WWE from July 1st 2005

[Chris2K]

Yeah, another EWR diary. This is the result of the draft lottery:

To RAW

- John Cena (WWE Champion)

- Kurt Angle

- Carlito Carribbean Cool (now Intercontinental Champion)

- Big Show

- Rob Van Dam

Trades

Danny Basham

Rene Dupree

Mark Jindrak (released)

Chavo Guerrero

Kenzo Suzuki (released)

Matt Hardy is also now employed permanently with the WWE.

To SmackDown!

- Chris Benoit

- Randy Orton

- Muhammed Hassan (w/ Daivari)

- Christian

- Batista (World Champion)

Trades

William Regal

Simon Dean

Sylvain Grenier

Stevie Richards

Candice Michelle

Spanky and James Gibson also now employed.

So that leaves the roster as follows:

RAW

MAIN EVENT

Big Show

Chris Jericho

John Cena (WWE Heavyweight Champion)

Kurt Angle

Shawn Michaels

Triple H

UPPER MIDCARD

Edge

Kane

Rob Van Dam

MIDCARD

Carlito Carribbean Cool (WWE Intercontinental Champion)

Eugene Dinsmore

Kerwin White

Lita

Matt Hardy

Rene Dupree

Rob Conway

Shelton Benjamin

Snitsky

Tajiri

The Hurricane (World Tag Team Champion)

Trish Stratus

LOWER MIDCARD

Antonio

Chris Masters

Danny Basham

Mark Henry

Romeo

Rosey (World Tag Team Champion)

Tyson Tomko

Val Venis

Victoria

Viscera

MANAGERS

Christy Hemme

Lillian Garcia

Maria (Unspellable Surname)

Ric Flair

Stacy Keibler

One of those five is not like the others, one of them doesn't belong...

NON-WRESTLERS

Christopher Nowinski

Eric Bischoff

Ivory

Jerry Lawler

Jonathan Coachman

Mick Foley

The Rock

SmackDown!

MAIN EVENT

Batista (World Champion)

Chris Benoit

Eddie Guerrero

John Bradshaw Layfield

Randy Orton

The Undertaker

UPPER MIDCARD

Booker T

Christian

Muhammed Hassan

Rey Mysterio

MIDCARD

Al Snow

Heidenreich

Joey Matthews (WWE Tag Team Champion)

Johnny Nitro (WWE Tag Team Champion)

Orlando Jordan (WWE US Champion)

William Regal

LOWER MIDCARD (and below)

Doug Basham

Funaki

Hardcore Holly

James Gibson

Juventud

Nova

Nunzio

Paul London

Psychosis

Scotty 2 Hotty

Stevie Richards

Super Crazy

Sylvain Grenier

So yeah, in a desperate attempt to boost dropping ratings, the WWE moved back to the USA Network, taking three of its four shows with it, RAW, Velocity and Heat. SmackDown was then shunted to Friday nights. With it's nearest rival TNA taking the Saturday Velocity slot on Spike TV, they will be competing against each other in the ratings.

In an even more drastic attempt to boost ratings, they dropped Stephanie McMahon from the head booker position, and made her a new role as "Princess of WWE Shopping Inc." They then went an even more drastic step further and chose a nobody with wrestling knowledge to book the shows. The shock was the fact that they hired someone with wrestling knowledge, not the nobody bit.

So yeah, here we go. First show will be Friday Night SmackDown!

[Chris2K]

1st July 2005

Anaheim, California

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We start off in the ring, where Theodore Long, the SmackDown! General Manager is in the ring.

Long: Holla Anaheim! And welcome to Friday Night SmackDown!

A few pyros and whatnot go off around the arena, causing the crowd to cheer.

Long: It's great to see so many people here for the debut edition of Friday Night SmackDown, and let me tell you somethin playas, we got a great show for you tonight! Now I don't wanna be holding this show up any longer than I have to, so I'm gonna get out of here and...

Suddenly, "No Chance In Hell" hits the PA system, and a mixed reaction greets none other than Vince McMahon powerwalks his way down to the ring. He climbs up the steps, managing to avoid tripping over anything, and climbs into the ring, where he obtains a second microphone from ring announcer Tony Chimel.

Vince: As you say Mr. Long, you don't want to be holding up the show, and I can respect that, really I can, but I'm afraid we're going to have to have a frank discussion between the two of us before this show even thinks of getting started. Now Mr. Long, since you became General Manager of SmackDown!, you have had a few... complaints made about you, and your way of administrating this brand of the WWE.

Long: Well I had one from that punk Carlito, but he's on RAW now, and he ain't comin' back!

Vince: Ah, you see, that's not strictly true, you've actually had two... yes, two complaints. You see, I opened my mail this morning and I had a letter from an established superstar of the WWE, a former world champion, a man who has main evented WrestleMania, and he claims that you have been making decisions that are unfair, ranging back to his days as the WWE Champion no less.

Long: Let me guess Mr. McMahon... J...B...L?

Vince: Haha, you're quick Theodore, you're quick, yes, it was JBL, John Bradshaw Layfield, the former WWE Champion who made the complaint.

Long: Well let me tell ya Mr. McMahon, whatever JBL said in that letter, I can assure you that it's probably a great exaggeration of the truth.

Vince: Well actually, Theodore, from what I've seen over your reign as General Manager of SmackDown!, JBL is pretty accurate. He makes reference to the numerous attempts you made to take the WWE Title off him, such as frequent matches with The Undertaker, a fatal four way, a triple threat, even a... even a Barbed Wire Steel Cage match against the Big Show! And then, and then just last night on SmackDown!, you refused to acknowledge JBL as a legitimate champion when he defeated five other men!

Long: Well that was because SmackDown! received the World Heavyweight Champion Batista in the draft lottery!

Vince: Well that's all very well Theodore, but you made a promise, hell, you even spent MY money buying a new belt that you didn't even need! You didn't fulfill your promise to your wrestlers, and I'm sure you lost a lot of respect from the wrestlers backstage. Well, the time has come for me, Vince McMahon, to decide what to do. You know, there's a baseball terminology called "three strikes and you're out". Well this isn't baseball Teddy, this is the WWE, and here, it's my rules, and my rule says "Two strikes and you're out". That's right... YOU'RE FIRED!

The crowd boo the announcement. Long looks Vince in the eyes, before putting his microphone down on the mat, and leaving the ring to cheers from the crowd. Long salutes the fans as he walks away, a tear almost being shed from his eye. We head back to Vince in the ring.

Vince: You know, firing people is the hardest part of my job. Yet somehow the most rewarding! Ha, ha. Anyway, I'm sure you're all wondering who I've recruited to be the new General Manager of SmackDown!, and whilst considering this, I decided to go for somebody who had experience in an authority role in the past. Someone with class, someone with the courage to stand up and defend his decisions if necessary. That's why I was pleased to see that he had been traded in the big trade that followed the draft lottery, ladies and gentlemen, the NEW SmackDown! General Manager.... William Regal!

Regal's music fires up, and he walks out clad in a suit and tie, waving to the fans who are cheering him. He heads into the ring, and shakes hands with Mr. McMahon, before McMahon hands over his microphone to him.

Regal: Thank you, thank you very much Mr. McMahon. And may I start off by saying what an honour, an absolute honour and a priveledge it is for me to be the new General Manager of SmackDown! And I've been thinking, I've been thinking ever since Mr. McMahon informed me of my new position, I've been thinking what to do about John Bradshaw Layfield and the World Heavyweight Champion, Batista. Now, Mr. Layfield was promised a title last night, and my predocessor did not deliver. Well o make it up to Mr. Layfield, I am happy to announce that he is the Number One Contender for Batista's World Title, and he will meet the "Animal"... whatever that's supposed to mean, at the Great American Bash for the World Title! That's right! Anyway, that's my announcement over, so let's move on shall we? I'm going to go and set up my office backstage, so enjoy the show!

Regal leaves the ring, and heads backstage, the crowd not entirely sure whether to boo or cheer the new General Manager.

Vince fires Long - 81% (Long gained overness)

Vince hires Regal - 77%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #1

WWE Cruiserweight Title

Paul London © vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

London defends his title against the veteran Scotty, with the two punching hands to show their respect for each other before the match begins. London uses his speed to win the initial lock-up, and he takes Scotty down to the mat. They do a brief reversal sequence, with several one counts being made, before they break apart in a stalemate to the applause of the fans. They are about to lock-up again, when the sound of Mexican music, and lawnmowers hits the arena. The Mexicools, Juventud, Super Crazy and Psychosis all come out riding their Juan Deere lawnmowers, and are generally being hyperactive and nuts. They arrive at the ring, and circle it. Scotty and London stop wrestling, and instead focus on what they expect to be an attempted beatdown. And they're right. On Juvi's count, the three pile into the ring and begin taking on the two other cruiserweights. Crazy pairs off with Scotty, whilst Juvi and Psychosis take on London. The brawl goes on for a bit longer, before we hear a voice.

"Stop it! Stop it this instant"

General Manager Regal comes back out to the rampway.

Regal: Stop it now! If you can't control yourselves in the ring, you can bloody well start! I don't know if the last General Manager let this sort of anarchy go on, but it won't under my leadership! Now two of you mexicans, two of you, decide two, and you can take on Mr. London and Mr.... Hotty in a tag team contest right now!

No Contest

Crowd: 51%

Match: 74%

Overall: 62%

Stars: N/R

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #..2

Juventud and Super Crazy vs. Paul London and Scotty 2 Hotty

Juventud and Crazy apparently decided they'd tag via a game of rock/paper/scissors between Crazy and Psychosis. Juvi automatically put himself in. The match is a fast-paced one, no surprise considering the four people involved. Scotty spends most of the match as the 'face in peril', as Juvi and Crazy take turns in assaulting him legally, whilst occasionally Psychosis comes along and assaults him illegally. Juvi tries to put the match away with a Moonsault, but Scotty manages to move out of the way, allowing him the time to try and crawl over to his corner, and tag in the Cruiserweight Champion. London comes in like a house on fire, nailing both Mexicools with clotheslines, and taking out Psychosis when he climbs up on the apron with the Dropsault. London heads to the top turnbuckle, and leaps off with a crossbody that takes out both Juvi and Crazy. Juvi crawls over to the ropes, a sight that Scotty always enjoys. London tags Scotty back in, and he hits the double handed facebuster on Juvi. W.O.R.M time! Except that on the 'R', Psychosis comes in whilst Crazy is distracting the referee, and nails Scotty with a crowbar! Juvi crawls over to make the cover whilst Crazy takes care of London, and the Mexicools steal the victory!

Winners: Juventud and Super Crazy

Crowd: 62%

Match: 83%

Overall: 72%

Stars: ***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Backstage, Josh Matthews is standing. Just... standing. With a microphone.

Matthews: At this time, I'm joined by Muhammed Hassan and Daivari

Hassan and Daivari come into the shot.

Matthews: Mr. Hassan, tonight you go one on one with Hardcore Holly, what are your thoughts going into your match?

Hassan: My thoughts? My thoughts? You want to know what my thoughts are? Let me tell you something Josh, I want to know something as well. I want to know why a man of my courage, my intelligence, and my talent and ability is being lowered to the depths of fighting some guy who used to be a race-car driver in the second match of the night? Except Josh, except I already know, I already know that the reason I'm being demeaned, why I'm not getting the big matches, it's because of my Arab-American background. My ancestors aren't pure white stereotypical middle-class Americans like you Josh, when I was at school I was picked for teams, despite having the skill to be a good player, not like you Josh, oh no. But I don't care. I don't care what hurdles I have to jump over in order to get the respect I deserve from these people in Anaheim. They're not used to someone like me, someone who stands up for their beliefs. I, Muhammed Hassan, am an Arab-American, just as I am undefeated on SmackDown!. And let me tell you, both of those facts are going to remain true.... until I die.

Daivari: (Farsi translation), Muhammed HASSAN!

Daivari and Hassan head off to the ring, Hassan's match is next!

Rating - 85%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #3

Muhammed Hassan (w/ Daivari) vs. Hardcore Holly

Unsurprisingly, Hassan dominates this match from the start, keeping Holly grounded with clotheslines, before applying a rear chinlock to keep him on the mat. Holly begins to make a comeback towards the end with a series of (naturally) stiff and hard clotheslines, and even one of his picture perfect dropkicks. Holly begins to signal for the Alabama Slammer, but at that moment Daivari climbs up on the ring apron and begins to distract the referee. Holly comes over and brings Daivari into the ring the hard way, with Daivari landing hard on his back. Daivari begs off and rolls out of the ring, at which point Holly turns around and walks right into Hassan's version of the STO, now known as the Detrot Drop! Hassan then drops on top of Holly's back, and applies the Camel Clutch. Holly waits a few moments, before tapping out. Hassan leaves the hold applied for a bit longer, as Daivari comes back in the ring and begins putting the stomps to Holly's back. Suddenly, Booker T runs out from backstage, and stops the beatdown from happening. Hassan and Daivari quickly scarper backstage, as Booker checks on Holly.

Winner: Muhammed Hassan

Crowd: 75%

Match: 69%

Overall: 72%

Stars: **1/2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We're backstage with the General Manager, who's office is now looking similar to how we remember it from 2001, the portrait of the Queen, the suit of armour, the Union Jack, and of course, the tea set. Regal sits down at his desk, and almost immediately there is a knock at the door.

Regal: Come in!

Someone walks in, but we don't see their face.

Regal: Ah good, I'm glad you're here.

?: So am I.

The camera pans around to show John Bradshaw Layfield standing just inside the doorway, with his Chief of Staff Orlando Jordan next to him.

JBL: Mr. Regal, I'd like to thank you for FINALLY making the correct decision. I understand that with the replacement of Teddy Long as General Manager, my true reward of being the SmackDown! champion will go unfulfilled, but I am glad that you have seen sense and made the correct call in making me, JBL, a wrestling.... God, the Number One Contender for the World Heavyweight title.

Regal: Well I'm glad you are happy Mr. Layfield...

JBL: Call me John!

Regal: OK, John, I'm glad you are pleased, and I wish you luck in your match at the Great American Bash. But I also wish you luck in your match tonight?

JBL: Tonight? I didn't ask for a match tonight!

Regal: Well I'm new to SmackDown!, so I've decided to give you a match tonight to show me what you can do.

JBL: But... I'm not ready!

Regal: Well I'd get ready, because you've got a tough challenge tonight... against Funaki.

JBL: Hahaha, Funaki? Really?

Regal: Yes, now go on, go and get ready.

JBL: Haha, I will. Hey, William? I think I'm gonna enjoy working for the new General Manager.

JBL and Jordan leave the General Manager's office, as Regal gives us one of his many facial expressions, before having a sip of tea.

Regal: What a nice chap.

Rating: 73%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #4

WWE Tag Team Title Match

MNM © vs. Heidenreich and Nunzio

Heidenreich, you may recall, was searching for a tag team partner to take on MNM who kept assaulting him. Nunzio is the first person he's found, so let's see how they get on! Or, you know, skip it and read the rest. It's a fairly short match, and the tag team champions, accompanied by the delicious Melina, spend most of their time wearing down Nunzio, and leaving Heidenreich frustrated on the apron. Heidenreich's frustration reaches fever pitch, and he charges into the ring illegally. The referee tries to restrain Heidenreich as he goes after MNM, and eventually he does. But the distraction allows Mercury and Nitro to hit the Snapshot on Nunzio, and Nitro gets the pin as Mercury goes over to take out Heidenreich. MNM head off to the back, as Heidenreich is so frustrated, he can't even do his march.

Winners: MNM

Crowd: 63%

Match: 67%

Overall: 65%

Stars: **

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We FLY backstage for another SENSATIONAL INTERVIEW SCOOP from Josh Matthews

Matthews: Ladies and gentlemen, the World Heavyweight Champion Batista!

The camera cuts back to show Batista with the gold over his shoulder, as the crowd go wild for the champ.

Matthews: Batista, it's been confirmed that you will be defending your World Heavyweight Title against JBL at the Great American Bash, how do you feel knowing that you will have to go up against someone who dominated SmackDown for nearly a year in your first SmackDown! title defence?

Batista: Well Josh, can I call ya Josh?

Matthews: Uh... sure?

Batista: Great. Well Josh, it's gonna be tough, like you say, I'm going against someone who was the WWE Champion for over six months, beat guys like Eddie Guerrero, The Undertaker, the best SmackDown! has to offer. But I've just beaten Triple H, one of the toughest S.O.Bs in wrestling today, three times in a row! So whatever JBL has, I'm sure I can...

JBL walks into the screen.

JBL: Sure you can what? Sure you can beat me? Sure you can take me out like you took out Triple H? Dream on Dave, dream on, because you're not getting into something that you're used to. You're used to having wrestling matches with HHH, you're used to the guys being smaller than you, well guess what champ? You're not bigger than me, and instead of fighting the Game... you'll be fighting a WRESTLING... GOD.

Batista: Is that so?

JBL: Oh that's so alright. Let me give you some advice, watch the next five minutes of the show, cos you're gonna see what's in store for you at the Great American Bash, and you're not gonna like it.

JBL walks off, as Batista looks back at Josh.

Batista: He seems a bit grouchy...

Batista then smirks, laughs, and walks away from Matthews.

Rating: 83%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #5

John Bradshaw Layfield (w/ Orlando Jordan, US Champion, and Mooing sound effect in music) vs. Funaki (w/ no mooing)

Funaki certainly doesn't look particularly pleased to be in the ring with an angry JBL, and he immediately feels the brunt of JBL's aggression, getting met with a hard clothesline, and then sent into the ropes and kicked in the face with JBL's big boot. Outside, the US Champion applauds everything that JBL does, instead of say, defending his title once every thirty days. Anyway, JBL spends as much time attacking Funaki as he does taunting him and heaping praise on himself. He sends Funaki into the corner, and tries to follow up, but Funaki moves, and JBL meets the turnbuckle! Funaki tries to hit the Tornado DDT, but JBL throws him across the ring, before charging at him to hit the Clothesline from Hell. The three count follows, naturally.

Winner: JBL

Crowd: 72%

Match: 70%

Overall: 71%

Stars: **1/2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JBL stands in the ring with Funaki, and the newly arrived Orlando Jordan. Jordan gets Funaki up to his feet, as JBL holds his arms out in Batista's thumbs up position, which soon turns to thumbs down. JBL puts Funaki between his legs, and delivers a sit-down powerbomb that is somewhat reminiscent of the Batista Bomb. JBL and Jordan continue to put the boots to Funaki, before some familiar music plays, and Batista runs out to come to the aid of Funaki. Clothesline to Jordan, clothesline to JBL, SpineBUSTAH~! to Jordan, JBL clears out of the ring, THUMBS UP OMG OMG THUMBSDOWNDAVEBOMBTIME~! Batista sets Jordan up... but all of a sudden he gets smashed in the back of the head by a steel chair. JBL's out of the ring still, and even he looks shocked. The camera pans around to the man holding the chair.

It's Christian.

End show.

Rating: 82%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Overall Show: 73%

Attendance: 7,550

TV Rating: 5.79

Gate Receipts: $302,000

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Best Match ~ London/Scotty vs. Juvi/Crazy

Worst Match ~ MNM vs. Heidenreich & Nunzio

Best Segment ~ Hassan interview

Worst Segment ~ JBL vs. Funaki announced

Show MVP ~ Muhammad Hassan

Show Idiot ~ Heidenreich

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Feedback appreciated.

Edited September 19, 2005 by Chris2K

[Guest Crossface]

Your dates are a bit messed up.

The draft was ended in the show after Vengence.so,the next PPV for smackdown should be GAB.

But anyway,it was a really good show,with the highlight of the Hassan interview-wich was great.

[Chris2K]

Thanks for that. Sorry about the Vengeance stuff, I was pretty tired when I wrote it. All the Vengeances have been changed to Great American Bash.

I'm glad you liked the Hassan segment. One of the major reasons for me choosing this time to start a diary is not only because the last EWR stats update was at that time, but because I never had a chance to do anything with Hassan in a diary, and I always liked him.

As for the dates, the draft lottery finished on 30th June, the SmackDown after Vengeance. I'm now fictiously starting Friday Night SmackDown on the day after that purely because it worked better for me. Yes, that's a bad excuse, shush.

[Chris2K]

PREVIEW

The Rabid Wolverine!

Former World Heavyweight Champion Chris Benoit will be on Velocity this week, as he bids to make an impact on the SmackDown brand since his move from RAW during the draft lottery! But it won't be easy going for the Wolverine, as he goes one on one with Orlando Jordan, the United States champion, in a non-title contest!

Also, a new WWE superstar by the name of Ken Kennedy will debut, and Stevie Richards goes toe to toe with Psychosis of the Mexicools!

Catch all this and maybe even a little bit more, on Velocity this week!

Edited September 28, 2005 by -Chris-

[Chris2K]

2nd July 2005

Anaheim, California

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #1

Stevie Richards vs. Psychosis (w/ Juventud & Super Crazy)

Stevie puts up a good fight despite being on the receiving end of a number of handicaps, most notably the two other Mexicools hanging around ringside, causing problems with the referee and generally distracting Richards from the job at hand. Psychosis does eventually pick up the win however, when Juventud nails Richards between the eyes with a crowbar. After the match, the three Mexicools issue a beat down to Richards, and leave him lying in the centre of the ring.

Winner: Psychosis

Crowd: 64%

Match: 67%

Overall: 58%

Stars: **

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We get our first recap of the night, this one being of the Main Event of SmackDown.

SmackDown! - 1st July 2005

We FLY backstage for another SENSATIONAL INTERVIEW SCOOP from Josh Matthews

Matthews: Ladies and gentlemen, the World Heavyweight Champion Batista!

The camera cuts back to show Batista with the gold over his shoulder, as the crowd go wild for the champ.

Matthews: Batista, it's been confirmed that you will be defending your World Heavyweight Title against JBL at the Great American Bash, how do you feel knowing that you will have to go up against someone who dominated SmackDown for nearly a year in your first SmackDown! title defence?

Batista: Well Josh, can I call ya Josh?

Matthews: Uh... sure?

Batista: Great. Well Josh, it's gonna be tough, like you say, I'm going against someone who was the WWE Champion for over six months, beat guys like Eddie Guerrero, The Undertaker, the best SmackDown! has to offer. But I've just beaten Triple H, one of the toughest S.O.Bs in wrestling today, three times in a row! So whatever JBL has, I'm sure I can...

JBL walks into the screen.

JBL: Sure you can what? Sure you can beat me? Sure you can take me out like you took out Triple H? Dream on Dave, dream on, because you're not getting into something that you're used to. You're used to having wrestling matches with HHH, you're used to the guys being smaller than you, well guess what champ? You're not bigger than me, and instead of fighting the Game... you'll be fighting a WRESTLING... GOD.

Batista: Is that so?

JBL: Oh that's so alright. Let me give you some advice, watch the next five minutes of the show, cos you're gonna see what's in store for you at the Great American Bash, and you're not gonna like it.

JBL walks off, as Batista looks back at Josh.

Batista: He seems a bit grouchy...

Batista then smirks, laughs, and walks away from Matthews.

Later that night...

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Funaki

Funaki certainly doesn't look particularly pleased to be in the ring with an angry JBL, and he immediately feels the brunt of JBL's aggression, getting met with a hard clothesline, and then sent into the ropes and kicked in the face with JBL's big boot. Outside, the US Champion applauds everything that JBL does, instead of say, defending his title once every thirty days. Anyway, JBL spends as much time attacking Funaki as he does taunting him and heaping praise on himself. He sends Funaki into the corner, and tries to follow up, but Funaki moves, and JBL meets the turnbuckle! Funaki tries to hit the Tornado DDT, but JBL throws him across the ring, before charging at him to hit the Clothesline from Hell. The three count follows, naturally.

JBL stands in the ring with Funaki, and the newly arrived Orlando Jordan. Jordan gets Funaki up to his feet, as JBL holds his arms out in Batista's thumbs up position, which soon turns to thumbs down. JBL puts Funaki between his legs, and delivers a sit-down powerbomb that is somewhat reminiscent of the Batista Bomb. JBL and Jordan continue to put the boots to Funaki, before some familiar music plays, and Batista runs out to come to the aid of Funaki. Clothesline to Jordan, clothesline to JBL, SpineBUSTAH~! to Jordan, JBL clears out of the ring, THUMBS UP OMG OMG THUMBSDOWNDAVEBOMBTIME~! Batista sets Jordan up... but all of a sudden he gets smashed in the back of the head by a steel chair. JBL's out of the ring still, and even he looks shocked. The camera pans around to the man holding the chair.

It's Christian.

Rating - 90%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #2

Ken Kennedy vs. Kid Romeo

As he makes his way down to the ring, Kennedy decides to interrupt Tony Chimel's introduction, and give one of his own.

Kennedy: Hold it! Hold it right there! This is my time to speak! Shut up! You suck! Seriously, give it up Chimel, let me do things, ok? Allow me to introduce myself. My name is MISTERRRR KEEEENNEDY. But you can call me.... MISTERRRR KEEEENNEDY. Ok? Got it? Good. And now, it is my pleasure to say: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for (raises one finger) ONE FALL, with a fifteen minute tiiiiime liiiiimit! I weigh in tonight at a fantastic... two hundred and fourty two pounds.... I hail, from Greeeen Baaay, Wiiisconsiiiin..... MISTERRRRRR KEEENNEDY.

Kennedy climbs up on to the ropes to salute the fans, before bringing the microphone back to his lips.

Kennedy: KENNEDY.

Kennedy climbs back down, and finally the match can begin.

Rating - 63% - Kennedy gained overness

The match itself is a fairly brief one, but yet quite good, mainly due to the standard of talent found in the opposition for Kennedy in Kid Romeo. However, Kennedy dominates the most of the match, and Romeo is reduced to selling well for his offense. Romeo finally manages to take control, but ends up getting crotched on the top rope by Kennedy as he goes for a high risk move. Kennedy then joins him on the middle rope, puts him in a fireman's carry, and leaps forward to hit the Green Bay Plunge for the victory. Post match, Kennedy grabs a microphone again.

Kennedy: And the winner of this match... with a perfect record of 1 win and 0 losses... MISTEERRRRR KEEEEENNEDYYYY.

Kennedy taps the mic four times...

Kennedy: KENNEDY.

Winner: Ken Kennedy

Crowd: 50%

Match: 72%

Overall: 54%

Stars: **1/2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Recap #2 - Muhammed Hassan

We follow what Muhammed Hassan said, and did, this week on SmackDown!

SmackDown! - 1st July 2005

Backstage, Josh Matthews is standing. Just... standing. With a microphone.

Matthews: At this time, I'm joined by Muhammed Hassan and Daivari

Hassan and Daivari come into the shot.

Matthews: Mr. Hassan, tonight you go one on one with Hardcore Holly, what are your thoughts going into your match?

Hassan: My thoughts? My thoughts? You want to know what my thoughts are? Let me tell you something Josh, I want to know something as well. I want to know why a man of my courage, my intelligence, and my talent and ability is being lowered to the depths of fighting some guy who used to be a race-car driver in the second match of the night? Except Josh, except I already know, I already know that the reason I'm being demeaned, why I'm not getting the big matches, it's because of my Arab-American background. My ancestors aren't pure white stereotypical middle-class Americans like you Josh, when I was at school I was picked for teams, despite having the skill to be a good player, not like you Josh, oh no. But I don't care. I don't care what hurdles I have to jump over in order to get the respect I deserve from these people in Anaheim. They're not used to someone like me, someone who stands up for their beliefs. I, Muhammed Hassan, am an Arab-American, just as I am undefeated on SmackDown!. And let me tell you, both of those facts are going to remain true.... until I die.

Daivari: (Farsi translation), Muhammed HASSAN!

Daivari and Hassan head off to the ring, Hassan's match is next!

Later that night...

Muhammed Hassan (w/ Daivari) vs. Hardcore Holly

Unsurprisingly, Hassan dominates this match from the start, keeping Holly grounded with clotheslines, before applying a rear chinlock to keep him on the mat. Holly begins to make a comeback towards the end with a series of (naturally) stiff and hard clotheslines, and even one of his picture perfect dropkicks. Holly begins to signal for the Alabama Slammer, but at that moment Daivari climbs up on the ring apron and begins to distract the referee. Holly comes over and brings Daivari into the ring the hard way, with Daivari landing hard on his back. Daivari begs off and rolls out of the ring, at which point Holly turns around and walks right into Hassan's version of the STO, now known as the Detrot Drop! Hassan then drops on top of Holly's back, and applies the Camel Clutch. Holly waits a few moments, before tapping out. Hassan leaves the hold applied for a bit longer, as Daivari comes back in the ring and begins putting the stomps to Holly's back. Suddenly, Booker T runs out from backstage, and stops the beatdown from happening. Hassan and Daivari quickly scarper backstage, as Booker checks on Holly.

Rating - 79%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #3

Non-Title Match

Orlando Jordan (US Champion) vs. Chris Benoit

The Rabid Wolverine looks pretty fired up, probably through the anger of being booked on Velocity. He batters Jordan early on with hard chops and right hands, before beginning with the suplexes, a Back Suplex followed by a German Suplex. Jordan tries to take a break, but the tenacious Benoit follows him outside and drops him on the guard rail. However, Jordan gets back by sending Benoit shoulder first into the ring post. Back in, and Jordan locks in an overhand wristlock to work on the shoulder, but Benoit manages to power out with a Northern Lights Suplex for two. Jordan goes for a big right hand, but Benoit ducks and turns it into a German Suplex, then a second, then a released third. The throat is cut, and Benoit goes to the top rope looking for the diving headbutt, which fails to connect. Jordan uses the time to get back to his feet, and charges at Benoit with a clothesline, then a second clothesline, then a third clothesline... which is reversed into the Crippler Crossface! Jordan holds on for around twenty three seconds, but then taps out! Benoit wins!

Winner: Chris Benoit

Crowd: 78%

Match: 76%

Overall: 68%

Stars: ***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Overall Show: 58%

Attendance 7,007:

TV Rating: 5.03

Gate Receipts: $280,280

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Best Match: Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan

Worst Match: Stevie Richards vs. Psychosis

Best Other: Batista/JBL/Christian recap

Worst Other: Ken Kennedy Interview

Show MVP: Chris Benoit

Show Loser: Stevie Richards

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WWE NEWS AND UPDATES

It is reported WWE Legend "Rowdy" Roddy Piper has been forced to check into rehab as a result of alcohol addiction. The scotsman had been working the house show circuit in a "special guest" role, and it is unknown when he will return.

It is expected that Kid Romeo, who wrestled debutant Ken Kennedy on Velocity, will be given a full contract after road agents and management were impressed with his performance. Romeo is a good friend of Juventud from their WCW days.

Rey Mysterio was at home this week resting up a few minor injuries.

Randy Orton is likely to be ring ready in about two weeks time, after a successful recovery from his shoulder surgery. He is expected to feud with The Undertaker.

Our poll of the day:

Are you excited in JBL main-eventing another WWE Pay-Per-View?

Yes, I think he does a solid job against anyone.

Yes, but only because he is facing Batista.

No, his time in the main event should be done.

No, especially not against someone like Batista.

I don't care.

Source: EWRevenge.com

[Chris2K]

PREVIEW

Chavo... huh?

We have just received this picture at WWE.com, with the caption reading "Kerwin White". It looks to us as if it's Chavo Guerrero, who was scheduled to take on Tajiri on Heat this week, so tune in and find out what's going on!

Also making their RAW debut following the draft lottery trade is Rene Dupree, who will also be in action, and it's a battle of two mega heavyweights when Viscera goes up against Snitsky!

Catch all this and more on this week's Sunday Night Heat!

[Chris2K]

3rd July 2005

Anaheim California

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #1

Val Venis vs. Tyson Tomko

Tomko, now without Christian due to the draft lottery, seems to be a little lost without any problems to solve. He goes into this match against Venis with a size and power advantage, but it is Tomko that gets Spinebustered to the mat by Val, who then climbs the turnbuckles and nails the Money Shot to win the match!

Winner: Val Venis

Crowd: 62%

Match: 68%

Overall: 65%

Stars: **1/2

Val Venis gained overness from this match. Val Venis is losing overness because of his weak gimmick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We are shown special footage of Chris Jericho giving an exclusive interview not seen on RAW.

Jericho: John Cena. When you became WWE Champion at WrestleMania 21, you became the great hope for the future of the WWE. Well let me tell ya something John, Vengeance 2001, I became the Undisputed Champion. I defeated the two greatest wrestlers the WWE had to offer in The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin in one night to win the titles, and guess what? O was pinned as being the great hope for the future of the WWE. I guess that didn't work John, because the fans and the world have accepted you ahead of me. But that's gonna change Cena, that's gonna change, and I'll tell you why. That piece of bling crap you wear over your shoulder will soon be around my waist, and when it is, the whole world, all the fans, and all the wrestlers backstage will recognise me, Chris Jericho, as being the face and future of this company, and this industry as a whole. So John, you'd better start recording some material for your second album, because when I win the WWE Title, you're gonna need something to fall back on. Face it John, your time.... is done.

Rating - 98%

Chris Jericho gained overness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #2

Rene Dupree vs. Kid Romeo

The "French Phenom" Rene Dupree looks as extravagant as always, and does a good job in keeping the quicker and more technically proficient Kid Romeo out of the match. Dupree gets the win with an Inverse Death Valley Driver, known as the "L'Extrémité", which means "The End" in French.

Winner: Rene Dupree

Crowd: 61%

Match: 62%

Overall: 61%

Stars: **

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maria is backstage with Viscera

Maria: Viscera, you are about to go one on one with Snitsky, and I have to ask, do you like Love Hearts?

Viscera: Maria, I looooove Love Hearts. Do you like Love Hearts?

Maria: Yeeeah, I got one from a boy once that said "Be Mine", but I ate it before I read it so I didn't know, and he said, "did you read it" and and I said...

Suddenly, Snitsky enters the fray and interrupts the entertaining anecdote.

Snitsky: *heavy breathing* Viscera! You may like Love Hearts, but after this match with ME, you're gonna need your Love Hearts in liquid form if you wanna eat them... and it WILL be MY FAULT! *heavy breathing*

Snitsky storms off.

Maria: ... so then he asked me again and I said, "no! that's gross! I'm not doin' that!", and he said "come on, it's fun", and I said "oh okay then!" and so we went to his house and...

Viscera has also walked off.

Maria: Huh?

Rating - 48%

Viscera lost overness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #3

Snitsky vs. Viscera

Anyone expecting a ***** classic from these two will be majorly disappointed, and also the next inductees to their local mental asylum. There's more punching and kicking than in a Jackie Chan movie, but towards the end Viscera starts busting out the move set, hitting his rolling Viscera Kick, and then a Samoan Drop. This sets up the always popular "Visagra", and Snitsky is indeed dry humped by the 500 pound love machine. Snitsky then decides enough is enough, and takes a walk up the ramp to end the fun by count-out. Maybe a re-match is on the cards?

Winner: Viscera by count-out

Crowd: 62%

Match: 53%

Overall: 59%

Stars: *

Snitsky lost overness from this match. Viscera gained overness from this match. Viscera is losing overness because of his weak gimmick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Backstage, Cha... Kerwin White is ready to address the fans in regards to his name change.

Kerwin: My name, is Kerwin White. No longer will I be forced into being what my heritage and my family demand me to be. So that is why I have disowned my family, and disowned my heritage. I am no longer from El Paso, Texas, but I now reside and intend to for some time in Palm Springs, California, a place much nicer than Texas, and a place where I can finally be with people who share the same beliefs of how to live as me. So instead of "Chavo Guerrero", a name given to me by my family, not a name that I chose. So now, I've chosen the name Kerwin White, a name that represents my upgrade in class, my upgrade in lifestyle, my upgrade in company, and my upgrade in life in general. I am proud to be a member of middle class America, and as a middle class American, I object to foreigners coming into the country, and taking jobs that American citizens are ignored for. So tonight, I'm gonna take out Tajiri as a symbol, and a representation of what I now stand for, and I'll do it... for my new heritage!

Rating: 81%

Kerwin White debuted his new gimmick, it got a positive response.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #4

Tajiri vs. Kerwin White

To further emphasise his middle class American status, Kerwin comes down to the ring in a golf cart, with clubs, and to the music of Dean Martin. Although he's changed his name, Kerwin White hasn't lost any of his ability, and Tajiri and Chavo put on one hell of a Heat Main Event. Both men bring their unique cruiserweight style, Tajiri concentrating on his kicks, whilst Kerwin heralds back to what he was taught by his now disowned father Chavo and his uncle Eddie, the mat and chain wrestling. The end comes when Tajiri locks in the Tarantula in the corner, and breaks it after a four count, with five being a DQ. However, Kerwin manages to grab hold of a golf club he brought, believed to be a four iron, and when Tajiri comes back over, he gets nailed in the head with the golf club! Kerwin climbs on top of Tajiri, and gets the pinfall victory.

Winner: Kerwin White

Crowd: 72%

Match: 99%

Overall: 85%

Stars: ****1/2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Overall Show: 59%

Attendance: 7,037

TV Rating: 5.12

Takings: $281,480

Best Match - Tajiri vs. Kerwin White

Viscera vs. Snitsky

Best Other - Chris Jericho interview

Worst Other - Viscera/Snitsky segment

Show MVP - Kerwin White

Show Loser - Snitsky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Chris2K]

PREVIEW

Whatcha gonna do?

He is the immortal one, the father of Hulkamania, and the most popular sports entertainer ever to grace the WWE. Hulk Hogan returns to RAW this week, and although we are yet to discover the motive for Hogan's appearance, it's bound to be exciting television!

Hogan is a former WWE Champion, but it's the current WWE Champion who is under pressure. A marked man as Eric Bischoff tries to take the WWE Title away from him, John Cena is being hunted down by Chris Jericho, as Y2J has made it his business to do what the General Manager wants, and defeat Cena for the title.

But more importantly than all of that, this Independence Day show marks the first cut of the 2005 RAW Diva Search~! Alexis, Ashley, Cameron, Elisabeth, Krystal, Leila, Simona and Summer are on the edge of their seat waiting to find out which one will be cast out! And even then, they have to participate in Sgt. Slaughter's Bikini Boot Camp challenge!

All this, more, and even more will be seen on this week's RAW!

Edited September 29, 2005 by -Chris-

[Chris2K]

4th July 2005

Sacramento, California

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of spitting, combined with the deckchairs, palm trees and apples in the ring, can only herald one man, as the WWE Intercontinental Champion Carlito walks out to the ring, in his usual "cool" attire.

Carlito: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Carlito's Cabana! Now today is obviously a very special day in American history! The fourth of July! Independence Day! A celebration of all American things! And you know what? Independence Day... that's cool! So Carlito decided to celebrate America by having a guest on the Cabana who personifies the American ideal that no matter what handicaps hold you back, you can still achieve anything you want to! Ladies and gentlemen, making his return to RAW, I give you... EUGENE!

Eugene indeed makes his way down to the ring for the first time since WrestleMania 21, and the first RAW since January after he suffered a knee injury at New Year's Revolution. Eugene waves to all the fans who appear to be happy to see him, before he joins Carlito in the ring.

Carlito: Eugene, it's... it's great to...

Eugene: Um... Happy Independence Day everyone!

Eugene grins broadly and claps.

Carlito: Yeah, yeah, wonderful. So Eugene, how does it fee...

Eugene: I like your hair!

Carlito: Tha... Thank you Eugene, that's very ni...

Eugene: You look like Sideshow Bob!

Carlito's demeanour changes...

Carlito: Sideshow Bob? Sideshow Bob?! Look, I've been patient enough with you, you, you... idiot!

Eugene: Idiot?

Carlito: Yeah, you, a stupid idiot! You think you're clever coming out here and interrupting Carlito? Huh? You think that it's cool to interrupt Carlito? Look at you! You've got your jacket on backwards, your hair looks like you haven't washed it in years, you've got a beard, you look like some kind of tramp! You think you're cool?

Eugene: Um... my mom says I'm cool!

Carlito: Does she? Does she? Well guess what. You're not cool.

Eugene: I'm not?!

Carlito: No, you're not, but, get this, THIS.... this is cool.

Carlito cheap shots Eugene with a left hand, and stomps away at Eugene whilst he's on the floor. Carlito brings Eugene to his feet, and delivers a DDT to the "special" nephew of Eric Bischoff. To complete the beat down, what else but a big bite of apple, and a spit in the face of the fallen Eugene.

Carlito: Call that your first lesson of being cool Eugene. It's probably the first thing you've ever passed in your life!

Carlito leaves the ring as Eugene appears to be crying.

Rating - 78%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #1

Rob Conway vs. The Hurricane (WWE Tag Team Champion)

Just look at him. At who? Why, Rob Conway of course, the con-man as he is now known. With sunglasses, see through short tights and a physique to die for, who wouldn't want to look at him? His opponent, the Hurricane, wears none of the above, but still takes the match to Conway in the early going, even hitting a crossbody off the top rope for a near two count. However, from then onwards, Conway takes control with a series of deliberate and powerful offense, keeping the high-flying superhero grounded. Hurricane eventually gets a second wind when he reverses an attempted spinning neckbreaker from Conway, and takes Conway down with a reverse DDT to set up the Shining Wizard. Conway however ducks the kick, kicks Hurricane in the gut, and delivers a Spinning Powerbomb to Hurricane, before bridging through to get the pinfall. Conway considers assaulting Hurricane after the match, but is put off when Rosey comes out to check on his partner.

Winner: Rob Conway

Crowd: 65%

Match: 69%

Overall: 67%

Stars: **1/2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edge and Lita are walking backstage, when we suddenly here a sound of crashing behind them. Both Edge and Lita stop and look around to see what it was, but as the camera shows, there is nothing there to suggest what has caused the noise. Lita looks at Edge, who just shrugs and walks off, with Lita walking after him. The camera pans a bit further to the side, and we see a shadowy figure emerge from behind some crates where Edge and Lita were moments ago, then run off without being identified.

Rating - 87%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #2

Edge (w/ Lita and Money In The Bank briefcase) vs. Shelton Benjamin

Edge doesn't seem particularly stressed about what happened backstage, and instead focusses on his opponent, the always courageous Shelton Benjamin. They put on a very good match indeed for what is a relatively short one, with Edge dominating for the most part, but Shelton coming back at various points with his usual brand of unique and athletic offense. A springboard clothesline from the ring to the floor is the high point, as Shelton puts it all on the line to get what would be a big victory. Back inside, Shelton is caught in mid-air attempting a springboard Bulldog, and Edge hits a back suplex to take down the All-American. Edge then goes for a submission hold, his modified version of the Figure-Four Leglock, which keeps Shelton grounded for some time. Shelton crawls towards the ropes, and eventually gets there, forcing Edge to break the hold. Edge waits for Shelton to get back up, and goes for the Spear, but Shelton dives out of the way, sending Edge into the turnbuckle. Edge drags himself back to his feet, and moves just in time to avoid a Stinger Splash from Shelton, who jumps up on to the top turnbuckle, and then heads back down on the apron. Shelton goes for the springboard again, but this time he is met in mid-air by an Edge Spear! Edge makes the cover, and gets the win in a good TV match.

Winner: Edge

Crowd: 83%

Match: 86%

Overall: 84%

Stars: ***1/4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The lights are red and yellow, and Real American plays as Hulk Hogan makes his way out to the ring in full Hulkamania attire, to the sheer delight of the Sacramento crowd, who are all on their feet cheering the Hulkster. Hogan climbs into the ring gingerly, and does all of his trademark poses to the crowd, before getting a microphone and waiting for the chanting to die down. This takes some time, and two minutes is spent whilst Hogan just stands there, with the crowd cheering. Eventually he begins to speak.

Hogan: Thank you, thank you a lot, I'm honoured, truly honoured to get a reception like that!

The crowd start cheering again, and again Hogan pauses to absorb the cheers of the crowd.

Hogan: Well I am out here for a reason, not just to stand around and listen to you guys, as much as I'd like to, you see, I'm here to do a little... a little promotion for a new Reality TV series that's about to start on VH1. I'm a big fan of it... it's called Hogan Knows Best, and it... it basically tells you guys the story of the Hogan family, from myself, to my lovely wife Linda, to my daughter Brooke, you might know her, she's a great singer, and my son, Nick, who's right down there...

The camera cuts to see Nick Hogan standing at ringside, pointing to his dad.

Hogan: We're all there, and you get to see what kind of craziness goes down outside the ring...

Hogan is cut off by the familiar music of Kurt Angle, who walks out to a loud number of boos from the crowd who were obviously far more interested in hearing Hogan's propaganda than Kurt Angle saying something sensible. Angle gets another microphone, and gets into the ring next to Hogan.

Angle: Hulk Hogan. The Immortal One. Wow, how great it is to see you in a WWE ring again. No, really it is, because it brings back so many great memories for me. You see, the last time just you and I were in a ring together was three whole years ago. Can you believe that? Three years. And as far as I can remember, you were tapping like a baby to the Ankle Lock! You remember that Hulk? You remember? Or has your memory faded so much that you can't?

Hogan: Oh I remember brother, I remember, I remember that on that day, you were the better man! But I also remember that before that match, you promised to end Hulkamania once and for all! But as far as I can see, I can see Hulkamania spreading again, with each and every one of the Hulkamaniacs here tonight!

Angle: Oh yeah? That's what you see? Well all I see is an old broken-down has-been clinging on to something that may have been great twenty years ago, but now? Now, just like Sacramento, Hulkamania stinks! People have moved on Hogan! People have moved on, now people want to see an Olympic Gold Medalist get the spotlight, not you!

Before Hogan can make a rebuttal, RAW General Manager Eric Bischoff comes out to the top of the stage.

Bischoff: Enough! Enough of this bickering, I'm fed up of it! You two wanna act like children and try one-upping each other all the time? Well do it in your own time! This is RAW, not a damn playground.

Angle: Mr. Bischoff, you're right, I apologise.

Bischoff: Well thank you Kurt, I appreciate that. But if you two want to do something practical tonight, then you can compete in tonight's main event! It's gonna be a tag team match, you, Kurt Angle, and a partner of your choice, against you Hulk Hogan and a partner of your choice!

Hogan and Angle stare each other down, as the segment fades out.

Rating - 87%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's DIVA SEARCH TIME~! And here's The Coach to do the announcing duties.

Coach: It's now time for the RAW Diva Search, and let's introduce the divas!

Alexis!

Ashley!

Cameron!

Elisabeth!

Kristal!

Leyla!

Simona!

and Summer!

Coach: But first things first, one of you must be cut. And the first diva eliminated from the 2005 Diva Search is...

(dramatic pause)

Simona.

Coach: Say goodbye Simona, you are cut!

Simona walks off, as "Be Yourself" by Audioslave plays.

And now it's time for Sgt. Slaughter's Bikini Boot Camp! Ahead of you is an assault course, and the fastest person to clear the course will win, and will be granted immunity from elimination next week!

I'll spare you the details of what happens, but will inform you that Elisabeth won the Sgt. Slaughter Bikini Boot Camp, and will not face elimination this week. Please vote for who you want to be cut from the Diva Search below:

DIVA SEARCH VOTING

Rating - 50%

Elisabeth gained overness from this segment (True story!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some unfamiliar music hits the PA system of the arena, and someone who looks like Mike Mondo from OVW. And he gets a microphone from Lillian Garcia, so we're about to find out.

Mondo?: My name is Ed Sommers, and I am a wrestling fan, like all of you guys are. I like all the legends that have been in this industry, anyone you can name, I'm a fan of them for some reason, be it their charisma, like Rowdy Roddy Piper, their guts, like Mick Foley, their wrestling ability, like Bret Hart, or their iconic status, like Hulk Hogan! I'm a big fan of all those guys, and when I was young, I decided I wanted to be a wrestler so I could go up against them. Then when I became a wrestler, I realised I wasn't going to go up against them. I was going to beat the crap out of each, and every one of them, and defeat all of them!

The crowd begin to boo him.

Sommers: So here I am, in the middle of a WWE ring at last, and I'm ready to prove to each and every one of you that I am not only as good as I claim to be, but that I can beat any legendary wrestler that's put in front of me! So come on, any legend in the back that wants to take me on, go ahead! Come on out! Step out on to the plate!

The sound of generic rock music hits, and One Man Gang walks out to the rampway with the crowd, those that know of him, cheering him as he makes his way into the ring.

Sommers: Well, well, well, One Man Gang! You look in great shape buddy! I mean, you're a former WCW United States champion! And... well you were in a team with Big Boss Man for a bit, but hey! You were in that wrestling legends game, so you must count!

OMG: Hey! You said you wanted a challenge, and you got one! So shut up, and get ready to wrestle!

Rating - 60%

Ed Sommers gained overness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #4

Ed Sommers vs. One Man Gang

OMG's little wrestling ability has certainly not improved with the weight he's lost, in fact he's not got much left at all. Sommers seems a fairly proficient wrestler, but OMG ain't selling an inch for him, either due to not being able to, or not wanting to. In a rather dire match, Sommers manages to hit an undetected low blow on OMG, and rolls him up to get the victory.

Winner: Ed Sommers

Crowd: 39%

Match: 40%

Overall: 39%

Stars: DUD

Ed Sommers gained overness from this match.

One Man Gang didn't really sell very much, which hurt the match rating.

This match suffered because the crowd were still pumped up from the last one, and so this bout was seen as something of a let-down to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We head backstage to... Mean Gene Okerlund?

Gene: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm joined by the Immortal One, Hulk Hogan!

Hogan comes into shot, sending the crowd wild again.

Gene: Hulk Hogan, tonight, you and a partner of your choice go against Kurt Angle and a partner of his choice. My question to you is, Hulk, do you have a partner?

Hogan: Well let me tell ya something Mean Gene! I went backstage when Eric Bischoff told me to get a partner brother, and who should I run in to but the biggest Hulkamaniac there is in the WWE! He offered to be my partner tonight, and I said, brother: you're on! Allow me to introduce my partner for tonight, the WWE Champion, John Cena!

The crowd pop like mad as Cena appears next to Hogan.

Cena: You damn right I'm a Hulkamaniac! And it's my pleasure, my priveledge and my honour to prove it by teaming up with the Hulkster tonight!

Hogan: So whatcha gonna do Angle, whatcha gonna do brother, when the Immortal One, Hulk Hogan, the WWE Champion, John Cena, and all the Hulkamaniacs all around the world run wiiiiiiiiiild on you!

Hogan and Cena walk out of view, probably on their way to the ring, as the Main Event... is next!

Rating: 91%

John Cena gained overness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #5

MAIN EVENT

John Cena and Hulk Hogan vs. Kurt Angle and ??

Angle is the first one to come out, and he has a mic with him.

Angle: Now I'm gonna be honest, it was tough finding someone who wanted to take on Hulk Hogan, even if they were teaming up with an Olympic Gold Medalist like myself to do it! But when Hogan announced that his partner was John Cena, one man stood up for himself and took the opportunity...

The Y2J Countdown hits, and Chris Jericho makes his way out to the ramp to join Angle, and the two of them walk down to the ring. Next out is Cena, who gets a pretty large pop. But as soon as 'Real American' hits, the roof blows off the arena, and doesn't die down whilst Hogan walks to the ring.

Cena starts off with Jericho, and the two men fighting it out over the WWE Title trade a series of hard right hands, before Cena gets the advantage, throws Jericho into the ropes, and knocks him down with a shoulderblock. Cena comes off the ropes again, and this time Jericho knocks him down. Jericho waits for Cena to charge at him, and throws him over with a back body drop, before doing his patented ARROGANT COVER~! for a zero count. Jericho tags in Angle who hits a series of stinging crossface blows to the bridge of Cena's nose, before hitting a suplex on the WWE champion. Angle brings Cena into his corner, and Jericho tags himself in whilst Angle holds Cena, and Jericho pounds away with right hands to the face and chest. Jericho drags Cena out of the corner and hits a facecrusher, but his attempt to hit a Lionsault misses, but luckily he manages to land on his feet. Jericho ducks a Cena clothesline and hits a neckbreaker for two.

Angle tags back in and launches into a series of uppercuts on Cena, before hitting a belly-to-belly suplex. Angle then ducks a swinging right hand from Cena, locks in a waistlock, and nails a German Suplex. Angle takes down the straps, and gets ready for Cena to get back to his feet. When he does, Angle goes to try and hit the Angle Slam, but Cena floats over, and manages to deliver the Protobomb to Angle! Cena starts crawling over to his corner to try and tag in Hogan, but Jericho re-enters the ring, and drags Cena back to the middle! Cena gets up to his feet, and spying a charging Jericho, deposits him on the mat with a Spinebuster! Cena manages to get over to his corner, and tags in Hogan to a huge pop!

Hogan comes in and immediately hits a clothesline to Jericho, then one to Angle, another one to Jericho, another to Angle, and then a double noggin knocker on them both! But the numbers game gets to him as Angle and Jericho double team him with punches, even hitting a double suplex on Hogan. Jericho becomes the legal man as he tries to take Hogan on, but as he tries to hit Hogan's head into the turnbuckle, Hogan starts Hulking Up! Hogan points at Jericho, and blocks a right hand, hits one, blocks another, hits another, sends Jericho into the ropes and nails a big boot! Angle comes in illegally, and he gets a big boot too! Cena then comes in, and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Angle! Angle rolls out of the ring as Jericho gets back to his feet, but he walks straight into an FU from Cena! Hogan then comes off the ropes, and delivers a legdrop to get the one, two, three!

Hogan and Cena begin their posing as RAW goes off the air!

Winners: Hulk Hogan and John Cena

Crowd: 96%

Match: 76%

Overall: 88%

Stars: ***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Overall Show: 74%

TV Rating: 5.73

Attendance: 7,022

Takings: $280,880

Best Match: John Cena & Hulk Hogan vs. Kurt Angle & Chris Jericho

Worst Match: Ed Sommers vs. One Man Gang

Best Other: Hogan/Cena interview

Worst Other: DIVA SEARCH~!

Show MVP: Hulk Hogan

Show Loser: Simona

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Farmer Reil]

Randy Orton two fucking sucks, and you suck too for managing a Dud as WWE

There, you wanted feedback, you got it. DOWN WITH RANDY ORTON 2!

And why did Hogan need two promos?

And why kick Simona out when Alexis is there? She looks like she's been kicked before. In the face. With steel toe caps. So she should be used to it.

[Chris2K]

Thank you for the feedback Reily .

.....

WEEKLY WWE BACKSTAGE NEWS (Elite Only)

Most of this week's big news revolves around the WWE making a significant amount of cuts to their developmental talent. First to be cut was Brian Carlucci. You may remember Brian as the Tough Enough 4 contestant who became injured, and was offered a contract as a reward for his guts. Well that contract ain't around now. Danny Inferno was next to go, a former ECWA champion from New Jersey. Shad Gaspard, better known as Da Beast is also gone, in the same week his friend Mike Mondo got a call up to the main roster as Ed Sommers. The Riggs brothers, Jason and Johnny, are cut, as well as Mac Johnson.

The only cut to be made to the active roster was Diva Search loser Candice Michelle. I'm sure her departure will send shockwaves through the industry. It is not known whether TNA are interested in her, but it's only a matter of time.

Former WWE talent Akio has joined Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, and WWE target Bryan Danielson has re-joined Ring of Honor instead of working for 3PW. 3PW have signed Sonny Siaki in his place.

It's not all bad news at OVW this week though, as two more members of the roster have been promoted to the active roster, CM Punk and Frankie Kazarian. The bets are in for how long it will take the WWE to ruin these two fine wrestlers. OVW also has two new stars in JR Ryder and Tom Howard, who have been sent down to be evaluated by the WWE.

[Sir Alan LCSugar]

Some really quality stuff in there. I like that you have used Ken Kennedy as he is one of my favourites and you got his entrance down. I hope you push Kerwin to the moon too, because if it aint White it aint Right. This is looking good so far my man.

YES Carlito taught that idiot a lesson too, Carlito rules. Great start mate.

[Chris2K]

PREVIEW

WHY CHRISTIAN, WHY?

Since last week on SmackDown! everyone has wanted to know; why did Christian hit Batista with a chair? Well this week we hope to find out, we know Christian will be in the house, but so will The Animal Batista, and Christian had better watch his back!

The new General Manager of SmackDown!, William Regal, has announced that this week's SmackDown! will feature every title on the line! Paul London vs. Juventud for the Cruiserweight Title and Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit for the US Title has already been announced, with MNM also expected to take on Heidenreich and a partner too! But who will Batista defend his World Heavyweight Title against?

Tune in to this week's SmackDown! and find out!.

[Chris2K]

8th July 2005

Sacramento, California

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The show starts with "Just Close Your Eyes" by Waterproof Blonde hitting, and Christian making his way to the ring. It's speculated that he will be here to answer why he attacked Batista with a steel chair last week on SmackDown!.

Christian: Ok, ok, everybody SHUT UP! All week long, all I've been hearing is, "Christian, why'dya hit Batista with a chair", "Christian, you hit Batista with a chair!", "Christian, how's Batista? Is he ok?". Well in response to that last question, let me tell you that I don't care. I don't care one single bit about how Batista is, ok? You got that? I DON'T CARE. But as for why I hit Batista with a chair, all I can wonder is why you people haven't figured it out yourselves. It's real simple people, I'm standing up for myself for a change! Instead of beng the wimpy guy who plays second fiddle to every other big guy on SmackDown!, I'm taking my time! I'm grasping my opportunity! I'm stepping out of the shadows, and making my voice heard! You can choose any one of those clichés that you want, but the underlying fact behind all of them is simple. No longer am I prepared to be another face in the crowd, another midcarder-4-life, another guy to turn to whenever you need something to fill some time. I said I was the main event, and everyone laughed at me. Hell, even Batista himself laughed at the thought of me being in the main event. Well guess what Dave... Who's laughing now?

Rating - 90%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #1

WWE Cruiserweight Title

Paul London © vs. Juventud (w/ Super Crazy and Psychosis)

London immediately looks worried about the presence of Crazy and Psychosis at ringside, and he's right to. The two other Mexi-cools get involved at any point possible, until London can stand it no longer, and after knocking Juventud down, he launches himself over the top rope with a plancha on to both Crazy and Psychosis. This works against him in the end, as the two Mexicans put him into the ring-post. However, spotting this, the referee sends the other two Mexicools to the back, leaving Juventud to fight by himself. Juventud manages to take advantage of the posting given to London, and stays in control of the match for some time, wearing London down with submission holds, and not really using his high-flying abilities. However, London starts using his... Warrior spirit, and fights back, hitting the Dropsault on Juventud, and then heading out on to the apron. London springboards off the top rope, and nails a Tornado DDT, using the top rope to get the extra power needed to send Juvi down! London then heads up to the top turnbuckle, and nails the 450 Splash to retain his title!

Winner: Paul London

Crowd: 65%

Match: 97%

Overall: 81%

Stars: ****1/4

WWE Cruiserweight Title gains in image

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Backstage, we see Chris Benoit warming up for his US Title match later tonight.

?: Chris Benoit!

Eddie Guerrero walks into shot.

Benoit: Eddie.

Eddie: What's the matter homes? You know we're best friends, amigos, ese! You got some kinda problem? Well talk to me ese, I wanna hear it, that's what amigos do!

Benoit: I don't have a problem Eddie.

Eddie: You don't have a problem? Well why the long face ese, you not feelin well or somethin? You've got a United States Title match tonight, hey, you remember the last time you fought for the US Title? You were fighting me! Hey, and you know what? I won!

Benoit: Yeah, I remember Eddie.

Eddie: You do?

Benoit: Yes, I do.

Eddie: Well you know what? I'm confident you're gonna beat Orlando Jordan tonight, cos you're my friend, and I believe in you!

Benoit: Well you know what Eddie? I don't need you to believe in me, and what's more, I certainly don't need you as a friend, because if you're my friend, I hate to think what my enemies are like!

Benoit walks off as Eddie gives a stern look to his departing "friend".

Rating: 77%

Chris Benoit lost overness from this segment.

Eddie Guerrero lost overness from this segment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #2

Booker T vs. Doug Basham

A whole heaping of SQUASH for Booker, who goes through the motions of crowd pleasing moves like the Spin-a-roonie, before finishing things off very quickly with the Book-End, followed by the Scissors Kick to pick up the easy victory. It's not so easy afterwards though, as Muhammad Hassan and Daivari come out and blindside Booker, before beginning a fierce beatdown. After numerous kicks, stomps and punches to Booker, Hassan accentuates things with the Downtown Detroit (modified STO), and locking in the Camel Clutch, whilst Daivari yells at Booker in Farsi.

Winner: Booker T

Crowd: 75%

Match: 71%

Overall: 73%

Stars: **3/4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But Hassan doesn't stop there, he grabs the microphone from Daivari, and begins to address Booker himself.

Hassan: Booker! Last week, you proved something to me. Before last week, I could see similarities between yourself and me, similarities between our backgrounds, and similarities in the way that we have had prejudice thrown at us by idiots who don't understand what we have been through, what obstacles we've had to overcome, and what restrictions have been made against us! But last week, last week you proved that you were no better than any of the idiots that mock me, hate me, and decide in their own deluded minds that I'm not good enough! You proved that you have no respect for me, because as I made my statement of power and destruction in the WWE by taking down Hardcore Holly, you stopped me from proving to the world that my destiny is to rule this company, in the same way my destiny is to be the first Arab-American world champion in WWE history! Well now, now I'm going to use you as my stepping stone to greatness, and when you fall to my power, you, just like everyone else, will realise what I am destined to have... greatness... and the World Title around my waist.

Daivari: (Repeats in Farsi)... MUHAMMAD HASSAN!

Rating: 83%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We head backstage to where the General Manager of SmackDown!, William Regal is addressing somebody.

Regal: Yes, yes, I understand, last week you were treated unfairly.

We see he's talking to Funaki

Funaki: Yes! Funaki not happy!

Regal: I understand you're not happy, bloody hell you've mentioned it enough times, but what do you want me to do about it?

Funaki: You, you think something, or Funaki, Funaki go to Meesta McMaan! And Meesta McMaan say "You're Fired" to you! Hahahahahaha!

Regal: Yes, yes, ok, ok, I agree, you deserve a title shot, yes, that's it, my apology to you is a title shot, tonight!

Funaki: Title shot? Croosaweight?

Regal: Well no...

Funaki: Tag Tem?

Regal: No, no, better than that.

Funaki: United Stahtes?

Regal: No, no... World Title!

Funaki: Ba...Batista?

Regal: That's right, you get the prestigious honour of possibly being the last person Batista successfully defends his World Title against before JBL beats him at Great American Bash!

Funaki: Bu, but....

Regal: No need to thank me Funaki, now go on, run along and get ready, the champ's waiting for you. And don't forget, you've main evented two SmackDown!s in a row, that's pretty big. So before you go to Mr. McMahon, bloody well remember that ok!

Funaki walks out of the office with a stunned look on his face.

Regal: Ungrateful swine.

Regal drinks some tea as the scene fades out.

Rating: 85%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #3

WWE United States Title

Orlando Jordan © vs. Chris Benoit

It's the Velocity re-match the WORLD demanded! Benoit goes for the kill right away, hitting a German Suplex and locking in the Crossface, but Orlando gets to the ropes and crawls out of the ring. Jordan decides he's had enough, and starts heading up the ramp. But his progress is halted when Eddie Guerrero comes out, and grabs hold of Jordan, throwing him back into the confused Benoit. Benoit goes right back to work on Jordan, working on his shoulder with a shoulder breaker, before throwing Jordan shoulder first into the ringpost. Benoit then nails three more German Suplexes, by which point Jordan is certifiably dead. Benoit heads to the top turnbuckle, and Eddie holds Jordan in place on the outside allowing Benoit to hit the Swandive Headbutt on Jordan. Benoit then rolls Jordan over, and locks in the Crippler Crossface! Jordan holds on for as long as he can, but Eddie moves the ropes away from him as he reaches for them, and Jordan has no choice but to tap and relinquish his title!

Eddie climbs into the ring with the title belt and hands it over to Benoit, putting it over his shoulder. He then signals to Benoit to go to the turnbuckle with the title. Benoit does so, turning his back on Eddie.... who low blows Benoit as he holds the title aloft! Eddie then gets Benoit in a crucifix position (OH MY GOD, CRUCIFIX ON UPN, HE MUST BE TAKEN OFF THE NETWORK.), and delivers a Sit-out Crucifix Powerbomb from the second turnbuckle. Eddie gets hold of the US Title, and spends some time looking into it and smirking. Benoit gets back to his feet, but goes straight back down to a beltshot to the head! Eddie then climbs to the top rope, and delivers a Frog Splash to the unconcious Benoit, just to add insult to injury.

Winner: Chris Benoit

Crowd: 77%

Match: 79%

Overall: 78%

Stars: ***

WWE United States Title gains image

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #4

WWE Tag Team Titles

MNM © (w/ Melina and THAT entrance) vs. Heidenreich & Scotty 2 Hotty

Heidenreich's merry-go-round of partners continue, although EXPERT COMMENTATOR MICHAEL COLE suggests that General Manager Regal has given Heidenreich two more chances at winning tag team gold. AND COLE KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT BITCH. Heidenreich starts out this time, aware that last time he didn't even get to compete, and manages to stay in control of Mercury for some time. Heidenreich tags Scotty in whilst heavily in control, and naturally, MNM take control of the match. Mercury and Nitro take turns beating the crap out of him, before Melina distracts Heidenreich in a way that would distract any man, with her arse. This allows Nitro and Mercury to combine and hit the Snapshot for another easy victory. MNM escape before Heidenreich can get any revenge.

Winners: MNM

Crowd: 65%

Match: 74%

Overall: 69%

Stars: **3/4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Backstage, we catch up with John Bradshaw Layfield as he walks down a corridor. He stops and stares at a door, and a broad grin comes to his face. We pan round to see that Christian's name is on the door. JBL enters Christian's dressing room, leaving the cameraman outside.

Yes, I am aware of the connatations involved in using JBL in a segment like this. Stop thinking of it.

Rating: 84%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #5

World Heavyweight Title

Batista © vs. Funaki

Well Funaki doesn't want to be there, and Batista doesn't want to beat the crap out of the little Japanese guy that everybody loves. But hey, the World Title's on the line, so it's FIGHTIN' TIME. Funaki tries his hardest to get a shot in at Batista, but Batista simply throws him into the ropes, and nails a big Spinebuster. THUMBSUP? THAT MEANS IT'S THUMBSDOWNDAVEBOMBTIME~! The Batista Bomb is duly hit, and Batista gets probably his easiest title defence since winning the title at WrestleMania 21.

Winner: Batista

Crowd: 68%

Match: 77%

Overall: 72%

Stars: **3/4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But that's where the fun ends, as JBL and Christian come running out with steel chairs in hands. They both hit Batista with chair shots that don't put The Animal down, before a con-chair-to is hit, which is enough to send Batista to the floor. The two take turns in pummeling Batista with their fists and occasionally the chairs again, and when Funaki attempts to stop them, he gets a Clothesline from Hell for his trouble. JBL gets Batista to his feet and feeds him to Christian for the Unprettier, when suddenly the lights go out.

BONG.

The lights go blue, and JBL and Christian drop Batista and look towards the ramp awaiting him. But naturally, The Undertaker appears behind them, and takes both of them down with a double clothesline! JBL charges at Taker, but just gets goozled for his trouble. Christian grabs one of the chairs, and hits a low blow on Taker with it. The Deadman drops JBL and holds his crotch, as JBL and Christian get out of the ring, with Batista getting back to his feet. Batista throws one of the chairs at JBL, and it nearly takes the head off one of the crowd. Batista ain't a football player people. The two sets of men make threats to each other as SmackDown! goes off the air!

Rating: 80%

The Undertaker lost overness from this segment.

Batista lost overness from this segment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Overall Show - 77%

TV Rating: 5.91

Attendance: 7,005

Takings: $280,200

Best Match: Paul London vs. Juventud

Worst Match: MNM vs. Heidenreich/Scotty

Best Other: Christian interview

Worst Other: Benoit/Eddie segment

Show MVP: Christian

Show Loser: Scotty 2 Hotty

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edited September 23, 2005 by -Chris-

[Chris2K]

PREVIEW

Rey Mysterio in the house!

Velocity welcomes the high-flying Rey Mysterio this week! Rey has spent a week or so off recovering from some minor knocks, and will look to get back to his best when he goes up against Simon Dean in the Velocity main event!

Also scheduled to appear is Ken Kennedy, the man who last week raised eyebrows by performing his own ring entrance, before finishing off his opponent in quick time with the "Green Bay Plunge" manouevre. Can Kennedy be successful against stiffer opposition in Nunzio?

Catch all that, more, and recaps on this week's Velocity!

[Chris2K]

9th July 2005

Sacramento, CA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #1

Super Crazy vs. Hardcore Holly

Holy styles clash, Batman~! It's not much of a surprise that Holly and Crazy's different styles don't really gel together in the ring, and although the tough Alabaman tries his best not to make Crazy look any good, it is hard not to notice the Mexican carrying the match all the way through. Crazy even gets the victory, after the Trifecta of Moonsaults on Holly.

Winner: Super Crazy

Crowd: 61%

Match: 75%

Overall: 68%

Stars: **3/4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Recap #1

Batista, The Undertaker, JBL and Christian

SmackDown! - 1st July 2005

Clothesline to Jordan, clothesline to JBL, SpineBUSTAH~! to Jordan, JBL clears out of the ring, THUMBS UP OMG OMG THUMBSDOWNDAVEBOMBTIME~! Batista sets Jordan up... but all of a sudden he gets smashed in the back of the head by a steel chair. JBL's out of the ring still, and even he looks shocked. The camera pans around to the man holding the chair.

It's Christian.

SmackDown - 8th July 2005

The show starts with "Just Close Your Eyes" by Waterproof Blonde hitting, and Christian making his way to the ring. It's speculated that he will be here to answer why he attacked Batista with a steel chair last week on SmackDown!.

Christian: Ok, ok, everybody SHUT UP! All week long, all I've been hearing is, "Christian, why'dya hit Batista with a chair", "Christian, you hit Batista with a chair!", "Christian, how's Batista? Is he ok?". Well in response to that last question, let me tell you that I don't care. I don't care one single bit about how Batista is, ok? You got that? I DON'T CARE. But as for why I hit Batista with a chair, all I can wonder is why you people haven't figured it out yourselves. It's real simple people, I'm standing up for myself for a change! Instead of beng the wimpy guy who plays second fiddle to every other big guy on SmackDown!, I'm taking my time! I'm grasping my opportunity! I'm stepping out of the shadows, and making my voice heard! You can choose any one of those clichés that you want, but the underlying fact behind all of them is simple. No longer am I prepared to be another face in the crowd, another midcarder-4-life, another guy to turn to whenever you need something to fill some time. I said I was the main event, and everyone laughed at me. Hell, even Batista himself laughed at the thought of me being in the main event. Well guess what Dave... Who's laughing now?

Later that night...

Backstage, we catch up with John Bradshaw Layfield as he walks down a corridor. He stops and stares at a door, and a broad grin comes to his face. We pan round to see that Christian's name is on the door. JBL enters Christian's dressing room, leaving the cameraman outside.

Later still...

But that's where the fun ends, as JBL and Christian come running out with steel chairs in hands. They both hit Batista with chair shots that don't put The Animal down, before a con-chair-to is hit, which is enough to send Batista to the floor. The two take turns in pummeling Batista with their fists and occasionally the chairs again, and when Funaki attempts to stop them, he gets a Clothesline from Hell for his trouble. JBL gets Batista to his feet and feeds him to Christian for the Unprettier, when suddenly the lights go out.

BONG.

The lights go blue, and JBL and Christian drop Batista and look towards the ramp awaiting him. But naturally, The Undertaker appears behind them, and takes both of them down with a double clothesline! JBL charges at Taker, but just gets goozled for his trouble. Christian grabs one of the chairs, and hits a low blow on Taker with it. The Deadman drops JBL and holds his crotch, as JBL and Christian get out of the ring, with Batista getting back to his feet. Batista throws one of the chairs at JBL, and it nearly takes the head off one of the crowd. Batista ain't a football player people. The two sets of men make threats to each other as SmackDown! goes off the air!

Rating: 84%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he makes his way down to the ring, Ken Kennedy again stops Tony Chimel's introduction, and give one of his own.

Kennedy: Hold it! Hold it right there! Mr. Chimel, will you ever learn? I tried to tell you last week but ya still don't get it, do ya? You. SUCK. You. Cannot. Announce. The least you could do was head home last week, have a think about your life, and put in some practice. But NO. NO NO NO. What's the matter Tone? Cat got your tongue? Forget it, let's get down to what matters. Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for.... (raises one finger) ONE FALL, with a fifteen minute tiiiiime liiiiimit! I weigh in tonight at a fantastic... two hundred and forty... three pounds... I had a cheeseburger for lunch, didn't do any cardio... we all make mistakes, so shut up! I hail, from Greeeen Baaay, Wiiisconsiiiin..... MISTERRRRRR KEEENNEDY....

Kennedy goes to the turnbuckle to appreciate the adoration of the crowd.

Kennedy: ..... KENNEDY.

Rating: 71%

Ken Kennedy gained overness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #2

Nunzio vs. Ken Kennedy

Now for the actual match. Kennedy is in control for the most part due to his size and strength advantage. Nunzio tries to get a fluke victory with an Oklahoma Roll and a schoolboy, but as he tries for a backslide, Kennedy grabs his legs and propells himself into the turnbuckle back-first. He then climbs the ropes with Nunzio still on his shoulders, and hits the Green Bay Plunge for the victory. Naturally, he grabs a mic afterwards...

Kennedy: Here is your winner, and still undefeeateeeeed. MISTERRRRRRRRR, KEEEEEENNEDYYYY.

Kennedy makes the referee raise his arm, and then says....

Kennedy: KENNEDY.

Winner: Ken Kennedy

Crowd: 55%

Match: 82%

Overall: 68%

Stars: ***

Nunzio lost overness

Ken Kennedy gained overness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Recap #2

Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero

SmackDown! - 8th July 2005

Backstage, we see Chris Benoit warming up for his US Title match later tonight.

?: Chris Benoit!

Eddie Guerrero walks into shot.

Benoit: Eddie.

Eddie: What's the matter homes? You know we're best friends, amigos, ese! You got some kinda problem? Well talk to me ese, I wanna hear it, that's what amigos do!

Benoit: I don't have a problem Eddie.

Eddie: You don't have a problem? Well why the long face ese, you not feelin well or somethin? You've got a United States Title match tonight, hey, you remember the last time you fought for the US Title? You were fighting me! Hey, and you know what? I won!

Benoit: Yeah, I remember Eddie.

Eddie: You do?

Benoit: Yes, I do.

Eddie: Well you know what? I'm confident you're gonna beat Orlando Jordan tonight, cos you're my friend, and I believe in you!

Benoit: Well you know what Eddie? I don't need you to believe in me, and what's more, I certainly don't need you as a friend, because if you're my friend, I hate to think what my enemies are like!

Benoit walks off as Eddie gives a stern look to his departing "friend".

Later that night...

Benoit heads to the top turnbuckle, and Eddie holds Jordan in place on the outside allowing Benoit to hit the Swandive Headbutt on Jordan. Benoit then rolls Jordan over, and locks in the Crippler Crossface! Jordan holds on for as long as he can, but Eddie moves the ropes away from him as he reaches for them, and Jordan has no choice but to tap and relinquish his title!

Eddie climbs into the ring with the title belt and hands it over to Benoit, putting it over his shoulder. He then signals to Benoit to go to the turnbuckle with the title. Benoit does so, turning his back on Eddie.... who low blows Benoit as he holds the title aloft! Eddie then gets Benoit in a crucifix position (OH MY GOD, CRUCIFIX ON UPN, HE MUST BE TAKEN OFF THE NETWORK.), and delivers a Sit-out Crucifix Powerbomb from the second turnbuckle. Eddie gets hold of the US Title, and spends some time looking into it and smirking. Benoit gets back to his feet, but goes straight back down to a beltshot to the head! Eddie then climbs to the top rope, and delivers a Frog Splash to the unconcious Benoit, just to add insult to injury.

Rating: 81%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #3

Rey Mysterio vs. Simon Dean

Dean has a briefcase instead of his Simon System bag, and the mic before hand, but...

Dean: You know, I come out here every week, and it doesn't make any difference! You people have ruined me! You're all so fat, so disgusting that not even my amazing patented Simon System can help you! I decided to run a "get results or your money back" scheme, but you people kept on eating, and I had to give all my money back! That's why I've had to sell the patent for Simon System to some Japanese company! You pigs!

Rey shuts Dean up by coming out and immediately going to work on Dean, not showing many signs of ring-rust. Mysterio keeps on the offense for most of the match, hitting his signature spots, but eventually Simon gets lucky when Rey misses a cross-body from the top. Dean crawls over and grabs the briefcase. Dean swings the briefcase at Rey, but Rey drop-toe holds him on to the middle rope, sending the briefcase outside and opening it, with the money from the Simon System flying out into the crowd! Dean watches in horror as the fans grab the money, and doesn't see Rey coming for the 619! It connects, and then Rey Drops the Dime for the victory!

Winner: Rey Mysterio

Crowd: 72%

Match: 84%

Overall: 78%

Stars: ***1/4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Overall: 69%

TV Rating: 5.71

Attendance: 7,023

Takings: $280,920

Best Match: Rey Mysterio vs. Simon Dean

Worst Match: Ken Kennedy vs. Nunzio

Best Other: JBL/Christian/Batista/Taker recap

Worst Other: Ken Kennedy interview

Show MVP: Rey Mysterio

Show Idiot: Nunzio

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Chris2K]

PREVIEW

IS IT HIS FAULT?

This week's Heat, brought to you by Playstation 2, will see Snitsky in action! The big muscle-bound, foot-loving, baby-killer will go up against Val Venis in one-on-one action. Val was successful last week on Heat when he defeated Tyson Tomko, whereas Snitsky lost out to Viscera by count-out. Who will win this week's match?

Also confirmed for Heat is the largest athlete in the world, the Big Show. He will go one on one with Danny Basham. Rob Conway and Rosey are also scheduled for action, as Rosey seeks revenge for Conway defeating his partner The Hurricane on RAW this past Monday night.

All this, more, and recaps galore on this week's Sunday Night Heat!

[Chris2K]

10th July 2005

Sacramento, CA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Match #1

Rosey vs. Rob Conway

Will you just LOOK AT HIM?! Conway proves in this match that his physique not only looks good, but works well too, as he is able to throw Rosey around pretty well considering the size of the Samoan superhero. The end comes when Rosey misses a avalanche in the corner, Conway hits the Ego Trip, before advancing to the top rope and nailing an Elbow Drop from the top for the win.

Winner: Rob Conway

Crowd: 65%

Match: 67%

Overall: 66%

Stars: **1/2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Recap #1

Hogan and Cena vs. Angle and Jericho

Raw - 4th July 2005

The lights are red and yellow, and Real American plays as Hulk Hogan makes his way out to the ring in full Hulkamania attire, to the sheer delight of the Sacramento crowd, who are all on their feet cheering the Hulkster. Hogan climbs into the ring gingerly, and does all of his trademark poses to the crowd, before getting a microphone and waiting for the chanting to die down. This takes some time, and two minutes is spent whilst Hogan just stands there, with the crowd cheering. Eventually he begins to speak.

Hogan: Thank you, thank you a lot, I'm honoured, truly honoured to get a reception like that!

The crowd start cheering again, and again Hogan pauses to absorb the cheers of the crowd.

Hogan: Well I am out here for a reason, not just to stand around and listen to you guys, as much as I'd like to, you see, I'm here to do a little... a little promotion for a new Reality TV series that's about to start on VH1. I'm a big fan of it... it's called Hogan Knows Best, and it... it basically tells you guys the story of the Hogan family, from myself, to my lovely wife Linda, to my daughter Brooke, you might know her, she's a great singer, and my son, Nick, who's right down there...

The camera cuts to see Nick Hogan standing at ringside, pointing to his dad.

Hogan: We're all there, and you get to see what kind of craziness goes down outside the ring...

Hogan is cut off by the familiar music of Kurt Angle, who walks out to a loud number of boos from the crowd who were obviously far more interested in hearing Hogan's propaganda than Kurt Angle saying something sensible. Angle gets another microphone, and gets into the ring next to Hogan.

Angle: Hulk Hogan. The Immortal One. Wow, how great it is to see you in a WWE ring again. No, really it is, because it brings back so many great memories for me. You see, the last time just you and I were in a ring together was three whole years ago. Can you believe that? Three years. And as far as I can remember, you were tapping like a baby to the Ankle Lock! You remember that Hulk? You remember? Or has your memory faded so much that you can't?

Hogan: Oh I remember brother, I remember, I remember that on that day, you were the better man! But I also remember that before that match, you promised to end Hulkamania once and for all! But as far as I can see, I can see Hulkamania spreading again, with each and every one of the Hulkamaniacs here tonight!

Angle: Oh yeah? That's what you see? Well all I see is an old broken-down has-been clinging on to something that may have been great twenty years ago, but now? Now, just like Sacramento, Hulkamania stinks! People have moved on Hogan! People have moved on, now people want to see an Olympic Gold Medalist get the spotlight, not you!

Before Hogan can make a rebuttal, RAW General Manager Eric Bischoff comes out to the top of the stage.

Bischoff: Enough! Enough of this bickering, I'm fed up of it! You two wanna act like children and try one-upping each other all the time? Well do it in your own time! This is RAW, not a damn playground.

Angle: Mr. Bischoff, you're right, I apologise.

Bischoff: Well thank you Kurt, I appreciate that. But if you two want to do something practical tonight, then you can compete in tonight's main event! It's gonna be a tag team match, you, Kurt Angle, and a partner of your choice, against you Hulk Hogan and a partner of your choice!

Hogan and Angle stare each other down, as the segment fades out.

Later that night...

We head backstage to... Mean Gene Okerlund?

Gene: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm joined by the Immortal One, Hulk Hogan!

Hogan comes into shot, sending the crowd wild again.

Gene: Hulk Hogan, tonight, you and a partner of your choice go against Kurt Angle and a partner of his choice. My question to you is, Hulk, do you have a partner?

Hogan: Well let me tell ya something Mean Gene! I went backstage when Eric Bischoff told me to get a partner brother, and who should I run in to but the biggest Hulkamaniac there is in the WWE! He offered to be my partner tonight, and I said, brother: you're on! Allow me to introduce my partner for tonight, the WWE Champion, John Cena!

The crowd pop like mad as Cena appears next to Hogan.

Cena: You damn right I'm a Hulkamaniac! And it's my pleasure, my priveledge and my honour to prove it by teaming up with the Hulkster tonight!

Hogan: So whatcha gonna do Angle, whatcha gonna do brother, when the Immortal One, Hulk Hogan, the WWE Champion, John Cena, and all the Hulkamaniacs all around the world run wiiiiiiiiiild on you!

Hogan and Cena walk out of view, probably on their way to the ring, as the Main Event... is next!

And later still...

Angle is the first one to come out, and he has a mic with him.

Angle: Now I'm gonna be honest, it was tough finding someone who wanted to take on Hulk Hogan, even if they were teaming up with an Olympic Gold Medalist like myself to do it! But when Hogan announced that his partner was John Cena, one man stood up for himself and took the opportunity...

The Y2J Countdown hits, and Chris Jericho makes his way out to the ramp to join Angle, and the two of them walk down to the ring. Next out is Cena, who gets a pretty large pop. But as soon as 'Real American' hits, the roof blows off the arena, and doesn't die down whilst Hogan walks to the ring.

Cena starts off with Jericho, and the two men fighting it out over the WWE Title trade a series of hard right hands, before Cena gets the advantage, throws Jericho into the ropes, and knocks him down with a shoulderblock. Cena comes off the ropes again, and this time Jericho knocks him down. Jericho waits for Cena to charge at him, and throws him over with a back body drop, before doing his patented ARROGANT COVER~! for a zero count. Jericho tags in Angle who hits a series of stinging crossface blows to the bridge of Cena's nose, before hitting a suplex on the WWE champion. Angle brings Cena into his corner, and Jericho tags himself in whilst Angle holds Cena, and Jericho pounds away with right hands to the face and chest. Jericho drags Cena out of the corner and hits a facecrusher, but his attempt to hit a Lionsault misses, but luckily he manages to land on his feet. Jericho ducks a Cena clothesline and hits a neckbreaker for two.

Angle tags back in and launches into a series of uppercuts on Cena, before hitting a belly-to-belly suplex. Angle then ducks a swinging right hand from Cena, locks in a waistlock, and nails a German Suplex. Angle takes down the straps, and gets ready for Cena to get back to his feet. When he does, Angle goes to try and hit the Angle Slam, but Cena floats over, and manages to deliver the Protobomb to Angle! Cena starts crawling over to his corner to try and tag in Hogan, but Jericho re-enters the ring, and drags Cena back to the middle! Cena gets up to his feet, and spying a charging Jericho, deposits him on the mat with a Spinebuster! Cena manages to get over to his corner, and tags in Hogan to a huge pop!

Hogan comes in and immediately hits a clothesline to Jericho, then one to Angle, another one to Jericho, another to Angle, and then a double noggin knocker on them both! But the numbers game gets to him as Angle and Jericho double team him with punches, even hitting a double suplex on Hogan. Jericho becomes the legal man as he tries to take Hogan on, but as he tries to hit Hogan's head into the turnbuckle, Hogan starts Hulking Up! Hogan points at Jericho, and blocks a right hand, hits one, blocks another, hits another, sends Jericho into the ropes and nails a big boot! Angle comes in illegally, and he gets a big boot too! Cena then comes in, and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Angle! Angle rolls out of the ring as Jericho gets back to his feet, but he walks straight into an FU from Cena! Hogan then comes off the ropes, and delivers a legdrop to get the one, two, three!

Hogan and Cena begin their posing as RAW goes off the air!

Rating: 94%

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Match #2

Big Show vs. Danny Basham

Anyone who likes SQUASH matches will love this heap of SQUASH. Show goes through all his spots, the "Frying Pan Hand Chest Shot", the "Shhhhhh! Frying Pan Hand Chest Shot" and the gorilla press slam. The quick and painless match is finished by Show with the Showstopper Chokeslam. At least Show looks like he was having fun.

Winner: Big Show

Crowd: 74%

Match: 69%

Overall: 72%

Stars: **1/2

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Recap #2

Carlito and Eugene

RAW - July 4th 2005

The sound of spitting, combined with the deckchairs, palm trees and apples in the ring, can only herald one man, as the WWE Intercontinental Champion Carlito walks out to the ring, in his usual "cool" attire.

Carlito: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Carlito's Cabana! Now today is obviously a very special day in American history! The fourth of July! Independence Day! A celebration of all American things! And you know what? Independence Day... that's cool! So Carlito decided to celebrate America by having a guest on the Cabana who personifies the American ideal that no matter what handicaps hold you back, you can still achieve anything you want to! Ladies and gentlemen, making his return to RAW, I give you... EUGENE!

Eugene indeed makes his way down to the ring for the first time since WrestleMania 21, and the first RAW since January after he suffered a knee injury at New Year's Revolution. Eugene waves to all the fans who appear to be happy to see him, before he joins Carlito in the ring.

Carlito: Eugene, it's... it's great to...

Eugene: Um... Happy Independence Day everyone!

Eugene grins broadly and claps.

Carlito: Yeah, yeah, wonderful. So Eugene, how does it fee...

Eugene: I like your hair!

Carlito: Tha... Thank you Eugene, that's very ni...

Eugene: You look like Sideshow Bob!

Carlito's demeanour changes...

Carlito: Sideshow Bob? Sideshow Bob?! Look, I've been patient enough with you, you, you... idiot!

Eugene: Idiot?

Carlito: Yeah, you, a stupid idiot! You think you're clever coming out here and interrupting Carlito? Huh? You think that it's cool to interrupt Carlito? Look at you! You've got your jacket on backwards, your hair looks like you haven't washed it in years, you've got a beard, you look like some kind of tramp! You think you're cool?

Eugene: Um... my mom says I'm cool!

Carlito: Does she? Does she? Well guess what. You're not cool.

Eugene: I'm not?!

Carlito: No, you're not, but, get this, THIS.... this is cool.

Carlito cheap shots Eugene with a left hand, and stomps away at Eugene whilst he's on the floor. Carlito brings Eugene to his feet, and delivers a DDT to the "special" nephew of Eric Bischoff. To complete the beat down, what else but a big bite of apple, and a spit in the face of the fallen Eugene.

Carlito: Call that your first lesson of being cool Eugene. It's probably the first thing you've ever passed in your life!

Carlito leaves the ring as Eugene appears to be crying.

Rating: 77%

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Match #3

Kerwin White vs. Kid Romeo

Again, Kerwin has the golf buggy and clubs, as well as a coat hanger to hang up his jumper. White doesn't seem to be his usual in-ring self, possibly due to the khaki shorts slowing him down. Kid Romeo does his best to make the match good, but ends up on the losing end after White hits him in the chest with a nine iron, before hitting a Flipping Neckbreaker, known as the Society Climber, for the three count.

Winner: Kerwin White

Crowd: 66%

Match: 75%

Overall: 70%

Stars: **3/4

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Recap #3

Diva Search

I'll spare you it all again, but here's the voting page:

DIVA SEARCH VOTING

Rating: 51%

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Match #4

Val Venis vs. Snitsky

Val has dropped the towel and porn star music, and instead wrestles in normal ring shorts, and comes out to some generic rock music. Nothing like an advertised main event being delivered, I always say. Snitsky is in control for the majority of the match, with Val bumping like a pro as usual. But Val seems to have more confidence in his abilities now, and without having to worry about lusting after ladies in the crowd, he is able to focus on the match. Val manages to lift Snitsky up into a Blue Thunder Bomb which gets two, before nailing a DDT, heading to the top rope, and hitting the former Money Shot, now known as the Venis Fly Swat, for the victory.

As Val celebrates though, CM PUNK(!) runs out, and nails Val from behind! Val tries to fight back but the debuting Punk keeps on him, low blowing Val, before dragging him to the corner and hitting the Punk Plunge! Punk stands over Val as Heat goes off the air!

Winner: Val Venis

Crowd: 66%

Match: 73%

Overall: 69%

Stars: **3/4

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Overall Show: 57%

TV Rating: 5.45

Attendance: 7,022

Takings: $280,880

Best Match: Kerwin White vs. Kid Romeo

Worst Match: Rosey vs. Rob Conway

Best Other: Cena/Hogan/Angle/Jericho recap

Worst Other: DIVA SEARCH

Show MVP: Val Venis

Show Loser: Rosey

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[TheTruth]

This is a good diary & keep up the good work.