Mr Muggy presents the WWE... on LSD!

[Mr Muggy]

WWE Smackdown!

September 22, 2006

Now termite free for your protection!

1. Paul Burchill vs. Ahmed Johnson

Ahmed Johnson uses the power of FAT to dominate for a while until he misses a somersault off the top rope that nearly makes the ring collapse. Burchill signals for the Walk the Plank as the crowd wonders if Ahmed can even be lifted PERIOD. Just then, some oriental music sounds and Burchill looks toward the entry way. A blur dressed in black runs from one side of the entry way to the other and the music stops. The fuck? Burchill has no clue what's going on, and Ahmed needs to get his meal in between the 4th snack of the day and Dinner and nails Burchill with the Pearl River Plunge on the turn around for the 3.

2. After Ahmed gets backstage, he meets up with Mark Henry congratulating him. They then start to walk back to the locker room... until they see little Fun Size Milky Ways on the floor! They follow the trail of them eating them, wrapper and all, until they reach a door. They open it and enter a dark room.

???: "OK MIZ! DROP THE HEAVY WEIGHT!"

Nothing happens for a while until Ahmed finds the light switch and turns it on. Emo Hardy is standing there with a "DAMN" look on his face as the Miz the Corpse sits there in the top of the room dead of course with a weight on his back. Ahmed and Henry proceed to be the crap out of Hardy and hit the Ham Sandwich on the floor to him. Ahmed declares it's time for dinner! Henry: "Now where's that McDonald bitch!?"

3. Tatanka vs. Kid Kash

This is the typical southern redneck who hates everything not white vs. someone not white. Tatanka goes tomahawk chopping crazy until Jamie Noble pops up and screams something about Tatanka's slot machine's being rigged. Tatanka turns around in anger, grabs him by the throat and screams, "THEIR STILL THE BEST IN TOWN YOU LITTLE FUCKER!" Kid Kash takes this oppurtinity to hit Tatanka from behind and hit the Hootin' n' Hollerin' brainbuster for the 3 count. Afterwards, they get to stompin' n' stompin' on Tatanka until Pimptista and the Godfather run in for the save! Kash and Noble run over the hills and thru the woods to Granny Lumpkin's house we go. Tatanka thanks the pimps by declaring he will have fresh virgins for them next week. Pimptista: "But they don't know shit!"

4. King Booker is in a trance in his locker room it seems like. Finlay and the Little Bastard are standing there with sly grins on their faces as William looks on. Sharmell asks if this will work. The Little Bastard declares it's a lead pipe cinch! They've sat King Booker down and have had him watch the Best of Kenta Kobashi for 12 hours straight! He's not going to be beaten!

King Booker stands up as the tape finishes and screams to the ceiling "I AM KING BOOKER OF THE BRAIN OF KENTA KOBASHI! AND I WILL CHOP EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!" He then proceeds to chop Queen Sharmell right in the chest and she goes flying! Finlay: "Damn, that trick got whooped." Everyone runs out of the room as King Booker runs around chopping everything he can find.

5. King Kong Bundy vs. Joey Mercury

King Kong Bundy comes out to a hero's welcome in his first match in the WWE in a long long time. Joey comes out in a full red bodysuit declaring he's the first planet from the sun. If King Kong Bundy touches him, he will be scorched to DEATH. King Kong Bundy proceeds to squash him and doesn't feel any heat whatsoever. As he goes for a corner avalanche, Daivari walks out to watch the match. Mercury tries to go for a crossbody, but King Kong Bundy catches him and hits a powerslam and a big splash for the three. There seems to be a lot of people using the splash for a finisher these days, isn't there?

6. Daivari grabs the mic nearby and proceeds to be calm for the first time since I started writing this diary. Daivari declares that this week, GODZILLA! is staying on a volcanic island for the time being letting his anger and frustration rage so that when he comes back next week... KING KONG WILL DIE! DIE! DIEEEEE! HAIL GODZILLA! AND HIS GLORIOUS REGIME!

Haunting words from the man who fears GODZILLA!

7. A Psychic's House in East L.A., 7:41 PM

Brian Ketchum and the cameraman enter Sister Sami's crystal ball room as she relays them what their future is. Ketchum asks if he will catch any Pokemon. To the shock of the cameraman and anyone not named Brian Ketchum, Sister Sami says she sees him catching one next week. It will be right outside of the arena next week on Smackdown! Also, you won't win the lottery this week, the Knicks will win 15 games less than the Atlanta Hawks, and spinach is something you wouldn't want to eat from now till the end of the year due to disease.

Ketchum says thanks. Sami: "That'll be $150".

Ketchum: "Um... dammit, I spent my last 500g on Super Potions."

Sami calls for a pair of goons to come in from the back. Ketchum freaks out and reaches into his backpack.

"GO VOLTORB! USE SELF-DESTRUCT!"

He tosses something to the floor as Sami screams "THAT'S A BOMB!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

*static*

8. We go to a shot at the Home Depot where a woman is shopping for a refrigerator for her new home. She finally finds the one she wants, but it's just a display. The real one is on the VERY top shelf of the aisleway, and we know how big those aisles are... no forklift or crane in sight. What is she to do?

"Never fear! Jindrak is here!"

Jindrak was just around the corner looks to fix a leaky pipe he has under his sink when he noticed this lady had problems. Well... he can take care of that! Jindrak proceeds to leap in the air! He is able to grab the refrigerator and pull it down! But if falls out of his hands on the way down and starts to fall towards the woman... WHAT IS TO HAPPEN TO HER?

"Never fear! Lashley is here!"

Lashley runs in from the side and proceeds to CATCH the fridge coming down towards the lady! That is some FREAKISH strength by Colorado native! Jindrak is glad to see his fellow Smackdown brother Lashley here doing a good duty! Luckily, Lashley was here with Jindrak shopping around for stuff. The woman thanks both men and drags away her new fridge. Jindrak then asks Lashley where he got his strength from.

Lashley: "Uh...um..... HEY! 2 for 1 deal on wrenches! CHECK IT OUT!"

They walk away from the scene as we fade back to the arena...

9. The Paultimate Warrior has a few words before he goes out to the ring...

"My name is the Paultimate Warrior. And tonight, I take on a normal with the mind of a unnormal who thinks he's an unnormal when the reality is that he is a normal. And with his normalness, he will not be able to conquer the power of the Warrior! Oh my fellow Warriors, tonight I defend our freedom to wear tight fitting clothes and and practice bisexuality however we want no matter what the government says! Tonight, I will defend that freedom... oh and this title belt around my waist as well! The Belt of Warriors is something that only an unnormal can truly hold, and King Booker is just a NORMAL! A NORMAL! DID YOU HEAR ME FELLOW WARRIORS? I SAID KING BOOKER IS A NORMALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!"

And now he's ready for his match...

10. The Rematch of the Past 2 Weeks

World Heavyweight Title

The Paultimate Warrior © vs. King Booker of the Brain of Kenta Kobashi

Paultimate Warrior actually gets dominated for 10 straight minutes to start. And did I mention it was all chops from King Booker of the Brain of Kenta Kobashi? He's in Chopbashi mode tonight! He even props up Paul on the top rope and chops him to the floor! Then the suplexes start! German suplex. Sleeper suplex! HALF NELSON SUPLEX.... into the ropes. No matter who you are or how much you chop, you DON'T TOSS THE WARRIOR TOWARDS THE ROPES! The Warrior starts Warrioring up and King Booker goes for the finish that Simon Dean taught him... and HE CRUSHES THE WARRIOR WITH THE FIVE KNUCKLE LIVER EXPLOSION KIDNEY BLASTER!

BUT LONDON NO-SELLS! HE WARRIORS UP! Three clotheslines, gorilla press, WARRIOR SPLASH OF DEATH! Three count! Even King Booker of the Brain of Kenta Kobashi cannot finish off the Paultimate Warrior's reign! The Paultimate One retains the World title. And that is supposed to be the end of the show.... but...

11. ~ BONG ~

The Undertaker walks out! The crowd goes absolutely crazy as he stands in the entry way. He rolls his eyes in the back of his head... LIGHTNING BOLT CRACKS THROUGH THE AIR!

and then comes down and nails the Undertaker! The Undertaker goes down in a head and CATCHES ON FIRE! The Undertaker burns to a crisp before the people backstage realize the Undertaker caught on fire and race out with fire extinguishers! The Undertaker had been "killed' again it seems! Chris Benoit then runs out from the back screaming "OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED THE UNDERTAKER! YOU BASTARD!" And we go off the air as people huddle around the Undertaker's carcass.

uh....um......~ BONG ~ ?

---------------------------------------------

And now, from one bit of insanity to the next, I am proud to show off my first RAW exclusive PPV in Unforgiven. Predictions and thoughts are welcome just like those cheese samplers you try at Sam's Club.

Tampax presents WWE Unforgiven

Main Event

WWE Title

Edge © w/Lita vs. Carlito w/"Randy" Randy Orton

No Holds Barred

Shadows of the Colossus Kid vs. The Megazord

WWE World Tag Team Titles

Shawn Michaels & Triple H w/DX © vs. The Mighty Morphin Power Squad w/Shane-O-5 and Vince McMahon

Intercontinental Title

Charlie Haas © vs. Kane w/Eric Bischoff

"Nature Boy" Ric Flair vs. Rob "Fucking" Conway

WWE Women's Title

Mickie James © vs. Candice Michelle

CM Punk w/Maria vs. Johnny Nitro w/Melina

[Guest XwazupwitdatX]

Main Event

WWE Title

Edge © w/Lita vs. Carlito w/"Randy" Randy Orton

No Holds Barred

Shadows of the Colossus Kid vs. The Megazord

WWE World Tag Team Titles

Shawn Michaels & Triple H w/DX © vs. The Mighty Morphin Power Squad w/Shane-O-5 and Vince McMahon

Intercontinental Title

Charlie Haas © vs. Kane w/Eric Bischoff

"Nature Boy" Ric Flair vs. Rob "Fucking" Conway

WWE Women's Title

Mickie James © vs. Candice Michelle

CM Punk w/Maria vs. Johnny Nitro w/Melina

[Mr Muggy]

WWE Unforgiven

September 24, 2006

We owe Metallica $15 million for this PPV.

1. Rob "Fucking" Conway vs. Ric Flair

And we start out with the battle of Spira. Rob Conway comes out with a strategy guide of Final Fantasy X. What the fuck is it with strategy guides these days? Did my booking team become geeks all of a sudden? The only difference is, Rob has only had one concussion in his entire life and knows this ain't real. He just wants revenge on that fuckwad for ruining his game. Flair comes out and Rob goes all Auron on his ass. He beats his ass for a while with Flair getting the occasional chop here and there. Conway finally hits My Fucking Finisher, but he's not done!

He grabs the strategy guide from the corner and shoves it into Flair's face while screaming about "THIS IS HOW YOU BEAT A CHOCOBO EATER YOU DIPSHIT! Flair counters but reaching up and poking Conway in the eye and grabbing the book. He proceeds to grab a page... AND RIP IT ACROSS ROB'S HAND! PAPERCUT! PAPERCUT! PAPERCUT! Blood squirts everywhere as Rob Conway flips the fuck out screaming every curse imaginable. Ric Flair takes this opportunity to chop block Conway's knee and slap of the figure four for the submission. Paramedics run out and scream "HE MAY BE A GONER!" Rob Conway responds with a "fuck".

The proceeding segment was written while listening to "Revealed Truth" from the Final Fantasy X soundtrack. Rock on and prosper.

2. CM Punk vs. Johnny Nitro

Maria and Melina come out with their men and immediately get into a catfight that sends Joey Styles into such a stupor that even Jerry Lawler has to get him to calm the fuck down. The refs finally drag the ladies to the back as Nitro gets a Nitro-O-Matic from behind. It's like an Edge-O-Matic, but with a Nitro BOOST. Nitro has the advantage for a while until Punk catches him with a high knee/bulldog combo out of the corner.

That's when it starts to get interesting. Punk goes for the "I stole this from KENTA" combo and Melina runs back down to the ringside area and leaps on the apron as Punk goes for the Anaconda Slam. Punk goes over to her, but Maria comes out and leaps on the apron to attack Melina! They scrap on there as Nitro recovers and pushes CM forward, RIGHT INTO MARIA! Maria goes splat face first onto the floor as CM looks in shock! Nitro waits for him to turn around and hits the SPEAR for the 3 count.

As they leave, Melina reaches under the ring and throws a pack of Virgin Slims on top of Maria. Nitro screams at CM: "Take a hint!" CM has a look of utter confusion on his face.

3. WWE Women's Title

Mickie James © vs. Candice Michelle

Mickie James comes in and immediately jumps Candice with a thesz press. Candice finds this kinky and starts to feel it building. Mickie gets off her quickly complaning to the ref that she likes it. Candice takes this opportunity to roll her up for a 2! Mickie quickly jumps up and hits a sunset flip and Candice drops to her knees on top of Mickie's face!

I'll let ya hold that image for a while you perverts.

aaaaand... done. 2 count for that. Mickie finally hits a high kick and starts to go to work on Candice. Candice finally awakens with a spin kick and goes for a bodypress off the top. Mickie moves and waits for her to turn. MickieDT and Candice is out of it. 3 count, and Mickie gets the victory.

Afterwards, she has to leave her mark of course.... MICKIE HICKEY~! After receiving this, Candice starts squirming around on the mat moaning.

Candice fakes an orgasm.

The EWB approves.

4. WWE World Tag Team Titles

Triple H & Shawn Michaels © vs. Kenny the Red Ranger & Mikey the Pink Ranger

All of DX and all of the Squad are at ringside making this quite the visual. Joe is on the outside STILL trying to convince everyone that Shadows of the Colossus Kid will destroy the Zord.

This match is like the greatest hits. Mikey screams about shooting Michaels again with his bow. Shawn Michaels & HHH laugh about wang jokes. Kenny carries the match. Shane-O-5 acts up on the floor. Samoa Joe averages a crotch chop every 34.6 seconds. Jimmy Snuka hates people. And Umaga thinks buying stock in O'Reilly Auto Parts is a good idea right now since people will need to flock to the stores to buy anti-freeze these days. But the ending is anything but the par...

Shawn hits the elbow and aims for some Sweet Chin Music, and then Snuka heard Mitch the Blue Ranger say something about his 5th cousin, and IT'S ON, ON THE FLOOR! Insane brawl on the floor as the ref gets distracted. Michaels gets his revenge on Mikey and hits the Sweet Chin Music on him! He covers, but there's no ref.... when the BUILDING SHAKES!

We go to a shot outside where we see the Megazord tapping the top of the arena to get Shawn's attention! Shawn is afraid something is gonna come down, so he grabs his head and ducks... giving Kenny a chance to low blow him! Shawn goes down in a heap as the Megazord silently chuckles at his plan. Kenny heads up and hits the KennyKaze for the 3! The Power Squad are tag team champions again! GO GO POWER SQUAD! They teleport back to the Zord control booth and prepare for battle against Shadows of the Colossus Kid tonight.

5. We go to a special scene backstage where poor Doug Basham has no choice but to tie up Danny "Evil Twin" Basham to a chair and has him watching Pee-Wee Herman to try and humanize him. Sure it's terribly inaccurate, highly bizarre, and features a black cowboy, but damn it, it's the only thing he could by in FYE without getting odd stares. Danny is staring at the TV screen and seems to be calming down.

Danny: "Hey, they have a secret word for the day! It's 'funny'!"

Doug: "Yeah, those secret words are pretty cool, aren't they Danny?"

And Pee-Wee Herman seems to have a calming effect on Danny Basham! Has Pee-Wee saved the family?

6. WWE Intercontinental Title

Charlie Haas © vs. Kane

And we cut that from that touching scene right away to Charlie Haas' music. And everyone starts getting hungry. Haas is begging people in the front row to give him high-fives, but you know... germs. Kane dominates for most of this match, but misses the clothesline off the top. Haas comes back, but the fans don't buy Charlie Haas beating Kane. I mean would you? Haas finally hits a superplex on the big man for 2 before Kane sits up and starts demolish Haas. He hooks him for a choke slam, but Haas floatsover and push Kane toward the turnbuckle hard. Kane's head goes flying over the turnbuckle into the POST!

Kane stumbles back as Haas bounces off the ropes and hits a sunset flip for the shock 3! And it was so sudden... NO ONE GAVE A DAMN! Kane then destroys him to a solid response to prove that Kane can get over if you give him someone to kill. Kane hits 3 chokeslams in a row, and Charlie Haas is dead to rights... but hey, he's still the champ! Too bad everyone thinks Carlito is still champ. And that's what matters in the long run.... right?

7. No-Holds Barred

Shadows of the Colossus Kid vs. The Megazord

The Kid steps out into the parking lot with a slingshot and a sword in hand. The Megazord stands there imposing of course. He goes to finish right away by squashing Shadows flat, but Shadows dodges away from the crushing blow and grabs on to the leg and tries to climb up it! The Megazord is not that agile and can't reach down to flick him away! Shadows starts stabbing at parts of the big machine, and The Megazord is in pain! Johnny is in the control booth panicking since that's his zord that the Kid is climbing up. Mikey tells him to shut up and watch this! Mikey shoots an arrow towards Shadows, but Shadows makes a quick jump to a piece of metal sticking out nearby and the arrow hits the Megazord right in a central computer area for the leg! The leg starts sparking a bit as now most of the Squad are in a tizzy.

Shadows makes it up to the stomach area climbing up and trying to find a weak point just like he did with all those Colossus monsters in the Colossus land of whatever the hell you call it. Nicky declares that the bow and arrow is no use! Mikey goes to shoot again, and Shadows moves his head as the arrow strikes some more important cables sending the Megazord into a tizzy itself! Nicky finally takes away the bow and arrow and tosses it at Shadows, and it hits him in the head! He nearly falls to the cold hard concrete, but he gets his grip back and starts climbing up again! Mitch the Blue Ranger: "MOTHER FUCKER!" The Squad are in shock of what Mitch just said. Mitch: "What, a nerd can't say mother fucker?"

The Kid starts climbing up the chest finding any piece he can get his hands on. He cuts the chest open some right underneath the control panel and finds a cord on the inside he can climb! He climbs up it... and is in the control area now! He gets some rocks out of his pocket and aims his slingshot taking out Mikey the Pink Ranger and Nicky the Black Ranger! He grabs a big rock out of his pocket and just SMASHES it into Johnny's face! Mitch hyperventilates and passes out from an asthma attack. Kenny the Red Ranger pulls out the awesome sword that all Red Ranger carry, and he challenges Shadows to a duel! Shadows responds by pulling out his sword... and kicking Kenny in the nuts!

The Kid thinks he knows the weakness. If he cuts the head off, the main computer will be destroyed! He cuts up the top of the control panel and starts to climb up into the top of the chest! He cuts a part up and sees light! He's back out side, as Kenny is now chasing him! Shadows makes it to the top and swings for the head... but Kenny's sword cuts him off! SWORD BATTLE ON THE RIGHT SHOULDER OF THE MEGAZORD!

You know, in all my life, I never thought I would ever type a sentence like that. I'm such a great member of society.

They continue to swing until the Kid knocks Kenny's sword out of his hand and pins him against the head with the sharp part of the sword in a threatening manner! At that moment, Mikey comes alive from his booth and pushes a joystick. The Megazord's right arm moves up towards the shoulder as Kenny SWIFTLY moves away from the blade, and the Shadows of the Colossus Kid is NAILED by the fist and goes flying off the shoulder and lands all 70 feet down to the concrete! Yeah, I don't think we'll be seeing him again. The Megazord wins by KO! The Squad celebrates as they recover. Johnny found Mitch's breather, so everything is good again.

8. After that gruesome finish, we cut back to the DX locker room where Jimmy Snuka looks over to Samoa Joe and says "You're a fucking idiot. You know that?"

And there's the whole segment. MAIN EVENT TIME!

9. WWE Title

Edge © vs. Carlito

"Randy" Randy gets his own entrance and then enters Carlito's corner. Carlito is really leary of him, so Edge attacks right away with an Edge-O-Matic. It's like a Nitro-O-Matic, only it's not a ripoff. Edge has the advantage for a while as the ref checks Carlito. Edge goes for a bounce off the ropes, but Orton pulls the ropes down! He starts stomping on Edge and then throws him back in the ring! Well, that answered a question there. Orton IS on Carlito's side! Carlito gets the advantage and works on the back to set up the almighty back cracker. Every time the ref gets on Carlito, Orton attacks Edge! Finally, Lita jumps on Orton's back, but Orton flips her over then humps her face for 3 seconds to TOTALLY take her out of the match. That's too much Orton for her to take. Even for LITA people. This is the slut to end all sluts! Even Paris Hilton goes "My God, that thing is ravaged!" Edge finally hits a COD and sets up for the spear. Orton counters by pulling Edge's reason for living into the post!

Carlito goes for the backcracker, but Edge turns and hooks Carlito's legs for a catapult... right into the freakin' blind ref! Lita finally gets back up and grabs a chair from ringside and slides it in! Edge reaches it, but Carlito reaches it to! TUG OF WAR that Edge wins! Carlito ducks... BACK CRACKER! Edge flays around like a fish as Lita runs in with another chair! Carlito stops her and grabs the chair! Carlito wonders if he hit her or not! While he thinks this, Edge is up and Orton dropkicks him... into Carlito who's chair hit Lita in the face! Carlito gets up out of the pile and says he can handle it. Orton looks down for a moment with a frown....

"R"RKO TO CARLITO! Orton looks up with a somber look on his face as he walks away from the ring! The crowd is in shock since he has helped Carlito the whole match! Edge crawls over as the ref conveniently comes alive! 3 count! Edge retains!

The last scene we see is Randy looking at the scene with a tear rolling down his right cheek... fade to black...

If you listen closely, you can hear Toni Braxton somewhere in the background.

---------------------------------------

And I hope you enjoyed that and are not calling guys in white coats to take me away.

[JStarr]

Closed and moved to the deep Web.