TheRaySays

Kendall ambushes Scottie from behind with clubbing forearms, trying to knock him down, but Scottie turns and bellows with rage. He blocks a wild right hand and spins Windham around, pushing him into the ropes. Windham bounces back and gets caught around the waist... Scottie winds him up... Psycho Slam into the thumbtacks! Referee Speedy Nelson gingerly maneuvers into position, carefully avoiding the tacks. 1... 2... 3!

Nelson hands Scottie the title, and he promptly hangs it around his own neck, standing there bleeding, eyes vacant, looking totally psychotic.

“The winner of the match... and STIIIILL NWA Wildside Heavyweight Champion... The Ticking Time Bomb... Scottie Wrrrrenn!”

I'll give it a *½. (O:56. C:49. M:63. Scottie Wrenn gained 4 points of overness from this feud ending. Kendall Windham gained 2. The NWA-W Heavyweight Title gained 2 points of image.)

Overall Rating: 58 % (-1 %)

Strongest Segment: The sheer spectacle of The Gallows Pole Match. (71%)

Weakest Segment: The dead weight tag team match with a returning Rick Michaels on one side and Jeff G. Bailey on the other. (49%)

Attendance: 329 @ $20 each (-9)

October 27, 2003

Scott Cage requests a push to Lower Midcard. The Writing Staff agree that he’s ready, and so do I.

Slim J requests a push to Upper Midcard. I gladly oblige him. I have big plans for the wannabe.

The Writing Staff recommends Onyx be pushed to Midcard. I make it so, looking forward to seeing him in the title picture.

Chuck Palumbo and Nova join the ranks of CZW.

The Wildside Tag Team Titles lost 3 points of image due to inactivity. I’ll be looking to fix that soon.

Feud Heat:

Caprice Coleman vs. Rainman: 28 –2 = 26

Slim J vs. Jeremy V: 55 +10 = 65

November 1, 2003

MXPW sign Shaggy 2 Dope and Russ McCullough.

WWA and Kronik’s Brian Adams has retired after battling chronic spinal and shoulder injuries. Eric Bischoff leaves the wrestling business to pursue other business ventures with Jason Hervey and Fred Durst, among others. Super Kendo also retires.

“Superstar” Bill Dundee and Jess Bradley announce their retirements.

Pro Wrestling Iron and Ultimate Pro Wrestling have both gone bankrupt. I imagine there's a common link there, but I'm not about to explore it. Expect massive hirings from surviving feds as a bunch of talent is now available.

Gabriel turned 20, losing a point of Brawl, but gaining 3 points of Technical.

Kid Kool turned 19, losing 3 points of Brawl, but gaining a point of Speed and 3 points of Technical.

Adam Windsor turned 20, gaining a point of Speed.

Finance complains about 4 months of losing money, but we made a nice $158K profit in August and only lost $74K in September and $84K in October. Dumbasses.

November 2, 2003

HWA sign Kaz Hayashi and Nick Dinsmore. WWA signs Jacqueline. Ray gets drunk on his birthday.

Feedback, criticism, ideas, and verbal attacks are all welcome and encouraged. Thanks for reading, and we’ll see ya soon!

Have fun,

TheRay

Over one year in the making...

October 26, 2003

The National Wrestling Alliance presents…

Fright Night

Fright Night is held LIVE at The NWA Arena in Cornelia, Georgia. A steel cage hangs ominously over the ring for the main event.

1. Rainman & Smokey Carmichaels (-H-) vs. Caprice Coleman & Jimmy Rave (-F-):

The show opens with Smokey Carmichaels already in the ring, dressed in his ring attire of black cargo pants and combat boots. He paces the ring with the house mic in hand. After receiving a cue from the cameraman, he brings the microphone to his lips.

“This here is Fright Night, the scariest damn night in the year, but there ain't no goblin or ghoul as frightnin' as the spectre of racism... the spectre that I see in the face of each and every white person in this here arena tonight. Y'see... I can SMELL the fear in the building... the fear of a black tag team... and you have good reason to fear, 'cause tonight... tonight, I'm proud to introduce my partner... from Africa... weighing in at 221 pounds... the Nubian Heavyweight Champion... I know him as Rakhim Muhammad, but you people call him Rrrrainman!”

A hip-hop beat begins to play, that of "Panic" by Dilated Peoples.

“The difference between a hero and a coward?

There is no difference.

One time or another everyone's felt fear.

It's what one person does that the other person doesn't do that makes him a hero.

But I'm about to step the fuck up... ”

Rainman takes a leisurely stroll down to the ring in his brightly colored caftan and matching fez. He has the former NWA Wildside Television Title slung over his shoulder, now sporting a faceplate that features an outline of Africa with red, yellow, and green stripes. A nameplate beneath that is engraved with the legend "NUBIAN HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION".

Rainman climbs up onto the apron and doffs his entrance attire, revealing his own pair of khaki cargo pants and combat boots. He kisses the belt and passes it to Smokey, who admires it with an expression of great satisfaction. Dan "the Dragon" Wilson enters the ring and requests the house mic to introduce their opponents, but Smokey makes him, and the crowd, wait for it a bit. After an interminable delay, he hands it over and walks to the ropes to pass the newly christened Nubian Heavyweight Title to a ringside attendant.

“Their OPPONENTS… introducing FIRST... from Fayetteville, North Carolina... weighing in at 197 pounds... the self-proclaimed show-stoppin', crowd-poppin', body-rockin', pulse-poundin', heartbreakin', handsome-faced superstar... Caprice... ICE... Cooooleman!”

The orchestral gospel sounds of Deitrick Haddon and The Voices of Unity ring out with "Chain Breaker." Caprice Coleman comes down the aisle, confidently nodding his head in time with the music. He slaps hands with a few ringside fans before hopping up onto the apron and slingshotting himself into the ring. He climbs up onto the middle buckles and looks out over the crowd. Satisfied, he hops down and begins loosening up.

He fingers the pooka-shell necklace that hangs around his neck and looks upward as if it were a crucifix or rosary. His two opponents size him up but take no aggressive actions. Caprice jogs in place in his corner and awaits his partner.

“His partner hails from The Underground... weighing in at 210 pounds... The Original XTC... Jimmy Raaaave!”

The techno trance track from The Matrix "Leave You Far Behind" by Lunatic Calm begins to play. Rave sprints through the curtain, flinging his sleeveless black Jimmy Rave t-shirt into the crowd of ring rats on the way. He slides into the ring under the bottom rope, coming up to one knee at the ready. He adjusts his baggy silver pants and slowly stands, waiting on the ambush that never comes.

Jimmy Rave immediately demands to start with Smokey Carmichaels, pointing and threatening, but Smokey wants Caprice to step forward. "Ice" does so, albeit reluctantly. Smokey extends a hand for Caprice to shake, and before Rave can caution him against such naivete, Caprice has shaken hands with both Smokey and Rainman. Rainman steps out, and it looks like Smokey is ready to face the man he's been tormenting for the past two months.

Caprice claps in time, trying to get the crowd pumped, but few oblige him. Smokey and Rave lock up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Jimmy sidesteps in for a big knee lift to the ribs to take control. He snap mares Smokey down onto his posterior then steps over into a full mount, raining down closed fists until Referee Andrew Thomas pulls him away with a warning.

Jimmy Rave shrugs off the admonishment and steps in, only to get caught with a well-placed thumb to the eye. Now it's Smokey's turn to catch hell from the ref. Rave turns and staggers away to clear his vision, leaving himself open to a kick to the back of the knee from Smokey that takes away his vertical base. Smokey immediately follows up with a few quick elbow drops to the sternum to keep Rave down.

Rave finally sits up, trying to avoid the beatdown. Smokey pulls him up by the neck and snap mares him over, putting him in position for a lashing kick to the spine that makes Rave cringe. Smokey then backpedals to the ropes and bounces off. He somersaults forward and comes out of the tumble into a basement dropkick to the back of the head. Smokey flattens Rave out and takes a lateral press for 1... 2... Rave kicks out strong.

Smokey tags in Rainman. Together they hook Rave up in a pair of front facelocks and take him over with a double suplex. Rainman rolls into the lateral press for 1... 2... Rave manages to kick out again. Caprice Coleman is stomping on the apron, trying to rally Jimmy Rave, but the crowd isn't into it, despite the solid ringwork by these guys thus far.

Rainman starts laying boots into the knee of Jimmy Rave and tries to wrench it back against the grain. Jimmy Rave battles back, using right hands as he struggles up to one leg. Rave hops around as Rainman still has control of his ankle. Rave lashes out with an enziguiri, but Rainman ducks it and maintains his grip on the ankle.

He spins Jimmy Rave around and snares the arm, tucking his head under and lifting around the waist for a back suplex, but Rave flips out and lands on his feet. Rainman turns and EATS a superkick. Jimmy Rave drops into the cover for 1... 2... Rainman rolls his shoulder.

Rave crawls his way over to his corner where Caprice Coleman is reaching in to make the tag. Caprice slingshots himself in and finds Rainman already at a crouch. Caprice pulls Rainman up by the neck and whips him towards a neutral corner. Rainman catches himself before impact and uses the ropes to push himself airborne, presumably to leapfrog the onrushing Coleman, but Coleman catches him on his shoulders in a fireman's carry. Coleman marches out of the corner and throws Rainman into a facebuster a la Brock Lesnar's F-5.

Caprice rolls back and to his feet. He hooks both legs and stacks Rainman up for 1... 2... Smokey Carmichaels is in with an elbow drop to break up the pinfall at 2 1/2.

As Smokey is escorted back out, Caprice Coleman pulls Rainman up by the arm. The Irish whip is reversed, sending Caprice into the ropes. Caprice ducks the telegraphed clothesline and springboards off the middle rope for a spinning heel kick.

Rainman quickly scrambles to his feet only to eat a big right hand. He tries to retaliate in kind, but Caprice blocks it and hits another. Rainman tries again... and is blocked again. Another right hand from Caprice. And ANOTHER, backing Rainman into a neutral corner. Caprice keeps the pressure on with rights and lefts to the body. A loud knife-edge chop leaves Rainman slumped against the buckles.

A corner whip sends Rainman across the ring. Caprice Coleman charges in for a front dropkick, but Rainman manages a desperation sidestep to dodge. Coleman hits the top turnbuckle in a split-legged fashion, somersaulting backward to land on his feet, but Rainman runs him down with a diving forearm shot to the back of the head.

Both men are laid out for a bit with their respective partners shouting encouragement. Rainman is the first to stir, using the ropes to pull himself up. He runs to the far side, bounces off, and hits a baseball slide dropkick that sends Caprice Coleman whirling out under the bottom rope to crash into the ringside railing.

Rainman pursues, stomping Caprice Coleman on the outside until he's crumpled up in a corner. The referee threatens to count them both out, so Rainman rolls back in and marches over to tag out to Smokey Carmichaels. Smokey doesn't climb into the ring, however, instead opting to shuffle down the apron and pull back on the top rope. He looks over his shoulder, measuring Caprice, who is leaning against the railing. Smokey slingshots himself into an asai moonsault that hits the mark, leaving both men wiped out on the concrete.

After a short respite, Smokey rolls Coleman back in and slides in after. He sets Caprice splayed out in the center of the ring and climbs up top. After a dereisive shout of “This should be you, Cracka!” in the direction of Jimmy Rave, Smokey sets himself. Caprice kips up and stumbles into the ropes in desperation to disrupt, causing Smokey to lose his balance momentarily.

Caprice runs up the turnbuckles to stand on the middle ropes as Smokey struggles to steady himself. Caprice gets shoved out of a superplex attempt, but rolls through and back to his feet. He rushes in again, this time all the way up the buckles to the top rope, where he bounces into a top rope rana that gives him the momentum he needed to roll all the way to the hot tag to Jimmy Rave.

Rainman runs in illegally only to get leveled with a running clothesline. Smokey is up and dropes prone to avoid a running clothesline with his name on it, taking Rave down with a drop toe hold. Caprice is in the ring, however, and bounces off the ropes for a shining wizard that lays Smokey out.

All four men are in the ring now as this one has completely broken down. Caprice picks up Rainman and starts laying the fists into him. Meanwhile, Jimmy Rave is ascending the corner. He slaps his thigh, pointing down at Smokey and taunting him.

Steven Prazak has a fit. “Is he going to hit Smokey with his own guillotine leg drop?”

Before he can leap, however, Caprice hits a tumbling somersault senton on Rainman and then comes up near the ropes. He slinghots himself into a moonsault onto Rainman, but the shake of the ropes causes Rave to lose his footing and crotch himself. Rainman, to his credit, gets knees up on the moonsault, leaving Coleman bouncing off clutching his gut.

Rainman helps Smokey up before charging Coleman. He gives Coleman the bum's rush out over the top rope, but Coleman skins the cat into a headscissors that throws Rainman down to the floor instead. Coleman struggles to skin the cat again, his arms flexing with the effort.

Smokey climbs up onto the middle turnbuckle and takes Rave out of the corner with a superplex. He climbs up top and slaps his own thigh, then comes off with the Top Rope Leg Drop across the throat of Jimmy Rave. Caprice Coleman flips back into the ring and turns just a moment too late as Smokey rolls back to hook one baggy silver pant leg and get the 1... 2... 3.

Smokey quickly rolls out to the floor as Caprice is left looking around wondering what just happened. Referee Andrew Thomas heads down to ringside to raise the hands of Smokey Carmichaels and Rainman as Dan "the Dragon" Wilson announces them the winners.

In the ring, Caprice helps Jimmy up, but Jimmy shoves him aside. He isn't picked up on the microphone, but you can still clearly see him mouth “Where the fuck were you?!” Coleman stands dejected, hands on hips, then turns to walk away, but Jimmy Rave follows him.

Down at ringside, Jimmy takes the microphone from Dan Wilson. “Hey! Get back here! Caprice?! What the hell happened, man?” Caprice just throws up his hands and shakes his head. He continues backing up the ramp. “Are you one of them now? Is that it?”

Caprice stops in his tracks, hands on hips again. Slowly, he makes his way back. He rips the microphone from Jimmy's hand and stops any further chatter with an open hand to Jimmy's chest. “Whoa. What do you mean... one of them?” Jimmy struggles to explain, but Caprice has the microphone. “Is that how you think of me? Not as your partner, not as your fellow athlete, but as... one of them?”

“That's not what I meant, and you know it! Can I trust you?! That's what I want to know, because they don't play square like we do, Caprice. They're always looking for an illegal advantage.”

“Can you trust me? Play square? Illegal advantage? Man, you ain't got a clue.”

Caprice slams the microphone into Rave's chest and stomps off, leaving him to ask rhetorically “What kind of answer is that?”

WINNERS: Smokey Carmichaels and Rainman, by pinfall following miscommunication (Smokey Carmichaels over Jimmy Rave with the Top Rope Leg Drop).

I’ll give a ½ star rating. (O:56. C:35. M:77. Caprice Coleman gained 3 points of overness from his ambiguity and in-ring skill. Rainman gained 6 big points of overness from reinforcing his new gimmick.)

2. In the Hizzy:

After Jimmy slinks to the back, Dan "the Dragon" Wilson is back for introductions.

“The following contest...”

“Guess who's back... back again... Guess who's back... tell a friend... Guess who's back-Guess who's back-Guess who's back...”

“Yo, yo, YO! Cut the music!”

Slim J is out with a microphone and Jeff G. Bailey in tow. The crowd immediately gives them a raucously negative reaction, including mocking laughs at Bailey's "ring attire", a baby blue velour jogging suit. Bailey pats Slim on the back and curiously lets him do his own talking.

“NWA Elite in the hizz-ouse! Yeah! Recognize! But, yo, before we kick the bitch out of Jeremy V, we gotta make some shizznit crystal, y'know wha I'm sayin'? Slim J ain't nobody's beeyotch. Not yours, Jeremy... not my boy Bill Behrens'... not B-Dub's... not even yours, Jeffy G.”

Bailey seems a little taken aback, but offers a faltering grin just the same.

“So I ain't gonna take no shortcuts, dawg, especially not now when mah career's takin' off like a cruise missile aimed at superstardom. We gon' do this, we gon' do it right and tight. I ain't takin' no handicap.”

Jeff G. Bailey's unease grows with each word that slips past Slim's lips. He gestures to take the microphone, but Slim pulls it away and turns his back on his manager/partner.

“I been an unda-dawg ever since I took up the mic as a white boy in diapers throwin' down phat nursery rhymes. So, Jeremy V... You look around tha back and you find ya-self a tag partner. Even a dirty grunge-punk like you should be able to find a friend unda a rock, and we make this dealie two-on-two. I ain't waitin' all night, though, for you to canvas the whole damn town, so pick a patsy and let's roll.”

Slim politely passes the microphone to Dan "the Dragon" Wilson, leaving Jeff G. Bailey almost in panic mode, pacing like an expectant father. Slim tries to calm Bailey down, but it doesn't seem to be working very well. Eventually, he kisses his fingers and points to the crowd, which continues to jeer them, while Bailey follows behind, tugging at his own hair.

(Interview: 67. Slim J gained 2 points of overness from being suprisingly honorable.)

3. Slim J & Jeff G. Bailey (-H-) vs. Jeremy V & ? (-F-):

“Heart breaker, soul shaker...

I've been told about you

Steamroller, midnight stroller...

What they've been saying must be true

Red hot mama, vel-vet charmer...

Time's come to pay your dues

Now you're messin' with a

A son of a bitch

Now you're messin' with a son of a bitch...”

Guns N'Roses' cover of Nazareth's "Hair of the Dog" continues to play as out walks the former Wildside CEO, Rick Michaels. Michaels is dressed in street clothes, a grey polo shirt, dress slacks, and shoes, but with his ubiquitous black headband intact. Jeremy V follows close behind in his usual red tights and wrist tape ensemble.

Last time we saw Rick Michaels, he had been laid out by Barry Windham and lost his CEO position at Arena Wars. He climbs up onto the apron and points at Jeff G. Bailey who predictably cowers. Rick shakes hands with Jeremy V and offers words of encouragement.

Slim J puts his hands up, telling a distraught Jeff G. Bailey that he's got everything covered. He points to Rick Michaels and challenges him. “Let's go, old man,” he says.

Rick Michaels looks at Jeremy V, amused. Jeremy merely shrugs his shoulders and pats his mentor on the back, telling him “Go take care o' business.” Michaels lifts off his polo shirt, clearly fishing for a ring rat pop, but he doesn't get a real warm welcome. He circles Slim J and slaps his shoulders, chomping gum and ready to rumble.

They lock up and Michaels quickly pushes the smaller man into the ropes. We get a clean break, but only briefly before Michaels whips Slim across. Michaels sets himself in the center of the ring and throws Slim in a high hip toss, but Slim lands on his feet and charges in. Rick Michales slaps his shoulder and goes for a deep arm-drag, but Slim quickly lashes out with a boot to kick out of it and kip up.

Both men stare each other down for a dreaded indy respect stance. Rick Michaels nods his approval at his former pupil. Slim flips him off to keep his heel heat.

Rick Michaels shakes his head at the show of disrespect and holds his hands up, looking for a fingerlace lock up. Slim steps in, seemingly about to oblige, but gives Michaels a thumb to the eye, showing an old dog can still fall for old tricks. A boot to the gut doubles Rick Michaels over. Slim backs into the ropes for a bounce and comes off with a big front flip neckbreaker.

Slim rolls through and to his feet, hitting the far ropes at a sprint. Rick Michaels scrambles up in time to try a leapfrog, but Slim stops short, catches him around the waist, and, while struggling with the bigger man, manages to muscle him into a wheelbarrow. He lifts Michaels into the air and catches him in a half nelson suplex.

Slim J hooks a leg and rolls across Michaels' chest for 1... 2... Michaels shoots his shoulder up.

Slim J lays a few boots into Michaels neck, softening it up, then pulls him back to a vertical base by it. He guides Michaels over to heel territory and shocks Jeff G. Bailey with a tag. Bailey throws his hands up and shakes his head, wanting no part of it, but Slim is insistant. He points to Bailey and thumbs to himself, indicating that they're about to engage in some double teaming, regardless of what Bailey wants.

With Slim J calling the shots and Jeremy V protesting from the apron, they whip Michaels into the ropes. They hit a double back elbow that staggers Michaels. Slim puts his hands up for a high five, but Bailey leaves him hanging and opts to run his arch-rival down with a sloppy clothesline instead. Bailey fell with the effort as well and quickly crawls into a cover for 1... 2... Rick Michaels easily tosses the opportunist aside.

Slim J steps out through the ropes onto the apron and Jeff G. Bailey panics. He crawls on hands and knees towards his corner for the tag, but Rick Michaels reaches out and grabs him by the waistband of his velour jogging pants. Bailey practically crawls out of them, giving ticketholders more than they bargained for.

Thankfully, Rick Michaels gets back to his feet and spins Jeff G. Bailey around. He chomps his gum and smiles. Bailey begs off, then tries a sneak attack with a wild right hand. Rick Michaels no-sells it and spits his gum into Bailey's face.

Bailey tries throwing another, but Rick Michaels easily catches it. He squeezes Bailey's fist, driving the weasel to one knee, then lets go and turns away. When Bailey gets up clutching his hand in agony, Michaels stutter-steps in without looking and blasts him with a sloppy superkick, earning groans from the crowd. Ugh.

Rick Michaels doesn't acknowledge the crowd souring on him and instead picks Bailey up. Bailey is all dead weight, possibly selling unconsciousness. Michaels drags him over to his corner and tags in Jeremy V.

Rick Michaels holds Jeff G. Bailey in a bear hug while Jeremy climbs in and pulls himself up into a seated position on the top turnbuckle. He comes off the middle buckles with a seemingly unnecessary flying neckbreaker.

Jeremy V pulls Bailey up by the arm and looks to continue the punishment. One could assume that this sadistic streak is part of Jeremy V's warning about “unleashing the demons inside.” Whatever, it's not going over well tonight.

A corner whip buries Bailey against the buckles. Jeremy V charges in and runs up the buckles to hit his VKO shining wizard. Ouch. Bailey is about to flop out of the corner, but Jeremy props him up against the turnbuckles. He throws his hand up and points, shouting “One more time!”

Jeremy V backs up and prepares to deliver another VKO, but Slim J heads down the apron to save his manager. Jeremy charges in as Slim hops up onto the top. Jeremy is unable to stop in time to avoid eating the missile dropkick.

Slim drags the lifeless Jeff G. Bailey to his corner and steps back out onto the apron while Referee Andrew Thomas protests. Slim reaches out and slaps Bailey on the shoulder before climbing right back in, now legal.

Jeremy V gets up and checks his mouth for blood. Slim J stomps towards him angrily and lashes out with a boot to the gut. He locks in a double underhook and throws Jeremy V in a hard butterfly suplex.

Slim rushes to a neutral corner and quickly climbs up to the top. He points to Rick Michaels and grabs his crotch to taunt while waiting for Jeremy V to get back up. When Jeremy does, staggering, Slim leaps off and nails the 3-6 Mafia Kick, his top rope twisting roundhouse kick. Slim hooks both legs deep and leans back over Jeremy's chest for 1... 2... 3-NO! Rick Michaels is in for the save and more booing.

Right hands from Rick Michaels drive Slim J to the ropes. Michaels pulls down Slim's wifebeater to hit a loud knife-edge chop, then runs to the far side. He bounces off the ropes, but Slim ducks low and backdrops the veteran out over the top rope in a nasty spill.

Slim turns and knocks Jeremy V back down with a running leg lariat. He reaches down to pull Jeremy up by the neck and gets caught with a jawbreaker. Slim comes up holding his chin and eats a right hand. Slim tries to retaliate in kind, but Jeremy blocks it and hits an elbow smash to the top of the head. A knife-edge chop continues to back Slim up. Jeremy hits another right hand to knock Slim into the corner.

Jeremy whips Slim across into the opposite buckles and runs in right after... VKO! Slim J staggers out of the corner and drops spread-eagle in the center of the ring. Jeremy slingshots himself up to the top and sets himself. He throws up the double V salute to no response and leaps. He nails the Moonsault! 1... 2... 3.

WINNERS: Jeremy V and Rick Michaels, cleanly by pinfall (Jeremy V over Slim J with the Moonsault).

I’ll give a ½ star rating. (O:49. C:37. M:61. Rick Michaels debuted his new Mentor gimmick. It got a negative response, making him 0 for 2 in the gimmick game. Sigh. Jeremy V and Jeff G. Bailey each gained 3 points of overness from their sadism and willingness to take an ass-whipping respectively.)

4. Bad Attitude:

Jeremy V rolls out to the floor and throws his hands up in the double V salute yet again. He catches up with Rick Michaels, who is still dazed after his harsh landing. Jeremy hugs him and they start heading to the back.

Suddenly, current Wildside CEO Barry Windham comes striding down the aisle, visibly furious. Jeremy V tries to talk him down, but Windham merely shoves him aside to get at Michaels. The two trade punches until Windham cuts him off with a knee to the gut. Windham backs up and hits a big Lariat that levels his predecessor.

Jeremy V bends down to attend to his mentor and gets kicked aside with a big cowboy boot for his trouble. Windham starts laying straight fists into Michaels' forehead, bloodying it. The crowd murmurs as someone races down the aisle and skids to a halt behind Windham.

David Young shuffles in place, gesturing impatiently for Windham to turn around. When the West Texas Redneck does, he gets lifted and planted with a big spinebuster, earning a cheer. Young pulls his Bad Attitude partner, Rick Michaels, up and helps him to the back with Jeremy V following along.

(Singles Face Turn via Save: 55. Rick Michaels gained 5 points of overness from remembrances of better days in Bad Attitude. David Young gained 2 points of overness from his big return. His turn was completed, and he is now a face. He gained an additional 2 points of overness from this turn.)

5. Adam Windsor w/Dory Funk Jr. (-F-) vs. Jeremy Lopez w/Dean Malenko (-H-) in a Submission Match:

After ringside is cleared and a brief intermission, Dan "the Dragon" Wilson gets back in the ring for introductions.

“Ladies and gentlemen... The following contest is a Submission Match! There are no pinfalls and no countouts, the winner is the man who makes his opponent tap out or verbally submit. Introducing FIRST... weighing 214 pounds... accompanied to the ring by former NWA World Heavyweight Champion and LEGEND, Dory Funk Jr. ... from Coventry, England... royally bred of royal blood... THIS is The Royal Stud... Adam Wiiiindsor!”

"Pomp and Circumstance" begins to play and out walks "The Royal Stud" Adam Windsor. His sweeping red-white-and-blue sequined robe drags the floor as he makes his way to the ring with NWA legend Dory Funk Jr. following behind. Dory wears his "Funkin' Dojo" baseball cap and has a towel draped over his shoulder. Adam climbs into the ring and gently folds up his robe before passing it down to dutiful Dory.

Adam's ready to go in a royal blue singlet, kneepads, and thick black boots. He tests the ropes a bit and paces. Dory also calls him over to get a few last minute strategy tips.

“I want it all... I want it all... I want it all... and I want it NOW...”

"I Want It All" by Queen plays Jeremy Lopez and his mentor Dean Malenko to the ring. Both are grim and determined. Lopez is already covered in a sheen of sweat, his hair dripping with water. He hands his plastic water bottle to Malenko, who caps it and tosses it carelessly over his shoulder and into the crowd without looking.

“And his opponent... accompanied to the ring by The Shooter, Dean Malenko... hailing from Tampa, Florida... weighing in at 187 pounds... Jeremy Loooopez!”

Lopez demands that Referee Chris Emerson back Windsor up before he'll enter the ring. He slips off his red kanji t-shirt, balls it up, and tosses it disrespectfully at Dory. If Dean Malenko's amused, he doesn't let on, but his poker face doesn't betray any disapproval either.

Jeremy finally gets in the ring and kicks at the bottom rope in the direction of Dory, now demanding that HE get back. Dory begrudgingly concedes and retreats to the ringside railing. Lopez leans over the ropes and tells some fans to “Shut up! Shut up!”, but nobody was really saying much of anything, and it does little to get them started. Adam Windsor takes all of this with either the patience of a saint or the focus of a man who knows his opportunity lies just ahead.

Lopez rubs his hands together and circles before lunging into a collar-and-elbow tie up to get this one rolling. Windsor shifts to a side headlock and cranks it up, getting approval from his mentor at ringside. Jeremy muscles out into a top wristlock, but Adam Windsor is able to quickly reverse that into a hammerlock. Lopez slaps at his shoulder and tries to circle out, but Windsor keeps pace with him, maintaining the hold.

Jeremy Lopez eventually drops to one knee in pain and rolls out to come up behind Adam Windsor and lock in a full nelson. Adam Windsor slides his hands in, grabbing Jeremy's wrists and trying to power out of the hold. He gets some separation and ducks behind, returning to the hammerlock, cranking it up hard to make a statement and punctuate it.

A low mule kick from Jeremy Lopez breaks the hold and gets him some grief from both Referee Chris Emerson AND Dory Funk Jr. Deano Machino remains unfazed. Lopez blows them both off and shakes some feeling back into his arm while Adam Windsor stumbles around holding his crotch.

Jeremy runs his fingers through his hair and then wiggles them in the direction of Adam Windsor, impatiently requesting... no, DEMANDING a fingerlace test of strength. When Windsor unhands his crown jewels to take the bait, Lopez lashes out with a cheap shot kick to the gut, but Windsor is wily to his ways by now and catches the boot. He spins Lopez around and sort of catches him in motion with a glancing knife-edge chop. Lopez returns the favor and both men exchange a few chops, each trying to outdo the other.

Knife-edge chops get abandoned in favor of forearms to the face, with the pace quickening until they aren't even taking turns any more, just blasting each other simultaneously. Windsor sadly doesn't seem to have much on his. Lopez is the first to break rhythm, ducking a forearm shot, spinning, and coming up with the roaring elbow! Windsor's jaw spins, taking the rest of his body with it a few seconds after as he falls into the ropes.

Jeremy Lopez catches him on the rebound for a big back suplex that folds him up. Windsor rolls backward and returns to a shaky vertical base. A gutshot from Jeremy Lopez doubles him over, a Yakuza kick to the side of the head sends him reeling away, and a quick reverse neckbreaker completes the Ichiban Sequence!

Lopez grabs Windsor's legs and starts locking in the Texas Cloverleaf, but Adam Windsor sits up and starts throwing weak fists to break it up. He eventually gets his feet free and plants them in the gut of Jeremy Lopez. He falls backwards, throwing Lopez with a monkey flip, but Jer-Lo nimbly lands on his feet. Windsor kips up and turns to hit Lopez right in the mouth with the Superkick!

Jeremy Lopez drops like he's been shot. Adam Windsor grabs him by a boot and drags him to the center of the ring. Adam keeps hold of the boot and twists, setting up the Funk trademark Spinning Toe Hold. Lopez was playing a bit of possum, however, and reaches up to pull Windsor into a small package that gets... nothing, since pinfalls don't count in this match.

He would've got seven or so, however, before Windsor springs free and both men scramble to their feet. Lopez strikes first with a Yakuza kick that sends Windsor tumbling through the ropes and out to the floor at his mentor's feet. Lopez stomps in frustration and holds up three fingers, crowing about how he had the pinfall that could've... would've... should've counted, but didn't.

After a bit of heelish bitching, Jeremy drops prone and rolls to the outside to pursue his quarry. Dory backs down, but reluctantly, almost daring Jeremy to give him a reason to whip the young punk's ass. Lopez is smarter than that, and chooses to pull Windsor up by his long blonde locks instead.

Jeremy tells Funk to “Watch and learn, old man!” He then spins and uncorks another roaring elbow. This one knocks Adam Windsor over the railing and into the front row. Lopez pulls out the railing while security holds the crowd back. He hops up onto it and leaps for a tornado DDT, but Adam catches him on his shoulder and backdrops Lopez into a row of chairs.

Lopez comes up holding the small of his back and wincing. Adam turns and nails an exhausted step-up enziguiri, leaving both men laid out in the stands. There's no count outs, so the referee is forced to simply hover near security, waiting for both men to recover.

Adam Windsor is the first to get up, and he starts dragging Lopez by the hair back towards the ring. He throws Lopez over the railing and then hops over. Lopez is up, however, and an Irish whip sends Windsor face-first into the ring post, where he slumps.

Jeremy Lopez slaps his forearm and grins maliciously. He gets a head of steam... spins... and hits with the roaring elbow! Only problem is that Adam Windsor dove out of the way and Lopez connected solidly with the unforgiving steel ring post. Lopez drops to one knee, clutching his forearm and howling in agony. Adam Windsor throws his head back, and his long blonde hair is streaked with crimson. Blood is gushing from the gash in his forehead where he had his own close encounter with the post.

A few half-hearted punches keep Lopez reeling until Adam rolls him back in under the bottom rope. He reaches in to grab the bad arm and wrap it around the bottom rope. Jeremy Lopez is begging off, trying to get away, but Adam Windsor is hardly sympathetic. He puts one boot up on the apron and falls backward, yanking on the wrist and slamming the arm against the mat.

Windsor keeps hold of the arm, and Lopez shakes his head to indicate that he's not ready to give up just yet, but Referee Chris Emerson lays on the count for a rope break. There won't be a submission with one man in the ring and the other outside. Adam lets go to climb back in, but Lopez is already scrambling away on all fours, trying to make it to the far side and Dean Malenko.

Adam catches hold of his boot and drags him back to the center of the ring. He twists into the Spinning Toe Hold, but Jeremy lashes out with his other boot to the face to break it up. He struggles to hook both of Adam's arms behind his back as he gets up. He leaps into a double underhook tornado DDT. Despite the obvious pain, he keeps the double chickenwing hooked and lifts Adam into a tiger driver that took a lot out of him. Jeremy Lopez then reaches down and tries to apply the Texas Cloverleaf, but his arm is clearly giving him trouble.

Referee Chris Emerson slides into position to check on the hold. Lopez grits his teeth and manages to turn, locking it in, but it's no picnic.Lopez nods his head emphatically as Malenko shouts encouragement at ringside, trying to coach him to the finish. Funk performs similarly for his own protege, clapping and trying to get the crowd rallying behind Windsor.

Adam starts clawing his way towards the ropes. His face is covered in blood now, and he's leaving a trail as he inches his way towards freedom. Lopez's emphatic nodding soon becomes back and forth head shakes of denial as he is unable to keep Windsor from clawing at the mat and finding fleeting moments of purchase that get him closer and closer to the rope break.

The back-and-forth struggle goes on for a few agonizing moments until Alicia Webb comes click-clacking down the aisle in her stiletto heels. She begs and pleads with Dory, pointing at the ring where her newfound beau is bleeding profusely and practically sobbing. Dory takes the towel in one hand and looks at his pupil... at Alicia... at the fans, who give him nothing to go on... at the referee... and back at a seemingly defeated Adam Windsor, who is now face-down on the canvas.

Dory shakes his head and pitches in the towel. It lands next to Referee Chris Emerson, who turns and signals for the bell, but behind him... a mere split second later... Adam Windsor throws his hand out and firmly grabs hold of the bottom rope.

The bell rings and Jeremy Lopez falls face first to the canvas holding his arm, eager to release the hold and utterly exhausted. Dory Funk Jr. and Alicia Webb are immediately in the ring to check on Windsor, but he refuses to let go of the bottom rope. He seems dazed and confused from loss of blood, but they struggle to drag him out of the ring, still clutching the ring rope. Dory and Alicia prop him up and help carry him to the back, while Malenko congratulates Lopez and rubs his shoulder with pride.

WINNER: Jeremy Lopez, by submission to the Texas Cloverleaf thanks to an overly squeamish Alicia Webb.

It was close to a ** match, but one too many blown spots knocks it down to a *½ rating. (O:59. C:45. M:74. Adam Windsor gained 2 points of overness from this feud ending. The final victor, Jeremy Lopez, gained 6.)

6. Onyx (-F-) vs. Lazarus w/Sylvian Grenier (-H-) in a Gallows Guignol Match:

With ringside cleared, the scaffolding is brought into position for this unique gimmick match. A thick rope hangs from a pulley under the center of the scaffolding. At the end of the rope dangles an ominous noose.

“Judgment Niiiight!

Judgment Night! Got gun? Got badge? Judgment Night!

Judgment Night! In the echo of a gunblast... Judgment Niiiight!

Over here and bust the way,

Crush a sucka gutter,

Sun don't cease at a hundred degrees, I'm coolin' in your freezer...

He's a breezer...

I hits it up with that bald-faced rap... I sinks to the crack...

And I make shit get wild...”

Instead of "Slam", we get a special Fright Night exclusive entrance for "The Genetic Specimen." Onyx and Biohazard sing the title track off of the now ten year old film "Judgment Night." Recorded, obviously, not live in person. It's appropriate enough for this grim blow-off match.

“Ladies and gentlemen... The following contest is a... uh... Gallows Guignol Match! There are no pinfalls, no countouts, and NO disqualifications. The winner is the man who puts the noose around his opponent's neck... climbs the scaffold... and drops off holding the other end of the rope, until the loser hangs!

Introducing FIRST... weighing in at 217 pounds... from Jamaica City, Queens in The Big Apple... The Genetic Specimen... THIS... is... Onyx!”

Onyx stalks out in a black satin hooded boxing robe trimmed with white, all business. He doesn't bother slapping hands with fans, instead climbing right into the ring and making a beeline for the noose. He slaps it with his hand, sending it swaying, then throws his hood back. He shrugs out of the robe and takes a sneering, flexing, bodybuilder pose, showing off his physique.

“His opponent... accompanied by Sylvian Grenier of the Cirque de Sade... from Kentwood, Louisiana... weighing 183 pounds... Laaaazarus!”

We take a 180 degree departure from the rap/hardcore fusion and straight into the gothtastic carnival music "Seasons of the Dead" by Deathwatch Beetle Repairman. Cirque de Sade come out in all their French regalia. Sylvian Grenier takes Lazarus' ring robe and blows him a kiss for "bon chance."

Lazarus saunters around ringside, taking his sweet time starting things off and drying to drum up a wave of heel heat as he flounces past the fans. Sylvian Grenier, meanwhile, yammers some unkind words in French. At least one could assume they're unkind. It's not like anyone else in attendance actually understands him.

Language barrier or not, Onyx leans over the ropes and sticks a big black finger in Grenier's face, ordering him to “Stay the fuck out of it!” This gives Lazz the opportunity he was looking for, and he slides into the ring behind Onyx to ambush him from behind with a series of clubbing forearms. Onyx no-sells them as more of an annoyance than anything else. He's about to turn when Lazz starts giving him his version of "The Big Wiggle," gyrating his hips against the big black man's glutes.

Onyx predictably grows furious and wheels around, but Lazz is already fleeing to the far side of the ring. Onyx pursues, right into Lazz's hands, and gets thrown out over the top rope. Lazarus climbs out onto the apron and measures his stunned foe. Once Onyx is back up, Lazz leaps off for a diving clothesline.

Lazarus sets Onyx against the railing and gets back up onto the apron. He pulls back on the top rope and slingshots himself into a springboard back elbow. Lazz spends some time pushing Onyx throat-first into the ringside railing, choking him. Referee Chris Emerson tries to get Lazz to stop and take it back into the ring where the noose hangs at the ready, but there's no disqualification, so Lazz blows him off.

In fact, with no DQ, Lazz is able to get some assistance from Grenier, who holds Onyx in position while Lazz returns to the apron. He leaps off for a twisting leg drop, but Onyx throws Grenier aside and sidesteps, causing Lazz to crash into the railing. Onyx takes this opportunity to take Grenier out of the equation, hitting him with a knee lift and then pressing him overhead for a snake eyes onto the railing. It looked like Grenier didn't catch himself fully and really took that ugly. Ouch. Grenier comes up holding his neck and Emerson throws the "X" up for some legit medical assistance, confirming suspicions. Uh-oh.

Onyx pulls Lazz off of the railing and rolls him back into the ring. He climbs in and scores with a spinning back kick to the gut that doubles Lazz over. Onyx gets hold of Lazz's wrist and whips him into the ropes. He catches Lazz on the rebound for a crisp scoop powerslam.

Onyx pops up and grabs hold of the noose. He puts it over Lazz's head and marches to the scaffolding. He gets about halfway up when Lazz has extricated himself from the rope and started pursuing him. Onyx turns and sets himself on one of the rungs. He levels Lazz with a big diving shoulder block. Onyx pushes himself up, sure to flex his biceps with the effort, and gets back up. He pulls Lazarus up by the wrist and yanks him into a short-arm clothesline that turns him inside-out.

"The Genetic Specimen" pulls Lazz up in a rear waistlock, setting up a German suplex. Lazz hits a mule kick between the legs to break it up, however, and pulls out a standing switch. He bundles Onyx forward and hard into the turnbuckles.

Lazz hits the perpendicular ropes to get a bounce for a running clothesline that staggers Onyx but fails to drop him. Lazz locks in a waistlock and throws Onyx behind him in an impressive if improbable overhead belly-to-belly suplex that leaves Onyx in a crumpled heap against the turnbuckles. Lazz runs to the far corner and circles wide, building up steam for a stiff basement dropkick to the face.

Lazarus rolls out to the floor to retrieve a steel chair. He slides in with it and clobbers Onyx one time before setting it in front of his face and getting some distance. Lazz looks to run in for another dropkick, this time into the chair, but Onyx gets up and takes a wild swing at him. Lazz slides under the chairshot and comes up in the corner. Onyx turns and walks into a drop toe hold that sends him face-first into both the chair and the buckles. The chair falls to the concrete floor with a clatter.

Lazarus pulls Onyx up by the neck and wipes some blood off of his bald dome and onto his white shirt, leaving a scarlet smear. Lazz sets himself in a seated position on the top turnbuckle. He hits a few pelvic thrusts into the face of Onyx, then hooks him in a front facelock. He leaps off for a tornado DDT, but Onyx reverses into a running powerslam into the corner. He keeps hold of Lazz and runs him to the opposite side, then buries him in the center for a Jamaica City Stampede!

Onyx wipes the blood from his eyes and then flexes a bicep before falling into a big elbow drop to the sternum. He pulls Lazz up in an inverted facelock and spins, spiking him with the Exclamation Point (aka Test Drive, Roll of the Dice, etc.). Onyx starts applying the noose, but Lazz gets a desperation thumb to the eye and wraps the rope around Onyx's neck to choke him down to one knee.

Lazz continues the choke by putting the noose around the neck of Onyx and then pulling on the rope while planting his boot firmly in the back of Onyx's skull. He hits the ropes at a sprint. Bouncing off, he charges in for The Brittany Spear, but Onyx catches him in a front facelock instead and spins for The Blaq Out implant DDT! The crowd cheers this reversal of fortune!

Onyx is at the noose's limit, choking against the taut rope. He pulls it off and then slips it over Lazz's head. Onyx begins to climb the scaffolding. At the top, he strikes a bodybuilder pose before untying the other end and dropping down to the canvas, pulling Lazz up until he's strangling and choking. Lazz's feet leave the canvas, and Referee Chris Emerson quickly calls for the bell. Satisfied, the bloody Onyx lets go of the rope, dumping Lazz to the mat. Lazz flees down to the floor, still trapped in the noose and panicking.

Eventually, Referee Chris Emerson is able to free Lazarus, who collapses at ringside in a sputtering, gasping heap. Onyx slaps hands with fans as he circles the ring and his music plays. He stops at the bottom of the aisle and points at Lazz, then throws his hands out and shouts “We're done, freakshow! It's over!” After Lazarus is escorted away, we get our second brief intermission of the evening while the scaffold is wheeled away.

WINNER: Onyx, by hanging, as per the match stipulations.

**½ rating for a decent contest. (O:71. C:58. M:84. Onyx gained 6 points of overness from this feud ending. Lazarus gained 3. Sylvian Grenier suffered a neck injury that will keep him out of action for 8 months. Eek!)

7. John Hennigan (-F-) vs. Sal del Rio w/Desire (-H-) (For the NWA-W Junior Heavyweight Title):

Neil Young's voice and guitar ring out over the P.A. as "Rockin' in the Free World" begins to play.

“The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL and is for the Wildside... Junior... Heavyweight... Championship! Introducing the CHALLENGER... from Los Angeles, California... weighing in at 201 pounds... John Hennigaaaan!”

Hennigan comes through the curtain looking GQ as always, neat and trim. He wears simple black trunks, kneepads, and boots, generic but classic rookie attire. John jogs in place for a bit, warming up and spending time with the ring rats before slingshotting himself into the ring.

“His opponent is the reigning and defending NWA Wildside Junior Heavyweight Champion... from Hollywood, SALifornia... weighing 187 pounds... accompanied to the ring by Every Man's Desire... Sal del Rrrrio!”

"Physical" by Olivia Newton-John plays as Desire leads Sal through the curtain. While he holds the title belt over his head, she unzips his jogging suit and pulls it down. He steps out of it and passes the strap to her so he can strike an HBKesque comical muscle pose. Desire shoulders the title and gives him a round of applause.

Sal climbs into the ring and claps as he circles, trying to get the crowd to pick it up. He fiddles with his ponytail, then lunges in for a collar-and-elbow tie-up. He picks a leg, dropping Hennigan onto his back. Sal shifts into a step-over wristlock, twisting the arm until Hennigan struggles back up to his feet.

John Hennigan rolls forward and reverses, then adopts a side headlock. Sal pushes him to the ropes and then shoves him off across. Sal drops prone, so Hennigan hops over him and hits the near side. Sal catches him on the rebound for a big high hip toss, but Hennigan lands on his feet and spins. Sal turns right into a spinning heel kick that levels him.

Sal scrambles up as Hennigan hits the ropes for a bounce. Sal ducks under the onrushing Hennigan, who flies over in a backdrop, but rolls through to hop up straight onto the middle of the top rope. He hovers there for a second, getting his balance, then leaps for a twisting flying bodypress that catches Sal flush for 1... 2... Sal kicks out strong and immediately rolls to the outside to get consoled by Desire.

Sal spends some time teasing a count out, waving off both Referee Chris Emerson and his opponent, threatening to take his title and go home with the loss, but Desire eventually convinces him to give it another try. He climbs back into the ring and tentatively locks up again. Sal is able to quickly score a side headlock, and you'd think he'd just won the lottery, as he's a proud, proud young man, nodding his newfound confidence down at an applauding Desire.

He takes Hennigan to the ropes and shoves him across. When Hennigan bounces back, Sal catches him around the waist for a tilt-a-whirl reverse mat slam. He waits on Hennigan and hits a high standing dropkick right on the proverbial nose. A lateral press gets 1... 2... Hennigan kicks out.

Sal protests with Emerson, clapping his hands to indicate the proper pacing for 1... 2... 3. Sal continues the lesson by pulling Hennigan up in a front facelock and getting a grip on the waistband of his trunks. He lifts John Hennigan in a vertical suplex position and delays it while he and Desire count aloud. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... and so on until 18... 19... 20! He comes up and gets right into the face of Emerson, shouting “That's twenty FREAKING seconds, moron!” He covers and hooks a leg for 1... 2... Hennigan gets his shoulder up.

Sal pulls Hennigan up by the wrist and tries an Irish whip into the corner, but Hennigan plants his boot and reverses. He charges in, but Sal leapfrogs and catches Hennigan in a standing headscissors. He hooks Hennigan around the waist and lifts him into powerbomb position, but drops backward instead, slamming Hennigan face-first into the top turnbuckle.

John Hennigan stumbles backwards into a bodyscissors takeover that puts his shoulders to the mat for 1... 2... 3.

NO! Hennigan pops free just in time. Sal whips Hennigan into the ropes. He catches him on the rebound for a big backdrop with lots of surplus air. He pulls Hennigan up and sends him back into the ropes. Hennigan ducks the telegraphed back elbow and rebounds off the far side. He leaps into a satellite headscissors, but comes down beside del Rio for a side Russian legsweep. A lateral press gets 1... 2... Sal kicks out, so Hennigan hooks a leg for 1... 2... Sal gets his shoulder up, so Hennigan mounts him and starts raining down fists to the forehead.

Hennigan carries Sal to the corner and drives a shoulder into his ribs. He lifts Sal up and sits him on the top turnbuckle. John uses the bottom rope to step up and hit a forearm shot to the face. He climbs up onto the top and puts Sal in a front facelock. A superplex plants Sal in the center of the ring. Hennigan rolls into the lateral press for 1... 2... 3.

NO! Sal shoots his shoulder up to keep his title, even if for a mere few moments more. John pulls Sal up by the arm and whips him to the ropes, but Sal reverses and sets himself too soon. Hennigan hops onto the middle rope, springboarding off into a flying axe handle that smashes Sal flat.

Hennigan pulls Sal up, hits a shoulder block to the ribs, then lifts Sal bodily to run him into the corner. He backs up and hits a big knee to the midsection. Hennigan hits elbows and forearms to the back of the neck while Sal tries to get away. His hand forced by the flurry of offense, he retaliates with some desperate fists.

John Hennigan pushes Sal against the ropes and whips him across. Sal ducks the telegraphed clothesline and jumps onto the second rope for a springboard, but Hennigan ducks and he flips over him to land on his feet. Hennigan turns and gets plastered with a superkick.

Sal sits, legs across Hennigan's shoulders, and rolls him over, face down on the canvas. He grabs the arms and pulls, trying to grind Hennigan down. Hennigan eventually pops free and tries a spinning heel kick, but Sal catches the boot. He smiles and wags a finger in the face of Hennigan, saying “Nah-nah-nah.” He spins Hennigan around and catches him around the waist for an inverted atomic drop that sends Hennigan reeling into the ropes.

Sal hits the ropes on the opposite side and slingshots himself over onto the apron. Hennigan charges right into a slingshot tornado DDT that spikes Hennigan harshly. Sal pulls him up by the arm and pumphandles him in position for the Phoenix Fury Legdrop (really a pumphandle Michinoku driver II and not a leg drop at all). Hennigan drops out the back, however, and shoves Sal forward to collide with Referee Chris Emerson and knock him clear out of the ring.

Sal stands with his hands up in the universal “I didn't do anything!” posture. He turns and gets caught with a high standing dropkick from Hennigan that sends him tumbling out over the top rope and right on top of Emerson, who had JUST made it to all fours.

Desire is over to help her man up, and now Hennigan is rolling his arms, signalling for a shooting star press. He runs to the far side for a bounce, sprints over, and leaps nimbly up onto the middle of the top rope. Desire tries to beg off as he pauses, motioning for her to get out of the damn way. When she does, and Hennigan leaps, he gets blasted in the face by Sal del Rio and the NWA-W Junior Heavyweight Title belt. A “Holy shit! Holy shit!” chant breaks out.

Sal rolls Hennigan in and covers, but the referee is still out. Desire pulls him up and throws him into the ring. Emerson crawls over to count 1... 2... 3.

Desire is barely in the ring to hand the belt off to her man when she's forced to clear out with a panicked scream. Kid Kool slides into the ring and snatches the belt away from Sal. He spins and waffles him with it. Sal is laid out and bloodied as Kool helps an equally bloody John Hennigan to his feet.

Kid Kool hands the belt to Hennigan and raises his hand, but the ref pulls it down and takes the title. Kool protests, pantomiming the belt shot, but Emerson insists that his decision is final. Somebody should tell Kid Kool that the belt wouldn't have changed hands on a DQ anyway, but that's neither here nor there. Kool and Hennigan depart while Desire helps Sal up and practically carries both him and the title to the back.

WINNER: Sal del Rio retains by pinfall after an undetected title belt shot to the face.

Worth a ** rating, but no more than that. (O:61. C:52. M:71. The NWA-W Junior Heavyweight Title gained 4 points of image.)

8. Kendall Windham (-H-) vs. Scottie Wrenn (-F-) in a Cage Match (For the NWA-W Heavyweight Title):

After the lowering of the cage and the associated music, the crowd's anticipation is killed by Garth Brooks' "Friends in Low Places." Kendall Windham saunters down the aisle, branding iron in one hand and belt buckle in the other with the strap wrapped around his fist.

“Introducing FIRST, the CHALLENGER... weighing 260 pounds... from the Mulligan Ranch in Sweetwater, Texas... Kendall Wiiiindham!”

Kendall checks the integrity of the cage and spits his chaw in the direction of some heckling fans.

“And his OPPONENT...”

Dan "the Dragon" Wilson doesn't get a chance to finish his introductions before the champion, Scottie Wrenn, comes barrelling down the aisle and blasts Windham in the back of the head with a crutch, shattering it. Wrenn tosses the title belt over the top of the cage and into the ring, startling Senior Referee Speedy Nelson.

Wrenn rams Kendall face-first into the cage wall. Scottie repeats the spot a few times to keep Kendall stunned, then goes back behind the curtain. He returns with a garbage can full of hardcore plunder and barks at Speedy to “open the goddamn cage door” so he can throw it in. Speedy tries to resist, but Wrenn's pretty insistent, crazy, and in a violent mood, so he steps aside like a matador.

Windham tries to gain entrance to the cage, only to have Wrenn kick the cage door into his grill. Wrenn throws Kendall into the ring and then watches intently as the cage door gets padlocked. Pinfalls only in this bad boy, none of that “escape the cage” bullshit. Nodding with sadistic satisfaction, Wrenn turns right into a branding iron shot from Windham.

Kendall chokes Wrenn with his belt for a bit, then wraps it around his fist and starts peppering the champ with the buckle until he busts him open. Windham steps away, holding his fist up in supposed triumph. Scottie crawls over to the trash can and pulls out a barbed wire wrapped baseball bat. He holds it aloft, fishing for a pop, but the crowd's just spent, it seems.

Windham turns and is so shocked to see Wrenn and the weapon, he falls squarely on his ass, begging off. Wrenn winds up, causing Windham to cover his bald head and cringe. Wrenn changes tactics and opts to "putt" the barbed wire right into the denim between Windham's thighs. Ack! Referee Speedy Nelson visibly cringes, keeping his distance.

Kendall Windham rolls away in agony, trying to scamper to safety. Scottie straddles his back and starts digging the bat into Kendall's head until he's screaming in pain and gushing blood. Scottie drops the bat, tucks Kendall's arms over his knees, and adopts a makeshift camel clutch like position, digging his hands into the wound. Kendall shakes his head, declining the submission and starts clawing his way towards the hardcore goodies. He eventually comes up with a frying pan and waffles Scottie in the forehead with it to break the hold.

Kendall takes another swing with the frying pan, but Scottie ducks it and scoops him up. He marches over and just slams Windham down on the garbage can still full of shit. He backs up and dives in for a big elbow drop, but Kendall rolls out of the way and the trash can gets flattened for good.

Kendall grabs Scottie by the head and runs him into the cage. He runs him across and into the opposite side. Back and forth a few times until Wrenn is bleeding heavily, culminating in a big Windham bulldog. Kendall rolls Scottie over and just lazes across him for 1... 2... Scottie shrugs him aside.

Both men are laid out for a bit, keeping the crowd sitting on their hands. Kendall pulls Scottie up in a rear waistlock and sets for a sleeperhold, but Scottie pulls a standing switch and bundles him into the cage wall. Windham staggers off while Scottie runs to the opposite ropes for some momentum. Kendall turns and gets absolutely buried with a spear.

Scottie steps on the lip of the garbage can and pries it open. He reaches in and pulls out what looks like a wooden cutting board wrapped in barbed wire. He sets it in the center of the ring and kicks all the rest of the debris out of the way.

Scottie pulls Windham up by the neck and steps into a standing headscissors. He hits a few clubbing forearms, then hooks Kendall around the waist. He lifts and turns, powerbombing Windham onto the barbed wire. Windham scuttles around on the mat, trying to get untangled. His black leather vest catches and tears.

The champ grabs Kendall by the wrist and jerks him up to fire him into the ropes. He catches him on the way back for The Psycho Slam, his spinning side slam, but Kendall lands alongside him and pulls him into a side Russian legsweep that lands both men firmly in the barbed wire.

Windham mounts and hits a few driving fists before trying the infamous Mulligan claw, but he can't get a good grip in that puddle of blood. Scottie gets his boots into Kendall's gut and kicks him away. Both men stumble up to their respective feet. Kendall boots the barbed wire aside, wanting no further part of it.

Scottie reverses an Irish whip and hits the far ropes himself. Windham cocks his arm and they collide with both men nailing a lariat. We get some more timekilling before Windham pulls Scottie up by the arm. He sends him into the ropes and cocks his arm, looking for another trademark lariat, but Scottie ducks under it and hits the far side. Windham turns and gets leveled with a big shoulder tackle.

Scottie locates the garbage can. He reaches in and pulls out a small tied-off canvas bag, holding it up. He fumbles with the knot for a bit and finally gets it open. He dumps the contents all over the mat... thumbtacks.

To be continued...

Wow, first time I've ever had a show go too long.

<br

All right. Time to get down to business and feedback this beeyotch.

XPW One Night in Lizzy:

So, Rob Black got a "wild hair up his ass"... Did you mean that literally? With Rob, you never know. That wild hair might've been on the end of a 13" dildo. I suppose the less said, the better, actually.

Larry Rivera = rrratings! Good to see the proper voices of XPW in place.

I really liked the opening to One Night in Lizzy. Surprisingly respectful tribute to Candido from Rob. Loyalty matters.

I like the highlights from the triple threat tag match. Smothers and Hamrick connected via staples and a Mexican flag is awesome.

Someone busting a Kool-Aid Man pitcher upside someone's head IS the coolest spot ever. (Y)

There's something almost dirty about the acronym "ONiL" as in "She'll do anything... anything except ONiL."

XPW TV Episode # 1:

Josh Lazie is going to manage Ekmo?

I would've liked a description of Josh Abercrombie as he's a newcomer to XPW and I have no clue who he is.

Teddy Hart in The Enterprise = $$$

Valentina needs to get into a catfight with Shelly. The sooner, the better.

XPW TV Episode # 2:

Wow. That Machete/Corp. match really tanked it up. Ug.

You need to give The Altar Boyz a manager or something so their non-match segments don't go into the toilet.

This episode felt exceptionally short. Still, you can't go wrong with closing out on Lizzy fondling an almost 7' man in black latex.

XPW TV Episode # 3:

Sorry, I have no interest in Dan Maff or his problems "back east." Kick ass, Danny Boy, or go home.

Koko B. Ware is a wrestling... god. He gave his only begotten cockatoo to suffer for our sins. Trust me, put Koko in The Enterprise. Even if for just a one-off appearance. I'm begging you.

Teddy Hart's promos fall somewhere between Warrior and crazy Roddy Piper.

I love your "final image" bit. I always liked seeing people use that. I think I did it back in 3PW. I need to steal it back for Wildside TV. It's also like punctuation. Your final image sets the tone for what you want most remembered.

XPW Arena Show # 1:

It seems strange that this show will be on DVD when it doesn't have a catchy name like "Your Mother Sucks Dicks in Hell" or whatever.

Good to see Dan Maff actually do something other than run his mouth, although the talk to walk ratio is still 2:1.

Submission via moonsault! Tap! Tap! Tap! I mark for Kaos too, but this is kinda hard not to root for.

OOOOOMAGA! Curious addition that sorta fits, strangely enough.

XPW TV Episode # 4:

I don't recap recaps.

XPW TV Episode # 5:

I'm interested in BOTH tag teams in the opening match. Too bad one team has to lose. Still, it's nice seeing some depth in the division.

I echo the sentiment that I would've liked to see what Shelly's reaction to Dinero's claim was. This was one of those segments that was actually hamstrung by your summary style. In things like the Teddy Hart "moonsault submission" promo, you managed to fit in some choice bits, but this segment seemed to cry out for more detail. Oh well.

Justin Credible (N)... I don't like Aldo in a mask... I don't like PJ Polloco kicking ass... I do not like Justin Otherasshole by any name or any fed. Boo.

Looking forward to NOSAWA/Jonny Storm. There should be some stiff kicks in that one. I don't care if you have to write it again. XPW cannot die!

Please continue.

FPS, definitely. I've had little use for the genre since Doom first came out and then later enjoyed Rogue Spear for the teamwork aspect and the advances in sound and graphics, but it's mostly a dead end genre to me. Hamster put it most succinctly above.

I'm also done with fighting games since the original Mortal Kombat and Primal Rage. I like the occasional wrestling game, but most fighting games are either memorization of "left-right-up-X-B-right..." etc. or mindless button mashing. Yawn.

That being said, I'm a sucker for micromanagement games (hence my undying love for EWR and Railroad Tycoon and the like). RPGs and RTS all depend on storyline for me. I can get into a good background, but the gameplay tends to be all the same, and I've found most of the RPGs people go nuts over to be half-baked Jap-crap about saving the mana tree of life or some other metaphysical bullshit. I'll take GTA's open mission system over Final Fantasy quests to find the stable boy's sister anyday.

I liked that the whole episode was basically a metaphor for America "going around in pity" for itself. (The obscene gift baskets, the Italians buying stuff to bring back home, the Armenian chick's hard luck history, Artie's hubris...)

Film noir icon Lauren Bacall dropping the F-bomb twice might be a landmark Sopranos moment tho.

I also can't be the only person to see the irony in Sir Ben Kingsley dodging Chrissy's lame movie project while agreeing to do Uwe Boll's epic "In the Name of the King" in real life.

I loved it and found it to be a good mix of newschool cerebral horror and an old school pulpy Mario Bava-style exploitation gorefest.

The biggest complaint I've heard is that the movie is hard to follow/understand, but that truly annoys me. There's actually a sequence laying things out for everyone, and I don't think any previous knowledge of the games is necessary, tho there are a number of visual nods to the original PS game.

Wow, that was super interesting. Much like exposes on the wrestling business, tho, it takes away some of the mystique and leaves the reader thinking "Is that all there really is to it?"

I might've dl'ed Python and mucked around with it, but then I remembered I already have way too many hobbies and my programming days are looooong behind me. :ohwell:

"The Janitor" is an awesome name.

As was "The Cleaner", Harvey Keitel's character in Point of No Return.

I rest on your face.

Now, wtf is a "Pyramid Head"?

I love this show and have watched all the seasons, but the current "Family Edition" sucks donkey dong. I do enjoy sick amusement at the suffering of The Weaver Family tho.

"For this challenge, one team member must lie down on the track and let Jeff Gordon do donuts around them in a stock car."

"No! That's how daddy died!"

The producers were sick for picking them as a team knowing what challenges they'd arranged.

For anyone that doesn't know, that is Derren Brown.

He's a psychological magician.

He only did that once.

It's pretty much the only Derren Brown stunt that I don't approve of, because he doesn't get permission to scare the guy shitless.

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I'm currently reading The Coming of Conan the Cimmerian, a collection of Robert E. Howard's early barbarian stories presented in their order of publication as well as The Complete Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle. I guess I'm on a classics kick lately.

I recently tried to read Practical Demonkeeping by Christopher Moore, a gift from a friend, but I found it's attempts at wit forced and feeble. Bleh.

For older war stuff, I can't think of anyone better than Bernard Cornwell.

His Hundred Years War series (The Archer's Tale, Vagabond, and Heretic) are all awesome, and his Sharpe's Rifles series is classic.

All right. I'm here for some much overdue feedback.

I really like Nowinski in Evolution. I can see him really buying into the gimmick. I didn't, however, care for the Three Stooges spot with him getting taken out by the door. I fully believe Nowinski could make this work and Flair as well, but comedy's never been a strong suit for Dave or Trips. I don't know. Seems like it'd come off kinda goofy.

Goldberg over Bischoff was amusing, but I find myself wondering about the road less travelled. It'd be neat to see Bisch using a guy he can claim to have created to destroy his WWE nemesis and give us that Goldberg/Austin confrontation that never really paid off. Of course, I don't know how well 'Berg'd work as a monster heel or if Austin would be physically able to work the angle, but whatever. I'm here to read and review, not do my own fantasy booking.

Which brings me to the Goldberg/Nash confrontation. I have to start by saying that Goldberg was perfect and makes a great dominant champion. The rambling Nash end of the promo, however, was pretty weak. Post nWo face Nash always seems to carry a class clown sort of vibe, and I have a hard time reading him just drone on and on about serious business. It just didn't sound like Big Kev, I guess.

Molly destroying Jacquie was decent and an obvious set-up for a new diva to debut. Gail Kim? Alexis Laree? I don't know who you have in mind, but this has me intrigued at least to see who can bring Molly down.

I remember talking the La Res/Stacy segment over with you on MSN ages ago. I'm glad you finally got around to using it and I got around to reading it, because it's great stuff. Good to see that Conway might be a French sympathizer, but his heart still pumps good old red, white, and blue American horndog.

Can't help but think Trish is playing Bubba. Otherwise... uh... I'm kinda grossed out. I mean I like Bubba and all, but...

I liked how the six-man tag match set up a big trio of matches for 'Geddon, altho I'm kinda weirded out about Animal vs. Christian. I suppose that's to be expected, tho. Austin's announcements were perfect, and you almost made the "What?!" chants palatable.

I love the mystery of Cade's manager. This is the sort of drama that's sorely lacking in the current WWE product. I've got my pick, but have to wonder if she's up to crooning Jindrak and Cade's new theme song.

During the break, Lawler got his ass beat down. That's always a good thing. Lucy's a good fit for the Test/Steiner freakshow... so to speak.

The main event was suitably overbooked for a RAW ending, tho the Evolution beatdown really makes the Nowinski shenanigans at the top of the show all the more ridiculous.

So, some stuff worked, some stuff didn't. In all, tho, it was a thoroughly enjoyable read. I'll do my best to catch up and be back around with comments when the next show is posted. (Y)

To the best of my knowledge, Vinnie Jones was gone the moment Matthew Vaughn walked. I don't think the role of Juggernaut has been recast as yet, so there hasn't been any official change on IMDB or elsewhere.

So far, this is looking like a big shit sandwich and all us comic nerds are going to be forced to take a bite.

I am so furious that outside of Denver, all their U.S. dates are part of Ozzfest, and I'm not going to spend big $$$ on tickets for a bunch of other bands I couldn't give a flying fraggle about.

Dammit.

I watched it for the first time the other night, and the violence is disturbing and downright laughable at times (cutting people in half with a blade attached to your sneaker? WTF?), but the impressive part to me was how philosophical the movie actually is. It really explores the give-and-take nature of sado-masochism from every angle.

I've seen The Eye, and it's decent with a few creepy moments, but nothing to get too worked up about. It's kinda predictable, but worth watching for free.

Kou's avatar (Jamie from Mythbusters) made me think of this. I tuned into a Mythbusters marathon this past Sunday and was alarmed to see a new trio of, for lack of a better description, junior Mythbusters. While it was cool to see a pair of GRRRRLs getting involved in the bustin', the three got on my nerves right quick, especially the dude, and the overall lack of Adam and Jamie (who have a great rapport) really killed it for me.

Am I the only guy NOT liking the new line-up? (For that matter, am I the only EWBer watching this? I assume not, given Kou's avatar, but y'know what happens when you assume...)

IIRC, in another forum I go, a comic-dedicated one, they talk alot about Preacher and I believe that series has already ended. At least that's what I gather from there.

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I've been reading the same crap as everyone else, apparently:

Astonishing X-Men

100 Bullets

Walking Dead

I'm also reading the DC Countdown minis since I enjoyed Identity Crisis much more than I reckoned I would. Villains United is the best of the lot, in my opinion. Any time you get Deadshot AND Deathstroke in one book, I'm a happy guy.

I'm a confessed Conan mark, so I'm loving that book, but sword and sorcery comics might not be everyone's cup o' tea.

I'm also enjoying the relaunches of Captain America and Iron Man as well as Ultimate Iron Man, but all 3 are running balls late, keeping me from being wholeheartedly enthusiastic.

it maybe noting but did anyone else notice in the flashback sequence that the picture on the back side of the comic hugo was reading was a big white bear creature with aa man on the ground in front of him? It just made me think of the creature for some reason

*sorry i just watched the finale this morning*

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I've watched both episodes and enjoyed them thoroughly, enough to miss the first hour of RAW in both instances (no big loss there, but I did hate missing Victoria's heel turn. Heel Victoria > *. ).

I've given thought to running my comic shops the Gordon Ramsey way, but I don't have enough minions to swear at. Or customers, for that matter.

Actually, that would be Bruce Willis cock, as I don't recall Dwight goin' nakers anywhere throughout The Big Fat Kill. Speaking of Sin City nudity, the first trailer I watched had Lucille topless in the bit at her apartment. The con footage (I can't recall which con it was) had her digitally covered, and in the movie, she was topless again. What was that all about?

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One of the directors is the comic creator, Frank Miller (who both writes AND draws the comic), so it's faithful down to the frame at times. There are some omissions, but nothing to get all worked up about. The most notable is the lack of nudity, but you'd have to be a total dweeb to think they were going to take an NC-17 for Clive Owen cock or convince Alba to run around naked half the film.

The Japanese dude was a complete fucking joke. His stance was basically to keep his hands shoulders width apart and try to block punches with his arms. His head stood still as though he was doing reps on a butterfly machine, and I sincerely think ANYONE over 140 pounds on EWB could have knocked him out. How the fuck did he get a chance to fight in the UFC?