The LBTN Express

Scarlett Johansson crawling towards you to give you some favours like I used to do...

Waiting for Ollie is like waiting for Godot Unlike Godot however Ollie will eventually turn up and we will all have a bloody good time, even if it does not involve sex.

I had an operation yesterday to remove Ollie from my hip. Unfortunately he was the weaker twin and passed away. Now our mother hates me and keeps me locked in the basement to rot for all eternity

I can't believe you're divorcing me you bastard. I still love you Ollie, you were my first, my last, my all.

5...4...3...2

Cloudy once threatened to leave me, he said I was too manly for him and he wanted to go out and find someone more girlish. He ended up with Samuel L. Jackson. Luckily though, Cloudy got sick of ol' Samuels monotonous catchphrases and after 2 years and 3 months we were re-united.

Me and Ollie once met Cheryl Tweedy, needless to say we couldn't understand a word she was saying and we ended up carting her off to our hotel room for a good 2 minute session. Turns out she telling Ollie that he had some bean juice on his shirt from the beans on crackers we'd just been eating. 2 years in prison for a simple misunderstanding.

Give this man a hand, he's only got one good leg god damn it after that night in Amsterdam when he caught aids off the dirtiest hooker you've ever seen. Help him up son.

Ollie didn't believe in ghosts till he saw me standing before him, naked and oiled up in all my ghostly form. "Hello big boy" I said as he quickly led me to his bedroom.

Ollie was the best man at my wedding. He cemented his legendary status by boning my delightful sister behind the bar. Even though she was married and had two kids she dropped it all to be with Ollie. They now live together on the island of Antigua in the Caribbean.

Oh, it was so wonderful! We had cucumber sandwiches and iced tea with lemon on the lawn followed by some delightful scones and tea in the parlour. I wish I could spend everyday with Mr. Cloudy.

My wife won't let me see Ollie anymore. She says he's a bad influence. Just because we left her tied up naked during our peace keeping mission to Baghdad that one time she thinks we're immature.

If it wasn't for this delightful gentleman I'd have been Flamingo food on that 5th year school trip to Flamingo Land.

I did not kill Monkey. But I've got a sneaking sneaky sneak impression it might have been you. The investigation continues.

We never had fancy peanuts to feed the monkeys like you did Ollie. But now I do and I'm not sharing. Call it payback for those days at school when you poured cranberry sauce on me, or payback for those days when you forced me to wear my sisters knickers. Either way, call it what you want, but I've got peanuts. Oh fuck it, you can have them!

Due to unforseen circumstances the Cloudy & LBTN Sing-A-Long-A-Long-A-Long has been cancelled to be rescheduled at a later date. There are no refunds tickets and they will not be redeemable at the next event.

Oh, what a jolly fellow. Let's have tea and scones sometime.

His pain is my love.

Such a lovely man indeed. I could just cuddle him all day long.

If Pandas were extinct I'd mate with him to make one.

Don't, don't you want me? You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me. It's much too late to find, you think you've chnaged your mind, you'd better change it back or we will both be sorry.

Oh yeah! He's a lovely, lovely man indeed.

If God were a man, he'd be Ollie's friend and he would smite all you dirty heathens. Which since I'm a heathen too leaves me pretty much fucked.

Ollie is teh magnifique.