EWB Play-Along: Pokémon FireRed

[probablyoliver]

If you think about it Pokemon are really, really weird. They look weird, they sound weird, they live in spheres 1/10th of their actual size, they do magic (I think, kind of, I have no idea), and Ash Ketchum's philosiphy of "Gotta Catch 'Em All" is somewhat redundant when you consider the fact he doesn't even bother trying to catch half of the shit he comes across. I mean honestly now, he's had long enough (dude's gotta be in his late twenties by now, surely), in theory he should be able to run his own sweatshop with the amount of Sandshrew's he didn't bother catching. There was also that one called Seel, which was a Seal, and that was just kinda lazy, and it evolved into a Dewgong, which was a Dugong, which is actually a whole different species, which brings forth lots of ethical and exestential questions. So yeah, in a nutshell, Pokémon was weird.

Although as weird as it was, it also brought forth some of the best games ever created (and some classic jokes, such as the timeless 'Why couldn't Ash see Brock? Because it was Misty' or the ever hilarious 'Why did all the cutlery stick to Ash? Because he had a Magneton'), I can still remember sitting in my porch (!) with my friend busting out our duelling copies of Pokemon Blue and Red with the old connector thingy that allowed you to trade pokemon. I wasted hours of my life on Pokemon Blue, and I still have my save game where I own all 150 pokemon (fuck Mew, actually no, I think I got Mew somehow. Still, fuck him), and even though every single game is pretty much exactly the same just with different town names and weirder creatures, it's still damn good fun to bust out for an hour or two.

So yeah, it's a great game, but there's plenty of other great games out there, why aren't we playing them instead of this? Well, it's simple, it'd be really, really dull to do an EWB play-along for something like Metal Gear Solid or Gears of War, I mean yeah, they're great fun but they're just way too linear, there's no diversity, no difference in each time you play and although it'd be great fun on your own, a mass play-through would bring forth no discussion, no "shit, what should I do guys?" moments and pretty much no mass fun. Even a game like GTA, which is as big as it is clever would be kinda dull for an EWB play-through, because we all know that as soon as we found a rocket launcher or a flame thrower or even one of the fabled double-ended dildos we'd get sidetracked with beating the shit out of townsfolk instead of actually doing anything strategic.

It's why we've kept to Final Fantasy games every time we've attempted one of these. Everyone will have different parties, everyone will choose different classes or materia combinations or routes on the sphere grid (although each and everyone one of us would junction 100 Tornado spells to our STR stat, because hey, nobody likes a challenge), and everyone will be doing something different. We'll all be playing the same story, the same game and the same universe, but it'd be diverse enough to actually have some fun whilst doing it. And you can times that by about 1000 when playing Pokemon because instead of having the choice between six guys, you've got the choice between 150, and although the story isn't as engaging and it's a lot shorter, there's potentially a hell of a lot more to discuss.

But enough with the oversized introduction, lets all twist our baseball caps 180 degrees whilst that weird anime flash thingy goes in the background. Let's all pick Charmander because he's made of fucking fire. Let's all go and collect eight badges and beat the shit out of that snot nosed punk Gary (awesome name for a main antagonist, btw, no name in the English Baby Book strikes more fear than Gary) so we can all become pokemon masters.

EWB, I choose you for a Pokemon play-through!

Edited August 2, 2009 by Ollie Campesinos!

[PkmnTrainerJ]

Oh, this will be kind of good, I'll start tomorrow on one of my spare copies.

[TKz]

That write up is one of the reasons I love Ollie.

I'll start my game up in a few hours.

[TCO]

I'll be starting mine shortly, on LeafGreen, the real man'as version. Think I'll pick Bulbasaur for a change.

[Plubby]

I've got a LeafGreen save that I started recently and i've only just got to Mt. Moon. Can I wait around for you guys and then join up at Mt. Moon?

[thuganomic]

I'm in...and that bastard Gary is going down.

[Benji]

Totally in, and just to be a douche I'll play both LG and FR

[TheArsenal]

My copy of LG died... it wouldn't save.

However....

My copy of FR is alive.

So yeah.... I might do this...

[Kiss 2 Kill]

I had both, but I can't fucking find either of them.

But I will and then I'll pick Squirtle because everyone knows it's an arsehole to beat Brock with a Charmander.

[SRN]

Count me in. If I ever get anything started that is.

[apsham]

I just started mine, caught my first Pokemon, being a Pidgey.

Also, I chose Charmander...

TRAIN IT WITH PATIENCE BITCH.

[Skummy]

I've not played a Pokémon game in seven or eight years at least, but fuck it, I'm in. I'll probably get bored and/or give up early, but I'll give it a go.

SQUIRTLE!

...it just took me the better part of ten minutes to find Professor Oak. In a town comprised of three buildings. This bodes well.

....I'm tempted to do a proper "Let's Play" video out of this, having far too much time on my hands and all, but don't really have the disk space to spare. Curses. Maybe a Play-Along in the future will get the honours.

Edited August 3, 2009 by Skummy

[Cheeky Hughes]

I started an LG game with my GBA emulator for PC. Yeah, I threw my old GBA (Facepalms). I chose Squirtle, just for the simple fact that I cant be fucked with all that fishing for water Pokemon crap.

[Skummy]

I like shorts, they're comfortable and easy to wear!

EDIT: Wartortle's gonna fuck up some serious Metapod shit.

Edited August 3, 2009 by Skummy

[IJS]

Starting to charge my GBA as I type. Bit new to this, so what do we exactly do?

[probablyoliver]

...it just took me the better part of ten minutes to find Professor Oak. In a town comprised of three buildings. This bodes well.

What I find most odd about Pallet town is that there's two houses, the player characters and Gary's (although I called Gary 'Adolf' in my game, way more badass) and a laboratory (!). Also, Gary's house doesn't have an upstairs. Using my skills of basic mathematics I count ten people in Pallet town, you, your Mother, Gary, Gary's sister, Oak, Oak's three assistants and two people lingering outside. WHERE DOES EVERYONE SLEEP?

There's also the wonderful moment where you bring Oak's package (!) back to him and Gary tells you to a) stay out of his house, b) not to talk to his sister and c) don't take his town map because it's owned by him and he may need it. Upon learning this information you can go into Gary's house, talk to his sister and take his map. Who's the real bad guy, EWB? It's also horrendously easy to get the map, his sister's just like "Oh, take this" even though Gary tells you he's going to personally tell his sister not to give it to you which leads me to believe that the player character has likely boned Gary's sister.

Seriously, Gary's not the bad guy, he's just a little miffed that you ignore his wishes and bone his sister.

[Skummy]

Yeah, I love that there's not even a "Gary told me not to give you this, but...", it just doesn't refer to it.

Also, you're old enough to be "leaving home", yet still able to buy a child's ticket to a museum...leading me to think that you're somewhere in your mid-teens. Yet when you try and leave Pallet Town, Professor Oak tells you not to because there are wild Pokémon in the long grass.....so, has Ash never left Pallet Town before? A town comprising of two houses and a LABORATORY.

Also, some fucking Pokémon expert Oak is, he's only got three, and a blank Pokedex. He's blatantly just a charlatan and/or paedophile.

[probablyoliver]

He has got three aides, lots of bookshelves and a giant pokeball machine. Clearly a genius.

[Kiss 2 Kill]

Oak asked me if I was a boy or a girl. Even in Kanto there's no escape from the harassment...

[Perfecshaun]

Started a FR game, chose Bulbasaur, haven't played a game with a grass type pokemon to start in a while. Just got my first set of pokéballs from Oak and am on my way to assembling my winning team