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Status Updates posted by Mick
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Maybe it's the beer talking Marge but you got a butt that won't quit. They got those big chewy pretzels here merJanthfgrr...... five dollars??!!!? Get outta here!
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This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to eat it. You're hypocrites, all of you!
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Doing nothing tonight? Come watch Christmas shit with me and other people!
https://www.twitch.tv/maijinhercule -
Quick update on all those pods we were finding in broom closets. Apparently some alien monster was body-snatching board members and spawning Communist replicas. The allegorical threat level on this one's through the roof. Actual threat level's pretty non-existent, though, so we've decided not to do anything about it. If the worst this thing can do is gestate glassy-eyed Yes Men, I say bring it on, Bug-Eyes. I got a whole list of troublemakers you can pod up any time you like.
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What are the rules?
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When you've just turned black and you can't switch back, well got gotta go and find out the rules.
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Oh I think we just found out a new rule.
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Rules?
Where we're going, we don't need rules.
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Now, at the start of the evening, Yvette was here, by herself, waiting to offer you all a glass of champagne. I was in the hall....I know because I was there.
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Just a heads-up that our research into stopping all the godzilla attacks on U.S. soil has been postponed indefinitely. Turns out it doesn't matter where you hatch a nest full of godzillas, they just make a beeline straight for Tokyo. Shoulda seen those things go. Anyway, crisis averted. Now everybody grab a dust pan and a broom, we gotta get rid of all these egg shells before the Nuclear Regulatory Commission shows up.
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If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
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Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.