Pretty Good Wrestling

[YI]

Carlsberg don't write diaries...but if they did, they'd probably be the best diaries in the world!!

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bwahahahahaha

I'm absolutely loving this. THis is the only comedy diary that i've read in a long, long time, which is actually funny. The show was well written, shortish, but not too short, backyard diaries don't work when the matches are too long. Just keep on with the good updates, and I see this diary becoming quite successful.

[Hellfire]

Malone: No, no, nothing to do with that…but we’ll talk about that another time. Erm, Crazy, Sexy Mike?

CSM: Yeah…

Malone: …BLORG!?

CSM: Come again?

Malone: …BLORG!?

CSM: What’s he on about, guys?

Campbell: He’s addressing why you decided your post-match speech consisted of you shouting “BLORG”?

CSM: What? When did I say Blorg?

Campbell: AT THE END OF YOUR MATCH!

CSM: I remember saying “Thank You all!”…where did you get BLORG from!?

Malone: You said “Blorg!” Didn’t he say Blorg!!?

The table agrees.

CSM: Well, I think you’re all mad! I said “Thank You all!” I don’t know what you guys were watching!

thats one of the funniest things ive read all day. This diary is awesome, keep up the good work. I cant wait to see what you have planned next.

[hugobomb]

liking it Tonto, keep up the goos work!! Go Kung Fu Chicken Noodle

[Campbell]

It’s Saturday again, and my garden is buzzing. Again, lots of people here without paying…hopefully this week we’ll get some REAL fans, not just relatives and friends. Perhaps I should make the friends pay…

Campbell: Don’t worry about ring announcing tonight, mate.

Malone: Why not?

Campbell: I’ve found someone who’ll do it for us…and for free.

Malone: Wow…who’s that?

Malone’s Mom: Hi, Jamie sweetheart!

Campbell: Oh, you already know her…

Campbell winks at Malone. Malone pulls an angry face and storms off. Malone’s Mom comes over to speak to Campbell.

Campbell: What’s up with old moody-pants tonight, Diane.

Malone’s Mom: I don’t know…but can you call me Malone’s Mom instead.

Campbell: Sure can, Malone’s Mom.

Malone (from a distance): I HATE YOU!!!

[Campbell]

Pretty Good Wrestling present… PGW Aaarrrrrgghh!!

Malone’s Mom gets a loud cheer from the audience as she circles the ring and takes the microphone.

Malone’s Mom: Ladies and gentlemen…at this time…may I recognize…THE DONKEY!!

The crowd cheer like crazy. The donkey this week is wearing a sombrero and has “Read Whacked Out Wrestling cos this is shit” painted on his side.

The show starts with Mr. Boombastic. He makes his way out to a lot of jeers from the crowd, but on the plus side he’s upgraded his jambox. He didn’t really have a choice, as he smashed his last one of Crazy Sexy Mike’s head! With “Mr. Boombastic” blaring, the man himself climbs into the ring and takes the microphone. He talks about what went down last week and what’s going to happen tonight.

Mr. Boombastic: And I know what’s gonna go down-town, tonight…cos I’m takin’ on dat Crazy Sexy Mike once again. We danced down to da ground last week, but dis week is-a gonna be different! Dis week, it’s gonna be Mista roowww-rowwww…mmmmantic…who walks away wid dat belt!

The crowd are getting onto him, starting a “You are ginger <clap – clap – clap – clap>” chant, which visibly upsets him.

Mr. Boombastic: You playa haters in the crowd need to learn respect for me! Because I’m the man wid no time to lose, and not’ing to prove. So, Crazy Mike…let’s not wait til later…and let’s rrraapp dowwwnn nooowww…

Boombastic throws the microphone down and waits for Crazy Sexy Mike. CSM appears from behind the donkey, and charges into the ring behind Boombastic. As Boombastic turns around, CSM rains down on him with hard right hands as the crowd cheer like crazy. CSM Clotheslines Boombastic all the way to the floor, and Boombastic gathers up his jambox and stumbles away. CSM grabs the microphone.

Crazy Sexy Mike: BOOMBASTIC!! YOU’VE SEEN THE SEXY SIDE…NOW PREPARE FOR THE CRAZY SIDE!! BLOOOOORRRGG!!!!!!

The crowd cheer for CSM…there’s that Blorg thing again though! Mike waves the belt around before leaving the ring.

Overall rating: 43%

The ring is empty again and the crowd are talking amongst themselves. Then, an unknown woman makes her way to the ring. She looks to be from Japanese descent. I say that because on the back of her T-Shirt it says “I’m From Japanese Descent”, so I kinda put two-and-two together there! She doesn’t make much eye contact with the crowd, as she climbs into the ring and takes the microphone.

??: Good evening, fans of Pretty Good Wrestling. You don’t know who I am, so I will tell you. My name is Yung Longtime, and I am here to represent two of the biggest stars in the small company.

The crowd give a mixed response, but you can hear Laughing Larry still chuckling over the name “Yung Longtime”.

Longtime: Tonight, you will see American Beetle versus Kung Fu Chicken Noodle in a Battel With Respect. Whatever the outcome, these two will move on and take on every comer in this company, and I will manage them to success.

Longtime steps out of the ring and joins Campbell and Laughing Larry at the commentary table.

Battel With Respect

American Beetle vs. Kung Fu Chicken Noodle

This match is a little step higher than their previous encounter. No more buildings in the ring, and they do attempt some basic wrestling (although it’s hard to do a collar and elbow tie up with a can of Chicken Noodles). Yung Longtime explained on commentary how she was teaching them “Westerm Ways” by watching old World Of Sport tapes.

Anyway, after a fair bit of technical excellence, it’s halted as American Bettle begins nailing Chicken Noodle with hard rights and left. Noodle fights back with some punches of his own before driving him into the corner and squashing him.

With the heavy moves coming out, Yung Longtime leaves the announce table, reaches under the ring and pulls out a huge cardboard cityscape. She rolls it into the ring and the fight REALLY begins, much to the delight of the crowd. After several shots with cardboard buildings, the contest ends when American Beetle hits the Presidential Pounce and drives Chicken Noodle into the cardboard nightmare!! American Beetle picks up the win.

Longtime enters the ring as the two shake hands, and she holds up both their hands and takes the microphone once more.

Longtime: Mark my words…Kaiju is here to stay…American Beetle and Kung Fu Chicken Noodle will love you and fight you…Long…time!!

The crowd cheer for the trio as they leave the ringside area. The Japanese photographers were, once again, all over this match. Before he leaves, American Beetle goes and says something Japanese to the camera crew which cause them to start cheering and dancing like crazy…not sure what he said!

Your Winner: American Beetle by Pinfall

Overall rating: 11%

The quiet is broken again. This time by Jungle music booming out of Darren Von Darren’s Vauxhall Nova! The crowd boo like crazy as Darren arrives wearing the BLING OF DOOM we saw last week. Darren grabs a microphone and begins to run down the audience before making an announcement.

Von Darren: I’m not happy with the fookers backstage in this shit! They’ve not even booked me a match for fook’s sake! So tonight, I’m ‘ere for two things, look. I’m here to challenge the Champion of this place for the belt I SHOULD ‘AVE FOOKIN’ WON!! NOT THAT QUEER FOOKER MIKE!! Secondly, I is ‘ere to “spectate”…moi brother learned me that word…it means…to fookin’…watch…and that’s what I’m gonna do!

Darren drops the microphone and finds a seat in the crowd. As he does, Flying Dragon jumps from the roof and lands in the seat next to him with amazing agility. The crowd cheer like mad for another amazing Flying Dragon entrance. As soon as Darren notices, he panics and tries to leave. But Flying Dragon is having none of it, and he kicks him hard in the head that knocks his cap off. Dragon throws Darren into the ring and takes the microphone.

Dragon: YOO VANT MATCH, YOO STUPID PIKEY FUKKA!? YOO HAV MATCH!! WRING BELL!!

Dragon never was a talker…

Overall rating 45%

Flying Dragon vs. Darren Von Darren

This match was a cut below their previous effort, but they still tried hard. Dragon dominated pretty much the entire match with hard kicks and springboard moves. No duffed spots this week, which was good.

Von Darren made his comeback on Dragon when Dragon missed with a Dropkick and landed badly on his leg. Von Darren battered his leg with forearms and knee smashes – even taking off his bling and cracking it over his leg. With Flying Dragon on one leg, Von Darren locked in an ankle lock.

Flying Dragon faught out of it, and kept Von Darren at bay with some punches and a Hurricanrana. Just as Flying Dragon had it all in hand again, Von Darren produces the BLING OF DOOM and blasted him in the head with it. The referee counted three and Darren was declared the winner.

Your Winner: Darren Von Darren by Pinfall

Overall Rating 39%

Darren grabbed the microphone once again.

Von Darren: You shouldn’t be messin’ wiv me, you fokker!! I just fokked you up, but I tell you what…I’m in the mood for it now…ref…ring the fookin bell and I’ll beat this fookin Chinky once again!

The ref, feeling threatened, rang the bell and the rematch started.

Flying Dragon vs. Darren Von Darren – Part Deux

One of the photographers took offense to the Chinky references, and began arguing with Von Darren. Von Darren went to grab one, and he cracked him with his camera. As Darren staggered back, Dragon picked up the BLING OF DOOM and smashed it over his head. Dragon made the cover and got the three to a huge ovation!

Flying Dragon helped the dazed photographer back to his seat before leaving the victor…of sorts.

Your Winner: Flying Dragon by Pinfall

Overall rating 42%

It’s main event time, and we throw it to Malone’s Mom! The crowd begin whistling and cat-calling. I, of course, get them singing “Malone’s Mom Has Got It Going On", whilst Laughing Larry laughs away. Malone still looks disgusted on the sidelines.

Mr. Boombastic is introduced and he makes his way out, the crowd booing like crazy! He’s really getting heat from these fans. Some guy aimed a brick at his head…lucky thing it missed. And that was his DAD for crying out loud, that’s how HEEL THIS GUY IS (exit hyperbole)

Crazy Sexy Mike makes his way out, and as he reaches the commentators position, he stops.

Campbell: Crazy Sexy Mike’s stopping…looks like he’s got something to say.

CSM takes Laughing Larry’s headset.

Crazy Sexy Mike: Darren Von Darren…here’s how it goes down. Once I’ve finished getting crazy with ginger pubes here…I’m coming for you. Next week, title or no title, we’re hooking up, BLOORRG!!

CSM walks away from the table and into the ring. As he enters, Boombastic attacks!!

Overall rating 44%

Vanilla Ice Memorial Championship

Crazy Sexy Mike © vs. Mr. Boombastic

Boombastic is brawling with Mike in the ring until both men spill out of the ring, courtesy of a Cactus Clothesline! They fight back and fourth through the crowd, and in a shocking moment, into the shed! The crowd hush as the shed door closes behind them. Suddenly, Mr. Boombastic comes flying through the shed door. Mike appears moments later, holding a shovel, as the crowd cheer.

After a battering with a shovel, Boombastic is rolled into the ring and gives himself time to breathe when he low blows the Crazy Sexy One. Boombastic takes control with multiple Legdrops and a Superplex. When he can’t get the three with conventional moves, he goes for plan B.

Boombastic grabs his Jambox and prepares to swing. He swings and Mike manages to do a Matrix duck and avoid it. Mike forces him to drop it and levels him with a DDT before going up and hitting the Crazy Sexy ‘Sault for the popular victory!

Crazy Sexy Mike celebrates with his fans at ringside. Everyone’s chanting “Blorg”, but Mike looks dumbfounded as to why they’re doing it. Everyone goes home happy!

Except Boombastic, who goes home in pain.

And Darren, because he doesn’t have a home…just his car.

Your Winner: Crazy Sexy Mike

Overall rating 37%

------------------------

Show Analysis

14/08/04

Overall rating: 36%

Best Match: Darren Von Darren vs. Flying Dragon (42%)

Worst Match: Kung Fu Chicken Noodle vs. American Beetle (11%)

(Looks familiar!!)

Best Segment: Darren Von Darren and Flying Dragon (45%)

Worst Segment: Yung Longtime's debut (34%)

Still pretty high for the Worst Segment!

[syck]

Good, Funny Show, would have been better if the donkey had a pancho on too...

Edited July 19, 2004 by syck

[9 to 5]

This is totally mad. I love it.

[Hajjhowe]

Crazy Sexy Mike celebrates with his fans at ringside. Everyone’s chanting “Blorg”, but Mike looks dumbfounded as to why they’re doing it. Everyone goes home happy!

Except Boombastic, who goes home in pain.

And Darren, because he doesn’t have a home…just his car.

Heh gold. This a good one dude, keep it up!

[Campbell]

A slight improvement on last weeks showing…

…1 person paid!!!

One!!

I actually met the guy who paid. Nice enough…bit dribbly. Works in the local shop. Ended up stealing three chairs. I know they’re ours. He’s selling them in his shop. I refuse to buy them back out of principle!

We held another meeting in my dining room the following day. People are starting to be a bit more friendly…it’s as if we were a family…

Darren: So, is you gonna hire my mate Campbell, you TWAT!!

Campbell: I’m bringing him in next week – and we’ll see how he does.

Darren: Sound! Sound!

Campbell: As I was saying, I’d like to congratulate everyone on a great show. In fact, it was our best show to date.

Malone: It was our second show to date.

Campbell: WHAT IS IT WITH YOU MALONE? YOU TRYING TO KILL THE FRICKING MORALE AROUND HERE!!

Dick Koloff: Currently, there are no unhappy –

Campbell: Shut up, Dick! You say that every week!!

Larry: BAHAHAHAAAHAAHAA!! DICK!!!!

Campbell: Anyway, I have high hopes for next weeks show…headlined by Darren vs. Mike! Sophie, anything else we need to discuss.

Sophie (eating a Mars Bar): Yeah…erm…we may benefit from more experienced workers.

Campbell: What, like old wrestlers.

CSM: LET’S BRING IN RIC FLAIR!!

Campbell: Mike, we can’t…this isn’t some fantasy wrestling diary or anything.

Malone: Well, now that you-

Campbell: SHUT UP!! Dick, any suggestions?

Dick Koloff: It’s rumoured that Hardcore Holly is coming to the end of his contract…

Campbell: No, not that prick! Besides, apparantly he smells…

Dick Koloff: Homeless Jimmy is currently unemployed and has talent.

Mr. Boombastic: But if he has talent, why is he unemployed?

Campbell: That’s true..and besides, he really is homeless you know!!

Dick Koloff: Al Magz is currently unemployed and-

Campbell: AND IS A CROCK OF SHIT!! MOVE ON!!

Dick Koloff: Low Ryda is currently unemployed an-

Campbell: Low Ryda…who?

Campbell: ….rrrright….I’ll keep him in mind definitely?

Malone: Wow…Burger King sponsored you too??

Sophie happily nods as eats another Mars Bar.

[Campbell]

I got a phone call from Malone late last night. It was whilst I was watching GAEA as well and NOBODY interrupts my GAEA!! I can’t believe Toyota is a 5-time Womens World Champion!! That barbed wire match she had with Mother-In-Law in FMW ruled!!

But I’m drifting from the point! Malone told me to come round his house right away to meet some people. The last time he did this, it was what he called “a gaggle of Tramps”

They were pretty cool I guess…but apparantly, these guys were cooler than the Gaggle of Tramps.

I got to Malone’s house and heard a loud banging drum-noise mixed in with some extremely crazy guitar-riffs. Add to the pollution some guy screaming…not sure what he was screaming, but I made out “Fucking Face off”.

Malone: Tom, you made it…let me introduce you.

Five guys stopped playing and smiled at Campbell in a freaky way.

Malone: This is Drippy on vocals.

Campbell shook Drippy’s hand.

Malone: This is SkullShit on guitar.

Another handshake.

Malone: This is Flange on Drums.

Campbell shook Flange’s hand.

Malone: This is Scummer on Bass Guitar.

Campbell shook Scummer’s hand.

Malone: And this is Ken on the Triangle.

Ken, wearing a nice pin-stripe suit, smiled and shook hands.

Malone: They are collectively known as The Donkey Fucking All-Stars. They are PGW’s in-house BAND!! What do you think?

Campbell looks confused for a moment or two.

Campbell: I think…you’re…pretty mad! You’re gonna have to sell me this a little more, because I’m not buying right now.

Malone: I’m thinking this is gonna cement our status as a hardcore wrestling group.

Campbell: Since WHEN were we looking to become a hardcore wrestling group.

Malone: Well, we’re in a Back Yard…

Campbell: Yeah, because my FECKING LEASE FOR THE ARROWHEAD FECKING POND IS STILL PENDING!!!!!! WE’RE BACKYARD NOT BY LIFESTYLE, BUT BECAUSE WE’VE GOT NOOOO MONEYY!!! AND HOW IS HAVING A BAND GOING TO HELP OUR ALREADY DWINDLING FINANCES!!?

Flange: We’ve got groupies.

Campbell: Really?

Ken: Indeed we have…an assortment of females baying for our bodies.

SkullShit: They don’t want mine!

Campbell: I don’t think you could give yours away, mate!

SkullShit lunges for Campbell, but the others hold him back.

Scummer: You ‘ave to be nice to SkullShit, Mr. Campbell…he don’t like people taking the Michael atta ‘im!

Flange: The way we see it is, if we play a gig at one of your shows, we can pass on the info through our website and drum you up some supporters.

Campbell: And I guess I’d speak to Ken here about the website, right?

Ken: Oh Lord no, I know nothing about that internet malarky…you want to speak to SkullShit!

Campbell looks at SkullShit, now drooling slightly.

Campbell: …oh right. Silly…me…

Malone: So what do you say Tonto? ONE show!?

Campbell: Okay…you guys get one show, see how you do…on ONE condition…

Flange: What’s that?

Campbell: I refuse to announce you guys as the Donkey Fucking All-Stars…

Flange: Okay…how about the Pig-Fucking All-Stars?

Campbell: No!

Flange: Pig-Shagging?

Campbell: How about just the All-Stars? Compromise?

Ken: Well, we believe that the first part of the name is rather crucial. Donkey Fucking…has a sort of hard-edge yet romantic feel to it…

Campbell: I see your point, but this sketch is getting tedious and we need to cut to the signature…

Malone: Yeah, your Flair/Rhodes sig is really cool!!

Campbell: Enjoy it and shut up! I’m off to watch GAEA!!

[Campbell]

Pretty Good Wrestling present… PGW Aaarrrrrgghh!!

Malone’s Mom: Ladies and gentlemen…at this time may I recognize…The Donkey!!

The crowd roared at the mention of PGW’s favourite mule. This week, by popular demand…donkey was wearing a pancho with the words “hugobomb’s WCW: I give him 3 days”. He’s also wearing a cowboy hat and is smoking a cigar.

Malone’s Mom: We’d like to thank everybody for turning up for another fantastic instalment of PGW action! And, as a special treat for you tonight…

Campbell (on commentary): STRIPTEASE!!!!!

Malone’s Mom: Here’s The All-Starrrrssss….

The crowd goes quiet as the attention turns to the top of the garden, where the Donkey-Fucking All-Stars are set up. Drippy takes the microphone.

Drippy: Tonight…we’re gonna play a new song of ours…and it’s called “Crapping In Your Eye”…we hope you like it!

The song lasts a minute and a half, and it’s Drippy shouting over and over “I’m gonna crap in your eye if you’ll never be mine” , accompanied by all sorts of loud noises. The song ends with a single “ting” on the triangle.

The All-Star’s groupies (who are a selection of skanky biker chicks) are screaming like crazy, whilst everyone else politely applauds. The All-Stars wrap up and leave – although there is a funny moment when Scummer tries to start a fight with the donkey and the donkey stubs his cigar out on Scummer’s shirt.

The show got rolling with heavy jungle music pumping, and Darren Von Darren’s pimped-up Vauxhall Nova chugged into view. The crowd really got on his case as he stood, leaning on the car, with a microphone. He ran down the crowd before making an announcement.

Darren Von Darren: Now tonight, as all you fookers know, I’m gonna win the title and kick that dipshit – Crazy Sexy Mike – into fooking ‘ell!! But tonight, we are gonna have a double laff because…I’ve broughts me mate with me. He’s gonna be knocking people’s teeth in and shagging birds just like me. This guys not just my friend…he’s like my fookin’ brova, and if my dad had banged his mom without a Jonny on when he did, we would be…ladies and gentlemen…the Sig Masta!!

From the drivers seat emerges a big built, slightly overweight guy. He’s wearing a burberry cap, a “Phat Bastard” hoody and blue jeans. He lights a fag and swears at the crowd. He and Darren high five and they get back in the car.

Overall rating: 39%

The Jungle music has died down, and some rocky Japanese music kicks in. Yung Longtime leads American Beetle to the ring to a positive reaction. Longtime and Beetle enter the ring and Longtime takes the microphone. Beetle begins doing a Brock-Lesnar style shuffle.

Yung Longtime: We are here tonight for you people…for…one…reason. American Beetle wants to prove himself to a superstar in this company. He will prove that fighting isn’t just about destroying models…and it is about courage and honour. Who will take his challenge?

Almost to the SECOND she said that, Flying Dragon made his usual death-defying leap-from-nowhere entrance and landed in the ring. Dragon and Beetle go nose to nose and the referee calls for the bell to be rung. The crowd give a cheer as the two begin to circle one another.

Overall rating: 43%

Flying Dragon vs. American Beetle

Yung Longtime joins Tom Campbell and Laughing Larry at the commentary table and talks up her athlete. In the ring, the two exchange some grappling techniques and headlocks to healthy response. The first big strike comes from Dragon, who nails Beetle with a Running Enziguri for a near fall.

Dragon uses some fast kicks and springboard offense to keep Beetle down, but Beetle makes a comeback when he catches Dragon from a Cross Body and throws him out of the ring. American Beetle takes control with a DDT, a Spinning Leglock and a Top Rope Splash.

Beetle looks ready to finish off Dragon. However, as Beetle runs for the Presidential Pounce, Dragon nails him with a Shining Wizard kick!! The crowd are cheering as Dragon goes to the top and hits the Dragonator for the win!

After the match, the two men shake hands in a true display of showmanship…that is halted when Mr. Boombastic puts an appearance in…

Your Winner: Flying Dragon

Overall rating: 29%

Mr. Boombastic charges from the crowd and hits both men in the back of the head. Boombastic picks up Flying Dragon and plants him wit h the Boombastic Smasher! Boombastic then grabs the microphone.

Mr. Boombastic: Hey, it wasn’t me!! HAHAHA!!

The crowd boo Boombastic relentlessly.

Mr. Boombastic: But in allll seriousness ladeez and gentlemen…I gotta be asking…what the Hell is this thing in my ring right now? Huh? It looks like somebody took a red, white and blue shit!!

Boombastic kicks at American Beetle as Yung Longtime looks on helplessly.

Mr. Boombastic: I mean…you cannot compare dis insect…ha, ha…you get it? Insect? You cannot compare dis insect…to de man that lights up your Saturday night by being oh so fantastic…and always being Meezta Roww…rowww…mmmmantic!!?

The crowd boo as he continues to stomp on American Beetle, eventually kicking him out of the ring and to the floor. As he does, Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle makes his way to the ring to check on his fallen partner.

Mr. Boombastic: ‘Ey, ‘Ey, ‘Ey…would you look at dis now? First, we have de Red, White and Blue shit…now…we got ourselves a can of Dog Food wid leeeegs…

Chicken Noodle rolls into the ring and stares down Boombastic.

Mr. Boombastic: What you gonna do, Dog Food man? Huh? You gonna hit me wid ya marabooooone jeelllyy?? Huh? I tell you what? You wanna prove you is full of fitness and vitality? Let’s go right now…ref, ring da bell, bo…dis guy’s gonna go dowwwwn…toooowww-

Boombastic didn’t finish, as Chicken Noodle slugged him to kick off another match!!

Overall rating 24%

Mr. Boombastic vs. Chicken Noodle

The crowd were going crazy for this one. Chicken Noodle unloaded on Boombastic with some heavy duty right hands, beating him into the corner and ramming him with his knee – Mick Foley style.

Although Chicken Noodle over-powered Boombastic most of the way through this, Boombastic turned the tide quickly with an Elbow Smash. Boombastic dominated, although looked a little lost wrestling a can, for a while until Chicken Noodle attempted a comeback.

It was brief, however…as Chicken Noodle attempted to lock on the Chicken Bone choke, Boombastic blasted him with a low blow and a Boombastic Blaster for the one, two, three!!

Your Winner: Mr. Boombastic

Overall rating 17%

Boombastic continued stomping on Kung Fu Chicken Noodle until he rolled out of the ring. Boombastic took the microphone again.

Mr. Boombastic: Oh Dog Food Man…as I always say…to be a true playa, got to now how ta play? Meesa say your night come meesa say your day!! Dog Food and Red, White and Blue shit got not’ing on Mista Roow…rooowwww…mmmantic!! So, now I’m all warmed up…how about an open challenge, Boombastic styl-ee!!? Any takers now?

As Boombastic threw down the microphone, American Dragon dived into the ring from behind him and floored him with a Dropkick…kicking off ANOTHER impromptu affair!!

Overall rating 37%

Flying Dragon vs. Mr. Boombastic

Dragon took over at the start, similar to how Chicken Noodle got the upper hand on Boombastic. Dragon used a trifecta of Dragon Screws before applying a Leglock to almost get an early submission.

After dominating for a while, Boombastic struck back by Clotheslining Dragon as he came off the ropes. Boombastic worked over Dragon’s leg for this time, almost trying to break it. When he felt enough had been done he applied a Sharpshooter.

Dragon managed to fight out of it and faught back on one leg. However, he didn’t last long as Boombastic ducked a Dropkick and nailed the Boombastic Blaster once again and scored another victory.

After this match, sporting a shiner from a kick he sustained, Boombastic knew when to leave. Now, walking straight past the microphone, he powdered to the back. The fans applauded Flying Dragon before he left…

Your Winner: Mr. Boombastic

Overall rating 45%

Vanilla Ice Memorial Championship

Crazy Sexy Mike def. Darren Von Darren

The crowd started chanting “BLORG" the minute the match kicked off, confusing the champion. As he stared in disbelief at the crowd, Von Darren attacked (everyone’s been jumping everyone tonight…) and hit a Neckbreaker, Clothesline and Piledriver for near falls.

The champion fought back, yet was constantly distracted by Sig Masta, who lurked at ringside. Eventually, the referee had enough and ejected Siggy from ringside. Von Darren wasn’t pleased, and threatened to beat the referee’s, quote “fooking head in”. This gave Mike a chance to recover and hit several moves to give him two counts on the challenger.

However, soon after, the referee got knocked down when a Flying Elbow went astray. Sig Masta charged to the ring while the referee was down, holding the BLING OF DOOM!! Darren held him and Siggy blasted him with the bling. The referee eventually came around, but Mike managed to kick out!! Siggy attacked the ref from behind and tried the BLING OF DOOM once again. This time, Mike ducked and floored Siggy with a Neckbreaker.

Mike now took possesion of the BLING OF DOOM. He blasted Siggy and blasted Von Darren before climbing up to the top and hitting the Crazy Sexy Sault. The referee came round and counted the three for the popular win!

Mike headed to the back, holding his title, as Darren ranted and raved to Sig Masta about being cheated.

Your Winner: Crazy Sexy Mike

Overall rating: 43%

----------------------------------------------------------------

SHOW ANALYSIS

Rating: 34%

Best Match: Mr. Boombastic vs. Flying Dragon

Worst Match: Mr. Boombastic vs. Kung Fu Chicken Noodle

How weird??

Best segment: Yung Longtime’s invitational (43%)

Worst segment: Mr. Boombastic insulting Chicken Noodle (24%)

[Hajjhowe]

Heh. The can of soup must be over, as I have no idea how he can get any kind of rating for his stats. Another good show.

[Campbell]

FIVE people paid this week! Count ‘em – FIVE! We’re really moving places!

I met the paying audience once more. A family of Amish people. Seems like the Amish enjoy wrestling.

Bastards stole my chairs, too!! I think all the money I’m making in tickets is being spent buying new chairs!

At the end of the show, I was sat in my garden drinking beer. We watched at the caretaker swept up the mess from the floor before we called him over.

Campbell: Do you believe in God, Roger?

Roger The Caretaker: Oooh, oi don’t think it’s moi place to question what lurks beyond this mortal coil, Mr. Campbell. Oi just clean up litter and await moi judgment.

Campbell: Yeah, but surely you must believe in something.

Roger: Well, oi do have certain beliefs but…since moi Hetty left, oi don’t really ‘ave anyone to talk to them about so oi just bottle it up insoide…

Campbell: I’d like to hear them, if you would be so kind.

Roger: …well, it’s nothing really…

Campbell: Nonsense, tell me.

Roger: ….welll…welll…okay. Oi believe that when oi die – when moi life is taken from me and oi leave this place…that a thousand transvestites will meet me at the gates of heaven, and pay good money to suck moi Penis.

There’s a nervous silence.

Campbell: Hetty left you, you say?

Roger: Yeah…oi wouldn’t let ‘er watch Trisha…that’s trash TV, that is!

The following morning, we all gathered in my dining room for the regular meeting of the minds. It all went pretty smoothly, with only one noteworthy item to mention…

Campbell: I don’t think it will get over.

Malone: Of COURSE it will…

Campbell: Malone, it WON’T…I never thought I’d have to say this to you again, but you are NOT going to be “Jamie-Jay The Wrestling Ice Cream Man”

Malone: Oh COME ON!! Kids love wrestling…and everyone loves Ice Cream!!

Sophie (eating Ice Cream): I love Ice Cream.

Crazy Sexy Mike: I love Ice Cream too.

Flying Dragon: Ice Cream good…

Campbell: Shut up will you!! Look, Malone…don’t take it personally, but it just won’t work. Besides, you can’t wrestle.

Malone: Neither can Darren.

Darren Von Darren: SHUT YOU FOOKIN MOWTH, BITCH!

Campbell: Sorry Malone…but you get Vetoed this time.

Laughing Larry: HE JUST GOT PWNED AS WELL!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Malone: Pwned?

Campbell: It’s a joke that will appeal to a tiny majority of Internet geeks…the ones that spend hours on end writing fantasy promotions instead of going out and getting laid.

Dick Koloff: I think Syco got laid last week.

Malone: No, that was PAID!

Dick Koloff: There are currently no unhappy workers.

[DMN in the House]

WOOOOOOO! syco mentions = ratings.

I'm loving the diary too, actually comedy has been rare around here.

[Campbell]

The last couple of shows, I realised two things:

1.) Malone’s mom wears a thong rather than pants.

And b.) We’ve not got enough wrestlers to hold a decent sized show.

So, despite the fact that I’m knee deep in debt, I went out and hired these guys. They’re all working per appearance, so that may be a blessing…

“Golden Guy” Alex Porteau - We were missing a legitimate athlete to PGW, and that’s where Porteau comes in. This guy can wrestle up a storm…shame nobody else can! He’s brought with him Josh Manager (his, erm, manager) and Cheerleader Amber (who’s a dentist….I’m joking, I’m joking, she’s a Cheerleader)

The Honky Tonk Kid – I recently watched the Honky Tonk Man’s shoot interview, and he said he hates to be imitated. Well, he didn’t return my calls, so this is me grinding an ax!!

Low Ryda – This guy looks great…wrestles great…and according to Sophie, he tastes great (not too sure what she meant by that).

Stephan Q. Ramsey II – We were missing a Rich Snob to PGW, and that’s where – oh, wait, I’m repeating myself…this guy offered me £200…I wasn’t gonna say NO!!

All four of these crazy cats will debut on the next show. Just as well really because Darren Von Darren won’t be in attendance next week. His court hearing’s up. Apparantly, the cat set itself on fire and flung ITSELF through the neighbours window last week. An alibi is an alibi I guess.

So, this is how this coming show will go down…

MR. BOOMBASTIC will face AMERICAN BEETLE and KUNG-FU CHICKEN NOODLE in a Handi-Cap Match.

THE HONKY TONK KID and LOW RYDA will debut in a one-on-one match.

FLYING DRAGON will face STEPHAN Q. RAMSEY II in Ramsey’s debut match.

We will hear from “GOLDEN GUY” ALEX PORTEAU in his first interview.

And, in the main event, CRAZY SEXY MIKE will face SIG MASTA in a Non-Title match.

[The Heartbreak Kid]

I am laughing my ass off. This is truely a comedic diary. I hope you keep it going. Oh yeah MALONES MOM RULZZZZ! Hey they might not of been funny but im a Malone's Mom Mark.

[DMN in the House]

OMG!!!! ITS A PUG PORTEAU SITING!!!!1

*marks*

[Campbell]

Campbell: MALONE, you’ve gotta come see this…it’s the freakiest thing EVER!!!

Malone enters the room and stares at the screen.

Malone: What’s up!?

Campbell: Well, I found this website called “The Battleground”…and this guy, Adam Ryland…is writing about US!

Malone: Adam who?

Campbell: Read it…

Glad to be able to say we have a healthy roster right now!

You can expect to see a lot more of Low Ryda and Honky Tonk Kid in the coming weeks. These are all very talented workers, who we see as integral to Pretty Good Wrestling. I wouldn't be surprised to see one or more of them to step up and start making waves in the main event scene soon.

Filler Text! Filler Text! Filler Text! My gawd, Ryland used the Filler Text! Damn them all to hell!

To squash a rumour, we have had no contact with free agent Vic Capri. Although we admire this performer's obvious talents, no meetings have taken place. That is not to say we won't eventually sit down and discuss a business proposal, but at the moment, no contact has been made.

I'd like to thank our great sponsors - EWAdditions.com, GameWinners.com, Chart Wars and TotalDiscussion.com - for their continuing support.

Until next time, take care...

Adam Ryland

Campbell: How does this guy know our sponsors??

Malone: Who’s Vic Capri?

Malone: Oh THAT Vic Capri?

Campbell: What are we gonna do…some guys writing a column about us without our knowledge.

Malone: …free publicity! Let’s do nothing.

Campbell stares at the screen for a moment.

Campbell: Okay…cool.

Suddenly a loud police siren blares outside and armed SWAT guards storm in.

SWAT Guard: KAYFABE POLICE!!! FREEZE!!!

SWAT Guard 2: Mr. Campbell, you are in direct violation of Kayfabe within a diary! You must cease activities NOW of face certain death!

Campbell: But you’re not real…

SWAT Guard 2: Shit…oooh, you win this time…BUT WE’LL HAVE OUR REVENGE!!

The SWAT team disappear and there’s a moment of silence.

Malone: What’s Coach’s Dance Of the Week?

Campbell: The Funky Chicken!! LOOK AT HIM GO!!

[hugobomb]

very funny Campbell keep it up

[Hajjhowe]

Malone: What’s Coach’s Dance Of the Week?

Campbell: The Funky Chicken!! LOOK AT HIM GO!!

Hahaha. Good couple of segments. I like this stuff. Push Laughing Larry somehow.