. WHAT ARE THEY DOING.

Vince: They? Who do you mean “they”, I don’t know—

Stephanie: The writing staff goes on vacation for one week – ONE WEEK – and everything is messed up. Everything! A wargames match? Who even knows what that is?

Vince: Well, dear, I’m pretty sure that was harmle—

Stephanie: And then they’re pushing god knows who… why is Kane ECW champion? Why are there new WWE Tag Team Champions? Why are the small kids getting pushed?

Brian Kendrick:
I get really offended when we get called “small”… I mean, yeah, okay, on TV we “look” small, but we’re quite large comparatively! QUITE!

(The Great Khali then walks by, dwarfing the two others.)

Paul London:
…yeah, we’re pretty small.
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Guest ADDavis

Before I go on to the next week's worth of shows, I'm going to just re-evaluate my stance on the Benoit situation. I did mention that I don't think there's anything funny about the situation right now, and I'm very torn on how I want to go about this within the diary.

Basically, I'll keep Benoit in for the time being, but I'll play it how I was originally going to play it, with the idea of the creative team having absolutely nothing for him. I'm not gonna make too many jokes about him, nor will I focus that much on him, but for the time being, he'll stay. Just abandoning him completely, I have realized, will have a much bigger impact, which is certainly something I could work around (I'll admit, seeing other diaries cope with situations of losing wrestlers on the fly, it does make things interesting), but since he's not the focus and since there are ways I can eventually have him leave, I'll just figure things out as I go.

Call me a hypocrite, sure, but the whole situation has been nuts to wrap my head around, and just trying to write anything witty about wrestling (in any situation) has been much harder in the last couple of days.

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Do what you've got to do and don't worry about taking either option.

You may have the hardest job continuing with Benoit in your diary, as your diary's lighthearted/humerous nature makes it truly unique on the board. The use of a wrestler after death, regardless of details, is always a sensitive issue - but in a diary that makes fun of most people within it will have a much harder time. Obviously the details of this situation will lead to some inner-conflict for most people, so don't feel concerned over any number of "changes-of-mind" you might have.

Whatever decision you choose to make over Benoit's presence (or lack of) in the diary, I won't stop reading because what you are writing is arguably the best diary on the board - so whatever your decision, just keep going. (Y)

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Mark Henry:
ALRIGHT. I get it. I’ma big dude, so them other dudes, they gon’ go after me. Why ‘those writers tryin’ to make me look all dumb and shit? Hell, I’m pro’lly smarter than ALL of them punks! Check it. Capital ‘uh New York? NEW YORK CITY. The symbol fo’ Iron on the periodic table ‘uh elements? “I”. Twelve times fifty? Tw… carry the… whuh? Nah, move the…

Off-camera voice:
You need a calc—

Mark Henry:
IM’A BREAK YOU.

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Hey, for the most part I just wanted to throw out the fact that I'm reading an enjoying. The comedy you've added to the entire diary has been great, though I do agree with a few people on the fact that you seem to be running out of jokes as the diary continues. That doesn't stop the booking from being very good though. Of course I do think that you returned and debuted too many guys in such a short span, but the stories have still been good so I can't fault you entirely for that. The pushes are where they need to be, especially Kane. Did I mention I love Kane? Cause I do. Yup. Okay, I'm really just rambling to make this seem longer than it really is but if I don't reply for a little while, do know that I'm reading.

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Mr. Davis sir, you do have a funny diary right here. The backstage segments with the writing staff and Stephanie make me chuckle, and the way you showcase the superstars backstage is funny as well.

For the Benoit issue, do what you have to do, its an alternate reality, I'd keep him in there. The way you are handling it now though is good, and I like what you have going so far.

Keep up the good work, this is a funny, and witty diary. Like your writing style, like the way you have been writing your results.

Good job sir, and keep it up.

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So, I've just gotten around to reading the Great American Bash, and simply put, the show was... great. No pun intended. <_<

Let's start this feedback shindig off, shall we?

THE SHOW

- A PPV opening with... a promo? That's quite interesting, to say the least. I felt that Edge could have got in a few more digs at America, being the dirty, dirty Canadian that he is. However, it was a nice touch, and certainly something different. Good start to the show thus far.

- Good choice for an opener. Finlay as a face has really grown on me lately, and I hope he can become a prominent figure in the Smackdown! portion of your diary. I kind of wish you had kept the United States title on MVP a little longer, but another win here might have killed Finlay's heat as a potential challenger to the belt. I always feel that two straight successful title defenses on PPV really kills the babyface's momentum as a challenger. Nice work here, and Finlay as US champion can bring nothing but awesomeness to come. I also like the role that you have fit Mike Knox into as well. I almost forgot to mention that. I just hope those pesky writers give him a lengthy reign.

- Six-man tag was decent enough filler, and seemed like a pretty spiffy match to boot. I thought you would figure the Benjamin/Haas feud into this a bit more, but I guess you have something bigger in mind with him pinning the Intercontinental champion. Speaking of him, the teased tension between him and Burke was quite amusing. Nice little touch there.

- Ladies and gentlemen, this was Ric Flair at his best. That's all I have to say. Magnificent for such a short segment. I wonder who that mystery guy will be though...

- The Haters Club needs to win the tag titles. Seriously. Their feud with Cryme Tyme would be hilarious and have so many endless possibilities. I urge you to book this as soon as possible. The tag title match played backdrop to their commentary, but seriously - who cares about La Resistance and Deuce & Domino when you have the Haters Club? While I'm at it, I must ask you - what made you transpire a Chappelle Show skit into this diary?

- The Women's title match was pretty unforgettable. Bad placing on the card I attribute that to.

- The Shamrock/Umaga bout seemed like a pretty wild affair, which is about the only way I can see these two putting on even a reasonably decent match together. I wonder where you're going to go with Sonny Siaki in their feud, as his involvement was quite interesting, albiet a bit questionable.

- I really thought Bobby Lashley was going over here, setting them up for a rematch at Summerslam - a bigger stage for Kane to become the ECW champion. Hey, a Kane push is all good in my book, but I thought you could have held this off for another month.

- The Hardyz/Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch bout was largely unforgettable, as like the Women's title match, it was simply placed in a bad position on the card. The outcome was never in question as well, so it kind of put a damper on things to me. Here's hoping for that Matt Hardy singles push sometime down the road...

- WARGAMES, BITCH! Okay, well, not quite. Dusty Rhodes being added to the match was a damn good idea, and I'm really not upset at you for doing the bait-and-switch with Johnny Jeter. It definetly seems like something the WWE would do, so points for realism. Anyway, this was easily the best booked feud going into the PPV, and easily match of the night as well. Lots of action, lots of suspense, and a good finish to boot. Much props for this match, as it made the show after a few undesireable matches beforehand.

- ... And if only that was truly the end to the show. Oh well. The four-way match for the title wasn't that bad of a way to end the show. I found the mention of the odds being stacked against John Cena, followed by JR stating the exact same thing (you really need to have the trademark symbol everytime you write that line). Anyway, the match was actually pretty good, because it was a bit more technical then your average four-way match. Chris Benoit was really the only person here that could convincingly do the j-o-b, as Randy Orton is being built to face Cena at Summerslam. Cena pinning him for the win would kill off any momentum he has going for him. Mark Henry could have been pinned, but you gotta keep that Henry strong. He's the franchise, the backbone, the SILVERBACK of the WWE, ya know. :shifty:

- Well, I certainly didn't see that coming. Well, I did, but then again I didn't. I always figured that Chris Jericho should be brought back to immediately feud with Cena, as the history and the backstory for the feud is already there. Good idea to bring him back into the mix.

Overall, a damn good show. The bottom of the card showed a lot of potential at first viewing, but the middle of the card kind of dragged it down. Things picked up at the end, and has made for the best complete show you have written for this diary thus far. **** rating, and here's to Summerslam being even better then that, which I have a feeling that it will.

THE 'OFFICE'

- About damn time that someone in this company recognized that all of their versions of the Great American Bash (barring the fortuanate tragedy that was the Great American Bash 2006) sucked! STICK TO THE MAN FTW~!!1

- Damn you for ruining my hopes of Finlay having a long reign with the U.S title. :( Steoh's reaction afterwards was pretty funny though, if not a bit predictable.

- The diva search and vampire comments were SOOOOOOO lame. Pass.

- But, you totally made up for it with Kane's reference to his infamous one-day World title reign, and the possiblity of him having a two-day World title reign. :wub:

- Vince's comment on the Wargames match was PRICELESS. I knew something had to be up with the Wargames match being held on a WWE PPV.

- Johnny Jeter's comment was really just a rehash of what Vince said earlier, only in a different circumstance. Pass.

- You know you have to work that Mister E. Partner into your shows now everytime you have a mystery partner, right? THINK OF THE MATCHES!

Randy Orton & Mister E. Partner Michael Hayes vs. John Cena!

Shawn Michaels & Mister E. Partner Marty Jannetty who he eventually turns on and kicks him through a barbershop window vs. John Cena!

Everyone on the RAW brand & Mister E. Partner Everyone on the rest of the WWE roster vs. John Cena!

(Pause.)

(Pause.)

- ... moving on. DUSTY RHODES~! This was definetly your 'Office' segment of the night. It really got me that much more into the Wargames match coming up in only a way Dusty could. Nice reference on the 'one, two, three, four count' as well.

- Okay, I take it back. The Mark Henry thing made me actually laugh out loud for a couple minutes. Some of the best in-character writing I've seen for Mark Henry yet. Absolutely hilarious and tremendous.

- So he IS holding out. That bastard! Anyway, the shot at Kurt Angle was definetly the highlight of the Jericho comments, as well as the stipulations for his re-signing with the company. Funny stuff.

And now, for the meeting...

- The London/Kendrick/Khali portion was slightly amusing, although quite borderline corny.

- Vince going all ghetto on camera=RATINGS!

- The Randy Orton/Michael Hayes thing was GOLD. I have to request that you have these two together sometime on WWE television. No, I DEMAND!

- Brian Gerwitz rules in this diary, simply put. The 'not writing endings anymore' part made that segment that much better.

- And so, ECW's dreams of breaking out once again are crushed at the hirings of Mark Jindrak & Matt Morgan. Bummer.

- As for the meeting, well, it was pretty interesting to see your mindstate on things to come for Summerslam. A Kane/Lashley re-match? Meh. It really depends on how Kevin Thorn figures into this whole thing, as I think he's totally out of his league in that environment. Orton/Jericho/Cena? Intriguing, to say the least. This would also depend on who's in what roles here.

Now, with all the comedy stuff out of the way, it's time for my final, and probably most important comment for you...

THE BENOIT SITUATION

I'm not going to divulge into the whole Benoit story here, because it's not the time nor the place, and quite frankily I'm a bit tired from hearing and giving thoughts on this story. Your decision to take Chris Benoit immediately and effectively out of your diary I had no problem with. As a writer who doesn't feel the desire to write for the man either, I totally understand where you're coming from. As for your decision to keep him in the diary but to limit his status, I also have no problem with that as well. Hell, I'm in a bit of a pickle myself, as I had major plans for Benoit in my own diary, and I was planning on making him one of the focal points on one of the brands. However, this is not about my diary, so I digress. The point is - do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I will not be offended either way by how you handle him in your diary, as long as it's in a respectable enough manner. As for the jokes... I have to say that you should just keep away totally from any jokes about Benoit entirely, as I'm sure you would end up relating them to the Benoit tragedy (I personally don't think you would do that, but sometimes subtle humour like that can slip and you might not even notice it). I say just stay away from the jokes for awhile, focus on his matches and booking, and maybe after awhile when people can come to accept some humour in this (and if he's still around in your diary at that point), then you can run along with it. Just take it easy for now.

To close, another fantastic set of updates ADDavis. Keep up the tremendous work, and hopefully your diary is pinned so it can thrive in its excellence and people have a relatively easier time checking it out. (Y)

Edited by The Aztec Warrior
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Guest ADDavis

Thanks for the suggestions/responses/etc., and I'll just explain something concerning my booking that I'm not sure if I touched upon- I'm trying to put my own flair (...ughhhhh...) on things, of course, but I'm also trying to balance that out with some 'outside' influence by how I think things would be handled by these distinct personalities in creative. So, just because a match or feud is booked, it might be my idea, or it might be how I think it would be handled by whoever is booking it. - I swear, that's not just an excuse for any bad booking within the diary! ;-) - And I've got a few surprises in store that will throw angles and pushes I've come up with for a complete loop.

So, expect the build for Summerslam to start showing up soon!

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Guest Foaly

I'll keep this short and sweet... *sigs diary*

I love it... the humor is awesome... I can't state the funniest things in this thread. Obviously one was Punk (*shrugs*) getting sent to Smackdown... and The Arn Anderson segements. Dusty rambling "And to real honest, I don't understand a word he says.". Classic stuff 8).

As for Benoit... nice avoiding of the situation. Just pull him out cause hes now gone, no harm no foul, no taking sides.

Keep up the good work. Looking forward to the next shows...

*THUMBS UP*

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