American Pro Wrestling Alliance

[TheRaySays]

Broads... That's always been my problem.

Sure, Vince exaggerated a bit when he said I was a bodyguard for Motley Crue, but that's what this business is all about... exaggeration.

It's NO exaggeration, though, to say that even back then, before my big break, broads were my Achilles Heel. Shit, backstage passes? Now that we've established what I can do for you, what can you do for me? I didn't think of it as self-centered, manipulative, or opportunistic back then. It was just business as usual.

It's funny because the boys tried to warn me. I was still an outsider around the locker room, a rookie, but here I was feuding with a main event heel and in a romantic angle with the boss' daughter. And that's where trouble came into paradise.

You hear all the time about guys living their gimmicks, losing that important separation between fantasy and reality. It's not that I fell in love with Stephanie, per se, but to think I actually bought into the act, that she gave two shits about me. It was a rude awakening when her and Hunter hooked up and I found myself in a freefall through tag partners like Albert, Booker T, Christian, Scott Steiner... I had become superfluous, a fucking footnote.

And the one bright spot in all this, the one thing that kept me going through the slide down the ladder was Stacy. A true sweetheart, she genuinely gave a shit. She actually put her own ass on the line to help me, and wonder of wonders, it worked. We were getting over. Sure, the cheers were primarily for her, but that didn't bother me. She earned every single cheer we got.

Then creative said they needed more heels, and never ones to take the harder road when old, cheap tactics presented themselves, they turned me on her. Cheap heat's better than no heat, I guess, but with Steiner and I both getting hurt, it seemed like Stacy paid the price. Left to introduce pointless Diva segments and wrestle in throwaway tag matches, she was going nowhere fast, and our relationship suffered for it. Back to living the gimmick, the feud almost became real. I guess in a lot of ways, I became the jealous, chauvanist asshole they made me out to be. I never meant to lay a hand on her, not like that, not ever.

So here I am, with Uncle Eric, main eventing a gymnasium because some folks still recognize me, are willing to cheer me because they don't know the real me, don't know the scumbag I've been of late. Main eventing because Uncle Eric likes 'em tall. Growing my hair back out because while the gym ain't MSG and I ain't Kevin Nash, Uncle Eric likes things familiar.

Maybe this can go somewhere. Maybe I can find some form of redemption in these podunk towns. Or maybe I'll end up fucking around with one of these broads and continuing my downward spiral, finding out how far down the bottom really is.

Find out if I'm up to the Test.

[punky]

" Damn it feels good to be a gangsta! A real gangsta-ass nigga plays his cards right. A real gangsta-ass nigga never runs his fuckin' mouth. Cuz a real gangsta-ass nigga don't start fights! "

" Damnit.. Shane! Turn that off! It's hurtin' my ears!! "

The show was coming to a close, as I sat backstage in the locker room, icing up my back when Shane was crankin' up that rap shit for his new "real gangster" friend, New Jack. But then Jack started cursing at me for being a "strawberry" and telling me he'd "shank me" .. and I made sure to hurry up and get my bags, so I could get out of there.

After I left the high school gymnasium, I made my way over to my Ford Focus and just started to drive around. Staring over at the passenger's seat, I saw the check from the show.. it was a lousy $100. But then again, I didn't have to be in the ring with New Jack for most of the match, so I figured I had it easy.

Bischoff and I go away back to the days of WCW, he always seemed to like my work.. but all I ever got stuck with besides impersonating Chris Jericho, was portraying a homosexual with Alan Funk or whoever they decided to put me with. Don't get me wrong, Alan's a nice guy but he has a horrible fashion sense. Myself, I know what's in style! I hope this company takes off because I don't wanna go back to workin' at Wendy's.

.. Maaan. I need a stiff drink.

[thuganomic]

“Oh shit,” I complained, as I plopped down on the cushion.

“What’s wrong, babe?” I heard, and a big smile came over my face.

“Everything. The sky, the air, just being me. People don’t appreciate the greatness that is Randy Orton.”

“I appreciate it,” She replied.

I knew she would.

“Now, what’s this here?”

“This is some reports of the last show that I’ve found.”

“Really?” I flipped open the first page, and skimmed down to the main event.

“What the hell is this? Yadayada……’Randy Orton does not belong in the main event’? Blandy Boreton?”

I flipped the table over.

”These internet punks don’t know talent when they see it.”

“But….but…”

“Not tonight, sugar, I’ve got a visit to make.”

[Yitzy]

I pick Harvey Whippleman!

----------------------------------------------------------

THE JOURNAL OF HARVEY WHIPPLEMAN

I was sick of Vince. That's why I left WWE. To him I was nothing more than a gopher. "Harvey could you do this" "Harvey could you do that" I WAS SICK OF IT! But I couldn't talk back to Vince, because I neeeded the money. So when I heard that Bischoff was starting a new promotion, I jumped on that bandwagon.

So when I drove my Woody Station wagon down to Kearny High School, I was pumped. Eric told me that I was a road agent and may have a few On Screen apperences.

Anyway, when I got to the School the only other person there was Eric. Eric then ran over the card. After a while people started showing up. I talked to Cena and Regal and people. I belive Chis N. came with some girl. I suspected it was a groupie but then I realized that this was Chris we were talking about. I noticed that most people were staying away from New Jack. Why no one liked him and he responded that he was a "vile, repulsive thug that , 80% of the time, he kills the person in the ring." I went over to New Jack to introduce myself and in his respond he angerly mumbled somthing. Anyway It was time for the event soon.

After The Event

Well here's a couple of things I noticed during the show:

-That ladder match was a classic.

-This Willie the Gangster from the boxcar or whatever shit, has got to go. I pray to god that Eric doesn't make him rap.

-I think that David should stop impersonating his father. And I hear he wants get rid of the gimmick. He should get a face turn where he says that he can't be in his father's shadow anymore.

I talked to William after and I asked him about the staple to the forehead and stuff. And it turns out that he was pretty angry about New Jack and he said that next show he wants to take him 1 on 1. I don't want this match to happen though. Both guys will end up dead by the end. Regal would be harder with his submission moves and New Jack would hit Regal with everything that he can find.

I tried to find New Jack after the show but he was already gone.

Edited July 20, 2004 by Komodo 3000

[Commander Sheepard]

*In the locker room, sometime after the show*

Well, I'm glad THAT'S over with.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be working again, but there seems to be just as much crap here as...well, the LAST two places I've worked. Of course, most of it revolved around Shane. Dammit, what's he THINKING about? I mean, all that was gonna happen was we were gonna reform 3 Count, and go out and wrestle a few matches together. But then...

*Sigh*

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He's been acting different towards me for, well, ever since I came out to him and couple of the other guys. And he's REALLY been acting different ever since "that night"...

I mean, I know that it's not discussed much, but surely having a bi-sexual wrestler for a partner can't be THAT hard. Can it? Who knows. All I know is that apparently he blew a gasket when he found out that Eric wanted us to team up. Got the entire match changed around just to suit him. And really, his whole attitude is different. He used to be this nice, average, clean cut guy. Now he walks around talking smack to everybody and probably snorting coke every chance he gets. I just wish I could TALK to him about that night...

*Sigh*

But like I said, at least I've got steady work again. Getting let go by WWE sucked enough, but to get let go after not even really getting a chance to show what I can do? THAT really sucked big time. But Eric's promised I'll get a chance to show my stuff here.

Not that I could tell by the first show. Yeah, I got some promo time and a quick angle, but I'm not really totally comfortable with all of that. I'd rather be in the ring. Which is STILL a problem after my match tonight. I mean, New Jack? John Cena? Regal? Hey, they're great guys (well, New Jack's one SCARY SOB), but they don't really fit with my style of wrestling. And although Lenny's cool, I'm REALLY not comfortable with his whole gimmick. Just TOO stereotypical in my opinion. I mean, yeah, he's a good looking guy, but the pig tails? Soooo passe.

I guess all in all, the match wasn't THAT bad. I would have liked to have gotten a little more offense in that I did, but I guess it fit in the story line. Of course, I had to do more brawling than I like to do, but given some of my opponents, I guess that was to be expected. And let me tell you, that roll down the bleachers hurt like HELL. I almost landed on this, um, rather LARGE woman's lap, which might not have been bad for her, but would have covered me in nacho sauce and a large Diet Coke. Of COURSE it was a Diet Coke.

And of course, our big spot of the match was when Shane jumped onto me and Lenny from the top of the bleachers. I'm really interested in seeing how that looked on tape, because Shane almost totally missed the dive. Lenny and I had to move about a foot to the left to make sure we caught him. I guess he was too busy thinking about how he's "Sugar Shane bitch!" and forgot to actually LOOK WHERE HE WAS GOING. And as much as I like guys on top...Well, this WASN'T what I had in mind.

Guess I should go hit the showers now. I had to wait until everyone else got out, because I don't want to get caught staring. Had that happen before at an Indy show, and I haven't been asked back. But I've got a lot of tension, so I guess later tonight is time for some cruising. Just hope I don't get recognized this time. Don't need THAT again either. Guess that's the life of a "big time wrestler". Or even a wanna-be like me.

*Sigh*

Edited July 20, 2004 by bigsheep305

[Essa]

American

Pro Wrestling

Alliance

UPRISING

Main Event - Test vs David Flair

Last week, we saw Test lose his match to Randy Orton when Reno got involved.. Test wanted a match with Reno, but was forced into a match with David Flair instead. Will Reno make his presence felt again? Will "The Nature Boy's Boy" David Flair get another impressive win, this time over Test? Tune in and find out.

Hardcore Match - "Gangsta" Willie Regal vs New Jack

AND

"Luscious" Lenny Layne vs Shane Helms

Last week we saw the most gruesome match in the APWA's short history. A three way tag team match with The New 3 Count, John Cena & Willie Regal, and New Jack & Shane Helms, that spilled from the ring to the bleechers and back. These matches are going to continue right along that path.

Triple Threat - Kid Kash vs Simon Diamond vs Kaz Hayashi

Kash Money and the Jung Dragons put on a great ladder match last week. However, that match was cut off short when Simon Diamond & The Diamond Doll interfered to cost Kash Money the match. Since EZ Money has a minor injury and will miss this show, Kid Kash made a challenge to both Kaz Hayashi and Simon Diamond setting up this triple threat match.

Return Match - Darryl vs Norman Smiley

Last week, Darryl and Norman Smiley fought in the school cafeteria. This time Norman Smiley challenged Darryl to a normal match, which the ever confident Darryl accepted. Will that mystery man appear again? Will Norman Smiley avenge that embarassing loss from last week?

Also Alan Funk, Elix Skipper, Randy Orton, and Eric Bischoff will be live in Harrison.

Live From The Harrison High School Gymnasium

In Harrison, New Jersey

Be there live, or tune in to 92.3 FM, K-Rock Radio for live coverage by Mike Tenay and Joel Gertner.

If anybody wants to make a poster for the show using the information from above, it'd be appreciated. Anyway, yeah, second show up tonight.

[Essa]

American

Pro

Wrestling

Alliance

UPRISING

“You seem to sever all my frequencies

I'm tethered to your energies

And everything turns inside out

I can't be killed but I'm not too proud”

Mike Tenay: Darryl just threw Norman Smiley through the sneeze guard!

Joel Gertner: Those things are meant to block boogers, not human beings.

“Maybe you would like to peek through the curtain

At the same mistake you know you always make”

Mike Tenay: Elix Skipper just frankensteinered David Flair off the top rope!

Joel Gertner: What can’t this kid do?

“But...all I really want to know is

Are you gonna lay the fuck back down

Or jump da fuck up?”

Mike Tenay: Shane Helms just threw caution to the wind and leaped from the top of the bleachers onto Three Count!

Joel Gertner: I have to agree with the fans here... Holy Shit!

“Walking in da streets and looking at all this shit

I'm full of hate, don't fuck with me

Walking in da streets and looking at all this shit

Open up your eyes and fucking see

We got the tribe against society

We got to fight the real enemy

Get da fuck up, stand da fuck up

Back da fuck up”

Mike Tenay: New Jack just leaped off the top rope and hit Gangsta Willie Regal with that golf club.

Joel Gertner: Hopefully this will erase all of Regal’s memory of being a thug.

“All this is making things a bit insane

And I don't care who stares or stays

The only thing that matters is

Will you reach out if you can't resist?

Maybe you don't give a shit for the rest of us

But if you do, the time is now, if it ever was

If you're gonna fight, whatcha gonna do?

Jump da fuck up!”

Mike Tenay: Sugar Shane Helms just threw Shannon Moore off the bleachers!

Joel Gertner: It wouldn’t surprise me if we didn’t see Shannon Moore for a while after that one.

“How dare you single out my honesty

Compare me to your travesties

I only want to see you fight

The darkness you wanna live your life by

And if you're gonna quit I don't give a shit

What the fuck, I'm a Mack truck

Are you gonna give up like a bitch

Or jump da fuck up?”

Mike Tenay: New Jack is using his staple gun to put staples in John Cena and Willie Regals head!

Joel Gertner: This match is quickly turning into a bloodbath.

“Walking in da streets and looking at all this shit

I'm full of hate, don't fuck with me

Walking in da streets and looking at all this shit

Open up your eyes and fucking see

We got the tribe against society

We got to fight the real enemy

Get da fuck up, stand da fuck up

Muthafuckaaaaaaaarrggghhhh.”

Mike Tenay: Jimmy Yang just hit a neckbreaker on EZ Money off the top of the ladder!

Joel Gertner: EZ Money is holding his neck. He might miss some ring time.

“I'm a self-destructive piece of shit

Smear me in

I don't owe you a goddamn thing

This life has never had the swing

I don't wanna be immortal or a legend or anything

Cuz the longer I'm alive, the better off you'll be

Get ready for epitome, come on and pity me...

Will you kill me if I say please? “

Mike Tenay: Reno is here in APWA!

Joel Gertner: And he just cost Test his match with Randy Orton!

“Beat to death with a shovel and a new smell

Come and get me, mom would never let me do it

I'm ruined, I don't want anything from you

Cuz I've got nothing left to prove, c'mon

My time, everything feels fine, goodbye

Killing from the inside.”

LIVE

FROM HARRISON HIGH SCHOOL

IN

HARRISON

NEW JERSEY

Mike Tenay: Hello, listeners, and those that are live in attendance. We're here live in the Harrison High School Gymnasium, in Harrison New Jersey. I am Mike Tenay, and this is...

Joel Gertner: And my name is Joel “I’m like a Rubix Cube. The longer you play with it, the harder it gets.” Gertner.

Mike Tenay: Last week we put on a great show for you all, and we hope to continue that tonight here in Harrison, New Jersey.

Joel Gertner: Now lets get this show rolling. Let me introduce to you, our owner Eric Bischoff.

“Back in Black” by AC/DC hits and the American Pro Wrestling Alliance owner, Eric Bischoff comes out to the ring. Eric is dressed casually, in a zipped up leather jacket, and tight blue jeans. Unlike last week, he is not in a very jovial mood.

Mike Tenay: Wow Joel, this doesn’t seem like the same Eric Bischoff that we saw last week.

Joel Gertner: Who cares? The fans didn’t come here to see Eric Bischoff. They came here to see me, Mike, me!

Mike glares at Gertner.

Joel Gertner: And, of course all of the APWA...superstars.

Eric Bischoff: Last week, I came out here, and I gave each and every one of you what you wanted. You wanted a ladder match, and you got it. You wanted a hardcore match, and you got it. And, what did I get in return? My mile long injury list. So, in actuality, I put on a great show for you, and you gave me nothing but a handful of injuries. So, tonight, I say SCREW YOU.

Mike Tenay: Thats not fair of Bischoff. Injuries happen, and the last show was just not on his lucky day.

Joel Gertner: How is it unfair? He gave the fans everything he could, and didn’t get anything back.

Mike Tenay: No, he gave the fans nothing, our wrestlers gave them everything.

Eric Bischoff: So, tonight, I’m going to tell you what I booked. And, you can either like it or leave it. There will be no compromise this week. You guys remember that five star thriller we had last week? You know, Darryl vs Norman Smiley?

The crowd boos unmercifully.

Mike Tenay: Darryl is wrestling again? What did we do to deserve this?

Joel Gertner: Stop being so selfish Mike. What the hell did Darryl do to get a job here?

Eric Bischoff: Well they’ll be in another match tonight. One on one, in this ring. No more battling around the school. Also, last week there was some turmoil in the Tag Team Ladder match. So, I booked another rematch in Kash Money vs the Jung Dragons in a ladder match!

The crowd roars in approval.

Mike Tenay: Another ladder match!?!

Joel Gertner: Can their bodies hold up? I don’t think so. Mike, maybe we should replace one of them four guys with you.

Mike Tenay: No thanks.

Eric Bischoff: Yeah, but then I came to my senses and realized how much I hate you people. So, you will not be seeing a ladder match. But, you will be seeing Kid Kash, Jimmy Yang, and Simon Diamond all in a triple threat match.

The crowd boos because they wanted a ladder match.

Mike Tenay: Eric Bischoff is messing with the fans heads.

Joel Gertner: That isn’t too smart, being that we're in the ghetto and all.

Eric Bischoff: But I didn’t want to deprive you all of everything... So tonight, your hero New Jack will take on Gangsta Willie Regal in a hardcore match.

Mike Tenay: I almost feel bad for Regal.

Eric Bischoff: We will also have a follow up from last week when Luscious Lenny Layne battles Shane Helms. It was originally going to be Shannon Moore, but YOU PEOPLE got him injured. But, our main event features your favorite APWA superstar... “The Nature Boy's Boy” David Flair taking on Test.

The crowd boos.

Mike Tenay: The fans will never get behind David Flair after that stunt he pulled last week.

Joel Gertner: Its all about the benjamins Mike, and advertising Ric Flair brought us in more money than advertising David Flair would have. Was it wrong? Yes, but did it help you feed your kids? Yes.

Eric Bischoff: So goodnight, and enjoy the sh...

“Up In Here” by DMX plays as Prime Time Elix Skipper enters the makeshift arena. Elix is wearing black baggy shorts, a White tee shirt draped over his shoulder and a backwards black baseball cap.

Eric Bischoff: What the hell do you want?

Elix Skipper: Yo, I jus listened to dat announcement and you aint sayin nothin bout Prime Tizzime being up in here tonight. Why aint I wrestlin?

Eric Bischoff: Why should you be booked? You lost your match last week, and I don’t like losers.

Elix Skipper: So that's how its gonna be? You aint puttin me on your shows anymore?

Eric Bischoff: Well, maybe something just opened up for you.

Mike Tenay: Uh oh, what does Eric Bischoff have in mind.

Randy Orton charges the ring from the side and goes to attack Elix Skipper. Skipper senses it though and side steps him by jumping out of the ring. Losing the element of surprise, Orton gets into his corner and waits for Skipper to get in the ring.

Joel Gertner: I never thought I’d say this but that little chump Elix Skipper just outsmarted both Randy Orton and Eric Bischoff.

Mike Tenay: Yeah, and now this match will actually, get this, be fair for once. Thats surprising for a Randy Orton match.

Elix Skipper gets back in the ring and the match starts. Randy Orton and Elix Skipper pace back and forth in their corners waiting for the right moment to strike. Elix Skipper stops for a moment and poses for the fans. The fans cheer him and Elix just nods his head in approval of the fans reaction towards him. Elix holds his hand in the air showing his appreciation for the fans response. Randy looks confident and starts laughing at Elix. Elix on the other hand has a smug look on his face just ready to start attacking Randy Orton. Randy Orton shakes his head in disapproval. Randy looks all around him seeing a tremendous amount of drunken, stupid fans surrounding him and Elix Skipper. Randy smiles and does his taunt for the fans, elliciting a chorus of boos. Elix gets unpatient and runs towards Randy Orton while he doesn’t get a chance to regain his focus on “Prime Time,” Elix starts giving out hard right hands and kicks to the gut on Orton who is trapped in the corner as the match now begins DING! DING! says the Mexican Kid ringing the bell/ring post. Elix pounds away on Orton’s head as Orton slumps down.

ELIX SKIPPER VERSUS RANDY ORTON

Mike Tenay: Elix now gettting the best of Randy Orton a 3rd Generation superstar who still has alot to prove here in the APWA and what a way for him to do that by taking out Elix Skipper, Joel.

Joel Gertner: Yes but that's not an easy task. Of course to some people Elix doesn't look like much, but when he gets in the ring he is a regular dynamo. Elix may have more experience and more agility but Randy Orton does have a father and a grandfather who have expierenced this business. They know what it is like to be in wrestling and how hard it can be sometimes. I bet Randy has had a few conversations with his folks and he has probaly learned alot from them.

Elix backs up for a minute and yells to the fans “This is my house!” and starts stomping on a fallen Orton. Teddy Long then begins counting for Elix to stop stomping Randy Orton. 1…2…3…4 Teddy Long pulls away Elix Skipper and pushes him towards the center of the ring yelling at Elix to demand his orders. Elix gets up in Long’s face and starts yelling at him and pushes him. Long get even angrier and push Elix back into the turnbuckle.

Mike Tenay: Why is Elix acting like this?

Joel Gertner: Its simple Mike, Randy Orton tried to sneak attack him. Now Skipper is going to make him regret it.

Elix throws his hands in the air to let Teddy Long know that he will obey his orders. Long points at him and Elix just keeps his hands in the air that he is not going to push him again or disobey him. Elix heads over to the still fallen Orton and picks him up sets him in the corner again Elix throws a punch but Randy wakes up and blocks the punch and throws a punch of his own. Randy throws more punches across the face of Elix Skipper as he now away from the corner. Elix staggers back into the ring ropes. Elix holds onto the ropes as now Orton begins doing hard chops across the chest of Elix Skipper. Orton kicks him in the gut and slings him into the ropes. Elix heads fast into the ropes. Elix comes back towards Randy who is ready for and waiting for him. Randy leaps over Elix and Elix comes back to the ropes again. Randy is ready and gives Elix an armdrag. Elix gets up quickly as Randy begins running towards him. Elix gives an armdrag of his own to Orton. Orton gets up and Elix tries to go after him. Randy catches him with another armdrag and this time Randy gets Elix down on the mat. Randy keeps ahold of his opponents arm and puts him in an armlock.

Mike Tenay: Arm Drag to Elix Skipper by Randy Orton. Like himor hate him, Randy looks to be in great shape taking on Elix and giving these perfect, neat, and crisp moves will help him rise to the top of the APWA.

Joel Gertner: Elix now is getting and up and showing to Randy Orton what he can do by executing his own move back to him. Man what atheletism coming from Elix skipper.

Randy is gettinng back up and gives Elix another armdrag and this time into an armlock.

Mike Tenay: Everytime Elix gets up, he gets sent back down into the ground while Randy applies more pressure to the sensitive arm of Elix Skipper.

Elix tries to get up but can’t. Teddy Long slides and gets on his knees to see if Elix will tap. Elix tries getting up again but Randy applies the hold even harder. Elix screams in pain as he tries to find someway out of the hold. Teddy Long still stands by and asks Elix if he quits and Elix replies “hell no,” Randy Orton screams at Elix wanting him to tap out. Elix then takes his free hand and smacks it across the face of Orton. Orton still has the hold on but releases the pressure of that hold. Elix then tries and takes his body and rolls back in the mat to kip up. Elix is up now but Randy still has his arm in his hands. Elix starts throwing punches to Orton and Orton finally lets go of his arm. Elix throws more punches across the face of Randy Orton. Elix whips him into the ropes.

Orton comes flying at Elix fast. Elix drop toe holds Randy head first into the mat. Elix jumps over ready to grab his head and gets him in a headlock. Randy gets up with Elix as he elbows him in the gut. Randy pushes Elix into the ropes again. Randy Orton runs and dropkicks Elix and Elix goes over the top rope. Randy staggers back and gets on his knees for a few minutes to take a quick breather. Elix gets up on the apron. Randy gets up and starts punching Elix who is on the apron. Elix staggers back almost falling on the concrete floor again. Orton grabs Elix by the hair and walks him over to the turnbuckle post. Randy smacks his head hard on the turnbuckle post. Randy then decides to climb up on the turnbuckle while Elix is on the apron. Randy still has him by the hair and Elix has no choice but to climb up with him.

Both men are standing on the top turnbuckle staggering. Randy grabs his arm and drapes it over his neck. Randy with all his strength lifts Elix up in the air and superplexes Elix down hard on the mat. It looked like Elix may have landed on the inside of Orton's arm. That looked painful. The audience boos in disapproval of the treatment of their fan favorite. Both men are down and they are not moving. Teddy Long looks at both men and has no choice but to start counting. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Randy begins moving towards Elix Skipper as the number now gets to eight. The fans and the referee are ready to count nine but Randy finally drapes one arm over his opponent’s chest. Teddy Long slides down and counts the pin. 1, 2. Denied! Elix throws a shoulder up to stay in this contest. Elix sits up while Orton begins getting up also.

Both men are now up. Orton goes against the ropes. Elix is still trying to recover and Randy slides right under him. Orton then trips Elix. Orton picks Elix up by the legs and lifts him up in the air. Elix counters it into a rollup pin! Teddy Long goes down for the count. 1, 2. No Orton stays alive in this contest. Teddy Long says two to Elix Skipper as he is not happy that he hasn’t won the match yet. Elix gets up and puts the boots to Randy. Elix picks him up and slings him into the turnbuckle. Orton’s face slams into turnbuckle causing him to stagger back. Elix measures him up and backdrops him down hard on the canvas. Randy holds his back in pain as Elix is looking to go up the top rope. Elix does and flies off to do the Phoenix Splash on Randy Orton. Elix has in a pinning position so Teddy Long begins counting 1, 2, 3 no no no! 2 ½.

Elix pounds the mat with his fist and gets up and starts stomping on Orton again. Teddy Long gets up and looks at the two fighting men. Elix picks up Randy and starts punching down his neck. Elix then snap suplexes Randy Orton but he counters it. Randy spins Elix around and he puts him in the Overdrive! Elix is down 1, 2, NO!!!!!!!! Randy went for the pin but Elix fought through the pin and kicked out. Randy is on his knees and cannot believe what just happened he ask Teddy Long is that was a three and Long told him no. Randy gets up and runs against the ropes to deliver an elbow drop to the chest of Elix Skipper. Randy gets up favoring his arm that he had broken in WWE for a while.

Randy fights through the pain and starts throwing more punches across the face of Elix Skipper. Elix Skipper starts fighting back throwing his own punches to Randy Orton. Randy staggers back as Elix charges after him giving him a spinning wheel kick, the foot across the face of Orton. Elix gets up and heads over to the turnbuckle. He climbs up the top and waits for Orton to get up. He does and Elix flies on top of Orton delivering a hurricanrana to him. In a classic heel maneuver, Orton rolled outside on to the concrete. Elix rolls outside where Orton is lying at. Long goes outside with Elix as he appears to let this match take it’s course instead of counting to 10 instead to have a bonafide winner in this match. Randy walks towards the announce table as Elix follows him. Elix runs and dropkicks Randy from behind making him fall into the announcers table.

Joel: Damnit, this is why we weren’t at ringside in ECW.

Elix then decides to climb up on the apron and do a leg drop to Orton through the table. Randy moves out of the way on time and Elix goes right through the table not moving. Long and the fans can’t believe what just happened! Orton goes through all the wood to find Elix. He finally does as he has to pick him up and put him in the ring. A very tired Orton goes in the ring and pins Elix. The ref slides quickly into the ring to make the count 1, 2,3 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 2! Orton picks up Elix and kicks him in the gut no! He grabs Orton’s foot and kicks him in the gut to deliver The Play of the Day. Orton is down and out he covers him 1, 2, Nope Elix pounds away on Orton. Elix then tries to pin him one more time. 1, 2. Nooo Noooo Elix doesn’t get the job done. Elix tries to stand up but falls down and is out. Orton on the other hand gets up quickly and slings Elix into the turnbuckle.

Elix hits head first into the turnbuckle. Randy picks up Elix and puts him on the turnbuckle and has him in the neckbreaker position. Randy then pulls Elix out of the corner to deliver a devastating neckbreaker. Elix is out and Randy goes on top of him to hook the leg. The ref counts. 1, 2, 3! Ding Ding The fans boo as Elix has now been beaten by Randy Orton.

RANDY ORTON DEFEATS ELIX SKIPPER

Mike Tenay: Randy finished Elix off with that Super Neckbreaker of his, and you know what?

Joel Gertner: You're gay?

Mike Tenay: No, after this great match, I have a new found respect for both men.

Joel Gertner: Well I hope you're not used to that good wrestling, because up next we have Norman Smiley taking on Darryl.

Mike Tenay: Lets just hope it stays short.

“Helter Skelter” by The Beatles plays as Norman Smiley comes out dressed up in the Harrison Blue Tides football uniform. This draws an extremely cheap pop from the crowd, but whatever works eh?

The theme from Tough Enough plays as Darryl comes out to the ring. Hes wearing a grey tee shirt, and grey shorts that go down to his knees. Luckily these aren’t the shorts that his ball popped out of on Tough Enough.

Mike Tenay: Turn off your radio folks, this is going to be bad.

NORMAN SMILEY VERSUS DARRYL

Smiley and Darryl are in the ring and ready to start the match. Smiley bends down in 3 Point Stance.

Joel Gertner: Oh great. You know the shit has hit the fan when you're imitating Jack Duggan.

Mike Tenay: Jim Duggan.

Joel Gertner: Jim Duggan.

Smiley charges at Darryl and hits him with a tackle. Smiley falls over on his back. Darryl falls down on his ass and falls out of the ring through the bottom and middle rope.

Mike Tenay: Uhh... A high impact... Tackle from Norman Smiley.

Joel Gertner: As pathetic as that was, it managed to knock Darryl out of the ring and on his fat bulbous ass.

Mike Tenay: Are you in any position to talk?

Smiley gets up first and gets out of the ring. Darryl gets up in utter fear of Smiley for some reason. Darryl runs as fast as he could around the ring, keep in mind that isn’t very fast. Norman starts chasing after Darryl. Luckily for Darryl, Norman’s football padding is slowing him down.

Joel Gertner: This is a wrestling match not a track meet.

Darryl climbs onto the apron, and then rolls under the bottom rope out of breath. Norman Smiley goes to get in the ring, but something is holding him down. Teddy Long starts making the count. 1..... 2..... 3..... 4

Mike Tenay: Whats going on?

You can see an arm from under the ring holding on to Smiley’s leg. Smiley is trying to kick the arm with his other leg but he can’t get him off. 5........6........7........8.........9...........10

DARRYL DEFEATS NORMAN SMILEY

Joel Gertner: Darryl just picked up a cheap win by countout.

Mike Tenay: And, mercifully its over.

Joel Gertner: Not quite, Darryl is making his way outside.

Darryl pushes Smiley out of his way and goes under the ring. He is pulling on someones leg, but he can’t get him out. He yells at Norman smiley. Norman Smiley grabs on to Darryl’s arm and starts pulling on Darryl, to try and help get the guy out from under the ring. With one great burst of energy. They pull the guy out from under the ring and its Chris Harvard!!!

Joel Gertner: It's that punk Chris Harvard. Hes the guy that keeps winning Darryl’s matches for him.

Darryl starts shoving Chris Harvard.

Chris Harvard: What the hell is your problem? I’m trying to help you out.

Darryl: What makes you think I need your help? I can win my matches all by myself.

Chris Harvard: You can barely get to the ring by yourself.

Darryl: Are you disrespecting me?

Chris Harvard: You know what, Darryl, I am. I try to help you become a respectable wrestler, but you just won’t go for it. Your on your own.

Darryl: Fine, I don’t need you. I'm a better wrestler than you will ever be.

Chris Harvard: You want to prove that you can wrestle, then do it in the ring next week. Me and you Darryl, what do you

say?

Darryl: It’ll be my privilege to kick your ass.

Joel Gertner: Darryl should have just swallowed his pride and let Nowinski help him. It might not have been clean, but with a Harvard graduate on your side, what could go wrong?

Mike Tenay: Darryl is finally showing some responsibility. But, its all for the wrong reasons.

Joel Gertner: Well, anyway, back to reality. Up next we have a triple threat match stemming from last week’s show with Kaz Hayashi, Kid Kash and Simon Diamond.

Mike Tenay: Well Joel, Kid Kash and Kaz Hayashi are two of the best high fliers our great sport has seen. Simon Diamond on the other hand is one of the most technically balanced wrestlers on our roster. When these three get in the ring, anything can, and will happen.

KID KASH VS Kaz Hayashi VS SIMON DIAMOND

“Simon Says” by Drain STH plays on el mexicano hombre’s boombox signifying the wrestling debut of Simon Diamond. Diamond walks into the gym, and then holds the door open for The Diamond Doll. Simon is wearing black tights with a diamond insignia on the back. The Diamond Doll is wearing a skimpy diamond shape one piece.

“Bawitdaba” by Kid Rock plays next and Kid Kash comes out in full pimp/Kid Rock gear. He has the big red Dr. Sueuss Hat, and the baggy red pants.

Kid Kash charges the ring and immediately the match starts even though Kaz hasn’t come out yet.

Joel Gertner: It looks like Kid Kash doesn’t want to wait.

Mike Tenay: Could you blame him? If Simon Diamond cost me my match, I’d be pissed off too.

Joel Gertner: Simon Diamond wouldn’t have to interfere for you to lose a match.

Simon Diamond throws a wild clothesline at Kid Kash, which Kash easily ducks. Diamond turns around and is hit with a front dropkick. Kash rolls back and gets to his feet. Kash gets up and whips Diamond into the ropes. Kash hits a Japanese Arm Drag on Diamond.

Mike Tenay: Kid Kash is really taking it to Simon Diamond at the start of the match.

Joel Gertner: Mike, I don’t care who wins this match, as long as Kash’s style changed somewhat since I last saw him.

Mike Tenay: Whats the matter with his style?

Joel Gertner: Rana, after rana, after rana, after rana. Hell Mike, by now he would have hit at least three of them.

Diamond slides on the ring into the corner. Kid Kash runs at Simon Diamond. Diamond ducks and uses his strength to throw Kash in the air by his legs. Kash lands crotch first on the turnbuckle.

Joel Gertner: Yowch. Theres no way to prepare for something like that...

Diamond climbs up to the middle turnbuckle. He hooks his arms around the waist of Kid Kash. Simon Diamond falls backwards off the middle turnbuckle and hits a German Suplex on Kid Kash. Diamond bridges into a pin. 1...2...

Mike Tenay: That was a German Suplex from the top rope.

Joel Gertner: Kid Kash isn’t moving. This match is over.

Kaz finally gets to the ring and kicks Diamond in the ribs breaking up the pinfall. Kaz picks up Diamond and throws him into the ropes.

Joel Gertner: Its about damn time.

Mike Tenay: Kaz just saved the match for himself and Kid Kash.

Diamond hits a shoulderblock on Kaz knocking him down. Diamond bounces off the ropes, and Kaz hits him with a Monkey Flip from a laying position. Coincidentally, Diamond leg dropped Kash in the back of the head.

Mike: Well, thats some unconventional double teaming.

Kaz picks up Diamond and throws him into the ropes again. Kaz goes for a crossbody on Diamond. Diamond catches him in midair. Diamond goes for a fall away slam, but, Kaz reverses it. Kaz swings out of that position and hits a Swinging Single Arm DDT. Kaz makes the cover on Diamond.

Mike Tenay: What versatility from Kaz.

Joel Gertner: How the hell did he do that?

1.....2....... From outside the ring, The Diamond Doll puts Simon Diamond’s leg on the bottom rope breaking up the pin. What a shame... Teddy Long didn’t see a thing. But from behind Jimmy Yang grabbed The Diamond Doll’s hair. He dragged her from ringside to the locker room area.

Mike Tenay: Yeah Yang! Get that little tramp out of here.

Joel Gertner: Don’t say that! I don’t want her to leave.

Diamond gets up and is facing the audience wondering where The Diamond Doll went. From behind Kaz went for a modified Sunset Flip. Diamond held on to the top rope preventing Kaz from getting him down. From behind Kid Kash ran and leaped over the top rope, but ramming Diamond throat first onto the top rope. Diamond lets go of the top rope and gets rolled up by Kaz. Teddy Long starts counting. 1....2.... Kash gets in the ring and dropkicks Kaz in the side of the head breaking up the count.

Joel Gertner: He could have just crushed Simon's larynx.

Mike Tenay: Wouldn’t surprise me with our luck.

Kash picks Kaz up and throws him into the ropes. But, Kaz reverses it and sends Kash flying, Kash bounces back and Kaz goes for a Tilt A Whirl Backbreaker. When Kash is over his head, Kash wraps his legs around Kaz’s head and hits a Flying Headscissor Takedown.

Mike Tenay and Joel Gertner glare at each other.

Kash holds Kaz in the headscissors position. But, it doesn’t last very long as Kaz kips up out of it. Kash gets up quickly too and is behind Kaz. Kaz hits a stiff back kick to the head of Kash.

Joel Gertner: Good night.

Mike Tenay: That’ll scramble some brains.

Kash turns around and walks right into the grasp of Simon Diamond. Simon Diamond puts Kash in a Fireman's Carry, and then drops him off and hits a reverse DDT.

Mike Tenay: Thats the move he calls the Simonizer.

Diamond gets up and Kaz kicks him in the stomach. Diamond notices something in the crowd. For some reason Diamond falls on the ground holding his stomach.

Mike Tenay: What the hell is this? Diamond was fine just a second ago and now hes rolling around like hes having an ulcer.

Joel Gertner: You’ll see Mike, you’ll see.

Kaz knows something is up but climbs to the top turnbuckle anyway looking to hit Diamond. Diamond then stops faking is injury and goes over to Kid Kash. Diamond puts Kash in a weak sleeperhold, but it makes Teddy Long come over and check for a tapout.

Joel: OH MY GOD! A vicious sleeperhold!

Mike Tenay: Are you kidding me?

From the bleachers comes “The Mexican Teen Sensation” Aguila.

Joel: Its Aguila!

Mike Tenay: Who?

Joel Gertner: Aguila! The Mexican Teen Sensation... from Mexico.

Mike Tenay: I’m the professor and I’ve never heard of him.

Joel Gertner: Damnit Mike that's not a good way of hyping up a

new signee.

Before Kaz can jump off the top rope, Aguila gets up there with him. Aguila does the Samurai Driver off the top turnbuckle to the mat!

Mike Tenay: Oh my god. He just drove him face first into the mat with that Samurai Driver.

Joel Gertner: Aguila is here, and just won the match for Simon Diamond.

Aguila slides out of the ring. Diamond makes his way to the now fallen Kaz and makes the cover. Teddy Long counts 1........2.........3.

SIMON DIAMOND DEFEATS KID KASH AND KAZ HAYASHI

Mike Tenay: Damnit. Thats two wins from Simon Diamond, and hes cheated for both of them.

Joel Gertner: Shutup Mike, Simon Diamond didn’t cheat. He just took advantage of a prone Kaz.

Aguila helps Simon Diamond up and then they walk to the back together.

Mike Tenay: Thats two weeks in a row that Simon Diamond and his cronies have screwed over Kid Kash, and now they add Kaz to their screwed over list.

Joel Gertner: Cry me a river Mike, cry me a river. Up next, we have Lenny Layne vs Sugar Shane Helms.

“Backstreets Back” by the Backstreet Boys plays. Luscious Lenny Layne enters the high school gymnasium. Layne is wearing tight leather pants and a glossy silver shirt, typical fag/boyband clothes. Layne gets in the ring and gets on the microphone.

Luscious Lenny Layne: How are all you soooooper people doing tonight?

Boos from the crowd.

Luscious Lenny Layne: Oh, not too good? Thats a shame, because I’m feeling so good. I’m feeling so good that its like... like... getting backstage passes to an N’Sync concert!

The crowd starts throwing things at Layne. One kid threw a hotdog at him. Layne caught it in his hand, and was tempted to do something to the hot dog, but just dropped it.

Luscious Lenny Layne: Now you all probably want to know why I’m happy. I know I would if I were you. Because, last week 3 Count got beaten up just as bad as Metallica would at a Backstreet Boy’s concert. Hell, Shannon Moore was so beat up he couldn’t make it to this show. But, that might just be a blessing in disguise. Because, that gives me the opportunity to have a tryout for 3 Count tonight. So, if you want to tryout for 3 Count, come on out here and lets see what you got, because you’ll be taking my place in the match against Shane Helms!

The first man that comes out is none other than Harvey Whippleman! Harvey gets into the ring and starts doing the Funky Chicken. For some reason this ellicits a pop from the crowd. Then he starts lip syncing “Its Gonna Be Me” from N’Sync. From behind “Funky” Alan Funk and Jivin’ Jackie Gayda get in the ring. He approaches Harvey Whippleman and hits him with the sleeperhold neckbreaker that he called the Smash Hit.

Luscious Lenny Layne: Well, Funky Alan and Jivin’ Jackie, yous got yourselves a gig.

The camera is put on three retarded kids from Harrison’s wonderful Special Education program, with drool coming out of their mouths, the drool is then blasted away when the mexican kid's boom box begins to blare "Vertebreaker". The crowd is now on the edge of their seats as the fan favorite makes his way to the ring. There were even some comments by a drunk guy in the front row that I would refuse to repeat, even if I understood them, but they were in favor of Helms.

Joel: HA! Jivin' Jackie Gayda! Well she did do alot of jivin'-

Mike: Enough, Joel!

"SUGAR" SHANE HELMS VERSUS "FUNKY" ALAN FUNK

Another mexican kid runs to the ring post with a hammer and slams it into the post to imitate the sound of a ringing bell and the match begins as Shane Helms kicks Funk in the ribs and then whips him into the ropes, as Funk comes back he hammers Helms with a clothesline. Funk then picks Helms back up by the hair, kicks him in the gut, and hits a DDT. The unintelligent Funk, instead of making a cover, decides to taunt the crowd and the drunken fan then yells out something about "smoking the cock" it was hard to tell in between the belches and studdering, but I think I am in the right area.

Joel: Funk is such a great wrestler, but I idolize those dance moves he did coming out here!

Mike: ...If only some of our fans were as mature as you Joel

As Funk taunts the crowd, Helms is given time to recover, and proceeds to come up behind Funk and tap him on the shoulder. As Funk turns back around Helms kicks him and hits a Floating neckbreaker! Cover: One, Two, kickout!

Mike: Well, I have to admit Funk showed great resiliance by kicking out of that cover....

Joel: HEY! Just like how Jackie showed her resiliance when-

Mike: JOEL! WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!

As both men get up, Helms runs at Funk, who ducks, and then gets up and tries to hit a front dropkick on Helms, but Helms manages to grab ahold of the ropes to stop that from happening. Funk holds his back in pain, actually, it was fairly close to his ass and Joel looked as if he were about to comment, but never did. Helms and Funk both got up and tied-up, but Funk over powered Helms and pushed him into the corner, then proceeded to hammer him and kick him in the gut. However, out of nowhere, Helms kicks Funk, and sets him up for what looks to be a Vertibreaker off the top rope, and he nails it!

Joel: Oh my god! He killed The Funky One! Now I can't learn those dance moves!

ONE, TWO, THREE!

SUGAR SHANE HELMS DEFEATS FUNKY ALAN FUNK

Joel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mike: Would you calm down, Joel? Unfortunately, I have a feeling they’ll be back again next time.

Joel: Good, I really need to learn that damned macarena.

John Cena: Yo, yo, yo, cut it. You wanna talk about the macarena? Nobody wants to listen, especially me, John Cena. Up next my main dawg Willie *pats Willie’s chest* is fightin New Jack hardcore. Whats it gotta be like that for? You are putting us in New Jack’s specialty week after week. But I got it changed and now his future is bleak. New Jack, you wanna hit us with everything from shovels to rakes to stapleguns to a stick of bologna? Well, thats tough shit cause tonight you and Regal’s match is Submissions Only!

Mike Tenay: What? A submissions only match... with New Jack?

Joel Gertner: Well, its sort of obvious that New Jack will be out of his element in this match.

“Natural Born Killaz” by NWA plays as New Jack comes out to the ring. New Jack is wearing a red bandana, a red and blue flannel shirt and blue windbreakers.

New Jack slides into the ring and is immediately stomped down by John Cena and Willie Regal. John Cena and Regal pick up New Jack.

Mike Tenay: Oh come on. This is not fair.

Joel Gertner: Mike, all that they said was that this would be a

Submissions Only match. They didn’t say anything about having only one guy in the ring at once.

Cena puts New Jack on top of his shoulders in a Fireman's Carry. Cena then drops New Jack off of his shoulders, gut first onto Regal’s knee. Regal then puts New Jack in the STF, which Regal calls the “Ching Bling”.

Mike Tenay: It’s the STF... or as were going to have to call it now, the “Ching Bling.” This might be over now.

Joel Gertner: Holler.

Teddy Long: Hold it. Regal, you changed the stipulation, so I’m adding another stipulation to it. John Cena, your banned from ringside.

Mike Tenay: You tell them Teddy. Finally an even playing field.

Joel Gertner: Teddy Long should do his job, and thats just to

have the bell rung when someone taps out.

John Cena starts throwing a hissy fit but when Teddy Long threatens to disqualify Regal, he leaves the ring. Regal gets up and is arguing with the referee when New Jack gets up behind him. New Jack puts Regal in a Camel Clutch!

NEW JACK VERSUS GANGSTA WILLIE REGAL

Mike Tenay: Camel clutch! This is over!

Joel Gertner: WHAT? Where’d he learn that?

New Jack holds him in it for hardly any time, at all until Regal counters out of it with a jawbreaker, sending New Jack reeling around the ring, before finally finding himself in the corner.

Joel Gertner: Mike, New Jack stands no chance. Regal is a world renowned submissionist, while New Jack is only good at diving off of balconies.

Mike Tenay: Say what you will, but as of now New Jack is out wrestling Willie Regal.

Regal follows New Jack into the corner. First Regal starts hitting stiff chops to New Jack. Regal then starts hitting knees to the midsection of New Jack. Regal then pulls New Jack out of the corner and hits a succession of European Uppercuts knocking New Jack back into the corner.

Mike Tenay: This match is very ironic. Normally we’d see New Jack brawling away with his opponent, and Willie Regal mat wrestling. But this match is the solar opposite.

Regal grabs New Jack by the arm, and pulls him out of the corner. Then he slings him around and whips him back into the corner hard. New Jack is face first into the corner. From behind, Regal starts hitting forearms to the small of New Jack’s back.

Joel Gertner: Say what you will Mike, but theres one thing that Willie Regal has that New Jack doesn’t, and thats a working brain. Regal is two steps ahead of New Jack.

Mike Tenay: Regal is being very strategic here, working on the back of New Jack to set him up for the Ching Bling.

Regal goes for another forearm, but is caught off guard by a mule kick from New Jack. Regal stumbles backwards giving New Jack a chance to get on the offensive.

Joel Gertner: Thats cheating! Disqualify him ref!

Mike Tenay: Be quiet Joel.

New Jack turns around, and grabs Regal by the hair. New Jack drags Regal over to the ropes. New Jack picks up Regal like in a body slam position, but then drops him neck first on the top rope. Regal turns around holding his throat.

Joel Gertner: What did he do that for? Someone should tell him that he can’t win by choking Regal.

Mike Tenay: Joel, you were encouraging Regal to cheat, so why shouldn’t New Jack do the same?

New Jack hits a well placed boot to the stomach, hunching Regal over. New Jack grabs Regal around the neck, like he would for a ddt. But, instead of DDT’ing him, New Jack puts Regal in a neck wrench.

Mike Tenay: Another submission by New Jack. I wonder where he learned all these moves.

Joel Gertner: Come on Mike, thats not the greatest of submission moves but I see your point its New Jack for gods sake.

New Jack tries lifting up Regal from the neck wrench, which could snap his neck, hoping that Regal will tap out. Teddy Long asks him, but Regal doesn’t quit. New Jack puts Regal down. He goes to lift Regal up like that again, but instead Regal runs forward driving New Jack into the turnbuckle.

Joel Gertner: Get him Regal, that cheater.

Regal goes for a big haymaker on New Jack, which New Jack ducks. The unstableness of Regal’s punch makes him fall forward into the corner. New Jack grabs Regal’s arm and puts it behind his back in an Arm Wrench. But, Regal goes around New Jacks back and locks New Jacks arms behind his back.

Mike Tenay: These guys are now both working each others arms over.

Regal lifts New Jack up and hits a Dragon Suplex. Regal then gets on New Jack and puts him in the Ching Bling right in the middle of the ring. New Jack tries to get to the ropes but he can’t. Teddy Long asks him to give up, and he reluctantly agrees.

GANGSTA WILLIE REGAL DEFEATS NEW JACK

Joel Gertner: Thats it Regal! You got him. Regal wins!

Mike Tenay: Since when were you so Pro-Regal?

Joel Gertner: Ever since him and Cena agreed to teach me how to freestyle, while getting dance lessons from 3 Count.

Mike Tenay: Oh dear.

Mike Tenay: Our next match is our main event.

Joel Gertner: Thats right Mike, “The Nature Boy's Boy” David Flair is going to battle Test.

Mike Tenay: And, what factor will Reno play in this match?

Joel Gertner: How the hell should I know? Mike, I know you think I’m a genius, but I can’t read minds.

“This Is A Test” is heard on the mexican kids boom box, as the most popular member of the APWA, Test comes out to the ring with his hair grown out a little more, wearing blue shorts with Test embroidered on the side. The crowd gives the biggest pop of the night.

The theme from 2001: A Space Oddessy plays and the “Nature Boy” David Flair comes down to the ring. Flair is wearing a blue and silver robe with red tights under them. On the robe it says The Nature Boy Ric Flair, with Ric having an “X” through it, and David written below it.

TEST VERSUS DAVID FLAIR

Mike Tenay: Test’s sheer strength maybe too much for David Flair here.

Joel Gertner: Are you crazy? David Flair has accomplished more than most people could dream of. Does 16 time heavyweight champion mean anything to you?

Mike Tenay: Give me a break Joel, your not actually buying his schtick are you?

Test and David Flair circle each other in the ring. Test goes in for a lockup, but Flair sidesteps him, and struts before giving out a big “Woooooo”.

Joel Gertner: The Nature Boy, isn’t taking Test seriously. As big of a bafoon as Test is, this might come back and haunt Flair.

Flair turns around, and Test goes in for another lockup. Flair again side steps him and goes to strut again. But from behind Test hits a clothesline to the back of Flair’s head.

Mike Tenay: I think Test just knocked the strut right out of him.

Flair falls down to one knee. Test stomps on the back of Flair, knocking him down flat on the mat. Test mocks Flair and does a strut of his own. Test then lets out little “Wooo’s” as he puts boots to David Flair.

Joel Gertner: A total show of disrespect from Test. Thats a legend hes mocking.

Mike Tenay: What are you talking about? David Flair isn’t a legend. He’s got potential to be one, but isn’t yet.

Test picks up David Flair and kicks him in the stomach hunching him over. Test goes behind David Flair and sets him up for the Pump Handle Slam. David Flair manages to slide off of Test, and roll him up. Teddy Long counts, 1, 2, kickout.

Joel Gertner: Well, Test almost got beat by someone with *Tenay impression* potential.

Test gets up quickly and runs at David Flair. Test clotheslines Flair down. Flair sits up quickly and scoots back into the corner with Test following him. Flair gets on his knees and tries to beg Test off.

Mike Tenay: Don’t believe him Test. Hit him!

Joel Gertner: Flair only wants a truce. That barbarian Test probably won’t accept it.

Test grabs a hold of Flair’s head and looks to the crowd for approval to punch him. From out of nowhere Flair hits a low blow. Flair gets up and hits a high knee to the face of Test.

Joel Gertner: Thats what Test gets for hesitating.

Test stumbles backwards into the ropes. Flair starts hitting the “Wooooooooo” chops on Test. Flair then hits a snapmare takedown on Test. Flair then hits a flipover neckwhip on Test. Flair then grabs Test’s leg. He twists it and starts to go for the figure 4.

Mike Tenay: The figure four! David Flair may win this match with his father, Ric Flair’s, move.

Joel Gertner: Mike, what the hell are you talking about? David Flair invented the figure four, not Ric Flair. Who the hell is Ric Flair?

But Test frees one leg and kicks Flair in the behind launching him forward into the ropes. Flair hits a turnbuckle head first. Flair stumbles out dazed. Test gets ready to go for the Big Boot.

Mike Tenay: I hope this boot knocks some sense into Flair.

Test runs, but then sees RENO on the apron. Test turns and then hits the Big Boot on Reno knocking him off the apron.

Joel Gertner: What was that for? He didn’t do anything wrong.

Mike Tenay: He shouldn’t have been at ringside.

Test turns around right into a small package from Flair. Teddy Long counts, 1, 2, 3.

DAVID FLAIR DEFEATS TEST

Mike Tenay: And David Flair steals a win.

Joel Gertner: Hey, he didn’t steal it. He won it fairly.

After the match David Flair gets up and starts strutting. Test is up too and waits for Flair to turn around.

Mike Tenay: Either way, Test’s about to get revenge.

Test runs, but Reno reaches in the ring from the apron and pulls Test down by his hair. Reno now climbs in the ring and throws Test in the corner. Reno starts pounding on him in the corner. Reno takes Test out of the corner and then hits The Roll Of The Dice, before leaving with David Flair.

Joel Gertner: The only thing Test is getting revenge on his the ring mat with his face.

Mike Tenay: Test has gotten screwed over twice by Reno. What will happen next week?

Joel Gertner Tune in to 92.3 FM next time and find out. We're out of here.

RATINGS

Opening Segment = 87

Daryl vs Smiley = 63

Elix vs Orton = 77

Simon vs Kaz vs Kash = 74

Jackie, Funk and Layne interview = 81

Helms vs Funk = 67

Cena Rap = 82

Regal vs New Jack = 76

Flair vs Test = 57

[Essa]

Roster

Vince Russo - New Jack

Thuganomic - Randy Orton

Man with a Plan - Chris Harvard

CM Punk - Luscious Lenny Layne

Adgray - Gangsta Willie Regal

Troy Maskell - Sugar Shane Helms

Sycodmn - Kid Kash

TheRaySays - Test

BigSheep - Shannon Moore

GoGo - John Cena

Puppetfunk - "The Nature Boy's Boy" David Flair

D-Extreme - Funky Alan Funk

JHS - Jiving Jackie Gayda

Komodo - Harvey Whippleman

Bubba - Taylor Matheny

Available In Order of Importance

Simon Diamond

Reno

Aguila

Daryl

EZ Money

Yang

Kaz

Norman Smiley

Edited July 24, 2004 by Essa

[Essa]

After the show, Bischoff is backstage thinking...

After our second show all was going smooth, or so I thought. Everything seemed to be working exactly as I had planned until it happened. CRUNCH. That's the one noise I heard all the way from where I was standing watching the match. All of Elix Skipper's weight came right down on Randy Orton's arm. The same arm that he's injured many times before. I could tell he was in pain, and I thought right then and there that one of my top superstars was going to be out of action for a while. What the hell will I do? I had originally planned on working the Test/Reno spot out of the main event and into the Mid-Upper card, while working Randy into the main event, but now my plans are all fucked up. Orton's injured, Test isn't delivering as I'd hoped he would. Reno is progressing, but again, not as much as I hoped he would. This is definitely going to throw away my Test & Skipper vs Reno & Orton/Flair Tag Team Cage Match for next month.

Elix Skipper passes by.

Bischoff: Elix, hey, Skipper, we gotta talk.

Skipper: What's up?

Bischoff: How is he?

Skipper: Who?

Bischoff: Who do you think?

Skipper: Oh, your little golden boy Randy Orton.

Bischoff: What? What crawled up your ass?

Skipper: What crawled up my ass? You crawled up my ass, Vince McMahon crawled up my ass. Everyone crawled up my ass. I bust my damn ass in every fucking match, but just because everyone owes his dad a favor, he's the main event.

Bischoff: You know what Skipper, how about you leave the fucking booking to me. I'll do my job, and you do your's. It's a lot easier that way. Now, answer my fucking question. How is he?

Skipper: How the hell should I know? Harv just took him to the hospital.

Bischoff: Alright. Look, sorry I flipped out but this is a high pressure job, and I could really do without the backtalk. I'll see ya next month.

Skipper: Pssh, no you won't.

Skipper grabbed his bag and walked out the door. What the fuck happened? I've gotta talk to Whippleman.

[Guest The Man with a Plan]

The Diary of Christopher Nowinski

Well, this week I plan to keep it short and sweet compared to last time. I'm sure you don't want to hear about my routine? Hell you're not important enough to hear about it. Anyway, I went and started training in the gym. Were you expecting me to try to get Stephanie? Hell, I don't need her. I am above her, I am Christopher Nowinski. I am a Harvard Graduate, do I really need a girl from Jersey? I could easily get anyone. Anyway, after a full day of fast food. I arrived at the arena, I was wearing a pear of jeans with my Harvard jacket. For those of you wondering, I still have my Lexus. I walked into the locker room and looked around. I had an idea of the promo that I wanted to cut. I went to up to Darryl and discussed our plan. Hell, he agreed to it and so did I, we had a routine. I walked over to the Television Screen and turned it to news coverage of the election. Hell, Bush went to Yale and Kerry is from Mass. Who do you think I support? That's right Kerry. As soon as I turn it, I feel a hand on my shoulder and it's New Jack. New Jack tells me and I quote "Turn that bitch to BET mother fucker, I need to watch Fifty." I didn't know who Fifty was but I felt obliged to listen to the man. He has 5 justifiable homicides. I turned it BET and prepared to listen to the mind draining nonsense that is Rap. I looked over to William Regal who is saddled with the gimmick. At least, I get to keep my gimmick. Ah well, everyone else seemed preoccupied so Jack could listen to his "music." I still have 30 minutes until showtime so why not go out and greet the fans? I'll hold an impromptu autograph session. I walked out of the locker room door. As I walked outside, I thought of being more social but really would I want to endulge in their activities? Drugs, Alcohol, Sex? Not for me. I walked outside and met the fans as they walked into the gym. I signed some damn weird stuff. I signed a guys head, picture of me, some WWE stuff, a woman's tits and a little boy's arm. How interesting, of course you had the marks who called me names but fuck them. One little punk said "You work here? You suck." and then kicked me. Ah well, I guess I am a good heel. After I finished up, I walked inside and waited for the show to start.

IT'S SHOWTIME FOLKS

I sat backstage until Eric Bischoff came in and gave me my cue to go out. They dim the lights in the arena as I walk out in a black jumpsuit and crawl under the ring. I quickly removed the jumpsuit and waited for the match between Darryl and Norman to start. Damn, these bumps are out. I look out from under the ring and when I see Norman hit the floor, I grab the leg for the planned 10 count spot. After the match, I crawl back under the ring as Darryl comes after me. Darryl pulls but I hold on to something. I am eventually exposed. I stand up in the face or Darryl and he shoves me. Lucky for me, I don't fall because I almost did. Lucky! Anyway, we do an interview that feels shoot to me. Anyway, we set up a match. FINALLY I AM WRESTLING!!!!!! I head backstage and watch the rest of the event. I even tell Regal, good luck on his gimmick and no matter how humiliating it is to not worry. He shook my hand, not sure if he actually paid attention to my comments. After the show, I went back to the hotel and went to sleep. I know I'm boring but I'm safe.

[D-Extreme]

Before the match

I came to the gymnasium. It was the same place I was last week but I am sure that I will have a match, or a segment atleast. Last night, Eric called me up about me getting a match in the last minute. He told me that it will be me against Shane Helms. He told me that I will replace Lenny Lane for the match since he will call out anyone to take his place against Helms. The last thing Eric told me was that he has a valet for me already. A valet for me? That sounds like a good idea to me, its been a while since I had some lady manager to accompany me into the ring.

So here I am, standing infront of the Harrison High Gymnasium. I was walking towards the entrance but I stopped as I noticed that the ‘special’ kids are being escorted on the audience entrance by the staff. It feels good to let these special children come and see something they enjoy, wrestling. But I just hope that the events of KOTR 1997, where Steve Austin and HBK fought off wont happen here. I mean, no offense to the retarded people, I know they are special and misunderstood people, but I pray that none of those nice kids would do something that extreme and jump off the rail during my match. HBK too it cool and calm, but I might freak out and shout at the poor soul if they ever jump out of the rail and try to attack me.

I entered the gym and headed to the locker room area. As I was heading down there, I met Tough Enough winner, Jackie Gayda. She greeted me and told me that she will be my manager/valet/whatever. She seems to be a nice person. I wonder why people call her a slut or something that is as nearly negative as a slut. I told her that it was great but I had to change already. I didn’t want to sound so busy but I am busy. I am already late and I have to change fast. I sat down on the chair as I tied my boots and look who walked right past me. It was the nature boy’s….boy. It was David Flair himself who seems to be looking for something. I had no earthly idea what he was looking for until he calls my attention and points below me.

Funk: Say what?

David: My wallet, its below you.

Funk: Oh, yeah. *looks below him before looking back up* Here you go man *hands the wallet*

As I handed him his wallet I watched as Chris Nowinski was talking to Eric Bischoff outside the door. What they were talking about, I do not have any clue. I looked back to David to talk to him as he sat down on the chair next to mine.

David: Well its been a long time since I seen you in wrestling gear. You kinda look like your one of the people who auditioned for 3 count but got shot down hahah. So whats the deal?

Funk: I know Dave, Eric told me to wear this gear tonight. My gimmick is like a pop idol. My name is now ‘funky’ allan funk. He almost let me wear a frickin afro as well, but thankfully we agreed last night to scrap that. This is a weird gimmick for me to do yet again but hey what can you do. I didn’t get to see your match last week. What did you do last time anyway?

David: I imitated my dad. Eric told me it might boost my popularity or some crap like that. Hey I know this aint the same arena type matches we had during our WCW days.

Funk: Yeah I know what you are saying. But I still feel good to be performing for these people. Hell I just seen those 3 special kids getting in the arena. I think it’s a big thrill for them to watch us live. So I guess if the venue is small like this or as big as the Georgia dome, you got to let the fans see what they want. And that is you to wrestle like its your last match.

As David was about to speak, his cell phone rang and he had to answer it. He told me that he had to go before he spoke to the man in the phone again. He left the room as he was talking on his cell phone. I finally finished tying up my boots as I hear the first match being finished. Soon enough, they called for me and I stepped into the ringside area as some music from N’Sync plays at the PA System.

Post-Match toughts

At first I was a bit nervous to have the Mexican Special Kid at ringside but hey, atleast he didn’t do anything crazy than ring the, ring post. The match was a good one for me since I played the crowd and drew a good amount of heel heat when I taunted the crowd. In the end, it was me who lost the match against Shane Helms via the vertebreaker. That was one hard bump I took. After that, I went backstage to get some ice for my swelling neck. Shane came to me in the locker room and said sorry if he did the finishing move too hard. It was ok with me since hey, things like these happen. I just hope it is not a bad bump that will have to send me a few months away from wrestling. Right after this show, I have to come back to the house which is a bit nearby here and help BB clean up the garage.

Before leaving the Gym, Eric went to me and told me that I did a good job. I smiled, then he told me that my dance moves needed some work. There goes the smile for me then. He gave me the envelope and inside it was 300 dollars. It was good to see I get paid more when I wrestle. Last week I didn’t get to do anything. It was a good night for me here in this gymnasium. All I ask right now is that they wont remember me being Bruce from TNA and will remember me more as ‘FUNKY’ Alan Funk!

This message was sent by: Alan Funk

[Yitzy]

So in addition to having my first on screen apperance... I also get to excort Randy Orton to the hospital. The doctor checked him out and said that he should be OK in a couple of weeks. Orton requested the entire month of October off. So I gave it to him. I think those internet smarks are getting to him.

As I was driving back to the hospital, I got a phone call from Eric Bischoff.

Me: Hey Eric, what's going on?

Eric: Do you know what's up with Elix Skipper?

Me: ...Hm... Oh yes, Now I remember, he told me that he accepted a written contract offer from TNA.

Eric: Well why the fuck didn't he tell me? I would of made a counter offer.

Me: Well I don't think he wanted to stay here...

Eric: Shit. Well there's a storyline gone. Oh yeah, did you set up that Cafepress shop?

Me: Yes, Oh I also got many calls from some Tough Enough rejects like Jake, Scott, Justin, Jonah even Wendell. I personally think that with this Daryl and Chris thing that you could make a stable...

Eric:I'm the booker Harvey not you. *click*

[Hajjhowe]

Bah! Can I take someone else? Also, good show as it featured PRIME TIME! Ahem. So yeah, new guy?

EDIT: I'll just take EZ Money. Post up soon.

-----------

I sat backstage, bored out of my mind. It was like torture watching them wrestle. I loved the business, and to be fair, I was pretty damn talented.

Bischoff talked, and talked, and talked before Elix Skipper came out. He got a good pop, shame the guy left. Wanted to work a match with him.

Him and Randy were wicked, even though that idiot broke Orton's arm. Poor kid is just injury prone.

Next up... ugh. Ugly match, but what do you expect from Daryl? I don't think Chris Benoit could carry this guy to a decent match, much less Norman Smiley. Nice ending with the Nowinski stuff. Maybe I can team with him again, we worked good.

Next match was another awesome one. These guys know how to work a match. Simon should definitely get a good push; he's always had the skill, even back in ECW. Kash too.

Hahaha. Lenny is great. Him and Funk work well. That Jackie is a hot one too.

Helms shows his skill, taking Funk up a notch and putting out a solid match. I like the whole angle.

I like this whole Cena/Regal bit. It's a welcome change from William's usual work. He takes Jack to a good match and wins. Man I hope I fight next show.

The main event is just confusing. I mean I know Reno is getting a push, and Test is pretty good. David Flair though? I'm just not sure. He's got some skill, but the push just feels to name based. Whatever, still a good main event to a good show.

Which would have been better had it featured me. Maybe next time...

Edited July 24, 2004 by Hajjhowe

[Troy Maskell]

Jabronis take note. Sugar Shane has arrived

Another day, another match. Just another day in the life of Sugar Shane Helms.

I got to the stadiu......high school a couple of hours before showtime with my gangsta buddy New Jack. Screw Test and Reno, we're the biggest things on this entire show. Just listen to the screams of the Ring Rats and the ECW Vampires. When Sugar Shane has arrived ratings go through the roof. I turned to New Jack and went "Isn't it great being us Dawg?" but he just glared at me again. Man I teach all these holds for his submission match with "Gangsta Willie", you'd think the dawg would show me some fucking gratitude but noooooo, Mr Tough Nigga wants to play street again. I think I'll have to introduce him to my little friend. My friend named VERTEBREAKER!

So anyways I see Bisch to see what match I got tonight. I was supposed to face my bitch Shannon Moore but when he saw his name on the card next to mine all of a sudden Shannon goes "I got an Owie! It hurts! I don't think I can show up!" Little bitch is scared of me cause he knows I'm the better man. Anyway it becomes "Loser" Lenny Lane to face me, there's another one who's scared of the true superstar of the APWA. Too busy checking out my ass to concentrate on the match so I go to Bisch. You know like saying "Look man. This Lenny Shit ain't gonna slide man. I'm not freaking Superman" and Bisch comes back with "Blah, blah, blah. I'm the fucking booker. You'll fight who I say" but a little Gold Club card I keep spare made Bisch see things my way. So I got "Funky" Alan Funk. Oh man was I pissed. All the talent around like Harvard, EZ Money....hell even Johnny Cena and I get stuck with fucking KWEE-WEE! What the fuck is that? Bisch is getting a VERTEBREAKER! now. No more Gold Club for him.

So anyway we have the match and oh look Kwee-Wee got himself a slut. Jackie Gayda. I wrestled in a match with her you know. She sucks both in the ring and out if you know what I mean. She always had a thing for me you know. Begging for a Sugar Smack man. I'd hit her with the ugly stick but someone beat me to it.

So we have the match and Kwee-Wee thinks he has a set of nuts and jumps me. Man the rats were pissed and they started screaming man. So Funkie taunts the crowd and I hear someone yell out something about Funk...Smoking the Cock. I told Bisch we shouldn't let Lodi in the arena but would he listen? So I get back up and I start kicking ass SUGAR SHANE STYLE! Then we hit the big finish where I introduced Kwee-Wee and the fans to the deadliest move in the game man. THE TOP ROPE MOTHERFUCKING VERTEBREAKER! Naturally enough it got me the win but you probably knew that.

I get backstage just in time to see my dawg New Jack go down to Gangsta Willie. If he had have used the figure 4 like you know I SHOWED HIM! Well he wouldn't have been in the situation in the first fucking place. Then Test showed up and everyone left.

After the show Bisch is pissed man. It seems Elix has walked out to go back to TNA. I pointed out that he'd be jobbing to Jeff J-A-RR-E-TT HAHA! All his life but Bisch seemed not to care. So I took him to the Gold Club. I'm such a softie at times. A few drinks, a few lap dances later and Bisch seemed like he was back to normal again. I consider it a public service. Plus I get better looking strippers than he does. So all in all it was a great night.

Till next time my bitches. Sugar Shane Out

[The Sultan of Swank]

Can I be Norman Smiley?

Edited July 28, 2004 by Basha

[Essa]

Yes, you can be Norman Smiley. Come on guys, keep this going. I'll have the next preview and show up this weekend as long as you guys get your shit done.

[YI]

Someone else has taken over, so i'll just leave it, grrrr

Edited August 2, 2004 by YI

[maddog]

Posting for Pleatherface

I drug down a Test match... WOOOOOOOO! Yes, you heard me I drug down test.. Don't ask me how that's possible but I did it..

I sit here on my bed in this horrid roach motel, the heavy cold revolver gripped tightly in my left hand.

People think I've been handed everything in my life because of my father's name, and you know what I have, I didn't ask for it though, never once did I want what I was given, never once did I ask for a famous father, but I have one and I have to make a living don't I?

The only way I can do that is by carrying around dad's name, it keeps me working but the guilt..

It's almost too much for me to bare.. I purchased the gun I hold with my last pay check and I'm seriously considering using it..

Would anyone really care if I did? Would anyone say to themselves "Hey, that's a damn shame, I really liked him." Hell, no they wouldn't, they'd say "Thank god, that sonofabitch had the decency to do

it before he put us through another snore fest."

And that's what hurts.. I'm a decent wrestler, I'm not a bad person, but I'm hated because I'm not a Jeff Hardy, or a Chris Irvine, and because I have what other people don't a name instantly recognizible.

I've often thought of changing my name but it wouldn't matter, there's only one thing to do..

But unlike any of the others to pass on.. Yokozuna, Owen Hart, Curt Hennig, Brian Pillman, Rick Rude, Jake Roberts... wait he's not dead yet?, or any other wrestler to go to the great beyond I'd be the least known and most resented (unless Darryl suffers a heart attack) one yet.

I take a deep breath and cock the hammer back on the revolver, I place the cold muzzle against my forehead and smile.. I can hear the sound of a crowd cheering... Now, that's irony..

BLAM!

My head explodes spewing blood and brain juice all over the sag carpet of the Econo Lodge.. But something isn't right.. I can still feel a pain in my head, but I don't have a head anymore do I?

The crowd cheers, it's happening again, but this time the feelings are getting stronger, my head burns with pain as I stumble away from the turnbuckle..

I can see Test in my blurred vision, he's delivering a big boot.. No suprise there, boot whose he delivering it too... Is that... is that Reno? Yeah, that's right the story line..

I shake my head clearing my dilussions from my head.. I sneak up behind Andrew and roll him up for a quick three before I hightail it out of the ring, I'm physically shaking and want nothing more than to go home for a nice hot shower, but I have to wait for Reno before I can stumble up the aisle.

I look in the locker room for them, but they're no where to be found.. I'm in trouble if I don't get them soon.

In my search for the only thing keeping me sane, Funk approaches me and attempts to converse, he seems like a nice dude but I'm preoccupied, when all of a sudden my phone rings.. I apologize to

"Funky" and take the call.

It's Dr. Miller, she's dropping me as a patient, just fuckin' great now not only can I find my meds but my shrink doesn't want to see me anymore.

I'd been having illusions for quite sometime, visions, hearing voices, mostly during my jobs, it's very very inconvient, and that's part of the reason I don't work much.. The medication is the only thing really keeping me sane, and even they have some trouble doing their job..

We kept it secret, didn't want it getting out that one of the famous Flairs also happens to be crazy.. Not good for business..

I get off the phone with Sophie, I pay a visit to Teddy and get my meager pay check for my rather meager preformance, and I run like hell for the exit I need to get out of here, I make it to my wagon

and get in, I find the pills in my glove box and gulp down as man as I can without water, I think I swallowed 5.. No maybe 7...

I get a good calm going from the pills and drive like a bat out of hell towards the Econo-Lodge.

Next thing I know, I'm upside down inside my old station wagon.. I must've fell asleep at the wheel because I bounced off of a tree and flipped my car... Gas is leaking... I'm fucked if this gets out..

I climb from the wreckage and scream out in pain, blood is streaming down the left leg of my pants.. chunks of glass are buried in my left thigh.. I wince as I hobble away from the car intent on telling noone, the pain in my head is growing.. blood runs into my eyes.. I reach up and realize my forehead has been split open..

Just what I need..

I keep to the back roads, alley ways, and finally make it back to my hotel.. I return to my room and scrounge up what supplies I can from my emergency first aid kit and clean the glass out of my wounds, and seal the cuts up with some temporary stitches.

I decide to not mention a word of this to Eric, and I goto bed certain the car wont be traced back to me, I've never had a driver's license in my life, why would I need one?

I lay down on my tick infested bed and goto sleep hoping things will look brighter tomorrow.

Edited August 1, 2004 by maddog

[ADG]

And so here we are again. Another day another dollar……….another high school gym. It amazes me how big these American gyms are. When I was in high school, well it wasn’t a comprehensive then I went to the senior secondary, but when I was there we didn’t have a gym this big, and we didn’t have seats on each side. We didn’t normally have any markings on the floor either, but back then we weren’t indoors much. No our P.E teachers were strict, although they would say they were “just, but fair”. Nothing like this…….

Still I had another match to wrestle. I got there early, very early this time. In the office there were booking sheets for the night and I saw my match written down.

”Gangsta” Willie Regal vs. New Jack – Submission Match

I smiled, this I was going to enjoy. I went to see Eric to thank him but he wasn’t in his office. I was going to wait but then my mobile phone bleeped and I pulled it from my pocket. I had a text message.

Yo Willie, John here. Runnin’ a little late, be there soon. You betta have that rap ready!

Ah yes, I’d forgotten about that. John had given me a task to write a rap during the week to help my character. I in turn had promised to teach him all about the history of UK wrestling. I had brought some old videos of ITV Wrestling to show him.

Hmmm………..I needed to write a rap. What was the advice John had given me last week?

“It needs to be gritty. Something wit’ meaning behind it man. That bouncin’, we all happy crap, nah man that ain’t sit well wit’ me.”

I didn’t fully understand what he meant but I had about half an hour to write a rap. It didn’t need to be long, that was one thing he’d said in some other ghetto gibberish but which I took to mean “quality over quantity.”

I’d been studying, he’d told me the names of some people to listen to. That’s Lesson Five of his plan. “Those Who Have Come Before”. Let’s see, there’s Run DMV, The Beast E. Boys, M&M, Exhibit, Six-Pack and Smallie Bigs. Oh that’s not right, shit.

Can’t worry about that now, I have to write…………

That might work…………

That sounds good………………

I don’t like that………..

Ach, damn you John………

Okay…………..

Well this is the best I can do………

Try and imagine this in an American accent. Even at this early stage I have come to a conclusion. British accents and rapping do not go together.

Here I am now, Willie Regal,

Got more “bling” than Steven Segal,

Coming from the beaches of Blackpool,

You know my name now you big fool,

Or else I will badly beat you up,

Like an Eskimo, a club and a seal’s little pup,

From the age of fifteen, I been seen,

Wrestlin’ and rappin’, I am indeed mean,

Word to your mother.

Hope John likes it…………..

Edited August 3, 2004 by ADGray

[thuganomic]

I pulled into his driveway, thinking, "What am I doing here?" Swallowing my fear and my apprehension, I walked to the door, and knocked.

"Randy? Is that you?" The familiar voice remarked.

"Yeah, dad, it's me."

"Wow, I haven't seen you in what, three years?"

"Yeah, just about."

"Well, come on in!"

I walked in, and my old dog, Ruler, ran up.

"Not now, boy."

I entered the den, and plopped down on the couch. My dad was watching curiously, as he also sat down.

"I've been watching you, Randy. I must admit, I am real proud of you."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heard it.

"Thanks, dad, but I'm not feeling the love lately."

"What do you mean?"

"So I left WWE, and I joined Bischoff's company, hoping that I could make a new and fresh start, but it's just not happening."

"What's not happening?" He was still puzzled.

"They hate me, dad."

"Of course they do," he chuckled. "You're a heel, the best damn heel in the company."

"No, they really hate me. I can't understand it. I mean, I give my all for them. I preform for them night in and night out, but they hate me."

"Is that what this is about?" He asked. He sat down next to me, and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Wow, I can't believe I'm going to say this, but fuck what they think."

"What?" I couldn't believe it.

"Yeah, all the non-believers. Fuck them."

"But you always taught me to pay my dues, and respect everyone in the business, especially the fa-"

"And where has that gotten you? Listen, Randy. You have SOO much potential, that it hurts me to see you giving up your dreams just because some fat pig in the 12th row shouts "Randy Sucks"."

"But what can I do? Bischoff puts me in matches against Test? You know how hard it is to get a good match."

He sighed again.

"Sit down, Randy, and let me explain a little something to you called "Politics"

.........................