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Paradox games but definitely NOT GAMES OF THRONE


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17 minutes ago, Fly Eagles Fly said:

His grandson, who has since passed away from gout. At this point, I'm patiently awaiting the tech needed to pass imperial administration and absolute primogeniture.

 

How's your industrial technology, by the way? Specifically anything to do with saws :shifty: 

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God I love this game sometimes. 

Get invited to wedding feast. 

Make friends with the bride's sister. 

Take bride's first night. 

Still friends. 

"Yeah, the cheese dish is fantastic, oh, will you excuse me for a few moments?"
*DOES DEED*
"Wow, your sister sure whines a lot. But yeah, this cheese, I don't know what this is, I think it's smoked Gouda..."

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MAESTER: Your grace, those lumps...I'm afraid we may have to resort to some...extreme measures to stop the spread. 

AEGON: That's fine, I'd give my right hand to beat cancer. 

image.png


IT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH!

 

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So it's 8040, I don't know how many years Egg has left in him, so let's meet the family. 

 

1. King Aegon "The Conqueror" Targaryen

Aegon stayed mostly in character, with a couple exceptions. I tend to play Aegon with a "WILL YOU KIDS SHUT UP FOR JUST TWO GODDAMN MINUTES" attitude towards my vassals. Basically, anyone coming to an event I'm hosting bitching about adultery is put aside. Everyone else gets a trial, and if they're found guilty, they get sent to The Wall or the Silent Sisters. Then there's crimes against the Targaryen family (excluding Orys Baratheon, since I can't control the shit in his realm), where the guilty were made into examples. This includes keeping peace. However, I ran into one hiccup with the Tyrells, who kept starting war after war and kept defending in war after war in tyranny wars or council power wars. Finally, I decide I've had enough of their shit, and while the family is too big to effectively kill off without tipping my hand, I can at least have someone else do the dirty work. I convince Lord Florent to rebel, and now House Florent runs the reach. 

Another exception was Aegon's libido. Although Aegon was the most desirable man in his day (per lore description), he kept true to Visenya and Rhaenys. Not quite the case here. Aegon's first major love outside his sisters was with his cousin, Aenora Velaryon. She was young, ripe and willing. We have the same grandparents, why not? 

She gave me three bastards. 

1. Lord Laenor Baratheon. About the name. Orys died childless, and so did Argella. So, the realm passed to me, and since his marriage to his first wife (a Florent daughter) raised him to nobility, I just gave him a suitable family name and sigil, choosing to keep the yellow and black, with a dragon for the heritage. Orys was a bastard, too, so Aegon's honoring his friend. Anyhow, Laenor was my master of coin, until that wound got infected. He had 4 kids, two boys and a girl from the Florent girl, and one boy from the second daughter of Lord Lyman Lannister. I don't care about the younger two boys, but the eldest, Daegar, rides a dragon and has his own egg, but other than that he isn't special. Might cause some problems down the road. Laenor's daughter is matrilineal engaged to one my bastard sons. More on that later. 

2. Ser Daegar Waters. Well, he was a lost cause. A hell of a fighter,  but a bit of a party animal. Married him to a Dayne, but somehow it became a matrilineal marriage. No cadet dynasty for this one! That's cool though, since she gave me two Dayne grandkids (a third one died in childbirth), and they're both my squires right now. A Targaryen will become the Sword of the Morning. 

3. Finally, the crown jewel of that affair. Lady Alysanne Waters. She rides Vhaegar (and my grandson, ZING!), pretty, strong....you know that Vince McMahon reaction gif? Well, that'd be me if she had Formidable Fighter. I would love to put her on my Kingsguard, but I guess she'll have to merely be Queen. 

 

The next major love was Argella Durrandon, the childless widow of Orys Baratheon. To be honest, she was 51, Orys was dead a few years, so I decided to comfort her. LITTLE DID I KNOW WOMEN WERE STILL FERTILE INTO THEIR 50S ON THIS GAME. She gave me one bastard:

1) Barristan Storm. Strong? Check. Stormlander? Check. Name was intentional. Barry is engaged to Lady Rhaenys Baratheon, daughter of Laenor Baratheon. Since he's a bastard, all kids will be from her line. AND THAT'S THE PLAN. Gotta keep that Dragon blood strong. 

Other bastards from people who simply aren't that important to the story:

1) Ser Otherys Waters. He's the result of Aegon exercising his kingly right and conquering a common girl. So yeah, he's kinda like my Ramsay. This guy worried me a bit. Thankfully, I had a contingency plan, playing with disinheritance decisions always being available, and while I hated to lose a commander of that quality, I didn't need this guy hanging around and knocking up his family members. More on his demise later. 

2) Osha Snow. I'm not quite sure if she was the result of First Night or a feast event where I banged her mom. Anyway, mom was ugly Hill Clansman, kid is not ugly. 

3) Loreon Hill. Brought his mom to King's Landing to cross the Westerlands off the list. Kept the kid, sent mom packing. 

4) Marianne Hill. The result of the feast mentioned two posts up. Her mom is a Lanisport Lannister. It also led to great comedy after I knocked her up, since her husband made the mistake of plotting against my family. So, fed him to a dragon, then her NEXT husband thinks he's been cuckolded as a result of said kid, and hates me a result. I mean, yeah, she gave birth to my kid, but...really guy? Everyone was at that feast, they all knew who she was married to before you. Come on. 

5) William Rivers. The result of first night with a Butterwell daughter. 

 

Aegon's Legit kids: 

 

1) Prince Rhaegel the Careless, Prince of Dragonstone. Christ, he's 39 and balding. Well, he's a strong military leader but other than that...It could be worse in terms of heirs. Not really looking forward to playing as him, but since he's a drunk, I may not have to. I married him to Jaehaera Velaryon (since I hadn't had any daughters yet), deciding to at least see how that union works out. It's cool, we all share a common incestor (see what I did there :pervert: ). Currently Master of Ships. 

I'm only going to give brief summaries of their kids to keep this short, and only the ones that are adults (unless they're being used for a political marriage)

a. Aegon Targaryen. Hopefully Aegon II. He's married to the aforementioned awesome Alysanne Waters, they have 4 kids. 

b. Naella Arryn. Born a lunatic, I noped her off to The Eyrie. 

c. Shaena Targaryen. Married her to one of her Targaryen cousins. Probably should have been more careful, since she's attractive. Oh well. 

 

2) Prince Vaeron Targaryen. Rhaegel may be a drunk that only cares about fighting, but this guy was going to be his trusting Hand. Winner of the genetic lotto. Married him a strong Tarth girl to get the genes going. Ended up joining a sellsword company overseas and dying :( . His kids of note: 

a. Ser Maekar Targaryen. Married to a Stark girl who's also the heir to Winterfell :) . And this is where that bit on Otherys Waters comes in. Seeing how thin the line of succession to Winterfell was, I hired a Faceless man to take care of the heir. Sadly, that ended up costing me Otherys. Current Master-at-Arms

b. Ser Aerys Targaryen. Married Shaena Targaryen.

c. Matarys Targaryen. He's the Master of Coin. 

 

3) Prince Maelor Targaryen. He's got Dragon Dreams. He's married to a Lannister who was once a princess. He's the Hand of the King, though he should be Master of Whisperers. I gave him the role since I want to keep it in the family, and for this mod, the Castellan role uses the Diplomacy stat for trials. He's also in a gay relationship with my maester. Their kids of note: 

a. Laena Martell. Married her to the heir to Dorne. 

b. Aeryn Targaryen. He has an insanely high Learning stat. Sent him to the Citadel. 

 

4) Prince Baelor Targaryen. OH YEAH. Meet the future Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. THIS should be my heir. Holy fuck. Well, since it can't be him, and he's awesome...we're going to make history with him. He rides a dragon. He has a digusting military stat. I'm using him to make sure those two Dayne grandkids become good enough to be the Sword of the Morning. He has Dark Sister, since traditionally that goes to the family's biggest badass. Oh ho, man, I should start a crazy killing spree to install him as king and have him marry that awesome bastard daughter above. He doesn't have any kids. 

 

5) Prince Orys Targaryen. He's useless. Married him to a Martell daughter. 

 

Can't wait to see how this goes, should be interesting with this new House Baratheon. 

 

 

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Also, seduction focus when you're in your 70s is just wrong. I see it as jarringly creepy on so many levels :shifty: . 

 

That's not going to stop me from using it :

 

image.png

 

"Such a morsel"
She's 42! She has a grown son! Come on, game. 
(Note to self, bang son's wife). 

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image.png

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Well, granted, he was kind of a shitty heir in terms of what my court can produce, but it also means that his wife, the legitimized Princess Alyssane the Bad Ass Bitch, is widowed as well. I think when there's a vacancy I'm just going to put her on the Kingsguard. 

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King Aethor, Rhaegel's grandson, son of what I hoped was gonna be Aegon II.

Nice good and pious reign, nothing crazy. House Targeryen now hold seats in Winterfell and The Eyrie. The eventual heir to Dorne will move it out of House Matrell. 

I think I'm going to get off there, though. Dynasty is too big, and it's becoming a major pain in the to manage. I'll say this, only a bastard is getting landed, and the only if I don't have a use for them.

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On 2/6/2018 at 23:00, Mick said:

image.png

 

He lived up to his name. 

He died as he lived.

...He was into breathplay, right?

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Doing a watcher game within the Game of Thrones mod to see if manually setting the start date to the first book negates the joke aspects of that bookmark. So far, nothing lorebreaking besides Daenerys and Khal Drogo never getting hitched.

UPDATE: Robin Arryn was apparently hanged at some point; Sansa's the first of Ned's legitimate children to be married, to Robin's successor Harrold. Anyone who shipped Daenerys and Jorah Mormont will love this timeline.

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6 hours ago, Fly Eagles Fly said:

Doing a watcher game within the Game of Thrones mod to see if manually setting the start date to the first book negates the joke aspects of that bookmark. So far, nothing lorebreaking besides Daenerys and Khal Drogo never getting hitched.

UPDATE: Robin Arryn was apparently hanged at some point; Sansa's the first of Ned's legitimate children to be married, to Robin's successor Harrold. Anyone who shipped Daenerys and Jorah Mormont will love this timeline.

Wait, by joke do you mean the April Fools things where GRRM goes crazy and starts wiping out entire houses? Cause that hasn't been part of this for a while :shifty: 

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1 hour ago, Mick said:

Wait, by joke do you mean the April Fools things where GRRM goes crazy and starts wiping out entire houses? Cause that hasn't been part of this for a while :shifty: 

Found that last bit out, went through with it anyway. Was still irritated about that jihad in the Britannia save, didn't think it through.<_<

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2 hours ago, Fly Eagles Fly said:

Found that last bit out, went through with it anyway. Was still irritated about that jihad in the Britannia save, didn't think it through.<_<

 

Do a few GOT games, see what you can pull of there. I tend to prefer GOT (obviously) since, aside from the GOT stuff, it does add a few mechanics I enjoy over the other (Knights, tourneys, additional traits that make sense [Honorable, ruthless]), as well as certain quirks to religions and cultures you really don't have in the other game. I suppose the one thing I do like about the base game over the rest is stuff like multiple secret societies (GoT only gives you the Alchemists and, if enabled, your standard evil cult) you can join. 

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