Anime Pro Wrestling Revolution

[stokeriño]

Important Note #1 - There will almost definitely be large gaps between the posting of each show. Look at the first one - I can't be doing that every couple of days. Plus I'm a lazy git.

Not-Very-Important Note #2 - In the first part of what is loosely referred to as the backstory, the numbers in brackets are footnotes that I felt the need to put in for some reason.

Part 1: Issues of Copyright

"Arigato gozaimasu. Shitsurei shimasu ...Sayonara."

I put down the phone and groaned. My neck felt stiff, and I had a terrible headache, but that's what hours of tedious negotiation with stubborn company legal executives will do to you. Slumping forward onto my desk, I placed my head in my arms and hoped that if I ignored the outside world it would get bored and go away.

Determined to prove me wrong, there came a knock on my office door.

"Bleuh," I said.

"It's me sir, may I come in?"

Without waiting for a response, the door opened and in walked my personal secretary Sophie. She was costing me a lot of money to hire; and to be honest she was everything that the agency had promised her to be: punctual, efficient, innovative. Unfortunately her file had neglected to list any details concerning her personality.

Sophie looked at how I was collapsed over the desk and raised an eyebrow. "Strange. I had no idea that desk jobs were so exhausting."

"Murh," came my rebuttal.

She walked up to my desk and tapped her finger on the top of my head. "We do have important business to discuss," she said sweetly. When no satisfactory response was forthcoming, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small whistle and lent close to my ear.

PHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~!!!

"Yaaaaaah!" I shot bolt upright as the high-pitched squeal threatened to cause my inner ears permanent damage. Feeling my chair starting to tip over, I reached forward in a desperate scramble to grab hold of the desk. Unfortunately when I did manage to grab something it was not the desk, and only served to add insult to injury as I toppled backwards out of my chair and landed in a heap on the floor.

Sophie peered around the side of the desk and studied my position - half under an upturned chair and covered with the remains of what had previously been my desk plant. (1)

"I'll make a note to the cleaning staff to wash the carpet," she said, nodding towards the piles of earth, water, and foliage that lay scattered across the floor.

"Ack," I agreed.

After slowly picking myself back up and righting my chair (Sophie waited patiently for me to do this), I sat back down. "Right..." I said, attempting to straighten a crick in my neck, "what was it you wanted again?"

"To talk about the licensing agreements we've managed to secure for workers," she said. "You know that if we wish to produce a viable roster for this venture of yours, we first need to secure the legal licenses to do so from the appropriate distributors."

'Yes,' I thought, 'I do know this. You know I know this. Why do you have to explain everything every time?' Another one of Sophie's less-amiable qualities was her requirement to explain things again each and every time she discussed them with me. It's like she were talking to a child, that goddamn patronising, arrogant, self-absorbed...

"Mm-hm," I replied sweetly.

"Well I've completed preliminary negotiations with both ADV Films and Pioneer Entertainment, both with a considerable margin of success" she said, before taking on a decidedly more unpleasant tone. "And how have you done today?"

I massaged my eyeballs. Spending almost the entire of the day on the phone to Bandai Entertainment had been a torturous experience, so much so that I had come within a hair's breadth of quitting and giving up on the whole project then and there. A professional wrestling promotion based around anime characters? Sure it sounded crazy, and there were significant reality issues that would have to be carefully ignored, but the prospect of combining my two most loved passions and making a living out of it was too good to ignore. I had the money to accomplish this dream - it was only a matter of convincing those who held the copyright to the anime characters to accept the money. As Bandai had proved earlier today, it was not the easiest of tasks.

"I got Love Hina," I said.

There was a moment of silence while Sophie waited for me to continue.

"That's it?" she asked.

I nodded weakly.

"No Cowboy Bebop? No Gundam? No Galaxy Angels, .hack//SIGN, or Vision of Escaflowne?"

I shook my head.

Sophie scowled. "You're useless," she said. "A major distributing company and you only managed to negotiate the rights to one show? It doesn't even have many characters!"

"Hey!" I snapped out of fatigued indignation. "Have you ever talked to the people at Bandai? They must be the most stubborn, tight fisted company I've ever dealt with. (2) The only reason they let me have Love Hina is because I offered to pay above and beyond for them. Besides, it is their flagship show, so the characters are quite over. A lot of them have impressive brawling talent too..."

Sophie sighed, too impatient to argue the issue. "Well, would you care to hear what progress I'VE made?"

I sat back in chair and started playing with a pencil. "If you must."

Opening the folder that she'd previously been carrying under her left arm, Sophie took out various sheets of paper and dropped them in front of me.

I glanced with feigned disinterest in the direction of the papers. I knew that what I was doing pretty much constituted as sulking, but I didn't care. "And those are?" I said, turning back to playing with my pencil.

"Those," said Sophie, "are the official documents faxed through by ADV Films, granting us access to the characters of Excel Saga, Martian Successor Nadesico, Azumanga Daioh, and Neon Genesis Evangelion."

Sulking or not, I couldn't help but react to this piece of news. "You got Evangelion? But I thought Hideaki Anno refused the rights for any further franchising?"

"Apparently Mr. Anno is not unsusceptible to feminine charm."

"I really didn't need to know that."

"Quite a coup if I do say so myself."

"I suppose. Excel Saga's got a hardcore cult following, Nadesico has an exceptionally large cast, and Evangelion provides us with some serious star power."

“And Azumanga Daioh?”

“They…uh…well…they’re just kind of odd.”

"Indeed." Sophie reached back into her folder and pulled out some more papers. "And these are from Pioneer Entertainment, granting us the rights to Trigun, and the entire Tenchi Muyo multiverse. They were willing to let them go quite cheaply too."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Pioneer have always been whores for franchising out their products." (3) I sat forwards and put the pencil back down. "Is that all?"

"Well from Pioneer it is. I tried to get the rights to Sailor Moon, but they're in the middle of a bit of a legal dispute with a German company over them at the moment."

"Hmm. Well..." I counted on my fingers. "Seven shows worth. Not a bad start I suppose..."

"I also got a fax from Rumiko Takahashi."

"I thought she refused to deal with us?"

"She did, but she changed her mind. She's quite a nice woman actually." Sophie scanned down the page of a printout. "She's selected ten characters that she's letting us use. Five from Ranma ½, and five from Inuyasha. They appear to be quite major characters too, which is kind of her."

"Excellent..." I placed my hands behind my head and leaned back in my chair. Suddenly, things didn't seem quite so bad. We'd certainly got rights to enough shows to squeeze at least 80 worthwhile workers from, if not more. Besides, there wouldn't be anything stopping me getting rights to more characters once everything was up and running. (4) Once they saw what kind of product we were putting out, they'd probably be more willing to deal with us. Yes, things might just be alright after all...

Sophie watched me with quiet intrigue as I phased out into my happy-happy dream world. Collecting her papers, she put them back in her folder and placed it neatly down onto the desk. She walked casually round behind me, and placed her hands on either side of my black swivel chair. With one swift motion, she flipped the chair up, sending both it and myself over the desk to land in a heap on the opposite side. Dusting her hands slightly, she picked her folder back up and headed for the door. On her way past my crumpled remains, she paused.

"Thought I saw a wasp," she said simply.

She then continued on and opened the door to leave. "See you tomorrow sir," she said, and closed the door behind her.

There was a long silence.

"Hm," I muttered quietly to myself, "I appear to be incapable of movement." (5)

Footnotes

(1) – I’m writing a diary about anime. Tacky slapstick humour is likely to crop up in depressingly large quantities. You have been warned.

(2) – Not that I’m bitter.

(3) – Watch Tenchi Muyo GXP. Feel free to chant “You sold out” as well, if you don’t mind looking like a fool for chanting at a TV screen.

(4) – Or, more accurately, when I’ve seen enough of them to use their characters properly.

(5) – Told you so.

Next – Part 2: Meeting the Roster

Edited July 30, 2004 by stokeriño

[stokeriño]

Part 2: Meeting the Roster

I arrived at the building at 10:03. Despite already being three minutes late for the meeting that I was supposed to be chairing, I took time out to grab a bottle of water from one of the vending machines. I figured that I would probably need it.

The building in question was the new headquarters of the APWR, or 'Anime Pro Wrestling Revolution', as I had named it. Actually it was just yet another standard office skyscraper in the city skyline, but for housing all of the administrative staff it served its purpose. I was paying monthly rent for it - because even I wasn't stupid enough to place a massive deposit on an entire skyscraper for a promotion that might very well fold in a fortnight. I hoped that it would last longer, but considering some of the personalities that I would have to be dealing with, I was feeling a little apprehensive.

I finally found my way to lecture room 5C where, if all had gone to plan, all ninety-four members of my new roster should be waiting patiently for me to explain to them just what the hell they were doing here. Taking a deep breath, I swung open the double doors.

From the sight that greeted me, things were not off to a good start. The 100-seater lecture theatre was almost full, which led me to believe that all were indeed present. However they were far from 'waiting patiently'. A quick glance around the room, and I could pick out some of the usual problem areas immediately.

At the end of the row in the far top-left corner, a bland-looking dark haired boy cowered in his seat as two women squabbled violently over just who were going to occupy the single seat next to him. I physically winced as the agonising screech of the purple haired woman cut across the room.

"I've had just about enough of you and your...flimflamming Ryoko!" snapped Ayeka. "Everyone here can tell that Tenchi wants to sit next to ME!"

"Flimflamming? Why Princess, you cut me real deep," laughed Ryoko, the former space pirate with the distinctive spiky green hair. "Such language for a person of royalty. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

Ryoko nonchalantly examined her fingernails. "Besides," she continued, "I'll let you have the seat."

Ayeka blinked.

"You...you will?"

"Yes." Ryoko smirked and hopped onto Tenchi's lap. "Because I'm sitting here."

"OH NO YOU ARE NOT!!"

"Tenchi...Ayeka's being mean to me," Ryoko moped in false woe.

"Ryoko..." Tenchi sighed.

"You get off of him this instant!!" yelled Ayeka furiously. "Tenchi doesn't want an ugly monster like you sitting in his lap!"

"Ayeka..." pleaded Tenchi.

"Ugly??" Ryoko stood right up and glared right in Ayeka's face. "Monster??"

"Yes well you ARE a monster aren't you," Ayeka replied. "You were a mummy for 700 years!"

"Why you little brat...!"

Tenchi groaned and placed his head in his hands. Just then someone tapped him on the shoulder, and he looked up.

"Um, hi, Tenchi?" Sakuya, the pale and slender girl with the ebony hair, whom Tenchi had met in Tokyo, smiled faintly. "Mind if I...sit there?"

"Go right ahead," sighed Tenchi.

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!!" Ayeka and Ryoko roared in unison at Sakuya, sending her scurrying back round to her previous seat, whilst they resumed their argument.

On the other side of the theatre, much closer to the front, there was some more commotion, only in this case it was created by a panda's attempt to fit itself into the plastic seating.

"Oh...Mr. Saotome," said Akane sadly, "did someone splash you with water on the way in?"

The panda looked at her silently, before producing a sign that read "I hate faulty water fountains."

"Hah, serves you right old man," chuckled Ranma, who lounged comfortably with his feet resting on the seat in front of him. "You should have bought a soda from one of the vending machines like I did."

The panda glowered. Reaching over to grab a water bottle from one of the Nadesico cast members behind him, it promptly deposited its contents all over Ranma.

Ranma sat up and wiped the remnants of the water from her face.

"Oh yes, very funny," she sneered. "You're just lucky I wore loose-fitting clothes today."

Nadesico pilot and self-proclaimed Playboy, Nagare Akatsuki - having just finished a conversation with fellow pilot Izumi Maki - noticed the presence of this redhead sitting in the row in front of him.

"Well hello there beautiful," he said, leaning forward with his usual sly grin, "I didn't see you come in. Perhaps when we're done here you wouldn't mind joining me for a drink or two. I know a really good cocktail that's sure to - ack!!"

The 'ack' was also accompanied by the sound of Ranma's fist smashing into his jaw, and closely followed by a loud crash of Akatsuki landing a few rows further back.

"Ignorant letch," muttered Ranma, propping her legs back up on the seat in front of her.

"Oh dear!" Milly Thompson exclaimed. She and her colleague Meryl Stryfe had managed to narrowly avoid the impact of Akatsuki's landing. "Are you alright sir?"

From his crumpled position, Akatsuki smirked. "Now that's what I like to see. That girl's got a lot of spunk," he said in what was a worryingly accurate statement.

I gawped at all of this from the open doorway, hesitant to even step inside. Just then a finger tapped me on my shoulder.

“Are they in there?”

I slammed the door shut and spun round. “Yes, yes they are,” I laughed uneasily.

Sophie frowned. “So, you’re waiting out here because…?”

I nervously scratched the back of my head. “I was, uh, waiting for you to get here first?”

Sophie took on an expression of pity. “Oh I’m sorry,” she said with complete sincerity. “If I’d have known that you were incapable of doing this as well, I’d have arrived sooner.”

The vein on my forehead twitched.

“But now that I am here,” she continued, “shall we go inside?”

I dithered for a moment, but then my eyes lit up. “Tell you what,” I said, “how about YOU take the meeting, and then if there are any major problems I can handle them later?”

“I’m not sure that it would be appropriate,” said Sophie slowly, “for a hired secretary to stand in for the owner of the company in his very first meeting.”

“But I really think that it’d be a valuable experience for you…”

Sophie stood up straight. “No sir. I’m sorry, but due to the nature of my contract, there is absolutely no way that I can agree to such a task.”

“I’ll add an extra $1,000 to your salary.”

“$5,000.”

“Done.”

“Very well sir,” she beamed brightly, “if you insist.” She flung open the door and marched into the room, slamming it shut behind her.

In the meantime, I decided that it might be an idea to check out the location of any fallout shelters in the local area.

* * Some time later * *

I looked up from my magazines to see Sophie emerge from the meeting room.

“So,” I asked cautiously, “How many casualties were there?”

“I can’t think what you could mean sir,” said Sophie merrily. “The meeting went very well, and I answered all of their questions as well – even some that I think you would have had difficulty answering.”

I ignored the last remark because I was too busy breathing a sigh of relief. “Oh well,” I smiled thankfully, “at least that’s over and done with. Now I can concentrate on preparing for the first show.”

“Indeed you can,” said Sophie. We both turned and started walking towards the offices. “By the way sir, I’ll expect the cheque for $10,000 on my desk tomorrow morning.”

“I’m certain it was only – “

“It was $10,000.”

“Uh, sure.”

Next – Part 3: The Roster in Detail, and Other Information

[tristy]

AKIRA BETTER BE IN THIS.

*shakes fist*

[stokeriño]

To answer Tristy, Akira is on the list on characters that "will turn up eventually but not in the first month because it's goddamn cluttered enough as it is". New characters from other shows/movies will be added, and the unimportant ones from the existing rosters will just be ignored for the most part anyway. Incidentally, I hope you don't mean the character Akira himself. This promotion has no room for kids who wonder in and then destroy the surrounding city in a globe of white light...

Part 3: The Roster in Detail, and Other Information

GENERAL APWR INFORMATION

- There are currently three titles: the APWR Men’s World Title; the APWR Woman’s World Title; and the APWR Television Title. All are vacant.

- In standard matches, no special powers and/or weaponry are allowed, and will result in a disqualification. In some cases a match may be declared as under ‘APWR Rules’ – in these all special powers and weaponry are legal, but a DQ can still occur through outside interference. Most if not all title matches will be under APWR rules, as well as other matches when deemed fit.

- No-one’s going to die, even if they do use special powers and weaponry. All wounds will be mysteriously non-fatal, so there. People will be unnaturally good at dodging too.

- The roster positions are entirely subjective, and don’t really matter anyway.

- The APWR has one weekly prime time show, known as APWR Unleashed (I suck at names), every Tuesday, the first of which will take place on the 1st of June 2004. How convenient.

THE ROSTER

I’ll first list the workers from their original shows, and then again as one big complete roster.

If you have any questions about who a particular character is etc, please feel free to PM me. I don’t want to put explanations in here because they’d make an appalling clutter. And the alternative of putting up 90-plus mini-biographies is just too frightening to contemplate.

NEON GENESIS EVANGELION

Shinji Ikari

Gendo Ikari

Rei Ayanami

Asuka Langley Sohryu

Misato Katsuragi

Ritsuko Akagi

Kouzou Fuyutsuki

Ryoji Kaji

Toji Suzahara

Kensuke Aida

Hikari Horaki

Kaworu Nagisa

Maya Ibuki

Hyuga Makato

Aoba Shugeru

Lorenz Kiel (SEELE 01)

EXCEL SAGA

Excel

Hyatt Ayasugi

Lord Ilpalazzo

Nabeshin

Watanabe

Iwata

Sumiyoshi

Misaki Matsuya

Pedro

Kabapu

That Man

Great Will of the Macrocosm

Puchuu Queen

TRIGUN

Vash the Stampede

Millions Knives

Nicholas D. Wolfwood

Meryl Stryfe

Milly Thompson

Legato Bluesummers

Midvalley the Hornfreak

TENCHI MUYO

Tenchi Masaki

Kagato

Ayeka

Ryoko

Mihoshi

Kiyone

Sasami

Washu

Katsuhito Masaki

Noboyuki Masaki

Tsunami

Nagi

Sakuya Kumashiro

Azaka

Kamidake

Funaho Jurai

Misaki Jurai

Asuza Jurai

LOVE HINA

Keitaro Urashima

Naru Narusegawa

Shinobu Maehara

Motoko Aoyama

Mutsumi Otohime

Kaolla Su

‘Kitsune’ (Mitsune Konno)

Kanako Urashima

Haruka Urashima

Sara McDougal

Noriyasu Seta

MARTIAN SUCCESSOR NADESICO

Akito Tenkawa

Yurika Misumaru

Ruri Hoshina

Gai Daigoji

Megumi Rainard

Minato Haruka

Seiya Uribatake

Nagare Akatsuki

Erina Kinjo Won

Jun Aoi

Hikaru Amano

Ryoko Subaru

Izumi Maki

Goat Hoary

Mr. Prospector

Tsukumo Shiratori

Vice Admiral Kusakase

Yukina Shiratori

Genchiro Tsukiomi

Admiral Misumaru

Admiral Munetake

INUYASHA

Inuyasha

Kagome

Sesshoumaru

Shippo

Jaken

RANMA ½

Ranma Saotome

Akane Tendo

Ryouga

Genma Saotome

Kuno Tatewaki

AZUMANGA DAIOH

Chiyo Mihama

‘Osaka’ (Ayumu Kasuga)

Sakaki

‘Yomi’ (Koyomi Mizuhara)

Tomo Takino

Kagura

Yukari Tanizaki

Minamo Kurosawa

Kaorin

Mr. Kimura

FULL ROSTER

Blue = Face; Green = Tweener; Red = Heel. Yes there are far too many faces, even when I’m being liberal with the definition of ‘heel’. Damned anime.

MAIN EVENT

Excel

Gendo Ikari

Inuyasha

Kagato

Ranma

Shinji Ikari

Tenchi Masaki

Vash the Stampede

UPPER MIDCARD

Akane Tendo

Akito Tenkawa

Asuka Langley Sohryu

Ayeka

Gai Daigoji

Hyatt Ayasugi

Kagome

Katsuhito Masaki

Keitaro Urashima

Millions Knives

Lord Ilpalazzo

Megumi Rainard

Misato Katsuragi

Nabeshin

Naru Narusegawa

Nicholas D. Wolfwood

Rei Ayanami

Ruri Hoshina

Ryoko

Ryouga

Sesshoumaru

Yurika Misumaru

MIDCARD

Chiyo Mihama

Erina Kinjo Won

Genma Saotome

Great Will of the Macrocosm

Hikaru Amano

Iwata

Izumi Maki

Jun Aoi

Kabapu

Kagura

Kanako Urashima

Kaolla Su

Kaworu Nagisa

'Kitsune' (Mitsune Konno)

Kiyone

Kouzou Fuyutsuki

Kuno Tatewaki

Legato Bluesummers

Lorenz Kiel (SEELE 01)

Meryl Stryfe

Mihoshi

Milly Thompson

Minato Haruka

Misaki Matsuya

Motoko Aoyama

Mutsumi Otohime

‘Osaka’ (Ayumu Kasuga)

Nagare Akatsuki

Nagi

‘Nyamo’ (Minamo Kurosawa)

Pedro

Ritsuko Akagi

Ryoji Kaji

Ryoko Subaru

Sakaki

Sakuya Kumashiro

Sasami

Seiya Uribatake

Shinobu Maehara

Shippo

Sumiyoshi

That Man

Toji Suzahara

Tomo Takino

Tsunami

Washu

Watanabe

‘Yomi’ (Koyomi Mizuhara)

Yukari Tanizaki

LOWER MIDCARD

Aoba Shugeru

Admiral Misumaru

Admiral Munetake

Azaka

Azusa Jurai

Funaho Jurai

Genchiro Tsukiomi

Goat Hoary

Haruka Urashima

Hikari Horaki

Hyuga Makato

Jaken

Kamidake

Kaorin

Kensuke Aida

Maya Ibuki

Midvalley the Hornfreak

Misaki Jurai

Mr. Kimura

Mr. Prospector

Noriyasu Seta

Puchuu Queen

Sara McDougal

Tsukumo Shiratori

Vice Admiral Kusakase

Yukina Shiratori

EDIT: As requested further down the page, here are some links to sites which (should) give brief information about the characters for these series. I'm just putting them up here as well because it seems kinda the logical thing to do...

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Martian Successor Nadesico

Love Hina

Tenchi Muyo

(nb. this one has various subsections. They'll be in there somewhere...)

Trigun

Excel Saga

(not a very good one. Go to the 'Anime -> Characters' subsection)

Ranma 1/2

(A huge list of people...of which I use about five of)

Inuyasha

(ditto...only not quite so bad)

Azumanga Daioh

Edited July 30, 2004 by stokeriño

[tristy]

To answer Tristy, Akira is on the list on characters that "will turn up eventually but not in the first month because it's goddamn cluttered enough as it is". New characters from other shows/movies will be added, and the unimportant ones from the existing rosters will just be ignored for the most part anyway. Incidentally, I hope you don't mean the character Akira himself. This promotion has no room for kids who wonder in and then destroy the surrounding city in a globe of white light...

I forgot his name, but I'd like to see the general from Akira in it. Lol.

[stokeriño]

I apologise if this is horrifyingly difficult to read.

APWR UNLEASHED!

1st June 2004

Pyrotechnics exploded and the crowd roared as the song 'Evolution', by Ayumi Hamasaki welcomed us to the very first edition of Anime Pro Wrestling Revolution! We were LIVE in the APWR Arena, where almost anything can happen!

Competition for Authority

The arena grew dark as a cold and ominous theme drifted out of the speakers. When all was black, a single light suddenly appeared from the floor of the stage, casting the shadow of the man who stood on top of it in all directions – Gendo Ikari.

Recognising the former Commander of NERV, the crowd booed as he made his way down the ramp. The light followed beneath him as he walked slowly and with purpose, his expression undistinguishable behind the reflected glare from his glasses. Once he reached the end of the ramp, the light in the floor was replaced by a single spotlight from the ceiling. He entered the ring and stood in the centre of it beneath the spotlight for a moment, before the lights came back up and his music died away. The crowd could see the microphone that he held in his hand, and wondered – this man had been in charge of the Evangelion Project, otherwise known as 'Project E', but that was another world to this. Why would he be coming out to open the show here?

Gendo stared out at the crowd, his gaze slowly panning across them as they continued to boo him. Lifting the microphone to his lips, he spoke with his usual self-assured authority.

"This is a new beginning," he said. "A new beginning in what has been deemed the APWR – Anime Pro Wrestling Revolution. This company has a bright future ahead of it, but right now it is young, fragile and weak. It needs guidance if it is to survive the harsh truths that exist in this world. That is why I have been appointed as Commissioner…"

He paused as the crowd's boos suddenly rose in volume. This was not the sort of news that they liked to hear, although their reaction did nothing to faze Gendo in the slightest. Many in the crowd were also sceptical about just why he was chosen for the job, and they were being very vocal with their views.

Gendo responded to these criticisms. "Must you ask? I was chosen simply because it is the only way."

This did not impress the crowd. Nonetheless, he continued.

"My previous roles as Commander of NERV and of the Human Instrumentality Project offer essential experience in a position of authority. My selection was only natural."

He took a moment to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose while the crowd continued to hurl abuse in his direction.

"I have other business that I must attend to and I do not have time to pander to the desires of an ignorant rabble. Therefore I shall finish my business here as quickly and efficiently as possible." He inhaled deeply. "There are a number of championships that I must address, the first of which being the APWR Television Title. Tonight there will be an Invitational Battle Royal, with the first ten volunteers qualifying for entry. Participants will be eliminated over the top rope until only two remain. These two will face each other in singles action next week, with the winner being proclaimed the first Television champion."

"Now, as for the World Titles…"

But Gendo was cut off as someone else's music blasted across the sound system! The groovy yet ditzy sounds of 'Ai (Chuu Seishin)' were quickly joined by the golden haired girl who redefined the term 'insanity' – Excel!

"Hello out there audience members!" she yelped, bounding out onto the stage as the embodiment of energy. "Yes! Excel's loyal fans are cheering her on with all their hearts and souls," she momentarily broke into a flood of tears, "it's just so heart-warming to hear their cries of adulation,"…and back to manic energy again, "but this is no time to become overwhelmed! Excel's on stage in front of thousands of people, and the show must always, always go on! But first, it's Introduction time!"

A giant colourful sign saying "Introduction!" flashed across the screen. Meanwhile, in the ring, Gendo just stood there and looked unimpressed.

Excel stood to attention and raised her right arm in salute. "I'm the senior agent for the secret ideological organisation known as ACROSS, with the ultimate goal of world domination! I do this in the name of Lord Ilpalazzo…"

A still-image of Lord Ilpalazzo appeared on the video wall. Excel could not help but stare dreamily up at it.

"…who's the wondrous and prophetic leader of ACROSS! I exist only to serve Lord Ilpalazzo, and would gladly cover myself with rancid barbecue sauce and throw myself into a pit of ravenous pumas, piranhas, and assorted scorpions if only it would help further the goals of Lord Ilpalazzo and ACROSS! As for me – my name is Excel Excel! First name Excel, last name Excel, or just Excel for short! And that concludes the Introduction!"

This time the words 'Introduction Complete!' flashed across the screen, accompanied by fireworks, confetti and streamers. It should be noted that with Excel being Excel, she'd managed to reel off that entire spiel in roughly ten seconds flat, so most of the audience were really just smiling and nodding, even though they'd barely caught of word of what she'd been saying.

"Right," said Excel – kind of to herself, though loud enough for everybody to hear. "Now it's time for my big scene! You can do it Excel!" She clenched her fist in determination, and then raced down so that in almost no time at all she was standing right in front of Gendo Ikari. She thrust a finger accusingly right at his face.

"You're usurping authority that is not rightly your own! In truth you are just another member of the ignorant masses that exist only to be conquered by Lord Ilpalazzo! Although ACROSS will one day rule the entire world, we will start by conquering this professional wrestling promotion, and proclaiming Lord Ilpalazzo as its Supreme Ruler! I order you to resign from your position immediately! Forthwith! Forth-hence! RIGHT NOW!"

Excel turned and crouched down, talking loudly to herself again. "Well done Excel you were brilliant! I was a little unsure about the climax but I think you pulled it off really well! And then there was the bit when…"

While Excel was babbling to herself, Gendo raised his microphone and said, quite firmly, "I do not deal with impertinent youths that wish only to waste my time."

Excel leapt up and pointed at Gendo again. "Hey now just a minute you…!"

Gendo cut her off before she could get going. "And since you did interrupt me during my inaugural speech, as punishment I am placing you in a match with Millions Knives, which will take place later tonight."

Excel baulked, to the extent that her features almost melted off her face.

"M…Millions….Knives?"

"Now if you'll excuse me," Gendo started to move towards leaving the ring, "I have more important business to attend to." He exited through the ropes and walked back up the ramp; paying Excel's ranting behind him no heed.

* * *

A brief video aired advertising the fact that APWR would be a weekly show every Tuesday night, thus allowing Excel time to (eventually) leave the ring and make way for our first match of the evening…

Galaxy Police (Kiyone & Mihoshi) vs. Nergal (Nagare Akatsuki & Erina Won)

Before the match began, Kiyone pulled Mihoshi aside for a private word.

"Listen," she said, "I'm going to start this match myself, and you are not to tag yourself in unless it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY, you got that?"

Mihoshi blinked. "But Kiyone, I thought we were a team?"

"We are a team…" Kiyone soothed, failing to fully mask the insincerity in her voice, "and as a part of this team your important job is to provide, uh, 'moral support' from the sidelines, okay?"

Mihoshi looked blank for a moment, but then she smiled. "Okay Kiyone!" She struck a bold pose. "I will do my best to provide you with all the support you need!"

"Yeah…you do that," said Kiyone dismissively as she turned away from her.

"You're Number One Kiyone!!"

"Sure, great. Whatever." Kiyone walked into the centre of the ring where she stood facing her opponent from the Nergal team – Nagare Akatsuki.

"My, it certainly is a pleasure to be facing such a beautiful young lady," Akatsuki smirked, "I hope you won't mind if I don't hold back on you."

"Do whatever you want," said Kiyone, striking a fighting pose, "because I've trained in seven different martial arts at the Academy, and I'm going to thrash you no matter what."

Akatsuki shrugged. "Suit yourself." He adopted a similar pose. "Bring it on."

Kiyone lunged at Akatsuki, but he kept blocking her attacks – it seemed that he wasn't without martial art training as well. She tried for a grappling move, only for him to nonchalantly follow it through and give her a snapmere. Kiyone fumed as she got back up; while Akatsuki stood there will an infuriating air of superiority.

"I can see you've got a lot of pizzazz," he laughed, "too bad that's not going to be enough to defeat me." He looked over to his tag team partner. "Erina," he said, "will you do the honours?"

"With pleasure," Erina grinned, tagging herself in and climbing through the ropes. Kiyone rushed her as well, and although Erina was able to keep the upper hand to begin with, the ferocity of Kiyone's continued assault soon had her on the back foot. Kiyone hit a running neckbreaker to leave Erina laid out in the middle of the ring.

"Ooh, ooh – Kiyone!" Mihoshi called out from her corner, "Can I come in now?"

"No!" snapped Kiyone, as she went to climb the turnbuckle in one of the neutral corners.

"But Kiyone, I could really help! Pleeeeaaasse?" All of this fuss from Mihoshi prompted the referee to try and quieten her down…which is never a very probable objective. Meanwhile, Kiyone got to the top rope and waited for Erina to stagger back to her feet in order to hit her with a Missile Dropkick. However Akatsuki took this opportunity to run over from his corner and knock Kiyone off – causing her to first fall onto the apron and then to the floor below. He then returned to his corner as the referee gave up on Mihoshi and turned back around, none the wiser.

Erina followed Kiyone to the outside and dominated the offence. Bringing her back into the ring, she continued to wear her down before eventually tagging out to Akatsuki. Akatsuki picked up where Erina had left off, though seemed to be having more fun toying with Kiyone rather than going for the pinfall. He whipped Kiyone back and forth between the different turnbuckles, eventually sending her into Mihoshi's corner.

"Are you okay Kiyone?" asked Mihoshi tentatively.

"Oh, sure…I'm swell," mumbled Kiyone before Akatsuki came in with a clothesline, knocking her down to a sitting position. He then turned away to pose to the crowd.

An expression of determination etched itself on Mihoshi's face. "Don't you worry Kiyone," she said, "leave it to me."

"Huh? What?" Kiyone murmured. Mihoshi tagged in off the top of her head and stepped through the ropes. "Hey!!" Kiyone spluttered, "Now wait a second…!"

Akatsuki looked back from his posing. "Oh, so you've decided to play too," he said, "Hey, the more the merrier as I always say. Well, with women at least."

Mihoshi did not look merry, she looked deadly serious. "Hey, are we in a match or what?"

"So it's business first eh? That's nice to hear." They both started going at it, with Mihoshi holding her own pretty well. Very well, in fact, as she soon had Akatsuki reeling.

"Okay Mihoshi, I'm better now," Kiyone called out from her corner, "You can tag me back in!"

Mihoshi stopped what she was doing and walked over to talk to Kiyone. "I dunno Kiyone," she said, in deep contemplation. "I mean I was doing quite well, or at least I think I was doing quite well. Do you think I was doing quite well? Maybe I should try it for a couple more minutes and then see how…"

"WATCH YOUR OPPONENT, FOOL!"

"Huh?" Kiyone turned just as she was caught by Erina, who Akatsuki had just tagged out to. With Mihoshi lurching from a mixture of the impact and surprise, Erina flipped her over for the roll-up as the referee counted the fall – 1…2…3! Kiyone banged her head against the top of the turnbuckle as Akatsuki and Erina were announced as the winners.

WINNERS: Nergal, by pinfall (clean)

Mihoshi got back to her feet and looked around in confusion. "Uhh…that wasn't my fault was it?"

Kiyone fumed, barely restraining her frustration. "You…are…such…an…AIRHEAD!!"

"I'm sorry Kiyone," whimpered Mihoshi as tears welled up in her eyes. She grabbed Kiyone by the legs and held on tight. "Please don't leave me!!"

"If I could I would have done so a long time ago," Kiyone scowled, trying to kick Mihoshi away. "Now get off of me!"

"No!"

"Get off!"

"Nooooooooo!" Mihoshi bawled, and held on tighter.

"Why me?" Kiyone groaned. "Why always me?"

She never learns does she?

The blue-haired and thoroughly dappy Captain of the Nadesico, Yurika Misumaru, strolled along a corridor backstage, humming cheerily to herself as she went. She glanced at a poster on her way past.

"Huh?" she blinked, and walked back to have a closer look.

"Tournament to crown the first ever Men's World Champion…" she mumbled out loud to herself as she read it. "Only the first eight volunteers will be accepted…please sign below."

She looked down at the bottom of the poster and made a noise of surprised delight. "And there's still one space available!" She picked up the pen that was hanging next to it. "If I sign Akito up for this, he'll become the World champion and be ever so grateful…"

* * YURIKA DREAM SEQUENCE * *

"Look at this Akito!" said Yurika, handing him the poster.

"Huh, what's this?" Akito it and read it carefully. His eyes lit up. "Wow! I'm in the Men's World Title tournament?"

Yurika beamed. "Mm-hm! Are you pleased?"

"Am I ever! Now I can fulfil my life-long dream and become a true champion and hero!"

The scene cut to one of Akito standing triumphantly with the Men's World Title belt around his waist. And Yurika on his arm of course.

"Oh Akito you did it!" said Yurika. "I knew you could!"

"I couldn't have done it without you Yurika."

"Oh Akito…"

"Oh Yurika…"

* * THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH * *

Yurika placed the lid back on the pen. "There," she smiled, "Just wait until I tell Akito about this, he's going to be so happy!"

And so she continued on down the corridor, humming even more merrily than she had been before.

Lightening does strike twice, for Iwata at least

The doors to the arena burst open and three men walked in through them.

"Ah," Iwata inhaled deeply, "there's nothing like the first day at a brand new job!"

"Oh sure, hearing that from you never gets tired …" grumbled Watanabe.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I'm sick and tired of you following me to every job I get, you rotten bastards!" Watanabe snarled, "Just once…JUST ONCE I'd like to have a nice, normal job without you two being around to ruin everything! It's bad enough to put up with you in the apartment, let alone at work as well!"

"Well, I'd suggest that you should put in for a vacation," Iwata said. "The stress of work is obviously getting to you."

"I am NOT stressed from work!! I've only just arrived and I haven't DONE anything yet except listen to YOU and your idiotic ramblings all the way from the car!"

"Are you calling me an idiot?"

"What else do you think I meant by idiotic, moron!"

"You son of a…"

Sumiyoshi interrupted them before things could get out of hand. "Does anyone know the way to our locker room?" he asked. Well, he didn't say it – the words appeared as subtitles underneath him as he stood there silently. Same thing.

"Uh…" Watanabe scratched his head. "Now that you mention it, I haven't seen any signs or anything that would indicate the way to the locker rooms at all."

"No problem!" Iwata struck a heroic pose. "I, with my superior intuition and navigational skills, shall lead us to victory! Onwards!"

"Are you kidding?" Watanabe spluttered in disbelief. "At our last job you thought you'd found our office but instead you walked in on the women's locker room!"

"Exactly! And since we really are looking for a locker room this time, I can't fail!"

"But how will you know that it's going to be OUR locker room?"

"Oh come on," Iwata scoffed, stopping by a door, "how likely is it that exactly the same thing will happen twice?"

He opened the door.

The entire female cast of Love Hina, in various states of undress, stared back at him.

There was a long silence.

"Uh…" said Iwata, "Erm…"

Shinobu, the youngest and shyest girl in the room, took in a deep breath, and screamed.

Seconds later, Iwata, Watanabe, and Sumiyoshi were running for their lives.

"Now, where were we?" Watanabe panted as he sprinted down the corridor. "Oh that's right, you're an idiot!"

"Shut up!"

* * *

After we returned from the commercial break, we were informed that a six-person tag match had been announced, featuring Motoko, Kaolla, and Kitsune of Love Hina against Iwata, Watanabe and Sumiyoshi. Additionally, it's also going to be an APWR Rules match, just to be harsh.

And it's starting now.

Motoko, Kaolla, and Kitsune vs. Iwata, Watanabe, and Sumiyoshi

APWR Rules Match

The male team made their way down to the ring first, mainly because they were still being chased by the female team, who followed on close behind at great speed. Somehow the referee managed to get both teams set up in their appropriate corners for the match as the ring announcer declared the APWR Rules stipulation.

"Uh hey," Watanabe called over to the referee, "what does 'APWR Rules' mean?"

"It means that all special powers and/or weapons are legal," he replied.

"W-Weapons??" Watanabe gulped, and looked over at the other team. Motoko was practising with a wooden boken, while Kaolla finished putting on some kind of technical gadgetry. Kitsune just stood in the corner taking swigs from a bottle of Sake that she'd brought out with her.

"Oh, stop your jittering," Iwata slapped Watanabe on the back. "They're still just a bunch of girls. Look, that one can't be more than 13 years old."

"You mean the one that's calibrating a targeting computer for some kind of projectile weaponry?"

"Too scared huh?" Iwata casually shrugged Watanabe aside. "I guess I'll have to show you how a REAL man fights against a bunch of teenage girls." He cracked his knuckles. "Alright girls," he said, stretching his arms, "Who's first? Don't be shy now; I'll take on any of you."

"Uh," the referee tapped Iwata on the shoulder, "it's also Tornado Tag rules."

"It's what…?"

"ATTACK!!" yelled Motoko and together all three girls charged at their opponents – and, unfortunately for Iwata, he was the closest.

"Oh-shit-oh-shit!!" Watanabe dived to the floor as Kaolla unleashed a barrage of miniature missiles in all directions from the launchers strapped to her back.

"Aaaah," said Sumiyoshi, and joined him there.

While Kaolla pranced around unleashing random explosive havoc, Iwata stood frozen in the middle of the ring, apparently untouched by any missile. This was not much of a comfort however because Motoko was glaring right at him.

"Heh, heh…" he laughed nervously. "Say, uh, that…stick," he said, indicating Motoko's boken, "that's made out of soft, bendy wood…right?"

"Try it out and see," said Motoko, and raised it above her head.

Iwata gulped. "Mommy…"

Meanwhile, Watanabe knelt down on the outside of the ring with his hands on his head and his eyes shut tight, but he couldn't block out the noise of missiles whizzing overhead or the repeated sounds of hard wood connecting with Iwata's body. Sumiyoshi had tried to crawl underneath the ring, but had kind of got stuck halfway and just lay there with his legs sticking out. Suddenly Watanabe felt a rush of air as someone sat down beside him.

"Huh?" He opened his eyes.

"Hey," said Kitsune.

"Waagh!" Watanabe jumped backwards in shock.

"Oh don't worry, I'm not bothered with the fighting right now," said Kitsune, finishing her bottle of Sake. "I just want to have a good time. Want some?"

"Err…" Watanabe looked at the empty bottle.

"Oh don't worry, I've got more." Kitsune produced a second equally large bottle of Sake from who knows where. She opened it and took a quick swig. "So," she said, more than a little drunk, "did you like what you saw?"

"Eh?"

"In the locker room," she winked, "I was the one on the right in my underwear."

"Wha – that is I – well – uh – umm…"

"Oh there's no need to be shy," she leant towards him, "you are a healthy young man after all."

"No I – I mean – of course I – but then…"

"To be honest," she whispered, "You barging in and seeing me semi-nude? I kind of liked it."

Words no longer came out of Watanabe's mouth. He just gawped, opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

"Come closer a second…and close your eyes."

Watanabe gulped, and did so.

*SMASH* An empty Sake bottle crashed down onto his head, and he fell backwards. Kitsune chuckled, and picked Watanabe up. "All yours Motoko," she said, rolling him back into the ring.

Motoko stopped mid-swing. "Very well," she said, and walked over towards Watanabe. Iwata, who was still standing upright due to a very careful series of hits on all sides to keep him balanced, crashed forward like a felled tree, landing on his nose.

Motoko walked up to Watanabe, who was passed out and lying on his back. She held her boken over her shoulder, and placed a single foot on Watanabe's chest for the referee to count the fall – 1…2…3. With Kaolla having just run out of ammunition, she, Motoko and Kitsune returned backstage, leaving Iwata and Watanabe unconscious, and Sumiyoshi stuck halfway under the ring. It would take a number of officials to remove them…and to clear up the mess.

WINNERS: Motoko, Kaolla, and Kitsune, by pinfall (clean)

Perhaps he wasn't quite as pleased as she had hoped...

"AAAKIIITO!!"

Akito flinched. He considered pausing the episode of 'Gekigangar III' that was playing, but instead decided to keep on watching and try to ignore her. He should have known better than to think that would work.

"Look what I've got Akito," Yurika beamed, skipping in front of him and blocking the TV. She held out a sheet of paper.

"I'm TRYING to watch…" Akito began through gritted teeth.

"But Ken," came the voice from the TV, "we can't! It's too dangerous!"

"Dangerous it may be," replied Ken, "but to protect the blue planet Earth, we have no choice! Come on everyone, let's GEKIGA IN!"

Akito swore, trying desperately to see round Yurika. "Damn it! You're making me miss the best part!"

Yurika pushed the piece of paper right under his nose. "Read it silly!"

"Fine, whatever this stupid thing is…" Akito muttered, snatching the sheet away from her and reading it. "Men's World championship tournament," he muttered out loud, "entrants finalised, see match listings below…" His eyes widened, and he glared at Yurika. "Hey!" he yelled. "What the hell is MY name doing on here??"

Yurika giggled. "I entered you for the tournament so that you could become a champion just like you always wanted!"

"When did I ever say that??"

"Oh you don't have to tell me, I already know how you truly feel deep inside!"

"How many times do I have to spell it out? I don't WANT to be a pilot, or a champion, or anything else – I want to be a COOK damn it!"

Yurika swooned. "And when you win, you'll be the greatest champion ever, and I'll be the beautiful and mysterious woman by your side, forever and ever…"

"Are you even listening to me??"

"Oh," Yurika stopped in thought, "but I forgot to read the match listings. I wonder who you'll be facing first in the tournament…"

"Well if you look," Akito hissed, "it says that I'm facing KAGATO. And it's TONIGHT. And to make things even peachier, every match in the tournament is an APWR Rules match!"

Yurika blinked for a moment. "Well," she said, returning to her happy enthusiasm, "I guess I'll just have to accompany you to ringside to give you all the help and support that you need!"

"You'll what??"

"Oh, but there isn't much time! I've got to get ready!" Yurika hurried to the door. "I'll see you out there Akito," she said, waving and blowing him a kiss. "Good luck!"

As the door slammed shut, Akito stood there silently. Scrunching up the paper, he hurled it across the room.

"What a nutbar," he muttered.

Excel (with Hyatt) vs. Knives

It was time for the match announced earlier by Gendo Ikari, and first came Excel, accompanied by fellow agent Hyatt.

"It's really nice of you to offer to accompany me out here like this Hatchan," said Excel appreciatively.

"That's alright senior," said Hyatt in her usual feeble whisper, "I shall support you with all my energy."

"Right, but how much energy is it that you have, I wonder?"

"Well – *cough* *splutter*." Hyatt fell down dead on the ramp.

"Er, are you okay Hatchan?"

"Um," said Hyatt, getting up and wiping a trickle of blood away from her lower lip, "I'm fine."

Excel scratched her head at this, but then suddenly her eyes lit up as she heard the noise of the crowd. "Oh! My wonderful adoring public!" She bounded into the ring and held out her arms in joy. "Yes, Excel's loyal fans love her with all their might! With these thousands of hearts and minds behind her, Excel will overcome any odds! She can't lose!!"

Her music was suddenly cut short, and replaced with that of her opponent – Millions Knives. Knives sauntered out and casually walked down the ramp. He eyed the masses in the crowd with an air of smug superiority, and self-righteous contempt. Running his hand through his short, spiky, blond hair, he entered the ring and looked down at Excel, who still stood there in the same pose as before.

"I was told that there was a particular piece of human trash that I was to have the privilege of disposing of," he smirked, "I take it that you are it?"

Excel frowned, and stood to attention. "I am Senior Agent Excel of the secret ideological organisation ACROSS, on a mission to conquer this promotion! If you stand in the way of Lord Ilpalazzo and ACROSS then Excel will have no choice but to eliminate you!"

Knives yawned. "You humans and your petty power struggles," he said. "It is the misconception that you are a superior species that causes you to obsess with such trifling matters, because you believe you have nothing to fear. Once you realise that you are in fact inferior then you will be able to spend your time worrying about more important things – such as how you'd like to die…"

He pulled out his sleek, custom-made, black gun. "Apparently I'm not supposed to use this here," he said, looking at it with disappointment, "but I don't mind." He tossed it away. "Using my own hands will make the experience more enjoyable."

"I have no more time to listen to this!" Excel yelled out to no-one in particular. "Excel must take the initiative! EXCEL CHOP!" She lunged forwards with a chop, but Knives simply sidestepped it. "EXCEL KICK!" Again, Knives seemed to take great amusement in just watching her futile efforts. This continued until a missed "EXCEL SPEAR!" got her tangled up in the ropes.

"Oh teacakes!" she exclaimed. "Excel's plan is not working as planned! Should she have planned the plan slightly differently?"

"Um," Hyatt looked up at Excel's predicament in the ropes, "are you alright senior?"

"Well, things are not going quite as smoothly as thought," pondered Excel. "Well, when all else fails you must do what is necessary! And what is that, Hatchan?"

"Um, would that be…Plan B?"

"That is correct Hatchan!" Excel spontaneously untangled herself from the ropes, and stood proud and ready to once again face Knives. "It's time for Plan B!" She struck a dramatic pose and held up two fingers as 'V for Victory'. "Utilising ancient skills of untold power, and the incomparable brilliance of mystical techniques, Excel will now unleash the Final Assault, the Ultimate Attack! Yes, with the indomitable mastery of Plan B, I can't lose!"

CRUNCH

That was the sound of Knives' fist connecting with Excel's face.

Hyatt watched on in slow motion as Excel's body forced the mat to make way to it being slammed in a quite unnatural and considerably uncomfortable position a few inches into the canvas.

"Oh dear…" she said.

Knives shook his hand. "Hmm," he mused, "I think my aim was a little off. I didn't quite connect properly." Looking down at Excel's form, he chuckled. "Much as I'd like to continue I'm afraid there are too many other inferior beings for me to annihilate, so I'll be kind and end this now."

He placed one foot on Excel's sternum as the referee came to make the count.

"Oh dear…" said Hyatt again, "I must come to my senior's aid." She started climbing into the ring so that she could break up the fall, but halfway there she coughed and died.

1…2…3 - the referee counted the fall and declared Knives the winner.

WINNER: Knives, by pinfall (clean)

Knives took his foot off of Excel. "That was thoroughly enjoyable. I'll finish you off another time." He looked over at the referee. "I don't think that it's particularly fitting to have inferior humans refereeing matches involving a superior being such as myself, wouldn't you agree?"

The referee was about to say something, but suddenly found himself five rows into the crowd and smashed through half a dozen chairs.

Knives dusted his hands. "There," he said, "perhaps he'll reconsider his chosen occupation." Picking up his custom-made black gun from the floor at ringside, he smirked, before heading off backstage.

Hyatt, now recovered, knelt down by Excel's side. "Are you…alright…senior Excel?"

Excel croaked. "Sometimes you're just not that bright are you Hatchan?"

Typical Asuka

We were backstage to catch an interview with the redheaded pilot of Evangelion Unit 02 herself, Asuka Langley Sohryu.

"Asuka, tonight you've thrown your name in and entered the Ten Person Battle Royal to decide just who will contend for the APWR Television Title next week. The other nine participants in this match include some of the toughest competitors in APWR – Sesshoumaru, Nicholas D. Wolfwood, Ryoko – to name but a few. Do you truly feel that you have a chance of winning it?"

Asuka smirked in an attempt to mask how offended she really was. She failed. "Of course I do! I wouldn't have entered it otherwise! This is the best way for me to show the world just how great I am. Tonight I'll win this battle royal, and next week I'll be the first ever Television champion!" She turned to the camera. "And I'm going to show Wonder Girl and The Invincible Shinji just how it's done. Watch and learn from a REAL winner!" She faked a yawn and cracked her knuckles. "Now if you're done asking questions, I have a match to waltz through."

She pushed the interviewer aside, and strode confidently in the direction of the ring.

TEN PERSON BATTLE ROYAL

The last two survivors will meet for the vacant APWR Television Title next week

Participants (in alphabetical order):

Asuka Langley Sohryu

Gai Daigoji

Keitaru Urashima

Kuno Tatewaki

Nabeshin

Nagi

Nicholas D. Wolfwood

Ryoko

Ryouga

Sesshoumaru

The ten participants entered one by one, and the referee announced the beginning of the match. The first elimination occurred in just a matter of seconds, as an uppercut from Nabeshin sent Keitaru Urashima spiralling up and out of the ring, as only he knows best. Keitaru eventually flew right through the ceiling and become a shooting star in the distant sky.

ELIMINATION #1 = Keitaru Urashima

'The Blue Thunder', Upperclassman Kuno Tatewaki, advanced on Asuka.

"You look like a woman of great fire and passion," said Kuno, "it shall be a pleasure to fight you in honourable combat – and if I lose, I shall allow you to go out with me." He smiled serenely. "I shall do my best to lose with all my might."

Asuka fumed and, letting out an angry yell, promptly kicked him hard in the groin.

"WHO IN THE HELL SAID ANYTHING ABOUT GOING OUT WITH YOU?!?" she shouted, as Kuno crumpled to his knees in pain. Lifting him up by his shoulders, Asuka tumbled him over the top rope and out of the ring. "Grrrr STUPID BOYS!!" she growled.

ELIMINATION #2 = Kuno Tatewaki

Meanwhile, the demon Lord Sesshoumaru was calmly laying waste to everyone who came near him.

"Such puny opposition," he muttered, "it's not even worth my time dealing with such pathetic examples of human scum."

Suddenly a fist moving at incredible speed came towards him. He dodged to the side, but it still managed to graze his cheek.

"Heh," chuckled Ryoko, "so you only want to fight demons do you? Well I've got one right here!"

"Hmm," said Sesshoumaru, raising a single eyebrow, "Interesting…"

Ryoko and Sesshoumaru exchanged offence, with each dodging so rapidly that neither was able to land a shot. Sesshoumaru started forcing Ryoko back across the ring, and eventually she ended up with her back to the ropes. Gritting her teeth, Ryoko lunged forward with her right arm, but Sesshoumaru had predicted it and he came round to her left side which she had left open. Making the faintest smile at his opponent's mistake, Sesshoumaru drew back to deliver the blow that would send Ryoko flying over the top rope…and probably through a brick wall, if he had anything to do with it.

Suddenly Sesshoumaru blinked – he had been so focused on Ryoko that he had not sensed another incoming attack, and now that he did it was too late. Wolfwood came up from behind him with great speed and lifted him up and over the top rope. Rolling through and landing on his feet on the ground below, Sesshoumaru looked back up at the ring. His eyes narrowed.

"How…inconvenient."

ELIMINATION #3 = Sesshoumaru

There was a fierce battle going on in one corner of the ring between Ryouga and Nabeshin. Nabeshin went for a kick, but Ryouga hopped over him and landed on the other side.

"You're hardly worthy of being my rival," said Ryouga sadly, shaking his head. "In fact, I'd say that…"

Suddenly Asuka leapt off the top turnbuckle and onto Ryouga's back! He struggled to throw her off, but she held on tightly and squeezed her arms around his neck to strangle him. Soon Ryouga began to run out of air, and he staggered back and forth – eventually staggering backwards into a trip from Ryoko, sending both Asuka and himself out of the ring! Asuka yelled in fury at being defeated, and started battering Ryouga round the head in frustration.

ELIMINATION #4 = Ryouga

ELIMINATION #5 = Asuka Langley Sohryu

Ryoko chuckled at the success of her trick, but she didn't have much time to revel in it as she was quickly set upon by Gai Daigoji. Since he'd caught Ryoko unprepared and in an awkward position, Gai had her reeling, but suddenly he was grabbed from behind and thrown out by none other than Ryoko's arch-rival, the bounty hunter Nagi!

"Hey, no fair!" Gai protested from outside the ring. "You interrupted our one-on-one battle! It was like a duel of honour! And don't you know that interrupting a duel of honour is nothing short of really rude?"

ELIMINATION #6 = Gai Daigoji

Nagi ignored Gai and looked down at Ryoko.

"You know I want you and I to be the last two survivors, so that we can finally face each other one on one."

"Hey, same here," said Ryoko, getting back to her feet. "I guess that means we should join forces for now then huh?"

Nagi nodded, and they both took a step back as Wolfwood (having temporarily disposed of the only other remaining competitor, Nabeshin) came racing in. Both women fought side by side to fend him off, until suddenly Ryoko stepped back, and left the other two to it.

Nagi turned and looked at her. "What…?" But that was all that was needed. Wolfwood seized the moment and grabbed Nagi. "Hey, Ryoko!" yelled Nagi as Wolfwood threw her over the top rope. "Ryoko!!" It was no good. Nagi fell to the floor and was eliminated.

ELIMINATION #7 = Nagi

Nagi glared up at Ryoko. "I thought we said that we were going to join forces!"

"Oh gee, did we?" Ryoko mused in mock forgetfulness. "I can be such a klutz sometimes…"

Nagi fumed. "Damn you Ryoko!"

"Haha," Ryoko laughed, pulling a silly face. "See you later sucker!"

However, much as Ryoko may have forgotten, there was still a match going on – with only her, Wolfwood and Nabeshin remaining, the match would end after the next elimination. While Ryoko was mocking Nagi, Wolfwood attacked her from behind and tried to quickly bundle her over the top rope, but she held on and rolled back in underneath. They started fighting again, but suddenly Nabeshin came in with his devastating arsenal of moves…

"NABESHIN TICKLE ATTACK!!!"

With the other two reeling from this, uh, offence, Nabeshin looked to end it now, He threw Ryoko over the top rope, but again she managed to hold on. Nabeshin didn't see this and thought he'd won, but in this moment of complacency he was attacked from behind by Wolfwood. Angered, Nabeshin ran at Wolfwood – but he dodged out of the way at the last moment. Simultaneously, Ryoko (who was currently sitting on the apron) pulled down the top rope to cause Nabeshin's own momentum to send him flying up and over, to be eliminated! Ryoko and Nicholas D. Wolfwood are the last two survivors, and they will meet for the APWR Television championship next week!

ELIMINATION #8 = Nabeshin

SURVIVORS: Nicholas D. Wolfwood and Ryoko

Wolfwood and Ryoko will meet for the vacant APWR Television Title next week

As both Wolfwood and Ryoko got back to their feet and dusted themselves off, they locked eyes and realised what had happened. Wolfwood shrugged, and took out a cigarette for a special post-match smoke. Ryoko simply stared at him, her eyes narrowed in grim determination.

You'd think they would know better by now

We cut from the live image of Ryoko to the very same image seen from a TV monitor. The camera panned back from the screen to show that we were in a low-lit and worryingly spacious room. Besides the television, the room's furnishings comprised entirely of a solitary desk in its very centre. Behind the desk, a man watched the television screen, his expression hidden behind steepled fingers and the reflection of his spectacles.

"Things seem to be going well," muttered the gruff, ageing man standing beside him. "It ought to be a good match next week."

"Yes, the matter of the vacant Television title should be resolved smoothly," replied Gendo. "The first step towards crowning the Men's World champion will begin immediately, and the Woman's World title will be settled in time. It's all proceeding according to plan."

Fuyutsuki looked at Gendo out of the corner of his eye. "You don't suppose this organisation, 'ACROSS', might try to disrupt them do you?"

"They are of no consequence," said Gendo firmly. "They are self-absorbed and power-hungry, and as such their actions are predictable. The plan will continue as scheduled."

Fuyutsuki chuckled very slightly. "Speaking of which – you have to admit, it is rather ironic that yet again Rei is such an integral part of your plans."

"Irony is an ignorant man's term for what he cannot comprehend as fate," Gendo snapped in return. "Rei's involvement is simply because she is the only one capable of fulfilling the role."

Fuyutsuki smiled quietly to himself. He knew there was more to it than that. There always was between Gendo and Rei. "So," he said, changing the subject, "who do you think will be the winner of this next match?"

"The one that best suits my objectives, of course."

Fuyutsuki sighed. "Of course…"

Akito Tenkawa vs. Kagato

APWR Men's World Title Tournament – Quarter Final

APWR Rules Match

It was time for our main event of the evening, and the very first match in the Tournament for the Men's World Title. Akito made his way down to the ring first, accompanied by Yurika…and boy did he looked thrilled.

"Oh Akito," sighed Yurika, "I just know that together we'll overcome all that stands in our way. Yes! The power of our love will shine forth and you'll be the new Men's World champion!"

"Yeah, whatever," Akito rolled his eyes. "Just as long as you're quiet and don't distract me, okay?"

"I'll be as quiet as a mouse!"

"Hmm…" Akito seemed doubtful, and rightfully so, as he entered the ring, where he awaited his opponent.

But before that – out came Megumi! Akito winced and Yurika fumed as Akito's other love interest made her way down to ringside. Yurika's reaction was for obvious reasons…and Akito's reaction was because he knew what Yurika's reaction would be.

"Ahem," coughed Yurika, "and what exactly are you doing out here?"

"I'm here to support Akito," replied Megumi, "he is my boyfriend after all."

"He is not!"

"Well he's certainly not yours," said Megumi, "I mean come on!"

"I'm not anyone's boyfriend…" Akito sighed.

Neither of them heard him. "What does 'come on' mean?" Yurika snapped. "Are you trying to say something?"

Megumi's response was drowned out by a burst of organ music which announced the entrance of Kagato. A large green light appeared in the centre of the ring, and out stepped the galaxy's most wanted criminal. His yellow eyes fell on Akito, and he let out an evil chuckle. "So this is the one that they would have face me? Well, this ought to be mildly entertaining, if a little brief." He glanced at the two bickering women. "Ah, female company, how gratifying. It's always more fun if the spectators get involved."

Suddenly Yurika and Megumi both found themselves being lifted up into the air by an invisible force. "Aaaaah!" they yelled. "Help! Akito!"

Akito scowled. He quickly drew the pistol that he'd tucked away under his jacket and aimed it at Kagato. "Put them down!"

Kagato smirked. "Ah how fascinating, it seems that these women inspire your desire to fight. You must care about them deeply." Yurika and Megumi rose higher. "However I am curious as to which of them you care about the most…"

"I said put them down!!" Akito pulled the trigger and fired off three rounds at Kagato. The bullets hit a protective forcefield and harmlessly ricocheted away.

Kagato laughed. "Come now, what kind of attitude is that? I only wanted to play a game with you…" Yurika and Megumi rose even higher, spinning round and round as they went. They stopped rising only when they were several metres above Kagato's head.

"Now," he said, "I'm going to perform a little experiment. I am going to drop both of these women simultaneously on opposite sides of the ring. Perhaps if you hurry you might catch one of them. Or perhaps you will you will be stubborn and sacrifice both rather than choose which one shall live or die? I'm quite intrigued to see the results."

Gritting his teeth, Akito's mind raced. He had only one chance, one possibility that could save them both – if he could not prevent the tragedy directly, he would attack its source. Dropping his gun, he charged at Kagato with a full-on body tackle. However, just as he was inches away, Kagato held out his right hand and a blast of green energy knocked Akito back right across the ring into the opposite ropes. He rebounded unsteadily and fell forwards onto his face.

"So you choose to waste your opportunity in the face of stubborn unwillingness to accept your situation?" Kagato mused. "Interesting, if not entirely unexpected." He looked down at Akito, groaning in pain on the canvas. "Very well, the experiment is over." He snapped his fingers, and Yurika and Megumi dropped like rocks.

"NO!!!" Akito yelled, but he could not stand up quickly enough. He watched on in horror as Yurika and Megumi dropped several metres and then…stopped, suspended only a couple of feet above the ground.

Kagato laughed. "Very entertaining. You should have seen your face, it was most amusing." Yurika and Megumi suddenly dropped the last couple of feet, hitting the protective mats on the outside of the ring with a thud. "But that's enough games for now," he held out his hand and a large sword of green energy emanated from it. "It's time to deal with the task at hand."

Akito struggled back to his feet, his clothes slightly singed from the energy blast. He looked over to Yurika and Megumi, and was thankful to see they were both alright, if rather shaken. He stared back at Kagato. "You'll pay for that you bastard!"

Kagato slightly raised one eyebrow, and smirked. "Oh my you really do scare me, you see your weapon is useless and you were beaten so easily by the weakest of my energy blasts. What chance could you possibly think that you have?"

Akito said nothing.

"Very well then," Kagato floated towards him. "Since you've provided me with so much amusement I'll be generous and make this quick." He raised his sword high above his head, and brought it crashing down. However, at the last second Akito managed to roll out of the way, and Kagato's sword struck the canvas.

Slightly annoyed, but not to be put off, Kagato swung again, but again Akito just managed to dodge the fiery green blade. He continued to do so, until he found himself trapped in the corner of the ring, gasping for breath and with nowhere to go.

"This is no fun," Kagato frowned. "Do you enjoy making me waste my time?" He pointed the sword at Akito's face. "This is the end for you, boy…"

"You leave Akito alone!"

Kagato looked over and saw Yurika standing with a furious look on her face. "You get away from him!" she yelled.

Kagato gave her a bored look. "Please don't waste my time with your childish whining," he said. "Otherwise I might be forced to dispose of you as well."

However this distraction provided Akito with the moment he needed. Slipping underneath and to the side of Kagato's sword, he grabbed his right arm and slammed it against the turnbuckle. This caused Kagato to open his palm and thus the energy blade dissipated into nothingness. Kagato snapped his head back round from looking at Yurika, and angrily went to punch Akito. Akito dodged, and replied with a punch of his own – an uppercut that hit Kagato squarely on the chin! His personal forcefield might protect him from energy and high velocity projectiles like bullets, but relatively slow-moving objects like Akito's fists could easily pass through. Akito followed it up with a left hook, which knocked Kagato backwards onto the mat. Holding his head, Kagato opened his eyes…to see Akito coming towards him with a splash off the top rope! Akito connected, and went for the pinfall – 1…2…but Kagato created a blast of wind that blew Akito right off of him.

As Kagato got back to his feet, Akito rushed in again for some more close-range attacks. However just as he got there a ball of green energy appeared in front of Kagato and it hit Akito point blank in the chest. He staggered backwards from the blast, but still came running back in. Kagato looked down at him with contempt as he let loose a second energy blast which knocked Akito down onto his back.

Standing over Akito, Kagato shook his head. "Such a foolish boy…and now, the end." Green light built up from his right hand as he got ready to finish Akito once and for all. But just as he was about to shoot he turned and caught the steel chair that Megumi had just swung at him. With a swift backhand he knocked her across the ring, and turned back to Akito.

"I grow tired of this," he said, "I shall bring this to an end now but your misery will remain. Those women and your feelings for them will be the death of you, I guarantee it." With that, he pinned Akito for the three count and the victory. As his music came back on, he looked over to Yurika and Megumi.

"It's been a pleasure meeting you ladies," he bowed, "until we meet again." He then disappeared in ball of green light much in the way that he had entered. Yurika and Megumi were left to tend to Akito and his minor burns as the show went off the air.

WINNER: Kagato, by pinfall (clean)

Kagato advances to the Semi Finals

END

Edited May 25, 2004 by stokeriño

[stokeriño]

APWR UNLEASHED! – 8th June 2004 Official Preview

In the second ever show of Anime Pro Wrestling Revolution things are just getting underway as the race to claim some of the vacant championship gold heats up!

* The first of two contenders for the Woman’s World Title will be decided in a Four Corners match! Who will be chosen to compete in this match?

* Shinji Ikari will face Tenchi Masaki in the first of the night’s Quarter Final matches for the Men’s World Title Tournament!

* The very first APWR Television champion will be crowned! It’s Wolfwood verses Ryoko, there’s gold on the line, and it’s LIVE!

* And, in the main event of the evening, the pick of the MWT Tournament Quarter Finals, as Ranma Saotome takes on Vash the Stampede! With it almost impossible to see either man losing, there MUST be a winner tonight! Who will advance to the Semi Finals?

Confirmed Matches

* Nicholas D. Wolfwood vs. Ryoko (APWR Television Title)

* Shinji Ikari vs. Tenchi Masaki (MWT Quarter Final)

* Ranma Saotome vs. Vash the Stampede (MWT Quarter Final)

And much more! Tune in this Tuesday - don't miss it!

[tristy]

I wish I knew who half of this characters were.

maybe you could link me somewhere which briefs me on them?

[stokeriño]

I wish I knew who half of this characters were.

maybe you could link me somewhere which briefs me on them?

←

I can get some...

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Martian Successor Nadesico

Love Hina

Tenchi Muyo

(nb. this one has various subsections. They'll be in there somewhere...)

Trigun

Excel Saga

(not a very good one. Go to the 'Anime -> Characters' subsection)

Ranma 1/2

(A huge list of people...of which I use about five of)

Inuyasha

(ditto...only not quite so bad)

Azumanga Daioh

I'll edit this to put more in when I find them.

Another edit: Quote from post below this so as not to post whore in my own diary:

Nabeshin, Kuno, and Gai are the three coolest people in anime, PERIOD. DON'T JOB THEM!

Yes. Yes they are. And they will all get their time. Hell, Gai died after only 3 episodes. Giving him a push somewhere down the line is the least I could do.

Edited May 23, 2004 by stokeriño

[GoGo Yubari]

HOLY SHIT. I cannot believe it, but you have actually created an anime EWR diary that's ALMOST worthy of the COMPLETE AND TOTAL AWESOMENESS that was Anything Goes Pro Wrestling way back when. The charicterization was spot-on and EVERYTHING! BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO BRA-VO!

Though, one complaint; Nabeshin, Kuno, and Gai are the three coolest people in anime, PERIOD. DON'T JOB THEM! *Waves around his "Blue Afro Gekiganger Thunder 2K4! sign.*

The fact that you have me marking so hard is evidence enough of your talent.

[DMN in the House]

You know what? You suck.

Wanna know why?

The distinct lack of this > http://www.animeinfo.org/featured/ranma/ra...le/shampoo.html

SHAMPOO > J00!

[stokeriño]

You know what? You suck.

Wanna know why?

The distinct lack of this > http://www.animeinfo.org/featured/ranma/ra...le/shampoo.html

SHAMPOO > J00!

←

Pah. For some reason I have a personal and illogical dislike for Shampoo, which is why I picked Kuno over her.

She'll probably turn up eventually though.

[LUKIE]

This is THE cool...

If u haven't yet, u HAVE to see Great Teacher Onizuka~!

It's the GREATEST anime EVER~! Bar none.

You could have so many different versions of Onizuka. Like Mysterious Ninja Onizuka who is the best~!

[GoGo Yubari]

To be quite honest, GTO never really impressed me, but I was reading the manga rather than the anime. The title character himself is a bit cool, but best EVER is a MAJOR stretch, especially when compared to anime like Bebop and the Miyazaki films.

And on Shampoo; she's okay. Better than Akane (but then again, all the fiancees are better than Akane). I'd like to see her show up at some point since you could easily work a really good angle with her provided that someone beats Ranma. I'd sooner see Mousse around, though. And Kodachi-sama. *Sighs dreamily.*

[Bushmeister]

I hope you actually find some use for the Azumanga Daioh people and not just forget them all Azumanga Daioh is one kickass anime.

[LUKIE]

To be quite honest, GTO never really impressed me, but I was reading the manga rather than the anime. The title character himself is a bit cool, but best EVER is a MAJOR stretch, especially when compared to anime like Bebop and the Miyazaki films.

GTO is 10000000x better then Bebop~!

But then u brought up Miyazaki, and I remember Porco Rosso and Lupin III. Still, GTO sticks out as better in my mind...

Cowboy Bebop... YEESH~!

[stokeriño]

GTO is 10000000x better then Bebop~!

But then u brought up Miyazaki, and I remember Porco Rosso and Lupin III. Still, GTO sticks out as better in my mind...

Cowboy Bebop... YEESH~! 

←

I haven't seen any Bebop, and I've only read the first manga of GTO. However, because of Bebop's soundtrack alone (Tank!), I must slap you.

I hope you actually find some use for the Azumanga Daioh people and not just forget them all Azumanga Daioh is one kickass anime.

The anime is NOTHING compared to the manga version - what do you think I've been giggling at for the past fortnight? The cast of Azumanga Daioh are guaranteed their debut in episode 3, and will also be having a match at the PPV. Don't you just get the impression that Miss Yukari would make an excellent manager?

[GoGo Yubari]

GTO is 10000000x better then Bebop~!

But then u brought up Miyazaki, and I remember Porco Rosso and Lupin III. Still, GTO sticks out as better in my mind...

Cowboy Bebop... YEESH~! 

←

Excuse me for preferring an anime with more than one interesting character. But, okay, perhaps I'm judging two different things, so I'll get into manga; GTO is nothing compared to Ranma 1/2's manga incarnation.

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

1) After reading this, all I can say is:

THIS IS GOLD!

I think I have a new main diary to wait for new stuff with here.

Having said that:

2) E-MAIL ME THIS SCENARIO ASAP: Come on, man- you know I've been waiting for this bad boy to come to fruition...

[Guest Korgath]

Heh... Just wondering... Would Ranma qualify for both male and female titles, then?

[stokeriño]

Heh... Just wondering... Would Ranma qualify for both male and female titles, then?

←

Yes - but then, I highly doubt he'd want to go for the female titles myself.

What's that you say, the second show?!? Indeed it is. I personally think that the promo segments are better in this one than the first show...but the matches are worse, so who knows - maybe there's some universal balance that's being appeased. In any case, enjoy.

APWR UNLEASHED!

8th June 2004

Once again Ayu’s ‘Evolution’ welcomes you LIVE to the APWR Arena for this latest edition of Anime Pro Wrestling Revolution! We already have a number of great matches booked for tonight’s card:

Two more Quarter Final matches in the MWT Tournament will take place, with Shinji Ikari set to face Tenchi Masaki, and, in the main event of the evening, Ranma Saotome and Vash the Stampede will square off! Which two will join Kagato in the Semi Finals?

The first ever APWR Television champion will be crowned, with Nicholas D. Wolfwood verses Ryoko! Who will claim the honour of being the first APWR superstar to hold championship gold?

All that and much more! But first, all-female tag team action as the formidable duo of Motoko and Kaolla Su take on the crown princesses of Jurai – Ayeka and Sasami!

Ayeka and Sasami vs. Motoko and Kaolla Su

The two teams assembled in their respective corners and decided who was going to be in first.

“Don’t worry Sasami,” said Ayeka confidently, “I’LL go first.”

“Are you sure Ayeka?” Sasami asked cautiously, knowing full well of Ayeka’s tendency to allow her pride to get the better of her.

“Oh there’s nothing to be afraid of,” Ayeka chuckled, “I am a princess of the Jurai royal family after all…” Turning to face the centre of the ring, she closed her eyes as a white globe shimmered into existence around her as a protective shield. A smirk adorned her smug face. “Let’s see how well they do against the might of Jurai’s power!”

The referee walked up to her. “Turn that thing off,” he ordered, “or you’ll be disqualified.”

Ayeka frowned angrily. “Do you know who you are talking to?!”

“Oh boy…” sighed Sasami, and leant on the turnbuckle in despair.

The referee would not budge. “I know exactly who I’m talking to,” he said sternly, “someone who’s standing in my ring – and in my ring, you obey my rules. Now you have until the count of five to deactivate that thing, or you will be disqualified.”

“Why of all the impudent…!”

“One.”

“Is this how you normally treat members of royalty?”

“Two.”

“I could just blast you to pieces right where you stand, you know that?”

“Three.”

“Alright, alright – fine! I’m deactivating the force shield, happy now?”

The white globe flickered and died away. Ayeka glared at the referee. “I hope you realise,” she said slowly, “that getting on the wrong side of the Jurai royal family can have serious conseque – ”

Ayeka’s need to admonish the referee proved to be a costly mistake, as the deactivation of her shield and her subsequent distraction gave Motoko the opportunity to launch a pre-emptive attack, and get this match underway. Ayeka was more surprised than anything else, and as such found herself reeling under Motoko’s offence. Although she was also not allowed to use weapons in this match, Motoko’s skill as a fighter gave her the upper hand – despite still being only fifteen years old.

“Are you not going to fight back?” Motoko asked through gritted teeth, as she slammed Ayeka back into a neutral turnbuckle.

“Well if you’d just give me a – AAOW!!” Ayeka exclaimed in pain as Motoko delivered a fierce chop. “Hey! Watch what you’re doing with – AAOW!!”

Ignoring Ayeka’s objections, Motoko whipped her across the ring into the opposite turnbuckle, and followed up with a snapmere. Half rolling through from the snapmere, Ayeka caught herself on the ropes and tried to regain her balance. “I’m not cut out for this kind of physical activity…” she groaned. Looking over to Sasami standing in her corner, she smiled sweetly. “Sasami…” she said, “would you be a dear and take over for just a moment? I need to gather my bearings.”

Sasami looked very reluctant. “Alright Ayeka,” she eventually agreed, and tagged herself in.

Meanwhile Motoko was being pestered by Su. “Motoko,” she sung happily, “can I have a go now?” She hopped and clambered all over the turnbuckle. “Pleeeaase?” She reached out to grab at Motoko.

“Yes fine, but – OW – as long as you stop pulling my hair!” Motoko sighed and made the official tag out to Su.

“Wheee!” Su jumped over the ropes…and onto Motoko’s back. “Heya Motoko,” she grinned.

“You can’t do anything if you don’t get off me, you know.” Motoko tried hard to tug Su off of her, but was unable to do so.

“Heheh,” Su giggled, and finally got off by herself. Skipping across the ring, she came face to face with Sasami, who was looking a little uneasy.

“Hey,” Su beamed, waving hello. “I’m Su. What’s your name?”

“Oh,” Sasami brightened up. “My name’s Sasami, nice to meet you!”

Su giggled. “Want to be friends?”

“Really?” Sasami’s smile broadened. “Oh that would be great…!”

“SASAMI!!” came the yell from the corner, “are you going to stand there and exchange pleasantries or are you going to win this thing?!”

“Come on Su,” came the voice from the opposite corner, “now’s the time to press the advantage!!”

Sasami let out a sigh. “Well,” she said to Su, “I guess this could be fun – kind of like playing.”

“That’s right!” Su’s eyes widened. “Let’s play!”

“Well what should we – erk!” Sasami was unable to finish her sentence, because Su had leapt up and wrapped her legs around her neck.

“Heheh!” Su laughed merrily, “This is fun!” She took Sasami down with a Hurricanrana. She then continued with more high flying offence, giggling and skipping as she went. Delivering a Headscissors Takedown, she pinned Sasami but was only able to get the 2 count.

From her position in the corner, Ayeka watched Su with growing irritation. “That maniac of a girl needs to learn how to behave,” she muttered to herself. “Oh Sasami,” she called out, “I think I’m ready to tag back in now!” Hearing this, Sasami came over towards her – relieved at being able to get out. However just as they were about to tag, Ayeka noticed Su tagging in Motoko on the other side.

“You know what Sasami…” said Ayeka, withdrawing her hand, “…I think you’d better stay in for a little while longer. I think I sprained my ankle or something.”

Sasami frowned crossly, “Ayeka…” she began, but Motoko attacked her from behind. The raven-haired kendo master battered Sasami relentlessly, utilising her extensive knowledge of the martial arts.

Motoko looked to finish it, but was once again jumped on from behind by Su. “Wow, you’re really good Motoko,” said Su, hanging herself around Motoko’s neck. “Will you teach me how to do that?”

“If you want to tag, then you can tag!” Motoko snapped. “But don’t climb on me when I’m in the match!”

While they were bickering between themselves, Sasami slowly got to her feet and limped over to Ayeka. “Ayeka…” she sniffed.

“Did you say something Sasami?” Ayeka said coyly, looking in another direction. “I didn’t quite catch that…” She turned to look at Sasami and stopped mid-sentence as she saw the tears welling up in Sasami’s eyes.

“Ayeka…” Sasami whimpered again, and tried to hold back from crying. She failed.

Ayeka’s expression softened. “Oh Sasami…” She held out her arms to her little sister and embraced her in a hug. “Don’t you worry about a thing. Your big sister’s going to take care of everything.” She looked down at Sasami, who sniffed and nodded, before exiting the ring.

“Right,” said Ayeka, climbing back into the ring, “now all I have to do is – “

“HI–YAH!!” Ayeka was caught right in the side of the face with a flying karate kick from Su, who had now tagged in. The lights went out in her eyes, and Ayeka fell straight backwards onto the mat. Su giggled, and sat on Ayeka’s stomach.

“I like you,” said Su happily, “you’re funny.” This was of little concern to Ayeka, partially because she wasn’t really conscious enough to hear it, but also because having Su sit on her gave the referee the opportunity to count the fall, and to give Su and Motoko the win.

WINNERS: Motoko and Kaolla Su, by pinfall (clean)

As the ring announcer read out, “The winners of this match – Motoko Aoyama and Kaolla Su!” Su jumped up and pranced joyfully about the ring.

“Yay! We won, we won!” She jumped on Motoko’s back yet again. “We won Motoko!”

“Yes we did…but does that mean you might get off of me?”

Su grinned. “Let’s play again!”

“Not for a while yet…” said Motoko, dragging Su away from the ring. Meanwhile, Sasami helped her dazed older sister to her feet, and together they slowly made their way to the back.

Today’s Experiment…probably failed

“This promotion…is corrupt!”

Lord Ilpalazzo, Grand Ruler of the secret ideological organisation known as ACROSS, stood up from his throne and thrust his arms out in a grand, sweeping gesture. “It is the embodiment of all the decrepit filth that these ignorant masses hold dear. Spurred on by their primal urges as they shout and cheer from the sidelines, in this promotion they find their lowly haven.”

“However these undesirable circumstances have only come to pass because of corrupt manipulation from within. This promotion, much like the entire world, is capable of becoming an upstanding and much more pleasant organisation if only it were to be run according to the example of ACROSS. Therefore our only option is to seek to conquer this promotion for the good all mankind. Now,” he said, his eyes narrowing, “what course of action would best achieve this goal?”

“HAAAIIL ILPALAZZO!!” Excel saluted enthusiastically before snapping her arm back down to her side. “I would suggest a bold, offensive strategy! We can kidnap the leaders of this promotion and torture them with spikes and knives and burning and corkscrews and alarm clocks that won’t stop ringing no matter how many times you hit them until finally they give in and surrender the promotion so that you can be appointed Supreme Ruler in a glorious celebration of your victory! And then Excel can serve you Lord Ilpalazzo in keeping troublemakers in line or whatever way you see fit! And if there are any real problems then I can use this rocket propeller thingy,”…Excel pulled a large rocket launcher out of nowhere…”to obliterate them!! Am I right?”

“I’m afraid not,” said Ilpalazzo, and pulled the cord.

*CHNK*

“Waagh!” A trapdoor opened up beneath Excel’s feet, causing both her and the oversized rocket launcher to plummet down untold depths into The Pit. “Ahh!!” Excel yelled out from down below. “Elks! Reindeer! Assorted Scandinavian creatures! WAAGGH!!” she yelled louder in a cry of unbridled fear and horror, “MOOMINS!!”

“And what about you,” continued Ilpalazzo, ignoring Excel completely, “Agent Hyatt?”

“Um,” Hyatt thought about it. “Could it be that we must enter the system ourselves in order to bring it down from within?”

“That is exactly right my ever so brilliant Agent Hyatt.” Ilpalazzo smiled contently with Hyatt’s answer. “In order to mould this promotion to the will of ACROSS we must be able to shape it using its existing infrastructure.” He resumed his more official tone. “And that brings us to today’s mission.”

Excel, somehow, suddenly leapt up out of The Pit with rocket launcher still in hand. “Yes sir! Excel is ready for today’s plan of action!” She noticed a small, pale, hippo-like creature crawling towards her from out of The Pit. “DIE DAMN YOU!!” she yelled, pulling the trigger on the rocket launcher and scattering the Moomin over a wide area. The shockwave from the explosion caused a sizeable amount of dust to fall from the ceiling.

“In any case,” Ilpalazzo coughed, moving swiftly on, “for today’s mission your goal is to earn a place in the final for the Woman’s World Title. Holding this title would place one of the most important positions in the promotion firmly in the hands of ACROSS. To this end you will participate in and win the Four Corners Elimination match that will be taking place later this evening.”

“Ooh! Ooh!” Excel waved her arm high in the air to ask a question. “Which one of us have you chosen to participate, O Great and Illustrious Lord Ilpalazzo?”

“Both of you.”

“Wha?!”

“It is more effective if we concentrate the resources of ACROSS to specific aims,” he explained, “therefore both of you will take part in the match. Holding two out of four as opposed to one out of four makes it more likely that we shall succeed in our goals, don’t you agree?”

“Oh, most definitely Lord Ilpalazzo sir!” Excel bowed repeatedly. “Excel is sorry for having ever doubted your inspired judgement! She deeply regrets it from the very bottom of her heart!”

“As deeply as this?”

*CHNK*

“Waaaagh…!!”

This seemed as good a point as any to go to a commercial break…

Chains of Command

“What the hell is the meaning of this?!”

“Watch your language Major Katsuragi.”

Misato shot an angry glance in Fuyutsuki’s direction, and then turned back to continue glaring furiously at Gendo Ikari, who was seated behind his desk with his usual steepled fingers. “What could you possibly be thinking, entering Shinji into the Tournament?! And without his consent or even prior – “

“As Commissioner of this promotion it is my prerogative to enter whomever I please,” said Gendo, cutting her off.

“But he’s not ready for something like this!” Misato clenched and unclenched her fists unconsciously, as if she wanted to slam them onto the desk but was standing too far away to do so. “He doesn’t have any hand-to-hand combat training…and his mental state…he isn’t…he wouldn’t…” She took a deep breath and exhaled, taking on a more controlled and official tone. “As his officially sanctioned guardian I am within my rights and duties to withdraw him from the tournament for the sake of his own well being!”

“I’m afraid that such an action would be unacceptable,” Gendo replied. “And need I remind you that you are his guardian only because it is MY wish, and as such you will abide to the chain of command. Is that understood…Major?”

Misato opened her mouth to respond, but only closed it again. Biting her lower lip, she looked down at the floor. “Yes Commander,” she said begrudgingly.

“The match will go ahead as scheduled,” Gendo continued. “Perhaps if you are concerned you should accompany him to ringside.”

“…Yes Commander.”

“Dismissed, Major.”

Misato gave a resentful salute, before turning and marching out of the room. The door slammed shut behind her.

There was a short silence.

“She could become quite a handful,” said Fuyutsuki quietly.

“Undue emotional attachment to one’s work can often have unwelcome side-effects,” replied Gendo.

“Still, it was only to be expected.”

“Indeed.”

Excel vs. Hyatt vs. Kagome vs. Naru – Four Corners Elimination Match

The winner will earn a place in the match for the Woman’s World Title

We returned to the ring for our second match of the evening, as four women were set to fight it out to book themselves a place in the final for the Woman’s World Title. Kagome was already in the ring at this point, and Naru was making her way down the ramp to the tune of ‘Sakura Saku’, waving to the crowd and trying to ignore a “Naru makes me want to sex children” sign as she went. She and Kagome gave each other unfriendly glares as they stood side by side and awaited the other competitors.

‘Ai (Chuu Seishin)’ erupted and ACROSS agents Excel and Hyatt made their entrance together. After entering the ring, Excel pulled Hyatt aside for a quick word.

“Now remember Hatchan,” said Excel with a conspiratorial tone, “we both have to work our hardest to make sure that we win this match for Lord Ilpalazzo! Yes! We must use our strength, stamina, skill and cunning – but most of all we must use our advantage of numbers! Two is more than one and possibly even more than one plus one even though my calculator says otherwise, for as long as the two and ones do not turn out to be threes, fours, or even secretly a five then the twos shall always pick on the ones for being skinny and uninteresting, and this will lead them to the inevitable conclusion of victory! I’m not sure whether that’s proper maths or not and I don’t really understand what I just said but then it doesn’t really matter to me because I’m such a big idiot.”

Excel turned away from Hyatt and thrust a confident fist in the air. “Joined arm in arm in the face of battle, the mighty legions of ACROSS will never succumb to the forces of the ignorant masses! And so we must take the ever important first step, even though I’ve already taken several steps already just to get here, but this is the first step that counts! With this step we shall march boldly forth towards the conquest of this promotion for the glory of ACROSS! Hatchan! Are you with me?!”

“…2…3, ring the bell.”

Excel snapped round to see Hyatt flat on her back and being pinned by Naru. The referee signalled to the ring announcer, who proclaimed:

“Ladies and gentlemen, the first competitor to be eliminated – Hyatt Ayasugi!”

Excel gawped. “No waaaaay!!”

ELIMINATION #1 = Hyatt

Excel raced over and knelt down next to Hyatt. “What the hell just happened?!”

Hyatt looked up at her, a small trail of blood trickling from her lower lip. “Oh, I’m sorry senior,” she said, “I think I might have slipped and bit my tongue.”

“Why must you always die from such negligible injuries at such inappropriate times Hatchan?!”

“I really do not understand myself senior,” Hyatt mumbled. “Perhaps there was an ill-fated wind this morning...”

“You’re the only person I’ve ever met that could die from a gust of wind!” Excel sighed and stood back up, once again striking a pose of bravery and determination. “However despite these incessant and bewildering series of unexplained setbacks I will not allow them to hinder the grand designs of ACROSS! Yah! YAH!!”

Naru looked over to where Excel was ranting to herself. “What on earth is that girl up to?” she muttered. However she was suddenly forced to snap back to the matter at hand as a punch from Kagome narrowly missed her, glancing off her right cheek.

Kagome fumed. “Stay STILL, damn you!” She threw another shot, this time striking Naru on the left side of her jaw.

Naru rubbed her jaw. “Hey,” she said, dodging the rest of Kagome’s punches, “watch what you’re doing!”

“You ought to take me more seriously!” Kagome growled, and swung round with a kick that hit Naru square in the chest. The impact knocked Naru back several feet and down onto one knee, where she sat clutching her hand against her sternum. She painfully looked up and just managed to see and dodge a follow up kick by rolling away to the side.

Kagome smirked. “You won’t get away from me that easily,” she said, and launched herself at Naru again.

“Why…” panted Naru, barely dodging her attacks, “…do you…feel…the need to…talk all…the damn time?”

“And why shouldn’t I?”

“Because…” said Naru, getting back to her feet, “it really makes you come across like a spoilt brat…”

“SPOILT?!” Kagome exclaimed in outrage, “I’ll have you know that where I come from I have to spend most nights sleeping out in the wilderness, and I have to wash without shampoo, and I even barely ever get to eat oden!!”

“Yeah…” said Naru, rolling her eyes, “…definitely spoilt.”

Kagome seethed. “You…you BITCH!” She leapt at Naru, but was suddenly caught from the side.

“HYAAHH!” Excel exclaimed, slamming herself into Kagome and sending her flying. “Excel will take the initiative! In a match of elimination one must always choose one opponent to exterminate before moving on to the next! And therefore Excel will now concentrate all her efforts on…” she struck out a finger at Naru, “…THAT girl!”

Naru looked perplexed at the strange behaviour of this crazy girl standing in front of her, not quite sure what to say.

“Now, prepare to meet your fate at the hands of the one and only Excel!” Excel charged at Naru. “I’m doing it Lord Ilpalazzo!” Excel thought proudly as she ran, “I’m exercising your will for the good of ACROSS! I won’t let you down Lord Ilpalazzo, I swear I won’t!”

”You know…”

“Eh?” Excel stopped, and blinked upon realising that Naru wasn’t where she had been just a moment ago.

“…You really should try to keep your mind focused on your opponent.”

THWACK!

Naru reeled back and delivered the NARU PUNCH~! This astoundingly strong uppercut sent Excel flying high up into the air, almost out of sight.

Naru watched Excel fly higher and higher, but she then noticed Kagome getting back up on the other side of the ring, and focused on her instead.

“That was a cheap shot…” said Kagome, “but now I really am going to finish you!”

Naru edged backwards as Kagome advanced on her, ready to strike. In the distance, you could have a faint whistling sound, and it was getting louder…

CRUNCH!! Excel came falling down at an incredible velocity and landed right on top of Kagome! As the dust cleared from the impact, we saw the two of them lying motionless in the middle of the ring, with Excel lying face down on top of Kagome. The referee made the count! 1…2…3 – Kagome was eliminated!

ELIMINATION #2 = Kagome

Naru looked nervously over at them, and slowly made her way over. “Uh,” she said, “are you two okay?” She prodded Excel, and rolled her onto her back, but could see that nobody was at home…if anyone ever was in Excel’s brain anyway. After looking shocked for a moment, Naru shrugged and made the cover over Excel’s unconscious body – 1…2…3! Naru won the match!

ELIMINATION #3 = Excel

WINNER: Naru Narusegawa, by pinfall (clean)

Naru earns the right to fight for the vacant Women’s World Title at the upcoming PPV.

The referee raised Naru’s hand in victory, and she looked really happy with her success. Beaming with pride, she exited the ring while officials attended to the horribly bruised bodies of Excel and Kagome, and we went to a commercial break…

Congratulations on your victory

After the break we returned to see Naru walking along backstage. With a smile on her face and a spring in her step, her win obviously had her in a good mood.

Then, she froze. A chill ran up her spine as if a threatening presence had suddenly surrounded her, a suffocating blanket on her soul. Her throat felt restricted, despite not being physically so, making it harder to breathe. She gasped, unable to figure out what was happening to her or where this ominous presence was coming from.

“Congratulations.”

Naru spun round in shock. The voice hadn’t been spoken; she’d just heard it inside her head. “W-what?” she said out loud.

“On your victory.”

Naru turned sharply towards the direction of the voice, this time definitely not from inside her head, to see a man standing in one of the side passages to the main corridor. Half concealed by shadow, he leant with his arms folded against the wall. His face was concealed both through darkness and behind his pale, dark blue hair. From his right shoulder protruded a number of large metal spikes. She was positive that he hadn’t been there just a moment ago.

Naru glared at him. She could tell immediately that he was the source of the dark presence. “Who are you?!” she demanded.

“Forgive me.” The man stood up from against the wall and walked towards her, emerging into the light. Naru gasped as she caught sight of the cracked and disfigured skull that hung from his left shoulder. He smiled the thinnest of smiles, probably from seeing her reaction, and held out his right hand. “Legato,” he said. “Legato Bluesummers.”

Naru only continued to stare at him, her expression a mixture of confusion and anger. As she did not return his handshake, Legato withdrew his hand. “I find you…quite interesting,” he said.

Naru scowled. She’d figured it out now. “What, so you’re just another pervert looking to letch after seventeen year old girls?” she said, before muttering to herself, “I get enough of that at home.”

Legato laughed. “You misunderstand,” he said. “My interest in you is of a much different nature.”

“Yeah right creep!” Naru clenched her fists. “Stay the hell away from me loser!!” She reeled back and swung round with her classic Naru-punch, guaranteed to send all and any male lowlifes spiralling off into the horizon.

A moment later, she sensed that something wasn’t right. Her eyes were closed from the exertion that she’d put into the punch. Slowly, she opened one of them.

Legato stood there in front of her, and in his left palm was…her fist. He’d caught her in mid-punch.

“You’re fun,” he chuckled, and patted her condescendingly on the head. Releasing her fist from his hand, he turned and walked away down the corridor. Naru stood there, numb, as she watched him leave.

Reaching the far end of the corridor, he stopped, and again Naru heard the voice inside her head. “We’ll play again soon.” He then walked off, out of sight.

Naru stared after him. The suffocating presence was lifted, but it left her feeling physically shaken. She slowly looked down at her own fist, still clenched from when Legato had blocked her punch.

Just then, Keitaro rounded the corner behind her. “Narusegawa!” he exclaimed happily, running up to her. “Congratulations on your victory Naru!”

As he reached out to touch her arm, Naru reacted violently. “Get away from me!” she yelled, lashing her arm out at him.

Keitaro looked shocked, and so did Naru. She blinked, startled by her own reaction. She opened her mouth to say something, but instead just turned and ran.

“Naru!” Keitaro called after her, but she was already gone. He scratched the back of his head in confusion. “What did I do this time…?”

He believes in you

In a locker room backstage, we saw Shinji Ikari sitting on one of the wooden benches, lost in thought as he stared blankly through the floor between his feet. On the other side of the room, fellow pilot Rei Ayanami also sat in silence as she slowly ate her way through a plain bread roll.

A short while later, the silence was shattered…by the usual culprit.

“Man!” Asuka burst through the door, wiping her hand across her forehead and then back through her hair. “The temperature in this place really sucks! They should install some A/C or something; otherwise I’m going to end up cooked like a baked potato!”

Now that she actually looked around the room for the first time, she saw Shinji and Rei just sitting there in silence. It wasn’t very friendly of them, but also – more importantly – neither of them was responding to her complaint.

“Well?!” Asuka yelled. “Doesn’t anyone else here think it’s too hot?!”

“Its fine,” said Rei, without turning to look at her.

Asuka twitched. “Oh well, obviously Wonder Girl doesn’t feel the heat…” She walked over to Rei and looked her in the face. “She’s too perfect to be affected by such trifling worries, isn’t that right?”

Rei’s expression remained as blank as ever. “The temperature is amiable,” she said.

Asuka grumbled out of frustration, and left Rei to herself. Walking over to stand in front of Shinji, she placed her hands on her hips and eyed him suspiciously. “And what about you, Third Child? You’re being very quiet about this.”

Shinji, who had been too busy with his own thoughts to notice any of it, blinked. “Huh?” He looked up. “Did you say something?”

Asuka scowled. “Oh sure, I get it. Now that you’re in the World Title tournament, you think that you’re better than everyone else!”

“What? No, I…”

“Look!” Asuka snapped angrily. “Just because I didn’t get into the Television Title match, doesn’t mean that you can just ignore me! Sure, not all of us can compare to ‘The Invincible Shinji’, but that’s no excuse for you to act all superior!”

“But I’m not acting all superior…” Shinji fidgeted uncomfortably under Asuka’s glare. “And I don’t even want the stupid World Title…”

Asuka looked puzzled for a moment, but then scoffed. “Oh yeah, I forgot, even the World Title’s below the Almighty Third Child. It sickens me how you can just sit there acting all smug, while the rest of us actually have to work to accomplish things! Like it or not the world doesn’t revolve around you Shinji, so you’d better learn to live with it!”

She stared at him right in the eye, daring him to respond, but Shinji was at a loss for words. Instead he just averted eye contact and looked back down at the floor. Asuka drew back, a disgusted look on her face.

“God, I HATE egotistical jerks like you!” she yelled. “Fine, go ahead and win the World Title. See if I care!” She stormed off and opened the door. “Jerkface!” she added, slamming the door shut behind her.

Shinji kept staring at the floor as the room returned to silence. Asuka’s rant had only left him feeling even sorrier for himself. “Why does she have to get so mad?” he quietly wondered out loud. “I don’t want a title. I don’t want to be in any tournament…” He clenched his right hand into a fist. “I’m only doing this because my father’s forcing me to!” His voice rose in volume as he became angrier. “It’s all his fault! He walked out on me before, so why can’t he just leave me alone?!”

“Perhaps…”

“Huh?” Shinji looked up and over towards Rei, who had just spoken. She continued to stare in the direction that she was sitting, and did not turn to look at him.

“Perhaps…he believes in you.”

Shinji stared at her, unsure at how to react. He wouldn’t have to, however, as at that moment Misato entered the room.

“Alright Shinji, it’s time.” She placed her hand warmly on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll get through this.” She reached round and hugged him, her expression one of grim determination. “I promise.”

Being released from the hug, Shinji slowly stood to his feet, and together he and Misato left the room. Just before passing through the door he turned and took one last look at Rei, and then headed towards the ring.

Shinji Ikari (with Misato) vs. Tenchi Masaki

Men’s World Title Tournament Quarter Final

APWR Rules Match

The first competitor out to the ring, to the tune of ‘The Ballad of Ryo-Ohki’, was Tenchi Masaki. He had somehow managed to convince Ryoko, Ayeka, Mihoshi, Sasami, Kiyone, AND Washu that he didn’t need to have anybody at ringside with him tonight. Well, he only really had difficulty with Ryoko and Ayeka, but Ayeka was still too beat up after her match anyway, and he had reminded Ryoko of the importance of her match later on. He exhaled gladly. That should make things a lot more straight forward.

Next, Shinji Ikari emerged through the curtain accompanied by Misato, to the music ‘I, Shinji’. They walked down the ramp in silence. Misato glanced at Shinji’s expression out of the corner of her eye. His eyes had a sort of lifeless quality to them. She grimaced inside. He didn’t want to be there, but he was going to go through with it because he’d been told to do so. Knowing this only made Misato’s heart sink lower than it already was, although there was still the small flame of anger burning inside of her towards Commander Ikari for causing this in the first place...

As they reached the ring, Shinji looked up at her. She nodded, and he climbed the steps and entered the ring, with her coming in just behind him.

As Shinji took a moment to look out at all the people in the crowd, Tenchi walked over to him and smiled warmly. “Hi,” he said, offering his hand, “I’m Tenchi.”

“S…Shinji Ikari,” mumbled Shinji, nervously returning the handshake.

Tenchi frowned in thought, but then his expression changed to one of kindness and understanding. “You don’t want to do this, do you?”

Shinji tried to respond, but ended up looking down at his feet. “Well, I…I guess I have to. I mean, they told me – “

“Don’t worry about it,” Tenchi interrupted. “If you don’t want to do it, I’ll call the match off.”

Shinji looked up at him. “Huh?”

“Have it go down as a double disqualification.”

“You…you’d really do that?”

”Of course!”

“But…but you’ll lose your chance to win!”

“I don’t want to force someone to fight who doesn’t want to,” Tenchi smiled. “I’m okay with it, really.”

Shinji looked at him in silence for a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, but just as he did so the video wall flickered to life.

“I’m afraid that would be unacceptable,” Gendo Ikari said sternly, broadcasting from inside his office. “This match was scheduled to take place and it will do so now.”

“Hey, we can both forfeit the match if we want to!” said Tenchi.

“If you do you will both be suspended indefinitely and without pay,” Gendo replied. “Although it is currently the summer I imagine that it would still be a rather undesirable experience to be sleeping on the streets at night.”

“Now wait a minute!” Misato shouted angrily at the video wall. “You couldn’t possibly think of doing that! Not to children! Not to your own son!”

“The match will begin immediately,” said Gendo. “I look forward to its conclusion.” With that, his image disappeared from the video wall and the time keeper rang the bell to officially set the match underway.

Misato gritted her teeth and turned back to Shinji, who was staring intently at the now blank video wall.

“Father…” Shinji murmured.

“Shinji,” said Misato, gently pulling him towards her by the shoulders, “Look at me.” He continued to look at the floor, but she continued anyway. “I know that this is a bad situation, but unfortunately that’s how it is and we must accept it. We may not like it but sometimes we all have to do things that we don’t want to do. I’ll be here to support you, so make sure you give it your all.” She gave him one last hug. “I’m counting on you.”

Shinji said nothing in response, but gave the slightest of nods. Despite what Misato might think, it wasn’t the prospect of the match that was bothering him the most. It was his confusion about his father’s motives. Just why was he doing this…?

He closed his eyes and inhaled.

I mustn’t run away…

Turning around to face the centre of the ring, he opened his eyes again, only to see a wooden sword being held out in front of his face.

“Here,” said Tenchi, holding a second sword over his shoulder. “Take it.”

“What…?” Shinji blinked, “But why?”

“It wouldn’t really be fair if I was the only one with a sword now would it?”

“But I’ve never used a sword before…”

“You’ll pick it up, trust me.” Tenchi smiled. “Go on!”

Reluctantly, Shinji took the wooden sword, and grasped it uneasily with both hands.

“Come on,” said Tenchi, holding up his own sword, “have a shot.”

Looking at Tenchi uneasily, Shinji then looked at the sword in his own hands. Grimacing in resolve, he let out a yell and swung. Tenchi blocked the attack with his own sword, but Tenchi kept coming. He attacked and attacked, each time Tenchi blocking his swing with his own sword.

“There you go,” said Tenchi encouragingly, “now you’re getting it. Come on!”

Misato watched all of this from outside the ring, and frowned. This wasn’t right – she could tell that the other guy was better than this, a LOT better. He was holding back on Shinji, but she couldn’t fully understand why. “Hang in there Shinji!” she yelled. “Press the advantage!”

Shinji pulled his sword back further than usual, and came back with a huge swing aimed at the side of Tenchi’s head. In the blink of an eye, Tenchi dodged to the side of the swing and brought his own sword up, knocking Shinji’s sword out of his hands. Shinji stumbled backwards from the force of the blow, and froze as he found Tenchi’s sword pointing at his neck.

Tenchi held his sword there for a moment, before lowering it. “Good!” he smiled, “but you left your right side open. You’ve got to be careful to watch for the counterattack.”

Suddenly, Shinji leapt up and tackled Tenchi to the ground. This caught Tenchi by surprise and his own sword was knocked away. Shinji then started pounding on Tenchi with a flurry of fists, turning this match into a brawl.

Tenchi was reeling from the attack, as Shinji continued to beat away at him. All he could do was shield himself from the full blow of the attacks. For the first time Tenchi realised that he might actually lose this thing. He kicked Shinji away and got back to his feet. Shinji charged at him again, but Tenchi used his greater strength to pick him up and throw him back onto the mat. Shinji kept getting back up, but now that the element of surprise had been lost he was finding his outmatched by his older, stronger opponent. After one particularly painful powerslam, Shinji rolled out of the ring. Stumbling back to his feet, rather than climbing back into the ring he started walking towards the ramp.

“Shinji!” Misato chased after him and grabbed his wrist. “What are you doing?!”

“It’s over,” said Shinji. “It’s pointless, I can’t beat this guy.” He tried to tug himself free of Misato’s grip.

“So you’re just going to run away, is that it?”

Shinji stopped tugging. He looked like he didn’t know what he wanted to do.

“Go back to the ring,” said Misato, clasping both of his hands in hers. When she let go, there was something else in Shinji’s left hand. “I believe in you.”

Shinji looked a little puzzled, but reluctantly made his way back down the ramp and climbed back into the ring, where Tenchi was standing there waiting. Shinji’s eyes widened in fear as he saw Tenchi held both swords in his hands.

However instead of attacking, Tenchi handed one of the swords back to Shinji. “It wouldn’t be fair if I was the only one with a sword, would it?” he laughed.

Shinji blinked, but reached out and took the sword in his right hand anyway. This time, Tenchi took the offensive, and it was obvious that he wasn’t holding back like before. He immediately had Shinji on the back foot, and in mere moments he had knocked Shinji backwards onto the mat. Lifting his sword up high, Tenchi swung down. Shinji closed his eyes and yelled.

THUK

Tenchi stopped.

Dropping his sword, he slowly fell over sideways, landing in a heap on the mat.

Still with his eyes tightly shut, Shinji’s left arm was outstretched, still frozen in position…his left fist adorned with brass knuckles that had been handed to him by Misato.

Slowly opening his eyes, Shinji looked over at Tenchi in mild shock. Looking at his brass knuckles, and at Tenchi again, he dropped the knucks and scrambled over to drape an arm over Tenchi’s dazed body. The referee counted the fall – 1…2…3! In what had to be a major upset, Shinji Ikari defeated Tenchi Masaki to advance to the next stage of the tournament!

WINNER: Shinji Ikari, by pinfall (clean)

Shinji Ikari advances to the Semi Finals

Misato eagerly clambered into the ring and picked Shinji up for a hug. “You did it Shinji!” she exclaimed excitedly, and held up his hand in victory. While they were celebrating, they suddenly turned to see Tenchi standing behind them, holding his head.

There was an uncomfortably tense moment…but then, Tenchi started to laugh.

“I guess I left my right side open that time,” he said, “I’ll have to remember that one.”

He held out his hand to Shinji, who smiled, and accepted the handshake. Tenchi then joined in applauding Shinji’s victory, as he and Misato exited the ring and walked back up the ramp.

“Misato?”

“Yeah?”

“I was just wondering…why exactly do you even own brass knuckles?”

“It’s probably best that you didn’t know.”

A Difference of Recollection

We were backstage for an interview with one of the competitors for the Television Title tonight, the former space pirate Ryoko.

“Ryoko, shortly you will step into the ring with Nicholas D. Wolfwood with the chance of becoming the first ever APWR Television champion. What are your thoughts entering this match?”

Ryoko sighed happily. “Well you know, I’m just so happy to get this opportunity. You see, all my life I’ve dreamed of being a champion – someone that people will look up to, someone they’ll admire and respect, but most of all I want to do it for…little Keriko.”

“Uh…little Keriko?”

“Yes,” Ryoko placed her hand on her heart and a nostalgic smile spread across her face. “It was a long time ago, back when I was just a child…”

…Flashback Sequence…

We fade into a flashback sequence, set in a cobbled street in the poor neighbourhood of a city. A young girl resembling Ryoko and another young girl walked down the street hand-in-hand, smiling merrily.

“We were the best of friends,” continued the Ryoko voiceover, “And we always watched out for each other. Back then I couldn’t imagine not spending every day with little Keriko…”

In the flashback, Keriko looked into the distance. A huge smile spreading across her face, she ran ahead.

“Hey Keriko,” Ryoko called, “Wait for me!” She ran to catch up with Keriko, and they stopped next to a large poster. “What’s this?” Ryoko asked.

Keriko grinned excitedly. “Look! It’s a poster about a dancing competition!” she exclaimed. “The kid who does the best dance gets a prize and is made the Young Dancing Champion of the whole region!”

“Wow!” Ryoko gazed at the poster in awe. “Hey, you’re a pretty good dancer Keriko!”

Keriko nodded. “Yeah, back when my mom was alive she’d teach me, and we’d practise every day!” She struck a determined pose. “I just know that if I try hard enough I can win!” She gazed dreamily out into space. “I always told my mom, I told her that ‘One day, I’ll be a champion, and then I’ll make you proud momma! I know I can make you proud!’”

Ryoko nodded eagerly as she listened to her. “Alright!” she said, “You’re going to enter that competition, and you’re going to win it! And I’m going to help you!”

Keriko looked up at Ryoko with teary eyes. “Oh thank you, thank you so very much Ryoko!”

“We practiced non-stop for weeks,” came in the voiceover, accompanied by still shots of them doing so. “We’d be dancing late into the night until we’d fall asleep right there on the floor, but it’d be worth it because Keriko was going to realise her dream, and make her poor momma proud of her. But then, when the big day came…”

Returning to the flashback, we saw a poster saying “Young Dancers Competition – Today, at the Royal Palace”. Ryoko and Keriko looked up at it happily.

They looked at each other. “I just know I’m going to do it!” said Keriko.

Ryoko nodded, and they walked up to the front gate of the palace where various other children were also making their way in. However, when they got there, their path was suddenly blocked by two large guards and a small girl with purple hair.

“And just WHERE do you two think you’re going?!” screeched the young Princess Ayeka.

“We’re…um,” said Ryoko meekly, “we’re…going to enter the dancing competition.”

“Oh you are, are you?” Ayeka signalled to the two guards, who in turn grabbed the two little girls’ arms.

“Hey!” Keriko yelled out in surprise. “What are you doing?!”

“This competition is being sponsored by the Royal House of Jurai,” Ayeka said. “Lower class ruffians like YOU aren’t allowed to take part in it. This competition is reserved for girls with grace and dignity…like me!”

“You’ve got to let us in!” Ryoko cried. “We’ve been practising for weeks and weeks, and all Keriko’s ever wanted in the world is to be a dancing champion, and make her momma proud!”

“Ahahahahahahaa!” Ayeka cackled. “Well that’s too bad! I’m going to win this competition, and you two are going to be thrown back into the gutter where you belong! Guards, dispose of them!”

“Noooo!” Keriko screamed, and managed to break free of the guards. She ran towards the entrance. “I’ve got to get in, I’ve just got to!”

“Seize her!” yelled Ayeka. Suddenly more guards appeared and surrounded Keriko, tying her up. “Defying royal authority eh? Throw her in the dungeon!”

“Ryoko!” called out Keriko as she was bundled away.

“Keriko!” yelled back Ryoko, tears welling up in her eyes. Suddenly she was picked up and thrown out onto the hard cobbled street, an iron portcullis slamming down behind her. Scrambling back up, Ryoko ran back up to the entrance and banged on the metal bars, before letting out one more heart-wrenching, “KERIKO!!!”

…And returning to the present…

“…And that was the last time *sniff* that I ever saw little Keriko again,” said Ryoko, sobbing into a handkerchief. “From that day, I’ve promised that no matter what, I will help release her dream, and dedicate my championship victory to poor little Keriko…”

“THAT’S A LOAD OF BULL!”

Ryoko turned around to see Ayeka fuming behind her.

“How dare you make up such…such slander?!” Ayeka yelled.

Ryoko sniffed. “Well, I’m sorry that you couldn’t be touched by poor little Keriko’s tale of woe…”

“THERE IS NO KERIKO!” Ayeka snapped. “That never happened! It’s all just one great big LIE Ryoko, and you know it!”

“Oh is that so?”

“Yes it IS so!” Ayeka snapped back. “What REALLY happened was…”

…Another flashback. Must these two do this every time?

“…I was entering a Young Dancers’ Competition,” said the Ayeka voiceover, “and I’d made it through to the big final. I was backstage sorting out my costume when…”

We saw a young Ayeka all dressed up in a ballerina-type costume, except for her shoes which sat on a nearby chair. She was just putting a flower in her hair when suddenly a young Ryoko (though still bigger than Ayeka) turned up.

“Hey there little girl,” sneered Ryoko. “Getting ready to do some dancing, I see.”

“Uh, yeah,” replied Ayeka meekly, “I’m in the finals of the competition, and if I win, I get to be the Young Dancers’ Champion.”

“Champion eh? Well isn’t just swell…” Ryoko said, whilst peering around the room. Soon her eyes fell on Ayeka’s dancing shoes. “Hey, nice shoes,” she said, snatching them up off the chair, “they look pretty expensive.”

“My mother made them for me…” said Ayeka, trying to take them back, but Ryoko kept pushing her away.

“Hmm…” said Ryoko, examining them closely. “I’m sorry to say this kid, but I think these shoes are faulty.”

“F-faulty?”

“Yep, definitely faulty,” said Ryoko. “But don’t worry, I can fix them for you, no problem!”

“Um…”

“I’ll need some payment of course…” said Ryoko, looking around the room again. “Ah,” she said, taking out Ayeka’s purse, “this’ll do nicely! I’ll be back with these in just a minute…”. She ran off, purse and shoes in hand.

“Wait!” cried Ayeka. “Come back! If I don’t have my shoes, I can’t be in the competition! Please, come back…” She broke down into tears, as the camera faded out again…

…Another flashback over…

“You don’t really expect anyone to believe that load of tripe, do you?”

“Well it’s a whole lot more believable than YOUR pile of rubbish, Ryoko!”

Sparks flared as the two women stood toe to toe, looking as if they could explode at any second. Suddenly, Ryoko had a realisation.

“Oh no, the match!” she exclaimed. “I’ve got to go!” She smirked at Ayeka. “Sorry Princess, maybe we can get back to this later.” Leaping backwards, Ryoko phase-shifted, and disappeared.

“RYOKO!” Ayeka yelled out. “Ryoko you get back here THIS INSTANT!!” But Ryoko was not forthcoming. “What are you looking at?!” Ayeka shouted at the interviewer, who was cowering behind the nearest available piece of furniture. Seething with rage, Ayeka stormed off, as we went to a commercial break.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood vs. Ryoko

APWR Television Title

APWR Rules Match

Ryoko materialised in the middle of the ring. She blew kisses to her adoring public…and flipped off the Ayeka fanboy contingent in the front row. Soon her music changed to that of her opponent, and she turned away from the crowd to watch his entrance.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood emerged from behind the curtain, smoking a cigarette and carrying a very, very large cross wrapped up in cloth on his back. He casually strolled down the ramp with ease – he certainly didn’t seem to have any problems with the cross’ weight. Lifting the cross off his back and sliding it into the ring, he then followed in and placed it upright in the corner.

Ryoko eyed him with some amusement. “What’s with the cross?” she asked. “If you want religious symbolism why not just get a little one around your neck like most people?”

Wolfwood glanced at her out of the corner of his eye as he finished setting it up. “Don’t you put any research into your opponent before you enter a match with them?”

“Research?” Ryoko scoffed. “Who needs research? I’m going to win anyway…”

Wolfwood nodded solemnly, and turned to face her. “Well if you must know,” he said, removing the end of his cigarette from his mouth and flicking it away, “I’m a priest.”

“You must be a pretty lousy priest to be carrying such a big cross to make up for it.”

Wolfwood smiled. “My cross is full of mercy,” he said, “I just have a lot of mercy to give.”

“Well it’s good that you’ve got some already,” said Ryoko, “because you won’t be getting any out of me in this match.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way…” Wolfwood reached into his jacket and withdrew two .45 silver handguns. He flicked them open and, upon seeing them to be fully loaded, snapped them back shut.

Ryoko gasped, and pretended to look shocked. “Oh my, you’re not thinking of putting a bullet in my gorgeous little body now are you? Of course…” She phase-shifted and reappeared right behind him. “…You’ll have to catch me first!”

Wolfwood swung round with his right arm, but Ryoko was already gone. “I’m right here little man,” she said from the other side of the ring. Wolfwood slowly turned back to face her. “Well go on,” said Ryoko, holding out her arms, “take your best shot.”

Narrowing his eyes, Wolfwood did nothing. Neither he nor Ryoko made a move as they stared at each other across the ring. As time passed in silence, a small “Let’s go Wolfwood – clap, clap, clap-clap-clap” chant started up in the crowd.

Suddenly, quick as a flash, Wolfwood drew one of his guns and fired off two rounds. They passed through thin air as Ryoko’s image shimmered and she once again disappeared from in front of him. Appearing behind and high above Wolfwood’s head, she smirked as she shot an orange energy blast towards him. At the last second, however, Wolfwood leapt to the side and the blast hit the canvas, leaving a dark scorch mark. Rolling through onto his knees, Wolfwood fired up with both guns, but Ryoko kept shifting from side to side to evade the bullets. Diving down through the air with great speed, she landed a powerful uppercut to Wolfwood’s jaw that knocked him a full eight feet back, slamming him into the turnbuckle.

Ryoko laughed as she swooped back up into the air, while Wolfwood wiped a spot of blood away from his mouth. Another energy blast, and being backed into the corner Wolfwood had no chance to run. Covering his head, the blast hit home on his left upper arm, vaporising a hole in his jacket and burning away at his skin. Swearing in pain, he leapt up and ran across the ring, more blasts narrowly missing behind him. Diving through the ropes, he jumped out to the floor below.

Ryoko laughed. “Oh please, do run,” she said. “Moving targets are always more fun.” Staying high up in the air, she flew over to above where Wolfwood had left the ring, but…he wasn’t there.

“What…” she frowned, “where in the hell?” She looked around in puzzlement, when suddenly BLAM! A shot hit her high in the right shoulder. Yelling out in shock as much as pain, she spun round to see Wolfwood on the far side of the ring – having crawled underneath it and out the other side. With the gun still smoking in his hand, he fired again. This shot hit Ryoko on the edge of her midsection, and she clutched at her side. She then dropped freefall to the floor below, out of Wolfwood’s line of sight.

Wolfwood frowned. Taking a moment to reload, he climbed into the ring and slowly walked across it. As he got close to the other side, he stopped, and peered cautiously over the edge – both guns at the ready. Suddenly a bright orange light flashed up, and the barrels of his guns fell in two.

“Heheheh…” Ryoko chuckled, looking somewhat unbalanced. She held a sword of orange energy in her right hand. “Looks like you’re out of options.”

Wolfwood stumbled backwards, dropping the useless hunks of metal that had been his weapons. Ryoko rose vertically and floated back into the ring, pointing the glowing blade at Wolfwood’s head.

“I hope you’re not a bad loser.” Ryoko grinned, her left hand still held against the bullet wound in her side. She edged Wolfwood back into the corner. “Not that it’ll make a difference either way.”

Wolfwood scowled. He continued to back away from Ryoko’s blade until…his back hit against something solid. He looked behind him – it was his cross.

“Now,” said Ryoko, “would you like this the painful way…or the more painful way?”

Slowly, Wolfwood stood up. He locked eyes with Ryoko. With a flick of his hand, the cloth covering his cross fell away, and he held up the metal contraption that lay beneath.

Ryoko blinked. “What is THAT?”

“This,” said Wolfwood, flipping the cross around so that the ‘head’ end was pointing at Ryoko, “is divine retribution.” The end of the cross split open, and a rocket exploded out of it. At almost point blank range, Ryoko had no time to react, and the weapon hit her head on. The impact flung her backwards across the ring, landing bruised and burnt on the canvas. If Ryoko had been a normal human, she would not have survived such a blast, but luckily for her she was still alive…barely.

Wolfwood lowered the Cross Punisher, as was its name, and walked over to Ryoko.

“May God have mercy,” he said…and pinned her.

WINNER, and NEW APWR Television Champion: Nicholas D. Wolfwood, by pinfall (clean)

Fool me once, shame on you…

Collecting his title belt from the referee, Wolfwood held it up high to the cheers of the crowd. Despite requiring medical attention, he took a cigarette from his jacket pocket and lit up, breathing in the smell of victory. He then gathered his cross back onto his shoulder, and exited the ring.

As he was nearing the top of the ramp…”WOLFWOOD!!”

Wolfwood stopped, and turned around. Ryoko sat in the ring with a microphone in her hand. She was in even more urgent need of medical attention than he was, and her breathing was a little erratic, but she glared at him with furious intensity. “You think…you think you can get away with pulling that kind of cheap stunt on me? We both know I had you beat!”

Wolfwood shrugged, and turned to walk away.

“You stay right there!” Ryoko yelled, having to pause for a moment to catch her breath. “I won’t fall for that trick again! I want a rematch Wolfwood, and this time there’s no way I’ll lose.”

Wolfwood looked at the battered and bloodied specimen in the ring. He lowered his head. “Fine,” he said, walking away, “you can have your rematch.”

Ryoko stared after him as he walked back through the curtain. The referee came over to ask how she was… “Get your hands off me!” she yelled, and continued to stare after Wolfwood, still seething…

We cut backstage to see none other than Vash the Stampede! The crowd roared as the Humanoid Typhoon was seen making his way towards the ring. We then saw a similar shot of Ranma Saotome. It’s Vash verses Ranma, one on one, and it’s next!

Ranma Saotome vs. ‘Humanoid Typhoon’ Vash the Stampede

Men’s World Title Tournament Quarter Final

APWR Rules Match

As we returned from our final commercial break, the theme music known as ‘H.T.’ announced the entrance of the only man in the known universe to be officially declared an Act of God – Vash the Stampede! He waved friendly to the crowd, and even gave a small boy a high-five on his way down the ramp.

Next, out came Ranma. Dressed in his usual Chinese clothes, he strolled down to the ring with his arms behind his head – looking cool and confident. Placing his hands on the ring apron, he lifted himself up high and flipped up and over the ropes, landing smoothly in the ring. He saw Vash applaud his display of acrobatics, and smirked. ‘This guy’s impressed by that?’ he thought. ‘This should be too easy.’

For good measure, he vaulted up onto on of the turnbuckles and landed on just one hand, spreading his legs out to the sides for balance. Again, Vash smiled and seemed impressed, which only amused Ranma further. After a few more twirls, he jumped back down, landing right in front of Vash.

Vash applauded yet again, grinning like a moron. “Hey that’s pretty good,” he said.

Ranma raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Watch this.” He jumped up, landed on one hand. ‘Can this guy really be that ‘Humanoid Typhoon’ that everyone kept telling me about?’ he wondered to himself.

“Let me have a go!” said Vash. He jumped up, got his legs caught in his long trench coat, and landed on his chin. “Ow.”

‘No’ sighed Ranma, shaking his head. ‘They must have been talking about someone else. It CAN’T be this guy…’

Flipping himself back up onto his feet, Ranma smirked. He’d just had a cunning idea. “Want me to show you some more?”

Vash nodded enthusiastically, and sat down cross-legged on the mat to watch.

‘He’s even sat down…’ thought Ranma, ‘he’s making this far too easy.’ He cracked his knuckles. “Right,” he said, “watch this.” Leaping up onto the top rope, he used it to jump up a full twelve feet into the air, and came diving down towards Vash with a giant kick. However at the last moment Vash lowered his head scratch an itch on the back of his neck, and Ranma went sailing past him and crashed into the bare canvas.

“Alright!” Vash grinned, applauding some more. “That was great!”

Ranma painfully got back to his feet. “The idiot avoided my attack,” he muttered to himself, “Well, he can’t get by on dumb luck forever.”

And so Ranma continued to ‘show’ Vash moves, and each time Vash would seem to accidentally avoid being hit by them. After the seventh time that Ranma crashed into the canvas, he could take no more of it.

“The hell with this!” he growled, walking up to Vash. “If we’re going to fight then fight me you coward!” He shot kicks at Vash’s head, but Vash just dodged each one of them, looking as clueless as ever.

‘This guy can’t be for real…’ Ranma looked ready to explode. “Will you PLEASE…GET…SERIOUS!!!”

Vash looked up at him; the smile wiped off his face, and silently got to his feet. He reached into his trench coat pocket and put on a pair of yellow sunglasses. “I guess we can do that,” he said.

Ranma narrowed his eyes, and charged at Vash. Vash dodged to the side, but Ranma grabbed his coat and spun round with him. Ranma grabbed him by the arm and followed through to toss him across the ring – only for Vash to land on his feet on the other side. Ranma ran up behind him and jumped up to dropkick him in the head, but Vash ducked, reached up and grabbed his feet in midair, and used Ranma’s own momentum to send him into the corner. Ranma crashed into the turnbuckle, and fell over the ropes to the floor below.

Continued in next post...because it's being an SOB

Edited June 24, 2004 by stokeriño

[stokeriño]

Vash walked over to look for him, but suddenly Ranma leapt up from outside of the ring with a kendo stick in hand. Bouncing off the top rope, he jumped high into the air with the stick raised for attack. In a movement so fast it almost didn’t seem human, Vash whipped out his .45 colt and fired two shots up into the air. Each bullet went straight through the kendo stick, breaking it so that Ranma was only left with some broken stumps and some shredded wood. Landing on the mat, and dropping most of the useless kendo stick, Ranma threw the two broken ends that he held in his hands like darts towards Vash, but Vash again used his gun to shoot both missiles out of the air and deflect them harmlessly away.

Ranma dived at Vash’s legs to take him down with a body tackle, but Vash jumped up and out of the way, landing with perfect balance on one of the turnbuckles. Ranma jumped up and landed in the same manner on the opposite turnbuckle, and the two men stared at each other from across the ring. After a brief moment of silence, they simultaneously jumped up and towards each other, meeting in the air high above the ring. Ranma grabbed Vash by his lapels and threw him straight down towards the canvas, where he landed with an impact that shook the ring. Ranma landed right on the top rope, equal distance between the two turnbuckles, and smirked.

Vash looked liked he was slowly getting to his knees, but suddenly he spun around and fired off another two shots – but they weren’t aimed at Ranma. Suddenly the bolts holding the top rope together at each end of the turnbuckle fell apart, and Ranma’s footing was taken away from him. He fell backwards out of the ring, landing on his back. His momentum kept him going so that he rolled over backwards and into the barricade! Ranma winced as his back received a second impact from the safety wall. Things weren’t going well, but at least they couldn’t really get much worse...

Opening his eyes, he looked up and saw a precariously balanced super-size cup wobble on the top of the barricade above him.

‘Please be popcorn, please be popcorn…’

The fan who owned the cup clutched at it to try and save his possession, but it was not to be. The cup toppled, and over 30 ounces of ice cold beer deposited itself all over Ranma.

……

A peculiar and entirely unrealistic shocked silence descended over the arena.

Slowly, Ranma wiped the liquid away from her eyes.

‘Damn it!’ she cursed, ‘This is only meant to happen with water! WATER!!’ She stood back up, trying to shake as much from her clothes as possible. ‘Just how cheap WAS that beer?!’

Back in the ring, Vash finally got back to his feet and dusted off his red trench coat. With a flick of his wrist, his gun snapped open and the six empty cartridges flew out. Just as quickly he inserted six more bullets and snapped it back shut. On the edge of his perception he sensed Ranma re-enter the ring behind him. Diving to his side, he rolled through and spun round – landing on his knees with his gun aimed directly at him.

Or rather, at her.

Vash blinked as his eyes fell upon the redheaded beauty that now stood before him, still trying to wring some of the excess liquid out of her shirt. His yellow shades fell off his face, dropping quietly to the canvas below.

“Kyaaaaaaaaaaa~!!!”

Ranma looked up and immediately lurched back in surprise as the…legendary…Vash the Stampede raced drooling towards her.

“What, what are you…” she began, but stopped mid-sentence as he pressed his face up against hers, gazing into her eyes. “…What are you doing?” she finished in a dryer tone.

Vash’s face suddenly shifted from drooling idiot to bishounen charmer. “Your eyes sparkle like the stars on a clear winter’s night,” he said smoothly.

Ranma fumed. “It’s not only that you’re hitting on me, but why do you also have to be so goddamn CORNY?!” Reeling back, she smacked him across the face with a hard chop that knocked him to the ground.

Vash sat up on the mat, still in full bishi-mode. “The skin of your hand was soft like…” Ranma kicked him in the face. “…And the sole of your shoe was…” Ranma kicked him again. “Ugh.” Vash fell over backwards.

Ranma sighed, and knelt down to make the cover…but the referee did nothing.

Ranma shot him a vicious glare. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“Uh…” said the referee, rather unsure of himself, “I’m not sure that I can accept this pin…I don’t know the rules on what happens if a man becomes a woman during a Men-only match. Or even if a rule even exists…”

Ranma reached up and grabbed him by the shirt, pulling him down to her face level. “You had better count the goddamn fall,” she hissed, “or the only 1-2-3 you’ll be counting is how many teeth you have left.”

The referee gulped, and made the slow, nervous count. 1…2…3 Ranma got the victory!

WINNER: Ranma Saotome, by pinfall (clean)

Ranma Saotome advances to the Semi Finals

After a brief victory pose for the crowd, Ranma looked back over to Vash, who was still on the floor with the lights out and a dazed expression on his face. Shaking her head pityingly, Ranma returned backstage, hoping to find some hot water – and fast…

END

[stokeriño]

APWR UNLEASHED – 15th June 2004 Official Preview

Onto the third show and with only two weeks left before the first ever APWR pay-per-view – APWR Ascension – things are really starting to heat up!

* The fourth quarter final in the Men’s World Title Tournament will take place next Tuesday with Inuyasha verses Millions Knives! Who will join Kagato, Shinji Ikari, and Ranma Saotome in the semi final matches?

* Another four corners elimination match will decide who will meet Naru Narusegawa in the final for the Woman’s World Title at Ascension! The four competitors are signed to be Akane Tendo, Yurika Misumaru, Rei Ayanami, and also one of the Azumanga Daioh cast will be making their in-ring debut - but which one will it be?

* Speaking of Naru Narusegawa, last week she had a confrontation with Legato Bluesummers. What could Legato want with Naru? Is he simply playing mind games, or is it something more? Tune in next Tuesday to see all the latest developments!

* Last week was a good one for Nicholas D. Wolfwood, becoming the first person ever to capture APWR gold as he became the first APWR Television Champion! Having accepted Ryoko’s demand for a rematch at Ascension, how will these two interact leading up to their big match?

Ranma Saotome, Vash the Stampede, Misato Katsuragi, Excel, and many others are also guaranteed to be in the house! Anything can happen, so you can’t afford to miss out!

Confirmed Matches

* Inuyasha vs. Millions Knives

* Akane Tendo vs. Rei Ayanami vs. Yurika Misumaru vs. One of the Azumanga Daioh cast

And much more!

Edited June 24, 2004 by stokeriño

[GoGo Yubari]

Fucking AWESOME show, even if Shinji winning irks me just a wee bit (same with the lack of presence from the Troika of Anime Perfection, Gai, Kuno, and Nabeshin). Ranma vs. Vash fucking RULED, and the finish cracked me up. Brilliant stuff from start to finish.

[Bushmeister]

Excel = fucken gold Seriously, the Excel bits and the main event are probably the funniest things I've read in any diaries so far. Can't wait for the third episode, especially the AZUMANGA DAIOH CREW DEBUT~!

Blasting Moomins with rocket launchers rocks my socks off.