Live in The Griftzone

[GRIFT]

LIVE IN THE GRIFTZONE

IN THE MOVIES

So I had just gotten back from an early am trip to 7-Eleven when I flipped on the TV and pandered to my insomnia by watching some fine cable programing. As I waded my way through infomercials that attempted to sell me Cd collections, penis pills, and soft core porn, I stumbled upon E!.

What caused me to halt on the faux entertainment channel was the incredibly bad ass countanence that could belong only to Marvel Comics favorite Day Walker Blade. In a tip of respect to the man who may just be as badass as yours truly, and being that I am a fan of the Blade series, I decided to watch the segment. While I was less than pleased with the lack of Guillermo del Toro's distinct stylistic presence, it was not the most disappointing moment of the evening.

This moment came when I saw this abomination: FAT ALBERT THE MOVIE

The plot of the film, and I think it is important that I stress that I am not making this up, is that the Tons of Fun and the Gang somehow manage to jump off a TV set and come into the real world.

But that's not all! (<<---The infomercials are getting to me.) The movie also features:

Aaron 'My Brother was Famous Once' Carter

Joel 'OMG!!1!!PUNKISALLABOUTBEINGONCRIBS!!111!LOL' of Good Charolette

And finally, some guy who was in B2K.

Oh, so that is what Urkle did after Family Matters ended

Don't rember who B2K were either? Well let me give you a synopsis of their career. Epic records squeezed this group off into the pop culture toilet in 2002 hoping to merge hip hop attitude with boy band hand jobs. After songs like, 'Bump Bump Bump,' 'Bump That' and the lyrical masterpiece, Uh Huh,' they decided that it was time to drop a greatest hits album-- TWO YEARS AFTER DEBUTING. But why stop the re-whoring of the same music there? They also have two volumes of remixes, and for those of you out there who didn't get enough Bumpin' a remix CD totally dedicated to... BUMP BUMP BUMP.

MORE MOVIE CRAP

Need more reasons not to go to the movies? Well, your prayers have been answered because just when you think that pastel colors have finally died off completely, Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx have announced that they are poised to take on the roles of Sonny Crockett and Rico Tubbs in a film version of "Miami Vice."

Nostalgia is a fickle, twisted whore. Speaking of whores...

IN WHORE NEWS

Fans of artists with actual talent rejoice world round while overweight middle aged men in empty marriages lose one more reason to go to work in the morning as Britney Spears has annouced that she'll be putting her career on hold — again. She made the announcement late Friday in a "letter of truth" she posted on her fan site. Apparently she injured her knee in a video shoot. "It's amazing what advisors will push you to do, even if it means taking a naive young blonde girl and putting her on the cover of every magazine," she wrote. "My prerogative right now is to just chill and let all of the other overexposed blondes on the cover of Us Weekly be your entertainment." Does any one else think that sounds incredibly bitter? Oh well, I think I'd be bitter too if I knew the only reason I had a career was a legion of hopeless bottleheaded teenie boppers and men who have never actually talked to a woman without giving out their credit card number. (See Kaneanite)

THE GOOD

Pearl Jam have set a November 16 release date for the two-CD Rearviewmirror (Greatest Hits 1991-2003). Disc one, the "Up Side," will feature the band's heavier rock tunes, such as "Alive," " Jeremy" and "Animal," while the second disc, the "Down Side," will include more mellow favorites like "Daughter," "Last Kiss" and "Yellow Ledbetter." (credit to MTV.com)

THE BAD

Christopher Reeves dies at age 52.

The Ugly

50 Cent is going to have his own mineral water.

Until Next time this has been 'Live in the Griftzone' with

THE MUTHAH FUCKIN' GRIFTERMAN

Edited October 17, 2004 by The Grifter

[Steeb]

Wow, I really enjoyed reading that. Is this gonna be a regular thing, cause it should be

Pearl Jam's Greatest Hits Yayayayayayay! Definately one to add to my collection

[Guest Angry Baboon]

LMAO, that was class. Nice one. I hope the Pearl Jam CD has new songs on it though I've totally lost interest in them.

[Hellfire]

men who have never actually talked to a woman without giving out their credit card number. (See Kaneanite)

[GoGo Yubari]

Erm, the transition from Blade: Trinity into the Fat Albert movie was odd, but the comment on the B2K guy ruled.

[GRIFT]

I plan on posting one of these every week or so and if I can't be arsed to do one I will just go B2K and post a remix edition of the previous post with cutting edge bonus features such as... more bold, italics, and underlining! OMG!!!!!11LOL!!!

So check back in this thread every now and then if you liked what you saw. Heck do it if you didn't, because it is the only way anyone will ever like you.

[MalaCloudy Black]

A Fat Albert MOVIE?

Now that is must-see.

[Cactus Drags]

Nice one. Although I don't know what Fat Albert is. Very funny

[Kaney]

men who have never actually talked to a woman without giving out their credit card number. (See Kaneanite)

anyways.....that was a good read. I hope that you keep doing these.

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Grifter, if you're so upset about me calling your mother, tell her to start a personal business. If it weren't for these phonelines your momma would have never met your father, so stop whining bitch.

[GRIFT]

Deities aren't born, we are begat.

[Kaney]

Deities aren't born, we are begat.

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Where's the fun in that?

And your mom is still a whore.

[Jester of Death]

A Fat Albert MOVIE?

Now that is must-see.

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[GRIFT]

GRIFTZONE ADDENDUM

Yes, I forgot to mention...

Kenan 'Self Respect? HA' Thompson

Also on all Hollows Eve... that feud comes to its final conclusion.

October 31st... In the Forum Games Where It All Began... EWB Brings You: Grifter vs Kaneanite

'THE FINAL SOLUTION'

[Jester of Death]

Also on all Hollows Eve... that feud comes to its final conclusion.

October 31st... In the Forum Games Where It All Began... EWB Brings You: Grifter vs Kaneanite

'THE FINAL SOLUTION'

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[GRIFT]

LIVE IN THE GRIFTZONE

IN THE MOVIES

Superman, and The White Trash Mustache Attack!

Alright, I have a quick bit of news here: Ultra softcore porn star Brandon Routh will be putting on the cape, and leaping into the hearts of comic book fan boys world wide. Brandon, who has gained limit stardom from his role as Wade, in MTV’s soap opera, ‘Undressed.’

Undressed was a show that ran in the ever important graveyard time slot, where it entered a violent ratings blood feud with reruns of I Love Lucy, and Ron Popeil infomercials.

Also, Justin Timberlake is walking in the brave footsteps of musicians who have leaped into the world of film. The question is will he be following Vanilla Ice’s feet? Timberlake is going to be playing the part of a drug dealing gangster In the movie Alpha Dog. Ever the professional, for research he plans to develope a cocaine addiction, which will culminate in him sucking dick for coke– opposed to his usual motive: pleasure.

RED SOX

The Red Sox made history and came back in a 3-0 series to advance to the World Series. As I sat there watching game seven I realized that if they ever had a professional wrestler with a Jesus gimmick Johnny Damon is the man to play the role. He seriously looks like a roided out Christ.

GRIFTER GOES TO THE MOVIES

So I went to the movies tonight with hopes of seeing Team America World Police, but when I got there they only had 3 tickets left and I was there with a group of 10 people from my dorm. Needless to say we ended up going to a different movie. As we stood there debating which movie to go see it turned into a vote. The winner: Forgotten. Spoilers... The movie starts out showing a woman who may or may not be crazed toiling over the loss of her son Sam. Then it transitions into a full on sci-fi cluster fuck, where aliens are testing the bond between parent and child. The closest thing I could relate this movie to is anal sex.

Now before you all go running away let me explain why.

Everyman who has ever had sex with a woman has thought about having anal sex atleast once. It is just something all men must do before you die. We don’t talk about it much, it is just an established truth of the universe. The thing is Forgotten starts out with the temptations of a new concept, and while it is great at first eventually it becomes far too tight and messy. In the end you just end up with shit all over your dick/screen.

THE GOOD

Prolific folksinger Connor Oberst will be offering up two different servings of his Bright Eyes styles: the emotionally packed more traditional Bright Eyes record I'm Wide Awake It's Morning and the more experimental and beat-driven Digital Ash in a Digital Urn. Both records are due on January 25

THE BAD

Christina Aguilera is starting her own fasion line aimed at teenagers.

THE UGLY

William Shatner is trying to get aboard the next space ship to go into space.

Until Next time this has been 'Live in the Griftzone' with

THE MUTHAH FUCKIN' GRIFTERMAN

[fineintent]

Also, Justin Timberlake is walking in the brave footsteps of musicians who have leaped into the world of film. The question is will he be following Vanilla Ice’s feet? Timberlake is going to be playing the part of a drug dealing gangster In the movie Alpha Dog. Ever the professional, for research he plans to develope a cocaine addiction, which will culminate in him sucking dick for coke– opposed to his usual motive: pleasure.

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Edited October 23, 2004 by fineintent