Best sports names?

[Liam]

Simple really, what sports stars have the best names? Because I seriously can't think of anyone with a better name than Stern John.

My girlfriend likes Ulysses de la Cruz, but that is a hell of a lot poncier than Stern John.

[METALMAN]

We have a player called Danny Invincible. As well as a Mehdi Taouil whose name is amusing purely on a "how do you pronounce that?" basis.

[Guest Mr. Potato Head]

I don't care how retired he is, Zarley Zalapski wins this contest every time.

[Liam]

Who?

I must add secondary votes for Mladen Mladenovic and for Peter Ndlovu. Honestly, Peter has an unpronounceable second name.

[Guest Mr. Potato Head]

Hockey (defenceman for Calgary and maybe some others but mostly Calgary in the 90s).

I'll add some more North American ones later.

[Toe]

Jeff Beukeboom, NHL defenceman.

[Zaz]

FuiFui MoiMoi and Siuatonga Likiliki are two NRL players with pretty awesome names.

[Slogger]

I forgot about the NRL, Damn you Zaz.

The Kemoeatu's of the NFL (Both are linemen) and If you say there name's like they are spelt, It sounds like Kemo-eat-u.

[Emperor Fuckshit]

Urban Shocker (can we count nicknames that eventually displaced real names?),

Wonderful Terrific Monds,

Ossee Schreckengost,

Yhency Brazoban,

Youliesky Gourriel (sounds like you're reading a rollercoaster),

Heiker Menses,

Julio Olarticoechea (because it made Barry Davies sound like he was saying "oooh, I'll take a chair"),

Angel Pagan,

Stefan Kuntz (purely for

),

Kenesaw Mountain Landis (marginal, but I'm counting it),

God Shammgod,

Javed Miandad (gave me and my dad endless "what... all three of you?" jokes when I was younger),

I like sportspeople with names that exactly encompass their style, too: Joe Bugner (tough and ugly), Mario Boogers (mad as a lorry), Don Bradman (simple, eternal), Vinny Jones (uncultured hacker).

e: I've always wondered if Kenesaw Mountain Landis' mates called him "Ken." One of those crazy, awesome names that is also conveniently easy to obscure at an everyday level.

Edited August 16, 2009 by Emperor Fuckshit

[Guest Mr. Potato Head]

To follow up on one of Fuckshit's, Rusty Kuntz is the greatest baseball name of all time, even ahead of Dick Pole.

[METALMAN]

Dick Trickle as well.

[Marcos]

Notah Begay III?

[Emperor Fuckshit]

To follow up on one of Fuckshit's, Rusty Kuntz is the greatest baseball name of all time, even ahead of Dick Pole.

Ah, I dunno, Kuntz and Pole went mainstream. Like Danny Shittu. I dread the day that Heiker Menses makes it to the bigs...

[Guest Mr. Potato Head]

A couple recent Toronto Blue Jays names that always gave me a chuckle would be Dirk Hayhurst and Buck Coats.

Going back to when I was a kid, I thought Howard Battle's name was awesome. Pity he didn't have...ANY talent.

[Liam]

Glad you mentioned it, but I also have a liking for Danny Shittu. My dad and brother met him recently, apparently he is built like a brick shittu house >_>

But seriously, he is a big man.

[Emperor Fuckshit]

Glad you mentioned it, but I also have a liking for Danny Shittu. My dad and brother met him recently, apparently he is built like a brick shittu house >_>

Best piece of writing ever, by Nick Hancock:

[barry] Davies then attempted to pay tribute to the burly German full back Dieter Eilts -- "there goes Eilts, built like a brick... door." Now, I think that Mr. Davies suffered a problem in communication here. He must have meant that Eilts either "bangs like a shithouse door", or that he's "built like a brick shithouse." The key word in any case, as I'm sure you'll agree, is "shithouse".

(Sorry, nothing to do with names -- I just love that.)

Edited August 16, 2009 by Emperor Fuckshit

[METALMAN]

Glad you mentioned it, but I also have a liking for Danny Shittu. My dad and brother met him recently, apparently he is built like a brick shittu house >_>

Best piece of writing ever, by Nick Hancock:

What Didn't Happen Next? I love that book. My grampa bought me it when I was like ten or something. haha.

[Emperor Fuckshit]

What Didn't Happen Next? I love that book. My grampa bought me it when I was like ten or something. haha.

YES!!!! That book is a fucking gem. If you can still find it, then you should read it again. "The Stylistics had a song called "Nana is the Saddest Word". Which is bollocks. "Nana" is only the saddest word if spoken by a grown man requesting a banana."

[METALMAN]

I do still have it! It has been my resident toilet book for the best part of ten years. It's amazing.

I like the Graham Taylor one best. And the Brazilian player names.

DULLO

One club star of the seventies and early eighties who subsequently became a television pundit. His nasal drone had the ability to senc viewers to sleep by the millions.

I want a sequel.

[Emperor Fuckshit]

There's a boss (yes, that's right... "boss") bit in that segment where Hancock explains why Don Revie encouraged his Leeds team to all take on Brazil-style mononyms -- he'd had a bet that "the Division One's top goalscorer would be a player whose named ended in a vowel."

On the funnee names topic: Pramodya Wickramasinghe. Sounds like a comedy "funny foreigner" name. BUT HE'S A REAL MAN, INSTEAD!!!!!