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Boulder's Official Horror Movie Review Thread


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As you may or may not know, I love horror movies. I watch as many as I can, be they well known or obscure. With that in mind, I've decided to make an official thread in which I will review these films. I'll probably post the first one tonight or tomorrow. The reason why I'm opening this thread early is because I am accepting requests, though I am limited to my local video stores' selections.

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If you are accepting requests, then I suggest the movie "Cemetary Man", however it might be hard for you to find. The only time I have found it was at a local video store years ago, and it's not even available on DVD. However, if you do come across this movie then you will love it. Their is also an Italian version of the movie (which is the original I believe) called "Delamante Delamore" (I spelled that wrong most likely). To give you an idea on this movie...imagine an extremely dapper, classier Ash who takes care of a cemetary, and kills zombies ala Return of the Living Dead or George A. Romero's series of flicks (we all know what those were). The movie is ridiculous, but anybody who likes a goofy horror flick will love this. I wouldn't even say it's cheesy, the character reminds me alot of Ash with his snide comments.

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There is only one cheesy horror flick that can...nay...MUST be reviewed

A little number we know as Jack Frost

Greatest.Scene.Ever [/comic book guy]

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A little number we know as Jack Frost

Eck, trust me, you'd feel much better after seeing Cemetary Man. :P

Isn't Jack Frost made by the same people that did "Uncle Sam"? Uncle Sam is a pretty lame one as well, it even has the same kind of cover as Jack Frost. I can't explain what the cover is, it's one of those things where the picture will change depending on the angle you look at it from. Basically from Snowman to Evil Snowman or Uncle Sam to Evil Uncle Sam. (Heh, some may argue Uncle Sam has always been evil)

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Eck, trust me, you'd feel much better after seeing Cemetary Man.  :P

Isn't Jack Frost made by the same people that did "Uncle Sam"? Uncle Sam is a pretty lame one as well, it even has the same kind of cover as Jack Frost. I can't explain what the cover is, it's one of those things where the picture will change depending on the angle you look at it from. Basically from Snowman to Evil Snowman or Uncle Sam to Evil Uncle Sam. (Heh, some may argue Uncle Sam has always been evil)

I just want to see the reaction to the *clears throat* "SUPER HAPPY FUN SNOWMAN RAPE SCENE" *coughs* :shifty:

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I doubt I'll find Cemetary Man. Maybe I'll do Jack Frost in the future. I have seen Demonicus: Demon Gladiator from Hell, and Frost can't be worse. I'll post a review for John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness later today.

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While you're still taking suggestions ( :P ) I'll throw my hat into the pile and go with the film adaptation of Stephen King's "It".

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John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness

Directed by John Carpenter

Written by Martin Quatermass (John Carpenter)

Starring Donald Pleasance, Victor Wong, and Jameson Parker

Released in 1987

The Plot:

A millionaire dies in a church, holding a mysterious box. A priest (Donald Pleasance) discovers a key inside the box, and after reading ominous entries in the millionaire’s journal, contacts his friend, a college professor (Victor Wong). The priest tells the professor that signs are pointing to a secret that the Catholic Church has been keeping for two millennia- a strange green vat, currently located in the basement of a California church. The priest, the professor, and several graduate students spend the weekend in the church, with the intention of studying the vat and the strange occurrences surrounding it. However, they end up exposing themselves to an evil millions of years old.

The Construction:

Several aspects of this movie made it quite unique, in both good and bad ways. The film lacked a central villain, but the way the characters played off one another, nothing important seemed missing. The infusion of theories of modern physics into the plot was interesting; discussions relating the world of faith to matter and anti-matter helped bridge the gap between religion and science, a crucial connection in this film. On the other hand, some of the science seemed tacked on. For instance, the guests in the church were warned of impending crisis via their dreams. The signals they received, however, were broadcast from the future (the year 1999, to be exact). At one point, the film mentioned that “anything going faster than the speed of light would appear to be traveling backwards,” and I suppose that’s where the signal from the future comes in. Not being a physicist, I don’t know if that statement is true, but the dream messages introduced a sci-fi element to the movie which wasn’t really needed.

The Acting:

Most noticeable, of course, was the work of Donald Pleasance. He played the priest role to perfection, allowing his faith (or occasional doubts of faith) to influence his behavior at all turns. Dennis Dun’s graduate student was smarmy, obnoxious, and completely entertaining. Carpenter mainstay Peter Jason was at his best as the arrogant, yet likable Dr. Leahy. The rest of the cast was unremarkable, especially Jameson Parker, whose wooden acting added an aura of confusion to his character. Look for Alice Cooper in a very strange cameo role, as well.

The Rundown:

Overall, a very interesting and unusual movie. For all the gore and violence, it was about as far from a typical slasher film as a horror movie can be. The most important part of any production, in my opinion, is the compelling nature (or lack thereof) of the story, and in this case, “Prince of Darkness” does not disappoint.

Rating (Out of *****): ***1/2

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I'd suggest a review of Dead Alive, because the Rat Monkey > *, and come on...it's Peter Jackson!

EDIT: Had an interesting take on how words should be spelled that I took care of.

Edited by Dyko
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