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WWE or Bust:

A backyard diary of LARGE proportions!

So as I sat there, drinking the last drops of Vodka and Ribena from the plastic cup, I thought of the events which had taken place in the last 2 hours. Basically, to cut a long story short, I got extremely drunk, and bet my close and personal friend, that I could reach the standards of Vince McMahon in no less than 3 years. It was the kind of bet you regret making even before you agree on the bet, because lets face it, I'll never be able to reach our friends at Connecticut, hell; I couldn't even reach the town centre with the money I had.

Let’s check our finances... Interesting... Just as I thought... Nothing... YET!

But still, a bet is a bet, and if I could achieve the extremely unachievable goal we had set, I'd get a cheque for $100. Granted, if I did surpass Vince McMahon and rule the Wrestling Kingdom, I probably wouldn't need the $100 cheque, but still, plot holes are great things.

So that night, in a slightly sozzled state, I sat down and wrote out the plans to my yardtard fed, which after much consideration, was dubbed Wrestling LARGE, as at the end of these grueling three years, that’s exactly what it would be. Yes, it's a s**tty name, but it has to be on par with the s**ttyness of everything else in my Wrestling kingdom.

First thing first, was my staff, a referee, a medic, a financer and a production guy. After looking on the interweb to see what people were charging for each job, I was stumped, I didn't have ten dollars, let along ten thousand for a ref. So instead I turned to the people who would be there for me, no matter what: My family. Let me introduce:

"Iron" Mike Fitzgerald - My little brother, but more importantly, my referee. Granted, the kid's only six years old, but he'll do. I've taught him how to count to three, and how to raise the arm of a victor at the end of the match, but that’s all, I'm afraid. So don't expect anything more than that. He got the nickname 'Iron' after hitting himself with a brick when he was two, and not even shedding a tear. In fact, I have no doubt that in twelve years time, he'll join my roster. The best thing about my little brother? He'll work for nothing!

Kay Fitzgerald - My Mother, the medic. She's can wrap bandages brilliantly, unfortunately, she's only a Nurse, and faints at the sight of blood, so if anyone actually gets injured then we're pretty much screwed. She'll do for the minute, she's also a neat-freak, which means our ring will always be clean, along with everything else, which is never a bad thing. She'll also work for nothing, which is extremely handy.

Joseph Fitzgerald - Seeing as I'm no good with money, my Dad will be behind the scenes raking in all the cash. The one problem here is my Dad did time for defrauding a company, and was also a compulsive gambler for 15 years, so finances isn't his strong point... But he'll work for free, so that’s fine by me.

Uncle Graham - He owned a production company for around 10 years, which produced Cardboard boxes, which instantly means he'll be my production man, working with Stereo equipment and stuff like that. My logic is awesome! The only problem here is that he lives in Spain, so I have to pay from travel, which will set me back $1000 a month. It's a minor set-back, but that’s fine by me.

Chris Walker - The man I initially made the bet with will be helping me to write the shows, a writer, if you will. Has some experience writing for the school paper, and is a wrestling fan of minor proportions, in that he doesn't get anything outside of WWE, which means he's not completely clued up on everything indy. But like everyone he'll do for the minute, as I won't need to pay him. (Named after chriswalkerbush, the inspiration behind my yardtard diary.)

Connie Ipson - Chris' girlfriend, who has offered to help out backstage, keeping wrestlers in check, and business like that. A road agent if you will. She's not a wrestling fan, so she's not exactly clued up on the sport, but it'll be alright for the moment, until I can afford to pay people to do these jobs! (Named after conniption, the other inspiration for this here diary, sorry about the girlyness.)

Then there's Sophie, my girlfriend, she's as useless as she is hot, because all she does is state the obvious, she's gets more boring by the day, but man, what an ass. She'll be generally helping with general stuff, like telling me how many workers I need, or if my staff is doing a sub par job, that sort of bitchy stuff. She's not important.


So that’s that, the people behind the scenes for Wrestling LARGE, next I will run down the sponsors, in less than spectacular fashion. :)

I should point out, don't be alarmed, this doesn't mean the end of World-1, this is just a side project, to keep me busy. :)

Edited by Ollie_Beak
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Seeing as I didn’t have any money whatsoever, I was going to have to feed off sponsorship money, sadly, not many people really want to sponsor a student’s backyard wrestling organization with a compulsive gambler controlling the finances. Funny that. So I had the deal with less then brilliant interweb-based sponsors, which again, were few and far between. The good news, however, was they each paid out $10,000 for each show I ran, in exchange for me shilling their product for hours on end.

I ended up with:

www.ewadditions.com – A sponsor which is more than fine by me, because it doesn’t even exist anymore. So I’ll get ten thousand bucks for absolutely nothing. Stellar.

www.GameWinners.com – I’ve never even visited this site, so I can’t really say much about it. Except it’s giving me money. Whoop.

Chart Wars – That’s right, I got sponsorship from a program that I openly hate with a vengeance. Chart Wars is glitchy, the interface is ugly, it’s hard to use and extremely out of date. However, Chart Wars is also giving me $10,000 a month, so I’m not complaining. I sold out!

www.TitleHistories.com – Well, after receiving sponsorship money from something that doesn’t exist, something I’ve never heard of, and something I hate, I thought I should at least choose something I actually use (like I had a choice, anyway). Title Histories is a great site, which is run by the guy who makes the RaveX EWR updates, JT179, so pops go to him, because he’s giving me $10,000 a month!

After taking a gander through my sponsorship choices, I prayed for RF Video and Rob Feinstein. Hell, even a pedophile is better than Chart Wars.


Next update, I’ll give to you my starting roster of six, yes SIX wrestlers. I’m pushing the boat out there.

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And thus, with sponsorship money, I had around $30,000 to spend on wrestlers, and what not. That way I wouldn’t lose money, but I’d damn sure be making it, if I was going to be rivaling Vinnie Mac in 3 years time, I needed to utilize talent with value, and that’s exactly what I did, with the six wrestlers I hired:

Konrad – The whole talent/value thing came straight into play with my first roster choice, Konrad, great brawling skill, along with some good technical skill make him a great choice, add that to his killer charisma and the simple fact he’s cheap, Konrad was an awesome first choice. However, as this is a family fed, I don’t want anybody pushing Communism, as Konrad seems to be doing, so instead I repackage him as a more child friendly character, Henry the Fucking Butcher, an insanely brutal butcher with tourettes syndrome. You’ll cheer, you’ll laugh, and you’ll even get a cheap laugh.

Flash Christian – Another awesome talent, that’ll be able to rip it up with anybody. Not only can this 18 year old from Europe work on the mat, he can fly with the best of them, and he can also brawl too. He’s not the most charismatic, but he lets his wrestling do the talking. Sadly copyright laws from both Marvel and WWE mean I can’t use ‘Flash’ or ‘Christian’ but I can sure as hell use Arien Race, a blue eyed, blond haired, German, who’s up to no good.

The Face – A pretty basic wrestler, who can fly and go on the mat to an acceptable standard. Although he’s nothing spectacular in the ring, the Face has a certain look to him that could make him a superstar one day. The only thing changing for him at the moment is the emphasis on the word ‘The’ in his name, as he’ll now become THE Face, a peace loving man who would never do anything heelish. Ever.

The Flying Jobber – Hey man, don’t put yourself down so much, you may have never won a match, and your current win-loss record stands at zero to 682, but you’re still a pretty good all rounder. You may get an upset one day my friend. To boost his morale, he will no longer be known as the Flying Jobber, but The Flying Opener… Shut up.

Jason Norcross – One of the cheapest wrestlers around is also one of the best fliers. But fly is not all this 24 year old can do, as he’s also pretty competent as a brawler and a technical wrestler. The second best wrestler on our roster behind Arien Race will now ditch his American roots for a place in the Canadian sun, as he becomes Canadian Stampede, the moose herder, eh?

Simon LaVey – A young, cheap, yet extremely talented high flier is the final member of the Wrestling LARGE roster, however, people without gimmicks, who are just ‘against their opponent’ are boring, so instead, we here at Wrestling LARGE have made him the LARGEST prospect on the roster, as he becomes Rambo Ramrod, a Dutch pornstar, with a taste for the ladies.

Looking over the ‘talent’ I had signed, I decided, if I become as big as WWE in 3 years, I’ll eat Canadian Stampede’s Moose-Herding hat. This is worse than Verne Gagne.


Up next, something else.

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And so there we had it, a Mötley Crüe, if ever I did see one. We had an Aryan, a pornstar, a man with tourettes, a turncoat, enhancement talent and the world’s biggest face character. This was going to be so, so, so, sooooooooo terrible.

So, what now? Staff? Check! Wrestlers? Check! Ring? Hmmm… the ring structure was interesting to say the least, we bought three turnbuckles, as we couldn’t afford four turnbuckles, pads, and a mat to wrestle on, so we only bought three turnbuckles. In place of the forth turnbuckle was a tree, pretty dangerous, but it put the ‘yard’ into ‘yardtard’ so it’ll do.

So we had staff, wrestlers and ring to work in… There was something missing…

Our first show, the debut show. The debut show to end all debut show (although I’m pretty sure there will be debut shows after this debut show, just not from the same company). It’d be historic, it’d be the start of a new era in backyard wrestling, and it’d be remembered for years to come. But it needed a sexy name, a name to draw in crowds… I racked my brain for a while before I came up with the most superb name I could think of.

“The Beginning Has Just Begun.”

Wow, sometimes I surprise even myself.

Now we needed a card for TBHJB, something that’d blow away everyone who came to witness it. Something roster-wide.

Now, when a wrestling company organizes an event that is ‘roster-wide’ you automatically think it’ll be a weekend event: Two, maybe even three days of back to back wrestling, yet seeing as we were breaking the boundaries and all that jazz, our ‘roster-wide’ event would be done in one night, and one night only.

Basically it would be a tournament to crown the first LARGE World Champion. World because although it’ll only be defended in one backyard, in three years time when we’re battling for ratings in the second installment of the Monday Night Wars, we’ll need some history to back our title up. And World makes it sound impressive… The card? I hear you ask?

Final card for

”The Beginning Has Just Begun”

Saturday, May 21, 2005

LARGE World Championship Tournament

Henry the Fucking Butcher vs. Rambo Ramrod

THE Face vs. Canadian Stampede

The Flying Opener vs. Arien Race

The winners of each match will go on to fight in a Triple Threat Main Event

with the winner taking away the LARGE World Championship.

It was probably going to blow all kind of chunks, but still, it’s a start.

But there was one problem, I’d need an announcer for the event, I looked around my friends and family to try and find someone, but unfortunately, it seems my family and friends are the least charismatic people I know, so along with $31,000 spent on Wrestlers for my show, I’d have to dish out $6,000 for an announcer, who it would seem is even less charismatic than my family. Welcome Laughing Larry to the announcers desk, trust me, he’s a hoot!

It was coming close to the debut show, and something was playing on my mind. Something was not right in my backyard… Something… That I couldn’t quite put my finger on.


So my first show, the aptly named “The Beginning Has Just Begun”... Man, I rule.

Edited by Ollie_Beak
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It’s too late to change it, but there was something seriously wrong with the debut show. Featuring on the show, a man with a serious case of tourettes, a Nazi and a pornstar. Also appearing on that show, in every single match, my referee, a fucking six year old! MY six year old brother. This can only end badly.

The target for out debut show, and for our first month, is to raise $525 so we can improve out production levels to an almighty 5%. This means we’ll either have to cater for 53 people: which isn’t going to happen, or the show must come to less than $3000 dollars. I can’t see it happening. But it’d be nice.

Anywho… Here it is. Enjoy.

“The Beginning Has Just Begun” Saturday, May 21, 2005

= The night got to an interesting start as Arien Race came marching to the ring, punching the air, directly in front of him while shouting as loud as he could “Aryan. Aryan Race. Aryan. Aryan Race.” Like some kind of Nazi version of Heidenreich. Race instantly got some heel heat from the FOUR people sitting on the grass as he goose-stepped around the makeshift ring. Arien went to say something, but was instantly cut off by a much shorter masked man, the Flying Opener. Opener still had the words “Flying Jobber” stitched into his trousers, from his pre-LARGE gimmick, clearly at the fault of my Road Agent, Connie Ipson. Opener and Race were scheduled to wrestle in, you guessed it, the opening match.

Arien Race def. The Flying Opener

The crowd was extremely quiet for this pretty atrocious match, ½* match, a rating which was given only for the end, when Race hit an extremely vicious Tilt a whirl Spinebuster on Opener. “Iron” Mike reluctantly counted the three count for the Race victory. Reluctant, probably because he was terrified of the guy that was goose-stepping. A quick note, Arien, in case you were wondering is the Dutch name for Aaron. I know the Dutch weren’t Nazi’s, but Arien sounds like Aryan, so there is logic somewhere.

= It seemed things picked up a little, when LARGE Wrestling’s very own, ‘Larger than Life’ pornstar, Rambo Ramrod came out to meet and greet the jam packed crowd of four. Ramrod coined the phrase “I work hard, so you mark hard.” As he got jiggy with it in the ring. After a few seconds of his pleasuring the crowd, another colorful character made his way to the ring. Ramrod’s opponent for the night, Henry the Fucking Butcher.

Henry the Fucking Butcher def. Rambo Ramrod

Butcher dominated a pretty brutal *½ match, which saw him win with a vicious Lariat after a punch flurry of 10-12 punches and kicks. The only problem, from a backstage perspective was that Butcher should have been playing the face, and Ramrod the heel, but by the end of the match the fans were crying out for Ramrod to win. After the match, Butcher ticked and cursed his way back inside the house.

THE Face def. Canadian Stampede

Straight after was an extremely dull DUD match, between THE Face and Canadian Stampede. Stampede came out in full moose-herding gear, as the Face worse extremely generic, black wrestling gear. The Face dominated the match with some extremely botchy technical maneuvers, but got beat with the aptly named ‘Aboot (to the face)”, which was, a boot to the face.

= After three piss poor matches, it seemed LARGE wouldn’t get past it’s first show, but here to save it, was the Butcher himself, Henry the Fucking.

[Henry:] ”Tonight, in the backya…”


Henry is quickly cut off by Rambo Ramrod.


[Rambo:] ”Hey man, how’s your penis?”

[Henry:] ”Its *fucking* fi…”

[Rambo:] ”Ah man, mine’s the same, always fucking, bro... Wanna be in a movie?”

[Henry:] ”Match first, *fucking* you later.”

[Rambo:] ”Dude, I never said you’d be fucking me. Its men like you that make me sick. I just came to say no hard feelings from tonight, Congrats on your big win there, dude. Just go out there and show some balls…-“ (Ramrod thinks for a second) ”-Ah man, I gotta go, quick.”


Rambo walks off away from Henry, who stands there, his head ticks every couple of seconds as he wrenches his hands.

== Next up, as Henry leaves the ring is a promo from THE Face, he’s not exactly charismatic, but he gets the job done.

[Face:] ”Tonight I face a Nazi and a man whose brutality outweighs his IQ. So as always is the case with me, I have to show how I am the superior, by winning two matches in a row to become the first LARGE World Champion. And how will I do it? I won’t cheat, I won’t pulverize, I certainly won’t spread any kind of propaganda. No, instead I’ll use my face tactics of pride and honor to win the match, because in this match I am THE Face, and the faces always prosper.”

LARGE World Championship

Arien Race vs. Henry the Fucking Butcher vs. THE Face

The final match for tonight is the match for the LARGE World Championship, which is held up by our trusted, and very cutesy, referee, “Iron” Mike Fitzgerald. The belt is simply that, a belt, a very nice belt at that, with a gold buckle. Nothing cheap her, lads. The * match starts out with Butcher and THE Face teaming up to take on the Nazi, Arien Race. However, Butcher changes his mind on the team and hits THE Face in the back of the head before locking him in a Texas Cloverleaf, Arien comes in for the save with a Dropkick to Face. Butcher throws Arien into the tree used as a turnbuckle, only to get hit by THE Face who turns Butcher round and hits a Suplex. Race knocks down THE Face with a vicious clothesline and then focuses on Butcher. Butcher blades deep when race throws him directly into the tree, allowing Race to hit a Frog Splash for the two count. THE Face nearly gets the upset when he hit a Face buster on Race, but Butcher knocks him off with a Shining Wizard. Race hits a low blow on Butcher and then rolls him up for the three count to become the first LARGE World Champion.

After the match, Race snatches the Title belt from “Iron” Mike, which makes him sob and leave the ring, only to run to his Mother, my Mother, the Medic.

Overall Rating: 40%

I could really use someone like Golden Boy around about now.


My first show, and its shite, I don’t like it. But onwards and upwards, I suppose.

Edited by Ollie_Beak
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And so the first month of my new life as Wrestling Booker Extraordinaire is over and it’s a little short of brilliant so far. My Public Image is up by 1%, to 1% at Backyard level. At this rate, after battling through Backyard, Small, Regional, Cult, National and Global level, I should be battling WWE in 600 months time, or in 50 years. Well at least I’ll have an adult referee by then.

And so I get my end of month report from my extremely boring girlfriend, Sophie. I should get rid of her.

Henry the Fucking Butcher and THE Face both demanded a 10% increase in payroll, they got squat as EWR is awesome when it comes to not rounding up $500, so they’ll remain on $5000 per appearance for the minute.

Some not very important people are retiring at the end of the month, including Jake Roberts and Kamala. We hardly knew ye. In fact, June’s event will be named after that great talent that will retired this month as we host:

”Kamala, we hardly knew ye.”

Saturday, June 11, 2005.

I had a crowd of four people at The Beginning Has Just Begun, which means I got $40, which isn’t anything too shabby at all, considering there was no hype in any way going into the event.


I made $40000 Sponsorship and $40 ticket sales.

I lost $30000 worker wages, $6000 staff wages and $1000 production costs.

This means, for the month of May 2005, I made a total of $3040 in profit. $525 of that is going on improving production levels, bumping them up 5% to… 5%.

Say what you like about me, I’m raking in the monies.


Just boring Admin-like stuff, nothing interesting. Next will be cards and stuff for K,WHKY. :)

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Hey, It had me rolling around with laughter at the name 'Arien Race', so it passes the comedy indy tickbox. Write-up was good, but to be honest, I enjoyed your story and introduction posts more, maybe it was the style, or the content in them. Also, I'm sad to see Pro Wrestling World-1 end.

Anyhow, I like the idea, liked the backstory, and I'll check back.

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Hell no, World-1 isn't over. I'm currently working through Carnival of Fighters Night 3, at a slow and steady pace. I'm kind of bored of CoF at the mo, but have got tons of ideas for afterwards, so it's far from over. I wouldn't even call it on hiatus. The reason this came about is I downloaded EWR last night, and I can't play a game without a diary, and I always wanted to play a backyard game, so a diary followed.

I enjoyed the reports to the show at the mo, in all honesty I didn't like the show much, and that'll be the first and last time I write it like that. Next show will probably be written by Laughing Larry, because he's a hoot.

I think the problem so far is I have absolutely nothing planned for Canadian Stampede, so he'll probably get repackaged. It'll be a fun little side project to World-1, but by no means is World-1 over.

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*Breathes in* Ahhhhhh, the beginning of a new day, the sun’s coming out to play, My Mother’s name remains to be Kay, It’s now June, it’s no longer May, If I keep on speaking like this I’ll never get laid. So I’ll stop it. Right, June, and I have to set the card for our new event:

LARGE Wrestling presents,

“Kamala, We Hardly Knew Ye.”

Saturday, June 11, 2005

The Beginning Has Just Begun was going to be a toughie to top, well not really with our hyoooge 40% rating and four people wondering off the street to watch 6 guys batter each over other a Tree used as a turnbuckle, but still, we were going to pull out all the stops to make “Kamala, We Hardly Knew Ye.” even better!

We currently have $2515 in the metaphorical bank, which is being kept in a very secure volt, in which I, and I alone know the password, which means our Financer won’t go spending the money on any ‘miscellaneous’ purchases, like two thousand, five hundred and fifteen lottery tickets. After using $525 to raise our Production levels; hopefully this means we’ll be able to make our ring even better, by putting a rail between our fans and our ring. It looks more professional, but it doesn’t do much. It hardly separates our fans and our wrestlers, as either could just walk around the one, two meter long guard rail we have, but still. With this kind of production, Vinnie Mac will be shaking in his boots.

Also, to make ourselves look even more professional, we have a shortlist (*canned ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’*), which has a total of two, yes TWO local workers on, which our Road Agent, Connie Ipson will be keeping an eye on. This means when Sophie tells us we need more workers, we’ll have more workers. Huzzah~! Anyway, onto the card for “Kamala, We Hardly Knew Ye.”:

LARGE Wrestling presents,

“Kamala, We Hardly Knew Ye.”

Saturday, June 11, 2005

LARGE World Championship

Arien Race © vs. Henry The Fucking Butcher

Non-Title Match

Arien Race vs. THE Face / The Flying Opener / Rambo Ramrod / Canadian Stampede

Winner will face Arien Race in a Non-Title Match

THE Face and The Flying Opener vs. Rambo Ramrod and Canadian Stampede

Henry the Fucking Butcher vs. The Flying Opener

One of the biggest issues of having a six strong roster is that Sophie insists on having four matches per event, which means people have to work double duty, possibly even triple duty for The Flying Opener, but let’s face, he’ll never win.

In this very boring month for wrestling fans, I’m scrapping the barrel for news. AJPW have announced their yearly roster, which includes, Ken Shamrock, Frank Shamrock, Keiji Mutoh and TAKA Michinoku, which is a damn shame, as they were all scheduled to appear in wrestling LARGE in the coming months. Typical!


Bah Gawd! Filler! Expect the show soon, it's written differently, in the perspective of Laughing Larry, he's a hoot.

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Last month we got the ‘Triple 20’ on the Target Dartboard, and this month I hope to do the same. If we can make a further $3000 this month, then we’ll be well on our way to ruling the almighty wrestling Kingdom.

And we hired him last month, so we’re putting him to good use, ladies, and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, I present to you… With new side splitting action… Laaaaaaughing… Laaaaaarry!!! He’s a hoot!

Silly hats, you’d expect a silly hat from a guy called ‘Laughing Larry’, I mean, the least you could give us is a silly hat. But no, instead Laughing Larry wore a dark charcoal suit, which looked like it had been ironed a couple of hundred times. Polished black shoes and a briefcase, ready to do business, I hope its funny business! Balding, with a ‘U’ shape of hair spreading from one ear to the other, and huge bags under his eyes. And with the most dull, boring, monotone voice you could possibly imagine he welcomes the crowd.

[Larry:] “Hi…”

Good grief man, this is positively depressing. Note to self: never hire someone without speaking to them firs… No, scrap that. Note to self: Blame the Road Agent.

Well it’s too late to complain now, no I suppose I best let this barrel of laughs get on with the show, while I go and wallow in my own self pity at the thought of me paying $6,000 to this guy at the end of the day. As I walked towards my house, I looked back for a second, only to see Laughing Larry cry, apparently he had already launched full scale into the story of how his wife left him. Oh geez.

”Kamala, We Hardly Knew Ye.”, Saturday, June 11, 2005

[Larry:] ”I guess this is my new job… woo… hoo… I never used to be like this, I used to have a tie-die suit, but my wife got that in the settlement. She also got the car, the house, the TV and my collection of Monkees memorabilia. All I got were the kids, and that was the one thing I never wanted. Sigh… I suppose I should do my job, I need that paycheck.”

-- Larry opens up his briefcase, he pulls out a chair and sits down, next to the guard rail, as the action (if you can call it that) begins. --

[Larry:] ”It looks as though first out we have the Flying Opener, his name makes me think of how I want the ground to open me up and swallow me, I once dug a hole in my back garden to try and help the Devil swallow me. But apparently I’m not even good enough for hell. Sigh… And now here comes Henry… for the first match.”

Henry The Fucking Butcher def. The Flying Opener

A very short match which saw Opener try and hit a hurracanrana on Henry, but Henry instead just powerbombed him into the tree (Hardcore~!), and cover him for a two count. As Opener then got to his feet, Butcher unleashed with his Butcher that Fucker, clobbering him with a total of 16 strikes before hitting a Lariat for the pin. Nothin’ but a 1/2* match, G. Word.

[Larry:] ”The Flying Opener loses, I sympathize for him, he never wins, and neither do I. But he won’t have anytime to get to his feet, as he’ll be featured in the next match as well.”

Rambo Ramrod and Canadian Stampede def. THE Face and The Flying Opener

A slightly longer * match, as Ramrod and THE Face even went as far as chain wrestling, of course, their lack of skill meant it was short lived when THE Face botched a Hammerlock, a freakin’ hammerlock! The match was over when Ramrod hit a 450 Splash on Opener.

[Larry:] ”Well at least it was over quickly… That’s what my wife used to saw. Oh God I miss her.”

-- Larry begins to quietly sob, but is ‘attacked’ by Rambo Ramrod, who celebrates his victory by shaking his boot-ay in the announcers face. Larry doesn’t even crack a smile, poor bastard. However, Ramrod’s victory dance is cut short, as he is attacked from behind by Arien Race, his next opponent. --

Arien Race def. Rambo Ramrod

The matches only get better as this got an acceptable *1/2 rating. The crowd of five was pretty dead for this match for some reason, which had a couple of nice spots. Race got behind Ramrod and hit a Low Blow, which was no sold as Ramrod channeled the spirit of Hulk Hogan and ‘Hulked Up’, only to get hit with a Dropkick to put him down. Race won with an Aryan Facelock, making Ramrod tap.

-- Larry stops sobbing for a moment, as Arien leaves the ring, and Rambo gets to his feet. Larry perks up a tad to stare at Ramrod for a moment, who stands there looking bemused. --

[Larry:] ”That man in the ring looks strangely familiar. Is that? It couldn’t be…”

-- Ramrod leaves the ring before Larry can make out who it actually is. Next to the ring is our good friend, Henry the Fucking Butcher. Butcher cuts a short, unintelligible promo, but it’s intense. You don’t have to make out the words he’s saying, you just know he means business. That’s a true sign of charisma, right there lads. --

[Larry:] ”I’m so glad this is nearly over, I just want to go home, my empty home. My kids don’t even like me.”

LARGE World Championship

Arien Race © def. Henry The Fucking Butcher

MOTN by far as this gets a ** rating, the first ** we’ve ever received! Yay! A nice little brawl between the two which ended when The Butcher went for a Lariat, but Race ducked it and hit the Low Blow for the schoolboy rollup. Chalk up another cheating victory for Arien Race, lads. After the match the two continued to brawl, with Butcher getting his own back with a Lariat.

-- After the crowd of five had packed up their picnic and gone home, Laughing Larry just stayed there for a couple of minutes, probably contemplating suicide. --

Overall Rating: 38%, Down by 2%.


And so I take another character from Scrubs, with Laughing Larry is based of Ted. In case you didn’t get the other one, Rambo Ramrod is Todd the High Five guy, with his impending homosexuality and the use of the phrase “How’s your penis?”

Edited by Ollie_Beak
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July. Summer is in full swing, and the temperature is sizzling. I wish I could say the same about the world of wrestling; which according to Sophie is at a peak of 59%. I don’t know where she got these numbers from, or even what they mean. But it sounds low. This is probably the reason why we’re getting crowds of 5 instead of 50,000. Probably.

This month sees the end of a couple of wrestling legends, as Konnan and Ultimate Warrior are both retiring this month. We asked Warrior if he wanted to come down for one last match, but we left before he could finish his eight hour rant. So I’m guessing he won’t turn up.

This month also saw a bankruptcy, as Canadian based Elite Wrestling Revolution have issued a bankruptcy warning, our very own Canadian Stampede was very upset by this news, and will be looking for Elite Wrestling Revenge and has left the backyard to go in search of redemption in his home state, wherever that may be, which, in a completely unrelated link, brings us onto the name of the next show. And how do you top such names as “The Beginning Has Just Begun” and “Kamala, We Hardly Knew Ye.” Well, quite simply, you don’t. No, instead we’re going for that old saying, quality over name, as we reveal…

LARGE Wrestling presents, “Third Time’s The Charm.”

Saturday, July 16, 2005.

One of the people appearing on that show, will be none other than Henry the Fucking Butcher, who this month demanded a 10% wage rise, but in the wonderment of EWR (the game, not the bankrupt company) he can’t get 10% of $5,000, so once again his pay remains unchanged.

This brings us onto a brand new signing to Wrestling LARGE, due to the fact we need to fill up the dent that Canadian Stampede has left in this here wrestling kingdom, that we call my backyard. Obviously, Stampede was an extremely talented worker, and somebody as talented as him (70 high flying, 50 technical) will be impossible to find at such a low price, so instead we just rehire “Canadian Stampede” Jason Norcross. Basically the conversation went like this:

[Me:] ”Your character’s not going anyway, you’re fired.”

[Norcross:] ”Ah dang.”

[Me:] ”You’re cheap, talented, and over, wanna come back?”

[Norcross:] ”Sure thang.”

[Me:] ”But no more Canada, no, instead, you’ll be playing…Og, a frozen caveman, who over the course of 800 years has thawed out, and returned for revenge.”

[Norcross:] ”Revenge for what?”

Then I hung up on him, because I don’t know what he’s getting revenge for. But trust me, he’ll get revenge, he won’t rest until he does!

Sweet Jesus, a link to something completely unrelated? You betcha!


+ $40,000 sponsorship

+ $50 ticket money

- $30,000 worker costs

- $6,000 staff costs

- $6,000 production costs

- $1950 total.

Dang, this brings our bank balance down to $565, which means we’ll be saying goodbye to production costs, as they get reduced to… 1 (which for some reason costs us $140, taking us down to $425)!

At least my Dad didn’t get to the money.

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What an amazingly slow two weeks buildup to Third Time’s The Charm, there was nothing remotely interesting to report, no humorous antics that happened backstage. I suppose I could comment on the pretty original way Laughing Larry tried to commit suicide, using piano wire, but he’s told me he just wants to get on with is job and not have it be public information. I suppose mentioning it in a new bulletin could send him over the edge… Again… But oh well, he’s alright in the announcers chair, it’s not like anybody listens to him anyway. Poor bastard!

Apparently Dawn Marie is coming to the end of her WWE contract, she was offered to come down and work here at LARGE, but after a bidding war of immense proportions, she decided to stay with Vinnie Mac. This is most definitely a shame, especially seeing as this time in 2008 we’ll be battling like this over everyone, and this could have been a chance to get an early one-up.

Anywho onto our next card:

LARGE Wrestling presents,

“Third Time’s The Charm.”

Saturday, July 16, 2005

LARGE World Championship

Arien Race © vs. Og

Henry the Fucking Butcher vs. Rambo Ramrod vs. THE Face

Non-Title Match

Arien Race © vs. THE Face

Rambo Ramrod vs. The Flying Opener

This month sees the debut of the mighty ‘Og’. As of yet, no information has been obtained about him, other than his caveman roots and his 800 year history. He’s looking for revenge here in LARGE, but nobody knows what he needs revenge for. Maybe one of our less-than-super-stars was the one that froze him all those years ago, or maybe somebody made a ‘shitty gimmick’ joke behind his back, nobody knows. One thing we do know is he’s going straight into the Main Event as he faces our reigning Nazi Champion, Arien Race to a match.

Arien Race will also come to LARGE Wrestling this month to show the World that he means Nazi business, as he takes on THE Face, a man who two months ago almost became the first LARGE World Champion, but was defeated by Arien Race in a Triple Threat Match with Henry the Fucking Butcher at “The Beginning Has Just Begun.

THE Face and Henry The Fucking Butcher will also be appearing in another Triple Threat match, this time with Rambo Ramrod. These three characters clash in so many ways it’s hard to believe, and this triple threat will be a match to remember in Wrestling LARGE History.

THE Face and Henry the Fucking Butcher have both had previous experience in Triple Threat match, so Rambo Ramrod will be toning his skills against The Flying Opener in the, you guessed it, the Opening Match. No prizes for guessing who’ll be staring at the ceiling in this match, lads.

The Flying Opener, was in the first ever match in Wrestling LARGE history, fighting none other than Arien Race, in a more than forgettable match.

See, from Arien Race back to Arien Race, including every member of my roster. Six degrees of separation? I did it in five, playa!

All of this fun and fighting will be presented by I, Oliver Fitzgerald, on play by play, as my good friend Laughing Larry does Color. I couldn’t think of someone more colorful to do commentary for this event!

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With only 1% Production values, it’ll cost $2000 to run the next show, so we need to make it a good’un in order to get people to come back to witness the spectacle that is, Wrestling LARGE. Four out of the Five people who came to watch “Kamala, We Hardly Knew Ye.” Seem to be fans as they were at both shows, this is good. If we get a loyal fanbase early on, we can nab WWE in the ass by the end of the year, at least.

If we actually take a lot at that for a moment, we’re trading at a Backyard level, our public image is at a mighty 2%, we are the Number 35 fed in North America, Canada and Mexico combined. And that isn’t too bad considering there are… carry the one… 35 feds in North America, Canada and Mexico combined. WWE, the corporate Giant at trading at a Global level, their public image is at a shockingly-awful-by-their-standard 100%. They’re the Numbah One promotion. In the World. Ever.

Say what you like about me, I’m stickin’ it to the man!

Anywho, onwards and upwards to our next show.

Laughing Larry looked bleaker than ever, he was nothing like his advert said he was, however, it wasn’t worth getting depressed about, and to try and cheer up good ole’ Larry, I brought him a silly hat, because I ugh… care about his health, and stuff… And not so I could buy myself a silly hate as well.

The crowd of four that had assembled, took no notice of the silly hats, in fact, they took no notice of us, seeing as we were sitting the other side of the ring as what Larry did last time.

”Third Time’s The Charm.” Saturday, July 16, 2005.

[Fitzgerald:] ”Whoa, somebody call the fire brigade, because with the cray-zee antics that are going on here, we’re building up quite a fire… A fire of cray-zee-ness, eh Larry?”

[Larry:] ”Sigh…”

So silly hats didn’t work, and a $6,000 paycheck didn’t work, I just wanted this guy to smile, and I would rest at nothing until he was dancing and laughing in the ring, living up to his hoot-ish name. Anyway, after that… Interesting… pre-show, we got on with the show.

Rambo Ramrod def. The Flying Opener

A short, ½* match to start us off, which really wasn’t very interesting at all, but did see Ramrod hit a perfect 450 Splash for the win after swapping some unimpressive high flying moves, with absolutely no psychology involved for the rest of the match. After the match Opener shook hands with the notorious Adult Movie Star, but was leveled with a nice lariat. Opener was getting some real nice underdog love from the crowd of four, which actually made him a fan favorite for once.

Arien Race def. THE Face

Welcome to Dudsville, population, this match. Nothing really worth mentioning, the ending came out of nowhere, but the kind of nowhere you’ve been secretly hoping for the whole match, it was a match so bad you wanted it to end. Race won with a Tiger Suplex following a lethal Low Blow. After the match, Race goose-stepped his way out of the backyard, as THE Face grabbed a microphone.

THE Face on THE Stick.

[Face:] ”It sickens me to realize there is no man with any power behind Wrestling LARGE, nobody who will take charge and say to that goose-stepping, Nazi bastard that he does not deserve that belt, if he’s going to cheat his way to win every single match. I may be THE Face around here, and I don’t like resorting to reckless wrestling, no. I like to keep my matches to a perfectly technical standard,-“ (I find this hard to believe.) ”-but it’s come to the last straw. I want Arien Race in a No Disqualification Match, to show that he’ll get what he damn well gives.”

THE Face def. Henry the Fucking Butcher and Rambo Ramrod

A no frills * is all this gets, which is a shame because all three could have put on something memorable, Butcher began to Butcher that Fucker Rambo Ramrod, but just after hitting the lariat, THE Face rolled him up in a small package for the win.

Welcome Og.

Next was Og, using his words to get through to the champion. Although I don’t remember word for word, it’s pretty hard to remember Shakespeare, as that’s what it sounded like. I think it was along the lines of:

[Og:] “Og smash. Og win. Og kill.”

That’s deep man.

LARGE World Championship

Arien Race def. Og

**½, sweet Jesus, I doubt this’ll be the last time we see these two clash if their going to pull of these kind of ratings! Race and Og swapped some technical wizardry, even going as far as actually selling the moves the other guy hit, AND chain wrestling to a perfectly acceptable standard. Race won when Og went to use his Wooden Club, but Race hit a low blow, followed by a schoolboy and a handful of tights for the three. Arien Race = #1 Rudo.

Overall Rating: 40%, Whoop!

Edited by Ollie_Beak
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Henry The Fucking Butcher...a name that made me laugh out loud after the buildup of this being a family friendly promotion. Nice job man.

The Flying Opener...now you know we're all going to be pulling for him to win one eventually right?

THE Face...the eventual turn and name change to THE Heel is something I can't wait for.

Rambo Ramrod...pretty much does nothing for me.

Canadian Stampede...see above. BUT...

Og...is gold. An 800 year old Cave Man looking for revenge is a gimmick that has money written all over it, I tell ya.

Arien Race...is quite amusing, and a nice play on words. Very fun character that I enjoy.

So with all of that said, I actually like this diary. Every so often I take a gander at a Yardtard Fed Diary, and more often than not I find them to be GBW ripoffs with absolutely nothing going for them. This, while being a GBW ripoff of mega proportions, has something going for it.

Good luck, Ollie.


Edited by thegarvincomplex
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Henry The Fucking Butcher...a name that made me laugh out loud after the buildup of this being a family friendly promotion.  Nice job man.

Yes, the Butcher isn't the most family friendly man in the company, there's much more planned for him in coming months, he's probably my MVP at this point.

The Flying Opener...now you know we're all going to be pulling for him to win one eventually right?

Another guy I'm enjoying, even though he doesn't do much, but as I build him up, it'll be quite fun.

THE Face...the eventual turn and name change to THE Heel is something I can't wait for.

Oh yeah, if you didn't realise there was a turn coming, then you've got to be an idiot, but naming him THE Heel, that just won't float. Watch out in coming months for that one.

Rambo Ramrod...pretty much does nothing for me.

Eh. Can't love 'em all. I'm not Ramrod's biggest fan either, but he'll serve his purpose.

Canadian Stampede...see above.  BUT...

Og...is gold.  An 800 year old Cave Man looking for revenge is a gimmick that has money written all over it, I tell ya.

Yeah, Og is a littl ebundle of joy. Canadian Stampede was a fail from the word go, and when I though 'Hey I don't like this guy at all!' he wa too talented to just get rid of.

Arien Race...is quite amusing, and a nice play on words.  Very fun character that I enjoy.

Yeah, people seem to like Arien Race for some reason, but the bastard won't talk!

So with all of that said, I actually like this diary.  Every so often I take a gander at a Yardtard Fed Diary, and more often than not I find them to be GBW ripoffs with absolutely nothing going for them.  This, while being a GBW ripoff of mega proportions, has something going for it. 

Good luck, Ollie.


Hell yeah, I'm pretty sure if one of these names appeared in GBW, or if Golden Boy appeared over here, nobody would even bat an eyelid, because there is no difference, apart from that was HoF material, and this is... well not...

When I saw that TGC had replied to this I thought "Shit, I'm gonna get ripped to shreds." but thank you kindly for your comments. I'll probably get to work on the next update in a min, so that'll probably come tonight, with the card and show tomorrow.

Edit: Kinda depressing to think my side project is more popular than my real diary. Sigh... Sods law, I suppose.

Edited by Ollie_Beak
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