The Battle for Vince's Soul

[RavenBlack]

We all assumed "Mike" was Road Warrior Hawk....did we ever get confirmation on that?

[The Third Dukes]

Truth be told, I never confirmed *who* Mike was. I certainly named him with Hawk in mind, but never officially connected the two. Hey, sometimes it's better to let imagination run wild -- and the Crash connection never entered my mind. C'est la vie.

Well, the flipside of Heaven is Hell. For Hell, I tried to think of the absolute most disturbing imagery I could find. At least one person said I went above and beyond the call of duty. "I wasn't planning on sleeping anyway," were his exact words. Another told me privately I needed to forward the address of the guy I got the acid from. Um, thanks?

I decided soon after Part II was done that each part would end with something affecting Andy and the gang personally. Sometimes it was minor -- witness Andy's first kiss getting the honors, of all things. This was not one of those cases, as a move that many people saw needing to happen was made. Yes, I had to write Kathleen out, but NO ONE predicted how it would happen.

Of course, this now meant the bar was raised for the finale, but we'll get to that in the fullness of time.

*****

Chapter 41

Complete Loss

Sunday, November 2, 2003, 12:00 PM GMT

Parts Unknown

I was cold. We all were. No one was surprised.

We walked down a lane we assumed the existence of. It was hard to tell; the only indications were the rows and columns left by statues all around, the spotlights shining on each one, and a brighter light that seemed miles away, inviting yet repelling us. All of us were back to our infirmities. With it, we were back to our weaknesses.

Owen walked ahead, braving the chill and the constant dust and dirt that kicked up around us. Lindsay and I followed, holding hands not out of affection, but seemingly out of survival. Greg walked behind us, deliberately, as if sure of the way and dreading the path. Kathleen skipped all around the group, trying to act unfazed. In doing so, she seemed the most disturbed.

"Okay, guys... this is it," Owen said matter-of-factly. "Welcome to the halfway house of the damned. All these statues represent people who took their lives, and in doing so, became unfit for Heaven and Hell. This is their fate."

I looked around at the various people. Each seemed to have been frozen at the fateful moment. Some were undressed, some were in full suits, and most were in between. Most wore an expression of anger, pain, peace, or other grotesque. There were gashes around the heart, holes in the head and mouth, huge slits in the arm, or whatever had been done. What struck me oddest were those that stood up or seemed posed -- no one dies like that.

"Now, I gotta warn you people," Owen continued, looking straight at Kathleen and myself. "We're not alone, and not in a good way. There are demons or their slaves walking around. When a person dies possessed, they become the slave of the devil. Usually they try to cause mayhem, but today they will try to capture any Fallen Angel they can. Do not talk to anyone you don't know -- got it?"

Kathleen stopped. "What about these guys?" She pointed to all the statues.

"I was getting to that. You have some special dust in the bag you got this morning. You may pick one person and sprinkle the dust on them. That person will come alive long enough for you to learn from their ways. When you are done, they return to their former state."

"Guys," said Greg, getting everyone's attention. "Memorize this spot. I want to meet right here when we're all done. It's important we leave together, so we all know we're safe. No one can be left behind. NO ONE."

I turned to Lindsay. "Now what?"

"Now," she said, holding her head at my eye level, "you wander. But remember -- no talking to anyone you don't know. Assume everyone is a demon. Got it?"

"Yes, Lindsay," I said.

"You, too, Kathleen. Understood?"

"Sure," she replied, still not showing any outward signs of panic or fear.

We split up. I followed Lindsay for a few minutes, hoping to find my way around the area. She kept giving me pointers along the way.

"Here's the thing -- the demon slaves are the only ones out here. They know we're looking for them, and for the demons to show their own form would be pointless -- we'd run. So they're going to try to confuse new people by taking the form of humans. Just remember -- unless it's one of us, do not go anywhere near them."

"What can they do?"

"Each one of them, when they go hunting, carries a parcel containing the breath of their master. When they -- shhhhh!"

She grabbed my hand and pulled me behind a statue of a man with long hair and a grungy outfit. "Look at that," she whispered.

Two people were talking. One of them smiled at the other and reached into his pocket. The other smiled and held out his hand, expecting a gift.

"Who are they?" I whispered.

"The one on the left is a demon slave. I know -- he tried to trick me my first year here. Watch closely."

The demon held a parcel in his hand in the shape of a camera. The other posed, anticipating having his picture taken. Instead, a visible gust, appearing like an exhalation on a winter's night, blew straight into the face of the Fallen Angel.

On contact, an instant transformation occurred. The gust surrounded his body for a few seconds, then disappeared. In the place of the man was a statue of the man in the same pose. The clothing was untouched, hanging off the statue and giving the whole scene an absurd look, but the victim himself was the same pallor as I had seen on my legs from demon contact.

I gasped and turned to Lindsay. "He's been..."

"Yeah, he has," she replied, motioning for me to keep it down. "Keep watching."

The demon then began to talk into the camera, communicating to no one in particular. Soon, though, a creature appeared beside him, bright red, covered in scales, and with hooves instead of feet. The creature produced a box from a pouch on his body and opened it, facing the statue.

A bright blue beam shot out of the box and hit the statue. As it did, the clothing flew off the statue, leaving only the brimstone body behind. Soon after, the statue seemed to be pulled to the box by the beam. It was shrinking and rotating as it moved through space, finally settling in at about one tenth the original size inside the box.

The blue glow stopped as the creature closed the box and returned it to his pocket. It then blew into its servant's parcel and walked off, back to the light so far away. The demon wandered off in search of new prey.

I was speechless as Lindsay thought-moved us to another part of the area. She turned to me and comforted me, as if to say that this was for my own good. "You see what happens?"

"Wha-- what'll happen to... to..."

"He's going to be destroyed," she said somberly. "If it's at all possible, we'll try to look over the gates of Hell and see it happen."

"How? Will he explode? Will he be crushed? Eaten? Burned in acid? What?"

"You'll see. I don't want you to worry about it. Now, just remember: that could be you."

We separated, squeezing each other's hand on the way. I looked around the maze of former bodies. I'm scared.

*****

01:45 PM

I continued to search. Thus far, no one I saw had piqued my interest. There was no rhyme or reason to the order of things. I tried to think of some famous people who would be here -- Plath, Hemingway, Cobain, Von Erich -- but none of them seemed to be assorted by letter, or date, or anything. It was all a mess.

"Can I help you, sir?"

I turned out of surprise, not knowing what to expect. A man in his mid-30s stood before me. He was smaller than I was, but had a mean streak almost visible. His untamed blond hair seemed to accentuate the idea that he could defeat me. I saw the tiger pattern in his vest and knew there was only one person it could be: Brian Pillman.

And Lindsay told me he was possessed before.

"Excuse me?" I asked, hoping that I was mistaken.

"You seem to be lost. I know this place very well. Are you looking for anyone in particular?"

"No," I said, eyeing every direction but at him. I had to see which would help me by providing the most interference.

"Are you sure? Because I have a map here you could find useful." He reached into his vest pocket. Oh, shit! RUN!

I darted away from him, in and out of statues of people I'd never met and didn't want to become one of. Every time I turned around, Brian was within striking distance. I tried to keep a statue between us at all times so that he couldn't shoot at me, but my weaving just made things harder.

Why can't I run any faster than this? I gotta have a better way. Wait... there is! I need to get as far away from him as I can!

*****

As quickly as I formulated the idea, it happened. I was in another maze of bodies contorted in pain and preserved for immortality. I looked around for a sign of someone I knew, keeping my head on a swivel and hoping for the best. As I rounded one corner, I felt someone bang into me.

"AHHH!"

I turned around and saw Owen, as scared as I was. We both caught our breath and stared in wonder. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," was all I could get out of my mouth.

"It's okay... we're safe. You look like you've seen a... a ghost."

"Worse. I saw... a demon... s... slave."

"Oh, no," he said, sitting down at the base of a statue. "Calm down and tell me what happened."

"Well, I was walking around, trying to find someone of interest to talk to, and this guy asked if I needed help. I turn to face him and it's... it's... Brian! Pillman! And he says he has this map if I need it, and I'm trying not to acknowledge him, and... he pulls out this box, and I remember what Lindsay told me, that it's his trap. So I started running, but I couldn't lose him until I thought my way over here. I hope he doesn't know where I am."

"I don't think so. You should be safe." He stood back up, holding up his head so he could look at me. "Lindsay taught you well. I hope Kathleen was listening when I told her the same thing. Anyway, have you used your dust yet?"

"No... why... have you?"

"Nope. I guess we're... holy crap!"

I turned around. Brian had found us and was charging in fast, parcel in hand. We took off the other way, Owen running, myself flying. As I soared over row after row of statues, I realized how to lose Brian.

I opened my pouch and dumped the dust over as many statues as I could. Owen ran ahead as the brimstone began to soften back into flesh. Brian lunged to tackle Owen, but four hands belonging to the suicides on either side of him grabbed him. Brian kicked and screamed, demanding his release as he yelled for Owen to return.

I flew down to the ground and landed right by Owen. He was shaken by the incident as he twisted his head around to see what was going on. "Thanks, kid," he stammered. "That was some quick thinking."

"I made my name in life as a guy who approached things from a different point of view," I said. "It just seemed like it was worth a shot. The worst that happens is that he gets away and we keep running."

"Man... I thought Brian knew me better than that." He then chuckled. "Maybe that's why he wanted to capture me -- because he knew me."

*****

04:22 PM

We had all gathered back at the place we started and were ready to leave. However, while the four of us talked amongst ourselves, Kathleen was busy chatting with an old friend of hers.

"Tommy! What happened?"

"I heard about what happened to you the next morning. I didn't mean for my prank to cause anyone harm. I was so upset that I didn't pay attention to the light right before school. I entered the intersection at the same time as one of the buses. That's why I wasn't around when you were visiting the school -- I was dead."

"But you could've gone too."

"No... It wouldn't be right for me to go back when you did. I did go back, though, later in the week."

"Tommy, I'm sorry I got so mad at you. You don't know how hard it's been for me. I've been away from everyone I know and every experience I've ever had... There are times I wish I could just stay dead... not do anything."

"I know, Kath, I know... but we all got a mission now. I have mine, you have yours, and we have to fight. We don't want our superiors to get upset, do we?"

Superiors? But they're called intermediaries!

"Yeah... I just wish we didn't have to say goodbye. Whose case are you working on? Maybe we can visit sometime."

"I can't say. Truth is, I just finished one recently. The person died, and I still don't know whether she made it or not."

Something isn't right here... why can't he say? Ben and Stefani could. I whispered to Lindsay, "I have a very bad feeling about this."

"Then do something."

I walked towards the two of them. "Kathleen, I think we had better get going. This strikes me as too big of a coincidence. Tommy here -- I'm sorry, man... we'll see ya next year."

Kathleen shoved me to the ground, using more surprise than force. She began to yell at me. "You've been ruining all my fun! All you've ever done is treat me like a little girl! Tommy here respects me! He cares for me! He means more to me than you do! ANY OF YOU! I'm asking to get transferred immediately. I don't wanna work with people like you who act like I'm some gullible little child! I wanna be with people who recognize I'm a good person, like Tommy!"

I scrambled back to Lindsay. "Now what?"

"I don't know."

]Kathleen returned to Tommy and hugged him. "Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for understanding. You'll make sure I'm taken care of, won't you?"

I saw Tommy reach into his jeans pocket. "Yes, I will. But wait -- I want to give you something. Step back and close your eyes."

Kathleen took a few steps back and turned around. I looked at Owen and Greg, who pointed upward. All four of us elevated to about ten feet, so we could be out of harm's way.

"Is this far enough?" I asked.

"He can't get us if we're off the ground," Lindsay said.

"Okay, Kath -- you can look now!"

Kathleen turned around and looked at Tommy. Instantly, he pressed a button on the top of what was in his hand. The wind blew straight at Kathleen, who didn't even have time to scream. It surrounded her, then disappeared. She had been turned to stone.

Tommy then held the parcel close to his mouth. "Master, I have one." I expected a creature like before to appear, but this one was vaguely human. He walked upright, but was lizardlike in color. His pouch in front of him seemed to bear a mark, but I couldn't make it out from so high up. It was only a red armband on the lizard's right limb that tipped me off. I turned to Lindsay.

"I didn't know humans could become full-fledged demons like that."

"Why do you say so?"

"I think that's Hitler."

The lizard creature reached into the pocket in front, and as he did so I clearly saw the markings on the pocket. It was a swastika. It is. The Hitler being produced the box and opened it to Kathleen. Her overalls and underwear were blown away by a blue beam, after which she was pulled into the box, shrinking as she did so. The Hitler being closed the box and returned it to his pouch, whispering to Tommy as he did so. Both creatures walked off together.

"What do we do?"

"Forget it. She's gone."

"What's gonna happen to her?"

Greg turned to me, then to the others. "Should he see?"

They both nodded. Lindsay took my hand. "Come on... you might as well know."

*****

04:33 PM

We had flown to a safe spot just outside the gated community of Hell. Inside as a city ablaze, accounting for the light we saw in the distance. Creatures of all shapes and sizes, as well as their demon followers, were running about concluding the mayhem of the day. A whistle blew, and two demons standing beneath us snapped to attention.

A loud voice shouted over an invisible intercom, "Now approaching - the latest captured Fallen Angel!"

A loud cheer came out through the streets that sickened me. A rickety cart rolled through the main avenue. Inside was Kathleen, still stuck in her pose of anticipation for Tommy's surprise. Her body was exposed to the citizens of Hell, who made lewd comments and unflattering gestures as the cart rolled past.

I turned to Owen. "I hope she can't hear this. I hope she's already gone."

Owen shook his head as best he could. "She's not gone yet. She's fully aware of her existence. I don't know if she can see or hear, but she's alive. Just like those statues -- she exists and no more."

I bit my fingernails in sympathy. There was nothing we could do. Most of the creatures moved on, leaving the Hitler being and a dozen or so of his slaves. Tommy stood by the two guards, watching emotionlessly as his former high school friend was being brought to her doom.

The Hitler being stood by a giant machine as the cart rolled to it. Four demon slaves picked Kathleen up and placed her inside the machine's transparent dome. I looked more carefully. Kathleen had been placed over a metal grate of some sort, and it looked like a tray lay on the other side of it, a few feet down.

On the signal, a lackey pulled a lever. A device looking a lot like the camera pointed at the top of the machine from the inside. It shot a green light over a plane of the inside, then scrolled down, covering everything around it with a green glow for a few seconds. When the glow died down, the grate beneath Kathleen began to glow almost white with heat, while four fire spouts, one at each corner, shot up.

Inside, Kathleen's expression seemed to change. Droplets were forming down her arms and face. More liquid fell off of her feet to the tray below. Then I looked more closely. Kathleen's hair seemed to be disappearing. Her fingers were shrinking, and her hands were seemingly receding into her arms. Kathleen was melting.

Her head began to flatten, then slowly fade off. Her outline was now almost entirely watery. Meanwhile, below, the liquid level in the tray was rising. Soon her arms had disappeared, and her legs had begun to sink. Her entire body began to lose form and collapse underneath her. Within minutes, she had completely flowed to the tray below.

A metal plate seemed to cover the tray where Kathleen's liquid body lay. A red laser beam was shot around the sides of the plate, welding it to the tray. The camera from before scanned the plate, producing some protrusions on it. The tray turned over onto the plate. It began to move out of the machine and into the street.

For a few minutes, the tray sat on a roller conveyor belt, not doing anything. The Hitler being had begun a conversation with Tommy during the wait. Eventually, the tray rolled back into the machine. I saw it get flipped back over, with Kathleen's image coming out of it like a relief sculpture, but minutely thin. A yellow laser cut the plate back off the tray, which was then lifted as the tray rolled back into the street.

The Hitler being rose from his chair and walked over to the tray. I looked inside. Kathleen's image had been produced on the outside of her, as if giving her form again. The tray was shaped like a trough, getting thinner as it got nearer the ground. The Hitler being signalled, and four slaves lifted Kathleen out of the tray, holding her upright. She was only a few inches thick, and her back was flat and formless. It was as if she had been turned into the world's largest Nestle-shaped chocolate bar, and her body was the logo imprinted on the front.

The Hitler being then re-opened his box, and the blue beam trapped Kathleen, spinning and shrinking her into the box. Rather than close the box, though, the Hitler being picked Kathleen up and out of it. She was now the same relative size as a candy bar. Her captor's lizard smile flashed as he opened his mouth wide. He placed Kathleen whole inside his mouth and closed it. I waited to hear his teeth grind her to a pulp, but instead, I heard a loud gulp from him. I watched as a lump travelled down his chest, until it stopped in his stomach region. A bloodcurdling scream of a murder victim pierced my ears. The voice was Kathleen's.

Not knowing what to do, I began to recite the Lord's Prayer. Slowly the others joined in.

"Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation..."

I couldn't finish. I simply heard the others say the last line: "...but deliver us from evil."

*****

11:24 PM

Recovery

I was stunned. I didn't say a thing since seeing Kathleen be destroyed. I couldn't believe my own eyes. What I had seen was the most physically disturbing thing I could imagine. I didn't know how to comprehend it.

Lindsay saw my shell shock. "It's okay, Andy," she said.

I snapped at her. "Okay? Someone we know just became fuel for an evil creature and all you can say is it's okay? How can you take such a view? How can you think so little of her that--"

"Please." She put her hand to my mouth. I sat down and began to take deep breaths. I broke down in tears.

"It's not fair... what did she ever do to deserve this?"

"Andy, you heard her. She turned her back on us. She left us to be with her demonic friend. You take your life in your own hands when you turn your back on God and His people."

"We're not God. We're just his police force."

"I know that! But... she disowned us. You heard how she talked in the days before this. She didn't want our life. She didn't want Heaven. She didn't want to work for it. She was clearly not Heavenly material. And if you're not in Heaven, you're in Hell."

"How can you say she wasn't Heavenly material? What do you know?"

"I know that she nearly killed herself on a few occasions with her loose acts. I know she may have given Shannon Moore AIDS. I know she put her personal desires ahead of the mission -- and don't think I've forgiven Greg either for that. Kathleen was a loose cannon. I wish there was some way we could've kept her on the sidelines, but she didn't want to take orders."

"Who does?"

"Andy, you do! Or you should!" Lindsay's voice changed from explanatory to firm, making me believe her next words would be a lesson I could use. "You can't serve God and serve man. You can't put yourself ahead of your duty in life. We are charged with a mission. All our activities need to be focused on the mission. That's why Recovery exists -- because sometimes we can't handle it. It's our chance to try again. Well, what she did cost her all her chances. She left us. She abandoned us and God and the mission she accepted upon death -- heck, upon life! I don't want you to do the same thing."

"I haven't!"

"Yes, you have! Why didn't you finish the week as Road Dogg, huh?"

I couldn't respond. The tears seemed to be drying up, even though I could still feel them hit my hands underneath. "I have sinned, I know. But I know I have sinned, and I have received forgiveness. Doesn't that count for something?"

Lindsay smiled and sat down next to me, placing her head in my hands. "It means everything. That's why you're in and out so quickly. Kathleen needed weeks at a time sometimes. She didn't want to perform her duties. Paul had to talk her into it each week. I was there. Kathleen was too proud. Pride is the worst sin of all, and the one you're least likely to recover from."

I shook my head. "How ironic."

"What is?"

"Her last words were about how we didn't care for her or respect her. I don't know if she ever really respected anyone. She was always flirting, always getting angry -- and there was Tommy, telling her everything she wanted to hear. All those lies, all that sucking up... why didn't we do that? We could've saved her!"

"Because we have a duty to be loyal to the truth. If you screw up, I'm telling you you did it. If I make a mistake, I hope you can call me on it. It's more than just the right thing -- it's our job. It's not just because I love you... it's because I have to."

I paused. "So... if I catch you doing something... but what good can I do? You won't listen to me, will you?"

"I already have. Remember the first or second week you were here? I was ready to injure Undertaker, because I saw what Eddie saw. I became consumed in his fire. You separated me before I could act on my emotions. That may have helped me survive. Then you saw my weakened state and told me about it. Andy, I don't know if I would be here if it weren't for you."

I pulled her head to mine and kissed her. "I'm sorry I doubted you. When something happens to me... I want you to help me."

"I want you to help too. Now, we should get some rest. Tomorrow... we go back to work."

I handed her her head back and lay down. Her body cuddled around me as a wave of calm flooded my senses. I can only control me. I have to control me. God will help me. I don't want to end up like her.

*****

Monday, November 03, 2003, 07:45 AM

Cleveland, OH

"Oh, you're up."

I slowly recovered my senses. I had a nightmare about Hell, but it wasn't about suffering Kathleen's fate. I was being chased by a demon I didn't turn around to see. As I ran, I tripped. He stood over me and drove a spear through me. I screamed, but the sound was a woman's scream out of my mouth.

"Yeah, I... I am... I just... I'm sorry..."

"Another bad dream, girl?"

"Yeah, it was."

"You really oughta see someone about that. That's not normal. In fact, you know, I've been trying to get you to see someone for some time."

"I am, I am! I should tell him about this." Did that come out of me? It was like my voice was on autopilot.

"Well, don't worry about it. Care for some coffee?"

"No, that's okay, Gail, I'm fine." Well, no I'm not. I turned and looked in the mirror. I still didn't understand the meaning of my nightmare, but a feeling of dread crept over me that I would find out. My vision was bright and colorful. I was hoping it would stay that way.

This week, I was going to see firsthand what the solution was to the problem that had been bothering me since SummerSlam. I was Nora Greenwald -- Molly Holly.

*****

INTERLUDE

Let me repeat my comments from my epilogue and/or replies to mail.

On where I come up with my vision of Hell: "I knew from the beginning what happened to captured spirits. I will admit to stealing the idea from IWF2 to some extent. However, I then began to read and watch several things for inspiration, and I decided on borrowing ideas from here and there. Eating souls came from the Screwtape Letters; the fire of Hell is a generic reference; the idea of melting came from Raiders of the Lost Ark; the idea of a machine came from the Zork series. Put them all together, and I hope I gave you enough description that you can visualize it."

On why Kathleen had to go: "Basically, after I re-read Kathleen's statements over and over, I realized she was going to be a problem to cope with. She kept doing things selfishly, complaining, chewing other people out, trying to find blame... in other words, she was not Angel material like the others. When the formulation of Vacation Week and what it entailed came to my mind, I realized she would get in trouble. I stopped several times between doing chapters this week as a result.... I realized I had written myself into a corner. Given the chance to choose between her current existence and an unknown one, I had no doubt that Kathleen would choose the unknown. She did here, and it meant her doom."

After reader reaction indicated a discomfort with the image of Hell: "Yeah. I thought it would be a little grotesque. And to be honest, I wanted to err on the side of brutality over civility. It's Hell! Hell sucks! And I gave a lot of thought to the method of destruction too. I wanted it to be as cruel and inhumane as possible, a combination of torture, humiliation, pain, suffering, helplessness, and every other negative thing you could imagine. That's why I felt the need to warn -- because, even though I was just fine thinking it, when it came to writing the scene, I became disturbed myself."

On whether Kathleen was beyond redemption: "Sure she wasn't. No one is. But at the same time, people who could've been redeemed sometimes aren't, and sometimes it takes one incident to slam the door shut on second chances. Example: here in the DC area, there was an athlete in the mid-1980s who everyone said would revolutionize basketball. His name was Len Bias, and he was considered one of the best pro prospects in decades. He was so good that Red Auerbach, leader of the Boston Celtics (the Man U of basketball, for those overseas), forfeited his entire draft to move up and get him. A few days later, a friend of Len's offered him cocaine. Len tried it for the first time... and the last. He died that night. Bottom line, sometimes the punishment doesn't fit the crime."

On Lindsay's nonchalance over losing Kathleen: "I guess when I used the line "God's police," I was thinking along the lines of the cop shows. Basically, the first time a cop sees a murder happen or has to shoot someone or comes across a mutilated corpse, it will shake them. After a few years, they become desensitized to it. Andy, having been around three months, is numbed and saddened. Lindsay, who's been around eight years AND has seen it before, is less outwardly shaken."

On one Reader's suggestion there was more to my writing than just a story: "I've wondered if that's true. When it began, it was mainly a way for me to explore an alternate universe. I don't pretend to know Heaven or Hell, and I'm not going to act like this is the real thing unless I'm writing the story. Honestly? This was all an attempt to do a WWE diary without coming up with a reason to be on the booking team. I'm still not sure how this came to me -- any of this, really. Maybe something's at work here."

On Andy's upcoming assignment: "Well, before the previous chapter, Darrdor {a loyal Reader} said he was looking forward to what I had cooked up. And several of you wanted to see what those "other places" were. Given how I delivered, are you _really_ sure you want to know what's next? Well, too bad. You'll find out soon."

And I leave you at that. What's been bothering poor Nora? You'll find out soon. Or maybe you know. In which case... well, you'll relive it.

Dukes

[chrishardcore]

Another brilliant entry Dukes. This is amazing and finally we get to read about the plight of Molly Holly which has kept me as hooked as the initial story. I can't wait to find out what happens in the next part.

[Commander Sheepard]

I hadn't read this before, and now I have to say: Damn Dukes. I mean, just...DAMN.

[Nick Adams]

I like. Upon re-reading, I realized just how sick that description really was. Man, I'm jaded.

Anyway, the next part coming up is on of Dukes' best pieces in this entire thing. Read it.

[DonaldMick]

The first time I read the part where the Angels recite the Lord's Prayer, I had a chill run up my spine that didn't go away for a week. At that point, I had to read the rest - even if it involved staying up until 7 am to do it.

This part of the diary - from Vacation through to the end of next week - is what made this a classic, IMO.

BRING ON NOVEMBER!!

[DoubleX]

Reading that again reminds me of that gut feeling I got the first time I read the Destruction of Kathleen bit. That spooked me big time when I first read it, and still spooks me a little.

Having said that...

BRING ON NOVEMBER!!

←

Seconded. November contains Survivor Series, which I helped book. Better give me credit Dukes, or I'll come after you with a broom.

[Hayhay17]

I seem to be the only one who didn't find the Hell bit all that good. It may be that nothing can top Dantes Inferno for the horrible description of hell, but the whole Hitler thing kind of ruined it. It just seemed to tabloid to me

"Help, Hitler ate my friend"

The Heaven segment on the other my second favourite moment of the first six chapters (By the way Dukes, i know what you can get me for christmas, Chapters 7 and 8 posted on your website) The atmosphere of what I hope heaven is like was captured really well and the "Mom, Dad your here" moment was amazing

[The Third Dukes]

The stage was set. This week was going to be all about Molly, about what was going on, why she was hurting, and what Andy and the rest of the Angels would do about it. Then two things happened on-screen that warranted mentioning as well.

The first is actually the start of a bizarre fixation of mine: could I make the next Chyna out of a not-as-impressive group of wrestlers such as the WWE Divas are? Part of it was after I named Molly in the Elimination Chamber, which was originally supposed to be a way for her to be "punished". Then, it hit me: this could be the start of making a star out of her. This is what I tried. The first baby step really occurs here in a long road that would lead her to the same spot Chyna had. No, not as HHH's girlfriend. Not like that. Pervs.

The second happened completely by accident. EWR every once in a while threw me a monkey wrench that I had to work around. John Cena's decreasing morale (I could never keep him happy) actually allowed me to continue a story I would have pop up here and there -- Jessie making Cena's life into chaos. A-Train actually refused a gimmick change, and I got so ticked off I fired him before remembering I had set the wheels in motion for said gimmick change -- but that's later.

This time, the monkey wrench was one that was great for the universe, but presented a potential pitfall for me as a writer. Eddie Guerrero was cutting what I had planned to be Just Another Survivor Series promo. It wasn't -- Eddie scored a 100 on the promo out of nowhere and became Unique. Booyah. But that meant I had to write a promo worthy of being remembered as one of the greatest of all time.

I drew upon a throwaway conversation Andy as Undertaker had had with Chavo Guerrero. Don't remember it? Go read it. I'll wait.

Back?

Okay, so I drew upon that conversation. At WrestleMania X-7, which I own, JR and Heyman spend a huge amount of time discussing the legend of Gory Guerrero. I cannot imagine the pressure of being expected to follow in a legend's footsteps -- I mean, consider all the crap we gave David Flair for being a horrible worker, despite the fact that we knew he was untrained. That could have easily been Eddie in Mexico. But there was so much more to it. Now, I only knew the half of Eddie's story -- "Cheating Death, Stealing Life" wasn't made for another year -- but his life intrigued me, and it was a Hollywood story waiting to happen.

(While I'm thinking of it, for some reason in my mind Eddie Guerrero morphed into Inigo Montoya backstage. This idea that he had a destiny that night -- I began to hear Mandy Patinkin's voice as I visualized Eddie and Nora interacting backstage. I'm tellin' ya, this story did some weird stuff to me. It was like a drug, only safe.)

Reaction? Readers said I hit the mark, and that after a promo like that, the WWE would have no choice but to push Eddie. I felt so, too -- the Eddie/Angle solo showdown was immediately pencilled in as the WM20 main event in my diary, and everything built to that.

Back to Molly for a second: HHH got incredible heel heat from the Readers for his treatment of her here. Certainly it wasn't the first time a wrestler took liberties, and the reason seemed to be part of HHH's ego. I didn't make it as clear as I hoped, but the whole thing was tied in to what was bugging Molly. HHH was acting under the orders of another -- but many Readers took him to task for it. (Okay, I know, I know: everyone involved here knows these are fictional characters and stuff.) I actually used that feeling, contrasting it with Christian's response under the same circumstances later in the story, to try to make this clear.

*****

Chapter 42

Breakthroughs

Monday, November 3, 2003, 02:33 PM

Cleveland, OH

I slowly walked to Shawn's car. I dragged my bags behind me and my belt over my shoulder. Normally, I'd be doing to this because I'd be worried about keeping up appearances. Today, though, I wasn't sure my heart was in it.

I slumped past various wrestlers, most of whom gave me a warm hello and a smile. I half-heartedly returned them. Why am I working? Why am I here? Don't these people know I've suffered hardship? Doesn't God know I'm in no mental condition for this? Why would He do this to me?

I saw the trunk open and tossed my bags in. I held onto the belt and walked around to the passenger side. As I went to get into the back seat, I heard a voice call me. "Nora! There you are!"

I turned around. William Regal was headed for me, dressed impeccably as always and with a grin on his face. I waved and did my half-smile. The sight of him triggered something in the back of my mind -- a fear. I knew my instinct was right. William was bad news.

"Listen, Nora," he said in his usual charming voice. "This whole thing you're getting involved in... well, the boys up top have big plans for you if you keep up the good work. And since I'm your strongest advocate, I expect you to work doubly hard to impress me. This Chamber can make or break your career. You know what to do."

"Sure," I said, even though I wasn't certain yet. "Are you going to give me a note now?"

"Oh, no... no," he said. "I want to watch the show first, of course. Why make plans that can't be followed through? No, the note will be in its usual place. I meant to say, though, last week you were wonderful. So no need for a critique... just the usual others."

"Right," I said quietly.

"Is something wrong, sunshine?"

"Oh, I... I got bad news from home last night, that's all."

"Do you wish to talk about it?"

"Not right now. You wouldn't... understand."

"Oh. Very well then. I hope things get better by later on in the week. I shall see you soon."

He placed his arm on my shoulder. I just smiled and returned the favor, although I began to feel dirtier from just having touched him. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I already know Molly hates this guy, but can't or won't say why. But something about that hug... the worst feeling... maybe I'm just out of sorts.

I got in. Eric Bischoff was sitting beside me. "Hey there, babe. Everything doing well?" He gave me a Cheshire cat grin as he spoke. I slapped him out of instinct.

"Don't talk to me like that! You know I don't want to hear that sort of thing. You're a creep! You... you..." I became flustered. I grabbed my glasses from my pocket and put them on. "You." Seeing Lindsay there didn't make me feel better.

"What? What's wrong?"

"What do you think? I don't wanna be here. I don't wanna have to do this. I don't understand why it is that this week I've been given a job I can't refuse. I just want to go into Recovery and stay there for the week. Just... just let the whole thing... go."

I started to cry again. Eric leaned over and put his arm around me. I felt two sensations -- the slimy phoniness of a Bischoff gesture, and the warm understanding of Lindsay's embrace.

"Andy," I heard, "I feel the same way."

I slowly looked up, pulling the glasses off as I did. "You do?"

"Yes. It hurt me as much as it hurt you. It's not fun. It's... it sucks. But you know what? We have a mission. We gotta stick to that. Our goal is Vince -- don't forget it."

"How can I... we..." I felt a mental block.

"What? How what?"

"We can't even save our own."

I buried myself in Eric's shirt and continued to sob uncontrollably. Everything I had kept to myself around Gail that morning, and everything I had pretended didn't exist with the girls at lunch, and everything I didn't want William to know, was all pouring out of me. We were alone, and I was free to let it show.

"Andy... we tried... that's all that is asked of us. You did your best... you couldn't help her. She made a decision. I'm... I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you back me up? Any of you?"

"It would not have done any good. She never listened to us, Andy."

Suddenly, my despair was coupled with rage and justice. "Why aren't you upset? Why doesn't this bother you?"

I stared into Eric's gray eyes. The fatherly gleam was gone, replaced with a sort of regret, like that of a parent who lost an argument with a child. I could feel Lindsay's true emotions coming through the icy exterior. Whatever she refused to feel couldn't be held back.

"It does. It bothers me more than anything. It's not even the shock or the imagery anymore... it's the feeling that... it's another person I knew, that I couldn't do anything about. I guess after a while... you... when it happens often enough, the numbness sets in. I know the first time I saw it I was a wreck. But now... eight years later... you just get...

No, no. You never get used to it. You never get used to the feeling in the pit of your gut saying you failed. You never, ever get used to hearing the final anguished scream as they get digested in the belly of a Hellspawn. You can't get used to staring into the face of Evil at work. It doesn't happen. But after a while, you can play the part. You can play the part."

I could barely see Eric anymore through the water in my eyes. "What part? Why were you so matter-of-fact about it?"

"Because you weren't. You aren't. You need a shoulder to cry on. You need someone to give you comfort. I need to be that person. I need to be your strength. If not me, who?"

I leaned into his chest and clung on, much like Kathleen had done to me in Recovery before. "Thank you."

Lindsay began to rock me back and forth like a baby in his mother's arms. "Just get it all out. Life goes on."

Shawn climbed into the front seat and closed the driver's door. He looked into the back to see us consoling each other, both with tears in our eyes. "Man, you're that upset about going back to work?"

Slowly, Lindsay began to tell him the whole story. Shawn pulled over to the side of the road before we reached the Gund Arena. We all hugged each other and cried together before going on our way.

*****

05:49 PM

"All right, people... sorry I'm late. The meetings were a little cantankerous in there." Eric entered and posted the booking sheet on the Diva wall. As he turned to leave, Lita let out a shriek. She was unprepared for Eric's entrance.

"I'm terribly sorry, Amy."

"KNOCK NEXT TIME, YOU IDIOT!"

As Trish and Gail began to calm Lita down, I walked up to the wall. Stacy was with me as we looked over the sheet. The two of us being alone gave her opportunity to talk.

"So, what's with the notes?"

"Hm?"

"William. I saw him drop in here and put a note with your stuff a couple weeks ago. What's the big deal?"

What do I say? I don't know. But wait... I bet Molly's stock answer will come out. "Oh, that? He's just teaching me how men wrestle with women. You know, so I don't look out of place?"

"Then why the secrecy?"

"Stacy... think about what I just said. A guy meeting with a woman during the week to discuss how the different genders wrestle together... doesn't that sound the slightest bit like an excuse Andrew would make with you?"

She giggled. "Yeah, you're right. Ooh, we get an opening salvo against the RTC this week! How exciting!"

"You're going to be on RNN?"

"No... but we respond to something on RNN. See?"

I double-checked. Sure enough, Steven was going to attack Trish on RNN, and 3 Live Kru would be her knights in shining armor. "You know, I was wondering... why would the RTC attack women? I thought they'd be against that."

"I don't know... they certainly haven't said why. Maybe they'll give a reason tonight. Sure caught us off-guard last week when they were told to attack Trish and Lita." She shrugged. "Probably something about a woman's place."

I rolled my eyes. "Can't Gerwitz do any better than that?"

She shook her head as we laughed. After she left, I looked at the sheet a second time. I was in the overrun. I was going to take part in the main event. Me. Molly. A woman. In the main event of RAW. And fighting for the World Title. The first woman wrestler to do so. And that's about 10th or 20th on my list of problems right now.

*****

10:39 PM

The previous six-man was coming to a conclusion. Maven, Rob Conway, and Chris Benoit were squaring off against Kane and La Resistance. It had been announced earlier in the night that the four midcard tag teams would go four-on-four in a table match at Survivor Series. Yeah, the Dudley Boyz in a table match. I'm shocked, really.

"One minute, Molly." Kevin Dunn and Shane McMahon were calling the shots backstage. In the ring, Kane had just put the Tombstone to Maven and gotten the pin. As the music hit, Kane stood up and picked Maven up a second time. Conway tried to cut it off, but Dupree and Grenier handled him well. Benoit flew in and was disposed of by Kane. Maven was then tossed into the guardrail from the ring.

"Now?"

"Not yet..."

La Resistance returned to the ring and waved their flag. Kane grabbed both of them from behind by the necks.

"Remember, you're a surprise to him."

"Right."

Chris Benoit dove in and clipped Kane, then tried for a Sharpshooter. Dupree, showing appreciation that only a Frenchman could, broke it up before Conway recovered enough to chase everyone to the back. Benoit was tossed into the corner by Kane, who stood and yelled at the Champion.

"Now!"

I ran as fast as I could down the aisle as the action remained focused on the ring. A cheer went up from those who noticed, but most of the arena was caught up in Kane ready to dismantle Benoit. I darted up the stairs and climbed to the top rope, right over Benoit. Kane stared at Benoit, then quickly looked up before looking back down. If you weren't looking for it, you'd never see it. But I was -- it was my cue.

I arched back to get maximum momentum, then sprung forward. My legs flipped over my head as I headed toward Kane. I landed legs and backside first on him and expected him to fall back. Instead, he caught me, leaving me swinging upside down for a few seconds. I tried to pull myself up while my shirt fell down over my face -- great, THERE'S the next big photo on WWE.com. As I looked back, I saw Benoit crouching against the ring, looking up at Kane, then back at me.

I tried a second time to pull myself up, but this one was just to get momentum. I felt the rush of someone moving quickly behind (which, in this case, was underneath) me. I quickly uncoiled and pulled my legs over my head again as Glen did a full flip forward. When we both crashed, he was on his back, and I was in the UFC position, pounding away at him. To the audience, it looked like Benoit chop blocked Kane, allowing Molly to do a rana.

Kane tossed me forward as I rolled out and onto my feet. He stood straight up and cornered me. I began to shriek and plead my case as Kane stared at me, mayhem in his eyes. I still had one spot to go and no way to get there, thanks to Glen catching me. I lunged out and kicked him, but we were too close and my kick was lower than I anticipated. Fortunately, for once that was a benefit.

As Kane doubled over, I backed my way up to the top rope and dove again. This time, the Molly Go Round connected all the way through. I dove off and slid out of the ring as Kane sat up and shook it off. Benoit waited for me, and we ran off together. However, I tripped on the way back, and Kane came stalking after me.

As I crawled backwards up the stage, Evolution -- who was scheduled to be in the 3-on-2 main event -- came out and looked at Kane. HHH stole JR's microphone and spoke. "That's right, Kane... she's an opponent... do what comes naturally to her!"

Kane stopped and stared at HHH. He yelled loudly, "That's what you'd want!" before stepping past me and continuing to backstage. He was done with me. I wasn't done with the show.

HHH grabbed me off the ground by the hair and dragged me to the ring caveman-style. I scooted on my feet and hands in an attempt to keep from having it hurt. Orton and Batista followed, as HHH tossed me casually into the ring. He got in and yelled.

"So, Molly... you wanna play with the big boys, huh?... You wanna prove you can be a champion?... Face a real champion, then! Tonight... you'll be In This Very Ring... you see... we've decided to give our opponents a break... and even the sides."

I did my best half-dazed, half-confused, all-scared look at HHH. I crawled aside and begged off as the three of them surrounded me in the corner. Just as it seemed hopeless, Booker T and Goldust charged in and started attacking from behind. I kicked Orton low and crawled through his legs to get away, trying to get him to tire himself out chasing me. Goldust sent HHH out of the ring, while Booker T and Batista fell over the top, leaving us alone. Orton caught me.

A shot between the shoulder blades kept me down, as I yelled in pain and put my hand to my back. Orton picked me up and set me on the top rope, flinging me with a hiptoss halfway across the ring. He covered, but I shot my arm up at two. Orton dragged me to his corner, where Batista tagged in.

For the next minute, I was flung all around the ring and ringside area. I got press-slammed over the top onto a diving Goldust. I got thrown backfirst into the turnbuckles. I got slammed on the mats and the ramp. I even was sent over the top rope back into the ring from the outside. Batista smiled as I lay in pain. HHH demanded a tag.

HHH went for a Pedigree, but I was dead weight. He tried a second time, and this time I rolled him up for two. This made him even angrier, and I could tell. He backed me into the corner and slammed his fist into my face hard. The tape caused a bruise to my cheekbone. Any other environment where a man hits a woman with 10,000 witnesses, he's arrested.

I fell down in the corner, propped up by the bottom rope. HHH placed his boot in my throat and began to lean down. I flailed around and gasped for air. Oh, crap, he's being stiff in here! Why? He picked me up and slammed me down with one arm, driving his shoulder into my chest. At two, Booker broke it up and slapped HHH a few times. I heard him say, "What's wrong witchoo?"

As the ref escorted Booker away, Orton came in from behind with a waistlock suplex to keep me down. HHH then dropped his leg on my head -- not the shoulders, the head. My ears rang as he turned me over. He yelled, "Stay down, bitch," which earned him the coveted asshole chant. He picked me up, but I was in no condition to get thrown around. When he whipped me into the ropes -- adding a little extra at the end -- I slid out of the ring and stumbled to the ground. Batista, unaware of what was going on (I hope), tossed me back in. Thanks.

HHH charged me as I slowly rose, and flew recklessly with his knee aimed at my face. I ducked a little, but still my forehead crashed into him, knocking me down and for a loop. I wasn't out, just unaware. He covered, and through sheer instinct, I put a foot on the rope. HHH smiled as he picked me up and said, "DM." He then tossed me by the hair -- before I could react -- over to his corner. I rolled over and looked up. One or two of my hairs were stuck in his tape as he tagged in Orton.

Orton assessed the situation and applied an armbar as I lay down. "Nora," he whispered, "what happened?"

"He... he hurt me," I muttered.

"Dammit! I was afraid of that. Don't worry, I'll get you out." I slowly wormed over to the ropes as he pulled me up. He sent me in, then ducked his head. Out of desperation, I punted it, then threw my full body weight into his chest, knocking us both down. I began to crawl slowly as Orton crawled after me. He grabbed my boot, but I kicked him away. With one final lunge, I got to Goldust.

I rolled out of the ring and could only hear the crowd going crazy for every punch that floored Evolution. I remained motionless, face up, as I saw Booker T run into the ring as well. I imagined all five men were in the ring, and when the flashbulbs popped all around, I guessed Booker was doing a Spinaroonie.

I heard booing and kept still. That would be Eric doing a run-in. Eric climbed onto the apron in front of me and punched Earl Hebner. Okay. Now HHH is going for the sledgehammer. Now Orton is holding Booker for the shot. Now HHH is swinging. The crowd cheered. Now he's missing and hitting Orton. And now Shane is heading to the ring... time for me to return to consciousness.

As I slowly pulled myself up, I saw my timing was a little off. Shane hadn't arrived yet, but was on his way. Booker and HHH sent each other out of the ring and brawled on the outside. Shane dove in and hit a Skytwister Press on Orton, then knocked Bischoff one for good measure. Bischoff chased after Shane as the referee came to.

I slowly, laboriously, crawled across the ring. I barely made it over to Orton. With Molly's last ounce of strength, my arm fell on top of him. The referee crawled over as the crowd chanted along: 1! 2! 3!

The greatest feeling was hearing Lilian Garcia shout, "Here are your winners, the team of Goldust, Booker T, and Molly Holly!" As I lay motionless, waiting for Booker and Goldust to help me up, a single thought crossed my mind:

I need cooler music.

*****

11:13 PM

After being helped to the back, I walked slowly to the ladies' locker room. As I did, I passed Stephanie and Eric chewing HHH out for stiffing me out there. I rounded the corner and ran face-to-stomach into Big Show. I looked up -- way up, since he was a good two feet taller than Molly -- and took a deep breath.

"Hey," he said, his voice sounding reassuring. "Congratulations."

I muttered a thank you and walked aside. Big Show understood and held the door open for me, yelling, "We got a walking wounded here!" As I stumbled into the locker room, Trish and Lita grabbed me and helped me sit down.

"Are you all right, Nora?"

"Yeah, you look awful! Is that a black eye?"

"You look like you got mugged!"

"What's wrong?"

I simply smiled. "I need new music."

As everyone laughed, I grabbed a towel from my stuff. As I did, a note appeared. I read it.

"Nora Tue/Wed 0000 yours DM -- PS talk 2GK"

Talk to... Gail Kim? Why? I tried to put it out of my mind as I got undressed for a long, hot shower. "Nora?"

I turned and faced Stacy. "Something wrong?"

"You usually don't shower with us. You're too modest for that."

I smiled. "After tonight... I'm too sore to wait. Just... yeah."

"You want me to leave?"

"Nah. I can deal with it."

And surprisingly, I could.

*****

02:35 AM

Buffalo, NY

Eric, Shawn, Gail and I pulled into the hotel at Buffalo in Shawn's car. Gail and I talked about the match the whole time on the way up. Eric and Shawn joined in with their perspective. Eric kept saying, "What Hunter did... that wasn't right. Shawn, you gotta talk to him."

"I did," he replied eventually. "Thing is, he said he was told to do that."

"Wha? I never told him... I guess Vince wanted to make him an asshole. Wish he'd been more careful."

*****

08:44 AM

Buffalo, NY

After a brief night's sleep, Gail and I woke up the next day. I was so sore I could barely move. Gail came over to my bed and checked on me.

"You gonna be all right, hon?"

"I think so... just very sore from last night."

She laughed. "Hunter was a mean old man, wasn't he? Here, lemme help." Gail turned me over and began to gave me a backrub. As she worked me over, my pain began to go away. She's good. Scary good.

"Gail," I said as I felt her soft hands maneuver on my back. "Did Darren tell you anything last night?"

"Oh, yeah... he said you wanted a critique of the match. He gave it to me, so I could have you read it."

"A critique?" That sounds phony. "Did you read it?"

"Nah. It's none of my business. Let me find it." She got up and walked off, leaving me with a pitiful attempt to roll back onto my back. Why did Hunter do that? Who told him? I looked up at the mirror. At least the black eye is gone. Guess it wasn't as bad as I thought.

"Here you are," said Gail. "Oh, by the way, I'm gonna be in late again tonight, so don't wait for me."

"How late?" If she says after midnight...

"Around 3 or so. Don't worry about it."

Great. I opened the note. I wished I hadn't.

"Nora--

What Mr Helmsley did was what will happen to you in the Chamber unless you do the right thing. The last two weeks Lance has been there, but not this time. I have control of your well-being, and no one can help you. You had best be on your top form.

--Darren"

"So," Gail said, "is Lance coming over to take you out again?"

"No... he couldn't make the trip this week."

"Too bad... you two would make a nice couple."

"Gail," I said shocked. "He's married."

"Oh... that's right. I can never keep it straight anymore. Of course, not much about me is kept straight," she chuckled. Something in the chuckle seemed weird. But Molly didn't know what it meant.

Or did she?

"Could you leave me alone, Gail? I need time to get up."

"Oh, sure... I'll be back in a half hour or so... you know, just go have breakfast."

She stopped fiddling with the tea set and stepped out. I lay back and tried to zone out.

*****

"Molly? Are you here?"

I walked into the dark room as before. I looked for a sleeping Molly, but saw nothing. Suddenly, her shadow appeared against the back wall. It stood up and turned either its face or it back to me -- it was impossible to tell.

"Who are you?"

"You're... Molly?"

"Yeah. What's left of her."

"I'm here to help. You're having a dream... do you need help?"

"Thanks... but I want to handle this."

"What is Darren doing?"

"No... nothing... it's my fault. I'm sorry."

"Nora, just tell me."

"Don't call me that! I'm Molly!" There was a pause. "I'm sorry... I'm just... he..."

"What is it?"

"I don't wanna say. But Gail's in on it."

"She is?"

"Yeah... she lets it happen. I don't know why. I don't. But she's always my roommate, and she always leaves, and he always... I've said too much. You don't need to know. I'm sorry. Whatever it is, he's not at fault. I bring it on myself."

"That can't be true."

"I said I bring it on myself! Case closed!"

I started to back off.

"Could you leave the door open please? I need... the light."

*****

My eyes opened wide as I snapped out of it. This told me nothing I didn't already know. Regal was a bad person, I knew. He did something, I knew. He did it while he and Molly were alone, I knew. Its nature, I could only guess at or think I knew. But I knew someone who might know.

Gail returned. "You feeling better, hon?"

"I don't know," I said. "Gail?"

"Yeah?"

"Where do you go all the time? Could you... stay in? Just this once?"

"Oh, no, I can't. See, I have friends I wanna see. I just wanna go out and have a good time. I... I don't think there's anything wrong with that, is there?"

"I guess not, but... I feel like I don't know you." In many ways. "I mean, can I go with you just once?"

"Maybe next week, okay? This time... it's just not right. By the way, what does Darren do here?"

"Don't you know?"

"Well, I can guess what you two do."

"Look... tomorrow morning, I'll let you know, and you tell me where you go all those nights. Deal?"

"Deal."

We shook hands and hugged. I was one step closer to solving this mystery.

*****

Tuesday, November 4, 2003, 06:17 PM

Buffalo, NY

As I wandered backstage, I saw Eddie Guerrero pacing back and forth, seemingly oblivious to his surroundings. I almost felt he could be a kindred spirit, if only I could get away with talking to him. Of course, I couldn't. People must not know.

Maybe if I ran into Owen or Greg, things would be better. Ugh. I have so much on my plate right now. As if being Molly and feeling like I'm going to be hurt tonight when the clock strikes twelve isn't bad enough for one week, it coincides with Kathleen's... her... annihilation.

She's gone. She'll never come back. Not in Heaven, not in Hell, never. It's like she never existed. And she doesn't exist because I couldn't talk her out of it. I couldn't convince her Tommy was bad. Heck, I'm not sure I believed he was bad. But we didn't know, and we were supposed to be cautious. So instead, I watched her freeze up, and melt down, and be...

But... but was it me? I was following orders. I was told to get away. I was told to save myself. But that's... selfish. I... why was I told this? Did they know she would do this? Did they not care? Aren't we supposed to help each other? Couldn't she have been saved?

Wait... could she? I tried to talk to her, and she just shoved me aside and blamed me and them for everything. She hated being an Angel... and Tommy provided her with the possibility of being something new. I don't think it's what she had in mind, but she chose to turn her back on us.

She turned her back on us, yeah, but not on God, did she? Did she ever think of God? Did she believe there was a God? I never asked. I don't know. All I know is, she thought more about herself than her purpose. She thought her fate was her own.

But we all do! We all think of ourselves from time to time. She just chose the wrong time.

No, think harder, Andy. She said it herself: "If this is Heaven, I'd rather be in Hell." She got her wish. So why do I feel so bad? Because in getting her wish, she became lost. She blinked out. Gone. She got tricked by the Devil's Army. And I saw through it -- we all did -- and we let it happen.

Lindsay... she's upset too. She tried. She hated it. But she knew that it had to be. In the end, it's her decision. Kathleen freely chose to throw us and everything we stood for aside in exchange for the promise of earthly pleasures. It's not just here: it happened with Shannon and with Stephanie. I am exonerated.

But I'm not feeling any better.

"Se-Nora-ita... heh heh." It was Eddie, chuckling at his own butchering of the Spanish language. "Que pasa, mami? What brings you to the opposition, eh?"

"Oh, it's you," I chuckled. "We're here to see the tapings. Eric and Shawn brought us along because they wanted to see what they were up against. They're very impressed with the way everyone got elevated here."

"Well, it helps when there's no ego or injury, you know... poor Jericho, man," he sighed. "Anyway, you gotta see me tonight, man. We got Hogan and RVD in a match -- Chavito and me do -- and then after the match, they have me doing this promo basically talking to Chavo. I'm so nervous, man... it's about Angle... the title. We're the stars of the big match! Not Rhyno or Hogan! I'm so... odelay!"

"Wow, yeah, that's wonderful, but... Eddie... what are you going to do with it?"

"I don't know. I need an angle. I need a story. I need... it's not just the title. That's old hat. That's been done. I need something more. Something bigger. Bigger than the title. Bigger than both of us. Bigger than..."

"...all of Mexico?"

"Nah, that's too big." Then his eyes lit up. "That's IT! Gracias, muchas MUCHAS gracias, Senorita!" He planted a huge kiss on my cheek and gave me a noogie like I was Chavo instead of Molly.

"Hey, hey! Easy!"

"Oh, sorry, mamacita. I'm just... you're a genius! I must prepare! Tonight... will be MY NIGHT!"

*****

07:45 PM

As Velocity was being taped, I waited in the back with Eric and Paul. Paul seemed subdued as Ultimo and Tajiri looked on. Tajiri shrugged, seeming to indicate he didn't know what was going on. Eric motioned for them to leave, and they walked away for a while.

"Paul," Eric said, trying to be both himself and herself at the same time, "I guess... you heard."

"I did." He shook his head and removed his ballcap, running his hand over the thinning hair on his head. "It's awful. It's brutal. I can't even imagine what it's like. I don't want to. What went wrong?"

"She just... got fooled." I was scared to say the rest of what was on my mind. "She was with someone she knew. How were any of us to know that he was with a Demon? Though it explains his behavior... damn. He killed her twice."

Paul shook his head. "So young. So innocent. So naive. Didn't you people warn her that something like this could happen?"

"Hey, hey," Lindsay replied. "Ask Owen or Greg."

"Yeah," I added. "According to Owen, he told her about it. Where are they?"

"Owen is off working right now. He got Tazz. Greg I haven't seen... I mean, he called in, but he was Super Nova, so he's stuck working with Cornette right now."

"Cornette's on our side?"

"Not like that, no. I mean... Greg's off the case this week, I guess. And... quite frankly, I don't think Owen's gonna last either. He's been miserable all day today and yesterday. He couldn't keep it together when he talked about it."

"Paul, you know he won't last," Lindsay interjected. "He never does in early November."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, at least he has a reason now."

"He's that bad about Hell that he can't complete the next week?" I mean, I'm shaken up by it, and I can see that, but... it doesn't make sense.

"No, it's not that. It's... oh, crap, SmackDown! is starting. I'd better get going."

*****

09:24 PM

It had been a wild night. Already, Billy Kidman had enlisted the APA as his backup for Survivor Series. Matt Hardy and Nick Dinsmore had performed in what looked like it would be a show-stealer given the right time, but Brock had interrupted it and destroyed Dinsmore again with three F5s. On top of that, Hogan and RVD just beat the Guerreros in a shockingly good match. But now was the moment.

Eddie had asked that everyone gather around. He said he felt he had "it". Something had clicked, and he wanted everyone to know about it. The SmackDown! locker room gathered in the back, with the exception of those who were needed for the match. We all watched as Eddie approached and got the set-up line -- "Uncle Eddie, c'mon... it'll all be all right when we win at Survivor Series, right?" -- from Chavo.

"NO! It's not about Survivor Series anymore! It's about who I am! You see, what happened out there -- that was an embarrassment. A 50-year-old man, a relic, a link to the past just put me down and pinned me! That's not who I am! Don't you see, Chavito -- we're more than wrestlers now!

I went back to Juarez, to Tijuana, to Distrito Federal... everywhere we go, they say the same thing! 'Oh, Eddie, you beat the Undertaker in a cage -- when do you get your shot?' That's what they care about -- my SHOT! They want me to be Champion! And dammit, Chavo, I want to be champion too! But then this garbage happens -- this -- egofest by two of Vince's women, and now I have to sit on the sidelines and know that even if I beat Kurt Angle, it will mean NOTHING!

Don't you get it Chavito, mi sobrino, it is our time! This is more than just about my shot. I'm not even me anymore! Forget Sable, forget Stephanie, forget Kurt Angle and think! Think back... back to our days in Lucha. When your father, my brothers, my father -- we ruled the roost, Chavito. And when that happened, I decided it was time to go to Japan, and bring the legacy of mi familia to a new land!

And you know what they did? They spit on it! They put me in a mask, and they made me the Black Tiger! I am not a mask. I am a MAN! I am a GUERRERO! So I came back and went to America. I've been everywhere, Chavito. I've been through hell and back in a way you can't even appreciate! I got you your job in WCW, and from there you went to here. You didn't have to wrestle in front of 300 people in a day care center in order to prove to yourself and to some fatcat suit you could last!

Well, now I know I can last! Vince McMahon knows I can last! EVERYONE knows I can last, so what happens? I am told that SmackDown! is going to decide its GM by having both sides draft teams. And I am conscripted to be with Sable. You think I care about Sable? At all? You think she means a thing to me? It was just a way to keep their top challenger, me, Eduardo Guerrero, from having a shot!

But know this, mi sobrino, it's not just about winning the WWE Title. That relic who beat -- he's never seen a Latino hold the highest honor! No one from Mexico has ever been WWE champion! Our time is past due! And I am the right man at the right time!

So when Kurt Angle runs out of challengers I will be here to tell him, bring it on! And I will tell him so all of Mexico can hear me, and they can rise as one and shout VIVA GUERRERO! And then, the last and the best of the sons of the god of Mexican wrestling Gory Guerrero shall claim the place his father so richly deserved -- the undisputed greatest in the world! El tiempo -- esta -- ahora! The time... is now."

On the screen, Eddie stood and waited for a response. Chavo merely stood with his eyes and mouth open, contemplating Eddie's words, his history, and his destiny. Tazz and Cole were silent on commentary as the image faded to a commercial. In the back, we all let it sink in. No one spoke for over five minutes. We were all too blown away.

Eventually, Eddie returned to the back. As he did, Hogan came up to him. The room was silent. Here was the locker room leader confronting a man who called him a relic, the past, and an embarrassment. He looked Eddie down, then smiled. He shook his hand.

"Brother," he said, "take it from ol' Hollywood. That was worthy of an Oscar."

We all laughed and applauded. Eddie had made his mark on the wrestling world.

[oldskool]

It's all good, I wasn't looking forward to sleeping this time through either...except now there's no coffee smilie to use, so I'm kinda just stuck here awkwardly.

Ladies and gentlemen, you have just become witnesses to the oft-referenced "Viva Guerrero" speech.

[RavenBlack]

Viva Guerrero. If only that would've happened in real life...JBL's joke reign wouldn't have happened at all.

[The Third Dukes]

From that...

...to this.

Long-time Readers know what's coming next. For those who don't know, let me wash myself in a disclaimer. I have received permission from LaFunk to repost this section. I was more than willing to edit it to make it less problematic. However, having gotten permission, I present it unedited. Those with weak wills should skip the parts in gray. Seriously. This time I mean it. Okay?

I'll present this section, then talk about the fallout afterward.

*****

Chapter 43

Her Pain

Tuesday, November 4, 2003, 11:47 PM

Buffalo, NY

We finally got back to the hotel room. Gail began to set her stuff down and look for a suitable dress to wear for the night out. I was exhausted. I hopped into the shower to clear my mind.

Thirteen minutes, I thought as I turned the water on and got in. In just thirteen minutes I'll learn the meaning of that note. Tue/Wed 0000. I assume we're meeting here. If not, he'll find me. DM will find me.

Why did he need to have HHH rough me up? Why did he need to have a message sent? Why will he make sure Molly is hurt in the Chamber? What's the point?

And what does Randy Orton know? He said he was "afraid of" Hunter hurting me. Was it just because he saw what happened, or did he have some knowledge? It's too late to ask him. He didn't come along for the ride anyway.

I heard a knock on the bathroom door which startled me out of my train of thought. I peered out from behind the curtain. "Yeah?"

"I'm going out now, Nora. I'll be back in a few hours!" It was only Gail.

"Okay, have fun!"

I went back to scrubbing off. As I did, I felt uneasy. Molly's body was sending me messages of trouble. Her sixth sense was making me dread what I expected. As I turned the water off and began to dry up, I felt strange. For whatever reason, it seemed I was dirtier than before the shower.

There was a knock at the door. I wrapped the towel around me and peered through the eyehole. William was on the other side, waiting. He knocked a second time.

"Gimme a minute," I called.

"What's wrong?"

"I just got out of the shower."

"Oh, that's all right. You can let me in."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm quite sure."

I slowly opened the door. Whatever these notes mean, I'm about to find out. It's just a few minutes after midnight. William's about to enter the room. As Eddie would say, "El tiempo esta ahora." The time is now.

William walked into the room. He came over to me immediately and waited for the door to close. As soon as it did, I felt him force a kiss on me. I played along, thinking that maybe I could avoid trouble. Then I felt his hand run up my leg.

"Wait," I said, pushing away. "Slow down. I'm not ready for this."

"Nora, it's not your call and you know that." William's eyes, normally a strong gray color, turned bright blue. Too bright. "You know what I'm here for, and you know what I can do if you refuse."

"William, look... I..."

"Nora, listen to me. Do I have to remind you why you're here?"

"This is my room!"

"Don't play ignorant with me, you little wench! You are in this organization because I let you in! You know that Mr. McMahon wants nothing to do with normal-looking women, and your full-sized caboose would be the first out the door if he had his way!"

I started to walk backwards, slowly. Something in William was different. He was expressing an emotion I never knew he had. He certainly wasn't the gentleman I remember.

"Darren, please," I begged. "Get out. I said no. That's enough."

"Oh, no... no it isn't. You see, your hero Lance isn't here to help you anymore. He's still in Cleveland, wondering where you are. I'm one step ahead of you, Nora. You will give me what I want."

"But I... I... please." I began to look around for something, anything, that would make things better. As I did, William lunged for me. I stepped aside as he fell onto the bed. I tried to lock myself in the bathroom, but I couldn't shut the door before William was up. I was pressing against it with all my might as he tried to open it.

"Listen to me! You know this is inevitable. You know what will happen if I am denied. Your career is at stake here. There's no way a woman can make the kind of money to earn a living in the minor leagues. I can ruin you!"

"No! Don't do this! You have no right! I can stop you!"

"You? Stop me? Never! You haven't before, and you won't start now!"

I frantically searched for an item to prop against the door, but couldn't find any. My only hope was to use his momentum against him. I felt a rhythmic thumping against the door, much like the demons on Halloween. I timed it, then flung the door open at the last second. William tumbled in, running straight into the vanity as he did so. I dodged him and made a dash for the door, but his hand grabbed my foot. As I kicked away, he grabbed my towel and tore it away.

I dove for cover behind the bed, as far away from him as possible. He stormed out, then paused. He reached over to the tea set and pulled out a packet from the sugar container. "Almost forgot this -- wouldn't want any evidence."

"Get away, you monster!" I yelled. I found Gail's alarm clock by the side of the bed and hurled it at him. I came up woefully short, as the clock bounced at his feet.

"We mustn't have any destruction of personal property now. Your temper will get you in trouble." He approached me as I cowered in the corner of the room, trying to put as much distance as I could between us. Tears of fear began to run down my face as he leaned over me. "Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. It's your choice."

I couldn't respond. The tears came too quickly. I just wished I could say I was dreaming. I thought back to the dream of being chased by a creature. I knew now what creature it was that was chasing me.

"Fine... but it will be done," he said, grabbing my wrist and pulling me upright. As he spoke next, his other hand roughly grabbed me between my legs. "We had a deal when you arrived. I gave you a job, and you gave me this," he said, squeezing with his downstairs hand as he spoke to emphasize the point. "It's time to pay. Now, do the right thing."

He forced his lips upon mine as I tried to wiggle out of his grips. He changed one hand from my wrist to the top of my head as he began to shove me downward. I fell to my knees in front of him as he reached into his pocket. "I'll take care of up here. You get me ready down there," he ordered.

He put the packet he had taken from the sugar in my hand. I examined it. It was too small and square to be for sugar, and why would he give me that? I saw a circular bulge from the inside. I looked at him as he removed his shirt. I knew what was in the package.

"What are you waiting for? Get to work!" I was too scared to do anything else. I had to think of something. His hands had taken his shirt off and moved to my chest, grabbing me and pulling at me in a way that gave him pleasure and me pain. I undid his pants and slid them down with his underwear. I never felt more disgusted in my life to be a man.

"Put it on, wench!" I stared up at him as he smiled gleefully. I fumbled with the packet, too scared to keep my nerves together. Finally it opened. I took the latex and started to put it on him, making sure it was a good fit. After doing so, I started to try to get up. His hand pressed me to the ground. "You're not done."

I stared at his waist and the condom covering him. I knew what he meant when he said I wasn't done. I never understood why any woman would do this, and right now isn't the time to find out. Wait... I think I have a plan. I grabbed him and pulled him to my mouth. "Well," he said, "put it in." So I did. I bit him.

William yelled and jumped backwards, grabbing himself as he did so. I dashed for the towel, trying to get it on me so I could leave the room. Before I could get to the door, though, I felt him grab my hair. He dragged me and hurled me onto the bed, much as HHH tossed me into the ring before. He turned me onto my back and pinned my arms to the bed.

"That was stupid, Nora, very stupid," he growled. "I would've at least given you a chance to enjoy this. Now you're going to give me only what I want. Do you understand? I can hurt you. I can ruin you. Play smart."

He pulled me off the bed and forced me onto my knees again. I took a hold of him and stuck him in my mouth as before. "If you bite me, you will be sacked. I guarantee it," he said in a low, threatening voice. I simply did what he wanted, sliding my lips along the condom as his hands grabbed at my head and shoulders. After about a minute, he pulled me back.

"That's better," he sneered. "But I'm not done. Lie down." I did as he said, lying prone on the bed. He climbed over the top of me as I shook with fright. I tried to scream, but he anticipated it and covered my mouth, staring at me.

"No one can help you now. Gail is out for the night. These walls have no ears. And even if they did, no one can get through that door without a key. You will be mine."

He grabbed me behind my back and held me close to his chest, nearly squeezing the air out of my lungs. His right hand slid down my back and around to my inseam, then inside me. He began to open me up as he guided himself inside.

With each movement, my pain increased. With each breath he took, my urge to scream became louder. I could only cry as he held me next to him, flattening my body and shaking it with his movements, making me feel a fiery pain as he jammed himself deeper. My vision began to blur, then drain as if someone were decolorizing it.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, everything stopped. He set me down on my back as I felt him slide out of me. He smiled and kissed me on the lips. I was too numb and shocked to do anything. The tears almost stopped.

"I knew you'd do the right thing," he said. Slowly he turned around and got dressed again. I noticed him keep the condom on for the time being as he adjusted his underwear and pants to hide evidence of his crime. He sat down on the bed and placed another mocking kiss on my forehead as he slid his shoes and socks on.

"Thank you, my dear. You were so gracious. It was a wonderful time." He stood up and smiled at me as I continued to shake and stare at the ceiling. I heard the door close. I was alone again.

I stared up at the ceiling as I lay prone on the bed. Kathleen was a distant memory now. I had my own reason to cry.

*****

I found myself slowly walking in the room. I kept the door open so that I could see where things were. I sat down in the corner and waited for her to notice me. I saw her shadow seated against the wall.

"So," she said, "he got you too."

"How do you know?"

"We know. You don't think we don't get told when our time off is coming up?"

"So you know who I am?"

"I know what you are."

I tried to fight back tears. "I'm sorry. I tried. I... I couldn't."

"I know. I try too. It's not easy. He's... he's too strong for me. I let him do it."

"I don't believe you had a choice."

"I always have a choice. I said no. He said it didn't count. I made my decision to let him do it, then."

"But you said no, and that's enough. He's stepped over the line, right?"

"You tell me. Couldn't you have done something?"

"I did what I could. I did everything I could. I know how proud you are of your... your purity. I tried to stop him. But I gave in. I let it happen."

I saw her stand up. "Not anymore," she said. "I've been a coward too long. I can't let this continue." She slowly slumped back down again. "But what... can I do? He's so much bigger."

"I know... I know he is," I said. "But others will believe you. The police see this all the time."

"Why do you think he wears a condom? It's so he doesn't leave a trace. There's no indication that anything happened. It's your word against his, and who do you think people believe?"

I paused. I stared down at the ground, then back at her shadow. "Where are you? I only see your image."

The shadow's arm spread out in my direction. "That's all I am now. I've lost everything to him. I don't know if I'll ever recover. I'm... I'm worthless. Molly's worthless. This whole thing is worthless. I wanna be free of this -- so that I won't feel pain again."

Her arm retracted and seemed to cover her face. "Nora," I whispered, "are you saying you want to die?"

Her head shook. "I wish I could."

"But what would that solve? It won't do you any good."

"I know," she sobbed. "suicide is a great evil. I'm not supposed to kill anyone, myself either. I'm alive -- but I wish I could just die."

"Nora, please... this won't last. He can't do this forever. Sooner or later he's gonna get caught. He has to. No one can break the law and get away with it."

"Thanks," she whispered. "But he can. He has a position inside the company. I'm just a nobody. He's friends with the boss's son-in-law. I'm an outcast, and a prude, too. He's a guy. I'm just another body. I'm not even good enough to be in the photo shoots -- why would he want me around?"

"But you're the Women's Champion. You're in the main event. Why would he give you these things if you were worthless?"

"Because... because William tells the RAW guys to do it. Everything I get in that ring is based upon how I treat him. If I let him fuck me, I get rewarded. If I refuse, I'm made to look bad." She seemed to think of something, and spoke with more urgency. "What did you do?"

"I... at first I ran, and I tried to stop him. I even... bit him. But after that, he told me he could ruin me, and I just... played along."

"Oh... okay... that's ok. I was afraid you'd get me fired. I just want to stay here."

"Nora, it's not worth it."

"I'm not worth it." She turned away from me. "You see that belt I carry? That's all I am. That's my identity. I'm a sack of flesh with the Women's Title attached to it. If he takes that away... I'm just his fucktoy. I don't mean anything."

"You can't possibly think that... you can't."

"Gail does. Why do you think she deserts me? She's in on it. She has to be. They have to be working together. I can't believe she..."

*****

03:14 AM

"Nora? Nora?"

I was shaken to by a jostle on my shoulder. I looked around. I still couldn't make out any colors. I turned my head. Gail had returned with a concerned look on her face.

"Are you all right? What happened?"

I tried to hold back the tears. I couldn't tell her the truth. She'd never believe me. She would think I'm trying to smear Darren. Nora's right. Right now, I am just a sack of flesh.

"It's... it's my fault, Gail. I let him."

"Let who? What?"

"I've said too much."

"No. Nora, listen to me. Are you hurt? Your boobs are red. Did someone hurt you?"

I just stared at her. If you'd asked me if I even had a body, I could've only known by seeing it spread out, stripped, and left behind. I could barely feel it.

"Fuck!" She yelled. "Shit! That son of a bitch! God damn him... I should've known. Come on, girl. Get dressed. I'm taking you to see a doctor right now."

"Wait..." I mumbled. "Not tonight."

"All right." She walked to the foot of the bed and looked at me. "Man, that looks bad. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Why did you hide this?"

I slowly rolled over to my side and sat up. "Why do you think?"

"Did he do this to you?"

"Who?"

"Never mind. You're in no condition to talk. Get some rest." She leaned over and hugged me. I shoved her aside.

"Back off. Not now." Why am I doing this? She cares! "I'm sorry. I'm just... please..."

"No, I understand. I know more than you think. Shit. That motherfucker. No wonder you're usually so modest."

"What do you know?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow. I'm sorry." Gail turned and walked to the door, then stopped. "Do you want to sleep alone tonight?"

"No," I muttered. I don't know if I ever will again.

"All right," she said. She walked to the other bed. I touched her wrist to stop her.

"Gail," I whispered. "Just tonight... you wanna share a bed? I'd feel much better if I knew where you were."

She smiled and shook her head. "No," she said. "That's not smart. You don't want me near you. Go on, get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

I stood up. "I need to shower." I felt like I had a flu. I slowly, gingerly, walked to the towel. My legs hurt as I took each step, as pain signals shot through me from my crotch. I bent over and picked the towel up from where Darren had flung it. I walked slowly into the bathroom and turned the water on. I let the shower flow as I crawled into the bathtub. I lay down in there, letting the water hit my body, as I cried myself to sleep.

*****

Wednesday, November 5, 2003, 09:35 AM

Buffalo, NY

I was awakened by a nudge on my shoulder. I looked up. Gail was staring at me, her face a mask of fear and concern, her arms trembling. As I looked at her, she breathed a sigh of relief.

I looked around. I was still in the bathtub. The water had stopped running -- doubtless because Gail turned it off. The plug wasn't down, so there was no puddle for me to rest in. I must have passed out here last night.

"Nora... oh, thank God... you're alive." Gail knelt down and hugged me.

"Yeah, of course I am... what did you think?"

"Well, you didn't come back last night from here, and I woke up and I heard the water running for hours on end, and you were just lying there and..." she began to hyperventilate.

"Gail, I'd never do that. I'm not worth the razor blade or the pills." I smiled as I spoke, but Gail was more put off by the statement itself. "Never mind. Help me out."

She grabbed my arm and pulled me up and out. I stepped out of the tub and took the towel from her, wrapping it around me. She hugged me again. "I'm glad you're safe."

"Thanks."

"Nora, I'm sorry. I did this to you."

"How?"

"You might want to sit down. Come on."

We walked back to the twin beds and sat facing each other. Gail paused to gather her senses. I flopped backward onto the bed. Just walking had hurt me all over. The combination of my bruises from Darren and the stiffness of the bathtub left me a physical wreck.

"Nora?"

"I'm listening. Go ahead."

"Well... see, Darren tells me when he's going to be coming by. And that's why I'm never around when he shows up. I'm sorry. I feel like I betrayed you."

I sat up as she said this. I slowly turned to her. I knew she was weighted down by something, but I didn't know what. Her jet black hair was the only thing I saw as her face was buried in her hands. I began to feel angry.

"Gail... how could you? Why would you let this happen?"

"I didn't know! You gotta believe me! I thought you two were... well, that you..."

"Oh, please, Gail... how could you think so little of me? You know I take pride in who I am... was... dammit." As soon as it arrived, my anger vanished. I didn't have the strength to hold any emotion for more than five seconds. "It's okay. You're right. I wouldn't know. But why... where do you go?"

"Out," she said. "I visit the bars. I find people. And depending on what happens, I don't come back till the next morning."

"Gail, are you saying... wow. They really paired opposites, didn't they?"

"How?"

"Well... I believe in staying out of bed and you bel... no, that's not fair of me. I'm sorry. I'm being so stupid right now." I buried my face in my hands to avoid looking at her. Why am I treating her like shit? She supports me.

"Nora, please, don't be so hard on yourself. It's okay. You're right. We are opposites. At least, kinda. Well, what I'm saying is, Darren knows something about me."

I looked at her. "So he's... what? I don't understand." Andy, this is obvious. You should know this.

"Nora, I'm in the same boat you are. As long as I do what he says, I'm safe. But if I refuse, he can ruin me."

"Ruin you? You're already pretty low on the totem pole. How much more do you have to lose? It's not like you have a title or a job."

"I have my dignity."

Now I was totally confused. Dignity? Who cares if she sleeps around? No one bothers Rena about it, and it's not like the guys care. Heck, knowing the fucking pigs around here, she'd probably get a push for being the company screw. "Gail... the guys here would probably think more of you if you told people you slept around. Heck, some might even volunteer. I'm sure someone like Kev or Eric would be happy to..." Good God, what am I saying? Are these even my words anymore? "...dammit, I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on. I'm being such a bitch right now. Dammit."

"Nora, no! Don't be hard on yourself!" Gail came over as I threw myself back on the bed. She leaned over, her gray eyes -- or at least, right now they seemed gray much like everything else -- staring into mine with an expression of a kind of kinship. "Look, it's not your fault. And you know what? I don't care who he tells or what he makes me do. I'm going to make sure this doesn't happen again."

I looked up, squinting to indicate confusion. "Tells what? Makes you... huh? Is he doing this to you too?"

"This? No! He's not! What he's... it's nothing compared to what you're going through. And that's why I don't care what it takes. Hell, I might as well tell you."

"Tell me what? What's the big deal? Gail, come on! I don't like this! I'm no mood for guessing games!"

"All right, all right. You'd better get comfortable. This is gonna be a little tough for me to say." I adjusted my position on the pillow so that I was ready to listen.

"Nora, I'm... I'm a homosexual. I like other women. There, I said it. I might as well get it out right now. I haven't told anyone else in the WWE this. Apart from you, there's only one person who knows. Darren.

He saw me out on the town with someone I found back when I first got promoted, right after Badd Blood. He followed me to her place. The next day, he could quote for me where I'd been and that I'd shared a kiss with her in public. He said he'd tell Vince unless I followed his instructions.

He said that he would make sure I was paired with you on the road, and that once a week, when he said, I needed to be out of the room. It didn't matter where, and it didn't matter what I did, but he wanted time with you. He said the two of you were old friends back in OVW, and you were just taking time to talk. I thought you were dating, I swear!"

I didn't respond for over five minutes. I tried to think of what she said, but I couldn't focus. My mind jumped from being disgusted by her lifestyle, to being angered at her complicity, to being sympathetic at her shame, to being enraged by the very face of Darren, to being ashamed I let Nora down, to being sick of myself. At one point, I even felt like I should've been destroyed and not Kathleen. God, help me.

"Nora? What is it? Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, I did... I just... Gail, what's the big deal? I don't mind. I'm not scared of you or disgusted by you. I mean, if more guys act like he did, I might join you."

She laughed. "No, it's not that easy. Do you realize what would happen if Vince knew I was a lesbian? Do you have any idea what he'd make me do?"

I blinked. "Leave?"

"No! Worse! Nora, I'm not ashamed of my choice. I am what I am. But I would be ashamed of what Vince would think I was. I don't want to be his idea of a... dammit, you remember the whole HLA thing, don't you?"

I rolled my eyes. "How could I for..." How could I not see it earlier? "Ohhh. And you think he'd make you do that in public?"

"I know he would. And you know he would. The man is a perverted little freak. He's a shameless bastard. I'm working here because it's the best place I can, but... if I'm supposed to be some dyke-whore..." -- she spat the word out as if it were poison -- "It would be awful."

"But... can't you quit?"

"Nora... can't you?"

My heart sank. He has both of us behind the 8-ball. If Nora blows the whistle, she'll be forced into losing match after match, eventually stuck doing Heat and walking out the door with no credibility. If Gail doesn't comply, she'll become a charicature, some sex kitten for the rest of the Divas. She'll go from the next big thing to another big bag of hormones. "Gail... I'm sorry. What can we do?"

"Nora, give me a week and I promise I will think of something. I promise that. Next week, when he shows up, he won't have anything on either of us. And I'll be damned if he lays another bone on you, you got that?"

"But... what about you? You'll be..."

"Fuck what happens to me. Nora, this is more important. I don't care anymore. I... You know what? Being reduced to a certain archetype on TV... if that's the worst I got to worry about, then what the hell is wrong with me? We're talking about your life here, girl! Now, look. Get dressed. I'm gonna take you to the medic's place."

"Thanks..." I rolled up to a seated position, then became aware that I was only wearing a towel. Gail was looking at me to make sure I was capable of getting through the day, smiling and dabbing a tear from her eye. I suddenly became very self-conscious. The magnitude of Gail's coming out sank in on me -- on Nora. Fortunately, it also occurred to Gail.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I... I just realized... um, do you want me to turn around or wait in the bathroom?"

I shook my head. "It's nothing you haven't already seen." I paused as I walked over to the dresser, flipping the towel off behind me. "Gail? Am I pretty? I know I'm not anywhere near as good as the other girls, but..."

Gail put her finger to her lips, quieting me. She walked over and looked me straight in the eye, not even noticing my body. "Nora... you're a beautiful person. Don't you ever forget that. And don't ever let anyone tell you you're not. You got that? Now, c'mon. Get ready."

*****

10:22 AM

We finally made our way to the lobby as Shawn and Eric were headed to the car. Shawn saw us and got our attention. "There you are, ladies. What's up? Everything okay?"

I looked at Gail, then at Shawn, then back at Gail. "Let me tell him... them. In private."

"Um, I'm not sure you should. I'd like to..."

"Not about you. About..."

"Oh, sure. Okay, go ahead." We hugged as I moved away and over to them.

"Guys -- we need to talk. Alone." Shawn and Eric looked at each other, then turned around and headed to a door. Shawn produced a card and slid it in the door. The conference room opened as Eric and Shawn let me in.

I went to sit down at the far end of the table, slowly walking to my seat as if facing an interrogation. As I sat down, I heard a gasp, followed by some whispers between the two. What are they speculating? They probably think I did something wrong. They'd be right... I let her down. I know I did. I could've stopped him and I let him do it. I've failed. I'm gonna be sent elsewhere. I might as well say goodbye.

"Andy?" I looked up. Eric was sitting next to me, wearing the glasses. "Andy, what happened? Are you all right?" I shook my head. "It's Darren, isn't it? What did he do? What's the answer?" I didn't respond. "Look, tell me!" I began to cry. "I'm gonna kill him. You hear me, Andy? I'm gonna take him out -- that bastard doesn't deserve to live!"

"Lindsay, please!" Shawn snapped her to attention. "Calm down! I know you're upset. I don't blame you. Whatever it is, it was pretty big. I saw the same thing you did. Just let him tell us, and whether he tells us or not, you gotta be calm. He's in no mood for this."

What the hell is he talking about? He's treating me like a 2-year-old! I'm not 2, I'm 23. I can handle this. I know I can. Can't I? Can I? I've done a lousy job of handling it so far. Why should this be different? Shit, I should just ask out.

"Andy, look at me. Please." I looked up at Shawn. "Everything's going to be okay. I don't know what it is, and you don't have to tell me. But whatever happens, just know I'll be here, and Lindsay will be here. We'll help you. Owen and Greg too, I'm sure. Andy, you can count on us. We're with you all the way." He produced the Recovery lamp. "You need this?"

"Wait," Lindsay interrupted. "Not here."

"Oh, right... you wanna go back outside, then?"

I shook my head. All the will to fight was gone. I just wanted some time to let the world pass me by. My mind was gone. I was facing people who trusted me -- my friends -- and I felt more ashamed than I did with Gail, because these were MY friends, and they knew ME.

"What do we do, Shawn? Do we just let him sit there and mope?"

"Well... if he wants to talk, if he's ready... he'll act. It's all we can do. We're off the clock. We can wait."

"I know we can, but... how long? I mean, does he expect us to sit here all day?"

"That's not important. Lindsay, I would do the same thing for you, and you know it."

"Whatever this is... no, it's never been this bad. I can't even see a form. If we leave him there, he's just going to be a shadow all day. We gotta make him do something."

"No... we can't make him do anything. Look, I don't know what it is and I don't care. It's not important. What's important is that he is in control of his life. Right now, he... I don't know. I'm worried that if we leave him be, he'll hurt Nora."

"I know that! I know he's capable of it! That's why we need to act now! We can't just let him be himself now. He can't live -- we gotta make him live."

I just heard the words as they went back and forth. The voices seemed to grow louder and more personal. I can't believe Lindsay and Shawn! They're acting like my parents! I'm a fully capable adult, not some kid on his first day of kindergarten! I can live! How dare they... "BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!"

They turned to face me. I continued. "You have no idea what happened! You can't tell me how to behave or what to do! You can't make me do anything I don't want! I'm not letting it happen! Not again! That son of a bitch... he took what I had. He made me feel like SHIT! I'm not letting you treat me like shit! You're not gonna... you won't..." I broke down in tears. "You can't... let him... me... it's my fault..."

I sat back down and slumped over on the table, unable to look up. "I failed." I kept repeating those two words over and over. I felt a hand on my shoulder, a masculine hand. Instinctively, I slapped it away. "Don't touch me--" but it was Eric and not Darren. "I'm sorry."

"Oh my God... Andy... what did he do?"

I tried to regain my stability. They're going to judge me on this. I know it. I'm going to be a failure for not stopping it. "I let him do it. I couldn't stop him. I just went along. He... he was hurting me. He said I was stupid for fighting him... so I... I just let him... I did this... to her. To me."

"He beat you?" Eric's jaw dropped as I looked at him. I slowly shook my head and went back to sobbing. "Then what is it? If he didn't beat you, what did he do?"

Shawn's voice seemed to be coming from an ether. "Lindsay... let him tell." I slowly looked up. Eric's face, although in black-and-white, seemed to glow with concern and compassion. She wants to help. I can't trust her. I gotta tell her. I'll be telling him. Them. I... "Shawn, could you leave for a second? Please?"

He walked to the door. I waited until he was gone, then looked back. Eric had sat down and was watching for the door to close. When it did, he reached out to embrace me. I shoved him away. "Don't. Don't do that."

"Why?"

"It's just-- I can't-- it's not you. I'm-- I'm sorry."

"Andy, c'mon, just spit it out. What did he do?"

I looked up with tears in my eyes. "What did he do?" Eric nodded. "Me."

Eric's face went from confusion to realization to shock to rage. "I'm sorry, Andy. I had no idea he was doing that. I had no clue he was gonna... What do I do?"

"First off... don't tell Shawn. It's not his business. He'd just think I needed a transfer. He wouldn't want anything to do with me."

"Andy, you know that he--"

"Please!"

She waited for a few seconds. "All right. I'll keep it safe. Who knows?"

"Gail. That's all. Well... and Darren. But Gail saw me zoned out -- I was talking to Nora -- I didn't even move after... oh God... I let him keep doing it."

"Andy, no! Stop thinking that! Look... you need to rest. You need to get out. Tell Shawn to let you out... he knows you need it. Andy, I'm so sorry. If there's anything I can do..." Eric's eyes welled up. "Should Eric know this?"

I shook my head. "She'd be fired if she told. And Gail's... don't ask her about it. Don't let her know you know. She's in trouble too."

"I'm... not sure I understand, but... that's not important right now. You need to get help. She needs help too. Are you going to do anything about this?"

"Yeah... Gail's gonna... gonna take her to see a doctor. I feel so ashamed. I had a chance to fix things and I... I let her down!"

"Andy, please. Just believe me when I say it's not your fault. You're just fine. C'mon, smile for me." I kept my head buried. He tried to lift my chin up, but again I slapped his hand away.

"I'm sorry... I just keep seeing him in you. Your hands... the skin reminds me... it's just now I hope. Just let me do this on my own."

Eric nodded. He stepped aside. I slowly walked to the door. As I reached it, I turned around. Eric was trying not to cry.

I exited the room and saw Shawn standing outside. He and Gail had been talking the whole time. They both saw me and smiled. "You ready now?" Gail asked.

"I think so."

"You sure? Your face is red. You don't wanna lie down?"

"No... I think I just need a breather. Shawn, do you have those oxygen cannisters?"

*****

Whew.

I felt almost sick, and I felt it wasn't smart to let that chapter stand on its own, lest somebody think I actually enjoyed writing it. So when I posted it, I included these words from the author:

And now, an essay from the author:

This was the chapter I kept saying I felt I had to do. One of my friends in college had suffered an abduction and rape over the Christmas holidays. The thought that anyone would be so evil as to do this still scares me.

Before I learned of this incident, I remember trying to date a different girl. She came down with the flu the day of the date and slept through her phone ringing and her dorm door knocking. After an hour, I gave up and went back. Her roommate, who was there the whole time, called my RA and reported me as a stalker.

I didn't understand at the time why I was being picked on like this. And yes, I thought I was being picked on. I avoided contact with her for most of the rest of the year, only able to explain what happened near the end of the semester. She laughed and said her roommate was being overprotective. I shrugged it off as a lesson learned and went on, but I still wondered why it was I was seen as dangerous. Was it just because I was male?

After that Christmas, I learned why.

Most of the people on this board are male. Maybe all of you who read this are male. I'm sure most of you are younger than I am now (23), and some of you are going to be dating soon. Whether male or female, each of you needs to take special precautions when in certain situations so that you can protect her or yourself.

Men: for her sake, listen to her. When she says no, the answer is no. In fact, if you really want to leave no doubt, don't even ask. Simply wait for her to control the pace. There is no shame in virginity for men. You do not need to have sex to enter the real world. Do not rush it, and certainly, do not force it.

Women: be suspicious of people who seem too pushy. Don't be afraid to stand up for your rights. Defend yourself as best you can for as long as you can. However, the advice given to people who are carjacked applies here: it's not worth your life.

And to everyone, from my friend, I pass along this: get help. See a doctor. Call the cops immediately. Rape is a horrible crime, and is more than a private matter. If someone you know has been a victim, support them as best you can. Make them feel comfortable. Deal with them if they're moody, depressed, paranoid, or anything else.

The behaviors Andy and Gail discuss are actually not the right way to handle things. If you know/see someone who has just been raped, tell them to call the police first and immediately. Do not get dressed, or bathe, or anything else. Odds are their attacker isn't as careful/clever as Darren, and their bodies are physical evidence the police can use.

People who have been raped generally feel shocked, numb, or guilty. They feel, as both Nora and Andy felt, that they "let" it happen. This is the most important thing you can re-inforce in a victim: THEY DID NOT LET IT HAPPEN. Let me stress that. THEY ARE NOT AT FAULT. When a man assaults a woman, the blame is on him.

If this has happened to anyone you know, then you have my ultimate sympathy. Guys and girls, both, be careful. Sex is not a game. The best thing you can do is wait. No means no. And above all, it's his fault, not hers. Hopefully together, we can prevent something like this from happening.

Okay, if I deserve a warning, I'll take it. But I don't apologize for how I wrote. If common sense and platitudes won't stop some of you from forcing your lust on a person, maybe seeing it from their point of view will.

Thank you.

[The Third Dukes]

So let's just move on, shall we?

Actually, no, we shouldn't move on. That's just it. If I had moved on, I'd be doing a huge disservice to this so-called cause I just said I was trumpeting. The act is bad. I knew that. I knew everyone knew that. But I couldn't just throw it out there, and this was one storyline I was not slamming on the brakes of at any cost.

How do you behave after this, anyway? How do you behave when the very thing you were called upon to do, you feel inadequate to do? I won't pretend I know first-hand -- only second-hand, and even then, I can tell there's a universe of difference.

But one thing I can delve into the mind of is a character I created. To that end, I spent tons of time in my room, thinking only about how I'd react if this happened to me, trying to simulate what Andy would be going through alone in Recovery. I researched many Crisis Help Center web sites, trying to determine what the common psychological effects were. Is Andy's reaction too typical? I don't think it can be, considering his status as quasi-alive. And yet, maybe it is.

I tried. That's all I can say.

So the first part of this is a gigantic internal monologue -- about 8 or 9 pages in Microsoft Word. It's all about making sense of what I had just put my narrator through. Did I regret it? I thought I would, but I didn't. It actually added a dimension that I could use to make him more in tune, more aware. I didn't want it to overshadow him, but at the same time, it had to be a part of him forever.

The chapter is dated November 9, 2003 -- six years to the day after the Montreal Stand-off. To this day, I think the controversy over it is rather... well, silly. It's wrestling -- and in this case, it IS fake. But you had Bret and Vince, two people who forgot about that aspect and let it overcome their reality. Only by stepping back does it seem rather stupid -- which, I think, is Owen's point in the whole thing.

And if his thoughts on it seem one-sided against Bret -- well, the side against Vince has been said more eloquently than I ever could by Meltzer. Someone needs to speak for the defense.

Anyway, this is all about reaction to a traumatic feeling of betrayal -- and not just the betrayal of Montreal, which is in reality a minor point. Andy feels betrayed by everyone, including himself. And now he needs to reason his way back to sanity. Conniption praised this particular section in his review for its depth and breadth of scope -- he called it

...one of the most sensitive and compassionate examinations of the trauma caused by sexual assault that I've ever come across, in any media. While some readers got tired of Andy's 'whining' at this point in the story, to me it was a harrowing but believable depiction of someone skirting the edges of a nervous breakdown, pushed by that one incident into complex and contradictory ruminations on every aspect of his existence. Whether you thought it worked or not, it was undeniably brave stuff.

[Nick Adams]

I loved this the first time I read it. Personally, I think that Molly's struggle worked better for me without the explanation, because I went and read right after that through the rest of the situation. I can't wait until you get to being...wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Still, as I read this in PDF format, it helped a lot better than your explanation on this board. I pretty much figured this: "He had better give a damn good segment after this, or I am so bitching him out." What you wound up doing was a better explanation than what you wrote for that. Of course, the explanation works better on the boards.

So, here's to how you resolve this. I thought it worked quite well.

[chrishardcore]

Dukes without a doubt this is one of the most brilliant pieces of literature i have ever read, and i have read much. I just want to say that the rape storyline I expected and I will admit it disturbed me a lot more than the Hell that andy sees. I believe though that it needed to be that shocking and you handled it in the most humane way you could. Someone is always going to have a problem with that sort of a story. I am looking forward to seeing how else this moves on. The progression of this has been fascinating and Andy is constantly growing as a character. Thank you for another moving and exciting read. I definatly am looking forward to the Eddie push and the antics of the Dudley Boyz.

[The Third Dukes]

You would think being the Dudley Boyz in their classic/stale WWE persona would give you a kick in the pants. But not Andy. No, Andy still has scars.

So this won't be as fun as you hoped, I'm sure.

Anyway, since I have some downtime in my present-day thing -- okay, I have writer's block -- I figured I'd come back to this.

Now, several times already in this re-post, I have combined multiple posts -- which I semi-humorously referred to as "Chapters" -- into one true novelistic Chapter under a theme. I do that here, too, but the reason I'm mentioning it is because I want to highlight a certain tactic I use in the second half of this chapter (which was its own post). It's entirely dialogue.

I got this idea after watching a few episodes of old television. The idea of Shawn as psychiatrist seemed interesting, particularly since he was the only person who could play the role realistically (within the rules of the universe). Of course, Shawn would have his own history to overcome -- we all know of his political background -- and as such, couldn't be the completely detached doctor that most shrinks are. I hope that came through.

But why do this at all? Couldn't the dialogue have been accentuated by Andy's thoughts, by stage directions, or by the Lindsay walking in or out? Well, I felt it didn't need to be. I felt that in this case, the words spoke for themselves. Add in the occasional pause (you'll notice that sometimes entire dialogue consists of ellipses) and I felt I had conveyed everything. I could hear my two characters in my mind as I read it. I hope you can too.

But that's the second half. The first half is every bit as important, as it delves further into Andy's scarred psyche. Some of the characteristics of a sexual victim shine through -- particularly the guilt (perhaps the quietest important line is Andy's fear of losing Shawn's favor). Of note is also the anger Andy shows to Greg -- the enigma I never really developed. I'm kinda curious as to what people think of him as we go along. Andy's distrust -- compounded by the double whammy he's suffered these past two weeks -- would be Yet Another Subplot, thus proving that sometimes a thousand-page (I'm not kidding) storyline can be too much for its own good.

A central theme of this week is Andy's inability to gain comfort. In fact, that comes up for most of this Part. I'm not saying I blame him, but his character really took a 180 here. He went from ambitious learner to complete basket case, and it took a long time for him to want to return to being a help. But for now, he's stuck thinking that no one trusts him, no one understands him, and no one likes him because of what he did.

Not good times, basically.

*****

Chapter 45

Heal Thyself

Monday, November 10, 2003, 10:55 AM

Boston, MA

I returned to the room from breakfast in time to see D-Von finally getting around to getting up. I smiled. "Long night?"

"Don't remind me," he grumbled. "I was up all night thinking about a friend."

"That's nice to hear you thought of me."

"Yeah, I... what?" That got his attention. He bolted upright, staring at me. "I wasn't thinking of you... it was this... um... wait, I..."

I grinned an evil grin, then pointed to the table. He saw all four pairs of glasses lying next to each other. "What the--?" He tried on first his white pair, then a blue pair. He smiled. "Andy... you're back! You're ok! Oh, thank God!"

He leapt out of bed and hugged me heartily. "We're together," I said. "But I gotta admit... I'm gonna need your help. I need you now more than ever... ok?"

"Of course. What else are we for? I'm not gonna toss you aside."

"I... I hope not... I mean..."

D-Von handed me the blue glasses, then went back to get the red. I put them on and saw Lindsay sit down and put the other glasses on. She was clearly concerned. "Andy, can you trust me?"

I found myself stunned. It wasn't that she doubted my loyalty. All of a sudden, I found I did. I couldn't answer. That hurt more than even saying no.

"Andy?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't know who I can trust. I've given this a lot of thought. I've done nothing but think. And the... the whole time I thought, this is easy, Darren's the enemy, avoid him, and so on. But... but when it comes down to it... I can't feel comfortable around anyone. I'm sorry... it's not you."

Lindsay was stunned. "Wait... what are you saying?"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, but... I'm not sure I can be useful right now."

"Sure you can."

"How do you know?"

"You're here. God believes in you. I believe in you. Andy, if there was any way I could take away this scourge from you I would. But all I can do is show my love and support for you... and that's just the way it's gonna be. But don't worry -- you'll get everything I can give you."

I looked carefully into her eyes as they hid behind the glasses. "You mean it?"

"I've never been more serious to you."

I walked over and sat down next to her. For the first time since Darren touched me, I felt the need for contact. I placed my arm around her as she cuddled into my shoulder. "Thanks, Lindsay. I don't know why, but... hearing you say that... means so much... I just hope I can get through the week... the assignment... the rest of my life."

"Hey," she said. "I'll always be here... in spirit, anyway." She winked and laughed. I hugged her before my glasses fell off. As I pulled back, my eyes went wide and I jumped away. "Ew! Back off!"

Lindsay -- who now looked like D-Von again -- fell over laughing as I tried to brush the germs of contact off of me. To her, this was funny. I was legitimately freaked out. After last week, I hope I never have to be intimate with a guy again. That was just too much.

"I'm sorry, man..." D-Von said through gasps of breath. "I'm so... you look funny... oh, man..."

"This isn't funny!" I called to him. "This isn't! I... I'm not ready for that. I don't know. When it's you... you're so non-threatening. I'm okay with it. But a guy... I... I don't know, but..."

She sat up. "What is it?"

"...something about a man's touch. It's all in my mind, though. When I'm looking at you, it's okay. When I... I can't explain. I'm sorry."

"I think I can. You're flashing back, aren't you?"

"No! It's not that! I clearly saw D-Von, not Dar... but... maybe. I don't know. This is all a new experience for me."

"It would be for me, too. I'm glad I'm not going through what you are. But we're in this together. All of us. Owen knows, and Greg's gonna know. Shawn knows. Paul knows. We're all on your side. Together, we'll figure out a way to make this work. I know it."

"How? We're split. It's gonna have to be you and me. And I'm dead weight."

"No, you're not! You're the biggest help. You know his method. You can do this! Now come on! We got a life to live!"

Oh, yeah, Lindsay. Testify! Wait, that's her line...

*****

06:29 PM

Shawn was in a bad mood. He didn't talk to us the entire time we were headed over to the arena. He unpacked his gear in silence and was curt and terse with most of the stagehands. Lindsay and I decided to put everything on hold until we figured out what was wrong with our boss.

"Hey, Shawn..." I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and scowled at us, but soon after his face returned to its normal expression.

"Sorry, guys. You wanna talk?"

"The question is, do you?"

Shawn nodded and led us to a door. He slid his card in, and the three of us entered the conference room.

"What's wrong, man," asked Lindsay. "You look like you got some bad news."

"Well, not exactly. You see, Greg's in a bit of a bind."

"Why's that?"

"He's Brian Kendrick... but Brian's being seen as a bit of a troublesome individual."

I stared at Shawn. "Who, Spanky?" I blurted out. "But why?"

"Because he attended the memorial show."

"Really? That's all?"

"I guess. I mean, I wish I'd been there... for Jeff... but it's too late now. It's a shame, too. The guy had a great match, apparently, with Danielson. I know I taught those guys well. But that's not it..."

"What is, then? Are you worried Greg will do something stupid?"

"Yeah, I guess. Already the guy's..."

"I know he is," Lindsay interrupted, using a firmer voice than I or ever Shawn expected. "He's not being responsible for someone who's been around as long as he has. You know, sometimes I wonder about the guy and why he's..."

"Oh, sure, now you're worried," I interrupted, scarcely believing the words as they left my mouth. "But when Kathleen was under his care everything was hunky-dory. I wonder if he even explained to her not to talk to anyone. The guy probably OK'd that last conversation! Now look where we are. We're a man down, and guess who's responsible!"

"Andy, stop!" Shawn cut me off before I said something I would really regret. "Look, I don't know what the hell happened with Kathleen, but it's not important right now. She's gone. End of story. What's important is that the two of you get back on the mission! I came in here to tell you what bothered me... now is something bothering you?"

I was taken aback. Somehow, he had hit the nail on the head. The way he phrased it... he means more than what I was saying. He knows... somehow he knows. "I'm sorry, guys. I... I don't know what use I'll be. Maybe I should... no, I'm not gonna quit. I'm gonna stick this out. I'm here for a reason... but... I wish I hadn't."

Shawn began to pause. "Lindsay? Would you step outside for a few seconds?"

Lindsay walked to the door. As her -- well, D-Von's -- black hand reached for the knob, I sat down next to Shawn. I heard the door click shut. I could only imagine what she was thinking.

"Andy... I think you need help."

"Why? What did I do?"

"No, no, no... not that kind of help. You need counselling. It'll help you, it really will. Whatever happened... and I know it was big... I want you to talk to me about it. I'll set some time up later in the week. I think you need it."

"Shawn... what good would it do? It happened. You're not going to stop it from happening again."

"Don't talk like that, Andy. My purpose in this isn't to keep it from happening -- it's to keep it from running your life. We have to focus on our mission. God has us here because of Vince. If God thought you were no longer an asset, He'd send you somewhere else. As it is, He believes in you. You know that."

Yeah, so I've heard. "But... you won't like me if I tell."

"Andy, that should be the least of your concerns. Look, out there I've got a ton of things to worry about. Lita's called in sick. Nora's a nervous wreck. Spike's been told this is his last night. And Benoit and Booker want to show they're deserving champions and not just placeholders. Nothing's going well. And that's just professionally. Personally, I'm being asked to help Paul prepare for his first PPV match. I gotta make an honest evaluation of my own nephew to see if he's ready for the big time. Kendrick's... well, not so much this week, but in the past he's been wanting me to stump for him. But ya know what? When I'm in here, I am nothing. My concerns, my crosses, my everyday foibles... they're meaningless. I'm concerned with what God told me to do. And you're the biggest part of that right now."

"Stop blowing smoke, Shawn."

"Hey, I don't do that any more! Not for this, and not now! You got a problem, and I'm extending help. Do you want it?"

I thought for a long time. Of course I want help. These guys are going out of their way to help me. But what do I do? It doesn't matter if I tell him my problems -- he'll just share them. "Shawn... you gotta promise me something. Anything I tell you about backstage stays here. If you're gonna be my counsellor, I expect confidentiality. Is that okay?"

"Does that mean Lindsay doesn't know?"

I thought again. "No... she can know. But anything we talk about in here stays here. Got it?"

Shawn cracked a wide grin. "Andy... that's been the rule all along."

"Thanks. You've been more of a help than you can imagine."

"I'm just doing my job."

*****

10:24 PM

It had been a wild RAW already. An intergender Survivor Series match had been signed featuring the Right To Censor, Gail Kim, and Jazz against 3 Live Kru, Lita, and Trish Stratus. To make matters more interesting, Stacy Keibler had (again) been kidnapped by the RTC, who (again) offered her as ransom, this time at the Survivor Series. The rules were simple: a 3LK win meant the RTC would stop trying to convert her, while a RTC win meant that Stacy would submit to their rules.

Meanwhile, Booker T and Chris Benoit were preparing for their match with Christian and the Big Show in which, while no titles were on the line, there sure was a ton of momentum at stake. In addition, we were present in the back, waiting for the conclusion of a table match with Rodney Mack and Maven -- ah, the simple days of logical booking are back again. Who is the pod person and what have they done with the real Brian Gerwitz?

As we waited backstage for our cue, Shawn started up a conversation. "So anyway, Paul London called me and was all excited that he's making his Pay-Per-View debut at Survivor Series."

"Is he? Really, with whom?"

"He's going against the tag champs -- Tajiri and Dragon."

"Presumably, he has a partner, right?"

"No, D-Von, he's going alone... of course he has a partner. They're gonna see how he works with Nova."

"Really, awesome. I knew the guy had potential. I was wondering what took em so long to figure it out."

"Who knows... it's the WWE. They make things up as they go along half the time. Oh, ready guys, the match is almost over."

On the monitor, we saw Rodney Mack get set on a table as Maven went up. Chris Nowinski distracted the ref while Theodore Long shook the ropes, crotching Maven. They don't need to distract the ref! Just interfere! Ugh -- we're surrounded by amateurs! Rodney rolled off the table and climbed to the second rope. One back superplex through a table later, and the match was over -- with a second table propped up in the opposite corner.

"Now?"

"No, Rob first!"

As we spoke, Rob Conway entered through the crowd to protest the decision. Rodney grabbed him from behind and spun him around, holding him up. Nowinski entered and delivered the Hart Attack on Conway, knocking him down. Nowinski then whipped Conway into the table, which didn't break -- until Rodney Mack followed up with a bullrush. Nowinski, Mack, and Long celebrated in the ring.

"Now."

"Get the Table" started up as D-Von and I charged the ring. Nowinski and Mack scattered to the floor as we gave pursuit. Eventually, Maven and Conway came to and evened the odds, but La Resistance charged right after us and the heels began to beat on the New Blood as Long gave orders from the safety of the ring.

At least, that's what he thought.

See, he failed to count bodies during the 4-on-2 assault. D-Von and I had slipped into the ring unnoticed by Long. The crowd began to buzz as we stood behind Long, smiling. Long shouted his final instructions, then turned around. The smile left his face as he began to beg for mercy. Not this week, buddy.

I grabbed the collar of his suit as he tried to escape. He flailed around in the ring, trying to break my grip as I brought him to the center. I turned around and saw D-Von was headed to the top rope. Following suit, I slammed him in the center of the ring and faced D-Von, with Long assuming the position.

"WHAZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

D-Von returned the call and dove. Long sold it perfectly as D-Von went into last rites. Only one thing left for me to do. "D-VON!" The crowd was louder than I could've imagined. "GET THE TABLE!"

D-Von went to the outside and procured Table #3 on the night. Nowinski heard the war cry and had done a 180 in the aisle, now sprinting to his manager's aid. I tossed Long to the ground to keep him busy as I fought off Nowinski. I tossed him straight to D-Von, who clocked him with the table. Well, another seven weeks of goofy facial appliances for him. D-Von then set the table up by the corner before being caught by Nowinski. Nowinski whipped him into the ropes... but D-Von reversed. I leaped up at just the right moment, and we hit a picture-perfect 3-D. One target left. Now where'd that whiny manager go?

Long was slowly trying to crawl under the ring. I grabbed his shoe and pulled him back out. He squirmed around, but one swift punch put him into enough of a woozy state to hand him off to D-Von. I climbed the top rope and sat on it. D-Von handed Long off to me. Up he went -- and down he went, straight through the table. I made sure to smile that eerie, evil smile as the scene ended.

*****

03:15 AM

East Rutherford, New Jersey

"Finally," Shawn muttered as we pulled in at the hotel room. "That New York traffic is a real bitch, man. All right, guys, late call tomorrow. Then we're off to Dallas on Wednesday, so get rested. Especially you, Andy. You look like you need it."

We got out of the car and piled our stuff out onto the curb. D-Von looked me in the eye. "Andy," he whispered. "I still love you, no matter what happens."

I heard Lindsay's voice, even through the filter of D-Von's larynx. "Thank you," I replied. "I wish the damage was that easy to heal."

*****

Tuesday, November 11, 2003, 02:44 PM

East Rutherford, New Jersey

(conference room)

"Thanks for doing this, Shawn."

"Hey, no problem. You need this. Trust me. Now... I suppose I should start by asking... if you want to tell... what happened?"

"You want the short answer or the long one?"

"Either one, Andy. This is for you."

"Okay... here goes... Darren... wait, you're not going to say this to anyone, are you?"

"I told you before, Andy. What we say here, I'll keep to myself. I'll take the oath."

"Thanks. Well... he... it was around midnight a week ago. I -- Nora -- had just gotten out of the shower, and... there was this knock on the door. And I opened it, and Darren let himself in and began to... to kiss me and feel me up and... it just didn't seem right. It wasn't the same... feeling I had with Stacy and Andrew, you know?"

"So you sensed something was wrong?"

"Yeah... I... I told him no. I told him to back off. He... he said that wasn't an option and he... I had to push myself away. I tried to lock myself in the bathroom, but... he was able to keep the door from being shut all the way. He was pounding on it... it sounded like he wanted to knock it in."

"The bathroom door, you mean."

"Yeah... and... I knew I was trapped. I didn't think I could hold out. So I had to try to get help... somehow."

"What did you do?"

"I... please don't make me do this."

"Andy, you're free to stop any time. I'm not keeping you here."

"I know, but... I'm lost. I feel like I gotta say it... but I don't wanna think about it."

"Okay... well, take your time."

"Right... well... ... ... he... I... I thought if I tricked him into hitting the door too hard, he'd lose his balance. So I... I did like in those comedies, I... I stepped aside and let him bash through... and yeah... he... he came right on through and left the door open. I tried to escape... but..."

"But what?"

"... ... ..."

"Do you want to stop?"

"No, no. I have to... I have to tell someone everything. I need to let them know. You see, I... I ran for the door, but he grabbed my leg... and tried to pull me back... he got my towel and... and ripped it off. I got away from him, but... but I hid... I couldn't go outside, you know... cuz I was naked... but I had to... to get away."

"How did you get away?"

"Well, I... I tried to hide on the other side of the room. I threw something at him... I don't remember what it was, but... it stopped. It never hit him. He marched over to... to where I was... I was in the corner... I couldn't speak, couldn't move... I..."

"Go on."

"He grabbed me out of the corner... he acted like he owned me. He grabbed at me and... shoved me to my knees. He handed me this... this..."

"What?"

"...a condom. I didn't... I couldn't recognize it at first... like I didn't want to know. I mean, there's nothing else it could be. He... he told me to put it on him and to... to undress him."

"And did you?"

"He took his shirt off and... and I pulled the rest away... and I had to..."

"Cry if you need to, Andy. I won't judge you."

"I... I put the condom on him... and he wanted me... to... to... you know..."

"Go down on him?"

"Yeah... I'm sorry, I... I can't even say..."

"No, no. Whatever is comfortable for you. I'll try to help."

"Thanks... so I... I didn't do it then... I bit him instead. I thought I could get away if he was hurt. I tried to run for the towel... so I could put it on and get out... but he... he grabbed my hair and th... th... threw me on the bed... oh, God, this is so..."

"Shhhh. There's no need to continue. Just go at your own pace. We can stop here if you want."

"No... no, I have to say this. I have to tell you. He called me stupid. He told me if I -- if she -- ever wanted to work again... to do as he says. He tossed me onto the floor and... he pulled me to my knees... I... I thought I had to do it. I should've run again -- I should've gone for the door -- anything. I just..."

"It's all right. I'm right here."

"No... no, it's okay... so after I... I warmed him up, he threw me back on the bed and... and he pressed me against his body. He forced his tongue down my throat... he... he just didn't care about me. He wanted a fuck... and I let him... I stopped fighting him... I was too scared... too... Shawn, I'm sorry..."

"No. No, no need to apologize to me. You did everything you could. You were very brave. You did your best."

"No, I didn't! I let it happen! I let you down! I let everyone down! I let her down. I was put there for-- a-- reason... and I didn't... I just let her life... she..."

"Don't blame yourself. You're not at fault here. Let me ask you... did you agree to this?"

"No..."

"Did you tell him that?"

"Y... yeah."

"Did you try to fight him off?"

"I... I guess so... but I..."

"No buts... you did what you could. Andy, one of the things about this job is you're not always going to be able to do things on your own. All that's required is our best. Did you do your best?"

"I... I don't know... I let people down. Not just her... but K... Kath..."

"Kathleen?"

"Yeah."

"What about her, Andy?"

"...You know. You know what happened. I tried to be polite, tried to be... subtle about it. I didn't want to hurt the guy's... feelings... in case I was wrong. But she... she shoved me away. I made her turn her back on us!"

"Andy--"

"I sentenced her to death! I might as well have pushed that button that froze her! I let her die! I did nothing! I--"

"Andy, stop! You can't make people choose something. We have free will, dammit, you know that! If there wasn't any free will -- if people didn't make mistakes -- you wouldn't be here."

"Yeah... I'd be in Heaven, I know."

"No! There wouldn't be a Heaven. There wouldn't be any need for one."

"I... I don't understand. Shawn, all this talk... it's... well, it sounds nice, but... I still screwed up. I still... ruined two people."

"Andy... no."

"What's no?"

"You didn't ruin anyone. Do you remember SummerSlam? Cuz lemme tell you something, I do. I remember being in this room, right here, and seeing five people, some of whom had never met each other. And I remember one of the people I'd never seen before telling me he thought something was wrong. Andy... her life, to the extent that it is ruined -- which it's not -- her life was already like that. And you know what? She didn't do it. If what you've said is true... Darren did it."

"Darren... I... but..."

"But what?"

"Shawn, when I saw who I was, I knew I could do something about it. I figured I'd be able to fight him off. I figured I would have the courage to keep attacking him. But I stopped. I just stopped halfway through. And he... he kept going. Why did I stop? Why did I let him do it? I don't know. But I failed her."

"Do you think you committed adultery?"

"... ... ... ..."

"Andy?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think this was adultery?"

"Wh-- how do you mean? We weren't married."

"But adultery requires two willing parties. Were you willing? Did you want this to happen?"

"No!"

"Then you're fine. Look, I can spend all day telling you this, but you gotta believe it. You have to look into your heart and realize that, hey, guess what -- I was a victim. All that new-age crap about how we're all victims... don't let it cloud your head. Sometimes it's just feeling sorry for yourself, but not you. Not you. You are legitimate."

"I'm leg... a legitimate what?"

"You are a victim. I don't know how I can get this through to you, Andy... you're still okay. Do you think Lindsay thinks less of you? Do you think Owen does? I can tell you right now, I don't."

"I do."

"Why?"

"Shawn... I wanted to wait. I died a virgin. I... I was proud of it. I wanted to... stay moral in that respect. I wanted the first time to... to be meaningful, to be special. I wanted to enjoy the feeling... with someone I loved. Then... then when I died, I thought... well, I'll never experience it unless... the conditions were right... and even then, you know, it... but this. I... I wanted it on MY terms. I wanted to respect my body, and the body of whoever I was! Shawn, I let her get violated... and I lost... I lost everything."

"Okay... Andy, what types of sex are there?"

"I don't understand."

"Well... apart from married sex... like, what are the terms?"

"There's... there's adultery and fornication... and then some other... weird kinky stuff. Why?"

"Andy... there's also a crime. What happened here was a crime. There is no shame. There is no... how many times do I have to say it? You didn't do anything wrong. Do you understand?"

"Was I married?"

"Not that I know of."

"Then it's a sin."

"No! What was the first thing they taught you about sin."

"It's... it's when we break the rules. It's when we turn our backs on God."

"Can you sin by accident?"

"No... you have to... it... what?"

"Andy, some of us are born sinners, and some achieve that status. But you can't have sin thrust upon you. You can't be made to sin. Am I making sense?"

"Kinda... but that's easy for you to say... It's real easy... you can stand from 100 feet away and you can say, yeah, that's bad. But you don't know. YOU don't know! You'll never know how I feel. Never. Why am I even talking to you? You're just taking pity on me. I don't want your pity -- I want you to... I... ... ... I just..."

"It's okay, Andy. Just get it all out. Anger's natural. I'm not taking this personally."

"Thanks... it's just that I... I don't feel like one of you. I feel like I'm somehow... worse. I don't feel like an equal. Why couldn't this have happened to someone who's been around longer? Why couldn't Greg have had it happen? He's always going around chasing some tail! What did I do wrong? Why did You do this to me, God? What were You thinking? Do You give a shit what happens to me? DO YOU? ... ... Are You there... ... at all?"

"Andy, of course He is. God is everywhere -- and that's not just shorthand. Ask Him and He'll help you out. He will give you the strength you need."

"He should've given it to me when I was in that room. Right?"

"..."

"Right, Shawn?"

"I can't say. Maybe -- maybe not. All I know is... it happened. I'm sorry it happened. You know, in fact it disgusts me what happened. You just tell me, and I'll bust his ass right now. I'll destroy him. But... but what would that do?"

"He wouldn't hurt her again. He'd be gone. He'd get his reward."

"Andy... when you first arrived, I'm sure you heard that we were after converting people and didn't think twice about it. I'm sure you thought, oh yeah, Vince is evil, gotta save him, blah blah, no problem. Well, guess what -- here's a problem. But the mission hasn't changed. It wouldn't change if we were the only ones left. Suppose Lindsay leaves, and Owen, and Greg. Suppose Paul stops being an intermediary. Heck, suppose I stop being one. Suppose it's just you. That won't change the mission."

"It would kill it. I'm worthless."

"No, no, no you're not! Do I have to remind you what you've already done? All the paths you've changed? All the potential disasters you've avoided? I mean, right now, think about Eddie. Think about Zach. Think about how they feel right now. You probably saved Matt from going crazy with grief! Does that mean anything?"

"I don't know. Ask Eddie how he feels about those Leones. Ask John Cena how he likes having an obsessive fan. Talk to Zach about Juarez -- he had a blast. Oh, and apparently Amy and Gregory finished what we started. Yeah... I've done a whole damn lot of good, haven't I?"

"Andy... that wasn't you. You're not a gang member. You're not a groupie. You... were you still Hurricane when they..."

"...no..."

"Right. How can you blame yourself? How can you look yourself in the mirror and say, this is what I did? Do you understand your own identity right now? Don't you know where you end and they begin?"

"I... ... I used to."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I... I understood who I was from one week to the next... and I knew that it ended when I ended. I knew when John told me the next week that he thought he was being followed... I knew that wasn't me. I knew I didn't encourage her. But now I... I don't know. I... I got fucked. But he wasn't after me. I had a chance to stop him... Nora was... she got hurt."

"Andy... did you talk to her?"

"Excuse me?"

"Did Lindsay teach you about the whole zone out and meeting with..."

"Oh, oh yeah. Yeah, she did. And... and I talked to her. Shawn... Nora's in deep trouble. She's basically existing. She's trying not to die. When I was in there... I don't know how I was, but... she wasn't even a being. She was an image on a wall. She lost all... definition."

"You spoke to a shadow?"

"Yeah. That's all she was. She never left the light. I couldn't see her... I couldn't see any... anything."

"Does she blame you?"

"...I don't know, Shawn. I don't... ... ...don't think she does. She... she seems to think I was... but she knew what would happen."

"Andy... do you blame her?"

"No! Why would I... that's... that's stupid!"

"Well, Andy... it's someone's fault, isn't it?"

"Yes it is! Mine!"

"No! We've already established that you did nothing wrong. Right?"

"You've established that. I haven't established a thing. I still look at the fact that I... I had to face her. I had to tell her she got... she got hurt again. That she was... and I... it..."

"Andy -- just out of curiosity -- what were you expecting?"

"I don't know. I guess I thought... but that's just it. All the more reason. I had to know what was coming. I had to be able to see it. I had to be able to... to block it from happening. I knew, and I let it happen. I knew something bad would happen, and I let it happen."

"Andy... did... did you let Zach get beat up? Didn't you fight back?"

"Yeah..."

"How is this different?"

"... ... ..."

"Andy, how is this any different? Weren't the results the same for you? Going off to Recovery... seeing in black-and-white?"

"How do you know? You weren't there."

"You don't think we don't talk about this? Paul and I know each other. We're going to be meeting with everyone on Sunday, right? Look, you've been through a lot. But when your vision goes like that -- when you find yourself colorblind -- you know what that means? It means you were an innocent victim. So stop blaming yourself and realize where the blame goes."

"D... d... d-darren?"

"Yeah. With Darren. And now that you know that he's at fault... what are you gonna do? Are you going to... get back to work? Are you going to sit there and feel sorry for yourself? Because I got a news flash for ya... the instant we leave this room, life goes on. Life goes on. I can't stay here forever. Neither can you. So you gotta get over this, and you gotta do your job. I don't care if it's something as little as performing your best for Survivor Series."

"Why bother? It's just wrestling."

"It's an avenue to get to Vince. The more people he sees out there busting their asses, the more he likes them. The more he likes someone, the more likely he is to listen. I talk to him all the time. We have great debates. It's how I try to get him to understand. But you know what? My words would mean nothing if I didn't live it. That's what you gotta do. Live the life -- let him see what happens when people follow the rules. Then... it's a long shot... but it's the best shot."

"So you're saying that everything has an impact? That by going out there and... and doing our best... and putting on a great show... we'll... we're helping?"

"I know it. I know that by performing, you get in his good graces. But it's more than that. It's how you handle it. Look, one of these days, you'll be in a position where you can make an impact. When you are, when you're someone who Vince knows and listens to -- I expect you -- no, I DEMAND of you -- that you use your power. It's the only thing you can do."

"But what if I'm... someone like Nora? Or... what about Spike? What if he fires me?"

"Andy... just take it one day at a time, one week at a time. You're already making progress."

"No... no... I can't get over... the feeling... the sound... I can't sleep for more than a few hours. I keep jumping up and... and making sure I'm alone."

"To be honest... I hope in a way you never get over this. I hope you remember how it feels. You survived. Don't you know how powerful that makes you? Don't you realize how much you can gain from this?"

"No. This sucked. What's the good side of... of this?"

"Well... you've been there. Now when someone is in your spot, and you... they come to you for comfort... you know what to do. You know what they'll want because it's what you wanted. I'm not trying to dictate your life. I don't wanna do that any more than you want me to. But... Andy, every cloud has a silver lining. And one more thing, Andy."

"Yeah?"

"You're strong. You can handle this. I don't know what it is... but I think there's something... something within you... you're back out already. I'm... it's great. But it's unusual. You are strong. Use it. Use your strength. Be the rock others need. Don't you see it in yourself?"

"...I dunno... it makes sense, but..."

"But what?"

"But it's... it's so cheesy. I am strong, I am invincible... no I'm not. I'm a single person who doesn't even have a human life left to fall back on. I'm the most vulnerable person there is, aren't I?"

"That's just it. That's just it. You're the smallest... but... everyone has strength. A pawn can capture a queen. A single man can bring down a tyrant. There is power in one. Re-read David and Goliath if you have to. Just... believe me."

"O...okay."

"Look, I'm sorry. We gotta get back. I hope you feel better."

"I hope I will."

[The Third Dukes]

A little quickie before I post Survivor Series 2003 as it happened in my universe. Please. Indulge me.

I open this with a coda that initially closed out the all-dialogue post from before. I stick it here because it fits more with that theme than this theme. Bear with me.

The first good part of this chapter is a discussion with Chris Benoit. Why Benoit would visit a midcard tag-teamer is beyond me -- but I needed it to happen. Benoit is a friend of Regal's in real life -- and as such, he's more likely to take Regal side in a he-said/she-said. Furthermore, Benoit's detached nature made for an interesting topic. Someone who is all about the wrestling and all about the show does NOT a good locker room leader make.

Side note: around this time in the real-life WWE, Vince McMahon was feuding with Undertaker -- leading up to the (in)famous Buried Alive match. Around this time, on SmackDown!, he intimated that he was going to use ugly tactics as a way to get to Taker, including having a biker gang rape his wife. No, really, he honestly said that. Well, you can imagine how well I took THAT.

Also featured here is Vince going into roid rage. (Okay, it's really demon rage, but that's just our secret since we're behind the fourth wall.) Not only does he fire Spanky, he brutalizes him on the way out. Yes, this would lead to a huge lawsuit in real life, but that never comes up. What's important are the actions of the locker room upon seeing what happened. Hogan's rushing to Kendrick's aid, Eddie's fiery speech, and Taker's cold reality all show different personalities. Part of it is to emphasize Eddie as the new man backstage. Part of it is to show how experience looks at things.

Other than that, not much to see here.

*****

Chapter 46

Locker Room Difficulties

Wednesday, November 12, 2003, 08:59 PM

Dallas, TX

Lindsay and I trudged up to our room. As we passed our floor and got off the elevators, I noticed something. "Shh! Look!"

The elevator area gave us a view of Gail and Nora's room. William was at the door, having a conversation with Gail. She had her arms blocking access to the room. I couldn't make out the words, but I could sense anger and frustration in William even though his back was to us. Eventually, he walked off.

Nora emerged from out of view. She stood at the door and watched as William marched down the hall. I heard a door open, then close. Nora turned around and hugged Gail. They both went back inside together.

I turned to D-Von. His face lit up. We high-fived, then went on to our room. You go, girl!

*****

Sunday, November 16, 2003, 12:45 PM

Dallas, TX

Tonight is the night. In just about six hours, it begins. I was looking forward to getting this overwith. I had spent most of my time in my room, trying to sort out my mind. Shawn had been as much of a help as he could be, although his and everyone else's mind was elsewhere. Which meant that I, a so-called locker room leader, had stayed on the sidelines -- reduced to being the same wallflower I saw in Nora.

There was a knock on the door. I listened. Shawn and I had a special signal in case he needed to reach me -- but this wasn't Shawn. I thought of just sitting still and hoping the person went away, but I figured it might be the worst thing I could do. I didn't want them to think I had evaporated entirely. Besides, my problems were mine, not Mark Lamonica's. I had to see who it was.

"Oh, Chris... sorry bout that, man."

"It's ok." A shorter man entered the room. His face was withered, betraying his older age although most thought of him as still-untapped talent. His blue eyes seemed sad, worn, and weary. Over his left arm -- which seemed out of proportion with the rest of his body -- was the World Title. Chris Benoit sat down next to me and sighed.

"What's bugging you, man?"

"It's about Jericho. I haven't heard from him in a while."

"Well... he's kinda busy, isn't he?"

"It's not that... it's that he usually keeps in touch with everyone. He was always the guy people could go to, you know, if they had problems. He'd listen. He'd sometimes even resolve them. I'm tellin ya, everything they say Hunter isn't, he is."

"So? Look -- he has rehab. Besides, why would you wanna talk to him now? Shouldn't you be off preparing for the show?"

"Nah... I don't need too much preparin', man. Besides, when I walk out there... it all comes naturally, man. I just feel the rush, and I gotta put on the best match I can with whoever I can. It's my way."

"Well, it seems to have worked... look at what you got for it."

"Oh, this? Man, this is nothing. The WCW title -- it was nothing. It was never about those for me. I've taken chances before in my career. I took them not because I wanted the glory, but because I wanted the challenge. That's why I left -- not for the money or the prestige, but because... well, WCW was suffocating. It wasn't my style anymore. Besides, all my friends were going too."

"You just wanted to be with Dean and Eddie, huh?"

"More than that -- I wanted them to succeed, and they needed me to get in. We needed each other, ya know?"

"But why not be the big fish in WCW?"

"You think that woulda lasted? You think it mattered that I was champion? I saw the tape. They were ready to make me fight again and again for it, and I knew in the end it was just gonna go right back to Nash or to Hogan. Nothing against them, man, but... I was a temporary champion."

"And now?"

"Now? Now I'm enjoying the challenge, man. You could throw me in there with Big Show for 10 minutes, 9 of which feature him on an oxygen tank, and I'd love it. I wanna challenge myself. This title -- should I lose it tonight, so what? I'll just go to the next challenge. That's why I wanted to come here to RAW. I wanted to... I'd done it all. Angle and Eddie and Haas and Shelton... they don't need me. Who was left for me? Maybe Taker or Hogan, but... then what? I got more here than I can handle."

"Chris... something doesn't seem right. You're trying to tell me you don't care about politics, that you... you just go out and wrestle? What about that title? You didn't just get that handed to you, did you?"

"Well, think about it. I didn't win the fan poll, and Hunter was off for his honeymoon soon. You tell me. Besides, like I said, it isn't about the title. It's about being on the stage, being in front of thousands, and letting them think that, wow, he's a kickass wrestler. That's what I want."

"So if all your friends hadn't come with you -- if you didn't have people like the Radicals, like Regal, like Jericho... would you still be doing this?"

"Sure. I don't care about any of this political stuff. If the fans like me, they like me, and that'll get me the boost. If they think I'm boring, then I'll just do what I can and forget about their standards. In between, I don't know. It's not that big a deal."

"But it is! Chris, whether you like it or not, you're the champion, and you set the example. If you don't care about the WWE, no one will. If you don't care about the title, why should I? Why am I here? Just to go out and put on a good match? Then why have titles at all?"

"I don't know. I don't know why we need these things. I'm just keeping this warm for HHH to get it back eventually. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it. No matter what I do, the ceiling is there. I can't go any higher."

"Of course you can't! You're there! You're at the top! If you were some... some tag team wrestler hampered down by his best gimmick, then maybe you could take that attitude, but right now you are the champ. You have to try to raise the bar. Make HHH work harder than ever to be the best he can."

"It's no use, man. HHH won't improve. And besides, why would anyone waste their time trying to make other people better? I figure, you know, you gotta focus on yourself, man. Let the rest of the world get better." I stared at him, unsure I heard what I thought I heard. "Don't you get it? What do I gain by improving someone else? That's someone who will never thank me, never show gratitude, never repay the favor, and who'll make especially sure to step on my head as they climb up the ladder ahead of me on the way down."

"How do you know?"

"Because it happened every time. Look at the Rock. Look at HHH. Look at -- hell, look at all the guys in WCW. You got in a program with me, you knew I would do everything not just to make you look better, but to make you better, period. And my reward was midcard hell. I made HHH better through association. Now he's taken all my knowledge and discarded me as a threat who must be kept away. Austin demanded I get drafted away from him because he thought I'd show him up. It's the same story every time. Everyone treats me like crap. Just wait until this is over. Wait until the title is back around HHH's waist. Then you'll see."

I was furious, and I knew why, but I couldn't say why. "So that's it? You're just going to stop doing the right thing because no one notices you for it? Haven't you ever heard of the martyrs? I don't think they got Hallmark cards for their acts. Dammit, Chris, you gotta be sane. You gotta think outside yourself. What does it hurt you to help? Why do you--"

"This ain't ECW, Bub! It don't matter how good you are. You gotta be in the right circles. Dammit, I'll be the first to admit that if Regal retired, I wouldn't cry. But he's got HHH and he's got Austin, so he's got a job. He could probably do whatever he wanted and..." his voice trailed off.

"And?" Nothing. "Chris, are you mad at him? I thought you two were friends."

"You know... I try to ignore politics. But it... it hurts me, man. He's changed. The man's in charge of the whole women's division -- he's gotten some serious power trip. And he's lettin' it get to his head. You know why Nora's the champ right now? You know why she's in the main event? Because she's screwing him on the side. She's basically screwing her way to the top. And he's letting it happen. What kind of... I don't get it."

No kidding you don't! I bit my lip ferociously. How could I tell him how wrong he was? In the first place, he wouldn't believe me. In the second, he'd ask how I know -- and then I'd be busted. How can I be so stuck? "Chris, I wouldn't rush to judgment. I mean, what are you basing this on? Would Lance be trying to take Nora away if she wanted to sleep with him?"

"Look, Lance is a nice guy, but he doesn't know. Besides, how do you know she isn't trying to--"

"Chris! Is this the same Molly Holly who prided herself on her virginity and not messing with the wrong crowd? Listen to yourself! How could you... why?"

"Because I know Darren. I saw him pull himself out of rehab, clean himself up, and turn in a hell of a performance to get his job. I know the man who has pride in what he does. I also know that he's never met a woman he didn't like. If she came to him, he'd take it in a heartbeat. You know they're screwing around. How can you deny it?"

You mean, without blowing my cover? "I won't. I won't deny it. But don't you think for a second you may have your parameters confused? I mean, who's to say he didn't have an open invite? First to accept it, wins the belt. Or maybe -- maybe you're mistaken. Maybe she's not screwing him."

"Oh, come on. Everyone knows he visits her on the road. What do you think they do in there? Anyway, that's not important. The thing is... people here... they think for themselves. I don't wanna be like that. But every time I tried to help someone, they just shoved it in my face. It's... well, I don't know what to do."

"You want my advice? First, cut other people some slack. You don't know what's in their head. You don't know what's really going on. That's one thing I've learned -- you can never know. Ever. You think you know, but you're just guessing, man. So basically, just be yourself. And if being yourself means you help others, then help others. Make the wrestling better. What can go wrong?"

Benoit shrugged. "I dunno. I guess... I just wanna be a good person, man. It's hard. What with everyone a bundle of nerves, and Vince just... whatever. He's losing it fast. And I'm afraid of what that means for me. I don't know who's real anymore. For all I know, you're putting on an act right now."

"Chris," I said staring into his eyes so he would be forced to look at me, "I'm telling you exactly what I feel, and exactly how I think it is. You got one mission out here, and that's to be the best you can. Just do that. The rest will come to you."

Benoit thought, then smiled his gap-toothed grin. "Yeah," he said. "I guess I have been thinking too hard. I mean, what does it matter to me what Darren does or what Hunter does or what anyone does? I gotta worry about me. I guess I do, anyway. Thanks. I'm gonna head to the gym, man. See you tonight."

"All right, man. Take care." I watched him head for the door as I went back into thought. "For all I know, you're putting on an act right now." If that's so -- and I am -- it's not the most convincing act. He actually thinks she's doing him... Darren has people convinced that's the case? I... this is gonna be impossible. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

*****

06:14 PM

We all prepared for the Survivor Series telecast to begin in 45 minutes. The arena was filling up out in front. Nora paced the halls, waiting for Benoit and Booker to show up. I watched as Maven and Grenier played cards. Everyone was prepping in their own way.

Suddenly, a series of shouts emerged from across the way. A group of us raced into the SmackDown locker room, trying to keep up with the action. We saw Vince McMahon in the center, beating down on someone. His eyes were ablaze with rage. His kicks and stomps seemed to be finding their mark. Who is he doing this to?

Paul met D-Von and me at the door. "Don't go in, guys. He's not ready. He's... it's Greg. He tried too hard. Vince isn't in control."

"What's goin' on?"

"He basically assaulted him."

"So why isn't anyone stopping him?"

"Because they're afraid, Li... D-Von. He's... he fired Brian for what Greg did. Everyone's afraid to speak up. I don't get it. I don't know what to think anymore. This is serious. That... that demon... he's... something huge has to happen for Vince to get some semblance of control back."

"Is he... gonna... die soon?"

"I don't think so. But I don't know. I don't know. Just don't go in there. He might attack you too."

"Why is he doing this?"

"Because, Andy, he senses weakness. Greg is still upset over Kathleen. Owen is doing everything he can. You... well, Shawn told me about you. And Lindsay... I don't know. I think we're losing."

We shook our heads. I listened as I heard a groan from Brian. Vince yelled, "Now go clean out your locker, you little puke. How dare you tell me what to do!" There was a pause, then Vince spoke again. "What the fuck are you people staring at? Get ready for tonight, dammit! You got work to do!"

None of us spoke. I just stared at the entranceway as everyone waited for Vince to leave. Hogan walked over to where Brian was, speaking in a low voice. "I'm sorry, dude. I'm so sorry. I'll do what I can. Lemme help you get up."

As Brian was being helped out by Hogan, the locker room stared at each other. They saw the pipe on the floor, where Vince dropped it after swinging it. Eddie was the first to speak. "Guys... we can't let this happen again. He can't fire all of us. And if he tries -- we'll go to TNA and make him suffer. Listen to me, hombres. We gotta keep him from doing this again. No more apologies. He's gotta know when the show ends and begins. I want everyone's word in here that they will never, NEVER let this happen again. You got that?"

A few people nodded. Rhyno walked over to where Eddie was and proclaimed, "I'm with him on this." One by one, people crossed over to his side until only two people on the roster weren't there. One was Hogan, who was busy tending to Kendrick, acting rather than speaking though acting too late. The other was Undertaker. He sat alone.

"What about you, man? Are you not with us?" asked Eddie.

"It's not that," Taker replied, shaking his head. "Y'all don't get it. There's no competition. He can do whatever he wants to. And if we all leave, then he'll just find another whippin' boy. Already, I'm sure he's thinkin' about how he got over as a locker room leader. The man doesn't change. I don't know if it's the ego or the... roids or what. But he's crazy. He's also in charge. I'm afraid we can't do anything about it."

I listened. My heart dropped. No, Mark... no. We can do something. We will do something. I don't know what it would take -- but Chris'll see that anyone can be changed, and that you do get appreciated. And you, Mark... you'll see him reformed. I turned to D-Von as we walked back. "Lindsay," I whispered, "let's go prove that sonofabitch wrong."

"Oh, yeah, Andy," she said in return. "Test-i-fy!"

[chrishardcore]

Yet again a very sweet kick ass update

[Nick Adams]

And soon...so soon...my favorite part of the diary, save for the end of Part 6.

Vince is a bastard.

These long debates were some really good ideas about life in general. Somehow, the entire thing is rather interesting.

I think I prefer this diary to any of the rest that I've ever read. It's rather enjoyable. After the full thing is posted (including the "painfully long" WMXX), this should most definitely go into the HoF...again.

[The Third Dukes]

On to Survivor Series, which is the entirety of the next chapter and, as with SummerSlam, will take up three individual posts. So please, hold your comments until it's up.

The first hour featured a match that meant nothing at the time -- a token title defense by Ultimo and Tajiri -- but meant something when symmetry hit a year later and the challengers won the WWE tag title belts. At the time, Nova and London were cannon fodder and just about everyone knew it.

It's pretty weird the man would be WWE champion a year later stuck as third fiddle on an opening elimination match here, but hey, JBL was just about that devalued a year ago, too, so I guess it happens. And yes, this features the almost-mandatory "pin off a low-level move". It's a Survivor Series tradition -- one that my booking team (Readers) actually insisted I continue in the 2004 Survivor Series.

The RTC/3LK match was a trainwreck, but did include an homage to SummerSlam 1988 in the finish, so I'm happy. Plus, it was one of two matches that night that featured screw-ups. Thankfully, this one didn't affect the booking (work or shoot). See, what happened was I gave away the rights to book this show as my No Mercy prize -- since this is basically a transition PPV in my mind and best when used with standard tag matches. Things didn't turn out as I expected, so I wondered how I was going to justify (as WWE/Vince) some of these decisions. This was my master plan -- on two separate occasions, something would go wrong. The first is Lita being hastily eliminated. Of course, by this time, EVERYONE knew why, but back then I hadn't said yet and wouldn't for another 3-4 weeks.

*****

Chapter 47

Survivor Series

Sunday, November 16, 2003, 07:00 PM

Dallas, TX

A video montage set to "Harder to Breathe" by Maroon 5 opens the broadcast. Clips show Kane choking down Benoit, Booker attacking Christian, Show chokeslamming Booker, Molly hitting Christian with the Unprettier, Christian flattening Benoit with the belt, and finally the Elimination Chamber kick things off. From there we go to Eric Bischoff and Shane McMahon staring down, with Evolution hitting a massive beatdown on Shane. We see Shane costing Randy Orton a fall against Molly in a six-man, then Randy's anger. We then go into the long history between Stephanie McMahon and Sable, with Test's involvement, John Cena's F-U on Sable, A-Train flattening Stephanie, and the participants in the ten-man brawling away. We see clips of Billy Gunn costing Rey Misterio the Cruiserweight title, Torrie Wilson begging the APA for help, and Billy Kidman diving onto team Gunn on SmackDown. We end with the WWE preview shots for all eight matches, closing with the Elimination Chamber slowly lowering from last year's event as the song finishes.

And now, RAW, SmackDown!, and World Wrestling Entertainment present...

SURVIVOR SERIES 2003

Fireworks go off all around the Reunion Arena in Dallas, Texas, which we see is sold out. The fans go crazy as they hold their signs up in an attempt to be seen. Josh Matthews has the opening call.

"Deep in the Heart of Texas, everyone is wondering who will survive a night that has traditionally taught us to expect the unexpected! Hello, everyone, and welcome to Dallas, Texas, and the Survivor Series! I'm Josh Matthews with Jonathan Coachman, and tonight, we have action up and down an exciting dual presentation!"

"That's right, Josh, and the match everyone's talking about is the return of the Elimination Chamber! Chris Benoit, Kane, Christian, Big Show, Booker T, and Molly Holly all have the chance of a lifetime to put his -- or her -- name in the history book!"

"But that's not all, folks. Sable has been given the ultimatum: field a stronger team than Stephanie or take a hike! Tonight, she sees if it can be done as her squad -- Rhyno, Eddie, Chavo, Haas, and Benjamin -- meet Stephanie's force of Hogan, Angle, RVD, Cena, and the Undertaker! Can either team fit?"

"I have no idea, but right now, we have to get to our opening match, so let's take it to our SmackDown! crew of Michael Cole and Tazz for the call!"

The silhouette of the mask appears on the TitanTron, signalling the arrival of Rey Misterio. Rey shoots out from underneath the stage and fires up the crowd on the way to the ring. In the ring, he awaits his partners. The APA's music strikes up as Ron Simmons and Bradshaw make their way to the ring, saluting the fans along the way. As they arrive, the music of Billy Kidman starts up. Kidman walks to the ring, arm-in-arm with manager/wife Torrie Wilson, carrying the US title. He pauses to receive a good-luck kiss from Torrie, then heads to the ring. All four men climb the corners and acknowledge the crowd.

The Tron shows a web browser, looking up Matt Hardy, version 1.0. It loads to 10%, then 30, then 70, then 100%. Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore enter the arena and hold up the V.1 signs as we learn that Matt runs his own promotion in North Carolina, and that Matt and Shannon are on the Atkins™ diet. Both men get into the ring as Jamie Noble's music starts up. Nidia leads her main squeeze to the ring as he holds the Cruiserweight title high, staring at Rey as he does so. As they get into the ring, Ass Man's music starts up, and Billy Gunn makes his way to the ring, pretending to be cool as always. He enters and mocks revealing his thong before Kidman attacks and the fight is on.

As order is restored, Hardy and Kidman get it on. Hardy controls early, but Kidman whips him to the ropes and ranas him down. Moore sneaks in to dropkick Kidman out of the ring. Rey jumps in and pummels Moore, then hits an armdrag to send him outside before knocking over Hardy, Kidman, and Moore with a rolling tope. Everyone returns, and Kidman brings in Simmons, who catches Moore off the ropes with a spinebuster for two. Simmons powerslams Moore, but Gunn breaks it up. The ref escorts Gunn back as Simmons tags in Bradshaw (which the ref acknowledges he heard). Bradshaw beats down Moore hard(er than usual), then tosses him in the Last Call fallaway slam. He signals, then tosses Moore into the ropes, delivering the Clothesline from Hell and scoring the first elimination.

Gunn jumps in and pounds on Bradshaw, who fires back in the slugfest. Bradshaw backs Gunn into the heel corner, where Noble tags himself in. Noble continues pounding on Bradshaw as the heels double team, but a double whip leads to Bradshaw ducking a double clothesline. Gunn and Noble go for a double back body drop, but Bradshaw punts Gunn and gets a swinging neckbreaker on Noble before tagging in Rey. Rey goes ballistic on Noble, nailing a drop toe hold into a headlock, which the two turn into a reversal sequence ending with Rey slingshotting Noble into the ropes, where he lands on the middle rope. Rey comes in and connects with the 6-1-9, then the West Coast Hop takes Noble out and puts the Animals up to 4-on-2.

Simmons, having entered to cut Gunn off, now takes a double-team from Gunn and Hardy as the ref inexplicably escorts Rey out of the ring. Gunn gets Simmons in a military press, then drops him. He picks Simmons up, delivering a Jackhammer for two before Bradshaw breaks. Hardy tags in and delivers a drop toe hold, followed with a legbar. Simmons makes the ropes. Simmons is whipped into the ropes, and this time gets a shouldertackle. He picks Hardy up for the Dominator, but Hardy goldbricks it. As Simmons leans over a second time, Gunn jumps off the top rope with a Fame-asser onto Simmons as Hardy rolls away. The cover follows, and Gunn gets the pin on Simmons.

Bradshaw immediately lands a Clothesline from Hell on Gunn, but on the cover is reminded that Hardy is the legal man. As Gunn rolls to safety on the outside, Hardy dives off the top with a sunset flip for two. Bradshaw gets up and tries to hit Hardy with a shoulderblock, but Hardy ducks, then superkicks Bradshaw for two. Hardy goes up top and yells, then drops the leg for two. Bradshaw catches Hardy coming off the ropes, but Hardy manages to push him over to get two for a crossbody. Bradshaw powers out of a headlock, then fires Hardy into the ropes. Hardy leapfrogs over Bradshaw, then flips back over him just to confuse him. Bradshaw spins around, only to be hit with a German suplex for two. Bradshaw slowly stands up, only to get kicked in the gut. Matt hollers, but gets lifted into the air by Bradshaw. A struggle ensues, but Hardy wins, finishing the Twist of Fate to get the three-count and even the sides.

Rey jumps in, only to get clotheslined right away by Hardy. Hardy and Gunn double-team him in the corner, hitting Billy/Chuck's old Code Red for two for Gunn. Gunn scores with a corner-to-corner clothesline for two. Hardy returns with the Side Effect to get a very close two. Hardy, getting frustrated, tries for a German suplex, but Rey flips over the top and clips Hardy from behind. As Hardy stands up, he gets hit with a rana to put him back down. Rey gets tags in the very fresh Kidman (who has been begging for the tag since Simmons was eliminated), who opens up on Hardy. Gunn takes his shot to fall off the apron, but that allows Hardy to clothesline Kidman. Hardy goes for a powerbomb, but that's just an excuse for Kidman to get a facebuster. Kidman is up first, and he hits a spear out of the corner. Hardy slowly rolls to his feet in a neutral corner, and Kidman grabs him into the Kid Krusher. Hardy flips over onto his back, and Kidman nails the Shooting Star Press to eliminate Matt.

Gunn re-enters and gets attacked right away by Kidman. Kidman nails a swinging neckbreaker, followed by a seated dropkick on Gunn. Gunn is reeling as Kidman brings in Rey. Rey dives off the top into a back elbow on Gunn for two. Gunn tries to pull himself up by the ropes as Rey goes for the 6-1-9, but Gunn sees it coming and ducks, sending Rey spinning and crashing to the mat. Gunn picks him up and nails a butt butt for two. The One and Only finishes Rey and brings us to one-on-one.

Kidman jumps in and the two captains stare each other down. They lock up. Gunn gets a headlock, but Kidman shoves him out and lands a monkey flip, sending Gunn to the outside. Gunn slowly re-enters, but gets guillotined as he climbs back in. Kidman gets two. Kidman tries for the Kid Krusher, but Gunn pushes him off into the turnbuckle, getting a body vice on the way back into a back suplex for two. Gunn goes up top, but Kidman ducks his flying clothesline. Kidman tries for a moonsault, but Gunn rolls away and both men are down. Kidman slowly gets up first and goes for a suplex, but Gunn reverses to a Jackhammer for two. Gunn picks Kidman up, but Kidman slides out of the military press into a backslide for two. Kidman follows up with a flying forearm, but Gunn ducks and the poor referee collides with Kidman. During the chaos, Kidman's US title belt enters the ring. Nidia goes to use it, but Torrie cuts her off, and the two women begin to fight. Meanwhile, Gunn grabs the belt and pastes Kidman with it before depositing Torrie to the floor. He covers with one foot as the ref comes to, and Gunn gets the three to steal the match.

Backstage, I was walking the halls between matches. RAW wouldn't start going for another 20 minutes, so I had the time to chill out. I passed Brian in the hall. "You okay, man?"

He seemed near tears. "I don't get it. Vince was... I don't know what I did. I just asked him... you know... I guess I was talking about what Shawn said to me. A lot of the Christian stuff. He just... I don't remember. I'm so confused. How did this happen?"

"I wish I knew." I wish I could tell you. "You talked to Paul? Maybe he can help you out."

Brian shook his head. "He doesn't have power around here. I... I'm sorry. I better get going."

"Stay strong, man. I hope you can come back." Poor guy. He suffers for Greg's existence. That demon is gonna pay if I have anything to do about it.

As we stay with the SmackDown! team, a rip-off of "Intergalactic" starts up as Nova and Paul London head to the ring. Both men await their opponents to a mild reaction as Cole and Tazz talk about how the champs had better not be taking them likely. Japanese music hits as the flames spurt up from the entrance. Ultimo Dragon and Tajiri hit stereo praying poses with Paul Heyman in between. As they do, the pyro goes off and the crowd pops for them. They both make their way to the ring.

All four men start with a brawl as Tajiri knocks Nova out of the ring. Ultimo follows him to the outside, leaving Tajiri and London to start. Tajiri brings the stiff shots, but tries for one too many, and London dragon screws him out of the corner. Nova in, and he hits a legbar, continuing the work. Tajiri stands up, only to get clotheslined by Nova. London returns with a legdrop on the leg, followed by a standing half-crab. Tajiri makes the ropes. London hits the London Bridge for two. Nova returns, and the two punch Tajiri down in the corner before the ref escorts London out. As he does, Nova charges Tajiri in the corner, but Tajiri ducks and sends Nova into the corner instead. On the way out, Tajiri hits the Tarantula on Nova, but London pulls him off and drops him headfirst onto the apron. London then hits a thrust kick on the outside and rolls Tajiri back in, where Nova gets two. Tajiri slowly stands up, so Nova dropkicks the knee out and tries a figure-four. As he leans over to complete it, Tajiri mists him, blinding Nova. Tajiri then gets up and pastes Nova with a kick to the head, but that causes him to collapse, too. Both men crawl to their corners, and London and Dragon get the tags. Dragon chops London down, then fires him into the corner and sends him back out with a suplex. Nova gets clotheslined off the apron as Dragon returns to chop London over the top rope and out. With both men trying to regroup, Dragon hits an Asai moonsault onto them. Back in, London is dazed, but thinks well enough to avoid a Dragon rana. Nova returns and tries for the Kryptonite Krunch, but Dragon blocks it. Dragon tries for a German suplex, but Nova flips over the top. Nova tries for one of his own, but Dragon flips over into the Asai DDT to get the three and retain.

I saw Paul return from his match. "Hey, Paul... um... is everything ok now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well... Brian just left, and G... um... he seemed like himself."

"Yeah, he is. I took the precautions. Now hurry up, man. Your brand has some catching up to do."

"Yeah, so I heard. Well, I'll go watch the next match. I hope it's a good one. I just... I dunno."

"Hey, relax. We're here for ya. Just don't do anything stupid."

"Right."

Teddy Long's blaxploitation music starts up as Gail Kim and Jazz are accompanied by the thugger and bugger himself. Both ladies get into the ring and await their partners. The sirens go off and the big red circle appears on the Tron as Steven Richards, Sean Morley, and Mark Henry head to the ring. They throw their right hands up like preachers as the boos rain down on them. Steven takes the mic.

"The Right to Censor believes that this match is the work of evil forces. We are simply attempting to show Ms. Keibler the error of her ways. However, it is clear that she does not wish to learn voluntarily, and we feel it is our duty to teach her. However, since we are a fair group, we have allowed this one last chance for her to continue in her sinful manners. But first, I give you our newest disciple -- and hopefully very soon, a more willing one -- Miss Stacy Keibler."

The sirens go off again as Stacy appears in the aisle, dressed in Ivory-esque RTC garb. She slowly walks to the ring, clearly uncomfortable with her outfit and with her new forced allegiance. She climbs onto the apron as Richards holds open the bottom rope for her, preventing her from entering via the middle rope as she usually does. She slowly walks into the ring, clearly depressed.

"Keys to the City" interrupts the melancholy as Trish Stratus appears in the aisleway. She does a slow turn while removing her robe and cowboy hat and awaits outside the ring. The sounds of Boy Hits Car play as Lita appears. She dances her way down the aisle as she does, then stands by Trish. A close-up reveals she's already sweating a little. "Ashes to Dust" strikes up as the crowd cheer the appearance of 3 Live Kru. Konnan dances his way down the aisle, while Road Dogg and Ron Killings add the crotch chops for emphasis. All five get in the ring as Stacy exits.

Gail and Lita start the match. Lita tosses Gail into the corner, then follows in with a rana. Gail returns the favor, then both women lock up. Lita goes for the Twist of Fate early, but Gail shoves her off, then hits a bodypress for two. Trish enters and clotheslines Gail down a few times. Jazz cuts it off, then slams Trish down and applies a half-crab. Lita runs in with a rana to break as the faces switch off. Lita slaps away at Jazz in the corner, then suplexes her out. She goes up top, but as Jazz stands up, Lita doubles over in pain. She slips and falls off the top rope into the ring, rolling around and clutching her neck and stomach. Quickly, Jazz assesses the situation and puts on an STF, allowing Lita a very quick tapout. Trish and Gail enter the ring to check on Lita as a trainer helps her to the back. All the while, Lita is clutching her stomach and looking to be in pain from illness. No sooner is she gone, though, than Trish rolls up Gail from behind to even the sides again.

Morley enters and demands that Trish tag out so he doesn't harm a woman. Trish brings in Konnan, who punches away with Morley. Konnan gets back up into the RTC corner, and Henry tags in and begins double-teaming Konnan. Konnan is sent into the ropes, but recovers with a rolling clothesline. Henry gets up and is met with a second clothesline, but this time, he catches the arm and tosses Konnan down. Henry gets off a powerslam, then picks Konnan up. He applies a torture rack, and the ref calls for the bell as Konnan screams in pain.

Killings runs in and takes over where Konnan left off, pounding away. Killings goes up top as Henry is dazed, but his crossbody is caught into a fallaway slam. Henry covers for two. Richards comes in and hits a DDT for two. Killings ducks the superkick, then gets a German suplex for two. Killings tries for the Truth or Consequences (renamed the Kru Kutter), but Richards shoves out of it. Henry comes back in, and Killings dropkicks him twice, but Henry remains up. He tries a third time, but Richards trips him up from the outside. As Killings lies down, Henry splashes him and covers for the three. However, as Henry celebrates, Road Dogg dives off the top and hits a Lou Thesz Press on Henry to eliminate him.

Morley enters and hits Dogg from behind. He whips Dogg from rope to rope, following him in with a knee both ways. He goes straight to a Russian legsweep to follow, then tries to hold on with an octopus hold. Dogg squirms out to break. Morley tries a figure-four, but Dogg shoves him off and punches him repeatedly, ending with the juke and jive punch. He comes off the ropes and lands the shaky legs kneedrop for two. Morley takes a whip into the corner, but channels Bull Buchanan and bounces out with a clothesline for two. Morley hits a neckbreaker for two. He tries for a back body drop, but Dogg PLANTS him with a DDT and gets the three to even the sides again.

Richards enters, but before either man can lock up, Dogg tags in Trish, who demands Jazz. Richards, saying, "because we respect women," complies. The two lock up and exchange forearms. Trish chops at Jazz, then tosses her into the ropes and follows with a clothesline. Jazz staggers, but ducks a wild punch, then gets the double-chickenwing submission hold. Trish falls back, and they land in the ropes. Jazz picks her up and gets a fisherman's buster for two. Jazz sends her into the ropes, but Trish reverses and flings her out over the top. Jazz slowly returns via the top, only to get caught with the handstand rana. Jazz tries to grab a hold of Trish's leg on the way over, but she frees herself and stands up. Jazz charges, but Trish ducks and sends Jazz into the turnbuckle. She grabs her from behind and hits the Dudley Dog -- which, now that no one's left to argue, is called Stratusfaction -- and that gets her the three count. However, Richards immediately enters and hits the superkick on Trish to get a three count and make it one on one.

Road Dogg enters and ducks a second superkick, grabbing the pumphandle. However, Steven flips over the top of the powerslam attempt and punches Dogg. Into the ropes he goes, and back out again into a back body drop, which propels Dogg over the top and out. Steven raises his hand, drawing boos, until Stacy decides to take matter into her own hands. She climbs up on the apron and rips her dress off to reveal a tight skirt underneath, then takes off her top to show the matching piece of the puzzle. Steven blows a gasket and tries to get her to cover up, and a long argument ensues with Steven, Stacy, and the ref who wants her off the apron. Meanwhile, Dogg slowly climbs back into the ring and crawls over to Steven, rolling him up from behind... for two. Stacy drops down as Steven irately stomps on Dogg. he tries a suplex, but Dogg instead cradles Steven for two. Steven slams Dogg down for two. Steven raises his hand again, but now Dogg is up behind him and punches him out. Steven slowly reels back, then gets shoved into the turnbuckle. He staggers backwards into Dogg's pumphandle, and this time the Dogg Pound is enough for the three and Stacy's liberation. Stacy dances with Dogg to show her appreciation.

"You ready, buddy?" I turned around, seeing Rob Conway behind me. "Let's go out there and have some fun."

"Sure thing, Rob," I replied. As we headed to the entrance, we heard a horrifying sound of someone emptying their guts coming from the trainer's room. I peeked in to see Lita's head buried in a bucket. She slowly raised it and seemed weaker than ever.

"You okay, Amy?"

"Yeah... I'll get through... just a little... I dunno... I've been so tired. Just lemme rest a while."

"All right. Get lotsa water, girl. Get well soon."

"Yeah, thanks... oh, and Bubba?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell Darren I'm really sorry."

"Sure."