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[Spoilers] The Jack Bauer Revival Hour


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So I get myself Netflix and I see that they have put all eight seasons online, and I got easily engrossed in the show originally, may as well see what it's like doing my first ever run-through of the show (previously I just did the season and maybe subsequent season when I did 6 & 7 together). So this will function as somewhere for me to air how much I dislike Tony's cardboard season 1 acting (and if it ever becomes better), how Jack flips out far too quickly at little things, and just why he and Terri feel the need to constantly be on the phone together saying the same words every phonecall. It'll never get finished and I'll probably want to destroy Tony with bullets at times, but 24 was always fun, so there's that.

As far as spoilers go, the show HAS been around since 2001, but that doesn't mean I want to ruin it for anyone who may see this thread and give the show a go (although if you hadn't already, I doubt this will sway you). So spoilers will be judged as follows: I'll probably be posting every couple of episodes, unless something big happens, and I shall bold and underline the start of each "new episode" post. Those posts will be bookmarks for spoilers as those episodes won't be spoilered. However, if I reference future events or seasons, I will spoiler them. That way anyone reading & watching for the first time (or left it so long they forgt) won't feel hard done by.

With all that out of the way, today is the day of the California Presidential Primary.


Nina and Teri look too much alike for it to be a coincidence that both of them have worse acting skills than my hooker*.

(*Doesn't have a hooker**)



- Season One

Episode 1 - 12:00 - 1:00

Right off the bat we have to deal with how awkward the conversation is between Jack and Teri. Harmed in parts by Kiefer's acting style - which amounts to staring, shouting, shooting and asking who I'm working for - but Teri is such a bland and boring character (the actress could be bad too, I havent seen enough yet to chastise her like I have Jack) that I actually find myself siding with Kim, because at least she's exciting enough to break out and go party - albeit in a furniture shop. Oh and Kim has decent cleavage, even if 'The Girl Next Door' makes her seem less desirable than a woman in a fat suit.

So yeah, Kim goes missing and Jack's got to go to work because HE'S A MAN, HE DOES JOB. Fuck all this emotional bullshit, just promise a few things, say everything will be all right and hope that she doesn't get herself into trouble looking for your daughter. Jack gets to work and someone wants to kill the black prez candidate, David Palmer. Which is bullshit because if they had spent ANY amount of time in his presence they'd be voting for him too. Dennis Haysbert absolutely owns the role of David Palmer, and it's a travesty that Sarah Clarke (Nina Myers) got an award for best supporting actress and he didn't. Someone rigged the polls! But wait, it doesn't stop there because the people who want Palmer to go down are...wait for it...PART OF THE FUCKING AGENCY!

Yes, I know it's hard to believe, but CTU may, in fact, have a mole.

Anyway, whilst Jack is hard at work, Teri needs something to do. Unfortunately, with it being past midnight, she can't exactly sit around at home and cook anything for her knight in shining armour to eat when he returns. No, instead she meets Janet's dad, Alan York, as his daughter has gone missing too! They go searching the city, doing the ol' grid sweep on the town as they try and find Kim and Janet. Meanwhile, the girls drink, Janet gets broken in and they dance around at a furniture store. Shit, and here's me taking my girlfriend out shopping followed by an upper class meal and hilariously expensive bottle of wine. I've been taken for a ride. We do get to see some decent writing here though, which I should point out because it's rare. We explore Kim's 'experiences' as she connects with Rick, contrasted to the way her floozy friend gets high, drinks and takes some pills before opening her legs to the disgrace that is her 'muse', Dan. Basically it makes us more sympathetic to Kim, if her constant cleavage wasn't enough. Wait, do women watch this show? (With the female 'idols' on this show, I seriously hope not. Or else you're in for being inferior, stupid and not really good enough to compete in the world of men. Or you're a bitch. A big bitch who everyone hates.)

And then a 747 gets blown up by some attractive woman who is currently the most powerful feminine figure on this show. I put one pound sterling down that she ends up being a bitch. And not just your ordinary "I want money so I blow up 747's" type of bitch, more a woman who would shoot her own dog if it meant she could get what she wants. She's fit though, so I also predict she won't be dying. At least not in the first quarter of the season.

Season 1, episode (around 5 or 6) spoilers:

DO NOT SEEK THE TREASURE. Sorry, I mean don't trust Alan York. He seems incredibly suspect.

Edited by Devil In Jouzy City
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Fuck you Jouzy, Tony Almeida is a badass and he'll kick your ass for saying otherwise.

He becomes one and then I love him forever. But season one Tony? Season one Tony would just bore me to death with how I should stop fucking with authority and be more of a little bitch like he is :shifty:.

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