Stand-Up Comedians

[kaya]

I so miss Eddie Murphy as a stand-up...Raw and Delirious were both pure gold, but unfortunately, we'll never see him do that kind of material on stage or in movies again. Dammit.

Edited March 7, 2005 by kaya

[Mortis]

Best Comedian: Lewis Black

I like Chris Rock, Patrice O'Neal, Colin Quinn, and of course George Carlin. But my favorite of all time is Lewis Black, I'd listen to his "Black Album" on the school computer with a friend while we were supposed to be doing work, we'd have it 'playing' on the headphones while it looks like we're listening to the 'computer lesson'.

Good times, I almost got caught alot though because I was laughing so much, nearly cried. Teacher thought I was just a bit special.

[JeffitudeVer2.1]

Russell Peters

[apsham]

I've been trying to find something of his for a long time, I thought e was funny on Just For Laughs, if only for the "hurt feel bad" father routine.

[Enter Blue Guy]

Yeah, that original Russell Peters act on Just For Laughs, the one that got him noticed, was killer.

*Over exaggerated finger shake* Somebody gonna get a hurt reeeeeal bad!

Still, Chris Rock is my favorite comedian. I bought his "Roll With The New" live (with a few skits thrown in) album years ago and I just have to listen to it once every few months.

The Tossed Salad Man bit is hilarious. ... We don't need prayer in school, we need the Tossed Salad Man in school! "Jimmy, you got a 'D', you know what that means?" "NOOOOO! I DON'T WANNA TOSS THE SALAD! I'M GONNA READ, I'M GONNA LEARN TO READ!"

....

Or N*ggers vs. Black People (censored for those who might have a problem with the 'N' word). That is possibly the funniest piece of stand up comedy I've heard in my life.

....

... You can't have shit when n*ggas around. Can't have no big screen TV... You can have it, but you better move it in a 3 in the morning, paint it white and hope n*ggas think it's a basinet! N*ggas who live next door to you will break into your house and come over the next day and say "heard ya got robbed".. N*gga, it was you! You ain't hearin' shit, 'cause you were doin shit!

N*ggas love "not to know". Nothin makes a n*gga happier then to not know the answer to your question. You ask a n*gga "what's the capital of Zaire?"... "I dunno that shit, I'm keepin' it reeeal!"... N*ggas love to keep it real.. real dumb!

N*ggas always take credit for shit they're supposed to do. A n*gga will brag about shit a normal man just does.. A n*gga will say "I take care of MY kids"... You're supposed to, you dumb mothafucka!... "pfft, I ain't neva been to jail".... What 'chu want, a cookie?!?... You're not supposed to go to jail, you low expectation having mothafucka!

Typing quotes doesn't do the whole bit enough justice, it sounds 1000 times funnier coming out of Rock's mouth. For the record, I'm not racist, I just think the whole thing is hilarious, especially the way Rock says it.

Edited March 8, 2005 by Enter Blue Guy

[apsham]

The best Chris Rock ever?

"Now that we ain't got no leaders we make shit bigger than it is, shit's big but don't make shit bigger than it is. I was watching the news and I hear "Tupac Shakur assasinated, Biggie Smalls Assasinated, struck down by bullets, assasins, bullets" it's like no they wasn't! Martin Luther King was assasinated. John F. Kennedy was assasinated. Malcolm X was assasinated. Them two n*ggers got shot.

Shit, I love Tupac, I love Biggie but school will be open on they birthday. I don't think you'll see they're pictures hanging up in your grandmother's living room.

"That's Abaraham, Martin and Pac. And right here I got one of Jesus and Biggie on a see-saw. Jesus always in the air."

[MalaCloudy Black]

These are some of my favorite Chris Rock lines..

Drug dealers don't sell drugs, drugs sell themselves. It's crack! It's not an encyclopedia. It's not a fuckin' vacuum cleaner. You don't really gotta try to sell crack. I never heard a crack dealer go, "how am I gonna get rid of all this crack? It's just piled up in my house."

Nobody wants to be an organ donor. It just seems like the right thing to say. Organ donors are for people with no faith at all. What if they figure out a way to bring you back fromt he dead? And now I don't go no eyes. Ain't this a bitch! Back from the dead and I can't see shit.

[apsham]

I have this feeling that whoever becomes elected president, no matter what your promises are, blah blah blah, you go into this smoky room with the twelve, industrial capitalist scumfucks who go you in there, and you're in this smoky room and a big screen comes down, a big guy with a cigar says "Roll the film" And it's a shot of the Kennedy assasination from an angle you've never seen before. That looks suspiciously off the grassy knoll. And then the screen comes up and the lights come on an d they say to the new president...

"Any questions?"

"Ah just what my agenda is?"

"First we bomb Bagdhad."

"You got it

I love Bill Hicks now.

[YI]

Ross Noble is my god. He's simply hilarious.

Dave Gorman also ranks up there, his Googlewhack DVD was awesome.

Of course there's Peter Kay who is literally jsut a comic genius, however the more you watch his stuff the more you realise he relies around a same gags over and over again and soon it's going to get old. Hopefully with a new series of Max and Paddy on the way (Patrick McGuinness said they were writing it on Soccer AM) then he can pull out something new, but stand up he's awesome.

Al Murray was built for stand-up, he's simply hilarious. I thought his TV show sucked (However his stand up is just a spin off of the TV show really) but his execution live of his gags is great. Has really gotten better (He made some appearences on that shitty game show hosted by Angus Dayton and was so funny he saved it) over time.

Jimmy Carr is the funniest guy currently. His stand-up DVD was good but not great (As it was mostly just one line gags, which whilst good are better when he has someone to play off). Has really come into his own with the Friday Night Project (Rob Rousse has really made a name for himself on that show too). Last weeks was awesome "Hit her in the tits" had me literally rolling around on my sofa. "Punch her. You're a pimp. This is just a regular night out up north." bwahahahahaha.

Dave Spikey IMO is tremendously underrated. To many he'll just be Jerry St Clair for ever. But his stand-up DVD was awesome. I also really enjoyed Dead Man Weds (Whilst it wasn't laugh out loud funny it was very good. The giant chicken at the end bwahahahahaha). That also brings me on to Johnny Vegas, who's also awesome, a little OTT for many peoples tastes but funny as fuck. On his "Who's Ready for Icecream" DVD it has some live footage on as extras, when he gets the guy to lie down so he can kick him up the arse is hilarious.

I'm sure there's more i've forgotten.

Jack Dee has really went down the shitter in the past few years. The only time i've seen him do something good (His live at the Apollo series sucked, other than the one where Ross Noble was on) was when he was guest host on Have I Got News for You, his drole-ness really worked.

Edited March 11, 2005 by YI