Jump to content

Paradox games but definitely NOT GAMES OF THRONE


METALMAN

Recommended Posts

8 minutes ago, The Spooky Luchadore said:

Trying failed Robert's Rebellion again. I, for one, am shocked that Oberyn Martell isn't exactly Kingsguard material.

Did he fail as epically as he did in the trial by combat?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, The Spooky Luchadore said:

Nope, just a notification EVERY FUCKING DAY since I appointed him that he's sleeping with Ellaria Sand in violation of his vows.

Well given who else he has in common in that regard, you better kill him before he kills you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Even more remarkable is that you got Oberyn on the Kingsguard. Usually he ends up married to Arianne <_< . 

 

Also, today I learned that your army's speed is based on the highest of the three commanders. Usually I've been doing crap like having the one with Organizer lead the center flank, thinking that was how they got the benefit. 

 

Image result for the more you know gif

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have no idea how to play this game combined with my sketchy knowledge of history has lead me to be the first Sunni Islam ruler of North Noob Ireland.

Just now, MDK said:

I have no idea how to play this game combined with my sketchy knowledge of history has lead me to be the first Sunni Islam ruler of North Noob Ireland.

ffs literally 5 mins after I switch to Sunni Islam my guy blows up a pub. Fuck this game.

3D0ABD33882CCD19A8DC8E200824BC5AFDBCEB82

  • Like 3
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Mick said:

Oh, it is on!image.png

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As of 298 AC, my timeline's version of Game of Thrones would be comparatively dull, with the sole major threat being Tywin Lannister wanting to install Rhaegar's half-brother Jaehaerys on the Iron Throne. Longer-term goal is to cross the Narrow Sea and take control of the Free Cities.

Speaking of the realm at large:
IRON THRONE:
Rhaegar I Targaryen, 39, commonly called 'the Poet', m. Elia Martell

  • Rhaenys, 17, m. Olyvar Frey
  • Aegon, his heir, 16, betrothed to Mychella Tyrell

Other Targs:

  • Viserys, Rhaegar's full brother, 22, m. Ysilla Royce
  • Jaehaerys, Rhaegar's half-brother by Aerys and Cersei Lannister, 13


Lords Paramount
THE NORF:
Eddard Stark, commonly called 'the Just', 35, m. Catelyn Tully

  • Aethan, heir, 10
  • Arya, 7
  • Brandon, 6
  • Elyana, 2

 

THE RIVERLANDS:
Edmure Tully, 25, m. Cersei Lannister

  • Arbert, his heir, 7
  • Keleria, 6
  • Deremond, 2

 

THE VALE:
Irya Waynwood, 45, m. {Denys Arryn}, m. Jon 'the Rapist' Lynderly
(Children by Denys)

  • Jon, 22, m. Alys ¯\_(° ͜ʖ °)_/¯

(Children by Jon Lynderly)

  • Bellena, 10

 

THE WESTERLANDS
Tywin Lannister, 52, m. {Joanna Lannister}, m. Leonella Yellowbrook
(Y'all know the trio by Joanna.)
(Children by Leonella)

  • Lanna, 1


THE IRON ISLANDS:
Harren Botley, 31, m. Myrna Farwynd
(He brought back Kingsmoots so current heir is unsure, presently Vickon Botley)
 

THE REACH
Mace Tyrell, commonly called 'the Just', 42, m. Alerie Hightower. His second stint as Lord of the Reach.

  • {Willas}, former Lord of The Reach, died in 294 AC at the age of 17 during a trial by combat
  • Garlan, 20
  • Loras, 16
  • Mychella, 10, betrothed to Rhaegar's heir Aegon
  • Alyce, 3
  • Merrell, 1

 

THE STORMLANDS:
Stannis 'the Mannis' Baratheon, 34, m. Kyra Frey
(no children at present, current heir Renly Baratheon, betrothed to Kelyce Wylde)


DORNE:
Doran Martell, commonly called 'the Cunning', 50, m. Mellario

  • Arianne, heir, 21, m. Perwyn Frey
  • Quentyn, 16
  • {Garin}, stillborn


Kingsguard consists of:

  • Lord Commander Arthur Dayne
  • Jonothor Darry
  • Jaime Lannister
  • Lyn Corbray
  • Barristan Selmy
  • Myles Mooton
  • Oswell Whent
     

Other notes:

  • Littlefinger, Aeron Greyjoy, Robert Baratheon, Howland Reed, and Harrion Karstark are all members of the Night's Watch.
  • Cersei's hanging around Brandon's Gift after escaping an imprisonment attempt. 
  • Oberyn the BEST KINGSGUARD MEMBER EVER died of a heart attack in 294 AC.
  • Euron Greyjoy turned out to be gay and died fighting around Braavos.
  • Asha's marriage to a Harlaw is really disappointing, considering she shacked up with Tyrion Lannister last go-around.
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The glorious reign of King Rhaegar Targaryen, First of his name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm. Commonly known as "The Dragon", ascended to the Iron Throne 277 AC. 

Married to Lady Ashara Dayne of Starfall, they have eight children. 

i. Prince Aegon Targyen, Prince of Dragonstone and Hand of the King
-- Married to Lady Asha Greyjoy (daughter of Lord Paramount Balon Greyjoy, Lord Reaver of Pyke), they had three children.
-- Remarried to Lady Lynora Hill, bastard daughter of King Rhaegar and Lady Cersei Lannister, they have three children, one stillborn. 

ii. Prince Jaehaerys Targaryen, Mayor of the city of King's Landing, Commander of the City Watch of King's Landing, Master of Coin. 
-- Married Ermsande Blackwood (daughter of Tytos Blackwood, Lord of Blackwood Vale), they have three children. 

iii. Prince Aerys Targaryen (stillborn)

iv. Prince Aemon Targaryen
-- Married to Lady Emberlei Connington (daughter of Lord Jon Connington of Griffin's Roost), they have one child. 

v. Princess Rhaenys Targaryen, Mistress of Laws
-- Married Prince Daeron Tagaryen, they have four children, one stillborn. 

vi. Prince Daeron Targaryen
-- Married Princess Rhaenys Targaryen (see above)

vii. Prince Daemon Targaryen
-- Married to Princess Allyria Targaryen (daughter of Prince Aegon and Lady Asha)

viii. Prince Maekar Targaryen, General of the Second Sons
-- Married to Lady Barba Tarly (daughter of Lord Paramount Randyll Tarly, Lord of Horn Hill, Defender of the Marches, High Marshal of the Reach and Warden of the South). They have one child. 


In addition, King Rhaegar has acknowledged three bastard children:

i. Lady Lynora Hill, daughter of Lady Cersei Lannister (see above). It is rumored that this coupling was the result of Lady Cersei losing her maidenhead. 

ii. Joanna Hill, daughter of Lady Cersei Lannister. She married her uncle, Lord Tyrion Lannister, commonly known as 'the Imp'. Had two horribly inbred children. 

iii. Lemore Waters, daughter of Lady Jaheira Keath of Gravesham

There are rumors that a fourth bastard, Lothor Waters, daughter of one of Queen Asahra's handmaidens and current ward of Varys, the Master of Whisperers. 

The Seven Kingdoms saw an era of unprecedented peace following the Defiance of Duskendale, with King Rhaegar paying close attention not only to the activities of his vassals, but also that of the Nights' Watch, which saw a huge influx in recruits, restoring it from the criminal haven it had become to the honorable service it once was, with all nineteen castles along the Wall fully manned. 

However, at a feast in King's Landing, Lord Qarlton Chelsted of Bramsfort was accused of attempted murder. Lord Qarlton was summoned to King's Landing to answer to the king, but instead raised his flag in open rebellion. Lord Willas Tyrell, Lord Paramount of the Reach, declared his support for Lord Qarlton, while Lord Paramount Steffon Baratheon, 'the Rash',  remained in the Stormlands. Lord Randyll Tarly of Horn Hill refused, vowing that his oath to the Iron Throne outweighed that of his oath to Highgarden, beseiged his former liege. 

When the ravens finally reached Storm's End, Lord Steffon called his banners, deciding that the turmoil was ripe to press his own claim to the Iron Throne from his mother, Prince Rhaelle Targaryen (daughter of King Aegon V, 'the Unlikely'). Backed by his ally Lord Willas, Lord Steffon greatly underestimated the Iron Throne as the king led his direct Bannermen to besiege Storm's End. It was the only time in recorded history that the fabled fortress fell. 

Demanding a trial by combat, Steffon Baratheon chose his own son and heir, Lord Robert Baratheon, as his champion. While King Rhaegar has many volunteers for the combat, he chose to fight his own cousin in single combat, prevailing. Steffon Baratheon was then beheaded, with Robert assuming the title of Lord of Storm's End. 

Willas Tyrell demanded a trial by combat as well, but his choice of champion was poor. While King Rhaegar had decided it prudent for House Baratheon to remain as the Lord Paramounts of the Stormlands due to heritage and their matrinlineal bloodline to the Durrandons, Houes Tyrell bore no such luck. They would remain the Lords of Highgarden, but for his loyalty, Lord Randyll Tarly was named Lord Paramount of the Reach and Warden of the South. 

At the time of this writing, King Rhaegar has restored Summerhall to it's former glory, and has expanded the capital into a massive fortress city. There are 35 descendants of Aerys II and Rhaella Targaryen. His youngest son, Prince Viserys, has but one daughter and no sons, with the remaining Targaryens being from the line of Rhaegar, spanning four generations. 

King Rhaegar is known to be beloved, with many Maesters comparing his rule to that of King Jaehaerys I, although it is rumored that the king has had many love affairs, in spite of the loving relationship he has with his wife. There are rumors that he has even bedded the wife of Prince Viserys (himself married to a distant cousin of House Plumm), as well as some of the wives of his children. 

His son and hier, Prince Aegon, "the Prudent' is noted be one of the greatest swordsmen in Westeros, and is widely beloved in his own right thanks to his own actions as Hand of the King, and his slightly below the ability of his predecessor in that role, Lord Tywin Lannister. This is made up for with his incredible diplomatic acumen; while Tywin was respected, he was never loved. Some say that King Rhaegar took such measures while raising his son due to a prophecy made that the Prince that was Promised would be born from the line of Aerys II and Rhaelle; while King Rhaegar believed that would mean himself, he has since relinquished that notion, firmly believing that his eldest son is the one foretold. 

In spite of his great efforts, however, House Targaryen has yet to acquire a dragon egg, and the Valyrian Steel they did acquire was quickly returned to their rightful owners. 


 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do feel guilty about something I just did. 

King Rhaegar, at the ripe age of 64, has had the war focus since the age of 16. I was hoping to eventually become a Formidable Fighter, but that ship has kinda set sail. So, I pull up characters, and search for unmarried, attractive girls, taking the seduction focus. 
 

I find Aeilonor Tully, the daughter of Edmyn Tully and Cersei Lannister, Lannister features. Age 20. Not married, no kids, no lover, no teenage infatuation. I small gift of gold sends her to my court. While in the middle of my pursuit, she desires to get married. Okay, whatever, sure. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am, have you met my grandson? 

And now I'm holding a wedding feast for her and my grandson. 

 

Image result for can you where a white wedding dress young lady

 

"Can you wear a white wedding dress, young lady?" 

:shifty:

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, MDK said:

I have no idea how to play this game combined with my sketchy knowledge of history has lead me to be the first Sunni Islam ruler of North Noob Ireland.

ffs literally 5 mins after I switch to Sunni Islam my guy blows up a pub. Fuck this game.

3D0ABD33882CCD19A8DC8E200824BC5AFDBCEB82

Here's what's going to keep you up at night; was this you, fulfilling your destiny as an Irish terrorist, or was this you, fulfilling your destiny as an Islamic terrorist?

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

DAMN  YOU MAC LADEN!

 

Since I've found that feelings of guilt with CK2 just tends to lead you further down the rabbit hole:

 

image.png

 

Great-Grandfather, to be precise :shifty: 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mace Tyrell was smart to choose his childless son Garlan to represent him during his trial by combat. Garlan died, Mace became Lord of the Reach for a third time as a result...

 

 

...until one realizes what losing a trial by combat means. Hope he enjoys the Wall, especially now that Bronn and Dolorous Edd can have snark-offs for everyone's amusement.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, Mick said:

How far do ya'll think King Graham of Daventry (from King's Quest) would get in Westeros? I'm not sure, but I'm about to try :shifty: 

Not as far as Aegon's Conquest, but with Mr. Rogers.

Speaking of my timeline's Westeros, 310 AC:

HOUSE TARGARYEN OF KING'S LANDING:
Rhaegar Targaryen, first of his name, fill in the damn titles. 51 years old and on the downswing of his reign which all in all was a reasonably good one. Major troublemakers dealt with from his father's reign, kickstarting the Conquest of the Stepstones, and agnatic-cognatic primogeniture passed for the Iron Throne are his major accomplishments.
-His wife, {Elia Martell}, died from poor health in 307 AC at the age of 47
Their children:
--Rhaenys Targaryen, 29, Master of Laws, m. Olyvar Frey
---Aeryn Targaryen, 10
---{Daenaera Targaryen}, died of greyscale 303 AC at the age of 2
---{Aemond Targaryen}, stillborn twin of Rhaelinor
---Rhaelinor Targaryen, 6

--Aegon Targaryen, 28, current heir to the Iron Throne, designated regent, m. Mychella Tyrell
---Duncan Targaryen, 4

Viserys Targaryen, Rhaegar's younger brother, 34, m. Ysilla Royce
--{Maekar Targaryen}, stillborn
--Vaella Targaryen, 4


HOUSE TARGARYEN OF SUNSTONE
Jaehaerys Targaryen, Lord of Sunstone, 25. Rhaegar's half-brother from Aerys II Targaryen's marriage to Cersei Lannister, m. Rhonda Tarth
--{Aerys Targaryen}, stillborn
--Laenor Targaryen, 4, heir to Sunstone
--Daemion Targaryen, newborn

Lords Paramount:
THE NORTH:
Eddard Stark, 47, m. Catelyn Tully
-Aethan, heir, 22, m. Harra Rivers (which technically is a minor level of incest as she's the bastard daughter of his grandfather Hoster Tully)
-Arya, 19
-Brandon, 18
-Elyana, 14

THE TRIDENT:
Arbert Tully, 19, m. Serra ¯\_(° ͜ʖ °)_/¯
(No children, current heir is Deremond Tully)
(Fun fact: Arbert is Jaehaerys' half-brother due to Arbert's mom being Cersei)

THE VALE:
Irya Waynwood, 57, m. {Denys Arryn}, m. {Jon Lynderly}
-Jon Arryn, heir, 35, m. Alys ¯\_(° ͜ʖ °)_/¯
-Bellena Lynderly, Lady of Northweald and Snakewood, 22, m. Eddard Manderly

THE IRON ISLANDS:
Rodrik Greyjoy, 38, m. Wilma Goodbrother
-Balon, heir, 18
-Gyles, 13
-Steffarion, 7
-Nute, 4

THE WESTERLANDS:
Tyrion Lannister, 37, m Olivia Ferren
-Jaime, heir, 11
-Tyon, 8

THE REACH:
Merrell Tyrell, 13 (Mark Godrell of Hazelton is current regent)
(Due to some weird fuckery, his heir is Rhaegar's grandson Ducan Targaryen. Then again, weird fuckery with this title seems to be hip. Mace and Loras are both in the Night's Watch, Willas and Garlan both died in trial by combat)

THE STORMLANDS:
Renly Baratheon, 32, m. Kelyce Wylde
-{Steffon}, died of dysentery 309 AC at the age of 6
-Lysa, 3
-Simon, heir, 1

DORNE:
Doran Martell, 62, m. Mellario
-Arianne, heir, 32, m. Perwyn Frey
-{Quentyn}, died from the flu 308 AC at the age of 27, was married to Dorea Martell, so another minor layer of incest as Dorea's father was Oberyn "KINGSGUARD MATERIAL MAN" Martell
-{Garin}, stillborn

More deaths:
Asha Grejoy by the flu 😕, Theon Greyjoy inadvertently going out in the midst of a glorious battle much like I see his fate in Season 8 of the show, Cersei Lannister by the flu, our Jaime by greyscale, Bobby B by cancer.

Side Notes:
Greatest named character in the ASOIAF universe Dickon Manwoody is Lord of Kingsgrave. :w00t:

Greatest Hits of the Night's Watch: 
Aeron and Balon Greyjoy, the Mountain's very disappointing son Arnaud, Bronn of the fookin' Blackwater, Dolorious Edd, Harren Botley (for those keeping score at home, that's two former Lords of the Iron Islands), Mance Rayder, Loras Tyrell, Littlefinger, and Mace Tyrell.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

24 minutes ago, The Spooky Luchadore said:

-Aethan, heir, 22, m. Harra Rivers (which technically is a minor level of incest as she's the bastard daughter of his grandfather Hoster Tully)

....That's his aunt, dude :shifty: 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. To learn more, see our Privacy Policy