million$$man
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Status Updates posted by million$$man
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I consider myself a fairly good cook..... Then I watch these 9 year olds on Masterchef Junior, and my soul gets crushed.
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At some point in your childhood, you and your friends went outside to play for the last time, and no one knew it.
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Making a lot of assumptions here.
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I just did that last week.
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Fucking hell..
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The only thing we Crane boys are skilled at catching are sarcastic nuances and the occasional virus.
-Niles Crane "Frasier"
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RIP Boiling water...
You will be mist...
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Been sober for 16 months....My roommate is kicking me out because he suspects I've been drinking....No home now....Might as well spend my money on some whiskey and get fucked up....
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I never had an alcohol problem but I have relapsed before. Trust me it never helps anything
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Why does your roommate think this? Can you prove otherwise? Getting fucked up will only confirm your roommates incorrect suspicions.
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My balls are sweaty and they smell of 3 week old death....
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knees weak arms spaghetti
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I pulled 23 nose hairs from my left nostril.....
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The F.B.I. estimates that there are less than fifty serial killers active in the United States today. We don't get together at conventions, share trade secrets, or exchange Christmas cards. But sometimes I wonder what it's like for the others. The only sound I hear, the only sound in the entire world, is my heart beating.
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It's uni-brow shaving time
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Okay Maven.
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I thought his name was Bert :/
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Why does it not surprise me that you have a uni-brow?
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My girlfriend just counted 10 moles/skin tags on my back
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Gross.
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Steroids will do that.
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Some days I curse the invention of status updates.
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My ex-wife is a slut
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Source?
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Pics or it didn't happen ¬¬
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Phone number?
