Favorite Movie Quotes

[Farmer Reil]

"Do *you* wanna run this ship?!"

"YES!"

"Well, well... you can't!"

- I think everyone knows that by now.

"This could get interesting..."

"Define "interesting"?"

"Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die?"

- Same as above.

"Muhahahaha, mine is an evil laugh!"

- Same, although it could be from Firefly actually...

"Well, my days of not being able to take you seriously are certainly coming to a middle"

- Same

"Every now and then we have to let the general public know that we can still blow shit up."

- Captail Diel, Rush Hour 1

"This is the LAPD. We're the most hated cops in all the free world. My own mama's ashamed of me. She tells everybody I'm a drug dealer."

- Carter, Rush Hour 1

"Please tell me you speak English. I'm Detective Carter. Do you speaka any English? DO-YOU-UNDERSTAND-THE-WORDS-THAT-ARE-COMING-OUT-OF-MY-MOUTH?"

- Carter, Rush Hour 1

"If you're half Chinese, I'm half black. I'm your brother and I'm fly. You down with that, Snoopy? That's dope, innit?"

"Sorry, Lee. You can't be black. There's a height requirement."

- Rush Hour 3

"Come on, Crouching Tiger! Don't you hide that dragon!"

- Carter, Rush Hour 3

"I'm sorry, I won't be here when you get back... my wife says I can't be a spy anymore. I have to be home for dinner. I'll never know what it's like to kill a man for no reason..."

- George, Rush Hour 3

Yeah, guess what Reil watched this weekend.

[ClaRK! Kent]

Aaah, Serenity/Firefly quotes.

Operative: I do not wish to fight you. I am unarmed...

Mal: *interrupting* Good. *shoots him in the chest, goes to leave, Operative leaps up and grabs him from behind*

Operative: I am of course wearing full body armour - I am not a moron!

Kaylee: Oh my God, Simon, are you okay?!

Mal: Is HE okay?

*Reaver jumps up, everybody shoots it wildly*

Jayne: We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!

Mal: Hey little one. You understand your part in all this?

River: Do you?

Mal: This is what I do, darlin'. This is what I do.

Jayne: I won't get eaten! You shoot me if they take me!

*Mal cocks gun*

Jayne: Don't shoot me FIRST!

Jayne: I'll kill a man in a fair fight, or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight… if he bothers me, or if there's a woman… or if I'm gettin' paid. Mostly only when I'm gettin' paid.

Kaylee: But how can you be sure Inara don't just wanna see you? Sometimes people have feelings. And I'm referring here to… people.

Mal: You all were watching, I take it?

Kaylee: Yes.

Mal: Did you see us fight?

Kaylee: No.

Mal: Trap.

Simon: We'll get off. River and I will get off at Haven. We'll find some—

Kaylee: Nobody's saying that.

Wash: Nobody besides Jayne is saying that.

Mal: The government's man, he says you're a danger to us. Not worth helping. Is he right? Are you anything but a weapon? I staked my crew's life on the theory that you're a person, actual and whole. And if I'm wrong, you best shoot me now.

*River cocks the gun*

Mal: Or we could talk more.

Mal: It ain't all buttons and charts, little albatross. You know what the first rule of flyin' is? Well, I suppose you do, since you already know what I'm about to say.

River: I do. But I like to hear you say it.

Mal: Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of worlds. And love keeps her in the air when she oughtta fall down… tells ya she's hurtin' 'fore she keens… makes her a home.

River: Storm's getting worse.

Mal: We'll pass through it soon enough.

[Mick]

From the 1984 Dune:

Baron Harkonnen: I will have Arrakis back for myself! He who controls the Spice controls the universe! And what Piter did not tell you is we have control of someone who is very close, very close, to Duke Leto! This person, this traitor, will be worth more to us than ten legions of Sardaukar!

Feyd-Rautha: And who is this, traitor?

Baron Harkonnen: I won't tell you who the traitor is, or when we'll attack. However, the Duke will die before these eyes and he'll know, he'll know, that it is I, Baron Vladimir Harkonnen, who encompasses his doom!

Suburban Commando

Hutch: [in a kids voice] You're a dead man, Ramsey.

Shep Ramsey: No wonder you guys don't talk.

(Note: Hutch was played by The Undertaker)

Gangleader: Do you have any idea what we are gonna do to you? If we find any kind of scratch?

Shep Ramsey: Lemme guess. Your gonna pound my face.

Gangleader: What are you nuts? This is the '90s. We're gonna sue you.

Charlie Wilcox: Look, I'm your landlord. I bring you an extra bar of soap when you need it. Perhaps I can help stop the occasional bank robbery. But being the target of intergalactic bounty hunters is a little out of my line!

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels:

Bacon: Right. Let's sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from the ones who don't, because if you can't see value here today, you're not up here shopping. You're up here shoplifting. You see these goods? Never seen daylight, moonlight, Israelite. Fanny by the gaslight. Take a bag, c'mon take a bag. I took a bag home last night. Cost me a lot more than ten pound, I can tell you. Anyone like jewelry? Look at that one there. Handmade in Italy, hand-stolen in Stepney. It's as long as my arm. I wish it was as long as something else. Don't think because these boxes are sealed up, they're empty. The only man who sells empty boxes is the undertaker, and by the look of some of you lot today, I'd make more money with me measuring tape. Here, one price. Ten pound.

Eddie: Did you say ten pound?

Bacon: Are you deaf?

Eddie: That's a bargain. I'll take one.

Bacon: Squeeze in if you can. Left leg, right leg, your body will follow. They call it walking. You want one as well, darling? You do? That's it. They're waking up. Treat the wife. Treat somebody else's wife. It's a lot more fun if you don't get caught. Hold on. You want one as well? Okay, darling, show me a bit of life then. It's no good standing out there like one o'clock half-struck. Buy them, you better buy them. These are not stolen, they just haven't been paid for, and we can't get them again. They've changed the bloody locks. Here. One for you. It's no good coming back later when I've sold out. "Too late, too late" will be the cry when the man with the bargains has passed you by. If you got no money on you now, you'll be crying tears as big as October cabbages.

Eddie: Bacon, cozzers!

Bacon: Shit.

Bacon: Harry didn't think that he did a very good job, so he grabbed the nearest thing to hand, which just so happened to be a 15 inch black rubber cock, and proceeded to beat poor old Smithy to death with. And that was seen as a nice way to go. Now, that, is why you pay Hatchet Harry, when you owe.

And last, not from a movie, but the greatest quote in TV history, from Weeds:

Andy Botwin: Alright, listen closely. I'm not going to beat around the bush. Ha ha ha. Your little body's changing - it's all good, believe me. Problem now is... every time we jerk the gerkin, we get a lot of unwanted sticky white stuff everywhere, right? Right. So... First order of business - no more socks. They're expensive, gumming up the works plumming-wise. Now you might be thinking to yourself, "But, Uncle Andy, what do I do with all that pearl jam if I can't spew it into Mr. Sock?" Glad you asked... You can have a lovely time tugging the tiger in the shower each morning - that eliminates the need for a goo glove. But, the day is long, masturbation's fun, so unless we want to take 4 or 5 showers every day, we're gonna need some other options. So let's start with the basics. Tissues. Perfectly acceptable backstop for all that Creamy Italian. They can be rough and dry on such soft, sensitive skin and it can stick to your dick head like a fuckin' band-aid - ouch. From there we move on to more lubricated flack-catchers - specificially, bananas. Step one: Peel the banana. Step two: Slip the peel over your Randy Johnson and start pitching. Now for extra credit, warm up the peel in the microwave. Not too hot! Serious yowza. Also, olive oil, moisturizer, honey, spit, butter, hair conditioner, and Vaseline can all be used for lube. In my opinion, the best lube... is lube. So save your allowance and invest in some soon. Alright, moving on - when you tug your Thomas on the toilet - ffft - shoot right into the bowl. In bed - soft t-shirt, perhaps a downy hand towel of your very own that you don't mind tossing after tossing. There's no such thing as polishing the raised scepter of love too much. It reduces stress, it enhances immune function. Also, practice makes perfect. So work on your control now, while you're a solo artist - you'll be playing some long, happy duets in the future. Ok - class dismissed.

[Toe]

Strange Brew

Claude Elsinore: And I'd like to point out that these tapes have not been faked, or altered in any way. In fact they have time coding, which is very hard to fake.

The Judge: Would you please explain for the court "time coding."

Claude Elsinore: Well, uh, just because I don't know what it is, it doesn't mean I'm lying.

Doug McKenzie: Yeah. OK, well, uh, we found, uh, this mouse in a bottle of YOUR BEER, eh. Like, we was at a party and, uh, a friend of ours - a COP - had some, and HE PUKED. And he said, uh, come here and get free beer or, uh, he'll press charges.

[GRIFT]

So many good ones have already been named, but one of my all time quotable movies has been totally looked over. The whole damn movie is gold.

Tombstone:

Wyatt Earp: You gonna do somethin'? Or are you just gonna stand there and bleed?

Wyatt Earp: What makes a man like Ringo, Doc? What makes him do the things he does?

Doc Holliday: A man like Ringo has got a great big hole, right in the middle of himself. And he can never kill enough, or steal enough, or inflict enough pain to ever fill it.

Wyatt Earp: What does he want?

Doc Holliday: Revenge.

Wyatt Earp: For what?

Doc Holliday: Bein' born.

Doc Holliday: Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Doc Holliday: It's true, you are a good woman. Then again, you may be the antichrist.

Kate: I've been good to you, I've taken care of you. If you die, where does that leave me?

Doc Holliday: Without a meal ticket I suppose.

[Doc rides horse out of barn into stable area, Kate runs out after him punching him in anger]

Kate: You bastard!

Doc Holliday: Why Kate, have you no kind words for me as I ride away?

[pause]

Doc Holliday: I calculate not.

[rides off]

Wyatt Earp: From now on I see a red sash, I kill the man wearing it. So run you cur. And tell the other curs the law is coming. You tell 'em I'm coming! And Hell's coming with me you hear! Hell's coming with me!

Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Nobody move!

Doc Holliday: Nonsense. By all means, move.

[while watching a play in which Faust sells his soul to the Devil]

Curly Bill: You know what I'd do? I'd take that deal 'n' crawfish, then drill that ol' Devil in the ass. What about you Johnny, what would you do?

Johnny Ringo: I already did it.

Doc Holliday: [after killing Johnny Ringo] It would appear that the strain was more than he could bear.

Doc Holliday: [to Johnny Ringo, after shooting him in a duel] You're no daisy! You're no daisy at all. Poor soul, you were just too high strung.

Sherman McMasters: Why you doin' this, Doc?

Doc Holliday: Because Wyatt Earp is my friend.

Sherman McMasters: Friend? Hell, I got lots of friends.

Doc Holliday: ...I don't.

Doc Holliday: You must be Ringo.

[to Big Nose Kate]

Doc Holliday: Look, darlin', it's Johnny Ringo. Deadliest pistolier since Wild Bill, they say. What do you think, darlin', should I hate him?

Billy Clanton: Why, it's the drunk piano player. You're so drunk, you can't hit nothin'. In fact, you're probably seeing double.

[billy Clanton draws a knife]

Doc Holliday: [takes out a second gun] I have two guns, one for each of ya.

[Draevyn]

Seeing as Grifter brought on the Western type movies...here's a few quotes from a couple of my favourite western movies.

Young Guns

Alex McSween: I'm not leaving my house.

William H. Bonney: Alex, if you stay they're gonna kill you. And then I'm gonna have to to go around and kill all the guys who killed you. That's a lot of killing.

"Dirty Steve" Stephens: Damn good riding with you, Chavez.

Chavez: Many nights, my friend... Many nights I've put a blade to your throat while you were sleeping. Glad I never killed you, Steve. You're all right...

The Quick And The Dead

Cantrell: Sergeant Cantrell.

Shemp: How do you spell that?

Cantrell: Correctly.

Cort: There's a click before the strike. Listen to the clock.

Cort: Last night, The Kid. Tonight, Herod. You're a busy woman. Any man in this town you're not interested in?

Ellen: Yeah. You.

Kid: Am I fast, or is Sweden just a very small place?

Kid: I'm worth $3,000 in four states. Seventy-five offenses and no convictions. My name's Fee but, uh... everyone calls me the Kid.

Ellen: Congratulations.

Scars: I need a woman.

Ellen: You need a bath.

Scars: You're purty.

Ellen: You're not.

Kid: No no no no, you see it's a gun fight. We both have guns. We aim, we fire, you die.

Kid: Want some breakfast? Or, uh, how 'bout a little of what we had last night?

Kid: I'm so damned fast I can wake up at the crack of dawn, rob two banks, a train and a stage coach, shoot the tail feathers off a duck's ass at 300 feet, and still be back in bed before you wake up next to me.

Ace Hanlon: You wanna play poker with me, little lady?

Ellen: Looks like you're having a pretty good time playing with yourself.

Blind Boy: John Herod owns that house. He gets fifty cents of every dollar in this town.

Ellen: What's the town get?

Blind Boy: Huh... they gets to live.

John Herod: [shouting] This is my town! If you live to see the dawn, it's because I allow it. I'm in charge of everything! I decide who lives or who dies!

[Holding a card deck]

Ace Hanlon: This is a very special pack. See, I put an ace in every time I kill a man.

[shows it and its all aces]

Ellen: I'm gonna kill you if I have to ride all the way to hell to do it.

John Herod: Do you have some particular problem with me?

John Herod: I said, are you still fast?

Cort: Faster than you.

John Herod: You must be the fastest gun in the west. That or the biggest liar!

John Herod: You're not fast enough for me!

Ellen: Today I am.

John Herod: Like I always say - put a fox in the henhouse and you'll have chicken for dinner every time.

Ellen: [female gunslinger walks up behind a preoccupied bartender] How about a room?

Horace: Whores next door.

Ellen: [carefully sets her cigar down] Say that again.

Horace: I said whores next door.

Ellen: [kicks the stool out from under him, catches his liquor bottle as he falls, & pours herself a drink] Now, do you have a room available?

Horace: Uh, room and bath, yes, ma'am, coming up!

Ellen: In case you forgot, Preacher, I saved your life last night.

Cort: No, I think you just stretched it out a bit. I might've even gone to heaven if you'd let me die.

Ellen: Sorry.

Kid: [after being shot by John Herod] Damn, that's fast!

[Falls and dies]

Ellen: Don't you even want to fight back?

Cort: Sure. I'd like to kill them all for what they've done. But I won't.

Ellen: Some people deserve to die.

Edited August 24, 2007 by The Enforker

[Vendetta]

Hey Grifter, you've missed the best quote of all time from that movie...

"I'll be your huckleberry."