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GoGo Yubari Ranks the James Bond Themes (Except the Main One)

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YUP. Y'all are debating it in the Census and I have decided to make a list ranking them. This is the objective, correct list because my opinions are always right. Deal. (And discuss, and state your lists and maybe do full ones if you want once I'm finished or WHATEVER. But mine will be the best.)

It's going to be a countdown of the 22 Bond themes in the wake of Dr. No. I'm not counting the original Bond theme because that's not even fair. You don't count that. And I'm not including anything from any movie not in the official series. Apologies to the 0 Never Say Never Again fans on EWB.

Now, to the worst Bond theme of all time!































.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-_-pX7bIO0
22. "All Time High" by Rita Coolidge (from Octopussy)

Ha! You thought it was going to be Madonna, didn't you? YOU ALL THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE MADONNA! Most likely because you forgot that this theme even existed. I know I did; I bought a CD of all the Bond themes when I was a kid (and repurchased it last year at a sale), and I don't think "All Time High" was on there. This is most likely because it is by far the worst Bond theme ever. There are other bad Bond themes, but this is the only one that doesn't even make the slightest effort to even sound like it's supposed to be about either the movie itself (not that I can fully blame someone for not wanting to write a song titled "Octopussy"), or even just a song about a spy. Instead, the further you go in the more it sounds like it should be the theme of an '80s family sitcom. It's basically the end of the period of Bond themes that were love songs sung, presumably, about/to Bond, and no fucking wonder they went straight to Duran Duran after this. This is pretty much the bottom of the barrel as far as that goes.

.
Next Time: Getting rid of the obvious!

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Expecting a top five placing from a-ha!

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I wonder how long it will take for this list to be wrong. Nothing worrying so far, though.

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I have faith in GoGo to recant his long-held admiration for "Goldfinger" and give the nod to Nancy Sinatra.

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I wonder how long it will take for this list to be wrong. Nothing worrying so far, though.

Based on your awful taste? Give it three picks or so.

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I wonder how long it will take for this list to be wrong. Nothing worrying so far, though.

Based on your awful taste? Give it three picks or so.

:lmao:

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GoGo's #1 pick is Austrian death metal band Kriegshümscht for their blistering headbanging anthem about the man with the golden gun.
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Still isn't better than my goddess Shirley Bassey.  :wub:

 

Also, the #1 Austrian metal band is Summoning, not the one you mentioned.

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That you have an opinion on Austria's #1 metal band proves my point. :shifty:

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Because by liking metal, I couldn't possibly like other kinds or genres of music?

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Exactly! Get back in the tiny box I have put you in!

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Also, Summoning was the only metal band from Austria I could think of.  :shifty:

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Pfft, Soren, everyone knows the best ever Death Metal band came out of Denton.

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Pfft, Soren, everyone knows the best ever Death Metal band came out of Denton.

Still need to listen to something that isn't The Sunset Tree from them. Pour on the recommendations (by PM, because I think I have hijacked GoGo's thread long enough).

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Totally agree with All Time High being the worst theme. But it doesn't sound like an 80's family sitcom theme. It sounds more like an 80s coffee advert theme. SO THERE.

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I'm just gonna preemptively BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and leave this thread to rot.

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It's going to be a countdown of the 22 Bond themes in the wake of Dr. No. I'm not counting the original Bond theme because that's not even fair. You don't count that. And I'm not including anything from any movie not in the official series. Apologies to the 0 Never Say Never Again fans on EWB.

I guess that means the better Casino Royale is out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBXzk5c1eCU

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I will personally stage a riot with my supporters on GoGo's front lawn and leave nasty voice messages if "The World is Not Enough" gets the shaft here  :shifty: 

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Yeah, no Dusty Springfield.

Okay, let's kill this one off. This one's easy.
































 

[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb8_1MEdcYY[/media]

21. "Die Another Day" by Madonna

 

Yeah. Christ. This one's just comical. Like, "All Time High" is the worst Bond theme because at no point does it even make the slightest attempt to be a song for a Bond movie, and on top of that it's just a bad song. "Die Another Day," on the other hand... well. It tries to be a Bond theme. But it's a really, really, really bad Bond theme. Hamster said to me on FB that it's not as bad as people say but... I mean, I dunno. It's quite bad, and very entrenched in Madonna's awful autotune club music (MIX THE BOURGEOISIE AND THE REBELLLLLL, YEAAAAAAAH) period. At one point she goes "SIGMUND FREUD" and then repeats "ANALYZE THIS" like five times. So bad. Very befitting of the movie its attached to.

 

Next Time: I'm not 100% on this yet, but I think it's going to be something someone mentioned that they quite like in the census. Oh yeah.

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Next Time: I'm not 100% on this yet, but I think it's going to be something someone mentioned that they quite like in the census. Oh yeah.

 

License To Kill. Calling it.

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As long as Live And Let Die and Goldfinger are in the top spots, you won't get any complaints from me. (Y)

 

But seriously, Die Another Day is such a horrible song, but it does make sense since Die Another Day is the worst Bond movie by far. As for the next song, it's either Licence To Kill or Moonraker maybe?

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I agree so far.

 

So far.

 

:shifty:

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Yeah the 2 truly awful ones are out of the way.  Most Bond themes are pretty good at the absolute worst, but we've still got a couple songs that are forgettable still to come.

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I'm having this huge conflict in my head right now between Diamonds Are Forever and Goldfinger - but I am quite sure that Goldfinger would pull it out in the end. The music there just seems more iconic.

Can we at least get a nod for Snake Eater which, to this day, I would still take over most Bond themes?

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Interesting guesses from the two people who did! But no. License to Kill was mentioned in that thread, but so was...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGPBFvDz_HM[/media]

20. "GoldenEye" by Tina Turner


Sorry, DoubleX. While I'd agree with show that "Die Another Day" and "All Time High" are way worse than anything else, I'd put "GoldenEye" in as well as a decidedly bad James Bond theme. There are a few Bond themes where you can tell the writers (Bono and The Edge. Yeah. Ick.)  were given a cryptic title, maybe told "oh, by the way, GoldenEye is a satellite" (maybe) and had to try to shoehorn it in. Apparently this was a decent hit outside of the US for Tina Turner (of all the people to get in 1995, Tina Turner?), and... good for her? But she mostly sounds bored. She's right to be, since the music accompanying her sounds super-lazy and "this is what a James Bond theme is meant to sound like, especially if you slow it down to 33 rpm." It's a pity that the movie that revitalized the franchise has such a forgettable theme, but there you are.


Next Time: See #22.

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