Completely Random Wrestling

[oldskool]

OK guys, we have just come across a Lunar Dragon. He's about a 10th Lvl dragon, and his primary magickal power is Lightning.

Duh, and I'm a 5th level Human. Tell me something I don't know man!

OK, the dragon's getting closer to you and your smart-ass party, now what're you going to do?

I'm going to run away, because Raw's coming on. Later guys!

Raw...like, Monday Night Raw? That's still on?

Hell yeah it's still on...you all wanna come with?

No sense sticking around, I mean...the dragon just torched your party.

Thanks man.

*****

Wow. That was...pretty not good.

You think that was bad, this is Raw on an upswing. You should have been here a year or two ago.

Too predictable man. Any idiot can see who's leaving with the title.

Even an idiot like you?

Dude, uncalled for.

So was the 10th level party-torching dragon, pal.

Come on, man, that was a game. This show was REAL shit. I could have done better rolling dice for God's sake...

Oh really, you and the rest of the world, right?

Hey dude, shut up, I got an idea.

Oh great, another mystical dragon.

No man, wrestling, WRESTLING idea!

...A wrestling dragon?

*****

Computer keys click away.

You sure this is a good idea?

Sure thing, man. If we're going to do this, we have to do it the right way...right?

Oh yeah, we have to do it the right way, he says, as he hacks into a bank's electronic safe.

Hey, you got any better ways to make enough money to start a wrestling company?

OK, OK, you win, hack away, Master Dave!

Ha! I'm in!

OK, great, you're in, now get out with some money and without getting caught. Sounds like fun!

Too late man. Not only am I out, I've used a "proxy".

Don't get all air quotes on me, man, I know what a proxy is. So you redirected the IP address. Big deal.

Damn right big deal. Look, I gotta go. Watch the news tonight...you'll see.

*****

High School closed by US Gov't

The FBI, working together with the CIA, have uncovered a massive embezzlement of funds through, surprisingly enough, a high school.

School officials were placed under arrest on charges of embezzlement; while an exact figure is not known, estimates are that it is somewhere in the seventy to one hundred million dollar range.

[Guest Crossface]

Oh man.

This is like,wow.

[Dan]

Great start, This is something different

[Wee Man]

" SEE ARE DUB SEE ARE DUB "

[Guest SockmoVet2005]

Yea im so sick of seeing the same WWE reruns, glad to see something truly original. Cant wait for a follow up!

[Disengager]

I like the idea and will be reading in the future..

but I did see something icky. you have $90 million and the best talent you get is Justin Credible? :-)

Edited June 24, 2005 by Disengager

[oldskool]

Dude...we have ninety million dollars. Shouldn't we have, like, The Rock or something on our show?

OK, you call the Rock and tell him "Hey Rocky, my man, it's me, a teenage kid just out of high school you and the rest of the world have never heard of. Listen, I live out here in the middle of nowhere, I've got ninety million dollars that I won't tell you how I got, and I'm running a wrestling promotion; care to show up for a match sometime, Rocko?"

.....Shit.

Hell yeah "Shit". There's a reason we're only promoting in the region, and that reason is "I'm not a dumbshit".

Oh, sure, rub it in, jackass. Are we going to roll gimmicks or not?

OK, let's start rolling.

*****

Are you telling them, or am I?

Who cares, it's called Completely Random Wrestling for a reason, and that reason is...

I know, it's completely random.

Finally you're catching on. Look, they're only here because they're flat broke. They can take our gimmicks or they can stay broke and live on the street. Which would you choose?

Good point. Now, how do we go about naming these guys?

Leave it to me, as usual.

*****

LOL HAY D00DZ I'M UR NEW 0WN3R~!

...

D00DZ IT'LL BE FUNZORZ JUST HIRE ME SUM TEK-NIK-UL RASSLAHS~!

...

...come on guys.

No. You're a figurehead. Nothing more. Go watch the WM Ironman match.

OMFG TEKNIKUL~!

*****

Dude, our world title arrived today.

Bitchin. Let's s....dude, what the hell is this?

It's badass, I know.

It's the WCW title with a question mark spraypainted onto it? THIS is our top title?

You don't like it?

Dude, this fucking BLOWS!

oooooh...I should have shown you the prototype for that one before I OKed our secondary title...

...what secondary title?

The Unpredictable Championship.

I hate you.

Edited June 25, 2005 by oldskool

[oldskool]

CRW Random Riot

Taped July 31, 2005; released on DVD August 15th

Announce team: Master Dave and Master Chad

To open the DVD, clips of various songs are intertwined...randomly.

We'll head to Play Show just to get things going. No extras, sadly.

*****

Welcome to the very first show in CRW history. I'm Master Dave...

And I'm Master Chad!

And we'll be your hosts for the debut show of CRW. Chad, what is CRW all about?

Glad you asked, Davey. CRW is all about action. CRW is all about entertainment. CRW is...

Com-PLETELY unpredictable! You think my interruption was unpredicted, wait until you see what we've got in store for you!

...Right. Anyways, here comes our first matchup.

*****

First out to the ring, it's Deputy Kenny B! Did you know he worked for the police, Chad?

No, no I certainly didn't!

I think it's great that young people are interested in protecting this great nation, don't you?

Uh, sure....look, here comes King Jag!

King Jag himself gracing us with his presence, coming all the way from....uh, Chad, where exactly is King Jag from? Is he even the King there?

DAVE! This king goes out of his way to grace us with his presence, in competition no less, and you doubt and question his royal bloodline?

Hey, it's my job to be objective. If I don't know something I'm going to inv

OH MY WHAT A MOVE!

That's exactly right Chad, that was a mystifying headlock.

Dave that was a headscissor takedown from the second rope, not a headlock.

Oh shut up, smartass, YOU call the match then.

You got it. Deputy Kenny's down and it's stomps to the noggin by the King to keep him that way! As usual, the stomps are inefficient and Kenny gets up anyway. Why bother stomping, then? I don't know, but now it's a tie up and Kenny's got a headlock...takedown by Kenny, ref's counting, oooh, two and a roll of the shoulder gets the King out of the pinning predicament. King back up, shoves the Dep into the ropes...

The Dep?

Shut up, I'm calling the match. Learn the moves and you can call it. Dep into the ropes, misses the clothesline, King turns quickly, catches him, small package, he's got tights, 1, 2, 3!

Isn't using the tights illegal?

Tough nuggets, Davey, a win's a win and the King's got win number one here tonight!

*****

Wait a minute, Deputy Kenny's got a microphone...he's not scheduled for an interview now!

That's why it's COMPLETELYYYYYYYYY RANDOM~!

That is SHIT! King or not, you don't grab the fuckin tights, man! That's SO against the law! When I get my hands on your lawbreaking ass, it's ON!

[Troy Maskell]

So......who's playing who? I know Fergie but who are the others

[oldskool]

OOC: The cheat sheet:

Dastardly Dennis = Decniss as a Redneck

Deputy Kenny B. = Kenny the Bastard as a Law Enforcer

Ferguson Z. Hacker = Justin Credible as a Geek

Gino the Punisher = ...Gino the Punisher as a Show Stealer

Chance Beckett = John Bruise as a Movie Star

Jagged = King Jag as Foreign Royalty

Michael Kovac = Random Mailman as a Postal Worker

[Nick Adams]

Von, two, four...oops? The Count is your ref?

Other than that, interesting format. I like.

[Pepsi]

Made me laugh, which was nice. (Y)

[oldskool]

CRW Summer Slapdash

Taped August 28, 2005; released on DVD September 15th

Announce team: Master Dave and Master Chad

The DVD opens with a shot of the CRW ring, complete with logo.

Again, no extras this month. Must be saving up those funds. Good idea.

*****

Welcome back for another rendition of CRW! As always, Master Dave and Master Chad here at ringside for what is sure to be an exc...OH EMM GEE look who it is!

It's The Autophobe, and boy I've never seen him run that fast...

I told you guys! Don't leeeave....

[oldskool]

DVD EXTRAS DISCOVERED

Highlight Play Video and hit left twice. You get a funny video including the Autophobe:

D...DUDE I'M TAKING A SHIT, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!

I....I'm so lonely...

THAT'S SICK MAN!

no please...don't make me go....alone......i'm....i'mscared

Edited June 29, 2005 by oldskool

[Pepsi]

I have absolutly no idea what is going on in these shoes but damn if it's not some funny stuff.

[Chris the Human]

It's surprising how much D&D seems to tie in with wrestling here. I know it's in Golden Boy Wrestling (Smarky Mark), and I make use of it as well.

Amusing stuff!

[oldskool]

CRW Fall Freakout

Taped September 25, 2005; released on DVD October 12

Announce team: Master Dave and Master Chad

Hit left twice while highlighting Start Show and you get this audio clip:

Hello?

Uh, yeah, I own CZW....wanna book for me bitch?

Sorry, no, you're half a million dollars in debt.

AWW SHIT.

Aww shit indeed. Good luck in your next wrestling company!

Hey thanks man, I appreciate that.

[oldskool]

Mailman, Acero, I assume you know why you're here?

Look, I SAID I was sorry about the letter opener!

No, not that, that was awesome.

...

Oh....right. Anyway, Chad and I decided that you two are going to be our Flair/Steamboat feud. Great, eh?

...

...

O...k...Mailman. You be Flair, and chopblock Ace Steamboat to get things rolling.

You sure?

YES I AM SURE now do it.

*chop block*

No no no. You gotta whoo!

...whoo?

WHOOOOOOOO!

Ummm....ok......WHOO~!

*chop block*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH MY KNEE!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH MY ARM!

I can see selling the knee, but not the arm MailmOHMAHGAWD ELBOWS DON'T GO THAT WAY!

(crying) I whooed! I WHOO-HOOHOOOOOOOOOED!

*****

Acero Dorado

Torn ACL, MCL and PCL

Out 16 months

Random Mailman, Unpredictable champion

Dislocated elbow

Out 2 months

[oldskool]

CRW Halloween Costume Night

Taped October 30, 2005; released on DVD November 18th

*****

Welcome once again to CRW, and tonight, for the literacy impaired, it's Halloween Costume Night!

Sadly, though, a rematch of last month's Unpredictable title match will not take place.

Yes, in a freak mishap, both the champion, the Random Mailman, and the challenger, Acero Dorado, suffered devastating injuries over the past month and will not be cleared for action tonight.

But that's all right, fans, as we've got a ton of action without that crummy belt!

Objective as always.

*****

Hay d00dz I'm tr0ll1ng in teh Ring LOLOLOLOL

[Jack Krauser III]

Never before would I have thought D&D and wrestling could work. I, in the past, have tried and failed with the concept in other forms, but you seem to have a knack for it.

The Heenan/Monsoon spoof commentary is very amusing. It got quite a few chuckles out of me. I like the way you do your results. Reading out long matches in paragraph form can be a bitch sometimes, so this is a nice welcomed change of pace.

I'm quite pissed Mailman got hurt. I was expecting big things from him.

But Acero getting hurt? I can live with that. He always sucked in my games, serves the bastard right.

I hope you continue with this. I enjoyed your MXC diary, and I'm liking this so far too. Keep up the good work. (Y)