Doc Funky

Hitman: 6/10 A decent action movie. I'd give it a 7/10 if I wasn't such a big fan of the games. But since I am, seeing 47 showing so much emotion, or in big hand-to-hand/weapon battles just seems wrong. There's one scene where he strangles someone with this huge scowl on his face, and it's supposed to be really intense, but it took me completely out of the movie. And it might just be me, but I don't like Olyphant. Especially in this role. He looks terrible as a bald man, and I'm not really sold on him as an actor, either. Whenever he tries to act sad, especially (here or in Die Hard), I just don't buy it. But yeah, a decent action movie with a few comedy bits here and there.

The Kumite (aka Star Runner): 2/10 Just terrible. More than half the movie centers around this god-awful love story, and the few fight scenes that you get are plagued with absolutely awful choreography, editing, and camerawork. Combine all that with a cast made up primarily of pop stars and/or male models whose only expression is "staring blankly" and you've got a terrible movie. It really reminded me of The Calamari Wrestler...but instead of being an absurd comedy, they shoehorned in a bunch of pop stars and tried to play it straight. The only bright spot is that you get to see a ton of old kung-fu stars as the trainers of the fighters (Gordon Liu, Ken Lo, Ti Lung, and others), who even now look a hundred times more badass than the leads. It made me want to see them all get together for one last big brawl. Edit: Hell, this article puts it even better than I can.

Blades of Glory: 7/10 Didn't hold up as well on the second viewing. Loved the gag reel and alternate takes on the DVD, though. Next: 7.5/10 I wasn't expecting much out of this one, so it was a pleasant surprise. I'm a big fan of Cage and Biel, but I had a hard time buying skinny little Julianne Moore as some hardass government agent. Seeing her next to big, beefy SWAT guys was a little silly. Wild Hogs: 8/10 Like with Next, all I'd ever heard was how bad this movie was, so I was surprised with how much I enjoyed it. Kinda cheesy, kinda predictable, but fun. Pretty good performances by all four guys, and the Peter Fonda cameo earns it a bonus point.

The Game Plan: 7/10 Quick match that saw Rock pick up the win over The Little Girl after a Rock Bottom and a People's Elbow. But yeah, just a cute little family comedy. Nothing terrible, nothing particularly special, but good for what it was. I thought Rock did well...a little too fake and over the top at first, but better once things got rolling. Roselyn Sanchez's big part was a pleasant surprise, considering I didn't even know she was going to be in the movie.

Dragon Wars: 7/10? ... 5/10? Part of me says that a seven is a really, really big stretch for this movie, because the sequences with the humans are horribly, ridiculously cheesy and awful, and a lot of stuff just comes completely out of nowhere. But the other part of me says a seven is about right because dragons do wreck shit and blow stuff up, which is all I really wanted out of the movie. Either way, it could have used more Dragon and more Wars. Death Sentence: 8/10 I've always liked revenge movies, and this one didn't disappoint. I loved how bloody and dark it was, though I was just a tiny bit disappointed that I didn't get the shotgun decapitation that the stairwell scene was just begging for.

What's the age glitch? Players playing long after they should retire?

From what I've heard, it's also got a lousy plot and really shallow/annoying characters. I'm kind of torn on it myself. I enjoyed the battle system in the demo, but I could definitely see myself getting sick of the art style, and of the characters if there's not a solid storyline to keep it all going.

War: 7/10 Not a great movie, but I enjoyed it...even if almost everyone's Japanese was laughably bad. Not as much action as I would have liked, but I really enjoyed the twist at the end. Shoot 'Em Up: 6/10 I was really looking forward to seeing this one, and though the action didn't disappoint, the whole movie just felt really unbalanced...action sequences were too short, a lot of the comedy fell flat, the plot development (all of which I could have done without, honestly) was rushed...it was just a really weird movie overall. There were a lot of cool or funny moments, but the movie as a whole just didn't work for me. Balls of Fury: 8.5/10 The highlight of my day. Awesome performances by the whole cast (especially the side characters), and I loved finally seeing Jason Scott Lee, Diedrich Bader, and That Guy That Played Shang Tsung In Mortal Kombat again. EDIT: 3:10 To Yuma: 8/10 Was fairly disappointed until the last third of the movie kicked in and made up for the slow start and middle. I mark hard for Peter Fonda, too, and it was nice to see him playing something other than an old stoner. I also liked that they didn't just stick to the original movie's ending.

Mr. Bean's Holiday: 8.5/10 I've always loved Mr. Bean, so I really enjoyed this movie. I can see how some people might not like the movie, or the Bean character, but I can't help but love them both. The movie gets major bonus points for the oyster scene, which was basically a re-working of my all-time favorite Bean skit.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Valiant: Maybe you could go downtown and check the probate. Roger: Yeah, check the probate. Why, my uncle Thumper had a problem with his probate, and he had to take these big pills and drink lots of water. [Valiant's Toon bullets reach an alley that turns left and right] 1: Which way did he go? 2: Oh, I dunno...he went thataway! [bullets head in the wrong direction] Valiant: Dumdums... [betty Boop is selling cigarettes at the club where Jessica sings] Boop: Gee, it's swell to see you, Eddie. We miss you in Toontown. Valiant: Hey, what're you doin' here? Boop: Work's been slow for me since the Toons went to color. But I still got it, Eddie. [poses, sings] Boop: Boop boop be-doop. Valiant: Yeah...you still got it.

The Bourne Ultimatum: 7/10 Not a big fan of the series, but it was a good movie...even though I got a splitting headache about halfway through 'cause they absolutely would not hold the camera still. I swear, I only counted like four static shots in the whole film. Pan's Labyrinth: 5/10 Too much reality, not enough fantasy. A lot darker than I thought it'd be, too.

Pathfinder: 6/10 The action wasn't nearly as brutal as the box led me to believe, and the Vikings were really fucking stupid. I guess it's a decent movie if you have nothing else to watch. Fracture: 3/10 HATED the protagonist, and the ending seemed really, really iffy.

Lonely Hearts: 5/10 Not really a bad movie, but not a good one either. There just didn't seem to be a point to the whole thing. The Last Time: 6.5/10 Good beginning, followed by about 80 minutes of total boredom. The climax was fantastic, and completely made up for everything that came before it...but the actual ending went all Typical Hollywood Bullshit and left a bad taste in my mouth. It should have ended immediately after the big reveal.

Shaun of the Dead: 8.5/10 Hot Fuzz: 9/10 Pleasantly surprised that both were as good as I've always heard. I like cheesy action flicks a lot more than zombie movies, so Hot Fuzz was just a bit funnier to me. The Simpsons Movie: 9/10 I haven't watched The Simpsons in a long, long time, but this movie reminded me of all the fun I used to have with those old episodes. And at the same time, I didn't feel like there were any characters/references that went over my head after my long absence from the show. Great movie. Sunshine: 9/10 I was really surprised at how great this movie was, considering it apparently had no advertising budget. The only place I heard anything at all about it was right here. The only thing I didn't like about it were the times they flashed a person's face (or series of faces) on the screen, because that really creeps me out for some reason...and that the movie made me really want to see the sun after it was over, but by the time I got out of the theater, it was night. And raining. Grr.

Dynamite Warrior: 7/10 Pretty good movie...about as good as Born to Fight, but nowhere near Ong-Bak or The Protector. The few effects and instances of obvious wire work took me out of it a bit. Premonition: 5/10 Saw the ending coming a mile away. Other than that, I guess it was okay...but I couldn't believe how stupid the main character was. After completing a "future" day where something horrible happens, she wakes up in the "past" and immediately sets into motion the events that lead to the horrible event she just completed. What the fuck?

Stan Lee's Lightspeed: 5/10 Pretty good for a Sci-Fi Original, but pretty bad by all other standards. The Contractor: 7/10 Not the best movie, but I'm a fan of Wesley Snipes, so this one was pretty good. For some reason, I absolutely loved his one hand-to-hand fight scene, even though it was over in only ten seconds or so. The Host: 2.5/10 Ugh. Everything directly involving the monster or the little girl in the sewers was great. Everything else was just dreadful. The White Dragon: 8/10 A lot wackier than I had expected, but the drama was good, too. Fun stuff, I'm glad I rented it.

Wow. My last character, Edmondo Corelli, was a career soldier in the Italian military...and ever since he enlisted, absolutely nothing happened until he died from diabetes at age 45. How boring. The game right before that was great, though, playing as Fernando Arellano...the only straight child of four in his Mexican household, he actually managed to marry a woman who had leprosy. Somehow he never caught it, even though they had a daughter together (who went on to give birth to like ten kids). After a short stint in the military, he worked as a police chief in his hometown until his wife died of leprosy and he was arrested for exposing government corruption. He then moved to Belize (at the age of 66) to become a cabinet maker, married again at age 81 only for her to die of diabetes in the same year, and finally died of an infection at 82. I really liked Fernando. EDIT: And my new character, trying to avoid the same fate as Corelli, tried to sneak into Morocco, only to be killed on the spot. That's kind of a downer.

After a few serious playthroughs, one as an Iranian woman who emigrated to Japan and another (my favorite so far) as a Chinese woman who was jailed numerous times for political activism and violently retaliated against her abusive husband, I decided to mess around a little on my next playthrough. Born in Mozambique, my character got involved with smoking, drinking, drugs, theft, and vandalism while in school, before marrying an abusive husband and giving birth to eleven children. Sadly, she died immediately after giving birth to the twelfth, due to a chronic case of Overflow Errors. It really was a bit excessive. :ohwell: Awesome game, though.

I love watching Die Hard With A Vengeance on TV. Everyone suddenly becomes a "melon farmer".

Kiss Me, Deadly (1955): 2/10 Just terrible. As a huge fan of the book, I couldn't believe how bad this was. At first, it was great seeing so many familiar scenes brought to life on the screen, but I just couldn't get over the alterations they made to the plot and the characters...everything about the way Mike and Pat act, in particular, is just wrong, and the ending sequence is completely different. You've also got some absolutely dreadful acting (I'm looking at you, Gaby Rodgers) and a few ridiculous scenes, like Mike's escape from the hotel room. In the book, the room is pitch black, but the movie lights it all up, so his escape makes no sense at all. And while it's my own fault for watching the movie with my own ideas of how the characters should look...everyone just looked wrong. Mike seemed way too tall, while not being muscular enough, Pat was too old, and Velda damn sure didn't look good enough. It's weird...if I wasn't already a fan of the book, I wouldn't hate the movie so much. But if I wasn't already a fan of the book, I'd be bored a third of the way through and just stop watching.

I have to second Musashi. It's one of my absolute favorites. Both volumes of The Mike Hammer Collection, by Mickey Spillane, are fantastic if you're into hard-boiled detective stories. Written in the '40s/'50s, they hold up really well and have the same kind of feel as the Sin City books. For a much lighter take on the detective story, you can't go wrong with The Complete Sherlock Holmes. For some reason, you can read it all for free on the internet...but I picked it up for about $13, which is a great price for 56 short stories and four novels.

Yeah, that's pretty funny. A little less so because I got the three red lights today. :thumbsdown: But funny nonetheless.

I beat The Darkness at around 5 this morning. It seems like everyone else in the world has been complaining about how short it is, but it didn't seem that short to me. Great game, though, and I loved the ending. I started playing Overlord earlier tonight, and have been having a blast with it as well. There's something sickly satisfying about watching your horde of minions tearing up a Halfling (read: Hobbit) village.