Mick
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Status Updates posted by Mick
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Quick update on all those pods we were finding in broom closets. Apparently some alien monster was body-snatching board members and spawning Communist replicas. The allegorical threat level on this one's through the roof. Actual threat level's pretty non-existent, though, so we've decided not to do anything about it. If the worst this thing can do is gestate glassy-eyed Yes Men, I say bring it on, Bug-Eyes. I got a whole list of troublemakers you can pod up any time you like.
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Just a heads-up that our research into stopping all the godzilla attacks on U.S. soil has been postponed indefinitely. Turns out it doesn't matter where you hatch a nest full of godzillas, they just make a beeline straight for Tokyo. Shoulda seen those things go. Anyway, crisis averted. Now everybody grab a dust pan and a broom, we gotta get rid of all these egg shells before the Nuclear Regulatory Commission shows up.
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Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
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Ice Bear would rather take his chances out there on the ocean than to stay here and die on this shithole island, spending the rest of his life talking...
...TO A GODDAMN VOLLEY BALL!
