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Vince Russo And The Kliq Bring You PPCW


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Quote 411mania Friday, May 9, 2003

Vince Russo Out Of NWA-TNA

by Ashish

Russo, Hall, and Raven Not Expected Back

Panda Entertainment announced earlier today that Vince Russo was no longer connected with NWA-TNA in any way.  Jerry Jarrett and Jeff Jarrett have been handed complete creative control in what has been a months long power struggle. 

Many connected with NWA-TNA believe it may be as a result of this past Wednesday's NWA-TNA PPV on May 7.  During the show, which was set to feature a Gauntlet For The Gold Match to determine the new Number One Contender for the NWA World Title, Raven walked out and delivered a scathing promo towards Jeff Jarrett.  While it was unscheduled, it wasn't considered to be the final straw.  That came during the Gauntlet For The Gold Match itself, when Scott Hall, obviously inebriated, refused to lay down for AJ Styles, yelling obscenities and acting unruly.  Jeff Jarrett and Vince Russo stormed the ring, and right before the PPV went black Russo was heard telling Hall not to pull a "damned Hogan and do the job".  Russo went on Inside The Ring yesterday, and delivered a behind the scenes look at the NWA-TNA, apparently hoping to help his case with Panda.  In the end, it is Russo who is out of the company, and not Jerry Jarrett as many believed would occur.  This, just one week after Jerry Jarrett removed himself from the creative team.

Credit: 1Wrestling.com

Quote 411mania Thursday, May 15, 2003

Vince Russo Buries Himself Again

By Ashish

Russo Continues To Once Again Alienate Himself Within The Industry

Vince Russo was the special guest on Inside The Ring earlier today, and he spoke on a variety of issues.  First off, he said last week's verbal tirade by Raven wasn't planned as far as the announcers or wrestlers knew, but that Jeff Jarrett did know that it would happen, but not what would be said.  He stated that he and Jeff wanted to deliver a promo that Jeff and everyone else would be shocked to hear, and that Raven performed excellently in his opinion.  He went on to say that the Scott Hall issue was not his doing, as many are speculating, and that he is unsure how that rumor started.  He said he watched last night's PPV, and he was underwhelmed by Jerry Jarrett's booking and lack of vision.  He said that while AJ Styles deserves to EVENTUALLY be the NWA World Champion, that there is no way Jeff Jarrett would allow that to happen now, and that Jeff beating AJ in the coming month, as was planned, would do more harm to AJ's future than it would help Jarrett's title reign.  He further stated that Jeff is far too willing to play a yes man to his father Jerry, and that as long as Jerry is in control of NWA-TNA in a creative capacity the company will continue to struggle to get a Cable TV deal.  When asked about any possibility that he may return to the WWE, Russo said while he respects Vince McMahon, he has no respect for Stephanie, and he could never work under her.  If he were handed the head booker spot he might consider it, but ONLY if he could do things his way.  When asked what he would change, his response was "...less HHH all the time.  Also, who in the hell decided that Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero should be Midcard jobbers to rookies and never-will-be's?  WWE is headed down the same sorry path that WCW took, and the outcome will be the same if Vince isn't careful."  He further stated that Shane McMahon should do what his dad did, and TAKE the WWE from Vince before it dies.  He ended the interview by running down pretty much every major, and not so major, promotion in North America.

To hear the full interview click here

Credit: Inside The Ring Radio

Quote 411mania Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Raven Welcomed Back To NWA-TNA

by Ashish

Raven Not Being Punished For Russo's Idea, Signs New Contract

Raven returned to NWA-TNA tonight after a one week absence in a startling manner when he helped Jason Cross defeat Amazing Red to become the new X Division Champion.  Raven and Cross were then joined by Alexis Laree and Julio Dinero, where Raven stated that The Gathering was growing, and that anyone could join.  Later on in the evening, Raven and The Gathering attacked Sandman and Justin Credible costing them a match with Glenn Gilberti and Mike Sanders.  The Gathering also jumped the S.E.X. members, and declared himself and The Gathering an autonomous faction that answers to nobody.

After the show, NWA-TNA.com posted an interview with Raven where he stated that he was sorry to see Vince Russo go and he wished him the best of luck, but that he had also signed a six month contract with NWA-TNA, and that he was happy with his decision to do so.

Credit:  NWA-TNA.com

Quote 411mania Monday, July 14, 2003

Vince Russo And The Playboy Channel Announce New Deal

by Ashish

Playboy Presents Championship Wrestling To Debut On The Playboy Channel In September, Vince Russo Owner

The Playboy Channel and Vince Russo held a news conference via the internet today to announce their joint partnership in what they called "...wrestling's new big thing, Playboy Presents Championship Wrestling".  Russo went on to say that he was being reunited with Ed Ferrara and several wrestling stars that he helped make famous over the years to bring the wrestling world another alternative to what Vince McMahon and Jerry Jarrett are offering weekly.  While no specific names were mentioned, specultaion is running high already that former WWE and WCW stars have already signed some sort of deal with Russo.  Russo did confirm that fans who tuned in on Friday, September 5, 2003 at Midnight EST would bear witness to The Bad Ass Barrys, The Major Gunns, and plenty of T&A. 

The conference call also revealed that while Russo is sole owner, apparently financing over 80% of the joint effort himself, The Playboy Channel would use this opportunity to highlight some of their home grown talent, and would financially and comercially back the company to their fullest extent, even revealing that an interview with Russo and several of the stars already signed would be in the August 12, 2003 released issue of Playboy.

Credit: Ashish and 411mania

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I'm the guy none of you have ever heard of. I'm the one that does close to ninety percent of the actual work, and gets pretty much zero percent of the credit. I'm wrestling's bitch.

I was there in the WWF from 1994 to 1998 and I watched it go from Number One to Number Two and back to Number One. I was one of the guys who helped MAKE it happen. How did they repay me? When Dwayne and Mick had their issues I got my pink slip. It wasn't MY idea to have Dwayne hit him THAT many times, it was just my idea to have him do it. Did Dwayne or Mick mention me in their books or in that movie? Well, you've never heard of me, now have you?

In 1999 I recieved an offer to join Paul Heyman's ECW. Apparently he HAD heard of me. Justin Credible had also, and apparently what he had heard from Sean Waltman wasn't all that flattering. So Justin and Lance Storm pretty much got me blackballed in ECW within a few weeks. You tell me, if you were as "close" as Justin and Paul were, and you disliked me, would you keep me around? I was released five weeks after being hired. Justin Credible pretty much never recieved a paycheck after that and he was replaced as Paul's "Special Boy" by Brock Lesnar a few years later so there is balance in the universe I guess.

Vince Russo called me back to work in October of 1999 when he and Ed jumped to WCW. My dream became reality, as I was writing for legends like Ric Flair, Curt Hennig, and Dusty Rhodes. I was also writing for Terry Hogan, Bill Goldberg, and Kevin Sullivan, and none of them were all that happy with myself, Ed, and Vince. I knew my days were numbered when I told Kevin Sullivan to suck my dick and do his job. Two weeks later Vince was replaced. By Sullivan.

Did you know that I helped broker the deal for "The Radicalz"? I was left out much like Shane Douglas when they signed however, but that may have been a blessing.

When Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo got WCW back, I was there. I was the one who stood in the back and said "Yeah Vince, you go show Terry who's the boss around here." That was at the Great American Bash PPV. It was also my idea to have Bill Goldberg turn heel and join the New Blood. Need I say what my fate was when Vince got his "concussion"? The one thing I can say in my defense though, I had NOTHING to do with David Arquette.

I watched wrestling like everyone else from home for the remainder of 2000 into 2002, until Vince again called and I joined him at NWA-TNA. That was nice, and for once I was treated with SOME respect. Until May 7, 2003 when it was my job to go pick Scott Hall up at the airport and take him out for "dinner" at a local bar. It was also my job to talk to him about the Main Event. Is it any wonder that I was fired the same day Vince was? Except I didn't get the nice severance package he did. I didn't get enough money to start my own wrestling promotion.

So, when Vince Russo called and asked me to join him one more time I said yes. Of course I said yes. YOU would have too. Then I learned what one of my top jobs would be. Oh, I'm a writer, but I'm also a babysitter. You see, Vince signed Scott Hall and Jake Roberts to exclusive contracts, and I'm in charge of keeping them in line.

Yeah, I'm the guy who does most of the work and gets no kind of credit. I'm MOST DEFINATELY wrestling's bitch.

*****

The stench was enough to make anyone with the strongest of constitutions lose it, and I had always had a weak stomach for foul odors. The most disgusting, vile, or replusive thing in the world I could stare at on end without even a slightly queasy stomach. Give it an overpowering odor and I'd lose it every time. The stench in question was coming from the body and breath of the "legendary" Jake "The Snake" Roberts. I couldn't control myself any longer.

I don't think Jake was all that pleased when I vomited on his feet either.

Scott Hall found it funnier than I could possibly convey in mere written words.

My role in Playboy Presents Championship Wrestling had begun.

Once the mess was cleaned up, I had a warm can of Sprite™, and I convinced Jake that he had PLENTY of time to shower and brush his teeth before the meeting. I walked up to the podium. Somehow my job title was getting longer by the week. Writer, Drug Addicted Prima Donna Babysitter, and now sound technician for company meetings.

Oh, and I seem to have forgotten Attendance Taker.

The clipboard was on the podium already, those on the roster, for the most part, were in the room, and I knew Vince would ask me to do it anyways, so attendance was taken. Those in attendance were:

Alexis Laree

Bad Ass Barry Darsow

Bad Ass Barry Horowitz

Bad Ass Barry Windham

BG James

Chosen One Chase Stevens

Donnie Bon Jovi

Insane Shawn Stasiak

Jake "The Snake" Roberts

Kendall Windham

Lenny Lane

Major Gunn Tylene Buck

Major Gunn Joanie Lauer

Marty Janetty

Mike Enos

Miss Wrestling (??)

Mr. Personality (??)

Ron Waterman

Scott Hall

Tank Abbott

The Dog Al Greene

Van Hammer

My gracious employer, Vince Russo, had also not yet arrived, but no one was exactly sure if he was going to be a part of the roster or not. It was Scott Hall, so completly blitzed out of his gourd that it wasn't even funny, who noticed me.

Hall: Hey Yo.

The room was broken into laughter. The sad part was that Mr. Hall didn't even realize it was because of him. Or maybe he did and just doesn't care. Why in the hell do I care?

Hall: When do you gonna start this shit?

I smiled, but I doubt he could even tell. His eyes were redder than my face when Jake had looked at me after I vomited on his bare feet. Furthermore, his speech was slurred and he had issues sitting up straight. So, my "charges" had both bothered to show up, but neither was sober, clean, or all that coherent. All of this a mere three hours before we taped our first show.

Myself: Hey Yo yourself Scott.

I recieved no laughter. My track record of being a worthless piece of shit in the eyes of the boys was intact. Good to know.

Myself: As soon as Vince and Ed come in we'll get this shit underway. I can go ahead and say, I think, that there were some new signees this week that haven't arrived. I'm sure all of you have noticed that the wrestling world has become rather tumultuous as of late and these mass firings and...

I was interrupted by that distinct voice we all know and love, or hate, as Vince and Ed strolled into the room.

Vince Russo: What the fuck? You starting this shit without me? And where the fuck is Jake at? Ed, you told me Jake was fucking here for fuck's sa...

My boss. Mr New Yawk himself. The only man I know who can use the dreaded "F" word more times in a sentence than the cast of The Sopranos and Godfather combined.

Wow, that was a lengthy, and less than good, analogy.

Myself: He's cleaning up Vince. He'll be here.

Vince: You think? Fuck, I asked you, I fucking trusted you to watch over him? What are the fucking odds he's shooting fucking heroin into his nuts right now? You wanna know the fucking odds?

Myself: Not really sir. How about I go get him?

Vince: Scrub his fucking ass if you have to, just don't let him out of your sight during show day again. Now, where the fuck was I? Oh yeah, I was just arriving. Welcome one and all to...

And that's the story of how I missed our first production meeting for Playboy Presents Championship Wrestling.

Oh, and in case you were curious, he WAS shooting up, although in his arm, and I didn't need to wash his ass. I did need to puke again though.

I'm so fucking fucked, as Vince would say.

Edited by thegodcomplex
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On Friday September 5, 2003 Vince Russo and Playboy Television PROUDLY present the next step in the continuing evolution of Professional Wrestling when

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PPCW TV will come to you from Hollywood CA, the heart of the entertainment capitol of the world, each and every week. Hosted by Ed Ferrara and Playboy's own Kira Reed, PPCW will break EVERY TABOO in the wrestling world, and many from polite society. The premiere epsiode promises to be HOT and ACTION PACKED, as the creative and often thought provoking mind of Vince Russo has already cooked up one hell of a show. Scheduled:

-The first ever PPCW Pay Per View Tag Team Champions will be named later this month, but this week an explosive six team mini tournament begins to see which three teams will meet in the first ever Menage Au Trois Match. Mr. Personality and Miss Wrestling will make their first appearance in America, as this amazing duo take on the team of Chosen One Chase Stevens and Alexis Laree.

-Tank Abbott makes his FIRST Pro Wrestling appearance since he left WCW in 2000 as he takes on Kendall Whindham.

-Also, guaranteed to be in the building, BG James, Scott Hall, Jake "The Snake" Roberts, and The Major Gunns.

PPCW is presented ONLY on Playboy Television, and can be viewed for the BARELY LEGAL price of ONLY $7.95 for the full hour of PULSATING action. Plus, as an added attraction, stay tuned after the show to see the debut of Playboy's Women Of Wrestling at no extra charge.

PPCW, the FUTURE of Sports AND Sexual Entertainment.

Edited by thegodcomplex
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I was seated and ready to watch the train wreck happen. I had already purchased Slow Burn: The Directors Cut on Playboy from 10pm to Midnight, and I was in a pretty good mood, so maybe it wouldn't look as bad as I thought. However I was live in the PPCW Television Studio when this show was taped, and I knew quite well what had happened during and after the show. While it could have been worse, it also could have been better. Nobody expected a talent to quit at the first TV Taping, but then this is Vince Russo we're talking about too.

After a few minutes of Playboy Television commercials my PPV feed died. Funny, here I am one of the writers and an integral part of the company, and I forgot to actually ORDER the show. I fumbled with the remote and finally ordered it just as it was beginning. As the opening montage of music, tits, wrestling, and ass shots filled my screen I wondered how many other poor bastards were paying ten bucks to see this? I was pretty sure a few internet types were, such as Chris Hyatte and Dave Meltzer, although for TOTALLY different reasons no doubt, but I was curious about the fans. How many REAL wrestling fans were paying their hard earned money to view this? The Jarretts over at NWA-TNA had proved that it COULD be done, but could Vince succeed too?

I leaned back in my recliner and grabbed my pen and paper. Vince would expect all of us to have opinions and thoughts on the first show, and I wanted to get my initial reactions on paper. As a shot of the crowd filled my screen and I could see the entire 1483 "fans" in attendance somewhat screaming on my television I remembered that I was forgetting to record this too. I hit the button on the remote and got ready. Sure, we had tapes at the offices, but I wanted to watch it again later on, to see what my second reaction to it was. The first thing I thought as I saw Ed Ferrara in the ring was that he looked much fatter on TV than he did in real life. Then I wondered if Mark Madden was working anywhere.

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Taped On Wednesday, September 3, 2003

Aired On Friday, September 5, 2003

Welcome To PPCW

Ed Ferrara is in the ring smiling and wearing that cowboy hat he used when he was doing his god awful and QUITE reprehensible Good Old JR imitation in WCW.

Ed: Well hello and welcome to the debut edition of Playboy Presents Championship Wrestling. My name's Ed Ferrara, and I am proud as can be to be your host for this evening. We have a jam packed show to kick us off, and I don't want to waste much time here, but allow me to introduce my co-host for the evening, the lovely, beautiful, hot as all hell star of Playboy TV, KIRA REEEEEEED!

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The fans in attendance actually hoot and holler, despite being in Hollywood, CA and not Grover, NC, as the BEAUTIFUL Kira Reed strolls down the ramp from the back and climbs into the ring. She's handed a mic by Ed.

Kira Reed: Well thank you Ed, and boy is it good to be back on Playboy TV.

More hoots, more hollers, and QUITE a few "Show us your tits" chants. Kira smiles, then proceeds to lower her top for a second flashing the crowd.

Nudity count in the first show is now at one.

Kira: And THANK ALL OF YOU for greeting me that way. I've missed Playboy TV ever since I left as a reporter for Sexcetra and...

Thankfully Ms. Reed is interrupted by the sound of some music. Godsmack's Keep Away blares through the arena as Chase Stevens and Alexis Laree walk from the back and slide into the ring.

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Chase grabs the mic out of Ed's hand.

Chase: Well la di da and whoop de fucking doo about what you've missed and where you've worked. This isn't the get to know some porn star show, this is PPCW, and the CW stands for Championship Wrestling. Emphasis on wrestling. So why don't the two of you NON WRESTLERS get the hell out of the ring and let myself, Chosen One Chase Stevens, and Alexis Laree take care of some Company Business.

Kira looks as if she's about to respond, but Ed grabs her arm and shakes his head no.

Chase: That's right slut, listen to the fat man and get the fuck out of here NOW.

Again Kira looks ready to say something, but Ed almost forces her from the ring. Alexis is standing by smiling a wicked and devilish smile.

Chase: Nice tits by the way. Now, on to the subject at hand. The One True Power In Wrestling has sent myself and Alexis out here to bring all you idiots and perverts up to speed on things around here in PPCW. Tonight, for instance, we start a six team tournament to determine the first ever PPCW Tag Team Champions. Now, as myself and Alexis are a part of The Company, The One True Power In Wrestling's elite team of chosen stars, we of course are one of the six teams. The rest you don't need to know about yet, except for some losers called The First Couple, Mr Personality and Miss Wrestling. Who in the hell are these two losers?

Alexis simply shrugs.

Chase: Me neither, but I do know that we get to wrestle them tonight. But you know what? It doesn't matter one way or the other WHO they are, because they will fall to Company Business, and so will EVERY other worthless tag team here in PPCW. In fact, if these two want to get their ass kickings out of the way now then maybe they ought to get out here. We don't have to wait until the Main Event to do this, it can happen right fucking now.

Alexis grabs Chase Steven's hand and speaks into the mic.

Alexis: Yeah!

With that Bodies by Drowning Pool hits. Chase and Alexis turn to face the entrance curtain, but nobody comes out. The crowd in attendance begin to murmer and soon almost make some cheering noise as a man and a woman come from within them holding a table. The camera zooms in on them and it's

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Mr. Personality

and

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Miss Wrestling

They slide into the ring as Alexis and Chase are STILL watching the entrance way, and attack from behind. Miss Wrestling manages to botch a Reverse DDT on Alexis, while Mr. Personality hits a Clothesline on Chase. Soon enough both are placed on the table, now upright and in the ring. Mr. Personality picks Miss Wrestling up and SLAMS her down hard on top of the both of them, sending them crashing through the table. He then grabs the mic as the music comes to an end. I simply can't believe we are not only allowing him to speak, but playing up his old WCW Buzzkill gimmick as he's once again a degenerate type. This will be horrible.

Mr. Personality: So, we could do it now or later or now but we won't cuz you two is down and out...DAWGS! We be seeing you two monkey ass...well...monkeys I guess...yeah, we be seeing you two monkey ass monkeys later on...DAWGS! Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Man I gotta remember these lines. Let's make our match a TABLE MATCH later on tonight DAWGS! Now schnizzle my twizzler!

And horrible it was. He helps Miss Wrestling up and the two leave the ring, although she looks out of it. Miss Wrestling can't wrestle and Mr. Personality has ZERO charisma. Vince Russo at his best.

OR:43

Ed: Well I'll be damned, Mr. Personality is Brad Armstrong and Miss Wrestling is Jackie Gayda.

Kira: I have no idea who they are, but they are both good wrestlers and loaded with personality.

Ed: Uhhh...yeah.

Kira: I'm just SO happy to be back on Playboy TV.

Ed: So you've said. Have you ever even SEEN wrestling?

Kira: Nope. Have you ever seen my movies?

Ed: Oh yeah. Late night Skinamax.

Kira: That's SOFT core stuff. Come to my dressing room and I'll show you the HARDCORE stuff.

Ed: No shit?

Kira: My MOVIES Eddie. GAWD!

Ed: Never call me Eddie...wait, we're heading to the ring now as Chase Stevens and Alexis Laree have been helped to the back and the table has been cleaned up.

That was so uncomfortable. Absolutely NO CHARISMA together. I know I have Mark Madden's number here somewhere. Or maybe we could get a hold of Jenna Jameson.

We can't afford a ring announcer, considering we are WAY over spending on "wrestlers" and "commentators", so Ed simply stands up and announces the competitors. They are

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Insane Shawn Stasiak vs. Jake "The Snake" Roberts

Stasiak is the first to come out, and he plays his new gimmick to the hilt, as he wanders around sniffing things and just looking not quite right in the head. The fans seem to enjoy this, as they laugh and point at him. Jake is out next, carrying his sack and looking, well, fucked up. He gets into the ring and puts the sack in the corner, when Stasiak slides into the ring and attacks him from behind. Jake can audibly be heard yelling "What the fuck...?, as his face slams into the turnbuckle. I guess I need to correct that statement from earlier. Stasiak isn't just playing a gimmick, the young man IS INSANE. I swear to god, he is the most paranoid and just a little bit shy of normal person I've ever met, and I worked with Hulk Hogan and Jeff Hardy. I'll let you decide who is who. The match itself is lackluster and rather boring. Jake begins a nice comeback, and soon enough hits his DDT, albeit a weak, sad, and pathetic looking one. I'm watching this match, and it looks absolutely NOTHING like the match I helped book. Stasiak kicks out at two, and Jake slides over to the sack. Now here's the part where things went, well, wrong. Jake opens the sack, and from inside crawls out...a...Garter Snake about a foot long. Then another and another and another and soon enough Jake simply pours the contents out into the ring, smiling and cackling as he does so. Stasiak lets out a scream that sounds, well, girlish, and begins to STOMP ON THE SNAKES. Jake is SERIOUSLY pissed and he leaps up. Stasiak kicks Jake in the groin and gets the 1-2-3, then RUNS FAST AND FAR from the ring, leaving bloody footprints as he goes. To say that this was UNPLANNED would be an understatement of epic proportions. That pretty much signalled the end of any possibilities of a feud between those two any time in the forseeable future. I swear to god, he said it wasn't true after the match, but as I look at him again on TV I swear Jake is crying. He got high after the match. Of course, he was high before and during the match so...

WORKRATE: 65

CROWD: 62

OR: 56

Kira: That was THE MOST DISGUSTING thing I've EVER seen.

Ed: Uhhh...as a matter of fact...

Kira: Let's just go to the back for the next segment while I try not to vomit.

Ed: Nice.

The One True Power In Wrestling Sounds Familiar

The fans actually pop loud as the scene cuts to two sets of breasts, although clothed in bikini tops.

Nudity Count for the first show STILL at one.

The camera pans out to show Major Gunn Tylene and Major Gunn Joanie seated in front of a desk. A hand can be seen, but not it's owner. The voice, however, is unmistakeable.

The One True Power In Wrestling Voice: So, you won't fucking wrestle ANYONE?

MG Joanie: No.

MG Tylene: I will.

MG Joanie: No you won't, now shut up.

MG Tylene: Well shit.

TOTPIW Voice: Just go to the ring and wrestle The Bad Ass Barrys. Any two of them, hell, all three of them if you want, just wrestle them.

MG Joanie: No.

MG Tylene: I will.

MG Joanie: No, you won't. Now shut up.

MG Tylene: Well shit.

TOTPIW Voice: Why not? Christ Joanie, you used to go ape shit over wrestling and beating up on men.

MG Joanie: That was Chyna, not me.

TOTPIW Voice: Say what?

MG Joanie: I'm Major Gunn Joanie now, not that "character" anymore.

TOTPIW Voice: Say what?

MG Joanie: Look, I signed on in a NON WRESTLING capacity. I'll do the interviews and hang out with this dumb bitch, but I will not wrestle again. Ever. Period. End of discussion.

MG Tylene: I will.

TOTPIW Voice: Shut up. Why not Joanie? What happened to that "character" I used to know and love? Where did she go?

MG Joanie: She died when Hunter and Stephanie and Vince knocked her down and then kicked her. She died when I did Playboy and...

TOTPIW Voice: Excellent point. BOTH of you have shown your tits and ass all over the place, so why not just head to the ring and do that then. Get naked.

MG Tylene: I will.

MG Joanie: No you won't and please SHUT UP. She won't and neither will I. Posing for art is one thing, but that's degrading and unnecessary. I think we'll just go home for the night.

The Major Gunns get up and walk out of the office.

TOTPIW Voice: Well fuck me.

Voice of MG Joanie: No you won't Tylene, now GO!

MG Tylene: Well shit.

Not even remotely funny.

OR: 59

Ed is alone at the broadcast position.

Ed: Kira Reed has, well, she's...uhhh...she's left. So I guess I'll handle this alone for the rest of the night then. So, well, let's just head back to the ring, huh?

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Tank Abbott vs. Kendall Windham

Kendall is already in the ring, as the music of Tank Abbott plays. He walks from the back sure and slow, with an odd smile on his face. Once inside he just completely decimates the young Windham brother. It's sloppy, messy, and ugly to look at, but it gets the job done. He ends it with a punch that simply lays Windham out and gets the 1-2-3 to win. As he's getting up Insane Shawn Stasiak slides into the ring with a chair and lays Abbott out with it, then runs off. It makes no sense, it seemingly serves no purpose, and it fits Stasiak's character perfectly. Abbott gets to his knees and glares towards the back, then rolls from the ring and runs up the ramp. Well, trots up the ramp and then walks through the curtain is better put. Either way, he leaves in "chase".

WORKRATE: 60

CROWD: 51

OR: 54

Ed: I don't know why Insane Shawn Stasiak did that, or what he hoped to accomplish, but I think all he did was REALLY piss Tank Abbott off. Not a good move at all. Wait, I'm told that something happened during the last match that we caught on tape so....yes, let's go to that footage now.

During The Match Backstage

Missy Hyatt and Jasmin St. Claire are walking up to a man who is walking away with two jugs of water on his shoulders. I haven't seen how this plays out yet, so I'm HOPEFUL that it might work.

Missy: Excuse me, sir, could we have a word with you?

The man stops and turns around, although his face isn't shown.

Jasmin: Sweet fucking damn you're hot.

Missy: Sshhh Jas. Ahem, please excuse my friend, she's just excited. Of course, so am I. Excited at the prospect of getting you to join us and our man. You see, we are a part of a little group here in PPCW called Tits And Abs, and man oh man do we want you to join us. I'm Missy Hyatte and she's Jasmin St. Claire.

Jasmin: I would LOVE to get a piece of you.

Man: Really? Well gosh Miss Hyatt, Miss St. Claire, but I'm not a wrestler, I'm just...

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"Ron The Water Man"

Missy: But you have EXACTLY the look we want for Tits And Abs.

Ron: Sorry ladies, but I already have a job, and I absolutely LOVE delivering water. Sorry.

Jasmin: SORRY?! YOU'RE SORRY?! WELL FUCK YOU BUDDY YOU'LL BE FUCKING SORRY...

Before she can finish the profanity laced tirade Mark Henry bursts onto the scene and blasts Ron The Water Man into the wall. The water falls and the bottles break and spill all over everything. Ron rolls onto his back and his head is opened up. although from what who knows.

Henry: Next time a beautiful lady, or two, ask you to join them, maybe you'll say yes, bitch.

Jasmin: Come on guys, let's go have sex.

The threesome walk off, but not before Mark Henry stomps his foot on Ron's head. Once they are gone Ron groans.

Ron: Oh no...the water.

Then he closes his eyes. Guess I was hoping for naught.

52

Ed: Wow, what an impact Tits And Abs made on...the hired help. Wow, that's not nearly as impressive as it should have been.

Nice Ed, way to bury the talent. I'll just ignore his comments and get right to the next match

Lenny Lane vs. Mike Enos

Lenny Lane and Mike Enos make their way to the ring seperately, and those in attendance could really give a shit. The actual in ring work isn't the WORST of the night, but this is no Aj Styles/Jerry Lynn sixty minute classic either. Both men are actually just being given a chance here, although I DO KNOW that Vince has some plans for Lenny, should he wish to stay and make some money to wrestle. The end comes soon enough with Lenny locking in a Sleeper Hold, then turning it into a Reverse Choke Slam looking thing. Thankfully Mike Enos jumped into the air, something a blind man could have seen, so as to make it not COMPLETELY obvious that Lenny Lane has NO HOPE IN HELL of EVER Chokeslamming Mike Enos. After that the 1-2-3 is rather academic. Lenny pulls a lollipop from his trunks, sucks a little, and walks up the ramp. Homoerotic humor is fun. This was just homoerotic.

WORKRATE: 57

CROWD: 41

OR: 44

Main Event Tables Match For PPCW Tag Team Titles Tournament: Company Business vs. The First Couple

Mr Wrestling and Miss Personality walk to the ring first to their music, Bodies, which really makes no sense as entrance music, but the lead singer is dead so we got the rights cheap. Miss Wrestling looks a little worse for wear, but I'm sure she's not too badly injured. The Godsmack music plays again, and Chosen One Chase Stevens and Alexis Laree bolt from the back and slide into the ring, completely no selling going through a table a mere 45-Minutes earlier. Ah, Indy Talent. The match takes off, and since it's a Tables Match there are no rules and no need for tags. The women pair off, as do the men, and it's a brawl of epic proportions. Miss Wrestling is simply hideous beyond all reasoning inside the ring, but Alexis somehow makes it look not COMPLETELY horrible, which isn't exactly a huge compliment either. Mr. Personality gets the better of Chase, then goes to the floor and grabs one of the tables. However from the crowd a chair is swung and connects with Mr. Personality's back, taking him down. BG James climbs over the guardrail and attacks some more with the chair, then finally ends it with a Pump Handle Slam on the chair.

BG James: Steal my fucking gimmick AGAIN, will you Brad?

James then hobbles up the ramp, obviously winded, and into the back. Meanwhile Alexis has gotten a table of her own and put it in the ring. Chosen One hits a Death Valley Cutter on Miss Wrestling, then lays her on the table. Alexis comes flying off the top rope with an elbow and the table breaks, giving the win to Company Business. The show ends with The First Couple down and out and Company Business walking up the ramp amid some lackluster booing from the crowd, half of which are already on their way out the door.

WORKRATE: 55

CROWD: 46

OR: 45

Overall the show scored a big, fat, whopping, 48 Overall Rating.

I turned the TV off, not all that interested in watching the free bonus Women Of Wrestling Naked PPV, or whatever it was called. Besides, the VCR was taping, so I was good to go there. I looked over my notes and smirked. Vince had done it. I didn't think he could, but Vince had actually succeeded.

He had created a wrestling product WORSE than his two stints in WCW.

I simply couldn't wait to have our meeting where I had to express my feelings on the matter.

Is the sarcasm noticeable?

************

I marched down the hall full of myself. I was right, dammit, and I would NOT let myself be talked out of it or told I was wrong. We were in trouble here, after just a few weeks of actual business and three days after our debut show, we were in serious trouble. I stopped outside the door, the papers in my hand, and cleared my throat. Then I grabbed the handle and walked right in. No need to knock, he'd know I was serious if I acted like a dick.

I never act like a dick. I'm not sure if I know HOW to act like a dick.

Just walking in didn't make me look like one either, especially since Ed and Bill, one of our Road Agents, were already inside.

Vince: I just had Connie go down to your office to grab you. I'm guessing you didn't see her?

Bill: Pretty fast if he did.

Myself: No, I was down with Sophie in Finance. I came right up here. We have some problems Vince.

I sat down in the nearest chair, next to Ed and Bill, and prepared my papers as my proof.

Vince: Fucking A we do. Not only did Brian fucking quit on Wednesday after the taping, but Mark and Tank are pissed off as well. Fucking Road Dogg cocksucker sonofabitch. I MADE that prick and he fucking walks out on me after one show. Do you have any idea how high a priority his feud with Mr. Personality was going to be? Now what the fuck am I going to do with Stacy? I hired Lawler's ex piece of ass for this, and it's all shit now. Never mind what the fuck I'm going to do with Brad and Jackie. Fuck, I had that shit booked for MONTHS, now it's all fucked. Fucking cocksucker prick dickless Dogg.

I sat motionless and quiet for what seemed like forever. Simply, I was in shock over that...display. I'd heard him go off before, many times, but this was, well, animated and MORE intense than normal. I cleared my throat AGAIN to speak, but Ed beat me to the punch.

Ed: What kind of a prick WON'T job for his brother, gets pissed, and quits?

Vince: BG Motherfucking James. Oh, and Barry Fucking Windham too. But Windham's not being a pissy jerk about it and walking out. By the way, did you hear that the bitch Kira Reed won't be coming back? Slut walks out on us in the middle or our show, she ain't EVER working for me again.

Bill: It's wrestling Vince, forgive and forget if it'll draw a crowd.

Vince: Porno bitches are a dime a dozen, Bill. What's the word on Jenna Jameson?

I sighed.

Myself: Her agent is talking it over with her. We may get a show, maybe two, but she IS exclusive to Vivid Video. It'll cost a fortune to get her to appear on Playboy, but it's doable. However...

Vince: A show or two? That'll work. Maybe the thing is to get a new whore every week. Maybe every few weeks. Keep the fans wondering which one's next kind of shit. Now, as far as Tank and Mark go...

It was MY turn to interrupt. Be a dick be a dick be a dick.

Myself: Vince, Tank and Mark are the LEAST of our issues. If you'd return Sophie's calls you'd know that...

Vince: We were fucking.

He might as well have just slapped me.

Ed: What?

Bill: Jesus Vince, you were banging the head of our Finance Department?

Vince: Well, what can I say. And I don't return her calls because she's pissed at me. She caught me fucking Jasmin and...

Slap slap slap.

Maybe that's the WRONG sound to make.

Ed: What the hell? You're screwing the talent?

Vince: Jasmin has ONE talent, and it ain't in a wrestling ring.

Myself: Okay, this I SO don't need to hear Vince.

Vince: Well, anyways, what the fuck were you prattling on about?

I sighed.

Myself: We're losing money Vince, in a BIG WAY. Have you looked at the wages? Have you paid attention to the cost to put these shows on? You started this with 2 Million dollars, but with what I've mentioned alone it's a cost of OVER 2.5 Million a month. A MONTH Vince. At this rate we'll be out of business by the end of the month. We're running PPV's, yes, but it's not enough to get us over the hump, not when 50 percent of the revenue is going to Playboy. It isn't good at all. So as far as I'M concerned, BG Motherfucking James walking out on us is a good thing, because that's a hell of a lot less money we have to pay this month. For that matter, there is NO WAY we should be paying the amount we are to people like Joanie Lauer, who won't even get inside a ring to wrestle more than once a month. Yet, we just signed deals with Shane Douglas, Cassidy O' Reilly, and Mike Sanders. Also, are we going to try beat NWA-TNA to the punch on ALL of WWE's released wrestlers, cuz word just leaked out that they fired Paul London, Sean O'Haire and...

Vince: Those stupid fucks fired Sean? Sweet fucking Christ man, when were you going to let me know? Bill, get on the phone and find out what's up with Sean. Holy shit that's big.

Bill left the room and I dropped my head. All of that, and the only thing he heard was...

Vince: Relax. I know you NEED this job, fuck, we all do, but don't fucking worry. We will NOT go balls up in the first fucking month. If that cockless fuck Jerry Jarrett can fucking make it work then so can I. Now, about Tank and Mark...

I sat back and listened, but I didn't hear a word. I was right dammit, I was right, and he wouldn't listen.

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The second week of PPCW is Friday, September 12, 2003 from the home of Sex AND Entertainment, Hollywood, CA. This week promises to be even more jam packed and exciting than the first week, as PPCW also welcome TWO new broadcasters to the team to join Ed Ferrara. Most recently associated with WWA, but best known for his stint in wCw, Mark Madden brings his wrestling expertise and extensive knowledge to PPCW as the color commentator. Plus, the FIRST LADY OF ADULT ENTERTAINMENT, and a frequent guest on The Howard Stern Radio Show, Jenna Jameson debuts with PPCW this week as a special backstage correspondent. PPCW is pleased to welcome both to our rapidly expanding team.

On tap for this week

-The second match in the tournament to name the first ever PPCW Tag Team Champions happens tonight as The Bad Ass Barrys make their PPCW debut and take on the unlikely team of Van Hammer and Donnie Bon Jovi. Last week Company Business were the first team to advance, and they will meet tonight's winner and the winners of next week later in the month in the first ever Menage' Au Trois Match.

-After being attacked by BG James to cost them their shot in the tournament, Mr. Personality and Miss Wrestling will be in the arena this week to comment. One can only wonder what these two will say and do.

-Finally, where was Scott Hall last week? He was scheduled to appear, but he never arrived. This week Scott assures us he WILL be there, and he will have words for the people who kept him from showing up last week.

All this and MUCH more, this Friday at Midnight CST ONLY on Playboy TV.

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Shane Douglas: ...saying is that it's bullshit. Are you aware that I turned down an NWA-TNA booking to be here, and now I'm not even on the fucking show? Bullshit.

I winced and leaned against the wall. Show night, Wednesday September 10, 2003, and I was stuck here in the hall in the back of the studio fifteen minutes prior to start time listening to Shane Douglas bitch and moan about not being booked to appear on tonight's show. The worst part was that he didn't have a real gripe.

Me: I don't understand your issues Shane. You understood when we all spoke that tonight we were filming a video for you and finalizing our deal. You ARE working tonight, you're just not doing it for tonight's show. It will be seen in two weeks. Next week, as I've already said more than once, you will debut in a nice, big, major angle. For Christ's sake Shane, you've been hired to replace Brian to feud with The First Couple. Vince sees The First Couple as Main Eventers, even if the fans and everyone else in the damned promotion DON'T agree. You are being handed a MAJOR spot in PPCW, you just don't appear on TONIGHT'S show.

Shane: And that's my problem and my point. I could be getting paid for WRESTLING in Nashville TONIGHT, but instead I've wasted my money and my time here.

I sighed. He was a moron. I'd heard that was the case.

Me: Listen to me for fucks sake, will you? You are getting paid to be here tonight. You're getting paid for next week. This is double pay in essence, because tonight you ONLY have to cut a scripted promo on tape. It's easy money. Why in the hell are you upset?

Shane smiled at me, then punched the wall three inches from my face. A moron with a temper. Nice. I also happened to know he liked porn and hookers. But then, don't ALL men?

Shane: You listen to me for a minute you piece of shit. IF I was still in the WWE or WCW, or IF this was the NWA, that shit would be fine, buthis is the fucking bush league. This is indy shit. This is a fucking promotion that won't exist in a year. I MAKE fucking promotions like this. Like ECW. Like XPW. You treat your talent like this already? Nice way to do business. This fucking attitude coupled with the fact that Vince Russo's in charge and half owner, and you'll all be begging for work elsewhere in under a year. Never mind the fact that Scott Hall is working for you assholes. Oh, wait, I almost forgot Jake Roberts. Do you need a few more alcoholics and drug addicts, cuz I hear that your mother is working on a corner a few streets over sucking cock for crack, maybe put THAT bitch on the show instead of me too?.

Me: Go home. Just get the hell out of here Shane. You're whole attitude sucks, and quite frankly I need to get back in that room and babysit a few REAL crack heads until show time, not listen to your shit. So get out of here, and when you come back next we'll do the stupid video, okay? Just get the fuck out of my face. Just LEAVE.

While I wasn't sure I had the authority to make such a move, I just had, so to hell with it. Besides, he'd be back next week, hopefully with a cooler head, and the two of us would sit down and iron out the issues of tonight then.

Shane: How about I tell you to go fuck yourself, tell you to pass that message on to Vince, tell you I quit and will never work for any of you again, then walk out? Fuck yourself, tell Vince the same, and I'm gone for good.

Or maybe not. He walked out and I didn't see him again.

Vince was going to blow a gasket.

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The tape arrived from Connie about ten minutes prior to me going home for the day. So the decision was made for me to watch it at home over a nice hot bowl of Hormel™© chili and some hot dogs.

I didn't acquire my six and a half pack stomach by not eating good.

Once I had my meal and my gatorade on the TV Tray I poped the tape into the VCR and watched the same bland opening we used for the first weeks show. Sure, it had tits and ass and a few wrestlers faces, but it was weak graphically and musically. Something I would definately have to mention. That, and that we had Tank's face on it. That wouldn't work after tonight. I took a bite of my chili and settled in. I'd do the note taking on my second run through later on, but for now it was all about sitting back and enjoying the show. Hopefully.

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Rock And Roll

Ed Ferarra is in the ring alone when the montage is over. He is smiling as the 1461 people, down from last week's 1483 I notice, hoot and holler some more. I wonder if we bring these people in from Alabama? Ed has a mic.

Ed: Welcome to week number two here for Playboy Presents Championship Wrestling. I am Ed Ferarra, your able and humble commentator for this evening. Now, before we continue much further, allow me to introduce PPCW's new permanent Color Commentator. He is one of the best, and DEFINATELY one of the most outspoken in the business today. Ladies and gentlemen, MEAN MARK MADDEN!

The fans show absolutely NO interest in this at all as Madden walks, or waddles as it looks on TV like he's gained an extra 40 or 50 pounds from when he was on WWA's PPV last year. Either way, he's here now and he was all my idea. He's no Stevie Ray or Dusty Rhodes, but he'll do.

Madden: Thank you kindly Ed, and as my first official piece of business, I'd like to introduce PPCW's NEW Backstage Correspondent.

Ed: You lucky devil, you.

Dear god, did he really just say that?

Madden: No kidding buddy. Here she is, everyone, the drop dead gorgeous JENNA JAMESON!

Some porn music hits, but instead of Jenna Jameson

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Van Hammer

walks from the back and slides under the bottom ropes. He has a bass guitar over his shoulder. To say that he got booed a little would be an understatement. This would have been a great way to segue right into the match with him having a ton of heat just because he's not a porn star who might get naked, but instead Vince decided to let Van Hammer talk. He learned nothing while working with him in wCw.

Madden: Hey now wait a...

Van Hammer snatches the mic from Ed as the fans boo him a little less. I can already see the inevitable trend.

Van Hammer: No waiting for anything Mark. This is Rock-N-Roll time, not tits and ass time. Let the porn star go fuck HERSELF for a change.

The boos come, but as I intuited, it's a lot less enthusiastic.

Hammer: Get out the ring fat boys, and let the master of ROCK-N-ROLL do his thing. Where's my mic stand?

That's right, let him play his guitar and sing, because it's not JUST a gimmick, now is it Vince? Holy God this is gonna blow. A ring attendant, our one and only, slides the mic stand under the bottom rope and he sets it up.

Hammer: I am ROCK-N-ROLL...

This is accompanied by some sort of strumming of the guitar. I shudder. He has NO IDEA he's not plugged in. An electric bass guitar, and he's not hooked up.

Hammer: ...VANHAMMERVANHAMMER ROCKNROLLROCKNROLL VANHAMMERROCKSROCKNROLLVANHAMMEEEERRRRRRR!

The fans sit in silence. I swear to god, there is not a single sound from the audience as Van Hammer strums his guitar some more then grabs the mic and drops to his knees.

Hammer: ROCK AND MOTHERFUCKING ROLL FROM VAN HAMHAMHAMHAMMMMEMEER!

He jumps to his feet as the silence continues. Van Hammer, the No Heat Machine. Might be a good gimmick to play out.

Van Hammer: I am in this PPCW Tag Team Tournament, and since none of my old MIA running buddies are still around me anymore I went out and got me a new Tag Team Partner. He's as green as green gets, and he's got a ton to learn about ROCK-N-ROLL and wrestling, but he's willing to learn and try to become the SECOND best in this business behind me. Allow me to introduce my protege, from the New Jersey shore, Donnie Bon Jovi.

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DBJ

Some Bon Jovi rip off music begins to play, something that RESEMBLES that wanted dead or alive song, and DBJ comes walking down the aisle with an electric guitar of his own. He climbs into the ring and stands looking at the crowd. The kid looks petrified. The crowd shows no interest. None. They are still silent.

OR: 42

Bad To The Bone begins to play, leading us into our second First Round PPCW Tag Team Titles Tournament Match.

Van Hammer and Donnie Bon Jovi vs. The Bad Ass Barrys

Bad Ass Windham leads Bad Ass Darsow and Bad Ass Horowitz to the ring to some decent boos from the crowd. I'm not sure what it is they are booing per se, but hey ANY reaction after that horrible Van Hammer debacle works for me. What does NOT work for me is the wrestling involved. When DBJ is in the ring, as it is at the start when he takes on Bad Ass Horowitz, it's not unbearable to watch. In fact, an amendment to that statement is that when THESE two men are in the ring it's a watchable product. Once Darsow tags in it gets a little bit worse. When, after several minutes of being beaten on DBJ tags in Hammer, that's when it goes in the toilet. When it's Hammer and Darsow TRYING to put on a match, it's unwatchably BAD. Hammer botches one move and attempt at a move after another, which the inept Dasow sells like it's a Stone Cold Stunner from Jesus Christ himself. Horowitz, perhaps sensing the deterioration of this match, rushes into the ring, and trips over his own partner, falling face first onto the mat. How hard does it seem to be to pick a man up by the hair and then deliver a DDT? Don't ask this to Hammer, who is unable to perform this simple act. He makes a tag in to Donnie, who climbs up to the top rope, then falls when Hammer is going through the ropes and sends the both of them to the floor below. This, thankfully, was intended. Horowitz crawls from the ring and makes it to his corner as the ref makes the mandatory 10-Count, to which DBJ is just a micro second to late, causing the loss for his team. The Bad Ass Barrys hit the floor, celebrating with Bad Ass Windham as they make their way back up the ramp, pointing and laughing at Van Hammer and DBJ the whole way. Hammer rolls back into the ring, clutching his neck as he does so, and gets right in the face of DBJ, who looks sheepish and embarrassed. This kid has a little spark of something, and with some sort of honing and nurturing he could be somebody some day. Maybe. Hammer grabs both the guitars, then shoves DBJ's into his chest and orders him to leave the ring. DBJ does so, his head drooping, as Hammer glares a hole in the back of his head and also exits the ring. The two make their way up the aisle and into the back to almost no crowd reaction, which is pretty much how they reacted to the entire match.

WINNERS: THE BAD ASS BARRYS BY COUNT OUT

WORKRATE: 51

CROWD: 32

OR: 41

Madden: Har har har haw haw haw. It's ALMOST sad that after Van Hammer trumpeted his team and acted like an ass with us that his newly formed team went and pulled a Road Warriors here tonight.

Ed: A what?

Madden: A Road Warriors. They screwed the entire match up from beginning to end. Har har har haw haw haw.

Ed: What?!?!

Madden: Wait, I'm being told...yes it's FINALLY time. Here she is, The Queen Of Porn Jenna Jameson!

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Jenna Jameson

The porno music hits again and this time Jenna DOES make her way from the back, wearing a totally see through nightie, and no underwear on under it at all. Oh, and high heels. We have had our first COMPLETE female nudity in PPCW, and it's only our second show.

Talk about blowing your wad.

Errr, both ways really.

She walks up the steps and then pulls a Stacey Keibler to get into the ring, giving every man in the first three rows quite the sight. Unfortunately for our future buyrates the camera shot used is from the other angle. She is handed a mic from a VERY HAPPY Mark Madden, and yes it shows unfortunately, then smiles as the fans hoot, holler, and scream.

PPCW Nudity Count now totals two.

Jenna: Wow, thanks for the great reaction guys. Oops, and ladies. First off, I want to apologize for not making my way out here earlier, but those Bad Asshole Barrys kinda scared me off. Second, I want to apologize for my choice of clothing. I would have worn something LESS revealing and comfortable, but my luggage was lost. Thakfully I had this under my other clothes, which got dirty, which left me with JUST this to wear.

The fans are out of control, yelling and probably not listening to a thing she says.

Neither am I.

Jenna: I'd like to thank Playboy and PPCW for asking me to be here to be the new special Backstage Correspondant for the next few weeks. Tonight, I'm going to do my first PPCW interview, but I think I'll do it out here instead of back there. I hope that's okay? Okay, allow me to introduce my first ever guest, the one and only, the always impressive and always unpredictable...

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"Scott Hall"

Some music plays, completely unidentifiable by myself personally, and Scott Hall "flies" out from the back, bloodshot eyes and all. When I left he was hung over. No telling what kind of trouble he and Jake got into in the twenty or so minutes before he showed up here and me leaving though. He got inside the ring, and looked Jenna over from top to bottom, front and back, and all around. He smiled, then put his face real close to the mic, and her easily seen breasts,

Hall: Hey yos.

The crowd, which were already cheering her and his arrival let out a thunderous applause and cheer. Hall, whether he deserves it or not or it was planned or not, just became the biggest babyface in the company.

Maybe Vince DOES know what he's doing.

Jenna: Well hey yo to you too Mr. Hall.

Hall: Please, chiquita, call me the BIG Guy.

The crowd laughs and cheers.

Jenna: Big guy? You're decent sized, but not all that big.

Hall's toothpick falls to the mat as he feigns shock, then he smiles as he does the old DX Crotch Chop.

Hall: I am...DOWN THERE!

More thunderous applause from the crowd.

Jenna: Ooohhhh, down THERE. Okay BIG Guy, I'm told you were shceduled to be here last week, then you no showed. Now, I think EVERYONE knows about your, shall we say, history with not showing up to certain events, and then when you do how you show up. Was this another in a long line of incidents?

Hall laughed, looking somewhat taken aback by the comments. Whether you liked him personally or not, there was no doubt he was one charasmatic man who was gold on the mic. We needed MORE Hall's, at least as far as speaking and showing emotions went.

Hall: Cut right to the chase, don't ya Jenna? Well, that's why I asked for this interview time, so let's do just that. Nope, last week was NOT an incident. What last week was was...

Hall was cut off by Keep Away by Godsmack erupting over the speaker system. Alexis Laree, Chosen One Chase Stevens, and

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Sexretary Tiffany

make their way from the back and stand at the top of the aisle. The fans boo, but not as loud or as much as we would want.

Chosen One Chase: What in the fuck is this? Another whore in PPCW, showing her tits and ass and, well, I was gonna say bush but there's none there. Wow. Damn. Bitch, you are fucking HOT!

The fans laugh a little, cheer a little, and drool a little as Tiffany takes the mic from the awestruck Chase.

Tiffany: What Chosen One is trying to say is, nobody cares what a drunk and a slut have to say or do. Company Business has something to take care of, and perhaps the two of you need to leave and save this for another time.

Hall: Hey yo. Who are you again?

Tiffany: I am Secretary Tiffany, EXECUTIVE Secretary Tiffany, and I'm the spokeswoman for The One True Power In Wrestling, the leader of Company Business.

Hall: Hey ho, I mean yo Sexretary Tiffany.

Jenna laughs while Hall looks at her breasts.

Tiffany: No, not here TOO. It's SECretary Tiffany NOT SEXretary Tiffany.

Hall: Eh, whatever. Actually, Tiff, what I have to say DOES have something to do with you.

Chase and Alexis look worried, while Tiffany glares.

Tiffany: Oh, how's that?

Hall: Well, as I was about to say, the reason I didn't make it last week was because four people jumped me. In my hotel parking lot. About two hours before the show. Now, I DIDN'T know who they were, at least not until YOU showed up here now. I recognize the legs, and the voice. So, since there's three of you here now, how about you go get your fourth person, whoever he or she is, and we make this a fair fight.

Chase is livid on the ramp, and he snatches the mic from Tiffany.

I'm amazed at how this entire segment is actually WORKING. Well.

Chosen One Chase: What in the hell? You are accusing us, The Company, of attacking a nobody like you?

Hall: Yep.

With that a figure slides into the ring behind Hall, and it's the one and only

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Mike Sanders

who lays Hall out with a Clubbing Forearm Shot. He lays the boots to Hall thereafter.

Chosen One Chase: Well you're goddamned right then.

Alexis and Chase rush down to the ring as Jenna scrambles away with all her available speed. Tiffany walks slowly down the aisle as the threesome beat the hell out of Scott Hall to the boos of the crowd. Sanders hits The 3.0, followed by a Senton Bomb, of sorts, from Alexis. Sanders then grabs a mic.

Sanders: Somebody better call AA, cuz I just beat the living shit out of the drunk guy. Now hit OUR damn music!

Chase and Alexis toss Hall to the floor next to Tiffany, who grinds her high heel into his face, while a little Godsmack plays to the booing fans. He notices this, and in a huff he leads the rest of The Company to the back while our lone medic and ref rush to the ring to help out Scott Hall.

OR:53

Madden: That was something to see. Mike Sanders, my good buddy Mike Sanders is here IN PPCW with me, and he's Company all the way.

Ed: That was despicable is what it was. So those four are the reason why Scot Hall, The Big Guy, wasn't here at our debut show last week.

Madden: So far The Company has shown Hall, the big idiot, and The First Couple who runs things here in PPCW. You gotta love it.

Ed: Speaking of loving it, that's Rough Sex now playing by Lords Of Acid, which can only mean one thing here in PPCW.

Madden: It's time for some

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"Tits And Abs"

Mark Henry is led to the ring by Missy Hyatt. He is full of smiles, and already drenched in sweat. He gets into the ring, after Missy holds the ropes for him, and waits. Within a few seconds some generic up tempo music plays and

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Marty Jannetty

makes his way from the back, looking like an older version of The Rocker he was those many years ago. He slides into the ring, and rushes to hit the turnbuckle. However he runs square into a Clothesline from Henry, who then picks him up and tosses him around the ring, albeit it sloppily. This short match comes to its inevitable conclusion after several minutes of Henry just tossing Marty around, then locking in a Bear Hug, to which Jannetty taps, rather quickly. It amazes me how much money we paid Marty for him to job clean and quick in his first showing to Mark Henry. Henry drops him to the mat as the "lady" rushes into the ring and makes out with Henry. It's as disgusting as it sounds.

WINNER: MARK HENRY BY SUBMISSION

WORKRATE: 54

CROWD: 52

OR: 53

Ed: As those two leave, thankfully, I'm told that we have Jenna in the back with The First Couple, Mr. Personality and Miss Wrestling.

Madden: From the lovely Missy to the BUCK NEKKID Jenna. Hot damn I LOVE PPCW.

Ed: She's not naked, but what the hell, close enough.

The scene shifts to backstage where

>

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The First Couple

are standing next to the ALMOST naked Jenna.

PPCW nudity Count in total is now three.

Jenna: I'm here with PPCW's First Couple, the LOVELY and TALENTED Miss Wrestling and the CHARASMATIC and HANDSOME Mr. Personality.

Mr. Personality: What is is up my home boys? Wanna Scnhizzle on my Twizzler there sex queen?

Jenna: Uhh, aren't the two of you, you know, an item?

Mr. Personality: We have us a 21st Century relationship. She does me, and I do everyone else dawgette.

Miss Wrestling: Yeah, he wears the diaphragm in this family.

Jenna: Talk about too much info. But speaking of info, let's segue into the attack last week by your very own brother Mr. Personality, the one and only BG James.

Mr. Personality: Yeahizzle, the BG stands for Better Leave James...

I'm shocked at how he just completely fucked that. Miss Wrestling whispers in his ear.

Mr. Personality: Huh? What? Oh, shit, yeah my bad. I MEAN, the BG stands for Better Get James.

Oh my god, he's a comedy of errors on the mic, except it isn't funny.

Miss Wrestling: Better GO James, it's Better Go James.

Mr. Personality: Uh, yeah, that too. Anywhoooza, my lil baby brother got the one up on my shitzzle, but I took his lame white ass out back and laid the whoop down candy ass style once we met at daddy's house for Sunday dinner. Let's just say BG James NOW stands for Big Gone James, as in his white ass is GONE from PPCW.

Jenna: You drove your OWN brother from PPCW? Why not just do it in the ring?

Mr Personality: You see, ho, he's not a street thug degenerate like me, he's a rube and a square and a fakeizzle player. But he's not a PLAYA, dawg. He's not even in my mother humping league, dawg. Now you forschnizzle that shitzzle. BIAAATCH!

The crowd is laughing, a little, at this inept attempt to be cool. The sad thing, is, we're not PURPOSELY playing this for laughs, although I currently wish to god we were.

Jenna: Anything you'd like to add Miss Wrestling?

Miss Wrestling: Nah, he's the talker, I'm the ass kicker. In the ring that is. See, not even making much sense today. Let's go hon, we're just taking up valuable time for that awesome Main Event of Tank Abbott vs. Jake "The Snake" Roberts.

Her monotone voice almost totally distracts you from the fact that she could give a shit less. Almost. Wait, it's her FACE that almost distracts you, her voice labors the point home.

Mr. Personality: Schnizzle my Twizzler BIAAATCH!

And with that it is THANKFULLY over. The really bad part is, in a few weeks time they are going to let him rap.

No, really.

OR: 38

Ed: That was, well, I'm not sure what that was.

Madden: Wasting our time dammit. We're running short on it as it is, and we DO have that killer Main Event Match.

Ed: Yeah, but FIRST...

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Bad Ass Barry Windham vs. Mike Enos

Bad Ass Windham makes his second appearance of the night, this time alone, as he walks to the ring to meet Mike Enos, who is already there. This is Mike's SECOND attempt to impress Vince, what with him NOT doing it last week at all. The match is short and sweet, and it's all about Enos making Barry look good and powerful. He does his job this week, even if the match tiself is ATROCIOUS. Hopefully Vince is done giving valuable PPV time away to Mike Enos for tryouts. HOPEFULLY. Barry gets the 1-2-3 win after a Lariat that Enos sells by bouncing off the mat five or ten times.

WORKRATE: 57

CROWD: 41

OR: 49

Ed:Wow. Bad Ass Barry Windham just showed why he is the leader of The Bad Ass Barry's in there. What a showing by a true LEGEND in our sport.

Madden: Enough talk about asses, good OR bad ones, Ed. It's Main Event time.

Ed: Indeed it is Mark, indeed it is.

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Jake "The Snake" Roberts

VS.

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Tank Abbott

Jake is out first, his bag over his shoulder as he walks slowly to the ring, eating up valuable airtime. Once he FINALLY makes it inside the ring, looking about as high as one would expect, Tank makes his way out and the two get quickly underway. It's not a wrestling match, per se, as much as it is a slugfest, which will go Tank's way everytime. This is no exception, as he out punches and overpowers Jake throughout. Jake eventually hits a low blow, when the ref's NOT looking of course, and then looks ready to hit a DDT, when he's distracted by a portly and odd looking fellow at ringside. The guy is holding a sign that reads

Behind you Dumbass!

Jake turns and is clocked right in the head by Insane Shawn Stasiak. The fans pop for the first time, which is a good thing, as Jake goes down. Stasiak then nails Tank REPEATEDLY right in the head until he too drops. Stasiak runs around the ring for a few seconds, then, to add insult to injury I'm sure, he delivers a DDT to Jake on the chair, before taking the same chair and beating the holy hell out of the bag that ALWAYS contains the snake. The fat man, who is Ralphus of course because he SO fits with that paranoid not-quite-right young man, smiles his toothless smile and he and Stasiak head up the ramp, while the camera focuses on the carnage and blood begins to seep from the bag.

WINNER: NO CONTEST DUE TO INTERFERENCE

WORKRATE: 75

CROWD: 64

OR: 69

Ed: AGAIN? For the second week in a row Insane Shawn Stasiak has laid out BOTH Tank Abbott and Jake "The Snake" Roberts, and killed snakes. What is wrong with this man?

Madden: Well Ed, the "Insane" part of his name gives me a SMALL clue, dumbass.

Ed: Nice. We're out of time folks, join us NEXT WEEK, same time and...

The show ends. Thankfully? Who knows. I just can't quite decide, as I put my dirty dishes in the sink and rewind the tape. An OR: 51, slightly surpassing last week's show which wound up, according to early numbers, drawing a .06 Buyrate. Not good, but it could be worse I suppose. According to Mitch at the office this week's show was looking to also be around a .06 Buyrate. Okay, so we lost live viewers, put on a slightly better show, stayed even with PPV Buys, and lost money. Nice. Not really.

I sat back down, popped some tums, and hit play again, notebook in hand. There was SOME altercation with Jasmin St. Claire in the back before the show, hence her not appearing with Tits And Abs, and of course Shane Douglas quit on his first night. Things HAD to change next week, meaning better numbers and nobody quitting, or the company really wouldn't make it to the end of the month.

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What does it feel like to be told to go home? What does it feel like to be told that you're not wanted here right now? I found out on Wednesday Night, five minutes before PPCW was to be taped. I sat down at the gorilla position next to Vince and updated him on the situation with Shane Douglas, someone Vince was VERY excited about having be a part of the promotion. I explained how it all went down, very confidant that Vince would call me a few names, curse vehemently, then cool off and tell me to make sure Jake and Scott were ready and somewhat sober. That's not how it went down at all.

Vince: Get the fuck out of MY face. Go home. Just go home. We'll manage without you saboutaging us for ONE night.

He then turned away from me and talked with Mark and Ed, who were on their way towards the ring. I sat mortified. I stood up and did a slow march to my office. I wasn't sure what I expected to happen as I walked away, but it wasn't what I got, which was nothing. Had I been fired? Had I been suspended? What exactly had occurred?

I went back to my office and waited. The show went down, without me, and as everyone was coming back to the offices Connie stopped in and smiled. She handed me a tape and told me that Vince told her to give me a copy of tonight's show, to go home and watch it, and that he would see me back here Monday morning.

I had done that. I had reviewed it, then I e-mailed my thoughts back to Connie. On Friday morning she called me to say that Vince had gotten the notes, but that he still wanted me to wait until Monday to come back to work.

A suspension?

Yes, I had been suspended for the remainder of the week. My thoughts were all over the place as the weekend went by. Monday morning came and I went back to work. I had to look strong, as if I had NOT spent the entire weekend wondering about my place and my position. I needed to come off looking as if I had 100% assurance that my decision to deal with The Franchise as I had was a good move and the ONLY way to go about it.

I walked into my office and saw Vince sitting on my couch with an odd look on his face. I sat at my desk and waited. Finally he spoke.

Vince: I trust you, yanno that? I trust you more than most anyone else. Ya know why? It's because if I let the shit get too fucked up, or if I forget the important shit, you always try to set me straight. I've always respected you for that. It's why I've always fucking called you to work with me as I bounced from one fucked up promotion to the next. It's why you're fucking here with me now working on PPCW. But what ya fucking did last week, it may have been the right thing, but it goddamned fucked me up. You don't know it yet cuz I sent ya home, but Tank motherfucking Abbott walked out on us Wedmesday Night too. Now, in ONE night Shane and Tank walk out, and I'm feeling like everything is fucked up beyond all belief. I'm feeling like we're drowning like Leo Dicraprio in fucking Titanic and that rich bitch won't share the fucking door she's on with us. That's how I feel. And you, you're the fucking dickless wonders who keep pushing women and children out of the way to get your ass in a raft. That's how I'm feeling right now.

How do you respond to a man that you truly like and admire when he calls you a dickless wonder that would let women and kids drown?

Me: Fuck you Vince. Am I fired or what?

Okay, that's one way. I'd been trying to be a dick for two weeks now and I think I just succeeded.

Vince: Fuck me? I like that you ballsy piece of shit. Yeah, and fuck you and fuck 'em all too. Now fix your fucking mistake. Either get Shane back, or get me someone fucking better. Everytime I pin a fucking longterm feud and story on someone they fucking walk out on me. How about you find me some shithead who won't fucking walk out on us. And none of your "We're going broke Vince, we're not gonna make it" bullshit. Tank leaving saved us a fuckload of cash.

I smiled and sat behind my desk. I considered my sorry ass extremely lucky. I think Vince knew it.

Me: He has a contract for eight appearances Vince, we can make him stay with us.

Vince: I dealt with that shit in Atlanta, and that fucking UFC cocksucker knows it. He made it pretty fucking clear his ass wasn't showing up, so I cut him loose. To think, I was gonna make that prick a World Champion too. Twice that shit fucks me over.

Me: Playboy Chhampion, not World. How about we let Insane Shawn cut a killer promo on him next week? The promo by Brad and Jackie went well.

Vince: It went okay, but yeah, maybe we'll do JUST that.

Vince stood up and turned to leave, then stopped. He didn't look back at me as he spoke.

Vince: Don't EVER cost me like that again though. I may love ya, but if I have to I'll cut you loose in a fucking nanosecond, okay?

Me: Fucking A.

I picked up the phone and made a call I'd been thinking about all weekend, all the while thanking whatever angel had me in their sights today.

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Week three of Playboy's HOTTEST new show promises to turn up the heat, and really deliver on the two in's, that being in ring action and innuendo. This week...

PPCW Tag Team Titles Tournament Match: Cody Hawk and Chet Jablonski vs. Perfection

-Week three of the PPCW Tag Team Titles Tournament comes around, as the team of Cody Hawk and Chet Jablonski make their PPCW debut facing the debuting team of Matt Stryker and BJ Whitmer. Which of these hot young teams join Company Business and The Bad Ass Barrys to meet in the first ever Menage Au Trois Match in just one more week for the vacant titles?

Mark Henry vs. Mike Enos

Mr. Personality with Miss Wrestling vs. Bad Ass Barry Windham with The Bad Ass Barrys

Insane Shawn Stasiak with Ralphus vs. The Dog

-Insane Shawn Stasiak has already made a name for himself in PPCW, killing dozens of snakes, attacking Tank Abbott and Jake "The Snake" Roberts TWICE, and bringing in Ralphus to help him out. What could he POSSIBLY do to top it for week three? Not only does Stasiak face The Dog, but he and Ralphus have an interview with Jenna Jameson.

Main Event Match: Scott Hall vs. Mike Sanders with Sexretary Tiffany

-Scott Hall was destroyed by The Company for the second week in a row. What will he do to guarantee he gets his match with Mike Sanders, and how can he guarantee it will be a one on one affair and not four on one?

For only $7.95 for sixty HARD hitting minutes of DEEP wrestling and entertainment action, PPCW is the only choice.

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I walked down the hall on my way to the backstage area for the show in forty minutes. My job is so much fun I don't even know where to begin.

Jake Roberts, who had been scheduled to do a run in during the match with Stasiak and The Dog, was nowhere to be found. The rumor mill suggested he had gone on a bender of some sort the previous week after leaving work, but nobody really knew. My calls to his cell phone had gone unanswered for the last few days, and tonight was no exception whatsoever. Myself and Vince had sat down and worked out a workable replacement ending to the match tonight that would get at least SOME of the story told, but it was going to hurt us in the long run. Fucking Jake. That was problem number one.

Problem number two was fucking Mike Sanders. He and Vince are real close, and Vince sees him as a sort future Rock I think he told me. He doesn't excell in any one aspect or area, but he's definately good in most. I take that back, just like The Rock, Sanders fucking kills on the mic. Anyone who says differently is a moron. That's YOU Mr. McMahon and that sonofabitch Kevin Sullivan. Anyways, fucking Mike Sanders has a tricep strain following a workout session with Mark Jindrak and Sean O'Haire on Monday. So, our Main Event feud between Hall and Sanders was now gone for roughly a month, the amount of time that he would apparently be out. Thus we had to do some fast work on how to get out of THIS situation.

Problem three was that today was Tuesday, a day EARLIER than we usually do our shows, and as such we were sort of rushing to get things ready. Vince had pushed our taping up a day after he THOUGHT he had signed Shane Douglas and BG James, both of whom work with TNA on Wednesday's. Now one day earlier is not a HUGE problem, other than the fact that we had for the last two weeks been preparing things right up UNTIL showtime on Wednesday, thus losing 24 hours of preperation time for a show that wasn't THAT good to begin with.

Finally, problem number four was my resident drunk Scott Hall, who was sober this week, but really quite pissy. He was unhappy about the Sanders injury, he was unhappy about the fact that he seems to be feuding more with Tiffany, a manager, than with wrestlers, and he was unhappy about the fact that he now wasn't wrestling for a THIRD week. Yes, the man that left WWF for WCW and a guaranteed contract with less dates to wrestle was actually bitching about NOT wrestling. Go figure. I tried to deal with him as best I could, but when the prick is sober he is just that, a prick. I KNEW this from working with him in the WWF and NWA, but you forget such things when he's drunk and mostly docile ninety percent of the time.

I rounded a corner and almost walked right into our newest talent. He smiled and extended his hand. I did the same. He was Vince's "savior" to help us deal with the loss of Sanders. He was going to make a HUGE debut tonight, not all that different than the one Sanders made last week, and he would "sort of" feud with Hall until Sanders returned. Vince had really grown to like this kid in Nashville and had taken him under his wing so to speak. I had suggested we give him a sort of Franchise gimmick, mainly to rub it into Douglas' face if he ever watched our program.

Me: All set kid?

Him: Damn skippy I am. Can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about this. To be a large part of TWO up and coming growing promotions like this one and TNA, well, after my years of getting screwed over by the "Big Boys" it makes me feel pretty damn good.

I looked up at him as he spoke, and smiled. He was likeable, he was friendly, and as far as I knew he wasn't a motherfucker. He was so NOT going to fit in around here.

Before I could speak the man that I had called and practically given phone head to on Monday to get him to return to PPCW walked up. He looked kinda high, but I could have sworn he was clean. Who knows.

Who cares.

BG James: Hey there guys. It is good to be back.

I had to promise BG motherfucking James a ton of shit to get his ass back. Vince had been elated, but I wasn't sure it was worth it. For the love of god, a feud between The Roadie and Buzzkill was NOT going to put asses in the seats. Maybe when either of these men had been in their primes, MAYBE, but surely not today.

Me: Evening Dogg. And welcome back.

BG: Thanks a bunch. Glad we could work our shit out. Now tell me, what's this crap I hear of some guy getting a name and a gimmick of being a dog?

I smiled, hoping to GOD this was not problem number five thirty minutes before showtime.

************

I sat in the back and watched the show start on the monitor. A brief shot of the crowd was shown in lieu of where the opening graphics and porno style music would play. I had talked to Vince about updating the opening graphic to remove Tank Abbott's face, and was told that he was just being edited out of it. He didn't find my comments on us WWFing our opening graphics funny at all.

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Tag Team Title Tournament Match

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Cody Hawk and Chet Jablonski

vs.

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Perfection

Matt Stryker and BJ Whitmer

All four men were already in the ring as the show proper started, and it was up to Ed Ferrara to give them introductions. I say Ed because we released Mark Madden yesterday. So far we are on our third show and it will include our third announce team. Ed failed by the way. He was slow to comment on much of anything, then the time was gone, as Lenny Lane's music began to play. He walked slowly down the aisle, hair in pigtails sucking on a lollipop, as the fans semi booed and semi cheered. Hey, he's an ambiguously gay ambigous character.

That should have been funnier.

Ed: What is going on here? Lenny Lane?

Lenny walked over to Ed and sat down, while the four actual GOOD wrestlers in the ring watched, looking like a bunch of idiots in the process.

Lenny: That fat bastard Mark Madden is gone, and lucky you Ed you get the Len Man as your new color guy.

Ed: Don't touch me, okay?

Lenny: Not what you said the other night.

Ed: Oh god no, NO I DID NOT.

Thankfully this "sexual tension" was released as Perfection, Stryker and Whitmer, attacked Hawk and Jablonski from behind starting the match off. I am real high on these four guys. They are hungry and ready to get a chance to prove themselves in the ring to a national audience. Our ref gets the action settled down sending Cody and Stryker to the apron, and we have us a nice little Tag Team Match underway. Unfortunately it's a LITTLE Tag Team Match. With Vince (over)booking so much for our third outing, these guys have a total of about eight minutes, and half of that was blown by Lenny's introduction to the announce team. The end comes too soon for my tastes when Cody Hawk hits a Top Rope Hurracanrana of sorts on Whitmer that levels him. Stryker tries to get inside, but he is too late, and the GOOD team of Hawk and Jablonski, or Chet and Cody as Vince wants them called, win this match to head into our Menage' Au Trois Match next week for the new PPCW Tag Team Titles. God, I wish we had booked THIS to be our Main Event, what a way to close the show it would have been. But wait, it isn't over. As Stryker helps his partner to the floor Company Business hits the ring and Alexis Laree and Chosen One Chase Stevens level Chet and Cody from behind with chairs. They wallop them with all they have, actually making it LOOK like it might hurt, then drop the chairs and roll from the ring. Chase walks over to the announce position where he leans REAL close in to Ed.

Chase: Tell them when they wake up that Company Business will see their sorry asses next week. When we beat them for OUR Tag Team Titles.

He backs off and Alexis swoops in.

Alexis: Yeah.

With that they walk off to some actual heel heat. Not a lot, but they do get heat. And when our three refs help Chet and Cody up and from the ring, they actually get some applause. Heel heat and a face reaction in the same match? In PPCW?

WORKRATE: 77

CROWD: 53

OR: 65

Ed: Well that was wrong on so many levels Lenny.

Lenny: Yeah. Why attack your opponent a week BEFORE the big match? They should have waited until NEXT week and THEN laid them out.

Ed: Not what I meant.

Lenny: Wait. Okay. Yeah.

Ed: It usually helps to let the fans know what you're being told Lenny.

Lenny: Well if you're INTO this sort of thing, we're heading to the back where Jenna Jameson is ready to interview Ralphus and Insane Shawn Stasiak. Yech, naked women.

From The Back With Jenna Jameson

Jenna is standing in front of Stasiak and Ralphus, both of whom look shocked at what they see. Jenna is buck ass naked, holding a mic. All the camera shows is her bare ass. Hence the name of the interview segment, From The Back.

Isn't Vince Russo witty?

PPCW Nudity count is now at FOUR.

Jenna: Thanks Lenny and Ed. I am here with Ralphus, the new manager of Insane Shawn Stasiak, and the insane one himself. Now, last week Shawn you...

Ralphus: Ho aw ho aw.

Jenna: Uhhh, what?

Ralphus: Ah sed ho aw ho aw daiit

Jenna looks over to Shawn, who simply shrugs his shoulders. Ralphus then takes off his jacket to reveal his muscular form.

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Jenna: I am NOT putting that on after you wore it.

Ralphus looks mad and walks off.

Jenna:Okay, Shawn as I was...

Ralphus walks back.

Ralphus: Naw nuttermucker, um aw.

Jenna: What?

Shawn shrugs and walks off camera. The crowd popped for some bare ass and even laughed once at Ralphus for a few minutes. Then we lost them. Thank god this was short.

Jenna: Back to you guys.

Please, back to ANYTHING.

OR: 65

Oh wait, I forgot, we're not DONE backstage yet.

Scott Hall saunters into the scene, circles Jenna checking her out, then walks off the scene. He returns with a chair, and proceeds to sit in front of her, with his head at crotch level.

Hall: Hey yo. Nice view

For the record Vince insists here in PPCW that all backstage segments be done LIVE while the audience is in attendance, and NOT pretaped. It is showing.

Jenna: Heheheh. I've heard THAT before. What can I do for you Mr. Hall?

Hall: I can think of a few things, but we'll talk AFTER the show. Right now, I'm going to try and STOP looking at your crotch, and talk about Mike Sanders.

You can guess it. He sat there silent for a full minute.

Jenna: Uhhhh, Mr. Hall?

With that Hall jumps up and smiles.

Hall: Hey yo.

At least the fans are laughing and cheering at this. He has them in the palm of his hand.

Hall: Last week Mike Sanders decided to jump me from behind, then he and his buddies in The Company laid me out. If you look real close, you can see a nice HOLE in my forehead from Sexretary TIffany's heel. Nice job on their part, two weeks in a row. In the old days, I would have been proud of them for doing a good job. Nowadays, well, I don't know how many days I got left, so doing the job to me, it ain't cool. So I went and got me a match for later tonight, in the Main Event to be exact, against Mike Sanders. Mano to mano, he will learn why I was once called The Bad Guy. I'm going to make his stay in PPCW a nice short one, and send his ass home with a few new bruises and cuts. Then I'm gonna come back here, and you and me, we can talk about jobs of a different kind.

Jenna: And THAT will be one more for the good guys.

Hall smiles then saunters off the scene.

Jenna: Now back to you.

I am shocked, but it worked. Two weeks in a row, and the saving grace was Hall on a mic.

OR: 71

Ed: I have no idea what to say regarding Stasiak and Ralphus...

Lenny: Someone needs to tell that fat man to put his teeth in when he speaks.

Ed: ...but Scott Hall is here again this week and he is definately ready to get a hold of Mike Sanders.

Lenny: I think Scott Hall had better think a little bit more before he decides to jump into a war with The Company. These guys have The One True Power In Wrestling backing them, and jumping on them may NOT be smart if Hall wants to hang around here much longer.

Ed: That actually made sense. Up next...

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Mark Henry vs. Mike Enos

I am going to save us ALL a lot of time and heartache here. Mark Henry is with Missy Hyatte, Jasmin is gone from PPCW, Mike Enos is STILL getting live tryouts on TV, Mark Henry botched four spots, Mike Enos botched two, the match lasted nine minutes, and Mike Enos tapped out to Mark Henry's Bear Hug Of Love.

Yes, that IS what we're calling it.

At this point he dropped Enos to the mat as Missy enetered the ring. The two started to exchange some spit and tongue action, when a fan jumped the guardrail. He slid under the bottom rope, totally giving away that he is indeed a wrestler by the way, and grabbed Mark Henry from behind. Henry went up and came back down on his back in a sweet looking Full Nelson Slam. The crowd kinda cheered as the man took a small bottle of water from his pants and poured it all over his head, then looked at Missy with insane eyes. This man was of course

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Ron The Waterman

making his triumphant return to exact some revenge. As Missy looked frightened beyond belief, a few wrestlers and some "security" guys hit the ring and Ron The Waterman was escorted from the ring.

Because he doesn't WORK for us you see.

Missy attended to Henry, who sat up looking dazed and pissed at the same time. Or, he looked like himself.

WORKRATE: 58

CROWD: 33

OR: 45

Lenny: Some fans, I tell ya, they have no respect for the business.

Ed: Fan? That was Ron The Waterman, the guy that Tits And Abs destroyed two weeks ago for NO reason in the back. He got some revenge, but he is obviously going to do some time in jail for it. You simply can't come into the ring folks...

Lenny: No matter HOW MANY wrestlers beat you up.

Ed: Wait, I'm being told that, yes, yes, oh no, let's head to the back. Now!

In The Back...Now!

The scene shifts abruptly to a shot of Alexis Laree and Chosen One Chase Stevens laying the boots to Bad Ass Barry Darsow and Bad Ass Barry Horowitz, while Sexretary Tiffany is buttoning her blouse back up, smiling. Chosen One picks Horowitz up, pats him on the shoulder, then DDT's him onto the concrete.

Tiffany: As if I would REALLY let you two touch my breasts.

Alexis climbs onto some CONVENIENTLY placed stacks of palletts, then comes off onto BOTH Bad Asses with a Moonsault. Chosen One helps her up, then spits on both of The Bad Asses.

Chase: We took out those two fuckers earlier, and we took these two fuckers out now. Not so Bad Ass now, are you fellas?

Alexis: Yeah.

Tiffany: It's really quite simple, next week in the FIRST EVER Menage' Au Trois Match for the PPCW Tag Team Titles Company Business is walking out the champions. Let's go guys, we have ONE more bit of business to attend to tonight.

And off they walk. So, we are getting Company Business over as a strong, powerful, and good Tag Team. Unfortunately at the expense of our OTHER Tag Teams, as seen here when we KILLED The Bad Ass Barrys gimmick. Nice.

OR: 45

Ed: Company Business have now taken out BOTH of their opponents for next week, as Bad Ass Barry Windham looks on in the ring at the monitor. He must be worried about his partners.

Lenny: I said it before, I say it now. Beating the holy hell out of your opponents a WEEK BEFORE the match is dumb. I like Company Business, but they aren't playing it smart. As for Barry, he looks pissed, and I am SURE he's going to take it out on Mr. Personality.

Mr. Personality vs. Bad Ass Barry Windham

As Bad Ass Barry waits in the ring, Bodies hits by Drowning Pool and out come MY favorite part of our roster, the least charasmatic man in ALL of pro wrestling, Mr. Personality. He does some freaky looking dance, or maybe it's a fit, and smacks hands with fans who look LESS than thrilled to have him touch them. He makes his way into the ring, where Bad Ass Barry Windham levels him from behind with a Lariat of EPIC proportions.

It's called dramatic effect, and trust me after thirty minutes of watching this show I NEED to use it.

The next several minutes are ALL Windham, who uses Mr. Personality as a punching bag. He attempts SEVERAL pinfalls, but that wily veteran keeps kicking out. Finally a few fans rally behind Mr. Personality and he gets his second wind, blocking punches and TOTALLY no selling the last several minutes of beatings he has taken. He goes up top for something, but it is THEN that BG James enters the ring and lays out the ref from behind with a weak looking punch. Imagine that, our ref sells better than HALF our roster. Mr. Personality hops off the ropes, is met with a kick to the gut by his brother, who then hits his Pump Handle Slam, is able to somehow MIRACULOUSLY revive the ref, and motions for Windham to make the cover. The 1-2-3 later, and BG James is beating the hell out of Mr. Personality AGAIN as Bad Ass Barry heads for the locker room. Miss Wrestling comes running down the aisle, to a small reaction, and I find myself watching her breasts bounce. Hopefully the fans do too, because the moron trips over a cord and hits the floor hard. She is a pro though, some would say, and she's up and in the ring trying to pull BG off of her man by the hair. BG gets up, grabs her by the head, plants a kiss on her, gets slapped, then Pump Handle Slams her too. The fans boo a little, as BG laughs, crotch chops them both, then huffs and puffs his way up the aisle. I'm sure he's on his way to smoke some more crack. Shit, where's Hall?

WORKRATE: 61

CROWD: 42

OR: 51

Lenny: BG motherfucking James is back in PPCW. I guess Mr. Personality didn't take his bro out in the woodshed and whoop his schnizzle after all, now did he?

Despite the fact that Lenny is KILLING every gimmick we have on color, I am totally amused by him. A star?

Ed: What a night so far, and we still have TWO more matches. Let's head BACK to the ring folks.

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The Dog vs. Insane Shawn Stasiak

Insane Shawn Stasiak is led to the ring by Ralphus to almost NO reaction whatsoever from the fans, who I am SURE are just dead after the LAST match. As the two stand in the ring smiling at each other, the "music" of The Dog hits, and Al Greene comes out on all fours reprising his KILLER gimmick from WCW. That music by the way? The annoying as hell version of Jingle Bells that plays at Christmas time by the barking dogs. Sweet, no? He comes down the ramp on all fours, then walks up the stairs and climbs into the ring, then gets BACK down on all fours and growls at Stasiak and Ralphus. Ralphus runs from the ring like a fool and up the ramp into the back, while Stasiak smiles, pulls some pet treats from his trunks, and lays them on the mat for The Dog. The bell rings, as Stasiak exits the ring and walks halfway up the ramp. The Dog eats the treats after sniffing them, then listens as Stasiak whistles for him and yells.

Stasiak: Come on boy, come here boy, come on.

I can't believe we actually did this.

The Dog exits the ring at the nine count, obviously breaking the count, and meets his master on the ramp. They roughhouse a bit, as the fans sit in shocked, stunned, and SILENT amazement. Then the ref calls for the bell and we have a Double Count Out. Stasiak takes his new pet to the back.

The truly sad part is that the "playing" and "roughhousing" the two did was better than MOST of our actual matches. Sadder yet, this was the actual Main Event MATCH of the evening. If anyone comes back next week, here or on TV, I will be shocked as shit.

WORKRATE: 61

CROWD: 30

OR: 45

Lenny: I have nothing.

Ed: Me either.

Lenny: Lollipop?

Ed: Sure. Whiskey?

Lenny: Please?

Scott Hall vs...

The music hits, and Scott Hall makes his way from the back, looking suave, cool, collected, and STILL sober. The fans pop loud now, which is nice to hear for the first time in fifty minutes of television. He enters the ring, is handed a mic, and waits for the cheers to subside.

Hall: Hey yo.

More cheers. However before they can go any further, Godsmack hits and Sexretary Tiffany leads Company Business out from the back. They wait at the top of the ramp.

Hall: Where is he? Where is Mr. Mouth Mike Sanders?

Nice name. Damn, Vince may use that. In two months. When Mike fucking Sanders comes back. From his injury. From working out. Asshole.

Tiffany: Well Scott, you see there's a bit of a problem. Mike isn't here this week. Or next. Or the one after that. In fact, he won't be back for a few months. He got himself hurt. So your match you THOUGHT you were going to have is off. Sorry, see you next week.

They turn to leave to some good boos.

Hall: Naw, I don't think so chiquita. Tell me, how did the little man hurt himself?

With that we see a man slide into the ring behind Scott Hall. He has a mic. He is

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Erik Watts

Watts: He hurt his back banging your EX old lady, just like all the boys used to do.

With that said Hall turned around and walked right into an E-Bomb from the kid I talked to in the back who impressed me. The fans booed their hearts out, while Company Business ran to the ring to help Watts lay a THIRD beatdown on Scott Hall. At the top of the ramp Tiffany smiled as her men, and woman, soon walked back up to where she was.

Tiffany: I present to you all the NEWEST member of The Company, The Franchise Erik Watts.

62

End of show. That was a mixed bag of bad and worse. And it cost us SO much money to put together. Overall we got a 56, which is still UP from previous weeks. Not that you could really tell.

Oh, and...

Somewhere in Tennessee Shane Douglas just kicked in a TV set.

Thank you Hyatte.

************

I stood in the doorway for what seemed like forever.

I saw him, I heard him, and I was aware that in reality he was seated in Vince's office, but for the life of me I could not make myself actually BELIEVE it. The last week had been one thing after another, but today, two days prior to showtime, on a Sunday, I saw something I found utterly impossible to conceive.

Vince: Get the fuck in here. We have a shitload of stuff to talk about.

He smiled at me as he spoke again.

Him: Come on in, it's been years since we shot the shit man.

I walked into the room and sat down on the edge of the couch. My head was reeling. I had been at home sitting in my chair thinking of a way to get us out of the predicament that Bad Ass Barry Horowitz had left us in when Vince had called for this impromptu meeting. Myself, him, Ed, and a surprise he told me.

Vince: First off, tell me what ya got on The Bad Ass Barrys shit fucking up the Menage Au Trois Match.

What was he, fucking psychic?

Me: Do we wanna let the gimmick die or do we wanna...

Vince: Fuck no, I love that shit. I ain't in the mood to wait for two fucking months while that jagoff's arm heals from beating himself off too hard, but The Bad Ass Barrys gimmick is fucking gold.

Me: Thought so. Just an idea, but fuck the Barrys idea Vince. Make it a Bad Ass Barry. Maybe when Horowitz is better he can come back and get his ass kicked, but I'd let...

And cut off again.

Him: I like that idea. I like that idea a lot. Too many stables and groups anyways, especially with the Badstreet Boys coming.

Me: Excuse me? The who?

Him: No, The Badstreet Boys. I was kicking the idea around with Vince before you got here. It would add a lot to the story with Road Dogg and Brad.

On Thursday Marty Jannetty went on some dipshit internet wrestling talk show and bad mouthed PPCW. He told the hosts and the listeners that building a promotion around drunks and addicts like Scott Hall and Jake Roberts, wastes of money like Mark Henry and Barry Windham, and no talent WCW rejects like Mike Sanders and Shawn Stasiak was not the way to create a buzz and get off the ground. Vince heard this and hit the roof. Then he calmed down.

Vince: No fucking worries, his ass won't be welcome here in a few days anyways.

Was this what he meant? I looked at Vince, then back at him, then back at Vince.

Me: You guys wanna fill me in on what the fuck is happening here?

At that moment Ed walked in and laughed.

Ed: Holy shit what are you doing here?

Him: Oklahoma, how the hell are you?

God, a useless reference to a bad idea executed poorly. Holy shit, he still did it off camera too.

Vince: Sit down Ed. Okay, here it is. We're fucking dieing. You tried to tell me this, that bitch Sophie told me, and the fact of the matter is, I know it. We're looking at taping a show this Tuesday that could be our last if we don't do something. To say that Playboy ain't pleased is a fucking understatement. I didn't wanna do this, I swear to fucking Christ I didn't, but I had no choice.

Me: What did you do?

Him: Still not the sharpest knife in the drawer huh? I own half of PPCW now.

I knew it. I didn't want to believe it, but I knew it. I knew it the moment I saw him sitting there in that chair the moment I walked into the doorway. I fucking knew it.

Me: Jesus Vince.

Vince: Yeah, well, I had to do what I had to do. He bailed our ass out, we all have a job some more, and maybe we can make this shit work like we all know it will given enough time.

Ed: Viinie Mac release your ass too?

I smiled at the mention despite myself. A few weeks prior to PPCW debuting Vince McMahon had begun to lose his mind, or so we all thought. In the span of a few weeks the infamous WWE house cleaning had begun. Mark Henry. Spanky. Sean O'Haire. Mark Jindrak. Hell, Lawler was even let loose again. Vince went through an internal house cleaning as well, especially in the creative department. Gerwitz, gone. Stephanie, gone, although just shuffled around to a new position really. The new Head Of Creative? Paul Heyman. With a word and a gesture Vince McMahon had seemingly changed his entire company. It was almost inspiring to see a man who was such a complete moron when it came to his own faults and the faults of his company do a complete turn around. Heyman, a man I have no lost love for, even brought back a few of his former golden boys. Justin Credible was back in the WWE for one. For another Lance Storm and Tommy Dreamer had been featured prominently on RAW for two weeks in a row. It was almost insane.

Him: No, he offered me a job in the back.

Me: So how did we get the pleasure of having you own our souls then?

He laughed. It sickened me.

Him: You're still a funny fucker, huh? I don't want to be a corporate suck ass, it's not my thing.

I almost choked.

Me: Good to see you're still a funny fucker too.

Vince: Shut the fuck up.

Him: I want to wrestle on occassion still, and Vince didn't see things my way on that accord, so we parted ways. Now I'm here. Cuz Vince here called me. And as I told you before, I have a few ideas.

Vince: This is our team, the four of us. We agreed on it, and it's how it's going to be. Work with us, not against us, okay?

Ed: So who's not coming back as a result of this?

Him: Jannetty isn't coming back, but he signed his own deal with that internet shit.

Me: Who's coming in as a result of this?

He laughed again. I knew what was coming.

Welcome to PPKW.

Him: Joanie is gone too. Her and Sean are over, and she's a stupid bitch anyways.

Me: Say it?

Welcome to Playboy...

Him: Okay, Pac is coming in.

...Presents...

Him: I was gonna bring in Justin too, but WWE hired him again, so that's cool.

...Kliq...

Vince: Yeah, Sean may hate my fucking guts, but he and Scott and Kev are tight.

...Wrestling. No doubt starring this man right here.

Kevin Nash: It's gonna be fun boys.

Now PPCW had the oft mentioned cancer of wrestling. All we needed now was fucking Hogan.

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Week four of PPCW brings all the pulse POUNDING excitement and HARDCORE action that Playboy and PPCW are known for:

Chad Collyer and Sharkboy vs. Mark Jindrak and Sean O'Haire

-Four men make their PPCW debuts in this Tag Team Match extravaganza. While Collyer and Sharkboy are teaming for the first time together, WCW fans will no doubt remember Jindrak and O'Haire's time together as a team. Both teams get the chance of a lifetime as they try to impress The One True Power In Wrestling and cement a spot with PPCW.

BG James vs. Kendall Windham

Insane Shawn Stasiak vs. Mike Enos

PPCW PPV Tag Team Titles Menage Au Trois Match: The Bad Ass Barrys vs. Chet and Cody vs. Company Business

-In the past three weeks these three teams have advanced to the finals in the PPCW PPV Tag Team Titles Tournament. This Friday Night on PPV they will meet in the first EVER Menage Au Trois Match. Last week Chosen One Chase Stevens and Alexis Laree laid a beating on both Chet and Cody and The Bad Ass Barrys, causing some concern over whether both teams will be able to compete at all. Whatever the outcome, the first ever PPCW PPV Tag Team Champions will be crowned.

ALSO, for three weeks Scott Hall has been attacked by Company Business. This week The Big Guy Scott Hall has promised to not only exact revenge, but to have a BIG surprise for the members of Company Business.

Be sure to tune in this Friday Night for PULSATING, POUNDING, Sweaty action as ONLY PPCW can provide. Then stay tuned AFTER the show for Playboy TV's Women Of Wrestling 2.

Edited by thegodcomplex
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