WiP - EWB EWR Update

[Sousa]

So here's a fun game. Here are six stat blocks for six current active WWE wrestlers from Bill's August data update. I've cut the Diva box out so as not to give away who are men and women.

Here are the six, in no particular order: Becky Lynch, Konnor, Dash Wilder, Sasha Banks, Fernando, and Bayley. Can you figure out who's who?

(HINT: At least one is fairly easy because of a specific ticked quality.)

[RPS]

Twist: They are all el Torito in alternate universes. 

[Sousa]

No, El Torito's stats look like THIS:

 

EDIT: Also, El Torito is a Tweener. The comedy bull character feuding with Xavier Woods has no particular alignment one way or the other.

[Kyle]

1. Sasha Banks

2. Fernando

3. Konnor

4. Becky Lynch

5. Dash Wilder

6. Bayley

?

[MalaCloudy Black]

I'm guessing Fernando is #2, Konnor is #3, Dash Wilder is #4, #1 is Becky Lynch, #5 is Bayley, and #6 is Sasha Banks. 

Who the fuck out of any of those has anything resembling 'shooting ability', though? I thought that was meant for people with some MMA training or experience - right?

[Sousa]

1. Sasha Banks

2. Fernando

3. Konnor

4. Becky Lynch

5. Dash Wilder

6. Bayley

?

Four out of six.

I will tell you that you've got Konnor and Sasha Banks right, so the EWR board mod monkeys officially think Konnor is more popular than Sasha "Basically Sold Out The Barclay Center, Presumably Because Of Her Shooting Ability" Banks.

[Kyle]

Becky and Wilder swapped?

[Sousa]

Becky and Wilder swapped?

Still four out of six!

[MalaCloudy Black]

I'm guessing Fernando is #2, Konnor is #3, Dash Wilder is #4, #1 is Becky Lynch, #5 is Bayley, and #6 is Sasha Banks. 

Who the fuck out of any of those has anything resembling 'shooting ability', though? I thought that was meant for people with some MMA training or experience - right?

Given what I know now I'm going to swap 6 and 1.

[Kyle]

Right, swap Becky and Bayley then.  

[Gazz]

1. Noted UFC Women's Bantamweight Champion Sasha Banks (higher charisma than 4)
2. Fernando (High spots)
3. Konnor (Menacing)
4. Becky (lower charisma than 1)
5. Bayley (no superstar star look)
6. Dash (due to low overness)

[Sousa]

1. Noted UFC Women's Bantamweight Champion Sasha Banks (higher charisma than 4)
2. Fernando (High spots)
3. Konnor (Menacing)
4. Becky (lower charisma than 1)
5. Bayley (no superstar star look)
6. Dash (due to low overness)

This (and Troy's latest list) is correct.

Sasha Banks is less popular than Erick Rowan, Adam Rose, Sanada, Johnny Gargano, and Bram.

[Kyle]

Gazz's thought process was basically mine, minus the bit towards the end of my thought process where I just started swapping my answers. >_>

[Gazz]

Yeah, because she hasn't been updated in two years whilst some dude who wrestles in a barn in Wyoming every third Sunday of the month is constantly updated and Dennis 'I'm not booked' Stamp is probably still considered an active wrestler.

Case in point

I think its about time you can remove AJ Lee's WWE contract, she has been retired for months now

Five months to be precise.

[Sousa]

You know who has a higher overness than Sasha Banks?

911.

911, the low-card enforcer guy from ECW twenty years ago.

[Gazz]

I wonder if Bill works for PWI.

[Sousa]

I wonder if Bill works for PWI.

Well, considering he's got this as the stats for The Maestro...

[Lineker]

If I had time/cared I would totally pump out a better monthly update.

[Gazz]

Sasha is also less popular than Jessie McKay, who has had two whole matches in NXT and is under the wrong name.

She's also less popular in a North American wrestling simulation than Commando Bolshoi, a 43 year old Japanese I'm going to assume Joshi wrestler because I've never fucking heard of her.

And David Flair.

And Eric Angle.

And Thumbtack Jack, who retired 5 years ago when one of his vertebrae exploded in a deathmatch.

[Sousa]

In her defense, Commando Bolshoi is fucking awesome and you'd immediately become her biggest fan if she came to Japan. She was at King of Trios in 2012 in probably my favorite match in the tournament.

But she's not more popular than Sasha Banks.

EDIT: CM Punk's Attitude is 70. Fetch me another round of lolwuts.

EDIT #2: There is a wrestler named Bronco #3 and another wrestler named Bronco III. I want to make them a tag team. Or possibly give them a feud over the number three.

Edited September 5, 2015 by Sousa