WWE or Bust.

[probablyoliver]

And then I woke up! It was all just a bad dream, I hadn’t got drunk and bet my friend I’d rival WWE in 3 years and make up 6 (and a half, if you count Canadian Stampede, but he was just shitty) terrible gimmicks to take myself from the backyard to beyond.

This gave me some great relief, because it was causing me to lose money and stuff, and I’d never be able to do it, I’m so glad it was only a nightmare. Then I screamed, as I looked over in my bed, there was another person in my bed, and it wasn’t my girlfriend, Sophie. This guy had a beard, and was swearing every couple of seco…

Sigh… Henry… It wasn’t a dream, this is my own personal hell, and ARGH! I was in the same bed as Henry the Fucking Butcher. Right now, I’d take being Laughing Larry other me.

What an eventful month, it’s been 9 days since Laughing Larry tried to kill himself, so it seems he’s on the up for once, maybe at this rate he’ll actually start laughing! Yay.

This month has seen something hyooooge happen at Wrestling LARGE. He was once known only as The Flying Jobber. To boost morale we made him The Flying Opener. And now, thanks to a boost in overness, he will now be known as…

The Flying Lower Midcarder.

Congratulations, you little masked, wotsit!

Also, Wrestling LARGE are no longer the number 35 promotion in North America, no. We are now number 31, due to the bankruptcy of Chaotic Wrestling (CW), All Pro Wrestling (APW), Extreme Canadian Championship Wrestling (ECCW) and East Coast Wrestling Association (ECWA). Huzzah~!

To celebrate out rise from 35 to 31 (although it was by default) we our naming our next show:

Wrestling LARGE presents, “On the Up-n-Coming, Baby!”

Saturday, August 20, 2005

It’ll be proper Jackson, truth and fucking believe.

Finances:

+ $40 ticket sales

+ $40,000 sponsorship monies.

- $30,000 worker costs

- $6,000 staff costs

- $1,000 production costs

+ $2,040 total

Hell yes, $2,465 in the bank, we are back on the up, baby!

To entice a few more people to come to our next event, we are halfing ticket prices, because this will improve our fan base, which is seen as a priority over making money on tickets at the moment. Right now we’d prefer to get $50 if 10 people came to our shows than $50 if 5 came to our shows.

---

Card to follow tomorrow.

Edited August 18, 2005 by Ollie_Beak

[probablyoliver]

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

LARGE Wrestling presents,

“ On the Up-n-Coming, Baby!”

Saturday, August 20, 2005

LARGE World Championship

No Disqualifications

Arien Race © vs. THE Face

Battle of the Hairy Idiots.

Henry the Fucking Butcher vs. Og

The Flying Lower Midcarder vs. Henry the Fucking Butcher

Rambo Ramrod vs. THE Face

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

All writing updates and no play make Ollie a dull boy.

---

So what do you do when your funny bone isn’t working and you need to post an update for a comedy diary? You flaunt the hell out of it. Show will be up when I write it and stuff. Shut up.

[probablyoliver]

Lackluster updates? Me? No, don’t be silly. That last update was… uh… I got hacked and stuff, and they did that, and it made me sick. But it’s alright, Henry the Fucking Butcher got the, uh, hacker. And all is well… Yeah...

This month was the dreaded fourth event. Dreaded because we now get to the point where everyone has faced each other, and matches must be repeated, and stuff. The big problem being, all our ‘athletes’ aren’t exactly Paula Radcliff, and I wouldn’t want to put my audience through the torture of seeing the same bad matches again. But that’s what we’ll do. Because I can. Whoop!

Before we get on with the show, I just want to warn people that Laughing Larry is doing commentary. Only he’s not the Laughing Larry we all know and love, oh no. We slipped a little something in his drink. Prozac is awesome. The only problem is my Mother the medic mixed the Prozac with sleeping tablets, so instead of Laughing Larry we have Laughthargic Larry…

His name is LAUGHing, but he’s Lethargic, so we mixed the… Yeah you get it.

Tough crowd.

”On the Up-n-Coming, Baby.” Saturday, August 20, 2005.

He’s not very talented, and he’s not very charismatic, but we’re pushing him as our top face right now. That’s right, to set the night off, THE Face came out to thunderous silence from the four people in attendance.

[THE Face:] “Tonight is a prolific night in my life, because tonight I achieve the highest high that you can achieve in a backyard of this size. Tonight I lift that large belt we call the LARGE World Championship high above my head in victory. As I lay the spirit of Hitler to rest as I defeat Arien Race. A lot of people have asked me, why have I got such a problem with a wrestling Nazi? Well, it’s not so much the wrestling part, and it’s got nothing to do with the fact that this man is a goose-stepper. No, my problem with him stems from the first night here in the backyard, when he won the LARGE World Championship and cheated me out of it. Well tonight he can not cheat, as I have him without disqualifications, without interruptions, without mercy. I came, I saw, and tonight, I shall conquer.

THE Face is cut off by Rambo Ramrod, for his warm up squash match, yay. But first. Laughing Larry has some choice words.

[Larry:] ”Arghlarfaaaargh”

Classy Larry, very classy.

THE Face def. Rambo Ramrod

Oh like you thought Ramrod could get the upset. Nope, not at all, as THE Face ran riot on the European pornstar with chops and uppercuts, but not just any old chops and uppercuts, no, these were incredibly weak. Kris Sprules is taking notes. THE Face won with a rollup in a more than dire DUD match.

Seeing as he’s getting a push of embiggened proportions, The Flying Jobber Opener Lower Midcarder was no longer opening the show. However, this didn’t mean he’d be winning any matches soon, as was proved when he faces off against Henry the Fucking Butcher.

Henry the Fucking Butcher def. The Flying Lower Midcarder

The Butcher brought weapons to the ring, big weapons… Well, he brought a branch, which he proceeded to use by whipping the FLM over the back with, many times. After his back was red raw, the Butcher unloaded with a huge lariat, which actually got a reaction from the four fans. Henry got the three count in this ½* match.

Oooh, Larry wants the mic again, and we shall give it to him.

[Larry:] ”Hmpharjhgarol”

Oooh, Larry, you’re dribbling.

And it’s time for our 3rd match, as we pit Henry the Fucking Butcher against the Caveman who’s looking for revenge, Og. Both of them are sporting ugly, messy, beards, and both look almightily confused. Russo is creaming his pants at the thought of this.

Battle of the Hairy Idiots

Og def. Henry the Fucking Butcher

Og looked pissed straight away, as the Butcher used a branch for his last match, Og was going to need to top that, so he began to rip the tree we use as a turnbuckle from its roots but to no avail, as the Butcher delivered a lariat to the back of his head. The two locked up, and memories of Hulk Hogan vs. The Ultimate Warrior came flashing back. The one at SummerSlam, not at WrestleMania, that is. Butcher went for the Butcher that Fucker, but Og was able to roll him up for the three count. It seems the hairier idiot is Og. History, people. This. Is. History! *½

After the match, Og got on the mic, but before he could utter a word from his hairy lips (well he doesn’t have hairy lips, but he has a beard, and he’s rather hairs so, whatever) he was cut off by the screaming and hollering of one Laughing Larry, who was trying to “Kill the seals” at this point in time we don’t know if he means the Navy kind, or the clubbing kind. Godspeed, Larry.

LARGE World Championship

Arien Race © vs. THE Face

And finally it was time for our main event, a No DQ, Hardcore match for the LARGE World Championship. The two men squared off in the ring, and Arien Race was more than happy to use weapons, using a Kendo Stick, a trash can, and a picnic basket to attack THE Face with. After a while, THE Face finally snuck out to the outside to catch a breather, he just didn’t want to use weapons! He slid back into the ring but got hit with a Baseball slide from our current, reigning and defending champion. Arien Race hit a low blow and a rollup, but THE Face reversed it and hit a stiff kick to the Wrestling Nazi. Arien Race hit a spinebuster before climbing up the tree. THE Face was down, and Arien Race was up. 450 Splash. It’s over. *½

Overall Rating: 39%, Passable.

Edited August 26, 2005 by Ollie Beak

[TGC]

Closed and moved to Archives.