Jayne Cobb: Ain't logical. Cuttin' on his own face, rapin' and murdering - Hell, I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight, or if he bothers me, or if there's a woman, or if I'm gettin' paid - mostly only when I'm gettin' paid. But these Reavers... last ten years they show up like the bogeyman from stories. Eating people alive? Where's that get fun?
Jayne: "Testing, testing. Captain, can you hear me?"
Mal: "I'm standing right here."
Jayne: "You're coming through good and loud."
Mal: " 'Cause I'm standing right here."
Jayne: (mock reading Simon's journal) "Dear Diary...today I was pompous and my sister was crazy." (flips page) "Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."
Mal: "But she does have an oddness to her. And I ain't just talking about her proficiency with firearms. Girl knows things. Things she shouldn't. Things she couldn't."
Jayne: "Wha-...are you-are you sayin' she's a witch?"
Wash: (sarcastically) "Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with the beast."
Jayne: "She's in Congress?"
Wash: (amazed) "How did your brain even learn human speech? I'm just so curious."
and how could anyone forget this one...
Jayne: "Do you know what the chain of command is here? It's the chain I go get and beat you with to show you who's in command."