Gay Footballers

[pigeon]

(Not Gay) Player A Talks To Football365

Friday February 24 2006

We tracked down Player A’s agent, who tells us that his client wants to give his side of the story. He won’t meet us in person, but says he’ll talk on the phone, so long as it’s down our man's pants when he rings...

By David Tarbox

So you want to set the record straight...

"I’m player A and I want to set the record well straight that I’m not gay, I’m just pretending that I’m gay. I’ve got a girlfriend, actually I've got two girlfriends, you know. And I fancy that Chantelle."

So what does pretending to be gay mean?

"I earn a lot of money and I like a laugh. I'm young, I'm just letting off steam when I do this. It doesn't mean anything, it's just a bit of a laugh. After a match me and few mates have a party, we pretend to strip off and have gay sex - surely you can tell I’m not gay, it’s just a laugh.

"Remember when you were a kid and you and your best mates would pretend to kiss, but put your hands over your mouths, it’s like that. It's just a laugh. As if we're really gay, like."

So this is just a bit of a laugh?

"Yeah, it’s like being wrong. You know, it’s funny being wrong. Like a gay Jackass. We spend a lot of time on the road, in hotel rooms and that. We get bored. We dare each other to do things. And everyone knows it’s not gay if you don’t touch.

"We gay slap, which is when we take pics on our mobiles, doing gay stuff, not really gay, just pretending. I’ve got pictures of me putting my penis in loads of people's mouths...it's just funny, just a laugh."

In recent articles it alleges oral sex was performed on you by Player B...that’s touching isn’t it?

"No, Player B had a fake mouth he bought from this sex shop, like a johnny for your gob. We were just trying to shock a few people at the party. My mate's got a blow-up man doll that looks like Iain Dowie, we take turns on it...we can’t be gay if we enjoy f**king a thing that looks like Iain Dowie, can we? Not that we enjoy it, because it's just a laugh."

And the mobile down the pants...

"I put my phone down my pants, Player B was going to ring me, but I got an SMS alert, for a game that a mate of mine was playing in...it was a goal alert. Can’t see how that can be seen as obscene. And definitely not gay."

Why would you go to such lengths to convince people you are gay?

"I blame the media, we're meant to be role models, so I pretend to be gay...it helps me to release my frustrations and express myself. Plus I’m a professional footballer; I try to do the best I can at whatever I do. Even when it’s a laugh, I want to get the best laugh."

Even when you’re pretending to be gay...

"Yeah, definitely, ask anyone who knows me, they'll tell you I’m a hard-working footballer, and I’m hard-working when it comes to pretending to be gay..."

When you're pretending to be gay, are you aroused?

"You mean erect?"

If you like...

"Yeah it’s a pretend...a pretend erection."

Right so it’s simulation? I mean it’s not a real erection, just a pretend erection?

"Yeah, like in football when you pretend to dive, or go down for a slight tap on the ankle. It’s the same thing, I’m pretending...it’s a made-up hard-on."

But where does this end...do you pretend in every part of you life?

"Er I’m not stupid you know, I read the Guardian, I can tell the difference...Can I ring you back?"

(Five minutes later the agent calls back. Player A will talk again, although the agent points out that his client is seeking help for his addiction)

So you were saying you're pretending to be gay. Do you think you are addicted to pretending you're gay?

"Yeah, I suppose I am. I wish there was a Gay Sporting chance run by Tony Adams...or HA."

HA?

"Homosexual Anonymous? Or something, I think it’s a new addiction...I need a gay Priory."

But that would mean you’re admitting to being gay, not admitting to pretending to be gay.

"Well, maybe a pretend Priory then.

"I’m pretending. I’m not gay. It’s not just me, it’s rampant in football. Look at what we do when we score goals...it’s part of the game. I think it’s got out of hand. Players need help at the end of the day. The manager and chairman must meet with the FA, and try and sort this out. I’m seeing a lot of youngsters coming through, making the same mistakes, and doing the same things. I think it’s a problem in football. We're all pretending to be gay, and it’s addictive."

Do you think we live in a society where people can be openly gay without fear?

"No, I’m pretending."

[Steeb]

NOTW is a level below The Sun, whereas The Sun tries to start racial hatred, NOTW is trying to stir some homophobic reactions, they are scum who failed the jounralism classes....

Writing for low brow tabloids is a far more demanding job than writing in the more high brow papers. So don't say things like that.