Aurora Wrestling Organization

[Beeker00Zero]

Nick,

Or is it Nic so you can be a Nature Boy?

Fun show, actually reminds me of the First Show the WEF put on, called, the First Show or even Snow White Fields. But still distinctly and uniquely AWO.

***

A few thoughts. "The Angry Plant" is a brilliant finisher, but you should give it a name. Either, "Emma The Angry Plant" (a person's name) or "Dandelion the Angry Plant" or "Tulip the Angry Plant" (a flower name.) It would be odd, but so fitting. I think,

For Nic the Wreslter, I'd play up the whole Luke Skywalker vibe you've got going. I don't know if it's intentional or not, but whenever he falls over and then jumps up and says "I'm okay." I keep seeing the scene in the Mos Eisley Cantina when Luke first goes there with Obi-Wan, and gets shoved over in the first altercation, pops back up, goes "I'm okay," after doing nothing to help Obi-Wan and looking like a perfect putz. But I'm odd that way.

I so expected there to be a double-bounce on the tramo-ring.

You should consider keeping the trampo-ring around. One) it's an actual round ring! Two) it would be a fun alternative to those square rings, daddio. The wrestlers could challenge one another to one sort of ring or another. I dunno, that's just a thought.

If you don't create a character called Mark Out with the finisher Moment, I will.

I give you fair warning. That's too good a character NOT to use.

Did you rip off Norcross' catchphrase? I'm aghast!

***

And I'm not the man.

Vader'll always be the man. No matter how much Bubba Dudley asks 'who's the man.' Just once I'd love for an opponent to yell VADER at him. Well, I'd Mark out for it.

[Nick Adams]

January, Part 1

As usual per my New Year's Eve celebration tradition, I turned on my PS2, and started playin FFVII from the start. Every year, I take less and less time getting to the world map. Of course, this year was different, as the entire AWO crew came over. Corey kept begging to use the system so that he coul continue his run with FFXIII or FFIX. Still, it was good. I only took about an hour and a half to bust through without getting any Easter Eggs and skipping the avoidable tutorials, allowing me to just blast through.

Anyway, the party went off without a hitch...except for the fact that we ran out of salsa and bean dip pretty damn fast. If that isn't a Tostito disaster waiting to happen, I don't know what is. But enough with that. You've seen enough of my crew to take a wild guess what happened. As Bucky said, "A party isn't a party without a little mayhem, bro." They overdid it, 'nuff said without ranting on Ahern, Bulldust, Bucky, David, David's people that he invited (and who, I might add, caused the salsa shortage), and not surprisingly, Mal.

Well, somobody (wanna' guess?) decided to send me a couple e-mails (still stumped? Obviously you just skipped to the last post without reading the rest). Anyway, this somebody decided to mail me with the GrappleFanatics End of the Year Top 100. As expected, the top 10 were NWA:TNA or WWE. Check this - Juvi Guerrera was number 7. The Juice just rocks, I suppose. Too bad Juvi's either doing nothing, or jobbing to Jeff. (OOC: I saw one of his AAA matches. He definitely deserves the hype.) Another interesting fact - Chris Jericho was #2 and Beniot was #3. Where was Trips? #52, baby! Just goes to show that sometimes, the Internet hatred of Trips being at the top might have merit. I mean, c'mon...when the original La Parka beats you on a list, how much do you really deserve?

Anyway, the next e-mail was a bit of a bigger drop. We're talking a gigantic electronic laundry list. With stuff like this, I'm beginning to think he's dictating this to a secretary. So, without further ado, I give you the guy that sent me my e-mail info. Oh, come on, now. You thought I'd actually kill the suspense for the new people that decided to just check out my most recent entry? Oh, fine. I'm getting monthly updates from none other than The King. No, not Lawler. Try Race!

To: Mike Ro...oh, wait, wrong Colorado person...

From: Harley "Davidson" Race

Subject: Ya'll can take a whald guess...

Sorrah about the bad pun. It was Ace Steel's personal joke. Ah've nevah been partial t' motahsahcles mahself, but maybe ah could toss one of mah people on one when we get big enough t' really branch out. D'ya think that imitatin' Calloway would be good fer one ah' mah people? Eh, whatevah. Movin' on with the traditional info, ah guess.

Revolution Pro took a huge jump when they wen' an' took theah high-flyin' t' th' Regional level.

Kato Kung Lee fahnally desahds t' hang up his boots at 57. Hey, ah've nevah huhed of him. Maybe yuh can give him a job fer a month. He wuz an NWA Welterweight champ.

WWE - Vince shows some vision.

Mike Sanders - More charisma than workrate, but look where that got Hogan...and Sanders is WAY better than Hogan.

NWA-East - Tony Smalls took ovah an' rearranged evrahthang. Too many firins and hirins foah mah tastes to list.

IWA-PR - Victor gets a chaplain...

Eric Priest - Yeh, Ah should leave th' punnin' t' othas. Still, okay fer wheah the place is now.

PWI - Siegel goes OLD instead of OLD SCHOOL.

Lizmark - Pot callin' the kettle black? Yes. Do ah care? Hey, ah was smart enough t' hang up mah boots.

BCW - No jokin', ah sweah.

John Zandig - That crazy loon? Well, ah suppose it works...

Mil Mascaras - Ah, good ta' see him trin' t' please anutha' crowd.

An' ah'm spent.

Not bad for an old man. I have a feeling he left out something, but I figure it wasn't anything important. Anyway, until next time, I have a load of party cleanup to do.

[Nick Adams]

(OOC: Sorry about the long delay. My life has been busy recently, so I really could only browse the boards. On a side note, is it just me, or does Kenzo Suzuki seem like a chaep Bulldust rip-off?)

January, Part 2

It had to happen sometime. Honestly, though, I don't believe he was this stupid. Pretty much, Drew decided to finally watch a WWE show. I think it was an episode of RAW. Anyway, they were bringing back Al Snow for one match only, and Drew began marking out like a five-year-old. Unfortunately, he celebrated so much when Al beat the hell out of a returning Christopher Nowinski that he slammed his head on his ceiling (he was in his basement), fell backwards, slammed over a chair, and landed wrong on his neck, pulling some muscles. Now, that would have been fine, and he would have only been out for a month. But he watched SmackDown that week, too. And the same basic thing happened. So, another two months. And then he watched TNA Impact. Another three months. And Velocity just took the cake, adding two more months to his time.

What's this amount to? Well, first, Drew is out for eight months with neck problems caused inadvertantly by wrestling. Second, he's NEVER EVER going to watch those shows again. He's too much of a mark. Third, Drew is officially dumber than I am.

Well, with that kind of stupidity ringing in my head, I decided to leave the control of the AWO to Corey for the month. Unfortunately, the man couldn't think up a useful name if his life depended upon it. So, as expected, the guy pretty much decided that he needed my help. So first, he tells me that I'm on the nest show. Fun. And I gave him the reigns for a break. Well, at least all the screw-ups blamed on me can only hurt me. Of course, with that basic idea in mind, Corey still needed a basic plan for the show's name. Yeah, that's right. First, he calls me to the show anyway. Then he talks to me on AIM ABOUT THE NAME! I really, really need to get a life or some aspirin. Well, anyway, the basic conversation led to Corey begging me for a name.

Generally, I would have given him a name. But I was short on both time and patience. So now, folks, it is with great pride and pleasure that I unveil our first show tailored for Nickelodeon-aged audiences due to the name. While fans of Winnie the Pooh may rejoice, I doubt that Matt is happy this month, as I had to send him home for being "too risque" for our current clientele, which includes seven-year olds. So, you're probably wondering what in the world I told Corey to name the show, right? Well, here it is, in all its glory. Today's show is an AWO presentation, live from the schoolyard at 3:00 PM on Saturday, January 22, 2005, and it is called...

TTFN

(Tigger fans rejoice)

Corey here. As Nick is too frustrated to do anything but go out, I've got this show. I can understand, as Drew was our top draw...and Shaun is our bottom one! HA! I kill myself sometimes. Anyway, now our most over man is El Bulldust. Well, whatever. And it looks like we're starting the show on time, and ending late...again. *sigh* Well, at least Drew can't watch Velocity today because he's at a hospital. Still, on with the show. We now have a few kids in the audience. That's just great. So, without further ado, to use Nick's line...

NO PYRO, NO FLASHING LIGHTS, SOME MUSIC THAT I MIXED ON MY PC AND DON'T RECALL GIVING TO AHERN, AND THE CHEERS OF OUR FANS FILL THE SCOOLYARD AS BEST AS THEY CAN! And...wait, music that I never gave to Ahern? Something's wrong, here...eh. whatever. I burned it, I can do it again. So, with that...

Raidin' fer' th' lost Arr!

Just a note, I'm on a movie kick. Apologies for any references that become irritating. But as Nick isn't doing anything with this month, save for getting in the ring, I doubt he cares. Anyway, with that out of the way...David Michaels came to the ring. He was waving the Jolly Roger from last month like there was no tomorrow, and was still wearing his Buccaneers jacket due to the temperature. Anyway, the fans started cheering him loudly. I dunno about you, but he seems kinda'...shall we say...odd...without Drew at his side. Well, whatever. David looked around at the crowd and nodded, a smile crossing his face. He tossed the end of the long bandana over his shoulder, then began to speak.

The Colorado Pirate: So, mateys, t'would seem that Drew Porter can't arrive fer th' wrasslin' and raidin' o' today's show. But that means exactly pettycoat change in me books. Fact is, you jes' don't understand - th' raidin can be done anywheres...but eye I do have one bit er' a problem.

The fans decided to just mark out, or at least the kids did, for SCSA (thanks, Nick, by the way) and gave a "What?" chant. Oh, dear God. Now we're going to wind up with some kind of cheap backyard rip-off name like "Caribbean Ice" David Michaels or something. Well, it could be worse...we could have a wrestling clown or something.

David, Arr Resident Buccaneer: I said tha' me instincts er' tellin' me tha' thar' be somethin' wrong with th' Aurora Wrestlin' Organyzayshun...mainly th' leadership.

Another "What?"

Not-Shawn Michaels: Yar, mateys, I be talkin' bout Drake Strata!

And another "What?"

"Yo-Ho" Man: Ye people knows - DDS! (WHAT?) The boss. (WHAT?) The Commissioner! (WHAT!) That chump over there at the announcer's desk that's wearing a stupid button-up tee-shirt! (WHAT?) He's screwing the rest of us over! (WHAT?)

And David suddenly realized that he had dropped the Pirate persona entirely. Well, when you get in the moment, I suppose anything will do.

Captain Fate's Mate: So ye' knows what I aims ter' do? (WHAT?) I aims ter' punch it through that scurvey coddled landlubber scallywag that th' show is about more than just Shaun Draw! (WHAT?) That meager match-maker cares nothing about the rest...tournaments, matches, and one man. (WHAT?) O', ye'll find out what I am talking about soon enough. (WHAT?) Drake, methinks ye'll be th' one o' us tha' chooses ter' change.

And another obligatory "What?" as David nodded, and looked around. He then decided to take the moment.

How Many More Pirate Puns Can I Invent?: An' matey, if ye' thinks me abilities aren't up ter ship shape, I'll prove ye wrong and...(WHAT?)...STEAL YER BOOTY!

You really have to love that. The kids were marking out for SCSA...and the adults were admonishing them. Why did I agree to what happened next? After all, if the kids know about a beer-swilling, whisky-loving, profanity-tossing, finger-flipping, KICK, WHAM, STUNNERING sonuva...and I'll stop there...then what's the problem with a little more violence? Eh, whatever.

Overall: 52%

HERE HE COMES TO WRECK THE DAAAAAAAAAAAY

Gotta' love Jim Carrey. Anyway, in came Drake Strata as David started heading backstage. He got a microphone as soon as he can, with David still heading back, but in the fans' view. He immediately started talking.

DDS: Whoa, whoa, whoa! David, turn around and get back here! I target Shaun Draw for not putting in his level of work, and you insult me for that? Who do you think you are, Michaels? You think you can just waltz down here and insult the Commissioner of this company?

David started walking back to the ring, and the "Dental Man" kept going.

Drake: Oh, no, you don't! I will be called Mary Jingleheimer Schmidt before I let you get away with something like that! David, you are now going to have a match! And in that match, you be facing, all alone, none other than EL BULLDUST AND MALACHI PASILLAS! LOS PRIMOS!

David shook his head and mumbled, "Ye scarvy dog." Still Drake didn't quite look to be finished.

Strata-spherical Pain in the...: Oh, by the way...James, get your hide in the announcer's position. I'm refereeing this match!

The fans booed, due to who he was insulting. Gotta love it. He targets a heel, he targets a face...he might just move on to a knee or a throat. Okay, bad pun, move on...

Overall: 50%

But wait! As David entered the ring, and Drake pulled off his tee-shirt to reveal his one-of-a-kind-in-the-AWO BLACK, WHITE, AND BLUE referee's shirt, David got a partner that sprinted into the ring! And it's none other than...wait for it...

BUCKY! So now, without further ado...

Bucky and David Michaels vs Los Primos

As per usual, El Bulldust and Mal provided their own entrance music. But this time, it was totally instrumental. Oh, dear lord. You'll pardon the expression, but what in the McFreaking hell were they doing? Mal was playing a flute, and Bulldust had a violin! And they were playing correctly! Nick, what are they playing, anyway? (Nick: Bizet. It's from "Carmen". "Los Toreadores" or something...) Oh. Never heard of it. Though the tune is familiar. Anyway, with that done, El Bulldust and Mal put away their instruments and slid into the ring. I think Nick said play something Latin or Spanish...but Spanish instrumental? Well at least we're culturing the kids, right?

Anyway, this match started out with David telling Bucky to just wait his turn, and then waited as El Bulldust came in. Drake called for the bell. Meanwhile, our illustrious regular referee decided to take Drake's position. Meanwhile, with David thinking that a Handicap match is a kind of tag team match, went and pulled out some rope from under the ring. He apparently thinks that people need to be disabled. Apparently, he thinks it's a tag match - with everyone having one arm tied behind their back. Yeesh. Somebody tell these guys the rules before we actually give them something to - oh, Nick is distracting me. Be right back.

APPARENTLY, WE CAN'T DO THAT. Go figure. Our stupidity gave us the original concept for an AWO tag match, so just work with it. So, a Handicap match is technically a Handicapped Hand match. Great. So what happens when people try to suplex each other? Well, either way, David and Bulldust locked up - kinda' hard to do with only one arm. I missed what happened after that due to Nick's distraction, along with about the first two minutes. I feel like the Scotsman, who went to grab a beer or something, and just missed the entire basis of a match - I don't particularly care. Well, at least I know the background. Anyway, David was down on the mat when I came back. And suddenly, Mal was clamoring for a tag. Bulldust looked around, and then shook his head. He then started singing. (Nick: Seeingeeing, dude.)

Bulldust: Dat's dee waye, uh-huh, uh-huh, eye like eet!

Okay, could somebody PLEASE bring him up to date on the music scene? Just ONE Jimmy Eat World song! That's all I'm asking! Either way, Bulldust then went and hit a huge running senton spash and went for the pin. Drake made a two-count, and really went fast, but David kicked out so fast it would make your head spin. Bulldust got up and started arguing, but that only wasted time, as David got the HOT TAG! We're talking BURNINATION! TROOOOGDOOOOR! Sorry, Strong Bad markout moment. Anyway, Bucky jumped in, and Mal made the blind tag. The two enemies got into a grapple, once again difficult because of the one-armed rule. Anyway, Mal finally just got out of the hold, kicked Bucky in the gut, and DDT'd him. Love it. Regular count, only gets two. Mal lifts Bucky off the mat and whips him to the ropes, but David gets the blind tag, somehow managing to use his Pirate Powers to revive himself. Either way, Mal clotheslined Bucky over the ropes, and then saw David in the ring. Pasillas tagged in his cousin, then did a one-armed plancha onto Bucky. Meanwhile, David went to attack Bulldust, but the luchadore got the one-armed roll-up. Drake then insured Michaels' loss by counting to three so quickly it could make your head spin! (Edit from Nick: Didn't he just say that like three or four minutes ago?) But wait! David kicked out! And now he clotheslined Bulldust! Meanwhile, our resident Dentist wannabe bailed before David could get revenge.

Match Quality: 59% (Note to Nick - never actually let people wrestle with one hand tied behind their back again.)

Crowd Reaction: 19% (All due to El Bulldust, most likely.)

Overall: 39% (Yar.)

Bucky Returns

I was too busy being confused about the total loophole of logic for this to even make sense. I guess jumping out of the ring onto an opponent with only hard ground and grass to catch you doesn't hurt as much as it used to. Either way, this is going to be more of a rant on that. This is kind of annoying, how somebody could take such a beating as David, and still stand...and get beaten. If that isn't odd, I don't know what is. The same goes for Bucky here. I guess we're just throwing realism out the window, then. Well, regardless, Bucky said something about Mal and snapping somethingorother, and after getting their hands freed, another match started, with our slightly flustered referee-recently-turned-announcer-recently-returned-referee as the official. I heard a cheer or something. Yeesh, I miss a lot when I go off on short tangents like this.

Overall: 48%

Bucky vs Malachi Pasillas

As quite possibly the shortest match in AWO history - apparently, Goldberg gets the "Shortest Match EVAR" Award. Anyway, Mal got into the ring after Bucky finished his schpiel about something...okay, I missed it, would you get over it? Anyway, with Drake back on commentary, our referee, who spent about fifteen seconds attempting to teach Drake proper counting technique, noticed that the two of them were staring one another down. Somehow, I think our company may eventually hold the world record for in-ring staredowns. Anyway, with that, both men had the same idea - GO BETWEEN THE UPRIGHTS! So, we have a double Golden Globe Awards (a phrase stolen from Ben, who unintentionally took it from Goldust) ceremony, and both men went down. Bucky, in less pain because Mal couldn't completely reach, managed to drape an arm over Mal for the three-count. Time was 28 seconds, including the staredown, ref entrance, and the end.

Match Quality: 56% (All the staredown.)

Crowd Reaction:: 23% (Also the reaction, though potentially unintentional Goldust allusion by Ben)

Overall: 39% (Well, what would you expect from a double nutbuster?)

The Interview Strikes Again!

It might just be me, but I just realized that we spend a lot of time on talking. What are we, a televised company? Either way, Shaun Draw came out, ready to run his schpiel. He's apparently still "Angry", but with a specialized sweater to show it off! Eh, anything works these days. After all, other companies think popcorn bags can hurt people. Having some angry dude walk out isn't...and I'll stop here so that I don't totally miss another rant.

Shaun: Well, you all seem to know who I am. And for some odd reason, the people that told you about me gave you a bad impression. I wish I could say that they were wrong and let it be. But instead...

He looks around, and gives recognizing glares at certain people which he recognizes from last month's audience.

Shaun: Well, well, well, looks like some of you came back to deride me. You know what, just because I did what it takes to win a match, and took advantage of Nick's stupidity, I'm not a bad guy. So forget every last one of you!

The fans all boo profusely.

Shaun: Whatever. You can go jump off a cliff for all I care! And so can my monthly in-ring opponent, with whom I have grown tired of wrestling. NICK, GET DOWN HERE SO I CAN BEAT YOU AGAIN!

The fans begin to boo loudly at Shaun. As somebody once said - a crowd that hates you is better than a crowd that doesn't care.

Overall: 45%

Nick Adams vs Shaun Draw

Is it just me, or can Nick never enter the ring gracefully? This time, he came down, climbed the outside turnbuckle, and promptly slipped when he tried to enter the ring by walking across the top rope. We really should include a warning that Nick may end up flying into the front row. Which is what happened. And the fans all moved. So, a loud CLANG! And suddenly, we went from nothing more extreme than a Submission matches to a guy nearly killing himself by slamming into about five unfolded steel chairs in the crowd. But Nick, being Nick, got up after about fifteen seconds of silence and then a sudden freak-out session by Katie. And, upon standing right as Katie told Ace to ready the stretcher, he turned to the crowd and waved.

Nick: I'm okay!

Cheap pop from the kids that watched "Cousin Skeeter" on Nickelodeon. He then turned and received a huge slap from Katie for freaking her out. NO CHICKS FOR NICK (or Norcross, for that matter, as far as I know...all apologies to Beeker)! Either way, the slap sent Nick into the ring, and the match began. Nick stood, rather dazed, and Shaun came in for a clothesline. But suddenly, Nick got a head rush, and ducked unintentionally, causing Shaun to miss. He turned to look at Nick, but only gets a back kick to the gut. Inside cradle gets roughly a two-count. Of course, the two of them were too far away for me to see who was pinning whom. Either way, they both stood and faced one another.

After that, a series of I-block-your-punch-you-block-mine, lather, rinse, repeat moves went on, albeit after the first few punches, it went to clotheslines, hip tosses, arm drags, and finally ended when Shaun somehow connected with a gut shot. Shaun whent for the early finish with The Angry Plant of ANGER (redundancy is all around this report, so what?), but Nick reversed into a Northern Lights suplex that sends the angry boy flying! Shaun just stood and looked at Adams in rage. Nick scored a huge shot to Shaun's gut, but Shaun was too angry to feel it! Another shot to Shaun's chest, and SHAUN GOT REEEEAAAALLY PISSED! He charged in at Nick and hit a huge neckbreaker! The fans begin to boo as Draw begin pacing around the ring, yanking at the ropes and yelling like a madman.

Shaun: Forget all of you! I'm going to...

And at that point, Nick grabbed him from behind. Our illustrious ref came in and said "Guys, you've only got two minutes left. Figure something out!" loud enough for everyone to hear. So much for suspension of disbelief. Still, it might have helped if I had remembered to tell Nick and Shaun who was winning. Either way, Nick whipped Shaun into the corner. Almost as if to chastise the ref for being an idiot, as Nick charged in for an avalanche, (Go Avs! Sorry, hockey mark-out moment - too bad about the NHL lock-out, eh?) Shaun grabbed Jim and tossed him right into Nick's path! Doan called for a DQ, and Nick won because the ref was stupid - in a roundabout way, I suppose. After the match, Shaun looked around and just yelled in frustration as Nick walked away, shaking his head...and then stumbling over himself without falling.

Match Quality: 54% (Methinks the Angry Boy's anger rush was too Hogan-esque.)

Crowd Reaction: 22% (Of course, kids are always nostalgics...)

Overall: 38% (But it all adds up to potential WrestleCrap material.)

I, Robert

Okay, enough with the bad puns...for now, anyway. Bob came out to a loud round of cheers. Have to love that, I suppose. Either way, the traditional Apollo 440 modification played at the same time. Bob then looked around at the fans.

The Bob: Well, it's good ta' be here! Fact is, this place was beginning to look a little uncool. A five minute tag team match, a one-on-one contest that lasted less than half a minute, and somebody slamming into the crowd. Besides the last one, I don't think any of those were particularly entertaining.

The fans all nodded in assent, and Bob continued.

The Bob: And when the Bob thinks that an entire show is lacking in entertainment, then the show definitely lacks in coolness. Ladies and gentlemen, the Bob intends to utilize the remaining hour in this event to do a one-time-only match, probably never to be seen in this schoolyard again!

The fans begin cheering loudly. Bob paused and looked around.

The Bob: So, as Bulldust is getting another shot at my belt due to Matt Inferno's interference last month, the Bob thinks that it is time for Bulldust to truly prove his worth.

The fans began to cheer again.

The Bob: The Bob and Bull-bites-the-dust shall face off in an Iron Man match! HEEEEEEY!

And a final cheer. It may just be me, but I have a bad feeling about this.

Overall: 53%

(You have got to be kidding me. A match that has to last an entire hour? Who the heck is running this show? I said to get out there and have a match. I did not tell them to spend an hour doing it! I have neither the endurance or the attention span to actually watch the whole match. ACE! You doing anything? "Umm...no. Why?" Take over writing this thing for me! "Er...okay, I guess..." Thanks.)

Iron Man Not-So-Big Medal Match: Robert Cameron {C} vs El Bulldust

Hi. Ace here. I really have no clue what I'm doing. But that's life, I suppose. I just run the tech with Ahern. (Nick: Yeah, sure you do, Ace.) Either way, Corey ditched this report off on me. I guess it's my job to say what happened, right? Well...let's see, can I just take a description off another Iron Man match and toss it in here? Great. No internet connection. Well, in that case...

1st Fall

Bulldust came to the ring "seeingeeing" some song - I think, through the poor pronunciation, that it's "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by the Smashing Pumpkins. Anyway, after that - into internet reporter mode. Bob walks up to Bulldust, but gets a kick to the chest before the bell rings. The ref is still a bit dazed from the last match, so you know where this is going. Anyway...Clothesline from Bulldust. Elbow drop, and a pin gets the one-count. They lock up, and Bob hits a powerslam. Another one-count. These guys are going for pins far too early. Bob goes for a side headlock, but Bulldust slips out before Cameron can get a grip. Bulldust with a double leg takedown. Bob kicks the luchadore in the face before the man can attempt anything. OH, FACE! Anyway, Bulldust takes Bob down again with a spinning wheel kick. Leg drop to the back of the head from Bulldust, and one of the former internet reporters would be having a conniption fit right about now. Another pin only gets the two-count. Bulldust whips the champ into the corner. The crooner wannabe rushes in, but only eats turnbuckle as Bob drops out of the way! Schoolboy rollup from the Bob! ONE...TWO...KICKOUT! Almost, but not quite a fall. One punch, and another, and a back and forth brawl breaks out! CLUBBERIN' TIME! Does anybody ever actually read the Fantastic Four anymore? Either way, Bulldust finally ducks one of Bob's shots and hits a huge BOOT TO THE HEAD! Bulldust wrenches Bob off the ground, delivers a wheelbarrow bulldog a-la Rey Misterio or Juvi Guerrera, and then gets the first pin.

The Bob: 0

Bulldust: 1

Time Remaining: 43:27

2nd Fall

Taking advantage, Bulldust goes for another pin. This time, he holds the waist of Bob's pants to insure the win. The ref slides in. ONE...TWO...WAIT! The ref has spotted Bulldust's blatant attempt at cheating! He calls for the bell, and Bob is awarded the second fall! That was the fastest thing I've ever seen, our recent Bucky/Mal match nonwithstanding.

The Bob: 1

Bulldust: 1

Time Remaining: 43:10

3rd Fall

Well, after that crappy excuse for a fall, some of the fans started getting a little antsy. Anyway, with Bulldust arguing with the ref, Bob uses his time wisely and takes a breather. After wasting about a minute or two of the fans' time, Bulldust turns to look back at the champ - but he's gone! Of course, our ref doesn't know how to do a count-out, as far as I know. Either way - oh, Bob's standing on top of on of the pieces of playground equipment. Cheap pop, but it works. Bulldust calls Bob back to the ring, and Bob shrugs. He jumps nonchalantly off the playground set and struts back to the ring. At this point, the fans are DEAD. Anyway, Bulldust bum rushes Bob, grabbing him and suplexing him off the apron and back into the ring. The ring bounces almost as much as the AWO's Tramp-o-Ring ™. Bulldust begins laying a gigantic beatdown on Bob, stomping on him like a madman. Bulldust lifts Bob off the ground and hits a huge rana. The luchadore hits an elbow drop, and the man is absolutely DOMINATING! I dunno about you, but I think I see som people leaving. Fact is, the Cool Man is totally out, or at least it looks like it. Bulldust points to the corner, and goes to the top rope. He jumps off with El BullSplash (a frog splash, though it's more RVD than Guerrero), but Bob somehow manages to raise his knees! Bulldust slams abdomen-first onto the Cool One's shins, and nearly kills himself! Bob goes for the pin, and gets the third fall of the night!

The Bob: 2

Bulldust: 1

Time Remaining: 33:10

4th Fall

With Bulldust and Bob still relatively dead, the ref just left the ring to catch a breather. Is he allowed to do that? Really, this is getting ridiculous. The ref is supposed to keep the match going, right? Oh, heck...Corey, you're not doing anything, get out there. "Fine...better than having to type up the whole match." All righty, then. Anyway, that's roughly three minutes burned by the time Corey gets down to the ring. I don't think either of these guys really has the endurance to pull off a one-hour match, anyway. Either way, Bob and Bulldust get to their feet, coughing out of sheer exhaustion. They charge at each other, but a double clothesline takes them both out! Corey looks at them, and then back at the clock. He starts the ten-count. Of course, neither man is actually able to stand, and as Corey is burning five seconds per count, he tosses away about a minute counting. He finishes the count and calls for the bell. He then walks over and shouts, "It's a double DQ!"

The Bob: 3

Bulldust: 2

Time Remaining: 28:20

5th...6th Fall

Our regular referee saunters back to the ring, and our replacement looks at Doan in admonishment. The two start arguing, looking like two five-year-olds that want to have the same ball. Finally, as Doan steps into the ring, Corey looks at James and says, "Paper, rock, scissors for who takes this fall. Best three out of five." James nods and they have the referee face-off. Somehow, this is almost humiliating...not for me, but for Bob and Bulldust. The two then begin to have the face-off. The first four sets lead to a tie, and then a lot of "Scissors-Scissors", "Paper-Paper", and "Rock-Rock" clashes. All in all, the whole incident takes roughly seven minutes. I've never seen such a heated competition for who was going to be an official for the next fall, and who was going to be an official for the rest of the match. Eventually, James won, and Corey was forced to only finish the next fall. Corey, being the ever-watchful man, looked and saw that the double clothesline left Bulldust's hand on top of Bob. Corey goes to make the count, and about ten seconds later, we have another pin. This is just getting ridiculous.

The Bob: 3

Bulldust: 3

Time Remaining: 21:18

7th (and final) Fall (Thank God)

Bob and Bulldust finally show some life, and both men start to stand. Nothing the time, Bob pauses and looks out to the crowd.

The Bob: You know what, folks? We're definitely not being interesting enough. SO, as the match is all tied up, three to three...the Bob says that just like in baseball, the person to get the 7th fall wins! You cool with that, Bulldust?

Bulldust: El Bulldust eez goode foar dat!

The Bob: Then it's cool. Let's get this started!

And with that, these two go full tilt (pinball style, even). Bulldust goes for an overhead belly-to-belly suplex, but the Bob flips out. Cameron with a release German, he gets the same result. The two turn to each other and nod. They lock up, but Bulldust manages to push the Bob into the ropes, whips him off, and goes for a backdrop. Bob leapfrogs Bulldust and continues to the other side. He leaps over a slowly rising Bulldust and hits a flipping neckbreaker. Not bad, but not good, as neckbreakers aren't supposed to nearly break a guy's neck, as far as I know. Bob stands slowly and lifts Bulldust off the ground. Bob's getting desperate, here. Either way, the champ grabs Bulldust in a front face lock. Here it comes! Fonzie Flop! NO! Bulldust flips out, turns the Bob around, boots him in the gut, and then hits the three-quarters headlock bulldog! OY VEY, DRAKE, THE STUNNER! Bob does a different kind of Fonzie Flop (bad pun, I know), and Bulldust looks at the turnbuckle nearest Bob. He runs at it, hops up, and looks around. He makes "Bull Horns" above his head, poorly imitating John Cena, and then jumps off with El BullSplash! He lands it this time! The finish is academic, with James Doan making the count. Bulldust wins, and as he gets the medal, he takes time to celebrate, rubbing it in everyone's face by going around in the crowd, showing off his medal to a booing fanbase.

Final Score

The Bob: 3

Bulldust: 4

Time Remaining (If we had gone the full amount of time: 15:16

Match Quality: 59% (The first fall and the last five minutes dragged it there kicking and screaming.)

Crowd Reaction: 15% (Would have been less, if not for the early ending.)

Overall: 37% (Typical AWO.)

Overall Show:: 42%

Attendance: 22

Gate Sales: $220

Edited October 25, 2004 by Nick Adams

[Nick Adams]

January, Part 3

Well, Corey here...AGAIN. Nick also told me to write up this little thingamajig. Somehow, I don't think I should have agreed to this. It's too difficult to understand Harleytarian. I tried calling up Drew, but realized that he would probably have more of a conniption fit over reading an e-mail from Harley Race than from watching a WWE or TNA event. After all, Drew stole the guy's gimmick, which was roughly nothing but being Harley Race, as far as I know. Plus, Nick would fire my hide if he heard that I phoned up Drew and said, "Hey, care to translate an e-mail message from Harley Race?"

So, that said...

To: Nick Sumthinorotha

From: Yah buddah Harlah

Subject: Rasslin', What Else?

Anuthuh month, anuthuh dollah oah so, ah s'pose. So fah foah me, ah've got some good people. Steel, ah hurd ya' trahd t' give a Bronze Man match when yuh promised an Ahron' Man Match. Sorrah, but tha' is not a way t' get crowds t' like yuh. Well, on with the' show.

NWA:TNA - Problems an' advantages.

Well, with theah renewed Global touah, Jeffy dun' sahned some people to written contracts. Raven, Jerrah, Lynn, Shane Douglas, Road Dogg...ah mean BG James, Konnan, Th' Sandman, Kid Kash (Kash is money! Ha, stole tha' frum an online rasslin' thingamajig), Chris Candido (dido-dido-dido...), "Phenominal" AJ Styles, Sabu, Big Vito, Ron Killings, "The World's Most Dangerous Man" Ken Shamrock, Elix Skipper, James Mitchell, Sonny Siaki, Erik Watts, Don Callis, Vince Russo (WCW killah), DDP (back frum eensurance problems), and indy workers Animal (of the Legion of Doom) an' Joey Matthews to written contracts. Anuthuh roun' o' this, an' Jerry maht jes' have hisself a full rostah. Unfoahtunately foah them, IMPACT! was cancelled. Eh, at least they kin' re-staht th' weekly PPV's.

CZW - Good picks fer' Shrader, rose t' a Nashunal touah

Th' Great Suzuki...Sazuki...whatevah - Grat pick, but ah can' spell his name.

Petey Williams - Good rassler, cain' talk worth anahthang.

Samoa Joe - Anuthuh Samoan? How many ah ou' theah?

Anderson Silva - Silva an' Gold...hmm...ah wonduh if'n anybodah's las' name is Gold oah somethin uh th' like...

ROH - One, count 'em, one hirin'

Pat Militich - Ace dun' tol' me he's a gud' pick.

IWA-PR - Rich Port, sounds like a wahne...

Spankah - Forma' WWE man, 's'pose they coul' use a rappah.

Bryan Danielson - He can flah, he can faht, he coul' prob'ly crow...whah ain't he called hisself Petah Pan?

Pat Kenney - Ah'm amazed this man ain't dead with all the work he gits.

Rosey - SAMOA! AUGH!

Low-Ki - "He represents/ the Lollipop Guild..."

Nick Dinsmore - EUGENE!

Donovan Morgan - Raht...

Ernest "The Cat" Miller - Yah gotta' staht somewheah.

REVPRO - Livin' la Vida Loca...

Ricky Marvin - Wrong Ricky? Shucks...ah'm fahrin' mah secretary...

And for some odd reason, the e-mail stopped at that point. I'm handing the rest of this to Nick.

Interesting. Methinks Harley doesn't know how to type, so I'm finally free of that annoyance. Anyway, apparently the voice of RAW for the longest time, Good Ol' JR has finally decided to call it quits. Best of luck in the future. Jimmy Hart is leaving the ring, but who knows wher he'll go from there? And that's it...one company went bankrupt, but in the current environment, that's no unusual.

Until the show in February, later.

Edited October 28, 2004 by Nick Adams

[Nick Adams]

February, Part 1

Okay, we've gotten past the whole "we're without Drew as our top star" phase. We can go on without him, at least for now. And with the latest show name caused by an advertising mix-up, I wish I could make do without Ahern and Ace. Pretty much, here's the monthly flyer that they posted. We decided to hire out some large bulletin boards instead of TV adverts. Either way...

COME SEE THE NEXT SHOW OF

THE AURORA WRESTLING ORGANIZATION

!

So, without further ado, the AWO is very proud (but I'm very annoyed) to present...

!

(Which gives us an excuse to pretty much shut up and wrestle.)

NO FLASHING LIGHTS, SOME MUSIC, FANS CHEERING, AND WE ARE LIVE AND FREEZING OUR BUTTS OFF IN AURORA, COLORADO...OR AT LEAST, I THINK IT'S AURORA! Anyway, let's get to work. And here comes David for God knows what reason.

Aye thought I said "shut up and wrestle..."

But apparently, to work as a gimmick, we have to have him speak at least once during a show. So, for the necessary boost of David's popularity, A rock and roll verson of "Captain Fate" by the man that goes by PDQ Bach plays over the speakers, and "Caribbean Ice" (apparently, or at least that's what Corey told me) David Michaels walks out to the ring. The fans begin cheering, and David looks around.

David: Well, mateys, I hope ye be th' people tha' came ter see me raid th' ring!

The fans cheered, and David nodded.

David: Arr, I thought so! Well, today, we gots ye people a mighty good treat. We're goin' ter have a tourneyment fer a match against Bulldust!

And of course, as the fans recall last show and yell, "WHAT?" You have to love cheap rip-off gimmicks that aren't cheap rip-off gimmicks.

David: I SAID THAT I AN' TH' REST O' THE COMPANY ARE PUTTIN' ON ANOTHER TOURNEY FER THE TITLE! (What?) A LARGE GROUPIN' FER THE TITLE MATCH! (What?) AN' TH' FACT IS THAT MATT INFERNO, I'M GOIN' TER BEAT YE! (What?) I'M GOIN' TER DESTROY YE IN TH' MATCH! (What?) YE SHALL BE DEFEATED! (What?) AN' AFTER THAT, I'M GOING TER TAKE ON EL BULLDUST AN'...(What?)

You have to love long, drawn-out pauses. It works with the crowd anticipation.

David: STEAL HIS BOOTY!

Overall: 49%

David Michaels vs. Matt Inferno

Matt came out to large boos. You have to love the hate. Of course, the boos emanated from only about three of the fans, but they were large, drawn-out boos. Either way, the two started out in a lock-up, but released each other quickly. They then circled and went for a lock-up again. David went to Kilarney (my new term for being Irish whipped. Like it?), and Matt came up with a clothesline. David dropped, but got up pretty quickly. David and Inferno locked up again, but Matt went for the ride this time, and got a hip toss. They stopped and paused, then looked around again. Matt and Dave charged in, and both ducked clotheslines before rebounding and hitting each other with arm drags, making a whirling dervish of body mass. The two rolled out, and David hit a quick body slam, then an elbow drop. Quick pin. One, two...Matt kicked out. Matt and David circled again, and then Matt hit a football tackle, and began to pummel on David. The ref called him off, and Matt used most of the DQ count to get in a few extra punches. Matt pulled David off of the mat and sent him into the turnbuckle. Matt went in for the clothesline, but caught an elbow and a bulldog. Quick pin, only got the two-count. David signalled that it's time for the match to end by acting as if he were swinging a flag above his head. He then lifted Mat off the ground again, but Matt stopped the whip into the corner and came back with a clothesline. Inferno lifted Michaels off the ground, placed him in a rear head lock, and hit the Lighter Side of Fire. ONE, TWO, THREE! MATT ADVANCES IN THE TOURNAMENT!

Match Quality: 64% (Good exchanges, but nothing that appeared even remotely special.)

Crowd Reaction: 17% (More for the Pirate, but good reaction to Matt after he won.)

Overall: 40% (Go figure.)

Bucky vs. Shaun Draw

Bucky and Shaun came out to very little fanfare, and the fans settled in, knowing what both men could do. They hit a quick lock-up, and Bucky went for a quick hip toss. Shaun no-sold it, but only because he has no clue how to fake injuries. Bucky hit another hip toss and got in a hammerlock. Shaun immediately countered with an arm whip, and then hit a back body drop. Bucky satyed down, and Shaun hit an elbow drop. Draw continued by pummelling into Bucky's face. The ref called Shaun off. Shaun walked around, shaking his head as some of the fans started booing him. OH NO! HE'S GETTING PISSED OFF! But Bucky suddenly got to his feet, spun Shaun around, and hit a snap suplex. Draw was too pissed to feel it, forcing Bucky to hit another one. Shaun got up, and an "I-block-your-punch-you-don't-block-mine" ensuee, with Bucky losing. Shaun lifted Bucky onto his shoulders and hit a high fireman's carry, but because of the elevation, Bucky landed on his feet and whipped Shaun into the corner. Bucky then rushed in and hit the avalanche he calls "The Diss Shot". Shaun staggered out of the corner, and Bucky came behind, hitting a bulldog, then stood up. Oh no...here comes a Scotty 2 Hotty impersonation that Bucky told the people in the crowd about before the show...S! N! A! P! HUAH, HUAH! And a huge elbow drop. Bucky covered. ONE, TWO, THREE! Bucky wins, and advances.

Match Quality: 45% (It's Shaun. He's playing up the Angry thing...a lot.)

Crowd Reaction: 14% (All in the "SNAP", pretty much.)

Overall: 29% (And that's what I get.)

(And with that, Corey is taking over.)

Nick Adams vs. Malachi Pasillas

Hey, Corey here. One thing that I don't get - why not just have El Bulldust face Bob again? Doesn't he get a rematch or something? You know, quid pro quo? Well, I guess that one tournament every couple of months is just another excuse to toss in random people for matches. I personally think I would have done better. Oh, by the way, this rant is just so I can ignore the entrances of both guys. Fact is, Nick probably just stumbled after trying to pose on the inside of the turnbuckles, and then said, "I'm okay." As for Mal...it's Mal, he doesn't really do much except tick off the crowd a-la heel Los Guerreros. So, there's my rant, and my ability to totally ignore what in the world they're doing during the entrances. Anyway, they exchanged some quick kicks, none of which connected. You have to love that kind of fighting. And our referee is down. I swear, another few bumps like that, and we may have him leave. Either way, due to this, we have sheer anarchy. And due to somebody realizing this, that somebody yelled, "Anarchy roolz j00!" (and trust me, that's what she would have put if it were online), and got a cheap pop. How the hell does that one work? Dropkick on Nick, and the pin that doesn't get counted due to the ref's general lack of consciousness. Nick went for some fast Tae Kwon Do attacks, and did pretty well until he accidentally tripped over himself during some kind of spinning kick thingamajig. That's a great image. Nick being an idiot...again. How is he even running this company? Anyway, Mal flipped Nick over, ran up top, and hit the Pride and Prejudice moonsault! The fans all booed, and to add insult to injury, Mal grabbed Nick for a rollup, placed his feet on the rope, and held Nick's pants for extra leverage. Talk about cheating! Either way, Mal, due to a dazed referee, got the ONE, TWO, THREE! Mal stood up, grabbed a Mexican flag that I didn't notice him bring in, and slid in. He started waving the flag to the chagrin of the fans. Nick stood up, thinking that for once, Mal won cleanly. Nick went for a handshake, but Mal looked back and simply swung the flag right into his face, cracking the pole and sending the banner flying! What a moron - Nick, I mean.

Match Quality: 68% (Not bad, considering.)

Crowd Reaction: 17% (The flag and the blatant cheating + Nick's sheer stupidity = The fans kinda' care)

Overall: 42% (Well, it made up for the previous match.)

Hey, Ace Here, Reporting on a Dentist Wannabe...

For some odd reason, Corey wasn't able to report this segment. Eh, whatever. Anyway, Drake came out to the ring. So, he's actually going to wrestle a match? Or is it just another thing about the tournament? Well, we'll just see.

DDS: Hello again. I see you're all wondering why I'm out here if we've already announced the tournament.

Drake looked around, and people were nodding in assent...or something like that. Either way, Drake continued.

DDS: Well, I figured that since this tournament is for all AWO employees...I'll just take on the Number One contendor, Robert Cameron!

The fans all looked incredulously, and then shrug.

DDS: And you know why I'm doing this?

The fans suddenly decided to just say, "WHY?" Well, you have to at least admire that.

DDS: Because I can.

Cheap pop for the catchphrase. Whatever works.

Overall: 44%

Robert Cameron vs Drake Strata

Nick here. Still a bit woozy, but Ace didn't want to report this match. I dunno, maybe something about...oh, whatever. I'm barely able to focus on the match. Anyway, I think it went something like this. Bob came down, as per usual, cool gear et al, and strutted down to the ring. Bob and Drake immediately got into a grapple, and Drake scored a headlock which quickly became a bulldog, and then another headlock, this time kind of like a crossface. Bob started struggling to the ropes, but because he slapped his hand down on the mat three times, our referee, who just learned about submissions, thought that Bob's struggling was him tapping out. If I were a bit more aware of everything around me, I probably would talk about that. It now holds ground as another very short match at roughly one minute. It's a dusty finish in my books, though.

Match Quality: 58% (For a lockup and a submission? Yeesh, I need to do that more often.)

Crowd Reaction: 20% (Drake's first match, dude.)

Overall: 39% (And with all that, traditional AWO results.)

Bucky vs Malachi Pasillas vs Matt Inferno vs Drake Strata

Hey. Ben here...oy, I can't type and announce at the same time. I might wind up announcing nothing, or typing nothing. So, with that said, I think it's time to get Drake out of the match...

Okay, Ben here again. I just hit Drake over the head with a chair, he's been eliminated from the tournament. You have to love four-man elimination rules. Anything goes! Anyway, DDS rolled out of the ring after Mal pinned him, and then came over...oh crap, coming back to the booth. I hope he didn't see me...I'm out of here.

Erm, hey. Well, there's a laptop here, and Ben's running away. Looking at the screen, looks like a show report. So...oh, this is the AWO Commish, by the way. Just thought you people would like to know. I'm doing the report because it's here. Anyway, Matt and Mal locked up, but oddly enough, Matt oversold what he thought would be a DDT, falling before Mal even went for the drop. Mal looked down and gave Matt an elbow drop. Bucky then came in with a knee drop. Nice little dog-pile there. Wait, was everyone supposed to be in the ring at the same time? Anyway, I missed some stuff because I'm still not sure what happened with the chair. Our ref is a total idiot, ladies and gentlemen. First, I get hit with a chair and nobody else gets eliminated. Then he doesn't even know the rules. Whatever, he's the best we've got. Either way, the rest of the match was a gigantic brawling dog-pile, with Matt getting tossed over the rope, and, as per the ref's lack of understanding, eliminated. Mal and Bucky circled one another and locked up. Bucky hit a quick snap suplex. Mal wound up rolling through it, though, and came back with a drop kick. Mal ran up top, and went for a second Pride and Prejudice, but somehow, Bucky caught Mal during the drop, rolled over, and got the pin. Bucky just stood up and saw El Bulldust on the ramp, carrying the Not-So-Big Medal with him. Bucky nodded, and as Mal slid out, he motioned for Bulldust to bring the fight.

Match Quality: 56%

Crowd Reaction: 19% (They apparently got interested a little bit after I got hit with the chair.)

Overall: 37%

Not-So-Big Medal Match: El Bulldust {C} vs Bucky

Ladies and gentlemen, right here is a perfect example of a potentially great match gone terribly wrong. Fact is, Bucky and Bulldust shared the STAREDOWN OF DOOM!!! and then began to circle. A quick lockup, and then Bulldust, totally by accident, went to suplex Bucky, and kneed him right where the sun don't shine! James Doan, our clueless ref, actually caught the attack, and DQed Bulldust! So, what's that mean? The Luchadore is still our champion...by a fluke. And so the show ended early...again. WHY, GOD? WHY?

Match Quality: 52% (As the knee shot was real.)

Crowd Reaction: 21% (IT'S BULLDUST!)

Overall: 36%

Well, Nick, you put up your best, and you did all right, But the fact is that the Main Event wound up being a major dud. So, with that in mind, there's just one thing left to say.

*CLUNK*

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK!

Thanks for playing.

Overall Show: 38%

Attendance: 24

Ticket Sales: $240

Edited November 6, 2004 by Nick Adams

[Nick Adams]

February, Part 2

And again, checkin' da' e-mail, checkin' da' e-mal (STRONG BAD! YEE-HAW!).

To: That Aurorah Boy

From: Ya' Ol' Buddah Tha' Yuh Turn' Dawn t' Keep Yer' Pr

Well, we got a lot ah' stuff fer' yuh. Mah new secretahrah is doin' pretty good with her jawb. Anuhways, here's th' rundown of the industrah...without th' Rock. Okay, bad pun, ah know.

New Extreme Championship Wrasslin' opened up. But it's a backyahd promotion lak yoahs. Unfoahtunately, it's way bettah than you fer' a fan base. Ah doubt they'll be able to sahn RVD. What d' you think?

NWA: Florida and Hawai'i Championship Wrasslin' closed theah' doahs. Maybe it's sumthin' t' do with th' fact that they cain't expand theah fanbase?

BCW has become a cult phenomenon.

Hirins, firins, an' retirins.

JAPW:

Abyss - Lef' WWC to go to JAPW. An' he's still in NWATNA...well, Kane rip-off oah not, it's an odd move...

Necro Butcher - Uh huh...so is he a Sweeny Todd rip-off er' sumthin'?

WWC:

Kelly Dullanty - Replacin' Abyss, ah s'pose, but it's a dull choice.

NWA-E:

Jimmy Jacobs - Tryin t' survahve, seems lahke. With otha' NWA companahs dyin, seems lahke th' raht thang t' do.

IWA-PR: Attack of the Old School

Frank Shamrock - Ken's relative...great, MMA in Puerto Ricah.

Ted DiBiase - And his managah. Would be mah guess, least.

Nova - An' hopefullah, he won' explode in th' ring.

Roadkill - We spen' mos' ah lahves livin' in an Amish paridahse...

WORLD1:

Tarzan Goto - Me Tarzan, me go to WORLD1.

Mad Man Pondo - Me crazy, me follow Tarzan to WORLD1.

BCW:

Leilani Kai - Pickin' up somebodah from HCW went unduh, so they pick up some people.

Dory Funk Jr. - An along with that, 25 retahrments!

Mano Negra - Mexicans can work, and this guy has t' be good...hes the "Black Man"!

Barry Windham - BIG TAHME!

NWA:TNA:

It's not just average, it's not what yah'd expec'...IT's JUSTIN CREDIBLE! An' on a written' contrac', no les'.

Mike Tyson - Guess they needed sumbudah t' give anotha' person th' look of Mick Foley.

Bret Hart - Of coahse. WWE pisses Bret off t' this day, so he goes to the nearest challengah.

CZW:

Tito Ortiz - Mexican, raht? Eh, give him the "La Parka" gimmick. Oah maybe tha' Gobbledy Gookah fella. Ah lahked that guy.

ROH

Frank Shamrock - Heh. Well, he shoah does git aroun'.

WWE:

Rey Mysterio - Chose not to renew his contract.

Randah Savage is retahrin'. AH jes' hope he don' go t' work at Hogan's gym...

An that's it.

Whoa. I miss a lot when I'm worry about my own stuff. Here's to the NECW. May it rot in hell for attempting Heyman's dream without Heyman.

[Nick Adams]

(OOC: Long time in coming, but I've been busy. All apologies.)

March, Part 1

Well, folks, looks like I have two problems to deal with. First off, Corey went off, grabbed that fan that said, "Anarchy roolz j00!" and signed her to a $2000 contract to be a manager. And not just anybody't manager. MY manager. Folks, if there isn't tension between us (and I mean straight-up, none of that sexual BS) by the end of the Summer, I have a feeling one of us will have turned heel.

And on another note, Ahern took back the reigns of naming the show. You see, I told him to actually give it a name. So he did - by combining what he thought were the best PPV names that the WWE/WWF has ever created. It's ludicrous...really, it is.

And finally, we apparently are still a joke, but we now are also a popular enough joke to qualify as a rookie Internet recapper's hazing. So, here goes nothing. We just handed him the basic results for the past few months, including title histories, and then give him free reign. Here's what he gave us. All things considered, it was actually pretty good.

----------------

The AWOManiaJudgementSeriesRumbleDay Ruling

by John "Not-So Rey-Rey" Reynolds

Hey, folks. Looks like I'm stuck here in Aurora, Colorado reporting on a company that's barely getting off its feet. I have a feeling that it has a lot of heavy backers. I was in the area anyway, visiting relatives, but I really think that this was just cruel. Still, if they wanted to ship me off to a schoolyard, why in the world didn't they just send me to that NECW show that I'm seeing next month? It could have been good. Well, whatever. The name for this is at least creative. The company name is the Aurora Wrestling Organization. The only question is whether I'll be able to stay awake.

AWO Presents: AWOManiaJudgementSeriesRumbleDay

Twenty dollars if you can pronounce that with only a three-second look. Anyway, let the hazing begin.

First up, it's a guy and his manager. Well, I can see why they call the AWO a joke. The guy tripped over his manager's foot, went rolling head-over-heels to the ring, and rolled under the ring. His manager, on the other hand, just looked around, shrugged, and said, "Whatever," before the other guy came out and said, "I'm okay." Cheap cheer for whoever knows what reason. Either way, After they managed to get in the ring, the girl identified herself as Amanda Shae, and said she was Nick Adams' manager. I'll assume that Nick is the moron that's standing next to her. And he then looked at her in confusion. Of course, this means nothing to anybody, as Shae just insulted some other guy named Shaun Draw, saying that not only would she be refereeing their match, but also, if Nick won, he was taking on EL BULLDUST for the Not-So-Big Medal. I'm assuming the medal is their cheap excuse for a title, and El Bulldust is their cheap excuse for a champion. It got an okay reaction, but I got the feeling that Amanda was debuting in this show.

After that cheap pop, a man suddenly appeared on top of the playground set near the ring area. The fans all turned their attention, as he was waving a Jolly Roger. Ah, Peter Pan...I still remember breaking my leg after getting some cheap "fairy dust", thinking a happy thought, and jumping off my roof...but that's another story. David Michaels (which I learned later) began yelling out that he was finally going to take on Drake Strata (whom, I later found out, was also at the commentary table), and the fact was that DDS (ironically not a dentist) could not use his power to book matches to get the easy victory. A lot of yelling, along with some AWO marks yelling, "What?" over and over makes me think that he's a pirate version of SCSA. I think I'll call him "Caribbean Ice". Anyway, after that, he yelled, "Yo-ho!" and disappeared back into the depths of the playground.

And another interview, but at least the other ring announcer gave the impression that a match was forthcoming. From the intro, I learned that the guy's name is Bucky. Kind of a weird name, but hey, it works. Apparently, he's just being himself. Either way, this interview-heavy show is wearing kind of old except for the AWO marks...and yes, I was just as surprised as everyone else reading this probably is to discover that the AWO actually has marks. Either way, Bucky cut an okay interview on some guy named Malachi Pasillas. Pretty much, Bucky got a shot at Mal's cousin, El Bulldust (oh, great, they've got a roster of 10, and they're already doing angles like that?), but Bulldust somehow managed to keep the title against the Master of the Diss. So as proof that he really was the best, he would take on the one and only loser in the AWO (it's Mal, of course). And FINALLY, we get to a match.

Bucky vs Malachi Pasillas

Well, no wonder they had all these interviews. Anyway, some brawling back and forth. Chops from Bucky, a couple of leg shots to Mal. Finally, Mal hits a flying elbow, and then hits a huge flying kick, which should have been a drop kick, but Pasillas couldn't quite get his other leg up. You have to hate it when that happens. Mal goes to slow the match down with a hammerlock, but fact is, that just doesn't work, and Bucky reverses it, then hits a hip toss. Bucky paces back and forth, waiting for Mal to gain his bearings. The one-man wonder (yeah, right) then comes in and hits a clothesline that nearly decapitated Pasillas. Painful, or at least it looks that way, as Mal is selling it to the moon. Bucky walks around and nods, trying to get the fans pumped. It was a pretty good reaction, all things considered. Bucky gets a quick leg drop, then the pin. One, two...no dice, Mal kicked out. Bucky lifts Mal off the ground, and begins to slug away at him. One Irish whip later, and Pasillas takes a huge drop kick right to the kisser. Apparently, Bucky wants to end this, and motions to the corner. The fans all cheer, and Bucky lifts Mal up. He then throws El Primo de El Bulldust into the turnbuckle, and starts pumping up the fans. Meanwhile, Mal has begun to unlace the bottom turnbuckle, exposing the...copper? They're using copper ropes? Well, whatever works. Either way, Bucky rushes in, ready to take down Pasillas, but Mal trips Bucky and sends him face-first into the exposed turnbucle! He then flips Bucky over and gets the three-count! The ref didn't see the exposed turnbuckle!

Winner: Malachi Pasillas by pinfall at 9:43

The Ruling: Well, the fans were kind of pumped, but it dragged a bit, considering how much time they gave the match. Not totally worthy of a DUD, but seeing as this was more of a brawl, I'll have to give it only 1/4*. They tried, at least, right?

Drake "Delta" Strata vs. "Caribbean Ice" David Michaels

Now they're making up for the deluge of interviews with a deluge of matches. This has got to be some of the strangest booking I've ever seen. Then again, I doubt the best bookers in the world could come up with much better, considering what they've got. Either way, we begin with a staredown, which I hear Ben call the "STAREDOWN OF DOOM". This allows the fans to get pumped a bit. Hopefully, it won't last as long as the back-and-forth pacing between Lesnar and Goldberg at WMXX. It doesn't, and after about thirty seconds, we're greeted with some more I-punch-you, you-punch-me, let's-all-have-fun-not-selling-these-forceful-shots brawling. It takes up about a minute, during which neither man takes the advantage. Well, apparently, along with being a pirate, David is also invincible. After a hard shot from Drake, the match finally got past the one-for-one fist-fighting. Kick, kick, kick, lock-up, and a vertical suplex, all from Michaels. Michaels hit a hip toss. Drake stood, and David went for a clothesline, but Drake countered with a back body drop. An elbow drop later, and Drake gets the two-count. Drake gets up and argues with the referee, and considering the botched call from the previous match, I think he has a case. But while Strata is arguing, David comes from behind and hits a running face slam. Painful, I'll give you that much. David seems a bit winded, though, and Drake is down as well. With the pirate struggling to stand with the ropes, I've got the Cole Porter song "Be a Clown" stuck in my head. David finally gets up and lifts the Commish (a comment from the only remaining announcer, Ben), kicks him, and goes for a DDT, but Drake grabs him by the feet and flips him onto his back. DDS looks to try something else, but gets kicked away. Both men stand, and David motions for Drake to bring it. Drake obliges, with a clothesline, but the pirate ducks! Unbeknownst to both of them, but realized by me, the referee was dumbly standing right behind CIDM, and gets the clothesline! Thinking that DDS hit him on purpose, the ref calls for the DQ! David looks in shock, and Drake looks pissed. In fact, DDS is so angry that he just leaves. I mean he exits the ring, walks over to the parking lot, gets into a 1970's Chevy whatever, and drives away. A bit of an overreaction, but it added to the match, I think.

Winner: David Michaels by DQ at 13:24

The Ruling: Well, the ending had interest, and in retrospect, the fans were more pumped for this match than any other match during the show. Still more brawling than was needed, but a couple suplexes worked in helped it. 1/2*.

Nick Adams vs Shaun Draw, Guest Referee: Amanda Shae

Now, I normally would say that Draw is probably going to get screwed, but these are the good guys, and Shae was a bit apathetic in her referee skills, having seen what happened to the real ref in the company. Either way, Nick began with some martial arts stuff. Random fact - he's got a Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do. And he shows it. Kick, kick, kick, kick, BOOT TO THE HEAD, and Shaun is down! Well, that was quick. Of course, Shaun seems kind of out of his element. Either way, Nick with the rebound and the leg drop. Draw suddenly rolls to his feet and turns to face Nick. Adams goes for another kick, but Shaun just shrugs it off. Another kick, and the man (whose shirt I now realized says "I'm Angry") shakes his head and glares. Nick gets frustrated, and goes for a chop, but Draw suddenly shakes his head and walks around, flashing middle fingers at everyone. I guess this is what you'd call GETTING PISSED OFF! He turns and faces Nick. Shaun blocks a punch from Nick, Nick fails to block a punch from Draw. He backs up as if he wasn't even hit, then does a face-flop a-la-Flair. Draw grabs him and goes for the pin, but Amanda is conversing with some of the fans outside, who I'm assuming are her friends. Either way, she finally notices that something which she needs to officiate the match (a fact that neither man has taken advantage of) and slides in, but Nick kicks out before she can even count to one. That was around ten seconds there. At any rate, Shaun gets really ticked, and goes to grab Amanda. Instead, Nick comes behind Draw, places him in a rear headlock, and hits a reverse swinging neckbreaker, which he calls, for whatever reason, the Kick of Destruction. The victory is academic, but afterwards, Shaun stood up, glared at Amanda, and then started yelling and kicking the ropes. And it looks like Nick is going to take on EL BULLDUST!

Winner: Nick Adams by pinfall at 11:40

The Ruling: Crowd was still hot, albeit a bit disappointed by the match, but methinks it was a bit distracting to have a referee chatting with her girlfriends while the match was going on. I hate to do this, but DUD. Eh, it at least created some reason for the main event...I'm assuming the title match is the main event, at least.

Okay, with that, we've gone through roughly an hour and a half of a show stated to be two and a half hours. In other words, this show still has an hour to go, and they only have two more matches listed. This should be interesting. How to keep the crowd interested for another hour utilizing only two matches.

And here comes part of the answer. It's a guy in a fireman's outfit, albeit no headgear. Creative, but I thought they had a Pyromaniac, not a firefighter. Well, I guess that this is the pyro's arch-nemesis. He got on the microphone and - okay, my bad, the guy IS the pryomaniac. Matt Inferno, ladies and gentlemen, and he seems possessed. Apparently, a few months back, a guy by the name of Robert Cameron lost the Not-So-Big Medal to him. And then Bob couldn't stand the thought of not being the champion. No, the Bob was too cool for that ("The Bob"? Oh, dear lord, a Duane Johnson rip-off...if a pirate parody of Stone Cold wasn't enough...). He had to have another match, a match that allowed Cameron to steal back the title and claim it in victory, only to lose it to EL BULLDUST. Still, the time has come for retribution. So here's what's going to happen - Matt Inferno versus The Bob in a HARDCORE MATCH! Fun, but I hope Matt didn't blow out his vocal chords with all that yelling. And that's a long-lasting grudge.

Hardcore Match: Matt Inferno vs. Robert Cameron

Okay, it's not a Rock impression. It's worse. It's a Fonzie impression. Dear God, help us all. Either way, he came down to the ring with a shopping cart. He's lucky he can do that, seeing as he's dragging it down through the grass. Looks like it's got some more weapons than the usual effect. Hmm...board games, kids' toys, boxes, and one single stick. Bob slides in with the stick, which has a handle covered with black duck tape. Well, if you can call the end he's holding a handle. Either way, he slides in, and Inferno slides out of the ring. He comes back in with a fire extinguisher! Well, if they're doing hardcore, at least they're serious. Suddenly, the referee comes over and makes them drop their weapons.

Okay, it's official, they have the strangest ref that I've ever seen. And with that, the fans were kind of let down. Either way, the match is still hardcore, but that just means they can pin each other wherever, and he won't disqualify them. But he ain't allowing weapons. So much for hardcore. Matt rushes in and hits an elbow strike, knocking the Bob to the mat. Inferno lifts him up and tosses him into the ropes. He follows up with a clothesline. Matt then continues by giving Bob loads of forearm shots. Body slam from Inferno, and, while this is a bad pun, Matt is a HOUSE ON FIRE! And just like Arkarna song says, it's wasting our time. Either way, Matt drags the ex-champ over to the bottom rope and starts choking him. The ref just looks on in frustration, knowing there's no DQ in this match. Bob finally manages to trip up Matt, sweeping his legs and releasing the tension on his neck. Bob then rolls away and stands. Matt also stands and rushes at Cameron, but the Bob catches Matt and gives him a back body drop- RIGHT OUT OF THE RING AND INTO THE SHOPPING CART! Damn, that had to hurt. Either way, right after Matt slams into it, the force causes it to tip backwards, rolling Inferno out in a pile of toys, board games, and cardboard. The AWO marks begin to chant, "Holy s***!" Well, that was a pretty cool spot. Not enough for me to mark out, but enough for those few loyalists. The ref looks in shock as Bob exits the ring and picks up his duck-taped stick. As Matt rises from the pile, Bob winds back and takes a huge swing! Inferno drops at the last minute, causing Bob to hit the shopping cart, slamming to cart to its side. Matt spears Bob from the side and begins to pummel him. Matt then lifts Bob up and whips him into the ring, and slides in quickly afterwards. He tries to whip Bob into the corner, but Cameron reverses it, tossing him into the corner. Somehow, I should have seen that coming. At any rate, Bob rushes in, but the Chicano exits the corner and drops Bob face-first onto the top turnbuckle. With the Bob reeling, Matt hits a top rope clothesline! He then slides out of the ring and brings in the fire extinguisher! The fans begin to boo as Inferno motions for Cameron to stand. The Pyro rushes at Cameron and nails him over the head with the extinguisher! He then reaches into the corner and puts some liquid in his mouth. As the Bob turns around, Matt holds a lit match in front of his mouth and spits out a fireball! Bob falls back, holding his face. Matt lifts up the Bob and hits an Osaka Street Cutter, which he calls "The Lighter Side of Fire". The pin is academic after that.

Winner: Matt Inferno by pinfall at 18:33

The Ruling: Well, okay for backyard hardcore. With the fireball, the shopping cart, and the brawling...it still only gets 3/4*.

And now, with forty minutes to fill, I have a feeling that just like every other big show I've seen, they'll end earlier than they should. But that works just fine for me. I have something else to do around 6.

I Quit Match, Not-So-Big Medal: Nick Adams vs El Bulldust {C}

Nick came out again, and this time slid across the grass, slipped on the stairs, and fell off. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he keeps doing this, or the fact that they're portraying him as a person deserving of a guest spot on "Jackass", as he seems to survive every one of these without pause. Well, now the moment we've all been waiting for - EL BULLDUST! And...AUGH! This must be the reason that he's being booed, and the reason they consider the show hazing! Anything could be better than this, but a Mexican singing, of all things...DIANA ROSS? What in the hell was the owner thinking when he did this? Honestly, this may be a more charismatic Luger - annoying as hell, but unlike Luger, he could potentially get over as a heel.

Either way, with the match being I Quit, this is going to be interesting. If the hardcore match proved anything, the matches may just get better as they go on. With this being the main event, they have roughly thirty minutes to fill. I don't think either one of these guys really have it in them to go thirty minutes, but if it's only twenty, I can deal. Either way, Nick and Bulldust walked up to each other and shared what I later found out the AWO calls a trademark "STAREDOWN OF DOOM~!" And the five die-hard AWO fans nearly faint from the excitement. They then pace back and forth, and once again, I'm reminded of that crap Lesnar and Goldberg put on. Still, they make it work, as they get a few cheers. The staredown of doom continues, and the marks yell "Bulldust sucks!" over and over. Maybe they're trying to make him quit out of humiliation. Doesn't work, though, and after about a two-and-a-half minute warmup, they lock up. After a quick battle, Nick gets the headlock takedown. The hold lasts for about ten seconds, and then El Bulldust manages to flip Nick over and gets a front headlock. Adams refuses to tap, though, and begins to fight back. One punch to the ribs, then another, and another. Finally, Adams grabs Bulldust around the waist and hits a release Northern Lights Supex. Or should I say, considering the location, the Aurora Borealis Suplex? Either way, Adams lets go and almost immediately after, he locks on a half Boston crab. Lance Storm, we knew ye well. Either way, thrity seconds of struggling, and Bulldust ain't quitting. Fun, huh? I still don't remember when this was booked as a submission match. Eh, whatever. If they quit, it doesn't matter how they do it. Finally, Bulldust has the sense to use his free leg, and trips up Adams, sending him flying away, and letting Bulldust get a quick breather. It isn't quick enough, though, as Nick lifts him up and whips him into the ropes. Nick lifts an incoming Bulldust in anticipation for a flapjack, but the luchadore flips over and hits a falling neckbreaker at the last minute. Speaking of which, though I have no idea who Drew Porter is, he's on the AWO roster. My thoughts go out to you. Neck injuries can be a pain in the butt. Either way, Bulldust flips up and hits a running leg drop. Bulldust goes for the pin, but YOU CAN'T WIN BY PINFALL! He gets up and argues with the ref, but Doan (not to be confused with the WWE official) is adamant about the choice. At this point, Mister Clumsy is standing right behind him. Bulldust shakes his head and backs away - right into Adams. Sudden realization hits, and Bulldust comes around with a swing, but Adams catches it and hits a Judo takedown. Correction, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Nick then begins to kick repeatedly at the champion. Folks, we may just see a title change. Elbow drop on the masked man. And then Adams lifts him and begins to slam him into the turnbuckles - over and over. Too bad the mask prevents the possibility of being busted open, I'm sure the blood marks in the crowd would love it. Either way, I had an early lunch and I live on the East Coast, so I'm going to grab some munchies.

***SNACK/FOOD BREAK***

I go to my car for four minutes, and I miss an eternity. Yeesh. Either way, Bulldust has gained control, and guess what? He's doing the standard lucha moves at the moment. Adams takes a rana, and Bulldust goes for the pin...again. This is going to be a long match if it keeps going like this. Suddenly, Bulldust tries for a crossbody, but it's a no-go, as Adams turns it into a fallaway slam! Bulldust rolls around in agony, and Nick lifts him up again. Snap suplex, and the guy with a manager keeps the hold. Another snap suplex. Ripping off Eddie Guerrero, I see...well, he could have chosen worse. And he goes for the third, but Bulldust reverses it. Nick rolls through, and stands to face the luchadore. He then kicks Bulldust, and hits a DDT Bulldust flips over, and then motions to the nearest top rope. He climbs up, and slips on top, but manages to flip over and hit a Swanton Bomb that he apparently calls, "I'm Okay". Unfortunately, while Adams looked like he was going to get the victory, and placed Bulldust in the corner, he tripped himself up. I think the ending really deserves a full write-out here, it's just too ridiculous.

Adams: You ready to lose, champ?

Bullduse: Jou weele nayvar peen mee!

Adams: Bulldust, for crying out loud, it's an "I QUIT" match! You're supposed to say...oh, crap.

DING DING DING! The ref just gave Bulldust the victory due to Nick's stupidity. You can't help but feel sorry for him. Bulldust, in the meantime, went out with the medal mutilating "We Are the Champions". That's...depressing. Note to the NECW - if you don't have a PA system, don't have your wrestlers sing their themes.

Winner: El Bulldust by accidental submission at 25:12

The Ruling: This match made up for the rest of it. Even though they were spots that are a bit overdone, quite impressive for a backyard federation. But seeing as the fans weren't quite as pumped, it didn't grab as much attention. On the regular scale, it's pretty much **3/4. What the hell are these two doing in a schoolyard federation?

Overall, better than I expected, but not as good as one might hope. Eh, it's a backyard fed, what do you really want? And thus ends my hazing. Now back home to get some snacks, hang out with my family, and wait for WrestleMania 21 from LA. This is John "Not-So Rey-Rey" Reynolds, and this has been my ruling on the show.

----------------

Honest, at least, right? Oh, by the way - Bob hurt his neck due to the fire extinguisher forcing his neck at an odd angle, and Matt's finisher really wrenching it. Accidents happen, but two neck injuries mean that two of my best people are out for a long time. But can I afford replacements? HELL NO.

(See avatar.)

Overall Show: 46%

Attendance: 29

Ticket Sales: $290

Edited November 29, 2004 by Nick Adams

[Nick Adams]

March, Part 2

Well, with two people out on injury, I figured I might as well give them something to do, right? Pretty much, the Race-meister is gone for the month, having decided to go see WrestleMania 21, and is spending the rest of the time that he could have done reasearch for me just relaxing (learned from the WLW website, actually). Well, hey, I don't pay him, so good on the guy, right? Still, for the first installment of the AWO E-Mail Chronicle...

---------------

*Trumpet Fanfare*

THE PORTER REPORT(ER)!

by Drew Porter

Yeah, I know, that comes off like a line from The Fairly Oddparents - hey, I watched it once. Being in college can get you bored, know what I'm saying? And seeing as a doctor won't clear me to wrestle for another four or five months, I might as well pull a Copeland. I've had time to do the research, after all. At any rate, here goes. The wrestling industry as I see it. Or at least some random news from indies that's happened to come my way. You want Global and National reports, go somewhere else.

Antonio Pena's AAA went bankrupt. Too bad, but fact is, that's really not unexpected. Since losing their deal with Galavision to broadcast shows, they weren't keeping as much popularity. PWI also closed its doors, though I wasn't really keeping track of those guys.

NECW - Might just be me, but they don't exactly seem risky enough to call themselves "Extreme". The riskiest I've heard about is a piledriver. But that doesn't seem to kill the steam of this company run by a relative of the legendary Ric Flair...well, I think it is, because the guy's name is Ryan Fleihr. Well, the NECW group had hired these guys:

Aero, Master J, Abunai, Charly Manson, Mike Kruel, Corcel, Scoria, Burchill, Romeo Bliss, Safari, Misterioso, and El Latino.

But promptly after Fleihr took over, he fired every last one of them. Must be some thing against former AAA employees. Whatever. So his REAL new employees are as such.

Havoc (formerly of ECCW), Lopaka, Jack Evans, Psychic, Scott Parker, Manabu Sato, Kafu, Acero Dorado, Pure Talent, Touru Owashi, Josh Daniels, Ryan Gracie, and Andy Simmonz.

And then he hit himself on the forehead and re-signed Master J. I have a feeling Fleihr never told the Master of the Single-Letter Name that he was fired in the first place...

HWA - Well, Les looks to be on a roll. He's brought the Heartland some pride, and along with this newly-expanded touring area, he's also brought the company some new wrestlers.

Akio, Pete Williams, EZ Money, Royler Gracie, and Johnny Smith all signed on to the company. They also hired some spare staff, but the only person of real note is Carlos Colon, Sr. Puerto Rican legend becomes a road agent. It's kind of funny, as Sargeant Slaughter did the exact same thing in the WWE, but not funny enough for a belly laugh...maybe a light chuckle.

NJPWID - Inoki looks to be doing well. He's got some former WWE people at the top of his roster. He's also done some recruiting. So, here's the new batch for the Dojo.

Jeff Hardy, Shawn Stasiak, The Messiah, Trent Acid, Michael Modest, Eric Priest, Joe E. Legend, Cody Hawk, Charles Wright (the Godfather and Papa Shango in another life, right?), Bison Smith, Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli, Rene Dupree, Chuck Palumbo, Kevin Randleman, Keven Martel, Johnny Kashmere, and Lenny Lane were all signed.

Hmm...Palumbo and the Bull...seems to me that somebody wants to re-start the FBI somehow...As for the rest, well, let's just say the only one I'm looking forward to is somebody that's a little "Craziak".

Ring of Honor - Who else but this company could keep credibility for the indy scene alive? These guys are the best group that hasn't burst into the international scene, in my opinion. With D'Lo Brown headlining their company, they may just become serious competition for Vinnie O'Mac in the future. Personally, I think I'll report on this company even if they do go on a national tour. Who cares? They'll probably always have that indy wrestling feel, regardless of anything else. Time to take a look at who they've signed recently.

Jinsei Shinzaki, Scoot Andrews, Perry Saturn, Chad Collyer, Frankie Kazarian, Low-Ki (let the midget bashing begin), Michael Modest, and Renato Babalu Sobral. Good list, but the last guy's name sounds like something you'd call a hotel in Cuba or Spain.

JAPW - I'm getting really bored here...they're another company with a Cult-like following. Their basic idea is, "If you can hold a Pier 6, you're good for us." So, without further ado, their list of newbs.

Yoshihiro Takayama, Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli (must be in high demand), Jerrel Venetiaan ("Blinds"...get it? Venetiaan "Blinds"? Oh, forget it), Mr. Somethingorother (I can't even say it, much less spell it), and Kevin Randleman.

Inoki must have given these guys a few hints on whom to hire.

CMLL - These guys just keep on steamrolling through the ranks. I can't blame them, either, they're pretty good for what they are. Ah, viva la lucha. Personally, I think Bulldust would be a lot better over there, but that's just my opinion. So, anyway, new hirees...

TARO, Johnny Kashmere, Akio, TAKA Michinoku (EVIL!), and Chris "Hail" Sabin.

Good choices, as far as I'm concerned. And in this column, I'm the only one that matters besides the fans, so there you go.

WXW - These guys appear to be in a free-fall. Fact is, they lost their only TV show, their fanbase is going to other places...let's just say that it isn't pretty, shall we? As such, I'm surprised they're still in business, but they're trying their damndest to cut costs. So, they fired all their women wrestlers to bring in some other guys to liven up the product. The ladies that got the cut:

Akira Taue, Low Ryda, Talia, Katarina Heiss, Alere Little Feather

And the guys that got the call:

Bad Boy Hido and Jonny C

Hope they do better in the future.

Miscellaneous - Just random listings of hirings, because I haven't done research on EVERY SINGLE COMPANY IN THE INDUSTRY.

SW - The Nighthawk, Acero Dorado

PWG - Colt Cabana, Xavier

JCW - Lizmark, Pat Roach, Makai #1

WORLD1 - Ichiro Yaguchi, Gedo, Race Steele

CW - Cibernetico, Satoshi Kojima, Scoot Andrews, Ichiro Yaguchi

CHIKARA - Nigel McGuiness

NWA-W - Xavier, Doug Williams

WWC - Super Dragon

WLW - Hotstuff Hernandez

APW - Greg Pawluk

REVPRO - Jose Maximo

BCW - Hercules Ayala, Honky Tonk Man, Vampire Warrior

NWA-E - Street Style, Julio Dinero

And that's all.

Right...well, I'll say this for him - he's damn thorough. I'm glad I gave Bob the report on the upper echelon, I have a feeling he would get lost among all of these groups. Speaking of which, I need to ask him how that's going. Later!

[Nick Adams]

March, Part 3

And who can forget our illustrious Fonzie wannabe?

---------------

*Cue Apollo 440, start "Can't Stop the Rock (The Bob Remix)"*

COOL ENOUGH TO WRESTLE

by Robert "The Bob" Cameron

Injuries galore for the AWO - namely myself and Drew. Watch out if you're going to CSU, the AWO might give you an injury unintentionally. All kidding aside

IWA: Puerto Rico - Quinonez has recently started branching out, also touring outside of the fair Caribbean, and it has paid off nicely. He now has a National tour, and a lot of big (and not-so-big) names signing for him. So, here goes - a long string of a lot of people being hired by a company that just found out they can get a lot more cash when they expand. First, open contracts.

Michael Modest, Sylvan Grenier, Johnny Stamboli, Carlos Newton, Christopher Nowinski, and Bob Backlund

Impressive, considering they picked up mostly WWE cost-cuts, but look at who dropped in the door for the group asking for written contracts.

REY REY MYSTERIO, Phil Baroni, Raymond Rougeau, Gary Goodridge, Chris Kanyon (who betta?), FUNAKI (IWA NUMBAH ONE ANNOWNSAH!), Christian York, Nathan Jones

Some great pickups. Well, they might be taking abandoned WWE projects...or even WCW projects...but they came to rumble. Personally, I want to see these guys make it.

21st Century Wrestling - Well, they just sprung up overnight, almost like NWA:TNA did a while back. And they appear to be doing quite well, I might add. And seeing as they just began, I think I'll list off their current employees, just so people can get a feel of the company.

Aja Kong, Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, Brian Lawler (Sexay, baby), Chicano (as opposed to Latino?), Dan Henderson, Dan Severn, Dave Menne, Ernest Miller (wait, didn't he announce for Velocity a while back?), Evan Tanner, Fedor Emelianenko (wild guess, some kind of bad guy commie...), Frank Mir, Genki Sudo, Heath Herring (yeech...herring Heath bars...), Igor Vovchanchyn, Jerrel Venetiaan, Johnny Smith (on loan from Les Thatcher and co.), Kaos (easily the most acrobatic man on the roster), Kazushi Sakuruba, Kenta Kobashi (Kenta go BASH, ee!), Kevin Randleman, Low-Ki (stolen from somebody else, though why these guys would want a card-carrying member of the Lollipop Guild is beyond me), Marco Ruas, Masato Tanaka, Matt Hughes, Mikey Whipwreck, Murilo Bustamante, Pat Miletech (apparently retiring after this month...only 36, too), Pedro Rizzo, Perry Saturn (finally, somebody from WCW to add to former NWA and WCW people), Renato Babalu Sobral, Renzo Gracie, Roadkill, Rosey (the S.H.I.T. no more...), Royce Gracie (related to Renzo), Royler Gracie (related to the other two), Ryan Gracie (related to the other three), Samoa Joe, Scott Norton, TAKA Michinoku, The Messiah, Tim Sylvia, Vanderlei Silva, and Victor Belfort.

Apparently, they want to get by on good matches, and that's it. Could work for what it is, but these days, stories are needed just as much.

Combat Zone Wrestling - I suppose these guys could be compared to ECW, but these guys are far crazier than ECW in some respects. I wouldn't be surprised if these people had a ritual sacrifice in the middle of the ring. And yet, somehow, they survive without the FCC ramming down their throats. They've at least made off well enough to hire some more people.

Hidehiko Yoshida, Ricco Rodriguez, Syxx-Pac (MAKE SOME NOISE!), Mario Sperry (I know there should be a cheap video game reference here, but I'm resisting the urge), Nick Dinsmore, Bam Bam Bigelow (as in the Flinstones?), and Keven Martel.

Eh, take what you can get. It's a mixed bag, to say the least.

NWA:TNA - The Jarretts are doing quite well. Two shows, weekly PPVs...what could go wrong except for Double J keeping the title for an eternity? Still, they are trying, I'll give them that. And here's the lineup of new arrivals.

Frank Shamrock, Vampiro, Devon Storm, and Jerry "The King" Lawler were all signed on.

Good choices, though Lawler had better not say, "Puppies," every time he sees a woman. It just gets on your nerves after a while.

World Wrestling Entertainment - A big steal by Linda O'Mac combined with some other business as usual equates to very little. But for the heck of it, here's the rundown of what went down in the realm of hiring for the WWE. Considering WrestleMania and Backlash went off without a hitch, they've been at the top of their game. Adding Christopher Daniels, Nova, and Trent Acid to the roster should only sweeten the pot.

And that's all from me.

Ah, that's just great...another company I have to fight against eventually.

[Nick Adams]

(OOC: Bi-weekly updates...in large chunks, no less. Well, it could be worse.)

April, Part 1

Okay, folks, with two of our most popular people out, let's take a tally of who's left:

Bulldust - Our champ, we have to feature him one way or another.

Bucky - Good for what he is, we can use him.

Mal Pasillas - Hell, one of the heels that can work. Let's do it.

Matt Inferno - Keeping him on the sidelines for now, seeing as how he injured Bob.

David Michaels - Useful, in some capacity.

Drake Strata - And this is the capacity he'll serve.

Shaun Draw - Good heel, could work.

Me - Heh. I'll leave that up to everybody else.

Amanda Shae - Manages me. Fun, huh, folks?

So, with a sufficiently depleted roster, with two of our most popular people on the sidelines, what can we do? I say we panic, because Victor is doing the Internet report, and due to bad weather conditions and advertising that the name would be determined at the show, we're calling it...

Rain STILL Really Bites!

(i.e. it rained the whole time - and yes, we are insane.)

Well, once again, it rained...but this time, it rained the whole time. We still only had enough tarp and tenting for the crowd (which was growing at an impressive size...I really need to find some place indoors for us). What did this mean? Well, despite the fact that they had cover, every last one of us was stuck in rain that would not end...and with Victor as our internet reporter for the AWO website. Ah, the pain...the abject pain. And now...Victor.

--------

Hello. I'm still disappointed that Terry Funk turned down my invitation to come down and watch the show. Maybe the fact that I called the AWO a schoolyard federation gave him pause. Well, either way, don't blame me for the show, I'm just writing it up. Now, if only I could read the notes I took during the show...here's hoping the rain didn't damage them too much...

Mandatory Interview Segment with the Pirate Guy

David came out to the ring, yelling something along the lines that the rain could never tame a sailor's heart. I couldn't quite hear him above the wind. Still, Dave pushed on, attempting his best to talk to the crowd. We really need to find some place indoors for cases like this. During temperate weather, it's rather nice, but during any other point in the year, it's hell. Well, anyway, the crowd started randomly yelling "WHAT?" and David began talking about how fire could not survive in such an environment, and neither could Matt Inferno. A few more lines, and he promised that he would, "send that scurvy dog ter th' briney deep!" He then left the ring, somewhat drenched. (41%)

General Comissioner Statement

More rain, and more people on the roster trying to speak above the rain. Either way, this time it's none other than Drake "Delta" Strata, non-Dentist. I think the poncho is the most intelligent thing anybody has done on the roster...save for myself, who got a place in the crowd. Now, let's see...some smudging about food...oh, yeah, I accidentally started jotting down a shopping list. And then something - oh, right. Drake figured that as almost everybody has had a shot at the title, it was finally his turn. He put it more succinctly, and the crowd was quite hyped, but I only got the general intent because I dropped that paged when I was sifting through my papers, so almost everything was unintelligible.(54%)

Bucky vs Shaun Draw

Well, first time they haven't hyped something with an interview. I guess these two have been relegated to curtain jerking. Either way, punches that miss the mark from Draw, but somehow cause Bucky to back away, looks like. Garbled notes, something about a few tosses, and the rain gets in the way of an irish whip, causing the ropes to slide a running Bucky instead of bouncing him. Bucky's foot catches in the apron, and he winds up doing something that looks like a Moonwalk. Hmm...garbled and water-damaged notes, I think I made some comment on a running move...okay, something I can read...household pet. What does that mean? Okay, pinfall only gets two. Shaun shakes his head and starts to argue with the ref, but sees Bucky standing, and hits a clothesline. Another two-count...and more garbled text, blasted water damage...and Shaun backdrops it. Backdrops what? Either way, Bucky sends Shaun into the corner, something with a weapon (can't read the notes, but I remember them), and for some reason, Bucky got the pin, but the decision was reversed as a DQ. Shaun celebrated, but I don't know why. He won by a technicality. (M: 45% ; C: 15% ; O: 30%)

A Putz and a Punk...no, not CM

Whoever that is, anyway. Still, I wish that Funk were here...yes, I'm going to be complaining about that for the rest of the show, thanks for asking. Either way, once again, Adams is a klutz, and the blinding rain doesn't help at all. He slips, slides, and manages to be rather acrobatic upon getting into the ring, selling the rain for all it's worth. Meanwhile, Amanda is wearing some guy's clothes, and just struts into the ring and looks at Nick poorly attempting to balance. She said something about Mal Pasillas. I like that name...Pah-see-yahs...sorry, little tangent there. Either way, I have a feeling that she was talking about an upcoming match. (46%)

Water vs. Fire: David Michaels vs. Matt Inferno

Well, I can at least guarantee that we won't be having any pyro spots tonight. seeing as we can barely see. Either way, let's ee what I have. Okay, the match got started out pretty quickly, looks like. Matt Inferno with a neckbreaker (you know, considering the damage he caused to Bob, we might want to give him that nickname...). Inferno with a DDT. And a stump piledriver. Yeesh, the Burninator sure is piling it on. Let up, man, you're playing that way too much. Either way, pin only gets two...some rain damage here...I really should have protected these better. Somehow, David is in control, a spinebuster from the school of Gillberg, then a body slam, and a pin that only gets two. Headlock, but Matt counters with a back suplex. You know, I'm old enough to remember when that would be the end to a match...but I never watched wrestling until I got signed in here. Either way, body slam, spinebuster...ah, payback is a pain...and I can't read this yet again...okay, David in control, DDT, which is once again payback. Mal is down. David climbs the corner...or as he calls it, the "Top Mast", yells, "Yo Ho!" and jumps off, landing a not-so-perfect elbow drop into a pin. Academic end, as Dave wins it. Matt slides out of the ring, but then suddenly slides back in, carrying a fire extinguisher! Holy crap! A fire extinguisher shot right to the head! That had to hurt! Matt leaves, getting his revenge. (M: 64% ; C: 20% ; O: 42%)

Oh, Mexico...Great Song...

So you can probably figure out who's coming out next...MALACHI PASILLAS! Yeah, total letdown, I know, but you have to admit, you can't really expect El Bulldust to come out way before his match. He's, for lack of a better description, Bulldust, after all. Let's see what I scribbled down...okay, something about the match, saying that the fans enjoyed seeing him freezing his butt off in the rain because he's Latino...general, "I'm a minority and the world is against me," schtick. Now, I could say that's true, save for one person: Eddie Guerrero. Anyway, basic schpiel, and it brings Nick to the ring. (44%)

Nick Adams vs Malachi Pasillas

So, a guy that's totally hapless against a man who's got a vendetta against everybody against El Bulldust. I suppose that, lacking a guy such as Robert Cameron or Drew Porter to challenge, this is the best we could come up with for an All-American. Well, considering how some politicians behave, I can believe it. Either way, chop from Nick. Chop from Mal right back. And a chope from Nick. Another right back from Mal. And they're just hitting those back and forth, with the die-hard AWO (or possibly Ric Flair) fans going, "Whoo!" Okay, some kind of submission and a counter, couldn't write fast enough, so I have no clue which person did what. Some rain damage, and a last-second kickout from Mal. Oh, Mal's pulling out his amateur wrestling background - headlock takedown into a side headlock, Nick tries to get out, but Mal simply locks in a headscissors. Adams works his way to the ropes, continually refusing the referee's inquiries into whether he is all right or not. Finally, Nick gets his foot on the ropes, unable to reach with his arms because Mal is restraining him. He holds it on, then lets go, allowing Nick to crawl away as fast as possible. Mal, in the meantime, has lost track of Nick in this heavy rain. At this point, it's getting ridiculous. The rain isn't cold, but you can't see worth a damn, at least not in the rain. Under this tarp, I can see the ring and the wrestlers quite well. Either way, Mal goes to grab Nick, only to receive a snap suplex that he didn't even see happening! Nick kips up and tries to run to the ropes, but slides on the wet tarp instead. He accidentally trips right over Mal's face, but somehow manages to roll out. You have to wonder, did he mean to do that? Either way, seeing that the match probably isn't going to go anywher soon, he lifts Mal off the ground in a rear headlock and hits the oddly-named Kick of Destruction. The pin is academic, and there you go. (M: 68% ; C: 24% ; 46%)

Een EEELLLLL BULLREEENGE!

Well, Bulldust tried to cut an interview, but luckily for all of us, we can't hear a thing, including his singing...or whatever he calls it. I kind of ignored this section, though people were booing vehemently. Well, vehemently for the AWO. Either way, that's all I remember. I figure he was building up his title match. Not that they would be able to put on that good of a...okay, the rain began to let up during the schpiel. Either way, Drake, who had been quite comfortable under the portable announcer's desk, made entirely of wood (lucky jerk) . Anyway, with that, I was able to see the main event, but the rain only let up after he finished talking. (57%)

AWO Championship - er, I mean Not-So-Big-Medal Match: Drake Strata vs El Bulldust {C}

I keep forgetting that it's not a championship - it doesn't even have the company logo, if we ever got one, and it's not a belt. Well, whatever. Drake has apparently sacrificed his ability to declare the winner of the match in order to put on a good show, but it works against him. Bulldust pummels him immediately as he enters the ring with a huge missile drop kick. A leg drop later, and only the ropes save Drake from losing. Bulldust begins to pummel Drake again, and the luchadore uses the five-count well to his advantage. While the champ argues with the ref, Drake pulls out what looks to be a water bottle from under the ring. As Bulldust comes at him, he tosses the water right at Bulldust! It's not much of a distraction, considering the fact that it's still raining, but enough for him to get an inverted bulldog. (On a side note, apologies for the earlier match writing. I could barely see what the people were doing, and during Bulldust's interview, most of it got blown away, so this is probably going to be the best one). DDS goes for the knee drop, but instead lands canvas, as the champ has rolled out of the way. The momentum goes back to the luchadore's hand as Strata grips his knee, but Bulldust takes the time to imitate Gene Kelley, but not with the obvious. Instead, he does "We Hate to Leave" from Anchors Aweigh. Eh, it works, but I kind of preferred Sinatra to Kelley. Either way, this rendition gets the crowd booing vehemently, and allows Drake to sneak behind Bulldust and land a release German suplex! But Bulldust lands on his feet and attempts to give Drake a German suplex in return. But Drake circles around, drops to his knees, and nails Bulldust right between the uprights! Of course, the ref doesn't notice it because Drake rolls the shot into a schoolboy rollup immediately afterwards! Drake gets the pin, and the championship. The Dentist has had enough, takes the medal, and walks off, but Bulldust, rightfully incensed, begins yelling in Spanish at everything in earshot. (Q: 59% ; C: 26% ; O: 42%)

And, to quote Porky Big, that's all, folks!

--------

He invited Terry Funk to show up? What the hell? Why wasn't I told this. By the by...I just realized that these past two months, the reports have been far too respectful. In fact, they're straight-out not the AWO's style. So, what do we go back to? Corey's quick, informative, totally biased reporting.

Corey: And just when were you going to tell me this?

Oh, I figured I'd get around to it sometime...eh, whatever. I leave you with the stats of the show.

Overall Show: 44%

Attendance: 31

Gate Sales: $310

Edited December 30, 2004 by Nick Adams

[Beeker00Zero]

Nick,

All in all a fun show... until the main event.

El Bulldust loses... due to that dirty, cheating, rotten, non-nova-KANE using Dentist! I'm agast, offended and yes, even miffed. I demand you grant El Bulldust a rematch AND let him sing the score of the Mikado at the next show.

And someone invited Terry Funk to you show? Have they never been to one of your shows before? He's the least likely Funk other than Dory to show up. The thin air of Colorado is hard for him to breath in and his garbage-brawls could get even scarier! Better for you would be Flash Funk or Angry Alan Funk or even the mask of Jimmy Jack Funk! Ah, now there was a Funk... er... or not. See, he's perfect of the AWO!

[Nick Adams]

{OOC: Warning for Beek, I'm taking one of your ideas and stealing it. You'll figure out which one in a very obvious way. And there is another line that I stole from somebody else...)

May, Part 1

You know, it's kind of annoying to be out of the loop. Harley Race e-mailed me saying that he had recently relocated his new secretary (good help is hard to find, apparently), so he couldn't help me with any info. Drew and Bob are both doing serious studying for finals, so no luck there...what that means is that there is no news whatsoever. And no news is...less news, I suppose. Either way, let's take an account of the past couple of internet reports, shall we?

We had a review from some internet guy named Reynolds, and here are the things that I discovered: It was respectful to a point. It was professional. It summarized things quite well, and he managed to somehow correctly spell AWOManiaJudgementSeriesRumbleDay correctly. It had very few hints of sarcasm.

As for the report from Victor, he tried to pretty much do what he could, but the weather kind of detracted from the original idea. So we got what we got. Still, it was respectful, professional, and tried to basically report the wrestling.

In other words, Corey has been on far too long of a break. Respectful, professional, and very little sarcasm is not something the AWO does. In fact, it's the exact antithesis of the AWO. So, from now on, you can forget that. Corey shall be doing all the Internet reports, and that's that. Yep, that's right. No more professionalism...especially considering that while the Scotsman is now sponsoring the AWO, one of his stipulations was that we do not allow any reporters besides his at ringside, at least not taking detailed notes, and that none of his people have to actually attend. Fun, eh? And Victor is still trying to get Terry Funk to attend. No luck, though.

Still, the names of the shows were a bit lacking. Especially this most recent one. For crying out loud, it was just stealing from a name that we'd already used. So I told them to be witty. I told them to be creative. But unfortunately, creativity for the AWO is a bit exasperating for most of the minds of the AWO...

"Hey, bahss, dat werd...waht waz eet? Oh, ryeet...eexahspeerayteenge eeseen't a reele werde."

See what I mean? So, we put our best minds together and got something that's kind of logical, but not really...

Random Musicalness Guys

Corey here. Well, seeing as most of the company is or has been involved with some form of music, it does make sense. Still...is "musicalness" even a word? I have a feeling that somebody bulldozed that name in there, if you get the not-so-subtle hint. Either way, time to get this show on the road. We've got good weather, a sixteen-by-sixteen ring, and...hmm, we finally got the sound system back. Well, that's good to know. And yet no intro music...okay, entrance music for Bucky, and the show is under way.

Run Away, You're About to be Dissed!

Bucky gets into the ring and begins pacing back and forth, waiting for a microphone. He finally gets one, and then looks out to the crowd.

Bucky: Well, for those of you that don't know me, and those of you that need a reminder, my name is BUCKY!

The fans that are there begin to cheer politely, but as they don't understand his reason for being out there, not as strong as you'd expect.

Bucky: Now, I understand that some people may be wondering why I'm out here. Honestly, regardless of what happened last month, I am out here to say something a bit more important.

The fans all wait in anticipation...or boredom. Either way...

Bucky: DRAKE! Get out here and tell me how in the hell you managed to get the title off of EL BULLDUST!

The fans start cheering, but only because Drake has begun to make himself just a bit of a jerk lately.

Bucky: I'll tell you how. You cheated. You stole that belt, and though I don't really have any liking for Bulldust, you're an even bigger loser than the other men I've faced. I beat him fair and square once and he didn't have the belt. I don't know whether that makes me a rightful challenger to the belt, but I know the difference between a rightful champion and a cheat.

The fans begin to get into it.

Bucky: So, DDS, I'm calling you out! And I swear, whether you answer my challenge or not, you're a bigger loser than anybody I know. OH, DISS!

Well, that's got to be something that would rile up the most temperamental of people. But hey, maybe it could get a response.

(Overall: 44%)

And a response...and another response.

Drake exits the announcer's table, deciding that he might as well go out there, seeing as he's by the ring anyway. Ben just sits back and relaxes, doing roughly nothing. You know, Nick's going to have to eventually hire an announce crew. Anyway, Drake walks into the ring and looks at Bucky.

DDS: Well, Bucky, you're really getting ahead of yourself. You see, you're scheduled as the first match of the night. And it isn't against me. So, do everyone a favor and buzz off.

Bucky, obviously very angry, decides that caution is the better side of his choice, and walks away, very sullen. Strata, on the other hand, appears rather self-assured, especially with his newly-won title.

DDS: You see, that's just an example of the kind of power I weild. And now, with this medal around my neck, the entire company is my playground. The fact is that I can keep this medal, and nobody has the right to challenge me, except maybe for Mal Pasillas.

The fans all boo.

DDS: El Bulldust defeated many of the wrestlers in the AWO during his time as champion, and the fact is that the people he beat are the ones that won against the people that never challenged for the belt.

The fans boo again.

DDS: In other words, there is nobody that really can fight me, because none of them have a claim to the belt. Not even Bucky. So, folks, I'm going to keep a hold of this. The other people in the company can get another title for themselves. But I will be the last ever holder of the...

And right at that point, our PA system kicked in and played the old Stone Cold song, "Glass Shatters" or something. You know, I recall hearing Nick say that he had hired somebody experienced to fight in the ring...and here he comes to stop DDS from his tirade. Well, I was kind of enjoying it. And out comes...some guy that apparently is attempting to imitate Stone Cold Steve Austin. (Side note from Nick: Well, he used to go by the name of "Even Colder Austin". What can you expect?) Either way, he walks out to the ring, and gets an early response due to the imitation. He climbs into the ring.

Unknown SCSA Impersonator: So, ya' said that ya' pretty much beat everybody in this company bah way of osmosis?

DDS: Before I respond, could you please tell me who in the world you are?

Soon-to-be-known SCSA wannabe: Well, if ya' have to know who Ah am, guess yah shoul' know. The name is Mark. Mark Out.

DDS: How...oddly expected. A Steve Austin impersonator, and you call yourself a Mark.

Mark: Well, better than having my nickname mean I'm a dentist.

And sudden realization dawns on the Commissioner of the stupidity of his name. They say Nick is oblivious, but this is just sad. Either way, you have to love that.

DDS: SHUT UP! I'm the Not-So-Big-Medal champion, dammit, and I'm also the Co...

Mark: WHAT?

DDS: I said that I'm the...

Mark: WHAT?

DDS: Would you stop...

Mark: WHAT?

DDS: Just cut it...

Mark: WHAT?

DDS: Could I get in a word edge...

Mark: WHAT?

DDS: SHUT UP!

Mark: WHAT?

And the fans all cheer. Somehow Mark did more with one word than all of Drake's usual annoying speeches. You have to love that.

DDS: All right, man, I've just about...

Mark: WHAT?

DDS: Would you...

Mark: How about I just cut to the chase. You have defeated everybody on the roster except for me. And you know what? I think that I'll take the chance to kick your ass.

DDS: Oh, you think you can defeat me? Well, old man, we'll see about that. You and me, main event, for this title...and you know what, I...

Mark: All right, I'll take the challenge. But let me just say that if you give me that match...

DDS just waits, ready to go at it.

Mark: It means that you have to defend that title every single month, because you put it on the line. So in other words, win or lose, you will not be able to keep yourself from being challenged. And that is all you have to know, because MARK OUT SAID SO!

And Drake is left dumbstruck, as for once, he doesn't get the last word.

Overall: 45%

Shaun Draw vs. Bucky

Well, with that, Bucky climbs in and looks at Drake smugly. He then walks over and of course says what can only be, "Seeing as I'm scheduled for a match right now and you're not...buzz off." Drake scowls, and you have to love that. He leaves just as Shaun enters the ring to some random Powerman 5000 song. Either way, Shaun goes for the punch. Bucky takes it, and then another, and then another. Shaun goes for a kick, but instead, Bucky trips him and says, "SNAP!" Of course, have to use the usual disses, albeit I'm beginning to wonder what move is which. Either way, Shaun grabs him and trips him as well. They stand and go into a grapple, and neither man is giving up. Suddenly, Bucky just lets go, letting Shaun fall flat on his face! Bucky just starts laughing, and Shaun shakes his head and stands, obviously pissed by this point. He turns and looks at Bucky, who is just laughing. Suddenly, Draw just goes for a toe kick! It went straight between the uprights! But the ref doesn't notice, and Shaun hits the Angry Plant of ANGER AND DOOM!!! (is it just me, or did it used to just be "The Angry Plant"?) and gets the three-count. That's gonna sting in the morning.

Winner: Shaun Draw by Pinfall

Match Quality: 45% (Go figure...Shaun never seems to get it right.)

Crowd Reaction: 16% (All the Buckage...)

Overall Match: 30%

What do ye' do with a sober sailor?

Yes, I know the chanty goes a bit differently, but David is under the legal drinking age, dammit! Either way, you know what's coming next. A man walking out and waving around the Jolly Roger and...oh, dear, he's singing. NO! DEAR LORD, WE ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH PEOPLE SINGING! REALLY! Oh, whatever. Just enjoy the lyrics.

David Michaels:

YO HO, YO HO, a wrestler's life fer me!

Aye slams the dawgs

And loves me grog

Drink up, me hearties, YO HO!

Suplex scalawags

An' wave my black flag,

DRINK UP, ME 'EARTIES, YO HO!

YO HO, YO HO, a wrestlers life fer me!

I will fight Bulldust

An' beat 'im Aye must,

Drink up, me 'earties, YO HO!

Beat the champ fer the gold

The medal Aye'll hold

Wait, he lost th' title, OH NO!

YO HO, YO HO, Bulldust's easy ter beat!

HEY!

Surprisingly enough, he managed to entertain me. He mocked Bulldust by singing, and managed to also insult him with the words of the song. Whoever thought of the lyrics, I salute you. It sure as hell wasn't David, though. He wouldn't have thought of something that succinct...wait, I'm the writer...I probably thought up those words one time, and he just now pulled them out. WHY DID YOU WAIT THIS LONG FOR SOMETHING SO GOOD? Either way, it's appreciated. And now, we wait for the Matador.

Overall: 51%

David Michaels vs. El Bulldust

And now I'm kind of sorry I said that it was great. Bulldust comes to the ring seeingeeinge...or rather weeping, one of the most pathetic songs I've heard him sing in a while. I think I'll let him take it from here.

Bulldust: Eef Eye could bee liyeeke dat, Eye would geeve aykneetheenge jeest too leeave one daye een doze shoeze...

Sad, really. He goes from upbeat and annoying to slow and depressing, all because of a title. I hate when that happens. Now he's a brooding, annoying bad guy...no, not Raven. Brooding in an annoying, whiny, unintelligent way. You get the idea, right? Either way, this allows David to walk in and slap the holy hell out of Bulldust - TWICE! Bulldust just stumbles back, definitely not into the match. The fans are booing, that's for sure. David goes and hits a clothesline, trying to get Bulldust motivated, but so far, nothing comes of it. He hits an elbow drop, but only gets the two-count...and the only reason Bulldust wasn't pinned was that his arm accidentally flopped against the ropes and stayed there. Match psychology could work as a phrase here, but there's really no match to speak of. David lifts Bulldust up and goes for a German suplex, but Bulldust reverses it and hits a nice BULLDawg...yeah, I know, not much of a pun, but I try. Bulldust hits a leg drop, but only gets the one-count. Fun, huh? Either way, Bulldust lifts David and goes for a piledriver, but instead of the usual pain, David counters and slinghots Bulldust into the corner. As Bulldust turns around and tries to get his bearings, David rushes in for an avalanche. But at the last minute, the luchadore ducks out and rolls out of the ring, leaving the pirate only one place to go - abdomen-first into the top turnbuckle. Meanwhile, Bulldust has gone over to the announcer's table, and picks up the spare chair that we keep there for no apparent reason. He closes it and slides in the ring. The referee tries to stop him, but Bulldust shoves him away. Just as David stands, Bulldust blasts him head on, disqualifying himself! Bulldust looks at the referee in anger, and blasts him with a chair as well! That's going to hurt in the morning.

Match Quality: 57% (Lack of more moves or time kinda' killed it.)

Crowd Reaction: 27% (Handing Bulldust a chair really got them into it...for AWO standards, that is)

Overall Match: 42%

What Jeff Hardy would have made were he a pyro...

Matt Inferno came out after the match wearing some really messed up fire-decorated gear and an oddly confused and at the same time sadistic look on his face. It was a combination of a grin and totally being lost. Well, either way, he walked down to the ring smiling, and then slid into the ring. He looked around and smile.

Matt Inferno: Well, seeing as how everybody seems to think that this show is workable for new music careers, time for the Inferno to have a go. HIT MY MUSIC!

And a rap beat hit. It had some flame effects in the background, but generally, it came off like an odd version of a never-before-heard Linkin Park song without any singing, just the rhymes. He gave me a copy of what it was later, because I couldn't really catch some of the mumbling.

Matt (Rapping):

He, you, ladies and gentlemen,

This ain't no rehearsal.

You heard it here first,

It's time for a reversal

Of my fate and an unlucky streak

Time to take on that Adams freak.

I can bust him down and make him tired.

Then show him the Lighter Side of Fire

Everybody knows about the fire generation

So come on...and JOIN THE BURN-I-NATION!

Everybody's in it, except for the crowd,

Because you all just can't say out loud

That you're no better than wannabe losers

You might be beggars, but I'm one of the choosers.

You can't handle me, I'm too hot,

I'm just everything that you're not.

Time for you to see the fire light,

'Cause I'm about to go and win this fight.

And he gives the microphone back to Ben. Speaking of which, Ben was bobbing his head to the song. Interesting side commentary. Too bad that we can't record them yet...I could be watching this on a tape instead of just being forced to actually be at the show for this. Well, whatever. Crowd was okay with it, but not overly ticked off.

Overall: 44%

Matt Inferno vs. Nick Adams

You were expecting something else, maybe? If you were, all apologies, but you really are oblivious. Kinda' like Nick, huh? Well, as usual, he came down to the ring, and I had a feeling that he was going to cut an interview of his own, but unfortunately, he accidentally tied his shoelaces together (don't ask me, but I have a feeling that it was somebody else), and is hopping to the ring as best as he can. Unfortunately, he trips over his own right foot (how that's possible, since they're tied together quite tightly, is beyond me). He slams face-first, and then rolls over, unties his shoes, re-ties them, and says, "I'm okay." Cheap line, but it could work. Either way, he gets into the ring, and the two face off. Somewhere in there, somebody came up to me (Amanda...sometimes, I really wonder why I hired her) and just started talking pointlessly. The match apparently went well, but hey, trying to give Amanda a hint is like trying to get an old dog to stop messing with a cat - it just isn't that easy. So, what did I catch? The cheers, some fighting, and then Nick's confusingly named Kick of Doom for the victory. Anybody else sense a sense of similarity between Nick and somebody else? Anybody?

Match Quality: 62% (According to Ben)

Crowd Reaction: 24% (According to my ears.)

Overall Match: 43%

Main Event Not-So-Big-Medal Match: Drake Strata {C} vs Mark Out

Drake and Mark came to the ring, but the Non-Dentist DDS went to talk to the referee for some reason or another. Don't ask me. The bell rings, and Drake immediately goes for the legs, thinking that a SCSA impersonator would also impersonate his bad knees. Save for one small problem - Austin didn't have bad knees at 31. So, in other words, Mark just took the shots, and then began to punch away. Everybody's sure that he doesn't think his name is Mark Calloway, right? Either way, one right, two rights, three rights, and the champion drops to the mat. Mark Out lifts Drake off the mat, sends him for the ride and comes back with a clothesline. Well, he did say he was a brawler. Drake rolls away, and the referee goes over to stop Mark. Yeesh, James Doan is keeping to the rules for this one. Either way, this allowed Drake just enough time to springboard off the top rope. He hits a missile drop kick that slams Mark down, but not back. I wonder if Mark played basketball when he was younger...well, enough speculation. Drake lifted Mark off the ground and hit a quick DDT, then began to imitate Hulk Hogan, garnering quite a few boos before hitting the Big Leg Drop. Normally, this wouldn't have ended the match, but James Doan counted rather quickly, allowing Strata to retain the title! Now that just isn't right. Still, Mark did say one thing that Drake forgot - the title-holder, even if he's the commissioner, is no longer invincible. In fact, it looks like Mark Out wants to prove it here and now. Drake places the Not-So-Big Medal around his neck, and then begins to walk out of the ring, but suddenly, Mark grabs Strata's right arm, turns him around, toe kicks him in the gut, and lands the Moment (which would be a Stunner by another name)! Austin has his revenge, and he's riding high at the end of the show.

Match Quality: 53% (Too short for a main event.)

Crowd Reaction: 11% (They didn't really know who Mark was besides a Stone Cold wannabe, and that only gets you so far.)

Overall Match: 32% (Damn...well, we could have closed worse)

Overall Show: 39

Attendance: 36

Sales: $360

Edited January 18, 2005 by Nick Adams

[Nick Adams]

(OOC: Betcha' thought this was dead. I just am lazier than Ace when it comes to things, so here you are, roughly two or three weeks later.)

June, Part 1

What, you were expecting a second part for May? Sorry, still no word from our adrift injuries, and Harley is completely unintelligible on the phone. Unfortunately, yet again, the AWO has become victim to the idiotic advertising campaign devised by the techies. Unfortunately, this time, Ace was working alone, as Ahern has taken the month off from...well, anything, really. So Ace, lazy silent person that he is, decided to take a pre-fabricated wrestling poster and place it around the area. No TV time, just a LOT of paper.

Unfortunately, this pretty much means that we'll have people coming, but when they do, they'll be wondering what the hell is up with our name. After all, who in the world names a show something as cheesy as this?

INSERT NAME HERE

(Oh, the humanity.)

So Amanda's Yente Now?

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match - I like the show, but it's so depressing at the end. Whether I was referring to "Fiddler on the Roof" or the AWO, I'll never tell. Either way, before the show started, Mark Out came from the parking lot and just grabbed a seat. We always wind up with around ten or fifteen spare seats anyway...big crowd today, though. Either way, fans that remembered at him saw him and said hello. At that point, Nick drove up with David and Amanda in his car. Nick and David went over to our backstage, but Amanda saw Mark in the audience and walked over to him.

Amanda: Hey. What exactly are you doing out here?

Mark: (Mumbling) I don't have a match, figured I'd watch the show from here.

Amanda: What?

Mark: (Still mumbling) No damn match, staying here.

Amanda: What?

Mark: Would you stop stealing my damn lines? *sigh* I said that I don't have a match today, so I figured I might as well just watch the show instead.

Amanda's looked backstage, then back to Mark.

Amanda: Well, neither does Nick. Wanna have a match with him to occupy your time?

Mark: Well, better'n havin' to be stuck hearin' Commissioner Plaque go on a rant, ah s'pose.

Amanda: Okay, then. I'll go tell Nick.

Mark: Yeah. Tell him he's in for one helluva ride, too, because Mark Out said so.

Overall: 45% (I guess this could qualify as an impromptu pre-show...)

LIGHTS (i.e. the sun), CAMERA (which Ace has finally figured out...why couldn't he do that for AWOManiaJudgementSeriesRumbleDay? Either way, that's how I'm doing this review, as I was in the show...again), and WE ARE LIVE IN THE SCHOOLYARD (better than being dead in a schoolyard, I suppose)! So, due to the new technical discoveries of our hapless techies, we have sound for our announcers...oh, this is Nick, by the way. Anyways...

Drake: Oh, great...all the planning that I made for Mark to be kept off our first fully-recorded show, and now he gets a match.

Ben: You can't have everything, I suppose. Still, we have some great action planned for you today.

Drake: Well, actually, I only recall planning one match for today...

Ben: And so my statement still holds.

Drake: I suppose so.

Ben: And...wait, what is that?

EEET'S EEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL BOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLREEEEEEIIIIINGE!

El Bulldust started coming out to a few cheers, but then he opened his trap and began to seeinge. These were lyrics he made for himself, but they're to "Cielito Lindo". Man, this is sad.

Bulldust: (Seeingeeinge)

Eye ayme El Boolduste end

So geeve mee a real beeg hend

'Cause Eye'me de host of dees segment.

Eet's called El Boolreeinge, for

Boolduste ees hosteeing, or

Eet would bee oute of regiment!

AY AY AY AY! Canto y me encanten!

Eye eenterview guesstes

'Cause Eye ayme dee besstes

Que todos los ellos encontren!

What he said. I don't understand Spanish, much less Spanglish in a Spanglish accent. Either way, it elicited boos from all, regardless of what he said. Nice reaction, if not a heavy one. Either way, he actually takes a microphone.

Bulldust (Duh): Wayeel, seeince dees eez mye fearst tyme doeeing deese, let's jest use El Sombrero de Poder para escoger el primero BOOOLGAYEEEEEST!

Wait, the Sombrero of Power? He brought a sombrero to the ring and put in every last name that we had, and then called it the Sombrero of Power? What...the...hell. Well, either way, after a while, he called out...

Bulldust: DRAYEEK DAYELLTA STRAHTAH!

Ben: Well, man, go on in.

Drake: I'm taking my time, thank you very much.

So after about two or three minutes, DDS got into the ring.

Drake: Make this short and sweet, loser. I've got to find an opponent for my title defense tonight.

Bulldust: Wayeel, maybee Aye coulde sayve jou some tyme.

Drake: Oh, really? Maybe later. So, ask away, dumb-bull.

Bulldust: Whate does weight traineeng hayve to do weethe anytheenge?

Drake: Sorry, full bust, but you're wasting my time. I'm the champ, I'm glad I'm the champ, and I need to find a challenger for the match. Are we done here?

Bulldust: Wayeel, jou coulde geeve mee dee matche foar dat Not-So-Beege-Maydal arounde jour neck. Ayfteer ahll, jou payeed dee ref to ween when jou beat me.

Drake: First off, if the ref counted a bit quickly, that's his perogative talking, not my money.

Bulldust nods vehemently.

Bulldust: Yesh.

Drake: You think that you could take me on, even after losing pathetically the last time we faced off?

Bulldust: Yesh.

Drake: Well listen, jackass, why don't you just go find yourself something else to do, because...

And suddenly, Bulldust freaked out and hit him over the head with the microphone. And Nick is probably backstage going beserk because of the blatant ignorance of any kind of respect for the equipment. Either way, Bulldust began kicking the champion into the mat. Before continuing.

Bulldust: Mi nombre es EEEEEL BOOOOOOOOOOLDUUUUUUUUST, Y ESTE TARDE, VOY A LUCHAR CONTIGO PARA LA MEDALLA NO TAN GRANDE! Comprendes, hombre? Si no comprendes, es tu problema, no mio. Vea pronto, "DEE DEE ESS".

Well, his English sucks, but if he ever goes to the CMLL or something...damn, he'll be popular. Either way, Nick translated. Apparently, whether Drake likes it or not, he's going to face Bulldust for a title rematch. Well, there is justice in the world after all.

Overall: 59%

Ben: OH VEY! That had to hurt. I suppose that means only one thing - I'm stuck doing the announcing alone for the rest of the show. That's just...well, actually, this is kind of cozy...

Riiight...either way, next!

And his cousin is now out here...

Mal came out to the ring, mic in hand, just after Bulldust headed backstage. He looked around at the crowd, and noted that the Hispanic contingent was going to cause a few problems with actually getting some boos. So...

Mal[/color=red]: So, you all think that was something to cheer for? Well, what about me, huh? I NEVER got a title shot at all, and you never bothered to cheer for me! Where are my chants? Where's my applause?

Ben: Anybody else reminded of Raven? Bueller? Bueller?

Crowd: (Chanting) YOU SUCK!

Mal backs off and looks at all of them, totally enraged. Obviously, this wasn't the chant he had in mind, but hey, his fault for not specifying, I suppose. Either way, back to the task at hand.

Mal[/color=red]: Yeah, I thought so. You all think that just because I'm Latino, and I don't wear a mask, I suddenly can't do anything worthwhile around here. Well, you all can go screw yourselves! I'm going to prove once and for all that I am better than every last onr of you in the crowd! I am going to go and beat Bucky, the current display of your best wrestler, and then you'll all see!

Indeed. Either way, Bucky came out, and the match began.

Overall: 52% (Just taking it from Bulldust's momentum.)

Malachi Pasillas vs Bucky

In retrospect, this was probably the most the crowd gave during the show. They were just hot from the opening, and fact is that Mal and Bucky tried their best with what they had. I'm not going to blow-by-blow here, because that's just a bit too professional for me. Either way, it was a lot of brawling, but ironically enough, Mal apparently is afraid of heights. That's right, he won't go up top. Instead, he went old school and just stayed on the second rope or lower. Meanwhile, Bucky proved to be too tall for Mal, missing Pasillas just because he kept aiming too high with moves. We really need to get somebody short in the ring...note to self, once we get big enough, hire Low-Ki. Either way, eventually, after Bucky was ready to hit the S-N-A-P, Mal put on some brass knuckles, rolled up, and smacked him straight in the face during mid hop! The referee was about to count the pin, but Mal forgot to take off the brass knux, and so Doan (James, not Jack) called for the DQ! Mal looked ready to assault the ref, but just shook his head and left, wanting to keep himself in check. Well, at least if he's scared of heights, he's not scared to use weapons.

Match Quality: 56% (Pretty good, all things considered)

Crowd Reaction: 36% (I have a feeling they would have cheered for two fifty-five-year-old men in the ring exchanging punches and arm drags, then one hitting their finisher. We opened the show hot, and they like it like that.)

Overall: 46%

And now for the AWO to add some booty

You people really need to get your minds out of the gutter. I'm talking about none other than the illustrious DAVID MICHAELS! Yeah, the pirate. And he's come out more decorated than ever. Fake gold necklaces, a decorative bandana, and some very nice pirate-style clothing. Unfortunately, while he remembered the entire getup, he forgot one thing.

David: Err...hello, mates? Is that how a pirate talks? Ah, crap, I can't remember. I focused so much attention on getting the clothing perfect that I forgot how to talk correctly.

The fans chant, "GIVE US AN ARR!"

David: Arr?

The fans chant, "GIVE US A MATEY!"

David: Matey?

And then they said, "NOW PUT IT TOGETHER!"

David: Arr, matey? Oh, that does sound right...let me just prepare for a second... (Pause, then pirate accent that we've all come to love) ARR, MATEY! HOW YE BE? Well, it be time ter' speak of an opponent which me eyes have decided ter' fight. He burns his opponents, and burns them badly.

The fans all begin to boo.

David: Ye' knows who I be talking about! He be a man of fire. HE BE NONE OTHER THAN MATT INFERNO! AND BY ALL THAT IS RIGHT FER' A SAILOR, THIS TIME, YE SHALL SEE ME BEST, AND YE SHALL SEE ME WIN!

The fans cheered, and David went backstage.

Overall: 43% (He did forget how to speak, after all)

Nick Adams vs Mark Out

Looking at this, I got my ass handed to me on not just a silver, not just a gold, but a freaking platinum platter. Mark beat me up, he beat me down, and when he was done, he did a few more beatings to soften me up. People say wrestling is fake - well, if the bruises on my back are any proof, it's one-hundred percent painful, and nothing but. Either way, the only point where I got any offense in was this one place where I hit a side kick, then went up top and totally bombed a leg drop. Don't ask if missing it it was intentional or not, I'm not telling. (Edit in from Corey: It wasn't.) Either way, Mark eventually did the KICK, WHAM, MOMENT, and got the pin...or so we thought. Shaun, pissed that I forgot to book him in the show, ran down to the ring and smacked me upside the head with a chair. That's what I get for planning to take a show off, I guess. And by the way, no, I didn't plan to lose beforehand, I just saw that the fans wanted to see the man that looks like SCSA win.

Match Quality: 64% (A beatdown can't get much better.)

Crowd Reaction: 22% (The fans dropped off a little bit, having settled in from the initial excitement.)

Overall: 43% (Yup.)

David Michaels vs. Matt Inferno

Well, you give them one match, and suddenly they want another. I mean the wrestlers, not the fans. Either way, these two went totally gimmicky in this. Pretty much, having gone to some intruductory stage combat workshops, including "Swashbuckling for Dummies" (how appropriate) and "Swordfighting 102", they had been choreographing and working out duels for this show. So both of them brought swords to the ring and drew them. The referee got out of the ring, fearing for his life, and they began to fight. It was rather entertaining, with Dravid gaining the advantage mothe of the time. They went on the ropes, did some near-death . Eventually, the Ship Wreck Kid disarmed the Psycho Pyro and was about to win, but Matt changed the rules, dodged the sword, punched Michaels, and hit the Side Effect-like move that he calls the Fire Extinguisher, and went for the pin. The ref counted, and Matt got the win. Matt wasn't done, though, and grabbed David's sword. He inscribed the pirate's shirt with an M, sealing his victory. Cheesy, but hey, where else can you do it but in a company with the lowest reputation in the industry?

Match Quality: 68% (They did some pretty good swashbuckling for being relative amateurs with only six hours of professional training.)

Crowd Reaction: 23% (It was a duel, so it was obviously fake. But they got really involved when Matt broke the rules.)

Overall: 45% (Pirates...gotta' love 'em.)

Will he EVER shut up and fight?

Apparently not. Drake, our illustrious Commissioner, came down to the ring carrying a microphone. Fun boos, fun cheers, but all loud for the champ. Either way, DDS was pretty much ready to speak for himself. So there you are.

Drake: Okay, I'll make this short and simple. Bulldust isn't going to win this match. I'm too good, and everybody knows it. I took down Bulldust once, and I can do it again.

The fans chanted, "BRIBERY! BRIBERY!" over and over, at least the ones that remember the opening segment. Drake looked around, quite pissed.

Drake: Would you just cut it out? I beat him fairly, and you know it. It isn't my problem if you think that the ref messed up. I didn't bribe him. But whatever.

The fans continued, saying, "PAY OFF!"

Drake: SHUT UP! I didn't do anything but win the title, you got that? I beat Mark Out cleanly to keep it. And now I'm going to go and beat El Bulldust. And you know why?

The crowd chanted, "WHAT?" Don't aske me, I don't get it either.

Drake: Oh, please, could you just...(WHAT?) stop those stupid (WHAT?) chants about (WHAT?) that stupid poser? (WHAT?) I am going to beat (WHAT?) El Bulldust (WHAT?) and keep this medal (WHAT?) and there's nothing anybody can do about it. (WHAT?) And you know why I'm going to do that? (WHAT?)

Drake did the dramatic pause, and then, of course...

Drake: Because I can.

And he waited for El Bulldust.

Overall: 59% (Drake seems to be getting a good following.)

Not-So-Big-Medal Match: El Bulldust vs. Drake "DDS" Strata {C}

And of course, the mandatory Bulldust entrance song, sung by the man himself...or not. He actually let the boombox do the work, and played The Corrs' most famous song, "Breathless". Don't ask me, I don't get it either. Still, better them than listening to his seeingeeing twice in one night. Either way, it confused the hell out of Drake, since Bulldust wasn't coming from the playground. Suddenly, through the crowd, Bulldust ran and slid into the ring. As Drake turned around, Bulldust ambushed him and slammed him with a clothesline. He followed up by lifting DDS off the ground and tossing him into the nearest turnbuckle. He then ran in for an avalanche, but only got a boot for his troubles. Drake then came behind Bulldust and hit a huge running faceslam, putting Bulldust completely out of sorts. Drake stood and took off the Medal, tossing it to the ref before going back to the match.

Drake began laying the boots to the errant Luchadore, and the fans actually started cheering. They must be anti-Corrs. Either way, Drake shrugged and went for an elbow, but El Bulldust rolled away, causing Drake to drop his arm on the mat. That had to hurt. Either way, Bulldust pulled himself up with the ropes, but Drake recovers faster. Still, Bulldust caught a punch from Drake and placed the injured arm in a reverse armbar. The champ really sold the injury on his elbow, barely able to change direction and flip Bulldust on his back. Drake then hit a solid leg drop and went for the pin, but only got the two-count. He stood and began to argue with the ref.

Using the distraction, Bulldust came up behind Drake and hit a huge Russian (Mexican?) Leg Sweep. Okay, maybe not that big, but a big turning point, right? A quick Irish Whip and a spinebuster later, and Drake is pretty much gone. He's a talker, not a fighter, and let's face it, folks, he knows his trash. Still, just to seal the deal, Bulldust hit the obviously Lucha Libre inverted powerbomb (pretty good, and becoming common in NWA:TNA among others) and went up top. One BullSplash later, and Bulldust got the title again! The man in the mask went to grab his Medal, but while he did that, Drake stood, rather drowsy, and in a moment of poor sportsmanship, he blasts the first person he sees with a clothesline! AND IT WAS THE REF! I swear, you try to do something right...then again, there was this weird case somewhere else in the state with these girls that were dropping off cookies for their neighbors late at night...eh, people really are losing the idea of good work and good deeds these days. Still, Bulldust is the champ, and there you go.

Match Quality: 59% (C'mon, did you think it would do any better, considering who was in the ring?)

Crowd Reaction: 31% (Mal and Bucky excited the crowd more...something isn't right here...)

Overall: 45% (But not a bad way to close the show.)

Overall: 48%

Attendance: 42

Gate: $420

[Beeker00Zero]

Nick,

You last post somehow slipped through my notice, but I did enjoy it. Mark Out is a great potential character, I'm not sure I'd have gone with the whole Steve Austin rip-off gimmick, but I will say this, make sure Mark Out becomes his own character because a simple SCSA rip-off will get very old, very quickly.

I have NO clue what songs El Bulldust sings, but I still love him in a manly way of course. About time that unworthy dentist lost the Not-So Beeg Meyedal! Mal and Bucky~ in the top crowd segment. Well, that makes sense, each month your devoted fans show up hoping the AWO Group has learned to wrestle or hired someone who can actually go, and the first match of every card, they realize it ain't gonna happen.

"TeeHee Beeky, that wuz meany!" Shush Candice.

"Yesh, El Boooooolldusht!" Thanks Lucha.

Oh, and that was one of the best event names ever!

Keep up the good (if sporadic) work.

Beek

(Edited to add colour)

Edited February 8, 2005 by Beeker00Zero

[Nick Adams]

July

I've given up hope of hearing from Harley, Bob, or Drew for a while. It is the summer, after all. Either way, this month, I was going to throw on a show the week after my birthday, but either way, I found out that by way of subterfuge, the show was put on without me knowing. Apparently, Ahern and crew decided to give me the month off. So they threw it on my birthday. And in an ironic twist, they named it...

Nick's Absentee Birthday Bash!

So, in other words...Corey transcribed the show. Here you go.

I can't believe we did it. We actually managed to pull off a show without Nick knowing about it. This is probably the best day in my life. We have total freedom. Honestly, whe should have called it "Sheer Anarchy 'Cause the Booker's Gone!" But that's too awkward. Either way, we're flying by the seat of our pants, figuratively speaking. Either way, here goes nothing.

What do we see first? Of course...

An old jalopy rides into the parking lot nearby, and I suddenly wonder why, if we have so much money, we started out in a schoolyard. I guess Nick just didn't feel like promoting us heavily...or he just wanted some fallback money. Well, either way, it's the man of the hour, EL BULLDUST! The fans, all here early (at least I hope there aren't any stragglers) start to boo for the man. Yeah, I know. He's about as believeable as a bad guy as Winnie the Pooh. But either way, it's just Bulldust technically arriving late, but does that matter? Not one bit.

Overall: 52% (Something's wrong with this picture, know what I'm saying?)

AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW! By the way, this show is taped, but somebody lost the sound feed to the announcer's booth. Not like it really mattered, but I thought you may like an explanation.

Somehow, being angry isn't enough...

And with the start of the show comes none other than Shaun Draw. You have to love the fact that, though he keeps making cameo appearances, he pushes on. Either way, he hit Nick over the head with a chair last show, so here's how we're going to excuse his absence at a show named for him. Shaun steps into the ring with a microphone, then looks around at the crowd, who roughly has no clue who he is. But he immediately announces his presence.

Shaun: Well, I guess that that just takes the cake. You don't even care enough to boo! Well, I'll change that really quickly. Fact is, I showed you what I could do last time, when I smacked Nick Adams' head into pieces with that nice steel chair!

And that elicits a boo. Well, it works, I suppose. Name dropping is the best thing you can do when you aren't that well-known.

Shaun: Now, I would just like to take this time to...

And glass shatters. Anybody want to take a guess as to who's coming out now? Oh, I think we all know who it is. None other than Mark Out. But he's changed his appearance a little bit...what...the hell. He's wearing a bandana and all black. What is he, a biker? Either way, he steps into the ring and stares down (and I mean literally down - I forgot to mention that Mark is roughly six-foot-five) at Draw. Shaun looks right back at him. Mark takes the mic from the right attendant and walks away.

Mark: So, kid, care to tell me what in the hell you're doing, wasting valuable show time? Come on, now, boy, I want an honest answer.

Shaun: I came out here to...

Mark: Would you let me finish? That was a rhetorical question. I don't give a damn why you're out here. I know that you came out last time and messed up a perfectly good match that I had with Nick Adams. Now, I want you to know something - you step into the ring with Mark Out, you're going to suffer a blackout. You understand me?

Shaun: But you stepped into the ring with me, and...

Mark: Shut up, kid, talking ain't your strong suit. What I'm saying is, you stepped into the ring with me last time, so you owe me a match.

Shaun: But I was just attacking Nick, and...

Mark: Kid, is it yes, or no? You gonna take me on?

Draw considers it, and then looks at Mark again. It's a definite mismatch, that's for sure. Suddenly, Draw smacks Mark upside the head with the microphone, and Out drops to the mat like a ton of bricks.

Shaun: YOU WANT A MATCH, YOU STEVE AUSTIN WANNABE? YOU GOT IT!

And Shaun stormed off. Funny, I thought Mark looked more like the Undertaker during his "American Bad Ass" phase. But that's just me.

Overall: 41% (Pretty good, considering it involved two of the least over men on the roster.)

Run from the sea-dog!

Anybody want to guess who I'm talking about? Well, just to end the suspense, it's none other than David Michaels. He comes into the ring, waving his Jolly Roger. The fans all cheer, or at least they don't boo, and David grabs a microphone. But before he can say one word, a man suddenly rushes out from the crowd! He slides into the ring and gives Michaels a devastating gore! His tee-shirt has the words "Tommy Chill" on the back, so I suppose that's his name. Still, that had to freaking hurt. And now he's calling for the referee to ring the bell and start a match. My, he wants to get things started quickly. Well, if he wants to make an impact, I say go for it.

Overall: 47%

David Michaels vs. Tommy Chill

Tommy turned back to face David, but David was raring to go. This match was essentially just to give Chill some face time after such a strong debut as attacking the pirate. I don't know who hired him, but he's dressed up like some guy from ECW that I recognize. Either way, he's wearing a singlet, which doesn't quite work for him. Ah, whatever. It really wound up being David trying to fly out of the way of a raging, stomping, snorting animal in the ring. Somehow, methinks that this is the true Ice in the ring, as opposed to "Caribbean Ice". But he's far more empassioned than any cold-hearted bastards I've seen. Either way, he began posing for the crowd, but that only invited a huge onslaught of attacks from David. Unfortunately, it got reversed after a countered avalanche. Chill kept going for pins, but that only allowed him to get taken into an inside cradle. David almost got the pin, but Chill just pushed Michaels out with his power. OH, THE SNORTING! HE'S A FREAKING POLAR BEAR! He took David up into to air, and slammed him down with a devastating Samoan drop, and then dragged him over to the corner. He ran to the opposite corner and waited for David to stand. You know, somehow, I don't think this was on David's mind when he came to the ring today. Either way, here it comes...GOrrrr...erm, sorry...CHILL FACTOR! That almost broke David in half. You can guess who won this one from there, right? Okay, I'll make it official. Tommy got the pin, and the victory. But wait, Chill isn't done. Just to emphasize the beating, he begans a series of lefts and rights, all smacking David silly. Damn, that guy knows how to make an entrance.

Match Quality: 68% (Not bad, all things considered.)

Crowd Reaction: 26% (Damn high for somebody just debuting in the company.)

Overall: 47%

BLAH BLAH BLAH

You know, normally I would actually write up what Bucky said, but it was your basic, run-of-the-mill "I'm going to kick my opponent's ass," speeches, with Bucky's little own twist on it. Sorry to ruin the day, but that just doesn't appeal to me. So instead, here's what I'm going to write that he said.

Bucky: Matt Inferno, you can take your Burn-I-Nation and shove it wher the sun don't shine! OH, DISS!

Thank you, and good day. I hope you liked the abbreviation, it got the basic point across. But honestly, for how much he talked, he really didn't get the crowd's attention.

Overall: 49%

Bucky vs. Matt Inferno

Just a warning beforehand, but if you're offended by ref bumps repeatedly occurring, just tune out of this match and go on to the next one. I swear, if it wasn't for the fact that our referee wants nothing to do with in-ring action besides being an official, he would be one of our best jobbers. In fact, just to give you a true impression of how over-done the ref bumps were in this match, I'm going to do a full-out report.

So, the two of them did a huge STAREDOWN OF DOOM to start. As always in the AWO. It's mandatory, especially when somebody says something as infuriating as Bucky did. Okay, I'll admit, it wasn't really that offensive, but it was still at least mildly irritating. So there we go. It probably gets an "Oy vey!" from Ben and a sigh from Drake. They locked up, and started battling back and forth. Yeah, really inspiring, I know. Either way, they broke off and started circling. Anybody reminded of WrestleMania 20's Goldberg versus Lesnar match? Less-build-up, same stupid idea. BUT NO! They actually decide to get into some brawling. And of course, the referee just had to be in the middle of the action, and catches a wild punch, giving us Ref Bump Number One.

Wanting to continue the match, the two continued going to blows. But somehow, that just didn't seem enough for the two of them, so they locked up again. In true form, Bucky attempted to take Matt down with a simple headlock, but instead got locked up and slammed down face-first in an amateur takedown attack. Inferno went around and tried to lock on a hold, but Bucky wriggled free. Suddenly, he dove at Matt and went for a Magistral Cradle. Unfortunately, the ref was barely standing. So, though Bucky could have won it simply because Inferno was caught off-guard, Matt kicked out just as the ref began to stand. Bucky stood and walked over to the ref. He wasn't arguing with James or anything, just seeing if he was all right. But Matt got a little impatient with the man of the diss. As Bucky was double-checking that our referee was okay, Inferno decided to remove all doubt, and clotheslined Bucky from behind, taking the ref down with him! Ref Bump Number Two!

And with that, Bucky and Matt apparently realized that they were abusing James a bit too much, and Inferno just tossed him out of the ring to give him a break. How nice. Now we can have something along the lines of a UFC fight...without the martial artists. Either way, Bucky stood and faced Inferno. They locked up again, and this time, it had a point. Matt grabbed Bucky and lifted him high into the air before slamming him down with a vertical powerslam. Knowing that the ref was still gone, Matt stood and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a big metal lighter. Bucky stood and turned towards Inferno, and ducked the lighter shot! He then delivered a huge neckbreaker to Inferno! Unfortunately, Bucky also inadvertantly drop-kicked our ref as he jumped out to bring Matt down, making that Ref Bump Number Three!

Bucky stood and looked at James Doan in total disbelief. Honestly, this man has taken far more punishment than he deserves. Especially in this match. Either way, the shock allowed Matt to roll out of the ring, reach under the apron, and pull out...oh, for crying out loud...a FIRE EXTINGUISHER! He rolled back into the ring and wound up. As Bucky gave up on attempting to revive the ref, Inferno rushed right at Bucky and hit him in the face with a very nasty clunk! The fans go wild, and Matt very ceremoniously set the fire extinguisher on the outside of the ring. He then went over and pinned Bucky. The ref, finally conscious enough to crawl, saw the pin, and made the count! With the victory in hand, Inferno left the ring quickly. Looks like he's taking the better side of caution here.

Match Quality: 57% (Well, duh. What with all the ref bumps, I'm surprised it isn't more.)

Crowd Reaction: 27% (Of course. The loud THUNK and the ref bumps got them involved at least slightly.

Overall: 42%

Shaun Draw vs. Mark Out

Do I really have to do this match? It was crap, even for the AWO. And trust me, that's bad. Somehow, methinks that it really couldn't get worse than this. So to spare you all the pain, I'm just going to skip the darn thing...oh, fine, I'll explain. It was a quick brawl, infused with some Hulk Hogan school body slams, and then a KICK, DAMMIT, and Shaun kicked back, placed his arm around Mark's head, and hit THE ANGRY PLANT OF ANGER AND DOOM AND DESTRUCTION AND OTHER REALLY MEAN STUFF THAT I WON'T EVEN BOTHER MENTIONING BECAUSE IT'S SO PAINFUL! Now that's a name for a finisher right there. In fact, pronouncing the name took longer than the three-count which placed Shaun as the winner of the match. Still, the crowd was pissed that we put something that bad after the ref-bump fest.

Match Quality: 44% (As if my invoking Hulk Hogan's name wasn't enough of a hint.)

Crowd Reaction: 16% (They were puzzled by the totally logical booking of putting up two men that had some unsettled issues at the past show...or they were angered by the lack of ref bumps...)

Overall: 30% (Yeesh...that's bad...really bad.)

And now for something entirely different...

No, it's not a man with a tape recorder shoved up his nose playing some tune that sounds a lot like the tune that opens the Beatle's "All You Need is Love". It's not Monty Python at all, in fact. Rather, it is none other than our illustrious Commissioner and equal-opportunity jerk-off, Drake "Delta" Strata. I wonder what he's doing in the ring...

Drake: I'm going to keep this short and sweet, because this show only has roughly twenty minutes left or so, and I don't want to deprive you of what's coming up next. I just realized that Bulldust has faced many opponents, including yours truly...

The fans start chanting, "YOU LOST THE TITLE!" over and over. Oh, how nice that they remember title histories. I find it so refreshing when they do things like that. Really, I do.

Drake: Yes, I did. But you see, after losing that belt, I realized that Bulldust has never faced his cousin. That's right, he has never EVER actually stared down his "primoah" MALACHI PASILLAS!

The fans boo again. This time it's for Mal, though. Hey, if you can't win their hearts, might as well re-direct their hatred, right?

Drake: So this afternoon, in THIS VERY...wait, that's somebody else's schtick. Instead...right here, right now, the AWO is going to bring you a first. Mal Pasillas against El Bulldust, with a fifteen-minute time limit on the clock, for the NOT-SO-BIG MEDAL! AND IF THE MATCH ISN'T WON IN THAT TIME LIMIT, THE BELT IS VACANT!

What a stipulation. Now that's got to be one of the coolest things I've heard in a while. He's sticking to the two-hour time limit. Three to five PM, on the dot, and no questions asked. That's got to be one of the riskiest propositions I've ever heard, at least in the AWO, but if it works...I say go with it.

Overall: 54%

Not-So-Big Medal Match: El Bulldust {C} vs. Malachi Pasillas

And with fifteen minutes on the clock after the bell rings. That has got to put a damper on things, as I think these two, when given more time, could really go. Either way, due to the really intense match they put on just so that the fans might cheer for them (even though it didn't happen it was a nice thought), or boo at them, I'm also going to write up this match. Of course, considering it is for the title. And Bulldust's song of choice...

Bulldust:

Loanelee, Aye'm soo loanlee, Aye have nobodee for my own.

Loanelee, Aye'm Meester Loanlee, Aye have nobodee for my own.

Oh, great..."Mr. Lonely" by Akon...without the rap. Just the R&B portion, I suppose...though he did a pretty good Chipmunk impression.

Bulldust:

Aye woke up in the meeddeel of dee nyeyeet

And Aye noticed mye girle wasn't bye mye syde,

Coulda' sworn I was dreamin,

for her I was feelin,

So I hadda take a little ride,

Back tracking ova' deese few yeyeers,

Tryna figure out what Aye do to make eet go bad,

cuz ever since mye girl left me,

My whole life came crashin

And now

I'm so lonely (so lonely),

I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)

I have nobody (I have nobody)

To call my own (to call my own) girl.

To shut him up, (I blame Bucky for that song...he's the one that played it for El Bulldust a while back), Mal immediately went with his amateur wrestling, hitting a quick double-leg takedown. He then got into a quicky body-lock that wasn't quite a pin. Somehow, I think that luchadores and mat technicians don't quite gel. I dunno...just the thought of seeing Chris Benoit try and really go with Rey-Rey...I just don't see it. And this is roughly the same. Bulldust pushed off and rolled away, quickly getting to his feet. He quickly ran at Mal and hit a fast headscissors, catching the man off-guard. He continued the momentum, and as Mal hit the ground, Bulldust rolled away, bounced off the ropes, and hit a running senton splash. Innovative, fast-paced...and the fans are half-asleep. But we've still got 12:24 left on the clock.

With Mal down on the mat, El Bulldust decided to keep up with the lucha libre moves, and went onto the apron. Bulldust posed for the crowd with a double-horn that may have made John Cena proud. He would have gone for a springboard move, too, but just as he went to bounce off the top rope, Mal drop kicked him out of the ring and almost into the crowd. Now, let's do the math. The top ropes are roughly five and a half feet above the mat. The mat is roughly five and a half feet off the ground. He pretty much fell down a full story onto nothing but dirt. That had to hurt. Either way, Mal doesn't really care. The fans started up a boo, and he yelled very loudly, "IT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT ONE OF YOUR PEOPLE, AND YOU KNOW IT!" Well, go with what you can. But suddenly, noticing that Bulldust was finally standing, Pasillas ran over to the ropes, jumped up and over, and slammed onto the champion with extreme force. 10:17 left on the clock due to Mal's posturing and Bulldust's slow recovery time.

This time, though, both men stood at roughly the same time. At least Pasillas was as hurt as Bulldust at that point, I suppose, albeit it wasn't the smart thing to do. Suddenly, wanting to take advantage of the outside of the ring (as count-outs were outlawed for this match...don't ask me, ask Drake...), Mal and Bulldust locked up. Bulldust got the upper hand and body slammed Mal down to the ground, causing a heavy impact. But as we have no screen, roughly two-thirds of the crowd tuned out. Not letting up, Bulldust began laying on the punches. The champ then lifted up Mal and went to whip him against the ring post (as Ace forgot to pack the steps in Ahern's truck), but Pasillas somehow reversed it, slamming Bulldust face-first into the pole. He went down hard, and that leaves us with roughly 7:45 on the clock and no end in sight.

Of course, Mal, regardless of the fact that he's facing his cousin, wanted to have that medal around his neck, because the title would still be in the family, but if he won, it would be the greatest day in his wrestling career up to that point. Not saying much, I know, but still...it's saying something. Either way, with Bulldust still on the ground, Mal suddenly clambered up to the nearest top turnbuckle and looked down at his cousin. He suddenly leapt off the turnbuckle and went for a Shooting Star Press, but it turned into a Spinning Splat Ker-Plop when Bulldust rolled out of the way. Mal landed hard, and Bulldust decided to take it back into the ring, finally. Either way, the match only has 5:36 to go, and I'm not quite sure these two are going to finish it off in time.

Without even pausing, Bulldust went for a quick pin, and the ref, finally over the multiple assaults he received earlier in the night, went to make the count, but Mal was so close to the ropes that he just put his foot up slightly, and the count was broken. I'm surprised that these guys' bodies weren't broken, to be honest. But that's another discussion. Bulldust got up and started to argue with the ref, but James just recoiled and ran away. Hey, if I were just the ref and nothing else, I would run, too. Either way, with Bulldust distracted, Pasillas suddenly rolled over twice and rolled Bulldust up with a schoolboy pin! ONE, TWO...AND BULLDUST KICKS OUT WITH ONLY 2:22 TO GO!

Two minute warning, but this is the AWO, so the clock doesn't stop. The two stood and saw the time, and then locked up one more time. Bulldust went for the quick suplex, but Mal floated over and went for a reverse DDT. Bulldust used his flip-flopping skills and flipped up and over, and went for a German suplex. But before Bulldust could go for it, Mal rolled forward and out of the hold. The two faced one another, but by this point, the crowd could see the clock. They suddenly woke up (unfortunately right after the counter-fest) and decided they might as well watch the rest of the match. Bulldust and Mal shared a STAREDOWN OF DOOM, but finally, the champion realized that he's eating up the clock, and rushed in with a clothesline. Thirty-seven seconds to go, and counting. Just to insure that Mal does not get up, Bulldust lifted his younger cousin up once more and hit the BULLDawg. The force flips Mal over. Bulldust, feeling the effects of the match earlier on, began climbing the ropes, albeit slowly. The fans started cheering, though with little motivation, for the BullSplash to come. El Bulldust stood on the top rope, looked out at the crowd, and looked at the clock. He then leapt off, spin 450 degrees in the air, and landed in a picture-perfect splash. Unfortunately, the spin caused him to keep rolling after he landed it. He quickly went back and went for the pin. The referee went for the count, but the clock was down at two seconds. The match ended with the buzzer, and one count to go.

Bulldust stood in disbelief, realizing that the referee wasn't handing him the Not-So-Big Medal. The luchadore then went over to claim it, but suddenly, Drake Strata slid into the ring. Bulldust looked at the ref, then at Drake, who was carrying both a chair and a microphone.

Drake: Sorry, Bulldust. But nobody won. Therefore, this medal is now without a holder. And just to enforce it...

DDS dropped the mic and smacked Bulldust over the head with a chair! The fans watched in silence, feeling kind of cheated out of a main event. As soon as Mal stood, he got a chair shot as well! Drake stood in the middle of the ring, shaking his head at both men in what looked like a mixture of shame and pity. He then dropped the chair and left the ring along with the ref, who had the Not-So-Big Medal in hand.

Match Quality: 70% (Good show, but the looming clock distracted both men.)

Crowd Reaction: 14% (Wanted to see a winner, but didn't get one.)

Overall: 42%

Overall Show: 43%

Attendance: 48

Gate Takings: $480

[Nick Adams]

August

Hmm...well, it's been a year, and I wonder what to do now. We're getting our fame by word-of-mouth due to the still very high popularity of wrestling at the moment. Eventually the fans are going to start demanding a certain level of professionalism (in the AWO? Yeah, right). Either way, as I wasn't going to let this show pass me by, being our first anniversary, I still decided to let the show roll on by with very little to do otherwise. But at least I'm here.

Now, the only problem - we have a few new employees, we're enjoying profitability...what's wrong with this picture? Oh, right...it's the AWO, and somebody (*COUGH*James*COUGH*) happened to lose the Not-So-Big Medal, I was forced to find yet ANOTHER title. This had better not become another yearly tradition. Either way, we now at least have a championship belt. I'll talk about that later. Either way, this is our anniversary show, and as such, this is going to be one of our biggest yet.

The WWE may have WrestleMania, but being the cheeseballs that we are, we have...

Aurora Wrestling II

(Big theme song goes here.)

And for some odd reason, John Reynolds is back for more torture. So...of course, as opposed to Corey or I writing this blasted thing up, we're going to leave it to him. We did the same as before, but we actually had some matches planned. What, you're expecting me to tell you who went up against whom? Read the show report.

-----------------------

The Aurora Wrestling II Ruling

- John "Not-So Rey-Rey" Reynolds

So I'm back in Aurora, Colorado. Apparently, it's their anniversary show, so I can't really be faulted. Nice crowd, too. Almost sixty people. Respectable for the AWO...albeit I see on this list a few things that I wasn't quite expecting...a title match for a belt that I don't recognize...what happened to the Not-So-Big Medal? Ah, whatever, it'll come out in time, I suppose. If these guys get big enough, I call the TV reviews. Are you guys up top reading this? I hope so, because I'm tossing in random profanity to see if you're paying attention...okay, not really, but still, it would be nice to be noticed once in a while. Still, the Aurora Wrestling Organization has become a bit more professional. They're at least planning shows now. And instead of some odd amalgamation of every single name they could find, they just did it plain and simple.

So to start out the show, we have no lights (though considering we're outdoors, it wouldn't make much difference), no pyro (too dangerous), and no music (no deals with any companies to get any songs other than stuff that's already widely-known, and therefore not novelty). Instead, we're greeted with a guy that I seem to recall. Oh, right, Shaun Draw.

Shaun steps into the ring and started pacing back and forth, before finally taking a microphone and looking out. Some of the fans are actually booing him, which was more than I can so for him the last time I saw the guy. But he's still not quite as charismatic as one would hope. Being angry is really all he's got. Well, that, and a job. Either way, he does a basic schpiel on how he wiped the floor with Mark Out (who? Sorry, haven't checked the info sheets, I'll get around to it...), and then says that since Nick Adams has decided to grace the ring once again, he'll be more than happy to do the same to the "biggest putz that I have ever seen." He must not get out that often. Still, it drew Adams to the ring. You have to love predictability. While he's coming down...wrestler bios...Oh, okay. Shaun beat the AWO's basic combination of every bad ass in the world. Talk about not being able to make up your mind. And apparently, Nick still can't manage to keep his balance on his feet, as he's riding down to the ring on a bicycle. Creative, but...and that's why I say we should just stick to motorcycles. For those that are wondering, he accidentally hit his left brake instead of his right...and yes, he is wearing a helmet, normally used in hockey. Either way, he's okay, unlike a couple people on the injured list.

Nick Adams vs Shaun Draw

Shaun, annoyed at this display, steps out of the ring just as Nick finishes taking off the helmet, and slams him into the ring post. He then rolls Adams back into the ring, and the match starts. Draw slides into the ring and starts a basic stomp-fest, just continually kicking at Nick's back as Nick writhes in pain. Mid-stomp, Adams writhes in a way that trips up Draw, forcing him to fall against the ropes for balance. Nick rolls forward and stands, gripping his back. Shaun immediately rushes in, but not running. He hits a quick body slam, and then stands and poses for the crowd. Too bad this allows Nick time to come up behind him and hit an inverted reverse vertical suplex, smacking Draw face-first to the mat. Nick, capitalizing on the attack, stands and hits a quick knee drop. Nick lifts Shaun and whips him to the ropes, then goes for a running knee lift, which makes Shaun go down hard. Nick lifts Draw and hits a quick snap suplex. The hits keep coming, don't they. Adams then lifts Shaun off the mat and goes for a shot to the face, but Draw comes back. Nick goes for another, and then another, but they only serve to make Shaun angrier. HE'S GETTING PISSED OFF! Adams goes for one last punch, but an I-block-your-punch, you-don't-block-mine (copyright - some other Internet reviewer) setup later, and Nick is on the ground. Draw lifts Adams up, whips him to the ropes, and lands a Big Boot the size of Denver. Okay, it's official. Shaun Draw has made this Hulk Hogan appreciation afternoon. One hand flip, two hand flip, and then watch the birdie! Cheap boo. Draw goes to the ropes, bounces off, and the LEG DROP OF RAGE! The end is academic. After the match, Draw just sits back and gloats, showing that he's the true victor.

Winner: Shaun Draw by Pinfall at 8:46

The Ruling: Well, let's see...Nick did some of the better moves, while Shaun can't last that long (I could see that he was breathing a bit heavily at the seven-minute mark) and invoked Hulk Hogan. Just so as not to insult the good work that I know Adams can pull out of a good opponent...1/2*.

And out comes the pirate guy. "Caribbean Ice" David Michaels. He really has to be one of the oddest of the odd in this group. He's likeable, but he's just plain...weird. Either way, he starts to talk about his mistreatment at the hands of Tommy Chill (okay, I am now totally lost...I'll look into it later). As he talks about the cowardly ways of Tommy Chill (you have to note the irony), Drake Strata walks out. He shakes his head at Michaels, saying that Michaels is far too inland for that sort of wear. Michaels plays dumb and reponds that he has become buttered toast (ED, EDD, AND EDDY! YES!). Strata just shakes his head and says that Tommy Chill is more valuable to the roster than Michaels will ever be. David responds that that may be true, but he regardless of his value to the roster, there are no bananas in the sky. Drake just glowers and says that he'll see "Caribbean Ice" in the ring.

CIDM: But Double D! I already am in the ring!

Strata just sighs and walks off. Finally, David can't hold it in any longer, and breaks out into a piratey belly-laughter. Dear Lord, that's got to be the most ridiculous display I've ever seen.

Mark Out vs. Matt Inferno

Okay...and the BAD ASS of the day is none other than...Tommy Lee Jones as Agent J? WHAT? Well, you have to admit, the guy was a bad ass. In any event (namely Aurora Wrestling II...HA, I kill myself), these two are going at it quite well. I don't really know if there's any history behind these two, but I doubt it. After a quick brawl, Matt is down, and Mark is casually removing his glasses and jacket. Well, at least he's playing up the gimmick, hair and straight face all. Matt stands up, but Out grabs him by the shirt, pulls him in, and gives him the verbal abuse of his life. It puts the fear of God into Inferno, to say the least, as Matt retreats away, getting ready to leave the ring, Mark grabs Matt. KICK, WHAM, ST...erm, MOMENT! And then Matt gets thrown out of the ring. Matt rolls up at seven, and considers re-entering the ring, but looks at Mark, shakes his head, then shakes in fear, and runs away. Meanwhile, Mark just picks up his jacket, puts it on, then pulls out his glasses, places them on his face, and exits the ring, cool, calm, and collected. BAD ASS, I say.

Winner: Mark Out by Count Out (no, he doesn't have a brother that's a count) at 2:12 (it was a long verbal beating.)

The Ruling: Well, I see nothing to hate. But there wasn't really a lot given that I could like. Therefore...*.

El Bulldust comes out...seeingeeingue. Of course. What else? But to really give you an idea of what's going on, here's the full lyrics, as transcribed to me later on.

El Bulldust:

(To the tune of "La Cucaracha")

Eye ayme El Boolduste

End my showe ees eh muste

Beecause Aye seempleey ayme dee bayeeste!

So wahtche El BoolReenge

'Cause eet ees mye teengue

Wayeere Aye talk to lots of gayeestes!

And then he started saying, "Dah dah, dah dah, dah dah, dah dah dah dah dah dah dah!" like the Mexican Hat Dance. Don't ask me, I don't get it either. Still, with some chairs set up in the ring, El Bulldust walks over to one of them, takes a mic, and sits down. He welcomes everybody to the show with a very long and drawn out Spanglicized version of "El BullRing". He immediately invites the man that is going to face him for the new replacement for the Not-So-Big Medal, Malachi Pasillas. Apparently, they fought out a time limit last time the match went, so to give the new title a holder, as it is now vacant, they're fighting. Mal comes out and shakes his cousin's hand. They talk about the match, and finally, Bulldust says that he has had a long and glorious run with the belt, but now, it is his cousin's turn. So says him. In other words, Bulldust is forfeiting, and Pasillas is the new...HOLD UP! GUITAR RIFFS! LOTS AND LOTS OF GUITAR RIFFS! The words, "Make way...for YOUR FUTURE IDOL!" Onto the grounds walks a man in what appears to be clothing obviously tailored for rock concerts. He plays to the fans, and the fans cheer due to sheer charisma from this guy. The guitar riffs are sweet. Though the guy is carrying a Stratocaster look-a-like, I have a feeling he doesn't play this well. Either way, he slides into the ring, guitar in one hand and microphone in the other. I think summarizing this would diminish it, so...

New Rock'n'Roller: OOOOOOOWAH! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, attendees of all ages, my name is CHRISTOPHER IDOL! I may be young, but I have hung with some of the best bands in the land. Social Distortion! Sum 41! Boxcar Racer! Love 45! Green Day! Bowling for Soup! New Year's Revolution! And the fact is that I can play just as well and rock just as hard as any one of them!

The fans cheered, totally pumped up by this guy.

Idol: But why, if I am one of THE best guitarists in the land, am I standing here in a wrestling ring? Well, the fact is that while I have honed my guitar skills to perfection, I have also done the same with wrestling. I will rock this ring as hard as I rock on my axe! I AM THE ULTIMATE IDOL, BABY! And I will prove it to every last one of you!

Mal: Whoa, whoa, whoa...hold up a bit. You come out here and interrupt El BullRing just to say that? Couldn't you do it somewhere else? Like, maybe where you're actually wanted?

Idol: Hey, fans, if you want me here, cheer at the top of your lungs. (And it gets a cheap pop.) You were saying? (Pasillas starts, but never gets around to getting out a word.) Hold that thought. You, Bulldust, said that as the title is vacant, and Mal and you have a match for that title, if you forfeit, Pasillas here is the champ?

Bulldust: Yeeeesh...

Idol: Well, as you are planning to forfeit, how about we at least give the fans a title match. Instead of Bulldust against Pasillas...why not Malachi Pasillas against...CHRISTOPHER IDOL!

Mal: You want a match against me, you sorry piece of trash? Well, you got it. But seeing as the fans were still expecting mi primo to be in the ring, you're going to have to deal with El Bulldust being in the ring...AS THE GUEST REFEREE!

Both men stare at each other intensely, with Bulldust suddenly freaking out. You can see him mouthing, "But whate weele Aye wayeere?"

David Michaels vs. Drake Strata

The fans are HOT HOT HOT...well, at least in AWO standards...for this match. Somehow, methinks that Drake being mocked by Michaels who was acting like an idiot cartoon character just got them worked up. And so of course, what does David do? He comes out wearing a piratized (not to be confused with privatized) version of that character's clothing. Drake, just to catch Michaels off-guard, comes out dressed in dentist's clothing...almost like Edd in certain episodes. So, let's re-name this match, shall we?

TV Impersonation match: "Ed" Michaels vs "Edd" Strata

Not that the gimmicks really helped with the wrestling, but all things considered, it works. Some posing and posturing, and "Ed" snapping "Edd's" surgery mask. Then things get a bit weird. It suddenly became, through no reason that I can explain, a "ridiculous weapons" match. Out comes a rubber chicken from "Ed", and a plastic...guitar, looks like...from "Edd". They duel, but finally, the rubber wins out, deflating the guitar. "Edd" looks flustered, but not for long, as he receives a HUGE smack to the face with a chicken. FINALLY we get some brawling in. The gloves...and the mask...okay, to be serious, Drake actually reveals that he was wearing wrestling gear underneath the whole time. Meanwhile, David just takes off the costume, and so we're back to the non-gimmicks. Quick lockup, trip-takedown from Drake, and a quick headlock. Caribbean Ice counters with a jawbreaker. David lifts Drake off the mat and sends him for the ride. Quick clothesline. David does the same thing, but Drake sees it coming, and ducks. On the return, Drake hits a back body drop. Elbow drop, and the first near-pinfall that I think I've seen from this group. Either way, Drake stands and looks around, before suddenly walking away. Don't ask me, I just write this thing. David stands and makes a sword-swinging motion, before charging in and hitting a totally unexpected drop kick! Another near-fall. David whips Drake into the corner, and rushes in, but Strata places the referee in front of him. This causes the ref to take a shot right to the face! The referee, who apparently took more hits than a cocaine addict in the course of ten minutes last month, doesn't care whose fault it was, and throws the match out, declaring a double DQ! Looking at one another, David and Drake suddenly just charge in and keep going at the fight, demolishing everything and anything along the way. Finally, the brawl goes to the outside, and Strata runs from the pirate.

Winner: Double DQ at 12:25

The Ruling: Well, the match was all right, and the fans were into it. Unfortunately, the match was a bit too gimmicky at the start, and the end was...well...a kind of, "Wait, shouldn't this be a bit more decisive?" moment. *.

Bucky comes out with...Amanda Shae. Wait, isn't she Nick's manager? Either way, Shaie started ripping in to Tommy Chill, talking about how that guy needs a serious attitude ajustment. He just can't come in here and destroy an established star. And Bucky is here to stop that. Bucky, of course, stopped Amanda, saying that he could handle it from there. He said that chill might have handled a goof like David - and love him as we all do, we know it's true - but taking on the Master of the Diss will be something different. Because for this match, he's brought out something quite different than your usual fare. The ring may be large, but there's something a bit more like a ring than the squared circle. And that is none other than...THE TRAMP-O-RING! And it is in that unique structure that Tommy Chill will face his downfall. OH, SNAP! Just a side note, but Bucky's better at this than Amanda.

T-I-Double-Guh-ER Match: Bucky vs Tommy Chill

And now the match that seems to be more in the backyardery style, a match on the Tramp-O-Ring. I called it what I did because of the bouncing. Nothing more, nothing less. But it sure made suplexes, DDTs, and anything else of the sort kind of difficult to sell. Either way, Chill immediately bounces and goes for an axehandle, but Bucky uses the bouncing force to hit a barrel roll drop kick. Chill folds in half and falls onto the ring face-first. Bucky tries to lift Tommy, but finds that the man is a bit heavy. He tries to get Chill up with a hair pull, but suddenly, with a roar, Chill stands and gives Bucky a bare-handed gut buster right onto his knee! Chill then goes and begins to maul Bucky, smacking him silly. Bucky finally just falls out of the ring. Chill audibly yells, "You're not done yet, boy!" getting a cheap boo. Chill jumps off the tramp-o-ring and lifts Bucky up. Bucky throws his hands up in defense, and entirely by accident, tosses dirt right in Tommy's face! The Polar Bear (as the bio sheet says Chill is called) stumbles around while Bucky rolls back into the tramp-o-ring, not quite aware of what he's just done. Chill finally clears out his eyes, but suddenly, Bucky comes flying off the tramp-o-ring with a huge plancha suicida! Bucky then hits a heavy leg drop. Chill attempts to stand and take down Bucky, but as Tommy goes for a vertical suplex, Bucky slides out. The fans cheer as Bucky stands and jumps back up to the tramp-o-ring, and Chill lumbers back up to it. Bucky suddenly comes up and hits a huge inverted bulldog that catches Chill in the face and smacks him into the ring. Bucky stands and looks down, and then acts like Scotty 2 Hotty. The fans all chant - S-N-A-P! HUAH! HUAH! And it's the SNAP NECK chop! The pin, and Bucky gets the victory! But wait, Chill isn't satisfied with the result. He waits for Bucky to turn...CHILL FACTOR! Talk about your sore losers.

Winner: Bucky by Pinfall at 11:15

The Ruling: The Tramp-O-Ring is an interesting concept, but a kind of strange execution. Plus, Bucky and Tommy really didn't compliment one another. So a *.

Red Sash of Courage Match: Malachi Pasillas vs "The True Idol" Christopher Idol

Apparently, the title is just a red belt from whatever martial art it might be. And Bulldust comes to the ring without singing because he apparently couldn't decide how to dress as a referee, so he's messing around with a half-stripe/half-plain shirt configuration. Either way, Mal and Chris share a STAREDOWN OF DOOM, and then suddenly, Idol starts rocking out on an air guitar, trying to get psyched for the match. Mal looked at him in total confusion, then just shakes his head and walks over to Idol. Chris, suddenly noticing that Mal is coming in his direction, suddenly pulls out some weird cruiserweight action and hits a side rana. Pasillas lands on his shoulder, and Idol places Pasillas in a hard shoulder lock. Pasillas fights to the ropes, but doesn't quite get there. Idol wrenches on the arm again, and then suddenly acts like Mal's arm is a guitar. The slight distraction allows Mal to pull away and cradle his shoulder. Chris, not wanting to let up, hits a basement drop kick right to Mal's injured joint. Though he has no real reason to stop Idol, Bulldust gets in Chris's way, telling him to take it easy. Idol doesn't take kindly to this, and says, "Bro, you either let me get at him, or I am ripping off your mask and writing a song about doing it!" Bulldust backs off, realizing that Chris is not in the mood. Luckily for Pasillas, this gives Mal just enough time to rush in and hit a running neckbreaker. He then follows of with a quick DDT. Finally, just for sport, he places Idol in a nice, tight front headlock. "The True Idol" tries to fight out, but eventually results to a Northern Lights Suplex. Two count, and Mal kicks out. Somehow, I should have known that I was watching a surprise expert match in this thing. Either way, Mal and Chris stand at the same time. They go off opposite ropes, but miss one another entirely, with Mal going for a basement dropkick and Chris going for a flying clothesline. Luckily for Idol, he lands on the second rope, and hits a gigantic...crap, I only know it as the Whisper in the Wind...erm...some kind of senton attack! He then hits an elbow drop. Afterwards, he lifts Mal up and goes for a lockup, but Mal reverses and places him in a rear waistlock. GERMAN...oh, wait...MEXICAN SUPLEX! AND ANOTHER! AND NUMERO...wait, Idol flips out! And here I was hoping to see the obvious triple German suplex attack. Either way...FACE CRUSHER to Pasillas. And then Idol starts laying the boots to Mal. With the match solidly in hand, The True Idol begins to pose for the crowd. Cheap pop here, but hey, if he can do it, go with it, says I. Either way...this allows Mal to try and bum rush Chris again, but to no avail, as Idol turns around in time to give him a belly-to-belly suplex right into the nearest turnbuckle! The fans start to cheer, as it looks like a good guy is going to get the title again! Unfortunately, Chris forgot to watch out for the guest referee, and receives a BULLDAWG for all his hard work. Bulldust then drags Idol close to another corner and hits El BullSplash. The masked man then drags his cousin on top of Idol and hits a fast three count, sealing the victory for Malachi Pasillas! Bulldust goes to get the Red Sash of Courage (I just now noticed the cheesy book reference), but Idol in the meantime stands, looking down at a fallen Pasillas, then realizing what has just happened. As Bulldust slides in with the belt, The True Idol grabs him up and places him in what looks to be a Tombstone Piledriver position! IT IS! And he calls it the Guitar Smasher! Bulldust might have gotten his cousin the belt, but Idol is the last one standing! Idol leaves both men down and out as he exits to the cheers of the fans.

Winner and NEW Red Sash of Courage holder: Malachi Pasillas by Pinfall at 21:42

The Ruling: And once again, I come in to see some okay matches, and then THIS. All things considered, the fans weren't hyped, but I liked it. **3/4.

Final Judgement: Better than the other show I saw. The end kicked some serious hide. So, all in all, I'm going to have to give this puppy a thumb in the middle. Some crap, some good points...kinda' hard to judge the show overall. Still, I might just come back to see another one of these.

PEACE!

-----------------------

Pretty favorable, for our anniversary show. And I'm still looking for that stupid medal...or rather, James and I are looking. HOW could you possibly misplace something like that? It was freaking huge for a medal...ah, whatever.

Gate: 58

Ticket Sales: $580

Edited March 13, 2005 by Nick Adams

[Nick Adams]

September, Part 1

RETURN OF THE BACKSTAGE HIJINX!!!

And just when I thought things were looking up, too. We actually have a better ring, we've moved into a middle school gym, which, in retrospect, may not have been the smartest idea, considering the low ceilings, and we've gained some popularity. I somehow managed to get the local Kohl's to sponsor us. Apparently, using his technilogical know-how, Corey managed to convince IGN.com and Electronic Gaming Monthly to sponsor us, thinking that we were also into game programming. Don't ask me, I think he called us Aurora WO, with the WO still an undecided acronym. Kinda' like PHP, where nobody really knows what the first P stands for. So there you are.

And apparently, thinking that we needed more people on the roster, Victor went out and hired not just one, not just two, but THREE more people to add to our already gigantic-for-what-it-is roster. Well, technically, he hired one. The other two kinda' just...showed up at my door. Literally. So here's the basic relay of what happened.

Victor put out this open call for any independent wrestlers that can be found. Oddly enough, a Brit that was here for a tryout with AWA: Rocky Mountain Championship Wrestling (OOC: For those of you that are wondering what the hell that is, it's a local federation. It's not that big, so just leave it as it stands) saw the call, and, upon being turned down for RMCW, came calling. Of course, Victor had set up the company on his phone, so he relayed the basic idea.

------------

Somewhere, I'm not quite sure

Phone rings.

Victor: Hello, you've reached the offices of the AWO. I'm Victor, road agent for the company. How may I help you?

Potential Employee: Hello. I'm calling in regards to a potential employment opportunity that you listed on a puclic call board.

Victor: Oh, yes, that. Well, you've called at a good time. We're still hiring. We work by verbal pay-per-appearance contracts for the first month, to see if we want to keep you for later dates. So, if I could have your asking price, your gimmick, and your ring name, I can give you the location of our next show, and you can show us what you've got.

Potential Employee: I'll be expecting rougly ten thousand USD, being a Brit, I act as royalty, albeit not a king, in deference to Her Majesty, and my ring name is Duke of Danger.

Victor: All right. Duke Danger, ten grand, royalty. Well, I hope to...

Duke of Danger: No, not Duke Danger, Duke OF Danger.

Victor: Right. Duke Danger. Now, our next show is at...

DoD: It's Duke of Danger...how hard is that?

Victor: Wait, so you're Duke Danger of some place? What would that be? York, Cornwall, Gloucester?

DoD: ARGH!

Victor: Duke Danger of Argh. All right then, Mister Danger, thank you for calling. Now, our next show is at [omitted]. The address is [omitted]. The show is on the 25th of this month. Thank you for calling.

DDoA: *Sigh*

So folks, say hello to our first Brit on the roster, Duke Danger of Argh (formerly just the Duke of Danger). He's the only addition Victor made. The rest were a bit more...disconcerting.

------------

My house, Saturday September 17th, 3:00 PM

Yeah, normally, I would be at CSU at this point, but fact is, I was getting kinda' bored just hanging out around the campus, and Fort Collins...well, it's a nice place, but I just wanted to go home for a bit. So there I was, hanging out. My mom and dad were both at work, though I really didn't mind being alone. Either way, it wasn't like I had anything planned, as everyone else I know is up at CSU. But I was expecting some peace and quiet. That was, until the doorbell rang. The door opened, and I was facing directly at this guy that I don't even recognize.

Potential Wrestler: Are you the Nick Adams?

Me: Um...yes, yes I am.

You see, at first, I was kinda' hoping that he would be a huge potential success with our group. But like everybody that shows up around here, at least for the AWO, I had a feeling that it wasn't going to end like that. He was a grown man, and he had something about him, with a Boston accent to boot.

Potential Wrestler: OHMIGOD! THISISSUCHANHONORTOMEETYOU! INEVAHTHOUGHTTHATAHWOULDSEETHISDAY! IJUSTWANTEDTOWRESTLEFORYOUGUYSAND...

Me: Whoa, whoa, whoa...slow down, man. Are you here because I'm in the AWO?

Definite Fanatic: Er...uh...yeah...and the fact that I could possibly get a job in wrestling after all this time.

Me: Why do you say that? Have you been training for a while?

AWO Fanboy: Yeah, actually. Ah been aroun'.

Me: Sorry, but I don't think we're hiring...

He got a downcast look...though it wasn't that much of a head tilt, considering that he was already looking down at me. Either way, he started kicking at the porch.

AWO Fanboy: Well, if you don't want me, that's fine, I guess...

And of course, being the nice guy that I am...

Me: But I suppose that one more person on the roster couldn't hurt...

AWO Fanboy: (With the jumping and the yelling that you don't normally see from a grown man his size) OH, THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU! You have no idea how much this means to me. Just let the rest of the guys know that Jason RUMBLE will not let them down!

And then he ran off, half-ecstatic, and leaving me with my mouth half-open, not quite sure what to say as he rode off in his old, busted El Dorado. We now have a guy named Jason Rumble on the roster. I did a background check, and apparently, he's ex-NWA. Not a bad hiring, albeit I have no clue why he left to get stuck here.

------------

And then there was the strangest one. This guy rides up in a limo the day before the show, gets out, says that he'll be a valuable contribution to my roster, shakes my hand, gets back in the limo, and drives off. Victor said he has no idea who the guy was. But if he shows up...he shows up. He looked like a big hotshot, though. Guess we'll see who he is when he gets there.

Until the show...speaking of which, I don't even know what it's called.

OY!

[Beeker00Zero]

Nick,

I gotta give you major credit, not for the constant support you give the WEF, but for your own writing styles you bring to the AWO. Sometimes they don't work but the fact that you seem to ceaselessly try to improve your writing style and your voice amazes me. From an unknowning internet pseudo-smark, to Nick Adams' commentator to one of the AWO crew, you try different stuff.

And I think that rocks and doesn't get nearly the amount of credit you deserve.

Full marks too for the return of the AWO-line.

Oh, and even though I don't know if they're the same alignment, Tommy Chill and Mark Out should form a tag team called... Mark n' Tommy... or Chill Out!

I miss the Not-So Big Medal, but I think the Red Sash of Courage is a good replacement, at least until Bucky wins it... think about it... the Red Sash of Diss!Courage.

AWO - Needs more El Bulldust!

[Nick Adams]

September Part 2

Well, with two confusing hirings and one enigmatic man that decided for us that he was in our employ looming for the next show, I at least was glad that we were performing on a more sane day (Sunday) and a more sane time for wrestling events (7:00) due to our now being at a middle school. Unfortunately, being at CSU now, I had to leave one sheet of homework at our last event by accident. So Ahern and Ace, thinking that the one thing that I had written on an otherwise blank sheet of paper (it fell out of my binder) was what I wanted the next show to be called, he named the show something totally ridiculous.

Calculus 204

Well, at least we have two cameras now. Speaking of which, we've got a camera outside for no apparent reason. Oh, let me introduce everybody to something. It's a gigantic white sheet with a crappy projection TV aimed at it. We here in the AWO have taken to calling it the AWOSheet. What? It made sense at the time. Either way, we've got a camera outside...during the day. Okay, I'll admit it, we pre-taped this stuff and then put it on the AWOSheet during the show. Not that the fans need to know that, though...

And into view as we switch over to test whether it's broadcasting correctly comes a limosuine. If that's El Bulldust, I swear I am going to hit him. Okay, it isn't. It's the weird guy that said he would be a valuable addition to our roster. He's wearing a very sheik suit. As he steps out and looks around, he shakes his head in distaste.

Rich Dude: This is the AWO? Well, one must take what one gets, I suppose.

He looks back in the door and yells something, closes it, and then begins walking towards the door.

Rich Dude: This suit better not get ruined.

He then keeps on walking as the screen fades.

Overall: 52%

AND THE SHOW IS OFFICIALLY STARTED! LIGHTS, CAMERA, MUSIC, ACTION! (Yes, that's right, music. Dunno what it is, as it's a really long guitar riff, but it works.)

Ben: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Calculus 204! We've got one hell of a show for you tonight!

DDS: First up, we've got two AWO newcomers facing off against AWO veteran Nick Adams!

Ben: But with one of them having been a former champion in an NWA company, and the other having gained experience in Britain, Adams has one hell of a mountain to climb.

DDS: Too true, Barrett.

Ben: We've also got Bucky lined up to take a pot shot at you, Drake. How do you feel about that?

DDS: I feel like reading the rest of the lineup. Either way, Tommy Chill faces down Christopher Idol in what should be an interesting bout.

Ben: With Idol coming off of a loss in a match for the Red Sash of Courage, he really has more at stake than Chill, who had been brutalizing opponents, win or lose.

DDS: And finally, we've got the D&D Connection facing Los Primos!

Ben: Wait, Drew Porter is back? When the hell did that happen?

DDS: Hey, that's just what it says on the sheet. Whether or not Drew shows up is another thing entirely...well, I stand corrected.

Just a side note from me - this is Nick, by the way - I felt that as this was our first truly...well, at least semi-professional show, we might as well have a basic outline

HE'S BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

And he's looking great. Drew walks down to the ring, posing for the fans. He's actually gone for something a bit odd - as opposed to doing REALLY Old School, or imitating Harley Race, he's imitating any old school good guy that he can find info about. So, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the ring, wearing some interesting face-paint, and not having to dye his hair, as he's naturally blonde, Drew Porter imitating the Man Called "Sting"! Hmm...so, first we have a bad ass impersonator, and now a good guy impersonator. Next thing you know, we'll have a guy who imitates some comic book character every show...oh, bad thought. I just hope nobody in the AWO reads this. (Side comment from Corey: A superhero impersonator, huh? Well...that doesn't sound like that bad of an idea...) D'oh! Either way, Porter gets a warm reception from the people that still remember him. Apparently, he started a website on his off-time, as one of the fans is holding up a sign that says "www.AWOoldschooldrewporter.com". Well, if he's paying for it, I have no qualms. Either way, before he can even make it to the ring, suddenly, El Bulldust rushes down and attacks Drew from behind. What a way to welcome somebody back into the company. Either way, Bulldust grabs him and begins to beat away. OH, THE HUMANITY OF IT ALL (© Nicholas Adams, 2005 - not really, but still...)! Bulldust rolls Drew into the ring, gets to the turnbuckle, and hits El BullSplash! The fans are booing, and Bulldust rolls out of the ring, not really caring. Well, welcome home, Porter.

(OOC: You're probably wondering why I just let El Bulldust, the annoyance of my life, beat down Drew, a returning good guy. Am I right? Well, he're's the explanation. The real-life person upon which I based Drew used to be my best [or at least longest-known] friend's boyfriend. I had wanted to do this sooner, but figured that now works fine. Having discovered that they've kept in touch, I'm over it. But I just had to work it out, and this seems to be a better method than actually hitting him.)

Overall: 55%

Rookie Inaugural Match: Duke Danger of Argh vs. Jason Rumble vs. Nick Adams

Now, for those of you that are wondering how in the hell Jason Rumble went from the "Boston Bad Boy" to the "AWO Fanboy" (and why he was looking down at me even though the guy is only 5'9" and I'm 6'0" is an easy one - I was sitting down when I opened the door), here's a basic explanation. Jason got kind of cocky back in the NWA, though it wasn't overly so - not HHH proportions or anything. Still, when he lost the Junior Heavyweight Title, he was kicked down a notch. Upon being released for some reason or another - he never told me, he was too excited about joining the AWO when I asked him about his past - he suffered a slight mental breakdown and decided to get away from everything that reminded him of his past. But when he found out about the AWO, he couldn't help but stay away. Eventually, he realized that he missed the ring, and so here we are.

An elimination three-man match. Now, normally, I would describe my own entrance in detail, but let's just say it involved surfing on top of a shopping cart, and leave it at that. The fact is that Jason's thing was a bit more interesting. Either way, the Duke entered like royalty, and Jason, for some inexplicable reason, entered like an overwhelmed fan. He's performed in front of audiences before - this one is barely over 100 people. Still...the bell rang, and we all looked around. Suddenly, I decided to give Jason a sign of respect, and went to shake his hand. He looked at it, and immediately fainted on the spot. That's right, fainted. Maybe it was the pressure, maybe he had another breakdown, but something happened that took him down to the mat without a shot. The man of Argh decided to just end the man's humiliation, pinned him with his boot, and then rolled Rumble out of the ring. That was kind of surreal in my estimation, but I shrugged and got on with the business of the match. Still, with Danger distracted, I decided to try and take him out - and of course, being me, tripped over my own shoelace and slammed directly into the Duke's knee. Unintentionally, but it worked. Danger, taken a bit aback (looking at the video, he was pissed), got up quickly, grabbed me by the hair, and simply gave me a headbutt. I fell back, dazed. He then issued a series of punches, followed by a snap suplex. Now, I'm normally not one to go over the line, but in my desperation, I went for a toe-kick and smacked him right in the solar plexus, cutting the Noble One's breath short. Noting that the guy needed to leave the ring, and fast, I went and hit a Shining Wizard, then locked the guy up, hit the Kick of Doom (yes, I know it doesn't make sense, so shaddup), and got the pin. And now my work is done for the night, except for transcribing the rest of the show...goody.

Match Quality: 70% (Well...er...the Duke did pin Rumble quite well...)

Crowd Reaction: 29% (It was the opener, what did you expect?)

Overall: 49%

Ben: A solid victory for Nick Adams tonight!

DDS: Yes, albeit it really doesn't matter, as they're new to the AWO.

Ben: Rumble was a champion in NWA: New England.

DDS: Well, I guess I can say, "Oh, how the mighty have fallen." Well, fainted, really, but...

Ben: Hold up, Drake. We've got the camera running backstage.

Here comes the money...

No, not Shane McMahon. We could never get him to come. It's a backstage scene, anyway. So guess who it is? The limo dude. Of course, "backstage" for us is actually the school's gymnasium locker rooms. Either way, he's walking around, apparently searching for somebody, and happens to walk in on Mark Out, wearing some regular jeans and a tee-shirt, beard shaved, but with some short bald hair growing in. Kinda' a Hardcore Holly imitation, really. He's sitting on a bench. Either way, the Limo Guy walks up to him.

Limo Guy: Ah, just the man I was looking for. Mark Out, I have a proposal that you might find intriguing.

Mark: You're proposing to me? Look, boy, two problems with that. A, I don't know you, B, I'm straight.

Limo Guy: Not that kind of proposal, Mister Out. My name is Alexander Worthington the Third. I have plied my trade in economics, much like Christopher Idol has done in music, and much like Mister Idol, I find that I wish to enter wrestling.

Mark: Well good fer' you. I still haven't heard a proposition, though.

Mark stands up from the bench as if he's about to leave, but Alexander stops him.

AW3: I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't go into the ring alone. After all, Christopher Idol attempted it, and failed miserably. I was thinking that maybe I could learn the ropes from you.

Mark: Rich boy, are you saying that you want to form a team with me?

AW3: That was the general idea.

Mark shakes his head, chuckles, and walks away, not even giving Worthington the dignity of a solid, "No." Of course, the man with the cash refuses to give up.

AW3: But you didn't even hear about the benefits of teaming with me!

And we fade back to the gym.

Overall: 54%

Ben: What an odd encounter...

DDS: Well, as much as I would love to talk about that, I can't.

Ben: What are you talking about? Is Worthington even employed here?

DDS: I really couldn't tell you that, Barrett. That's why I can't talk about it. We just filmed something which I think was unofficial.

Ben: Well, hopefully our next fade backstage won't be.

It isn't, but it's equally annoying...

We see Mal Pasillas in a different part of the school - presumably a classroom hallway. I didn't order it, but it works, at least. Pasillas is pacing back and forth, kind of psyched out. He looks around and shakes his head, and then keeps pacing. That's the spirit. Just don't panic, whatever you do. Either way, El Bulldust suddenly comes in.

El Bulldust: Hey, primo! Que pasa?

Of course, Bulldust came up behind Malachi, so he's slightly surprised, to say the least. Either way, after getting over the initial shock...

Mal: Hey, man, don't do that. You almost made me jump to the ceiling. Still, good job taking down Porter. That was one hell of a welcome home.

Bulldust: Oh, eet's da green!

Mal: The what?

Bulldust: Jou knowe...es la verdad. Eet's da green. Eyethayer waye, mang, Eye was theenkeeingue...seeince dee Dee end Dee Cahnaykshun ees whole agayeen, maybe wee could have a leetel lucha, eh?

Mal: Not a bad idea, primo. Still, I think we need some better planning than last time...

Bulldust: Yesh. Of course. Nowe, waht Eye was theenkeeingue was...

They suddenly notice a camera is there, and Mal and Bulldust turn to look directly at the cameraman.

Mal: Yo, man, stop taping us. You're not needed here. Just go let David and Drew know that they've got a main even tag team match with the current Red Sash of Courage holder and El Bulldust.

Bulldust: EET'S DA GREEN!

Overall: 53%

Ben: I wonder if Drew is going to be up for a match, considering the beating he got earlier.

DDS: I don't know, and I don't care. Well, Ben, I've got a match to fight. Later.

Ben: *Sigh* We really need a new commentator...

Drake Strata vs. Bucky

This, in retrospect, probably could have been the opener, for what it was. And it would have given Drake time to recuperate. But that's then, this is now, and that's the best I can do. Sucks, doesn't it? Either way, DDS came in with some quick shots, and Bucky stands there like an idiot. I wonder what's eating him. A couple more, and Bucky just stands there. The fans begin cheering, "BUCKY-TAKER!" in reference to Undertaker's former lack of sellage. Suddenly, Drake hits one more shot, and in an odd movement, Bucky suddenly reacts to all of the shots at once, flinging himself about and then down to the mat. The fans let out a cheer, albeit they're very confused, and so is Strata. Wondering what the hell is going on, Drake walks away, deciding that he'd rather get out of the way of any epileptic spasms. Unbeknownst to him, Bucky suddenly rolls out, stands, nips up, and smiles. Drake turns around and immediately gets nailed by a clothesline. Kinda Hogan-esque, but it works. Bucky mounts Drake and begins wailing away, but then pulls him off the ground and hits a fast suplex. Bucky lifts Drake off the mat and hits a bulldog. We all know what's coming next - S-N-A-WAIT! Drake just nailed Bucky with a huge drop kick! And he's setting him up for a face slam! He apparently calls it "I Win!" And that's what Drake's surprise comeback allows him to do.

Match Quality: 50% (Faking epilepsy will do that to a match.)

Crowd: 34% (The really sad part is that this used to be our maximum crowd reaction.)

Overall: 42%

Tommy Chill vs Christopher Idol

Chill comes to the ring with very little fanfare, but some boos. Idol comes out carrying a Fender Strat look-a-like on his back to the same chord loop as before. Well, at least it sounds good. The bell rings, and though both are listed as heavyweights, these two are really mismatched. Idol is used to flying around like a madman, while Chill is more accustomed to ground-based brawling. Should be interesting, to say the least. At first, Idol goes for some quick attacks. Drop kick, drop kick, arm drag, leg drop, springboard clothesline, and he goes up top. Top rope pendulum elbow drop (I say it's a pendulum because he barely jumped - dear lord, does everybody in this company have acrophobia or something?), and a two-count. Idol went for a flying crossbody, but Tommy, being the Polar Bear we all know he is, catches him and hits a powerslam. Painful, boys. That's the best way to set something up. And Chill does. With another powerslam. The Polar Bear then lifts the True Idol with a Gorilla Press Slam. Well, for a mismatch, at least it looks good IMO. Basic stomps, and a pin nearly gets a two, but Idol grabs the ropes. It used to be not too long ago that James would have missed that. Good for him. Chill slaps the mat and whips Chris into the nearest corner. Avalanche! Which really reminds me how much I miss the NHL. But Idol raises his foot, and Chill winds up face-planting into the bottom of a wrestling boot. You have to wonder - if Idol weren't a rock star in the making, would he have moved instead? Well, too late to ask. Either way you slice it, he runs behind a dazed Chill and hits a huge running face slam. Idol goes to pander to the fans, and climbs a turnbuckle, but Chill has managed to stand, and is there waiting. Just as Idol jumps off and turns to grab Chill, Tommy does the work for him, and slams him down with a Chill Factor! Tommy gets the pinfall, and the victory. But Tommy isn't done yet! As per usual, he feels like a little brutality, lifts Idol up in a powerbomb, and slams him out side of the ring. Thank you, Kevin Nash, for showing us the joys of potential neck injury with that thing.

Match Quality: 67% (Well, considering the extreme clash of styles, that's pretty good.)

Crowd: 35% (At least the crowd is building up in anticipation.)

Overall: 51%

D&D Connection vs Los Primos

Of course, this is probably the most anticipated match in the entire show. Drew is back, David is his partner, and the two most recent champions in the AWO are their opponents. Ooh, DRAMA! Well, it would have been, if El Bulldust and Mal hadn't done what they did. Either way, basic entrances (Side note - Bulldust did seeingue, and the song was "Come on Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners), and the crowd is HOT. Well, okay, at least more excited than previously. Mal and EBD (my new nickname for the luchadore - faster to type, at least) suddenly reach into their pockets, unfold some paper, and as if from some nightmare deja vu, Mal's sign said, "YOU'RE IT" and Bulldust's said, "HARDECOARE RULES". NOT AGAIN! Not this. We've got a crowd of about 100 people, and they're doing this...I can't stand it! I really...oh, hell, might as well tell you.

It's Tag Team Tag Match II. Don't ask me why, but for some reason, these jokers still don't understand the concept of a tag match. So instead, welcome to the havoc that is a match like this. Hardcore rules, of course, dictate that the only way that a team loses is for the person that is it to be down for a count of ten. Oh, and weapons are allowed. At least, those are the rules that our illustrious referee, James Doan, made up as we went along. Either way, David and Drew looked at one another, then looked at Bulldust and Mal, and charged. Drew got a clothesline on Bulldust first, making Bulldust "it." Immediate mayhem, as D&D take down Mal and toss him out of the ring. Bulldust makes a quick reverse DDT tag on David, and Drew superkicks him, then smacks David's hand onto EBD's chest. Meanwhile, Mal, unnoticed, pulls from under the ring...a school binder? Eh, don't ask me. Either way, Drew, in order to keep Bulldust "it" and immobilized, swings him into the corner diagonally away from him. He goes in for the obvious Stinger Splash impersonation, but Bulldust dodges and slams him face-first into the turnbuckle. Drew is now it.

Meanwhile, David manages to stand, and sees Bulldust taunting Drew. Making the right assumption, he goes to charge Bulldust, but gets a binder shot to the head! Of course, the binder really doesn't do much but grab Caribbean Ice's attention, and Michaels turns around, incensed. Meanwhile, Drew trips Bulldust up, making him "it" again. Mal makes another swing a David, but Michaels blocks it, grabs the binder, and smacks Pasillas upside the head, causing Mal to spin, lose balance, and fall through the ropes. Bulldust, seeing David across the ring, makes a quick run, and tags him with a gigantic face slam. Meanwhile, Porter reaches under the ring and pulls out...a cardboard box, unassembled. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE STEEL CHAIRS THAT WERE UNDER THERE? (Victor: Well, it goes like this. We had a few more fans than expected, so those ten chairs that we placed under there just in case somebody wanted to use one are in the audience. So instead, we found replacements.) OY! And now I see the three empty ones. Great, just great. David rolls out of the ring, gripping his face in pain. As Pasillas attempts to attack him with a series of boots, he gets cardboard to the face. What is it with the head attacks? Noting his partner's peril, El Bulldust nails a plancha suicida.

From there, large Pier 6 brawl, with tags going back and forth. At the end of it, Doan decides that Mal is "it". Everybody, just wanting to get a grip, gets back into the ring. Everyone has a weapon now. David has a jolly roger flag, Mal in contrast has the flag of Mexico, Drew has another box, and Bulldust has...a cape. A simple red cape. But seeing what Bulldust was planning, Drew charged in, and Bulldust swung his cape aside. David did the same. Finally, Drew just clocked El Bulldust and walked away. AND IT'S FLAG DUELING TIME! Of course, since this is a formula match, a few exchanges, both flags break at the same time, and Mal just drop kicks David, making him it. The surprise goes to a count of four before the pirate stands. Drew turns to David and motions for him to let Porter be it. The tag is made! David then goes over Pasillas, slams him into the corner, and hits an ARR, Matey! Drew, in the meantime, is out for revenge, and lifts El Bulldust off the mat. And in true Drew Porter fashion, he nails a quick but painful Fisherman's Suplex, making Bulldust "it." Doan makes the slow, dramatic ten-count, and the D&D Connection wins it! Celebrations galore, with David swinging the top of his broken Jolly Roger while David goes into the crowd and cheers with the fans.

Match Quality: 70% (A bit long for what it was, but it works.)

Crowd Reaction: 41% (We ended on a high note. Cool.)

Overall Match: 55% (Pretty good.)

DDS: Well, folks, that's it for tonight!

Ben: Thanks for coming, and be sure to see our next show!

Overall Show: 51

Attendance: 107

Ticket Sales: $2140

Edited April 11, 2005 by Nick Adams

[Nick Adams]

OOC: Sorry for the long absense...and the absense of a show...but I figured I had the update, so...

October, Part 1

AWO Creative Staff Meeting

2 Weeks Until Our Next Show

--------------------

Yeah, the "Creative Staff". We had to do something to look professional. We've managed to hire a new writer, who has less of a clue than Corey - although Corey is getting the hang of this part. It helps that he does online comics. Either way, the "Creative Staff" includes Corey, the new writer, Jack Sabbath, Ahern, Ace, Bob Cameron (he's coming back in a month, I figured I could give him something to do), and myself. We weren't really planning the card. That had already been planned, save for the Main Event. The card stood as this:

- "Boston Bad Boy" Jason Rumble vs Shaun Draw

- Nick Adams vs Matt Inferno

- Malachi Pasillas vs Bucky

The reason we were actually meeting in my dorm's game room was that we had yet to actually advertise a name. We had yet to even think up a name. Now, while it would have been fun to do it on Halloween, that wasn't going to work, as we would be competing with RAW for attendance - not smart, even for a live event. But we were going to try. Of course, go figure, we were totally out of ideas. I just let everybody toss something around.

Ahern: How about "Devil's Night Celebration"?

Corey: Alluding to "The Crow"? Too cheap, man. How about "Run From Destiny"?

Jack: Too much like a song or album title for my tastes. How about just "The Main Event"?

Bob: Too old school, plus it really alludes to the WWE...

Ace: "Clarinets Are Fun" - it's just as random as anything else we have...

Everybody paused and looked at Ace, realizing that this is the first time that he's ever been sarcastic. But it did have a nice pause for me. I simply looked around, stood up, and looked at my watch.

Me: Well, let's just agree on something - a name seems to elude us. Just figure something out if you can. But we've been here for an hour. We're getting nowhere.

Everybody agreed, and they all walked out. Apparently, somebody decided to make a little joke of my statement. So our next show shall now be titled...

Somehow, Show Names Elude Us

:wall: (If it's still my avatar, you'll get what that means.)