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YOU!

Yes, you!

PORNOGRAPHY!

Now that I have your attention...

Are you a loyal subscriber to the MBSEL Fan-club for the low, low admission price with zero percent interest, no hidden fees, no added costs of ZERO DOLLARS? If not, discontinue reading and feel free to subscribe for the price listed above.

If you are, than hello and greetings! You may have witnessed in the last few weeks of a contest that Dallas Darke has started, "NED HUNT". This is the opprotunity of a life-time, for an actual fan of the MBSEL to gain a contract for the federation in a Tough Enough-esque fashion.

In the middle of a gun fight, in the middle of a restaurant, you can capture Ned and you can capture him with amazing speed and strength. In fact, it doesn't matter. We, the owners of MBSEL would love to hear how YOU would catch Ned! At the super-market? At his house? Fucking your mother? We want to hear! In fact, you could write up a review of how you would catch Ned! In fact, if your entry is good enough we will make you the honorary winners of the first Ned contest!

Send entries to the inbox of PUNKROCKPETE, with your actual name, your submission! Good luck to all of those who compete in the contest; the contest shall close when I feel as though the best submission has been submitted.

Sincerely,

Your Chemical Romance.

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MBSEL Wednesday Night Wank-Fest

Live from your bedroom

The opening theme music this week is “Emcee Murdah” by Canadian rapper, K-OS. We see a group of 3 rappers on stage, rapping it up. They are “legit” with their ice around their necks, slick raps and some great production. The three finish up their set and they head to the back. They enter their dressing room and they all start to masturbate in sync. Wednesday Night Wank-Fest baby…

Last week was an amazing week for MBSEL; Johnny Colorado came out and he destroyed Little Chaos and his brothers in an act of rebellion, to retain his Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title. Carlos Catholic seemed to lose his faith in the Lord, and in his match with AIDSMon snapped beyond belief and used the chair to his advantage. AIDSMon won the match by a big ol’ disqualification but Catholic wasn’t done yet. The Mango Kid helped Julian Snakes from a chair shot by applying his feared Crushed Mangoes on Carlos Catholic. The Mango Kid and Julian Snakes headed to the back together asking us what could be. The Forces of Good realized that they soon have to act upon The Duck’s evil plans or destruction shall occur… and it did. The Duck, with Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter shackled, used a Rocket Launcher to kill Fly-On-The-Wall. Dallas Darke and Wendell Mehitler squared off against Michael Jackson and the Black Guy in a tag-team match with vast repercussions; if Darke won, The Black Guy would be fired and Jackson stripped of Darke’s Appreciation Title. If Black Guy and Michael Jackson, they were given the chance to book the show for one week. Ned made his second appearance in two weeks as he helped The Black Guy and Michael Jackson win and they now have to book the show this week. You thought it was all over, but we got a glimpse of the horrific consequences of what will happen … a hand emerged from the ground beneath Suicidal Patrick’s tomb stone…

The show kicks off in style; one of the bookers for this week, The Black Guy hits the ring with a microphone in his left hand. The Black Guy waves to the fans and he reeks of cool as he stands alone in the ring. The fans chant “you are black” at him, to which he gives a back old thumb up.

THE BLACK GUY: “Dis be a shout-out to all mhy peepz! Werd’up! Respect, respect, respect. Okay, so lets get this damn show on the road. First off, lets just say that me and Michael Jackson, we are legends of the wrestling ring. Michael Jackson is undefeated and me… I’ve kicked everyone’s ass who has stood in my way. But that is beside the point. The point of tonight isn’t about me, it isn’t about Michael Jackson, it is about extracting revenge on the Darke Collective. So I’ve set forth a few matches that will help showcase the talent that The Darke Collective has to offer… which isn’t much. So we’ve got 10101010101010, the robot. And I mean, the Robot has done a pretty good job of staying neutral in the whole debacle, but it isn’t enough. So tonight we will see a 2 on 3 match… 1010101010101010 and Nancy Catalogue squaring off against Team Generic and a partner of their choosing. Next man we’ve got is Johnny Colorado… what a character. He has a title around his waist… the Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title… that don’t belong there. I am setting up a ten man battle royal with the winner walking out champion. The wrestlers will be a mosaic of former champions and just the best we have to offer. Antman, Julian Snakes, Lobster, Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band, The Mango Kid, Carlos Catholic, Harold Agnes, AIDSMon and Salvador Seizure. This isn’t just any Battle Royal either, this will be a special kind of Battle Royal. There will be a special weapon in multiple numbers spread across the ring. Decapitated limbs! Wendell Mehitler… you’ve got quite the task upon you facing Medium and Big Chaos in a handicap match. The Duck is facing off against LOWK upon special request of LOWK. And in the main event… The Black Guy will square off against Dallas Darke… I hope you guys enjoy the night as much as I am going to enjoy the night!”

TEAM GENERIC & RONALD FEATURE versus NANCY CATALOGUE & 101010101010101010

Team Generic have chosen a tag-team partner, they have brought their friend Ronald Feature to the ring with them, wearing the same tights as before. Nancy Catalogue refuses to fight at first, so 10101010101010 steps in the ring. 10101010101010 challenges Mike Smith to attack him, so Mike does, only to get knocked down with a stiff punch. 10101010101010 knocks Mike down with another punch and than follows up with a chop into the corner. 10101010101010 hits several more chops while they are there and the pain is evident on the face of Mike who appears to be hurt. 10101010101010 has had enough of Mike in the corner as he hip tosses him half-way across the ring.

Mike makes the quick tag to Ronald Feature who enters the ring only to get back body dropped by 10101010101010, and than 10101010101010 hits a leg drop. 10101010101010 makes the quick tag to Nancy Catalogue who is on the top rope and hits an insane Shooting Star Press. Nancy Catalogue quickly applies a Boston Crab and Ronald is grabbing for the ropes. Mike illegally enters the ring and breaks the submission hold. Ronald makes the tag to Gene Smith and Gene Smith wastes no time getting his lights knocked out as Nancy Catalogue hits a perfect looking bicycle kick.

10101010101010 is tagged in and 10101010101010 signals for a running forearm. 10101010101010 connects and knocks Gene Smith down to the mat. Gene Smith tries to make the tag to Mike Smith, but 10101010101010 grabs his foot and pulls him into the middle of the ring. 10101010101010 applies a Camel Clutch and it appears as though this handicap match isn’t much of a handicap match as 10101010101010 and Nancy are having the distinct advantage over the Kill-A-Baby Tag Team Champions and their friend, Ronald Feature.

Gene Smith manages to break the hold by squirming. Both men get up to their feet at the same time and Gene Smith goes for a drop kick, but completely misses! Gene Smith tries for it again and he misses. 10101010101010 stands in the same place, Gene goes for a drop kick and misses. Gene Smith hits the mat with his hands over and over again in anger. 10101010101010 kicks Gene in the gut and hits a power bomb! Ronald Feature has had enough, he is on the top rope! Ronald Feature gets knocked down by Nancy Catalogue who has illegally entered the match! Ronald Feature takes a long hard dive onto the steel barrier on the outside!

Meanwhile, Gene has made a hidden tag to Mike Smith, who has entered the ring now and sneaks up behind 10101010101010 and rolls him up. 1-2-3! Team Generic have gained their second victory here in MBSEL and Nancy Catalogue just realizes what happened. Nancy Catalogue tries to jump Team Generic, but they slide out of the ring and head on to the back. Team Generic have their Kill-A-Baby titles in hand as they taunt the crowd.

Nancy Catalogue kicks the ring ropes and curses a bit. 10101010101010 encourages Nancy to calm down, but Nancy slaps the robot and than shuts him off. Nancy Catalogue kicks the poor robot onto the mat and than kicks him out of the ring and onto the floor. Nancy Catalogue heads off to the back while someone turns 10101010101010 and escorts him to the back.

WINNER: TEAM GENERIC & RONALD FEATURE

Lead Singer Of A Screamcore Band rushes out to the ring and he grabs a microphone.

LEAD SINGER OF A SCREAMCORE BAND: “For the last two months, I’ve busted my ass on the road. I belted out a tune about how my parents are losers and about some anti-establishment sentiments. You know what happened? Nothing! I didn’t get a million dollars, I didn’t get my video played. And you know what has happened to my penis? It shrunk. My band members are shit, they don’t want to play blink-182- covers or anything. They simply want to play the music they love; what kind of bull shit is that? So I’ve kicked the band members out and I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf. Carlos Catholic and me have talked extensively since his out-burst last week and we decided there is always one way for him to redeem himself. A Christian Rock Group.”

Carlos Catholic comes out wearing a “Creed” t-shirt and he has a smile on his face. Carlos Catholic gets in the ring and grabs the microphone from his new found friend, Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Group.

CARLOS CATHOLIC: “I ain’t no Hendrix, but I am telling you guys that I have played some mighty good tunes. I can play How You Remind Me by Nickelback on the guitar. The love of Christ shall fill all of our lives and we shall spread the word of God to everyone.”

LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND: “The love of Christ shall empower us all. We’ve enlisted the hell of a bassist and drummer with heavy Christian influences in their lives. And we’ve just started recording out first album; “Lend Me Your Ear, Jesus”. The first single will be called, “Wait Till Marriage” a pro-chastity song that hits close to home. The big bomb shell announcement tonight is that our band, the Preacher Boys, are going to perform live here in three weeks. We will be performing our first single, Wait Till Marriage. I know you guys cannot wait till the first single comes out, because you all want to hear it. Well, in three weeks we will bring the single here and sell at our own Merchandise stand! I hope everyone is pumped as we are… and just a little lesson to all of the fans out there; Christ isn’t just a guy… he is our LIFE!”

Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band and Carlos Catholic head to the back, walking like they are Christian [OOC; because Christians walk in a very mysterious fashion, IMO]

JOHNNY RAMONE NECROPHILLIA TITLE MATCH

JOHNNY COLORADO versus ANTMAN versus JULIAN SNAKES versus LOBSTER versus LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND versus THE MANGO KID versus CARLOS CATHOLIC versus HAROLD AGNES versus SALVADOR SEIZURE versus AIDSMON

Johnny Colorado certainly fights hard early onto to keep the title around his waist. Johnny Colorado avoids a clothes line by Antman, than has to move out of the way to avoid Julian Snakes, and than to miss a top rope clothes line by Antman! Johnny Colorado picks up a leg, one of the decapitated limbs in the match, and he delivers a vicious shot to the head of Lobster! Julian Snakes walks right into a shot from Johnny Colorado! Harold Agnes gets kicked in the stomach by The Mango Kid, and the Mango Kid hits a snap suplex. From the top rope, Antman hits a frog splash!

Antman climbs to his feet and Lead Singer hits him with a clothes line. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Group picks up Antman and tries to toss him over the top, but Antman holds on with ease. Carlos Catholic helps with the toss-over and Antman eventually hits the floor. Antman is pissed about the decision, but heads to the back regardless. An interviewer tries to get in the face of Antman, only to get punched out by the upholder of good!

Harold Agnes attacks Salvador Seizure, but gets tossed to the mat with a body slam. Salvador Seizure goes to apply a head lock, but he has one of his world renowned Seizures! AIDSMon gets occupied with trying to help his friend, which allows for Johnny Colorado to sneak up and toss him over the top. Colorado picks up Salvador Seizures and adds him to the eliminated list.

Johnny Colorado and The Mango Kid clash in the middle of the ring. Johnny Colorado reverses a punch into a full-nelson slam! The Mango Kid struggles to his feet only to get kneed right in the face by Colorado. Colorado picks the Mango Kid up and tosses him over the top… but the Mango Kid hangs on like Antman did. Colorado is pissed about this and turns his attention to an easy elimination in Harold Agnes.

Lobster has an arm in his hand as he swings it and hits Carlos Catholic. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band tries to jump Lobster, but gets hit in the head with the hard limb! Lead Singer staggers towards the ropes and Julian Snakes eliminates both himself and Lead Singer with a vicious shot to the face with the upper thigh of a limb, and the force eliminates both of them! Johnny Colorado, Lobster, The Mango Kid, Carlos Catholic and Harold Agnes remain, but not for long as every man in the ring puts forth a group effort and tosses over Harold Agnes!

Lobster is working extremely hard to toss over Johnny Colorado, pressing him against the ropes and even at one point having him almost over the top. Colorado swings back into the ring and gets grounded so he is safe. Lobster hits a DDT and Lobster signals for a top rope move. Lobster climbs all the way to the top and The Mango Kid bounces off the ropes and this destabilizes Lobster and knocks him to the floor. Lobster has been eliminated it seems by an ally in the Mango Kid!

The Mango Kid has Carlos Catholic pressed up against the ropes and almost tossed over, when Johnny Colorado sneaks up on both men and tosses them over the top… but the Mango Kid manages to stick in the ring. Colorado doesn’t notice and this allows the Mango Kid to sneak up on Johnny Colorado and toss him over the top rope!

The Mango Kid grabs the Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title and he throws it into the crowd. The Mango Kid proclaims, “this is the end of the Johnny Ramone Necrophillia Title… a title without class… a title without charm.” The Mango Kid is not alone in celebration as Julian Snakes comes to the ring and the two celebrate, and it is known that the Mango Kid is still undefeated in MBSEL!

Johnny Colorado gets up to his feet and states that he was robbed of his title! Johnny Colorado says he will show the entire world that he is the true Necrophilliac of MBSEL. Colorado says he is going to get into his car and he is going to drive down to the cemetery and he is going to dig up … Patrick Suecydal! And than live on PAY-PER-VIEW, Colorado will make love to the dirty corpse!

ELIMINATED: ANTMAN, AIDSMON, SALVADOR SEIZURE, LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND, JULIAN SNAKES, HAROLD AGNES, LOBSTER, CARLOS CATHOLIC, JOHNNY COLORADO

WINNER: THE MANGO KID

HARDCORE MATCH

THE CHAOS BROTHERS versus WENDELL MEHITLER

Medium Chaos enters the ring with a stop sign in his hand and he hits Wendell with a stiff shot. Wendell reels backwards and Big Chaos grabs him by the throat and choke slams him! Medium Chaos waits for Wendell to get up to his feet and he levels him with a second shot. Wendell falls to the mat and he is still recuperating from the stiff shot. Medium Chaos places the stop sign on the face of Wendell Mehitler, than climbs to the air. Medium Chaos flies from the top and lands an elbow drop on Wendell. Medium Chaos covers and gets a two count only!

Medium Chaos goes under the ring and he gets a table. Meanwhile in the ring, Wendell Mehitler gets to his feet and Big Chaos drops him with a … you guessed it, choke slam! Medium Chaos slides the table in the ring and than sets it up. Medium Chaos puts Wendell on the table, than scales to the top rope and hits a nice moonsault through the table. Medium Chaos hooks the leg and makes the cove… only a two count again. Medium Chaos believes the referee should count slower, but the referee disagrees.

Big Chaos goes to the outside and he gets a ladder, Medium Chaos gets a table and it appears as though Wendell could go for a hell of a ride. Wendell mounts a come back as he kicks Medium Chaos in the face and than hits a big clothes line on Big Chaos! Wendell power bombs Medium Chaos and than goes for a power bomb on Big Chaos, but isn’t strong enough to pick him up. Big Chaos breaks the power bomb and choke slams Wendell Mehitler with a little trouble. Big Chaos sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring and than sets up a table right beside it.

Big Chaos helps Wendell to his feet and the two men climb up to the near top of the ladder. Big Chaos throws a few punches to wear Wendell down, and Wendell throws a few punches out of retaliation. Wendell tries to knock Big Chaos off the ladder, but Medium Chaos manages to low blow Wendell at the last second. Big Chaos grabs the throat of Wendell and than choke slams him off the top of the ladder and through the table. Medium Chaos makes the cover shortly after and gets the three count!

Post-match, The Chaos Brothers begin to celebrate over the fallen body of Wendell Mehitler and head to the back. Wendell Mehitler is slow to get up and he limps from the debris of the table up the ramp. Out of no where, Ned appears as he tackles Wendell Mehitler. Ned throws a few violent punches and than eventually starts to run-away. A fan hops the barriers with a pitch fork in hand and makes chase.

WINNER: WENDELL MEHITLER

In the back, we see Lobster is recovering from his lost in the Battle Royale. In walks LOWK, who has a solemn look on his face. Lobster gains a look of distress on his face.

LOBSTER: “LOWK! How can you square off against The Duck after what we saw last week? He murdered Fly-On-The-Wall. Do you want that to happen to you? LOWK, you have just begun to teach me about the Clamp, you cannot just give up my training now. You can’t!”

LOWK: “There comes a time in every Lobsters life when they must accept the Clamp by themselves. They cannot rely on their mentor much longer. This is my destiny, you must save Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter! She will be at ring side tonight, you must save her from the powers of evil!”

LOBSTER: “Never! I cannot and shall not!”

LOWK: “If you do not, The Duck’s master plan shall go through and… well, you know what will happen next. And that isn’t good news for anyone! I must go! Save Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter!”

LOBSTER: “I LOVE YOU LOWK…!”

LOWK versus THE DUCK /w DICK CHENEY’S LESBIAN DAUGHTER

The Duck comes to the ring with the massive rocket launcher he had last week and he has a devious smile on his face… Lowk comes to the ring in a solemn manner, and he looks prepared to enter the last phase of life – death! Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter pleads with The Duck not to kill him, but the Duck will have none of it.

The Duck asks “do you have any last requests?”

LOWK smiles and he nods, “Yes I do, The Duck. I want you to tell the world your evil plan! I think we all have a right to know what is truly going on here, Duck! We all have the right to see that you are deceiving us all. You and your crew are like fishes, flipping and flopping every where. We have must thorough answers, or else!…”

As the speech goes on ,we see in the background that Lobster, Hand Solo, and Eiwehc have freed Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter from the shackles and they rush up the ramp. The Duck loud booming voice fills the arena, “I am going to … I am going to …” The Duck fires the Rocket Launcher and hits LOWK with great force. Pieces of lobster hit every person in the audience as we have seen the last of LOWK. Lobster yells at the top of his lungs… “noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

The Duck sees his nemesis on the ramp and he demands that The Darke Collective attack! The Forces Of Good rush up the ramp with Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter beside them. They duck a clothes line by Wendell Mehitler and keep running through the halls. Nancy Catalogue is shown chasing after them… but soon slows down. 101010101010101, the friendly robot lunges at Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter, but gets a stiff kick to the robot package care of Hand Solo! The Forces Of Good jump into a plain white van, and they quickly drive away.

WINNER: THE DUCK via KILLING LOWK!

Johnny Colorado is seen at the gates of a cemetery. In typical cocky fashion, Colorado knocks at the gate doors to no response. Colorado has a shovel in his hand and he decides to call out to the cemetery.

JOHNNY COLORADO: “Anyone there?”

SUBDUED VOICE: “yyyyyesss…”

Colorado has an expression of shock on his face over the noise… he looks around and sees nothing…

JOHNNY COLORADO: “I must be hearing things… ah well!”

Colorado proceeds to open the gates and carefully stagers through the cemetery. Colorado is careful to watch where he is stepping, making sure there isn’t anything around him. Colorado walks right into a spider web. We hear the subdued voice chuckle and Colorado almost has a panic attack.

JOHNNY COLORADO: “Who the hell are you? Where are you? Come out! Wherever you are. Quit playin’ games with my heart. Oh, it isn’t anything; probably the wind!

Johnny Colorado proceeds to walk a few meters and we see that a grave has been dug up. Colorado’s jaw drops to the floor. The camera focuses in on the name of the tomb stone… Patrick Suecydal! Johnny Colorado drops the shovel and he looks down within the hole and sees there is nothing there! Johnny Colorado pees his pants and he proceeds to run out of the cemetery! Johnny Colorado yells at the top of his lungs as he gets into his car.

JOHNNY COLORADO: “I WANT MY MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!”

THE BLACK GUY versus DALLAS DARKE

The Black Guy enter’s the arena to an enormous pop and he slides in the ring and he gets ready for the entrance of Dallas Darke. Nothing happens at first. The arena is silent, and no-one comes out. The Black Guy waves to the ramp for someone to come out, but no one does. The Black Guy get’s frustrated with this and he asks for a microphone… the lights dim in the arena and apparently something big is going to happen.

“Guess who’s back? Shady’s back!”

Eminem, the man himself, walks out onto the ramp with a baseball bat in hand. Eminem walks down the aisle and into the ring. Eminem hits The Black Guy in the stomach with a baseball bat shot. Eminem spits in his face and punches him. Eminem kicks him a few times in the stomach and than Eminem climbs up onto the second rope and raises his hands. Eminem flips off the audience and than he turns around and hits a leg drop on the back of the Black Guy’s neck.

The match has yet to start, but it appears as though The Black Guy was set up. Eminem picks up the bat and delivers a vicious shot right to the back! Eminem hits the Black Guy once again and Eminem signals to the crowd that he is number one. Where is Michael Jackson to save the day? Where the heck is Dallas Darke this entire time.

Dallas Darke, the bastard himself descends from the arena pumping his fist in the air. Dallas Darke lands in the ring and he glares at Eminem. The two look ready to jump at each others throat, but no! Dallas Darke high fives Eminem and the two have a make shift hug in the middle of the ring. Dallas Darke raises the hand of Eminem and than they both turn their attention to The Black Guy. Both of them put some shots in on the rib cage of the Black Guy!

Dallas Darke waits for The Black Guy to struggle to his feet and he hits the TWIST OF FATE! Dallas Darke climbs to the top rope and perhaps he is going to hit the Swanton Bomb, but wait… Eminem tells Dallas to wait. Eminem picks the Black Guy up and he puts him down with a DDT! Dallas Darke instead of hitting a Swanton Bomb hits a 540 SPLASH! Dallas Darke makes the cover and the referee makes the three count.

Dallas Darke grabs a microphone and speaks up, “meet the newest member of the Darke Collective… Eminem the king of controversy. Michael Jackson, do you still feel like a big man? Because I wouldn’t if I were you bitch. Hopefully you have the balls… and we aren’t talking preteen balls here… to show up next week. And if not, than we both know that I’ve got the dirt on you and I’ll put you away for LIFE! Got it you half-plastic, half-man FREAK SHOW!”

Eminem picks up the microphone and he is going to say something, but instead takes the microphone and knocks The Black Guy down with a vicious shot to the forehead, with the help of a Microphone. Dallas Darke and Eminem celebrate over a fallen The Black Guy, in what has to be a site that makes The Black Guy sick to his stomach!

WINNER: DALLAS DARKE via 540 SPLASH

NEXT WEEKS WEDNESDAY NIGHT WANK-FEST...

The announcement of the forming of a Christian Rock Band has Julian Snakes and "close friend", the Mango Kid on the edge. But they promised MBSEL interviewers that they'd have some competition for the two followers of Christ. What it is exactely, we have no clue!

Johnny Colorado went to fuck the corpse of Patrick Suecydal, but was shocked to learn... his corpse was no longer there. Where is it? What the hell is going on? Maybe we shall learn this week on Wednesday Night Wank-Fest. Probably not, we'll drag it out till the big show in a few weeks.

We haven't seen Moe and Joe lately, but they promise to be in the arena this week and are looking for opponents. Will they find some? I don't know.

LOWK died because of the Duck and it seems as though the Darke Collective is going strong. But we still don't know this evil plan of the Duck. Lobster will be in action this week against Harold Agnes; will the Duck play some sort of plan or not?

Dallas Darke brought Eminem to MBSEL and they destroyed the Black Guy. Dallas Darke told Michael Jackson that he'd better be in the Arena next week, or he threatened taking away the Dallas Darke Appreciation Title. Michael Jackson spoke with interviewers via telephone and said he will in fact, be in attendance!

CONFIRMED FOR NEXT WEEK

Moe and Joe will be in ACTION!

Lobster versus Harold Agnes

Michael Jackson will be in attendance!

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MBSEL WEDNESDAY NIGHT WANK-FEST

‘Coming live from the home of MCA…’

Blood On Your Hands by Death From Above 1979 is the theme music for this week’s show. We are going to get the MBSEL opening video… but instead the footage burns away and reveals a camera panning out to show Eminem, Dallas Darke and Wendell Mehitler [wearing lots of bandages] in the backstage area. Dallas Darke makes a cut-throat sign… Eminem stares blankly into the camera and Eminem stands with his arms crossed and a look of anger displayed on his face. The Darke Collective is in the HOUSE!

This week, we are serving up some goodness … Julian Snakes and good-friend the Mango Kid saw the forming of a Christian Rock Group and they promised MBSEL officials a surprise of their own. We have no clue what it is at this point, but we are sure it will be huge. Moe and Joe haven’t been able to sink their teeth into competition lately, so they’ll be on hand to wrestle in some sort of match. Lobster will square off against life-veteran Harold Agnes. And lastly, Michael Jackson has been told that he will show up… or else!

JOHNNY COLORADO /w THE WHORE versus RONALD FEATURE

Johnny Colorado kicks off the evening coming to the ring with his very prominent stripper by his side. Johnny Colorado waves at a few fans just to get cocky. Colorado slides in the ring and he raises his hands in the air. Ronald Feature is already in the ring, unannounced with no theme music. The true sign of a jobber, folks! Ronald Feature raises his hands to a null reaction. Colorado extends his hand for a shake, and Ronald Feature goes to shake it. Colorado instead pulls back his arm and throws a forearm to the face.

The referee rings the bell and Colorado goes to town. Colorado throws a few more forearms and than sends Ronald into the ropes and catches him with a back body drop. Colorado brags to the fans with a raise of his arm and the fans boo. Colorado waits for Ronald Feature to struggle to his feet before he takes him down with a clothes line. Colorado follows up with a cover, but only a two count. Colorado tells the referee to count faster, and than he gets up to his feet. Colorado drives a knee right into the back of Ronald Feature and applies a surf-board like hold. Colorado legs for after ten seconds, but the damage has been done.

Johnny Colorado picks Ronald Feature up to his feet and he drops him with a stiff forearm. Colorado goes to the outside and he grabs a microphone. Colorado begins to speak, “all of you slack jawed yokels better listen up. I am here to tell every wrestler in the back the same thing… I kick asses and than I take names. Two weeks I go I injured Little Chaos permanently! And three weeks ago, I killed Patrick Suecydal! Do I have any regrets? None! So tonight, we will see the end of this mans career!”

Ronald Feature has climbed to the top and he is going to go for a cross body block, but Johnny Colorado step sides it and directs him right into the steel barrier! The ribs of Ronald Feature are feasibly broken after that stomach altering site. Johnny Colorado points to his head and laughs. Johnny Colorado picks up Ronald Feature and he drops him rib-first onto the steel barrier once again! Johnny Colorado ain’t done as he does it for the second time!

Johnny Colorado picks up Ronald Feature and throws him rib first into the apron! By all means, the match should be stopped. Johnny Colorado throws Ronald Feature into the ring and Ronald Feature is bleeding out of his mouth! Johnny Colorado picks up Ronald Feature and applies the abdominal stretch of doom. Johnny Colorado locks in the hold and Ronald Feature has tears running down his cheek. Colorado adds some more bite to the move as he delivers shot after shot to the ribs while Feature is stuck in the hold.

Ted the Zombie has seen enough! The Zombie takes his time getting to the ring and than he gets on the apron. Ted The Zombie gets in the ring and he … shoves the referee over. Ted The Zombie delivers a kick to the face of Johnny Colorado. Ted The Zombie jumps on top of Colorado and delivers about twenty stiff punches to the head. Johnny Colorado struggles out of the hold and he rushes at Ted The Zombie and Ted The Zombie applies a death grip on the back of Johnny Colorado. Colorado feels the use of his limbs slowly fading… and he breaks the hold and gets out of the ring. Colorado heads up the ramp, but Ted The Zombie ain’t done.

Ted The Zombie grabs a microphone and he is about to tell it like it is. Ted The Zombie begins to speak, “Coooollloraddo! You killlllllled myyyyyy friiiendddd. But I brought himmmm… bacccckkk to liffffe!!! Patrick The Zommmmmmmmbbiiiiieeee!!!”

Johnny Colorado is shocked over the announcement, and he turns around to see Patrick The Zombie standing behind him! Patrick the Zombie throws a few punches on Johnny Colorado and this sends Johnny Colorado scrambling. Colorado jumps over the barriers and rushes out of the arena through the fans. Patrick The Zombie, the artist formerly known as Suicidal Patrick and Patrick Suecydal, celebrates in the ring with his friend, Ted The Zombie!

WINNER: JOHNNY COLORADO by DISQUALIFICATION

Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter is seen in the back under the secure supervision of Hand Solo, Eiwehc and Lobster. Lobster has a look of anger displayed on his face over the turn of events that occurred last week – the killing of his one month mentor. Lobster seems determined to make things right in the world… but how?

LOBSTER: “The Duck’s diabolic scheme… I cannot believe it… Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter… is that his true scheme?”

DICK CHENEY’S LESBIAN DAUGHTER: “Of course. Why would I lie?”

HAND SOLO: “You know… if that his plan… we are all goners…”

EIWEHC: “Blarg! Glarg! Slarg!”

LOBSTER: “We are all goners. Such a diabolic scheme…”

HAND SOLO: “Can we not … do something. There must be something we can do. We can’t just sit around here and let the Duck succeed. We cannot! We will not! We shall not!”

LOBSTER: “But, what can we do? His scheme… is so Diabolic!”

DICK CHENEY’S LESBIAN DAUGHTER: “Instead of talking about the plan, why don’t we do something about it?”

HAND SOLO: “It is the physics of television!”

DICK CHENEY’S LESBIAN DAUGHTER: “The physics of television… what--- what?”

HAND SOLO: “Okay, say if we revealed the Duck’s entire plan. Well, than we’d have no where to go from here. I mean, the show would pretty much be boring. Instead, we are creating suspense, because the fans want to know the Diabolic scheme!”

DICK CHENEY’S LESBIAN DAUGHTER: “Fuck it! This is the end of the fucking world, if we don’t say it! If no one will say it, I will. The diabolic scheme of The Duck is that he is secretly aligned with the liberal twat’s and that he is … in cohorts with John Kerry! They plan to instead of donating money to the soldiers fighting overseas is to create a propaganda wrestling federation known as Duck Wrestling Alliance, to which they will spew Propaganda to raise a force of evil so… diabolic … they will have complete control over the nation.”

HAND SOLO: “There go the ratings! Thanks you stupid two cent, dyke slut! You’ve killed MBSEL. Here are how things work in PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING. You never give the fans what they want or deserve!”

Hand Solo stands up in anger and he walks away from Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter and Lobster. Hand Solo’s pal, Eiwehc follows him as well. This leaves Lobster and Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter in the room alone.

DICK CHENEY’S LESBIAN DAUGHTER: “What the hell was his problem?”

LOBSTER: “You stupid twat…!”

Lobster stands up and leaves the room. Dick Cheney’s Lesbian Daughter stands in shock and awe, alone over the events that have transpired.

DICK CHENEY’S LESBIAN DAUGHTER: “Some people are so fucking stupid.”

The camera turns its attention to a different room, where Joe, the twelve year old boy, is getting ready for his match-up tonight. Joe is seen as just about to put on his wrestling tights when the camera turns to the doorway when Michael Jackson comes in.

JOE: “Hey Mike! How is it going?”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “Sweet Jesus, boy’s pants are 50% off at Wallmart!”

JOE: “What?”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “Oh nothing… just… keep changing. I have something I need to tell you…”

JOE: “Just one second, I need to take off my underwear… underwear lines show up horribly when on television…”

Joe bends over and the camera loses sight of him. Michael Jackson’s eyes widen and he literally stands in shock and awe over the fact a preteen boy is undressing right in front of his eyes. Joe stands back up with his underwear in hand and he has a smile on his face.

JOE: “Doesn’t it feel so nice to be free… naked and free?”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “Oh… my… god…”

JOE: “Michael, there is something I have to tell you…”

MICHAEL JACKSON AND JOE: “I love you…”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “What?”

JOE: “As a young boy, my father loved me so much. He loved me with every bone in his body. He especially loved me with one particular bone. He molested me. And know… being molested turns me on. Michael Jackson… will you do the honors of molesting me?”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “Oh… my… god…”

JOE: “If it turns you on… I haven’t hit puberty yet…”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “I am in heaven… Jesus… are you there?”

Harold Agnes busts into the locker room and he looks startled over what is occuring. Harold Agnes shoos Michael Jackson away from his grand-son, Joe.

HAROLD AGNES: “How dare you Michael Jackson, you sick pervert! Molesting my grand-son!”

JOE: “No, Grandpa, I was molesting Michael Jackson…”

HAROLD AGNES: “What the fuck are you talking about?”

JOE: “Dad used to molest me… and know I require to be molested… it represses these sexual urges in me… it calms my hormones…”

HAROLD AGNES: “Are you bat-shit insane?!?! You need to be molested?”

JOE: “Michael Jackson… please take me back to your locker room and molest me...”

HAROLD AGNES: “What the fuck is wrong with the world?”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “If you insist Joe…”

Joe and Michael Jackson leave with Harold Agnes literally in complete and utter shock. Harold Agnes begins to faint, but his friend who keeps dressing up as an original French settler catches him. Harold Agnes comes to and inaudibly vows revenge.

MOE and TRIPLE L {2401} versus NANCY CATALOGUE & 101010101010101010

The question raised is… where the heck is Joe? Moe is alone in the ring waiting for his tag-team partner who does not show. Nancy Catalogue starts off the bout by shoving Moe to the mat. Moe gets back up to his feet and Nancy shoves him to the mat once more. Nancy Catalogue brags to the fans as Moe gets up to his feet. Nancy puts her hand on the top of Moe’s head, preventing him from progressing further as he swings his fists wildly. Nancy eventually picks up Moe and drops him with a power slam!

Triple L {2401} has had enough as he rushes out from the back and onto the apron. Moe makes the tag and Triple L {2401} jumps to the top. Triple L {2401} waits for Nancy to turn around and he hits a fantastic diving hurricrana! Triple L {2401} makes the hot tag to Moe who comes from the top with a moonsault. Triple L is tagged back in and he hits a moonsault as well. Moe and Triple L pick up Nancy, throw him into the ropes and connect with a double hip toss!

Nancy makes the hot tag to his Robot, 1010101010101010, and 10101010101010 enters the ring to an enormous reaction. 1010101010101010 goes for a clothes line, but Triple L ducks it and hits a round house kick to the head. 1010101010101010 stumbles, but swings around. Triple L grabs 1010101010101010 by the head and hits a DDT! Triple L covers and Nancy Catalogue breaks up the count. Nancy pulls 1010101010101010 to the corner and Nancy makes the forced tag. Nancy climbs to the top and signals for a shooting star press! Nancy is going to actually go for it, but Triple L {2401} takes an opportunity to climb to the top rope and hit a belly to belly off the top rope!

Triple L is down from the fall and Nancy is simply hurt due to the size of the move. Nancy squirms to her corner and tags in 1010101010101010, the robot! Triple L makes the tag to Moe, the midget! Moe the midget climbs in the ring and he head butts 1010101010101010 in his metal package! 1010101010101010 doesn’t show the affects of the shot, so Moe goes for another shot. 1010101010101010 with stands the shot and eventually kicks Moe in the face.

Triple L has had enough, after recuperating he climbs to the top and goes for a clothes line. Nancy is one step ahead of the game, as he-she shakes the ropes and makes Triple L fall from the top rope, down to the floor. Triple L {2401} is down and out for the match and 1010101010101010 is aware of this. 1010101010101010 picks up Moe and hits a body slam, and Nancy Catalogue climbs to the top and hits his-her patented shooting star press and picks up the win subsequently after.

Post-match, Johnny Colorado enters the arena through the crowd as Triple L {2401} struggles to his feet. Johnny Colorado has a sword in his hand… and it appears as though he is going bat-shit insane! Colorado raises the samurai sword and brings it straight down on the leg of Triple L {2401}! In a Kill Bill like moment, Triple L collapses on his own weight and he is free from his leg! Blood is spurting in the air, soaking the fans and crew nearby!

Emergency crew come to surveillance the scene and Johnny Colorado has an insane look on his face. Colorado proceeds to yell the name, “PATRICK!” over and over again. Eventually Johnny Colorado drops the samurai sword, at the pleading of Nancy Catalogue. Nancy escorts Colorado to the back as the emergency crew try to reattach the limb of Triple L {2401}

WINNER: NANCY CATALOGUE & 101010101010101010

The lights dim down to a bare glimmer. The words “CHRIST LOVES ALL OF US” appear on the enlarged screen. Carlos Catholic descends from the arena extending his arms, much like a crucifix like pose, but not as sacrilegious. A guitar hangs from one of his arms. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band comes down the aisle on a motorcycle with the words, “CHRIST-LOVE” printed on the front. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band gets off his motorcycle and he begins to hand out bibles to the younger audience members. Carlos Catholic plugs in his guitar and plays a note… but nothing comes through. But a recorded version of a guitar does… followed up by a voice

VOICE: “Every time I see your face, I get all wet between my legs…”

On the entrance way, Julian Snake appears wearing nothing but a tight, tight thong! The fans are in shock over the bare-clad wrestler…

VOICE: “Every time you pass me by, I heave a sigh offff painn… every time I see your face, I think of unpure… I want to fuck you like a dog… take you home and make you like it!”

The Mango Kid jumps over the steel barrier and he attacks Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Group! The Mango Kid throws him straight into the announce position. Lead Singer turns around and The Mango Kid grabs his CRUSHED MANGOES!!! The fans chant “CRUSH HIS MANGOES” as he applies the move with more force! Carlos Catholic is in shock over what is happening and doesn’t even see that Julian Snakes is in the ring now. Julian Snakes isn’t alone though, he has a weapon in hand…

A DILDO!!! Julian Snakes has the dildo in hand, and with a running start he knocks Carlos Catholic lights out. On the outside now, The Mango Kid flips over Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Group and he tomb stone pile drives him! The Mango Kid kisses a young female audience member with a sparkle in his eye and he slides into the ring.

The Mango Kid and Julian Snakes engage in a very friendly hug in the middle of the ring. The camera closes in on The Mango Kid grasping Julian Snakes butt during the hug, and it seems as though they are more than friends. Julian Snakes has a huge announcement to make though…

JULIAN SNAKES: “In two weeks, we get to hear the first concert ever of the worst rock group ever. We get to hear these two shmucks come out here and preach to us in this “hip” way. So I said to myself, ‘how do you combat the power of Christ?’ I phoned up 4 friends of mine, and they are in the influencial queer-core band called Pansy Divison! And they will be on hand in two weeks, here to debut their new CD as well. So here is what I am laying down on the table… a rock-off! Christ-Love can square off against Pansy Division in a Battle of The Bands. All that is coming out of this is respect!”

The flamboyant duo wave to the fans as they head off to the back. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Group gets up to his feet and he is pissed off. He picks up a few chairs and throws them all over the place. He screams about how he wants to smite his queer-orientated enemies!

LOBSTER versus HAROLD AGNES

Lobster comes down to the ring and it appears as though he is ready to lock up with the aging History teacher. Harold comes down to the ring with his friend, who is announced as the History Reenactor! The History Reenactor stays to the outside, but it is implied he will try to even the odds here in this unbalanced affair.

Lobster and Harold Agnes lock up. Harold Agnes tries to gain the upper hand, but he simply fails as Lobster shoves him to the mat. Lobster taunts the aging Harold Agnes and makes fun of his old stature. Harold Agnes shoves Lobster and tries to do some break dancing to prove he is young. Lobster slaps him across the face and this sends Harold Agnes to the mat. Harold Agnes gets up to his feet only to get sent into the corner with knife-edged chops by Lobster. Lobster unbarrels about 6 of them before he simply hip tosses Harold Agnes.

Harold Agnes struggles to his feet and Lobster hits a running DDT. Lobster covers and gets a two count, and Harold Agnes seems out of breath. Lobster helps Harold Agnes up to his feet, but Harold breaks the hold by lifting his arms and throwing a few vicious shots. Harold Agnes has Lobster reeling towards the ropes when Harold Agnes hits an unprecedented move… a dropkick! The old man sends Lobster to the floor and Harold Agnes distracts the referee.

The History Reenactor tries to attack Lobster, but ends up getting duped, as Hand Solo appears at ring side and attacks him! Hand Solo sends him into the steel steps and than sends him into the apron. Hand Solo drops him with a upper cut and Hand Solo helps Lobster into the ring. Harold Agnes goes for an elbow drop, but misses. Hand Solo distracts the referee while Lobster puts on a brass claw and knocks Harold Agnes out with an illegal punch. Lobster covers and gets the one-two-three! Harold Agnes was cheated out of a victory here, tonight!

Hand Solo and Lobster try to escape to the back, but it won’t be that easy…

WINNER: LOBSTER

Lobster and Hand Solo are walking up the ramp when The Duck appears with The Darke Collective by his side. The Duck has a diabolic look on his face. Eminem looks ready to jump in and snap them both like a twig, but Dallas Darke holds him back. The lights dim and The Duck steps forward with a microphone.

THE DUCK: “Quack, quack, quack!”

The Duck nods his head as The Darke Collective all approach these two men… Nancy Catalogue decides to stand up and speak for the Duck, who clearly doesn't speak our language.

NANCY CATALOGUE: “You can take the stupid way out and you can disobey our orders! You’ll end up dead… because Hand Solo I’ve got the dirt on you… I’ve got the god-damn dirt on you, you son of a bitch. You’ve got unpaid debt to the man you fear the most…”

HAND SOLO: “You god-damn liar, I paid those debts off!”

NANCY CATALOGUE: “Oh, keep digging… keep digging. Jennifer Lopez wants the money you borrowed from her. And she wants it now. And Lobster… oh, Lobster, you were such a misguided soul. And than LOWK took you under his wing and taught you a thing or two. Too bad… well… that will happen to get you killed. The Clamp is … too powerful for you to have. And you must give it up or die. Make your choices!”

It appears as though The Forces Of Good will be disbanded here, because two of their crucial leaders will be killed. 1010101010101010 the Robot suddenly fires a shot off into the air. Everyone looks behind them to make sure that they are fine and that no-one is ambushing them. This is the perfect opportunity for Lobster and Hand Solo to escape. Both go separate directions, as 1010101010101010 and Lobster rush to the right and Hand Solo to the left! Everyone chases after Hand Solo as Lobster and 1010101010101010 get off without a problem.

THE DUCK: "QUACK, QUACK, quack! Quack, QUACK, quack!"

This doesn’t stop the Darke Collective as they easily catch Hand Solo! They place him in handcuffs and soon realize that Lobster and the traitorous 1010101010101010 had escaped in a limousine that had been waiting for them. The Duck has a look of disgust on his face. Nancy Catalogue picks up a microphone and speaks for his-her boss.

NANCY CATALOGUE: “We have coiled the rebellion…we have stopped it for now. And in two weeks, the rebellion will be killed. John Kerry, the future president of the Nation will appear on MBSEL Wednesday Night Wank-Fest and he will quash any ideas of a rebellion. And there isn’t a damn thing anyone can do. Not you… not you… not you… NOT ANY OF YOU MEASILY INFIDELS! ZIEG HIEL, HIEL KERRY! HIEL DUCK!”

With Hand Solo in shackles, The Darke Collective leaves the stage with great presence and great notoriety. It appears as though for now, The Darke Collective has a stranglehold on MBSEL. The scene switches to a room lit in red light. The center of attention is a bed, where Michael Jackson lay. It appears as though he is naked underneath the covers. Joe lay beside him with a devious smile on his face. Michael Jackson leans over and plants a kiss on his new found lover.

MICHAEL JACKSON: “That was even better than that Culkin kid!!”

Wendell Mehitler breaks into the dressing room with a crow-bar in hand! Michael Jackson stands up from the bed and he is in complete shock. Wendell Mehitler rushes at Michael Jackson and hits him in the ribs with a crow-bar shot. Wendell Mehitler grabs Michael Jackson and throws him into a mirror with great force.

JOE: “What are you doing… I love Michael Jackson!”

WENDELL MEHITLER: “No you don’t. You set him up! You were in on it the entire time!”

JOE: “Maybe so, but I learnt something important today! Wealth, fame, glory… it is nothing when you feel that good when being molested!”

WENDELL MEHITLER: “Kid, here is the grand we owe you! Get the fuck out of here before things get messy.”

Wendell throws Joe a stack of a thousand dollars and Wendell Mehitler shoos him away. Wendell proceeds to beat down Michael Jackson with the crow-bar, as well as throwing him into pieces of the locker room. Wendell picks up Michael Jackson and carries him towards the ring.

MBSEL DALLAS DARKE APPRECIATION TITLE MATCH

DALLAS DARKE vs. MICHAEL JACKSON

Dallas Darke stands in the ring, punching thin air in cocky fashion. Michael Jackson is literally carried to the ring, wearing nothing but his tighty whities by Wendell Mehitler. Wendell shoves him in the ring and this allows for Dallas Darke the easy win! But Dallas Darke refuses to take the easy win, he picks Michael Jackson up to his feet and he drops him with the Twist of Fate. Dallas Darke climbs to the top rope and he signals for the Swanton Bomb!

Dallas Darke connects with the Swanton Bomb, and he turns over Michael Jackson and he covers for the 1-----------222222222222222222222---3333333! Dallas Darke has retained his already famous title. Dallas Darke struggles to his feet and he signals to the crowd he is number one! Eminem is in the ring now with Dallas Darke and the two are celebrating with Wendell over the fallen Michael Jackson.

The Black Guy has seen just about enough as he rushes to the ring. The Black Guy rushes at Wendell only to get a big boot. Wendell picks up the Black Guy and throws him towards Eminem, who clothes lines him. Eminem picks up the Black Guy and drops him with a DDT. Dallas Darke kicks The Black Guy a few times and tells The Black Guy to get up. As The Black Guy gets to his feet, Dallas Darke aligns for a shot with his newly won title. Dallas Darke has it all measured up…

And he misses! The Black Guy ducks the shot and drops him with the Token! Dallas Darke is down and out on the mat. Wendell rushes at the Black Guy, only to get hit with about a dozen punches. The Black Guy hits a kick to the gut and a Token! The Black Guy is up to his feet now, and Eminem is the only one left standing. Eminem challenges the Black Guy to fight him right here and now! The Black Guy refuses, instead he picks up a microphone.

The Black Guy begins, “you white-trash piece of shit. You think I want to kick your ass. I’ve got a better idea. I’ll kick your ass in two weeks. So far, we’ve got the Battle of the Bands, John Kerry coming live… why not make this a hell of a lot more interesting. You are the new face of Rap and that pisses off the African community. So how about, in a steel cage me and you meet in the first ever ‘Free-Style In A Cage’ match. First we’ll have a free-style in the cage and we will let the fans decide who won.. Than, we’ll have a pinfall in the cage, and than if need be, if we are tied, than a race to climb out of the cage the fastest.”

Eminem shakes his head yes in agreement and than extends his hand for a shake… trying to say the match is official. The Black Guy looks to the fans who boo the idea… The Black Guy spits in the face of Eminem and than drops him with the third Token tonight. The Black Guy helps Michael Jackson up to his feet and to the back!

WINNER: DALLAS DARKE to WIN HIS OWN APPRECIATION TITLE

Edited by PunkRockPete
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I throw a lot of weird inconsistency in the show.

For example;

What the heck happened to the tether connecting Julian Snakes and Carlos Catholic. It disappears and reappears from show to show. Just to see who actually reads the shows and who just puts up feedback for the fuck of it. Anyways, Joe's swerve was pretty intense... out of left field. But it defintely won't be the end of the saga.

Plus, next week two high profile stars appear beside The Black Guy to align himself against Eminem, Wendell Mehitler and Dallas Darke... not really so much funny as I just did it because I could.

The show that is coming up in two weeks will be the first "big" show for MBSEL. Not so much a PPV, but there will be high profile matches on the card and a lot of feuds going to be resolved or fought about at the show.

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yeah, i was kinda wondering about that chain as well, since on a show a couple of shows ago, i think the one when carlos and snake split up, folks were running in and out of the ring during one brawl so much that i'd think that they would have been tied around the ringpost like a leashed dog doing laps around a tree.

i'm intrigued by the joe/jacko storyline...

and the "brass claw" was classic!

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yeah, i was kinda wondering about that chain as well, since on a show a couple of shows ago, i think the one when carlos and snake split up,  folks were running in and out of the ring during one brawl so much that i'd think that they would have been tied around the ringpost like a leashed dog doing laps around a tree.

i'm intrigued by the joe/jacko storyline...

and the "brass claw" was classic!

what exactly is the deal with nancy catalogue's gender? is nancy a tranny? a hermy?

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MBSEL WEDNESDAY NIGHT WANK-FEST

Coming live from the Ghetto…

Before anything appears the word, “JOHN KERRY NEW PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA” runs across the screen [OOC; I know he lost ,but this is the physics of wrestling… nothing is real and everything is fake]

This weeks introductory clip is that of an old woman cowering through the streets. She struggles with each and every step. She breathes heavily and it appears as though she might not have long to live. Across the street, we see a man sitting at a bench. While watching the old woman struggle, he has his hand down his pants pleasuring himself. The words “WENDESDAY NIGHT WANK-FEST’ appear on the screen.

NEXT WEEK…Pansy Division versus The Christian Band in a Battle of The Bands, with three celebrity judges. One will be chosen by Julian and the Mango Kid, one by The Christian Rock Group and the other will be an unnamed surprise guest to appear! The Duck’s evil plot to take over the world using a brand spankin’ new Wrestling federation was revealed and it was none other than the element of John Kerry’s appearance!!! The Black Guy and Eminem will square off in a helluva match, a Cage match involving three elements ; a free style, a pin fall and an escape! More will hope to be announced tonight…

“Voice of the Voiceless” by Rage Against the Machine plays over the speakers as Dallas Darke and Eminem make their way out onto the ramp, with Wendell Mehitler shortly behind. Eminem gives the middle finger to the camera as he walks by. Dallas Darke and Eminem get into the ring and as a huge explosion goes off. The words “Darke Days” appears on the screen as The Darke Collective appear in the ring.

DALLAS DARKE: “You god-damn idiots. All of you. You come here every night and you expect to get what you paid for. You expect to leave filled… well, news flash, YOU AIN’T. I run this show! I control everything that happens. And that is bad news for you. That is bad news for every last one of you. That is especially bad news for The Black Guy and … Michael Jackson. The Black Guy, next week you’ve got a hell of a task coming straight at you. You’ve got the main man, the action man, the owner of this god-damn company DALLAS ‘MOTHER FUCKIN’ DARKE. And you got his right hand man. The man who vows to kill every last one of you in the building… Wendell Mehitler! And than we’ve got my main man…”

EMINEM: “Guess who’s back? Shady’s back! I don’t give a fucking shit if you like me… if you hate me… or if I had sex with you last night. No one is safe. Especially not that punk-ass bitch T.B.G. He comes out here week in and week out and he thinks he is tough shit. Well, when it comes to the mic, I rock it all damn night! Ain’t no one going to beat me at my own fucking game. Especially not that faggot, T.B.G. And than, I’ll open the cage door and let these two suckas here beat the living shit out of you while I stand by and watch. Because when your as rich as me, when you’ve got bling, bling for everything thing, thing, you don’t need to kick ass. You just hire somebody to do it.”

The Black Guy makes his way onto the stage and he wears a smile about a mile wide. He seems rather enthused to be threatened with the possibility of a beat-down.

THE BLACK GUY: “You know, sitting at home I thought up something… and you know what I said to myself. ‘I need back-up’. And I don’t mean Michael Jackson back-up. I mean some real straight up protection. So I phoned around and I came the awful conclusion… there ain’t a lot of men and women out there willingly to put there body on the lines for The Black Guy. But I got a phone cal JUST last night that redeemed my faith in the entire world. I figured, you know I needed a rapper who could kick ass as well. Someone who is going to be able to teach me how to cut a mean ass rhyme and at the same time… kick some mean ass! And it was as though god-himself answered my call! But that ain’t it baby, he told me he’d bring a friend along to join the show! For one night only… put your hands together for Jay-Z and Kanye West!”

The lights dim and than Dirt Off Your Shoulder by Jay-Z kicks up over the speakers. Jay-Z and Kanye West apparently are appearing on the ramp… but the camera shows elsewise! Jay-Z and Kanye West are in the ring now and they both go for Eminem and Dallas Darke respectively! The Black Guy rushes down to the ring and he takes care of Wendell Mehitler! Jay-Z hits a body slam on Eminem and Kanye West hits a snap mare on Dallas Darke. The Black Guy hits the Token on Wendell Mehitler and it appears as though Kanye, Jay and T.B.G have conquered their fears! The trio all head to the back as Eminem, Dallas Darke and Wendell heal-up from the attack and have faces full of anger!

ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG TITLE MATCH

JOHNNY COLORADO /w THE WHORE versus MOE

This is the first time that the Only The Good Die Young Title will be defended and it will be decided in this match. Johnny Colorado has been on a mean streak lately, trying to injure wrestlers left and right for apparently no reason. Johnny Colorado comes down to the ring wearing a shirt that says “PATRICK IS A BASTARD” and Colorado flaunts it off to the fans. Moe comes out alone, without his pal Joe who turned on Michael Jackson last week. Moe looks worried of what will happen in the match.

The referee calls for the bell and Moe lays on the mat and encourages Colorado to pin him and get the victory. Colorado brushes this off and kicks Moe in the stomach. Colorado tells Moe to get up or else he’ll break his fucking neck. Moe gets on his knees and pleads with Colorado to spare him. Colorado knees him right in the face and Colorado laughs about the viciousness that lies within him! Moe gets up to his feet and he head-butts Colorado in the groin! Colorado falls to his knees and Moe decides to kick Colorado straight in the left testicle!

Moe climbs up to the second and Colorado is up to his feet now. Moe hits a fantastic missile drop kick straight to the groin and Colorado falls to his knee in pain. Moe rushes at Colorado for a kick to the groin, but Moe is shoved to the mat by Colorado. Colorado grabs Moe and tries to apply a Boston Crab, but Moe slips out of the hold and gets to his feet. Colorado does so too and Moe rushes at him. Colorado picks up Moe and probably breaks his spine with a stiff looking Spine buster!

Colorado covers and gets the one—two—thr… no! Ted The Zombie pulls the referee out of the ring and he has the referee distracted. Johnny Colorado gets up to his feet and Patrick the Zombie knocks him senseless with the Only The Good Die Young Title [does anyone else find it ironic someone who is dead is using that title belt…]! Colorado falls to the mat and Moe drapes his arm across him! The referee gets in the ring and counts 1-2-3!

Moe gets up to his feet and he grabs the title and he raises it in the air! Moe blows a kiss to the fans and he heads to the back. Meanwhile, the Zombies proceed to surround Johnny Colorado and are going to … EAT HIS FLESH! Johnny Colorado is pulled out of the ring by the Whore! That damn Whore! What a god-damn dirty slut!

Colorado and his Whore walk to the back hand in hand, but Ted the Zombie stops him, “YYYYOOOOUUUU BASSSSSTARD! We challengggggggeee youuuuuu twoooooo toooo aaaaaahhh taggggg-teaaaaammmm matccccchhhh! NNEEXX…”

Johnny Colorado has a microphone now and he decides to intervene, “what? You want to dish it out in a tag-team match… next week? Alright, alright. I accept the challenge, and my Whore here will face you two in a Tag-Team Match… and to up the ante… lets make it a Hardcore Match!”

The Whore has a visible problem with this as she proceeds to scream at Johnny Colorado and bash him in the head with her very light purse. Colorado tries to patch things up to no avail. Ted and Patrick the Zombie get quite the kick out of this as they watch the failing sexual relationship crumble to pieces.

WINNER: MOE to WIN THE ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG TITLE

MIKE SMITH versus ANTMAN

Antman comes down to the ring with a smile on his face and he points to a small boy in the audience. Antman takes off his antenna hat and he gives it to the boy in the audience. Antman high fives the child, but Mike Smith has seen enough. Mike Smith slides to the outside and tries to attack Antman, but ends up hitting the steel barrier as Antman avoids it. Antman hits a German Suplex on the outside and it appears as though Mike Smith won’t be getting up any time soon.

Antman slides in the ring and the referee begins to count out Mike Smith. In the ring though, Gene Smith has appeared with a hockey stick! Gene Smith tries to hit Antman, but only ends up hitting the referee. Antman takes down Gene Smith with a clothes line. As Mike Smith gets up, Antman takes to the air and connects with a cross body block. Antman gets in the ring now and Gene Smith rushes at him only to get dropped with a stiff super kick. Antman climbs up to the top and waits for Gene Smith to get up to his feet.

As Gene Smith struggles to his feet, Antman goes for a diving neck breaker off the top rope. Gene Smith ducks out of it at the last second and Antman hits nothing but mat. As Antman struggles to his feet, Gene Smith signals for a bulldog! Antman reverses it into a back body drop. Antman struggles to his feet and he signals the end for Gene Smith. The referee is up to his feet now and viewing the match.

Mike Smith slides in the ring and carefully sneaks up on Antman as he goes for the choke slam… Mike Smith rolls him up as the referee makes the ONE-TWO-THREE! Mike Smith has gained a victory for himself and he slides out of the ring. Gene Smith slides to the outside and he rushes to the back. Antman stands in the ring angry over what has happened.

But wait! A young teenager wearing ridiclous looking tights appears behind The Smith brothers. On his chest the words “BONE BOY” are on his chest. Acne Boy swings Mike Smith around and levels him with a few chops. Bone Boy sends Gene Smith to the ground with a kick to the groin. Bone Boy grabs Mike Smith and hits a DDT onto the stage. Bone Boy and Antman unite in the ring with a huge. Bone Boy, who is dressed like a skeleton it appears raises his hands in the air.

Next week, The Smith will defend their tag-team titles against this odd duo… Bone Boy and Antman!

WINNER: MIKE SMITH via ROLL-UP

WENDELL MEHITLER versus MICHAEL JACKSON

Michael Jackson falls onto the stage from the curtain and he is busted open. Wendell Mehitler comes from the curtain with a crow bar in hand. Michael Jackson gets up to his feet and begs for him to stop. Wendell Mehitler just hits him in the stomach with the crowbar and Jackson falls down like a bag of bricks. Wendell Mehitler grabs Michael Jackson by the throat and he picks him up. Wendell lifts him high into the air and drops him with a gorilla press slam.

Michael Jackson is visibly hurt after the move and he tries to get to his feet but Wendell stands on his back. Michael Jackson cries out in pain and wants the beating to stop. Wendell hoists Michael Jackson to his feet and he tosses him into the set now, with Michael Jackson’s body hitting hard and than falling to the ground lifeless. Wendell Mehitler walks to the ring now and he grabs a chair. The referee tells Wendell to put down the chair, but he has no say on the matter, the match has yet to officially begin. Wendell waits for Michael Jackson to crawl to his feet and Michael Jackson lays him out with a chair shot.

Wendell Mehitler demands that Michael Jackson crawl to the ring so that he can defeat him once and for all! Michael Jackson proceeds to crawl on his hands and knees towards the ring. Wendell Mehitler screams obscenities at him and spits on him a few times. Wendell eventually gets angered by this and picks up Michael Jackson and power slams him onto the pavement. Wendell is indeed a bastard and he is setting out to prove it here tonight. Wendell Mehitler tells the fans he is going to slaughter Michael Jackson in the middle of the ring.

Wendell picks up Michael Jackson and he rolls him into the ring. Ned appears from underneath the ring and he uses a fire extinguisher on Wendell Mehitler! Ned knocks Wendell senseless with the fire extinguisher and Ned rushes to the back in fear of what will happen. Wendell is proceeded to be counted out by the referee. Michael Jackson has won the match, but only by count-out. Wendell Mehitler gets up to his feet and this angers him, he cannot believe he lost the match!

Wendell Mehitler demands that Joe come to the ring and beat the shit out of Michael Jackson. Joe comes out and he looks to be disappointed with what he has done. Joe is getting booed by the fans, but he doesn’t want to acknowledge the boo’s. Wendell grabs Joe by the throat and threatens him. Wendell puts the microphone up the mouth of Joe for him to speak, “Michael Jackson… I hate you. I… hate you!”

Wendell Mehitler slaps Joe across the face and shoves him to the mat. Michael Jackson struggles to his feet and Wendell knocks him down with a boot to the face. Wendell Mehitler picks up Michael Jackson’s fallen body and he power bombs the frail man! Michael Jackson should be broken in half with such a move. Joe proceeds to plead with Wendell Mehitler for him to stop… and Wendell Mehitler threatens Joe. Wendell Mehitler rubs his fingers together, signaling money. Joe proceeds to kick Michael Jackson when he is down to the fans dismay. Joe seems to be disgusted with his own actions, but the power of money is far too much.

Wendell Mehitler orders Joe to escort him to the back and the twelve year old does with tears in his eyes. The twelve year old boys keeps looking back at the fallen Michael Jackson in hopes that he will move… but he does not. It appears as though Wendell has obliterated Michael Jackson and left him for the dogs, and Joe, the twelve year old lover of Michael Jackson sat idly by and watched!

WINNER: MICHAEL JACKSON by COUNTOUT

Johnny Colorado is in the backstage area with the prostitute. He is pleading with the prostitute to listen, but she will have none of it. Colorado whispers something into her ear and it disgusts her. She slaps him and than yells at him.

THE WHORE: “Johnny, ya don’t understand! I ain’ta rassler! I don’tnow how ta rassle! Wot da fock am I gonna dew?”

JOHNNY COLORADO: “First off, bitch, you speak English. Not that ebonics shit… that is for the … well, you know. Different folk! Secondly, I don’t care. See, when had a little contract that you signed. Not only are you my lady, but you are my slave. You have to do all that I demand. And I demand you wrestle the match.”

THE WHORE: “Ya’ll regrtit son of da beotch!”

The Whore spits out a wad of tobacco at Johnny Colorado’s shoes. Colorado winds up as if he is going to punch the Whore in the face, but instead he lowers his fist and laughs in the face of the Whore. Johnny Colorado walks away from her as she stands in shock. The Whore walks away, a little scared of what might be in the works.

Julian Snakes and The Mango Kid, the good friends, come to the ring and they have a pair of microphones. The Mango Kid is about to speak, but instead Julian Snakes speaks up first.

JULIAN SNAKES: “Yes, we were told we had to choice a special guest judge for the Battle of the Bands. So we decided that we should stack the odds against the Christian rock-group. So instead of chosing someone who knew something about music, we choose someone who knew something about queer culture… Rupert Everett, the … guy from … Inspector Gadget!”

THE MANGO KID: “Rupert isn’t on hand tonight, but he will be on hand next week for the contest.”

The lights dim and out comes the Christian rock-group. Carlos Catholic is the first to enter the ring and he raises his hands in celebration Lead Singer Of A Christian blows kisses at the fans and than he raises his hands in celebration like Carlos Catholic. They both blow a kiss up to heaven and grab microphones.

THE MANGO KID: “What the hell do you two have to say that is of an importance?”

CARLOS CATHOLIC: “We’ve come down to make our announcement of who will be our guest judge next week. We thought long and hard about it… we thought about it all day LONG! And than we came to the conclusion our guest judge should be an unbiased official. That is what Christianity is all about… COMPASSION. That is why we have chosen the Pastor from our church… Pastor Gheorge! He will be on hand next week…”

THE MANGO KID: “What the hell? How can you get any more unbiased than that. The ladies in the front row, the ladies in the bleachers and the ladies in the nose bleeds want to see the Mango Kid, Julian Snakes party down with the rock band known as Pansy Division. You’ve chosen someone who is biased beyond belief!”

LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK GROUP: “So have you! You’re the pot calling the kettle black.”

THE MANGO KID: “What?!?! Did he just say he hates black people!”

LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK GROUP: “No, it is a figure of speech. The pot is black and so is the kettle.”

JULIAN SNAKES: “Enough about cooking devices! Next thing you know we’ll be discussing the kitchen sink… you two have been like a bad rash. That is why I propose one of you square off against the Mango Kid at the PPV. Doesn’t matter much one… The Mango Kid here is undefeated and he will stay undefeated.”

LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK GROUP: “Carlos, I know as much as anyone you want to kick the shit out of that flaming homosexual, The Mango Kid!”

THE MANGO KID: “Gay? Wait… what! I ain’t gay. Me and Julian here are really good friends. The ladies love me… their mothers love me… and there mothers love me. I’ve pleasured more women than you’ve got fingers.”

LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK GROUP: “So about eleven?”

THE MANGO KID: “11 and a half.”

LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK GROUP: “Wait… what? How can it be half? Wouldn’t you just round up?”

THE MANGO KID: “Well half-way through he wanted to stop.”

LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK GROUP: “Wow, you must have really pounded her. Any ways, I know you want to beat the hell out of the Mango Kid because he grabs other men’s testicles.”

THE MANGO KID: “In my defense, it is more of a squeeze than a grab. Grab makes it sound like I get some pleasure out of it. It is really a very effective move.”

LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK GROUP: “ALRIGHT, alright! So, you squeeze their testicles. I’ve lost track of what the hell was going on. I want to face you one on one next week. I’ll break your so called undefeated streak.”

THE MANGO KID: “Personally, I like wearing clothes.”

LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK GROUP: “What? Who said anything about clothes?”

THE MANGO KID: “You said I am on a streak. Clearly not. I am wearing all of my clothes at this time.”

LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK GROUP: “ENOUGH! Me and you will square off in one hell of a match… in the centre of this ring. No if’s… and’s … or but’s! Alright?”

THE MANGO KID: “ALRIGHT! LETS GET IT ON!!!”

The Mango Kid and Julian Snakes head to the back while Carlos Catholic and The Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Group distribute their first singles. A mini-advertisement displays hyping up their appearance next week, stating it will be legendary! The camera shifts to the backstage area where Dallas Darke is sitting in his desk, relaxing and eating an orange. In walks a man wearing a suit and a tie.

MAN WEARING A SUIT AND A TIE: “Dallas Darke. How long has it been?”

DALLAS DARKE: “I am not quite sure I know you.”

MAN WEARING A SUIT AND A TIE: “I figured as much. You see, Dallas, it has been a while. I always knew that you’d do that. You’d forget about me the first second you had the chance.”

DALLAS DARKE: “I am sorry, how did you get past security?”

MAN WEARING A SUIT AND A TIE: “Because, Dallas, I am your brother.”

DALLAS DARKE: “CALEB!”

CALEB DARKE: “Yes, Dallas, it is I, Caleb. I have arrived because you are being duped.”

DALLAS DARKE: “Duped? What do you mean?”

CALEB DARKE: “The Duck. He is duping you… haven’t you heard his mischievous plan… his plan to start his own wrestling promotion.”

DALLAS DARKE: “Oh yeah, the Duck Wrestling Alliance, or something to that extent. Seems harmless to me.”

CALEB DARKE: “Harmless? What do you mean? It is the complete opposite of harmless. He plans to rape your roster and leave you with no-one. And the rest… he plans to kill.”

DALLAS DARKE: “Get out of here. Duck has been a close friend of mine for years.”

CALEB DARKE: “I am your brother, how can you not trust me more?”

DALLAS DARKE: “And where have you been the last ten years. Living in some bar, collecting welfare checks? Or did you actually get a job this time around.”

CALEB DARKE: “I found some work. I just figured I’d tell you this in advance… so when the shit goes down I could say I told you so. So I could say… that you were duped.”

DALLAS DARKE: “Now you are pushing it punk. You’re a horrible person and you are a horrible brother. Quit fucking with my wrestling promotion and get the hell out.”

CALEB DARKE: “I can’t wait… I can’t wait till this blows up.”

Caleb Darke leaves with great presence. Dallas Darke looks weary of what is going on and he seems to realize that perhaps he isn’t in the greatest positions. Dallas Darke sits at his desk and begins to think about what is going on. The camera fades to black.

The next scene is a swampy marsh. A car is crashed right in the middle and it appears as though something messy has been going on. 1010101010101010 the traitorous robot is seen lying on dry land. Lobster is seen nearby recovering some wood for a fire. A sound comes from a few meters away.

LOBSTER: “What was that?”

Nothing comes about, so Lobster returns to his work. Lobster preps the fire-wood and eventually lights a match. Something appears from the Marsh and it is screaming loudly. Lobster stands up and he looks ready to defend himself. But wait… it is simply a hobo who was stimulated by the light of the fire. The Hobo returns to sleeping in the marsh. Lobster returns to the firewood.

VOICE: “The clamp is strong with this one, harumph!”

Lobster swings around he sees the face of … some kind of Alien. The Alien approaches Lobster who looks thoroughly frightened.

ALIEN: “HARUMPH!”

THE MANGO KID versus CARLOS CATHOLIC versus EMINEM versus ANTMAN

Eminem comes to the ring and he gets mad pops from the audience. He pulls up a chair and he sets it up right beside the ring. Eminem tells the wrestlers to keep fighting as he will watch. Antman and The Mango Kid shake hands at the beginning of the match and they decide to double team Carlos. The Mango Kid sends Carlos off the ropes and connects with a back body drop. The Mango Kid demands that Carlos get up to his feet and he connects with a harsh knife edge chop! The Mango Kid delivers another and than another!

Eminem now teases getting in the ring and The Mango Kid encourages it. Eminem blows this off and returns to his seat. The Mango Kid sends Carlos Catholic off the ring lines and Antman connects with a clothes line! Antman yells at Catholic to get up to his feet and he connects with a drop kick. Antman and The Mango Kid pick up Carlos Catholic and tie him in the ropes. The Mango Kid throws a few punches and than Antman kicks him in the gut.

Eminem is in the ring now, as the two wrestlers have their back’s turned to him. Eminem yells at the two and they turn around… Eminem hits both men with a flying clothes line! Eminem is up to his feet now and he prances around the ring and than he gives the fans the middle finger. The fans eat it up as they cheer him. Eminem proceeds to roll to the outside and sit in his chair.

The Mango Kid is up to his feet now and he is visibly irritated at the Real Slim Shady. Eminem tells The Mango Kid to go fuck his boy-friend. The Mango Kid bends over and Antman uses his back as a vault as he takes to the air. Antman lands directly on Eminem. Antman throws punch after punch on Eminem and it appears as though the two are going to brawl. Carlos Catholic sneaks up on The Mango Kid and Russian Leg-Sweeps him.

Carlos Catholic is up to his feet and he attacks the back of The Mango Kid with an elbow drop. Carlos Catholic is quick to apply a Camel Clutch that has The Mango Kid on the brink of submission. On the outside, Eminem is up to his feet and he tosses Antman straight into the steel ring post. Eminem isn’t done though, as he picks Antman up and throws him into the steel post once again! Eminem grabs a steel chair and he places it on the head of Antman. Eminem stomps right into the steel chair without a second thought. Eminem proceeds to set the chair up and sit down once again.

In the ring now, The Mango Kid has control of the match. The Mango Kid ducks a clothes line by Carlos and drops him with a neck breaker. The Mango Kid covers and gets a two count. Eminem slides in the ring now and he is going to drop The Mango Kid with a clothes line, but the Mango Kid blocks it with a chop. The Mango Kid chops Eminem about eight more times and than drops him with a Stunner! Eminem falls to the outside of the ring. Carlos Catholic rolls up The Mango Kid and places his foot on the ropes. 1-2-… KICKOUT!

The Mango Kid is up to his feet now, and Carlos Catholic shoves him. The Mango Kid shoves him back. Carlos Catholic bounces off the ropes to hit a shoulder tackle, but the Mango Kid delivers the CRUSHED MANGOES. Dear lord, the CRUSHED MANGOES! The Mango Kid puts a lot of pressure on the hold and it appears as though Carlos Catholic is in pain! Carlos Catholic nears the ropes as he tries to break the hold. Eminem is in the ring now and he hits The Mango Kid with a shoulder tackle from behind. This send Carlos Catholic to the floor and The Mango Kid one on one with Eminem.

Eminem shoves The Mango Kid. The Mango Kid shoves Eminem. Eminem gets right in the face of The Mango Kid and every second word out of his mouth is faggot. Eminem slaps the Mango Kid. The Mango Kid winds up for a slap on Eminem, but he ducks it prematurely. The Mango Kid grabs Eminem by the hair and plants a big wet kiss on him! Eminem is out of control… he cannot believe what is going on. The Mango Kid tries to reason it was a good luck kiss, but Eminem takes him down with a clothes line. Eminem elbow drops him about three times, and than Eminem begins to talk shit.

Eminem climbs to the second rope and he hypes his deadly axe handle. Eminem sees a fan in the front row he doesn’t like, so he talks smack from the second rope. Eminem notices the Mango Kid is nearing him, so he jumps trying to connect. THE CRUSHED MANGOES IN MID-AIR! Eminem yelps in pain as his testicles are smushed! Eminem tries to break the hold, but The Mango Kid sinches the hold on tight, there is no escape.

The Mango Kid releases the hold and Eminem straggles away from the Mango Kid, holding his testicles. The Mango Kid sneaks up on Eminem and he sets him up for the tomb stone pile driver. The Mango Kid drops him straight on his head and he covers. One-two-three! Eminem was defeated in the middle of the ring here tonight and the Mango Kid keeps his streak alive.

After the bell, though, Wendell Mehitler enters the ring with a crow-bar in hand. He delivers a vicious shot straight to the gut of the Mango Kid. Wendell Mehitler waits for The Mango Kid to struggle to his feet and he goes for another shot, but the CRUSHED MANGOES. The Mango Kid applies the hold with such strength that it appears as though Wendell is helpless. The Mango Kid releases the hold and he heads to the back a bigger man than before.

WINNER: THE MANGO KID

FOR NEXT WEEK’S “BIG SHOW”

UPDATE ON THE FORCES OF GOOD

KILL-A-BABY TAG-TEAM MATCH: TEAM GENERIC versus ANTMAN & BONE BOY

BATTLE OF THE BANDS : PANSY DIVISION versus CHRISTIAN ROCK GROUP

THE MANGO KID versus LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK GROUP

HARDCORE MATCH: JOHNNY COLORADO & THE WHORE versus THE ZOMBIES

JOHN KERRY WILL BE IN ATTENDANCE, WITH THE DUCK

WENDELL MEHITLER versus JOE versus MICHAEL JACKSON

CAGE MATCH: EMINEM /w DALLAS DARKE & WENDELL MEHITLER versus THE BLACK GUY /w KANYE WEST & JAY-Z

DALLAS DARKE WILL MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO ROCK THE FOUNDATIONS OF MBSEL

Edited by PunkRockPete
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MBSEL WEDNESDAY NIGHT WANK-FEST

Coming live from your basement on your PC…

The theme song for this week’s show is “Hand In My Pocket” by Alanis Morisette. We are given a brief recap of the last eight weeks and the things that are coming to a head tonight. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Group [formerly of a Screamcore Band] tribulations with the Mango Kid and how it leads up to tonight, the Battle of the Bands and their match. Perhaps Lead Singer will manage to pick up a victory? Team Generic’s winning streak as well, with the roll-up. Neither member has been beaten in tag-team or singles action! Will Antman and recently adopted side-kick Bone Boy be able to conquer the forces of evil. Colorado led Patrick to kill himself weeks ago. And Ted The Zombie brought him back alive as a Zombie. Colorado has forced his prostitute to team with him tonight. Will Colorado continue to injure wrestlers he wrestles, or will he lose one on one with the Zombies? The Duck’s evil plan, to construct a wrestling federation to harvest his evil plans to Wrestling domination will be carried out by none-other than new President, John Kerry. He will be on hand… but will these plans be carried through. Joe and Michael Jackson developed a sexual molestation relationship and it appears as though this relationship will be tested tonight… when they square off in a three-way dance with Wendell Mehitler! Eminem will wrestle his second and perhaps final MBSEL match tonight with Wendell and Dallas Darke in his corner against none other than the Black Guy with rap legend Jay-Z and new-comer Kanye West. Will these two power houses tear the house down or make the audience snooze in protest? Plus, Dallas Darke plans to make an announcement to rock the foundation of MBSEL forever!

An unknown woman makes her way down the aisle and into the ring. She adorns a pair of thick glasses, she has messy and tangled orange hair. She has a huge gap in between her teeth that can only be described as HOT! This unknown woman slides in the ring and raises her hands in victory.

MARIA THE UPDATE WOMAN: “Hi guys! My name is Maria the Update Woman. I have been hired to go on assignment, to go to all of the places that normal reporters wouldn’t go to give you the scope on the wrestlers you love. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Any ways, enough about me, and more about my first assignment. My first assignment was to look at the Forces of Good. Well, we all know where LOWK is. He is dead! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That was funny. Very funny. Hahahaha! But any ways, The next member we are going to look at is … Hand Solo!”

Maria points to the big screen where there is a shaky camera. A voice narrates us through what is going on.

MARIA THE UPDATE WOMAN: “Okay, okay, we’ve been let in here with very rules and guidelines to follow. We cannot take a picture of Hand Solo. But rules were meant to be broken. Hand Solo, apparently, under the watchful hand of J’Lo, the fat-ass herself!”

Maria the Update Woman stumbles upon the room containing Hand Solo. Hand Solo is seen frozen in what appears to be… SPAGHETTI. Hand Solo has found himself in a very tricky position… in which he is frozen in spaghetti.

MARIA THE UPDATE WOMAN: “What the hell! Did you see that. It was so whack. How is Hand Solo going to escape? Well, okay, the next update is Eiwehc! He is simply sitting in the backstage area yelling SLARG, GLARG, MARG! I mean ‘W-T-F?’. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wow, I am so funny, j slash k! Okay, lastly was that guy named Lobster! The Lobster who is a wrestler, who cute is that! Any ways, like we couldn’t find him. He seemed to disappear off the face of the planet with 1010101010101010101, the traitorous robot! So any ways, that was my first update and hopefully you guys enjoyed it.”

Maria the Update Woman begins to leave the ring, but she stumbles on the apron and does a face plant! The fans laugh at Maria the Update Woman who begins to cry as she rushes to the backstage area in complete fright over what happened.

CAGE MATCH

THE BLACK GUY /w JAY-Z & KANYE WEST versus EMINEM /w DALLAS DARKE & WENDELL MEHITLER

This is our main event and it is our first match of the evening. The Black Guy comes down to the ring to “99 Problems” by Jay-Z and escorted by Jay and Kanye. The Black Guy steps inside the cage, but before he does he high fives his two close friends. The Black Guy gets loosened up for the match. The lights dim and than “Voice Of The Voiceless” by Rage Against the Machine begins to play over the speakers. A huge pyro goes off and on the stage Dallas Darke appears with Wendell Mehitler. Behind them stands the man, dressed like he is straight from the ghetto, EMINEM.

These 3 men walk down the aisle and they certainly look like they are going to be a force to reckon with. Wendell Mehitler especially as he has perhaps a good foot on Jay-Z and Kanye West. Dallas Darke on the outside begins to taunt the two famous rappers and eventually gives them the fingers. Wendell Mehitler gets in the incase they wish to use force. Eminem steps into the cage and he raises his hands in the air as a pyro goes off. Eminem and The Black Guy have a stare down.

The referee has a microphone and he begins to speak, “this match will be decided in a best out of three victories style. The first task will be the free-style. The second task will be a pinfall. And if the third fall is needed, it will be an escape from the cage. Both men, I wish you the best of luck in this match. Free-styling first will be Eminem.”

Eminem picks up the microphone and he gets quite an enormous pop. Eminem raises his hands to take in the pop a little more. Eminem starts off without his free-style, “I just want to say… thank you to the fans who came out tonight. I just want to tell you guys that Dallas Darke is the mother-fucking man. I’d also like to say thank you to the referee, this is going to be dangerous and you are risking your life. And the Black Guy, you’re a stupid cunt, so shut the fuck up and lets throw this down.”

“You call yourself Black Guy,

But we all know it’s a lie.

You act more like you’re a gal,

I saw you fucking some dude named Sal!

A wrestler I ain’t, but I kick ass,

I’ll wrestle you till you run out of gas!

Pull out my nine and blow you to pieces,

Your no better than horses feces!”

The Black Guy has had enough as he slaps the taste right out of the mouth of Eminem! The Black Guy grabs the microphone and hits Eminem with it. The referee rings the bell and apparently the first victory has been awarded to Eminem! The Black Guy doesn’t care as he chops with viciousness the chest of Eminem. Eminem finds himself pinned against the ropes as the Black Guy chops him once again. The Black Guy rips open the white wife-beater of Eminem and chops him several more times.

The Black Guy grabs the hand of Eminem and he applies a wrist lock. The Black Guy applies pressure until Eminem manages to low blow The Black Guy. The Black Guy holds his crotch in pain while Eminem pulls from his tights … brass knuckles! Eminem slips them on as the Black Guy gets back to his feet. Eminem connects with a hard left and The Black Guy falls to the mat. Eminem covers and gets the one-two—thr… NO! The Black Guy kicks out. Eminem gets up to his feet and he signals for another left hand. The Black Guy struggles to his feet and Eminem hits him once again. The Black Guy doesn’t fall over, he simply falls against the ropes as he is already busted open.

Eminem taunts the fans as he is going to win this match with ease. Eminem sets up for the third and possibly final left hand… but The Black Guy ducks it and hits a roll-up. ONE-TWO-KICK OUT! The Black Guy almost had the victory but he didn’t quite get it. The Black Guy and Eminem are both up to there feet and the Black Guy grabs the left hand of Eminem and rips the brass knuckles off. The Black Guy throws them to the fans and the Brass knuckles have been taken out of the match.

The Black Guy kicks Eminem in the gut and DDT. The Black Guy gets up to his feet and he calls for Eminem to get up. Eminem struggles to his feet and the Black Guy charges at him and connects with a shoulder block. Eminem gets up to his feet again and The Black Guy takes him down with a cross body block. The Black Guy turns Eminem over, laying him on his chest. The Black Guy applies a camel clutch now and this could be the second fall decided right here.

Dallas Darke on the outside begins to climb the cage. Jay-Z appears out of nowhere and he shakes the cage. Dallas Darke stumbles back down to the ground and he gets in the face of Jay-Z. Dallas Darke mouths off until Jay-Z slaps him. Wendell appears behind Dallas and shoves Jay-Z. Jay shoves Wendell back and he ain’t steppin’ down. Jay-Z slaps Dallas and Wendell proceeds to choke him. Kanye West lays Wendell out with a chair shot!

Back in the ring now, The Black Guy has the move absolutely perfectly locked in. Eminem is screaming in pain as he grabs for the ropes. Eminem taps out and the Black Guy releases the hold and raises his hands. The referee regrettably in forms The Black Guy the match MUST be decided in pin-fall… not submission. The Black Guy is angered by this and he goes to apply the move once again, but Eminem slides out of the hold and he manages to grab a hold of the ropes as he lies on his back.

The Black Guy proceeds to lay the boots in very viciously. The Black Guy doesn’t soften the blow and he really lays in with the shots. The Black Guy lays off Eminem and proceeds to tell him to get up to his feet. Eminem stands up with a tire iron in his hands. The Black Guy ducks the first shot aiming for his head. Eminem strikes back, though, with a shot to the ribs. The Black Guy falls to the mat in pain and perhaps his ribs are broken.

Eminem climbs to the second rope and he signals for a devastating blow with the tire iron. But wait, Kanye West has managed to grab the tire iron through the cage and pull it out. Eminem is distracted as The Black Guy sneaks up on Eminem and grabs him and hits the Token off the second ROPE. The Black Guy covers and gets the 1-2-KICKOUT! Eminem has done the unthinkable and kicked out of The Black Guy’s finisher. The Black Guy tells the referee it was a slow count, but it clearly wasn’t.

Eminem and the Black Guy both struggle to their feet and The Black Guy goes for a clothes line, but Eminem reverses it right into a Rock Bottom, also known as the Black Guy’s finisher! Eminem has the victory in his hands as he covers. ONEEEE---TWOOOOO-THRE.. NO, The Black Guy kicks out at the very last moment. The fans are chanting T.B.G in unison as the Black Guy struggles to his feet with fury in his eyes.

Eminem taunts The Black Guy with a punch to the face. Eminem does a little dance and than punches him in the face once again. Eminem goes for a third shot, but The Black Guy strikes back with a right hand! And than a left! And than a right! And than a left! Eminem is reeling from the shots and he has also been busted open. The Black Guy connects with one helluva of an upper cut that knocks Eminem silly on his feet. The Black Guy sneaks up and drops him with The Token! The Black Guys covers and gets the one—two—three! The Black Guy has secured the second fall here tonight!

This match is already going down in the history books as a one hell of a match, but it ain’t over. The Black Guy is first to his feet and he signals that he is going to climb out. The Black Guy begins to scale the cage, but Dallas Darke will have none of it. He shakes the cage and the Black Guy cannot climb. Kanye West intervenes as he shoves Dallas Darke. Dallas Darke shoves him back and gets right in his face. Wendell Mehitler sneaks up behind Kanye West and axe handles him in the back. Wendell picks up Kanye West and tosses him right into the steel steps. Meanwhile, Dallas Darke slips into the ring… A TAZOR!

Eminem has a tazor in his hand and the Black Guy makes a motion to stop him, only to get shocked! Oh dear, The Black Guy is on the mat and he is defintely hurting. Eminem drops the tazor and he signals he is going to climb out. Eminem makes it all the way to the top, but Jay-Z takes a running start and he hits the cage. Eminem loses his balance and … he takes a free-fall from the top of the cage all the way to the middle of the ring. Eminem is out cold after such a daring fall. Wendell goes to attack Jay-Z, only to get knocked out with a brass knuckle shot. Dallas Darke and Jay-Z are the two body-guards left standing.

In the ring now, The Black Guy struggles to his feet and he is defintely feeling the effects of the tazor shot. The referee has the tazor and he is trying to take it out of the ring. The Black Guy grabs the referee by the throat and rips the tazor out of his hand. The Black Guy proceeds to temporarily shock Eminem! The referee revokes the tazor and throws it outside to another referee who disposes of it. The Black Guy grabs the referee by the neck and than shakes him. The referee shoves The Black Guy, so the Black Guy drops him with the Token!

The Black Guy begins to climb the cage, but Eminem is up to his feet in time to grab him by the leg. The Black Guy boots him in the face with the free-foot, but Eminem learns from his mistake and he pulls him down from the cage. The Black Guy falls down and he lands throat first on the ropes. The Black Guy falls backwards and he lands on the mat. Eminem signals that he ain’t done yet, Eminem climbs to the top rope and he slaps his elbow three times. Eminem takes to the air and connects with a hell of an elbow drop!

Eminem struggles to his feet and he signals he is going to climb out. Eminem begins his ascent of the cage, but the Black Guy quickly gets to his feet. The Black Guy begins to climb and he eventually stops Eminem as he crosses from one side to another. The Black Guy meets Eminem and they are at an equal height up. The two exchange lefts and rights as they carefully get to their feet. The Black Guy goes for a clothes line, but Eminem reverses it into the set up for the Token. The two briefly converse about the spot, before they take to the air. Eminem slams The Black Guy to the mat with the most brutal Token ever hit in an MBSEL ring.

Dallas Darke has seen enough of this match as he begins to climb the cage. Jay-Z cannot stop Dallas Darke as he is too high up. Wendell Mehitler is up to his feet this time and he grabs Jay-Z and throws him into the steel steps, right beside where Kanye West is! The two famous rappers have been disposed and the odds are stacked against the Black Guy. Dallas Darke helps Eminem to his feet and Dallas Darke encourages Eminem to climb the steel cage and escape. Eminem is totally out of it, in reality, because of the huge fall he just suffered. Eminem falls right over and Dallas Darke gets frustrated with Eminem as he helps him up.

The Black Guy has managed to get to his feet and he rushes at Dallas Darke and drops him with a clothes line. The Black Guy waits for Eminem to get up to his feet and he kicks him in the gut and he sets him up for a move. The Black Guy raises Eminem in the air and he drops him with a pile driver! The Black Guy could have crippled Eminem, but he doesn’t care as he climbs the steel cage and escapes! The Black Guy’s feet touches the floor and he has won the match. Wendell Mehitler tries to attack the Black Guy, but The Black Guy knocks him senseless with a chair shot.

The Black Guy walks over to Jay-Z and Kanye West who are recovering. They have a group hug and Jay-Z and Kanye West point to The Black Guy as the man who won the match. The Black Guy waves to the fans as the three men head to the back with nothing but pride. In the ring, Dallas Darke is a broken man who has lost everything, but still he has an announcement to make later on! Eminem is up to his feet now and he gives a fond farewell to the fans with a wave of his hand.

WINNER: THE BLACK GUY

HARDCORE TAG-TEAM MATCH

JOHNNY COLORADO & THE WHORE versus THE ZOMBIES

Johnny Colorado comes down to the ring with his prostitute by his side, she is announced as Sally The Quarter Whore. Johnny Colorado waves to his wife and two children in the front row. Colorado slides in the ring and he sits in the corner waiting for the Zombies. Patrick Zombie comes down to the ring first and than it seems as though Ted The Zombie will be late this evening.

Patrick Zombie stands in the ring waiting for Colorado to get up to his feet to wrestle. Colorado points at Sally the Quarter Whore and says that she will be wrestling first. Sally at first refuses and Patrick the Zombie refuses to fight her. Sally than proceeds to kick Patrick in his zombie cock and she slaps him across the face. Sally proceeds to pull his hair… only she pulls it right out from the root which reveals blood soaked skin and hair. Patrick the Zombie back hands Sally the Quarter Whore right to the mat. Colorado sits up from the corner and hits a running knee to the gut on Patrick.

Colorado proceeds to drop an elbow onto the back of Patrick Zombie! Colorado stands up to his feet and he flexes his muscles for the fans. Patrick the Zombie struggles to his feet and Colorado grabs him by the neck and he tosses him across the ring. Sally the Quarter Whore kicks him while he is down and she proceeds to get close to Colorado. Colorado kisses her softly on the lips. The camera pans to Colorado’s wife who sits there smiling.

Colorado proceeds to choke out Patrick the Zombie, but for how long? About 4 seconds, after the referee demands he release the hold. Johnny Colorado signals to the referee he can suck Colorado’s cock and than Colorado lets go of the hold. Sally the Quarter Whore walks over and kicks Patrick the Zombie in the chest a few times, brushes her hair back and flashes the audience! The camera pans to Colorado’s wife who sits idly by and doesn’t say anything.

Sally the Quarter Whore waits for Patrick the Zombie to struggle to his feet and she hits a running slap to the face. Patrick the Zombie falls down to one knee and he seems to be in deep trouble. Johnny Colorado kicks him in the chin and than Colorado applies a chin lock. As the hold is clamped in, Sally the Quarter Whore hits a few slaps to the face. Colorado yells at Patrick the Zombie to tap out, but he refuses.

Ted the Zombie makes his way down the aisle… but he is missing half of his head. There is blood everywhere as it runs down his decaying skin. Ted the Zombie stumbles a few steps and he falls over. Sally the Quarter Whore rolls to the outside and goes under the ring. She comes out with a sledgehammer that is coated in blood and decaying skin. Ted the Zombie begins to crawl to the ring to help his partner. Sally the Quarter Whore meets him half-way… she raises the sledgehammer in the air and crushes his skull!

I’m no zombie expert, but I am sure this is the demise of Ted the Zombie!

Johnny Colorado is in the ring now and he encourages Sally the Quarter Whore to come back to the ring with the sledgehammer. Johnny Colorado picks Patrick the Zombie up and he hits the spine buster. Colorado covers and gets the 1-2-3! Johnny Colorado and Sally the Quarter Whore have won their first and possibly only match.

Colorado picks Patrick the Zombie up and he places him right in the middle of the ring with a power bomb. Colorado rips the sledgehammer away from Sally the Quarter Whore, and than he grabs her tit in a sexist fashion. Colorado proceeds to make-out with the Quarter Whore to dismay of the audience. Johnny Colorado’s wife sits with a stupid smile on her face. Johnny Colorado lifts the sledgehammer and brings it down on the decaying skull of Patrick the Zombie, playing a part in the death of Patrick for the SECOND time.

Johnny Colorado picks up a microphone after the match and he speaks with a cocky smile on his face, “I want to dedicate this match to my wife, Marisa! Marisa, I know you are blind and you can’t see me now, but I really scored tonight!”

Colorado proceeds to stick his tongue down the throat of Sally the Quarter Whore, as they pose for a picture that is repulsive both in a visual and a morality sense! Colorado and Sally want to the back hand in hand as they walk right by Colorado’s blind wife!

WINNER: JOHNNY COLORAD & SALLY THE QUARTER WHORE

The two guest judges are already at ring-side… Pastor Gheorge, a religious leader who plays a huge role in the church. And Rupert Everett, screen actor and openly gay male. The guest judge is indeed… none other than some guy from the audience! He shrugs his shoulders and hops the barrier and sits in the desk where he will chose the next big pop act!

There are two stages now, and the camera zooms in on the one-stage. There is a huge poster that has the words, “PANSY DIVISION, WE ARE QUEER ROCKERS IN YOUR FACE TODAY”. The band greets the audience with a quick hello and than plays one of there many queer anthems, “Flower!” The fans bounce as the band plays through their next song, “Vanilla”. Pansy Divison finish off their set with “He Whipped My Ass In Tennis, So I Whipped His Ass In Tennis”.

Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Group enters the opposing stage from the left and he immediately blows a kiss to heaven. Carlos Catholic comes out next and he has a guitar in his hand. The other two band members, who names are useless and will never be known. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band proceeds to introduce the band, ”WE ARE CHRIST LOVE AND WE LOVE CHRIST! Are you ready to rock, roll and LOVE JESUS CHRIST, OUR SAVIOR?”

The fans chant, “you guys suck” throughout their first song. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band gets agitated by the chants so, he leaves the stage and walks over to the fans chanting this. He grabs the fan by the throat and shakes him. The fan throws a punch back and it appears as though a mini-brawl has broken out! Security eject the man who punched Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band and than Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band returns to the stage to play their single and their last song.

After performing, Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band demands the audience thank Jesus Christ for everything he gives us. By this point, Pansy Division are on their stage and the judges will now decide who wins.

RUPERT EVERRETT: “Those were both intriguing performances. But I must award this victory to… Pansy Division. Sorry Christ Love, but you guys are horrendous. I think my ears are bleeding after such a beating.”

SOME FAN: “Wow. Christ Love really blew. And Pansy Divison… well, they were cool. So they probably get my vote.”

PASTOR GHEORGE: “Christ Love… you make Jesus look bad. Pansy Divison get my vote!”

The two nameless band members of Christ Love head to the back, as Carlos Catholic and Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band complain about the decision. Julian Snakes and the Mango Kid appear out of no where and attack the two men. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band and The Mango Kid brawl towards the ring as Carlos Catholic and Julian Snakes head to the back!

LEAD SINGER OF A CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND versus THE MANGO KID

Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band and the Mango Kid aren’t quick to get in the ring as Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band tries to throw Mango Kid into the railing, but the Mango Kid upper cuts him. The Mango Kid throws two more upper cuts and than hits a european upper cut for good measure. The Mango Kid delivers a back body drop to Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band right onto the unpadded floor. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band yelps out in pain as he struggles to his feet.

The Mango Kid hits a running forearm which knocks Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band closer to the ring. The Mango Kid picks him up and throws him into the ring. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band gets up to his feet and he begs for salvation from The Mango Kid. The Mango Kid throws three stiff left hands and than drop kicks him right in the face. The Mango Kid elicits quite the reaction from the audience and than he climbs to the second rope. The Mango Kid hits a nice moonsault right onto the standing Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band.

The Mango Kid signals to the fans he is going to hit a running forearm, but Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band reverses it right into a northern lights suplex with a pin. 1-2-.. kickout! The Mango Kid didn’t leave a doubt in our minds as the shoulder was clearly raised. The Mango Kid gets to his feet and Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band tries to apply a move, but The Mango Kid super kicks him in the face. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band waddles backwards and the Mango Kid repeats the kick and than Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band falls to the mat.

Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band is in desperate need of some sort of miracle as The Mango Kid is building up momentum. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band goes for a clothes line, but the Mango Kid swats his arm down and hits one of his own. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band hits the mat hard and he growls in pain. The Mango Kid applies a great surfboard like move and Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band should be crying in pain from the pressure of the move. The Mango Kid throws Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band into the corner and he hits a few chops to the chest.

Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band hits a knee to the stomach and it seems as though he is mounting a come back. Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band hits another knee to the stomach and he hits a shining wizard. Cover, but only a two count. The Mango Kid is up to his feet and he kicks Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band in the gut and he sets up for a pile driver. But the Mango Kid doesn’t hit just any pile driver, he hits a running cradle pile driver! The Mango Kid has killed Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band with the force of the move.

The Mango Kid isn’t finished though as he calls out for the Crushed Mangoes! But wait, Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band is down and out after the vicious move. So the Mango Kid reaches into the tights of Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band and grabs his testicles! Oh dear lord, HOMOEROTIC BEHAVIOR! BROKEN IN HALF! BROKEN IN HALF! Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band just lays there motionless as it appears as though The Mango Kid is giving him a hand job. Oh dear lord…

The Mango Kid pulls Lead Singer Of A Christian Rock Band up to his feet and he hits a Tomb stone pile driver! The Mango Kid covers and gets the easy three count. The Mango Kid raises his hands in victory as he realizes he has obtained a victory. Julian Snakes rushes to the ring and he raises the hands of his partner. Julian Snakes proceeds to hug him and they smile and wave to the audience. The two walk to the back together very closely…

WINNER: THE MANGO KID

Dallas Darke comes to the ring with a microphone in hand. Dallas Darke slides into the ring and we can visibly see the patch applied just above his right eye. Dallas was apparently busted open in the cage match at the beginning of the show. Dallas Darke proceeds to make his big announcement.

DALLAS DARKE: “Lets make this short and sweet. The Duck… you are fired.”

Dallas Darke drops the microphone, and than slides out of the ring. Dallas Darke heads to the back as the fans are left in shock over the firing of perhaps the cult classic known as the Duck. Is this the end of the Duck? What will happen to the Duck Wrestling Alliance?

WENDELL MEHITLER versus JOE versus MICHAEL JACKSON

Joe comes to the ring first and he looks frightened over the possibilities in this match. Wendell Mehitler is next to come out as he looks ready to kill Michael Jackson, and by all means, that could happen. It was only a few weeks ago he shot Fly On The Wall in an act of aggression. And last but not least, but he will be beaten up… Michael Jackson. Thriller plays, but no-one comes to the ring. Wendell Mehitler stands near the ropes ready for him. Michael Jackson appears from underneath the ring and he slides in the ring. Wendell doesn’t even see it coming as Michael Jackson hits a vicious axe handle to the back! Wendell Mehitler swings around and he grabs Michael Jackson and CHOKE SLAMS him!

Michael Jackson gets up to his feet, but he clearly isn’t all there as he seems to be unresponsive after the bump on his head. Wendell Mehitler hits a big boot to the face. Joe sits in the corner shaking… afraid to move. Wendell Mehitler grabs the boy by the hand and demands he kick Michael Jackson while he is down. Joe shakes his head no. Wendell Mehitler grabs the boy by the throat and lifts him in the air. Wendell says he will execute the Joe if he doesn’t kick his molestor. Joe proceeds to kick Michael Jackson with tears running down his face.

Wendell Mehitler demands that Joe pick up Michael Jackson and body slam him. Joe does so and Michael Jackson’s small body just bounces right off the mat and it looks like the slam hurt. Michael Jackson pleads with Joe to stop. Wendell Mehitler grabs Joe by the neck and he proceeds to stick his tongue down his throat. Wendell tells Michael Jackson that he molested Joe and Joe admitted Wendell was a better lay than Michael Jackson! This instills a fury within Michael Jackson’s heart.

Michael Jackson hops up to his feet and throws a punch. Wendell Mehitler whips backwards after the hard shot. Michael Jackson throws another and than kicks a field goal with Wendell Mehitler testicles. Wendell falls to the mat and Michael Jackson approaches Joe and asks him if he still loves him. Joe doesn’t know… he says he is confused. Michael Jackson says that he loves Joe. Joe says that he isn’t sure what he wants in life… an ex-black man who is the King of Pop, or a Neo-Nazi turned wrestler who has a penis the side of Texas.

Wendell Mehitler grabs Michael Jackson and he throws him right into the turn buckle. Wendell says that Michael Jackson is a pervert and that Joe is an innocent boy. Wendell grabs Michael Jackson and he throws him off the ropes and delivers a back body drop. Michael Jackson hits nothing but mat with extreme force. Wendell Mehitler signals to the fans he is going to end the match. Joe pleads with Wendell not to, but Wendell will not.

Joe goes to the outside and he gets a chair. As Wendell picks up Michael Jackson, Joe slides in the ring. Wendell demands that Joe knock Michael Jackson’s teeth out. Joe isn’t sure what to do. Wendell threatens Joe with another molesation session if he makes the wrong choice. Joe winds up and hits… MICHAEL JACKSON! Michael Jackson is busted open from the shot, spilling blood every where. Wendell laughs at the result, but Joe winds up and knocks Wendell out! Joe quickly covers Wendell and gets the 1-2-3! Joe rushes up onto the ramp as the fans are dumb-founded. Is Joe in love with Michael Jackson? Is he aligned with the Darke Collective? So many questions need to be answered.

WINNER: JOE

The lights dim in the arena and out walks President John Kerry to the American anthem. John Kerry waves casually to the fans and they chant, “YOU ARE EVIL” in unison. John Kerry gets in the ring and he pleasantly asks for a microphone from the ring announcer. John Kerry taps the microphone to make sure it is working and than churns out his typical politician smile that reeks of bull-shit.

JOHN KERRY: “Welcome one and welcome all! I am John Kerry, the new President of the United States of America. We have a brand new future in our sights and I must say, it is a pleasant looking future. For about two years, George Bush has ruled supreme in the United States of America and to be quite frank, I am tired of it; the fans are tired of it and most importantly The Duck was tired with it. It was quite a shock the other day when I won; I knew that the world supported me, especially the Middle-East and Canada, but I wasn’t sure about the American public. But it came out and I was the victor!”

The audience applaud and John Kerry smiles and nods. Dallas Darke has had enough as he makes his way out onto the ramp with a microphone. Dallas Darke is making his third and probably most important appearance tonight!

DALLAS DARKE: “I KNOW WHAT YOUR PLAN IS. And the world does to. You two are out for WORLD DOMINATION. I fired that bastard Duck and sent him straight to hell.”

JOHN KERRY: “We were afraid you’d catch wind and fire The Duck. But it doesn’t matter anymore. We are intent on World Domination, but only because I, with my party, am the only people who can carry the World on their shoulders.”

DALLAS DARKE: “It won’t work!”

JOHN KERRY: “Why not?”

DALLAS DARKE: “The world ain’t gonna take that! They are going to revolt against this oppressive new Government. George Bush seeked to liberate the world.”

JOHN KERRY: “Think again! The only think that will be oppressed is the American’s and their Capitalism. I am setting out to crush all Americans, their economy and THERE FREEDOM. And this starts in Wrestling. Dallas, Dallas, Dallas. You assumed far too often that you’d never have competition. You always told yourself… you’d never have competition. Well, competition is here.”

The lights dim and than from behind Dallas, appears his brother Caleb wearing a suit and a tie. Caleb walks down the aisle and into the ring. Caleb wears a smile about three miles wide as he picks up the microphone.

CALEB DARKE: “I WARNED YOU! I told you to watch your back. Just so you’d tell me… no. You’d tell me I was a liar, you’d tell me that I junked too much out on cocaine. Well, Dallas, you are a dead man! A dead man, because I have the power. John Kerry has offered me and the Duck government funding for a new wrestling promotion.”

DALLAS DARKE: “You’ll never be able to compete with me. I’ve got all the talent in the world…”

CALEB DARKE: “Locked in open, verbal contracts. Paid per show, baby. So I just decided that I’d swoop in and shove this fire cracker straight up your ass. That is right, Dallas, we are conquering the world. You realize that we were offered a television slot on Tuesday night’s live on PLAYBOY TELEVISION!”

DALLAS DARKE: “You bastards! You bastards! We have a weekly PPV the day before!”

CALEB DARKE: “Not anymore. No, defintely not anymore. Unless of course… you have a roster. I’ve raided your roster and I’ve left you dead and dry. I have taken all the big names. I have taken everything! Caleb Darke, The Duck, Nancy Catalogue, Johnny Colorado…”

DALLAS DARKE: “How dare you steal my best-friend?”

CALEB DARKE: “Money speaks volumes, baby! Do you want to know who refused to sign? The Black Guy! Julian Snakes! The Mango Kid! Wendell Mehitler!!! And those bastards from the Forces Of Good! That is it! Everyone else signed along the dotted line and left you with the KNIFE IN YOUR BACK. The Duck Wrestling Alliance will CONQUER WRESTLING!”

DALLAS DARKE: “You bastards. You… my company…”

JOHN KERRY: “And Dallas, you will pay. I will make sure that The Black Guy, Julian Snakes, The Mango Kid and Wendell Mehitler are served promptly with draft papers. They will be forced to enlist in the army and they will of course… fly overseas! And The Forces Of Good are as GOOD as dead. Hand Solo has been delivered to Jennifer Lopez, frozen in Spaghetti sauce! Lobster and 10101010101010101 are missing and presumed dead! What are you going to do?”

DALLAS DARKE: “I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL KILL BOTH OF YOU BASTARDS!!!”

JOHN KERRY: “By all means, I could have you executed for that. By all means, you should be dead. Just remember I saved your life Darke! Just remember I saved you from death. Because I want you to die like All Americans! I am a real democrat! I invest in terrorism, I invest in the pain and suffering of Americans and the success of others! Soon enough, we will all be praying to ALAH and we will all undersand the hard-ships of real life, not this CAPITALISM BULL-SHIT!”

Dallas Darke stands a broken man as Caleb Darke and John Kerry leave the ring. Dallas Darke drops the microphone and he slides out of the ring. Dallas Darke cannot believe what is going on as he heads to the backstage area. The last ever MBSEL match for the time being is about to start.

MBSEL KILL-A-BABY TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH

TEAM GENERIC versus ANTMAN & BONE BOY

This is the final MBSEL match for these two wrestlers as The Superheroes are the first to make their way to the ring as they slap the hands of the fans. They stand on the outside as Antman hands out a pair of Antenna’s to a fan and Bone Boy feeds his bone to a young girl in the front row. Antman and Bone Boy slide in the ring and await for their opponents, Mike and Gene Smith, Team Generic.

Out come Team Generic with a baby stroller. They leave the baby in the middle of the aisle way as they head up the ramp and into the ring. Mike and Gene Smith declare that to win the match, the winners have to make their way up the ramp, grab the baby and than drown them in a bucket just a few feet up! Oh, this sounds like something from a Chinese snuff movie!!!

Mike and Gene Smith sneak up on Antman and Bone Boy and try to attack them. Instead, Antman drops Mike Smith with an upper cut and Bone Boy hits a hurricrana on Gene Smith. Bone Boy and Antman go over their plan as the Smith brothers recover from the attack. Gene Smith takes another rush at Bone Boy, only this time, Bone Boy hits a hip toss and using the momentum from the move he hits a flipping leg drop. Antman hits a spinning kick on Mike Smith who falls to the outside. Antman follows him to the outside while Bone Boy picks up Gene Smith and tosses him off the ropes. Bone Boy ducks a clothes line, gets to his feet and ducks another clothes line. Gene Smith gets angry with the attack, so Bone Boy kicks him in the groin, hits a Stunner and than quickly applies a figure four leg lock. Bone Boy is indeed a competitor here in these rings, showing he has an extensive arsenal of moves!

Mike Smith is on the outside now and he is tossed into the steel steps. Mike Smith is hurt after the move and Antman notices this. Antman begins to head towards the ramp, but Bone Boy in the ring doesn’t even realize that he back body drops Gene Smith to the outside onto Antman! Antman falls to the padding and it appears as though Bone Boy has made a vital mistake. Bone Boy climbs to the top rope and he signals for a move. As soon as Mike Smith gets up to his feet, Bone Boy hits a perfect flipping splash onto him, in such a dangerous move. It appears all 4 men are down and out right here.

Mike Smith is the first up to his feet now and he begins to motion towards the baby stroller. Mike Smith begins to walk and he is getting closer and closer to his target. Antman now has sneaked up behind him and grabbed him by the tights. Antman throws Mike Smith back-first right into the apron. Antman grabs him by the throat and begins to choke him. Gene Smith appears from the right side of the screen now and Antman breaks the hold to hit a choke throw, where he grabs him by the throat and literally just throws him in the opposite direction he runs from. Gene Smith in a sickening sight hits the steel rail and lands on the back of his head!

Bone Boy is in the ring now and he signals to the fans he is going to knock out Mike Smith. Bone Boy gains some speed as he runs and he goes for a Shooting Star Press, but wait… Mike Smith jumps on the apron and hits the ropes. This causes Bone Boy to slip and fall, and he falls backwords into the ring. In an even more sickening sight than Gene Smith hitting the rail, Bone Boy lands almost directly on the back of his neck. Mike Smith points to his head in a sign of proving to the fans he is smart. Mike Smith forgot all about Antman who grabs him now and power bombs him onto the padding. But Antman goes too far down as his head and Antman’s head collide knocking them both out now.

Ronald Feature rushes out to the ring now and he has a chair in his hand. Ronald Feature points to the chair and than at Bone Boy in the ring. Bone Boy struggles to his feet now and Ronald Feature swings with such strength, but he misses. Bone Boy kicks the chair into the face of Ronald Feature. Bone Boy picks up the chair and he signals that he will knock out Ronald Feature! Meanwhile, Gene Smith is walking up the ramp now and he grabs the baby. Gene Smith is heading towards the tub of water now! Wait, Antman has appeared out of no where and stopped Gene Smith. Antman low blows him and Gene Smith drops the baby! Antman grabs Gene Smith and he throws him into the steel barrier.

In the ring now, Bone Boy is going to knock out Ronald Feature with a chair shot, but Bone Boy hits the ropes and knocks him self out! Ronald Feature slides to the outside and helps up Mike Smith. Ronald Feature and Mike Smith all rush towards Antman who can’t overcome the odds. Eventually Gene Smith sneaks past him with the baby in hand and he dunks it in the water making Team Generic still undefeated and guilty of infanticide!

WINNER: TEAM GENERIC via DROWNING THAT DUMB BABY!

This is the last MBSEL show ever! Caleb Darke, brother of now promotion rival Dallas Darke, comes to the ring with a smug smile on his face and he waves to the audience. Caleb Darke sends the night off on a light note.

CALEB DARKE: “Next week y’all can tune into the NEWEST wrestling promotion in the world… Duck Wrestling Alliance presents … DUCK YOU! And we promise a huge show. The Duck, the leader himself, will be on hand to make a speech concerning the future of D.W.A! Plus, all your favorite MBSEL wrestlers… wrestling in D.W.A!”

Edited by PunkRockPete
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There is always a twist!

Is MBSEL finished?!? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT, NEXT WEEK ON DUCK YOU!

... or not. I kind of spoiled next week by accident in the new roster "split". If anyone can find the spoilers, I'll give you a prize!

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CALEB DARKE:  “Money speaks volumes, baby! Do you want to know who refused to sign? The Black Guy! Julian Snakes! The Mango Kid! Wendell Mehitler!!! And those bastards from the Forces Of Good! That is it! Everyone else signed along the dotted line and left you with the KNIFE IN YOUR BACK. The Duck Wrestling Alliance will CONQUER WRESTLING!”
Edited by TheAce
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D.W.A. PRESENTS DUCK YOU!

The opening theme music for Duck You is Chop Suey by System of a Down. The introduction is basically most of the wrestlers in poses resembling a duck. Than at the very end of the introduction, we see standing is Caleb Darke, with the Duck in the middle and John Kerry on the far right. The three all are wearing business suits [picture the Duck in a business suit post haste] and all look to be very powerful.

The show kicks off in style with explosives going off everywhere. The Duck makes his way out onto the ramp and down the aisle right after the pyro’s and such stop. The Duck gets in the ring and demands a microphone. The Duck paces back and forth for a moment and than cackles.

THE DUCK: “Quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack, quack, quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack, quack, quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack, quack, quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack, quack, quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack, quack, quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack, quack, quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack, if you read this than next week, Lobster will return to be the partner of The Mango Kid. Quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack, quack, quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack, quack, quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack, quack, quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack, quack, quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack!”

The Duck drops the microphone after his powerful speech, the fans are in complete shock and awe over the ramifications of what the Duck has stated as he heads to the back with an evil smile. The fans cannot believe what they have witnessed within the first moments of D.W.A.s first show… DUCK YOU!

D.W.A. I-POD TITLE

RONALD FEATURE versus LITTLE CHAOS

It is known that Little Chaos has recently come back from quite the vicious attack on the hands of Johnny Colorado. Little Chaos makes his way past the curtains and he waves to the fans. Ronald Features comes from behind the curtain and hits Little Chaos in the back! Ronald Feature tosses him right into the steel set! Oh, dear, Little Chaos is busted open already.

Ronald Feature picks up Little Chaos and he teases tossing him off the side of the stage and through the table. Little Chaos hits an upper cut that sends Ronald Feature backwards. Little Chaos rams his shoulder straight into the gut of Ronald Feature and this pins Ronald Feature against the set. Little Chaos drives his shoulder into the stomach a few more times and than stops. Ronald Feature slaps Little Chaos and this breaks the hold.

Ronald Feature rakes the eyes of Little Chaos and than he grabs him by the back of the neck and the tights. Ronald Feature tosses Little Chaos from the top of the stage straight down to the table below. A loud crash follows and Little Chaos is down and out! Ronald Feature walks over to the fallen body of Little Chaos and he covers the young wrestler and demands the referee to count. The referee delivers the 1-2-3 and Ronald Feature has won the I-Pod Title! Ronald Feature grabs the title belt, raises it in the air and kisses it!

WINNER: RONALD FEATURE to WIN THE I-POD TITLE

In the backstage area, The Mango Kid, The Black Guy, Wendell Mehitler and Julian Snakes are all lined up, wearing army uniforms. Caleb Darke walks into the same room with them with a smile on his face.

CALEB DARKE: “You 4 may be wondering… what the hell? Why am I reporting to duty at the D.W.A arena and I’ll tell you why. Because John Kerry phoned up the Head of Defense within this company and after some phone calls, I managed to have you serve duty right here in D.W.A, since we are a branch of the government.”

JULIAN SNAKES: “What? So we are going to be enlisted in the army to wrestle for the D.W.A”

CALEB DARKE: “Wrestling!?! No, no, no! See, here in D.W.A. we supply equal opportunity for everyone. We allow for everyone to move up the chain. So, in actuality, one of you will become a wrestler, since that job is currently available. But there are 3 other jobs available. Janitor… Merchandise Vendor… and of course, my personal assistant. And because of you, two new wrestlers will debut. Ted Zooki, the ex-janitor, and Cyprus Black, the ex-merchandise vendor. Stick around here long enough and you TOO could become a wrestler.”

THE BLACK GUY: “What? How are we going to decide that?”

CALEB DARKE: “Interesting, you’d say that. We are going to draw straws. The winner of this draw, of course, gets to assign the roles.”

ALL 4 MEN: “What?!?!”

CALEB DARKE: “Precisely! 3 of your roles will be decided by another person! I’ve got the 4 straws right here. I’ll let you chose.”

All 4 men rip away a straw and examine it closely. They all bring them together and compare. The camera zooms in and shows the one on the left is the smallest. And of course, this straw belongs to Julian Snakes! Julian Snakes has the ability to assign the roles.

CALEB DARKE: “By all means, you’ve got the ability here tonight to prove yourself! Are you playing this game named life for yourself or for the ones around you.”

JULIAN SNAKES: “The Black Guy will be the janitor…”

THE BLACK GUY: “There is no chance in hell I am cleaning toilets! No chance!”

JULIAN SNAKES: “Wendell will be the merchandise vendor…”

WENDELL MEHITLER: “KILL THOSE GOD-DAMN JEWS, FAGGOTS AND GYPSIES!”

JULIAN SNAKES: “And I’ll be your assistant.”

CALEB DARKE: “What!?! WAIT! Hold on a second… I rigged this! You were supposed to chose yourself to be the wrestler so th… wait, The Mango Kid! No, he can’t wrestle! He is undefeated.”

JULIAN SNAKES: “He is my “close friend” and I figured he deserved the spot much more than I ever deserved it.”

CALEB DARKE: “Don’t think this is a walk in the park, Mango! I am going to make sure your career in D.W.A. is hell. I will break your unbeaten streak! I will crush you!”

THE MANGO KID: “Julian! Julian, how could you? I love you so much… in a heterosexual way!”

The Black Guy and Wendell Mehitler are visibly angered about their new role within the company as they leave. Caleb Darke watches as the two flamboyant friends embrace in an awkward hug. The Mango Kid kisses his friend on the cheek and the two walk away talking.

HANDICAP MATCH

THE MANGO KID versus TED ZOOKI & CYPRUS BLACK

The Mango Kid hits the ring and the fans start to chant Mango Kid’s name. The Mango Kid slides into the ring and he points at the fans as he stands up to his feet. The Mango Kid ascends the turn-buckle and he raises his hand. Ted Zooki and Cyprus Black, the janitor and merchandise vendor, make their way’s down to the ring. Ted Zooki and Cyprus Black try to high five the fans to no avail.

The Mango Kid challenges Ted to start off the match, and he does so. Ted rushes at the Mango Kid, who shoulder tackles him. The Mango Kid waits for Ted to get to his feet, he bounces off the ropes and hits a STO! The Mango Kid locks in a single leg crab and he applies the move tightly. Ted begs for the move to be released, and the Mango Kid does so. The Mango Kid walks over to Cyprus and punches him off the apron. The Mango Kid swings around and he moves in the nick of time as Ted Zooki rushes at him and hits nothing but the turn buckle.

The Mango Kid grabs the legs of Ted and flips over into a pin-fall! 1-2-… no, Cyprus Black manages to break the pin-fall. The Mango Kid is up to his feet now and he ducks a punch by both men and he double DDT’s both men. The Mango Kid than decides to apply a single leg crab… to both men! The Mango Kid applies a great amount of pressure as both men beg for the move to be released. The Mango Kid releases the hold and he talks some smack to them as they lie on the mats.

The Mango Kid picks up Ted Zooki who he beat up already and tosses him over the top. The Mango Kid demands that Cyprus Black get up to his feet, and when he does, The Mango Kid knocks him with an open handed punch. Cyprus falls to the mat and he gets back up. The Mango Kid drops him with three more open handed punches and than hits a spinning spine buster. The Mango Kid covers and Ted Zooki breaks the pin fall!

Ted Zooki and Cyprus Black managed to drop the Mango Kid with a double back body drop. The Mango Kid squirms on the mat in pain as Cyprus Black and Ted Zooki kicks him while he is down. The Mango Kid grabs the leg of Ted Zooki and than trips him with his leg. The Mango Kid is on his knee and he manages to hit a kick right to the stomach of Cyprus Black. The Mango Kid rolls backwards and kicks Cyprus Black right in the forehead.

The Mango Kid is up to his feet and he yells Crushed Mangoes. Ted Zooki is the first to suffer the hold as The Mango Kid locks it right in. The Mango Kid than releases the hold and hits a tomb stone pile driver! Cyprus Black tries to run away from the hold, but the Mango Kid clinches the hold in and he doesn’t release the hold for a good minute. Cyprus Black eventually taps out and The Mango Kid is awarded the match.

The Mango Kid raises his hands in victory, when Ted Zooki enters the ring with a chair. Ted Zooki lines up for the chair shot, but the Mango Kid ducks it and Ted hits Cyprus Black right in the head. As Ted Zooki turns around, the Mango Kid super kicks the chair right into his face. The Mango Kid raises his hands in victory once again as he is still undefeated within the ranks of wrestling.

WINNER: THE MANGO KID

Antman and Bone Boy are sitting in the backstage area eating a bag of DORITO©, when The Black Guy approaches them with a broom.

THE BLACK GUY: “Have you NO shame? You left Most Bizarre Sports Entertainment League and here you are, not even caring about the decision you made.”

Bone Boy stands up and he shoves The Black Guy.

BONE BOY: “We don’t talk to your type!”

THE BLACK GUY: “What? MY TYPE!”

BONE BOY: “Janitors. We are wrestlers, here. We don’t associate with wrestlers. Besides, Caleb Darke said if we talked to you, our jobs were at stake.”

THE BLACK GUY: “This is ridiculous. This is disgusting! I am as much of a man as any other person. And yet, here I am forced with my life to take a job as a janitor.”

ANTMAN: “You missed a spot.”

Antman points at the spot The Black Guy missed. The Black Guy stares down Antman and looks like he is going to rip Antman apart. Instead, The Black Guy walks over to the spot he missed and sweeps it up. Antman and Bone Boy go back to their conversation… Maria the Update Woman is in the womens dressing room applying make-up and tampons when in walks Sally The Quarter Whore.

SALLY THE QUARTER WHORE: “Dear lord, you smell like shit!”

MARIA THE UPDATE WOMAN: “Lets settle this in the ring bitch.”

SALLY THE QUARTER WHORE: “Only if you will wear a skimpy outfit and spank me!”

MARIA THE UPDATE WOMAN: “Deal!”

Only if life was that easy…

D.W.A. FEMALE TITLE MATCH

SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: JOHNNY COLORADO

MARIA THE UPDATE WOMAN versus SALLY THE QUARTER WHORE

The women’s division is such a vast division spanning two female wrestlers and a transexual we aren’t quite sure about. Johnny Colorado comes out wearing the stripped uniform, putting him in a position where he can alter the course of the match for his favorite prostitute.

Maria the Update Woman tackles Sally and she slaps her numerous times. Colorado rips Maria right off his whore and he shoves her. Maria the Update Woman slaps him right across the face which was a bad idea. Colorado grabs her by the neck and shoves her downwards. In an act of malice, Colorado drops Maria the Update Woman with one hell of a pile-driver. Sally The Quarter Whore covers for the three count.

Post-match, Johnny Colorado raises his hands in victory as Sally The Quarter Whore kisses him. A man slides in the ring wearing track pants and a muscle shirt. He super kicks the living hell right out of Johnny Colorado and he pulls Maria the Update Woman out of the ring and the two of them walk to the back together.

WINNER: SALLY THE QUARTER WHORE

In the backstage area, Nancy Catalogue arrives with a masked luchador by his-her side. Nancy Catalogue is approached by two security guards.

SECURITY GUARD A: “Hello Ms.. Mr… uh… Nancy! Hello Nancy Catalogue, you are a tad bit late.”

NANCY CATALOGUE: “We had car problems.”

SECURITY GUARD B: “I’ll inform Caleb Darke, The Duck that you are here. They were waiting for your arrival.”

NANCY CATALOGUE: “Alright.”

A nervous Nancy Catalogue and the luchador proceed to walk through the empty halls together. They make a left turn and the camera stops following them.

D.W.A. PEANUT BUTTER AND JAM SANDWICH TAG-TEAM TITLE MATCH

TEAM GENERIC versus THE SUPERHEROES versus THE CHAOS BROTHERS versus CHRIST LOVE

The Peanut Butter and Jam Sandwich Tag-Team Title is on the line here in this 4 team survival match. All 4 teams make separate entrances and the match is ready to be started. Bone Boy and it appears as though Mike Smith are going to start off the match. It was just last night that Team Generic managed to beat the Superheroes last night. Bone Boy and Mike Smith lock up, and Bone Boy hits a arm drag take down. Bone Boy clamps in an arm-bar and Mike Smith gets out of the tag and tags to Big Chaos.

Big Chaos has a good foot or so on Bone Boy. Bone Boy just in the air and slaps the chest of Big Chaos. Bone Boy does so 5 times until Big Chaos grabs him by the throat and hits a choke slam. Bone Boy is up to his feet now and he rushes at Big Chaos only to get hit with another choke slam. Big Chaos picks him up to his feet and he goes for the third choke slam, but Bone Boy hits a nice roll-up! 1-2-… KICK OUT!

Bone Boy makes the tag to Antman who climbs to the top rope. Antman points at Big Chaos and connects with a flying clothesline. Antman climbs to the top rope and he signals for another. Antman takes to the air, but Big Chaos reverses it into a choke slam! Antman should have been broken in half after that move. Antman struggles to his feet and he makes the tag to Mike Smith, and Gene Smith enters the ring as well. Both men get in the ring and Big Chaos double choke slams both men. Big Chaos tags to Medium Chaos who steps into the ring and looks ready to fight.

Mike Smith struggles to his feet and Medium Chaos runs up behind him and hits a Russian leg-sweep. Medium Chaos applies a chin lock and Mike Smith tries to get out of the hold, but cannot. Medium Chaos releases the hold and tags into Carlos Catholic. Carlos Catholic enters the ring and hits an european upper cut on Mike Smith. Mike Smith falls back into a corner and tags into Antman. Antman gets in the ring now and he hits a hurricrana on Carlos Catholic. Carlos Catholic gets to his feet and Antman goes for another hurricrana, but Carlos Catholic power bombs him with a pin. 1-2-3! Antman and Bone Boy are the first team eliminated from the match.

Medium Chaos enters the ring and he throws Carlos Catholic into the empty corner. Medium Chaos hits a rapid series of kicks to the gut, and than Medium Chaos chokes Carlos. Carlos rakes the eyes of Medium Chaos and throws him into the corner. Carlos Catholic hits a series of elbows to the head and than throws him down to the mat. Carlos makes the tag to Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band who climbs to the rope now and he signals for an elbow drop. Big Chaos shakes the ropes and Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band falls to the outside.

Big Chaos illegally enters the ring and he grabs Carlos Catholic by the throat and choke slams him. Mike Smith enters the ring illegally and he gets choke slammed by Big Chaos. Gene Smith takes the high road of the match and he goes to the outside and picks Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band up to his feet. Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band reverses an Irish whip into the steel steps and he takes Gene Smith down with a clothes line. Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band is on the apron now and Big Chaos grabs him by the neck. Big Chaos teases a choke slam, but Carlos Catholic low blows him. Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band hits a spring board hurricrana sending Big Chaos to the outside.

Medium Chaos struggles to his feet and Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band sneaks up behind him. Carlos Catholic hits a hell of a super kick, and Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band catches him and with the momentum from the super kick hits a reverse DDT, which is apparently called The Christ Kick! Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band covers Medium Chaos and gets the three count, eliminating the Chaos Brothers from the match.

Christ Love and Team Generic remain in the match and the crowd is cheering for Team Generic. Mike Smith rushes at Carlos Catholic, only to get hip tossed. Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band knocks Gene Smith off the apron and to the floor. Carlos Catholic sets Mike Smith up for a power bomb, but Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band climbs up to the top rope first. Carlos Catholic raises Mike Smith, and as he begins to drop him, Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band jumps off the top rope and hits an elbow drop. The crowd chants holy shit as Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band covers. But wait, the referee is distracted by Gene Smith on the outside who looks to be hurt.

In the ring now, Carlos Catholic sets Mike Smith up for the The Christ Kick, but the super kick back fires as Mike Smith ducks the super kick and Lead Singer of A Christian Rock Band gets his teeth kicked in. Carlos Catholic is surprised by all of this, as Mike Smith rolls him up and the referee makes the three count. The team with zero offense and no gimmick has won the match once again.

WINNER: TEAM GENERIC to WIN THE D.W.A. PEANUT BUTTER AND JAM TAG-TEAM TITLES

Security guards are walking around backstage when they stumble across Nancy Catalogue laid out in a puddle of blood. Both men are shocked by this and they proceed to grab for their walkie talkies. The luchador with Nancy Catalogue appears out of the shadows and he knocks both security guards senseless with a chair shot. The luchador looks down at the destruction he caused and than he chuckles. The luchador walks away.

Caleb Darke and his new assistant, Julian Snakes, make their way out. Caleb Darke is about to end the show as he walks down to the ring with zero security by his side, besides Julian Snakes. Caleb Darke slides in the ring and he grabs a microphone from the ring announcer. Caleb Darke smiles at the audience as he begins his speech to the audience.

CALEB DARKE: “I’M RICK JAMES BITCH! You see, all you pathetic bastards out there. You cannot fuck with Caleb Darke and the Duck. You cannot, because we will destroy you. We will destroy you with such great force. I’ve got supporters and opposition in my hand. In fact, lets drag one of those opposition members out here… The Black Guy, come on down here.”

A distorted bass guitar fills the arena. Voice Of The Voiceless by Rage Against the Machine kicks out, and for a history lesson this was the music for Dallas Darke in MBSEL. The luchador walks down the aisle and he stands on the apron as Caleb Darke proceeds to challenge him get into the ring. Julian Snakes sneaks up behind Caleb Darke and he grabs him by the arms. Julian Snakes holds Caleb Darke so that this masked luchador can get in a few free shots. The luchador rips off his mask and it is an unfamiliar face, but this is a shocking revelation for Caleb Darke. He rips off the plain shirt he had on and underneath is a shirt with the initials MBSEL.

CHRIS FLARE: “The name is Chris “mother-fucka” Flare. Chris Flare, and I know what the audience is thinking. Who the fuck is Chris Flare? Well, Caleb Darke, why don’t you fill the audience in.”

Christ Flare gets in the ring and he shoves the microphone in the face of Caleb Darke.

CALEB DARKE: “You bastard!”

CHRIS FLARE: “Wrong answer. Tell everyone here who the hell I am.”

CALEB DARKE: “You are Dallas Darke’s business partner, long-time friend, and tag-team partner. What the hell are you doing in my ring? You were put in prison 8 eight’s ago for a fairly good reason…”

CHRIS FLARE: “I’ve served my time, I’ve given back to society. Don’t you dare talk about my past… it is a closed chapter in my life. I was in the neighborhood and I figured I’d get some revenge. Caleb, you put my ass in jail 8 years ago, you snitch. And you know what, I’m going to get my revenge here.”

Chris Flare drops the microphone in anger and he raises his fist as though he is going to punch Caleb Darke. Julian Snakes shoves Caleb Darke to the ground and than Julian Snakes kicks Chris Flare in the groin. Julian Snakes proceeds to pick Chris Flare up for a pile driver, but that isn’t all. Caleb Darke gets up to his feet and makes it a SPIKE PILE-DRIVER! Chris Flare could be paralyzed after that heinous move. Caleb Darke is shocked at what Julian Snakes has done, he has turned his back on MBSEL in such a daring move. Julian Snakes picks up a microphone and the fans chant asshole.

JULIAN SNAKES: “You know, I have honor. I certainly do. But when an offer this huge comes along, you have to take it. Mango, baby, you just didn’t have “it”. We weren’t working together.”

Caleb Darke and Julian Snakes embrace in the middle of the D.W.A. with a passionate kiss as the D.W.A. audience realize they have been duped once again. They had faith in Julian Snakes, but he turned on them. They had faith in this Chris Flare for the few seconds he had, and he ended up dropped on his head. And Caleb Darke, the bastard brother of Dallas Darke has taken one more step to sink the rival company! What the hell is wrestling coming to?

CALEB DARKE: “In the interest of fairness, I am creating a match for next week’s broad cast. Julian Snakes, in my opinion, has proved that he is worthy to step in the ring here tonight. The Mango Kid has not. The Mango Kid, you are indeed undefeated in this here ring, but that will end next week. Scrounge up a partner for next week, because you’ll be fighting in a handicap match. It’ll be The King of Pop, you know-who, Julian Snakes and Caleb Darke to face The Mango Kid and whatever partner he can find. And if he can’t find a partner… it’ll be one hell of a beat down! And this is a message to the Black Guy and Wendell Mehitler, you want to prove yourself worthy to step back in the ring… prove to me that you are loyal. Prove me you are loyal to D.W.A. and not to the MBSEL. Otherwise, you’ll live a sad and pathetic life sweeping up garbage and selling merchandise! See you bastards next week.”

Caleb Darke and Julian Snakes walks to the back hand in hand as the show proceeds to end! So many questions for next week… why is Michael Jackson, the child molestor of Joe his lover, going to be teaming with Julian Snake and Caleb Darke to face The Mango Kid?!? Has he switched sides? Will The Black Guy and Wendell follow suit and switch to the dark-side? And is there an MBSEL rebellion brewing in the midst of this transition? We saw the early beginnings, but is there more? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK ON DUCK YOU!

Edited by PunkRockPete
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D.W.A PRESENTS DUCK YOU

The opening theme music for Duck You is Chop Suey by System of a Down. The introduction is basically most of the wrestlers in poses resembling a duck. Than at the very end of the introduction, we see standing is Caleb Darke, with the Duck in the middle and John Kerry on the far right. The three all are wearing business suits [picture the Duck in a business suit post haste] and all look to be very powerful.

LAST WEEK… The Duck’s speech was over-whelming and shocking… although we didn’t understand a word he said! Ronald Feature made to sneak away with the D.W.A I-Pod Title, which will probably never be defended again. Caleb Darke reveled an evil gesture – that The Mango Kid, Julian Snakes, Black Guy and Wendell Mehitler were all enlisted in the army and assigned to duty at D.W.A. After the draw of a straw, Julian Snakes put himself as Caleb Darke’s assistant, Wendell Mehitler as a Merchandise vendor, The Black Guy as a janitor and The Mango Kid as a wrestler. The ex-janitor and merchandise vendor, Ted Zooki and Cyprus Black took on Mango Kid and lost horrendously last week. With Johnny Colorado as the special guest referee, Sally The Quarter Whore beat Maria The Update Woman with little ease for the D.W.A. Female Title… but Colorado was knocked senseless with a super kick after the bell by some mystery man. Team Generic managed to beat Christ Love, The Chaos Brothers and The Superheroes for the D.W.A. Peanut Butter and Jam Sandwich title. Nancy Catalogue and two security guards were beaten down by a luchador who turned out to be ex-convict Chris Flare who was looking for vengeance from Caleb Darke, his best-friends brother. Julian Snakes shocked the world as he turned on Chris Flare and revealed to the world he and Caleb Darke were an item… and Caleb Darke found himself on top once again.

The Mango Kid starts off the show by walking down the aisle slapping the fans hands. The Mango Kid slides in the ring and he raises his hands. The Mango Kid immediately grabs the microphone from the ring announcer and he doesn’t waste time.

THE MANGO KID: “Okay, so last week Julian Snakes shocked the world. But you know what pissed me off the most? Not the fact he duped us all and screwed over MBSEL. Not the fact that he aligned himself with the most evil man in America today, with the exception of John Kerry, but the fact of the matter is he alluded to the fact that I’m gay! I’m not gay! I hate gays! Faggots really scare me! Julian Snakes is only mad because he came onto me and I turned him down. He betrayed the good-name of MBSEL because he had a red hot boner for me and I turned him down. Well, I found myself a tag-team partner tonight and we are going to bring the house down.”

Out walks Caleb Darke, The Duck and Julian Snakes, the three men known as The Forces of Evil! Caleb Darke has a microphone in hand and he shakes his head in disappointment.

CALEB DARKE: “Do you think that for one second, people are going to believe you. I know us three were sitting in the back there laughing. Because you think you can instill some false hope into these fans hearts. These fans out here are going to have to learn to accept the truth --- you are a flaming homosexual.”

THE MANGO KID: “Am not! I’ll make love to anyone woman you put in front of me. Heck, I’ll even kill a gay guy if you want.”

CALEB DARKE: “Mango. You are a living lie, just like Dallas Darke, just like The Black Guy, just like all of these fans. They think The Forces of Evil can be stopped. Well you are damn wrong. We cannot be stopped. We will kick everyone’s ass and than we will make sure that we suppress any theory of rebellion.”

JULIAN SNAKES: “How does it feel? I screwed you in the ass last week and you know what? I pulled a Houdini! You thought I was with you, you thought I was going to abide by all of the rules. Well I spit right on your back and told you I was finished. You swung around and I blew my load right in your face! Mango, last week in front of all the fans I gave you a metaphorical Houdini. You thought one thing was coming, but it came from a different direction right in your face. And here you are, out here, fighting a battle you can’t win.”

THE MANGO KID: “I’M NOT GAY!”

THE DUCK: “QUACK, quack, quack! Quack, quack! Quack quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! QUACK, quack, quack! Quack, quack! Quack quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Okay, I lied last week, it won’t be the Lobster in the handicap match! QUACK, quack, quack! Quack, quack! Quack quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! QUACK, quack, quack! Quack, quack! Fuck. Quack quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! quack quack quack quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!”

THE MANGO KID: “I don’t know what you said… but I’m not gay!”

JULIAN SNAKES: “I can’t wait to kick your ass, because maybe I’ll fist it instead. You always liked it when I fisted your asshole.”

THE MANGO KID: “Well only when you take your rings and wrist watch off… I mean, I’m not gay!”

The Forces of Evil have dealt with enough meaningless garble. They begin to approach the ring to attack The Mango Kid. Each of them take a side beside the ring and they slide in the ring. The Mango Kid strikes The Duck with a right, The Mango Kid elbows Julian Snakes and than clothes lines Caleb Darke. The Mango Kid slides out of the ring and he heads up to the back. The Forces Of Good are visibly angered by this display as they head up the ramp and to the back.

D.W.A. SATANISM TITLE MATCH

NANCY CATALOGUE versus TRIPLE L {2401} versus RONALD FEATURE

Can Ronald Feature become a dual title holder here in D.W.A.? As he heads to the ring with his I-Pod Title, we can’t help but wonder if he will. Nancy Catalogue comes out next and she blows kisses to the audience as they wonder what the fuck her sex is! And Triple L {2401} comes to the ring with his fake leg. If you can remember, it was a few weeks ago he lost his leg after Johnny Colorado sliced it in two pieces. Triple L {2401} takes off his fake leg and you know what, I’ll make this bold statement now… he is cooler than Zach Gowan.

Ronald Feature and Nancy Catalogue double team the one-legged Triple L. Ronald Feature throws him in the corner with great ease and Nancy and Ronald hit simultaneous kicks to the gut. Ronald Feature snap mares him out of the corner and Ronald delivers a stiff kick to the back as Nancy Catalogue kicks him in the front. Ouch, that was like a Spinal Tap Sandwich right there.

Ronald Feature helps Triple L up to his feet and Ronald rips off Triple L’s shirt as he chops him a dozen times. Nancy Catalogue moves in close and she delivers a tight nipple twister. Triple L calls out in pain as he-she twists it tighter. Triple L passes out from pain so Nancy decides that it is time for him/her to climb to the top. Nancy Catalogue scales the top rope and hits a perfect moonsault. Nancy covers, but Triple L kicks out at 1.

Ronald Feature decides that it is time to go solo as he spears Nancy as heshe gets to her himher feet. Ronald Feature puts himher in the ropes and locks himher arms in. Ronald Feature waits for Triple L to get to his feet and he drop kicks the one leg of Triple L out from underneath him. Triple L hits the mat and he cries out in pain as Ronald Feature applies a single leg crab. Nancy Catalogue fights off the ropes and it hits a drop kick right to the face of Ronald Feature!

Triple L struggles to his leg and he dodges a clothes line by Nancy Catalogue and applies an arm bar take down. Triple L raises up on the arm applying great pressure. Ronald Feature breaks up the submission with an elbow drop. Ronald Feature celebrates to the fans by raising his hands in victory. Nancy Catalogue sneaks up behind and rolls up Ronald for the two count. Triple L struggles to his feet and he hits a one legged drop kick on Ronald Feature sending him to the floor.

Nancy Catalogue throws Triple L into the corner and the two are climbing to the top rope. Triple L it appears will be going for a long way down. But wait, Triple L stops the move, as he throws as few weak looking punches. From the top rope, Triple L hits a rolling power bomb. Triple L covers and gets the one-twoooooo… Ronald Feature breaks up the count. Ronald Feature picks Triple L up to his feet and he sends him straight into the turn buckle. Triple L hits with such great force he falls right back down to his face.

Nancy Catalogue rushes at Ronald Feature, only for Ronald to lock in a sleeper hold. Ronald clinches the hold in as Triple L stumbles to his feet. He climbs to the top rope as it appears Nancy Catalogue is going to pass out. Triple L hits a one legged missile drop kick and he hits Ronald Feature with great force. Ronald Feature falls backwards still holding onto Nancy Catalogue and Nancy Catalogue has Ronald Feature pinned. 1-2-… no, Triple L breaks the count.

Triple L struggles to his feet and as he is bent over, Nancy Catalogue walks over and hits a perfect power-bomb. Nancy Catalogue could get the pin fall, but Ronald Feature hits a running swing neck breaker. Ronald Feature moves backwards and covers Triple L. Ronald Feature gets the three count as he is a dual champion here tonight!

WINNER: RONALD FEATURE

The camera focuses in on the big screen which has no name and than all of the sudden the lights flicker. The words “VOICE OF THE VOICELESS” appears on the screen and that very same theme music plays. Dallas Darke appears to a huge pop, with him stands Chris Flare.

CHRIS FLARE: “TESTIFY MY BROTHER!”

DALLAS DARKE: “Can I get an amen?”

CHRIS FLARE: “Amen!”

DALLAS DARKE: “Oh, Caleb, Kerry, Duck. You thought I was down and out. That there was no blood within MBSEL. But you were wrong. Can I get an amen?”

CHRIS FLARE: “Amen, TESTIFY MAH BROTHA!”

DALLAS DARKE: “You see, I am establishing the rebellion. This renegade force which will crush you. To say the least, I have been in contact with a few enemies of mine own. I sure as hell burnt bridges, but you know what… bridges were made to be broken and re-built. Amen, my brother!”

CHRIS FLARE: “Amen!”

DALLAS DARKE: “These fans, these wrestlers, they won’t accept a fascist government. You think they don’t see the fact that John Kerry is killing America and that Duck and Caleb are killing wrestling. Because, I see it brother! I sure as hell saw it with mine own two eyes. The rebellion hath arrived. Can I get an amen?”

The fans yell Amen in unison as the light flicker and the video screen disappears. This is indeed going to anger Caleb Darke, who thoroughly believed he had rid Dallas Darke from the world. Maria the Update Woman is standing backstage with the man who came to her aid last week in the middle of the ring, super kicking Johnny Colorado to save her from certain tragedy. Maria the Update Woman wears a smile a mile wide.

MARIA THE UPDATE WOMAN: “Journalism means a lot to me, and I must say that last week it was perfect that my co-anchor, Dave The Weather Man, came to the ring and saved me from a definite beat-down at the hands of Johnny Colorado and his vixen! Oh, just one second, I’ve got a text-message. Take it over Dave The Weather Man.”

DAVE THE WEATHER MAN: “You know, I don’t say this often, but Johnny Colorado your future looks CLOUDY! You seem to want to RAIN on everyone’s parade. You injured a handful of wrestlers, you beheaded Patrick and Ted The Zombie, who are making quick recoveries after massive head surgery. Well, the forecast looks BLEAK for you! Tomorrow calls for a high of 21 and a low OF BOOT IN YOUR ASS! Colorado, you touch my woman again and I’ll … I’ll rip you apart!”

MARIA THE UPDATE WOMAN: “Oh, this is fantastic. We’ve got our second job here in MBSEL, we are going to interview Ronald Feature, Satanism and I-Pod champion! He said to meet him in his dressing room… lets run!”

Maria and Dave begin to run through the halls as there cameraman has a hard-time keeping up with them. They eventually make it to the dressing room of Ronald Feature and they politely knock. No one answers the door. They politely knock once again and are ambushed out of no where as Johnny Colorado and Ronald Feature double-team the man and woman couple. Ronald Feature throws Dave The Weather Man into a clothes rack. Johnny Colorado has revenge on his mind as he grabs Maria the Update Woman and he drags her through the halls by the hair.

JOHNNY COLORADO: “Send this message to Dave The Weather Man, I am one bad-ass and when you get on my bad-side, you STAY THERE!”

Johnny Colorado with malicious intent throws Maria The Update Woman right through a glass window. She lands on the other side and her screams are quite sickening. The camera focuses in and we see that Maria is cut open pretty badly. Ronald Feature sneaks up behind Johnny Colorado and is quite disturbed by what he did.

RONALD FEATURE: “You are one sick bastard… man… I thought we were just going to beat up Dave The Weather Man. But… what the fuck, dude?”

Johnny Colorado swings around and he grabs the chin of Ronald Feature. Johnny Colorado stares blankly into the eyes of Ronald Feature and than shoves him against a brick wall. Johnny Colorado begins to storm through the backstage area as Ronald Feature desperately calls for help. Johnny Colorado isn’t finished yet either.

D.W.A. FEMALE TITLE MATCH

SALLY THE QUARTER WHORE versus JOHNNY COLORADO

Johnny Colorado makes his way down the aisle as Sally The Quarter Whore tries to escape the man who is one sick bastard. Johnny Colorado has her exactly where he wants her as she backs up into a corner and pleads for forgiveness. Johnny Colorado slaps her across the face and berate her. Colorado tells her that she is a horrible individual and that she should take the route of Suicidal Patrick and kill herself. Sally the Quarter Whore is devastated by this.

Dave The Weather Man has seen enough as he rushes out to the ring busted wide open. Dave The Weather Man slides in the ring and when Johnny Colorado turns around he lays him out with a spear. The referee calls for the bell as Colorado wins by DQ. Sally The Quarter Whore slides out of the ring and she rushes to the back. Dave The Weather Man yells at Johnny Colorado get to his feet, and Dave The Weather Man rushes at Johnny Colorado and he takes him down with a running DDT!

Johnny Colorado is reeling after the DDT as he struggles to his feet. Dave The Weather Man is armed with a chair and he looks ready to knock the shit out of Johnny Colorado. Dave The Weather Man winds up with the chair, but wait… Caleb Darke is in the ring now and he low blows Dave The Weather Man. Caleb Darke helps Johnny Colorado out of the ring and the two men walk to the back. Dave The Weather Man calls for a forecast of MORE asskicking, but Caleb Darke and Johnny Colorado head to the back.

WINNER: JOHNNY COLORADO by DQ

Joe is in the backstage area sitting in the change room. Joe has a torn picture of Michael Jackson in his hands as he sits there contemplating life. Moe walks into the room and he is thrown back by the site of Joe.

MOE: “You know, I don’t get you Joe. You find what you are truly looking for in life, a man who will molest you AND love you. You threw it all away for a quick and easy cash in. Joe, I used to respect you kid. You were twelve years old and taking bumps like no other. And than you fell in love. Where the fuck is your heart at kid.”

Joe stands up and he walks away from Moe, leaving Moe standing alone in the change room alone.

LADDER MATCH FOR D.W.A. CELLPHONES ARE FOR PRICKS TAG-TEAM TITLE MATCH

BETTER OFF DEAD versus THE SUPERHEROES

Antman and Bone Boy are winless so far in tag-team action… can they change that here tonight in a tag-team title match. Antman and Bone Boy slap the fan hands as Antman gives his antennas to a fan in the front row. Bone Boy feeds his bone to a young girl in the front row. Bone Boy and Antman slide in the ring and encourage their diseased opponents to come to the ring.

AIDSMon and Salvador Seizure dupe the super heroes as they appear from the crowd and attack them from behind with clothes lines. Antman and Bone Boy slide to the outside and lay on the floor as AIDSMon and Salvador Seizure set up a ladder and begin to climb. They are half way up the ladder when Antman hits a spring board drop kick and hits the ladder. The ladder rocks and sends both men to the ground as they hit fairly hard. Bone Boy slides in the ring and he puts the ladder in the corner.

Bone Boy helps AIDSMon to his feet and he tosses him into the steel ladder. AIDSMon hits with great force and his back may have shattered due to the AIDS and the force of the throw. AIDSMon squeals in pain as Bone Boy helps Salvador Seizure to his feet and applies a sleeper hold. Salvador Seizures hits a few kidney punches and than sends him into the ropes. Salvador connects with a spinning heel kick and he struggles to his feet.

Salvador couldn’t anticipate the attack of Antman who rushes from behind Salvador Seizure and hits a running german suplex. Antman decides to set up the ladder and climb. He makes it to the fourth rung and Salvador Seizures rips Antman off the ladder. Salvador Seizures sends him straight into the corner and he hits a shoulder tackle straight to the ribs. Salvador Seizure turns around and Bone Boy hits a European upper cut. Bone Boy sends Salvador Seizure into the ropes and the super heroes double back body drop him with great elevation and force.

AIDSMon is down and out and he isn’t moving any time soon. Salvador Seizure is up to his feet now and he hits a drop kick to the face of Bone Boy and than he hits a tilt a whirl slam on Antman. Salvador Seizure sets up a ladder and he makes it almost all the way to the top of the ladder, but Antman begins to climb. Salvador Seizure throws a few lefts and Antman throws a few rights. Salvador Seizure manages to gain the upper hand and he eventually hits a pretty good bull-dog off the top of the ladder.

Bone Boy is up to his feet now and he scales the ladder. Bone Boy culd grab for the title, but instead he takes a high risk and crushes Salvador Seizure with a huge frog splash off the top of the ladder. AIDSMon is still motionless on the mat. The referee starts to motion towards the back that AIDSMon is in trouble. EMT’s and the such rush to the ring and begin work on AIDSMon. It appears as though is heart has stopped beating, as the ring crew is really panicking.

Instead of taking him to the hospital, they decide to operate in the middle of the ring. They cut AIDSMon up with a pair scalpel and there is blood every where. Bone Boy is shocked over what is going on as he stands over AIDSMon in complete shock. Salvador Seizure hits an rushing elbow to the back of the head of Bone Boy, forcing him to fall onto AIDSMon and the EMT’s. Bone flies everywhere as Bone Boy screws up the procedure. Pieces of AIDSMon heart lie in the middle of the ring. Meanwhile, Antman has climbed up the ladder and won the match for his team.

The EMT’s pronounce AIDSMon dead on the scene as a result of the throw into the ladder by Bone Boy and the subsequent fall onto the surgery. Bone Boy is completely floored and stunned by the announcement. His jaw has hit the mat and Salvador Seizure shoves Bone Boy. Salvador accuses Bone Boy of killing his best-friend. Bone Boy refutes the claim as he grabs his D.W.A. Cellphones Are For Pricks Title and he walks to the back. Salvador Seizure is completely shocked as he looks down at the guts of his former best friend. It is announced that AIDSMon has died in the ring, which gets quite the pop from the audience. Who the fuck cares… he was a jobber anyway.

WINNER: THE SUPERHEROES

Michael Jackson is in the backstage area, handcuffed to a fence as Wendell Mehitler looks on in disgust. Wendell Mehitler looks ready to bust him open with a left-hand, but calms himself easily and laughs at Michael Jackson.

WENDELL MEHITLER: “Caleb Darke ordered you to stay here. Otherwise, I’d be killing niggaz and jews right now!”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “I used to be a nigga, now I am a cracka. And I love Joe! You cannot keep me locked up here. This is demeaning!”

WENDELL MEHITLER: “We don’t care. Orders are ORDERS, GOT TO DO WHAT HITLER TELLS ME!”

Wendell laughs in his very German-like tone. Michael Jackson looks discouraged over the news as he goes back to looking very lonely as he his chained to the fence. Out of no where, The Black Guy appears with a broom in hand as he knocks Wendell Mehitler out cold. The Black Guy beats the living hell out of Wendell Mehitler as he throws him into the fence. The Black Guy goes into the pocket of Wendell Mehitler and fishes the key out.

THE BLACK GUY: “You’ve got to fight in the main event… otherwise Mango Kid is out-numbered!”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “Fight in the main event? What are you talking about?”

THE BLACK GUY: “Last week, Caleb Darke said himself, Julian Snakes and yourself would be wrestling The Mango Kid and a chosen partner. You cannot let The Mango Kid lose… you cannot let D.W.A. and John Kerry succeed in taking over the world.”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “You know where my heart lies… with Joe! I am not aligned to either MBSEL or D.W.A, so I was never signed up for the match. I don’t know who Caleb Darke was referring to, but it isn’t me!”

THE BLACK GUY: “Well, whatever! Tonight, do something to help this rebellion. I’m running away. Apparently Dallas Darke has established some where safe where our rebellion can hide for now. A little country called … Canada.”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “I’d go with you in a heart-beat… but I love Joe. I cannot leave his side.”

THE BLACK GUY: “I understand… God Speed, Michael Jackson and your quest to molest Joe!”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “Good-bye The Black Guy… I’d love you if you were twelve years old and very easy.”

The two have a mutual hug and than go their separate ways. The Black Guy exits through the parking lot as he gets into a car and Michael Jackson heads towards the locker room of Joe. The camera fades to black and we see an advertisement for the first D.W.A. 3 Hour Pay-Per View called “Hey, This Is Our First Ever 3 Hour PPV”. The advertisement states that it will be a clash between parties… a clash between cultures… it will be a Clash that no-one ever forgets!

Team Generic make their ways to the ring with a microphone in hand, with their D.W.A. Peanut Butter and Jam Sandwich Tag-Team Titles. They try to speak into their microphones, but they are apparently cut off. Behind them appears a man wearing all Grey and a huge grey arm like thing dangling from his face. The two men turn around as the men runs at them and hits them with the arm-like thing dangling from his face. What the fuck? This mystery man picks up the microphone.

MYSTERY MAN: “PARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHGADAF! I AM AN ELEPHANT! In fact, my name is ELEINFANT KILLER! MY FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WORLD ARE SUCKING WATER UP MY TRUNK AND SMUSHING BABIES. I MISTAKENED THESE TWO MEN HERE FOR BABIES, SO I TRUNKED THEM. THEY ARE VICTIMS. HIDE YOUR BABIES. HIDE YOUR BABIES OR I WILL EAT THEM UP WITH MY LONG TRUNK! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. ELEINFANT KILLER WILL KILL YOUR BABIES. MWAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAH.”

The fans are pretty much in shock over perhaps the worst gimmick to ever grace a wrestling ring. A fully grown man, dressed up like an elephant who kills babies. Has wrestling hit Rock Bottom? More at 8 o’clock from Maria The Update Woman… weather at 9 with Dave The Weather Man….

In the backstage area, Joe is getting ready to leave the arena when Michael Jackson busts in with flowers. Joe is startled by Michael Jackson’s presence and almost seems happy at first. Joe’s face turns to anger as he shoves Michael Jackson aside.

JOE: “Michael, I heard stories. I heard stories from other boys about how you molested them and tossed them away like a used condom. You know what though Michael? We HAVE FEELINGS. You can’t molest us and than think we won’t fall in love with us. You stick dicks in our mouth and than you shove money in afterwards to shut us up…”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “I am so sorry Joe… I didn’t mean for it to end up this way…”

JOE: “BUT IT DID MICHAEL JACKSON. You hurt me so badly, I think my heart is bleeding from the pain. And I will never forgive you. I will never forgive you ever. I don’t love you, I hate you MICHAEL JACKSON. I hope your next album doesn’t reach platinum and gets moderate critical acclaim.”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “Joe… Joe, please don’t leave me now. I am a broken man.”

JOE: “Too bad Michael. I was broken too, but the difference is YOU BROKE ME. And I managed to find someone who fixed me. They let me be who I am!”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “What?!? WHO!?! I WILL RAPE THEM WITH THE CROWBAR MY DAD RAPED ME WITH WHEN I WAS TWELVE!”

JOE: “Michael, you are getting overly jealous. You need to realize this is over. This isn’t going to work anymore.”

MICHAEL JACKSON: “Please… no…”

Michael Jackson cries as he grabs the shoulder of Joe. Joe shrugs the touch off and he begins to leave the dressing room. Michael Jackson falls against the wall as the tears stream down his face. Joe closes the door and Michael Jackson is heart broken. Michael Jackson calls out Joe’s name one last time as he can no longer speak due to the emotional heartbreak he is currently feeling.

HANDICAP MATCH

THE MANGO KID & MYSTERY PARTNER versus CALEB DARKE, JULIAN SNAKES & MICHELLE “EMINEM” JACKINIT

The lights dim and Thriller plays by Michael Jackson. The fans are pumped as they believe it will be Michael Jackson. They all stand in ovation… but wait… out walks a poorly mocked Michael Jackson. At first it isn’t apparent who the man behind the make-up is. But we slowly learn it is none other than pop-star Eminem. Eminem has switched sides here, betraying old-time friend Dallas Darke and joining Dallas’s brother, Caleb Darke.

The homophobic rapper walks down the aisle with the two fags walking beside them. They all get in the ring and it looks as though the odds are squarely stacked against the shoulders of Mango Kid. Eminem is announced as Michelle Jackinit, the King of Pop an obvious jab at Michael Jackson. The Mango Kid comes out to the ring to a huge ovation. The Mango Kid comes out alone without a single partner by his side and it appears as though he is going to go in on the match alone.

The Mango Kid slides into the ring and the bell rings right away. Julian Snakes, the only “real” wrestler starts the bout by jumping the Mango Kid from behind. The Mango Kid low blows him and than swings around. The Mango Kid throws punch after punch, a few kicks to the gut and than a few chops. The Mango Kid tosses Julian Snakes into the turn buckle and he hits a huge elbow smash. The Mango Kid repeats the routine once more and he raises his hands.

Julian Snakes makes the hot tag to Eminem who gets in the ring. It is apparent that a few weeks ago, Eminem fell victim to the Mango Kid’s Crushed Mangoes offense. The Mango Kid challenges Eminem to jump him, but Eminem doesn’t, instead they embrace in a lock-up. The Mango Kid applies a wrist lock, and from there hits an arm drag take-down. As Eminem gets to his feet, the Mango Kid connects with a drop kick. The Mango Kid hits a roll-up, but Caleb Darke breaks up the count.

Caleb Darke gets The Mango Kid up to his feet and he throws a few punches. The referee tells Caleb Darke he isn’t the legal man, but Caleb Darke threatens to fire him on the spot so the referee shuts up. This gives the Mango Kid enough time to start a come back. He sends Caleb Darke off the ropes and he connects with a back body drop. As Caleb Darke gets up to his feet, Mango Kid connects with a spinning heel kick. The Mango Kid is in control of the match, when Eminem tries to jump him from behind. The Mango Kid reverses it into a Russian Leg-Sweep.

Julian Snakes is on the top rope now and he is going to go for a missile drop kick, but the Mango Kid bounces off the ropes and knocks him down on his testicles. The Mango Kid hits at the same instant a swinging neck breaker on Caleb Darke. The Mango Kid gets up to his feet and Eminem rushes at him only to get hip tossed. The Mango Kid picks up Eminem and tosses him into the turn buckle. The Mango Kid hits a few shoulder tackles to the ribs and The Mango Kid than hits the ten punch in the corner. Caleb Darke on the tenth punch low blows the Mango Kid. The Mango Kid falls off the top as it appears the weak spot of Mango has been revealed – thine own Mangoes!

Caleb Darke proceeds to stomp a hole right into the chest of the Mango Kid. Julian Snakes hits a wonderful elbow drop off the top and Mango Kid is defintely not doing too hot. Eminem hits a flipping leg drop and Caleb Darke locks in a figure four leg lock. Any time The Mango Kid mounts a come back in the hold, Eminem or Julian Snakes kick him in the chest. The Mango Kid refuses to tap though, so they release the hold.

The Mango Kid is indeed in a horrible position as he stumbles to his feet and Eminem drop kicks the bad leg of The Mango Kid. The Mango Kid screams in pain as he hits the mat. The three men stand over top of The Mango Kid and laugh as he struggles to his feet and throws a punch at Eminem, and than Caleb and than Julian Snakes. The Mango Kid takes Caleb and Eminem down with a clothesline. The Mango Kid drop kicks Julian Snakes to the outside and the Mango Kid is mounting a come-back with great enthusiasm!

Caleb Darke gets to his feet and he knocks the referee out with a brass knuckle shot right to the face. The Mango Kid hits Caleb Darke with a spinning heel kick and he appears to be gaining his come back. On the outside though Julian Snakes has a chair in his hand and he slides in the ring. The Mango Kid doesn’t even see the chair shot coming as it knocks The Mango Kid senseless. The Mango Kid lay on the mat, his head is busted open. Julian Snakes curses in the face of the Mango Kid and it seems, as though he isn’t done yet.

Caleb Darke and Eminem both hold up the bloody Mango Kid and Julian Snakes winds up with the chair and he hits another chair shot. The Mango Kid falls straight to the mat and it appears as though he won’t be getting up. Julian Snakes calls for them to pick up the Mango Kid once more. But wait… the big screen with no name illuminates with light. The big screen with no name shows a picture of the outside area, where a limousine has arrived. In the ring, Caleb Darke and Eminem both aren’t too enthused by this turn of events.

The camera shows that a man wearing cowboy boots has arrived. Caleb Darke and Eminem both laugh at he idea of a cowboy being the partner of The Mango Kid. The cowboy boots begin to stomp around backstage. The camera follows the footsteps and the camera slowly moves upwards. The man is wearing very nice dress pants [ah, what a great combination, dress pants and cow-boy boots!] Caleb Darke and Eminem are in the ring waiting for whoever this mystery man will be.

The camera slowly moves up and he is wearing a suit. We see that the camera is at the curtain now and the man steps through the curtain and yet we the viewing audience still have no idea who it is. The crowd rejoices in a huge cheer. Enormous, as in the arena is filled with cheers. The camera moves out further and it is none other than…

GEORGE W. BUSH! Oh, dear! George Bush, nemesis of John Kerry, has arrived in D.W.A. In the ring. Eminem and Caleb Darke look a little scared. Julian Snakes is on the outside now and he begins to run up the ramp. Julian Snakes winds up with the chair and he hits George W. Bush with great force. George W. Bush falls to the padded floor and it looks as though he has been stunned. Julian Snakes raises the chair in victory and he wears a smile a mile wide.

But wait, George Bush is on his feet now and he grabs Julian Snakes by the throat! George W. Bush raises Julian Snakes in the air two feet and than George W. Bush tosses Julian Snakes a good 5 feet! George W. Bush has made quick and easy work of Julian Snakes as heads towards the ring. Caleb Darke and Eminem both prepare for the attack.

George W. Bush gets in the ring and he calls on Eminem, the street thug who made an Anti-Bush Song called Mosh on his new CD. Eminem rushes at George W. Bush and Bush knocks him out cold with one stiff left hand. Eminem is DOWN and OUT, KO’D after one GIGANTIC punch. Caleb Darke is the last man standing and he looks worried. He is about to run away, but The Mango Kid grabs him by the collar and tosses him to the ground. The Mango Kid is bleeding, he is wearing the crimson mask but he doesn’t care. He wants to ring the throat of Caleb Darke!

George W. Bush sneaks up behind Caleb Darke and he low blows him! Caleb Darke yells out in pain as his testicles have been cheap shotted! The Mango Kid turns this straight into the Crushed Mangoes! Caleb Darke calls out in pain for back-up, but no one comes out. After a good minute in the hold, The Mango Kid releases the hold. George W. Bush slaps the taste right out of the mouth of Caleb Darke and the Mango Kid delivers one hell of a tomb-stone pile driver. George W. Bush covers Caleb Darke and he gets the 1-2-3!

After the bell, The Mango Kid and George W. Bush celebrate in the ring with the fans chanting, ‘BUSH FOR PRESIDENT’ as the former Republican President and the in-denial, closeted homosexual celebrate in the middle of the ring. The two men head to the back as it appears the tyrant force of John Kerry has been quashed!

WINNER: THE MANGO KID AND GEORGE BUSH!

Edited by PunkRockPete
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