TheRaySays

-The X-Men arcade game is still the best super hero game you'll ever play, if you got some extra cash, I'm sure you can find it now for under a grand.  You gotta play it on the big machine though, playing on a standard arcade cabinet is like getting a blowjob with a condom on, you can do it, but it takes all the fun out of it.

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Preach on, Brother GZ! Yeah, this is the pinnacle that all other super hero games aspire to. I was a little weirded out by Wolverine's "Adamantium Laser", but I suppose they wanted to give him a ranged attack.

I was also fond of the similar Avengers game that had Iron Man, Captain America, Wasp, Hawkeye, Vision, and... I think... Scarlet Witch. My friends and I still sometimes quote Cap's "I... can't... move..." dialogue.

The poor poor poor person paying over 50 quid and finds out hes only gonna get some shitty promo material. But he surely cant lie about there being playable material on there.

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Depends on the definition of "playable". If it's just an advert, you CAN put it in your PS2 and it'll play. Misleading? Definitely. Illegal? No.

In the case of the high bidder, this looks like a case of a fool and his money parting ways.

The Disk contains promotional material. Only

Looks like a demo disk to me, the kind of thing you get at E3 for free for stopping by the Rockstar Games booth. I doubt there's much, if anything, playable on it.

It's the kid from Godsend, he's 11...but seeing as how the movie is already filmed he was probably still 10 at the time.

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Okay then. Sick it is.

Aren't we just assuming a bit here?

While I doubt the kid's 23 playing 10, there is a strong likelihood he's actually older than the 10 year old he's being asked to portray. Shit, Haley Joel Osmet could still play 10.

Rocko's Modern Life > Sifl & Olly > Beavis Y Butt-Head >> Ren & Stimpy

Filburt the Turle is awesome, especially when handling comics at Super-A-Lot-Of-Comics ("Turn a page, wash your hands. Turn a page, wash your hands...").

Damn I miss that show.

I used to love Sifl & Olly. Something about sock puppets makes me laugh uncontrollably.

B&B still holds up, but there needs to be a way to get the full eps with videos. Otherwise, it's just half-assed.

And Ren & Stimpy were funny way back in the day and I think the classic eps would still hold up ("Don't Whizz on the Electric Fence!"), but the new ones were just lame.

Ah the good old days,

TheRay

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley is much more layered than any film take on the character.

Robot Visions by Isaac Asimov. A collection of his seminal robot stories that influenced the development of real-world technologies and philosophies.

Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury. Excellent small-town horror/fantasy.

Just some picks from my bookshelf,

TheRay

Comic books? Did someone say comic books?

Fright Night

Now Comics: Oct., 1988 - No. 22, 1990

1-2 adapt the movie, $2.25 ea.

3-22, $2.25 ea.

Fright Night II

Now Comics: 1989

1 adapts movie sequel, $4.00

Courtesy of your friendly neighborhood comics retailer,

TheRay

This should be interesting.  I can't wait to see a show and if this will survive at least 3 shows.

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Yay! I win! I took the number 9 in the "How many posts until someone makes a lame joke about syco dropping this" pool. And here I thought I had overestimated.

syco... put down the pipe... that's it.

What are you on about?!

One... You're not allowed to have another diary. Someone has to draw a line in the sand for you, Son!

Two... How the hell is turning EWBIV into yardtard paradise going to answer any questions about writing ability?! Unless of course we... I mean they... get to write their own promos/matches/whatever?

Three... Playboy Mansion? Really?

Four... There is no four.

Five... How are you determining stats?

This is weirder than the new Pulp EWR movement,

TheRay

Man, great stuff, and not a drop of blood or even the hint of erect nipple (except maybe on Rude, but whatever).

I'm not too put off by the smarky tone since it was prefaced with a retro rant to bring us up to speed. It's not like we can put on our 1989 goggles and look back without our modern prejudices.

That being said, my big gripe is Piper's Pit. Any Piper's Pit where "Rowdy" Roddy gets less than a half dozen insults and not a single infuriating zinger is copping out. He should've rambled on for at least a paragraph about Garvin's shortcomings before the brawl erupted, even if Garvin just gave him the ol' silent treatment in response.

If letter grades are the in-thang, I'm going to go with a solid B+.

More please,

TheRay

I echo everyone else's fondness for this and raise it thirty thousand, splashing the pot like Teddy MF'in KGB. Anyway, I was really into this the first time around and am practically freaking out about new stuff.

Welcome back, Funky, you were missed,

TheRay

BTW, TGC: I pointed out the PPV commercial anomaly to Funky the first time 'round, then had to laugh when they took fourteen minutes on their next real life PPV for Don West to go old school Shop-At-Home and shill everything from the DVDs to t-shirts to the TNA Girls calendar, the InDemand webcast subscription, and on and on and on. And yes, I can say first-hand that it DOES piss off the folks who pay for the PPV...

I'm going to forego predictions save one...

I'm really going to enjoy this. A twisted lil' experiment you've got here Syco. I'm very much looking forward to how you bring it to life.

The Garvin Stomp was just ahead of its time. In the modern low-impact era, it would be mad over like The People's Elbow and The Worm. Too bad Ron used his best material in such a lackluster era... :blink:

Looking forward to this,

TheRay

The Stranglers - "Golden Brown"

Used in the Guy Ritchie film Snatch.

May 7th, 2004

The National Wrestling Alliance and The MSG Network present…

Hardcore Television

Hardcore Television is taped LIVE at Viking Hall in downtown Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

“Thunderkiss ‘65” by White Zombie is the official theme of NWA: Hardcore City. After a montage of historic moments, (including the “Chairshot Heard Around the World,” The Dudley Boyz hitting the 3-D on “Flyboy” Rocco Rock, Rhino Gore-ing Yoshihiro Tajiri through a table set in the corner to capture the Television Title, and Raven knocking The Sandman backwards off his perch to crash through a trio of stacked tables to win his third Hardcore Heavyweight Title) we cut to ringside where Diamond Dallas Page sits alone at the announce position.

DDP: “TONIGHT… The Ultraviolent All Star, Justice Pain, gets a crack at Raven and the Hardcore Heavyweight Title. Hopefully, we’ll hear the champ’s thoughts on the return of Tommy Dreamer later on, but let’s kick things off right now in the ring where Dan… The Dragon… Wilson will introduce our first match.”

1. Ikuto Hidaka w/Lotus vs. Chris Benoit:

“Magic Carpet Ride” by Steppenwolf begins to play, and Ikuto Hidaka gets led to the ring by the lovely Lotus. She applauds as he slingshots himself into the ring and tests the ropes.

“Introducing FIRST… in the ring to my left… from Yokohama, Japan… accompanied by Lotus… The Oriental Anarchist… Ikuuuuto Hidaaakaaaa!”

“Back in the Saddle” by Aerosmith booms out over the P.A. as “The Rabid Wolverine” Chris Benoit marches to the ring. He slaps his chest on the way and rolls into the ring with a snarl. He wears red tights with black tiger stripes and black boots.

“And his opponent… from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada… The Canadian Crippler… Chris Benoit!”

Both men circle for a bit before locking up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Benoit goes to an aggressive side headlock. Hidaka tries to counter into a back suplex, but “The Crippler” just grits his teeth and muscles Hidaka over with a snap mare. He immediately goes for The Crippler Crossface, but Hidaka scuttles out of the ring to regroup with Lotus, who offers some encouragement.

Dragon: “Discretion is DEFINITELY the better part of valor here, as that Crossface would surely put this one in the books rather early.”

DDP: “Yu-Gi-Oh’s nobody’s fool. I’ve been on the bad end of that Crossface, Wilson, and it’s no joke.”

Dragon: “Ikuto… The man’s name is Ikuto.”

DDP: “Open yer ears, Wilson. That’s what I said.”

Hidaka motions for Benoit to get back so he can return to the ring, but the impatient Canadian takes the opposite approach, climbing out through the ropes to chase down his foe. Hidaka sprints around the bend, nimbly hops over the ring steps, and rolls into the ring to bounce off the far ropes. He tries a baseball slide dropkick, but Benoit easily dodges it and snares his ankle to jerk him out of the ring and throw him bodily into the ringside railing with a crash.

Benoit takes the opportunity to hit several loud knife-edge chops, drawing “Whoo!”s from the crowd and leaving Hidaka slumped against the barricade. At Referee Jim Mollineaux’s urging, Benoit rolls Hidaka back in under the bottom rope and follows close behind.

He pulls Hidaka up by the arm and whips him towards the corner, but “The Oriental Anarchist” is able to hop up onto the middle ropes and catch Benoit charging in with a back heel kick to the jaw.

Hidaka tries to keep Benoit reeling with a spinning heel kick, but Benoit catches it and throws him overhead in a capture suplex. Benoit savagely stomps at Hidaka before pulling him up for some bracing forearms to the face. An Irish whip sends Hidaka to the ropes, only to get run over with a big clothesline.

Benoit draws his thumb across his throat and heads to the corner, but stops in his tracks as Lotus pleads for mercy down on the floor near the ring post. He points at her and snarls some kind of threat, but it buys Hidaka enough time to struggle to his feet. He races into a running dropkick that sends Benoit crashing chest-first into the turnbuckles. Hidaka scores with a series of stiff, quick kicks to the back and ribs.

He grabs Benoit in a rear waistlock and tries a German suplex, but Benoit hooks the ropes with his arms and elbows out to break it. Hidaka charges in, but Benoit sidesteps and uses a drop toehold to send him face-first into the middle buckle. Hidaka bounces off and into the arms of “The Crippler,” who takes him down in a German suplex.

DDP: “Just like bad news, these bad boys come in t’rees, Wilson. You betta believe it.”

Sure enough, Benoit hits the trifecta, with the last release German sending Hidaka sprawling into the corner. An Irish whip slams him into the opposite corner, where Benoit hits a quick, follow-up clothesline. Hidaka staggers out and right into The Crippler Crossface! Despite Lotus slapping the apron to try a rally, Ikuto Hidaka taps out in short order.

Referee Jim Mollineaux calls for the bell and orders Benoit to release the hold, but he refuses. Smiling a gap-toothed sneer, Benoit continues wrenching back on Hidaka’s neck. Lotus paces ringside, hands to her face in dismay.

WINNER: Chris Benoit, by submission to The Crippler Crossface.

*** rating for a good bout. (O:71. C:57. M:85. Ikuto Hidaka gained 3 points of overness from the television exposure in this squash.)

2. A Woman’s Place is in the… Crossface?:

Lotus cautiously climbs into the ring as Mollineaux continues to call for the bell in vain. She tugs on Benoit’s muscled arm and is surprised to have him release the hold. She smiles tentatively as he backs away, leaving her to attend to her man. He returns the smile, and that doesn’t bode well.

Benoit pulls Lotus back by the hair, causing her to stumble in her heels. He pushes her down and flexes his arms before reaching down to lock in The Crossface. Suddenly, Spike Dudley slides into the ring with a steel chair in hand and pastes Benoit across the mug, knocking him on his ass.

Benoit rolls out of the ring and backs up the ramp holding his jaw. He points and mutters some threats, but Spike is too busy adjusting his glasses and checking on Lotus, who, in turn, is back to checking on the still prone Ikuto Hidaka.

DDP: “Wow, how’s that fer gratitude, Wilson. Lil’ Spike Dudley just signed his damn death warrant, and Lotus ain’t givin’ him the time o’ day.”

Dragon: “She’s just concerned about her charge, DDP. You can’t fault her for that. And as for Spike signing his death warrant… He’s proven time and again that he doesn’t back down from nobody, not even someone like The Crippler.”

DDP: “Yeah, that’ll look good engraved on his tombstone, Wilson. Don’t go nowhere, people. We’ll be right back.”

(59. Chris Benoit lost a point of overness from his misogynistic behavior, but Lotus scarfed up that point by playing babe in distress.)

-----COMMERCIALS-----

3. An Offer That Cannot Be Refused:

When we return, we’re greeted with a close shot of the door to “FRANCINE’S CHAMPAGNE ROOM – THERE ARE NO RULES IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM.” We pull back to show the door flanked by The Pitbulls, their massive arms folded against their chests, spiked dog collars hooked tight around their bulging necks, and a thoroughly empty expression fixed on their faces. Spanky practically skips into frame, dressed in an archaic suit and a fedora, an unlit cigar clenched in his teeth. He reaches out to knock, but Pitbull I catches his fist and squeezes.

Pitbull I: “What you think you’re doin’, Little Man?”

Spanky holds up a closed briefcase.

Spanky: “I’m here to see The Queen of Extreme about some bizness. Is Her Majesty in?”

Pitbull I: “Yeah, but she ain’t…”

Francine: (shouted from inside) “Oh, just let him in!”

Pitbull II opens the door and we follow Spanky into Francine Fournier’s exclusive Viking Hall dressing room. She lounges on a black leather sofa in the dim light, a red lycra minidress clinging to her curves. A bowl of strawberries and a glass of champagne sit on a checkerboard art deco table alongside a bottle on ice.

Francine theatrically swings one leg over the other to sit facing Spanky. She adjusts the strap on her clear lucite stiletto heel before taking up the glass of bubbly.

Francine: “What do YOU want?”

Spanky: “I have an offer… an offer I’m told you can’t refuse.”

He sets the briefcase on the table and opens it. Before he turns it to face her, we can see it is overflowing with crumpled bills and some loose coins.

Spanky: “Thirty-four thousand dollars and sixty-two cents. Payment for services of a… personal nature. Services, I’m told, you provide beyond compare.”

Francine: “Waitaminute. Are you saying I’m a WHORE?! Are you offering me thirty-four thousand dollars to…”

Spanky: “…and sixty-two cents…”

Francine: “Are you trying to buy sex from me?”

Spanky: “Well, it’s more of a rental thing, I guess, but um… you’re not going to call The Pitbulls in here to break my neck are you?”

Francine: “Give me ONE good reason why I shouldn’t?”

Spanky: “I think you’re looking at thirty-four thousand reasons.”

Francine: (pauses) “Thirty-four thousand dollars… and sixty-two cents… to sleep with you?”

Spanky: (laughs) “Oh NO! No, not with me… with Shark Boy. I think it’s just about time he became a… y’know… Shark MAN.”

Francine: “Are you SERIOUS?! I can’t… I…”

Spanky: “Well, *I* can’t do it. He’s my tag team partner. Help me out here, Toots. I’m offering fair compensation, I think. Look, to be honest, I’m not even sure the kid knows which end is up, so to speak, but I figger if anyone can… er… set ‘im straight, it’d be you.”

Francine: “I can’t believe this. I’ll tell you what… Spanky… Give me one week to make a counter offer. We juuuust might be able to work something out.”

Spanky: “Fantastic! I look forward to hearing from you then.”

Spanky slams the briefcase shut and slides it off the table. He takes up the bottle of champagne and clinks it against her glass.

Spanky: “To bizness and pleasure…”

He brings the bottle to his lips and begins to chug, but Francine holds up a finger and wags it at him. The camera pulls back to find Spanky flanked by The Pitbulls. He sheepishly swallows the champagne and sets the bottle back in the ice bucket with a mischievous smile.

Francine: “Boys, show Mister Spanky the door.”

(66. The Queen of Extreme gained 3 points of overness from holding court.)

-----COMMERCIALS-----

4. Bison Smith vs. Danny Maff:

After some ads for The Hardcore Hotline and generic hype for the upcoming Hardcore Heaven, we return to the ring, where Dan “the Dragon” Wilson is ready with notecards for introductions.

The massive Bison Smith paces the ring. His hair is cut in a flattop, his moustache and beard a thin, trim line around his jaw and upper lip. He wears simple black, all business trunks, kneepads, and boots.

“Already in the ring… from The Mile High City… Denver, Colorado… Bison Smith!”

Smith holds up his hand, indicating the power of The Iron Claw. To say the fan response is tepid does a disservice to tepidity. Modtrom Productions’ “What You Gonna Do” begins to play.

“His opponent hails from Brooklyn, New York… He is The Six Figure Heavy Hitter… Dan… The Man… Maff!”

Maff strides down the aisle, a black bandanna wrapped around his bald forehead. He slides into the ring and stands nose-to-nose with his foe. We get a brief staredown before Maff adjusts his sleeveless t-shirt and hauls off to light Bison up with a STIFF~! knife-edge chop.

Bison cringes and backs up, then lunges for a clothesline, easily ducked by Maff, who runs him out over the top rope and to the floor. Maff rolls out of the ring and begins fishing around under the apron. He pulls out an aluminum trash can and lifts it high over his head. He slams it down over Bison’s dome, putting a huge dent in the metal.

Maff throws the can down with a clatter and hooks Smith in a front facelock. He gets a fistful of black trunks and suplexes the big man over to crush the trashcan flat. Maff jaws at the front row a bit before climbing up onto the ring apron. He takes a few steps and cocks his elbow, dropping down to drive it into the chest of Bison Smith.

Maff picks Bison up by the neck and rolls him in under the bottom rope. He takes a steel chair from ringside and folds it up, sliding it into the ring. Maff climbs in and sets the chair up. He slams Bison face-first into the seat and sets his head on it. Dan climbs out onto the apron and pulls back on the top rope. He tries a somersault leg drop onto the chair, but Bison scrambles up and catches his legs as he flips over. Bison Smith shifts Maff onto his shoulders and turns to brutally powerbomb him onto the chair, demolishing it.

Bison Smith kicks the crushed chair out to the floor then pulls Maff up by the scruff of the neck. He rips off the bandanna and blows his nose in it before tossing it aside.

DDP: “WHAT a show of disrespect, Wilson!”

Smith pulls Maff into a standing headscissors and hooks him around the waist. Bison lifts for a powerbomb, but once on his shoulders, Dan Maff hooks him around the back of the head with one hand and begins raining down stiff fists to the top of the skull with the other. He shifts and drops backward, spiking Bison Smith with a DDT.

Maff reaches over and hooks a kneepad to pull the leg back for 1… 2… Bison rolls his shoulder.

Danny Maff takes a top wristlock and begins wringing the arm while laying kicks into the shoulder, trying to dislocate it.

Dragon: “We’ve got to go to break, but we’ll be back with the conclusion of this match.”

-----MID-MATCH COMMERCIALS-----

When we return, Maff is still working the arm-wringer, but the big man is lumbering up to his feet. He takes a wild swing with a clothesline, but Maff ducks it and pulls Smith in for a short-arm back elbow that knocks Bison Smith backward into the ropes. Maff catches him on the bounce for a big bulldog. He rolls Bison over and covers for 1… 2… Bison kicks out.

Maff takes him up by the arm and wrings it a bit more before using it to send Bison into the ropes. He catches him on the rebound and pivots to throw him down in a high angle spinebuster. He hooks both legs deep for 1… 2… 2.99999! Bison gets his shoulder up barely in time. Referee Jim Molineaux holds up two fingers.

Maff reaches down to pull Bison up, but gets a big hamhock right hand to the gut to knock the wind out of him. After checking his mouth for blood, Bison Smith draws upon his NOAH experience to hit a series of big forearms to the face, driving Maff to the ropes.

Smith pushes Maff against the ropes and whips him across. He catches him for a high hip toss, but Maff lands on his feet and reverses into an arm-drag takedown. Bison rolls through and up to his feet to get caught in a tight powerslam.

Suddenly, the crowd grows sour as Justice Pain slides into the ring with a steel chair in hand. Maff rolls off of Smith, whom he was straddling and pummeling, and takes up a defensive stance. Pain holds up a hand, then takes the chair and brings it crashing down on Bison Smith’s shoulder, causing him to cry out in pain.

Bison tries to get to his feet and fight back, but Pain keeps laying wicked chair shots across his back, driving him down to his knees. He motions for Maff to finish Bison. Dan steps into a standing headscissors and, with Pain’s assistance, hits The Mafia Bomb for the academic 1… 2… 3.

Pain throws the chair down and proceeds to kick Bison Smith out to the floor. The Backseat Boyz, Johnny Kashmere and Trent Acid, hop up onto the apron and hold the ropes for Danny Maff, motioning for him to depart. Maff obliges, but not before looking back and fixing everyone with a serious glare.

Kashmere calls for the house mic and passes it to Pain as he and his partner climb into the ring. Pain is dressed to wrestle in simple black trunks and boots as opposed to The Backseat Boyz, who are stylin’ and profilin’ in fashionable street clothes, sadistic grins curling their lips.

Pain: “Raven! I can’t wait any longer. I don’t care about Danny Maff… I CERTAINLY don’t give a flying f**k about that pile of buffalo sh*t flopping around down on the floor there. I don’t care about Tommy Dreamer or The Gathering. The only thing I care about right now… is getting you out here… beating you to within an INCH of your miserable life… and taking that Hardcore Heavyweight strap because… I AM The Ultraviolent All Star… and this star is ready to shine with ten pounds of glittering GOLD around its waist.”

Dragon: “We’ll get Raven’s answer… and our main event… right after this.”

WINNER: Dan Maff, by pinfall with The Mafia Bomb after an unwanted assist from Justice Pain.

**1\2 rating. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling. (O:56. C:32. M:80.

Bison Smith gained 3 points of overness from his valiant efforts. Danny Maff gained 6 points of overness from getting the win.)

-----COMMERCIALS-----

5. Justice Pain w/The Backseat Boyz vs. Raven w/The Gathering (For The NWA:HC Heavyweight Title):

As the “Head Nurse” Ysabella Martinez Ruiz and some trainers attend to Bison Smith, “Come Out And Play” by The Offspring blares over the P.A., and out strides the Hardcore Heavyweight Champion, Raven, needing no proper introduction. Gathering members Alexis Laree and Julio Dinero follow behind in their usual black Goth apparel while their shaman sports face paint, a black velvet surcoat, grey kilt, and boots.

Dragon: “Faithful lackey Stevie Richards… CONSPICUOUS in his absence…”

Pain tosses the mic and takes the chair up in a two-fisted grip. Nonchalantly, Raven slides out of his coat, unhooks the title belt, and passes both to Alexis before climbing into the ring. Pain stutter-steps forward, then fades back as The Backseat Boyz try to get the jump on the champ. Trent Acid is met with a boot to the gut while Johnny Kashmere is sent tumbling over the top rope and out to the floor. While Julio and Alexis send Kashmere scuttling backward towards the relative safety of the ramp, Raven hits The Raven Effect DDT on Acid and boots him out to the floor.

The distraction, while painful for The Backseats, proves effective as Justice Pain brings the chair crashing down against the back of Raven, driving him to his knees against the ropes. He draws the chair back up and measures another shot, but Raven throws an elbow backward to the gut to knock him back. Pain doubles over, the chair now resting on the canvas. Raven bounces off the ropes and spins for a discus clothesline to drop the challenger.

Pain quickly bails to the outside to regroup at the base of the ramp with his rock star buddies. He timidly climbs back into the ring and motions for a lock up. Raven obliges and gets the upper hand, marching Pain towards a corner. Pain is able to switch, however, and throws Raven against the turnbuckles. He takes to the middle ropes and holds a fist up. He fires off a few right hands before Raven pushes him off. Pain lands on his feet and runs in. He plants his boots in Raven’s midsection and sends him flying out with a monkey flip, but Raven lands on one knee and quickly rises to catch him charging out with a stiff superkick.

Raven fetches the chair and sets it up in the middle of the ring, slapping the seat into position with his taped hands. An Irish whip sends Justice Pain into the ropes, and a drop toehold plants him face-first into the chair. Raven pumps his arms, but only succeeds in getting cheers from Julio and Alexis, as no one in Viking Hall gives Justice Pain a snowball’s chance in hell of winning tonight.

Raven brings Pain up by the hair and begins laying taped fists into his forehead. Blood is already trickling from his brow. He sends Pain chest-first into the turnbuckles with an Irish whip. As Justice Pain backpedals out, Raven hits the ropes for a clothesline, but Pain has the move scouted and ducks it. He turns and drops Raven with a side Russian legsweep into the chair. As Raven clutches the back of his head, Pain kicks the chair away and bends down to hook in the STF.

DDP: “Let me tell you, Wilson. The STF may have been made famous by Masahiro Chono, but it’s been PERFECTED by Justice Pain!”

Before Pain can lock it in, however, Raven tags him in the forehead with a taped fist and pulls him in for an inside cradle, getting 1… 2… 3-NO! Pain springs free. The Backseat Boyz were going to storm the ring, but were halted in their tracks by The Gathering.

Raven pulls Pain up by the arm. He tries another whip into the ropes, but Pain plants his feet and reverses. Pain telegraphs the backdrop and eats a kick to the face for his indiscretion. Raven hits a second kick to the gut to double him over. Raven Effect DDT! Raven hooks a leg and leans back for 1… 2… 3.

The Gathering join Raven in the ring, and he takes the mic from Dan “the Dragon” Wilson before he can be announced as the winner. The Backseat Boyz drag Justice Pain from the ring and help him back up the ramp.

WINNER: Raven retains cleanly by pinfall after The Raven Effect DDT.

**½ rating for a decent contest. (O:60. C:47. M:73. Justice Pain gained 3 points of overness from putting up a good fight.)

6. Lining Up Challengers:

Raven: “That’s the thing about stars… They burn out. They collapse and they suck everything around them into a dark, silent void. Now that THAT’S settled… I want to address a situation… a DEVELOPMENT… that not even *I* could have foreseen. I’m talking, of course, about the return of an old foe… an even older friend… and a man who’s NEVER asked for anything from me. Tommy… we’ve walked separate paths, you and I, but those paths always seem to intersect. We’ve BOTH chosen roads less traveled, and suffered the worse for it, but here we are again at the crossroads. You see… You’ve never asked for anything from me, Tommy, but I’m going to give you something… I’m going to give you something you very much deserve… and that’s a shot at this title. But there’s a price, Tommy, as there is to anything of any value. I’ve got to look out for those who’ve remained loyal to me, and… all his considerable faults aside… Steven has remained VERY faithful to me over the years. He ALSO never asked for a title shot. Now, I’m not of a mind to face you both… That wouldn’t be fair to any of us, but I AM willing to ask Paul to let you two face each other at Hardcore Heaven, with a FUTURE title shot on the line. Quoth The Raven…”

Suddenly, there’s a clatter as a headset hits the announce table, and the camera pans to show Diamond Dallas Page standing atop the announce table, a microphone in hand.

DDP: “Whoa whoa WHOA! You may not be walking out of Hardcore Heaven WITH that belt, Raven, so don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

Raven turns, his face drawn up in confusion.

DDP: “Yeah, that’s the look I remember. You and I go way back, Raven, don’t we? You see, I’ve TALKED to the boss… Paul Heyman… and he knows about your little gift match to your buddies and that’s all cool, but that leaves you open at Hardcore Heaven. Now Chris Benoit is ranked your number one contender, but he and Rhino have an NWA World Tag Team Title shot that night, so his opportunity will have to wait as well.”

Raven: “You want a shot, Page?! You want to gamble your happy retirement… your ability to walk… against a shot at glory?”

DDP: “No, no no. I plan on STAYING retired. This announce table can get pretty comfortable, you know that. No, I’ve spoken on behalf of someone else, someone who’s been overlooked for TOO long around here… someone I plan on taking to the very TOP of this business where he belongs.”

A figure in a black satin boxing robe begins jogging down the ramp. A hood is drawn over his face, his head bowed, his taped fists shadowboxing. As he passes the camera, we can see the name “SCOTTY FLAMINGO” embroidered on the back of the robe in white.

Raven: “That’s one of MY old robes! You want me to fight myself, Page?! I’m no stranger to THAT battle. I’ve been on the losing end of it my whole life. Don’t try to play mind games with me, Page. I’ve got you outclassed. So who’s it gonna be?!”

The figure stands in front of the announce table as Page hops down alongside. DDP holds the microphone under the hood.

Hooded Figure: “At Hardcore Heaven… You’ll get yer chance to… beat me… IF you can…”

DDP pulls back the hood, revealing the bald, sneering head of Taz and causing the crowd to erupt.

Taz: (and the crowd in unison) “SURVIVE… if I LET you.”

DDP and Taz share a sinister chuckle as Dan Wilson and The Gathering look on in shock and Raven nods his silent assent. For all intents and purposes, three big matches have just been made for Hardcore Heaven. Freeze on DDP patting Taz on the back, copyright The National Wrestling Alliance, and fade to black.

(84. Yay!)

Overall: 68

0.24 TV Rating

Attendance: 173 @ $15 each

Thanks for reading,

TheRay

the following is excerpted from The National Wrestling Alliance: Behind The Curtain published in September, 2004 by Doubleday Books

Tired of lurking in the shadow of Vince McMahon's NWA: East Coast, Paul Heyman transformed the tepid NWA: Tri-State promotion into NWA: Hardcore City. With a roster that includes some of the most technically proficient, most reckless, most bloodthirsty wrestlers from around the world, one man stands tall at the top of the ladder in Hardcore City. This is the story of NWA: Hardcore City's tortured soul...

The man who would become Raven began his career in 1991 as Scotty “the Body” Flamingo, a vain Muscle Beach reject working the NWA: Pacific Northwest territory. Joining The Cartel with Cactus Jack, he feuded with “The Handsome Stranger” Marcus Bagwell. He would eventually head south, to Texas and NWA: WCCW. There, he would trade the NWA World Lightweight Title with the late Flyin’ Brian Pillman and Brad Armstrong.

As 1992 drew to a close, Scotty found himself under the management of Diamond Dallas Page in NWA: Tri-State. Here, he adopted a boxing gimmick, and traded punches with 2 Cold Scorpio and “Marvelous” Marc Mero. Mero would take his feud with Scotty as well as his wife Rena to Vince McMahon’s NWA: East Coast promotion.

After getting knocked out on pay-per-view by Mero in 1993, Flamingo took the lessons of DDP as well his family fortune, and bankrolled them into a stable that included tag teams The Quebecers (Jacques Rougeau and Pierre Carl-Ouelette) and The Lost Souls (Wrath and Mortis). Living vicariously through others didn’t sit well with Scotty, and The Flamingo Family eventually broke up, leaving him in a half-hearted announcing role for much of the following year.

1995 saw Paul Heyman turn NWA: Hardcore City into the talk of the town. Scotty left The Big Apple and the big paycheck for the grittier and edgier Philly product. Gone were the colorful robes of Scotty Flamingo, traded in for the darker plumage of the enigmatic Raven. Along with his lackey Stevie Richards, Raven rampaged through Hardcore City, feuding with Public Enemy, The Pitbulls, and The Gangstas, among others.

In 1996, Raven began one of the signature feuds of his career with then Hardcore Heavyweight Champion and cult icon The Sandman. Raven captured his first Hardcore Heavyweight Title in a brutal, bloody brawl. Raven proved his mastery of mind games by converting Sandman’s wife and son to his nihilistic ways, leaving The Sandman a drunken, despondent, and defeated wreck.

Energized by possessing his first major heavyweight title, Raven also realized another childhood dream, garnering the affections of his teenage sweetheart, Beulah McGillicutty. Trouble entered into paradise in the form of a former friend, Tommy Dreamer. While Tommy wished the happy couple nothing but success, Raven’s jealousy grew, driving Beulah into his arms. Raven brought in a new valet, Chastity, to feud with the duo. A “Losers Leave Town” Match against Tommy and Beulah resulted in “The Chairshot Heard Around the World” when Dreamer bent a steel chair around the head of Raven and allowed Beulah to get the pinfall to send Raven and his skank packing.

Raven next showed up in the later half of 1997, forming his first Flock in NWA: Detroit, consisting of midcard menaces Saturn, Kidman, Riggs, Lodi, and Van Hammer. With his Flock at his back, Raven interjected himself into Motor City Title matches between DDP and “The Crippler” Chris Benoit. His push was cut short when NWA: Detroit promoter “Cowboy” Bill Watts used Raven as a placeholder Motor City Champion, having him drop the belt to his son, Erik Watts, in less than a month. Raven was offered his release and he took it, eagerly.

Through 1998, Raven’s fortunes continued to spiral down the drain. He reunited with his disciple Mortis in NWA: Mexico City, but the team was short-lived after they nearly crippled Villano IV with a botched neckbreaker/powerbomb combo. Raven cut an emotional promo apologizing for the incident and claiming his heart was no longer in the business, but with his sick mother.

In 1999, Raven returned to NWA: Hardcore City with Chastity by his side and immediately chased down Hardcore Heavyweight Champion The Sandman. Raven would find himself betrayed by a woman once again, as Chastity joined The Sandman and helped him end Raven’s second Hardcore Heavyweight Title reign. Raven brought in more concrete backup, joining Saturn, Mortis, and Vampiro to form The Dead Pool. They would feud with The Jersey Triad, Benoit & Malenko, and The Pitbulls before disintegrating to pursue their individual interests elsewhere.

Left without a partner to face The Pitbulls, Raven found himself with an unlikely ally. Tommy Dreamer extended a hand to his former friend. Raven took it and vanquished the heel team. Together, the extreme duo would depart Hardcore City and take their act to NWA: East Coast alongside The Dudley Boyz. The Hardcore Heroes would enjoy only modest success on McMahon’s crowded roster. While The Dudleyz captured the NWA World Tag Team Titles, Dreamer ended up in a mentorship role with The Hardy Boyz, while Raven found himself back at the announce table and strongly contemplating retirement at the close of 2002.

After fruitlessly chasing Triple H’s NWA World Heavyweight Title, Raven found himself back in Hardcore City. Yet another feud with The Sandman culminated in a brutal Clockwork Orange Horror House of Fun Match that gave Raven his third Hardcore Heavyweight Title. Old allies as well as new flocked to Raven’s side as Stevie Richards, Julio Dinero, and Alexis Laree formed The Gathering. Together, they would battle “The Franchise” Shane Douglas and Minister Mitchell’s New Church of Slash, Sinn, and Vampiro. Raven made his way through The New Church one at a time, until he defeated Vampiro in a bloody Nailed Coffin Match to drive the faction out of Hardcore City.

As 2004 opens, Raven is still flying high, but the recent return of Tommy Dreamer has cast doubt among the faithful. Is Dreamer here to help The Gathering against Francine and The Pitbulls or is there another agenda for “The Innovator of Violence”?

Bison Smith

Dan 'The Man' Maff

'The Oriental Anarchist' Ikuto Hidaka

Jimmy Yang

JT Smith

Justice Pain

Raven

Sonjay Dutt

Spike Dudley

Stevie Richards

Taz

Tommy Dreamer

The Gathering ~ Alexis Laree & Julio Dinero

The Dudley Boyz ~ Bubba Ray & D-Von Dudley

Benoit and Rhino ~ Chris Benoit & Rhino

Chetti and Dinsmore ~ Chris Chetti & Nick Dinsmore

The Backseat Boyz ~ Johnny Kashmere & Trent Acid

Youthanazia ~ Josh Prohibition & M-Dogg 20

The Pitbulls ~ Pitbull I & II

Spanky & Sharky ~ Spanky & Shark Boy

'Diamond' Dallas Page

'The Queen of Extreme' Francine

Lotus

Paul Heyman

Raven, The Gathering, Stevie Richards, & Tommy Dreamer

Spike Dudley & The Dudley Boyz

Justice Pain & The Backseat Boyz

Francine & The Pitbulls

Lotus & Ikuto Hidaka

[Reposting: Rewritten from memory. ]

[Fuck it, it's just a straight re-post]

And it sucks even worse the second time 'round...

...says the guy who can't find his show...