Essa
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Posts posted by Essa
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I've seen that 100 Girls movie. It's pretty fucking awesome. I laugh whenever I think about the guy with the cock weights.
Another 'obscure' movie to check out is Ghosts of Mars. It's got Ice Cube, and the bitch from Species in it. Really fucking gorey, even though it's more of an Action Horror, than a Slasher movie. The only real complaint is that at times it's a little bit too CGI. If they could spray food die over a massive chunk of land to make it look 'mars like' then why the fuck couldn't they make the death scenes a little bit more lifelike. Other than that, I dug it just like I dig practically every other Ice Cube movie.
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Thanks for the good review Legend. You brought up a couple of good criticisms. I won't really address them because I think you're write in just about all of them. DeMott DID come off as bland in that promo. Cade SHOULDN'T have gone over Batista cleanly. And maybe I shouldn't have done the whole Animal/Jericho/Christian angle. Anyway, thinks for living up to your part of the deal. Good review.
And as for a bit of a status report on Smackdonw. I'm about sixty percent done with Smackdown.
But, I had to put writing on hold for about a week for a personal issue. I just got back on track today with the writing. So it shouldn't be too long until it's written.So, uh, anybody else want to review it while we wait?
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VELOCITY
SATURDAY, JANUARY 1
Jesus Aguilera vs Lil' Nate
As Velocity comes on the air, Lil' Nate is standing in the ring. Nate is pretty much using his white gangster, persona he uses on the independent circuit. Jesus Aguilera's music starts up and he comes storming out to the ring. The crowd, who had little to no reaction to Lil' Nate are heavily against Jesus and boo and jeer him on his way to the ring. However this seems to have no effect on Jesus who just ignores the crowd and walks down to the ring. Jesus really needs some new attire, as the white t-shirt and dungarees combination he's wearing tonight doesn't seem to be working, especially on a man the size of Jesus. The bell is rung and the match gets underway. Lil' Nate tries to step up to Jesus, but is completely overshadowed in both weight and height. Jesus grabs Nate's ginger afro before kneeing him right in the gut. Jesus starts his beating of Nate with some massive clubs across the back, knocking Nate to the mat where he changes his attack to stomps. Jesus grabs hold of Nate by his hair again and uses it to pull him to his feet. Jesus lunges towards Nate connecting with a vicious headbutt, Nate remains on his feet albeit groggy. Jesus then KO's him with a swinging elbow. Jesus with a lateral press, 1...2...
Lil' Nate kicks out. The physical punishment continues to be dished out on Lil' Nate for the net few minutes of the match. Nate attempts some comebacks, but is unable to get a physical move in on the big man. After some striking moves, Jesus is now contemplating finishing off the match. This is probably a wise move, due to the little crowd reaction for this squash. Jesus stands waiting for Lil' Nate to reach his feet. Once he does he hoists the little man high above his head where he shows his strength by bench-pressing him before letting Nate freefall face first to the canvas. Jesus whips Nate off the ropes and upon his return catches him in the face with a big boot. Jesus teases going for the pin but instead grabs a handful of Nate's hair and pulls him back to his feet. Jesus again whips Nate into the ropes, he goes down for a back body drop but Bate leapfrogs over him. Lil' Nate attempts a kick to the gut but Jesus grabs his leg and pulls him into a ferocious clothesline. Lil' Nate is out cold on the mat. Jesus takes the opportunity to mock Lil' Nate, which is also used to rip on the white boy gangster/rapper routine also used by John Cena (Who Jesus was defeated convincingly by recently). Jesus does a "Westside" sign before pulling Lil' Nate to his feet. He hoists Lil' Nate onto his shoulders for a Powerbomb. Jesus stalls before driving Nate to the canvas. Lil' Nate shows no sign of consciousness as Jesus places the palm of his right hand firmly on his chest, 1...2...3.
WINNER - Jesus Aguilera
Overall: 47
Crowd: 32
Match: 63
1/2*
I've got your back
The camera cuts to the backstage area where Paul London is sitting in his wrestling attire of black and white biker shorts, wrapping tape around his wrists. Shannon Moore comes into the locker room and sits himself next to London.
Shannon : "Hey Paul, I've come to ask you something."
London : "Can't it wait, I've got a match up next."
Shannon : "I just wanted to ask whether you had any tips for Smackdown."
London : "What do you mean tips?
Shannon : "For fighting Billy Kidman! I thought with you teaming with him for a while you might know some strength's or weaknesses."
London (Staring right in the eyes of Shannon Moore) : "As far as I feel now, I never teamed with Billy Kidman. The man who comes out to that ring announced as "Billy Kidman" is not the man that used to be my tag team partner. He's a different person, he's sick and twisted and is no longer someone who that I would admit to having ever been my friend. As for tips. Don't stay on your back for too long. You saw what happened to me as well as Chavo Guerrero, you don't want the same to happen to you. So to help to prevent this, I offer myself to watch your back."
Shannon : "How do you mean?"
London : "I want to be in your corner on Thursday night. There's nothing I would love more than to see you dish out a beating to Billy Kidman, and give him a taste of his own medicine."
London offers his hand out to Shannon Moore, Moore thinks about it, knowing that a victory in this match could elevate him up the cruiserweight ranks. Shannon Moore smiles and the two men shake hands. Shannon pats London.
Shannon : "If you've got my back, I've got yours."
The two men then leave for Paul London's match, next.
Overall: 44
Paul London (w/ Shannon Moore) vs Red Mask
Red Mask, is possibly the most generic looking guy ever. He simply wear's a red mask and red tights. The general belief is that it's Johnny Jeter under mask, getting some training matches before being called up to a full time schedule (Without anyone knowing who he is). Paul London's music starts up and he comes charging to the ring, joined by Shannon Moore. Moore is slowing coming to the ringside area, and greets the fans. Paul London locks up with Red Mask once the bell is sounded. A nice, "Lets go London" chant breaks up as he skips behind Red Mask and trips him down onto his face. London grabs Red Mask in a side headlock, Red Mask tilts London over onto his shoulders, 1...
London shifts his weight putting Red Mask back in the headlock. London lets go of the headlock, but before Red mask has a chance to get up he quickly spins around holding Red Mask in a hammerlock. Red Mask slowly begins to fight to his feet, he pulls his free arm behind him and wraps it around the head of London and takes him to the canvas with a headlock takedown. He doesn't get the chance to hold it in as London wraps his legs around the head of Red Mask holding him in a head scissor sleeper. Red Mask though forces his body weight onto his head, allowing him to roll over in a pinning bridge, 1...
London rolls forward putting Red mask into a bridge of his own, 1...2...
Red Mask rolls out backwards, before pushing London's legs over his shoulders, 1...2...
London kicks Red Mask away. London springs back to his feet, just in time to pull the oncoming Red Mask down with an armdrag. London holds onto a side arm lock, before pulling away at the wrist of Red Mask. Red Mask rolls backwards and onto his feet. London still has his wrist locked up and runs up the turnbuckle and along the ropes before jumping down whilst spinning, giving him the momentum to snap Red Mask over with an amazing Japanese armdrag. London again holds onto the wrist of Red Mask, seeing it as a way to keep him neutralised for attack. Red Mask lifts up his legs and wraps them around the head of the standing Paul London, he tries to flip London over in front of him but London cartwheels and remains on his feet, to a little applause from the crowd. Red Mask leaps up, as does London. Drop Sault! The dropkick connects right to the face of Red Mask. London quickly hits a standing Moonsault on the floored Red Mask, 1...2...
Kick out. Shannon Moore doesn't believe it, as he covers his face with his hands as the kick out is made. London though isn't as shocked, and is quickly back on the offensive with a snapmare and soccer kick to the back of the now seated Red Mask London darts off the ropes, he comes back looking for a rana on Red Mask, however Red Mask reverses and pushes London away, London backflips over onto his feet and makes another dash towards his opponent, but runs straight into a sickly tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. London lies on the canvas in a crumpled up heap as Red Mask pushes himself onto the middle rope. As London gets back to his feet Red Mask dives off giving him a bulldog lariat backbreaker (As he brings London down onto his knee). Red Mask with the pin, could this be an upset? 1...2...
No, London kicks out. Shannon Moore starts to slap his hands on the mat to urge London on. Red Mask is obviously frustrated as he pushes himself onto the middle rope again, looking for he same move. As the crowd join in with Shannon Moore urging on Paul London, Red Mask dives down towards him. Rana from London! 1...2...
Kick out! Paul London leaped up and caught him in midair! London is the first to his feet, but he's holding his back after Red Mask's high impact move. London catches the rising Red Mask with a spinning wheel kick to the face. London motions for a 450 Splash, this could be it. London slowly climbs to the top rope, but his hurt back prevents him going up quickly. Red Mask gets to his feet before London his fully positioned, he reaches up and grabs London for a press slam down to the canvas. London though grabs onto the head of Red Mask, and as Red Mask throws him he flips over planting him with his modified Tornado DDT! 1...2...3! London picks up the victory. Shannon Moore comes into the ring and high fives Paul London. London waits for Red Mask to get back up, London shakes his hand and leaves with Shannon Moore.
WINNER - Paul London
Overall: 57
Crowd: 37
Match: 77
**1/2
Mark Jindrak v Scotty 2 Hotty
Mark Jindrak is out first to ringside and enters the arena to a chorus of boo’s. Josh Matthews points out that he isn’t with his “Running buddies” tonight. Out next is Scotty 2 Hotty who gets a nice pop. Matthews notes this is the first appearance from Scotty on WWE TV for some time and he’ll be hoping to get a win on his return. The bell rings and both men lock up. Jindrak quickly takes control out powering S2H and taking him down with a hip toss followed by an elbow drop. MJ plays to the crowd for a few seconds before lifting him up and calls for an early finish. He lifts him onto his shoulders but Scotty reverses it into a hurracarana which gets a loud pop from the crowd. Jindrak gets back to his feet only to be knocked down with a jumping clothesline, and a second, Scotty goes for a third but Jindrak catches Scotty in mid air and tosses him into the corner. He runs at him and goes for a clotheslines but Scotty ducks and comes off the far ropes and hits Jindrak with a face buster. The crowd get to their feet as they all know what’s coming next, Scotty goes for the W-O-R-M but as he falls for the chop Jindrak uses the bottom rope to pull himself out of the ring sending Scotty face first into the mat. Jindrak quickly enters the ring and waits for S2H to turn around. As Scotty turns to face MJ, Jindrak hits him with a picture perfect standing dropkick. Jindrak then lifts him onto his shoulders and hits him with a hard powerbomb before making the pin for the three count. Jindrak celebrates the victory by tossing Scotty outside the ring and playing to the crowd as we cut to a video.
Winner: Mark Jindrak
Overall: 62
Crowd: 63
Match: 62
Heidenreich!
We cut to a dark room where Paul Heyman is standing next to a shadowy figure. Heyman begins to speak.
Heyman: For the first time in my life I was afraid, in all my years in wrestling I’ve never ever been afraid, not when I was working for WCW, not when I was with my beloved ECW and until recently never with the WWE but that all changed. I was afraid for my life. I thought that the end was here for Paul Heyman. I thought it was all over… until I met this man, HEIDENREICH.
The shadowy figure is revealed to be Heidenreich who is standing next to Heyman with his body in a straightjacket. He is staring at the camera. Heyman laughs.
Heyman: Now I am once again free of any cowardess, everything I was scared of is no more, Heidenreich has dealt with all my problems except one. That one is The Undertaker.
Heyman clasps his hands together.
Heyman: And this week on Smackdown, Heidenreich will solve my final problem as I am setting him free!
Heyman walks behind Heidenreich and takes off his straightjacket. Heidenreich screams out and walks towards the camera as Heyman smiles in the background. Heidenreich walks into the camera and throws it to the ground as we hear footsteps and then a door slamming shut and the screen going all black.
Overall: 85
Heidenreich gained overness
Main Event: Basham Brothers v Chavo Guerrero and Nunzio
We return from the commercial break and see Chavo Guerrero and Nunzio standing inside the ring. Josh Matthews welcomes us back and discusses what he just saw and inconclusively tries to work out what Heyman meant. The Basham Brothers are out next and just like Mark Jindrak earlier they are going it alone. Mathews asks us if it’ll be “2 out of 2 for JBL’s staff”. The bell rings as Danny Basham and Nunzio start off the main event. They lock up and Danny hits Nunzio with a knee lift followed by a snap suplex and a couple of knees to the head of Nunzio. Danny lifts Nunzio up and tags in Doug before locking in the full nelson on Nunzio. Doug enters the ring and nails the defenceless Nunzio with a hard knifechop to the chest knocking him down. Doug continues to assault Nunzio hitting him with several power moves as Chavo tries to get the crowd behind Nunzio. The Basham Brothers isolate Nunzio and make frequent tags putting a beating to Nunzio for several more minutes. Nunzio finally gets his break when both Basham’s go for a double clothesline only for Nunzio to duck it and take them out with a double crossbody. Both Bashams and Nunzio are on the mat. Nunzio crawls over and makes a tag to Chavo just as the Basham’s get to their feet.
Chavo catapults himself over the top rope and enters the ring. He runs at Danny and takes him down with a leg lariat followed by another on Doug. He nails Danny with a running clothesline and another to Doug. Danny gets back to his feet and Chavo runs at him before nailing him with a tornado DDT and going for the pin but only getting a two count as Doug gets back in time to make the save. Nunzio joins the action and all 4 men trade punches in the ring. Nunzio clotheslines Danny over the top rope and to the outside and follows him there leaving Doug with Chavo. Chavo gets the upperhand and lifts Doug up into the Gory bomb as on the outside Danny throws Nunzio into the barricades. Danny enters the ring just before Chavo can hit the Gory bomb and Takes him down with a dropkick which sending Chavo tumbling and puts Doug over Chavo and the ref makes the pin for the three count. The Basham Brothers celebrate their victory as they hightail it as Nunzio re-enters the ring. The Bashams celebrate up the ramp as the show comes to an end and Matthews reminds us to tune into Smackdown this week!
Winners: Basham Brothers at 9:46
Overall: 69
Crowd: 63
Match: 75
OVERALL: 54
First three segments were written by Yi. Last three were written by Diego.
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Less bitchfighting and more diary please. :thumbsup:
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You flew to Japan and back for Fourty dollars. I really hope they're paying your air fair.
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I think showing the Discovery crash is a bit more understandable than this. That was an accident. This was a VERY brutal murder. Two very different things.
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What I heard from a radio station that did an interview with one of the fans that was there said that after he shot Dimebag a few times, the gunman put Vinnie Paul in a headlock and held him hostage. After that happened, he shot the security guard. Then he raised the gun up to shoot Vinnie Paul as the police officer rushed in and shot the gunman. So Vinnie Paul isn't dead (from what I hear), but god damn he probably feels like it. Watching your fucking brother getting shot point blank right in the fuckin head five times has to suck.
What sucks even more is that Fox news has been airing the footage of what happened, from a fancam most likely. Who the fuck wants to see Dimebag getting five bullets put in him? Fuck Fox.
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And cut down on the shittiness while you're at it. You're one preview in and you've already killed off the brand extension without once mentioning it in in your preview or in your backstory. Not good, not good at all.
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Good job Kou. You're already beating Maddog.
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Get rid of Letitititititiitia
I came into this saying to myself, "Why, dear God, Essa.....why do Tough Enough....."
But it was actually quite entertaining. I hope you can develop some characters, maybe some interviews and commentaries from the guys as the tasks are taking place.
Keep up the good work, and congrats on the pinning
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FWWE SMACKDOWN PREDICTIONS
Sean O'Haire vs Rikishi
The APA vs Nathan Jones & Matt Morgan vs Doug Basham & Mystery Partner
Three Bonus Points For Guessing Doug's Partner
Eddie Guerrero vs A-Train
Chris Benoit & Kurt Angle vs Rhyno & Big Show
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WWE SMACKDOWN PREVIEW FOR 11/27/03
Just seven days ago we saw Smackdown end with Kurt Angle standing over both the champion Brock Lesnar and arguably the number one contender, Chris Benoit. Both Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit think they should be named the number one contender for Brock Lesnar's Undisputed Title. But tonight they are not competitors, they are a team as they will take on the United States Champion Big Show, and Paul Heyman's own personal security guard Rhyno in our main event. This will certainly be interesting because both Benoit and Angle want to prove that they are the top contender, and what better way to do that then by pinning the United States Champion or a Man Beast?
But that's not all. Tonight on Smackdown, Rey Mysterio gets another Cruiserweight Title shot at Tajiri, after winning the Cruiserweight Battle Royal last week on Smackdown. Rey went through nine other cruiserweights last week, and now gets one more chance to prove that he is the best cruiserweight in the world. The only question here is, What role will Tajiri's faction, Kyo Dai, play in this match?
Also, last week we saw the powerful team of Matt Morgan and Nathan Jones win the #1 Contendorship for Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas's Tag Team Titles. But after a post match scuffle, they have agreed to put the #1 Contendorship on the line tonight against The APA, and Doug Basham with a partner that will be revealed at show time. Who will this mystery man be? Only time will tell.
We will also see the returning Sean O'Haire take on Rikishi, as well as John Cena, Kane, Ernest "The Cat" Miller, and all of your favorite Smackdown Superstars in action.
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WWE TOUGH ENOUGH
NOVEMBER 26, 2003
"Dead Cell" by Papa Roach plays, while a video montage of past Tough Enough winners plays. The main highlights include Maven dumping the Undertaker over the top rope from the Royal Rumble, Nidia strutting around with Jamie Noble, Jackie and Trish catfighting, Shaniqua leading the Basham Brothers to ringside, Chris Nowinski hitting people with shots from his protective face mask, and Tommy Dreamer caning the shit out of Matt Cappotelli and John Hennigan. The video package ends and it's time to introduce the students. A man no taller than 5'8, and no heavier than 175 pounds appears on screen. He is wearing a blue sweater and slacks.
Contestant #1: Hello, my name is Nigel Fairweather Marshall the third. I was born and raised in Nottingham, England and I bloody well do believe that I am Tough Enough.
The camera then switches over to a man that is 6'7. He's wearing coveralls and workboots. He speaks with an accent.
Contestant #2: Hi ya'll. I'm Bobby Jenkins and I live on a ranch a stone's throw away from Lincoln, Nebraska. And I reckon that I am Tough Enough.
Then the camera cuts over to a beautiful girl. She's got long blonde hair and is wearing a tight pink blouse with a matching mini skirt.
Contestant #3: Hey everybody. My name is Jenna Lawton and I live right outside of Hollywood, in California! Shout out to all my girls back home! I am soooooo totally Tough Enough.
Then the camera switches over to a less appealing picture. This time it's another man. He looks to be the oldest of the bunch. He's bright and vibrant, but there's no hiding some of the wrinkles on his face.
Contestant #4: Hi, my name is Rodney Griffin and I live in West Warwick, Rhode Island with my beautiful wife, and two great children. I may be the oldest guy here, but I certainly do believe that I am Tough Enough.
The camera then goes over to another guy who is pretty small in stature. He's Latin looking, and is wearing tight clothes and greased up hair.
Contestant #5: Hello I am Enrique Mastabez and I am from San Francisco California and I am very very Tough Enough.
Wow he talks fast... and giggles a lot. But anyway, up next is another girl. She's pretty good looking but not as good looking as the first.
Contestant #6: Hello my name is Kristin Downey. I'm from Miami Beach, Florida where there's a party every day of the week. I am Tough Enough.
Now we go from her to someone who could be passed off as a cheap imitation of Eddie Guerrero. He's got more of a mustache than Eddie, but he's got a similar build except his arms are slightly bigger than Eddies.
Contestant #7: My name is Hector Tr... Hector and I am from Me... I live in Texas. I am Tough Enough!
Something didn't sound right about that. Now we change focus to a girl that's wearing white makeup all over her face. She's got long black hair and is wearing a black outfit.
Contestant #8: I'm Letitia Whiteley. I'm from Tom's River, New Jersey and I guess I'm probably Tough Enough to win this thing.
She seems really sure of herself. Then we show a guy with a little bit of flab on him. Not fat, but not athletic looking. He looks really happy.
Contestant #9: Hey! My name is Brian Greggs and I am from Minneapolis Minnesota. And I will prove that I'm Tough Enough, so I can live out my dream of being a WWE superstar!
Ah, the one motivated one is the one without the look. Then the camera shows two black guys. One is 6'4, with a muscular frame, while the other one is 5'9 with a 6 pack of abs but not very much in the arms department. The big guy speaks first.
Contestant #10: Yo, I'm Lawrence Carter...
Contestant #11: 'N I'm Mack Strents. And we from Newark New Jersey. And make no mistake about it, the two of us are Tough Enough!
Uh oh. Black people? We can't have them wrestling white people on TV. Jesse Jackson would call that a hate crime. Anyway, up next is a tall, pale girl with long curly ginger hair.
Contestant #12: Hi, I'm Kimmy Hanton. I'm from Boston Massachusettes, and I am Tough Enough.
She's just oozing personality. We then see a guy that is missing his left nostril. Wonderful.
Contestant #13: Hello, I'm Gary Cahill and I'm from Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada. I was Tough Enough to survive Nasal Cancer, and I will be Tough Enough to win this contest.
Then the camera shifts over to a girl wearing a cowboy hat, tight jeans and a bandana for a shirt. Yee haw bitches.
Contestant #14: Howdy ya'll! Mah name is Rachel Watson and I'm from Dallas Texas! Yeehaw! I Am Tough Enough!
Then it goes to a guy that is all smiles. He's wearing a job squad tee shirt, and cut off denim shorts.
Contestant #15: Hi! I'm Jeffrey Lacour, and just like Al Snow, I am from Lima, Ohio! And under the guidance of Al Snow, I'm sure that I will prove to be Tough Enough.
The camera then goes over to our final contestant. He's a tall, blonde... I mean, she's a tall blonde, muscular looking thing that speaks with a manly tone of voice.
Contestant #16: My name ees Leslie Gorchesky. I am a body builder from Las Vegas, Neeevada. I am Tough Eeeenough.
We go to a shot of all sixteen contestants walking into the Traxx facility. They look around the facility, seeing all the posters and exercise equipment. Then they look straight ahead and see Al Snow in the ring. He's got two developmental talents, Matt Fairlane and Dillon Robson, in the ring with him. They are going through some basic transitional spots, when Al Snow sees the new trainees entering the ring.
Al Snow: Alright, good job today guys. Hit the showers.
Robson and Fairlane leave the ring and go off to the showers. Snow then goes to address the trainees, but before that happens, we get a video of Al Snow. It shows brief clips of him wrestling Shane Douglas, and Chris Benoit in ECW. Then it shows him hitting a Snow Plow on the Rock, and teaming up with Mick Foley to do a double team elbow drop on Hardcore Holly.
Al Snow: Hello everyone. I'm glad you all decided to go through with this. We selected the sixteen of you for a reason. Out of the thousands and thousands of people that tried to get on Tough Enough, you were the ones that stuck out. You were the ones that seemed to have the most potential to make it in this business.
The trainees give themselves a round of applause.
Al Snow: But that doesn't mean anything if you're not going to give 110% each and every day then you might as well just quit now before you get hurt.
The applause dies down, and everyone gets a sort of serious look on their faces.
Al Snow: There is no way in hell that I could teach all sixteen of you by myself, so I've enlisted the help of three other WWE Superstars to train you. Chris Kanyon...
We then see a Kanyon video, similar to the Al Snow video. Except this video shows Kanyon getting thrown off of the wCw Triple Cage. Then it shows more recent clips, like Kanyon and DDP fighting Kane and Undertaker. It shows Kanyon bloodying Undertaker inside a Steel Cage, and ends with Kanyon strutting around in his Alliance MVP shirt. Kanyon then walks out from a hallway, and as a bit of a joke, he's still wearing his Alliance MVP shirt.
Al Snow: Billy Kidman...
We see a video of Kidman bludgeoning Hulk Hogan with a steel chair. Then we see a montage of Shooting Star Presses to Hulk Hogan, Eddie Guerrero, X-Pac and even Goldberg.
Al Snow: And, Gail Kim...
This is the shortest video of the four, as it only really shows her winning the battle royal for the Women's Title, and then posing with her title. The three trainers go and join Snow in the ring.
Al Snow: So now that I've introduced you to your trainers, it's time for you to learn the most important aspect of professional wrestling.
The students get up and we're lead to believe that they're going into the ring, but when we come back from commercial, MTV shows Snow saying that last line again. The students get up, and the next thing we see is all sixteen students running in formation behind Chris Kanyon. Kanyon turns, running backwards, so that he can address the students where he screams.
Chris Kanyon: CONDITIONING... ENDURANCE.
After a bit more running...
Chris Kanyon: If you're not at your peak physical condition then you have no business being in that ring. You're putting your health at risk, your opponent's health at risk and you're putting on a crap ass show for an audience of people that pay their hard earned money to come see some of the greatest athletes in the world today perform. It's our job to mold two of you sixteen into talented performers that our audience is going to shell out 40 bucks a month to see.
RUNNING ORDER
After three laps around the Traxx complex, (about 3/4 of a mile.)
1 Hector Trazpeno
2 Nigel Fairweather Marshall
3 Jeffrey Lacour
4 Rachel Watson
5 Mack Strents
6 Jenna Lawton
7 Leslie Gorchesky
8 Lawrence Carter
9 Gary Cahill
10 Kristin Downey
11 Enrique Mastabez
12 Kim Hanton
13 Bob Jenkins
14 Letitia Whiteley
15 Brian Greggs
16 Rodney Griffin
Status: Trazpeno, Strents and Carter are showing no signs of fatigue. Greggs and Griffin are the two furthest behind, but they keep on chugging along. The camera mainly focuses on Lawton and Watson's cleavage which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Lacour attempted a few times while he was in first to talk to Kanyon, but Kanyon just shunned him until Lacour dropped back further into the pack. There is a big pack of the students from Lacour onto Whiteley. Trazpeno has a safe lead, even if this isn't technically a race.
Chris Kanyon: Great, so you guys can all run. That's important. You're showing that you have some stamina and that's the first step in becoming a successful WWE superstar. But, it's about more than stamina. It's about strength, and about having a never say die attitude. So, here's what we're going to do. Every ten seconds, I'm going to blow this whistle, and you're all going to drop flat down and do five pushups. Then you're going to get back up and start running again. Understood?
The camera shows the students dropping and doing pushups for a while. The camera focuses in on a lot of the hands, elbows and knees of the students. There's a lot of scratches and even some cuts because of the impact that they're hitting the pavement.
RUNNING ORDER
They've done another two laps, now with added pushups.
1 Hector Trazpeno
2 Nigel Fairweather Marshall
3 Jeffrey Lacour
4 Leslie Gorchesky
5 Rodney Griffin
6 Brian Greggs
7 Letitia Whiteley
8 Lawrence Carter
9 Mack Strents
10 Kristin Downey
11 Gary Cahill
12 Bob Jenkins
13 Kim Hanton
14 Rachel Watson
15 Jenna Lawton
16 Enrique Mastabez
The top three didn't change, but Gorchesky, Griffin and Greggs kept on chugging along to move up in the ranks. The girls, except for Gorchesky and Whiteley struggled a lot with the falling on the pavement. Watson, Lawton and Mastabez did stop running for a certain amount of time, and just power-walked. Jenkins had no problem with the falling, even though his left knee and left elbow were bleeding. It was just the keeping up with the running part that was hard for him.
Kanyon stops at the entrance to Traxx and tells the students that pass him to do one more lap and then bring it in. After the top nine pass by, Kanyon gets pissed off.
Chris Kanyon: Where the hell are they? I aint waiting around for them.
Kanyon then grabs an MTV production guy and tells him to tell the rest to do one more lap. After a while, Kanyon comes back out to greet the students as they come in. First in is, as expected, Hector Trazpeno. Hector and Kanyon shake hands, and after a few brief congratulatories Kanyon sends Trazpeno into, where they will do a short testimonial and then get ready to do the rest .
Hector Trazpeno: No camera talking please sir.
About a minute after Trazpeno is done, Nigel Fairweather Marshall and Jeffrey Lacour finish. After a few pats on the back, and a "Good job guys" from Kanyon, he sends them over to the SUV.
Nigel Fairweather Marshall: So this is all it takes to win this thing? I was expecting a tad bit more of a challenge. But what the bloody hell am I complaining about? If Mr. Kanyon and Mr. Snow want to put me in the ring with these cretons, and comely, yet unathletic people then so be it. I'll just walk away from this competition with a WWE contract.
Jeffrey Lacour: This is excellent. I mean, sure I've got a couple bumps and bruises, and my hands scratched up, but what an experience. I'm training with Chris Kanyon. I've admired his work since he started working in WCW, and now to be learning under him is like a dream come true.
Then about three minutes later, as we're told by an onscreen graphic Leslie Gorchesky jogs over to Kanyon. Kanyon is happy to see a girl crossing the finish line. He sends her inside to get her knee cleaned up, since it was bleeding pretty bad. Then came Letitia Whiteley, who is wearing a short tight black skirt with a black tank top. Letitia fakes a smile at Kanyon who returns it and sends her over to the SUV.
Letitia Whiteley: Yeah. Well, I guess I did alright. I dunno. I wish I would have done better though, because these people are pretty good. I guess the four that already finished are better than me, so I'm pretty screwed. Oh well, I tried I guess.
Letitia gets in the SUV, and then we see from a distance Brian Greggs and Rodney Griffin barely being able to jog. They're pulling each other along, helping each other out. After about thirty seconds of being in view, they finally reach Kanyon. Kanyon says he's proud of them and sends the two redfaced, hobbling guys into Traxx where they do their testimonial together.
Brian Greggs: That was tough.
Rodney Griffin: But whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, no?
Brian Greggs: Definitely. But the way I see it, we were both in the same boat. We were both kind of struggling, so we helped each other out. Team work.
Rodney Griffin: Yessir, there's no I in team.
The camera goes back to Kanyon. The onscreen clock shows one minute... two minutes... three minutes... Now Kanyon is pacing around... four minutes... five minutes... six minutes... seven minutes... eight minutes. Kanyon is looking pretty damn pissed off, when he sees the eleven of the twelve remaining contestants walking together in a pack. The eleven contestants see Kanyon looking at them, so they jog to the finish. Lawton and Watson are crying, with bloody knees and elbows.
Jenna Lawton: (in between sobs) I like, so TOTALLY want to be a professional wrestler, not a stunt woman. Like, I just don't know how, like, falling on concrete is going to prepare me to wrestle?
Rachel Watson: (also in between sobs) I jus' wasnt e'spectin all that on tha first day.
Then Carter and Strents show up together for their testimonial.
Lawrence Carter: That punk don't own us.
Mack Strents: Hell nah. He aint nobody. I aint gonna go bust my ass and run all fu[bleep] night for some scrub.
Lawrence Carter: I'ma do what I wanna do. And if these ni[bleep] don't like it then that's too motherf[bleep] bad.
Then it's Gary Cahill's turn.
Gary Cahill: I know I should have kept running and all, but I'm not like everyone else. I mean, I'm a cancer survivor. I'm missing half of my nose, so I just didn't have enough oxygen intake. If I had two nostrils you could bet your ass that I'd still be running right now!
The camera then goes back to Kanyon who is standing outside Traxx waiting for the last contestant, Bob Jenkins. Eventually Kanyon gets tired of waiting so he starts running around Traxx to find him. Eventually he finds Jenkins a little bit past the halfway point, running, but struggling. Kanyon is at first, pissed off, but then he's sympathetic towards the guy. He eventually runs alongside Jenkins coaching him.
Chris Kanyon: Come on big man. Only a little bit further. You can do it.
Eventually Jenkins finishes, and then the muscular farm boy lays down on the pavement huffing and puffing. Eventually he gets up, with help from Kanyon, and goes into the Traxx facility where everyone is waiting on him. Al Snow then has a brief conversation with Kanyon before addressing them all.
Al Snow: First impressions are a very important thing in this business, and just about every other business you could get into. With your running exercise, you all made strong first impressions. That may, or may not be a good thing. In fact, for about eleven of you this first impression could very well have cost you this contest.
The people that got caught walking to the finish are all looking pretty down, so Snow tries to level with them.
Al Snow: Look guys, I understand that all sixteen of you were expecting today to be an easy day. You all probably thought that we'd just be going to your new home and having a relaxing first day. But that's not the case. This is a crash course in wrestling, and being physically fit in general. If you couldn't hack it with just running around the building then I seriously doubt that you'll be able to win one of the contracts that we are offering. But, if you were one of the eleven people that just walked to the finish line and it was just laziness that made you do it then you better step it up for the rest of the competition or you'll find your ass on a plane heading back home. You understand?
A few nod their heads, and nobody disagrees so Snow continues.
Al Snow: Good. I don't want any of that [bleep] to happen again. Now I know you're all tired after the run, but you're not off the hook quite yet for today. You see, with the help of Gail, and Kidman you guys are going to get in the ring and start learning how to hit the ropes, and how to do the most basic aspect of professional wrestling... the back bump. Now, who wants to go first?
Jeffrey Lacour: Ooooh me Mr. Snow. Pick me! Pick me!
Al Snow: Okay, you're up first.
Gail, Kidman and Lacour get in the ring.
Gail Kim: Alright Jeff, here's what you're going to do. Get a running start...
Kidman starts to run slowly.
Gail Kim: Then when you're within reach of the ropes, grab them and pull yourself in.
Kidman reaches back and pulls himself into the ropes and then bounces out of them.
Gail Kim: Then use your momentum to go the opposite direction.
Kidman jogs to the middle of the ring.
Gail Kim: And then fall down on your back, with your hands at your sides so that they take the brunt of the impact.
Kidman then does a back bump.
Gail Kim: Alright, you're up Jeff.
The camera shows Jeffrey Lacour running into the ropes. He hits the ropes hard, and lets out a grunt before bouncing off of them and doing a decent back bump.
Gail Kim: Not bad, not bad. Now who is next?
We then see bits and pieces of the trainees bumping, grunting and holding their backs after hitting the ropes and doing the bumps. Then we see Letitia Whiteley get into the ring.
Al Snow: Alright, let's see what you got.
Letitia hits the ropes and does the back bump, but the quality isn't really there. She doesn't look to be trying.
Al Snow: What the hell was that?
Al Snow pulled Letitia into the corner of the ring and the two started whispering to each other.
Letitia Whiteley: I guess I messed up. Sorry. I don't think I'm really that good at this.
Al Snow: That's the first bump you've ever taken and you're already saying that you're not good enough?
Letitia Whiteley: Well, no. I mean, I guess I could do it, but I'm not sure if I'm as good as the rest of these guys.
Al Snow: Well how are you going to know that if you don't go out there and give it your all? You won't.
Letitia Whiteley: Okay, I guess I'll try harder next time.
Al Snow: Good.
After a brief little stare between the two, they get back to the training. We see more and more bumping, and grunting until it's Rodney Griffin's turn. Griffin hits the ropes and goes to do the back bump, but he ends up landing flat on his ass instead of on his back. After a chuckle from all the trainers Kidman tells him to do it again. Griffin bounces off the ropes again and tries to overcompensate for his last attempt but he lands on his neck, causing his knees to swing up and crack himself right in the forehead. Everyone gives him space while he recovers. He seems to be fine except for a big bruise on his forehead.
Billy Kidman: Okay let's get you sitting down.
Rodney Griffin: No, I'm fine. Let me just give it one more chance.
Billy Kidman: Alright dude, go for it.
Griffin gets up, and this time he hits an almost picture perfect back bump. This gets a small round of applause from the trainers.
Then Snow says that he is going to show them one more bump today. Snow then does the bump where you basically do a forward flip and land on your back. Everyone gets the hang of this bump pretty easily, with the exception of Lawrence Carter, and Bob Jenkins, due to their size.
Al Snow: Alright guys. That's all for today. I want you all to go home and think about your performances today, because when you show up here tommorow morning it'll be time for the first cut! I know you may not think it's fair that we're cutting someone so early, but to be successful in this business you need to be a fast learner. If you couldn't pick up on what we taught you today...
Images of Whiteley and Griffin struggling, and the eleven contestants walking when they were supposed to be running are shown.
Al Snow: Then you have no business being here. This is first step on the road to becoming WWE supersta
Mack Strents whispers to Carter.
Mack Strents: Ni[bleep], how is this sh[bleep] gonna prepare us fo' any thang but fallin on our ass?
The two men chuckle, thinking that Snow didn't hear them.
Al Snow: How is this sh[bleep] going to prepare you to wrestle? Well if you didn't know how to "fall on your ass" then you wouldn't last one match. I've been in this business for years and years without any serious injury because I know what I'm doing in that ring. If you ever think that you're worthy of questioning me again then I suggest you don't even wait for the cut, and just make the decision to quit.
Strents blushes.
Mack Strents: Naw dawg, it's cool, it's cool.
Al Snow: Good, now go home and get a good night's sleep. Fifteen of you have a hard day's work tommorow, while one of you has a long plane ride home.
END SHOW
OVERALL: 58
EDIT: Credit to the pics goes to maddog. He had one for Kanyon's segment, but he uploaded it in Adobe or something so it didn't work.
Thanks for all the comments Biggz. Makes writing this (when I get the chance to) even more worthwhile.
Also, everyone, Post/PM/AIM/MSN Me Your Vote To Cut A TE Cast Member.
Any opinions at all on Tough Enough would be appreciated because it's something I haven't really seen been done around here before. I know the characters are sort of over the top, but yeah, any feedback on that would be great. Thanks a lot folks.
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TOUGH ENOUGH PREVIEW
With a new season of Tough Enough coming up, the whole series has been revamped! The new season of Tough Enough means new trainers, new contestants, new challenges, and most importantly a new Timeslot. Now you can catch Tough Enough on MTV at 10:00 PM EST, every Wednesday night. Tonight kicks off the Fourth season of the show which has produced such WWE stars as Maven, Christopher Nowinski, Nidia, Shaniqua and Miss Jackie. Even though tonight is the season premiere of Tough Enough, that doesn't mean that Al Snow and company don't have their share of surprises for the contestants. The contestants expect to be heading to their new home for a night of rest before their rigorous training begins... But trainers Al Snow, Chris Kanyon, Billy Kidman and Gail Kim have a better idea. Tune in to Tough Enough, this Wednesday night at 10:00 to find out who really is Tough Enough.
EDIT: Thanks for the pin Jav. And thanks to Maddog for making all these graphics that I'm using. :thumbsup:
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Isn't Noggin part of Nickelodeon? Why would she be on Nickelodeon if she was on the Disney payroll. Unless Disney owns Nickelodeon, but I'm pretty sure they don't.
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Bad idea.
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It's alright. You're still in third place.
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RAW AWARDS
BEST MATCH OF THE NIGHT: ROB VAN DAM VS CHRIS JERICHO
WORST MATCH OF THE NIGHT: GARRISON CADE & SHAWN MICHAELS VS TEST AND SCOTT STEINER
BEST SEGMENT OF THE NIGHT: BOOKER T'S WALKOUT
WORST SEGMENT OF THE NIGHT: LUCY'S DEBUT
SHOW MVP: RANDY ORTON
SHOW IDIOT: GARRISON CADE
FANTASY WWE
D-Extreme
Goldberg received a 0.
Randy Orton received a 4 for winning his match with Lance Storm.
Test received a 3 for winning his tag team match against HBK & Cade, but he only gets 3 because he did not make the pin.
Theodore Long gets a -1 for not appearing on the show.
Title Belts gets a 1 for Christian hitting RVD with the IC Title.
Announce Table gets 0 for not being used.
Nightly Total: 10
Monthly Total: 10
Maddog
Ric Flair receives a 0.
Christian receives a 1 for interfering in Chris Jericho's match and helping him win.
William Regal receives a -1 for not showing up.
Trish Stratus receives a 0.
Table receives a 0 for not being used.
Nightly Total: 0
Monthly Total: -4
JStarr
Chris Jericho receives a +8 for winning an Intercontinental Title match.
Batista receives a 0.
Garrison Cade receives a -2 for losing a tag team match to Test & Steiner, but he only loses two points because he was not pinned.
Molly Holly gets a -1 for not showing up.
Stairs gets a 0 for not being used.
Nightly Total: 5
Monthly Total: 5
PREDICTIONS
Chris Jericho beat RVD.
Maven & Jindrak beat La Resistance.
Randy Orton beat Lance Storm.
Test & Steiner beat Cade and Michaels.
-3 for a Wrong Guess
+1 for a Right Guess
D-Extreme
Three correct guesses, and one wrong guess.
Prediction Points: 0
Total: 10
Maddog
Three wrong guesses, and one right guess.
Prediction Points: -8
Total: -12
JStarr
Four correct guesses, and zero wrong guesses.
Prediction Points: 4
Total: 9
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After "Across the Nation" by Union Underground finishes playing, it leads into a countdown.
*5*
*4*
*3*
*2*
*1*
Jim Ross: Tonight is shaping up to be a very combustible night! Both Triple H and Kevin Nash are here tonight, and these men can't wait to go at it with another! I'm Jim Ross alongside Jerry "The King" Lawler, and we are live here in Utah for Monday Night Raw. King this is going to be huge.
Jerry Lawler: There's been Bad Blood between these two for a long time, and we thought that it culminated at... well, Badd Blood. But Kevin Nash returned two weeks ago at Survivor Series and he's still not over losing that Hell in a Cell match to Triple H. I've gotta wonder why he even came back? He's not in Triple H's league now, and he wasn't six months ago at Badd Blood.
Jim Ross: Well you're forgetting about the one intangible. Our Heavyweight champion Goldberg. When Nash returned, he left Goldberg in a heap too.
Jerry Lawler: I don't know what's going to happen JR, but one thing's for sure. All hell will break loose whenever these three men are in the same place at the same time.
Jim Ross: Definitely. Now, we're going to kick off Raw with a rematch from last week's main event. Chris Jericho will defend his Intercontinental Title against the former champion, Rob Van Dam. RVD got screwed out of this title last week by Booker T. Tonight is his chance to get that title back.
Jerry Lawler: Booker T stole that title from Van Dam. He should get locked up again!
Break the Walls Down! Jericho's pyro goes off as he swivels himself around to face the crowd. Jericho cockily swaggers down to the ring with his Intercontinental Championship draped over his shoulder. Jericho bobbles his head back and forth while he inaudibly talks smack to the crowd. Jericho gets in the ring with some pep in his step. Jericho goes to hand referee Mike Sparks his title belt, but he stops at first to admonish Mike by telling him to "Be careful with this."
With Jericho in the ring, "One of a Kind" by Breaking Point hits and out comes Rob Van Dam. Not the usual happy go lucky Rob Van Dam. This Rob Van Dam is an angry Rob Van Dam that lost a friend, and a title in the same match one week ago. Van Dam sprints down to the ring, and it is on!
ROB VAN DAM VS CHRIS JERICHO ©
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Rob Van Dam quickly hops up onto the ring apron. Van Dam springboards and then hits a straight kick right to the chops of Jericho who was still too preoccupied with the way Mike Sparks was treating his belt to notice that someone was about to kick him in the face. Van Dam and Jericho pop right back up, which leads to Van Dam hitting a series of forearms to the head of Jericho that backs him up into the ropes. An Irish Whip from Van Dam sends Jericho flying across the ring into the ropes. On the rebound, Jericho ducks a Back Elbow from Van Dam and bounces off the ropes again. This time Jericho goes to hit a Crossbody on Van Dam, but Van Dam counters this by hitting a front dropkick right to the exposed chest of Jericho. Jericho is down and it looks like he's got the wind knocked out of him.
Van Dam gets up and he isn't letting up on Jericho. Van Dam pulls Jericho into the middle of the ring and then hits a quick spinning legdrop. Once again Van Dam is up quickly. He bounces himself off the ropes, and then hits the Rolling Thunder onto the prone Chris Jericho. Van Dam gets up and sizes up Jericho. He has him lined up, and is just waiting for him to get to his feet. Jericho finally gets up, holding his chest. Van Dam goes to hit Jericho with a spin kick, but Jericho ducks underneath of it. Van Dam then quickly attempts to sweep out Jericho's legs from underneath him, but Jericho jumps over Van Dam's leg. Van Dam gets back to a vertical base, and Jericho jumps onto the middle rope and hits a springboard Dropkick right to the face of Van Dam knocking both men down. Both Jericho and Van Dam take their time getting up to their feet.
Jericho is up a split second before Van Dam, so he goes on the offensive with a knee to the stomach of Van Dam. Van Dam hunches over, and Jericho takes a page out of William Regal's playbook by jumping up and kneeing Van Dam in the head. Van Dam holds his head with one hand, leaving him vulnerable to attack. So Jericho does a quick double leg takedown on Van Dam and tries to turn him over into the Walls of Jericho. But Van Dam is fighting to stay on his back. Jericho can't turn him over, so he falls back and slingshots Van Dam. Van Dam lands on the middle turnbuckle and goes for a moonsault on Jericho. But Jericho catches him on his right shoulder. Jericho flings Van Dam over his shoulder and drills him with a Reverse DDT from the modified Fireman's Carry position. (Simonizer for you ECW marks) Jericho covers. One... Two... Van Dam uses his leg strength to kick out just in the knick of time.
Van Dam is still laying on the mat, but he holds his head in pain. Jericho then decides to start working over the neck with a headlock. Van Dam starts fading away but after Mike Sparks lifts his hand, and drops it twice, Van Dam's arm shoots up. Van Dam starts battling up to one knee. He starts hitting elbows into the chest area of Jericho, but Jericho just leans into the Headlock to put more force on the hold. That stops Van Dam from firing off elbows, but he still is battling to his feet. Van Dam finally gets up to a vertical base, and once again starts hitting elbows into the midsection of Jericho. But Jericho keeps applying more and more force to the headlock to stop Van Dam from building any momentum. With one great burst of energy, Van Dam scoots himself behind Jericho, and drops him with a Back Suplex out of the headlock. Both men are down, but as Mike Sparks counts up to seven, Van Dam kips up and quickly hits a Standing Moonsault on Jericho.
Van Dam covers. One... Two... Jericho kicks out. Van Dam gets up still favoring his neck. He picks Jericho up to his feet. Van Dam goes to Irish Whip Jericho, but Jericho reverses it and sends Van Dam flying into the ropes. Jericho bends down to go for a Back Body Drop on Van Dam, but Van Dam hops over Jericho's back and rolls up Jericho using his legs. One... Tw... Jericho powers out and staggers to his feet. Van Dam is up quickly and charges at Jericho, but Jericho goes around him and hits a Sleeping Neckbreaker on Van Dam which causes Van Dam's head to ricochet off the ring mat. Jericho gets up and cockily struts over Van Dam. Jericho puts one foot on the midsection of Van Dam and orders referee Mike Sparks to make the count. One... Two... Van Dam gets his shoulders up.
Jericho takes a minute to taunt the crowd by doing Rob Van Dam's thumb taunt, when Van Dam rolls up Jericho, spins him around and tries to lock him in the Walls of Jericho! He has Jericho turned over, but Jericho crawls on his hands to the ropes and barely gets the ropes before Van Dam tries to pull him into the middle of the ring. Van Dam lets go of the hold, and hunches over to try and catch his breath. Jericho gets up and goes for his one handed bulldog, but Van Dam fights it off by bending his knees. Jericho lands on his ass after missing the bulldog. Van Dam quickly scoops up Jericho and hooks him up for a suplex. Van Dam lifts up Jericho in the suplex and then drops him stomach first across the top rope. Jericho's entire upper body is dangling over the top rope. Van Dam quickly hops up to the top rope, where he does the R...V...D... thumb taunts, and then leaps off the top turnbuckle with a Spinning Leg Drop to the back of the neck of Jericho that flings him right back into the ring.
Van Dam drags Jericho into the center of the ring before running off into the corner. Van Dam hops up onto the top turnbuckle and once again does his thumb taunt. He's about to fly with the Five Star Frog Splash... Can You Dig It Sucka!!!? Booker T's music hits.
Van Dam has a look of disgust on his face as he stands perched on the top turnbuckle waiting for Booker T to come down to the ring. But what's this? Christian hops over the barrier and grabs Jericho's Intercontinental Championship Belt.
Christian hops up onto the apron and drills Van Dam in the back of the head with the Intercontinental Championship Belt. Van Dam falls and does a front flip off the top turnbuckle right onto the mat. Christian hops off the apron and then ducks on the side of the apron. Booker T's music stops playing, so referee Mike Sparks turns his attention back to the task at hand. He turns just in time to see Chris Jericho throw his arm over the chest of Rob van Dam. One... Two... Three!
Chris Jericho defeats Rob Van Dam
Overall: 88
Crowd: 90
Match: 84
***1/2
Intercontinental gained in image.
NOT QUITE OVER YET
After the match is officially over, and Chris Jericho is declared the winner, Christian comes back into the ring. He picks up Rob Van Dam and then quickly drops him right on his face with the Unprettier. Christian then goes over to Jericho and helps him up to his face. Jericho is totally spent but that doesn't stop him from putting the boots to Van Dam. Christian and Jericho take turns celebrating with the Intercontinental Championship Belt, and stomping the hell out of an unconscious Rob Van Dam. All of a sudden Trish Stratus titty jiggles her way out to the ring. She slides into the ring and stands over Van Dam, while yelling for Jericho to hit her. Trish slides Van Dam out of the ring and then goes back to taunting Jericho. First she shoves Jericho, but he doesn't get upset, he just smiles at her. Then Jericho says to her "I can't hit you, but he can." On cue with Jericho, Christian grabs a handful of Trish's hair. Trish screams out in fear, but the screams don't help her because Christian spins her around and drops her on her head with an Unprettier! Christian then sits on Trish's back and locks her in a Camel Clutch while Jericho bends down and starts taunting Trish. OOOOOOOOOOOH WHAT A RUUUUUUUUUSH It's Animal! Animal charges down to the ring and he does not look like a happy camper. Animal gets into the ring and takes Jericho and Christian down with a double clothesline. Animal then bounces into the ropes and hits both men with a double shoulderblock. Animal then calls for a microphone.
Animal: Chris...tian... Me and you... At the... Armageddon... Pay... Per View. What... do you say?
Christian gets up and shakes his head no at Animal.
Animal: Wrong... answer.
Animal then boots Christian in the stomach and hits a thunderous powerbomb. Animal goes to do the same thing to Chris Jericho but he gets blindsided by Randy Orton and the RKO! All hell is breaking loose here. Randy Orton goes and picks up the Intercontinental Championship Belt. He looks at it, and then starts to smile before dropping it and seeing that Trish Stratus is now back up to her feet. Orton shrugs his shoulders and then hits a big RKO on Trish Stratus. But then The D-Bomb Drops! And out runs Bubba Ray Dudley. He hustles down to the ring and slides in. Bubba goes face to face with Orton. Orton puts his hands up and says that "it isn't his fight." Orton then slides out of the ring, while Bubba Ray checks on Trish. Trish starts to come too and thanks Bubba. He picks her up and starts to carry her out of the ring, when he sees Jericho starting to get to his feet. Bubba then props Trish up in the corner, and waits for Jericho to get back to a standing position. Then Bubba delivers the Bubba Cutter to Jericho! The ring is an absolute warzone with Bubba being the only man left standing. He picks Trish back up and then carries her to the backstage area as we cut to commercial.
Overall: 84
Jim Ross: This is an all out melee! Christian helped Jericho retain his title, but I'm almost at a loss for words for what happened after that match.
Jerry Lawler: I'm not. The Legend Killer just came out and RKO'd Animal, and Trish Stratus! Don't hurt the puppies!
Jim Ross: Animal made it clear that he wants Christian in a match at Armageddon. But Christian didn't even think twice about it and flat out said no.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah yeah, whatever. I never thought that I'd be glad to see Bubba Ray Dudley, but if it wasn't for him then I can only imagine what would have happened to the puppies. JR, that Randy Orton has crossed the line here tonight.
Jim Ross: Yes he has, but King I gotta wonder. Is this his way of saying that he wants the Intercontinental Title.
Jerry Lawler: I guess so.
FORE!!!!
We go backstage where we see Johnathan Coachman and Al Snow lined up against a wall with a look of fear on their face. Then we hear the voice of Steve Austin.
Steve Austin: Alright, now you two sumbitches stay still.
We then hear a loud bang and see a golf ball fly right over Coachman's head and leave a divit in the wall.
Steve Austin: Now I called you two here for a reason...
Austin then hammers another golfball, which catches Snow in the ribs. Snow hunches over grabbing his chest.
Steve Austin: I thought I told your stupid ass to stay still. Now where was I? Ah, yeah. So last night I'm watchin' mah tv, and there was a commercial on that channel with all them huntin' and fishin' shows. So I'm flippin' around and seein all this trash on TV, and then I turned on good ol' Spike TV and I saw some of our younger athletes wrasslin' on Sundee Night Heat. Then I listened a little bit closer and I heard the two of you cock eyed, mealy mouthed sons of bitches flapping your gums about how I'm a bad General Manager.
Austin then swings his golf club again and this time he hits Coachman right in the balls with the golf ball. Coachman falls onto his knees and starts writhing in pain.
Steve Austin: And I know I said that I wasn't gonna be GM like Eric Bischoff was, but yanno what I think, I think I'm about to make my first two roster transactions. Coach, Al Snow, you don't like working for me on Raw, well from here on out consider yourselves unemployed.
Coachman and Snow try to argue with Austin but he rears back with his golf club like he's about to fire off another golf ball. Coachman and Snow stop arguing and head to the door dejectedly.
Steve Austin: Wait, wait, wait. But I aint a total bastard like Bischoff. I've arranged a couple a' severance packages for ya guys, since ya both were loyal Raw employees. So come over here and get 'em.
Austin pulls out an envelope from his pocket and waits for Coachman and Snow to approach. When they do, Coachman is still holding his gonads, while Snow reaches for the envelope. But, nuh uh, boot to the gut from Austin and a Double Stunner on Coachman and Snow!
Steve Austin: Well, now that that's settled... Yanno, last week I made a match for tanight's Mondee Night Raw with Eric Bischoff against Goldberg. But it's come to my attention that Bischoff aint here tonight. Now I know he's familiar with the process of paying people to sit at home and do nothin', but I aint. That aint gonna cut it on my Raw. So Bischoff, consider this your last warning. I know you got a family at home to feed, and unless you show up here next week and wrestle Goldberg, you're ass is fired just like Al Snow and the Coach. But now that I'm on the subject of matchmakin' and all, I'm gonna confirm one match for our December Pay Per View Armageddon. Rob Van Dam will get one last shot at Jericho and the Intercontinental Championship. But this one aint gonna go down like tonight's match did. Any interference from anybody, whether it's Christian, Orton, Booker T, Mae Young, Jim Ross, Lillian Garcia, I don't give a damn is gonna get that person suspended without pay. And that's the bottom line, cause Stone Cold Said So.
Overall: 85
Jim Ross: Stone Cold Stunner! THE STONE COLD STUNNER!
Jerry Lawler: Snow and the Coach are gone for good! Maybe Steve Austin being the General Manager isn't going to be so bad.
Jim Ross: But that's not the only important announcement he made. He announced that at our Raw brand pay per view on December 14, Armageddon, Rob Van Dam will get one last shot at the Intercontinental Title against Chris Jericho. And this time no interfering is going to cost RVD the match.
MAVEN & MARK JINDRAK W/ STACY KEIBLER VS LA RESISTANCE'S RENE DUPREE & ROB CONWAY W/ SYLVAIN GRENIER
The match kicks off with Dupree and Jindrak in the ring. Dupree struts up to Jindrak and offers a handshake. Jindrak looks to the crowd for approval, which draws some boos. But Jindrak shrugs it off and goes to shake the man's hand anyway. Dupree then puts on a cocky smile and spits on the hand of Jindrak while mouthing "Filthy American" at him. Jindrak is fuming now, and he takes Dupree down with one punch from his spit on hand. Jindrak hops right on top of Dupree and starts pummeling him with a series of punches. This is like a cat fight minus the thongs... Referee Brian Hebner gets in between the two men and threatens to disqualify Jindrak for using a closed fist on Dupree. Jindrak gets off of Dupree and gives him space at the request of Brian Hebner. When Dupree gets up to his feet, it's a whole different story because Jindrak levels him with the same Pump Kick that took out Chris Nowinski at Survivor Series. Dupree hits the floor and pops up a few seconds later looking like he's lost. Jindrak then goes for a HIGH dropkick on Dupree, but Dupree sees it coming, and avoids it by dropping to the mat and rolling out of the ring where La Resistance has a little bit of a huddle.
Jindrak goes over to the ropes and starts pointing out at La Resistance and yelling for Dupree to get back in the ring. La Resistance doesn't seem to be listening. Brian Hebner is at a six count by now. Dupree and Conway wave at Jindrak while Grenier still waves the flag, and it looks like they're just going to take the countout and head to the back.
Jindrak throws his hands in the air like he's pissed off, but then Stacy springs into action. She runs up to the very bottom of the ramp to keep La Resistance close to the ring, where she bends over giving the boys a look at her ass. This is the only thing so far that has gotten Grenier to stop waving that damn flag of his. Grenier still holds the flag, but now it's obstructing Conway's view. Conway, being the most... lets say rugged, La Resistance member, he shoves Grenier out of the way to get more of a glimpse. All three La Resistance members are motionless, when Maven gets in the ring and walks over to where Jindrak is standing. Maven smirks at Jindrak and then vaults himself in the air using the ropes, and hits all three members of La Resistance in the back with a big fat Plancha. Stacy applauds Maven, but Maven stays on his game by picking up Dupree and rolling him into the ring just on the nine count by Brian Hebner.
Jindrak goes to pick up Dupree but Dupree slides back into his corner on his backside, trying to escape the wrath of Mark Jindrak. Dupree covers up, but Conway tags him just before it's go time. Conway gets in the ring with a swagger. He too goes to shake Jindrak's hand, but Jindrak says fuck no (in different words of course) and goes to take off Conway's head with a clothesline. But Conway ducks underneath the clothesline and boots Jindrak in the gut. Conway hits a big flurry of forearms to Jindrak that has him backed up into the corner. Conway whips Jindrak across the ring into the opposite corner, but the agile Jindrak runs up the turnbuckles and goes for his Revolving Clothesline on Conway. But Conway hits the deck and Jindrak crashes and burns. Conway takes his time getting up and when he does he goes over and points to the French Flag that Grenier is now waving once again.
After a good half minute of that, Conway goes back on the offensive. He picks up Jindrak, and it looks like he's going for his Slingshot Neckbreaker. He drops Jindrak gut first on the top rope, and he's about to do the neckbreaker from the ropes, but Maven slaps Jindrak on the back and gets into the ring. Maven grabs Conway and slaps him in a waistlock, much to Conway's surprise. Maven then drills Conway with a big release German Suplex. Conway gets up and charges at Maven, but all he gets is a big back body drop for his trouble. Dupree is fidgety on the apron and he looks like he's about to get in the ring, so Maven charges over there and plants him with a dropkick that knocks him off the apron.
Maven then turns around and narrowly dodges a haymaker from Conway. Maven turns around and waits for Conway to do the same. When Conway does turn, Maven nails him with a loud Spinning Heel Kick. Conway is down, so Maven takes his time climbing up to the top turnbuckle. He's waiting for Conway to get to his feet, but Sylvain Grenier pops up onto the apron and is about to hit Maven with his French Fag... I mean Flag. But as he's swinging, Stacy pulls his legs out from under him, causing him to fall off the apron and bang his face against it.
Conway gets up and is hit with a big Flying DDT from Maven! Maven covers, and Brian Hebner counts. One... Two... Three! Maven and Mark Jindrak win with help from Stacy Keibler.
Maven & Mark Jindrak w/ Stacy Keibler defeat La Resistance w/ Sylvain Grenier
OR: 61
CR: 49
MQ: 73
*1/4
Match suffered because the crowd was pumped from the last match.
Jim Ross: Stacy just proved her worth to Maven and Mark Jindrak by neutralizing Sylvain Grenier!
Jerry Lawler: Hey JR, I like Stacy and all but couldn't she find some guys to manage that weren't punks?
Jim Ross: These two kids are talented individuals and under the guidance of Stacy Keibler I expect them to utilize their full potential.
TONIGHT IS EVOLUTION'S NIGHT
We go backstage to Evolution's locker room, where we see all five members of Evolution. Triple H, Batista, Randy Orton and Ric Flair are crammed together on a three person couch that is directly across the room from Nowinski who is comfortably sitting on another three person sofa. It looks like nobody wants to go near him. Ric Flair is stuck in between Batista and Triple H. It looks like Flair is going to get absorbed by these two, so he stands up and starts talking while everyone keeps giving Nowinski dirty looks.
Ric Flair: Tonight Triple H, Batista... Tonight, Randy Orton... is WHOOOO Evolution's NIGHT. Tonight we're going to make up for all the absolute... CRAP that happened to us last week. We WILL make up for Batista getting screwed over by that punk Garrison Cade. We WILL make up for you, Game, not getting a chance to knock Kevin Nash's teeth down his throat. We WILL make up for this punk weaseling his way into Evolution... And we WILL make up for Rand
Randy Orton: I don't have to make up for anything. I did what I wanted to do at Raw last week... I took Maven out with the R...K...O. Just like I've already done tonight to Trish Stratus, and that has been Animal. And I'm not going to stop, cause tonight I'm going to bust out one more RKO when I beat Lance Storm later on.
Ric Flair: That's fine Randy, but you just remember that we are a team. TOGETHER we are the EVOLUTION of this business. If Evolution has a bad night, then so does Randy Orton.
Randy Orton: You know what Ric, you're right. We are a team, but make no mistake about it... I will beat Lance Storm tonight, and soon enough I will take the Intercontinental Title away from Chris Jericho. Now, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I've got a match up soon that I need to prepare for.
Randy Orton gets up and walks out of the room while Flair looks flabbergasted. Triple H and Batista snicker.
Triple H: Relax Naitch. He's just showing a little ambition. Whether we want to admit it or not, we were the exact same way when we were their age.
Points to Batista when he says that.
Triple H: But you know what, I gotta agree with ya Naitch. Tonight will-uh be Evolution's night. Last week I think I got a little bit too hot headed when I went off looking for Nash last week. I think it's better that I didn't find him because BEATING THE HELL-UH out of Nash would just distract me from my goal of getting one more shot at that Goldberg chump. I'm just going to play it cool until the time is right for me to ask Austin for another title shot.
Ric Flair: That sounds like a good idea and all H, but do you really think that no good redneck with way too much power is going to give you a title shot?
Triple H pats Batista on his chest.
Triple H: I think we can be very... very persuasive if ya know what I mean.
The four members of Evolution that are still in the locker room share a hearty laugh. Flair, Triple H and Batista all stop after a few seconds but Nowinski keeps on laughing like a bafoon. Eventually he stops and looks around the room and sees the stares directed at him.
Christopher Nowinski: ...What?
The rest of Evolution just shrug him off.
Triple H: Anyway guys, we've got a busy night tonight. I'm gonna find Goldberg and kick his ass... You two guys have Booker T tonight, and Randy's got a match with some nobody...
Christopher Nowinski: And what do I get to do tonight?
The rest of Evolution laughs at Nowinski before walking out of there and slamming the door leaving him sitting there on a couch all by himself. Nowinski sits there muttering to himself about how Evolution must be so happy to have him in their group, when the door swings open and it's Kevin Nash. Nash walks over to Nowinski and yanks him up to his feet. Nash slams Nowinski against the wall.
Kevin Nash: I heard you're little ring leader was lookin' for me last week. Where is he?
Christopher Nowinski: He just left...
Nash lets go of Nowinski. Nowinski goes from looking like he shat a brick, to looking over confident.
Kevin Nash: Where'd he go?
Christopher Nowinski: That's none of your damn business. What do you want anyway?
Kevin Nash: I want a match with him tonight. I've already talked to Austin and he cleared it. Hell, he even said that the winner could wrestle Goldberg at Armageddon.
Christopher Nowinski: Well Triple H said that he isn't concerned with you anymore...
Kevin Nash: I don't ca
Christopher Nowinski: But he did say he wanted another title shot. So you know what, I'll accept your challenge on behalf of Triple H.
Nash laughs at Nowinski and then leaves the room.
Jim Ross: Well King, it certainly looks like there is some tension in the Evolution locker room. Randy Orton said that he's not to blame for Evolution's shortcomings last week, and Ric Flair took offense to that.
Jerry Lawler: They're a team. If the team screws up, then every person in that team screwed up.
Jim Ross: Well that's your opinion King. I disagree, but that's not all that we just witnessed. Christopher Nowinski just agreed for Triple H to wrestle Kevin Nash. Triple H is going to be furious, especially after he just said that he doesn't want to fight Nash until he resolves his situation with Goldberg.
Jerry Lawler: I don't think Nowinski will be a card carrying member of Evolution for very much longer.
Overall: 76
Christopher Nowinski gained overness
STEINER & TEST HAVE A NEW FREAK
We go backstage, where Test and Steiner are in the middle of having a heated sicussion in their locker room.
Test: my property! I'm going to sue her ass, and them I'm going to sue the "Has Been Kid" Shawn Michaels. She breached my damn contra...
Scott Steiner: Shut the hell up. I don't give a rat's ass about Stacy, or whoever the hell else you plan on suing.
Test: Look Steiner, all I'm saying is that we'll get a lot of money out of it. We'll get enough money to get even more babes that are hotter than Stacy. I've got Clarence Mason on speed dial Steiner. By this time next week we could be on some beach in Mexico with foreign honey's that don't even speak English.
Scott Steiner: That's all it's about to you Test? Well, there's a reason that all these damn people call me "Big Poppa Pump." There's a reason that I'm Freakzilla. You want a freak that's hotter than Stacy? I had a feeling you'd be like this tonight, so I got just the girl to get you over Stacy.
Test: So she's hotter than Stacy? Nice.
Scott Steiner: Her legs aint fifty inches long, but her knockers are huge.
Test: Nice. I always thought Stacy was lacking a little something. So whose the bitch?
Scott Steiner: The name's Lucy...
We then hear a loud scream, as their locker room door opens and in walks Lucy, also known as Daffney back in WCW. She's wearing a pair of black skin tight pants, as well as an extremely tight Tee Shirt that says "My Body Is All Mine, But I Like To Share." She skips right into picture and waves at Test before screaming again.
Test: Dude, she's hot, but she's kind of weird...
Scott Steiner: I told you she was a goddamn freak. But she's also one hell of a goddamn manager, and well, after our match with Michaels and that Cade kid, she'll show you what else she's good at.
Test nods his head and then sort of stares at Lucy who returns the stare for a few seconds before screaming again and putting on huge wacky smile from ear to ear as the camera goes back to the ring for the next match.
Overall: 61
Jerry Lawler: PUPPIES!
Jim Ross: This woman looks like she belongs in a mental institution!
Jerry Lawler: They are right. She is hot!
LANCE STORM VS RANDY ORTON
Orton and Storm square off, and Storm is the first to go on the offensive. Storm runs at Orton and takes him down with a quick Flying Forearm. Storm grabs Orton and lifts him back up. Storm nails Orton with a shot to the head and then follows that up with a vicious chop. Storm whips Orton across the ring, and Orton bounces off the ropes. Storm goes for a Back Body Drop, but Orton counters with a sweet Spinning DDT. Orton gets to his feet and scopes out Storm. Storm gets to his feet, and Orton sideswipes him with a swinging Neckbreaker. Orton gets to his feet and begins to measure up Storm yet again.
Storm rises up and Orton grabs him from behind and locks in a Chinlock. Storm uses his elbows to fight out of it and then runs forward into the ropes. Storm bounces off the ropes, but right into a dropkick from Orton, which sends him down on his back. Storm gets to his feet as Orton gets to his as well. Storm leaps at Orton, but Orton ducks and then latches onto Storm with another Chin Lock. Orton pulls Storm back with the Chin Lock, and then lifts him up and slams him down out of the Chin Lock.
Orton keeps his arms wrapped around Storm's head, bringing him forward into another. Storm is struggling to fight his way up with some shots to the ribs of Orton. Storm gets himself to a knee and then pushes Orton forward into the ropes, but Orton comes back with a shoulder block that immediately brings Storm down, once again leaving his neck slammed down against the canvas. Orton flexes, taunting the crowd before turning his attention back to Storm and lifting him off the ground.
Orton smirks at Storm, but Storm proceeds to nail him with a huge shot to the face. Storm is exploding on Orton, but wait, Orton nails Storm with a thumb to the eye and of course referee Robert Brisko never saw it. Storm stumbles back, and Orton rakes his back. Storm turns around and Orton gives him an Eye Rake. Robert Brisko caught that one and gives Orton fair warning. Orton laughs as he grabs Storm and goes to whip him across the ring, but Storm counters by taking Orton down with an Arm Drag.
Storm gets to his feet, and Orton rises up as well. Orton runs at Storm, but Storm counters giving him a kick to the gut and then a Jawbreaker. Orton falls back into the rope, and then bounces right into Storm. Storm pulls Orton in, and nails him with a desperation German Suplex. Both men slowly get up to their feet, but then they take each other out with Clotheslines.
Storm and Orton got taken out on that last exchange, but now they get back up to their feet. Orton has his back turned to Storm. Orton turns around and Storm gives him a quick kick to the gut. Storm then puts Orton on his shoulders in a fireman's carry before running forward and doing a Roll Through Samoan Drop. Orton got taken out. Storm has a huge chance here as he’s getting to his feet. He’s yelling at Orton to rise up as well. He’s got a chance to close this one off. Storm waits for Orton until Orton turns around. Storm tries to lock on a Standing Armbar, but Orton refuses to let Storm bring him down.
Storm keeps swinging Orton in hopes of taking him down, but Orton finally gets himself out of it, throwing Storm down with a hip toss. Orton goes to catch some breath, but Storm runs at him again, trying to lock in that Armbar. This time, Orton reverses with a Drop Toe Hold sending Storm head first into the turnbuckle. Orton turns around as Storm gets to his feet. Storm starts to get up, as Orton waits behind him for him to stand. Storm turns around and it's the RKO! Randy Orton nailed it. Storm is down. Orton goes for the pin and Brisko makes the count.
One...
Two...
Three!
Randy Orton defeats Lance Storm
Overall: 79
Crowd: 77
Match: 82
***
Jim Ross: That was an excellent match, and Randy Orton won it without the help of his running buddies in Evolution.
Jerry Lawler: There's no denying it. This Randy Orton is a real force. He just beat one of the best technicians on Raw.
Jim Ross: I don't like him, but he's definitely proving that he's worthy of an Intercontinental Title shot down the road.
EARLIER TODAY
The earlier today graphic appears on the screen as we see Booker T walking into the arena. He's got a smile on his face as the camera follows him throughout the building, before he opens up the locker room door, and sees Hurricane & Rosey having a discussion.
Booker T: Wassup guys?
Booker T chucks his bag into the room, as Hurricane & Rosey just stare at him without replying.
Booker T: Yo watch my stuff. I be right back.
Booker goes back out into the hallway.
Booker T: Damn I gots to get me some coffee.
Booker T walks into the catering room where he pours his coffee and then puts it down at a table where Bubba Ray Dudley, D-Von Dudley, Spike Dudley and Tommy Dreamer are sitting down.
Booker T: Yo guys. Big show tonight.
All four guys get up without even acknowledging Booker T. Bubba, D-Von and Tommy leave while Spike stares Booker down.
Booker T: Spike... Come on Spike what's goin on?
Spike turns around and starts walking away.
Booker T: Spike? Spike! Come on dawg.
Booker finishes putting the sugar in his coffe and then leaves. He's on his way back to the locker room when he passes the diva locker room. Terri and Lillian Garcia are standing outside of the locker room, but once they see Booker T and he tries talking to them they just start giggling and walk inside the locker room.
Booker T: What tha HELL is goin' on here?
Booker goes back to the male locker room mumbling stuff to himself. He's about twenty feet away from the locker room when he sees the door open. Hurricane chucks Booker's bag out of the door and shakes his head. He goes back in the locker room and just barely shuts and locks the door before Booker T is banging on it.
Booker T: C'mon dawg lemme in.
After a few seconds of banging...
Booker T: Aight, I see how it is. Fine. Ya'll don't want me here? I'm gone. And I aint comin back suckas.
Booker T picks up his luggage and then exits the arena still mumbling stuff to himself.
Overall: 92
Booker T Gained Overness
Jim Ross: What the hell? Booker T just got up and left. He's supposed to wrestle Batista tonight.
Jerry Lawler: What he did to RVD last week cost him a lot of friends. Nobody wants to go near this thief.
Jim Ross: King, he's conflicted, but he's no thief.
Jerry Lawler: Well the whole locker room seems to be disagreeing with you JR.
HBK & HBCADE GET ALL PREPPED UP
The camera goes backstage, where all we see are a pair of legs. Really, really long legs. After teasing an upskirt shot on Stacy, the camera pans out to show Shawn Michaels, Maven and Mark Jindrak across from Stacy, gawking at her legs while Garrison Cade stands in front of them looking all business.
Maven: Shawn... I just want to thank you 44 1/2 times for hooking us up with Stacy last week.
Shawn Michaels: Oh you're welcome. Very, very welcome.
Cade is looking pretty agitated.
Garrison Cade: HELLO? Maven, maybe you've forgotten about last week, but this woman that you're SOOOO thankful for basically made you lose your match last week with Randy Orton.
Maven: Big deal Cade. You win some, you lose some. It's not her fault that Orton tossed me into her.
Garrison Cade: No it's not. But it's your fault that instead of getting back in the ring and kicking Orton's ass, you just stayed there to check on poor little Stacy. We've dealt with Evolution before and we know how they work. We know that you've got to have eyes in the back of your head when Flair's around ringside, and you just didn't pay him any attention. That's why you lost last week, and I won. Because I've got my damn head on straight, while your head is off to the side trying to see what color panties Stacy is wearing!
Maven: Whoa, you bett
Shawn Michaels: Hold on Maven. Now Cadey, if you don't mind me interjecting here...
Garrison Cade: Damnit Shawn I do mind. I'm trying to get my point across to these guys. I'm trying to make it known to them that the three of us, Maven, Mark Jindrak and me Garrison Cade are the future of this very organization. I'm trying to get these guys to go out to the ring and give it their all every week, but it's not working Shawn. You know why it's not working?
Shawn Michaels: Let me guess. You're going to blame that on Stacy too?
Garrison Cade: No, this isn't Stacy's fault. It's your fault Shawn. You're the one who keeps distracting them. You're the one who keeps filling their heads with this crap about managers, and always playing fair. THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS SHAWN. How the hell is Stacy strutting around showing her ass to the crowd going to effect their win/loss record? The fact of the matter is that it won't! And sometimes Shawn, you can't play fair. When you're wrestling a guy like Batista and you have Randy Orton and Ric Flair interfering, you just can't play fair. You've got to fight fire with fire Shawn and if that means bending the rules a little bit here and there, then that is what I'm going to do. That's what Maven and Mark should be doing to. Hell, when you were at this stage in your career that's exactly would you'd be doing too! But now that you've found God, you preach to these guys about being fair and ethical. What kind of hypocritical, has been, washed up, son of a
Shawn Michaels just starts laughing at him.
Garrison Cade: What? WHAT IS SO FUNNY?
Shawn Michaels: You're pissed off Cade?
Cade nods.
Shawn Michaels: You mad?
Cade nods again.
Shawn Michaels: Feel like kicking some ass?
Cade nods once again.
Shawn Michaels: Good, because we've got Test and Scott Steiner up next in a tag team match and you're going to need all the intensity you can get. And of course you don't want to lose, especially after Mark and Maven won their match tonight. You know how you singled Maven out before? For losing to Randy Orton. Well I'm sure that Maven and Jindrak would be more than willing to throw that right back at you.
Mark Jindrak: Nah, dude. Just give it your best shot.
Maven: Yeah man, no hard feelings.
Shawn Michaels: Oh... That's right. They're not pompous jackasses, which is exactly what you've been acting like for the past few weeks.
Garrison Cade: Don't worry about me Shawn. I can cover my end of our match. I'm just not so sure that you could cover yours. Now let's go. We're up. But you aren't going anywhere!
Pointing to Stacy.
Stacy: That's enough Garrison! If you guys don't want me here than I'll just leave.
Shawn Michaels: No. You're going out there with us tonight Stace. Cade, whether you want to admit it or not, we need her tonight. They have that Lucy whacko running around out there, and we need you to get keep her in check.
Garrison Cade: Fine, whatever. But if you blow my match tonight like you blew Maven's last week, then I'm going to find my own damn manager.
Stacy: I won't get in the way!
Shawn Michaels: Stacy don't pay him any attention. It must be his time of the month... or was that last week... or the week before... or hell, even the week before that.
HBK shoots a playful smirk at Cade, trying to lighten up the mood. Cade just shakes his head and walks out of the room.
Shawn Michaels: Alright Stace, let's go.
They start to leave.
Mark Jindrak: Good luck guys.
Overall: 69
SHAWN MICHAELS & GARRISON CADE W/ STACY KEIBLER VS TEST & SCOTT STEINER W/ LUCY
The two teams at first have a stare down. Stacy starts staring down Lucy, but instead of being intimidated, Lucy just starts waving at Stacy like a goofball and screaming her head off. Michaels and Cade turn their heads to see what Lucy is screaming about. Test and Steiner take advantage of this distraction by hitting stereo clotheslines on Cade and Michaels respectively.
Test kicks Cade out of the ring, and then gets out on the apron. Steiner starts putting the stomps to Michaels, and after he gets a few good boots in, Michaels manages to catch his foot, and then sweep Steiner's other leg out from underneath him. Michaels and Steiner both get up quickly. Steiner goes for another clothesline on Michaels, but Michaels ducks underneath it and catches Steiner in a Crucifix and rolls him up. Referee Jim Cordaris starts the count.
One...
Two...
Steiner powers out at two.
Once again it's a horse race to get back up to their feet, except Michaels has to deliberately stall for Steiner to keep up. When they both do get up, Michaels starts pounding away on Steiner, backing him up into the ropes. Michaels then bounces off the ropes on the opposite side of the ring, and on the rebound he goes for a Flying Forearm on Steiner. But Steiner catches him, and then drops him with a backbreaker. Steiner doesn't let go of HBK after the backbreaker. Instead he lifts him up above his head, and starts making like he's bench pressing Shawn Michaels. Steiner's arms start shaking, so he just chucks Michaels, out of the military press. Michaels lands hard on his back, which he's now holding in pain.
Michaels starts trying to get over to his corner, but Steiner grabs him by the leg and pulls him back to the heel corner. Steiner then tags out to Test. But before Steiner gets out of the ring, the two men stand Michaels up in the corner where they take turns pounding away on him with vicious blows to the back. After a four count from Jim Cordaris, Steiner took the hint and left the ring.
Test stays on the offensive by locking Shawn in a Full Nelson. Test drags Shawn out of the corner with the hold locked in. Now he goes for the Full Nelson Slam! But Shawn shifts his weight, and drops down onto his ass hitting Test with a Jawbreaker. Shawn gets up, still holding his back, and charges at Test with a Flying Back Elbow. Test just falls back into the ropes, regains his composure and charges at Shawn. But Shawn lunges forward and tags in Cade. Cade hops over the top rope, and ducks a clothesline from Test. Test just waits for Cade to turn around, but instead Cade mule kicks Test in the stomach, and then in one motion, Cade turns and hits a facebuster on Test. Cade gets up and narrowly avoids a clothesline from Steiner. Cade pulls back on Steiner's head, and drops to his knees, causing the back of Steiner's head to come down on the top of Cade's head.
Cade shakes his head at first. I guess that means it hurt him too. Cade gets back up and catches Test trying to boot him. Cade grabs Test's foot, and walks Test over to the ropes, where he places Test's leg on both sides of the ropes. He's spread eagle on the top. Cade then climbs up to the top rope. He's going for a Missile Dropkick to the prone Test! But wait, Steiner climbs up to the top rope and sends Cade flying with a Super Belly to Belly Suplex!
Steiner no sells the impact by getting right up to go help Test. He helps Test off the ropes, and then leaves the ring at the request of Jim Cordaris. Test assesses the situation and then hops on top of Cade for the pin.
One...
Two...
Kickout.
Test stands up holding his groin, and waiting for Cade to get up to his feet. Cade finally does get up to his feet, and Test meets him with a kick to the stomach. Test then Pump Handles Cade, but Cade slips out the back door and hits a dropkick to the back of Test that knocks him off his feet. Cade gets up, still feeling the effects of that suplex. He makes the tag to Shawn Michaels, who is still nursing his back, but not quite as much as before.
Test gets up to his feet and goes to attack Garrison Cade, but then he sees that it's Shawn Michaels in the ring. Shawn is waving Test on to fight him, but Test starts to back down into his corner. Shawn starts to run at Test, but on the outside Lucy grabs Shawn's leg and won't let go of it. Test then charges in at Shawn and looks for the Big Boot, but Shawn manages to duck, sending Test once again spread eagle on the top rope.
From behind on the outside Stacy pushes Lucy. Lucy lets go of Shawn's leg, and then screams at the top of her lungs at Stacy. Stacy puts on a "What the fuck"? face and then slaps Lucy right in the mouth. Lucy laughs it off and then punches Stacy right in the cheek. Stacy falls down on her tush. Lucy starts stalking Stacy on the outside, so Stacy gets up and starts running around the outside of the ring with Lucy chasing her screaming like a maniac.
Shawn watches the action on the outside for a few seconds before running at Test and hitting him with a Spinning Heel Kick that knocks him right back into the ring and in front of Scott Steiner. Steiner makes the blind tag, as Shawn picks Test up and whips him into the ropes. On the rebound Test gets blasted with the Sweet Chin Music. Shawn is about to make the cover on Test, when Stacy slides into the ring, still trying to avoid Lucy. She hides behind Shawn, but Lucy shows no fear and still gets in the ring.
But then Steiner gets in the ring, with HBK still oblivious to him being the legal man. Steiner shoves Stacy right into Lucy who takes a page out of Steiner's book and hits her with a Belly To Belly Suplex. Michaels still doesn't know Steiner is behind him. He thinks that Stacy just charged Lucy. Michaels goes to help Stacy, but from behind, Steiner grabs Michaels and hits him with the Complete Shot.
One...
Two...
Cade is standing on the apron, watching the match without coming in to make the save.
Three!
SCOTT STEINER & TEST W/ LUCY DEFEAT SHAWN MICHAELS & GARRISON CADE W/ STACY
Overall: 69
Crowd: 69
Match: 70
*1/2
Jim Ross: What the hell was Cade doing? Why didn't he save his tag team partner? Why didn't he save the man that taught him everything he knows?
Jerry Lawler: Because that just wouldn't be ethical JR. Shawn Michaels wants Cade, Maven and Jindrak to play by the rules, so to speak. And last time I checked, people weren't allowed to just enter the ring whenever they wanted to in a Tag Team match.
Jim Ross: That's a flimsy excuse King and you know it.
KEVIN NASH VS TRIPLE H
WORLD TITLE MATCH AT ARMAGEDDON ON THE LINE
Triple H is very reluctant to get in the ring with Nash, especially because he did not even agree to this match. Eventually Triple H does get in the ring, but he stalls a lot until the referee, Earl Hebner just rings the bell to start the match without the consent of Triple H. Nash and Triple H start the match off with some not-so-friendly jaw jacking, which leads to Nash going off on Triple H with a series of punches to the face.
Triple H gets backed up into the ropes with these punches. Nash whips Triple H into the ropes and on the rebound, Triple H eats boot. Nash picks up Triple H and chucks him into the corner. Nash charges in with an avalanche, but Triple H dodges it, and starts pounding away on Nash in the corner. But that offense is short lived as Nash grabs Triple H by the neck, and chucks him into the corner instead. Nash starts going to work on Triple H with knees to the gut, before whipping Triple H into the opposite corner. He had so much force behind the whip that Triple H came flying back out of the corner, and right into a Spinning Side Salto from Kevin Nash. Nash then did the nWo sign to the crowd for a bit of a pop.
But then the TitanTron showed a jeep pulling up to the arena, and Goldberg getting out of it. He looked pissed off, as he started marching towards the ring. Nash noticed him and started staring at the TitanTron, when from behind Triple H hit an uppercut to Little Kev. Nash hunched over, and Triple H got him in a double underhook. He has him set up for the Pedigree, when Goldberg makes it to the ring. He gets in the ring and then charges at Triple H even with Earl Hebner trying to hold him back. Goldberg dives over the back of Nash and Spears the hell out of Triple H. Hebner calls for the bell, and calls the match a No Disqualification. Goldberg is back up after spearing Triple H. He lines Nash up and is ready to spear him too, but instead of getting up to his feet, Nash just rolls out of the ring. On the entire way back up the ramp, Nash just smiles at Goldberg, while holding his groin.
NO CONTEST
Overall: 80
Crowd: 85
Match: 70
** (for keeping it short)
Jim Ross: Goldberg just speared Triple H right out of his boots!
Jerry Lawler: Kevin Nash wisely got out of the ring before Goldberg did the same thing to him.
Jim Ross: King that's all the time we have for tonight. WHO WILL GO ON TO ARMAGEDDON TO FACE GOLDBERG FOR THE WORLD TITLE?!?
OVERALL: 77
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That was the best show this diary's seen.
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D-Extreme, you never posted your FWWE picks. Predictions are kind of meaning less without them
-
WWE Information
*To be updated as things change*
RAW
Main Event Faces
Name/Overness
Goldberg - 95
Shawn Michaels - 94
Kevin Nash - 83
Main Event Heels
The Rock - 100
Triple H - 95
Upper Mid Card Faces
Booker T - 92
Rob Van Dam - 90
Road Warrior Animal - 79
Upper Mid Card Heels
Chris Jericho - 94
Scott Steiner - 84
Batista - 69
Mid Card Faces
Trish Stratus - 87
Lita - 83
Goldust - 81
Bubba Ray Dudley - 80
D-Von Dudley - 79
Lance Storm - 78
The Hurricane - 77
Val Venis - 74
Mid Card Heels
Christian - 80
Molly Holly - 79
Randy Orton - 78
Test - 75
Al Snow - 71
Rico - 71
Jazz - 65
Rene Dupree - 65
Gail Kim - 50
Lower Mid Card Faces
Maven - 71
Tommy Dreamer - 68
Ivory - 65
Rosey - 65
Spike Dudley - 65
Jacqueline - 55
Mark Jindrak - 55
Garrison Cade - 47
Lower Mid Card Heels
Victoria - 71
Steven Richards - 67
Christopher Nowinski - 64
Sylvan Grenier - 64
Rob Conway - 51
Rodney Mack - 51
Face Managers
Stacy Keibler - 85
Heel Managers
Ric Flair
Jim Cornette - 70
Lucy - 69
Miss Jackie - 65
Theodore Long - 63
Face Non-Wrestlers
Steve Austin - 98
Shane McMahon - 90
Jerry Lawler - 76
Terri - 60
Heel Non-Wrestlers
Eric Bischoff - 92
Johnathan Coachman - 50
William Regal - 78
Raw Staff
*Name then Talent*
Raw Announcers
Jim Ross - 95
Jim Cornette - 75
Jonathan Coachman - 70
Marissa Mazzola - 57
Carlos Cabrera - 50
Hugo Savinovich - 45
Howard Finkel - 45
Lillian Garcia - 41
Philippe Chereau - 21
Raw Referees
Earl Hebner - 90
Jim Cordaris - 78
Robert Brisko - 70
Brian Hebner - 68
Mike Sparks - 66
Raw Producers
Kevin Dunn - 100
Chris Chambers - 100
Jim Johnston - 98
Barry Bross - 76
Jessie (of Tough Enough) - 55
Raw Writers
Craig Maclean - 95
Dennis Brent - 83
Brian Gerwitz - 82
Dominik Pagliaro - 76
Michael Hayes - 74
Phil Speer - 65
Raw Road Agents
Arn Anderson - 100
Gerald Brisco - 100
Pat Patterson - 100
William Regal - 90
Dean Malenko - 85
Dave Finlay - 83
Dave Hebner - 76
Sgt. Slaughter - 72
Raw Titles
WWE World Title - Image: 88%
Champion: Goldberg
WWE Intercontinental Title - Image: 86%
Champion: Chris Jericho
WWE World Tag Team Title - Image: 74%
Champions: The Dudley Boyz
WWE Women's - Image: 66%
Champion: Molly Holly
Smackdown
Main Event Faces
Kurt Angle - 99
The Undertaker - 89
Main Event Heels
Brock Lesnar - 97
Big Show - 83
Upper Mid Card Faces
Eddie Guerrero - 98
Chris Benoit - 89
Edge - 88
Upper Mid Card Heels
Kane - 90
John Cena - 85
Mid Card Faces
Rey Mysterio Jr - 85
Chavo Guerrero Jr - 75
Ultimo Dragon - 75
Billy Gunn - 74
Rikishi - 74
Bradshaw - 70
Billy Kidman - 64
Faarooq - 64
Hardcore Holly - 64
Zach Gowen - 60
Mid Card Heels
Matt Hardy - 83
Rhyno - 81
Tajiri - 81
Chris Kanyon - 75
Shelton Benjamin - 74
Charlie Haas - 73
A-Train - 72
Sean O'Haire - 72
Lower Midcard Faces
Ernest Miller - 71
Scotty Too Hotty - 67
Jamie Noble - 62
Funaki - 58
Orlando Jordan - 45
Lower Midcard Heels
Mark Henry - 76
Nathan Jones - 68
Chuck Palumbo - 66
Shannon Moore - 63
Doug Basham - 62
Johnny Stamboli - 62
Nunzio - 61
Danny Basham - 58
Matt Morgan - 36
Face Openers
Paul London - 60
Heel Openers
Akio - 45
Sakoda - 24
Face Managers
Torrie Wilson - 75
Nidia - 62
Heel Managers
Sable - 76
Dawn Marie - 71
Shaniqua - 52
Face Non Wrestlers
Stephanie McMahon - 90
Tazz - 72
Heel Non Wrestlers
Paul Heyman - 82
Bill DeMott - 60
Smackdown Staff
Smackdown Announcers
Michael Cole - 70
Josh Mathews - 65
Gene Okerlund - 55
Rue - 54
Mark Lloyd - 45
Justin Roberts - 45
Tony Chimel - 40
Chris Leary - 40
Christopher Agius - 32
Smackdown Referees
Charles Robinson - 86
Nick Patrick - 85
Chad Patton - 77
Mike Chioda - 70
Jack Doan - 66
Smackdown Producers
Kevin Dunn - 100
Bret Buffet - 97
Adam Penucci - 87
Chris Lawler - 84
Hillbilly Jim - 72
Smackdown Writers
Barney Rennie - 99
Pete Sanchez - 96
Lars Simmons - 85
Bruce Pritchard - 76
Dave Lagana - 74
Ed Koskie - 70
Smackdown Road Agents
Johnny Ace - 100
Julian Bailey - 89
Tim White - 85
Steve Lombardi - 80
Tony Garea - 76
Harvey Wippleman - 75
Jack Lanza - 70
John Gaburick - 70
Smackdown Champions
WWE Heavyweight Title - Image 90%
Champion: Brock Lesnar
WWE United States Title - Image 79%
Champion: The Big Show
WWE Tag Team Titles - Image 75%
Champions: The World's Greatest Tag Team
WWE Cruiserweight Title - Image 74%
Champion: Tajiri
Heat and Velocity
Jobbers
Spyder - 32
Zack Mercury - 19
The Machine - 12
Matt Fairlane - 11
Dillon Robson - 10
Killer Cox - 9
Tough Enough
Trainers
Chris Kanyon - 75
Al Snow - 71
Billy Kidman - 64
Gail Kim - 50
Students
Rachel Watson - 1
Bob Jenkins - 0
Brian Greggs - 0
Enrique Mastabez - 0
Gary Cahill - 0
Hector Trazpeno - 0
Jeffrey Lacour - 0
Jenna Lawton - 0
Kimberley Hanton - 0
Kristin Downey - 0
Lawrence Carter - 0
Leslie Gorchesky - 0
Letitia Whiteley - 0
Mack Strents - 0
Nigel Fairweather Marshall - 0
Rodney Griffin - 0
Ohio Valley Wrestling
Wrestlers
Nova - 64
Carly Colon - 60
Joey Matthews - 60
John Hennigan - 60
Matt Cappotelli - 60
Big Bossman - 58
Nick Dinsmore - 56
Jimmy Snuka Jr - 54
Tony DeVito - 50
Alexis Laree - 40
Jon Heidenreich - 39
Mark Bell - 38
Horshu - 35
Jamie Koeppe - 35
Spanish Angel - 35
Mike Bell - 30
Seven - 30
Johnny Spade - 25
Boogalou - 22
Antonio Thomas - 18
Tyson Dux - 18
Mike Mondo - 16
Kenny Bolin - 15
Rod Steel - 15
Synn - 15
Travis Bane - 15
Aaron Stevens - 14
Johnny Jeter - 14
Melissa Coates - 14
Tank Toland - 14
Chris Cage - 12
Chris Mordetsky - 12
Gene Snisky - 12
Jerome Crony - 12
Mark Magnus - 12
Nikita Fink - 11
Low Ryda - 10
Shawn Daivari - 10
Asylum - 9
Da Beast - 8
Trainers
Mikey Monroe - 96
Tom Hooper - 95
Rocky Johnson - 88
Danny Davis - 87
Alex Shaffer - 86
Ron Hutchison - 86
Tom Prichard - 76
Merchandise
1 Shawn Michaels - 16%
2 Eddie Guerrero - 12%
3 Edge - 11%
4 Rob Van Dam - 11%
5 Booker T - 11%
6 The Rock - 5%
7 Kurt Angle - 5%
8 Goldberg - 4%
9 Kevin Nash - 4%
10 The Undertaker - 4%
CHANGES
Rachel Watson's Overness Changed From 0 to 1
Al Snow's Overness Changed From 70 to 71
-
Fantasy WWE Predictions
Chris Jericho © vs Rob Van Dam
Intercontinental Title
Mark Jindrak & Maven vs La Resistance
Lance Storm vs Randy Orton
Shawn Michaels & Garrison Cade vs Test & Scott Steiner
-
WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW PREVIEW
Last week on Raw in the main event, Chris Jericho took the Intercontinental Championship from Rob Van Dam with assistance from Booker. This week on Raw we're going to kick off the show with the rematch. Chris Jericho will be defending his Intercontinental Championship against Rob Van Dam in a match that could very well see the Title change hands one more time.
Also on last week's Raw, Shawn Michaels presented Maven, Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade with a new manager. Oh, not just any new manager... Shawn gave them a ver y leggy woman, in Stacy Keibler, to help lead them. This group of young upstarts was happy about the news. But how will Test and Scott Steiner react to their "property" being stolen away from them? They can't be too happy, because they've already had a match signed for Raw that pits them against Shawn Michaels and Garrison Cade.
All week long Ric Flair has been promoting tonight as "Evolution's Night". He's been saying how Ric, Randy Orton and Batista are going to dominate their opponents this week just to show Triple H (who left Raw early last week in a foul mood) how powerful Evolution really is. So, tonight Randy Orton has a match with mat technician Lance Storm, and Batista, with Ric Flair in his corner, will battle Booker T.
Last week on Raw was Steve Austin's first week as Raw's sole General Manager, and he's already been making some rulings. He nullified Eric Bischoff's ruling that Divas can only participate in "specialty matches." And he's also threatened Chris Jericho with a suspension if he so much as talks about Trish Stratus. What will Steve Austin do tonight? Tune into Raw and find out.
But, I had to put writing on hold for about a week for a personal issue. I just got back on track today with the writing. So it shouldn't be too long until it's written.
Lazy WWE: Version 3.0
in The Dome Retro Room
Posted · Edited by Essa
WWE SMACKDOWN
JANUARY 6, 2005
US Title Match... In A Week
So… You think you’re untouchable?
“Basic Thuganomics” hits, and the United States Champion, John Cena hip-hops out onto the stage, spinning his title belt like a moron. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to watch John Cena as a face. He needs some of his edge back.
He plays to the crowd for a bit, throwing up the “Word Life” thumbs and pinkies and slapping hands with the wookies at ringside. Cena rolls into the ring and takes the house mic offered by good ol’ Tony Chimel.
Cena: “Yo-yo-YO! The champ is HERE!... Mohegan Sun… Lemme hear ya make some NOISE!”
The crowd obliges, and Cena kills time waiting for them to quiet down before continuing.
Cena: “Line ‘em up… I knock ‘em down… Punks steppin’ up to take a shot at the crown…”
Cena spins his U.S. Title for emphasis.
Cena: “Well it’s a happy new year for the auld lang syne… Gonna kick it off with a BANG and make this year mine… The year of the chain… My dominance is a LOCK… If you think you can stop me… you can press your lips to my…”
Cena grabs his crotch and holds the mic up for the filthy fill-in from the helpful crowd. Their cheers are cut short as a somewhat familiar dirge hits the speakers and Luther Reigns stomps out in suit and tie, a microphone in hand. After the jeers and catcalls die down, he takes it to his mustached lips.
Luther: “That’s about ENOUGH! You call yourself a thug? You call yourself untouchable?”
Cena: “Hey… Yo… I might be, but I ain’t lookin’ for you to try and touch me. I heard all about your prison exploits. I understand they called you Loverboy Luther.”
Cena makes a yucky face, drawing a chuckle from the crowd. Reigns stomps his foot in indignation.
Luther: “Keep runnin’ yer mouth, Cena! Week after week, you’re writing checks with yer mouth that yer body can’t cash.”
Cena looks mock confused, then spins his U.S. Title belt again.
Cena: “Uh, by the looks of this here, I’m takin’ *bleep*s to the BANK!”
Luther: “Y’see… that stops NOW! This whole charade stops NOW! I know a thug when I see one… ‘cuz I used ta be ONE… but I paid my dues, and what I see in that ring is a wannabe… a kid playin’ thug… a punk playin’ gangsta… when I LIVED it!”
Cena: “You lived it, huh? You bonafide? You think I’m just playin’ up in here? Well, I been called a playa’ before. Bottom line… Loverboy… You want some? Come get some… We’ll see who’s playin’ and who’s slayin’…”
Cena dumps the mic then lifts the padlocked chain from around his neck, drawing a pop. On the ramp, Luther tosses his microphone aside and begins loosening his tie and shrugging out of his suit jacket.
“Mack Militant” suddenly begins to play, and the crowd instinctively boos as they were looking forward to the two men mixing it up, and the arrival of the General Manager seems likely to put the kibosh on that.
Long: “Hold up… Hold up, fellas… This ain’t the streets and this ain’t the prison yard… this is Smackdown, and we’re gonna do this proper, belie’e dat! You two wanna throw down in the ring, I got noooo problem wi’ dat, but we gonna do it NEXT WEEK… (boos)… We gonna do it with a Smackdown referee making sure it goes down fair n’ square, ya hear me?… and we gonna do it… for the United States Title! Holla-holla-HOLLA!”
The fans come around and give the booked match a tepid cheer, but they’re still a little peeved they’re not going to see it tonight. Long backs away, making sure Luther follows suit. After they depart, Cena takes to the turnbuckles for some posing and more (sigh) belt-spinning, then leaves as well, mugging for the crowd and the camera the whole way up the ramp.
Overall: 67
John Cena lost overness
A HAPPY GIANT
The Smackdown opening video plays, and then we go backstage where Teddy Long has already returned to. Theodore Long strutted backstage in one of his oversized suits as he walked down a corridor. Suddenly he stopped and looked up at something that we couldn’t see. The camera panned to show the 7 Foot tall, 500 pound giant, Big Show standing before him with his arms crossed.
Long: What’s crackalackin’ big man? You know you’re just the man I wanted to see. Now peep this, I’ve been watching you the past couple of weeks and I noticed that you’ve got some beef with JBL. And I also noticed you saying that you wanted that belt he has. Since I’m a General Manager who’s all about equal opportunity I was wonderin’ how you feel about getting a WWE Title Match at the Royal Rumble?
The crowd pops for the proposal as the Big Show simply nods his head and smiles.
Long I thought you’d like that. But like I said before, I’m all about opportunity. That’s why three other men will be receiving the same opportunity as you right here tonight, ya feel me? Because it will be the Big Show versus Kurt Angle versus Booker T versus Eddie Guerrero in a Fatal 4-Way match in the main event tonight. And whoever the winner may be, that man will be named #1 Contender and face JBL for the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble. Holla, Holla, Holla!
The GM walks off as the crowd pops heavily for the announcement of tonight’s blockbuster main event. The camera focuses in on the face of very determined Big Show.
Overall: 65
Billy Kidman vs Shannon Moore (w/ Paul London)
Shannon Moore is the first man out to the ring for this match, which could have serious impact on the cruiserweight division whoever wins. Paul London, the former tag team partner of Billy Kidman accompanies Shannon Moore to the ring. London probably gets the biggest applause of the two, as similar to what Shannon did on Velocity, London spends more time interacting with the crowd during the entrance. Shannon Moore stands nervous in the ring, these two rookies both want to come out on top in this match, it's not just himself who he's fighting for.
Kidman's music hits up and a few boo's ruffle through the arena, once Kidman walks out through the entrance though they break into louder boos and jeers. Kidman taunts Paul London, but London doesn't react. This causes Kidman to walk right up to the face of Paul London. Kidman chews right in the face of London and starts to trash talk him, drawing up on his inexperience, calling him a "selfish young punk". Kidman spits his gum out in face of London, which causes the crowd to go into a pantomime style "ooooooh" reaction. London pushes Kidman, to which Kidman replies with a push of his own.
Sensing his friend is in danger Shannon Moore baseball slides out of the ring kicking Kidman in the upper chest knocking him to the floor. The crowd break into a cheer as Moore celebrates on the arena floor. He checks on London, who's lying back against the security barrier. This allows for Kidman to get back to his feet and attack Shannon Moore. Kidman rolls Moore back into the ring and the match gets underway. Shannon Moore offers his hand out to Kidman and London nods on the outside (Paul London wants to bring honour back to wrestling, no matter who he's fighting) Kidman however refuses the handshake and slaps Moore in the face.
The first few minutes are pretty much the regular cruiserweight exchange, some trips and restraining holds and plenty of flips and reversals. Kidman stands over the floored Shannon Moore wrenching away at his leg whilst standing on the thigh of Moore. Shannon Moore manages to swipe away the feet of Kidman with his free leg, knocking Kidman down onto his ass. Both men are quick to their feet where they lock up again. Kidman trips Shannon Moore after a quick go behind before synching on a side headlock. Shannon Moore has the eye of the tiger, the will of the fight and rises to the challenge of his rival's, as he is quick to his feet. Breaking free of the headlock Shannon pushes Kidman into the ropes, upon Kidman's return Moore connects with a wild spinning wheel kick. Moore though doesn't attempt the pin fall and instead climbs to the middle rope. Kidman gets to his feet, but stumbles down onto one knee. Moore dives off the middle rope, Mooregasm! Kidman though jumps backwards and Moore falls into a crumpled heap on the canvas.
No nonsense from Shannon Moore, trying to finish it early. Kidman pulls Shannon to his feet before slamming his head into the top turnbuckle pad. Kidman starts to boot away at the midsection of Shannon Moore as he slumps down in the corner. Kidman starts to choke out Shannon using his foot. The crowd and the referee show their displeasure to this method of offence as the referee pulls Kidman away from Shannon Moore, giving him a warning if he uses it again he'll have to DQ him.
Kidman tries to call the referees bluff and slowly moves his foot closer to Shannon's throat, but Shannon grabs Kidman's leg and trips him, causing Kidman to fall face first onto the top turnbuckle pad. Shannon Moore leaps to his feet and nails Kidman right between the eyes with a running forearm. Kidman drops to the mat and bails from the ring, receiving heat from the crowd. Kidman tries to rest on the outside, but keeps on looking over his shoulders to see where Paul London is. However, London is staying out of the match, only offering support to Shannon Moore. Moore darts towards the ropes and hits a suicide topé through the middle rope, flipping forward onto Kidman! Paul London leads the crowd in applauding the amazing move, applause that Shannon Moore gratefully laps up. Shannon Moore rolls Kidman back into the ring and makes his way to the top rope. Shannon comes crashing down with a flying elbow drop for the 1...2... kick out.
Shannon Moore pulls Kidman to his feet and starts up with some quick jabs, Kidman manages to duck a punch and takes Moore down with a backslide, Kidman uses the ropes for extra leverage! 1...2... Moore kicks out.
Kidman with a right hand blow to the gut of Moore. Kidman follows this with a gutwrench rib buster before finishing this combo with a spinning neckbreaker. 1...2... Moore kicks out.
Kidman gives Moore little respite as he blasts him with a soccer kick to the ribs as Moore tries to reach his feet. Kidman rakes the eyes of his opponent, which again garners attention from the referee who gives Kidman another warning. Kidman though now has a distinct advantage in the match and whips Moore into the turnbuckle. Kidman charges shoulder first into Moore, nearly breaking his body into two. Kidman drags Moore into the middle of the ring and drops a knee right across his throat. Kidman then runs off the ropes and jumps high in the air before coming down with powerful kneed drop, 1...2... Moore kicks out.
Kidman looks to be nearly ready to finish the match, he knows these covers aren't going to succeed, but they'll help drain the energy from his opponent. Kidman whips Moore off the ropes. Kidman flapjack's Moore high into the air, dropkick to the chest of Moore. Shannon falls into a ball on the mat, Kidman holds Moore's legs over his head with a bridge, 1...2... Moore gets his shoulder up.
Elbow to the face from Kidman, and it's followed by numerous blows to the back of Shannon Moore. London tries to rally the crowd behind Shannon Moore, but this doesn't seem to help Moore's cause. Kidman is looking for a vertical suplex. He stalls with Moore high in the air, allowing all the blood to flow to his head, Kidman falls back driving Moore to the canvas. Lateral press, 1...2... kick out again.
Kidman now looks ready to end the match, he body slams Moore down near the turnbuckle, right in position for the Shooting Star Press! Kidman makes his way up the turnbuckle, but before he can reach the top rope Shannon Moore is back to his feet. Shannon grabs Kidman and gives him a mega hiptoss all the way down to the ring. The tide has turned in Shannon Moore's favour. Moore walks over to Kidman and comes down on him with a snap legdrop for good measure, lateral press and a 1...2... Kidman kicks out.
Moore walks over towards one of the turnbuckle and stalks Kidman. He takes a long run up before giving Kidman a head scissor takedown. Kidman is quick to his feet but is dazed, schoolboy! 1...2... Kidman gets his shoulder up.
London slaps the ring apron in disbelief, he thought Shannon Moore had the victory. Moore quickly darts off the ropes, BK Bomb! Kidman takes out Moore. Kidman sets up Moore near the turnbuckle before climbing to the top rope. Shooting Star Press! Kidman keeps one leg tucked in as he lands down on Shannon Moore (international or not?). Once the move connects, you can tell something is wrong. Moore starts to scream in complete agony and struggles to find his breath. Kidman steps back from Moore and London tries to get into the ring to help his friend. Kidman points this out to the referee, the referee tries to stop London entering the ring.
This allows Kidman to boot away at the ribs of Shannon Moore to serious heat from the crowd. London tries to tell the referee that Moore's hurt and Kidman is continuing regardless, but the information doesn't sink into the referee and London has to drop off the apron, completely powerless to stop the match. Or is he? London starts to scrap around under the ring, he obviously doesn't want to interfere (As it goes against his belief of bringing honour back to wrestling). Kidman comes back off the ropes and leaps in the air before coming down with a double footed stomp on Shannon Moore, who looks to be in even more pain now.
Kidman climbs up to the top rope, looking for another Shooting Star Press, this is just sick. London pops his head up from under the ring just at the right time and throws a white towel into the ring. The referee calls for the bell and London slides straight into the ring. The referee signals for the medical staff to come to the ring (He even uses the "X" symbol!!!), they soon come darting to the ring wielding a stretcher. London looks up to see Billy Kidman still standing on the top rope. Now the match is over London has no hesitations on attacking him. London makes a dash for the turnbuckle but Kidman just drops down onto the apron and to the arena floor. London stares straight through Kidman, but unfazed, Kidman walks away laughing.
WINNER: Billy Kidman
Overall: 73
Crowd: 54
Match: 92
***1/4
Every Man for Himself
Cameras take us to a locker room where Eddie Guerrero is seen lacing up his boots for his big match later on tonight. As he does this one of the other competitors involved in the match Booker T enters the picture and takes a seat next to Eddie. The two men have been having a lot of success as a tag team as of late on SmackDown.
Booker: Yo, what up man?
Eddie: Whassup? Whassup, is that I got a big match tonight holmes! We got a big match tonight!
Booker: I know I got a big match tonight and you got a big match tonight but there ain’t no we tonight. This ain’t no tag match. It’s a match for a shot at the WWE Championship. Can you dig that?
Guerrero get’s heated because of Booker T’s comments.
Eddie: Hola le vato! I can dig that! You don’t think I want the WWE Title back holmes? Of course I do! It’s been eating me up inside ever since I lost it essa! I want to get that title back more than anyone! I even made a New Year’s Resolution to win that title back from JBL!
Booker T begins to laugh and smile much to the confusion of an angry Latino Heat.
Booker: Heh, heh, heh. Calm down man, I’m just playin’ with you dawg. You oughta know me well enough by now to know when I’m just messin’ around. You’re my homeboy.
Eddie had a shifty look in his eyes before starting to laugh along with Booker T. They shook hands and embraced.
Eddie: Yeah we’re homeboys.
Booker: But just remember one thing. I’m gonna do what I have to do to win tonight. It’s Armageddon all over again. There ain’t no Booker T and Eddie Guerrero. There’s Booker T and there’s Eddie Guerrero. Not as partners but as opponents. It’s every man for himself out there tonight!
Eddie: You’re right essa, It is every man for himself and that means I’m gonna be lyin’, cheatin’, and stealin’ tonight. Even if it’s against you.
Booker T’s eye’s bugged out as he was in shock of Eddie’s gameplan. He simply said…
Booker: It’s like that then.
…And walked out of the locker room as Guerrero watched with a serious face.
Overall: 82
Headhunter
We cut backstage, where Al Snow has just opened the door from the parking area. He holds it open and taps his foot impatiently.
Snow : “Come on, Puder. We haven’t got all night.”
Tough Enough winner Daniel Puder comes through the doorway hefting a bunch of luggage. He sets them down with a huff then doubles over, gasping for breath.
Puder : “What did you pack, bricks of lead? I don’t even get why we’re here tonight. It’s not like either of us have a match.”
Snow : “No, not yet, but you can’t just assume you won’t. Things happen fast on Smackdown. Cards change, matches change, opportunity knocks, and you have to be ready to answer. So, take your bags and hit the showers. I want you dressed and ready to go in ten.”
Puder : “Minutes?”
Snow : “Yeah, minutes! Get going. Time’s a-wasting.”
Puder shakes his head and takes the smallest of the bags off camera. Snow looks after and also shakes his head, clearly unsure. Suddenly, a shadow falls over Snow, and we pan as he turns to find Heidenreich looming over him.
Heidenreich : “I’m looking for Head.”
Snow : “Aren’t we all? Look, I dropped that gimmick ages ago.” He looks around. “Where’s Paul?”
Heidenreich : “He set me free! Now I need answers! Now I need guidance! Now I need Head!”
Snow : “Are you kidding me? You don’t need… Look. Just go sit down and…”
Heidenreich : “The voices! How do you stop the voices?! They tell me things… Ask me things… I try to let them out… I try to set them FREE!!! With my poetry… I try to get the voices out… but they… they keep coming back in… I can’t stop them… I can’t ignore them…”
Snow : “Listen, I know what you’re…”
Heidenreich : “You CAN’T know! You CAN’T hear them… but I can hear them… I can’t NOT hear them… and you know what they’re saying now?!”
Snow looks around, a bit nervous, as Heidenreich hyperventilates and practically foams at the mouth.
Snow : “Uh, no.”
Heidenreich : “They’re saying… please… don’t…” and Heidenreich just lashes out with a gloved fist, knocking Snow into the big metal bay door with a crash. He fires off some knees as he roars with rage, then grabs Al by the hair and waistband of his jeans and runs him face-first into the steel. He unloads more clubbing forearms, then drags Al by the back of the neck and launches him ass over elbows into the ubiquitous clangy pipes, which were just leaning against the wall, waiting to get knocked over. Heidenreich lays some boots into Al and bellows before stomping off, huffing and puffing.
After a short pause, long enough to watch Snow writhe and sputter amid the wreckage, Daniel Puder comes sauntering over from off-screen, dressed in his wrestling trunks, pads, and boots. He leans down and shakes his head.
Puder : “Al? Al, are you all right? Wow… Hey! Somebody get some help over here!”
Overall: 70
A Hero's Welcome?
The Heavyweight Champion of the Smackdown brand, John Bradshaw Layfield is accompanied by Orlando Jordan. The two men stand in the ring as JBL takes the microphone.
JBL : "As most you may already know. Last week the World Wrestling Entertainment went to Iraq to meet and greet the troops who are putting their life on the line, to help me feel safe in this time of turmoil in the world. As the World Heavyweight Champion of the Smackdown brand, I am the figurehead of the company. So it was my duty to be a representative of the company on the trip to Iraq. Roll the footage."
**A 30 second or so video rolls focussing entirely around JBL meeting the troops in Iraq**
JBL : "As I'm sure you'll all agree, that was very charitable of me. Whether I was caught up in the season or not, it doesn't matter, when respect is due I will be the first to give it (**He looks over to Orlando Jordan who's nodding the last comment**). Not only are there troops serving out in Iraq, there are also troops back here home for many reasons. And I would like give them the respect that they deserve. So are there any troops in the arena tonight?"
One man who's in the first row lifts his hand into the air. Orlando Jordan drops out of the ring and gets the security to let the man over into the ring. Upon close inspection it can be seen that the "soldier" is none other than former ECW wrestler (I use the term loosely) Chilly Willy, who did actually serve out in Iraq.
JBL : "What's your name soldier?"
Man : "Will'um Jones"
JBL : "I would like to salute you William Jones for all of the work you are currently doing out in Iraq. Helping to stabilise our American economy and helping to protect the lives of people like myself. I salute you for all the bravery that you have shown, going out there in the frontline everyday fighting for your country. As apposed to sitting at home, selfishly getting all the praise of being a soldier, whilst real heroes go out and fight the battles you should be fighting. You deserve no respect, and that's what I'm going to give you. You are a soldier, you should be out fighting, not sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself, claiming all the reward. And that medal (**pointing to Jones' purple heart? Is that the one he got? I really should research this but I'm doing it quickly**). What was that for? Bravery? Being shot? Come on, I thought that thing comes naturally to people like you. (**Jones now looks horrified and looks across at Orlando Jordan, who just stands in agreement of JBL, this angers William Jones who had previously been sheepish**) However you insist to walk around here, with the medal on show as if to say, "Look at me I'm brave, I'm representing the United States of America, fighting the war on terrorism". Well why don't you go out and fight it then. You should be liberating the likes of me from a situation of panic and anarchy, you should be willing to put your life on the line everyday to make the lives of others more bearable, however you do not do this. You are UNPATRIOTIC!!!"
BAM!!! Jones plants a sucker punch to the face of JBL and actually floors the Heavyweight Champion! He's heard enough, as have the crowd who erupt into a blaze of applause. JBL is quick to his feet and engages in a staring contest with William Jones. Orlando Jordan takes the opportunity to deck William Jones from behind with a running clothesline. Jordan starts up stomping away at the head of William Jones as JBL looks on. The Smackdown GM, Theodore Long comes out onto the stage.
Long : "Stop, Stop, Stop. God'damnit stop you crazy fools. Mr Lay-field, you betta get your head out'ya Republican ass before I take that gold away from around yor waist, foo. And mister OJ, unlike Simpson they aint no way gettin' away from yor crime. Due to you, thinking it yor best interest to lay yor hands on a innocent member of this public, yu will find yoself on de receiving end of a indefinite suspension, from now. (**Orlando and JBL go crazy in the ring**) Oh, yu betta beleedat. And JBL, yu be thankful yu didn't touch this bruva or yor days as "figga-head" of this company would be over. You two, leave, go, go."
JBL and Orlando Jordan leave as security come down the ramp to escort Orlando Jordan from the building. Theodore Long gets into the ring and talks to William Jones who's now kneeling. Lip-readers will be able to see Long trying to plead with William Jones not to press charges, offering anything he wants in return, not to talk to the police. To which Jones can be made out mouthing "Fuck the Police" (how many black stereotypes can WWE throw on our telly, lets see if we can beat it, next week on Smackdown).
Overall: 65
William Jones Gained Overness
Orlando Jordan Gained Overness
Corrupt General Manager?
Kurt Angle was seen walking down a corridor backstage in his ring gear and he found the door to the GM’s office. He looked angry and barged right in to find Mr. Long sitting at his desk looking over some papers.
Angle: What the hell do you think you’re doing Teddy? Putting me in a Fatal 4-Way #1 Contender’s Match?
Long: First up playa you address me as Mr. Long, ya feel me? And what’s the matter, you don’t want to face JBL at the Rumble?
Angle: I think you misunderstood me Mister Long. I do want to face JBL for the title. Oh it’s true. What I have a problem with is you putting me into a match with three of the most unworthy contenders on SmackDown. I mean c’mon, when’s the last time Big Show main evented a Pay Per View? And Booker T, pff, Booker T’s never even been the champion. Sure he’s the 5-Time WCW Champ but, you know. Then you’ve got Eddie Guerrero, a man who lied, cheated, and stole more than anyone else in history to win the title. And you actually believe that these three punks are deserving of being in a #1 Contender’s match with me? You should be ashamed of yourself. Let me remind you that I won gold medal with a broken freakin’ neck. I am a former 3-time WWE Champion. And I was a helluva lot better General Manager than you ever were. That’s damn true!
The crowd ooh’d at the last statement as Theodore Long rises up from his seat. He takes off his glasses and clears his throat letting everyone know that he means business.
Long: Now listen up. You don’t like the way I do my job, well that’s fine. You’re entitled to your opinion. But when you barge into my office and start making hollerin’ like you own the place, then you cross the line. And for you to actually say that you were a better GM than I am and I should be ashamed of myself. Just who in the hell do you think you are? I put you in a match where if you win you get your title shot at JBL at the Royal Rumble. But now as a result of the thins that you just said to me I’ve added another stipulation. If you don’t win this match tonight then you will be the #1 entrant into the 30-Man Royal Rumble match. And you betta belee dat, cuz it’s damn true playa. Now get to steppin’
Angle begins to walk out outraged at the stipulation that was just added but before he leaves stops and turns around.
Angle: You know, maybe JBL was right about you a couple weeks ago. I think you are corrupt.
With that Angle walks out as the camera pans back to Long and zooms in on his face before going to commercial.
Overall: 94
This Isn't The Little Boys Room
We cut backstage, where Rey Mysterio is putting on his gloves in preparation for his match. Hardcore Holly saunters up, a towel over his shoulders, hands on his hips, and a big goofy grin on his mug.
Holly: This here’s the grown-ups’ locker room, Junior. Care to explain why you’re in my way?
Mysterio (without looking at Holly): Because I’ve got something tonight you don’t, Hardcore… a match. But it’s no problem, Ese. I was just leaving.
Mysterio slams his locker door shut and turns to head out, but Holly hooks his arm and spins him back around. He looks down at the WWE Tag Team Title wrapped around Rey’s waist and then up to his green contacts. He offers a handshake. Mysterio flexes his gloved fingers, then tentatively takes it.
Holly: Rey… Good luck.
Mysterio: Uh, thanks.
Mysterio backs away and leaves. Hardcore simply stares after him. He takes the towel from around his neck and wipes his hand on it as if he’s touched something unpleasant.
Overall: 76
Charlie Haas vs. Rey Mysterio (1/2 WWE Tag Team Champions)
Charlie comes to the ring scowling. I guess being sans-bitch really hasn’t done as much for his spirits as he’d like us to believe. He stretches in the ring, all focus and concentration.
Rey gets farted out onto the stage and dances around for a bit to his theme song before sprinting down the ramp. He slides into the ring and takes to the turnbuckles for cheap pops, leaving himself open for the ambush of forearms to the small of the back from Haas.
As the bell rings, Haas eventually drives Rey down into the corner with clubbing forearms to the back, neck, and shoulders. He whips him across and to the far corner, but Rey nimbly hops up onto the middle ropes and leapfrogs backwards over the incoming Charlie Haas, who slams chest-first into the turnbuckles.
Rey hooks up a schoolboy for a quick 1… 2… but Charlie rolls back and to his feet. Rey ducks a telegraphed clothesline, but Charlie puts on the brakes this time before running headlong into the turnbuckles. He turns right into a huracanrana. Rey hooks a leg for 1… 2… but Charlie kicks out and decides to take a powder out on the floor to regroup.
Rey-Rey begins running in place, getting the crowd worked up. He runs to the far ropes, bounces off, and springboards off the ropes for a high cross body to the outside, but Charlie instinctively catches him and presses him overhead. Haas drops Rey face-first into the barricade and then lays the boots into him.
He pulls Rey up by the arm and tries whipping him into the steel ring steps, but Rey reverses into a drop toe hold that sends Charlie crashing into them, continuing to make him look like a total boob. But, that seems to be Rey’s schtick these days against bigger opponents, so meh.
Rey slides into the ring to break the double count-out and plays to the crowd a bit. He sees Charlie staggering around ringside and tries to take advantage. He hits the ropes and comes off looking for a baseball slide, but Charlie sidesteps it and hooks his ankle to jerk him out and onto the floor. Charlie tries to stomp Rey under the barricade, then rolls Rey back in the ring and follows to break the count.
Charlie kneels on Rey’s shoulder and bars the arm, trying to rip it out of the socket. Rey throws his other gloved hand into the air, rallying some support from the crowd. He fights his way to one knee, then a crouch, firing off a few elbows to Charlie’s ribs. Charlie tucks his head under the arm he’s been working and drops Rey in a back suplex. He reaches back and hooks a leg for 1… 2… Rey shoots his shoulder up.
Charlie goes back to the stomps, concentrating on the shoulder. Rey uses the ropes to pull himself up, so Charlie pushes him against them and whips him across. Rey hops up onto the middle ropes and goes for a springboard moonsault, but Charlie catches him on his shoulder and drops him neck-first onto the top rope, then catches him on the bounce in a rear waistlock. Charlie pops his hips and throws Rey overhead in a release German suplex.
More stomping from Charlie on the mat as Rey clutches his neck in pain. Charlie goes for a blatant choke, breaking on the count of four before going back to it. On the second count of four, Referee Brian Hebner enforces the break by pulling Charlie away.
As Rey writhes on the mat, gasping for breath, Hebner reads Haas the riot act, giving him a stern warning for his actions. Haas nods his reluctant assent, then marches over to straddle Rey, reaching down to hook up a camel clutch. Rey scoots backwards under him, however, and hits a desperation dropkick that knocks Haas stumbling headlong through the ropes and to the outside. As Rey lies prone on the canvas, holding his neck again and kicking one leg, we go to commercials.
Back, and during the break, Charlie tried to pull Rey up by the arm only to get snared in a small package that got two and then run into an arm drag that led to the hammerlock that Rey’s got locked in, kneeling on Charlie’s back to keep him on the mat.
Of course, the break over, it’s Charlie’s cue to start powering out. He gets back to a vertical base and spins out of the hammerlock and into a waistlock. He lifts, looking for a northern lights suplex, perhaps, but Rey kicks furiously until pulling Haas the other way, into a DDT. Rey runs to the ropes and springboards off the middle rope and spins for a leg drop across the back of the head. He rolls Charlie over and covers for 1… 2… Charlie kicks out strong, shrugging Rey aside.
Charlie takes a wild swing at Rey, who ducks it and hits a dropkick to the back to knock Charlie into the ropes, in that most precarious of positions, the set up for the 6-1-9. Rey plays to the crowd, then runs the ropes to nail it, but Charlie pushes back, leaving Rey to whiff. He snares a rear waistlock and hits another release German suplex, but this one sends Rey flying into Referee Brian Hebner, and the two men tumble to the canvas.
Haas leans back against the ropes, huffing and puffing and massaging his sore arm. Hardcore Holly stomps to the ring amid a chorus of jeers. He doesn’t stop at the foot of the ramp, and instead heads directly for the announce position, where Michael Cole barrages him with questions as to his intentions. Holly answers them with his actions, unseating Tony Chimel and folding up the steel chair. He passes it up to Haas and motions for him to lay into Mysterio.
Charlie doesn’t need much in the way of encouragement, and measures Rey as he gets to a crouch. A trio of blistering chair shots lay Mysterio out. Charlie disposes of the chair and rouses the ref. Charlie locks in The Haas of Pain and demands that Hebner “Ask him! Ask him!” Rey is hanging limp, so Hebner lifts the arm once… It drops… Twice… It drops again… Thrice… That’s it. He calls for the bell.
Charlie dumps Rey and throws his hands up for heat as Holly climbs into the ring to rais his hand and pat him on the back. Suddenly, jeers turn to cheers as Rob Van Dam sprints down the ramp. He picks up the discarded chair on the way and slides into the ring, scattering the heels. RVD tries futilely to explain the finish to Hebner, then gives up and tosses the chair aside to check on his partner. Meanwhile, Haas and Holly are backing up the ramp, satisfied with their handiwork.
Winner: Charlie Haas
Overall: 77
Crowd: 72
Match: 82
***
Charlie Haas gained overness.
Fatal 4-Way #1 Contender’s Match
Booker T vs. Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Big Show
Booker T made his way out for the main event, followed by Eddie Guerrero, Kurt Angle, and Big Show in that order. As Show was walking down the aisle Kurt attacked Guerrero to jump start the match and Booker T instinctively went to help Eddie. Guerrero and Book double-teamed Angle as the monster entered the ring. He approached his three opponents looking to attack but paused. He looked at the crowd and backed off smiling. He leaned back into a corner of the ring and watched as the other three battled. Show pointed to his head to let everyone know that he’s no dummy. Suddenly Guerrero stopped and looked at him. Eddie tapped Booker, they looked at each other, then Show, then back at each other and smiled. They then helped up Kurt who looked at them cautiously.
The three plotted in the corner as Show watched on in anticipation of what they would do. Angle, Guerrero, & Booker surrounded him. Show did his best to not let one of them slip out of view. Guerrero was the first to strike and got clobbered by a forearm shot to the back. Booker attacked and was grabbed by the throat. Then Angle went after the unsuspecting Show and successfully broke the chokehold. Booker and Angle double teamed the giant as Eddie got back to his feet to make it 3-on-1. The three men continued with their strategy and got the big man down to one knee. They were giving him double axe handles reminiscent of those that Demolition used to give to Andre the Giant. Out of nowhere the giant exploded and shoved Booker T and Eddie Guerrero across the ring.
Kurt Angle was backing up in awe of the Big Show and attempted a right hand. It was blocked but he then hit a thumb to the eye. Angle whipped Show but it was reversed and Angle walked right into a chokehold. Show hoisted Angle into the air and was about to deliver a chokeslam when Guerrero made the save. Guerrero paired off with Show while Angle went after Booker T and two separate bouts were going on at once. Big Show dropped Eddie with a headbutt then went after Booker and Angle. They both came at him with a double clothesline attempt but Show overpowered them both and clotheselined them over the top rope and to the floor. He turned around to catch Eddie leap off the top rope with a double axe handle and caught him mid-air. Show used his strength to hoist Eddie above his head and gorilla press slam him over the ropes into the arms of Booker and Angle as the show went to break.
As we returned from break Kurt Angle had Eddie Guerrero in a camel clutch while Booker T was on the second rope punching away at Big Show. Show grabbed Book with both his arms and held him a few seconds before dropping him to the canvas. Then he grabbed Angle and threw him out of the ring. Show then grabbed a worn down Eddie and lifted him off the mat and to the air by the throat! Booker T thought about helping but stood back and let Show connect with the Chokeslam on Guerrero. Then out of nowhere Book came off the ropes with a Scissors Kick to the back of Big Show’s head. He made a cover on Show but got a two count only.
Then he slammed the mat in frustration and looked at Eddie. Book crawled over and covered him for a ONE-TWO-when Booker was pulled off by Kurt Angle.
Angle whipped Booker off of the ropes but Booker ducked a clothesline and applied a sleeperhold. Show and Eddie were getting to their feet as Booker wrenched in the sleeper on the Olympic champion. Angle thought fast and swung his leg backward to give a low blow to Booker and escape the hold. Then he scooped him up on his shoulders and delivered an Angle Slam! As he had him in the air Booker T’s foot caught Eddie in the back of the head. Angle then made a pinfall attempt, 1-2-Frog Splash off the top rope to breakup the pin but Angle moved out of the way and Booker took the splash by mistake. Eddie still hooked his leg for 1-2-AND-2 only!
Angle broke up the pin by pulling of Guerrero by his ankle and then applying the Angle Lock! Eddie was in great agony and reaching for the ropes. He made it to them but was pulled back by Angle. Guerrero looked to be about to tap when Big Show grabbed Angle by his neck. He dragged him to the middle of the ring and delivered a thunderous Chokeslam. Eddie was holding his ankle in one corner while Booker was holding his gut in the other. Show pinned Angle for the ONE-TWO-AND-THREE!
Show got back to his feet and posed with his arm in the air as he roared in celebration of his win. Cameras focused separately on Eddie holding his ankle, Booker holding his gut, and Angle flat on his back before going back to the Big Show as the show went off the air.
Winner, and Facing JBL at the Royal Rumble: Big Show
Overall: 88
Crowd: 91
Match: 82
***1/4
Show Rating: 74
Segments 1, 5, 8, and 9 were written by TheRaySays
Segments 2, 4, 7, and 10 were written by Franchise
Segments 3 and 6 were written by Yi.