WWF 1993

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NEWSFLASH

Happy New Wrestling Year!

1992 is over and 1993 is here.

1992 Was a great year for the two leading federations, with wrestlers moving from WWF to WCW and wrestlers moving from WCW to WWF. New wrestlers took the lead, old wrestlers moved out of the way. Let's see what happened in terms of championships:

Ric Flair won the WWF Championship on January 19th, 1992 at the Royal Rumble. He lost the belt to "Macho Man" Randy Savage at Wrestlemania VIII (April 5, 1992). Flair regained the title on September 1st, 1992 after help from Razor Ramon. Flair and Savage's rivalry was one of the main stories of 1992. The feud started in February and finished in a heated tag team match, including Ramon and the turning Mr. Perfect, at the Survivor Series. Another main story was the rise of Bret Hart. After winning the Intercontinental belt for the 2nd time after beating Roddy Piper at WM, he lost the belt to his brother-in-law, in one of the greatest matches of the year. This helped him to beat Ric Flair for the WWF Title, and he left 1992 as champion. Speaking of titles, one dominant champion in WCW was US Champ Rick Rude. He held the title for most of the year, but had to vacate it due to an injury. A tournament for the title was announced and the final will take place tonight as Dustin Rhodes meets Ricky Steamboat. We talked about Bret Hart, and the Hitman of WCW must be Sting, by far their most popular wrestler. Sting caused much excitement when he won the WCW Title from Lex Luger at Superbrawl on the last day of February. He lost the belt later in the year to Big Van Vader, who lost the belt to the first ever afro American WCW Champ, Ron Simmons. Simmons lost the belt back to Vader only 11 days ago. The Tag Team divisions were also very active in 1992. Money Inc. won the titles for the first time, beating the Legion of Doom on February 7th. Their second win of the titles was the regaining of the titles from the Natural Disasters. Another young star that got his chance to glow as a singles wrestler this year is Shawn Michaels. After his successful Tag Team together with Marty Janetty, The Rockers, broke up Michaels went to greater things, winning the IC Title from Davey Boy Smith on SNME. There is no doubt 1992 was a great year for wrestling, and there is no doubt that 1993 could be even better!

New WWF TV!

WWF have signed a 40-week contract with USA Network for a new primetime show, which will replace the late Prime Time Wrestling. The show will be called Monday Night Anguish and the first show, aired January 4th, will have Vince McMahon and Randy Savage as announcer and commentator.

The Dynamite Comeback!

The Dynamite Kid has signed a new 12-months year long deal with WWF. His return has caused excitement in the WWF locker room, and sources told Newsflash he is returning together with another returning figure as a manager.

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Roster

Red=Heel

Blue=Face

Main Event

Bret Hart-World Champion - 95 image

Hulk Hogan

Randy Savage

Ric Flair

The Undertaker

Yokozuna

Upper Midcard

Lex Luger

Mr. Perfect

Shawn Michaels-Intercontinental Champion - 80 image

Midcard

Bam Bam Bigelow

Big Bossman

Bob Backlund

Brian Knobbs

Butch

Earthquake

Irwin R. Shyster-Tag Team Champion (with Ted Dibiase) - 75 image

Jerry Lawler

Jerry Saggs

Jim Duggan

Kamala

Luke

Marty Jannetty

"Rocket" Owen Hart

Papa Shango

Razor Ramon

Scott Steiner

Tatanka

Ted DiBiase-Tag Team Champion (with IRS) - 75 image

The Mountie

Typhoon

Virgil

Lower Midcard

Beau Beverly

Blake Beverly

Crush

Doink The Clown

Fatu

Jim Powers

Koko B. Ware

Max Moon

Red Rooster

Repo Man

The Dynamite Kid

The"Model" Rick Martel

Samu

Skinner

Openers

Barry Horowitz

Brooklyn Brawler

Damien Demento

PJ Walker

The Berzerker

The Kamikaze Kid

WWF storyline President

Jack Tunney

Managers (Clients)

Afa (Fatu and Samu)

Harvey Wippleman (Giant Gonzalez)

"Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart (The Mountie and Money Inc.)

Luna Vachon (Bam Bam Bigelow)

Mr Fuji (Yokozuna)

Paul Bearer (The Undertaker)

Sensational Sherri (Shawn Michaels)

Slick

The Genius (The Beverly Brothers)

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WWF Monday Night Anguish Report – by Newsflash's reporter, Adam Mick.

Well, here I am, with my front row tickets to….my tv…well, this is Anguish's first ever episode so let's see what's in store for us. Vince says we'll see a very Unlikely Duo in Crush & Bob Backlund (??) going up against The Headshrinkers. Also in action will be Big Bossman and Papa Shango. We will also hear from several wrestlers on our way to the Royal Rumble. The question is – who will face Bret Hart in the Rumble for the title? The two names that have come up recently were those of Yokozuna and Ric Flair. I think Flair is the better choice, but when was the last time WWF did something because it was better? Let's get back to the show.

McMahon: Indeed a great night is before us, Macho Man.

Macho Man: Oooh Yeah!

McMahon: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are three weeks away from the Royal Rumble. Let's get a few wrestler's thoughts and predictions towards the Rumble itself.

Tough odds

First wrestler: Kamikaze Kid. He says his first Rumble will be on to be remembered. Yeah, I'm sure you'll win, kid. Next!

Doink the Clown, who by the way freaks me out, but all clowns freak me out: "I'm going to win the Royal Rumble and kick everyone around and go on to Wrestlemania, and then champ, you're mine! Hahahah!" The last few words were said with an intense face. Creepy...

Cousin Luke: "Ey, Cousin Butch?"

Cousin Butch: "Yeah, Cousin Luke?"

Cousin Luke: "Are we in the Royal Rumble?"

Cousin Butch: "Yay!"

Cousin Luke: "And what do we get if we win?"

Cousin Butch: "I don't know…sardines?"

Cousin Luke: "Yay! Sardines!!"

Bobby Heenan for the soon debuting Lex Luger: "What you see right here is the real deal, the total package, the man beyond perfection and the man who will win the Royal Rumble – The Narcissist Lex Luger."

Paul Bearer for The Undertaker: "Oooh yes, when my Undertaker wins the Royal Rumble, the creatures of the night will be prepared to take the champion's soul at Wrestlemania! Oh yes!"

Razor Ramon: "Chicos, Royal Rumble is the place where the boys are separated from the men. And there is no one who is manlier, oozing machismo like the bad guy, Razor Ramon. And I will win it because I will start the match before it even starts." Now, does the WWF realize how stupid that sounds? Why am I watching this?

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The Kamikaze Kid gained overness from this segment.

McMahon: "30 wrestlers will be in that ring at The Royal Rumble, but only one will go one to meet the WWF Champion at Wrestlemania. (Big Bossman music in the background) But now, it's time to serve some hard time!"

Barry Hardy vs Big Bossman

Very short match here, and thank god for that. Bossman just fired some right hands, tossed Hardy around for a bit and ended it all with the Sidewalk Slam and the 3 count. I gotta say I'm a little disappointed that this is the first ever match for Anguish. Hopefully, it'll get better.

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Vince: "Big Bossman – victorious!"

Macho Man: "Great win for Big Bossman there; I'm giving him a double thumbs up!"

Vince: "And Bossman is also one of the 30 men who will get their shot at The Royal Rumble! On a different note, one of the best divisions ever in the WWF was always the Tag Team division. And one of the best tag teams ever was certainly the British Bulldogs. But how will British Bulldog the Dynamite Kid get along as a singles wrestler? We'll see at the Royal Rumble."

Dynamite Comeback – promo no. 1

A video is played, showing The British Bulldogs' title win, and some more Dynamite Kid special moments, including several Diving Headbutts. "The Dynamite Kid – on his way to the Royal Rumble. Check local listings."

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Vince: "This year's Royal Rumble winner will meet the WWF Champion at Wrestlemania; you probably know that by now. Will The Dynamite Kid win the Rumble?"

Macho Man: "I seriously doubt that! This year's rumble will be all Macho! Ooh Yeah!"

(Vince laughs as Money Inc.'s theme music plays over the PA system.)

Pricy Challenge

Jimmy Hart and Money Inc. come out and Jimmy Hart has the mic. When Jimmy has the mic, I'm happy

Jimmy: "You see, right here are the Tag Team Champions. The best tag team in the world. And in a lousy federation such as the WWF (boo), it's very hard to find competition to such a competent and competitive…" Is it just me or are those three words the same besides one or two letters? "So we've decided to take a different approach. We won't wait until a tag team comes here and earns its title shot, we'll call them out here. So the first team that will come down that entranceway, gets a shot at us, and if they win, which they won't, they will get a tag team title shot next week on Monday Night Anguish!" (Pop as we go to commercials)

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[Commercial brake]

Money Inc. vs The Steiner Brothers

As we come back from commercials, Rick Steiner and Ted DiBiase are already in the ring. DiBiase is in control and he hits a Dropkick, which is followed by a 2 count. DiBiase takes Rick Steiner to his corner and tags IRS in. Double Clothesline is followed by a 2 count. IRS doesn't give Rick Steiner a chance to get up and locks in a Chin Lock, which in Vince's eyes is a "Choke, ref! That's a choke!" IRS places his legs on the bottom rope from time to time and in the meantime, Rick Steiner gets an adrenaline rush from the crowd's cheering. Rick hits a few shot to the gut and gets a Back Suplex. Both men are down, and Rick Steiner gets the hot tag. Scott hits a few rights and DiBiase gets one too. Rick Steiner gets in and hits a Double Steinerline with his brother on IRS. Cover by Scott gets 2 after DiBiase breaks it. Scott Steiner sends IRS to the ropes and hits a tilt the world on the rebound. Scott Steiner signals to the crowd and goes for the Frankensteiner, but IRS counters it into a Powerbomb. IRS takes the advantage and Bodyslams Scott Steiner. IRS sends Scott Steiner to the ropes, and Rick Steiner gets in the blind tag. DiBiase Backdrops Scott and turns around right into a double Steinerline by Rick Steiner. Suddenly, Rick Martel and Bam Bam Bigelow (??????????) come down the aisle and Martel has the mic: "Look, Bam Bam, how a weak tag team like The Steiners have to sweat in a match we would win in two seconds, eh?" Bam Bam agrees but Rick Steiner is distracted. DiBiase rolls him up from behind with a hand full of tights and gets the 3 count. Money Inc. celebrate a little and go backstage. The Steiners are right after them, or maybe after Martel & Bigelow.

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Vince: "Rick Martel and Bam Bam Bigelow costing The Steiners a title shot!"

Macho Man: "I don't like this; I don't like this one bit."

Vince: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the following match will advance to the Royal Rumble."

Damien Demento vs PJ Walker

Let's examine the situation here. We've got two rather young inexperienced jobbers. One is about to get a push, and the other is going to be a jobber for jobbers. We've got a big muscle man that can't even run and you've got a quick agile man who can develop to something good in the future. Why do I have a very bad feeling about this? Anyway, back to the match. Demento has the advantage early on, but PJ Walker counters a Bear Hug with a few elbows to the gut. Walker rolls Demento up for 2. They both get up and Walker goes for a Suplex, which is blocked by Demento. Demento hits a few lousy rights and DDT's Walker. Cover gets 2. Demento sends Walker to the ropes and hits a Spinebuster. Demento could barely hold Walker on that exchange. Cover gets 2. Demento sends Walker to the corner and squashes him with a Clothesline. Demento locks in a headlock, but Walker gets out of it with elbows to the gut again and gets a DDT out of nowhere. Cover gets 2. Walker sends Demento to the ropes and hits a Spinebuster. Now, that's how you hit a Spinebuster. Cover gets another 2. Demento gets up and catches a Super Kick to the jaw. Scoop Slam and an Elbow Drop misses. Demento kicks Walker a few times. I'll give you this; the man can kick, so send him to Man United and get him out of the WWF! The kicks position PJ Walker in the corner and the two exchange rights. The ref tries to break it, but they push him away. Official decision: Double DQ. I felt like thanking the ref for finishing it. As it turns out, neither man advances to the Rumble. Well, as long as Skinner is in it, I'm happy! Wait, this isn't over, the two continue to brawl to the back.

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Vince: "What a match! But sadly, neither man will advance to the royal rumble."

Macho Man: "The Royal Rumble is where you gather the absolute best, and if you can't pass the pre-test, you shouldn't be there."

Vince: "Let's get back to the action!"

Koko B. Ware vs Papa Shango

Don't let them make Koko job! Don't, damn it! Shango hits a few rights and a Suplex. Cover gets 2. Shango goes for an elbow, but Koko moves out of the way. A few Clotheslines don't really bother ol' Papa who gains momentum again with headbutts, not good ones, but headbutts. Clothesline in the corner and a Scoop Slam. Shango picks Koko up and hits his patented Death Valley Driver. Cover gets 3 and yes, they made Koko job. Damn them all to heck!

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[Commercial brake]

The Headshrinkers vs Unlikely Duo

This might be interesting. We come back from commercials to see Crush and Fatu going at it. Fatu hits some rights and Crush collapses after a Headbutt. Cover, 2 count. Afa yells some stuff and Fatu backs Crash into the corner. Fatu yells something back and Crush kicks him in the face, silly Samoan. Crush hits some rights, which are followed by a Full Nelson hold. Crush tags Backlund in, who kicks Fatu in the gut. Backlund tries to go for a Suplex, but Fatu headbutts him and tags Samu in. Backlund is down and Samu goes to the top. He goes for the big splash, but Backlund moves out of the way. Hot tag Crush. All hell breaks loose and Backlund Clotheslines Fatu to the outside. Samu hits a thrust kick and Backlund goes outside. Samu turns around right into a Full Nelson Bomb from Crush. After the match, the unlikely duo celebrates in the ring. Man, that was weird.

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Vince: "Crush & Bob Backlund – victorious!"

Macho Man: "I have to say I'm impressed. Congratulations for Backlund & Crush for that great win!"

Vince: "Well, fans, we won't hold you any longer, here is Jack Tunney's pre-recorded announcement."

Jack Tunney is standing in his office.

Tunney: "I've been WWF president for several years now, and the years are starting to close on me. Therefore, I will appoint new authority figures, and each one will make an important announcement. The first authority I am announcing is none other than legendary manager, Captain Lou Albano."

Captain Lou appears on the screen (Yay!), as it turns out, his announcement is that a new title is entered into the WWF – the TV title. The Champion will be decided next week on Monday Night Anguish in a 10-men-battle-royal. Now, how do you think that meeting in the WWF booking room went? "Hey, guys, we need a rumble preview shot…I know, let's make a rumble on Anguish! But we need a reason…How about a new title, which will mean absolutely nothing? Yeah, but how will we stuff an old fool into the picture? Hey, does someone have Captain Lou's number?"

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Vince: "Wow! Captain Lou back in the WWF! And a new title starting next week!"

Macho Man: "Vince, I can't wait for next week to see who will be the 1st ever WWF TV Champion!"

Vince: "Yes, I…what? Ladies and gentlemen, we have to take you to the back – something is going on over there."

Back Action

We are in a dark basement, with little lighting, where The Undertaker and Paul Bearer are down with Razor Ramon standing above them with the urn. Razor stomps away at Bearer and hits Taker with the urn a few times. He then says: "Now that's starting the match before it starts." Ohhh! I get it now. Anyway, a few officials arrive to the scene and restrain the bad guy as we go to one FINAL commercial break.

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Style Promo

Ric Flair comes out to a loud boo and is handed a mic as he enters the ring.

He stops the walkin' and starts the talkin'.

"You see, right here you are looking at the greatest WWF Champion of all time (boo). You are looking at a man who had to beat 29 others to become WWF Champion. You are looking at a man who beat a man who cheated him to get another title reign. Yeah, I'm talking about you, Savage!" Savage wants to go out there but Vince restrains him "You are looking at the best technical wrestler the WWF has ever seen. Indeed, you should thank the lord for giving you a chance to see a legend live. I had my legacy in its prime last year! I won the Royal Rumble, I headlined Wrestlemania, and I headlined Summerslam even though I didn't even have a match! I won the WWF Title! Twice! And then came a little punk named Bret Hart (pop) and took that title away from me. Bret Hart, how dare you? How dare you come and take the title away from me without even having the decency of giving me a re-match? How dare you call yourself the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be without proving it? Yes, Bret Hart, you know that in order to be the man you've got to beat the man! Wooo! So I'm challenging you for a title match at the Royal Rumble!"

Bret Hart comes out, with a mic of his own:

"Flair, you make me sad. It saddens me to see an old man like you trying, in some pathetic way, to remind everyone that he still exists. But, Flair, I don't just say I'm the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be. I am. I can put my money where my mouth is and I will do that at the Royal Rumble. In other words – you're on!"

Flair is in the ring, Hitman is outside and Vince thanks us for joining him. That's it for Anguish's first ever show.

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Overall rating: 67

[Guest ryan_the_canuck]

This is looking good...

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Newsflash

*Jim Neidhart to sign WWF contract?

In what seems to be a return to the 80's, the WWF have started negotiation with former Tag Team Champion, Jim Neidhart. Another 80's Tag Champion, Dynamite Kid, has already signed the contract and this might be a wake-up call for such wrestlers as Haku, Ax and Tully Blacndhard, who were also 80's Tag Champs.

*Manager Mania!

Another new trend in the WWF is the manager trend. Dynamite Kid will probably come with a manger and reliable sources have told Newsflash that Jim Cornette is also about to sign with the WWF.

*Bret Hart = WWF Future

A reliable source within the WWF has told Newsflash that the plan is to make Bret Hart the "Hulk Hogan of the 90's". Hogan of course was known for bringing the WWF to it's Global level success last decade and due to his age and loss of speed, The Hitman is probably going to take his place from now on.

*One More Hart

If Bret Hart is the Hulk Hogan of the 80's, Owen Hart might be the Bret Hart of the year 2000. It looks like Owen got Bret's technical abilities if not more and he is also one of the superstars the WWF count on towards the next years.

*Anguish breaking TV records!

Monday Night Anguish, the new prime time show of the WWF broke its "mother's" record when it got a 5.62 rating, which Prime Time Wrestling got only on its absolute days. The only thing left to see is if it could get the same ratings for the next few shows.

[Guest Jules]

Looking good so far, just try and space out your results a little bit as they look a bit crushed together, but it's not a major problem. I hope you bring Cornette in as Dynamite's manager, should work well.

Keep up the good work.

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Monday Night Anguish 1.11.93!

By Newsflash reporter, Ben Rogers.

To those of you wondering, Adam moved to the news department. I will be taking over the Anguish reports from now on, but that doesn't mean I get tickets to the show. That's right; I'm also watching this on TV. I've got my popcorn, my notepad and my remote control. It might sound sad, but this is my idea of heaven. Anyway, let's get to the show.

Vince McMahon welcomes us to Anguish and reminds us that tonight the first ever WWF TV Champion will be declared in a 10-man battle royal. He talks about the participants and by god, if that debuting clown doesn't win this, I'm going to be pissed. Savage goes with Mr. Perfect. Well, good for him!

First order of business

Ric Flair's music plays over the PA and he comes out, all happy like a 13-year-old who got porn for Christmas. Flair takes Mr. Mic and starts the talking:

"Fans, get a very close look on my body and especially my waist" Do we have to? "Because this is one of the last rare chances you'll ever get to see it without the WWF Title around it." He gets a big heat. "You see, I've come a long way to where I stand today. I've been through them all: Hogan (Pop), Perfect (Pop), Savage (Pop)." Savage protests. I wonder when Bobby Heenan will be available again. "I do one move wrong in one match and suddenly - I'm old news!" Yeah, just without the news. "I'm not the big thing anymore! Suddenly, Bret "Hitman" Hart (Pop) is the best technical wrestler in the history of the WWF. Well, I'm not going to take it! Bret Hart took a stupid step last week. Brave, but stupid. You see, Bret Hart got lucky one time and he should have been happy with that and start taking on other challengers. Challengers who are way out of the Nature Boy's league. I've said it before: To be the man, you've got to beat the man. Hitman, I have to hand it to you. You did it. You beat the man, but it was very stupid on your part to come out and say you're going to beat the man again. Because you can't! You can't and Hitman, you won't! Wooo!"

Flair gives one more woo to the camera and goes to the back.

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Vince reminds us that at the Royal Rumble we're going to see Shawn Michaels defending Marty Jannetty against his Intercontinental title. Or something like that. Savage says something about Jannetty getting his big chance, ooh yeah. Anyway, a BIG tag match is next.

Razor Ramon and Shawn Michaels vs Marty Jannetty and Owen Hart

HBK and Jannetty start. Michaels hides in the corner and refuses to wrestle until Jannetty tags out. Owen is tagged in and HBK cheap shots him from behind with right hands. Cover, Shawn, cover! HBK hits a few elbows and a famouser. A cover gets 2. HBK tags Razor Ramon in and Razor hits a suplex. He covers and gets a 2 count. Ramon picks Owen up and hits a neckbreaker. Razor goes for another suplex, but Owen slides through the back door and dropkicks Razor's back. Owen cradles Razor in a school boy and gets a 2 count. Razor quickly regains control and sends Owen to the ropes. He goes for a clothesline but Owen ducks and tags in Marty Jannetty. Razor hip tosses Owen to the outside but Jannetty hits a missile dropkick. He covers, but Michaels breaks the count. Jannetty hits an arm drag and locks Razor's arm. He runs to the ropes and hits a quick dropkick to the back of Razor's head. Jannetty goes to the top and tries to hit a rocket launcher, but Michaels pushes him down. Ramon picks Jannetty up, gets him in the corner and hits a running powerslam. He covers and gets only a 2 count after Owen brakes the count. Ramon tags out to Shawn Michaels. HBK hits a belly to belly suplex on Jannetty and goes for his patented back suplex but Jannetty turns it into a sunset flip for 2. Michaels goes for a clothesline but misses, the two run to the ropes and hit a double clothesline.

Jannetty gets the hot tag to Owen, who prevents HBK from making a tag. Owen tries to send Michaels to the ropes, but it's reversed and HBK scores with a knee to Owen's abdomen. HBK picks Owen up and scores with a thumb to the eye. Jannetty protests and Razor goes after him. It's about time someone shut Jannetty's mouth. The ref is distracted by that as Owen hits a few rights and goes for his Russian legsweep, which is by the way one of the worst finishers in the WWF, but Michaels hits a low blow and small packs him! 1...2...3! Michaels gets the pin! Michaels celebrates, but Owen dropkicks him to the outside, much to the crowd's delight. He runs to the ropes and jumps over the opposite ropes, onto Michaels. He hits a few rights until the referee restrains him. His music plays and he, along with Jannetty, raise their arms in moral victory inside the ring.

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Vince is appalled by Shawn's actions, Savage agrees with him. In the meantime, it's time for this week's edition of Who's Better Than Tunney!

New Authority

Jack Tunney is standing in his office. Who will get his office once he's finally gone? I think they should highlight a PPV with that. They've done worse. Anyway, he says it's time to announce the new authority. He introduces him as one of the greatest WWF Champions of all time (Antonio Inoki?) and a true patriot (It is Inoki!). The new member of the new Authority team is none other than Sgt. Slaughter. They shake hands and Slaughter promises to do whatever he can to improve the WWF and make it a better product for the fans to watch. Then quit! His announcement is that he booked a fourth match for the Royal Rumble - the Steiners will get their chance for revenge against Bam Bam Bigelow and Rick Martel in a tag team match. Swell.

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Vince is happy following that announcement, Savage is too and only little old me is sad that the Steiners aren't getting a title push. Ah, well, there will always be the Bushwhackers.

[Commercial brake]

Beastly Beauty vs Natural Disasters

Well, at least Martel and Bigelow have a tag team name now. Bigelow and Earthquake start the match with a lock up. Bigelow turns it into a head lock, which Quake gets out of with elbows. Each man goes to his corner and Bigelow challenges Earthquake to a wrist lock power struggle. They go at it; Bigelow takes the advantage but Earthquake gains momentum with the help of the crowd and the lump of meat in his corner. Bigelow goes for a kick but Earthquake blocks it and hits a clothesline. Earthquake covers and gets 2. Earthquake tags in Typhoon. Typhoon hits a few elbows. Man, the guy can't even get an elbow to look real! He sends Bigelow to the ropes and oh yes, hits another elbow which sends Bigelow crashing to the mat. Typhoon covers and gets 2. They get up and Typhoon hits an uppercut. He sends Bigelow to the corner and goes for an avalanche but Bigelow moves out of the way. Typhoon is groggy; Bigelow goes back to the corner and hits a bulldog. A cover gets 2. Bigelow tags Martel in. Bigelow powerbomb Typhoon and Martel hits an elbow drop. Typhoon is out just before the three count. Martel goes for his Boston crab, but Typhoon uses his "leg strength" to kick out. Typhoon does something that resembles fists and tags in Earthquake. Earthquake kicks Martel around and hits a big scoop slam. Earthquake sends Martel to the ropes and the two butt heads. Double tag and all four men are in the ring. Natural Disasters do their avalanche-ref-get-out-of-the-way-combo, but Earthquake sends Martel to a Typhoon clothesline and instead ends up sending him into a collision with the ref. The brawl is on. Martel and Bigelow both low blow with perfect timing and start kicking the Natural Disasters around. The crowd erupts when the Steiners come running down the aisle. Bigelow is Steinerlined to the outside and Martel is all alone. Rick sends him to the ropes and Scott hits a Frankensteiner. The two hit a double DDT on Bigelow on the outside and the ref wakes up to see Earthquake hit his fat-guy-sit-down-splash on Martel. 1...2...3. Natural disasters win and thank god this is over.

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Vince encourages the Steiners' actions and Savage, once again, agrees with him. A pair of hypocrites and nothing more. Vince reminds us that the Dynamite Kid will make his re-debut at the Royal Rumble match and gives us a very special look at him.

Dynamite Comeback - Promo No. 2

A very similar promo to the one that was shown last week, those cheap bastards. A bunch of British Bulldogs matches are shown, with only the Dynamite Kid and not Davey Boy Smith, those petty bastards. A special attention is given to the diving headbutt and then: "The Dynamite Kid, on his way to the Royal Rumble - coming to you live, January 24th, only on PPV." Those greedy bastards. Oh, yeah, and check local listings.

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Vince hypes Dynamite's comeback some more, Savage says that back when Dynamite was around, he was considered one of the toughest and we're back to the action.

Brooklyn Brawler vs Jim Duggan

Oh, those nasty squashes. Duggan showed that he had absolutely no wrestling abilities whatsoever, once again. He hits a few right hands, some clotheslines and the highlight of the match was a flapjack. He finished it off with his version of the clothesline, and might I quote the great Bobby Heenan (Bobby, come back!) "Dummy clothesline". 1...2...3!! What a surprise.

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Vince tells us to stay tuned because still to come is the TV Title 10-men-battle royal and Savage reminds him that up next is another hot tag match between the Beverlys and the Unlikely Duo. In other words, a whole lot to look forward to!

[Commercial brake]

Dark Interview

The Undertaker and Paul Bearer are standing in their spooky basement, Bearer looks like a father who's kid got punched down because he bragged about being the president of the chess club. Finally, he talks:

"Oh, Razor Ramon. You think you can make your name in the WWF on my Undertaker's expense! You think that by cheap-shotting me and my Undertaker, everybody will look at you like you're some kind of tough guy. Oh, no, Razor Ramon. Know this: Many have tried to make their names on my Undertaker's expense and they all ended up in the same place. 6 feet under! Oh, yes! Razor Ramon, you've sealed your fait. You got in a fight that doesn't involve you. You decided to take part in the most brutal fight there is. You got yourself involved in the ultimate battle between good and evil, and on the wrong side. Razor Ramon, you've done a whole lot of stupid things since your arrival, but this might be the most stupid because this will have the worst consequences when my Undertaker buries you! Oh, yes!"

The Undertaker: "Creatures of the night, be prepared as I will send another victim to you. Razor Ramon, your soul will soon be eaten by the rabid dogs in the gates of hell itself. Rest in peace."

69

Vince says that Razor seems to be in big trouble and Savage says he deserves it. First betting on Perfect in the rumble, and then attacking Ramon verbally? Savage, Survivor Series is over! Get over it! God!

The Beverlys vs Unlikely Duo

Beau and Crush, the two technical masters of the WWF, start it off. Beau quickly turns a headlock into a snap mare and a dropkick. He covers and gets 2. Goes for a right hand, which is blocked. Crush starts hitting his awkward rights and sends Beau to the ropes. Good backdrop. Crush sends Beau to the ropes again and hits a spinebuster. Crush tags in Backlund. Backlund places Beau on the top rope and hits a super belly to belly suplex. Beau looks crushed. Backlund picks him up, but while Blake yells at the referee Beau low blows. Beau quickly tags Blake in. Blake goes for a kick, but Backlund blocks it and Blake hits an enzugiri. I think it was meant to be an enzugiri; I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Blake covers and gets 2. He goes to the second rope and hits a bad double axe handle. Beau is tagged back in and he hits a DDT. He SO should be given a solo run. Beau covers and gets 2. Beau goes for his patented flying clothesline, but Backlund moves out of the way. Backlund hits a back suplex and tags in Crush. Crush picks Beau up and hits a brain buster. Crush doesn't go for the pin and instead locks in his...um...crush? Anyway, Backlund fights Blake off and Beau loses consciousness. Hideous.

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Vince says Unlikely Duo's winning streak might end with the tag team titles. Savage says he believes Unlikely Duo is championship material. Oh, god, no. It's time for the main event.

Pre Match 1

The first to come out is Damien Demento, along side his new manager, Harvey Wippleman. Wippleman asks for a microphone, Finkel introduces him and Wippleman snatches the mic from his hands. That part always cracks me up:

"Listen up, you un-educated un-civilized bunch of city freaks! (Heat) In case you haven't noticed, right in front of you is one of the most talented wrestlers ever in the WWF." Oh, I'm not even going to start about that. God, think before you talk, people! "And last week he was robbed from participating in the Royal Rumble, going to Wrestlemania and beating the WWF Champion. All because of a small maggot named PJ Walker, who decided to cheat until the referee stops the match and rob Damien from his Royal Rumble slot! Not only is PJ Walker corrupted, the referee and the entire WWF is corrupted! But that is why I'm here. I'm here to give Damien Demento the next best thing - a win in tonight's 10-man battle royal for the TV Championship." Funny, you would've thought the next best thing wasn't the worst title you could win. "And if PJ Walker tries something smart tonight, he will get his, you better count on that. If Walker doesn't cheat again and the ref isn't corrupted again," He gives the ref a dirty look "There will be no problems. Bring in the other idiots."

67

Jerry Lawler's music hits as we go to a...

Hype Video

There is a clip of footage from last year's Royal Rumble as the narrator gets a word or two in between: "30 wrestlers, one ring, one slot for Wrestlemania." We cut to footage of Steiners, Martel and Bigelow. "Also, two frustrated wrestlers seek for revenge against two no-less frustrated brothers." Couldn't say it better myself. Cut to Jannetty-HBK feud. "One time friends, now bitter foes and the Intercontinental title in the middle!" And last, but not least. "Two of the greatest of all time fight for the ultimate prize - the WWF Championship!" WWF Royal Rumble, check local listings."

74

Everybody is in the ring and it is indeed on.

TV Title 10-man Battle Royal

The camera focuses on Lawler and Mountie. Do they know something we don't? Mountie hits a right hand and a clothesline, which eliminates Mountie. (Elimination # 1) The camera now focuses on Walker and Demento. Oh, you know it is coming. Demento tries to slam him over the top, but Walker slides from underneath the bottom rope and eliminates Demento. (Elimination # 2) Repo Man and Mr. Perfect are next. Perfect hits a few rights and eliminates Repo Man with a slam. (Elimination # 3) Shango and Tatanka. Isn't Shango the kind of people Tatanka devotes his life to fight? Bossman takes Tatanka and Shango fights Walker. Shango tries to eliminate Walker, and with help from Wippleman Walker is eliminated. (Elimination # 4) Walker and Demento fight all the way to the back. The Mountie goes for Shango and eliminates him with a little help from Perfect. (Elimination # 5) Perfect and Tatanka fight and Perfect can't eliminate him. We're going to Doink, my favorite, and Bossman. Tatanka and Perfect help Bossman and Doink is eliminated. Damn them to hell. (Elimination # 6) Tatanka and Bossman start brawling and Perfect goes with the Mountie. Perfect tries to hook up a suplex but Mountie reverses it and suplexes Perfect to the outside. Bossman and Tatanka try to double-team Mountie and hit him with chops. Bossman tries to Death Valley drive Mountie to the outside, but Tatanka turns on him. They exchange forearms and chops as Mountie tries to revive in the corner. Tatanka tries to eliminate Bossman, but the enforcer thumbs him in the eye. Bossman hits a few right hands and tries to eliminate Tatanka, who headbutts him to brake the hold. Bossman hits an uppercut and Bossman is groggy. He goes for a clothesline but Tatanka backdrops him to the outside. (Elimination # 8) And then there were two. Jimmy Hart yells like crazy on the outside as Mountie and Tatanka lock up. Mountie uses a few knees and a dropkick. He tries to eliminate Tatanka, but Tatanka uses the momentum to eliminate Mountie. Or so we thought. Jimmy Hart uses all his strength to keep Mountie out. Mountie tries to eliminate Tatanka and with help from his manager, he eliminates thee native American. your winner and first ever WWF TV Champion - the Mountie!

57

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49

Well, that raps it up for my first Anguish report. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I suffered writing it. Until next time - this has been the Beninator!

Overall rating: 66

TV rating: 5.83

[kaplanir]

Newsflash

*El Gigante to return?

El Gigante, one of the bigger stars of WCW earlier in the decade is on his way back home. After a deal with the WWF that didn't work out, he is now in advanced negotiation with Ted Turner's federation. The original plan was to bring him as the man who can finally stop the Undertaker. This plan didn't work out following a booking team decision that declared Gigante incapable in the ring and offered other wrestlers to get a push feuding with the Undertaker. The names that were mentioned were those of Ric Flair, who went on to bigger things, The Mountie, who was given the TV Title and Razor Ramon, who is in fact currently feuding with the phenom.

A manager from inside!

The WWF is packed with talented workers. That's a fact. Another fact is that most of them lack the charisma that has to go with wrestling abilities these days. After several signings of managers who will debut soon, the plan is to take a few charismatic yet not fit for wrestling workers and turn them into managers. The current managers, the wrestlers who will turn into managers and the new managers who will debut soon will sum up to an amount of over 10 managers!

New WCW Champion!

At the last edition of Clash of the Champions Big Van Vader dropped the WCW Title to by far the most charismatic and adored superstar in WCW, Sting. It looks like Sting will go into a feud with the giant Sid.

Edited May 19, 2004 by kaplanir

[kaplanir]

Monday Night Anguish 1.18.93!

By Newsflash reporter, Ben Rogers.

Oh, it's you again. What is there in store for us tonight? A main event featuring Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker, a 6-man tag between Damien Demento, Repo man and the Mountie and the Bushwhackers and PJ Walker, or in other words: the 6 worst gimmicks in the WWF. Oh, and the Headshrinkers in action! Oh, yay! Believe it or not, the Who Is Better Than Tunney project is over. Vince says we're going to Tunney's office and see who the final member of the authority team is. Aren't you excited?

New Guy In Town

Tunney introduces to us the final member of the authority team. He's not a former manager. Neither is he a former WWF Champion. He is a regular board of directors member who should even the team up. His name is Andre Thag and he's an alcoholic. Let's go to a moment of good side/bad side with Ben Rogers. Good side: We get rid of Tunney tonight. Bad side: We're getting a guy who's even more boring. That was a moment of good side/bad side with Ben Rogers. Thag says that this Sunday at the Royal Rumble we're going to see justice be served as Tatanka gets another shot at the TV Title against the champ, The Mountie. Damn that racist. He can't let a Canadian be the first champion? Damn him to hell!

72

Vince and Savage are also happy that justice is being served. I'm so surprised. We're going to a pre-recorded interview with Beastly Beauty and their brand new manager!

Royal Tag Team

Rick Martel and Bam Bam Bigelow are standing in the pre-recorded-comments studio. The one with the background which looks like someone puked on it.

Martel: "You know, me and Bam Bam are the absolute elite of WWF wrestling, so when we decided we needed guidance, we only wanted the elite of WWF managers. So we went to the man who knows it all and knows them all. Here is our new manager - Jerry "the King" Lawler."

Jerry Lawler appears, with his regular let-the-nuthouse-know-their-one-lune-missing king outfit.

Lawler: "That's right! I've decided it's time to lead someone new and fresh (Like 36-year-old Martel?) to the top of the WWF, just like I got there (I think that pretty much speaks for itself). So our first order of business will be a cocky team named the Steiners. Those two idiots think they can come and cost Beastly Beauty a match? That barking idiot and his hippie brother think they can match Beastly Beauty in the ring? Well, their mistaken! In their current shape, no on can match Beastly Beauty in the ring and especially not with their new manager! Hahahah!

82

Vince says Beastly Beauty are more dangerous than ever with Jerry Lawler's dirty tricks. Savage says that he doesn't think that their something that could threat the Steiners. Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize but the WWF just created a good sports entertainment moment when now we can't know for sure who will win at the Rumble.

Glenn Ruth vs Owen Hart

Glenn Ruth is what you would call a talented jobber. He does his job(s) well, but he will never be promoted, as apposed to real talent like Damien Demento. Owen of course controlled this match. He kicked Ruth around for a bit and showed his skill with good elevation dropkicks. Is it just me or is he the more talented Hart? Owen finished it off with the he who shoots sharp. Glenn Ruth of course immediately tapped out. Owen celebrates for a bit but is then attacked from behind by Shawn Michaels, who apparently did not care for Owen's after-match attack on him last week. Michaels continues his attack until Marty Jannetty comes running to a big pop. He takes Michaels off of Owen and hits some rights of his own. The two continue to battle it out when Anguish goes to commercials.

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Hype Video III

It's time for another edition of bad side/good side with Ben Rogers. The bad side: This is the third time we are forced to watch this footage of Dynamite Kid. The good side: This is the last time we will be forced to watch this footage of Dynamite Kid.

77

Vince welcomes us back and apologized for the ruckus earlier. Savage says the situation between Michaels and Jannetty is intense. Well, duh! We're gonna go to Tony Chimel backstage with the Tag Champs.

New Guy Interview

Tony Chimel: "Thanks, Vince. I'm here with Jimmy Hart and the WWF Tag Team Champions, Money Inc. Jimmy, I wanted to ask you something. There is a new tag team going around gaining win after win and that is the Unlikely Duo."

Jimmy Hart: "The Unlikely Duo? Hahahah! Don't make the Mouth of the South laugh, baby! They think that after 2 and a half wins over the worst wrestlers in the WWF (Finally, someone understands me!); they are ready to face Money Inc.? You see, here are the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase and IRS; they are the best tag team in the WWF from all points of view. You want brawlers? You got brawlers, you want a technical match? You've got one. You want a fast-paced action-packed match? You can get it too! They are the real deal, baby!"

Ted DiBiase: "That's right, Jimmy. Who are those too? Bob Backlund, he was a WWF Champion like 100 years ago and he thinks he's still hot. And who is this dufface, Crush? He puts his hands on each side of a wrestler's head and he calls himself a wrestler. It's a shame that wrestling have come to these levels, but luckily Money Inc. is here to even it up."

Tony Chimel: "But if you two are booked to a match against them?"

Ted DiBiase: "We won't. Because as you know, everybody's got a price for the Million Dollar Man, and that includes the decision makers. Bwahahaha!"

IRS: "Speaking of those two, I checked their records and as it turns around, they are just all the other idiots out here tonight (Heat), just two pieces of imbecile no-good tax cheats!""

Tony Chimel: "Back to you."

72

Vince says apparently Money Inc. have been thinking of Unlikely Duo because they must have prepared those things to say. Hey, Vince, they tell them what to say. I don't think Vince understands how this works.

Reno Riggins and Ross Greenberg vs The Headshrinkers

The Headshrinkers are Afa-less tonight. Fatu starts it off with Ross Greenberg. They lock up and Fatu sends him to the corner. He squashes him with a clothesline and drops him with something that looked like a DDT. Fatu shoves Greenberg to his corner, and Reno Riggins is tagged in. Reno Riggins hits a few right hands and gains momentum, but he makes a cardinal mistake by trying to headbutt Fatu. Riggins of course goes down and Fatu takes the advantage. Fatu kicks him around and tags in Samu. Fatu slams Riggins down and Samu gets in with a splash. He covers and probably has the 3 but he raises Riggins' head. Samu tosses Riggins to the outside and rams his head to the pole. He sends Riggins to the ropes and hits a thrust kick. Samu tags in Fatu. They do their my-head-can't-be-in-a-worse-shape-headbutt and Fatu picks Riggins up. Here it comes - Fatu Driver. 1...2...3. The Headshrinkers, much to everyone's surprise, win it.

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Vince tells us to stay tuned because still to come is the match between Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker. Savage says that up next is the big 6 man tag. I think big is an exaggeration. I would use 'horrible'.

Commercial Brake

Vince reminds us that the Royal Rumble is this Sunday (Really? I forgot since the last time you said it, 5 minutes ago) and here is how some of the competitors are getting ready for it.

It Might Be Me

We see footage of several superstars getting ready for the Royal Rumble.

Lex Luger is standing in front of his mirror, telling himself how great he is.

Yokozuna eats rice and Mr. Fuji encourages him while a waiter brings another 125 lbs. or so of deep fried food.

Big Bossman practices juggling his nightstick. How this is going to help him at the rumble is beyond me.

The Bushwhackers are eating sardines. What did you except? A WWF video angle without the Bushwhackers eating sardines?

The piece is finished with Virgil and a jumping rope. Are they seriously trying to pass Virgil as a winner? Come on!

75

Vince says these are only 5 men out of 30 men who will compete in only one match this Sunday. Savage says there is also the WWF Championship match, the Intercontinental title match and the TV Title match. Vince mentions Beastly Beauty-Steiners.

Repo Man, The Mountie, and Damien Demento (With Jimmy Hart and Harvey Wippleman) vs Butch, Luke, and PJ Walker (With Mr. Perfect???)

The Bushwhackers' music started playing and then stopped. Mr. Perfect's music followed to a big pop and he came out with a suit, along with the Bushwhackers. They were joined by PJ Waller and the match was on. Repo Man and Walker start the match off. Walker and Repo lock up and Repo gets a right hand. Walker holds his stomach and Repo uses that position to heat a neckbreaker. Repo sends Walker to the ropes and hits a powerslam. Cover gets 2. Repo Man tags out to the Mountie. They hit a double backdrop. The Mountie picks Walker up and hits a snap suplex. The Mountie climbs to the top and goes for his patented elbow drop, but Walker moves out of the way. Hot tag Butch! Butch gets in and starts clobbering Mountie. He bites his bottom and Repo Man comes in. Luke bites Repo's bottom and yes, Walker bites Demento's. Ah, quality wrestling. Who needs Flair-Hitman when you have Bushwhackers biting asses? Order is restored and Butch is in the ring with the Mountie. Butch slams him down and taunts to the crowd. Butch covers and gets 2. Butch tags in Luke and the two hit a double elbow. Mountie begs for mercy and Luke consults the crowd. No, Luke, he'll hit you! No, no, get out of the...ah, I knew it. Demento tagged in and hits a suplex. Luke runs to the ropes and PJ Walker gets in with a blind tag. Demento lowers his head and Luke kicks it. Demento turns around and Walker hits hits Implant DDT!!! 1....2....3!! Walker, the Bushwhackers and Perfect do the Bushwhacker dance in the ring and the party is on.

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Vince comes into the ring to find out WHAT THE HELL PERFECT IS DOING THERE! Nosy bastard! Damn him to hell!

The Perfect Combination

Vince: "Mr. Perfect, congratulations for your win. But I think that the question that we all want to ask is what are you doing here?"

Perfect: "Well, Vince, after my loss in the TV Title battle royal, I realized it was time for me to stop wrestling. I wasn't in my old Intercontinental Title shape; I didn't have it in me to fight the best. I was no longer perfect in the ring, and a long time ago I promised myself that when I'll stop being perfect in the ring, it will be time for me to go. But I sat down and thought where I could go to because I don't want to quit wrestling, it's in my blood to come out that curtain and hear all these guys (Points to the crowd and gets a pop. Suck up.), so I decided to still come out every week, but not get in the ring. I switched to managing. And tonight you've seen my first clients in action, the Bushwhackers. (I guess PJ Walker said no to Perfect. Ouch, getting rejected by a man that not so long ago jobbed the Berzerker). They are not my only clients. Soon you will see me come out with all my other clients and you'll realize what I did. I took the best and turned them into better. (Bushwhackers? Best? If this wasn't my job, I would've turned the TV off right there.) In other words, I've created the Perfect Alliance. (And we have a stable name in a record 4 minutes!)"

Vince: "Will we have the chance to see some of your other clients soon?" (Vince is not much of a listener now is he?)

Perfect: "Right now I have a client in the Royal Rumble match, not including the Bushwhackers. The three of them are the only ones that fit my Perfect Alliance, but soon I will find other talent in the WWF and then you will really see what Perfect is all about."

Vince: "Mr. Perfect!"

76

The Bushwhackers gained overness from this segment.

Vince goes back to the commentary position (Damn him to...well, you know the drill.) Savage says that he has respect to someone who knows to quit while he's ahead (Or two years later). Vince takes us to our MAIN EVENT!

Shawn Michaels vs The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer)

Shawn Michaels with his regular cocky entrance and Taker with the spooky usual. Michaels refuses to wrestle in the beginning, but Taker hits an uppercut on the outside and rolls him in. Michaels gets up quickly and kicks Taker around. Michaels runs to the ropes and hits his flying forearm-kick up combo, but Taker sits up. Michaels rams Undertaker's head in all four corners, but Taker gets right back up. Shawn Michaels throws the Undertaker to the outside and tries to get him up but gets his neck thrown into the top rope. Always watch opponent tapes, Shawn. Undertaker runs to the ropes and hits a flying clothesline. The Undertaker raises his hand to the urn. The Undertaker grabs Shawn Michaels' arm and hits a move I don't even know how to call. Maybe someday Vince will have another name to it besides 'And clobbers him'. We go to a commercial brake and when we come back the Undertaker throws Michaels to the outside. He tries to ram him into the post, but gets himself rammed in stead. Michaels goes after Paul Bearer and grabs the urn. He turns around and Undertaker grabs him by the throat but Michaels low blows him without the ref watching. Michaels rolls him back to the ring and goes to the top. Flying elbow drop. He covers but only gets 2. Michaels hits some more elbow drops but the Undertaker sits up. Razor Ramon comes walking down the aisle. In the meantime, the Undertaker is in control. He picks Michaels up in the Tombstone Piledriver, (which by the way is one of the most depressing names I've heard for a finishing maneuver. From now on it is called the Rainbow Piledriver) position but Razor grabs his foot and prevents him from executing the move. Taker leaves Michaels in the ring and goes after Razor. Razor goes to the back, the Undertaker behind him and Paul Bearer behind them. The ref reaches the 10 count and calls for the bell. the winner as a result of a count out - Shawn Michaels.

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Shawn Michaels gained overness from this match.

Vince says things are really heating up between Undertaker and Razor Ramon. Isn't there a number limit to times he can say that on one show? Ric Flair's music plays on the PA and Savage says something like look who's coming. Is there anyone who can't guess how this will turn out?

Final Hype

Ric Flair takes a mic and starts talking about being the best again. He says he can't wait for the Royal Rumble and he is willing to give up the title shot if Bret Hart comes out to fight right now. Bret Hart indeed comes out and the two brawl. Officials come out and separate the two. But I was sure the WWF were going to give us a PPV match on regular free television! Vince says things are really getting crazy, reminds us one more time to order the Royal Rumble and says goodbye.

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Overall rating: 74

TV rating: 5.89

[kaplanir]

Newsflash

*Royal Rumble This Sunday!

The annual WWF Royal Rumble will take place this Sunday at the Arco Arena in Sacramento. Along with the Rumble itself, a 30 men over the top rope battle royal to declare the no. 1 contender for the WWF Title at Wrestlemania 9, there is much anticipation to the WWF Championship match between Bret Hart, the reigning champion and Ric Flair, the man who Hart beat to become the champion. Many anticipate a technical match like never before.

*Anguish Breaking Another Record!

Monday Night Anguish, the Monday night prime time show on USA Network, broke its own ratings once again this past week with an all time high of 5.89. Superstars, the Saturday show on Fox, also broke its own record with an all time high of 5.88. Experts say these records may very well be broken again with the shows following the Royal Rumble.

*WWF Special Next Month!

Next month, February 14th to be exact, will see a one-time WWF special on national TV. The show will be called "Blackout" and it will see Pay Per View level matches. It will be aired on USA Network with no extra payment.

[kaplanir]

Royal Rumble Preview!

The Royal Rumble is coming to you live from the Arco Arena in Sacramento, California!

Beastly Beauty (w/ Jerry Lawler) vs. The Steiners

Beastly Beauty, a tag team combined of "The Model" Rick Martel and "The Beast from the East" Bam Bam Bigelow, have been frustrated from not getting any title shots. They combined their forces and created a tag team, but didn't any gold then as well. They became jealous of tag teams that do get title shots, The Steiners the first team. Will Beastly Beauty get the win on their way to the Tag Team Titles or will it be The Steiners that will move up a few places up the tag team ranks?

TV Title: The Mountie © (w/ "Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart) vs. Tatanka

On the first ever Monday Night Anguish Authority Team member, Captain Lou Albano, introduced a new title to the WWF: The TV Title. The following week on Anguish a 10-men battle royal took place. The Mountie and Tatanka were the final two. Tatanka seemingly eliminated The Mountie and won the title, but with help with his manager, "Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart, The Mountie survived and eliminated Tatanka to become the first ever TV Champion. A week later Authority Team member, Andre Thag, announced that Tatanka will get his fair chance at the title at the Royal Rumble. Will The Mountie's reign as TV Champion be short-lived or will he end Tatanka's undefeated streak?

Intercontinental Title: "Hart Break Kid" Shawn Michaels © vs. Marty Jannetty

The Rockers were one of the best tag team in WWF history. They brought a new style into the tag team division and were also popular with the fans. Shawn Michaels felt he was the more talented of the two and shocked the entire wrestling world when he smashed Jannetty into glass at Brutus Beefcake's Barber Shop last year. It took months for Jannetty to come back to the ring and when he did he had only one thing on his mind: revenge. Will he get his wish and also win his first single title or will it be 2 for 0 for Shawn Michaels?

WWF Title: "Nature Boy" Ric Flair vs. Bret "Hitman" Hart ©

Flair is a two time WWF Champion. His last title reign was ended by Bret Hart in the Hitman's home country of Canada. That match is considered one of the best technical matches in WWF history. Flair hasn't been successful ever since and he wants to relive his success with the WWF Title. But the title now belongs to Bret Hart for the first time and he intends on keeping it. Will Flair be a 3 time champion or will Hitman's reign overshadow Flair's?

Winner Gets A WWF Title Shot At Wrestlemania 9: 30-men Royal Rumble

For the first time the winner of the annual Royal Rumble will get a chance to meet the WWF Champion for the title at Wrestlemania. Here are the participants:

"The Narcissist" Lex Luger

Beau Beverly

Big Bossman

Bob Backlund

Brian Knobbs

Butch

Crush

Doink the Clown

Iron Mike Sharpe

IRS

Jerry Saggs

Jim Powers

"The Bird Man" Koko B. Ware

Luke

"The Rocket" Owen Hart

"Macho Man" Randy Savage

"The Bad Guy" Razor Ramon

Red Rooster

Reno Riggins

Repo Man

Ross Greenberg

Skinner

"Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase

The Berzerker

The Dynamite Kid

The Kamikaze Kid

The Undertaker

Virgil

Yokozuna

???

Don't you dare miss the Royal Rumble, this Sunday on PPV!

You are more than welcomed to post your predictions, but I doubt people are actually reading this...

Edited May 23, 2004 by kaplanir

[Guest Jules]

Beastly Beauty (w/ Jerry Lawler) vs. The Steiners

TV Title:

The Mountie © (w/ "Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart) vs. Tatanka

Intercontinental Title:

"Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels © vs. Marty Jannetty

WWF Title:

"Nature Boy" Ric Flair vs. Bret "Hitman" Hart ©

Winner Gets A WWF Title Shot At Wrestlemania 9: 30-men Royal Rumble

"The Narcissist" Lex Luger

Beau Beverly

Big Bossman

Bob Backlund

Brian Knobbs

Butch

Crush

Doink the Clown

Iron Mike Sharpe

IRS

Jerry Saggs

Jim Powers

"The Bird Man" Koko B. Ware

Luke

"The Rocket" Owen Hart

"Macho Man" Randy Savage

"The Bad Guy" Razor Ramon

Red Rooster

Reno Riggins

Repo Man

Ross Greenberg

Skinner

"Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase

The Berzerker

The Dynamite Kid

The Kamikaze Kid

The Undertaker

Virgil

Yokozuna

???

[kaplanir]

Gorilla Monsoon: Welcome everyone to Sacramento, California! Welcome to a sold out Arco Arena! Welcome everyone to the 1993 Royal Rumble!

Yeah, I know I'm not supposed to quote the announcers, but is there any meaning to a WWF PPV without Gorilla Monsoon saying the arena is sold out? Bobby Heenan announces about his predications. His narcissist winning the Royal Rumble match (possible), Ric Flair winning the WWF Title (less likely), Shawn Michaels retaining the Intercontinental title (they better) and Mountie retaining the TV Title (Who cares?)

Beastly Beauty (w/ Jerry Lawler) vs The Steiner Brothers

An average opening match, which is a compliment considering this is the WWF. Martel and Rick Steiner start. They lock up and Rick locks a headlock. Martel gets out of it with elbows and right hands. He holds on to Steiner's head and hits a neckbreaker. He covers and gets 2. Martel tags in Bam Bam Bigelow and the two hit a double suplex. Bam Bam covers and gets 2. He sends Steiner to the ropes and takes him right back down with a big clothesline. Bam Bam sends Rick Steiner to the ropes and goes for a hip toss, but Steiner blocks it and hits a Steinerline. Rick Steiner locks in a half crab, but Rick Martel gets in and kicks him in the face. Bam Bam and Rick are down but Rick gets the hot tag and Scott Steiner is in. Scott climbs to the top rope and hits a top rope Steinerline on Bam Bam. He covers but The Model breaks the count. Scott Steiner gets pissed and sends Martel to the ropes. He hits a tilt the world into a backbreaker on the rebound. Scott gets an adrenaline rush and sends Bam Bam to the ropes. He goes for the Frankensteiner, but Bam Bam reverses it into a killer powerbomb. Bam Bam scoop slams Scott and tags in Rick Martel. Rick Martel climbs to the top and hits a double axhandle. Martel sends Scott to the ropes and Rick Steiner gets in with a blind tag. Martel clotheslines Scott to the outside. Turn around, Martel; they've done it a thousand times! Damn. Rick Steiner hits a bulldog. Bam Bam gets in and the ref tries to block him. In the meantime, Jerry Lawler throws something into the ring. Rick Steiner gets up and doesn't suspect a thing. Silly All-American. Brass knuckles find the mark and Rick Steiner is down. Martel throws it back at Lawler, who puts his in his tights. Hey, whatever turns you on, King. Rick Martel covers. 1....2....3! Rick Martel rolls to the outside and celebrates with his tag team partner and his manager. Scott is trying to help his brother on the inside, but they lost. Too freakin' bad.

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Gorilla Monsoon describes this as a cowardly act, Bobby Heenan justifies the heels. Blah blah! Don't these guys get sick of it! Tony Chimel is in the back with Tatanka. Maybe we'll get lucky and Tony will be sacrificed to the gods!

Pre Match Interview I

Tony Chimel is in the back with Tatanka.

Chimel: "Thanks, Gorilla. (They've got to find another name for him.) I'm here with the man many consider as the next TV Champion, Tatanka. Tatanka, how do you feel about tonight's match?"

Tatanka: "I feel confident. I know the justice is with me, and that is all that matters. You know, a couple of weeks ago when I entered into the 10-men battle royal for the TV Championship I was going to dedicate that win to all the native Americans in the world. But The Mountie and Jimmy Hart took that from me. They took it from my people (If I were an Indian, I would've gone for the hunger before the TV Title, but whatever). Going into tonight's match I still to want to win the TV Championship for my people and I'm sure the spirits would like to see that too. That's why I'm confident."

Chimel: "Aren't you afraid Jimmy Hart and Tatanka will pull another fast one on you?"

Tatanka: "I want to see them try (Oh, and you will.)."

Chimel: "Ok, Tatanka, we can already hear your music. Go out there and good luck!"

Manager. Pronto.

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Gorilla talks about justice for Tatanka and his people. Heenan complains about The Mountie bringing pride to his people, just like Gorilla brings honor to his people, the monkeys. Gorilla gets angry and threatens to beat him up.

The Mountie © (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs Tatanka (For The WWF TV Title)

Another average match. The Mountie got a heat about as big as Tatanka's pop, which explains how dumb WWF fans can be. The Mountie tries to attack Tatanka before his music stops playing. Silly Mountie. He sends Tatanka to the ropes, but ends up getting sent himself. Tatanka lowers his head and Mountie executes a great snap suplex. He brags to Jimmy Hart and the crowd, but Tatanka attacks him from behind. He headbutts him a couple of times and sends him to the ropes. Flapjack by Tatanka. Cover gets 2. Tatanka goes for a fallaway slam, but Jimmy Hart grabs his foot and Tatanka goes down. Cover by Mountie gets 2. The Mountie runs to the ropes and gets a sunset flip for 2. The Mountie sends Tatanka to the turnbuckle and hits a suplex. The Mountie goes for another suplex, but Tatanka blocks it. He hits a suplex of his own and covers for 2. He clobbers Tatanka, but the Native American begins his dance. He tries again and Tatanka still dances. He tries a couple of more times but this has not effect on Tatanka whatsoever. Tatanka picks him up and hits a fallaway slam, which gets the referee on the way. Tatanka hits his End of the Trail. He covers, but the referee is out. Jimmy Hart yells at him and Tatanka brings him in, and not nicely I might add. Suddenly, Money Inc. come running down the aisle. Tatanka handles them both but The Mountie revives and clobbers Tatanka from behind with the megaphone. He locks in the Abdominal Stretch with leverage from the top rope while Money Inc. clobber Tatanka on the head with the briefcase and the megaphone. The Unlikely Duo come running down the aisle and all hell breaks loose on the aisle. The ref gets up and Tatanka is knocked out. He calls for the bell. The Mountie retains his TV Title. He rolls to the outside and goes to the back after the Unlikely Duo and Money Inc.

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The Mountie gained overness from this match.

The TV Title has gained in image.

Take the comments from after the first match, change Lawler to Hart and Money Inc., Beastly Beauty to Mountie and The Steiners to Tatanka, and you'll get Monsoon and Heenan's comments after this match.

Pre Match Video I

Footage is shown from a few Rockers matches. I managed to count a jobber match, the match from Wrestlemania V, the one from Survivor Series 88 and the Summerslam 90 match against Power and glory. There was also a Saturday Night Main Event match, and I don't know if it's against the Brain Busters or the Hart Foundation because it was just the Rockers running to the ring. Then the footage from Brutus Beefcake's Barber Shop is shown and I swear to god if I see that footage one more time I'm going to kill myself. Next is Shawn Michaels interfering in a house show Marty Jannetty-Papa Shango match, which can be found on Coliseum Video's "Crappiest Matches Ever". It ends with the brawl from the last Anguish.

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Gorilla says this will settle the score one more time and Heenan says Shawn is going to prove he was the better Rocker, once again.

Marty Jannetty vs Shawn Michaels © (For The WWF Intercontinental Title)

A weak match, but on the bright side: Jannetty got an incredibly weak pop and Vince might give him up soon! Yay! Shawn Michaels got in second and Jannetty attacked him with rights. They exchanged rights and then Jannetty sent Michaels to the ropes. Flying forearm-kick up combo by Michaels. Dropkick connects. Michaels picks Jannetty up and rams his head into the corner. HBK goes to the top rope and hits his flying elbow drop. Shawn signals for the end and goes to the top again. He goes for a rocket launcher splash, but Jannetty moves out of the way and both men are down. The ref reaches a 6 count and they're both up. They exchange rights and Michaels takes the advantage. He runs to the ropes but Jannetty hits an arm drag and holds on for about a minute, with the occasional knee on arm drop in between. Michaels gets up by pulling Jannetty's hair. That should remind him to get a hair cut. Michaels looks cool, Jannetty just looks gay. Anyway, Michaels goes for a momentum powerbomb but Jannetty somehow turns it into a rana. He holds on to Michaels' legs and gets a 2 count. Jannetty takes Michaels down with a clothesline and goes to the top. He goes for the flying fist drop but Michaels gets out of the way. The ref reaches a 7 count and they both get up. Jannetty gets a few rights and runs to the ropes but Michaels hits a Superkick. Micahels covers, but get only 2. Michaels goes to the top and hits a spinning heel kick when his former partner gets up. He covers, and again gets only 2. Michaels goes for his patented Back Suplex but Jannetty turns it into a sunset flip for 2. They get up and Michaels goes for a right but Jannetty ducks and hits an atomic drop. Jannetty takes Michaels to the corner and the referee breaks it but Michaels hits an uppercut. Jannetty is in bad shape, literally, and Michaels hits a famouser. Michaels taunts the crowd near the ropes but Jannetty uses it to roll him up from behind. HBK rolls through with the move and, of course, uses the tights for leverage. 1....2...3! After the match Jannetty complains to the ref and Michaels grabs him from behind. Back Suplex! Michaels continues the punishment and the crowd erupts into a very strong pop when "The Rocket" Owen Hart comes running down the aisle. He hits Michaels with a few rights and clotheslines him out of the ring. Owen helps Jannetty up and with what I found to be the funniest thing that night, the pop for Owen weakened.

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Monsoon says this is what real friendship is all about, and Heenan says the important thing is that Michaels is still the champ. I always liked Heenan better. Right now we go to pre-recorded comments from the WWF Champion.

Pre Match Interview II

Bret Hart is sitting in the back with his wrestling gear on and the WWF Title over his shoulder. If you listen very closely you can hear The Steiners' music in the background. Anyway, this is what he has to say: "Ric Flair. The man who I beat last year to become WWF Champion and to have the right to hold this belt. I believe in this belt. I believe in what it represents. I believe in sportsmanship, good wrestling and everything that is good in the WWF. (You forgot greed and steroids, but whatever.) That's why I agreed to face Ric Flair tonight for the title. I know there is a good chance I won't leave the building tonight the WWF Champion but the important thing is that I will know I gave 100 percent. I faced a lot of opponents for this title since I won it from Flair. Shawn Michaels, Kamala, Razor Ramon, and I always managed to get the upper hand. I even had the chance to come out victorious against Flair. And the one thing that always helped me get that...that rush was the people sitting in the arena and at home. That includes my family, my friends and most importantly - all my fans. I know my fans and I trust them. That's why I know for sure they'll be 100 percent behind me tonight, just like I will give 100 percent to win for them. I think that's the difference between me and Ric Flair. He wins for himself and himself only. I win for all of you at home. That's why I'm going into the match tonight with all my power and I will do everything to win the match and prove once and for all I am in face the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be."

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Monsoon says that's what a true champion should say and do, not like Michaels. Heenan says that's what a true loser should say. Then comes the legendary "Will you stop?"

"Nature Boy" Ric Flair vs Bret "Hitman" Hart © (For The WWF World Title)

A very good match, in which the crowd was very much involved. The match started with a wrist lock challenge, which Bret won but Flair kicked him in the gut and locked Bret's arm. A few chops by Flair and a belly to belly suplex. Bret starts to gain momentum with a few rights but Flair breaks it with a thumb to the eye and a Wooo. Bret goes down on the middle rope and Flair chokes him a bit until the ref reaches 4 and a half. Bret gets up and Flair scratches his back. Bret's face show pain, but we know he likes it. Flair locks in a hammerlock but Bret gets out of it with elbows. Bret hits a butterfly suplex and both men are down. Flair runs at Bret, who throws him over the top rope. Flair is frustrated, but he clams himself down and rolls into the ring. Bret kicks him in the gut and hits a DDT. Cover gets 2. Bret goes for the Sharpshooter but Flair quickly gets to the ropes. Flair uses a drop toe hold to take Bret down. Flair rams Bret's knee into the mat. Monsoon says he is softening it up for the Figure Four, which we will call the Number Four just for fun. Flair covers and gets 2. He hits a few rights and does his Flair walk, which the crowd takes with a big boo. Flair goes for the Number Four! Bret reverses it into the Sharp Shooter! Flair is very close to the ropes and he grabs them. They both barely get up and Bret hits a few forearms. Bret goes for a kick, but Flair uses a dragon screw, which looks brutal. Bret rolls around in pain and the people start to realize what is going to happen. Flair picks Bret up, but Bret gives him a right hand. Bret goes for a Russian legsweep, but his knee can't deliver. He drops in pain and Flair quickly locks in the Number Four! Bret tries to reverse it, but he can't. Bret tries to fight it and keeps saying "No", but after two minutes in the hold he passes out from the pain. The ref counts three! Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match and NEW WWF Champion - "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair! Heenan yells some stuff and Flair goes to the back with a huge smile on himself while paramedics attend Hitman.

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Monsoon says Bret gave a hell of a fight, and Heenan doesn't say anything, just celebrates. I don't know what to do. On the one hand, a 47 year old man took the title from a man 13 years younger than him, and more talented. On the other hand, better Flair than someone like Lex Luger in a cinema usher gimmick. Monsoon switches and says up next is the Royal Rumble match! Footage Time!

Pre Match Video II

In a quick 30 seconds we see all the participants. Footage is shown of Ric Flair winning the match last year and of Hogan winning the match the year before. Here is a bright side to the Rumble already: It's Hogan-free! Then, as expected, footage is shown of the TV Championship battle royal. Text: "30 men, 1 winner."

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The shot goes straight to the ring, where Howard Finkel reminds us of the rules. Heenan asks why he has to go through the rules every time. I agree. Monsoon tells him to can it.

For WWF Title shot at Wrestlemania 9: 30 men Royal Rumble

A new idea in the Royal Rumble: Not only the no. 1 and 2 entries get their music played, but everyone! Entry #1: "The Narcissist" Lex Luger! Luger is a very well-built athlete, a face we've already known. Heenan calms himself down by the face that Flair drew a very low number last year and still won. Entry #2: Doink the Clown! Go, Doink! He's my favorite in the Rumble. He and Koko. Luger shows his strength in the beginning with moves such as a gorilla press and a backbreaker, but he chooses not to throw Doink over the top. Entry #3: Crush! Crush and Luger begin a power struggle, which takes the whole two minutes. Entry #4: Big Bossman, with Mr. Perfect! I guess he's the fourth member of the Perfect Alliance. Bossman goes right after Doink and near the end of the two minutes he hits a few elbows and an uppercut sends a groggy Doink over the top rope. Damn him to hell! Entry #5: Koko B. Ware! Go Koko! Koko goes after Crush, who is beat after the power struggle with Luger. He can't get him out, though. Luger, on the other hand, hits a few rights on Bossman and the final one eliminates him. Entry #6: Jerry Saggs! Saggs is the only man who can show his lack of skill in a Royal Rumble. He goes after Koko. He hits a shoulder breaker and throws Koko over the top! Damn him also! Him and the Bossman! Damn them all to...ah, screw it. Entry #7: Bwahahaha! Jimmy Hart and Ted DiBiase! DiBiase goes after Saggs, but is unable to eliminate him. Entry #8: Repo Man! Repo Man, DiBiase and Saggs go after Crush. Demolition revenge? Eventually, they get him out. Entry #9: Ross Greenberg! Greenberg goes after DiBiase while Luger and Repo Man brawl in the corner. Repo Man takes the advantage and climbs to the top, but Luger shoves him to the outside. Entry #10: Virgil! Virgil goes after DiBiase, which gives Luger and Saggs some time. No eliminations there. Entry #11: The Genius and Beau Beverly! Beau goes after Greenberg and gets him out with a clothesline. Entry #12: Iron Mike Sharpe! Sharpe goes after Beau Beverly. Beverly takes the advantage and goes for a clothesline, but Sharpe backdrops him. Beau lands on the apron and taunts the crowd but Sharpe gives him a right that eliminates him. Entry #13: The arena goes dark and the crowd erupts. The Rumble just stops until The Undertaker is in. Luger and Saggs are still going at it with no elimination. Entry # 14: Bob Backlund! The camera focuses on Virgil and DiBiase, but no elimination there as well. Entry # 15: Yokozuna! Yokozuna goes after Iron Mike Sharpe, but still no Entry # 16:

Randy Savage! Again Virgil almost eliminates DiBiase, but The Million Dollar Man hangs on. Entry # 17: The old British Bulldogs music hits the PA as The Dynamite Kid comes out with none other than Brother Love! He threatens the crowd a bit. Ok, he's a heel. We get it. The Dynamite Kid goes after Backlund. The Dynamite Kid uses a suplex to eliminate Backlund. Hey, he's still impressive! Entry #18: Unfamiliar 80's music plays as The Kamikaze Kid comes out! He's got his own theme music! I love using exclamation marks! Entry #19: Red Rooster! He goes after Kamikaze Kid, who eliminates him with a spinning heel kick. That didn't last long. DiBiase finally eliminates Virgil with a low blow and a clothesline! Entry #20: The Rocket Owen Hart! The camera focuses on The Undertaker and Yokozuna, though there is no elimination. Entry #21: No! No! No! Hulk Hogan's theme music plays to a huge pop and it takes him about a minute to get to the ring. Owen Hart goes to help Saggs, but DiBiase takes Saggs and Luger eliminates Hart with a running forearm. Entry #22: Brian Knobbs! Knobbs goes to help his tag team partner against DiBiase, but they can't eliminate him. Entry #23: The Berzerker! He helps DiBiase, but ends up eliminated himself. Entry #24: Jim Powers! The camera focuses on Luger and Knobbs and DiBiase and Saggs. Entry #25: Mr. Perfect and Luke! Luke goes to help Jim Powers against Iron Mike Sharpe. Iron Mike Sharpe gets thrown over the top rope by the two of them. Entry #26: Reno Riggins! He goes after Hogan, and of course gets backdropped to the outside. Entry #27: IRS! He goes against Knobbs along with DiBiase, though there is no elimination. The two re-debuters, The Dynamite Kid and Hulk Hogan battle in the corner. Entry #28: Skinner! Powers and Luke battle it out and Luke headbutts Powers to the outside and for the elimination. Entry #29: Razor Ramon! Razor goes to help Yokozuna and Skinner against The Undertaker, though there is no elimination. Entry #30: Butch! Luger uses a big kick to eliminate Saggs. The Bushwhackers try to use a Battering Ram against DiBiase, but IRS gets in the way and eliminates Luke. IRS looks for opponents, but runs right into a Razor Ramon backdrop. DiBiase and Butch brawl, but there is no elimination. IRS and Razor exchange yells, but Luger eliminates Razor from behind. Hogan sends The Dynamite Kid to the ropes and hits his big boot. Kid is groggy and Hogan eliminates him with a clothesline. Luger goes after Hogan, but there is no elimination. Hogan can't eliminate Luger! Luger might win this! Wait, I'm not supposed to be happy about that. Savage and Skinner are brawling. Good for them. DiBiase finally eliminates Butch after taking him out with the Million Dollar Dream. Luger is in control against Hogan, but he doesn't go for the elimination. The Kamikaze Kid is in control against DiBiase, but he doesn't go for the elimination either. Randy Savage calls everyone and they eliminate Yokozuna. they pair up again. First pair is The Kamikaze Kid and Hulk Hogan. The second one is Savage and Skinner. Savage goes to the top and hits a double axhandle and a clothesline to eliminate Skinner. Luger goes after Hogan as The Kid goes after Knobbs. Savage goes after DiBiase and The Undertaker starts hitting everyone with uppercuts. They gang up again and eliminate The Undertaker. the Kid hits a few kicks, but The Narcissist hangs on. Brian Knobbs chops away at DiBiase. Luger thumbs The Kid in the eye and goes after Hogan with rights. Luger tries to eliminate Hogan as the camera goes to Ted DiBiase and Brian Knobbs again. Knobbs sends DiBiase to the ropes and hits a spinebuster. He tries to eliminate DiBiase, but DiBiase low blows him. DiBiase hits rights and lefts. Savage goes after them but they both duck and he's eliminated. DiBiase goes to help Luger while Knobbs brawls with The Kamikaze Kid. Knobbs slams The Kamikaze Kid to the outside. We're down to the final four - Lex Luger, Hulk Hogan, Brian Knobbs and Ted DiBiase. Luger and DiBiase try to eliminate Hogan, but he gets out of it with right hands. Hogan sends DiBiase to the ropes and hits his big boot. DiBiase is eliminated. Luger goes for a clothesline, but Hogan hangs on. Knobbs tries to eliminate Hogan, but Luger eliminates Knobbs from behind. and then there were two. Luger and Hogan exchange right hands and Hogan floors him with the big boot. He goes for the Legdrop of Doom, but Luger gets out of the way. Luger sets his forearm, Heenan yells: "Do it! Like crazy and the crowd boos hysterically. Luger goes for the Forearm Smash, but Hogan ducks and Luger is eliminated! Hogan wins the Royal Rumble! I know I'm supposed to be depressed but there is something very special in the atmosphere. Monsoon keeps yelling: "It's Hogan!" Heenan keeps yelling: "No!" the crowd gives a huge pop and Hogan poses in the ring to his music. What a Royal Rumble.

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Overall rating: 73

Buy rate: 1.13

Edited May 25, 2004 by kaplanir

[kaplanir]

Monday Night Anguish 1.25.93!

By Newsflash reporter, Ben Rogers.

I would like to open this report with an apology. Last night, at the end of the Royal Rumble, I was a little happy that Hogan won. I was just caught up in the moment and I will never ever do it again. Now, to the show:

Your announcers are Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan! Bobby Heenan in, Randy Savage out. They talk about the Royal Rumble. Heenan brags about Flair winning the title, Vince says Heenan's Lex Luger couldn't win the Rumble. Petty little thing. Vince offers a very special look at the Royal Rumble. Oh, goody, footage!

Footage

The video opens with Martel's brass knuckles shot and the pin on Rick Steiner. It continues with the Abdominal Stretch on Tatanka with all of Jimmy Hart's clients, including Jimmy Hart, hitting him with the briefcase and the megaphone. Next is The Mountie holding the TV Title. A few spots of the Intercontinental title match and

Michaels holding the title after the match. Close up Ric Flair, Close up Bret Hart and the first Number Four attempt, Sharpshooter attempt, the successful Number Four in the end and Flair with the title. Then a few Rumble entries including "The Narcissist" Lex Luger, The Undertaker, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, The Dynamite Kid, Yokozuna and of course Hulk Hogan. Then the backdrop and Hogan posing in the ring.

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Vince says Hulk Hogan's comeback is one of the most successful comebacks in recent history. Heenan talks a bit more about Ric Flair's championship win. Ric Flair's music plays and Heenan goes "bezerk", as Lord Alfred Hayes would say.

Championship Interview

Ric Flair is standing in the middle of the ring and it looks like he enjoys the heat. After a minute or so he starts talking: "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match and NEW WWF Champion - "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair!" Big heat. "Yes, that's what that little monkey said last night. That's what I told all of you you will hear but no one believed me. But I didn't need your belief before and I don't need it now. I am the WWF Champion again, for the third time in one year, and I did it all by myself. Oh, sorry, not by myself. By myself and my always-loyal Figure Four Leglock." Flair doesn't know it's called Number Four Leglock now? You want to tell me he doesn't read my reports? Damn him to hell! We don't like him anymore. Go Hogan! No, I'm sorry I said that. He's very tricky, that Hogan. You think you know your wrestling and the next moment you cheer for him. Back to Flair: "You know, after my match last night I sat in my locker room and watched the Royal Rumble. I watched many people go over the top rope. Waiting to see who my opponent will be at Wrestlemania. People came in and out - Bossman! (Pop), Ramon! (Heat), Kamikaze Kid (Big pop), Doink! (Heat)" Doink's elimination is still a very sensitive subject here at Newsflash. "But only one man survived the Rumble, and that man is Hulk Hogan (Big pop). Hulk Hogan will be my opponent at Wrestlemania. It doesn't really matter who I beat because this title reign will end when I want it to end and baby, that's not going to happen in a long, long time. Wooo!"

His music starts again and he returns to the back.

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Ric Flair gained overness from this segment.

Vince tells us that on February 14th right...well...there on USA Network a special WWF event called Blackout will be held. It will require no extra-payment and it will come to you live from the Nassau Coliseum in Long Island. Heenan says he can't wait. Ring time!

The Kamikaze Kid vs Red Rooster

The Kamikaze Kid's 80's music that debuted last night plays over the PA and he comes out to a weak pop. That's ok; he's in the start of his career. Red Rooster doesn't have a theme music of his own yet. They lock up and The Kid sends Rooster to the ropes. Spinning kick on the rebound. Kid picks him up and gets hit with a right hand to the gut. Spinning neckbreaker by Rooster. Rooster picks Kid up and hits a weak face-first suplex. Rooster flaunts the crowd after an atomic drop and then hits a clothesline. Cover gets 2. Rooster shoves him into the corner and goes for a right hand, but The Kamikaze Kid ducks and Rooster meets the turnbuckle. Arm drag out of the corner and Kid locks in Rooster's arm. Rooster grabs Kamikaze Kid's hair and sends him to the ropes. Sunset flip gets 2. Kamikaze Kid drops an elbow and hops onto the apron. Springboard dropkick gets a 2 count. Kamikaze Kid goes to the top and tries to hit the knee drop but Rooster gets out of the way. Rooster gets up first and executes a bad brainbuster on The Kamikaze Kid. He covers and gets a 2 count. Red Rooster places The Kamikaze Kid on the top rope and goes for a superpelx but The Kid shoves him down. Rooster is up and The Kamikze Kid hits the Lightning Kick! Cover gets 3 and The Kamikaze Kid wins it. He celebrates for a bit but out come Brother Love and The Dynamite Kid. Love talks about "there is room for only one Kid in the WWF and that is The Dynamite Kid.", in short. The Kamikaze Kid turns around and gets hit with a DDT by The Dynamite Kid. The Dynamite Kid climbs to the top and hits his patented Swandive Headbutt. The Kamikaze Kid rolls around in pain as Brother Love and The Dynamite Kid smile en evil grin as Anguish goes to commercials.

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The Kamikaze Kid gained overness from this match.

[Commercial Brake]

Vince says what happened before is unacceptable. Heenan is glad someone finally taught Zit-boy a lesson. Vince is being told something is going on in the back, let's go there! Back?

Back!

Money Inc. give Bob Backlund the beating of his life with Jimmy Hart screaming like crazy from behind. Crush emerges to the scene and delivers pineapple headbutts to all the heels. He kicks them around and checks if Backlund is ok. He's ok, people!

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Vince thanks god for putting Crush in the right place at the right time. Heenan says "don't mention it." Oh, classic Heenan. Tony Chimel is in the back with Owen Hart. Let's go to him. Oh, do we have to?

Rocket Interview

Tony Chimel: "Yes, I am in fact here with the man who will meet Razor Ramon in tonight's main event - "The Rocket" Owen Hart. Owen, first thing I want to ask you is why did you attack Shawn Michaels last night after his successful Intercontinental title defense against Marty Jannetty?"

Owen Hart: "I wanted to show Shawn Micahels that just because I was in a tag team and I'm making my first steps as a singles wrestler, that doesn't mean I can be stepped over. Shawn Michaels cheated to pin me a couple of weeks ago. A week later, he attacks me for no good reason. I wanted to show him that I too can attack, be aggressive. And there's another reason."

Tony Chimel: "Which is?"

Owen Hart: "You know, when I was in a tag team with Jim and then later with Koko, there's one thing we couldn't do and that is win the WWF Tag Team Titles. Now that I'm a singles wrestler I want to win some gold and I think that Shawn Michaels' Intercontinental title could be a heck of a start."

Tony Chimel: "Ok, good luck tonight Owen. Back to you."

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Vince says Owen can make a hell of an Intercontinental Champion. Heenan says it will be hell alright. To the ring!

Reno Riggins vs Lex Luger

Before the match Luger stands in the ring a bit with a mirror. He looks at himself until the ref rings the bell. Riggins tries to attack him from behind. Big mistake, Reno. Luger hits him with a few elbows and a Death Valley Driver. Luger picks him up and this a few backbreakers in a row. He ends it with the Torture Rack. Reno Riggins is out. the ref stops the match and Luger tosses Riggins aside. He asks for his mirror back and gets it. He stands in front of it until Anguish goes for another commercial brake.

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[Commercial Brake]

Self Booking

Ric Flair is walking backstage with his WWF Championship. He is full of smiles to everyone. He runs into Bret Hart, on crotches. Flair asks Bret how's he feeling. Bret tells him to cut the crap. He makes a whole speech, which if you saw the Royal Rumble, you've already heard. Bottom line: He had the decency to give Flair a re-match; Flair should have the decency to give him a re-match. Flair says he will think it over and adds a Wooo for the end.

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Vince says Bret indeed deserves a rematch. Heenan says he already got one at the Royal Rumble. Vince sends us to pre-recorded comments from Damien Demento and Harvey Wippleman.

Bitter

Harvey Wippleman and Damien Demento are standing in the pre-recorded comments studio. Tonight's background color: Blue!

Wippleman starts talking: "Last night was the Royal Rumble. 30 WWF Superstars got the chance of a lifetime to earn themselves a shot at the WWF Title at Wrestlemania 9. 30 wrestlers. Amongst them wrestlers that Damien beat! But Damien wasn't in the Royal Rumble. And why is that? Because of one, PJ Walker. He and Damien wrestled in the opening match of 1993! Damien was going to win that match and prove that he is the future of this rotten company! But no, PJ Walker had to smack the referee and cause for a disqualification. That's ok, because Damien Demento would have gone to the Royal Rumble with a win, any win. Pin, submission, count out or disqualification. But the problem in the WWF is the corrupted officiating! That damned ref declared a double disqualification and that means Damien doesn't go to the Royal Rumble, doesn't fulfill his fait by winning the damned thing and doesn't beat the champion at Wrestlemania! And all that because of PJ Walker. So, Walker, you can understand why we can be mad at you. The last thing you want to do is get this monster mad at you. Because he is relentless. Walker, we will find you, we will demolish you and with you out of the way we will fulfill Demento's fait by getting to the peak of the mountain that is the World Wrestling Federation!"

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Damien Demento gained overness from this segment.

Vince says Demento is the one who caused the double disqualification. Heenan tells him to go tell Demento that. Now that's something I'd like to see. Tag team action time!

Beastly Beauty (w/ Jerry Lawler) vs Big Bossman and Marty Jannetty (w/ Mr. Perfect)

Jannetty is SO not over! He starts the match with The Model, who is more over than him and he barely god booed for brass knuckling a Steiner! They lock up and Jannetty takes the advantage with elbows and knees. Jannetty sends The Model to the ropes and lowers his head, only to be kicked in the face. The Model hits a Russian legsweep and taunts the crowd. Martel tags in Bam Bam and holds onto Jannetty as the Beast from the East hits a shoulder tackle. Bam Bam picks Jannetty up and hits him with a back suplex. Bam Bam climbs to the top and goes for his Diving Headbutt but Jannetty moves out of the way. Jannetty jumps at Bigelow and locks his arm. Bigelow grabs his hair and sends him to the ropes. Jannetty tags in Big Bossman. Bigelow clotheslines Jannetty to the outside but turns around to get hit with knees to the gut from Bossman. Bigelow drops onto the middle rope and Bossman slides to the outside, where he meets a Rick Martel clothesline. Martel rolls Bossman back in. Bigelow sends Bossman to the ropes and hits a backdrop. Bigelow tags in Martel, who hits Bossman with chops in the corner. Martel kicks him in the gut and drop toe holds him to the outside. Martel locks in the Boston Crab! Bossman gets to the ropes and the ref breaks the hold. Martel argues with the ref. He turns around into a Bossman Spinebuster. Bossman signals for the Side Walk Slam, but Jerry Lawler jumps onto the apron. Bossman goes towards him but Perfect pushes him down. Martel rolls Bossman up and puts his feet on the rope to get the 3 count. Jannetty comes in and starts hitting Martel, but Bigelow catches him by the hair from behind. Lawler throws the brass knuckles to Martel, who clobbers Bossman with it. Two days in a row! The refs have to start checking Lawler. Or maybe not if it means de-pushing Beastly Beauty, who are by the way now our favorite tag team here at Newsflash. Martel locks in the Boston Crab on Jannetty while Bigelow headbutts his shoulder from the top. Perfect gets in and Beastly Beauty hit a double Flapjack. Perfect, Bossman and Jannetty have been demolished!

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[Commercial Brake]

Vince says the Steiners couldn't help Jannetty and Bossman tonight because Rick is still in the hospital and Scott by his side. Yeah, sure. Heenan says Beastly Beauty took punishment last night and they showed up tonight like men. Vince takes us to action earlier tonight

Effective Manager

Tatanka is walking backstage with an intense look on his face, along with several bandages. He runs into Jimmy Hart. It's amazing how the WWF cameramen know exactly where to be ALL the time! Tatanka rambles on about how Jimmy Hart and The Mountie took his dream to make his people happy again. I said it once and I'll say it again - The Indians can be made happy by the simplest of things! Jimmy Hart walks back with his face looking worried and straight at Tatanka. Oh, you know it's coming. There it is! Jimmy Hart trips. Someone should take care of those cables backstage! Jimmy Hart crawls to the corner, where The Mountie appears and clotheslines Tatanka down. He continues to clobber Tatanka until officials get there.

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Vince says this is the third time Jimmy Hart and The Mountie fooled Tatanka and robbed him. Bobby Heenan: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I'm an idiot. Main event time!

"The Rocket" Owen Hart vs. "The Bad Guy" Razor Ramon

Owen is in first and he gets a pretty strong pop. He's getting over, people. Razor got the same heat he got at the Rumble. Razor gets in and gives Finkel his gold. He turns around and Owen hits a dropkick. Razor is outside and frustrated. Owen tries to plancha him but Razor moves out of the way. Razor rolls him back into the ring. Razor picks him and hits an inverted atomic drop. He covers and gets 2. Razor goes for his Razor's Edge, but Owen climbs the corner and inside cradles him for 2. They get up and Owen kicks him, but Razor catches his foot. Razor thinks he's so smart, why until Owen...yes, there it is. Owen hits a great elevation enzugiri. A headlock by Owen doesn't last long. Razor goes for a clothesline, but Owen ducks and hits a crucifix for 2. Owen snapmares Razor and hits a dropkick to the back of his head. Owen covers and gets 2. Razor kicks him in the gut to break his momentum. Razor makes Owen ducks and hits an elbow to the back of his head. He covers, and gets only 2. Gorilla would have said: You don't take Owen Hart out with an elbow, Vince said: This could be it! Razor picks him and signals for the Razor's Edge. When you think about it, a pro-wrestler shouldn't be so freaked out about a Razor's Edge. They do meet canvases and concrete almost every day on the job. Suddenly, the arena goes dark and then The Undertaker's gongs. The crowd goes crazy and when the lights are back on, Razor is gone. Oh, good! Hide and seek! The ref reaches a 10 count and Owen wins it. Vince says The Undertaker cost Razor a match by count out just like Razor did last week, and on that note Anguish finishes.

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Overall rating: 70

TV rating: 5.89

[kaplanir]

Newsflash

*New WWF Champion!

The WWF Royal Rumble was this past Sunday.

Among other matches, Shawn Michaels retained his Intercontinental Title against Marty Jannetty, Ric Flair won the WWF Title from Bret Hart and surprise entry Hulk Hogan won the Royal Rumble match itself. The next WWF PPV will be Wrestlemania 9, on March 21st at Ceaser's Palace, Las Vegas Nevada. There are no official matches yet, but the rumored matches are Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan for the title, Owen Hart vs. Shawn Michaels for the Intercontinental title and Bret Hart vs. Lex Luger. The next big event will be Blackout on February 14th, live on USA Network.

*WWF Workers Released!

Several WWF Superstars have been called up to the offices this past week and were told they are released of their contracts effective immediately. The workers are Marty Jannetty, The Bushwhackers and all of the jobbers. The jobbers will be replaced by current workers and not with talent from outside.

*WWF in negotiation with The Barbarian!

The Barbarian was released from WCW and he is already in negotiation with the World Wrestling Federation. Expect developments soon!

[kaplanir]

My computer has been having problems, causing this week's Anguish report to be erased. Here are the shortened results:

The current card for Blackout:

Damien Demento (w/ Harvey Wippleman) vs. Tatanka (This match was not announced as one for the Intercontinental Championship due to the Shawn Michaels-Tatanka Intercontinental title match next week on Anguish, which was hyped.)

Big Bossman (w/ Mr. Perfect) vs. "The Bad Guy" Razor Ramon

Beastly Beauty (w/ Jerry Lawler) vs. the Steiners

Yokozuna (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. "The Immortal" Hulk Hogan

"The Rocket" Owen Hart vs. "The Heart Break Kid" Shawn Michaels (This match was not announced as one for the Intercontinental Championship due to the Shawn Michaels-Tatanka Intercontinental title match next week on Anguish, which was hyped.)

"The Nature Boy" Ric Flair vs. Bret "The Hitman" Hart for the WWF Championship with "Macho Man" Randy Savage as a special referee.

For those of you who want to post predictions, an official preview will come prior to the event.

Pre-recorded comments from the Unlikely Duo were shown.

Big Bossman defeated Barry Horowitz.

Bret Hart and Ric Flair signed the contract for Blackout's main event.

Tony Chimel interviewed PJ Walker.

Doink defeated Tatanka with help from The Mountie.

Jim Cornette made his debut as The Kamikaze Kid's manager.

Vince McMahon interviewed The Steiners.

Bret Hart defeated Shawn Michaels via submission. After the match Michaels tried to avenge but Owen Hart prevented it.

[Twinfuture02]

im not entirely sure about this, you've had some good ideas,but im not sure about the good/bad thing, you criticise the wrestlers too much for me to take an interest in whats happening in the storylines it kinda jus takes away from whats going on

[kaplanir]

Ok, I'll try a different report frame. Thanks for the feedback!

[kaplanir]

Newsflash

* Huge Storyline Change Coming Up!

Sources have told Newsflash that after Wrestlemania the WWF will take a "sharp turn". This doesn't necessarily mean a turn in its literal meaning, but a move that will change the current pattern of the WWF. Expect more developments soon!

* WWF and The Barbarian don't reach an agreement!

Former WWF and WCW superstar, The Barbarian, will not sign with the WWF. The sides couldn't reach an agreement and the next WWF debuter will probably come from its development territory, Ohio Valley Wrestling.

* Bret-Shawn Match impresses backstage

The main event of the last edition of Monday Night Anguish, featuring Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart, impressed many road agents, bookers and other members of the WWF staff. They didn't believe Shawn and Bret could produce another interesting match after the one in Survivor Series 92, but the two proved everyone wrong and they might be feuding again later this year.

[pigeon]

Good stuff. I like your report style, and the push of Owen.