Completely Random Wrestling

[oldskool]

CRW November Novelty

Taped November 27, 2005; released on DVD December 12th

*****

Graaaaaaaaaar. Gino was screwwwwwwwwwwwed last month, rawr! We want justice, roooooooooooar! Whoever is responsible for the glitterrrrrrrrraaaaaar! Shall! PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Edited July 6, 2005 by oldskool

[oldskool]

CRW Random TV, Episode 1

Saturday, December 3, 2005

*****

It is I, your wondrous champion, Ferguson Z. Hacker, welcoming you to the inception of CRW Random TV. This here belt is the Completely Random Championship, I do hope you like how it compliments my pocket protector, for I shall not lose it easily. I welcome you to my show....please...enjoy your stay.

[oldskool]

Dude, this is nuts.

I know...who knew the Cowboy was still alive?

Seriously....why would the biggest wrestling company in the world hire Bill fucking Watts as the owner?

Who knows, man, we got a TV show to set up.

*****

Welcome once again to CRW Random TV! I'm Masta Dave, alongside my partner Masta Chad and Chadwick we have another great half hour of wrestling tonight!

We certainly do, Dave, but what's this?

Why it's the giantess Yoko, leading her man, Gino the Punisher, to ringside!

GROOOOOOOOOOOAR! GINO MAD! GINO WANT TITLE SHOT! GINO PROVE WORTHY...NOW!

Edited July 8, 2005 by oldskool

[oldskool]

OOC: My feedback has died since I called Bob Backlund "Bobo". What, we have a bunch of Backlund fans here or something? Apologies all around.

*****

Ladies and gentlemen we are just 24 hours away from the DDT, hello and welcome to CRW Random TV! Master Dave alongside Masta Chad...

Whoa, hold the introductions, we have something going on with our commissioner, Tommy Sleeper!

*****

Come on Tommy, one more crack at the King, it's all I ask!

Dude, Kenny, you had plenty of chances, and you kept coming up short. I don't know what I can do...

Give me the chance to prove myself tonight!

...I don't know why I'm saying this, but all right. You get a match tonight against Good Witch Gary. You win, tomorrow night you get the King in a steel cage.

Thanks Tommy! I'm glad you're giving me the ch...

But Kenny....if you lose tonight, against Good Witch Gary....you're through here in CRW. We can't afford to keep paying losers...and you haven't won a match in forever. Seriously. You win tonight, the match and the cage is yours, but if you lose, your contract here is officially terminated.

Edited July 9, 2005 by oldskool

[oldskool]

OOC: Apologies for the delay, yet another heatwave has turned my computer room into a pressure cooker, making it difficult to sit through eight segments of booking and write-ups. I have NCAA 06 on the way from its preorder too, so this diary will probably go on a temporary hiatus at that point. Sorry to disappoint you Pepsi.

*****

CRW December Destruction Tour

Taped December 18, 2005; released on DVD January 11, 2006

Announce team: Master Dave and Master Chad

*****

(1) The Magician. Trickster...or Dark Mage?

It's time...for the Magic Shop! Ladies and gentlemen, I, obviously, am The Magician and tonight I have a very special guest for you...he may hate me, but that's the risk I take for each and every one of you fans here tonight! Ladies and gentlemen I bring to you the straight-edged asshole who beat my ass and put me out of work for the past few months...Edwin...James.

You honestly think I would come out to that cesspool of black magick?

Well, I guess if you're not man enough to do it face to face, we can do it this way.

Real funny Magic Man. I know what's well and good, and you sir are neither! You are not well! You are not good! For! Society!

[Yitzy]

I'm really enjoying this diary. It's one of the few diarys recently that have made me laugh, so kudos to you Mr. 'skool

[oldskool]

Welcome to CRW Random TV! Master Dave alongside Master Chad and tonight is the start of the aftermath from last Sunday's Destruction Tour!

Right you are, and at the Tour, Deputy Kenny made a challenge to King Jag's bodyguard Lawsuit for a best of three series and Dave, both men are in the ring now to make it official with the signing of the contract.

*****

Right, Kenny, Lawsuit, you know the drill. Kenny loses, you're gone from the police force. Lawsuit loses, you go to jail. Lot at stake for both of you men, so let's make this best-of-three series a reality. Kenny, I'll ask you to sign first.

...

Thank you Kenny, and now you Lawsuit, you sign just below it.

...

OK, ladies and gentlemen it is official, Kenny and Lawsuit are in a best of three series!

[oldskool]

Welcome once again to CRW Random TV! Master Dave alongside my partner in crime, Master Chad and on this New Year's Eve, Chad, one has to wonder what the hell we're doing here!

Absolutely right, while everyone else is partying in the streets, we're here holding down the fort in the CRW Arena!

We've got quite a few good matches for you all tonight, so thanks for watching CRW Random TV!

*****

Last week....last week Edwin James saw fit to interfere in my match, to attack me and to leave me lying. Last week Edwin James said he was going to finish me once and for all. Edwin James knows NOTHING! The Magician does not want to die! Edwin, it's nothing personal, you lowdown pile of scum....but for my next trick, I'm gonna make. YOU.

...

disappear.........

[Jack Krauser III]

Okay...that last segment made about zero sense to me. Hopefully you're going somewhere meaningful with it.

Why is the Random Mailman jobbing damn you? He's the star of the signature, he deserves a long title reign.

And while you're at it, push Punishman to the roof.

[Yitzy]

And while you're at it, push Punishman to the roof.

←

Edited July 22, 2005 by Yitzy

[oldskool]

We're one week into 2006, and we're still on the air! Surprised?

Welcome to CRW Random TV's first episode in 2006! Master Chad alongside Master Dave and Davey, tonight we see the first match in the best of three series between Deputy Kenny and Lawsuit.

You got that right, if Lawsuit wins the series, Kenny is forced to quit the police academy.

Living the dream as a police officer, and that dream is two three-counts away from being over.

On the other hand, if it's Deputy Kenny on the winning side of those two three-counts, Lawsuit heads to jail!

The livelihoods of both men are on the line in this huge series, and the first matchup is TONIGHT!

*****

YO, CRW commissioner Tommy Sleeper here, and this is Dream Land!

Now as you CRW fans know, Edwin James and The Magician have been swearing to finish each other off once and for all for a little while now, and I've heard both sides of the story.

That's why I've suspended both Edwin and Magician from CRW competition.

I know, I know, you want to see them go at it, right?

Well I figured you'd say that. Because now, at our big event January 29th, CRW Randomized, it'll be Edwin James taking on The Magician...in a Last Man Standing match!

[oldskool]

We're back and we're LIVE, welcome once again to CRW Random TV! Master Dave, Master Chad at ringside here tonight for what is sure to be an exciting night!

You damn right Davey, our Completely Random champion takes on the always unpredictable Autophobe, non-title of course, and the Random Mailman will be in action, defending his title here tonight!

But first, it's time for Dream Land with our commissioner, Tommy Sleeper.

*****

Yo, Tommy Sleeper here and it's Dream Land.

I'm gonna keep this short, we got a lot to get through tonight.

Everybody's talkin about where this music's comin from and why it's comin after our King Jag.

Well I'm here to clear the air as much as I can.

As far as your challenge for Randomized, Jag, that challenge has been accepted. You and all these fans are going to discover the identity of the man behind the music at Randomized on January 29th.

Now speaking of King Jag, his little buddy Lawsuit won last week's match, and I regret to inform our fans here tonight that the second match in that series will be next week. And should the series go to a decisive third match it will be at Randomized!

[Chris the Human]

Diggin' the raps. Makes me want to dust of an old character of mine and introduce him to BSW. Hell, I'm going to do that now.

[oldskool]

Hey yo!

I know all my fans want to see me rap here tonight...but Beatbox Bradley's got a mission to fulfill, yo, I be savin da raps for when I win the title!

[Yitzy]

Hah, I mark for Edwin James after that promo. That was gold.

Needs more Beatbox Bradley raps however

Edited July 30, 2005 by Yitzy

[oldskool]

Random TV comes to you live once again tonight and we've got an hour of action for all our fans!

In just 24 hours it's Randomized and we've got a battle royal tonight as our main event, where the winner gets a shot at Ferguson Hacker's Completely Random title!

Now, the ten men entered have already been selected, but we have two matches tonight with four men, chosen AT RANDOM no less, for position in the battle royal!

You're absolutely right. Two men will face off in our opener, with the loser getting the dreaded #1 spot in the battle royal!

And our second bout features two other men, where the winner takes the prestigious tenth and final entry!

As you may have guessed, as it's January we opted to have this battle royal under Royal Rumble rules! Every 3 minutes another wrestler comes to the ring!

And to make it more confusing, every time there's an elimination, the next wrestler in line comes down and the clock keeps running! We could have just one entry every three minutes, or we might have the entire battle royal in and gone in under five minutes! No way to know what will happen!

*****

You may not recognize us, but I'm Paper Boy Pete...

And I am Ze Informant! HOHOHO!

...and we're the CRW Gazette! Ze Informant gets the information, as you may have guessed...

And Ze Paypear bowee delivairs ze paypears!

Now CRW doesn't have any tag team title belts...yet...but that's ok.

Ve know ve are ze best! Ve do not need ze sillay tog teem teye-tellz!

See, we're issuing an open challenge for Randomized tomorrow night. Any tag team in the world with a night to spare...come on down. See what you can do.

[oldskool]

Welcome one and all to the CRW Arena! This....is CRW RANDOMIIIIIIIIZED~!

Master Chad and Master Dave here at ringside and this is a huge night in the history of CRW, Dave.

It most certainly is, Chad, we've got a Last Man Standing match between two guys that hate each other, a mask vs. career match, a profession v. jail match, both titles are on the line, an open challenge has been laid down by the first tag team in the company's history, and the mystery man behind the music will finally be revealed tonight!

We have no time to waste, so let's get right down to it!

*****

Here comes Punishman!

First up tonight, mask versus career, Good Witch Gary puts it all on the line and Punishman risks the source of his power, that mask!

Gary attacks from behind!

Simply heinous!

Gary now throwing Punishman in the ring, follows him in and yes, stomps to the back of the head!

Perhaps he's softening up the mask?

...Yes, he's softening up the mask, you idiot.

Well I don't know these things! Wrestling masks are hard to get off!

If the past is any indication, you may be right.

Is it fourth down?

What?

Is it fourth down????

I have no idea, why?

Because Punishman's about to punt!

PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT~!

One!

Two!

Three! Punishman wins, Punishman keeps his mask and Good Witch Gary is GONE!

*****

OK, Ferguson Hacker here, as always, and tonight once again, I'm King Jag's interpreter. Seems Lawsuit is....well I'm not really sure where Lawsuit is, and it's not my job to know! King Jag, take it away.

Kelenaipale! Ghenizamewa! Plomnotilk!

King Jag has clearly stated that he is not going to wait until the end of the show....and he's going to find out who's behind it......now? You sure?

Leneia!

Well, OK, go for it. Head on out.

[Yitzy]

YES! BEATBOX BRADLEY IS THE CHAMP!

Now he needs to come out to new music

The Eliminators, Demolition, and Sid Vicious coming to CRW was a suprise.

That was a great PPV. The whole cage match thing was a bit hard to follow at first and you never followed up and declared somebody a winner but other than that, it was all good.

[oldskool]

Six days removed from Randomized, and we are still recovering! Master Dave alongside Master Chad and this is RANDOM TV!

*****

Yo, Tommy Sleeper here, and I got an important announcement.

As you must know by now, we had ourselves a bit of a dilemma at Randomized. Autophobe hit the ground, so he shoulda won the belt, but then Random Mailman pinned him, so HE shoulda kept the belt.

Nobody knows what the story is, so I'm here to clear things up.

We don't have an Unpredictable champion right now.

But at Polar Dynamics, on February 26th, it'll be The Autophobe taking on the Random Mailman for that title....in a LADDER MATCH!

[Guest Helter_Skelter_41]

Haha this hilarious! I've only read the first show so far but it made me laugh.

"Glad you asked, Davey. CRW is all about action. CRW is all about entertainment. CRW is...

Com-PLETELY unpredictable! You think my interruption was unpredicted, wait until you see what we've got in store for you!"

That part was classic...and pretty much everytime the announcer went THATS UNPREDICTABLE! It made me laugh.