2016 MLB Thread

[thatshortguy]

Here's a fun way to start the season.  I'm cherry-picking random headlines for each team:

AL East!
Baltimore knows how it's done:  Efren up, Hoes down.
Red SAWX are hosting a snowboarding event next month in Fenway.  Somewhere, Dennis Boyd twitches.
The Yanks are paying Ivan Nova $4.1 million because cripes everyone seems overpriced around here.
Dickerson to the Rays, giving them exactly one and one half Desmond Jennings types.
Tulo better work out as a good leadoff guy...'cause Drew Storen ain' stealing bases this year.

AL Central!
Noted underachieving team makes unexpectedly shrewd move, so long as nobody gets all aggro off the bench.
Albert Belle will be an inductee into the Indians Hall of Fame, provided he's not in Fenway alongside Boyd.
J.D. Martinez could cause Detroit to have its first arbitration hearing in 15 years.
The Royals have two former Braves pitchers that I really liked and I still hate them.
I'd post something about the Twins here, but really, they have done next to nothing that interests me.

AL West!
Astros' GM believes they're built "to go the distance", not realizing that every team will play 162 games regardless.
Alliteration Alert Activated:  Angels Acquire Al Albuquerque
With no beard rival to speak of, Josh Reddick once again slinks to the A's right field spot.
Someone is honestly trying to suggest Nelson Cruz may not be the best DH option in Seattle. D. A. F. U. Q. Question mark.
Texas' Dillon Tate manages to look in his 20s before the pitch, in his 30s during the stretch, and then like D-Von during the delivery.

NL East!
Atlanta's Freddie Freeman is selling his Georgia home, which is surprising because he's a known player still technically in Atlanta.  Also, I've realized that whiskey is not the best drink for a baseball season.  I've switched to everclear flavored with bleach.
No link for Miami, just gonna say I'm confident Barry Bonds will be starting by the end of the year.
The Mets signed arguably my favorite player in the majors.
Andy Galdi goes from Google to Philly.  Inspired, Atlanta poaches Garrett Gruener from ask.com.
BRONSON ARROYO IS STILL FINDING WORK!

NL Central!
Blockbuster deal sends Julio Tehran to the Cubbies and Jorge Solar to Atlanta.
BRONSON ARROYO HAD MULTIPLE TEAMS INTERESTED!?
Miller Park renovations included improved kids' area, more executive suites and cleaner suicide booths.
Pittsburgh starting Jaso at first, firmly believe Starling Marte is just the man to play 162 in games left field.
Just read all these stories about the Cardinals and then tell me they're not MLB's Patriots.

NL West!
The Diamondbacks are doing their best Dodger impression, complete with signing Howie Kendrick.
Colorado getting ready to give CarGo the Big Papi Treatment.
No sarcasm here:  Dodgers do classy thing.
The Padres took Christian Bethancourt because mediocre catchers are like, their thing, man.
MySpace founder offers to pay for Anthony Kiedis' Giants salary.
 

[Meacon Keaton]

So...pitchers and catchers report in a few weeks...

I don't know. I've been watching MLB Network for the last few weeks and I'm just way too excited to get the season started.

So how is everyone feeling about their clubs this year? @damshow, will the O's challenge for the top of the East or the bottom? @The Canadian Destroyer, will the Blue Jays continue to win all of their games 12-11? @Maxx fuck the Red Sox!

Will @the evil oversans be more active in this thread since his D-Backs went on a spending spree this winter and expect to make a push in the NL West? Has @Lineker become a fan of this amazing sport yet? 

So many unanswered questions!

[Lineker]

Nope.

[Meacon Keaton]

Well boo to you.

@thatshortguy, completely missed you starting one.  Maybe a mod that happens to stumble in here can give us a big merge.

[Lineker]

1 minute ago, Meacon said:

Well boo to you.

@thatshortguy, completely missed you starting one.  Maybe a mod that happens to stumble in here can give us a big merge.

There you go.

[9 to 5]

Meacon dodging me again, what a surprise!

[Meacon Keaton]

 National League is irrelevant! 

[thatshortguy]

8 minutes ago, Meacon said:

 National League is irrelevant! 

Not gonna lie, I want to see the DH in the NL and I'm amazed it never happened after the "live ball/steroid" timeframe.

If only to see the Braves reacquire Andrelton Simmons and plug him as the DH

[MalaCloudy Black]

Soler. His name is Soler. If you want the dude at least spell his name right (you're not getting the dude).

[thatshortguy]

1 hour ago, Cloudy said:

Soler. His name is Soler. If you want the dude at least spell his name right (you're not getting the dude).

Fun fact:  I intentionally misspell the name just to mess with Cubs fans.

That actually isn't too harebrained an idea, btw, I've seen some form of that deal pitched on a few sites.  Never happening, though.

[TEOL]

My diary Diamondbacks set the bar way too high.

[Maxx]

8 hours ago, Meacon said:

So...pitchers and catchers report in a few weeks...

I don't know. I've been watching MLB Network for the last few weeks and I'm just way too excited to get the season started.

So how is everyone feeling about their clubs this year? @damshow, will the O's challenge for the top of the East or the bottom? @The Canadian Destroyer, will the Blue Jays continue to win all of their games 12-11? @Maxx fuck the Red Sox!

Will @the evil oversans be more active in this thread since his D-Backs went on a spending spree this winter and expect to make a push in the NL West? Has @Lineker become a fan of this amazing sport yet? 

So many unanswered questions!

fahk you!

[DMN in the House]

7 hours ago, Meacon said:

 National League is irrelevant! 

You guys aren't even the 'Team Most Likely to Buy it's Way to a Championship' anymore! Who's irrelevant now?

[thatshortguy]

...Miami?

[Meacon Keaton]

2 hours ago, DMN said:

You guys aren't even the 'Team Most Likely to Buy it's Way to a Championship' anymore! Who's irrelevant now?

Ha. At least the Yankees were able to win championships with the money they spent. Dodgers spend the money, but get no results. That's the true definition of a loooo-who-seh-herrrrrrrr. 

[gunnar hendershow]

O's will likely contend for a .500 season. Machado-Jones-Davis-Trumbo-Wieters is good enough to get the runs they need, but the pitching is going to be rough. Same story as every year basically.

[thatshortguy]

Every time I see an article about an 'up and coming Orioles pitcher', I just chuckle and wait for the trade involving them.

[Gabriel]

The Jays are going to have to rely on their offense to win them games this season. We have some solid arms, but most of them are unproven or shaky. I'm not going to rip into new management without seeing at least a few months of the new season, but not even opening up discussions with David Price was a terrible way to start the post-Double A era.

[The Buscher]

I really can't think of any teams in the AL that I can entirely write off.  I don't feel too good about a couple of teams (Athletics and White Sox probably at the forefront of that), but even then I could still see a scenario in which they surprise people.  I don't see a really good team in the AL East but no terrible ones either.  Surely one or two will separate themselves from the pack eventually but for right now I can make a case for any of them.

In the NL on the other hand, I think you can safely cross off the bottom 2 teams in each division before camps even open.  Braves, Phillies, Reds, Brewers, Rockies, Padres.  All shit.

[thatshortguy]

That would imply that:

A.)  The Orioles pitching will be serviceable all year long.
B.)  The aforementioned A's & pale hose do anything of note.
C.)  Seattle can cobble together any consistent lineups for a full year.
D.)  The Tigers will actually be a successful Detroit team.