WWE 2005 - A Turn for the Worse?

[Chris the Human]

"...Midgets! Midgets! It will draw!..."

Vince McMahon was crazy. Not just crazy, he was off his fucking rocker, and the entire company knew it. I stood out in the hallway nervously as the once legendary promoter alternated between soiling himself and proclaiming the genius of his 'Junior Division' to be added to Smackdown. Sneaking a peak through the door I could see that he was also foaming at the mouth. Stephanie and Linda were doing what they could to calm him down, but it seemed inevitable now - Vince would need to retire. Call it old age. Call it bad luck. Call it steroid abuse, but Vince McMahon was no longer fit to run his wrestling empire.

Of course, the rest of the world didn't know about this just yet, but the news would break soon. The first EMT on the scene would probably blab it to someone before they'd even left the arena. Gossip like this is too juicy to ignore. If Jeniffer Aniston slutting around with Stacey Keibler's boyfriend is big news - this is the fucking motherload. God himself would open up his Heavenly Times newspaper and tut in a mixture of shock and disapproval over his morning coffee. Does God drink coffee? Probably, and I bet it tastes divine.

"...Where's my son? Fetch me my son!" in a rare moment of lucidity, Vince was calling for his son. I stepped politely to the side as Shane shouldered past me and into Vince's office. The reek of piss was thick in the air, but to Shane's credit he was able to push that into the back of his mind as he went to his father's side.

"What's wrong, pops?" Shane cared, and it was obvious. He looked at his father with a mixture of admiration and sadness.

"I want my son!"

Vince screamed this, and a coffee lady walking by near passed out with shock. The man has a voice that carries.

"Move it-aah". I turned around to find myself face to face with Triple H - Vince's 'other' son. He gave me a smug grin as I stepped nimbly to the side and allowed him into the office. He gave Shane a patronising grin as he stepped past and went to Vince's side.

"What's the matt-ah?'. Vince's mask of insanity cleared for a moment, and for that split second his eyes seemed to reflect the genius who was trapped behind the growing cloud of insanity.

"Triple H...son... I need you to do something for me".

"Anything-ah"

"I want you to..." Vince's eyes cloud over again, and he begins to gurgle deep in his throat. I don't think he'll be with us (in the realm of sanity, that is) for much longer.

"What!?" Triple H shakes Vince just a little too hard, and Shane places a hand of warning on his shoulder. The shake does the trick, however, as Vince's brain is rattled back into place for a moment.

"I want you to have RAW".

Call me crazy, but doesn't Triple H already have RAW?

"...and Smackdown-ah?" (Greedy bastard)

But Vince is no longer with us, his mind leading him through fields of T&A where midgets and dwarves wrestle in matches that only Vince Russo could have conjured up. He begins to hum the tune to Jurassic Park as Linda sadly makes the call for the men from the asylum.

Triple H remains behind a moment, letting Linda, Shane, and his wife leave. He doesn't see that I'm still waiting quietly in he hallway, summoned several hours ago when Vince still had a modicum of sanity.

"God dammit-ah!". He slams his fist down on the table, the impact causing papers to spill onto the floor. Not business papers, no, but Vince's frantic scribbling. He'd been in his office all morning working on something he called 'the greatest angle ever'. I had been called over, presumably, to put it into action. I flinched as Triple H kicked the papers, scattering them further. He spat on the floor, tossed back his flowing locks, and stormed out of the room - all the time unaware that I had slipped back into the shadows so as not to arouse his attention.

Like a whipped dog, I scurry into Vince's office and begin to gather up the papers. They're out of order now, but I promised Vince I'd do what I could to put them into action - and dammit, that's what I'd do.

Ladies and gentlemen, Vince McMahon has left the building....

Edited October 16, 2005 by chriswalkerbush

[Guest goodoldHBK]

I'm intrigued.

An interesting backstory.

I'll be checking back with this one.

[RebornInFlames]

Interesting. I wonder if we will learn what "the greatest angle ever" was.

[Chris the Human]

"Dammit!"

Shane McMahon threw down the phone in disgust. He'd spent two hours trying to get in contact with his father, and at every turn he was thwarted. Sure, it was always an over-zealous orderly telling him he couldn't speak to his father - but the entire thing stunk of Triple H. Ever since he'd started nailing Steph, HHH had become a thorn in Shane's side. Not that he entertained any incestuous feelings for his sister, but it seemed HHH certainly had his sights set on taking Shane's spot at the top of the WWE pecking order.

So Triple H had been given RAW - that wasn't a surprise. Hell, it wasn't really much of anything. Vince 'giving' Triple H Raw would be like giving a free lap dance to the strip club owner. Well, no, that analogy was backwards- but Shane was angry, and hardly in the mood for similies.

What was going to happen to Smackdown? Many fans considered the pre-taped UPN show a joke - but Shane had always considered it the superior product. Better workers, a long list of up and comers, and the horrendously underused cruiserweight division. His father's last order prior to disembarking from the realm of sanity had been to introduce an ill conceived midget wrestling division - but if Shane got the helm, that wouldn't be happening. Fuck that.

"Uh... Shane?"

Shane started a little at the sound of a voice. Nobody should have been here so late at night.

"Who is it?"

----------------

Excuse me while I change tenses

----------------

I stepped into the office from my hiding place (behind the coat rack, a personal favourite of mine).

"What the fuck do you want, Chris?"

I rewarded his curiosity with one of my most pleasant smiles. He grimaced, and I don't blame him.

"I happen to know for a fact that you've been given control of Smackdown". Shane's face immediately lit up. Were I a nicer guy, I'd have derived some pleasure from having given him a reason to smile. But I'm not a nice guy. Hell, I'm not even a middle of the range guy. I'm a down and out c*nt. When I have to be, anyway. To emphasise this, I let him finish his outlandish victory dance before continuing.

"But....". Shane stopped mid pirohouette, his face sinking.

"But?"

"But, there are two stipulations"

"What are they?"

"One: You have to turn Smackdown into a dominant program within a year or else control is given to Triple H..." This was the kicker. I knew Shane and Triple H didn't exactly see eye to eye.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Shane treated Vince's desk to an almighty kick, but was rewarded for his efforts with what sounded to me like a potentially broken toe.

"The second thing," I said over his cursing, "Is that you and I are to share control of Smackdown".

If real life were capable of doing those cool freeze frames you see in movies, this would have been one of those moments. Shane would have balanced at a seemingly impossible angle. My hair would have ceased its fan induced dance, and the clock would have stopped mid-tick. It would all have been very dramatic.

But life isn't as cool as movies - so instead the clock kept ticking, my hair kept waving, and Shane fell on his ass.

"Wh...huh?" Ah, he was surprised. Good.

"You have to share Smackdown with me".

I'm sure Shane thought this was all some kind of deranged prank. First he is shunned by his own father in favour of Triple H - and now he was being forced to share control of Smackdown with me, the WWE's #1 janitor.

You read right, little old me had just gone from cleaning up after the buleimics backstage to running the whole damn show.

"But, why?" Shane's mind couldn't seem to comprehend the moment. Why on earth would Vince, insane though he may be, promote a janitor to a position of power. Bischoff had at least been doing something tied to wrestling when he got control of WCW - and he'd still fucked up. What would a far from mild-mannered janitor do to the WWE?

(Really, I can't do much worse than fucking midget wrestling)

"That's not important, Shane," I said, "What's important is that we have an edition of Smackdown to book. Now, do you like Chinese?"

Shane did indeed like Chinese and, despite his utter confusion, indulged in a late night meal as we began to book a Smackdown without Dink the Clown or anyone else affiliated with the world of vertically challenged wrestling.

Except for Rey, but he's ok.

[Cole]

Wow man, I always heard great things about BSW and I never got into reading it but now with a promotion that I'am firmillar with, I should be along with the ride especially after what you've shown me in the backstory.

[Tarheels.]

I like the story, I can't wait to see where you go with smackdown. Good luck with this

[Chris the Human]

I probably wasn't 100% honest with Shane. Hell, I wasn't even 76.35% honest.

Yes, Shane and I do have to share the Smackdown booking role, but this janitor cum CEO has more than that to do. You see, Vince has also left me in charge of the company as a whole. Linda will continue to run the business side of things, but I've got stroke a plenty. I've got more stroke than a sixteen year old watching a Basic Instinct rerun.

I can hire and fire. I can make sweeping changes to how the WWE runs. I can sleep in until 1pm if I feel like it.

Why? Well, Vince is crazy, I don't much think the why of it comes into it. Suffice it to say, Linda didn't seem to have a problem with his decision, relaying the good news to me just moments before I bumped into Shane. Maybe she sees something in this janitor from the wrong side of the equator, and wants to give me a chance. Maybe Vince's insanity was contagious, and she's going along for the ride. Maybe I shouldn't start so many sentences with maybe.

Within the space of twenty four hours I'd gone from plunger wielding nobody to multi-billion dollar bank account wielding nobody. As I sat at Vince's desk....

Wait

My desk. My glorious mahogany desk which smelt only slightly of urine, I heard a timid knock on the door.

"Come in". Try as I might, I couldn't make my voice sound as gravelly and cool as Vince's.

Paul London ducked meekly into the room.

"Paul, what can I do for you?"

"Is it true?"

"Is what true?" I lean back in my chair, overbalance, and pinwheel my arms wildly as I seek to regain my balance. All illusion of suave coolness has been dispelled. Paul will never respect me again.

"Is it really true? Has Vince gone?" Paul doesn't like Vince. In fact, Paul thinks Vince is about as pleasant as a burst hemmarhoid.

"Yeah, I'm the man in charge now". Paul smiles a little, but I can tell he's as confused as everybody else. Why on earth was I put in charge? Of course I know - but you don't, and it's killing you. Since I get off on other people's pain, I'll let you simmer for a while. *Cue evil laugh*

Paul leaves, his curiosity sated for now, but I'm not given any time to relax. Instead Stephanie McMahon barges in, her surgically enhanced bosom not bouncing despite the stride in her step.

"What is the meaning of this!? What are you doing in my father's chair!?" Ah, it's nice to see you too, sweetheart.

"Excuse me?" I heard her just fine, I just want to hear it again.

"I said..."

"I heard you, Steph. Now sit, shutup, and listen. I am in charge now. Your father, in his infinite wisdom, has left me to hold down the shop. Yes, Triple H is head booker of RAW and Shane is head booker of Smackdown - but I am the puppet master. Dance my pretty!"

My dramatic, semi-evil speech doesn't have the desired effect. Stephanie does not dance, nor does she shimmy or otherwise move in a rhythmic fashion. She simply fixes me with an icy glare and a pout.

"This has to be a mistake..." she begins.

"Nope"

"Why would Daddy hire you? You're a janitor, for Christ's sake"

"I was a janitor. Now I'm a CEO". Ah, America. Land of opportunity.

"What do you even know about wrestling!?" she demands, her eyes alight with something I like to think is desire, but deep down I know it's more than likely hate. It's always hate.

"Never you mind, Stephanie. Now, if you need some busy work, I'm sure I can find you a job. Would you like that?"

Stephanie's silence screams 'fuck no'.

"Alright, you don't have to do anything except for one thing"

"What's that?"

"Show me a little respect. I'm your boss now, and I don't care who you're being nailed by or who your Daddy is. As long as Vinnie Mac is strapped up in a padded cell, I'm in charge. Got it?"

She nods and stalks out, mumbling something as she goes.

Do I believe a word of what I just said? Not really, no. I'm in over my head, and I'm as bemused as most everyone else. Why would Vince promote me? Who knows!? Why would he decide midget wrestling would be a good idea? Why did Mae Young give birth to a hand? Why did he think a Viscera push was a bright idea? Let's face it - in a long history of insane decisions - appointing a man qualified to clean up after people isn't so crazy.

Hell, there's a mess here, and I guess in his semi-delusional state, Vince made the leap of logic that suggested that maybe a janitor is the best man to clean up the ailing WWE.

[Reflecto Is My Favorite Poster]

Awesome start. If this is as good as your last go-round, I think we may have the next big WWE diary. Please make this the case.

[Chris the Human]

The Details

Promotion:

WWE

Level:

Global

Public Image:

60%

TV Shows

RAW - USA Network - Monday Nights

Smackdown - UPN - Thursday Nights

Heat - USA Network - Sunday Afternoons

RAW Roster

MAIN EVENT

Hulk Hogan

John Cena © (World Champion)

Shawn Michaels

Triple H

Kurt Angle

UPPER MIDCARD

Big Show

Rob Van Damn *Currently Injured)

Kane

Edge

MIDCARD

Eugene

Shelton Benjamin

Tajiri

The Hurricane

Trish Stratus © (Woman's Champion)

Carlito

Gene Snitzky

Lita

Rene Dupree

Rob Conway

LOWER MIDCARD

Rosey

Val Venis

Viscera

Antonio

Chris Masters

Lance Cade © (Tag Champions)

Romeo

The Damaja

Trevor Murdoch (Tag Champions)

Tyson Tomko

Victoria

OPENERS

Matt Striker

Mickie James

MANAGERS/NON-WRESTLERS

Ashley Massaro

Jerry Lawler

Mick Foley

Ric Flair © (Intercontinental Champion)

Steve Austin

Candice Michelle

Christopher Nowinski

Eric Bischoff

Jonathan Coachman

Stephanie McMahon

Torrie Wilson

Smackdown Roster

MAIN EVENT

Batista © (WWE Champion)

Chris Benoit © (US Champion)

Rey Mysterio

The Undertaker

Eddie Guerrero

John Bradshaw Layfield

Randy Orton

UPPER MIDCARD

Booker T

Christian

MIDCARD

Heidenreich © (Tag Champion)

Matt Hardy

Road Warrior Animal

Big Vito

Ken Kennedy

Kid Kash

William Regal

LOWER MIDCARD

Hardcore Holly

James Gibson

Paul London

Scotty 2 Hotty

Spanky

Juventud

Psicosis

Super Crazy

Chad Toland

Doug Basham

Joey Mercury

Johnny Nitro

Nunzio

Orlando Jordan (CURRENTLY INACTIVE)

Paul Birchall

Simon Dean

Sylvain Greiner

OPENERS

Funaki

Steven Richards

Tank Toland

JOBBERS

The Boogey Man

MANAGERS/NON WRESTLERS

Christy Hemme

Shane McMahon

Teddy Long

Stacey Keibler

Sharmell Sullivan

Bob Orton

Jillian Hall

Melina

Palmer Canon

Paul Heyman

[Draevyn]

I hate to say it but I think that I might enjoy this more then the IWF. It's something where you don't really have every big name star and you pretty much have to attempt to get out of the storylines that have killed WWE lately.

I like the whole janitor to clean up the mess type thing. Plus, come on, who doesn't love the cockiness of this character. Usually I don't find the "Piss" and "Shit" jokes funny but this had something about it that gave me a chuckle. Plus the little things like the dramatic freeze frames and such. Good job man. I probably should check out Berner Street Wrestling.

[Nova]

The backstory was a great read, made me laugh a couple of times. Everything looks great and I'm looking forward to seeing how you can clean things up. But isn't SmackDown on Friday's now? You listed it as Thursdays.

[Thatz]

This looks good so far. I focus on the shows much more than any backstage stuff or backstory though, so you're going to have to deliver there too.

[Chris the Human]

"I...am...the Game...ah!" Triple H was in a foul mood, slamming his fist down on the board room table and spilling my iced tea. The fucker.

"And I am your boss," I began before adding "ah" for good measure. Triple H's baleful stare showed me that he didn't appreciate my attempt at humour. Doesn't he know that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

"Besides," I quickly went on, "I don't think the fans want to see you win every title and then rename Raw to Triple H-ah". The 'ah' was not me mocking Triple H, he had actually suggested that be the new name for the WWE's flagship promotion. Vince has been stroking this guy's ego for way to long, he's got delusions of grandeur.

"Chris, if you weeeeel, I have a suggestion". Ah, Dusty Rhodes. The man was already on his second box of donuts, and this was the first thing he'd said all meeting. The complimentary donuts were my way of keeping him quiet. The last thing the WWE needed right now was dusty finish after dusty finish.

"Yes, Dusty?"

"This box is empty". Thank Christ. For a moment, I thought he was going to suggest I push Trevor Murdoch to the moon. I signalled to Maude, my dinner lady, and she promptly deposited another box of donuts before Dusty. He fell silent once more, save the smacking of lips and the rustle of paper.

"When is Mr. McMahon going to be back?" JR had raised his hand like a schoolkid, and he turned his doe eyes to me. I could tell the former commentator didn't like me much, he missed his old boss. He didn't like the fact that Vince hadn't explained what he was supposed to do after the firing angle, or whether or not he'd ever be back on television. Now JR was stuck in limbo.

"Look," I finally assert, "We need to provide cards for Smackdown and Raw this week".

"Fine-ah".

And so we knuckled down and, after turning down a few suggestions from Triple H and his wife, we managed to come up with the following for Smackdown.

Smackdown

Randy Orton and JBL vs. Batista and Eddie Guerrero

Tensions are high between these men. Can Eddie and Batista stay on the same page against the Legend Killer?

Chris Benoit © vs. Booker T for the US Championship

Sharmell ensured her man got a bite at the US Championship cherry, but Benoit is on to her games. It's friend vs. friend in this one.

Super Crazy and Psicosis vs. Chad & Tank Toland

The Blonde Bombers debuted last week by attacking the Mexicools, and now's the chance for Super Crazy and Psicosis to get revenge

Matt Hardy debuts on The Peep Show

At the Homecoming Matt Hardy lost a Loser Leaves Town match against Edge, but now he's back and he's on Smackdown to prove that he will not die. An action packed edition of Christian's The Peep Show is bound to ensue.

Juventud © vs. Paul London vs. Nunzio for the Cruiserweight Title

Believe the hype - cruisers are where it's at. The current champion defends his strap against two former champions in what should be a classic.

LOD 2005 & Rey Mysterio vs. Paul Birchall, William Regal, and Ken Kennedy

The tag division is hotting up on Smackdown, and this match will be no different. Can Rey hit the 619 in this one? Or will Mr. Kennedy's unbeaten streak continue?

Raw

Kane makes his return to RAW!

Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair © for the Intercontinental Title

Two of the greatest Intercontinental Champions from recent memory are set to do battle here. Can Flair focus on the task at hand knowing that Triple H will be at the show?

Rob Conway debuts his new segment 'The Legend Challenge'

Conway has sent out a warning to all legends, and after beating Doink last week, what legend will fall to the Ego Trip this week?

Trish Stratus © vs. Lita for the WWE Women's Title

Trish and Lita played out an absolute classic earlier in the year, and it's on again as Trish steps into the ring with Raw's most hated woman

TNT © vs. Rosey and The Hurricane for the Tag Titles

It's do or die for the Justice League, who haven't enjoyed much success since losing their tag titles to TNT a few weeks ago

Big Show vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Edge vs. Kurt Angle for #1 Contendership

Who will face John Cena for the WWE Title at Survivor Series? We'll find out once this fatal four way bout is over.

Plus we'll see Triple H, John Cena, and Hulk Hogan makes an appearance on Carlito's Cabana!

-------

"Get out of my office"

Triple H, Dusty Rhodes, my donut supply, JR, Stephanie McMahon, and the rest of my writer's committee leave. Shane remains behind to give me a friendly slap on the back as thankyou for overriding Triple H's growing insanity. Maybe he'll need to bunk with Vince in the not to distant future.

I slump back into my expensive leather chair, pleased with my work. Raw and Smackdown both look pretty good, if I do say so myself, and so far nobody's tried to fuck it up. This won't last, I'm sure.

[Chris the Human]

I can’t believe it. I am living out my dream. Just two days ago I was sitting behind the security barrier wishing I could meet guys like Batista, Guerrero, and Mysterio – and now I’m working for the WWE! I’m sitting at home watching a replay of an old 1998 episode of Raw (you know, when wrestling was still the shit) when I get a phone call.

“Mr. Jason Brody?”

At first I thought it was a cop or something. I was going to put on a chick voice and say I was my Mom or something, but decided not to. Jeez Louise, I’m glad I didn’t!

“Yeah man, what’s up?”

“A few months ago you put in an application to work for the WWE…” I almost blacked out when I heard that. I mean, this guy could have been someone famous and I was planning to chick out on him. The rest of the conversation is a blur, really, but by the end of it I had a job. A dream come true. I told all of my friends, but they wouldn’t believe it. Screw them: I’m in the big leagues now. I don’t need friends.

That’s right, Jason Brody is the WWE’s new head janitor.

Ok, so I am on cloud nine. This is the fucking bomb. Since I finished mopping up after an impromptu diva food fight early, I’m allowed to stand backstage and watch tonight’s episode on the monitors. I tell you, the WWE guys look so much cooler when you’re watching them on a WWE monitor. It shits on watching from home.

Tazz walked past on his way out to the announce table, but there was no Michael Cole. Instead he was walking with Shane McMahon! Oh God! Shane O’Mac is back! I guess Michael Cole got given some kind of modified pink slip. LOL!

Anyway, first thing that happens on the show is a video about some guy called CM Punk. He looked pretty cool. Basically the video showed a whole bunch of crappy cityscape, like broken syringes and hookers and stuff. He’s apparently against all of this shit. Like, he said we’re decadent and that like Sodom we’ll pay for our excesses in blood. He said the fans were all guilty of sins like sloth and greed – and that if they had a lust for violence, he would deliver it. He said next week on Smackdown he would begin his teachings. It was pretty cool, really. He was like a super mysterious old school mysterious guy.

(81%)

So, the first match of the night is Super Crazy & Psicosis up against those two hobbit guys who beat on them last week. They’re apparently called the Blonde Bombers. The match itself is a pretty good one, but a little short. The two Mexicools kick ass, and Chad & Tank (I asked the guy near me what their names were) didn’t get a lot of offence in. It’s basically the two of them paying for beating on the Mexicools last week. Things come unglued for the Mexicools when Super Crazy goes up top for a springboard moonsault, with Tank hitting him with a chair! Of course, the ref is busy trying to see if Chad is alright (he got a sick missile dropkick from Psicosis). Tank rolls Crazy up and the ref conveniently turns around in time to count the pin.

O: 65 C: 53 M: 77

Wasn’t anything special, really. After the match Psicosis got in the ring and beat on Tank Toland, tossing him out of the ring and then helping Super Crazy up. Man, those Mexicools are over.

Speaking of Mexicools, I got to stand off camera while the Juice got interviewed! He was standing nearby and I went over to say hi. This camera dude was like “Hey man, get the fuck out of our shot”. It was so cool. Anyway, Juvi is being interviewed by the man boy when Jillian Hall walks by. I tried to stop her from getting in the camera dude’s shot, but she told me to move. She’s so hot. Jillian asked Juvi if he was so cool, why wasn’t he allowing the #1 cruiserweight in the WWE get a look in for his title. Juvi said he was the #1 cruiserweight. Jillian laughed and said that she meant Joey Mercury. Juvi said some shit I couldn’t understand, and then said Joey could be in the cruiserweight title match as well.

(67%)

Next up is the Peep Show! I’m one of the peeps, believe you me. Christian’s out in the ring with his set ready and he says that tonight he has a very special guest. He says his guest won’t die and Matt Hardy came out! The whole place marked out like crazy. Christian welcomes Matt to Smackdown, and then asks what it was like having your girlfriend stolen. Matt says Christian must have had plenty of girlfriend’s stolen in his time. LOL! Christian says this is about him, and tells Matt to answer the question. Matt says it’s horrible, and he talks about it for like three or four minutes. Christian eventually stops him and says there’s only so much bitching and moaning he can take in one segment. He says Matt isn’t a real man because Matt can’t defend his honour. He says Matt surrendered his right to be called a man when he let Lita stop him from beating Edge. Matt just looks pissed. Christian slaps him! Matt looks like he’s going to let it slide, but he spins around and totally cracks Christian in the jaw! The two of them are brawling and stuff when Teddy Long comes out. He’s like ‘Believe Dat Playa – you two are going to have a match’. He’s so boss.

(70%)

After the commercial break it’s time for the cruiserweight title match. First out is Nunzio with that Big Vito guy. He’s kind of popular. Next is Paul London. Then Joey Mercury comes out with Melina and Johnny Nitro. Melina is so hot in person. I sometimes wish I was an apron. Not like one your Mom wears when she cooks, but the other kind. Juventedd rides out on his mower next, and the crowd really dig it.

This match is really quick. Everyone except Nunzio is flying around the ring like crazy. Most of the good stuff is London and Juvi, but Nunzio does some pretty crazy mat wrestling as well. Mercury looks kind of shit, and he just sort of paces around and occasionally hits people. There’s this big cluster-fuck at one point when Big Vito gets in the ring. Johnny Nitro comes in to stop him, and then Brian Kendrick (Spanky) runs out to help as well! It’s all going to hell when the other two Mexicools come out! There’s a big ass brawl going on, but Psicosis hits a mad senton bomb on Nunzio and Juvi scrambles across to cover. The ring is clearing out, and the referee counts it. The crowd pop as The Juice leaves with the belt still around his waist.

O: 69 C: 61 M: 78

OOOOOH YEAH! It’s Matt Hardy coming out. The crowd mark out like crazy for him. Christian is out next, and his response is pretty good too. The match itself is the best of the night so far, with both guys really working one another over. The in ring psychology was great, with Christian taking every possible opportunity to mock Hardy. At one point he went to a chick in the front row, asked Matt ‘is this your girlfriend?’, and then totally kissed her!

Matt looked like he was going to win when he caught Christian coming off the top rope and hit a dropkick to the stomach. He then signalled for the Twist of Fate, but Christian shoved him hard into the referee! While the ref’s down, Matt manages to hit a second Twist of Fate, but there’s nobody to make the count. He goes to check on the ref, but Christian low blows him! A second ref comes out just as Christian hits the Unprettier for the 1-2-3!

O: 82 C: 80 M: 84

After the match Matt got up all angry, and Christian ran away. He even ran past me, which was awesome.

Next up is a backstage segment. Teddy Long is sitting in an armchair with a bowl of popcorn, and he’s leaning back watching the show. Suddenly that Palmer Cannon guy comes in and he looks angry. He demands to know why Teddy hasn’t mentioned the Junior Division yet. Teddy says because it was a stupid idea. Palmer says it was his idea, and he doesn’t have stupid ideas. Teddy said that Palmer’s network is full of stupid ideas (BURNED!). Palmer says this won’t fly, and that if Teddy wants a war, he’ll get one.

Teddy: You want a war? Playa, I’ve got missisizles of the hizzle, believe dat.

I don’t know what he meant by that, but Palmer left looking really pissed off.

(68%)

Next out it’s LOD 2005 and they’ve got Rey with them. Not exactly sure what Rey is doing here, but hey, it’s the first major odd move of the night in my eyes. They’re up against the teaming of Paul Birchall, William Regal, and Mister Kennedy.

Kennedy.

It’s a pretty decent, fast paced match. Regal and Birchall both try to slow things down with their technical stuff, whilst the majority of work for the face team is done by Heidenreich and Animal. The Rey tag is hot, and the crowd go crazy as he takes out Regal with a drop kick and then gives Kennedy a hurricanrana that sends him out of the ring. Birchall breaks the momentum by catching Rey mid air and hitting a killer overhead belly to belly suplex and locking in his dreaded Fujiwara armbar. Rey struggles out of it, though, and manages to send Birchall into the ropes. 619! The crowd go crazy as Road Warrior Animal gets back into the ring and lifts Birchall up onto his shoulders. Heidenreich flies off the top for the Doomsday Device, and Rey covers for a 1-2-3. Sweet!

O: 67 C: 62 M: 73

Next up there’s a little backstage segment where Sharmell is psyching up Booker T. He’s up against his friend Chris Benoit tonight, which should be pretty cool. Booker T asked what happened last week with Rey, and she just denied it and said Benoit was lying because he was jealous of Booker T. Booker T nods, but I don’t think he was too convinced.

The match comes next, with Sharmell getting some boos from the crowd as she leads Booker T down to the ring. Things start off with the two of them shaking hands, and the match that follows is pretty damn good. They basically pause from time to time and show respect by shaking hands or letting the other guy know how close he came to victory. Benoit stays in control for most of it though. He gets the Crossface locked in once, but Booker T gets to the ropes. Benoit continues to control it from here though, and after hitting his triple German Suplex combo, he goes up top for his crazy ass suicide headbutt. Sharmell gets up on the apron though, and she tries to trip Benoit. He slaps her just as Booker T gets up, and Booker looks pissed! He scrambles to the top and hits Benoit with a mean ass suplex! He then goes for the Scissor Kick! Benoit is down but Booker T doesn’t cover. Instead he beckons for Sharmell to get into the ring. She’s yelling at him, telling him to make the cover. Booker T doesn’t, and just tells Sharmell to get in the ring. She does, and she looks nervous. Booker T yells at her about cheating and stuff, and she looks ashamed, but then she slaps him! The referee calls for the bell, because technically she just interfered. Booker T looks emotionally hurt by the blow, but Sharmell winds up to hit him again. Benoit is up, and he stops her! She suddenly changes her tune, pleading with Booker T, but he just turns away and walks up the ramp – never looking back. Benoit holds her until he’s gone, and then lets her go. She rushes up the ramp after her man, and Benoit remains in the ring playing to the crowd. Fucking sweet segment.

O: 82 C: 85 M: 76

After a break we’re shown Batista in his dressing room. The guy gets a pop just for sitting down. Eddie comes in next, and it’s a mixed reaction for Latino Heat. Eddie asks Batista if he’s ready, Batista smugly says he’s always ready for anything people throw at him. He looks pointedly at Eddie, as if he knows Eddie isn’t exactly on his page. Eddie laughs sheepishly and says he respects that.

(83%)

And now for your main event! Eddie Guerrero and Batista are out first, and they get a huge reception. Next out is JBL, who is inexplicably back in the main event after his seemingly forgotten feud with Rey Mysterio. Finally it’s Randy Orton, who has ‘Cowboy’ Bob Orton at his side.

The match itself is pretty entertaining. Eddie is the guy who starts things out, and whilst he does pretty well. The tag to Orton slows things down, as both Ortons and JBL keep Eddie isolated in one corner. They’re building towards an inevitable hot tag, but they drag it out some, with Eddie twice looking doomed when he is hit with big moves in the middle of the ring. He gets a heaps good face reception every time he kicks out, and is eventually able to hit a dropkick on JBL to get a breather. The hot tag is made to Batista just as JBL tags in Orton. Orton immediately tries to tag back out, but JBL drops down off the apron. Orton rushes at Batista and gets levelled with a mean spinebuster. The crowd go nuts as Batista goes to the ropes and does that Ultimate Warrior rope shaking thing. As he does, though, Bob Orton hits him in the face with a chair! The referee, who is being distracted by JBL, doesn’t see as Batista turns around and walks into an RKO. 1-2-3! Randy Orton stole a victory! The victories heels celebrate up the ramp, whilst Eddie comes in to check on Batista.

O: 82 C: 86 M: 75

Well, that’s me for the night. The Mexicools just spilt talcum powder all over the floor in their dressing room, and I have to go clean it up. Peace out! This is the WWE’s new head janitor, signing out.

Overall Show Quality: 73%

Edited October 17, 2005 by chriswalkerbush

[Chris the Human]

Just a quick OOC note: I should say that not all reports will be written like this. I'm just experimenting with different styles. You won't be treated to Jason Brody - WWE Head Janitor every single week

[Chris the Human]

New Management Rings in the Changes

While the world still reels from the sudden retirement of WWE owner, Vince McMahon, the new management lead by relative unknown Chris Walker-Bush has begun to make drastic changes to the WWE and the way it is run. Insiders at the company claim that several high profile workers aren't happy with the changes - which include, but are not limited to:

- Heat becoming a joint undercard program

- Plans to unify the separate WWE Tag Titles

- The return of the King of the Ring tournament

- The re-push of the Cruiserweight Division

- A more wrestling based program

- A RAW/Smackdown 'trade' in the not too distant future

Survivor Series Rumours

Whilst Survivor Series is still a few weeks off, the rumours are already circulating as to who will face who in the premier Fall wrestling event. The general consensus is that Kurt Angle will have one last match against John Cena for the WWE Title, whilst Smackdown's main event is likely to see Batista up against Eddie Guerrero or Randy Orton.

At least one Survivor Series match has been planned, with the combatants being from Smackdown, as well as a HHH vs. Ric Flair match and a possible Matt Hardy vs. Christian program. Rob Conway is also being touted as a possible 'surprise' competitor.

More as it comes to hand...

Edited October 17, 2005 by chriswalkerbush

[RebornInFlames]

Interesting update. I must say that I am pleased that not all shows will be in that format as it isn't as smooth as others that you do and seems less detailed, but it does express character perfectly.

[Chris the Human]

Report: Sunday November 4th, 2005

Hey all, just got back from the taping of Sunday Night Heat, and thought I'd let everyone know how the new look show went. First thing, there is a totally redone introduction video, which basically shows the kind of stars we won't be seeing on this show (guys like Batista, Cena, Mysterio etc). It then has a voice over which says:

"Two companies in competition. Two enemies (Bischoff and Long's pictures appeared here) warring for superiority. Two opposing forces involved in the greatest war professional wrestling has ever seen. Sunday Night Heat is the battlefront, and you're on the front line as Smackdown and Raw clash like never before".

The pyros go off and we're introduced to our announce team, which comprises Jonathan Coachman and Michael Cole.

The first wrestler out for the evening is Jamie Noble, who is back in his standard redneck wear (but minus Nidia, unfortunately). He's set to take on Scotty 2 Hotty, who gets a decent reaction from the crowd.

Match One - Jamie Noble vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Wow, this match was a lot better than I'd have expected. Hotty and Noble have a really good chemistry in the ring, and it says a lot about the cruiserweight division that these guys can do this kind of match without even being mentioned as the 'big names' of the division. It was a great, free flowing match with some great periods of chain wrestling that really got the fans pumped. Scotty 2 Hotty looked like getting an upset victory when he signalled for the Worm, but Noble rolled away as he came down. He then picked Scotty up and hit a hard back suplex. Cover got a somewhat surprising 1-2-3. He didn't end it there, reinforcing his heel-dom with a beating of the former tag team champion. All in all a very solid way to start the show.

O: 75 C: 59 M: 91

Next up we're treated to a rare sight on Heat, someone we really care about outside of the cruiserweight world. Matt Hardy is backstage with Maria Kanellis, who fawns over him as she begins to speak.

Maria: Matt, last week you debuted on Smackdown with a loss against Christian. How do you feel?

Matt: I want to make one thing abundatly clear to you and everyone else in the Smackdown locker room: Matt Hardy will...not...die. One loss...one ill gotten loss will not break my spirit. Christian thinks he can follow in his brother's footsteps and try to ruin my life? He's more delusional than I thought. I've been to the very edge of sanity, Christian, and your brother took me there. I've stared despair in the face and I've come out stronger for it. Nothing you can say or do to me now will do anything aside from further fuel my desire to reach greater heights. Let this be a notice to anyone backstage who thinks Matt Hardy is a push-over or a has been. Matt Hardy will...not...die.

The crowd cheers, but Matt Hardy is interrupted by the sound of slow applause. We pan across to see Simon Dean in his regular wrestling attire.

Dean: Wow, that was just beautiful, Matt. With a poet's tongue like that, it's no surprise Lita dumped you for your best friend. Wait a second, don't get angry, I'm here to help. I understand that Lita ditching you must have hurt, but can you blame her? I mean... look at you! You've put on weight, your starting to look unfit, and...well... I didn't want to say anything, but you're desperately in need of my Simon System. I'm here to offer you a one time deal, Matt. Forfeit your next match against me, and I'll give you the first month of treatment absolutely free.

Simon gives Matt a cheesy smile. Matt advances, slaps the pro-offered energy bar from Simon's hand, and gets in his face.

Matt: Simon, I am going to ensure you get your first month of treatment absolutely free. PAUSE Your first month of medical treatment

Matt stalks off, leaving Simon to mull over his final words.

73%

COMMERCIAL

We return from the break to find Simon Dean already out in the ring doing squats. Matt Hardy's music hits and the place goes nuts.

Match Two - Simon Dean vs. Matt Hardy

This is a relatively quick match, basically a squash to emphasise how hardcore Matt is right now. Amazingly, though, it was another great match in terms of actual in ring ability. Simon Dean manages to prolong the match with underhanded tactics, but Hardy ultimately goes over after the Twist of Fate.

O: 80 C: 70 M: 91

After the match we're given a video package telling everyone who didn't see Friday's Smackdown what went down. Special attention is paid to the US Title match and Sharmell's turn and two the big main event. We're shown extended highlights of the match itself, with Randy Orton hitting the RKO on Batista shown several time. After the video we're told that this week on Smackdown it will be Batista up against Bob Orton for revenge.

74%

Next out are the Blonde Bombers (the two short guys who have been at war with the Mexicools). They're not terribly well received, but LOD 2005 get a solid pop as they come out for the first title defence of the new Heat era.

Match Three - LOD 2005 © vs. The Blonde Bombers for the WWE Tag Titles

This match wasn't really anything special. Animal, for his part, was impressive - but all of the other guys involved just looked a little scrappy and off beat. As is usual for the LOD 2005 team, Heidenreich did the majority of in ring work, being cornered and beaten on by Chad and Tank before making the predictable hot tag to Animal. LOD 2005 picked up a clean win after hitting the Doomsday Device for the 1-2-3 and the retain.

O: 65 C: 57 M: 74

After the match, as LOD 2005 celebrated with the fans, Super Crazy & Psicosis hit the ring and attacked the Blonde Bombers from behind. A brawl ensued, with the Mexicool pairing getting the upper hand and sending Chad & Tank running for cover.

With barely a moment to recover, we're treated to our next match. Hardcore Holly (or the Alabama Slamma as he is introduced) gets a surprisingly loud pop, which bemused me. Paul Birchall is out next, with William Regal at his side. This guy is big, believe me.

Match Four - Paul Birchall vs. Hardcore Holly

I really didn't expect it, but this match was easily the low point of the night. The two guys just didn't gel at all. Birchall's brutal, technical style just didn't seem to mesh with Holly's arsenal of slaps and signature moves. Even worse, this clash was longer than any that went before it, meaning we were exposed to it for longer than I'd have liked. Birchall's push got a much needed boost when, after Regal's interference, he was able to lock in the dreaded Fujiwara Armbar for a submission victory.

O: 61 C: 55 M: 67

Ok, the roof came off the place when we heard the 'Wooooooo' and The Nature Boy strutted out to grace us with his presence. First Matt Hardy, and now Ric Flair. This is a first for Heat. He comes out with his Intercontinental Title around his waist.

Flair: Wooooooooo! A lot of people have been asking The Nature Boy how he plans to get back at Triple H for what happened at Homecoming. Well, Hunter, you say you idolised me. You say you respected me. What I saw at Homecoming wasn't respect. It was cowardice! (Pop) But you made a bigger mistake than being a coward, Hunter - you king-hit the Nature Boy, and nobody gets away with that. Woooooo!

Before Flair can say more, he's interrupted by the arrival of Rene Dupree, who he is facing in the night's 'main event' for the Intercontinental Title.

91%

Match Five - Ric Flair © vs. Rene Dupree for the Intercontinental Title

The point of this match was pretty clear - to show that Flair is a tough guy leading into his feud with Triple H. It wasn't a world class clash, but it had the desired effect. Whilst Depree played the cocky heel to perfection, nobody can outdo Flair in that arena - and he did every trick in the book. He hit low blows, he poked eyes, he strutted and the crowd ate it up. There were chops aplenty on Dupree, and Flair eventually picked up the win after locking in the Figure Four Leg Lock in the centre of the ring.

O: 75 M: 81 C: 62

The show went off the air with Flair 'wooooing' to the rafters. Coach reminded us all to tune into Raw to see Flair in action against Shelton Benjamin.

All in all, a top show, especially for Heat.

Best Segment: Matt Hardy interview, for mine

Best Match: Jamie Noble vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Biggest Pop: Ric Flair

Most Heat: Simon Dean

Well, that's me for the week. I'll try and give you some coverage of Raw, dependent on my time. Let's hope this whole 'battlefront' thing plays out. It was a good Heat, but it didn't really feel interpromotional so much as it was guys from different sides wrestling one another on the one show.

[Chris the Human]

It’s two hours before Raw goes on the air, and I’m playing X-Men Legends on Xbox. I know the sequel is out, but give me time to adjust to the fact that I’m wealthy enough to buy almost anything I want. For now, I’m content to lead Magma through the game and trying to avoid Bobby Drake’s advances. But he’s so charming.

“Chris,” a knock on my door, I pause the game, “Can I speak with you a moment?” The gravely voice can only be one man: Shawn Michaels.

He doesn’t wait for my response, clearly used to getting what he wants, when he wants it.

“Come in, Shawn, by all means” I say, even as he sits down in one of my armchairs and puts his feet up on my desk.

“I’ve got a suggestion to make, Chris”.

“Shoot” I’ll hear him out, although I doubt his suggestion will amount to anything other than a subtle request for another world title run.

“I was thinking about this match tonight. Now, I know you’ve made up your mind as to who will win, but I was thinking it might be good to mix things up a little. You know, give the fans a winner they’d never expect”

“So you want Big Show to win?” I know, I just spoiled it for all of the Big Show marks out there. Boo hoo.

“You know what I’m suggesting, Walker-Bush. I’m talking about another world title run for the Showstappa. The main event. The legend. The Icon”

Why am I always right?

“I’ll think about it”. He thanks me for my time, and I return to my game. Am I thinking about it?

Maybe

[Draevyn]

Gotta like the humor. Seems like there is going to be a nice fued between Matt Hardy and Christian which could be damn good. Love Christian kissing the girl just to mock Hardy. Heat seemed to have too many big named stars in my opinion and the matches were good, but definitely ones I would have saved for SD or RAW. Although I'm a fan of HBK, I'm hoping that you don't go with him, it's been over done and we need something else. And I like Big Show, call him a guilty pleasure.