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The Sordid History of Sousa's Horrible Musical Tastes


Sousa

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I have no idea why I've decided to do this, but I've been thinking about it for a little while and I have a little bit of time off, so hey, why not? This is going to be a look back on some of the music I've liked, going back to the very first album I can ever remember being really into (from 1992!) to... well I don't know how far forward I'll go. My goal is a retrospective, and it wouldn't really be a retrospective if I said "yeah, First Aid Kit, guys, all day!" I'm going to attempt to be chronological to reflect the way my tastes changed over the years, but I can't promise I won't skip around if I remember another album I really, really liked.

I'm not going to be reviewing every album I ever listened to, just ones I specifically remember listening to a lot, all or most of the way through. If that sounds boring, you should know that it starts with a concept album for kids about a cat saying no to temptation and standing up for Jesus around his friends, and it takes a weird detour into metal because Teenage Sousa was awful.

So I'll get right into it!

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Carman - Yo Kidz! Heroes, Stories and Songs from the Bible (1992)

Right off the bat, I'm going to confess that I'm only listening to as much of this as I can reasonably find; I can get free previews that cover much of the songs online, but like hell am I paying money to listen to this again, and my "legitimate means" have of course failed me. Even from the preview, yeah. Wow.

Around the time this album came out (and its sequel, cleverly titled Yo Kidz! 2: The Armor of God), I was involved in Junior Bible Quiz, an apparently-still-existing quiz game in the Assemblies of God church (an offshoot of the Pentecostals, a.k.a. a "charismatic" church, a.k.a. "a bunch of holy rollers who speak in tongues but don't force women to wear long skirts like the Pentecostals do"). Growing up in an evangelical church with very religious parents, with a dad who was both church board member and coach of the JBQ team, I pretty much listened to nothing but Christian music. Amy Grant, Steven Curtis Chapman, Ray Boltz... all of these names probably mean nothing to a lot of you guys, but that was all I was allowed to listen to.

And then there was Carman. Oh-ho, Carman. Carman was the exception. The weird one. It's strange to talk about a Christian singer as "high-concept," but Carman tried to do it all, from typical gospel caterwauling to... well, to shit like this:

Yes, that is a synthesizer-fueled spaghetti-western "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" that ends with the Devil getting shot. Carman was absolutely the cat's pajamas for somebody like me, and in 1992, he did a kids album you guys.

For those long JBQ trips--which often took us as far away as Chicago--Yo Kidz! was just the thing we needed. As concept albums go, it was something. The songs--almost all of them about Biblical heroes--were framed by a story about Carman meeting a six-foot-tall purple cat who talks in early 90's rap clichés and begins most sentences with "yo man." He is an Xzbit meme made manifest. He is Lawrence. And he is our hero.

The album alternates between Carman's songs and skits that tell the story of Lawrence, who is involved in a gang until Carman sets him straight and tells him the story of the Bible's greatest heroes. Typical line: "Well, it sounds like David was a straight-up gangsta." He confuses Babe Ruth with the Biblical Ruth, Jonah with David, and saying "yo, straight up, dude?" with legitimacy.

Story albums like this were very popular in Christian circles back at this point, dating back to the Adventures in Odyssey radio serials, and so the story of Lawrence spouting off slang and getting his gang saved was far more interesting than the songs to me as a kid. Looking back, the story sections are just unbearably bad and not even really distinguishable from any other "kewl kidz" stuff from back in the day.

The songs are more interesting if only because of just how much Carman tries to do. He's competent at just about all of them but is the talk-singiest person you've ever heard, which is a shame because he's got a decent dulcet baritone voice down in the Elvis range. He's got a funk song about John the Baptist ("Are You the One?"), a lounge number about a guy who gets fed to lions ("Daniel and the Dangerous Dudes"), and of course good ol' 80's synth-pop ("Sling Bang Boom," all about David). It all caps off with a weird funk-rap hybrid in "Turned On, Sold Out, Hooked on Jesus," which is only nearly as bad as it sounds.

So in short, it's a very strange combination of Bible hero concept album and late 80's/early 90's peer pressure after school special. It makes perfect sense that I would be incredibly into this back when it came out, but now? Yeah, no thanks.

Song Highlights:

"Daniel and the Dangerous Dudes" - Carman's voice is actually really well-suited to this kind of lounge number, and this one is all about evil Babylonian emperors. It's also the least talk-singy song on the whole album, which helps.

"The Cat Vibe" - Lawrence's theme song. He raps, because of course he does. Best line: "Check out my man with the moves! XXL!"

Song Lowlights:

"I Will Go Where You Will Go" - The story of Ruth reimagined with Carman's breathy talking on top of softcore porn music. Creepy. No wonder we fast-forwarded through this one (WE HAD A CASSETTE GUYS).

"Somewhere Within the Heart" - Power ballad contemporary Christian duet being strangled by synthesizers. Die in a fire.

With the Benefit of Hindsight:

Eh. Of course I wasn't going to be super down with this, but I'm impressed with the sheer amount of things Carman tries to do in his songs, even if he's not particularly great at any of them. You can skip this one. Or you can watch this video featuring two of the songs from the album (and some more from other albums), some very old VeggieTales stuff, and Hanson! (look at David and the announcer during "Sling Bang Boom")

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In a photo post made on both his official and personal Facebook accounts on February 14, 2013, Carman revealed that he had been diagnosed with myeloma and given a prognosis of only three to four more years to live

Hope your happy for mocking him! :(

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In a photo post made on both his official and personal Facebook accounts on February 14, 2013, Carman revealed that he had been diagnosed with myeloma and given a prognosis of only three to four more years to live

Hope your happy for mocking him! :(

I may well do far worse to Cliff Burton before this list is finished!

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Steven Curtis Chapman - For the Sake of the Call (1990)


First off, the dates. These are organized not in chronological order related to when they were released, but chronological order related to my life. Just to give you an example, I became a really big fan of Elvis Costello's first three albums... but not until about four or five years ago. So yeah, I was listening to this one after YO KIDZ! This sort of time travel will happen quite a bit more.

I mentioned in Donators that I was really, really terrified of having to listen to this album. Unlike the previous one, which is easy to enjoy ironically ("Straight up, G? Yo yo yo, what up with Jesus, dude?"), this one is just typical po-faced nonsense from that most foul of musical genres: Contemporary Christian Music, or CCM. So yeah, whereas the last entry was a rap album with a cat, this one is just straight-up worship music of the sort you might find playing over a church's PA after the service.

The formula for this sort of music is

1. take popular music
2. remove spine
3. add Jesus

and in this case, the spine is being removed from adult contemporary pop from the late 80's/early 90's. So it's Air Supply for Christ. Whoopee.

And, I mean. I can't be too mean about it. Steven Curtis Chapman seems a decent fellow. He has a charity dedicated to helping kids get adopted. I've heard his live albums, and he's got a sweet, self-deprecating sense of humor (For a little background, he's a white guy with a mullet from a town way in western Kentucky.). But the music is just so dull. I don't think there's anything inherent about Christian music that means it's never going to take risks or defy genres, because fuck's sake, it's only a subject matter. But I grew up in a conservative household, and the music is conservative to match.

Shit, listen to this, and keep in mind that this was the song that got radio airplay:



Still awake? Yeah, it's synth-heavy soft rock. It's fine. It's not badly arranged, and he's got a decent voice and all, but at least Carman had the "try to do everything" shtick to set him apart. This could be any guy.

Later on, he did try to branch out some. And. Well. This is what happened.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bndE6TuC5VI

...yeah, you know what? Stick to the synth-heavy soft rock, Steve. ONE A THOSE RAP SONGS

Song Highlights:
"Busy Man" - I at least like what he's going for here. "Slow down a little" is a good theme that transcends faiths.
"No Better Place" - One thing I do appreciate about him is that he's at least very positive. I dig it when Christians extol the positive things about their faith rather than having to hear from the "you're all going to aitch ee double hockey sticks" crowd. Chapman is very positive.

Song Lowlights:
"Lost in the Shadow" - And every song that sounds exactly like it, which is most of them. If the music wasn't so bloodless, I could get more into the positivist nature of a lot of these songs.
"Got 2 B Tru" - It comes from a different album, but it is so fucking bad it deserves mention here.

With the Benefit of Hindsight:
I would very likely never listen to any of this again. Even if you cut the Christian themes, it's just not very interesting, musically, lyrically, whatever. But like I said, he seems like a decent guy, and I think one of the reasons that I still get along well with Christians is the fact that my parents did eventually get me out of the negative "BIH EVERYBODY BUT US" churches and get me somewhere more inclusive. What I most remember about church as a kid--particularly the Assembly of God church we eventually joined--was that it was a community. This album reflects that, even if the music blows.

NEXT: That was the last ostensibly Christian album. Next we get into another genre that EWB probably won't ever touch ever.
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Gregorian chants?

Pfft, I wish I had that album. Closer to what Apsham mentioned actually.

EDIT: Just found out that the album I'm alluding to was Benedictine monks rather than Gregorian. I apologize for the deception.

EDIT #2: But apparently they were Gregorian chants? So I was right the first time. Monastic orders are weird.

EDIT #3: Some context for those of you who don't get this: in 1994 the Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo de Silos, a monastic order from Spain, put out an album called Chant of Gregorian chants. It was actually a re-release of recordings from the 1970's, but for reasons I cannot possibly hope to explain the album became ridiculously popular. We're talking about an album of Gregorian chants that went triple-platinum and led to a group of Benedictine monks appearing on Jay Leno. I remember when this came out because everyone had a copy of this album. It was one of the most bizarre musical trends of my lifetime.

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Gregorian chants?

Pfft, I wish I had that album. Closer to what Apsham mentioned actually.

EDIT: Just found out that the album I'm alluding to was Benedictine monks rather than Gregorian. I apologize for the deception.

EDIT #2: But apparently they were Gregorian chants? So I was right the first time. Monastic orders are weird.

EDIT #3: Some context for those of you who don't get this: in 1994 the Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo de Silos, a monastic order from Spain, put out an album called Chant of Gregorian chants. It was actually a re-release of recordings from the 1970's, but for reasons I cannot possibly hope to explain the album became ridiculously popular. We're talking about an album of Gregorian chants that went triple-platinum and led to a group of Benedictine monks appearing on Jay Leno. I remember when this came out because everyone had a copy of this album. It was one of the most bizarre musical trends of my lifetime.

Yea, I kinda remember the monk thing...1994 was weird because chanting was a big thing then. I remember this song was pretty big then too

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Randy Travis - Always & Forever (1987)


This marks the end of our brief flirtation with guys from the South with bad haircuts leaning over the backs of chairs, so I hope you guys weren't excited about that.

We're still pretty firmly in the "Young Sousa only listens to things his parents listen to" phase of the list, and this is the last item on it. As far as non-Christian music goes (though Randy Travis did sing gospel and religion and country are hard to separate anyway), country music was pretty "safe." Most of this comes from my mom, who drove me around everywhere I needed to go and therefore handled the radio dial; my dad grew up with 70's hard rock and maintained a flair for Floyd and Zeppelin into adulthood, but it didn't really come out much until I was a teenager.

So country it was, and the 90's were an interesting time for it. Nashville was undergoing something of a revival at this point, as the rise of post-Reagan corporate media allowed rural FM radio stations to thrive (Reagan's relaxed stance on media consolidation led to entities like Clear Channel gobbling up dozens of stations, and the general trend toward deregulation kept this going... this is boring, let's get back to music). Country was a safe bet for these stations, and the move coincided with the rise of Garth Brooks and--later--Shania Twain and Faith Hill. In the Dayton area, our homogenized country music station of choice was (and still is!) K99.1 FM (today's new country and your familiar favorites!). My radio alarm clock is set to this station to this day; it's the one most likely to get me the fuck out of bed to turn the alarm off. <_<

My family was into Garth Brooks, but Randy Travis enjoyed something of a seminal position. You might know him best for his more recent naked drunk driving antics, and I should mention at this point that my Facebook wall was peppered with my family's disappointment and "prayers" over what happened. But back in the late 80's and early 90's, Travis was a good ol' boy from North Carolina, churning out inoffensive, old-fashioned country with none of the rock trappings that defined Garth Brooks or the pop sensibility of Shania Twain. In a lot of ways, par for the country course, he seemed to step straight out of another era--the time of Hank Williams and George Jones, with just a twinge of the Merle Haggard outlaw sensibility. But just a twinge.

You don't need to get far into Always & Forever to understand that it was his bid for stardom in country music circles, and it took off in a big way, topping Billboard's country charts and doing well in the top 200 at a time when country albums just didn't do that. It's slick, it's tight (just ten songs, none of them hitting four minutes long), and it's polished to a glossy sheen. It's busting at the seams with radio-ready ballads interspersed with some fun but inoffensive hoedown noodling.

And here's the thing. I was really, really prepared to hate this album. I like country and folk music, but I like it raw: steel guitars, fiddles, banjos, dulcimers, and get fucked if you get a synthesizer anywhere near. "Gospel-singing future hitmaker makes bid for fame" is the antithesis of that. That said? It's actually pretty nice. Like Steven Curtis Chapman, it's very safe, without a lot of risks, but unlike Chapman it's not pretentious. Yes, the keyboards suck and don't sound right around the fiddle and guitar. Yes, Randy Travis is a pleasant but limited vocalist. But the songs are nice and everything clicks in a good way, it's pleasant, and it doesn't wear out its welcome. Even the love songs, while cheesy, have a sweet sincerity about them.

Two complaints:
1. The keyboards. I don't hate them as an instrument (more of them are coming, trust me), but I'd like Travis better in a more raw-sounding environment. More stuff made out of wood. He's just barely skirting the line that later led to abominable Garth Brooks bullshit.
2. The songs that aren't love songs are, in large part, "You're my ex and you want to show your face around here? Get the fuck out, bitch, I've got a better thing goin' now." In slick cowboy form. And I mean. Yeah, it's music, and there are worse themes coming (WAIT LIKE THREE ALBUMS FROM NOW GUYS). But country music has traditionally had a weird relationship with women where they're either villains (eek), romance objects (eh), or prizes.

Like this, and thank fuck my parents never owned this album because I do not want to write about how this motherfucker was part of the "safe" genre of music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMxio_lrybM

DEAR JOHN MICHAEL MONTGOMERY,

IT IS WEIRD THAT YOU GO TO AUCTIONS AND ACT THIS WAY. IF YOU GO TO AN ACTUAL AUCTION AND ACT THIS WAY, YOU WILL NOT BE MARRIED. THE ONLY THING YOU WILL BE SOLD IS A RESTRAINING ORDER.

LOVE,

ALL OF THE WOMEN EVERYWHERE

P.S. THE WOMAN IN YOUR VIDEO IS NOT WEARING A LONG BLACK DRESS.

Song Highlights:
"Too Gone Too Long" - Yes I know I just railed against this sort of thematic element, but it's got a good hook to it. I'd buy this album if it was songs like this.
"Tonight We're Gonna Tear Down the Walls" - YES WE FUCKING ARE RANDY.
"I Won't Need You Anymore (Always and Forever)" - A really sweet love song. Like, legitimately. And speaking of which...
"Forever and Ever, Amen" - I don't know. This was the single. If you have parents who were into country there's a better than average chance you've heard it. It hearkens back to a time in my life that was full of VHS tapes of Disney movies and boot disks for Commander Keen. Pure nostalgia.

Song Lowlights:
"What'll You Do About Me" - See aforementioned restraining order against John Michael Montgomery.

With the Benefit of Hindsight:
I really liked this! A lot of people dump on "rap and country" as the "I listen to a little of everything except" genres, and neither really deserves it. I probably won't listen to this again after today, but it wasn't unpleasant and painful like I anticipate at least one album coming up will be (at least). Sweet, sappy, sentimental, and inoffensive. It won't change your world, but it won't ruin it, either.

NEXT: The first CD I ever owned by the artist of the last CD I ever bought in a CD store!
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"Weird Al" Yankovic - Bad Hair Day (1996)


Two posts in a short time frame? Sousa must be putting off work or something. :shifty:

It was the Christmas of 1996 when I got this CD--along with my very first CD player (not a portable Discman--that would come later)--and it was pretty much exactly what I'd asked for. It's pretty safe to say that I've liked Weird Al for longer than any other musician (it's between him and They Might Be Giants, who I discovered around the same time), but in order to understand why I liked him at the time, it's important to go back to what was happening at the time.

In 1996, I was 13 years old, in eighth grade, and was in the process of getting the absolute shit clobbered out of me by adolescence and puberty. I had terrible acne, I wore huge glasses, and to make matters worse my body was starting to take on "Baconhill proportions." Scotty?



Thanks, pal. :( Man, remember back when this time I'm writing about was happening and you had long black hair and were fated to never beat the Outsiders? Good times.

I've mentioned a few times on EWB that I spent kindergarten and first grade in parochial school, and the transition to public school was more than a little awkward. By middle school, my best friend had left (for the same parochial school I'd left, coincidentally), and I really had no close friends at school. I spent a lot of time buried in notebooks, making video games and mazes on notebook paper and trying to develop a reputation annoying "popular" girls. I knew I was a nerd and I was comfortable with it, but I wanted to be the Screech Powers nerd. The kind that still had friends and got to hang out with people. And for a long, long time, this didn't happen.

This isn't a "woe is me" rant--I was healthy, grew up in a decent household, and got good grades. But I was lonely, and I din't want to be. And I credit Weird Al for turning things around for me.

The idea of parody of popular music hadn't even entered my vocabulary until I heard Weird Al's "I Think I'm a Clone Now" and "Fat" (Even Worse was the favorite album of the kid who ended up being one of my very few close friends at this point). By and large, because of my cloistered musical options, I heard the song parodies before I heard the originals, but the idea was remarkable to me.

I had a flair for music already, and I knew some songs, so I took a stab at writing parodies of my own.

I wish I still had copies of these songs, because--while they weren't good--they were interesting at least. A lot of them had a political bent; 1996 was the first presidential election in which I knew a little about the candidates, so I was able to put together songs about Bob Dole, Bill Clinton, and Ross Perot. They mostly parodied show tunes--"Gilligan's Island," "The Flintstones," "The Addams Family," things that everybody knew and that weren't the country/contemporary Christian music pastiche that surrounded me at home. And yeah, they weren't very clever, but it was eighth grade, dammit. By the time the year was out, my eighth grade math teacher had asked me to make a song about everyone in the class. They were all terrible, but I had attention if not friends.

Friends, of course, would come soon after, and real ones, not just people who liked me for my ability to write funny songs.

So Weird Al helped me fit in. It was only appropriate that, when the 8th grade talent show rolled around, I did my own parody... of "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio. And yes, the music I used in the background?



I was clever, guys.

So the album, right? The one that helped me find my mojo? It marked something of a career renaissance for Weird Al, who seemed to have a career renaissance every six or seven years like clockwork. "Amish Paradise" was a big deal at the time, with heavy play on MTV and even a bit of controversy with Coolio (Al claims he got permission for the recording; Coolio claimed he turned him down and famously said "I'm happy for him, I hope he sells a lot of records, but stay away from me"). And let's be clear: it's a pretty fantastic parody with a nice music video at a time when music videos were still in heavy rotation. There's a reason the album art is what it is; it's to say "Buy this one, it's the album with 'Amish Paradise' on it."

So what about the rest? Well.

The 1994-1996 period that this album capitalizes on wasn't particularly rich in innovative music. There was no one on the level of Michael Jackson or Nirvana to latch onto, Kurt Cobain was dead, grunge was beginning its slow slide into irrelevance, and alternative music was mostly just coasting until rap-metal became a big thing at the end of the 90's. The other big hit from the album was "Gump," but that was as much a lucky break as anything (Popular rock band releases song that sounds like popular movie and pop-culture touchstone's name, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey). The next "big thing" to come along the block in music would be Alanis Morissette, who shows up here contributing "You Oughta Know" to the polka medley. I chalk it up to poor timing, but if "Bad Hair Day" had come out just a smidge later, it could've really capitalized on Morissette's popularity. Instead, the parodies are all fine, the originals are all pretty good, and it's sort of middle of the road for Al. When you've got an album that parodies "Touch Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me" by U2, you know you're kind of in the middle of a pop music wasteland.

As an aside, my family is to this day really into this album, and we have a tradition of listening to "The Night Santa Went Crazy" on my worn-out CD every year at our Christmas get-together. Yes, I still have this album, and yes, it still (kind of) works.

Song Highlights:
"Amish Paradise" - Obviously. This is pretty much the perfect parody and the centerpiece of the album, and with good reason. The Amish aren't exactly difficult targets, but mixing them up with Coolio's melodramatic West Coast stylings is a recipe for success.
"The Alternative Polka" - Weird Al has a tradition of including polka medleys of popular songs on his albums, and this one is my absolute favorite. This is Chris Cornell's face after he heard a polka arrangement of "Black Hole Sun":
cornellwow.jpg
"I Remember Larry" - One thing that Al isn't as well-known for--and it's a shame--is his band. I mentioned above that Carman was a jack-of-all-trades and a master of none, but Al's band is a master of ALL THE TRADES. Seriously, this is a band that can go from a Doors homage to Miley Cyrus pop to a thumping White Stripes send-up to a melodramatic Jim Steinman power ballad within the span of a single album and make it sound convincing. "I Remember Larry" is Al's send-up to Sparks (he did a few) and the band pulls it off with aplomb in a song with a great punchline. Kudos to all of them but especially guitarist Jim West, who will never get the accolades he really deserves for being awesome.

Song Lowlights:
"Syndicated Inc." - It's a song about TV shows that nobody remembers (Hard Copy! Mayberry RFD!) that parodies fucking Soul Asylum. Move on.
"Cavity Search" - Again, it's that fucking U2 song from Batman Forever. And it's got dentist drills in the background.

With the Benefit of Hindsight:
I'm going to get to meet Weird Al later this month at a book signing. I'm glad he's still around, doing what he's doing, and I hope there are other little fat kids with glasses out there learning that they too can dare to be a little stupid. And hey, this album's not too bad, either.

NEXT: LOUD NOISES
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I'd never call myself a huge fan of Weird Al, but he's definitely clever, and I love his music videos. More than anything, I am consistently entertained by the music videos to this day. You're only a year or so older than me, so I can relate to remembering when Amish Paradise got big. If I remember correctly, MTV gave him a two hour special called Al TV, which I had taped on a VHS (remember those?). The videos had everything a 12 year old VerbalPuke could want, rubber guitars, heads falling off, and all sorts of zany shit.

And UHF is a classic.

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I don't know if I'd call UHF a classic without some qualifications--I like how shamelessly stupid it is, and it's got a good cast (and Victoria Jackson), and I never regret watching it. But it's not the best and could really drop the whole "town rallies together to save the station" nonsense and just revel in its own stupidity.

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If I remember right, Al's label told him Coolio gave permission to do the song, so Al went ahead and did it. When he found out Coolio did not give permission, Al apologized to Coolio...and continues to do so to this day whenever the subject is brought up.

Theres also a theory that Coolio did infact give permission, but denied it to not "lose cred" in rap culture

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I'm not a big fan of Weird Al at all - I prefer stylistic parodies to explicitly parodying a specific song - but his polka medleys are brilliant, and he put one of the most mind-bogglingly insane live shows I've ever seen.

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I'm not a big fan of Weird Al at all - I prefer stylistic parodies to explicitly parodying a specific song - but his polka medleys are brilliant, and he put one of the most mind-bogglingly insane live shows I've ever seen.

Yeah, I saw him live a decade ago and it was fucking incredible. I missed out on him last year to go see Rifftrax in theatres because it was way cheaper and it was fucking Manos, but hopefully I can see him again in the next couple years (this year his WA show appears to be in Bellingham, soooo probably not this time).

Also, listening to him on podcasts has revealed that he's a genuinely hilarious, quick-witted guy, so that's nice.

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