GoGo Yubari Ranks the James Bond Themes (Except the Main One)

[Colly]

Also, how the fuck has The Man with the Golden Gun made the top ten?

[GoGo Yubari]

[gunnar hendershow]

That one sure has hung on for awhile, I like it as a song but I'm surprised to see it last longer than "Thunderball" or maybe even "Licence to Kill".

[Kane's Mullet Slacker]

I'm guessing "You Know My Name" by Chris Cornell is next.

[Hewey]

Damn, "Man With The Golden Gun" is in the top 10? Really? Add me on the list that doesn't like the Thunderball theme that much either, it's alright, I'd probably rank it over some that are coming up, but I never found it that great. Love Skyfall, though.

[Kane's Mullet Slacker]

"Nobody Does It Better" made the top 10 as well. As long as it's not higher than Duran Duran's "A View To A Kill", and Paul McCartney and Wings "Live and Let Die" I can live with that.

[Skummy]

Nobody Does It Better is fantastic.

[gunnar hendershow]

What Skummy said!

[GoGo Yubari]

fucking YouTube.
 

10. "The Man With the Golden Gun" by Lulu

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, COLLY. ARE YOU HAPPY. Actually, Colly has every reason to justifiably hate this song. It's fucking ridiculous. Lulu is probably neck and neck with Rita Coolidge for the title of Most "Who?"-Inducing Bond Singer Ever, and the song is just a straight-up ripoff of "Goldfinger" except smutty and filled with endless ridiculous double entendres. It's not even subtle at all. But you know what? I find all of that to be fucking hilarious. "The Man With the Golden Gun" is a song that's not only ridiculous and shameless and campy, but also revels in those qualities and celebrates them. When I listen to "Skyfall" or "Licence to Kill" or even a song or two above this, I can certainly appreciate the overall superior quality, I guess. But this is the one that I know like 80% of the lyrics too and actually laugh and have fun listening to. In a weird way, "The Man With the Golden Gun" morphs into its own thing despite having its origins so clearly rooted in a vastly superior Bond theme. And for being so hilariously goofy and bizarre and for being one of like three Bond themes I would willingly do drunken karaoke for, it's earned its top ten spot on my list. Deal with it.

Next Time: This is one of the "better but not more fun" songs I alluded to in this post. But it's still decidedly better, so it's higher.

 

[Katsuya]

Things I only discovered today: Bonnie Tyler was offered "Never Say Never Again" but turned it down.

[Colly]

It rhymes gun with gun about 14 times.

Now that unpleasantness is behind us, I'd make a genuine shout for Nobody Does it Better for number one. Live and Let Die and Goldfinger are better songs (and presumably will be the top two), and Goldfinger and Diamonds are Forever are quintessentially Bond in a 'Shirley Bassey is Bond themes' way, but Nobody Does it Better is effortlessly right. Birds love him, and he's good at stuff. How Bond is that?

Also, and I hope this works since YouTube on EWB refuses to work for me now, but Glang! Glangalang! Glangalangalangalangalang...

Edited March 7, 2013 by Colly

[Colly]

Things I only discovered today: Bonnie Tyler was offered "Never Say Never Again" but turned it down.

Turned it down, bright eyes?

[gunnar hendershow]

"The Man With the Golden Gun" cracks me up every time. It's great fun. Wouldn't make my top 10, but I don't hate it like some people do.

[GoGo Yubari]

It rhymes gun with gun about 14 times.

Or zero times.

[Skummy]

Besides, it's a known fact that the worst rhyme in a Bond song is "Midas touch/a spider's touch", because seriously, what?

[GoGo Yubari]

It's kind of funny if you just stop and look at how dumb a lot of the Goldfinger lyrics are. Anyway.

9. "Tomorrow Never Dies" by Sheryl Crow

While I wouldn't agree that "Skyfall" is an inferior version of this song, they do have something very key in common; both are able to do a retro-sounding song without making it seem cloying and try-hard. It's a trick that the Brosnan films tried three times before giving up and going down the dark, dark road that led to "Die Another Day" (SIGMUND FREUD! ANALYZE THIS ANALYZE THIS ANALYZE THIS ANALYZE THIS), and "Tomorrow Never Dies" is the only time it really works. I waver on Sheryl Crow's singing at points in the song but it fits the tone well. Hilariously, it was panned by people who clearly wanted Bond themes to be one thing forever. OMG SHE DOESN'T SOUND LIKE SHIRLEY BASSEY OH NO. These people also argue in favor of the k.d. lang song that was originally meant to be the theme. And I love k.d. lang a ton and her song's not bad at all, but naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. That being said, there are so many rejected Bond themes that clearly I should do a countdown for those too

Next Time: We're into the land of the giants now, songs that were either fucking great or set the tone for others to follow. This is one of the latter.

[gunnar hendershow]

I'm not huge on "Tomorrow Never Dies", Sheryl Crow's singing doesn't do it for me. That said, it is the peak of the Brosnan films and it's certainly better than half of the Bond themes. Maybe a spot or two too high, but it's not out-of-place at 9.

[Colly]

It rhymes gun with gun about 14 times.

Or zero times.

It feels like it does, and that's far worse.

Rewatched Tomorrow Never Dies at the weekend as part of my currently three month run through the whole series, its far better than I remembered and probably in my top five overall. Also, token cameos for Julian Rhind-Tutt (with 'Tutt' namebadge) and Gerard Butler ftw.

[Kane's Mullet Slacker]

While Tomorrow Never Dies is not one of my favorite Bond films, I do enjoy that opening theme and the title sequence as well.

[GoGo Yubari]

Yaaaaaaay, YouTube videos are back.

8. "A View To a Kill" by Duran Duran

It's tough to really fully explain why this is #8 without saying what #7 is, because it really came down to which one of the two I liked more. Part of the tiebreaker came down to visual elements too, and in that race, well... "A View to a Kill" starts with the same thing "The Man With the Golden Gun" starts with but makes it trashier, and then full on '80s cheese. Still, this is such a good Bond theme and really a groundbreakng Bond theme; after the long string of ballads that got worse and worse and worse, "A View to a Kill" was a shot in the arm, a bid for renewed relevancy and cool when Roger Moore was decidedly too old to still be James Bond. Really, it's a pity that this wasn't the theme for Dalton's first go-'round, because I love when Bonds get something striking and attention-grabbing as their first theme. More on that tomorrow, I bet.