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Diary of A Soldier in the Wars: A WWE '06 Diary

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August 2005.

-From: www.dubohdub.com

Just a reminder to all you netsmarks out there, TNA Impact is moving to Spike TV to replace Raw. This, of course, naturally means that since they are taking Velocity's old spot, they're obviously on equal par with the WWE now. The WAR IS BACK ON, BABY! Remember- anything TNA does is officially great, and anything WWE does is crap!

Edited by Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster
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This my friend is the best idea I have ever seen on EWB, something I have never seen done before I liked the jabs you took at the other diaries on EWB, I like the mark character really well and the Double Agent storyline adding Hassan, The Rock and Brock Lesnar was great good luck with this man

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That night, I took a red-eye into Orlando. Luckily, I managed to make the call, so my brother was finished up with his night over at his bar. I guess this was a good thing about our hours in days like this: Either I can manage to check in to Orlando at somewhat normal hours (in which case, his wife Sophie is able to pick me up at the airport on her way home from work), or I end up getting in late after shows like this, in which case my brother does. Having a decent schedule is always a nice extra- I highly suggest everyone in a business like mine do so.

Brother: "So, how was it? Getting to see Wrestlemania live- that had to be awesome, right?"

"Would you expect anything else, man?"

Brother: "So, when are you going to get me some more wrestlers' autographs for my walls? I need to keep things going at the bar, and anything that makes it look big-time's a good thing..."

"Don't worry, don't worry- I'll be getting you some more of your little kickbacks soon enough, man..." That's kind of the running joke for this. I get him autographed 8X10s of all the WWE superstars, he keeps silent. Of course, it is still hard since my brother would probably think TNA is something you'll see in a women's match, but what are you going to do?

Brother: "Everything's all set up in the guest room- the fax machine's ready when you need it, and the computer's all set up. Do you need to call your boss?"

"Yeah, I should probably check in." I pulled out my cell phone and called up Mr.Ace. "Hello, Mr.Ace- it's me. I just touched down in Orlando. What's the orders?"

Ace: "Ah, great. We always need somebody there to make sure everything doesn't go as planned. Now, this time, we have a set mission for you- someone who we want you to get..."

"Oh really? Just name them and I'll do my best to have them wrapped up on a silver platter, Mr.Ace..."

Ace: "We've been trying to get this one guy- Roderick Strong, out of his TNA deal for a few months now. I think if anyone can get him to us, you can. I'm faxing the contract over right now, okay? Fill me in when you get a chance- I'm leaving two tickets into New York for late tonight. I'll see you tomorrow..." I hung up the phone and headed to my brother's guest room and prepared to get everything set up. I freshened up and went to sleep. I woke up and proceeded to skip a morning shower, instead pulling out the outfits I keep at my brother's place for just these occasions. Now, I know what you're thinking- skipping a shower? It's unhygenic, I know, but my reasoning is simple. No shower after waking up will mean that I keep a more wild, unkempt look for my relatively long hair. After this, I took a pair of the cutoffs I kept here and one of the many T-shirts of various anime series (my major vice outside of screwing with major federations), then finished the look off with a properly-tied flannel shirt I stole from my dad around the waist. Once Joey headed to this place dressed the same way, we headed on our way to Universal for the weekly tapings.

Joey: "You ready for some action? T-N-A MOTHERFUCKER!"

"You know it, man!" It may seem weird, but come on. Every promotion has what they thought were their 'Superfans.' ECW got to a point where certain fans became as over as a few of the wrestlers. When you get that much street cred as a fan, you're almost associated with that promotion. When I heard Joey had a penchant for going to TNA tapings and dressing up as his favorite wrestler from his favorite era (specifically, old-school Raven), I knew I had my in to get the trust of the uber-smart, Internet-savvy TNA fan. With how rabid TNA fans are, if it got out I was the guy who was causing all these TNA stars to jump, my job would pretty much be ruined- if the TNA fans didn't lynch me first. With this manner of gaining their trust, I was virtually in the clear- I mean, think about it: even if someone could begin to see that TNA workers are dropping at a rate of nearly one a week to WWE, who would suspect that one of the "Raven Guys" was really the person causing all these guys to jump ship to the E?

Joey: "What's the matter? You've been a little quiet..."

"Nothing, man..." We continued to make the drive up.

Joey: "That's no problem- I mean, I'm just pumped for tonight. I've told you I've been trying to save some money to go to wrestling school, right?"

"Yeah- the ROH school accepted you last year, right?"

Joey: "Yep. Well, after the whole of these things- the lack of money, CM Punk jumping to WWE...man, I hate stuff like that. Why a top indy star would ever want to throw their credibility away and jump ship to the E is beyond me. How could anyone work for those guys who's serious about wrestling?"

"Yeah...I see what you mean...totally..." Yikes...

Joey: "...but anyway, when I last talked to Punker, he said Austin Aries was going to be taking over the ROH school. Hence, tonight I'm going to try to get in touch with him at the tapings and see if my spot will still be open for the next class. Cool, huh?"

"You know it, man. Good luck..." YES! Joey trying to get in touch with Aries= likely connection with the rest of their little stable, including Roderick Strong= Cha-CHING!

Joey: "You know, you should try out for the ROH school, too. I mean, we'd probably make a decent team, and I know you have the experience working backstage from your stuff up in New England..."

"Nah- the backstage area's my dream. I'd much rather be the puppetmaster than the puppet, you know?"

Joey: "I guess...well, looks like we're here. Let's go eat and then get our seats..." We headed over to our seats, saw a number of the other "regular" fans at the tapings, and then I pulled out my cell phone. I know what you're thinking- check in at the taping? That will be stupid. To that, I reply: Well, DUH. However, I like to do something different at these- namely, call one of my many mark friends and "check what's going on in the Raw taping" (namely, call them up, see what a mark thinks of what we booked that night. It's always interesting to see what is going on...)

Joey: "Come on- the show's starting. Why do you always do this?"

"Well, I do need to see what the E is doing. Not all of us have TiVo, you know..."


Joey: "Yeah, yeah...I'll watch the show, you make your calls..." I waited until I heard a voice...

Voice: "Hey, what up?"

"What's up bro? What's going on tonight on Raw?"

Voice: "You won't like it, dude...apparently, they brought back some guy they call Chaz or something...why would they do that? He looks so boring..."


Bischoff: "I'm telling you, kid, I think we may have a goldmine here. Glenn Ruth has been pretty weak in our tryouts, but Chaz Warrington's excelled in the role we have for him. I think we might be able to counter this, and I could see the Headbangers being a good part of the WCCW Tag team division. What do you say?"

"I don't know- are you sure the WWE will be fine with us using the Headbangers name?"

Bischoff: "Come on, come on- you're too uptight, kid. Just relax- we'll be fine."


Chaz: "So, you're serious? WCCW wants me on their roster?"

"Oh yeah- you've proved you've still got it. In fact, to celebrate your stuff, I'm right here to give you the orders from Bischoff...come on, we're going to par-TAY!"

Chaz: "Okay...thanks." Chaz headed off as I fingered one of the all-purpose WWE contracts I was given...


Joey: "So- what's going on on Raw?"

"Oh, this has GOT to be bad...apparently, they brought back Chaz..."

Joey: "AWESOME! I thought that he had excellent potential back in the day: I mean, the Headbangers rocked, and Chaz as the kid from Jersey trying to have some fun had a lot of wasted potential in the E. So- who's he debuting against?"

"Yes...who is he up against?"

Voice: "Oh, some new guy- Bret Allright or something..."

"Brent Albright, from what he's saying..." Joey looked pleased...

Joey: "Excellent. I heard he and my boy had a great feud down in OVW. So, how is the match?"

"My friend wants to know if the match is any good- how is it?"

Voice: "Oh, it is horrible...this Allright guy sucks! He's so bland and stuff, and this Chaz guy is nothing special either. You're not missing much...WHAT THE...?"

"What...what happened?"

Voice: "That dude who used to team with Regal came to the ring dressed as a freaking pirate and attacked that Allright guy! This is SO lame!" Yeesh...people are hating on the pirate stuff? Come on- everyone knows pirates rule. Now, if they'll only take my advice and have a long-standing Ninja vs. Pirate feud, this will make the WWE OWN our competition. But I digress...

"I...see. So, the match was terrible?"

Voice: "Oh yeah- it SUCKED! These two guys are soo bad!"

Brent Albright d. Chaz, Paul Burchill interferes (47, 58, 52)

Chaz loses 1 point overness because the WWE made a mistake hiring him

Brent Albright gains 3 points overness because not everyone thinks he's worthless...

YARR! Paul Burchill be gaining 5 points overness...

Meanwhile, back at the show, I was still on the line, watching the action here.

"So, what was going on over there?" I waited a little bit, only to get no answer a number of times...

"Um...dude?" After about three minutes, I heard a line.

Voice: "Oh, sorry...I had to tear one off...Bra and Panties match...ladies...sexy..."

"EEW! TMI, man, TMI!"

Voice: "Sorry, but it's like...they're so hot. Like a porno, only...with clothes...and no sex...it's awesome!"

"I...see...and who were the participants in this one?"

Voice: "Well, Victoria was in it, and Ashley, and then Candice and Torrie ran in and attacked and the three of them stripped Ashley's clothes off- it was so hot!" Ah yes, those four. I'm sure they'll all be quite pleased that their match was used as masturbatory material for a somewhat creepy Asian guy in the mountains...

"I...see. Well, I doubt I'll be able to have the same effect if I watch the show as you did...I mean, it is pretty hard to get a good bead on this when that occurs..."

Voice: "Suit yourself...I gotta go. They're starting a video..."

"Could you patch me in? Turn on your phone's video function and send it over to me, all right?"

Voice: "Sure thing!"

Victoria d. Ashley Massaro in a Bra and Panties match via Candice Michelle and Torrie Wilson interference (70, 37, 60)

After a little bit of waiting, I got a fairly grainy video sent to me...

INT: An urban setting.

Voice: "The streets. Up out here, there ain't nothin' pretty." Some signs of drive-by stock footage was seen.

"There ain't no glory comin' up here. You don't come into no ring to get your fights- they come to you."

Overheard: "Another shooting on 56th and 3rd...send backup..."

Voice: "And then, we come home, and we see punk ass bitches who wouldn't last a day on our turf come in and become seen as legendary. Well, they think they so tough- we'll show all'a y'all that you don't mess with us." The scene showed three faces (familiar to ROH fans as Homicide and the Havana Pitbulls) showed up.

Homicide: "Yo, my name is Homicide. These are mi familia, Ricky R and El Tigre Blanco. We comin' up in there to get ours, so get yo' asses ready. THUG LIFE- WHAT?"

On-screen: COMING SOON...


After the break, I heard him come back on the line...

Voice: "You see that, man? That's SO lame. I mean, those guys are so small, and so lame. They must suck!"

"I don't know, I've heard good things..." Joey turned to me...

Joey: "Um...what was that about?"

"Oh, I was just watching the debut video for..." I looked at all the TNA fans around me... "You know...He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and the Havana Pitbulls..."

Joey: "FUCK! WWE got the Pitbulls, too? How could that have occurred?"


Paul: "Okay, now I have a new report for you. These two guys who tried out- Ricky Reyes and Rocky Romero. I think they've got what it takes. I want you to tell Ace to get them on WWE's roster as soon as possible- I mean, I'd love to have them, but you and I both know that the WWE needs some good tag teams on their roster right now. Understand?"

"Yes sir, Mr.Heyman...I'll give them the message..."


"Hell if I know, man. The gimmick's pretty poor, too. Apparently, WWE's making them a crappy Latino street gang..."

Joey: "You mean, what Homicide was SUPPOSED to be in here until he totally sold out?"


Joey: "Fucking WWE...first they ruin a perfectly good angle in TNA, then they steal the gimmick for themselves. They'll probably piss all over it, to boot." I got back on the phone...

"So, what's on next?"

Voice: "It seems like an awesome match. Hardcore Holly's in- that guy's amazing!" Tee hee...he's part of the problem, isn't he?

"Who's he facing?"

Voice: "That idiot Johnny Parisi...he sucks, man! He always whines and stuff- the guy sucks!" YES! Oh yeah- they're using one of my ideas! I had pitched them a Johnny Parisi push a couple weeks ago- personally, I'm convinced he can be a useful part of the midcard and can add a little bit of workrate to the mix. I feel so proud...now, to use my skill...

"Oh, you're a fan of Holly, eh? I tell you what...I'll bet you Parisi beats Holly tonight. Loser buys the winner a beer, eh?"

Voice: "Sure, man...you're gonna LOOOOOOOOSEE..." Oh, I LOVE betting on wrestling with people too dumb to know it's fixed... I waited a little bit. Joey tried to keep my mind on the in-ring action, I tried to look interested, and my buddy talked some random stuff as the match ended. Eventually, I heard him say "FUCKKKKK..." to let me know officially my idea was used...

Voice: "Okay, okay- I'll buy the next beer. Now, try and head back up here to visit, man..."

Johnny Parisi d. Hardcore Holly (57, 69, 63)

Hardcore Holly loses 2 points overness

Johnny Parisi gains 2 points overness

Afterwards, I heard him talk...

Voice: "Oh yeah! Cena! He rules, man! He's SOOO AWESOME!" I sort of waited for this (and was happy at least one guy cheered Cena), when Joey pulled me over...

Joey: "Come on! It's the GenBassy's match. Get ready, man..." The two of us proceeded to perform Raven's signature taunt in unison (followed by a few fans near us) as Aries, Shelley, and Strong came out for a six-man up against Cassidy Riley and the Naturals. It seemed easy if all three were together- no one could be surprised if both of us showed up. However, I always seem to get a little weirded out when I meet with some of them- maybe it was because this friend of mine kept telling me that Alex Shelley had psychic powers, which if true would just blow my cover. We proceeded to watch the match. It was awesome- so awesome I was worried my cover had been blown and someone there knew I was scouting them. I tried to keep going as normal...

Joey: "Um, dude? Are you all right?"

"Yeah, just fine...never better."

Joey: "Great. Let's try and go backstage." We headed closer to the back while the match continued...

"Are you sure about this, Joey? I mean, we might want to wait a bit..."

Joey: "Don't worry about it...see?" Joey pointed over at the ring attire girl (who apparently, my sources on some websites told me was a worker called 'So Cal Val' or something...whatever.) "I've known her since college- she'll help us get backstage without a problem. Now come on..." We headed towards her as she headed over to Joey and gave him a hug...

Val: "Joey! What's been going on? Are you trying to get backstage again?" Joey had a sheepish look on his face.

Joey: "You got me...I needed to talk to Aries about finally getting into the ROH school."

Val: "Got the money already, huh? Well, here's hoping you make it- I think we could make a good pairing in the ring."

Joey: "Well, if I ever did have a manager, I would want it to be a friendly face, so that would be a plus." The three of us headed into the back as we heard some cheers that told us the match was over...

John Cena interview to hype Cena/Edge main event (88)

MNM d. Viscera and Venis by Melina interference to retain World Tag Team Titles (62, 66, 64)

( I know, they actually gave them some match time in TNA? I'm shocked...)

When we got to the back, we waited for the workers to come backstage. Eventually, the three headed in and tried to rest up. We waited a little bit as I saw Raw airing backstage...

After the break, Vince McMahon came to the ring with a little less of his swagger and took the mic...

Styles: "McMahon doesn't seem to be himself after that loss to Shawn Michaels last night at Wrestlemania 22..."

Coachman: "Oh, come on. Michaels got lucky. Vince said it himself- Michaels is washed up!"

Lawler: "You better not let Michaels hear you saying that, Coach!" McMahon began to speak...

McMahon: "Ladies and gentlemen, I come here tonight a shamed man. You see, last night I stepped into the ring with someone who is a shell of his former self- someone who I thought was washed up...and he still beat me. Truly, this is a dark day in the McMahon family history. I was able to win the Royal Rumble, win the WWF World Title, and yet I still couldn't beat a has-been like Michaels. This has led me to realize...I need to take some time off. I need to get back on all eight cylinders. I now know the reason I lost to Michaels last night...I lost because I had to deal with searching for a new Raw GM, handling the duties of the Raw GM, running this company, AND try to find a way to train. And all of you know- if I was able to train, Michaels would have never beaten me. As a result, after that loss, I resolved myself to find a new GM for Raw as soon as possible. And at long last, I think I've found that man. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the next GM of Raw...someone who is a total legend in this industry, someone who's legacy will live on for generations...2006 WWE Hall of Famer: DUSTY RHODES!" Just then, "The American Dream"'s music hit as Rhodes came to the ring and took the mic...



After the match, Chris Masters came to the ring carrying his WWE Intercontinental title and took the mic...

Masters: "Wrestlemania 22. Where it all began for the first time, people. You saw the end of a legacy- the final humiliation of Ric Flair's career. He went into the ring with a worker who was more styling, more profiling, more talented...much younger- I mean that guy's older than the hills...and is a true Masterpiece of wrestling. When the smoke cleared, you have an Intercontinental champion who you can be proud of- someone who's only held the belt for one day and yet is already the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time! Bask in the glow of true perfection, people!" Just then, Chavo Guerrero's theme music hit as he headed to the ring...

Styles: "This is a huge shot for Chavo Guerrero! His uncle and mentor, the new WWE Hall of Famer, the late Eddie Guerrero, was a great Intercontinental Champion, and now Chavo has a chance to hold the title for himself!"

Lawler: "You know Chavo would love nothing more than to win the title in honor of Eddie Guerrero, Joey!"

Coach: "Eddie Guerrero Eddie Guerrero Eddie Guerrero Eddie Guerrero Eddie Guerrero Eddie Guerrero Eddie Guerrero Eddie Guerrero Eddie Guerrero Eddie Guerrero!"

(INTERCONTINENTAL) Chris Masters v. Chavo Guerrero

Well, this match was relatively hot...of course, when one gets "Hate Heat" and the other gets heat because his uncle is dead, that's not a good thing. This match was actually a decent match- Masters's improvement has been marked in recent times, and Chavo is a great worker anyways. Hence, the match was good even with its styles-clash nature. The two put on a decent enough match. Masters got the advantage, but the "EDDIE!" chants put Chavo back into it. Chavo went for the Three Amigos, but as he went for the third one, Masters reversed it and was able to lock the Masterlock in, making Chavo tap out. Well, it was acceptable, which isn't a bad thing...

(70, 79, 74)

After the match, a video started airing...

INT: Blackness. Sheer blackness.

Voice: "The beginning of wrestling in this day and age has been long forgotten. For too long, people have been neglecting the beginnings. They have thought that they were safe in the middle eras of professional wrestling. They were wrong." An "Omega" symbol started to air.

Voice: "The Alpha of professional wrestling- who knows where that was anymore. But I...I am the Omega for the world of professional wrestling. Soon, my time will come to bring the end of professional wrestling as you know it." Another Omega symbol aired as the video continued.

Voice: "I am the Alpha and Omega of the WWE. I am coming to destroy all worlds. Brace yourself, WWE- for your end is near...

On-screen: "THE OMEGA MAN

Coming Soon..."


YES! I was ecstatic when I saw the video- they were using another of my ideas after all. Granted, the video didn't come out that great, but who cares? I officially had my first real gimmick in the WWE! I couldn't help but get a little pleased, only to notice someone come up from behind me...

Strong: "So...you like what you see, huh? Come on, Raven Guy- here I thought you were one of our fans..." YES! Now, time for the master to do his work...

"Oh, sorry. Just heard good things about the person this gimmick's supposedly going to be for, you know?"

Strong: "No biggie, no biggie. But still, it's disappointing- here I thought you were all about TNA, and you mark for WWE stuff?"

"Well, I did bad, I guess. I think there's only one way to show my penance to TNA..."

Strong: "Oh, come on- it's no big deal..."

"No, no. Since you caught me marking to something else, I'll have to make it up to you. My older brother runs a bar here in Orlando- come on. Drinks are on me."

Strong: "Excellent! Come on, guys...Raven Guy here's paying for drinks. Austin, Alex...?"

Shelley: "Sorry, man- I'm scheduled for an Impact matchup: I can't leave now. Leave me the directions and I'll catch up."

"No problem. Joey, Austin?"

Joey: "Sorry dude- straight edge, remember? Also, I need to get a little more info here..."

Austin: "Yeah- I need to make sure that he gets the stuff necessary for training..."

"Okay. You got it..." I headed out and was ready for phase two of the plan. My M.O. is usually the same in these instances: Corner the TNA worker. Offer to buy drinks at my brother's bar. My brother comps me. As long as there's no problems with this one...



Strong: "Yeah, man! How'dja find thish plashe again?"

"I told you- my brother hooks me up, you know?"

Strong: "EXCSHELLENT! A TOASHT TO RAVEN GUY'S BROTHER!" Strong raised another glass, then dropped. JACKPOT. I loaded him into his car, and headed straight for the airport...

Strong: "Whaddarwedoin'here?"

"Never mind...just sleep it off..." Strong fell asleep as I went to the terminal... "Yes, two tickets were left here to New York?" I pulled out my ID...

Stewardess: "Ah yes. Right this way." I pulled him onto the plane and waited. Eventually while we were in the air, Strong woke up...

Strong: "Um...where are we?"

"Nowhere. This is all just a dream. Just go back to sleep and it'll all be okay..." I saw him go back to sleep. Score another one for the kid...


Roderick Strong woke up in a daze on a couch.

Strong: "Ugg..what happened?" Just then, Johnny Ace was seen near him...

Ace: "Ah, Mr. Strong. Johnny Ace, head of Talent Relations for World Wrestling Entertainment. Pleased to meet you. Now, I'm here for one reason and one reason only: To make sure next Monday night, you show up in a WWE ring. Now, shall we get ready?"


Meanwhile, later that night at the bar...

Shelley: "Okay, okay, okay! It's time to get DRUNK...hey, where'd Roderick go?"

Bartender: "Oh...you mean the guy with the boss's little brother? They left a little while ago...wait. You're Alex Shelley! I've heard great stuff about your work..."

Shelley: "But...I thought the other Raven guy told me that this one's car was still parked here. Oh well- I know what's going on...Raven Guy works here in his spare time! Makes sense- he did say his brother owns the place... Yep. Well, tell him Alex stopped in, and that I hope we can meet up again...he still owes me some drinks! Got to go..."

(MEANWHILE, what they didn't see...)

Triple H d. The Big Show (87, 59, 78)

John Cena d. Edge to retain WWE Heavyweight Title, Kane interferes after match (95, 76, 89)

Kane gains 1 point overness

The next morning:

-From: www.dubohdub.com


-In what has been seen as a surprising move, dubohdub.com has received word from a source that WWE is trying to sign TNA and ROH worker Roderick Strong to a contract. Reportedly, Strong was seen heading into WWE headquarters today, though no official word has been set on whether he signed a contract or not...

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That Tuesday, I headed to the Smackdown tapings as some of the general staff lauded my success. Mr.Ace headed over and put his arm on my shoulder as we headed to the staff meeting.

Ace: "By damn, kid: We'd been trying to get him out of his contract for months now, and it only took you a day to get him to us. Our lawyers are hammering out the details right now- he should debut next week."

"Well, it is my job..."

Ace: "You know, you'll really need to drop the ball once or twice- you keep this up, they'll give you my job."

"Don't worry, Mr.Ace- I'm not interested in too much power. Besides- I become head of Talent Relations, it'll work hell on my current job..."

Ace: "You're sure about that?"

"Oh, come on, sir. If you can't trust a lying, conniving, double agent who will lure unsuspecting people in, get them drunk, and kidnap them to make them work for a major corporation- who can you trust?"

Ace: "I guess you're right..." We headed into the place where everyone was meeting.

Vince: "Ah- there's our number-two man and the man of the hour. Honestly, kid- is there anything you can't do?"

"Let's see, sir...oh! I'm no good with tongue twisters! Rubber baby buggy bumpers Rubber ruggy bubby rumpers Rubber rumpers baby rumpers..."

Vince: "Um...okay...now, let's get the information. Now, you've been in touch with Paul- who does he think we should take?"

"Mr.Heyman told me that he has two guys who are worthy of a spot on the full-time WWE roster- TJ Wilson and J.R. Ryder. I'd suggest we sign them both- they had a decent opening match at the ECW show, and I've heard talks TNA is particularly interested in Wilson and his sometime partner Harry Smith. In addition, Eric Bischoff says he wants his guys to get him J.R. Ryder at all costs."

Vince: "Well, then it seems like we know what to do- get Paul on the line and get us those guys. We've been trying to get Harry Smith to come here for a little while- I think Johnny can handle that, right?"

Ace: "It'll be no problem, Mr.McMahon."

It's the post- Wrestlemania time, and that means- spring cleaning. Who do you think we should get rid of?"

Ace: "Well, I looked through the people there, and I think we can get rid of Snitsky, Heidenreich, Tomko, Viscera, Danny Basham, Antonio, Romeo, and Torrie Wilson from Raw, and Al Snow and Mark Henry from Smackdown. As for development guys, I'd say we should trash Dalip Singh and Michelle McCool- they'll likely never be worthwhile on the roster."

Vince: "I'll take them under consideration..."

"Um, excuse me, sir? I don't want to interrupt, but I feel like most of the potential Raw firings could be a bad thing for us right now: except for Torrie, the people you mentioned all have a lot of potential use as jobbers so that we can get over a lot of the new talent we're bringing onto the show. In addition, Raw has a dearth of tag teams that we will need to get through, and the Heartthobs could be useful there. I'm not saying they shouldn't eventually be released, but I do feel we would get more use from most of the people there if we job them out, while also ruining them for WCCW and TNA."

Vince: "That makes some sense. I do think we should get rid of Snow and Henry, however- I've been waiting for the day we could can Henry since 1998, and now we won't have to pay much at all to get rid of him. Meanwhile, Snow is still on one of those open deals I hate so much- if we ever want to use him, we have to pay him 88 grand just to show up. Is there any other suggestions?"

"Well, there is one possibility, but it might not be a good one...you won't like it...I've been checking the development of our workers, and I think we might be better served by cutting bait for most of the losers of Tough Enough 4 and the Diva Search still on our roster. I checked their development, and it is my opinion that of the ones still in development from these programs, only two people of the lot: Nick Mitchell and Mike The Miz, have any hope of being good enough for WWE television."

Vince: "Are you kidding? They're truly homegrown talents. We can market them as stars. And the women...well...if we get rid of the Diva Search contestants...who am I going to fuck on the road?"

"I understand the problem there, sir- heaven knows I wouldn't want to spoil your ability to fuck. However, I know I can make it easier for you...just hear me out."

Vince: "This had better be good...I mean, we are looking to fire people, you know..."

"I have been doing research on the Internet for potential prospects. Now, as we know, today is Tuesday and the Smackdown tapings- to air Friday. I am certain that for every one of those Diva Search competitors on roster, I can get you five women who are just as hot as any one of the Diva Searchers, are better future prospects for WWE television than any of the Diva Searchers in development, and they will all work for the same price as one of the Diva Searchers by the 8:00 p.m. start time on the East Coast for Smackdown. Instead of 5 people to sleep with, I can turn it to at least 25 girls, and the fans will want to see them to boot."

Vince: "You're serious? Cheap, hot, and better prospects?"

"Not only that, I can promise the same story for all the Tough Enough guys we're getting rid of, and for guys like Snow and Henry, I can give you at least 10 prospects who will eventually be WWE-ready."

Vince: "I don't buy it..."

Ace: "I think this kid's proven he deserves the chance. Heck, I'm so sure that he can pull this off- if he goes over cost, I'll pay the difference for this month...but if he succeeds with all the claims he just made and still comes in under the cost we're saving, you give him a bonus of double the difference. What do you say?"

Vince: "I'd say you put too much faith in this kid's ability, Johnny...but if you're so willing to try this, I'm game. Let's just see how good your assistant is, now shall we?"

"Excellent. Now, if you'll excuse me- I need to go to the Internet." I left the meeting and headed to the nearest cyber cafe for some skill. Using every tool I had- connections from my former stuff, help from people like Paul (after telling him the story) and Eric (after I claimed I was trying to find new WCCW Hotties [trademark to them]), Internet sites, message boards- hell, even EWR stats, I burned the midnight oil to try to make this occur. Eventually, I had an easy time as an intern came to my door and passed me an early copy of the Smackdown results, which I popped in...

Smackdown results:

The Shane Twins v. London and Spanky

The Shane Twins are these big twin guys...who combined have all the talent of a russet potato. Naturally, that meant they had to put them in with Smackdown's little miracle workers, London and Spanky, to get them over. Unfortunately, this was less the result of London and Spanky making them over and more the Shane Twins carrying them to weaknesses. Right now, my head tells me these two may not be long for WWE...London and Spanky looked good in the loss, and tried to make the Shane Twins look menacing, but it was probably for naught as Mike Shane hit a Powerslam for the victory. Well, The Boogeyman will be happy he's not the worst wrestler in the world...

(58, 76, 60)

After the match, Daivari came down to the ring then headed in, cursing the fans out in Farsi. Daivari motioned to the entranceway as if to ask for his opponent. After a little bit, Brazo de Plata came down to the ring eating a ham. de Plata placed the ham near one of the turnbuckles and headed into the ring...

Daivari v. Brazo de Plata

This was...well, was this supposed to be a cruiserweight match? Considering Brazo de Plata looks like he ate the rest of the division and Daivari's a manager- this was naturally hard to watch. Naturally, it was comedy: Daivari trying to see if the referee would learn to watch a match like he could, Brazo de Plata trying to sneak bites of the ham, and the like. Eventually, Brazo de Plata took the advantage. However, before he could go in for the kill, two guys (who my sources told me were Eric Perez and Andy Anderson) ran into the ring and started doing a weird dance with a megaphone:


de Plata was surprised (to the point of nearly breaking character), only to have Daivari roll him up and get the pin.After the match, the two looked sad...until Brazo de Plata grabbed his ham and ate again, only for the two to start dancing again...

(50, 67, 52)

After the break, Kid Kash hit the ring and took the mic...

Kash: "You know, I'm sick and tired of all these cruiserweights in WWE...not one of them is a proper match for me. I'm sick and tired of this, and I want a challenge right now! So, I'm calling out any cruiserweight in the world who think they can step in the ring with me to come out and get your ass-whooping!" The shot went to the entranceway as Jamie Noble's theme hit as he came out to the ring...

Tazz: "I didn't think we'd see him back here, Cole!"

Cole: "Apparently, Jamie Noble's gained a new lease on wrestling in the two years he's been absent from the WWE roster- I believe he wants to be called James Gibson now to reflect that..."

Tazz: "Eh, who cares- this will still be a Rocket Busta!"

Kid Kash v. James Gibson

Now THIS is a match you can take home to mama. This was less of what you'd expect from a WWE tag team match and more a X-Division or ROH-style cruiserweight matchup. The two proceeded to put on an awesome match that had to open up some eyes in WWE. The only surprise on this match is why they would put these two against each other, considering that they seem like they would go well together. Kid Kash took the advantage quickly, using some more of the moves that got him to WWE instead of what the WWE asks out of people. Kash took the advantage- until Nidia came out of the stands and attacked Kid Kash, allowing Gibson to cover him for the win. After the match, Gibson and Nidia embraced in the ring...

Cole: "Well, I know we haven't seen James Gibson in a WWE ring in a while, but we haven't seen Nidia in about that much time."

Tazz: "Apparently, these two made up during their time away from the E, Cole!"

(67, 91, 71)

MNM v. Nunzio and Vito

This match was another disappointing match. Maybe it was the fact that it was two heel teams, but this was just...meh. The two teams didn't seem like they had all the skill they usually have, as this was just subpar. There seems to be a general malaise going around the locker rooms lately. Eventually, the two teams proceeded to get a normal skill for it. MNM took the advantage, finally hitting a Snapshot on Vito to get the big victory. Eh- it was there...

(63, 78, 63)

Lashley and Matt Hardy v. Ken Kennedy and Sylvan

Well, this had...no sense. Cole and Tazz tried to hype it up as a match between the "young stars gunning for the United States Title", but that is not an excuse for throwing together two teams (even if two of them are feuding.) Why not just have Kennedy (KENNEDY) squash Hardy, and Lashley destroy Sylvan? Oh, that'd be easier...The teams didn't look that good as a result, and the end result was a pretty bad match. Eventually, Lashley beat down Sylvan, finally hitting the Dominator on him for the victory. Whatever...

(68, 71, 62)

After the match, Kennedy was livid and took the mic:

Kennedy: "Ladies and gentlemen, World Wrestling Entertainment would like to remind you that the person taking the pinfall in the preceding tag team match was in fact SYLVAN...meaning that REMAINING an undefeated superstar, your next WWE United States Champion of the...United States...MR.KENNEDY!..."

Gregory Helms v. Simon Dean

And the "WTF?" matches continue here, as Simon Dean and Gregory Helms put on another heel vs. heel matchup. Surprisingly, the match was actually good. Helms put on one of the best matches he's had in WWE, and Dean was more than capable in this match. The two seemed to rise above the weakness in these things for the whole of this, putting on one of the best matches in the show. At least there will be some good matches the next few weeks. Eventually, the match was pretty similar to natural WWE cruiserweight matches, with Helms getting the win following a Nightmare on Helms Street. Whatever...

(44, 90, 60)

Booker T v. Chris Benoit

And since the show's pretty much thrown together, we have our prototypical Booker/Benoit random match. The two...well, they had their regular Booker/Benoit match, which is always the same thing you can expect. Decent workrate, a decent crowd, but it was just...something we all know. Eventually they're going to falter. This was vanilla ice cream, so it's no reason to describe it...Sharmell distracted Benoit, Benoit bent over slightly to carry her, and Booker hit a Scissors Kick that sent Benoit into the turnbuckle.Booker then rolled him up and got the victory. Whatever...

(86, 84, 76)

Rey Mysterio and Batista v. Randy Orton and Kurt Angle

Don't you just hate it when you lose that spark needed to write the matches in a diary? I know, it's a new diary for this, but come on: I've never been much of a diary writer. My matches suck, they always have sucked, and they always will suck. It's 4:45 in the morning, I'm completely drained for matches, and this show didn't come off well at all. I don't know what it is. Eh, you never read a Reflecto diary for ***** matches, so who gives a shit? Rey and Batista won, with Rey pinning Orton after the 619. Well, it looks like they're going to go with this as the feud...*sigh* Maybe I need more gimmicks to get involved. I should bring wOw back...but it still will hurt too much if I do right now...*cries*

(89, 80, 77)

Over: 64

That Friday, I headed to the WWE offices with what seemed to be a wait on my desk. I headed to my boss's office with a frown on my face...

Ace: "Now, look, Paul- you know the deal. You get the guys, we put them in our fed when they're ready, and our boy said this guy is ready...no, I don't care that he just won the ECW TV Title, we want him ASAP, so get him over here when you can! We need more talented guys, and it has to be done, so just do it! Oh, I've got to go- you'll never guess who's in here...aw, you guessed. Too easy, Paul, too easy..." Mr. Ace hung up the phone. "What's wrong? You look down."

"Well, it's about Tuesday...I know I usually boast a lot of my prowess, and I probably said some things I shouldn't have at that meeting..."

Ace: "I know what you're going to say, and don't worry about me...?"

"You're sure?"

Ace: "Of course. You do realize I'm taking the money I'm going to lose from your pay this month, but that is to be expected..." OUCH! I looked sadder as I continued...

"So...you mean I'm going to need to pay you for this one?"

Ace: "It's the only way you can learn. In this business, or in any business, the assistant is the first line of defense for the person in charge. If my assistant fails, they need punishment so they won't fail again. If your assistant succeeds, it's the direct boss's duty to match any accolade that they receive to show them their success is great- for if you succeed, I succed."

"So, if I were to do this, you would have matched the bonus Vince gave me?"

Ace: "If you could have pulled off something that unlikely, of course I would..."

"I see. Well, maybe you should come with me to go see Vince- you know, tell him he won the bet. Oh, and when this occurs, I will have thing to say to you..." I led Mr. Ace out to the hallway- where he was met by a crowd of 68 people holding up WWE developmental contracts...

"In case you were serious- the total came to 28 women and 40 guys signing for us, and I managed to come in at $3,000 under the cost of the people we fired, so: If you were serious about that, I will take a check for 6 grand, thank you..." Mr.Ace looked at me, then gave me a Bearhug at an 0.5 on the Andre scale...

Ace: "You...son-of-a-bitch...Good show!"

"To add to it- 34 of them were willing to accept 5-year deals: I think I've got the people who will take WWE into the next decade right here!"

Ace: "That...is amazing. How you did this...you'll have to tell me the story..."

"Just wait until the end..." We headed into Vince's office followed by the group of workers as Mr.Ace went in and solely said "The kid did it...what can I say?" Vince looked at the copies of the contracts that I had, saw the prices, then finally (almost with one of those varied facial expressions Mick Foley talked about in his book, this time showing shock, anger, and just a bit of happiness) cut me a check for $6,000, followed by Mr.Ace doing the same.

Ace: "This was a great move kid, so I'll tell you what- take next week off. You've more than earned it with this move..."

"Thank you, Mr.Ace..."

Final tally: Roughly three weeks after I started my regular work for WWE, and I'm already getting 5 digit bonuses and a LOT of respect. All I can say is- Damn, I'm good. I left the offices, only to bump into a certain star...

Kennedy: "...KENNEDY!"

-WWE.Com Breaking News: Roster Cuts Announced

-World Wrestling Entertainment has officially released the following workers:Torrie Wilson, Al Snow, Mark Henry, Dalip Singh, Elisabeth Rouffaer, Justice Smith, Kristal Marshall, Michelle McCool, Rochelle Loewen, and Ryan Reeves. We wish them the best of luck in their future endeavors.

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Candice (3), Crystal Carmichael (4), Alura (4), Amanda Shae (1), Sandra D (4) = Kristal Marshall (16,000)

Lexis Wine (1), Princess Jade (1), Tizziana (5), Vampiria (4), American Cream Pie (1), Destiny Star (4), Ivanna B. Eighten (4) = Elisabeth Rouffaer (20,000)

Sofy (3), Sonya Blackhawk (4), Stingeress (4), Tygra (4), Tara Bush (2) > Justice Smith (16,000- +1,000) X

Anna Marie (5), Miss Michelle (5), Naomi Sinclair (5), Nikki T. (5)= Rochelle Loewen (20,000)

Francoise (8), Alicia (6), Ginger (8), Heather Faith (8), President Seska (9), Mercury (8), Ariel (9)= Torrie Wilson (56,000)


Konrad (4), Shawn Stylez (0), Flash Christian (4), Mr.Boombastic (5), Spud (4)> Ryan Reeves (16,000- +1,000) X

Corvis Fear (4), Hornet (4), Jason Norcross (4), Virus HFWA (4), B.A.D. (5)> Michelle McCool (20,000- +1,000) X

Ryan Boz (8), Eric Justice (9), Simon Sanders (8), Suicide (8), Mistico (11), Kenny the Bastard (6)= Giant Singh (50,000)

Matt Sydal (8), Deranged (9), Xstasis (9), Acero Dorado (8), Master J (7), Chris Bosh (9), Claudio Castagnoli (10), Groon XXX (9), Jared Steel (9), Marek Brave (6)< Al Snow (88,000: -5,000)

Tyler Black (8), Andrew Ryker (4), Cade Sydal (8), Chasyn Rance (8), Cheech (7), Cloudy (8), Crazy Sexy Mike (7), Danny Daniels (8), Danshoku Dino (6), Fabulous Frederick (9), Player Uno (7), Sedrick Strong (9), Anthony Franco (3), Evan Starsmore (3)> Mark Henry (94,000)

Final: +3,000

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After a week of rest, relaxation, and just chilling, it was pretty hard to get back in the swing of things. I mean, honestly...I have such a hard life. Getting a one-week paid vacation and a $12,000 bonus less than two months into my cushy job for one of the biggest companies in the world, only to drive all the way down to sunny Orlando, Florida to get paid good money to hang out with professional wrestlers...won't someone feel sorry for me? I had to get over to the show, and the same stuff pretty much occurred. Shane picked me up and set everything up at his place, Joey came and picked me up for the show, and it all went as normal...

Joey: "So, dude- you missed a lot last week...why weren't you here?"

"Oh, I had to work all last week. Didn't even catch TV. What happened?"

Joey: "Dude...you didn't hear? Roderick Strong jumped to WWE."

"That's shocking. What was going on?"

Joey: "I don't know. They scheduled Strong and Aries to take on The Naturals, but then Strong no-showed and they turned it to Aries and Shelley. I went backstage to watch Raw and get more info from Aries, and then I saw it: Strong on TV shaking hands with Dusty Rhodes. God, Vince McMahon is such an asshole..." (Well, it doesn't make him a bad person, and he pays really well...)


Joey: "You know, I have to ask though, man. You were talking with him last week...did he say anything that said he was going to jump?" Ah yes, the $64,000 question...

"Well, it was nothing really. Me and him went to my brother's bar, we knocked back a couple, had a decent time. Wrestling didn't really come up much in the conversation...I had no idea he was going to do something like that..." Oh, I deserve a motherfucking Oscar...

Joey: "Damn. Well, I guess we're here. Let's go in." Joey got out of the car as I motioned over to the district where most of the restaurants are (one good thing about working TNA shows as a double agent: I eat really, really well- the restaurants at Universal are usually better than the ones in Stamford.)

"Just a little bit. I'm getting a little hungry- I'm going to stop for dinner. You coming?"

Joey: "Nah, I ate on the way up. I'll save us some seats..."

"Okay. See you in a bit!" I headed to one of the restaurants near the area and proceeded to order my meal. Eventually, I headed to the restroom and got in a stall...

"Hello, Mom...is Little Johnny home?"

Secretary: "Sure thing...let me go get him..." In just a second, I heard Mr.Ace come on.

Ace: "Oh, hello. I take it you're on the Universal Studios lot?"

"You know it. I was just wondering, little bro- since I was planning to try and get backstage during the tapings, I had to know- who do you want me to get the autograph of tonight?"

Ace: "Well, HBK's been a little disappointed we don't have a new feud for him after Wrestlemania, so we wanted to cheer him up a little bit. As such, I'd like you to go after Matt Bentley tonight. Do you think you can do that?"

"Oh, that should be no problem- I'll bring you his autograph tomorrow. I'll talk to you later...bye!" I hung up the phone and headed over to the studio for the taping. Joey saved me a seat as we prepared to wait for the show to start...


Meanwhile, in a separate stall...

Shelley: "Oh, yeah. Nothing beats a good meal before a wrestling match..." Just then, Shelley overheard a conversation going on in the other stall... "Hmm. That sounds like one of the Raven Guys...oh, I get it. He must be getting his brother autographs for the wall. I bet that bar must have a huge amount of TNA guys on the walls. Hmmm- maybe if I see him tonight, I'll pass him an 8X10..."


Joey: "So, you planning to call one of your friends?"

"You know it- someone has to know who's going to do what over in the WWE..." I proceeded to call up Jennifer and see what was going on...

Jennifer: "Hello...oh, hi! What's been going on?"

"Nothing much- work, mostly. You?"

Jennifer: "Pretty much the same. Watching Raw right now..."

"Oh, really? I'm currently doing some stuff- could you tell me what's going on?"

Jennifer: "Sure. Well, the opening match looks good. There's this one guy who is just SO hot. Total blond, muscled up stud...even has a stripper's name. Chet The Jet. Only male go-go dancers have names like that, hun..."

"Oh, I'm hurt..." ...or at least I will be until I head back to Louisville or Atlanta, meet up again with the girls I got in the E, and do things to them Jennifer probably never even thought possible as per the laws of physics...

Jennifer: "Yeah, yeah. His opponent's that Headbanger Mosh guy- I assume he's going to win..."

"I see. So, how is the match?" I hated to get a mark's perspective, but it was a necessity- I heard Johnny's on the fence with Chet the Jet staying on roster, and so I needed all the input I could get.

Jennifer: "Oh, this is hot. This Chet the Jet guy is beating Chaz down really well. Hot action, nice skills together, and, did I mention this guy is hot?"

"Um, yes..."

Jennifer: "Well, the match is pretty good. Apparently, Chet the Jet is getting the win with a move Coach is calling Hit the Showers...poor move, but I'd like to Hit the Showers with this guy any day of the week..."

"I see..." I kept watching the action...

Joey: "So, what's going on over there?"

"Apparently, they debuted some development guy and had him go over Chaz..."

Joey: "Dammit! Chaz had so much potential, and they hire him just to job him out? What's the deal?"

Chet the Jet d. Chaz (52, 78, 65)

"So, what's going on now?"

Jennifer: "Oh, you know- commercial breaks...some nice stuff you can buy me, movies I might let you take me to..."

"Aww, but you're so far away..."

Jennifer: "But...aren't I worth it...? Anyway- this match should be weak. I mean, this Brent Albright guy is pretty subpar and the opponent...apparently some generic ninja worker."


Joey: "What's the match?"

"Brent Albright vs. some dude with a Ninja gimmick..."

Joey: "I see. Could you ask them who it was?"

"Who's the guy?"

Jennifer: "They said it was Sakoda...I don't know if this is good. In fact, it looks pretty poor. You could hear a pin drop in the crowd, too. Why'd they rehire this Sakoda guy, anyway?" Well, at least he was one of Mr.Ace's hirings...I'm still EENVEENCIBLE!

"So, how else is the match going?"

Jennifer: "Pretty poor...Sakoda's taking the advantage, and...OH YEAH! This totally redeemed the match!"

"What happened?"

Jennifer: "That Paul Burchill guy you said was so good ran in and hit Sakoda with a nice move. This match may have sucked, but anything leading to a Ninja vs. Pirate feud is awesome!" YES! They're using my Ninja vs. Pirate idea! Oh yeah...got a feud on...work that...

Joey:"What's going on?"

"Oh, this is terrible. WWE's actually convinced a Ninja vs. Pirate feud is what people want to see. That's totally lame!"

Joey: "Damn. Just...damn. Are they trying to get on Wrestlecrap?"

"I guess..."

Brent Albright d. Sakoda by Paul Burchill interference (11, 62, 36)

"So, what's going on now?"

Jennifer: "EEEEEEEEEEEEE! Can't talk...John Cena's on...too hot..."

"I take it there's a Cena interview right now..."

Joey: "Geez...he lost all his charisma after turning face. What's the point of it?"

"I don't know, but I can guess...THE CHAIN GANG IS IN DA HOUSE HERE IN (BLANK)...Now, Kane, you're some big moron for thinking you can come after my World Title and you're a big red retard and your dick is burnt and you had sex with a dead chick and you're a failed dentist and couldn't even rip off Kevin Nash right because you suck and I rule and THE CHAIN GANG will agree on that..."

Joey: "Wow...that sounds like every John Cena promo I've heard since he turned face..."

"I know, right?"

Jennifer: "Hush. You're talking about my future bishounen. No badmouthing Cena."

"Oh...all right..."

John Cena interview re: Kane feud (89)

"So...what's next?"

Jennifer: "Bathroom break. Tyson Tomko- that guy sucks, and that Roderick Strong guy. I still don't get it- who the hell is this guy, and why is it such a big deal he's in the WWE?"

"I dunno..."

Joey: "What? What's the news?"

"It's...THAT GUY's...first match..."

Joey: "You mean the traitor? Tell this person to boo them once for me! T-N-A! T-N-A!" I saw Joey start a "T-N-A!" chant with his claims to me as I continued to talk (blatantly saying "T-N-A!" while I did...you know, gotta keep up the masquerade...)

Jennifer: "Whoa...how did you know about the chant going on?"


Jennifer: "A bunch of people are shouting 'T-N-A!' at this match. Is this a sign? Is Trish Stratus going to manage these two?"

"No...long story. Just watch the match..."

Jennifer: "Well, it is a nice solid brawl..."

"Oh really?"

Jennifer: "Yeah. Nice and violent. This Strong guy is making a lot of nice backbreakers on Tomko. Pretty cool, really..."

"Okay. Well, I did hear he's a good worker..."

Jennifer: "Yup! Really good. Locked him in this nice move- I heard Styles call it the Stronghold, and got Tomko to tap. Pretty cool...you should've watched it..." Yeah, yeah, laugh it up...

Roderick Strong d. Tyson Tomko (50, 71, 60)

Tyson Tomko loses 1 point overness for losing to a vanilla midget

Roderick Strong gains 1 point overness for beating someone with name value

"Well, thanks for the update. What's on now?"

Jennifer: "Not much. Just a repeat of that video for the 'Omega Man' or something. Pretty weak. I don't know, but it's not making me want to see whoever this guy is...the video's pretty terrible, and it just seems like too intellectual a gimmick, almost. Don't they know wrestling fans want crap?"

"I don't know...I don't know..." DAMMIT! I hate when marks diss one of my gimmicks...

Video plays hyping the Omega Man (45)

The Omega Man gains 1 point overness for getting a buzz...

"Anything new on?"

Jennifer: "Kind of. MNM's out there...tag title match. This should be decent...WHOA!"


Jennifer: "3 Minute Warning's back! This should be good- they were so awesome back in the day!"

Joey: "What's going on?"

"Apparently, they brought back 3 Minute Warning. That's pretty cool, right?"

Joey: "I dunno- they weren't that good as gangsta Samoans. Plus, Rosey's lost a lot of his cool factor with that S.H.I.T. gimmick- pun intended..."

"Yeah, I guess...let me see how the match is...how is it?"

Jennifer: "Oh, it's like 3MW never missed a beat. Great match, the teams are putting on a good show- it's amazing. MOTW candidate."

"Very cool. The finish?"

Jennifer: "Pretty standard- Melina distracted Rosey, Joey Mercury dropkicked him, then Johnny Nitro hit a Shooting Star Leg Drop on him- I didn't even know he could do that move, to tell the truth..."

"Awesome... MNM won."

Joey: "I see. Too bad, really- will they ever pull the trigger on a 3MW title reign? They so deserved it..."

MNM d. 3 Minute Warning (48, 84, 66)

Rosey loses 7 points overness because superheroes can't claim they gangsta...

"New match?"

Jennifer: "Piss break...it's Hardcore Holly getting a shot at the Intercontinental Title about 6 years past the time he could have been believable with the belt..."

"Yikes... it's Holly vs. Masters."

Joey: "X-Division...take me away!"

Jennifer: "I will be fair though, Chris Masters has an upside. I mean, he's really hot, for one, and for another, the last few weeks he's been having the match of the night with a number of opponents. He may actually be a star in the making..." Wow...will wonders ever cease?

"Very cool. So the match is good?"

Jennifer: "Oh, yeah. Holly looks like he's beating the crap out of Masters, but Masters isn't having it."

"Nice. Stiffness is a good thing. Anything else?"

Jennifer: "Nope, pretty standard match, Masters dominates, Masterlock, still the champ...oh, now this is cool!"


Jennifer: "You'll think I'm joking..."

"No, come on..."

Jennifer: "Well, Chavo headed to the top of the ramp, and Masters challenged him to come to the ring. Anyway, Chavo stayed there...then Chavo Classic came down from the stands and started whupping Chris Masters's ass with a belt!"

"COOL!...Dude! Chavo Classic ran in and whupped Chris Masters's ass with a belt!"

Joey: "Man...that may be the coolest thing I have ever heard anybody say in the history of wrestling. Please let that make YouTube tonight...I didn't set my TiVo..."

Jennifer: "Now he's still doing it, and Chavo said that unless Masters gives him a title match, he'll keep sicing his father on him...this is hilarious..."

Chris Masters d. Hardcore Holly to retain WWE Intercontinental Title- Chavo Classic runs in and whups Chris Masters with a belt (67, 73, 70)

After another break, the conversation continued...

"So, what's up next?"

Jennifer: "Bleh...Carlito and Hi, I Suck...nothing much..."

"Yeesh. That's bad. Why couldn't they have fired that guy?" Um...because I asked them to keep him around? Oh yeah, that...

Joey: "The match?"

"Carlito/Heidenreich. Pretty lame."

Jennifer: "This is terrible. May have been worse than Albright/Sakoda. Why Carlito's Money in the Bank is beyond me...oog, it's painful to watch."

"I gather."

Jennifer: "Oh, here's something...average. Heidenreich gets the advantage, goes all hossy...and look, Powerbomb, win, bleh...wait? No! That's Carlito under the ring..."


Jennifer: "Oh, yeah...this other guy has the same afro, looks similar, and now the referee's started the match again. Carlito got in, spit some apple, and there we have it..."

"I see."

Jennifer: "Now Carlito's raising the other one's hand. Apparently, this is his brother, Eduardo Carribbean Cool or something. Well, this looks like it's going to be questionable..."

"Okay...dude, apparently WWE signed Eddie Colon..."

Joey: "Meh- I figured that'd occur sooner rather than later... I mean, he is Carlito's brother...call me when they make a big signing..."

Carlito d. Heidenreich through Eduardo interference, the two attack Heidenreich (71, 66, 69)

"Anything new?"

Jennifer: "Ooh...you're missing out...Trish and Mickie for the women's title..."

"Awww...but why would I want to wank off to plastic looking girls when I can wank off to you...?"

Jennifer: "Okay...that's...weird? Anyway, the match is pretty lame..."

Joey: "The news?"

"Trish/Mickie...sometimes, I'm happy that TNA doesn't have a true women's division..."

Joey: "Yeah- I don't know how many Jackie Gayda matches I could take..."

Jennifer: "Why do they bother? Everyone knows Mickie James isn't in Trish's league anyway...just admit Trish is keeping the title and deal with it."

"Yeah. There's no one who can take the belt from her."

Jennifer: "I know...wait...Mickie James is taking the lead...WHOA! That's Molly Holly!"

Joey: "What happened?"

"Ooh...Molly's back in the WWE..."

Joey: "Dude, you serious? Man, I'd love to jump into her lap and purr myself to sleep..."

"Has anyone ever told you you've got some perverted fetishes?"

Joey: "Why, yes..."

Jennifer: "Molly hit the Molly-Go-Round, and Trish got the win. Now the two are beating down Mickie...pretty cool, really."

Trish Stratus d. Mickie James to retain WWE Women's Title by Molly Holly interference(68, 56, 64)

"I see." After the match, Joey pulled me over as we tried to head backstage. Val saw us and let us through, as we headed through. I saw Joey head back over to Austin Aries while I headed over to the nearby TV. As I sat down to watch, I saw Alex Shelley head over to me...

Shelley: "So...I headed over to your brother's bar last week, but you weren't there. I hope you weren't trying to get out of buying me drinks, were you?"

"Why would I? I like your work too much."

Shelley: "You're too kind. Oh, just to make sure they remember...here. I heard you're looking for autographs for your brother's bar, so consider this a freebie. Make sure he puts it up in a nice position, now..." Shelley passed me an 8X10 glossy of himself as I made a point to pass it to my brother when I got back. I would have talked to him more, but the show went back on the air...

Chavo Guerrero v. Ric Flair

Styles: "This should be a great match- the 16-time World Champion, Ric Flair, going up against Chavo Guerrero- a man on a mission to prove himself worthy of the legend of his uncle, Eddie Guerrero..."

Lawler: "Yeah, Joey! If he could get a win over Ric Flair, he'd certainly be living up to Eddie Guerrero's legacy!"


Match: Well, this was a surprisingly good match. At least Chavo's proving he belongs in the rarefied air of his current push. Ric Flair started to do the right thing and put Chavo over huge, really making it look like Chavo was a superstar to be. The two had a decent enough match, even if it didn't seem like it was totally a good one due to stylistic reasons. Well, a match designed as much as this was to put Chavo over was not going to be a big match, anyway. Chavo Guerrero took the advantage, finally hitting the Three Amigos on Ric Flair before following it up with a Frog Splash for the victory. After the match, Chavo celebrated...until Chris Masters came down to the ring and attacked Chavo with a vicious IC belt shot, then locked Chavo in the Masterlock as the show went to break...

(73, 71, 72)

Ric Flair loses 1 point overness for losing to *gasp* a Cruiserweight!

Chavo Guerrero gains 2 points overness due to a couple people accidentally chanting "CHAVO!" during the match

Triple H, The Big Show, and Kane v. John Cena, Shawn Michaels, and Rob Van Dam

When you absolutely have no idea where to go for a main event, put all the faces in the main event scene up against apparently all the heels. (Just then, out of nowhere, Jennifer went into Super-Deformed Mode: "In case you missed it last week like that meany protagonist who Reflecto's building up as this great double agent but won't even give him a name yet..."ALL THE BEST DOUBLE AGENTS ARE ANONYMOUS!" Yeah, yeah...anyway, during a match last week, Big Show made a SHOCKING turn which was so obvious since his usual partner turned the week before. Of course, he didn't show this, because the protagonist was too busy on vacation to watch the show...and he didn't even come visit me, neither...meany...) This was...well, exactly what you'd expect from those types of matches. Pretty standard six-man tag: The heels looking dominant, the faces bumping like pinballs. Eventually, The Big Show and Kane got John Cena in a bad way, and kept focusing their attack on him, pulverizing the champion with power moves. Cena tried to fight back, but Triple H was right there with some nice moves to counteract that. Finally, Kane and Big Show hit a double Chokeslam on Cena, before Kane pinned him easily to get the three count. After the match, the three heels kept beating Cena down, only for Michaels and Van Dam to try and attack for the save as the show ended...

(90, 79, 86)

Over: 67

I finished watching the show, only to find someone near me...

"So, how'd my uncle look out there tonight? He still got it, I presume?" I looked over and saw Matt Bentley standing behind me.

"Oh, yeah. He's still good...personally, I prefer your work though..." I saw him look a little embarrassed...

Bentley: "Why, Raven guy...I didn't know you were such an ass kisser. I'm nowhere near my uncle's league..."

"Oh, come on. You're good..."

Bentley: "No way. Sure, I'm decent here in TNA, but my uncle's been main eventing shows for the E for over a decade...you don't get bigger than that. I wish I could get the crowd responses he does- somehow, the Bentley Bounce isn't the same as electrifying huge arenas..." Heh heh...all right?

"Oh really? That seems like a problem...you want to talk about it? Who knows...I might be able to help you out with this..."

Bentley: "Sure, I guess..." We walked out of the Impact Zone and headed towards one of the restaurants still open...

(FAST FORWARD, the next day...)

Bentley: "Oog...so, what's been going on?"

"Well, remember when I said I could help you out with your problem?"

Bentley: "Um, yeah..."

"Well, let me introduce you to somebody..." Just then, Mr.Ace came out of an office...

"By DAMN, kid, you did it again! Hello, Mr.Bentley...Johnny Ace. Now, I'm prepared to offer you a nice two-year deal to jump ship to the WWE..."

Bentley: "Wow...thanks. Sure, I'll sign..." Mr.Ace pulled out a contract, which Bentley signed...

Ace: "Splendid. We'll probably be debuting you very soon...welcome aboard." I headed off into the staff room, mission accomplished...


TNA Star to Make Jump?

-In a report from Smackdown, insiders are claiming that TNA worker Matt Bentley is backstage at the Smackdown tapings tonight. It is unconfirmed whether this is true, and indeed if this could be the next superstar to be jumping from TNA...

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That Smackdown was pretty much one of those easy shows to go to. Somehow, going to a show when you've just stolen a homegrown star from your competitors will do that. I headed into the booking meeting and saw the plans for Smackdown. I tried to pitch whatever ideas I could find, found out all the people that Johnny signed in the last week, and prepared for the show. It went fairly normal, at least as far as a booking meeting went. Before the show occurred, I went through the hallways. I saw a couple of the guys who were part of what they're calling "The 68" (the news of what's been seen in the back as the stuff of legend travelled fast) as they headed over to me.

Castagnoli: "Oh, thanks for the tip they were hiring, man. I just got told last week they were putting me on-screen immediately...it's just great. I could have sworn I'd be going to OVW or DSW hell like most of the other ROH guys they hired..."

"Yeah. To tell the truth, I kind of thought they would send you to OVW or DSW when I put out the offer..."

Castagnoli: "What? That's not something you say to a worker...I'm hurt..."

"You'll get over it when you make TV..." Just then, the other one began talking..." (Warning: The following is in foreign languages, partially because it involves a man from Switzerland and a man from Mexico talking, and partially because Reflecto is a quasi-intellectual pompous ass who wanted to show how multi-lingual and artistic he is. If you can't understand what is said...well, looks like you'll have to go to BabelFish at AltaVista, now won't you?)

Groonda X: "¡Me están poniendo en la TV que es inmediatamente también asombrosa! ¡Finalmente voy a conseguir un tiro en América!"

"They're promoting him, too? I mean, I know you had the look Vince loves, but you can't speak English yet!"

Geez, I knew Vince liked guys with "the look", but that's ridiculous...

Groonda X: "¿Qué él dijo?"

Castagnoli: "él dicho él ser feliz que usted ser joining Smackdown lista porque usted ser muy atractivo. él amor alzar con el gato para arriba demonio quien procurar violar él en su dormir."

"Wait...I didn't know you spoke Spanish..."

Castagnoli: "There's a lot you don't know about me. I picked up a little doing some shows in Spain- I figured, if I ever wanted to work Mexico, it'd be worthwhile to have, you know? I'm happy I did- this guy Groonda here's all right!" Groonda X looked at him...

Groonda X: "¿Oh- toma de él es un homosexual? Trabajé con Antonio Pena- que no estoy avergonzado.." WHAT WHAT WHAT?

"Diable vous lui a-t-il indiqué ? Rappelez-vous juste, Claudio- que je peux choisir comment vous êtes poussé, ainsi vous ne voulez pas jouer trop de tours sur moi..."

Castagnoli: "Ce n'est pas juste... vous ne me vous a jamais dit Français de rai..."

"There's a lot you don't know about me, either..." I headed off towards them. I saw Bentley head over towards me...

Bentley: "So...apparently, this is the little game. You pretend to be a TNA superfan, then lure guys like me to sign with WWE? I assume that's what happened with Lethal, Homicide, and Strong, huh?"

"Well, you're part of the WWE family now, so...yeah, that's the game. Though to be fair...I do it to more federations than just TNA- it's not personal towards their work. Plus, I really do like their shows."

Bentley: "Well, I can't get too mad at you- working for the WWE has always been a dream of mine. But just be warned...one of these days, you're going to get your comeuppance. TNA guys aren't too dumb- they're bound to figure something's up..." I had to take Bentley's words to heart. I mean, he did know the TNA guys- they had to be finding possible links. One of these days, I may be found out there. I thought about all the possibilities, then finally went to Mr.Ace with a heavy heart...

"Um, Mr.Ace...I know there's other people you want, but Bentley's been saying there might be problems. As such, I think next week it will be best for my masquerade if I went after getting you guys Traci. Any problems with that?"

Ace: "Well, if you think that'll be best for the masquerade- we could use a good female in the division..."

WWE Smackdown results:

London and Spanky v The Shane Twins

Well, this was another weak spot. Since apparently they know that The Shane Twins suck, they gave London and Spanky another match with them. And the match...well, it was weak. I sincerely hope they learn their lesson on The Shane Twins after this match, because London and Spanky have the skill to do some work. The match was pretty much the same as last week's match between the two. Eventually, the match almost ended the same. Mike Shane tried to attack Spanky with the same move- only to have Matt Bentley rush in through the crowd to a surprising pop and hit Mike Shane with a Superkick, allowing Spanky to get the win. After the match, London, Spanky, and Bentley posed in the ring as the show cut to backstage...

(56, 78, 67)

After the break, Andy Anderson and Eric Perez were hanging out outside a dressing room, until finally Brazo de Plata came out eating ham. The two proceeded to bow down at him...

Both: "WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE SCUM!" de Plata looked at the two...

de Plata: "Um...who are you two?"

Anderson: "We are your two biggest fans! We have come to the WWE in order to make sure that Brazo de Plata becomes the biggest thing in the world today!" de Plata looked at them...

Perez: "I think he is giving his support! Let us do the Brazo de Plata dance in celebration, my brother!" The two started to do their weird dance as de Plata looked...

de Plata: "Um, I have a match tonight. Don't bug me, and I'll let you come with me..." Brazo de Plata continued eating his ham as the two celebrated, then continued their dance...


Doug Basham v Brazo de Plata

Well, this match was a surprisingly decent match. I still get surprised at this, considering it's Doug Basham and Brazo de Plata. The two put on a decent enough show considering all of these things. Brazo de Plata's fan club headed down to the ring, cheering him on, putting glaze on his ham (which Brazo de Plata munched on during breaks), and just doing their wild dance. This didn't manage to take Brazo de Plata by surprise as much this time, which was surprising. It also allowed de Plata to take the advantage (following Basham getting distracted). However, Claudio Castagnoli ran into the ring and attacked de Plata, allowing Doug Basham to get the victory. After the match, Basham took the mic...

Basham: "The players are coming together..."

Cole: "What could that mean?"

(52, 72, 62)

After the break, James Gibson headed down to the ring with Nidia carrying his WWE Cruiserweight Title. Gibson got in the ring and posed as the announcers started talking...

Cole: "We saw James Gibson make his return last week to Smackdown in a big way, beating out Kid Kash to win the Cruiserweight Title."

Tazz: "That was an excellent match, and I think he's going to make a big name for himself now that he's back in the WWE, Cole!" After this, Gregory Helms headed to the ring and began to attack Gibson...

James Gibson v. Gregory Helms

Now this was another of the excellent matches Gibson's been in since his return. I don't know if it was being on the indy scene that did it, but Gibson's been on fire since getting back here. He and Helms managed to put on an awesome show, proving that the apparent allowance of cruiserweights to not have to be handcuffed was a good thing. Nidia tried to distract Helms, but the attempts didn't work as Helms was focused to try and get the match. The match ended somewhat cleanly, as Gibson took the advantage and locked in the Trailer Hitch to get the victory. Excellent show, and likely the match of free TV.

(70, 93, 81)

After the match, Road Warrior Animal came to the ring and did...well, whatever Road Warriors did. It's the same thing every time...who cares. The Boogeyman then headed to the ring and took the mic...

Boogeyman: "Twinkle twinkle little star,

How I wonder what you are,

Up above the world so high

Like A diamond in the sky...

Road Warrior Animal, you come here, and you pretend you have no fear, but all of you know that you must have some fear of The Boogeyman, but you should not fear The Boogeyman, because I am The Boogeyman, and I'm coming to getcha!" The Boogeyman then ate some worms and headed into the ring...

The Boogeyman v. Road Warrior Animal

Dear god this is horrible. Sometimes, when Lance Storm talked about how he was able to keep from cracking up in angles with Goldust by thinking of Lex Luger matches, and thinking how much more money Luger made than he did? Well, in order to keep from laughing at Boogeyman, all I had to do was think of Road Warrior Animal's performance here, think about the fact that he's making about 90 grand per match, and somehow, nothing seems funny anymore. This match wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but was still quite horrible for itself. Road Warrior took the advantage, only for the lights to go down and fire to burn. I heard some people chant "KANE!"- only to hear the lights come up as Groonda X was in the ring. Groonda X hit a Clothesline on Road Warrior Animal, allowing The Boogeyman to pin him. After the match, The Boogeyman and Groonda X celebrated as Road Warrior Animal was laying in the ring...

(62, 69, 65)

The Boogeyman gains 1 point of overness because he is The Boogeyman and as such can do no wrong

MNM v. The bWo (Big Stevie Cool/The Blue Guy)


Ace: "So, I know there's four national federations now, and we want to make sure we have the best. We're ready to go all-out with the bWo...are you in?"

Meanie: "Sure...although, I really have a LOT of suitors going for me here...I might need a vast pay increase..."

Ace: "Done and done!"


Match: Well, this wasn't a decent match. It's a shame- MNM have been unstoppable in recent weeks, so it's hard to put the blame on them. The problem for this had to be bringing back The Meanie, who hasn't been very good in his last few runs (even if the fans love the guy.) Melina tried to distract the bWo, but Hollywood Nova was right there to keep them from doing it (in yet another problem with WWE booking, as Dean goes back in the gimmick with no prior idea for it.) Eventually, Melina managed to hit The Blue Guy with a swift punch to the crotch, sending him to the ground and allowing MNM to hit the Snapshot on Steven Richards for the win. After the match, MNM celebrated, until Ryan Shamrock was seen on the TitanTron...

Shamrock: "Okay, MNM. Big whoop. You can beat anyone else in the WWE...but what are you going to do against the people who know you better than you know yourselves?" Just then, The Thrillseekers rushed the ring and attacked MNM as the show went to break...

(65, 71, 68)

After the break, Lashley headed to the ring carrying his United States Title and waited for his opponent. Afterwards, Ken Kennedy's music hit as Kennedy headed to the top of the ramp...

Kennedy: "Ladies and gentlemen...the following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a fifteen-minute time limit, and is for the World Wrestling Entertainment United States Heavyweight Championship. In the ring, the champion...Lashley! And the opponent tonight...is NOT, from Green Bay, Wisconsin...MR.KENNEDY...

...KENNEDY! You see folks, in order to make sure this match has the power that it deserves, Mr.KENNEDY...KENNEDY! has went to Theodore Long and had this match scheduled for Backlash. Instead, the challenger tonight- a man hand-picked by Mr.KENNEDY...KENNEDY!...he is the reigning ECW TELEVISION CHAMPION...LOW-KI!...

...LOW-KI!" Just then, the crowd gave a huge pop as Low-Ki rushed the ring carrying the ECW Television title, then rushed the ring.


Low-Ki gains 3 points overness because no one thought the ECW TV Champion would jump to WWE with the belt

Lashley v. Low-Ki

Well, this was a great match, considering how green Lashley is. This had to prove Low-Ki should be a person to look at in the future for WWE shows, as if he can get good matches out of Lashley when he's this green, that's a good thing. However, Lashley proceeded to take the advantage, because, well, he is big and Low-Ki's small...Lashley proceeded to defeat Low-Ki with reckless abandon. Lashley hit the Dominator on Low-Ki, but before he could pin, Kennedy grabbed a microphone and cracked Lashley over the head with it, giving his ally the loss (but saving him the pin.) After the match, Kennedy continued to attack Lashley as Low-Ki got a strong kick into Lashley's head.

(63, 78, 70)

After the break, Booker T and Sharmell headed into the ring and took the mic...

Booker T: "All right, all right. I may have lost the United States title, but that was a wakeup call. It's time for me to start making my way to the title I was made to get. Randy Orton, prepare yo'self, fool, because I'm on my way to go through you, Rey Mysterio, whoever I have to, to finally become the SIX-TIME, SIX-TIME, SIX-TIME, SIX-TIME,SIX-TIME, SIX-TIME World Heavyweight Champion. Now CAN YOU DIG THAT...SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" After the match, the two waited for Booker's opponent...only to have D'Lo Brown's music hit as the crowd gave a nice "shock pop"...

Cole: "Apparently, these fans still remember D'Lo Brown, even after he hasn't been seen around the WWE in over 3 years..."

Tazz: "When these fans respect you, it's hard to lose that, Cole...you wouldn't know about that, since ain't nobody who respects you..."

D'Lo Brown v. Booker T

Well, this was a hotter match than it had any right to be, considering that Booker T has lost most of his heat and D'Lo hasn't been seen in years on any scene. Despite that, D'Lo actually managed to put on a good matchup. The crowd actually managed to get into D'Lo again, once again proving that the 7 year rule works in angles, workers, and even the whole Droz thing. The two matched up well, which was always good. D'Lo managed to get the advantage, but Sharmell Sullivan passed a set of brass knuckles to Booker T, who laid him out (and drew a disqualification. After the match, Booker and Sharmell celebrated as Booker T took the mic...

Booker: "Let that be a lesson to anyone who tries to get between me and the World Heavyweight championship. Now CAN YOU DIG THAT, SUCKAAAAAAAAAA!"

(77, 86, 81)

D'Lo Brown gains 1 point overness for getting back on the radar screen

John Bradshaw Layfield v. Batista

Well, the crowd was into this. It's kind of heartwarming- despite "workrate" and cruiserweight fighting, there's still a place for big hosses brawling in wrestling today. These two managed to put on a decent show for the fans, even if it wasn't a classically sound matchup. It still doesn't matter as much- the fans come to see guys like this anyway. The crowd was red hot for the match, which is always a good thing and a necessary thing for any match. Eventually, Batista took the advantage, which is what the fans came to see. However, once Batista hit the Batista Bomb, Doug Basham and Claudio Castagnoli rushed the ring and attacked Batista, allowing JBL to roll Batista up and get the pin. After the match, JBL took the mic...

JBL: "I was looking, and seeing as I have this fancy briefcase saying at some point during this year, I'm going to be the next World Heavyweight Champion, I figured I needed to have my Cabinet watching my back. As such, I give you the first members of my newest Cabinet appointees- my new Chief of Staff, Doug Basham, and my new Secretary of Finance, Claudio Castagnoli!" The three posed as the show went to break...

(87, 79, 84)

Randy Orton v. Chris Benoit

Well, this was a pretty standard match. They barely scratch the fact that Orton was the person to take the title from Benoit, only to have Benoit be the first challenger when Orton regained the title, which was...well, it was pretty much par for the course with WWE, you know? The match was pretty weak, but had enough moments to be worthwhile for watching, which is always a plus here. The match was pretty much what you could expect for a Smackdown main event- fairly standard, Rey Mysterio runs in, 619 on Orton, match is thrown out. Eh, you have to expect this stuff on WWE television...


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That Monday, I was a little excited at my prospects for this week. Somehow, I knew that I had my schedule, and I knew pretty much the only way that I could do this. Before, this seemed like a normal thing. I remembered how I managed to do these things back at my old federation. Back then, my old boss Robbie was someone who always made it a priority- as an old time, "first-wave feminist" as he called himself, he was a firm believer in pushing women as more than eye candy. That was always what made the federation so big: When no one pushed women as serious, he did (and had a lot of female friends in the business out of the respect he booked them with.) When big guys were the big thing, he was willing to push some cruiserweights with some semblance of regularity before that style blew up (even if most of it was in jobbing roles). Right now, instead of indy darlings, he still pushes homegrown workers and lets them work with big names to help them build themselves up. In all theory, it should have been a top name. Unfortunately, he kind of never got over the fact a couple years ago that he put his top trainee out to be managed by his daughter- only to have his daughter end up pregnant with the trainee's kid. The fans turned on the kid, and it almost stopped the federation dead in their tracks...but I digress. I managed to have a fairly good reputation finding him great women (a help when I was trying to find people), usually managing to pull it off on the level. However, I would be lying if I didn't say there weren't a few women who were so happy at being picked up that they were willing to do "anything" to repay me for my kindness...or girls who wanted to come up to me and try to get a bigger push, or similar things...but come on. It's the way of pro wrestling, when it gets down to it. Show me a female in the business, and I'd lay money on the fact she got into the game on her back. I tried to keep these things in mind when I went out for my next target. I proceeded to get ready for these things, as Joey proceeded to pick me up...

Joey: "Fuck...they struck again..."

"What happened?"

Joey: "Didn't you see Smackdown?" Well, it's hard to see the show when you're backstage in the writer's room... "They got Bentley. This is a total war- I mean, he was on TNA taped shows for Impact last Saturday. TNA needs to strike back, and do so soon."

"Yeah, that does suck. I mean, who's next?"

Joey: "Yeah. Hopefully TNA can get through these things." We continued to make it on our road as I prepared to head into the building. We made it to our regular seats and proceeded to wait. I took out my cell and called one of my other friends- I figured I'd get a smark fan's perceptive tonight. I called the guy up, and we were pretty much ready to go...

WWE Raw:

Voice: "Hey, what's going on?"

"Hey, Jack...it's me. What's going on over on Raw? I'm at the office- can't really watch..."

Jack: "Well, you're not missing much. Standard opening, the three announcers are up there, and...WHOA! Holy fucking shit, man..."

"Why? What happened?"

Jack: "Dude...the WCCW United States champ, Women's Champ, and one of their tag teams are near the announcers. Let me tune you in..." Just then, I saw video sent to my phone...

Coach: "Welcome to Monday Night Raw. Everyone wants to be a part of this..." Just then, the scene cut to the front row, where three men and a woman were heading to their seats...

Styles: "OH MY GOD! It seems everyone wants to be a part of Raw! Get over there for an exclusive!"

Coach: "But...but I'm an announcer- I don't do interviews..."

Lawler: "We can handle ourselves- get over there!" Lawler and Styles pushed the Coach out of the announce area and sent him down for an exclusive...

Coach: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is a huge scoop. Apparently, these are four of WCCW's biggest stars...let's see why they're here..." Coach turned to two men in cowboy outfits and black hats, as a more familiar one to WWE fans took the mic...

"YEEEEEEEEEE HAWW! This here's a great day- the tag division here's going to get a lot more interesting! I'm ol' "Big Foot" Barry Windham, with me is my protege, "Blackjack" Steve Bradley, and we're here to take down the rest of these tag teams! Compared to right here in WWE, the other places don't mean anything!" Coach turned to the third man, an imposing black man...

Man 3: "For too long, WCCW said they would give me the opportunities that I needed to jump from MMA to stardom in the US. Well, I decided if I wanted a challenge, I would come to the only place that matters. Prepare yourselves, WWE- it's BEAST TIME in the WWE!" Bob Sapp then proceeded to pose for the crowd as Coach turned to the female...

Female: "Now, I know you WWE fans didn't expect to see me again. I mean, I kind of burned the last bridge that I had back in 1995 when I did something for Eric Bischoff to strike a blow in the Monday Night War. Well, time heals all wounds, and now, after 10 years, I can say to Eric one time...Madusa had her hair of serpents, and well, no matter how well you treat a serpent, at the end of the day...it's still a snake..." Madusa proceeded to put up a WCCW Women's Title (followed by Sapp with the US title), and the two trashed the belts as people near them started a cheer...

Opening for RAW, with a new group [The Defectors: Bob Sapp, Madusa, "Big Foot" Barry Windham, and "Blackjack" Steve Bradley] sitting in the front row (84)

Jonathan Coachman gained 1 point of overness from this segment. Come on: The WCCW United States Champion and Tag Team Champions just jumped, and it's THE COACH who gets over? WASSUPWITDAT?

Joey: "What happened?"

"DUDE! Sapp, Madusa, and the Blackjacks just showed up on Raw!"

Joey: "I don't fucking believe this! First TNA, now WCCW? God...how do they do this?"


Windham: "So, you really think I can have one last run in the WWE?"

"Well, I only think you'll be able to if you come in as a tag team. Wait- Bischoff uses you there, right? Well, you come in with Steve, and we'll talk about that..."

Windham: "Excellent. I'll get in touch..."


"So, what I'm saying here, Bob, is that you're a great worker. Biggest name in MMA, good wrestling skill- charismatic...but in Bischoff's world, nWo guys will be the only ones who make it to the top. If you want to be the biggest thing in the US, you'll have to go to Vince McMahon..."

Sapp: "You serious? Okay...I'll give him a call..."





"So, what's the next match?"

Jack: "Piss break, it looks like. Brent Albright- this guy's been weak here. This will suck...whoa. This is cool. They got TOKYO!"

"No way!"

Joey: "What? What happened?"

"Dude...Magnum fucking TOKYO's in a WWE ring!"

Joey: "FUCK! TOKYO too? But he's a great worker...did they at least he have his entrance?"

"Did he enter like he does?"

Jack: "Oh, yeah. Whole bells and whistles."

"It's a go."

Joey: "Excellent Who's he facing?"

"Albright...let me see on the match..."

Jack: "Better than Albright's stuff, but pretty poor. Hopefully, he'll get what's his- he came up too early. I know I heard Heyman tried to poach him and he was promoted because of it, but still...let Heyman have him for this..."

"I see...who won?"

Jack: "Come on. A poor worker who's homegrown and a Japanese cruiserweight? Albright, easily. Still, I'm not a big fan..."

Brent Albright d. Magnum TOKYO (46, 77, 54)

"Okay. I'm going to call you back..." I turned to Joey. "Um, I need to head to the bathroom..."

Joey: "Okay..." I headed to the bathroom and made a call...

"Hey, mom! If Little Johnny gets the message, tell him that in his EWR game, he should send Albright off the roster. Okay?"

Johnny: "Okay...Brent Albright to OVW. Gotcha..." I left as I headed off..


Shelley: "Wow...so Raven guy plays EWR too...cool..."

(what he missed): The Havana Pitbulls d. The Heart Throbs (45, 70, 51)

As I called Jack back, I found out the match I had heard. Apparently, it was not very good- a bad thing, as I heard it was the last chance for The Heart Throbs to prove themselves or be sent back to development. I went for more info...

"So, what's up next?"

Jack: "Oh, this should be good- Roderick Strong's in action. Damn, at least the fact they're pushing him has to be seen as a good thing..."

"Yeah, I guess...who's he facing?"

Jack: "Oh, pretty weak...just Gangrel. Why they brought him back is beyond me..." Hey, don't ask me- that was Mr.Ace's decision...

"I see. Is the match any good at least?"

Jack: "Oh, yeah. It's a glorified squash, but the right guy's going over. Man, WWE must really be interested in making Roderick Strong a superstar..."

"I guess...so, he's doing well?"

Jack: "Yeah. Gangrel's getting so many backbreakers that it's impossible to count. Oh yeah- Stronghold, he's done. Not bad at all..."


Joey: "What happened?"

"He who must not be named beat Gangrel..."

Joey: "Damn. This sucks. FUCK VINCE!" This statement got a slight "FUCK VINCE!" chant going in our section, which I had to masquerade going in. (Somehow, that sucks- I get a decent boss, and I need to curse him out in situations like this...)

Roderick Strong d. Gangrel (52, 77, 57)

Gangrel loses 1 point of overness because no one cares as much about his cool entrance anymore

Roderick Strong gains 3 points overness because he's still seen as amazing for jumping ship

"What's next on the menu?"

Jack: "Some Heat-style bullshit. Venis and Tomko on Raw? Do they have a contract requiring some appearances?"

"Damn...is it any good?"

Jack: "Oh yeah- Venis is bringing his A-Game. Tomko's good in that Headkicker sense, but not really for anything else..."

"I see. So, it's pretty weak?"

Jack: "Yep. Tomko's going for the Big Fucking Kick To The Head...wait, Venis reversed it into a Dragon Screw. He's going up for the Money Shot...wow, Val Venis actually got a win on Raw!"


Joey: "What happened?"

"Crappy match- I mean, it was Val Venis and Tyson Tomko..."

Joey: "Yikes. Is it just me, or would Val Venis and Viscera be so much better if they added a new manager for them...'Hard' Harvey Wippleman?" That actually sounds like something I could use...I'll have to keep it in mind...

"Again with the Harvey Wippleman stuff? Come on...that is so early '90s..."

Joey: "Aww...if I ever worked the E, I'd want him to manage me. There's only a few people I'd let do that...Hard Harv, author Marty Beckerman..."

"...Val?" I saw Joey blush...

Joey: "Well...maybe..."

Val Venis d. Tyson Tomko (60, 74, 60)

Tyson Tomko loses 1 point overness for losing to a freaking jobber

Val Venis gains 2 points overness because it's time for his "loyalty" push

Jack: "This should be good...oh yeah, MNM's up. They've really been bringing the terrific since going to both shows...this one tag title thing really works well."

"Yeah, I heard. Their opponents?"

Jack: "Well, Sakoda's coming out to the ring...he's doing typical Ninja things...he's pointing for his teammate...WHOA! Jimmy Yang's back!"


Joey: "What happened?"

"They brought back Akio!"

Joey: "Well, not too bad...I was still hoping he'd come to TNA. What's he doing?"

"From the looks of things, teaming with Sakoda under a ninja gimmick..."

Joey: "Okay...and WHY did he go back to WWE, then?"


Joey: "Dammit...how's the match?"

"I'll check..."

Jack: "Pretty normal. Decent match, Kyo Dai's getting put over...and here it comes. Burchill's running in, attacking Sakoda, Akio's tasting Snapshot...pretty weak. Normal stuff. Why they aren't adding more stuff to this Ninja vs. Pirate feud is beyond me..." I know! I want a mega feud involving Ninjas and Pirates...

MNM d. Kyo Dai to retain the World Tag Team Titles by Paul Burchill interference- Burchill attacks Akio and Sakoda following match (50, 79, 57)

"What's the next match?"

Jack: "Well, it seems to be pretty decent...Masters versus Chuck Palumbo for the IC title..."

"I'm hearing it's Chris Masters and Chuck Palumbo..."

Joey: "Cool. Palumbo's been doing some good stuff in Japan. Hopefully, they managed to work the Voodoo Murders gimmick into US skills. How is it?"

"Did they translate his Japan gimmick well?"

Jack: "Um...I think something was lost in the mix. I mean, you know how Palumbo wore face paint in Japan...and carried a baseball bat with the Murders?"


Jack: "Well...WWE translated it- and made him a member of the Baseball Furies..."

"Are you serious?" I turned to Joey... "Dude, he's claiming they translated it so Palumbo's a Baseball Furies member..."

Joey: "DUDE! Honestly, WWE gets good workers, uses gimmicks like this...I may need to start watching again..."

"Yeah... So, how's the match?"

Jack: "Better than I expected- the WWE's protecting Masters well. Oh yeah...here comes the big one. There's Chavo Classic, and he is taking off his belt...and now he is whupping Chris Masters's ass again. This match is thrown out. Chavo's looking at it all from the top, and this is cool..."

Chris Masters d. Chuck Palumbo to retain Intercontinental Title by DQ following Chavo Classic running in and whupping Chris Masters's ass with a belt (49, 77, 56)

Jack: "This next one's pretty normal. Carlito's coming out with that Eduardo guy, talking about how he's Money in the Bank, typical stuff...and now Flair's coming to shut him up. I smell a feed-job..."

"I see. I can't believe Flair's being used that way..."

Jack: "I'd bet they're jobbing him so that he loses value- he jumps to Bischoff's promotion, he's a valid main eventer again. They're trying to get all the value taken away before that occurs."

"Yeah...so, is the match good?"

Jack: "It's Carlito/Flair- what do you think? Terrible stuff..."

"Okay...so it's bad?"

Jack: "Oh yeah. Pretty short, too. Carlito got the win from some cheating...pretty straightforward. Well, it put the right guy over, at least- if they're billing him as a future World Title contender, it's a necessity..."

Joey: "What happened?"

"Carlito beat down Flair..."

Joey: "Yikes. Well, at least Dass Cool..."

Carlito d. Ric Flair (81, 66, 68)

Ric Flair loses 1 point overness for falling from grace more and more

Carlito gains 2 points overness for beating someone who means something

"What's the next match?"

Jack: "Well, this looks like a weak one. Chavo's getting over, so here comes Shawn Michaels to steal his shine..."

"Yikes...they're actually feeding him?"

Jack: "Oh yeah- and they're still playing the Eddie card to give Chavo heat. This is just sickening..."

"I see...dude- Chavo/Eddie..."

Joey: "Whoa- this sounds like a decent show..."

"I know- it does sound decent..."

Jack: "I dunno- seems like 'one of those nights'."

"I see. Well, anything having Chavo get fed to Michaels is pretty bad."

"I know. Here it goes- Chavo looks good, Michaels is going for the Sweet Chin Music...No! Chavo ducked it...he's locking him in for the Three Amigos! He hit it- he's going for the Frog Splash...NO! Masters is running in and locking the Masterlock on Chavo while he's on the turnbuckle. Damn...the referee's calling for the DQ. Man, fuck Michaels- he wouldn't even job clean here..."

"I see...did Michaels at least make Chavo look good?"

Jack: "That's the one bonus. At least Michaels made Chavo look like a million bucks- he'll probably get over as a result of it. Plus, it'll get over this feud..."

"Cool, cool."

Chavo Guerrero d. Shawn Michaels by DQ via Chris Masters interference- Michaels attacks Masters afterwards (81, 84, 73)

Chavo Guerrero gains 2 points overness for...um...having an uncle who died?

Joey: "So, what's the next match supposed to be?"

"Let me check- next match?"

Jack: "RVD/Kane- at least this would be good."

"Ooh...that should be hot. RVD and his tight clothes and buttsweat...Kane with his monstrous, vicious style...so hot..."

Jack: "...you want Slash now, don't you? Pervert..." ( Dammit...I knew you were a total capitalist sellout before, but hinting at Kane/RVD slash to get certain wOwMemo superfans to also show up for your new diary? I'm ashamed...you used to be about the writing... "But...but I am still about the artistic integrity of a diary, even if I write WWE serious stuff... "Sure, sure...sellout..." THE LATTER-DAY ARTISTE REFUSES TO DIE! )

"Hey...is that so wrong?"

Jack: "No...not if you're a teenage girl...you're not a teenage girl, are you?"

"Um...no...so, is the match good?"

Jack: "Pretty straightforward. I'm always surprised at how well RVD and Kane mesh. Kane's looking good...oh yeah, this is the expected part..."


Jack: "Cena's interfering, kick, wham, F-U...RVD hits the Five-Star...RVD pulls it off. Not too bad- hopefully this will mean RVD eventually becomes a major player..."

Rob Van Dam d. Kane via John Cena interference, Cena continues attack (86, 82, 75)

Jack: "Now Cena's still out there posing, and Big Show's running in for the assault. The announcers are claiming there's a match after the break between them, so that should be...weak..."

"Cool...dude- it's Cena/Big Show next..."

Joey: "Yeesh. Maybe you should watch the show." I turned off my phone and started watching the next match. Besides, they wouldn't give Big Show a title reign- not when Cena's their idea of the next big champion. Eventually, Joey nudged me as we both headed over to where Val was waiting and headed backstage.

John Cena d. The Big Show to retain WWE World Title (89, 75, 75)

Over: 65

Val: "So, back again, huh?"

Joey: "You know me- any excuse to hang out with wrestlers..."

Val: "Yeah, I know...so- still in an attempt to get into the business?"

Joey: "Of course..." He and Val began to talk. Seeing his blush earlier made me know to try and let them talk in private, plus I needed to make the proper connections. Eventually, I found Traci talking with Alex Shelley...

Traci: "So, anyway- after Matt...you know...they needed something to do with me, so I guess they think I'd work well as the manager for you and Austin..."

Shelley: "Yeah. I figure- put the people most screwed by jumps together, right? I mean, honestly...if I ever find out who the mole here is, I'd be SO in here in TNA...oh, hey! Raven guy...so, how'd your brother like the photo I gave you for him?"

"He liked it fine, Alex- put it in a great place on his wall."

Shelley: "Excellent. Say- have you met Traci here? This guy is great- always gets TNA guys free drinks at his brother's bar. You haven't forgotten that you still owe me some?"

"Of course not...say. How about all three of us go and pay that debt off?"

Traci: "Sounds good to me- Alex, you coming?"

Shelley: "Sure thing..." The three of us headed out as Joey looked a little surprised.

Joey: "Wow. My boy works quick. I don't think I've seen him come in here and not come out hanging out with wrestlers. Alex, Traci, Matt Bentley, Roderick Strong...hmmm. I wonder if he knew about the others jumping. I should ask him next week..."


Meanwhile, as our hero and Traci kept drinking, Alex headed over to the wall.

Shelley: "Let's see. Ah, here's my picture. Okay...it's right next to one of Roderick, one of Matt Bentley, one of Homicide, one of Jay Lethal...say...they're the only people with TNA connections on this wall besides me, alongside a lot of pictures of WWE workers. Wait...this can only mean one thing..." Alex headed over to the two and pointed at our hero...

Shelley: "Man, you've got some really good luck! You always seem to find ways to get TNA guys' autographs just before they sign with WWE. Why don't you tell the people at TNA about this?"

"Oh, come on...they'd never believe one of their fans...besides, just look at how we're here tonight. Wrestling's usually the furthest thing from the conversation, you know? I'm always as shocked as you guys are about this."

Shelley: "I guess you're right. Well, I need more alcohol...get your brother to send one over!"

"Oh, I'll get it..." I saw Traci looked a little dazed from this, so now it was time to start the strike. I headed over to my brother...

"Hey, um...Shane? Could you pass me two beers, and...make them 'Extra-Special?'"

Shane: "Sure...but are you sure you want to do this? I'm not bailing you out if you give that chick a date rape drug..."

"Oh, don't worry about that- this is all business. One of the 'extra-special' ones, and just a small aphrodisiac in the other, thanks..."

Shane: "Oh, I see..." Shane pulled out the stash he had for his "premium" customers (damn, I love knowing the sleazy things my brother does), snuck the stuff in, as I brought the two over.

"And here's another beer. Now, let's have a toast...to my favorite wrestler, Alex Shelley..."

Shelley: "Yes! To me!" Shelley drank his beer as me and Traci continued our actions. After a little bit...

Shelley: "Oog...I don't feel well...I need to lay down..." Shelley passed out on the chair as Traci looked...

Traci: "oog...maybee we shhould get him back to the hotel..."

"Yeah...I'm probably in good enough shape. Let's get him there..." I grabbed Shelley and stuck him in the back seat, finally getting back to the hotel most of the out-of-town workers stayed at.

"Let's get him in there..." We pushed him onto a bed as he was out like a light. It was about this time when the fun kicked in...

"Um, yes...beforehand, I just like to have my bases covered...could you just sign this form saying you're going into this willingly?" I pulled out one of my handy WWE contracts and handed it to Traci...

Traci: "Um...sure..." I saw her sign the contract, and...well...this is time for the logo...

(The remainder of this scene has been censored by the Redemption Crew, who remind you that it is perfectly fine to show a man shooting a woman and cutting off her breasts on television, but a scene of that same man kissing the woman's bare breast will obviously make kids shoot up their school. The Redemption Crew: Making it so that Reflecto doesn't have to write graphic sex scenes in his work since 2002. Now, let's get back to the action...)

After the "fringe benefit", if you will, of this signing, I proceeded to load her into a car and head off to the airport, where the next morning she woke up in a rental car...

Traci: "Oog...what happened...did we...?" Just then, I saw Mr.Ace head over to me...

Ace: "Well, now, son- I see you succeeded once more..."

"Well, did you expect anything else?"

Traci: "Wait...what happened...Where are we?"

Ace: "Well, it seems my boy here faxed me this thing over and got it binding, and, well, as of this moment you're the newest diva for World Wrestling Entertainment!"

Traci: "You...Raven Guy? YOU'RE the mole that's making everyone jump from TNA? I...I can't believe this is happening..."

"Yeah- great job, isn't it? Oh, and some things you should learn, Traci...first off, you really should learn- no matter how drunk or drenched you are, you should always read what someone offers you to sign, and for another, well...we here in the WWE really frown on interoffice relationships..."

Traci: "Wait a minute...you slept with me...so that I would jump to the WWE? YOU ASSHOLE!" Traci slapped me as she looked for her cell phone... "Where's my cell phone? I need to get TNA to block you..."

Ace: "Where is it?"

"In a garbage can at the Orlando International Airport..." Traci screamed (probably one of the second times in the last 12 hours I was to hear that) as she looked for a pay phone...

Ace: "So, shall we have our lawyers get in touch with her?"

"Oh yeah. Also, you might want to pay to get my hair colored- any excuse to try and change my look up just a bit in the event she manages to get in touch..."

Ace: "Oh, don't worry. I keep a nice clause in your contracts- if they try to contact any workers from their old promotion, they're in breach of contract and will be gone for the duration of their deal. Plus we'll do our best to blackball them from the industry...our lawyers will be more than happy to give her the info as soon as possible..."

"Excellent. Well, let's get into the offices..." Me and Mr.Ace headed over to the staff room...

Ace: "So...how was she?"

"Not bad. Most likely better than Mrs.Baba was, at least..."

Ace: "Hey, gaijin desperate for a push will do desperate things..."

"Sure, sure..."


TNA Knockout to jump to WWE?, 3 workers sent to OVW

-Rumors are circulating that TNA Knockout Traci is backstage at the Smackdown tapings tonight. This has been unconfirmed, but some sources are claiming she was shouting "I WILL END RAVEN!" before tapering off. This has led many to believe that she's merely in the Philadelphia area before signing to work some dates with Extreme Championship Wrestling.

-In other news, it was reported that following the show, the WWE has sent workers Brent Albright and the Heart Throbs back to OVW for more seasoning. The Heart Throbs never managed to connect with fans as they did in OVW, and Albright surprised people by being demoted despite a current undefeated streak on Raw.

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Lovely work so far man. I think the shows are really undermined for the backstory, though. You've got some great stuff, like the hilarious idea of a ninja vs pirate feud, going for you on-screen, but what keeps me compelled are definitely the adventures of Raven's Guy. However, now it's time to get the drama kicked into gear. There's no way that Joey or others won't realize the trend of every one who goes to get drinks and give autographs ends up signing off with the WWE. And fortunately, I see the drama just beginning, with Traci unconsentual in signing with the WWE.

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That whole day, I was on eggshells on what was going to happen. I knew that if Traci headed to an Internet cafe in this area, my cover could be blown and I could likely never show my face at TNA shows again- meaning we could never sign TNA workers again. As I walked with Mr.Ace to the meeting, I talked about my concerns with him...

"How are we going to handle this one? She doesn't want to be here, she'll likely use the first opportunity she can get to blow my cover, and we can't exactly release her- otherwise, TNA will scoop her back up and then she'll really blow my cover."

Ace: "Settle down, settle down. This is going to be an example where you live by the sword and die by the sword..." That sounded bad.

"Um...you're not helping me..."

Ace: "No, no. Trust me. I know how you can work, and I think I can use your tools to make it so you will not have a problem here. Now, just tell me a few things. I know you've probably endeared yourself to TNA workers by now. I need to know this, kid, and I need to know the truth: At any time during your attempts to sign away these guys, have you EVER told any one of them your real name?" I looked at Mr.Ace...

"No sir. At no point in time has a TNA worker ever found out what my real name is. Hell, I haven't even told them once they were under contract."

Ace: "I see. Well, let me go test this..." I saw Mr.Ace look around the back, finally coming back with Jay Lethal at his side. "So, Jay...I have a quick question for you. Do you know this person here?"

Lethal: "Know him? Man, this guy's my boy! He made it so I'm gonna get to live the dream- I owe this dude a lot!"

Ace: "I see...and do you know his name?"

Lethal: "Um...let's see...you know, I'm shocked. All I ever knew this dude as is 'Raven Guy' with one of his friends..."

Ace: "I see. Well, if this is the case, then I think I might know a way we can get you out of this mess...luckily, we're in Philly..."

"I see...?"

Ace: "Yeah, kid...anyway, I would suggest you take a break. Show up at Backlash's tapings Sunday- don't bother going to Lockdown. Try and give them a bit of time to hold back." I saw Lethal leave as Ace turned to me...

Ace: "So just relax. It'll all be handled. Oh, and I would suggest you watch the ECW Internet show tonight- I think you're going to feel a lot better afterwards..." I still felt a little uneasy, but I decided to let Mr.Ace handle it as I waited for the plans for that night...

WWE Smackdown Results:

As Smackdown started, a ripoff of "Miseria Cantare" hit as CM Punk headed to the ring (which has to be a bad thing: You know a major fed's in trouble when they use soundalikes of songs for themes...) to a scattered applause...

Cole: "This should be a good one, Cole- this is going to be the debut of CM Punk, who's apparently gotten a huge buzz around him in the last few years..."

Tazz: "Yeah, but it doesn't matter what you did outside of here, as long as you can bring it in the WWE, Cole!"

Cole: "Yes...aren't you living proof of that?"

Tazz: "How about I Tazzmission you right now and see how much of 'living proof' I am?" Just then, the Mexicools' music hit as the three headed out on their lawn mowers. Juventud Guerrera took the mic...

Juventud: "Tonight is a great night for us, the Mexicools. First, I get a matchup for the Cruiserweight Title where I defeat that James Gibson, and right now, we get to introduce to you the newest Mexicool! Put your hands together for...MISTICO!" Just then, Mistico showed up riding another lawn mower as he made his way into the ring...


Mistico gains 2 points overness for getting the okay from the Mexicools

Mistico v. CM Punk

Well, this was a good matchup to start the show. Mistico and Punk managed to look good in their debut, which always leads to some good things for a match. The two managed to have a nice opener to get the fans really into the show, not unlike the older WCW cruiserweight openers. The Mexicools tried to make some distractions on the outside, but CM Punk was too focused to go in on those. However, the referee was not, as Psychosis and Super Crazy distracted the ref while Juventud Guerrera hit a Juvi Driver on CM Punk. Mistico then covered him, as the referee turned around for the victory. Afterwards, the Mexicools celebrated as CM Punk looked pissed off...

(57, 84, 63)

Mistico gains 1 point overness because he actually was able to beat CM Punk in an EWR diary and apparently that never happens

After the break, Ken Kennedy was backstage watching a Raw Recap. While he was distracted, Lashley headed in back and started attacking him. Road agents started trying to pull Lashley off of Kennedy as Lashley shouted "This Sunday, you get yours, punk!"


After the break, The Thrillseekers headed down to the ring accompanied by Ryan Shamrock as they prepared for their debut match...

Cole: "This team has been trying to get under MNM's skin for a little while now. Everyone knows that Matt Cappotelli won Tough Enough 3 with Johnny Nitro, and my research has told me Johnny Jeter and Joey Mercury went way back..."

Tazz: "Well, I could see that. This team apparently knows MNM better than MNM knows MNM. That's what they said..."

Shamrock took the mic:

Shamrock: "Okay, Johnny- Joey. We've given you two a chance. When we were training together, we had made a promise that the first one of our teams to win the Tag Team titles in the WWE would immediately give the other one a shot at the belts. However, you've held the belts 3 times in the past year, and not once did you give us a title shot! That's why we've come here- we're going to make you two give us the shot we deserve so we can finally take those title belts!" After that, The Boogeyman and Groonda X headed down to the ring as The Boogeyman took the mic...

Boogeyman: "The itsy bitsy spider came up the water spout...

down came the rain and washed the spider out...

up came the sun and dried up all the rain

as the itsy bitsy spider came up the spout again...

Thrillseekers...you are a great new team...you wish to have dreams of the World Tag Team Titles...but you lack the fear...because the dream world is the world of the Boogeyman and Groonda X, and you should fear The Boogeyman and Groonda X, because WE are The Boogeyman and Groonda X...and WE'RE COMING TO GETCHA!" The two each broke a clock over their heads as the match started...

Famous Monsters v. The Thrillseekers

Oh. Dear. God. This is terrible. These teams were awful together. I had heard such good things about The Thrillseekers too, but this match...it was awful. I know, I know- it's a debut, they're trying to get over, they were facing two stiffs in Groonda X and The Boogeyman, but this was...it was terrible to watch. There's bad matches, there's horrible matches, and then there's this. This match was so terrible that I was giving face pops to MNM for running in and hitting a Snapshot on Matt Cappotelli to finally end this match. Afterwards, Melina took the mic...

Melina: "Really, really, Matt...Johnny...we wished we could give you this title shot we promised you, and we would do it this Sunday at Backlash..." The crowd cheered... "But, well, you see...it seems that despite three matches from Smackdown on the show, Backlash is officially a Raw Pay-Per-View. This means that we're contractually obligated as per the rules of the tag champions appearing on both shows to give the title shot this Sunday to a Raw tag team, and since you're on Smackdown...well, we can't give you that shot. Sorry...and here we REALLY wanted to give it to you, too..." MNM laughed as The Thrillseekers looked furious...

(49, 64, 50)

After the break, Big Vito and Nunzio headed down to the ring as Vito headed inside and posed for the crowd. After that, Matt Bentley headed into the ring and bounced for the fans (who weren't as receptive as TNA audiences were to the Bentley Bounce) as he went for the match...

Matt Bentley v. Big Vito

Okay. Mid-level weak guy with no credibility to WWE fans up against guy...who is Shawn Michaels's cousin...and is the most recent jump from TNA [which apparently leads to a push here.] Three guesses who's going to win. The match was...well, they would have been better served putting Bentley up against Nunzio, to be fair (even though Nunzio has upside potential and Big Vito's usually high on the "release" watch). The match was watchable, at the very least, with Big Vito actually managing to make Bentley look better than he did in TNA (apparently, he does work well in WWE-style matches.) Eventually, Bentley managed to hit the Superkick on Big Vito (as the announcers sold the Michaels connection) to get the win. Well, that was fairly weak...

(59, 73, 59)

Big Vito loses 1 point overness. Cue the "on the chopping block" rumors now...

Matt Bentley gains 2 points overness for being a recent jump and recent jumps get big pushes

Meanwhile, backstage, I saw Matt Bentley head over and find me...

Bentley: "Well, now, I hate to say I told you so, but after how furious Traci was when I saw her...you know, I've had my uncle say he's heard you're supposed to be really good and insanely lucky, but I think your luck may have run out here, and no matter how good you are, you're probably going to get outed for that one..."

"I know, I know...I messed up big time."

Bentley: "All I can say, kid, is it is going to take a miracle for you to ever show your face down in TNA again. Should probably teach you a lesson- never mess with another company..."

"I know, I know- but come on...I was only following orders..."

Bentley: "Yeah. So were the Nazis..." Bentley headed off as I got that sinking feeling again...

(World Tag Team) MNM v. London and Spanky

Well, this match really didn't even get a chance to start up, as The Thrillseekers rushed the ring and attacked MNM, getting the match thrown out in MNM's favor. London and Spanky were angry at this, when Cappotelli took the mic...

Cappotelli: "Terribly sorry about this, you two, but there is no way that any other Smackdown team is getting a shot at these guys until we finally get our title match!" Just then, Theodore Long's music hit as he headed to the ring and took the mic...

Long: "LEMME HOLLA AT YA PLAYA! Now, I don't know how they do thangs up in training, but here on Smackdown, we roll differently, b'lee dat, playa. Now, you say that you got some title shot promised to you from these playas MNM, so here's how I do this. Assuming MNM gets out of Backlash still holding them Tag Team Titles, then next Friday, you two will face off with the team you just screwed out of a title shot, with the winners getting a shot later that night against MNM for the belts. HOWEVER...if MNM loses the belts at Backlash, then London and Spanky will receive the first Smackdown title shot with whoever the new champions are, and you two will have to face off with a team chosen by me for the opportunity to face MNM for the number-one contendership! B'LEE DAT!"

(65, 85, 67)

Juventud Guerrera v. James Gibson

WOW. Now this is what a match should be like. These two had a MOTY candidate for this one that really had to open some eyes. Juventud's always been really good, and Gibson's been on fire in recent weeks. The Mexicools tried to interfere, but Nidia was keeping them off balance for each time it occurred. Juventud then took an advantage, finally managing to hit the Juvi Driver on Gibson. Nidia tried to interfere, but the Mexicools kept her from doing so as Juventud got the three and the title. After the match, Juventud Guerrera celebrated- until CM Punk headed to the ring and attacked Guerrera. Punk then took the mic...

Punk: "Hey, Juventud. In wrestling, everyone dreams of their first match working for the WWE. Tonight, you caused me to lose that match, and now I want revenge. If you have any guts, you'll put that title up against me on Sunday at Backlash! So, bring Super Crazy, bring Psychosis, bring Mistico- hell, bring the whole country of Mexico- but just prepare yourself, because this Sunday, you're going to be the first person in the WWE to get PUNKED!"

Cole: "Wow...this kid CM Punk really wants to make an impact in the cruiserweight division!"

Tazz: "This seems like a mistake. Why would you try to win the Cruiserweight Title this early? He may be biting off more than he can chew!"

(77, 100, 79)

After the break, The Blue Meanie was talking to Tracy Smothers...

Meanie: "Man, I can't believe the good luck here. Apparently, we really impressed those people back at One Night Stand enough so they'd bring us back full time!"

Smothers: "Yeah, this is damn great stuff, Meanie...I didn't think they'd ever take us back..." Just then, Doug Basham and Claudio Castagnoli headed by them...

Basham: "Well, now, Claudio...I guess this here's an opportunity for us to prove we're worthy of being the new Chief of Staff and the Secretary of Finance for the Wrestling God...let's teach these two rejects what it's like in the WWE..."

Claudio: "Yeah!" The two began attacking Meanie and Smothers viciously, only to have Big Stevie Cool and Hollywood Nova run in and stop the two from attacking them. Big Stevie Cool then took the mic...

Stevie: "Hey, punks...you think you're so tough? Well, get your 'wrestling GOD!' leader, and he can see how the b...W...o is Taking over. And to make sure he doesn't chicken out, we'll have our honorary member tonight right here to make sure things go our way..." Big Stevie Cool patted Smothers's shoulder as the show went to break...


Hollywood Nova gains 5 points of overness for apparently completely shedding the Simon Dean gimmick

Big Stevie Cool gains 5 points of overness for finally having direction

Claudio Castagnoli gains 2 points of overness because he's apparently walked into a huge push

The Cabinet v. The bWo

The announcers tried to sell the legit heat Smothers had with JBL following the One Night Stand pay-per-view (apparently not being mentioned as ECW anymore due to, you know, ECW reforming...though I am surprised the WWE's still using the bWo gimmick there...) as the match started. The match was better than most 6-man tags had a right to be, really making it work. Also, to be fair, JBL really went above and beyond here- no one would have blamed him if he totally bitchslapped the bWo, but he actually made them look as if they were on his level. Basham and Castagnoli, in turn, were made to look like a million bucks by the three bWo members, making it actually work fairly well. Hollywood Nova took the advantage and hit a Big Boot on JBL, but just as he went for a Leg Drop, Tracy Smothers ran in and attacked Nova with a chair, then rolled JBL on top before turning his chair to the other bWo members, giving The Cabinet the win. After the match, JBL headed back up and took the mic...

JBL: "I...I have to give it to my Chief of Staff for this plan...I wasn't sure those bWo guys would fall for this one, but they and the rest of you people bought it hook, line, and sinker! I guess that's why I am a WRESTLING GOD and you people are just whining on the Internet, huh! Well, in case you're still too dumb to realize it- since Mr.Basham's been promoted, I needed a new Secretary of Defense, and that is this man...Tracy Smothers!" Smothers posed with the rest of the Cabinet as the crowd booed and the show went to break...

(65, 73, 62)

Rey Mysterio v. Kurt Angle

Well, this was a pretty surprising matchup. The two managed to put on the match that we all knew they could put on from their days as two-fourths of the Smackdown Six. The crowd loved it this time, which really added more to the whole match. However, this seemed like...I don't know, something didn't really fit here. The match was decent otherwise, with Angle really putting Mysterio over and making him look like a main event-caliber worker (something that was extremely necessary for Smackdown right now.) Eventually, Mysterio managed to get Angle set up, then hit the 619 on him, managing to get the victory. After the match, Mysterio celebrated- only to have Randy Orton run in and clock Mysterio with the World Heavyweight Title, then sent him to the outside. Orton then posed for the crowd, when Long came back out...

Long: "Oh, very nice, playa...that's how our World Heavyweight Champion do these things? Well, I can play that way, too, b'lee dat...just for that, tonight, you have to defend your title, up against, oh...Batista! And the match is next!" Orton looked shocked as the show went to break...

(91, 83, 79)

Kurt Angle loses 1 point overness for an upset loss

Rey Mysterio gains 2 points of overness for beginning to look like a credible main eventer

Randy Orton v. Batista

Well, this was a fairly solid match, even if it has been done to death (at least two times in recent vintage.) I know the WWE's so desperate to get Randy Orton over as a World Champion that they'll do this, but why feed Batista to Orton twice in three weeks to do that? There's other people to feed to Orton until he finally becomes what you think a main eventer should be, right? The crowd lost a little interest in the fact that Batista was this unstoppable monster, came back from injury, and he's not on the level of Orton. Pretty blah match, with the only drama coming from Rey Mysterio slowly stirring on the outside. Eventually, Orton hit the RKO on Batista and got the win (as expected), only to have Rey attack him following the match and point to the World Heavyweight Title. Rey helped Batista up as the show ended...

(88, 72, 74)

Randy Orton gains 1 point overness for looking credible as a champion

Over: 65

After the show, I was still a little jittery. However, I took the advice of Mr.Ace and watched the feed on ECW.Com for their Internet show. It seemed pretty normal, until I got to their main event- Raven defending the ECW World Title up against Christian York. Pretty standard matchup, finally finishing with Raven hitting the Raven Effect on York. After the match, Raven celebrated- until I saw Traci run in from the crowd and take the mic...

Traci: "I came out here to warn all of you people! There is a conspiracy going on! Raven is complete and utter slime! He grabbed me after a TNA show and forcibly made me sign to leave TNA against my will, then come here when I didn't want to leave TNA! Now, I'm locked into a contract, but as long as ECW has an Internet show, I can warn everyone that Raven is a mole sent out to undermine TNA! If anyone in TNA is watching this, DON'T TRUST RAVEN!" I watched as I saw Mr.Ace's figure in back of me...

Ace: "So...how's that for damage control?"

"Um...I don't get it?"

Ace: "Well, don't you see? FACT: To gain their trust in TNA, you have an image where you dress like Raven. FACT: Raven was contacted by Paul to be the lynchpin for ECW to give the World title credibility, and now works for ECW. FACT: We run ECW as a development fed. FACT: Traci didn't know your name, instead knowing you as, well, 'Raven Guy.' My conclusion: I took the theory that she would think your first name was Raven, and then had our people in charge of development assign her to ECW, then had Paul write an angle between her and Raven for ECW TV. Clever, huh?"

"I see...but how does that help me?"

Ace: "Don't you get it? Come on- I know you use the Internet a lot...you should know that Internet fans love ECW, Internet fans mark for ECW, and Internet fans are the predominant fans in TNA. As of right now- if Traci shows up on ECW's Internet show and badmouths 'Raven Guy' for forcing her into this contract, the fans will think she's badmouthing Raven. If Traci ever goes onto any message boards and talks about how 'Raven is the TNA mole', the fans are going to think she's furthering an ECW angle. Even if she were to show up in the Asylum, point at you, and say 'THIS GUY RIGHT HERE IS A MOLE!', I'd be willing to bet those fans will think she's been sent by ECW to look for a Raven fan in order to further an ECW feud on TV. To the fan, it's a simple ECW feud. But for this one...well, it makes it so that you just dodged a major bullet, son..."

"You're an evil mastermind, do you know that? Do you realize how evil this is?"

Ace: "Well, come on- I need to learn lessons from you to stay on top..." We shared an evil laugh as I felt better, knowing my secret was safe for another day...


Meanwhile, Joey was watching the ECW Internet show...

Joey: "Oh yeah...this is the stuff. Raven as ECW champ again...wait...that's Traci! Hold up...Raven's been forcing people to sign for ECW from TNA? Strange. Well, at least she didn't sign with the WWE...man, I wonder what TNA would give if I were the guy who found the mole for them. I bet they'd give me free training, at least...well, that settles it. I'll find the TNA mole if it's the last thing I do!"

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Another interesting development in the backstory. Now things should really get suspenseful with Joey right on Raven Guy's tail, especially with all of the hint surrounding them. The conclusion to the whole Traci thing was a very smart way to keep Raven Guy's cover from being blown. But again, Smackdown didn't really interest me. It's the backstage segments and "Raven Guy Saga" that makes the diary, as the shows themselves are average at best. I do like how you're doing things in between the shows behind the locker-room, like Bentley telling Raven off. If you made it to where there were frequent behind the scenes segments like that in the middle of each show and started to link pushes on-screen with all of the political stuff behind the scenes, then we could really start to see some interesting developments.

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( Dammit...I knew you were a total capitalist sellout before, but hinting at Kane/RVD slash to get certain wOwMemo superfans to also show up for your new diary? I'm ashamed...you used to be about the writing... "But...but I am still about the artistic integrity of a diary, even if I write WWE serious stuff... "Sure, sure...sellout..." THE LATTER-DAY ARTISTE REFUSES TO DIE! )
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I am loving this diary Reflecto. The moments where the "Raven Guy" is right underneath all their noses but they can't connect it, is genius. Plus, I really like how "Raven Guy" has gone from "just doing his job" to "evil bastard."

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That next week, I was still a little bit more relieved. I waited through the whole of the week to make sure I really was in the clear. There was a red flag when I saw how Traci had a website, but one quick call to Shane McMahon about how "WWE wants to keep their workers' websites under the WWE banner" and the site was forced to shut down. (I am fucking bulletproof, do you know that? Do you? You want to catch me, bring Kryptonite, motherfuckers!) Eventually, the week ended. I knew Backlash was going on, but I figured the most logical way to keep some semblance of a masquerade up was to call Joey and see if I could get the results for Lockdown (plus, I figured he'd appreciate the results for Backlash as they happened.

Joey: "Hey...I can't talk...oh, it's you! What's up?"

"Not much. I'm still driving down tonight- had to work yesterday, so I couldn't get a chance to come to Lockdown...I ended up at some redneck bar out here watching *shudder* Backlash..."

Joey: "That's cool...I'll see you tomorrow. Personally, I'm not likely to see much of Lockdown...I'm going to offer my services to Dixie Carter in TNA's time of need..."

"Um...did you just say you were going to muff-dive Dixie Carter?"

Joey: "No...but good guess. I'm going to help TNA by finding the mole!" Um...the mole? Dammit...but I don't have a growth on my face like Jillian Hall does...

"A mole? In TNA? News to me..."

Joey: "Oh, come on. Homicide, Jay Lethal- both supposed to be signing with TNA, they sign abruptly with WWE when they never showed interest in them before. Strong and Bentley jumping to WWE in the last couple weeks: There has to be a mole doing this."


Joey: "I've already found all the tools to know how we can find the mole. For starters, the mole would have to be a very agile and clever person to be able to get past TNA security. In addition, they would need to be charismatic enough to get the wrestlers to agree to sign with WWE, and secretive enough to get past the guards again- usually through elaborate means of escape. If the mole is a male, then he would obviously be a winged bishounen angel, while if it is a female, she would be a cute high school girl, quite possibly also the reincarnation of Joan of Arc. We need to look out for these things..." Yes. I knew his being a die-hard otaku would benefit me...

"Okay. I'll keep that in mind."

Joey: "JUST YOU WAIT, MOLE...I'M GOING TO FIND YOU AND BRING YOU TO JUSTICE!" I got a little shudder as Joey said this, trying to change the subject...

"I see. Well, the pay-per-view is starting. It's kind of a drag, really...I heard the Heat main event was Juvi and CM Punk..."

Joey: "FUCK! I'm going to have to get on the Internet to see that- Punker's always good for a watch, and Juvi rules..."

WWE Backlash:

Juventud Guerrera d. CM Punk to retain the WWE Cruiserweight Title by Mexicools interference (74, 86, 80)

"Well, the Pay-Per-View's starting. Honestly, I can't understand how WWE's doing this stuff..."

Joey: "Why?"

"Well, what's happening is that they build the brand extension, have show-specific PPVs, and now they work it so that this month, the titles on Smackdown get defended on Raw's PPV. Hence, we got the Cruiserweight belt, and now we get the US Title up for grabs."

Joey: "I see...Lashley against that Kennedy guy? Did Kennedy do his spiel?"

"Oh yeah. It's not enough to save this match, though."

Joey: "That bad, huh?"

"It's not bad, it's just...unremarkable. Kennedy can't really carry Lashley, and Lashley still needs seasoning..."

Joey: "Yeah...I know, but come on! Lashley's so...BIG! And...BLACK! Plus, he looks like Monty Brown! That has to count for something, considering how much WWE's trying to turn into TNA right now..."

"Yeah...I guess. Well, this was an exercise in greenness..."

Joey: "It's over already? Damn..."

"Yeah, Kennedy got the win by a Lambeau Leap following a rollup of the tights, and now Lashley's pissed...Kennedy's holding up the US Title...oh, this is just embarrasing. They had Lashley pull it into Kennedy's face by hitting the Pounce on him!"

Joey: "Come on...we all know it's...DA POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUNCE!"

"Yeah, yeah, but still...they're just trying to turn Lashley into Monty Brown now...it's kind of sad, really..."

Joey: "Yeah. But, at least with a fake, they won't go after the real thing..."

Ken Kennedy d. Lashley (71, 71, 70)

"Well, they're bringing out MNM for the Turmoil, and oh, goody...Melina has the mic."

Joey: "Yeesh...what's the gist?"

"You know...the other teams aren't man enough for MNM, so we're having a Tag Turmoil for the belts...yadda yadda...and now Kyo Dai and the Havana Pitbulls are starting it off."

Joey: "Well, thank God for small favors- Yang, Pitbulls...nice. Anything interesting?"

"Pretty standard match, really. A little short, too. Pitbulls take the advantage, the ninjas fight back."


"You haven't gotten out of your Juggalo phase yet, have you?"

Joey: "Hey, come on...I don't mock you for your taste in teen pop..."

"Because you usually turn me on to the stuff..."

Joey: "Exactly. Listen to your ICP and get over it."

"Dammit- you made me miss the end. Apparently, Sakoda rolled up El Tigre Negro..."

Joey: "Will you PLEASE call him Rocky Romero? I hate the way WWE ignores the indies..."

"Um...they made his ring name Spanish for 'Black Tiger', what more do you want?"

Joey: "um...uh...reparations?"

"...You're not a former slave!"

Joey: "Yeah, but come on...having 40 acres and a mule could be cool..."

"You're crazy. Well, Cade and Murdoch are in, and they're actually looking pretty decent against them. The teams are working as well as a Ninja team and a Cowboy team could mesh."

Joey: "I see. Well, anything getting Trevor Murdoch on TV is a good thing. I DUN GONNA DROP TROU, TAKE OFF MY SHIRT, PULL DOWN MY PANTS, AND..."

"...do laundry?"

Joey: "Yes..."

"Well, Yang's taking the advantage, and wouldn't you guess it- here comes Paul Burchill out here...he attacks Sakoda, and now Cade and Murdoch get the win. They're celebrating...and we have MORE Cowboys! A Cowboy versus Cowboy match!"

Joey: "Well, come on. They have your "homegrown" cowboys in Cade and Murdoch...that's the "Hipster" cowboy in Cade and the "Redneck" cowboy in Murdoch...you've got the "Evil outsider cowboys' in Windham and Bradley..."

"I can't be the only one who notices the irony in how they bill this- Trevor Murdoch is a TNA refugee, and he's a heroic 'homegrown cowboy star', while Steve Bradley was one of WWE's top prospects for years, and now he's an 'outsider' because he wrestled ONE match for WCCW?"

Joey: "Well, come on. They have the good guy cowboys and the bad guy cowboys. I'm still just waiting for the last era..."

"...What?" Come on, gold, come on, gold..."

Joey: "Well...'Brokeback Mountain' is a big hit...when are they going to give us gay cowboys?" BRILLIANT! "...AND HAVE THEM EAT PUDDING AT EVERY SHOW! It'll be extreme!"

"I see. Well, the all-cowboy match is going fairly well. Pretty old-school, you know? Oh, here it ends...Windham's LARIATED THE FUCK OUT OF Cade. Damn, that was nice to see. Here's the pin- that was easy."

Raw Tag Team Turmoil for the World Tag Team Title (half 1):

1) Kyo Dai d. The Havana Pitbulls

2) Cade and Murdoch d. Kyo Dai via Paul Burchill interference

3) The New New Blackjacks d. Cade and Murdoch (52, 73, 62)

"Well, the next team is...whoa, this guy wasn't lying."

Joey: "What?"

"They actually DID give Palumbo and Stamboli the Baseball Furies gimmick. What is the creative team smoking?" Well, let's see...when I pitched the gimmick, it was some kind of weak schwag I got from one of the janitors...

Joey: "Come on. We know gimmicks are the main meat of any promotion. A great gimmick is a thing of beauty; a bad gimmick, moreso."

"I guess you're right. This is pretty straightforward. The New New Blackjacks..."

Joey: "Wait...they called them the NEW NEW Blackjacks? What the hell?"

"Well, I guess that since they had the Blackjacks, then they had the New Blackjacks..."

Joey: "Yeesh. Goodbye overness..."

"Yeah. Anyway, it seems pretty normal...oh yeah. Stamboli and Palumbo are grabbing their baseball bats and just beating these two like they stole something! Easy pin, oh yeah..."

Joey: "Cool. Anything involving people being beaten with a baseball bat is fun. Who came out next?"

"3 Minute Warning, and this looks...oh, this is dominant. 3MW don't look like they've missed a beat after all."

Joey: "Sweet. Is the match good?"

"Very. Both teams look pretty good- a good thing, they're both decent 2003-level teams who never got their title run...and 3MW's getting the advantage, and boom...yeah, they won this one. And now MNM's coming up, and this looks pretty good."

Joey: "Yeah, MNM has really stepped up their game since going on both shows.

“These teams are managing to put on some nice stuff...WHOA! Nice move by 3MW!"

Joey: “I see...well, probably not as nice as this move off the six sides of steel...you’re missing out, man...why would you want to watch a WWE Pay-Per-View?”

"Hey, you’ve got to know what’s going on in both feds...”

“Yeah. Well, this looks like the normal one. Melina distracts the referee, Johnny Nitro grabs a title belt...they retain. They’re celebrating...whoa! The Thrillseekers are coming out of the stands and attacking.”

Joey: “Yay...I don’t know on them. I heard such good things about them in OVW, but they’ve been so...blah in WWE.”

“I guess...but you’ve got to like any feud that’s based on getting the titles. That just makes the belts look better.”

Joey: “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

4) The Baseball Furies (Chuck Palumbo/Johnny Stamboli) d. The New New Blackjacks

5) 3 Minute Warning d. The Baseball Furies

6) MNM d. 3 Minute Warning to retain the World Tag Team Titles, The Thrillseekers run in through the crowd and attack MNM after match (68, 75, 71)

“The next match...can it be a piss-break if it’s main eventers who can go?”

Joey: “Sure...why?”

“I don’t know- it’s a decent match- RVD versus Triple H...”

Joey: “THAT’S a decent match in your view? It’s Triple H! The guy is the devil!”

“Hey, he can go when he needs to, and RVD is, well, RVD...”

Joey: “I guess...but piss break?”

“Yeah. It just seems like something thrown together to get them both on the card...”

Joey: “I see. Well, is it decent?”

“Oh yeah. They’re putting on a good show here. Definitely a watchable match.”

Joey: “I bet. So, anything else about it?”

“Well, pretty straightforward. RVD’s taking the advantage, and he’s going for the Five Star...he hits it, but Triple H has his foot under the ropes. He’s covering him, and the ref doesn’t see the foot and is giving RVD the win.”

Joey: “You’re serious? RVD went over Triple H?”

“Yeah, and Triple H is pissed. He’s heading over...and now he’s attacking the ref. Kick, wham, Pedigree on the ref. And here come the road agents...”

“I see.Sounds good- seeing Triple H lose is always a good thing.”

Rob Van Dam d. Triple H (88, 83, 86)

Rob Van Dam gains 1 point overness because he actually beat Triple H

“Ooh...this will be good...Chavo/Masters for the Intercontinental belt, and...oh yeah, Chavo’s bringing Classic out, and Classic has his belt...”

Joey: “I never thought I would want to see a Chris Masters match, but this angle is really making me want to. Anything involving him getting his ass whupped with a belt is a good thing.”

“You know it, man- you know it. The matches Masters is having are getting good, too- he’s actually managed to become a good worker. I don’t remember him having any stinkers in the last couple months...”

Joey: “Yeah. So, how’s the match going?”

“Not bad at all. The two are putting on a good show. Chavo’s the perfect foil for Masters, it seems: Little guy who can sell Masters as brutal.”

Joey: “I see.”

Masters is attacking, and he’s surprisingly showing the psychology. Chavo’s getting his upper body worked well. Masters is trying to go for it, but...no! Chavo Classic’s running in and whupping him with his belt! Masters is running around trying to get away, and Chavo’s trying to rest up. Masters finally goes in...into Chavo’s arms for the Three Amigos. Chavo’s going up...Frog Splash...WHOA! Chavo won the Intercontinental Title!”

Joey: “What the hell? They actually gave Chavo the belt?”

“Yeah! He’s celebrating, Chavo Classic’s celebrating, a huge ‘EDDIE!’ chant’s going on...awesome stuff...NO! Masters is attacking Chavo, and locking the Masterlock on him. He doesn’t seem to be letting go, and even Chavo Classic whupping Masters isn’t stopping it. ”

Joey: “I see...cool, they’re still going with this one. What’s next?”

Chavo Guerrero d. Chris Masters to win the WWE Intercontinental Title (82, 81, 81)

“Next seems to be the Smackdown title match. Randy/Rey.”

Joey: “Yeesh...Randy Orton as World Champion?”

“Yeah. Apparently, they’re still harping on this. Anyway, the match is pretty standard. Mysterio’s really being toned down by Orton’s lameness.”

Joey: “I’d bet. Come on, WWE- push a small guy to the World Title.”

“I know, right? Surely Rey Mysterio deserves it...well, at least it’s still somewhat nice. No matter how many rest moves Orton uses, the concept of Mysterio hitting a hurricanrana on Orton is a good thing.”

Joey: “Yeah. Hurricanranas make the world go round.”

“Rey’s taking the advantage-your generic Eddie taunt, and he’s doing it. They’re starting the move to get Orton in place...619. Rey goes for a West Coast Pop to cover him...NO! Orton gets in place and hits the RKO! Orton covers...he gets the win. Now Orton’s celebrating, but Rey attacks again. Well, this was pretty...average...”

Joey: “Sounds like it. Hey, did I ever tell you the idea I had for an angle with Orton?”

“Yeah, I think so...”

Randy Orton d. Rey Mysterio (93, 76, 87)

Joey: “What’s the next match?”


Joey: “Wait...KANE is in the main event? This should be easy...”

“Yeah. The feeding for Cena continues. Well, this is...actually, this is worth it! This has MOTY all over it. These two mesh well, the crowd’s red hot...it actually works!”

Joey: “Cool! I mean, the matches should manage to be good, and anything that makes Kane a legit main event threat is always a good thing. I mean, the fans love him, but he always seems to be one of those ‘top of the bottom, bottom of the top’ guys.”

“I know, right? Well, Kane’s looking dominant as usual, and taking the advantage. He’s looking like a million bucks here...and now we enter our compulsory portion of the show, the Cena comeback. Boom, boom, YOU CAN’T SEE ME...boom, boom...Five Knuckle Shuffle...Kane gets up, kick, wham, F-U...Wait!”

Joey: “What? What happened?”

“Big Show just ran in and is attacking Cena, and now it’s a two-on-one.”

Joey: “Cool...I guess...”

“...no, false alarm...Cena’s fighting them both off...no! Triple H is coming down...3-on-1...kick, wham, Pedigree...wait...what just happened?”

Joey: “What? Come on! What happened?”

“...Kane just won the title!”

Joey: “...Are you shitting me?”

“No...I’m not shitting you. Kane is the WWE Champion.”

Joey: “Cool! He always deserved a nice run with the belt- hopefully they’ll give him a decent one this time. I mean, he lost most of his character with his last run. One day for it? What the hell?”

“Yeah. Hopefully this works. Well, I’ve got to go...I’ll see you tomorrow...”

Kane d. John Cena (96, 94, 82)

Over: 77

Joey: “Okay!” I hung up the phone to see Mr.Ace next to me.

Ace: “So, who was on the line?”

“You know...one of my friends. They work to keep the cover going for my TNA shows, help me get backstage- great stuff.”

Ace: “Excellent. So...would you be willing to try to get them to help us out?”

“It would take much more time. I’ve never even told him that I work for WWE, and considering the facts, it’d be a dumb move for us to go after him yet.”

Ace: “I see...why?”

“Well, he knows a lot of TNA guys, he is VERY devoted to TNA, and if I told him I worked for WWE and asked him to, he would rat me out to TNA in an instant.”

Ace: “I see. Well, you should pay close attention, then. If he ever found out about what you’re doing...bad things could happen. No matter how close you are, he’s still an enemy at this point. Remember that.”

“But...isn’t it ‘keep your friends close, and your enemies closer?’”

Ace: “That doesn’t work for spies and thieves...no one can get close to them...” I sat having Mr.Ace’s words sink in, before heading off to the TNA tapings...

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Been reading this for the last couple days and finally managed to catch up. I really like your glamour to hide the fact that you're really just raiding TNA of a lot of their top talents. It works though, as it gives reasons, and shrouds that idea a bit.

Kane winning the title was nice, as long as it's not just another transition job. A few nice returns with 3MW, and hey, I liked Chaz....Pirates vs Ninja's.....hmm...the comedy is there at least.

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The next night, I headed back to my brother's house. When I got there, Joey was already waiting for me...

Joey: "Dude...we've got to be at the TNA shows early. I tried to give the number you gave me here- your brother let me crash so that I could get to you in time."

"Why...what's the problem?"

Joey: "No problem...TNA opened up the doors for us! We officially got our feet in the door!" Okay. Somehow, that just amuses me. Considering the top assistant in Talent Relations to Johnny Freaking Ace in World Wrestling Entertainment just "got his foot in the door" is just funny to me, okay?

"...what are you talking about?"

Joey: "I told you I was going to Dixie Carter last night, right? Well, I told her my plan to try and trap the TNA mole, and she loved it. She thinks that since this week, TNA is going to have two Prime-Time shows with Impact moving to Thursday nights, they needed to have some more security to make sure everything goes well..."

"...she needed more security? Why not get Universal's rent-a-cops, or Orlando PD in there?"

Joey: "Oh, there will be, but come on. We're the eternal character in thief manga and anime- the noble, 'Oblivious Wannabe Detective' characters! As a result, we get more power than any police officer would in TNA!"

"Um...yeah...I guess..." Dammit! He's going to catch on, I know it...

Joey: "Yeah. JUST WAIT, MOLE- I'M GOING TO BRING YOU TO JUSTICE! Come on, now you do it..."

"Uh- okay...Just wait, Mole, I'm going to bring you to Justice?"

Joey: "It needs more conviction. You need to make that mole shake in his boots. Eh, let's go...work on that, okay?" It might be hard, when, well, I AM the mole I'm trying to make shake in my boots...but I digress. We headed off into the car and got through, trying to make conversation.

"So, they're this desperate to get answers on this mole that they're going to fans for help?"

Joey: "Oh yeah. Between the four people who jumped to WWE last week, and me getting told Traci had left the company when she started working for ECW last week...you heard about that, right?" I thought back to everything that had happened over the last week, and how close I was to getting found out...

"Yeah...I heard about it..."

Joey: "Hmmm...I did want to ask. Did Traci talk about this to you when she was hanging out with you and Alex last week?" Yikes...quick, think back to the story...

"Oh, yeah. We all hung out, then all of a sudden, Traci got this call. She told us it was Raven, and he wanted to meet her at the airport for something. She left as soon as she heard this, and the next thing I know, I'm watching the ECW Internet show and she's there."

Joey: "Yeah. I still can't believe that. Raven's getting TNA workers to jump to ECW? I thought he was on good terms with TNA, but then he acts as a mole for Heyman?"

"Yeah, I guess. Kind of shocking, really. They make him the NWA World Champion and he turns around and does this shit. Damn shame, really."

Joey: "I know. But, I choose to remember the good times. Oh, it looks like we're here..." We headed into the Impact Zone and were greeted by Austin Aries, Alex Shelley and So Cal Val.

Joey: "I suppose you know the other members of our "TNA Special Defense Force..."

Val: "I thought we agreed it was the 'Protectors of TNA!'"

Aries: "Oh, come on, it has to be the 'Defenders of Independent Wrestling!'"

Shelley: "I thought we named it the 'Alex-Sama Groupie Gangs!'" Just then, everyone looked at Shelley... "...what? I'm just saying it'd get over, is all...:"

Joey: "Well, anyway, Dixie thought that this would work better if there were some TNA guys behind the scenes helping us out. Alex was chosen to do it because of the fact that WWE has a tentative agreement with all of the federations in Japan that they won't poach any of their workers, and Alex's work for Zero-One makes it so that he is guaranteed to stick around as a result."

Val: "Then Austin latched on because Alex told him that if he agreed to join up with us, then TNA would give the two of them an NWA Tag Title reign, and I joined because Dixie promised if I did this, they'd finally put me with a team and let me work as a valet instead of just as the ring girl..."

"Excellent. Well, I guess the team is together. With the power of five, we will stop TNA workers from being stolen by the WWE!" Excuse me while I laugh...OH YOU DUMB BASTARDS! Are you on crack, or what? This is like the fox guarding the henhouse!

All: "TO PROTECT TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION, WE WILL DO OUR BEST!" The five of us headed into the building, where Dixie Carter met with us.

Carter: "Well, it seems like our last line of defense has gotten here. So, I take it this is the friend you were talking about who was also joining, Joey?"

Joey: "Yes, ma'am."

"Pleasure to meet you...it'll be my pleasure to help on the team protecting TNA stars..."...and then getting full access to them and allowing me to steal you blind before you have a chance to see it...

Carter: "Excellent. Now, we're going to need to keep this somewhat secret for this one. You see, since we're taping the Impact prime time premiere right after XPlosion tonight, we need to make sure that no one gets through. I was able to get us an extra surprise for the Impact taping to really start our primetime show off with a bang- we were able to give them a taste of his own medicine- our next strike in the war, if you will. I want to make sure that you protect this guy from the mole and make sure that he doesn't go back from this in order to screw with us even more. You got that?"

All: "Got it!"

Carter: "Good. Now, make sure the mole doesn't get to him. I'm hoping you handle this..." I headed over to Joey and the others.

"So, I take it you three know who it is?"

Aries: "Oh yeah, Raven Guy- those bastards aren't going to know what hit them. I doubt they even knew of this themselves!"

"I see. Well, you guys should do the defense part near the dressing room, while Joey handles the crowd, and I'll take the outside. It'll seem more likely to be normal if we work things out there."

Joey: "I know, that seems right, but one question...now, I know you guys are TNA workers and we're, for the most part, fans, but I think we should get some extra perks in order to get some good faith- you know, make sure that you guys really trust us. Okay?"

Shelley: "Sure, man...what were you thinking?"

Joey: "Well...I'm thinking that in order to get this good faith, you should let us take a peek into the new guy's dressing room so we can know who we're protecting here. I mean, we need to know that we are on the same page as the workers for this...you agree with me, right?"

"Well, I guess. However, I don't really care as much who it is..." Oh, yes. This will be great. If I can make them think I don't care who it is, then they'll assume I'm not the mole if they have doubts for the two of us. And since Joey wants to know who it is- if they suspect one of us, they'll be more likely to suspect him! Perfect!

Val: "Well, how's about this. Since you don't care- we'll be protecting the door, you stay out here and keep watch, then Joey goes in, sees who it is, and comes out and tells you?"

"I like that idea."

Aries: "Perfect. Then let's get to doing it." The three workers headed to their position with Joey. I waited a little bit, finally seeing Joey run over to me looking excited.

Joey: "Dude! Dude! The war's back on! They made their move, and OH! They have stuck it to them to make a score for the good guys here..."

"I see...what do you mean?"

Joey: "Well, they said they made a new signing, right?"

"Um...yeah. So, who was it? Sting? Hulk Hogan? Sandman?"

Joey: "Nope...brace yourself: TNA just took WWE for one."

"Who'd they get?"

Joey: "...they just stole Al Snow."

Meanwhile, on WWE Raw:

Kane interview where he hyped his World Title victory. John Cena enters the ring and attacks him, but Triple H and Big Show attack Cena. Michaels and RVD come in and even the odds. After the break, the announcers hype the two main events: Big Show and Kane against Michaels and RVD and Triple H/Cena (80)

Okay. Cue "FUCK!" right about now.

Okay, let me think things through. TNA just stole a guy from the WWE. In addition, since the person they stole was under an Open contract, it was also someone who didn't have a 90-Day No-Compete Clause. No biggie...except the person they stole was Al Snow, a person in which I was the person who got the WWE to release him less than 2 weeks ago.

FUCK. I had to try and calm myself down. Hopefully, I'll be able to get through this normally. I decided to go to the TV where I saw some of the jobbers watching Raw. Apparently, some of them were getting happy, with some of the TNA regulars booing it. When I caught the TV, I saw why- it was Roderick Strong and Homicide, and the two were putting on a Match of the Year candidate. The TNA guys tried to tell the jobbers to be quiet and boo it for TNA, while I was transfixed. I kept holding watch beforehand, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the TV. With how this match was going, I could almost hear my name being praised that much more backstage at the Raw show for getting them these two. Finally, the match ended (luckily for the masquerade, WWE matches are too short), and I began to go for this. I could still hear Mr.Ace's warnings. I heard of his warning beforehand to try and go and play it cool to keep the masquerade going, but I thought I saw an opening to get him some new workers. I noted the jobbers that were cheering: A-1 of Team Canada, Rod Steel, Bruce Steel, and Phi Delta Slam. When I saw an opening, I headed to Carter's office...

"Miss...Miss Carter. I had found some interesting info. You keep your jobbers on open contracts, right?"

Carter: "Why, yes...we don't need them on regular TNA deals, just show-by-show things. Why?"

"Well, I just saw five jobbers watching Raw and eating up cheers of a Roderick Strong and Homicide match. I would honestly think they might know something about their jumps..."

Carter: "Well, I'll have to check out these things. Thanks for the help- you and your friend seem like you'll be real assets to retaining our workers..." Oh, mercy...that's the funniest damn thing I've ever heard...

Roderick Strong d. Homicide (50, 98, 74)

(While doing this, he also missed:)

Bob Sapp d. Chaz (59, 72, 65)

After this occurred, I proceeded to head back to the crowd. I was able to see a good match, and I called Joey over to me...

"Hey, man...I'm thinking that if the mole's going to be coming, he would probably be around the Impact Zone waiting for workers to go back to their cars. I figure that I'll go look around the parking lot to try and find this guy..."

Joey: "Good idea, man- I'll keep watch here backstage..." I headed outside the Impact Zone and went towards the parking lots. Once there, I made a phone call...

Ace: "Hello, Johnny speaking. Who's this?"

"Hey, it's me...I'm at the tapings..."

Ace: "I see. Any progress on steals?"

"Nope- I'm trying to make tonight's focus gaining more trust from the TNA workers."

Ace: "Good plan- is it working?"

"Better than I heard. I got word of a big plan TNA has tonight..."

Ace: "Something big? What?"

"They were able to sign Al Snow due to his contract not having a 90-Day clause; he's debuting on the Impact portion of the tapings. Get to work leaking that- but do it a little later tonight, I need to make it look normal for me..."

Ace: "Good plan- excellent work, kid." I hung up the phone and headed back into the Impact Zone...

Joey: "Did you see anything?"

"I saw this one sketchy-looking guy in the area, but he left before I could get a good look at him."

Joey: "I see. Not much new over here...oh, the match on Raw was..."

Paul Burchill d. Snitsky, Sakoda runs in following match (54, 70, 62)

YARR! Paul Burchill keeps gainin' the overness with 2 points more, ye scurvy dogs!

Snitsky loses 2 points of overness. Come on, who would have thought an untalented worker with a gimmick that he kills babies and has a foot fetish wouldn't get over?

"I see. Well, let's watch a little Raw- I think I scared off the mole, we can relax a bit..." Me and Joey headed over to the TV...

<<After the break, Viscera was in the ring posing for the crowd. Just then, the Omega sign showed up on the TitanTron, with a sign saying "THE OMEGA MAN..." Just then, it switched to Nick Nemeth's face as the screen said "NEMETH" as the crowd...well, was dead.

Lawler: "This is apparently going to be the debut of Nick Nemeth- this guy calls himself the end of professional wrestling..."

Styles: "Wait...wasn't this guy Kerwin's caddy..."

Coach: "ZIP IT..."

Styles: "...but you're saying it's a debut, and I'm just saying..."

Lawler: "zipit..."

Styles: "But he's not really..."

Coach: "zipit..."

Nick Nemeth v. Viscera

Oh. Dear. GOD. No. This was a horrific matchup to watch. I don't care how flashy the vignettes are, folks- if the guy behind them is rubbish in the ring, it doesn't matter. And this match...was rubbish. If it was just bad, that would be one thing. However, with how bad it was, it made the match a pain to watch in the ring. Nemeth was nowhere near ready for the WWE, and Viscera's just terrible. The match was a horrific thing to watch, from opening tie-up to Nemeth's win with an Axe Bomber (AXE BOMB-UH~!). I...I can't even fathom it. Please. Don't even send this guy back to OVW- considering he was Kerwin's caddy first, just cut bait on the guy- he's beyond all hope.

(43, 44, 43)

Viscera loses 1 point overness for a TERRIBLE match

Nick Nemeth gains 2 points overness for some unknown reason

After the break, "BBQ" by 2 Skinnee J's hit as The New New Blackjacks headed to the ring accompanied by Madusa and took the mic...

Windham: "YEE-HAW! This is ol' 'Big Foot' Barry Windham, and I'm pleased as a pickle to be right here, with mah protege, 'Blackjack' Steve Bradley, gettin' us a shot at the double-you-double-you-E Tag Team Champions of the world! "

Bradley: "Hoo-WEE, Barry, we're shore gonna teach them thar city boys somethin' about what some ol' country boys can do right here when we take them shiny belts and prove we're the best team in these-here U-nited States of A'MERKA!" The two posed for the crowd as MNM's music hit...

Styles: "These two workers have really proven themselves worthy World Tag Team champions in recent weeks, defending against all comers on both shows admirably..."

Lawler: "Yeah- they're better than anything those...pretenders down in Orlando could pull off, huh!"

Coach: "Yeah, Jerry. Don't worry, WWE fans- in case you're thinking of changing the channel from Monday Night Raw to those people that that Spike TV THOUGHT could replace the worldwide leaders in sports entertainment, don't bother. I just heard that Thursday night on their taped show, they're going to be debuting the person who is supposed to be their new 'Ace in the Hole' against us...my former broadcast colleague, Al Snow! Hey...King, you see this? It's me SHAKING IN MY BOOTS..."

Just then, I knew I had to act quick...

"WHAT WHAT WHAT? THAT BASTARD! The mole struck again!" Yes he did...OH yes he did...

Joey: "I know! How the hell could this occur?" Just then, Alex, Austin, and Val (apparently, TNA thought it safest to make her the valet for GenX due to the Defense Force reasons) headed backstage...

Val: "We just finished our match...what happened?"

"They...they...the mole struck again! They leaked out that TNA got Al Snow to WWE, and now they've got some problems!"

Aries: "I don't believe this! Do either of you have any idea who could do it?"

Joey: "Well, my boy here said he saw some sketchy guy leave the parking lot just a little while ago- he could be the person..."

"Yeah, but I doubt that. I think he was here trying to make a steal. The only people who knew Al Snow was in the Impact Zone tonight was people backstage. Actually, I have a theory, but...no, it couldn't have been them..."

Shelley: "Come on, Raven Guy, who was it?"

"Well- I saw five of the jobbers cheering on the Roderick Strong/Homicide match on Raw tonight. Knowing these things, I wouldn't be surprised if one of them were to leak it, hoping to get the same treatment those two got in WWE."

Val: "That seems possible. We'll go report this news to Dixie. Joey, you work the stands and see if anyone knew anything about it. You- go check on Al Snow to see if everything's all right there..."

"Gotcha!" Perfect. This will give me just the right chance to talk to my...old friend...

MNM d. The New New Blackjacks by Cade and Murdoch interference. After the match, Cade and Murdoch shake hands, then hug (68,71, 69)

Trevor Murdoch gains 3 points overness because everyone was just BEGGING to cheer him

Lance Cade gains 1 point overness for actually having something done with him

As I saw everything go to plan, I knocked on Al's door.

Snow: "Who is it?" I tried as best as possible to disguise my voice...

"Yeah...it's one of the TNA Special Defense Force...We're just checking up on you after what just happened on Raw..."

Snow: "What happened?"

"Your debut got leaked to the WWE- they're sending me in to keep watch on you..."

Snow: "All right...come on in..." I entered his room, then locked the door. I knew that the next thing was going to happen...

Snow: "Oh- so you're part of the TNA Special Defense Force, are you? Well, I guess now it explains why my debut got leaked so easily...have those 10 people you hired to replace me worked out so far for them?"

"Allen, Allen, Allen...you're so bitter: is THAT the way you greet an old co-worker?"

Snow: "It is if they're the reason I'm not part of that job anymore. You know, you're not going to get away with this game you play for long. Now that I'm working for TNA, it'll be easy for me to spread the word that you're the mole..." Just then, I got a bit more of a serious look on my face.

"Allen, Allen, Allen. Easy isn't the word, but...if you want to talk about easy...we're in a fairly big city- there are a lot of people around who'll do a lot for money. Do you know how EASY it is to hire a hitman in this world? You give someone 20,000 bucks and expenses, and you can have any person in the world killed. You've worked for Vince McMahon for,well, almost 10 years now: you know he's a billionaire. Do you know how EASY it is for Vince McMahon to come up with 20,000 bucks? It's like if you or I were to come up with 50 bucks- a slight amount of money, but really a drop in the bucket. Because of this rich nature, Vince McMahon has very powerful lawyers. Do you know how EASY it would be for Vince's lawyers to get him, me, and anyone else involved acquitted of all charges? Everybody knows in this world- if you've got the riches, the rules don't apply to you. In addition, my wheelings and dealings have made me a VERY popular man in Stamford. Do you know how EASY it would be for me to ask Vince McMahon to give me the money for this? All I'd have to do is ask, and I'd have 20 grand in my expense account tomorrow morning. Put those things together, Allen..."

Snow: "...you psychotic bastard..."

"Oh, come now, Allen...you should know me by now...I never do things the EASY way. No, if you try leaking me to these people, my way will involve finding your beautiful family- waiting until you have a nice quiet day without an indy booking. And then, when I find it, I'll have them strike. First, I'd have them tie you and any member of your family up. Then, I'd have them do things to you that would make Abu Gharib look like Disney World. You have a wife, expect her raped. Girlfriend, same story. Heck- I may just have them molest your kids- not for the sex, but just to totally ruin their lives, you understand. Then, I'll have them start killing each person, one by one, until they got to you. Finally, I'll have them cut off every finger on your tied-up body...then every toe...then your hands...then your legs...then, when you're set up, I'll have them slice your head off. You get the picture...?"

Snow: "You're insane...you're...just insane..."

"Oh, don't worry, Allen...this isn't the way it has to be...all you have to do is never tell anyone that we've ever met before in your life. No matter what you knew me as up North, down here all you know me as is 'one of the Raven Guys'. You understand me?"

Snow: "...I understand."

"Good...good. I'm glad we're on the same page. I'll go protect you outside here now, but just remember..." Just then, outside the door, Alex Shelley was walking past...


Shelley then went past...

Shelley: "Wait...if he's saying that, then that must mean...Raven Guy is SO dedicated to the team that it's insane! Man, he must have thought Snow leaked his own debut to WWE, and is trying to warn him. *phew* In any event, I'm glad that he's on our side for this..."

Johnny Parisi d. Danny Basham by Joy Giovanni interference (60, 67, 63)

Johnny Parisi gains 1 point overness for beating someone fans...sort of...knew...

Before the match, Chris Masters introduces his teammate to help get revenge on Chavo Guerrero and Chavo Classic, the only person worthy of teaming with him- Rob Conway

Chris Masters and Rob Conway d. Los Guerreros II (64, 70, 67)

Chuck Palumbo d. Ric Flair (78, 71, 75)

WHOO! Ric-WHOO!-by-WHOO!-God-WHOO!-Flair loses 1-WHOO!-BAH GAWD point of overness-WHOO!

Chuck Palumbo gains 2 points of overness for actually getting a big victory

After I left the ring, Val grabbed me and sent me over...

Val: "They're going to tape the debut angle for Snow- they want you guys with us..."


Val: "Well, they want the TNA Special Defense Force to get some recognition for our work on this- come on!" Val rustled me and Joey over to the Gorilla position. I heard a scene going on in the ring as Larry Zybysko was talking...

<<Zybysko: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Impact Zone!" The crowd cheered that. "Now, ladies and gentlemen, this is a great night in TNA history. We've survived four years of growth. People always kept saying we'd go bankrupt in 90 days, and yet now, here we are, with two shows in prime-time here on Spike TV!" The crowd cheered that. "And yet, we still have attacks. The people up North have been trying to send their people and pick our roster clean each week. People have been stolen left and right while you the fans were left to watch..." A "FUCK VINCE!" chant started in the Zone as that continued. "Well, we're going to nip that in the bud. With the dawn of Impact being the 90 minute Thursday Adrenaline Rush, we're here to announce tonight is our independence day from the people up North!" The crowd cheered as Zybysko continued. "That is why, TNA would like to introduce the people who have agreed to put their bodies and lives on the line not just onscreen for the fans, but backstage in an attempt to make sure that TNA holds on to our stars in the wake of the attacks. First of all, we have our in-ring liasions, the last line of defense from the workers...we give you- Austin Aries, Alex Shelley- Generation X!" Aries and Shelley headed down to the ring to huge cheers and "FUCK VINCE!" cheers. "Second off- the second line of defense- the TNA ring crew girl: So Cal Val!" So Cal Val headed down the ramp and joined the two outside the ring as they cheered and kept yelling "FUCK VINCE!" "And the first line of defense from the crowd- noted TNA Superfans, The Raven Guys!" Me and Joey headed down the ring whooping it up (him legit, me desperately trying to look excited) as the "FUCK VINCE!" cheers continued and Zybysko started talking again. "...but this wouldn't be enough if we didn't make our own attack. The best defense is always a good offense. That's why- we're pleased to announce that TNA's just stolen the following person RIGHT FROM UNDER VINCE MCMAHON'S NOSE...come on out!" Just then, a reworked sign of "DO YOU WANT HEAD?" hit as Al Snow headed down the ramp to huge pops. Snow took the mic...

Snow: "Thank you, thank you! After 10 years of being passed over up North, told I would never be more than a midcarder, and just mistreated, it's great to finally get a chance to be here in TNA! And now, looking right here at these five people who've agreed to protect TNA from steals, all I can say is one thing..." Snow looked at me, as I gave a slight glare at him and put my hand to my chin in a manner to subliminally suggest a gun..."...It's GREAT to be right here in TNA, where all the winners play!" The crowd cheered as the five of us headed out of the Impact Zone...

Aries: "That was fucking great! The crowd really loves its TNA!"

Shelley: "Yeah- now, to celebrate! To Raven Guy's brother's bar, so he can get us all plastered!" I was almost ready to agree...until I headed over and saw the five jobbers at one of the bars at Universal...

"Yeah. You guys go over there, I'll catch up with you..." I headed quickly into the bar to see A-1 and Phi Delta Slam downing a lot of beers while Rod and Bruce Steel were dropping shots like they were playing basketball...

A-1: "So...it's YOU! You're the one who leaked us cheering that match to Dixie Carter...you and the rest of that Self-Defense Force made her think we were the moles for TNA...so she fired us! After all we do for them, she thought that we would help people go to WWE..."

Big Tilly: "Yeah- you had better have a good explanation..."

"Listen, listen- it's not our fault she got the wrong idea. Listen, if you weren't the moles, I'm sorry...and I know just the way to make it up to you five..."

Bruno Sassi: "You'll get us our jobs back?"

"No...better..." I passed them five plane tickets..."Be on that plane, and you'll see how I make it up to you...

Kane and Big Show d. Shawn Michaels and RVD (87, 84, 86)

Triple H d. John Cena by Kane interference (93, 86, 90)

Over: 72



As the five sobered up, they touched down at the airport to see Johnny Ace waiting for them.

Ace: "Well, well, well- I know my boy told me he managed to pull something off despite not having to, but I never imagined this!"

Tilly: "Wait a minute...you mean...Raven Guy..."

A-1: "That bastard..."

-From: WWE.Com

-WWE announces Raw/Smackdown Trade:

-In a breaking news story, Raw has received word of a trade set up late last night between Raw GM Dusty Rhodes and Smackdown GM Theodore Long. The deal will officially send Smackdown Diva and recent "Dancing With The Stars" breakout star Stacy Keibler to Raw. In exchange, Raw is sending Raw prospect Chet the Jet and Raw interviewer Maria to Smackdown.

-WWE Releases three

-World Wrestling Entertainment has come to terms with the releases of Viscera, Mike Shane, and Todd Shane. We wish all three of them the best of luck in their future endeavors.

-WWE signs five to developmental deals

Earlier before tonight's Smackdown Tapings, it was announced that five workers have been signed to WWE developmental deals. The workers are Canadian indy wrestler and former TNA wrestling standout A-1, indy tag team Big Tilly and Bruno Sassi, better known as Phi Delta Slam in TNA, and indy workers Rod and Bruce Steel. Click [HERE] for their thoughts on the developmental signing.

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